I think we've reached the end of our road

(175 Posts)

Title says it all reallysad

Since our last lo left a few weeks ago Dh and I have endlessly discussed whether to carry on as Fc's.

Her leaving affected us both badly, probably due to her difficult start in life and how intensely we worked with her for so long.

I have a supervision meeting due in a week or so and I'll probably tell my sw then.
We very much want to see our current lo on to his adoption next month but I'm worried they'll move him instead so I'm considering just keeping quiet until he leavesblush

It hasn't been an easy decision and I've dithered about it some days but we aren't getting any younger and the paperwork and training seems neverending and often not even geared to our age group.

I get tired of hearing sw's speak of manditory training when we are, in effect unpaid childcare.

I think the last straw was being "told" I "must" attend a course on "managing difficult behaviour" we foster newborns for gods sake!

maypole1 Tue 22-Feb-11 18:16:02

oh dear have you thought of adoption or long term then of course you wouldn't have to let them go.

or how about respite for carers who are on holiday

but i am sure you have already thought of all the options such a shame sw cannot give experienced fc more support

SquidgyBrain Tue 22-Feb-11 18:16:55

I wish you nothing but good things for your future what ever you decide x

scarlet5tyger Tue 22-Feb-11 21:26:35

Hi EMIN, I was in much your situation after my last placement left. In fact the whole placement was very similar to the LO you're talking about - drug addicted and very, very poorly at birth; then VERY attached to me when she left (after 17 months here from birth she was bound to be). To be honest, she took a bit of my heart with me when she left and I still think of her a lot every day.

I don't want to teach you how to suck eggs or anything but it's still a very recent loss and you might feel differently once you get your teeth into a new challenge.

On the other hand, the paperwork and the demands on foster carers increase every month and it's a difficult time for us all in general with less support available all the time because of the government cuts.

At the end of the day only you can decide what to do but just from reading your posts on here I can tell you'd be a huge loss - just reading the humour in some of your posts about your last placement helped me when I was going through a few months of hell with my own current placement.

XXX

hester Tue 22-Feb-11 21:38:25

Oh EMIN, you would be a great loss to fostering. Why don't you take a little time off and see how it feels then - you must be exhausted and emotional right now.

All best xxx

pissedrightoff Tue 22-Feb-11 21:56:50

Hi EMIN
Followed your thread about your lo and I must say that I can only imagine the emontional effect these situations must have on you and your family.

Maybe take some time out and think again in 6 months?

Sorry thats probably not all that helpful really, You would certainly be a loss to the fostering network.

I would also like you to know that I shared your story of your last lo with a friend of mine who was so inspired she and her DH are now applying to become foster carers.

Thanks everyone especially pissedrightoffsmile It's heartwarming to know our story has led to new carers.

We have thought long and hard about this but it always comes down to all the extra demands/little support etc. Our sw is so overwhelmed with cases she has put us in the hands of her trainee sw. We can, of course, ring her if we have any issues but it feels very much like we've been "dumped" IYSWIM

Towards the end of our last case I had to cry off a meeting with adoption because I had something on that day. I submitted a report on the lo with my apologies but then had a call from adoption querying my prior arrangemnets importance.

My sw then rang and I had to explain myself again.

Her words "you MUST attend meetings, you know that, this is so unlike you"

I eventually told her my prior arrangement was a memorial service for my godmother/aunt who had died a few months previously.

Why should it be me who has to fall in with their plans, just once it would be nice if they fell in with mine.

Thanks everyone especially pissedrightoffsmile It's heartwarming to know our story has led to new carers.

We have thought long and hard about this but it always comes down to all the extra demands/little support etc. Our sw is so overwhelmed with cases she has put us in the hands of her trainee sw. We can, of course, ring her if we have any issues but it feels very much like we've been "dumped" IYSWIM

Towards the end of our last case I had to cry off a meeting with adoption because I had something on that day. I submitted a report on the lo with my apologies but then had a call from adoption querying my prior arrangements importance.

My sw then rang and I had to explain myself again.

Her words "you MUST attend meetings, you know that, this is so unlike you"

I eventually told her my prior arrangement was a memorial service for my godmother/aunt who had died a few months previously.

Why should it be me who has to fall in with their plans, just once it would be nice if they fell in with mine.

oopsblush sorry

kellykateneedsaholiday Wed 23-Feb-11 10:38:41

Hi
Ive never posted in the fostering section before but have been following your thread and wanted to say what a wonderful job you ( and other foster carers) do.

When my youngest is a good bit older and we have a bigger house then we are hoping to become foster carers too.

I hope that in a few years when we are doing it that we can do as good a job as you do.

My dh and some of his siblings were in foster care when they were children and their mother was ill for a while and had mixed experiences so it makes us want to be good foster carers and make a difference to some childrens lives.

Good luck whatever you decide to do, you sound like a wonderful foster carer.
x

EMIN, I was only thinking of you today, after I got my period and I knew that I wan't prgnanet AGAIN and the journey towards adoption takes one further step.
After reading your last thread I can totally see where you are coming from. You and DH must me emotionally and physically drained.
What ever you decide is the right decision for you and your family Huge UnMumsNetty Hugs.

sumum Wed 23-Feb-11 16:54:03

Noooooooooooo.

Oh emin, I soo know how you feel.

I do think FC do at some point run out of steam, lo's leaving takes so much out of us that we must reach burn out sooner or later.

Each child that goes does take a little bit of my heart and I would hate to get to the point where I didn't care and was just going through the motions.

It is clear from your posts that you care deeply and that does come with an emotional cost to you.And I understand about the paperwork and training as well.

However maybe you just need a break, like others have said.

I would hold off from telling sw a little bit longer.

Hugs to you both.
xxx

nickschick Wed 23-Feb-11 17:01:01

A old fashioned foster mother once told me that when the first child you foster leaves they take a piece of your heart away with them so that every child after fills it smile she was in her 90s and had been fostering for years.

Stick at it theres so many children who need you.

Thank you allsmile

I've just spent a lovely day with our 5 month old fc and the doubts are creeping in.

I've spent almost 24 years doing this "job" and I'm not sure what I can do "afterwards" IYSWIM This is all I'm good at reallyblush

RipVanLilka Wed 23-Feb-11 17:30:38

EMIN, been following your thread about your last LO, and it has been very moving and heartwarming, but some parts of it sound so ridiculous, i can see why you question that!
Truly, I think you would be a loss to fostering

I hope you feel a little better soon

Lilka xx

RipVanLilka Wed 23-Feb-11 17:31:41

meant, some parts of fostering you describe sound ridiculous eg. difficult behavior training course when you foster babies

p99gmb Wed 23-Feb-11 18:54:54

Dear EMIN... so glad to hear that you have doubts about quitting already... I am at a loss when my 2 LO's go to contact for 2 hours!!! - so I did wonder what you would find to fill your time.

