they said No...

[minximoo]

Well a little dissapointed to be honest.
The IFA rang late today. The SW was wonderful, even tho the decision was a No. She said their criteria was very strict and as my mother had died just last summer, then my sister-in-law in Jan just gone - they felt we'd been through too much emotional stress to take us on. Further to consideration was that we get married in ten weeks.. I do completely understand..
On the good side, she commented at length on the excellent character and work references theyd recieved, and said they alone would carry us far.
Whilst not a direct barrier, she did mention the fact that i had previously suffered mild depression 2-3 years ago.. Yes ok, thats true. In fairness tho, i've not needed medication for 18 months (and my depression was brought about by a series of events that lets say 'cut deep'). Yep, im human lol.

Oh well, what to do next...

Any suggestions are very welcome :)

[LaurieFairyCake]

You can appeal. I don't think their reasons are valid - you're not applying to be a bereavement counsellor

If you appeal they will take a fresh look at it. The depression thing is ridiculous, there's been plenty of time since your last episode.

Definitely appeal if those are the only reasons - this will mean you go to panel where real humans meet you. The first time in our area the social worker goes and presents you but if you appeal you get to go and the panel will get much more of a picture.

[sharenicely]

What a shame, had they given you any indication it might be a no?
How long had the process taken up till now?
Mine took nearly two years, I can't imagine how I would have felt if it was a no after all that time.
I would keep trying

[TulipsfromAmsterdam]

So sorry to hear this, you must be so disappointed. Could you go to another IFA or LA? All of the reasons you mention are part of what makes you who you are and should be an asset to your application.
In our area we attend panel and find out immediately, don't know how I could have coped with waiting for someone to get back to us weeks later!
Good luck if you decide to appeal :)

[minximoo]

No, we'd not not no where near Panel, ohh mi - i would have been gutted.. We had only just applied litterally ten days ago (i think).
There's no right to appeal to 'get on the books' and i do accept their reasoning, iv no issue about that. two deaths of close relatives was hard but we are strong and had we not had 'eachother' im sure we (i) would have been devastated. Fortunately we had wonderful relations with the people we lost and have peace in our hearts that we loved them whole heartedly whilst they were here, so whilst we were sadenned - the losses were somewhat expected.

As for the LA option, i have spoken to them recently and we're hoping to hear from them by (maybe) friday or failing that, next week sometime.

Are ALL IFA's and LA's so strict ?

She did make it clear that it wasn't a lifetime 'no', which is nice, but still means 'not yet' and how am i to know how long is enough for each IFA or LA...

Oh i wish there were clearer guidelines :(

Im supposed to be looking forward to our lovely wedding and all i can think about is "am i not good enough" Quite pathetic really lol. sorry - must be sulking.. ahh well, least it shows 'it matters' ...

(and thanku for ur enthusiasm girlies) :)

[parachutesarefab]

I'm not a sw, and new to fostering, but they sound like odd reasons. If you'd been approved, then suffered bereavements, would they say that you weren't suitable any more? Or would an approved couple be told they weren't wanted any more because they'd decided to tie the knot?

My guess (which could be way off the mark) is that the IFA aren't particularly short of foster carers for the age group you're interested in, and someone has decided that, as you're about to get married, you'll have birth children soon, and won't be interested in fostering any more.

Keep talking to your LA. It took us 9 months to go through the approval process, which I think is usual; by which time you'll be married and you'll have demonstrated how your sad losses haven't left you unable to foster. And hopefully it will be longer since the depression raised it's ugly head.

Maybe it will be for the best in the end - fostering through your LA could mean more placements, and will definitely mean more money going towards the children. (I do understand that some foster carers have very valid reasons for using an IFA.)

Enjoy planning your wedding, and the day itself. Time will pass quickly, and hopefully you'll look back on this hiccup as just a small stumbling block at the beginning of a long and successful time as foster carers.

[BusterTheDonk]

Oh Minximoo.. that must be a real blow - I'm glad you are sounding ok with it though - obviously a disappointment to you...

Lets all keep fingers crossed that you hear back quickly from the LA - I can't imagine they'd be as silly strict - and how can anyone 'judge' your mental state due to bereavements etc without a more indepth chat/meeting.

Like someone else said, maybe it'll turn out right in the end and that you proceed with the LA... hand of fate maybe??

Keeping my fingers tightly crossed you hear back with some positive news.

Keep smiling and looking forward to your wedding... you are good enough.. its the silly IFA that isn't good enough for you!! x x x

[scarlet5tyger]

If it helps, I was turned down by an IFA too. 9 months later I'd been approved by, and was fostering for, my LA. And the IFA I'd applied to had hardly any children on their "books" anymore...

There's a reason for everything I always say. Don't give up!

[minximoo]

Thankyou girls, i really appreciate your comments.

In a way i'm sort of glad we had a rejection from the IFA for reasons that had been Out of My Control (bereavements etc). Whilst it was disapointing (and i did feel my heart sink lol) at least we now know that our references etc are top notch in the eyes of a scrutinising SW (so that was lovely). And useful, lol.

