Confidentiality

(9 Posts)
TooYappy Thu 21-Mar-13 07:48:15

I would have thought this would have been high in the list when you Foster a DC.

I found out this week though my DC school friend, the name of DC step-sibling, where she is staying, tests the parents (my EX) has failed and passed and medical conditions of the child in Foster Care and a bit more.

I don't think I should know all this but it is the Foster Families DC who is chatting with mine at school. I should probably ignore it as I know the baby is better in Care but I wonder if I should talk to anyone about the Foster Family possibly keeping things to themselves and not for their Dc to hear and feedback to mine, this is my DC Father (who they do not see) DC.

fostermumtomany Fri 22-Mar-13 04:13:18

im sorry but I don't understand what you are trying to say!

TooYappy Fri 22-Mar-13 07:04:10

I read it back and didn't understand it either.

My STBXH had another DC after we split, she has been taken into Foster Care, my DC are not allowed to see their F either.

His baby has been fostered by a school friend of my DC. The school friends parents (Foster Carers) seem to be discussing my STBXH in front of their DC and their DC is telling my DC everything they discuss.

My STBXH was/is an addict. The Foster Carers are discussing his test results (pass/fail) in front of their DC who in turn are coming to school and discussing it with my DC.

I talked it over with someone they should not be discussing my STBXH in front of their son who is 13 and can understand names etc. I am not doing any thing about it as I don't want to be involved and know the baby is with the best people she can be with right now (not my STBXH) I have told my DS to stop discussing with the other DC it as it is Highly Confidential.

lovesmileandlaugh Fri 22-Mar-13 08:10:28

I think the other thing to bear in mind, is that the 13 year old may be embellishing or drawing their own conclusions. They live in that home/ family and will have some information. They might be snooping through stuff that their parents aren't aware of.

If my children were talking inappropriately like that, I would massively appreciate it if you came and told me, so I can prevent it happening, and also make sure they understand why it isn't right.

TooYappy Fri 22-Mar-13 09:36:42

I would if I knew the parents, because of the location of my STBHX they are more than likely unaware he has other DC living in their area.

They have only really discussed his full name and drug tests and my DS asked where his F lived (street name) whether his F visit the DC in care and the DC in care health

I am leaving it for now, the Foster Carer are good people I would not want to come in the way of that. Hopefully my Ds will have some sense and mention to his friend they shouldn't be discussing it. If my STBHX knew he would be kicking up a fuss thankfully my DS doesn't have contact with him either.

TulipsfromAmsterdam Fri 22-Mar-13 20:49:04

It's quite a tricky situation but if I am correct your DS is hearing things about a half-sibling and father so it may be worth having a quiet word with foster carer to put them in the picture and avoid some difficult situations.

We are foster carers and our bc are interested in everything concerning fc, luckily there is no chance of info being forwarded to bf but I do have to remind them of confidentiality from time to time and ensure they do not talk outside of our home.

NanaNina Fri 05-Apr-13 15:18:18

I am struggling to understand what the OP is saying, but others seem to have got the picture. Mind TFA I have to say I don't think you should be talking about anything related to the foster child's background in front of your own children, regardless of whether you remind them of confidentiality from time to time, and not to talk outside of the home. If the fc wants to talk to your children about her past and whatever else, that's fine, but I was quite shocked at your post to be honest.

TulipsfromAmsterdam Sat 06-Apr-13 21:03:40

Just to clarify our FC is a baby and my children don't talk outside of the home about LO. I just meant they are interested in LO's development and health and not in birth family. I am very sad if my post came across as shocking as I was only thinking of my dd boasting to her teacher of weight gain and other positive things which I felt maybe were private etc.

NanaNina Sat 06-Apr-13 23:49:51

Sorry Tulips it was just that you said in your post that your children were "interested in everything concerning FC" and I took that literally I suppose, and thought you were talking openly in front of them about everything but warning them about confidentiality, which might be difficult for birth children to understand, dependent upon their age.

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