A home is only a house without the sound of children and laughter imho.

Huge thank you also to NICKSCHICK for that lovely saying... I am going to try really hard to believe that when these first LO's move on.

I can imagine how drained you both may feel at the moment, but you are my inspiration so you just bloody well can't stop now!!! wink

SenSationsMad Wed 23-Feb-11 21:06:09

I second that p99 grin

nickschick Wed 23-Feb-11 21:09:26

grin ill 3rd it.

SenSationsMad Wed 23-Feb-11 21:42:29

((((( this is so NOT MN bullying)))))))

nickschick Wed 23-Feb-11 21:49:09

grin <sings can u feel the luuuurve tonight>......we are all gonna get kicked over to netmums soon smile.

Feeling the luuuurve grin

Dh thinks I should wait and see how I'm feeling when the sw visits us. He too is worried they will move lo immediately which, given he will meet his new family in a few weeks, would be awfulsad

I'm worried about making the decision based on my grief when he leaves so I just don't know what to do (sigh)

Minnerva Thu 24-Feb-11 10:21:25

Emin I have nothing more to add to the lovely messages from the other posters except to say I understand exactly where you are coming from.I have been at this just a tiny percentage of the time that you have and I am already frustrated by the never ending paperwork and pointless training that accompanies this wonderful job.
Please,as other people have said,take a break to recharge your batteries and have a long hard think about everything.Our world would be a lot emptier if wonderful fosterparents (Yes I said parents not CARERS!)like you and your dh became so disillusioned with fostering that you just gave up.

I am so,so sorry that your sw appears to have abandoned you-probably thinks that you are so experienced that she can safely hand you over to a trainee without any worry but unfortunately she has not thought it through properly-I too would feel abandoned.

Having said all that-if your time has come and the loving nurturing home that you have provided for all those little foslings that have passed through your doors-is to shut then it must be.But please think very carefully about making this decision,you are very bruised and your poor heart is weeping with the hole that this lo has left.

I am thinking of you EMIN and I know whatever you decide will be the right decision.You are a wonderful example to us all here on mumsnet and long may it continue. wine

xx

Oh Minnerva, your lovely post has made me crysad How beautifully you put my feelings, thank you.

I know the grief at our last lo leaving is still very raw, in fact some days I'm ashamed to say, I put her photo that we have in a large frame in the living room, face down, as I cry when I glimpse her.

I know this is the price we pay for the joy of caring for these babies but sometimes the pain is just too much. xxx

sumum Thu 24-Feb-11 12:23:20

Oh emin, poor you. You are really grieving.

I can never have photo's out of children who have moved, it is too painful if you catch an unexpected glimp. I do carry little photos in my bag so I can have a sneaky peek when I need to.

Please don't make any descisions about your future now, you feelings are too raw.

Take a few weeks after the next lo goes and see how you feel. You might be reveling in the free time or be longing for another one. Then you will have your answer.

((((more hugs))))

corsa100 Sun 27-Feb-11 21:47:41

Awww EMIN. So sorry you are going through this trauma (and trauma it bloody well is!)

I was in exactly the same position two years ago. LO was so attached to me and I also had a very strong bond with him. When he was placed for adoption I requested to adopt him, but SS wouldn't hear of it. Told me as he was only 18 months old they would have no problem finding a "Suitable, loving family" for him. Hence my very first vitriolic argument with LA. It appears that foster carers are fine to deal with the demands of damaged children, and all that working with thier birth families brings, not to mention the sometimes unreasonable demands of a newly qualified and clueless social worker. BUT after giving your heart and soul to a LO, foster carers feelings and knowledge are discarded onto the shitpile. (Sorry for my language blush but your post has brought it all back to me.

Another time I was begged to adopt a 12 year old (who was so badly damaged that she was deemed to be unadoptable by a "suitable, loving family").

I really hope you stay to provide another LO with the love and security he or she desperately needs.

I honestly dont know if it is best for you to take a break whilst you get your head, and heart, together or dive straight in to another challenge but I wish you all the best in whatever you decide.

Take care
x

Thanks guyssmile

I too have been "begged to adopt 2 brothers classed as unadoptable. We seriously thought long and hard about it before reaching the conclusion that it would be too much for us.

We later heard the older of the brothers is now in a secure unit after sexually assaulting 2 little boyssad

We are still thinking about whats next for us but at the moment I'm struggling with the fact that following a call from my sw it would appear that they have "lost" some of my CWDC work and, according to sw I "must" do this work again before her visit at the end of this week.

On top of all this I have apparently been fine £100 because I didn't fill in my tax return on time.
We were told we must be deemed self employed and sort any tax issues ourselves last year but that we would be classed as exempt from tax.

A call to said sw this morning asking for advice about this resulted in her telling me the worker assigned to assist fc's with tax issues no longer works there due to funding issues.

Support ha don't make me laughangry

sumum Mon 28-Feb-11 13:43:21

You should not have to pay the fine for tax, they cannot fine you more than you pay in tax and as you will pay no tax then the fine will be reduced to zero.

Do not worry about it, ignore it and the tax office will sort it. This has happened to me several timesblush

Regarding your cwcd your la should be helping you with the work as the emphasis is on them to ensure you are up to date not on indervidual carers. Tell them you will need support with it and you will do it WITH the worker when she comes to see you, during the visit.

Good luck, you could do without this stress. x

Thanks sumum, I won't pay anything until I hear otherwise.

As for working with the sw, she is a trainee and A; she is not on the ball with CWDC stuff and, sadly, B; I can't stand the woman. She is slow and waffles on and last time told me she spent 4 hours helping another carer with the work.

I know the other carer and she is extremely experienced and the 4 hours would not have been down to her.

sumum Mon 28-Feb-11 17:22:21

oh dearsad

Is there any info on line to help (our area did do a training course and we all completed worksheets together)

fostering Mon 28-Feb-11 20:14:32

EMIN - sorry to hear you are lacking support but with all your experience have you considered fostering for an IFA, they would bite your arm off. Then all your expertise would not be lost.