We agree with your suggestions that an LA may be less judgemental. Or, in reality - more realistic about 'life' and life's events and how they do impact people etc. I do hope that is true.. Scarlet5tyger has already walked this path, so thats encouraging :)

I've dropped a letter in to my LA today to ask someone to contact me with an update. I had already applied anyway, but appreciate the SSD wheels tend to run s-l-o-w-l-y lol.

Hopefully someone at the LA will be kind enough to furnish me with either hope or a nope.

I'm going to cross my fingers AND MY TOES this time lol xxx

[bonnieslilsister]

Good luck Minximoo....go with your LA. I think it is probably they have enough carers with the IFA at the moment, as they are rightly getting less business, and not a lot to do with your bereavements etc (bit daft if it is that, unless you were crying your eyes out at the time when talking about your Mum and SIL)

I had split up from my ex in november and the following september I started fostering!!

So you might not be taken on and start fostering in time for foslings to be bridesmaids/page boys but it could be sooner than you think

[LollyBobs]

Such a shame that things didn't work out this time.
I don't necessarily think it's down to them not needing carers though. It very much depends on how they gauged your situation at the time.

I have recently decided not to persue an application as the applicant had had 2 years of very difficult family times and had recently got married. It was the view of myself and colleagues that it would be better to wait until things had remained settled for a longer period with that person.

It can be such a demending job that it can stir up emotions and stress that people don't even realise are there sometimes. And it costs a fortune to put somebody through the Form F and training that we want to be sure that it really is the best time for them to go through it and survive.

[minximoo]

Hi LollyBobs
Yes i understand that applicants may often not realise their stress levels and whilst they are full of good intentions (wanting to foster) sometimes theyv no true knowledge of what may lay ahead - i fully understand that the SW's have to assess each case (person) on merit and experience. Iv cetainly no issue with the IFA rejection (despite it being short term) as they explained 'why' and whilst disapointed, i respect the reasoning. It was made easier because they were so lovely and apologetic. Kindness costs nothing does it...

As for the LA, well...lol.
I am seriously thinking either my name or face simply doesn't fit lol.
I applied 6 weeks ago, then rang for an update last week, and whilst the lady was incredibly helpful and friendly - iv heard nothing.

I know with almost 100% certainty that my ex-husband discreditted me to them during our bitter divorce ten years ago (he admitted it to me last year at 3am one morning when he suddenly decided to ring abd apologise lol).
Based on how bitter i know him to be (at times) iv no doubt his comments will be on file and this will no doubt be the LA reasons for ignoring my application. And IF they were true - i wouldn't blame them!! lol.

But, he was bitter, hurt and jealous, and people do silly things. I could ask him to 'confess' to the SSD but its pointless. Theyd presume id put him up to it.. He blows hot and cold. When im running him about and inviting him for dinner - im wonderful. When im too busy to shorten his trousers - im an absolute cow, lol.

Im just not sure what to do
One part of me wants to see it through and push for the truth to come out. The other half of me is asking why bother just move on, it's their loss...

The thing is - i do love children. They make me laugh, smile, and in part i think theyr quite magical little things with amazing thought processes..
I also know they can be challenging, demanding and down rite flippin awkward lol. But it doesn't bother me one bit. In my mixed bag of seven children iv dealt with ADHD, dyslexia, learning difficulties, plus many others.
As a family we've had to face many serious issues such as abuse - but we got through them and moved forward as a family. There's not alot we haven't seen, heard or experienced.

But the thing that gripes at me is this..
iv 3 children at home (9, almost 15, and almost 16). The elder child is the Head Girl of her Academy. The youngest is Chair-person of her primary school year. And today she is sitting an 11+ exam to establish how far ahead she is academically. Their references are outstanding. Surely if i were a parent who was struggling and unaware of life pressures etc - my own children's behaviour and grades would reflect this to some degree..

Indeed ANY ADVICE would be helpful.

Should i talk or Should i Walk ??

Wot a mess...

[bonnieslilsister]

I would ask for a meeting so you can say everything you have just said. Dont forget nobody is perfect and most people come with baggage unless they are incredibly lucky. I am thinking the LA is maybe just disorganised and it is really nothing to do with your ex phoning up years ago. They surely cant judge someone like that but maybe NanaNina will know better. You sound as if you would make a lovely foster carer. Good luck x

[minximoo]

Good idea Bonnieslilsister

NanaNina has considerable experience, and lollyBobs has something to do with decision making. apologies for my ignorance in who-is-who, but im still quite new here lol.

Your compliment is much appreciated, thank you.
Not quite sure what i'll decide to do instead of fostering (if it comes down to that) as fostering is the one true thing i genuinely want to do.
Im sure if they knew 'me' (the person) instead of a documented description - things would be soo different...

Still, its not over till the fat lady sings as they say lol ;)

[Panadbois]

In the LA where I live, they've had a huge recruitment drive, drumming up interest in becoming FC, especially for Welsh speaking families, but, they haven'nt got the man power to work through the assessments.

So it could be that they haven't got anyone free at this moment to come and meet you and start the assessing process?

[minximoo]

Hi Panadbois
Im not sure, i dont think its quite that clear-cut, but hey-ho, i could be wrong. One way or another i'll soon find out tho. My friend is 2/3rds way thru her application (same LA as me) and she's not heard anything for weeks either.