Teenage FC keeps staying out

(5 Posts)
underworld888 Sun 18-Nov-12 22:45:08

Hi all need some advise pls, we have just got our first permanent placement 15 years old boy, he has some anger issues and does not like going to school he dose have one to one tuition in school but usually only manages to stay for a couple of hours, he has been known to take weed and drink he is getting help with this from YOT and YSMART (when he can be bothered to turn up.) Before he came to us he had a history of running away and the longest was with his GF who is also in care and she is pregnant with his baby. Since being with us he has gone missing 3 nites in 4weeks, not all at the same time, one night here and there, so we do all the necessary things like ringing police etc...

Trouble is if he carries on he will end up in a unit(which he was told would happen if he carries on) and we have talked to him and explained that we are there to help him, not sure what else we can do any advise pls.:-)

Fosterangel Mon 19-Nov-12 08:48:00

We do teens and also have a 15 yr old boy. It is a difficult age, neither man nor child, and he already has a child on the way himself. Sounds like you are doing all the right things by explaining how he can use the support and safety net you offer to move onwards with his life.

Does he take his role as "dad to be" seriously and does he and his girlfriend want to be a good role model for his new baby if so, and you can work from there (hopefully!). I am no expert but you need to find a hook into his life to walk beside him and show him better ways of coping with his anger. He needs to want to change and a new baby is a great motivator if it works. Our boy had a reputation at school and previous placement for "kicking off" and we have worked really hard to help him see that the world isn't against him and any "issues" others have with him are their stuff and not his. Again, I am no expert and each yp is different. Is he running away to be with his girlfriend who is pregnant? If this is the case I can understand why he does it as she will need support also.

It must be really hard for him to have a new family to settle into, a baby on the way, school to deal with as all bring different (not unreasonable) rules like staying at home at night or staying at school and learning. All for his safety and benefit but he is probably not seeing that right now. Is he interested in a career? Can you get him to your local college to see if he is eligible for an apprenticeship when he is 16yrs old? He may settle down when he is earning and learning as some yp just do not like school. Does he have a connections worker or a mentor? If he doesn't you could maybe get him one so he feels less alone until he trusts the help he is being offered.

You will get lots of good advice here on MN so wait for more responses to fly in!

underworld888 Mon 19-Nov-12 18:33:49

Thanks for getting back to me Fosterangel, he is looking forward to being a Dad but one minute his GF says he's not the dad then he is, so there relationship is very up and down and they argue alot, its a shame because they are so young and trying to cope with everything at the same time is hard enough but I know deep down he wants to make a go of it.

I have said to him about trying to go for an apprenticeship at 16 yrs which he seems interested in, but he also thinks that he is untouchable just about 2 hours ago had an e-mail from school saying he has smashed up a student moped lights and the mother has called the police, but he won't be home untill 10pm and can't ring as he has also broke his mobile we brought him a couple of weeks ago, all we can do is be there for him and try and guide him in the right way(even if he is not interested).

I wish you luck if your 15 yrs old sounds like hes doing well and with your support and wisdom he will be a great dad.

Fosterangel Tue 20-Nov-12 11:45:52

You are doing all the right things for your lad and I sense you are already walking beside him and giving him all the help and support he needs. You can't do any more. I guess until his girlfriend calms down a bit he will be a bit all over the place. You got it in one when you said you are there to guide him in the right way as that is all you can do.

Something that took me a while to cotton on to and which helped me (and may help you but only you can say) was to separate school and home. Any issues at school stayed at school. I told the school that I only wanted to be informed for noting "issues" in his diary. I refused to be sucked into rushing up the school to meter out justice alongside the teachers for transgressions at school, or bringing him home midday if he had been in a fight. That way home remains a safe sanctuary and a place he will want to return to rather than knowing he is coming home to more grief. I do deal with school issues but bide my time until my fc has calmed down and can look back on what happened more rationally. (I also check out if he is being bullied and he would not tell me anything if he is agitated).

If I had a choice I would always do teens or newborns. Both are smelly and grunty and just a (frustrating!) joy!

underworld888 Tue 20-Nov-12 16:39:55

Thank you again its really nice to have someone telling u that ur doing ok :-)

Just got a call from FS saying he got a RED CARD from school so is expelled for one day, he will be thrilled about that, but he won't be thinking of the consequences and there will be from his SW as he has had his last warnings, but as he has got away with everything so far he won't relies until something bad really happens, but they do say some ppl have to hit rock bottom before turning there lifes around.
I rang his school they said he was on the phone to GF in class, shouting (did ask for phone to be removed when in school and given back when school is finished, but he won't give it to them), he was then told he could not go on the computer so he smashed it up and then decided to kick the kitchen door in before leaving school.

I have sent him a text saying he can talk to us anytime, we are not there to judge him but help him and that he is the only one that can sort himself out and by hes doing is just making it worse for himself but if he stops now he could have a chance of turning it around :-), anyway just hope he comes home tonite am actually getting to know all the police by there first names now lmao.

I do like what u said in ur last line and for a fisrt placement this is definitely a challenge lol.

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