Carers are self employed and rarely have to actually pay tax but do still have to file a tax return. Your LA shoull supply all the figures you need. It can be done on line and only takes a few minutes. No need for a stamp even.

I totally agree that you shouldn't mention quitting until your current placement has been bridged to adoption, it would be heart breaking to loose him before he is settled with new parents.

I had heard that the CWDC was being phased out already? It seems unreasonable that you should have to redo a section that your social worker has lost! Perhaps finish the remanider on a computer and print it off, then it can't get lost.

Please cheer up, you're doing one of the most valuable jobs in the world. We all are!!

scarlet5tyger Mon 28-Feb-11 20:44:16

I'm glad I popped in here today now - I too have received a £100 fine for not filing a tax return and was absolutely fuming as I'd been told by an advisor from the tax office that I'd only need to fill one in if one was sent to me. It wasn't. Also, I'm the only foster carer I know from my LA who's actually registered themselves as Self Employed!!!

I've sent off my appeal so hopefully mine will be reduced to zero too.

I have had a supervision visit (gawd makes us sound like criminals on probation) since I last posted and I think what came out of that was that we are at the end of the line.

Since January when lo left we have also had to deal with Dh's mum dying suddenly as well as problem with income tax and constant ear bashing to get CWDC work finished.

Every call from our sw and there are sometimes 3-4 a day involves her panicky voice saying "have you finished yet"

I asked for advice re the tax situation and was told to "get an accountant!"
I asked what a particular phrase meant in the CWDC work and was told "look it up on the net"

She then said "you both don't seem as upbeat today" WTF!!!

I haven't said anything about resigning, I'm leaving it til current lo leaves in about 3 weeks time, just in casehmm

p99gmb Wed 09-Mar-11 11:31:23

sad & lost for words

sumum Wed 09-Mar-11 11:40:45

sad sad sad sad sad

bottersnike Wed 09-Mar-11 11:55:20

Ironically, it does seem that sw and financial questions do not go well together.
It's a shame you are not getting the right support, but I think if you feel that you can no longer continue as foster carers, it is right to make that decision, rather than carry on unwilling.

SquidgyBrain Wed 09-Mar-11 12:02:29

ENIM - It is awful that the very people that desperately need people like you to care for these wee poppets, are the very ones that are driving you out.

Wishing you all the best with your future wine

Minnerva Wed 09-Mar-11 16:28:39

Oh Emin-I don't know what to say.
F****ing CWDC blush-apologies for the swearing ladies but really I could scream! angry
The social workers are completely obsessed with CWDC to the detriment of other more important issues-I wonder if anyone on here can post any light on that and help me to understand why it is such a vital element in the importance of fostering.I do understand why it is ijmportant but surely there are other more urgent and pressing things-I am willing to listen and learn......

Emin I think you have had a very stressful few months and I completely understand where you are coming from-everything has built up around you and it's all too much.You are not an inexperienced carer giving up at the first hurdle-you are a loving and giving foster mum with years of stories and life experience.If you cannot get the support and help from your supervising social worker then what can you do?.

My heart goes out to you as a fellow foster mum who has sought, and been given, advice and support from you.You are a true gem and will be a huge loss to the world of fostering.

I will go now as I am feeling sad and really don't know what else to say.

xxxxxxxxx sad

Thanks Minnervasad and everyone, you've all been my "friends" for so long I think I'll miss you as much as the babies.

I too struggle with what possible use the whole CWDC stuff is, so much of it doesn't relate to us as baby carers.

How do you give children a sense of their sexual identity, please!!!

I used that as an example of how a lot of it is not what we do.
"Think back to when your children were young" she said
But they're not young now and the fc's are too young.

Madness I tell you, madness and a lot of trees gone for noughtangry

Can anyone tell me what happens to these pages and pages of stuff that we will never see again, how will it make anyone a better carer?

Rant overblush

I'm going to enjoy my last weeks with our last lo nowsmile

bottersnike Wed 09-Mar-11 16:54:37

So many posts on here express so well my thoughts too; we have only just started down the fostering route, and already you have been a fabulous inspiration to us.

Well today i sent my supervising sw an email, finally telling her that we had decided to stop fostering and my reasons why.

I've had an email back saying she has passed this to her manager and, as a matter of course, they ask if I wish to reconsider to contact them within the next week or so. If they haven't heard from me in 14 days they will send me a letter confirming my decision.

So thats it, no bells, no whistles no persuasion. Thanks and goodbye!

chocaholic2011 Wed 13-Apr-11 16:34:25

I'm so sorry to hear that you have had to come to this decision as you are such inspirational foster carers and will be a sad loss.

Completely understand why though. Our SW hasn't even mentioned the CWDC yet although has given me the folder (mountain) of work and we are 5 months post approval so no doubt it will be a rush in the end....

Best wishes for the future and hope you enjoy some well deserved rest. Thank for all your wonderful posts which really helped me to understand the work involved with caring for withdrawing babies.

xx

Thank you chocaholicsmile If I've helped anyone with my posts I'll be a happy ladysmile

I wish the last week or so since our last lo moved on had given me the push to continue but sadly not. To be honest if my sw had begged and pleaded with us not to quit I'd feel like I had done a better jobhmm There you go, feel like I was just a number nowsad

PollyLogos Wed 13-Apr-11 16:56:00

You weren't a number though to all the children you have given such love and support to over the years. You were mum.

I can only say that I admire you and all other foster parents, it's something I would love to do but I just don't think I would cope well with the goodbyes. I think you are all marvellous and I feel really angry on your behalf for them treating you like a number.

Oh Polly, thank you for putting my silliness into perspective. Its not about them its about the little onessmile

scarlet5tyger Wed 13-Apr-11 18:53:11

Hi EMIN, it's disappointing to read how you've been treated but I'm sure you're not entirely surprised. Luckily the SWs et al are only one side of the job and you have a stack of children behind you who are now (fingers crossed) living happier lives because of the time and effort, not to mention love, you put into them.

I'm another person who you've really helped with your posts and I hope you'll continue to visit here to keep up the good work!!!

Good luck with whatever you decide to do next

PollyLogos Wed 13-Apr-11 18:55:03

I don't think you were being at all silly I understand exactly why you feel like they are treating you like a number.

I also realise that it isn't that you want people begging you to continue or thanking you profusely for what you have done, just an aknowledgement of the fact that you have helped many children would be fine I'm sure. But just brushing you off is very empty (can't think of a better word) I think.

p99gmb Wed 13-Apr-11 20:46:55

Oh EMIN, what a white knuckle roller coaster this fostering lark is...

I seriously wish you & DH the very best and hope you look back on your achievements with utmost pride and satisfaction.

I hope too (being very selfish) that you stay on this fostering forum to help us beginners with your wise words of wisdom.

I think you both are very very special people and if I can achieve a fraction of the good you have achieved I too will be proud of myself.

The love in your heart comes through so much in your posts and brought me to tears so many times - I hope you find further fulfillment in your lives.

Cheers to you both wine - oh, go on then, lets have another one too wine x x x

fostering Wed 13-Apr-11 22:34:05

EMIN - I thought you'd managed to complete your CWDC file???

Give yourself a rest then reconsider, you are badly needed and you will be sorely missed.

NanaNina Wed 13-Apr-11 23:31:38

Earthmother - I cannot believe that the social worker hasn't even been out to see you to talk face to face about your reasons for resignation. This just demonstrates how little your LA values foster carers. Shocking, absolutely shocking.

Have you considered fostering for an IFA or another LA or have you had enough - I imagine it's the latter.

Please don't forget that the unconditional love and period of stability that you have given the LOs in your care will be a protective factor for them in the future, and no one can take that away.

Thank you everyonesmile

NanaNina - thats what I truly thought would happen, that she would want to see us face to face. We are a couple of months short of 24 years with the same LA and have cared for 80 odd children, surely there would be more than "oh ok" at this?

I honestly couldn't even think of going with an IFA or LA so I think we're done. I do have many happy memories and have made lots of new friends including the lovely people on this boardsmile

NanaNina Thu 14-Apr-11 12:26:43

If I were you I would send a short letter to the Director of Social Services, with the details of how long you have fostered, numbers of children, and your resignation was met with an e mail only, and you feel disappointed (you are probably totally p.......ed off but "disappointed" is better in such a letter.

At least it will be drawn to the attention of the sws involved and may make them realise that this is no way to thank a carer for so many years of hard work. It is really disgraceful. In the authority where I worked for 25 years, such a resignation would have meant at the very least a visit from the link worker with a bunch of flowers, followed up with a letter from the Director, again thanking the carer for all the years of fostering etc etc.

fishtankneedscleaning Thu 14-Apr-11 14:06:29

EMIN. I am very sad at the way you have been treated. Even Tesco employees are given recognition, and thanked, for their services. I guess all the nightmares, soul searching and heartache a foster carer goes through is nothing compared to stacking shelves in a supermarket!

Just by reading your posts it is clear you were an excellent foster carer and I am sure the memories of the children you have cared for will more than compensate for the lack of (a bunch of supermarket) flowers from LA.

Wishing you well in your "retirement" but hope you will be back on this board to support all the other foster carers in their hour of need.

xxx

NanaNina: that sounds like an excellent idea, I think I will do that, thank you.

sumum Thu 14-Apr-11 17:14:12

Oh emin I am so sad for you.
They are always after new carers but when they treat their old carers so badly it's a wonder there are any of us left.

I hope you get the recognition you so rightly deserve.

and please keep posting on here, we don't want to lose you too.

SquidgyBrain Fri 15-Apr-11 23:24:50

How utterly disgusting! I can't believe how badly you were treated No wonder you have resigned

Your posts were the reason I took the plunge and applied to foster, the honesty of how hard it is to have a child leave made me realise that it is ok to have a broken heart after they leave. I have still yet to experience this, but I know that as hard as it will be I will get through it. Finding such a honest account of fostering was really invaluable - and for that I thank you.

Take care and enjoy your retirement wine

Brief update:
I wrote to the head of childrens services shortly after NanaNina suggested the idea to me. A few weeks down the line I'd heard nothingangry

This morning I had a call from my previous link worker asking if the head of fostering could come and see us, I agreed to see him this Friday but I don't know if I'm more angry still or sad that it came to this.

I'll update when he's been.

Thanks NanaNinasmile

NanaNina Mon 09-May-11 16:01:00

Hi Earthmother - it is so sad that it had to come to this. At least it got passed down the line and it might just change the way in which other foster carers are treated. He or she is probably coming to grovel. You could of course tell them that you are going to the local press with your story (even if you're not) and this will give them more to worry about!

Don't be too accommodating to him/her with the lame excuses about being short staffed or whatever. They don't deserve it.

The main thing is that at least you know the difference you have made to so many children's lives and the period of stability you gave them at a very rocky time in their young lives.

Thank you NanaNina. My ex social worker at first suggested I come to the office for the chat, I politely declined saying they knew where I was if they needed to see meangry

I gave her a few of the details from the letter and I must say she seemed horrified and very apologetic, we'll see what Friday brings ehsmile

NanaNina Mon 16-May-11 13:53:35

How did the meeting with the socila workers go earthmother?

NanaNina Mon 16-May-11 13:53:54

I meant social workers of course!!

Hi NanaNina, it went quite well I think. The man who came was the Fostering Manager, we'd never met him before but he seems very nice.

He was appalled at how we'd been treated/left to the tender mercies of a trainee and he has said he will investigate the issues.

Today we received a letter by registered post from him thanking us for letting him visit and being willing to speak to him about our issues.

At the end of the letter he says if we wish to reconsider to contact him direct.

He seemed pretty genuine and I'm sure he'd be happy to have us back but I'm all to aware of how difficult it would be, especially within a smallish fostering unit.

Thanks for askingsmile

sumum Mon 23-May-11 09:58:43

Hi Emin, have just seen your update. I am glad you got to have your say and you now have something to think about.

How have you been getting on without any lo's in the house, do you miss it, do you think you might take another placement?

I think things in social care are going to get worse and worse with all the cuts, foster carers are at the bottom of the pile anyway, our la have told us services to us are going to be cut, less visits, expecting carers to do more. they even said if you can't transport you are unlikely to get placements. I was wondering why I have had a vacancy since before christmas dispite being one of the most experienced carers they have.sad

I hope you are taking some time to do things you enjoy for yourself.
Keep in touch you are an insperation.

Thanks sumum. After more lengthy discussions with Dh we have decided that we have reached the end of our road.

It hasn't been an easy decision but fostering really isn't what it was about when we began back in 1987, then the childrens needs were paramount and we were treated with respect. I knew every single worker in our fostering unit and they knew me. I don't know many of them now.

Coupled with the paperwork and indeed the attitude that they are doing us a favour which comes across more and more, I think our original decision was the right one.

I have found, especially over the last few years, that we aren't being listened to anymore. When I have voiced concerns about a particular plan for a child I've been told the decisions are for the "professionals" to make.

I have had a lot of joy, and sadness from fostering and, yes I do miss it but I know we are doing the right thing for us.

Thank you sumum and everyone for your support and kindnesses over the yearssmile

OscarLove Fri 01-Jul-11 00:49:52

Hello Emin, Just to say I read the whole thread about your little foster girl who was born addicted to drugs and it was so, so sad but amazing how the little one came such a very long way. I'm upset to read how you've been treated by the LA, especially after such a long time bringing these babies up, but remember in your heart, that without you, these babies would have nothing to live for. You were the first one to see them smile and the reason they were smiling was because of you. You are truly amazing. Did the baby girl go back to her birth mother? If so, I hope she was off the drugs and determined to show that baby what a good life can look like. I hope to foster in the future, maybe in a few years or so, and you are a real inspiration to all potential foster mums out there. Good luck for the future.

Hello Oscar, thank you smile

The lo was placed with an adoptive family earlier this year, they adore her, obviously, and she is doing really well smile I miss her dreadfully sad

The fostering team have asked us to take some time and reconsider, we have our yearly review in just over a week when I will have to give them our final answer. Still unsure confused

p99gmb Fri 01-Jul-11 09:22:14

If you are unsure - then why not try again and then decide after they move on... <<hopeful emotion..

I MISS YOU ON HERE sad WE NEED YOU TOO smile

I miss me on here toosad The days are incredibly long and very boring without being neededsad

SquidgyBrain Fri 01-Jul-11 19:22:07

If you are feeling unsure, I like p99 think you should try again......... grin

maypole1 Fri 01-Jul-11 20:40:00

Think about what the children who you supported would say ad what they would have done with out you some sw are shitty but were not here for them were here for the children.

NanaNina Wed 06-Jul-11 00:17:40

Hi earthmother - I remember your predicament from earlier in the year. So it's decision time. You sound like you don't like not being needed, so maybe now is not the time to throw the towel in. I would make it very clear at your review how badly you were treated.

Have you thought about changing your age range or respite. Some LAs have respite schemes for children coming straight from birth families to give the parents(and the child) some respite, or there is the usual respite for other foster carers.

You don't have to make up your mind right now. You could ask for your registration to be on hold for the time being. I don't see why this isn't possible, but I expect that will just prolong the agony.

Good luck whichever way you decide to go...........NNx

mumsiepie Fri 08-Jul-11 21:48:02

Good Luck and hope you make the right decision for you and your family xx

p99gmb Fri 22-Jul-11 19:04:15

Were you able to make a decision EMIN? x x x

TheOriginalFAB Fri 22-Jul-11 19:14:34

I would love to hear how things are EMIN.

Hi everyonesmile

We had our review last week and surprise surprise the only one who turned up was the reviewing officer. I had been told a duty worker would be there to support (huh) me but she had mixed up her appointments.

So there we are in our review with no sw reports because the review had been "hastily orginised" said the review officer, err no, it was arranged last year at our last review!

Anyway to cut a long story short they want us back just as soon as we can arrange medicalssmile

I had asked to see our file so this week the team manager arrived with 3 huge files she carried in on a trolley as they were so heavy. I'm currently wading through them.

I think, medicals permitting, we will returnsmile

SquidgyBrain Mon 25-Jul-11 08:34:54

WOOOOOHOOOOOOO

chocaholic2011 Mon 25-Jul-11 08:44:25

Thats such great news EMIN! Well done! Can't wait to hear all about your next placement!

Ours is currently a little 4 month old currently smiling at me!She is our first and we feel lucky to play a part in her life!!Best job in the world! (luckily SW's all great so far - lol)

xx

TheOriginalFAB Mon 25-Jul-11 13:06:09

grin.

threeandcounting Mon 25-Jul-11 13:47:07

Great! Currently looking after 8 week first placement and your previous posts really helped me have an idea of what to expect! Really pleased that you are continuing!

Agree that it's a great job (especially since I am beginning to get really lovely smiles!)

p99gmb Mon 25-Jul-11 18:28:52

Phew.. welcome back!! wine

MissVerinder Mon 25-Jul-11 22:48:15

Great news x

mumsiepie Wed 27-Jul-11 22:26:06

Welcome back! xx

Hello everyone, sorry for the delay but I've had some health issues to deal with.

I was told yesterday that I have breast cancer and will shortly be having a mastectomy. I need to speak to fostering but I'm fairy sure they'll tell me to wait until I'm well before starting again.

Hope everyone is well x

bonnieslilsister Fri 12-Aug-11 09:19:33

I'm so sorry to hear this xxx

p99gmb Fri 12-Aug-11 09:19:56

sad sad sad sad

Oh Emin, I am so so sorry to hear your news... bless you

I hope you get the very very best treatment possible.

If there is anything we can do for you, please let us know!!

Take the very best care of yourself.

Much love,
x x x x x sad

mumsiepie Fri 12-Aug-11 09:24:33

I am sorry Emin sad and hope your surgery is successful. Quite right about fostering now... concentrate on getting better. xxxx

caz2go Fri 12-Aug-11 09:29:26

Sending lots of love emin.Please stay positive xxx

Thanks everyone. Feels very surreal at the moment, as though its not happening to me.

I told my aunty last night, who I'm very close to, and she said "but you've helped all those kiddies, why you" hmmsmile I'm afraid there's no get out clause I told her!

EarthMother, I have nothing to do with fostering but have read so many posts by you and you are an inspiration. So sorry you have been badly treated by your LA, and I really really think they need that feedback, no holds barred - if you can't tell them after 24 years then no one can.

However - I can imagine, quite rightly, that that is the last thing on your mind now, given your health issues. Thinking of you, and hoping for a very quick recovery.

As someone else said down the thread, the LA might not recognise your contribution, but they are second on the list of people whose opinion matters - the children are first and I'm confident you have changed all their lives for the better.

Thank you so much Stealth, that means a lot to me.

Our last lo who left in April is coming to visit tomorrow and I'm so looking forward to seeing him I can't tell yousmile

My brother has just sent me a lovely text (I've asked people not to ring cos I'll lose it) he says I'm the strongest woman he knows.

Pass the tissuessad

SquidgyBrain Fri 12-Aug-11 15:32:14

sad hoping your op goes smoothly, and your recovery is quick. Wishing you all the luck I could possibly send.

Your aunt is a wise woman, and I only wished it was the case that bad things didn't happen to good people

Stay strong

Thank you Squidgy. smile

chocaholic2011 Fri 12-Aug-11 20:56:07

So sorry to hear that! My aunt had it 10 years ago and has been really well ever since!Wishing you a speedy recovery!! Hope you have a lovely time with FC xxxxxx

scarlet5tyger Tue 16-Aug-11 19:24:16

Emin, I'm so sorry to read this. Sometimes life does seem very unfair.

I just want to join in with everyone who's already wished you a speedy recovery. My thoughts are with you and your family xx

Thanks everyone. Its been a difficult week and still got another to before I see the consultant who will tell me the whole story, so to speak. Time seems to be going very slowlysad

Will be thinking about you, keep us updated as much as you can/want to

I will Stealth, I think I'll need to talk, cry, and probably scream so brace yourself.

MissVerinder Wed 17-Aug-11 11:26:28

Emin, I'm really sorry sad

Don't really know what to say because I'm rubbish at times like this, but you are most certainly in my prayers.

Wishing you a speedy recovery and an excellent consultant!
x

Thank you all smile

May I ask for every good vibe you can muster for 9am tomorrow? Thats when I have my first appointment with the surgeon and get the results of the biopsy. I already know I have to lose one breast, please god, thats as bad as it gets.

I emailed the team manager on the 12th August to tell her about the cancer but haven't received a reply. I'm trying to be charitable and hoping she's on holidayhmm

<<<<good vibes>>>>

TulipsfromAmsterdam Mon 22-Aug-11 15:19:06

Hope everything goes well tomorrow, will be thinking of you. Best wishes for a quick recovery and take care, look after yourself and don't worry about anyone else for a while x

bonnieslilsister Mon 22-Aug-11 16:54:07

sending many many good vibes your way xxxx

Hi again, cancer is in 9-10 places in my breast and also in my lymph nodes so they have to go too. My right breast is so far clear. xxx

catsrus Tue 23-Aug-11 11:38:01

good luck - I've been following the thread for a while - will have all my fingers and toes crossed for you!

Thinking about you, how are you feeling about it?

It's not sinking in, feels like its someone else they're talking about. I'm sure it'll hit me soon though.

bonnieslilsister Tue 23-Aug-11 18:13:59

So sorry Emin, it must be really hard for you at the moment sad and I hope you have someone with you when it does hit you. I am not sure what to say but want you to know (I am sure I can speak for everyone here) we all care about you and would be here for you if you want to talk to someone not involved in RL. I will be thinking about you and sending love and good wishes xxxx

yes, definitely

I won't be able to post for a while as my operation is tomorrowsad

Please send me good positive vibes to try and shake this awful fear. x

Beamur Tue 06-Sep-11 13:11:43

Hope all goes well. FWIW - my Mum had breast cancer which had also spread to the lymph nodes, she's still alive and well 10+ years later. Outcomes for this disease are getting better all the time.
It's horribly scary to go through though.

Thanks Beamur, it's worth a lot actually, the more positive stories I hear the better.

I can honestly say I have never been this afraid in my whole life, it has taken over any other thoughts or plans we had until its sorted.

BusterTheDonk Tue 06-Sep-11 14:02:48

GOOD POSITIVE VIBES

The very very best of luck and wishing you a speedy recovery...

virtual hugs x x x

ooh hugs too, forgot about them, thank you xsmile

Lots of hugs and best wishes from me too. Will be thinking of you.

I read a very good book by an Irish woman who has beaten breast cancer twice. Lots of great advice about healthy eating and supplements and things that helped her. Can't remember name of book but her name is Bernadette Bohan and it was available on Amazon. Don't know if it would maybe help you feel a little more in control?

Thank you Buda, thats very kind of you. I think the fear is due to feeling out of control IYSWIM. I will have a look for itsmile

Milliways Tue 06-Sep-11 17:58:39

Best of luck to you EarthMother smile

I have 2 friends who are both back at work now following breast cancer surgery / chemo etc last year. One of them asked people to not send flowers, but a bright headscarf so she had a great selection to choose from grin.

bonnieslilsister Tue 06-Sep-11 21:38:44

Best of luck EarthMother, I will be sending you lots of love and healing and think the head scarf idea is wonderful xxx

ChristWhatNow Tue 06-Sep-11 21:43:04

Thinking of you EMIN. Good luck for tomorrow.

Have followed your story as have personal experince of fostering and you have been amazing. As you say though, it doesn't give you a get out of jail free card for the shitty stuff. Much as it should!

Good luck again, wishing you well.

Thank you all, as you can see, sleep is eluding me not surprisingly. Not long now!

barbie1 Wed 07-Sep-11 05:02:08

earthmother i have just stumbled upon your thread, i know nothing of fostering but do know about breast cancer having supported my mum through it. She has just been given her 7th year in the all clear. Like you she had to have breast removed and lymph nodes. I wish you all the best for today and the coming months x

caz2go Wed 07-Sep-11 09:04:11

Thinking of you today emin ,sending lots of positive vibes and hugs ((( ))) xx

bottersnike Wed 07-Sep-11 13:34:12

Also thinking of you, my mum had a mastectomy and lymph nodes removed 11 years ago, and is in the clear now.
Hope you have lots of wonderful friends and family nearby who can support you.
x

lovingthepeaceandquiet Tue 20-Sep-11 11:14:26

How are things Earthmother? Thinking of you x

Hi everyone, sorry to leave you hangingblush My op went well at first but as the day wore on it became clear something was very wrong.

We have learned since that a blood clot was left behind which caused me to feel unwell and my blood pressure to plummet. It ended up with a midnight dash back to theater and my wound opened up and cleaned up. (hope no-one is eating)

The house doctors couldn't get a line into me and took hours to summon a consultant which added to the madness of that night.

Since discharge I have had to return to hospital lots of times to have the blessed thing drained as it keeps filling with fluid.

My consultant thinks they got all the nasties out but still wants me to have chemo and radio-therapy.

It has been a difficult time for us all but thank you all for your good wishes xxx

catsrus Mon 26-Sep-11 17:31:44

well

not the glowing "I'm here and bouncing" report that we were hoping for, but very glad to hear that they think they got it all - and lots of luck with the treatments.

trumpton Mon 26-Sep-11 17:49:34

Dear Emin,

Sending you every good wish under the sun. Rest and take care of yourself.

Sending you thanks

SquidgyBrain Mon 26-Sep-11 21:33:42

glad to hear you are over the surgery, hoping the chemo and radio therapy don't take too much out of you, and that this will all be over and behind you quickly - sending lot of wishes your way

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy Thu 13-Oct-11 20:27:49

EMIN
I've been wondering how you are and would like to send you these thanks
xx

Hi everyone, as you can imagine life has been difficult these last weeks. Problems with my operation site have involved 2-3 visits to hospital every week to have the blessed thing drained. Thankfully thats now settling enough for me to begin treatment in the next week or two.

After speaking to my oncologist I have decided to have radio-therapy and drugs but not chemo. There is little evidence, in my case, that it would help or make much difference.

In the past week I've had a heart echo test, a ct scan and an isotope bone scan. I certainly know the hospital inside out now.

Oh and on Thursday I get to meet Betty wink

Thank you for the flowers smile

catsrus Wed 19-Oct-11 14:08:06

thanks for keeping us up todate EMIN - I often think of you and wonder how you are doing - keep us up to date, it's hard to type and walk with permanently crossed fingers and toes smile

bonnieslilsister Wed 19-Oct-11 16:24:07

Thanks for the update and I hope the results for all these tests are good.

Who is Betty????

thanks as you like them! xxx

BusterTheDonk Wed 19-Oct-11 17:36:27

Good luck with the treatment EMIN, hope it doesn't take too much out of you.. wishing you all the very best...

Glad its not just me wondering who Betty is? The Queen??

lots of thanks

Thanks everyone, shucks, I didn't know you caredwink

Betty is my new prosthetic boob, ie Betty Boob grin

bonnieslilsister Thu 20-Oct-11 09:44:00

Right!! That makes sense! I hope she becomes a comfortable and long standing friend to you! xx

Me too bonnie, well at least until they decide to do my reconstruction jobsmile

bonnieslilsister Thu 20-Oct-11 22:52:19

Excellent I hope you get the reconstruction....my friend had one and she looks wonderful but then she always did! xx

BusterTheDonk Fri 18-Nov-11 16:08:24

Hi EMIN, just been thinking about you, and then someone posted on the 'drug addicted' thread... you are obviously in so many people's minds..

How are you doing? I really hope you are fighting fit and fighting 'it'

Much love thanks
BtheD

chocaholic2011 Fri 18-Nov-11 20:22:03

I was just thinking of you too! Hope all's going well for you! Xx

Get0rf Mon 21-Nov-11 11:00:40

I hope you are doing well EMIN. x

PosiesOfPoinsettia Mon 21-Nov-11 11:06:34

Oh my goodness, your posts make me feel so inadequate (in a nice way sort of). You sound like a remarkable woman and I wish you well.

I'm not sure what made me look back for this thread but hello anywaysmile

To everyone who asked, I'm okay, today is my last day of radio-therapygrin I've hated beyond hate the treatment with all it's lack of dignity, I'm no longer shy about my body, Dh swears that if a cleaner walked into the treatment room I'd whip my top offwink

The actual treatment, while time consuming, every day for 3 weeks, has been fine but I'm glad today is my last one.

One day last week I was grumbling to myself while waiting to begin the treatment, it's always a long wait, and all the time I was sitting I could hear a child crying.

In my angry mode I thought "can no-one see to the child" Shortly afterwards a man came out of the room where the crying had been coming from and he was holding hands with a little girl of around 3. She was so pretty but had no hair at all.

I have never felt so small and guilty for my thoughts. It made me stop wallowing though so thats a plussmile

bottersnike Thu 01-Dec-11 12:28:05

Pleased you've finished the treatment, Emin.
Don't feel guilty about grumbling, God knows it's necessary sometimes!
Hope your recovery goes well. x

bonnieslilsister Thu 01-Dec-11 13:49:10

I am so glad the treatment is over for you. Just get better now xxx

BusterTheDonk Thu 01-Dec-11 17:25:17

I think we are all entitled to a good moan every so often - and god knows you deserve one... how sad to hear of that little girl though - god, they can be so brave at times

You be sure to take good care of yourself, recover well and fingers crossed that it has worked its magic.

Much love smile x x

catsrus Thu 01-Dec-11 20:02:53

great news that the treatment is over - all fingers and toes crossed that you sail into full remission and no more is needed!

Minnerva Mon 02-Jan-12 18:37:18

Dearest Earthmum,
Having been a bit poorly myself,I have severely neglected mumsnet for some months now and was terribly sad to read of your news.I hope that you had a peaceful and restful Christmas and are feeling stronger and better.You were a marvellous support to me when I was caring for our drug withdrawing fosling and I am so very sorry to hear your story.
I send love and best wishes to you and your family Emin.
Minnerva xx

Moomoomie Sat 07-Jan-12 17:58:41

EArth mum.... I just wanted to post to say I wish you all the very best.
I read your thread, but never posted, about the little drug dependant baby you fostered.
We adopted a drug dependant baby when she was six months old, and just wanted to say a very big Thank you to you and your family, like our dds foster family, for giving them such a good start.
Our dd is now 4 and is a wonderful little girl, but unfortunately has many problems related to the alcohol and drugs
thanks thanks thanks

Hi everyone ( yoo hoo Minnervasmile)

I'm doing well apart from a nasty fall over Christmas which resulted in a couple of cracked ribs (sigh)

Anyway I emailed the team manager just after Christmas explaining my treatment is finished and I'm on the mend. I asked if we could meet to discuss possibly returning to fostering at some point. I can't believe how much I've missed the little onessad

So far no reply but I'm hoping thats because of the holidays, I'll give it a few days and contact her again.

Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas xxx

threeandcounting Tue 10-Jan-12 10:17:31

Great news to hear you are on the mend!

Just wanted to say your posts also really helped me too. Reading them before actually looking after a baby who is drug dependant, gave me a real insight into what's involved, as well as showing me there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Hope you hear back from sw soon and all goes well x

MommaT Sun 29-Jan-12 17:34:03

Oh my goodness, I have just read this thread from start to finish and emin, one word comes to mind...INSPIRATIONAL! I am very new to mn and fostering (only approved on Monday) but your story has really touched me, I hope you continue to get better and also resume your destiny as a fabulous foster carer.

God bless you x

thanks

Ellovera Tue 17-Jul-12 08:45:38

I know these posts are somewhat old now but I just wanted to say through my tears of reading about the little girl you fostered and all her struggles, , thank you. I was one of those babies once . My heroin addict mum took me out of special care . Anyway a lifetime in and out of care etc etc . Messy life. But thank you. FOr being a constant in a turbulent world. For cuddles where there would have been none. For safety. For putting us first. For showing us that there is a life other than what we know and or showin us the person that one day we would like to be . And that we can pass that on to others too.

I'm sorry you are poorly and struggling . I wish you well and the strength to overcome.

Love and hugs back to you.

Ello What a lovely heartfelt post thanks

Earth How are things?

Ellovera smile many thanks for your beautiful post. I know you're probably not "one of my lo's" but it feels as though you could have been and you are saying everything they would say if they could. I will treasure your wordssmile

ECR I'm up and down reallyhmm after surgery i belived that was it, I would be fine. Sadly it has just been the start. It feels strange that I had no symptoms other than a dodgy hip when I first saw my GP. It has stretched now to osteoporosis and just lately, an over active thyroid has prevented my reconstuctive surgery from going ahead for the time being.

I feel well in myself, I get tired easily but thats the medication I'm told, and oh, I do miss my little onessad

Thank you so much for thinking of me thoughsmile It has cheered me upgrin

Ellovera Tue 17-Jul-12 14:39:15

I don't know where you live but if it's anywhere near me I'd like to help . If I can.

I had some lovely foster parents , well ok one, but remember it with warmth and comfort and even though I had to go back "home" and faced difficult circumstances , that warmth has always stayed with me and shown me how I wanted my own house to be. You should be very proud of yourself,, and your husband too. I have helped to foster babies too and seen the drug addictions and seen my own family members struggle with it. Thank you for not judging the parents too much, It's very hard ..

From the bottom of m heart, thank you for your love . It gets multiplied, and passed on to our own children and also to the many children I babysit , nannied, Childminded, helped foster, nephews nieces , etc etc etc!

It goes on and on and on :-)

I'm in the northeast Ellovera. You reminded me of a lo we had for a while until she was almost 3. SS felt she would be "ok" if she returned home. I worried and, yes, grieved for the lo for a long time.

Out of the blue a foster carer rang me 8 years later asking if we remembered the child. She would be 11 by then and had turned up one day at social services and demanded to be put into care or she would harm herself. Nothing at home had changed and she simply couldn't bear it any longer. A brave little girl determined to escape!

The child remembered us and consequently had no fear of foster carers, her memories were of safety and laughter. Sadly her family felt she should forget her time with us and on her return to them as a little 3 year old made the decision to rip up her life story book filled with a couple of years worth of photo's etc.

Luckily, hoarder that I am, I had a few in a box of her with us and I was able to send them on to her.

Stateofplay Tue 17-Jul-12 15:14:22

I opened this thread randomly then read it with tears in my eyes. I knew little about foster care, apart from that there is a national shortage of them, but know a little more now and couldn't click away without letting you know EMIN how inspiring you are. I feel uplifted by reading your posts, and inspired to try and make just a fraction of the difference to children in the world today that you have. Your legacy - dedication, devotion and love - will indeed go on and on and on, as Ellovera said.

I wish you all the best with your health problems, and your pragmatic and brave battle against breast cancer. I hope you are able to return to foster caring in the future, but even if you retire I think you can afford to sit on your laurels and think about the positive difference you have given to over 80 children... Perhaps the National Fostering Society could draw on your reflections of three decades of fostering by interviewing you, or having you speak at a conference - I'm sure you could inspire many others to become foster carers.

You are surely one of that vast group of humble people who really make a difference in our communities, and should be carrying one of those Olympic torches this summer!

Ellovera Tue 17-Jul-12 15:16:51

That's interesting and mirrors my own life , as I asked to be put back into care at 11 as I had enough. And i dread to think what would have happened had I stayed there. And my mum is still the same, now aged 60! But maybe the fact that I knew different helped me be strong enough to say no. That's what you did :-) the difference you make is just huge .

Bugger I'm the opposite end of the country :-(

Steady on Stateofplay, you'll give me a swollen headwink Many thanks for your kind words, they mean a lot truly. smile

Heavens Ello, it's a small world and no mistake. Quite spooky toohmm

I've been reading this thread crying the whole way through, wish you all the best EMIN and Ello too.

I really really hope your health improves, if anyone deserves it you do smile

TulipsfromAmsterdam Tue 17-Jul-12 22:52:31

Good to hear from EMIN, hope you are feeling a lot better soon. Agree it is a small world as I am in the north east also smile

Also a lovely message from Ello smile

Thank you Tulips, curiosity makes me ask (not nosinesswink) what part of the north east?

TulipsfromAmsterdam Wed 18-Jul-12 13:16:18

I am in South of Tyne area, whereabouts are you?

ooh me too, well ish. Between Newcastle and Sunderland closer to the lattersmile

TulipsfromAmsterdam Wed 18-Jul-12 17:34:26

Sounds like we are nearly neighbours smile We are between Newcastle and Shields. If you ever need anything PM me x

Small world indeedsmile Dh and I were brought up in a small shipyard town between Newcastle and Shields, our 3 dc's were born in the maternity unit at Shieldssmile

Thank you Tulips I will do x

dogskidsandchoas Fri 17-Aug-12 17:41:50

HI
i HAVE BEEN READING ALL THE POSTS AS I HAVE VERY RECENTLY MOVED THREE CHILDREN ON TO ADOPTION AFTER CARING FOR THEM FOR THREE YEARS. i FEEL SO MUCH GRIEF I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT. CAN ANY ONE TELL ME IF THIS WILL PASS?

Hi dogskidsandchaos smile At first you will think you will never get over the pain and acute sense of loss, almost, without being disrespectful, a feeling of bereavement. You will, I know from experience that this is short lived.

Try to keep busy and get ready for the next set of little ones who will need you.

Is this your first placement moving on can I ask?

dogskidsandchoas Sat 18-Aug-12 13:50:06

hi
Thanks for the reply. I have been fostering for about 8 years now. But this is the first time we have moved children on to adoption. It feels overwelming as well as feeling disullusioned by the service.
Should we ask to see them again i dont know what the protocol is in this situation
It does feel like a bereavement. No one tells you that is how you will feel, where is the support to help foster carers with this feeling?
Feel a liitle less overwelmed today hopefully tomorrow will feel better again. Thanks again for your comments

I always leave it to the adoptive family re contact. I do ask if they can ring/text to let me know they've settled. They usually do this but physical contact is totally in their hands as it should be. I'm consious this is the most difficult time for them, a new family takes some getting used to and can be overwhelming so contacting the foster family often gets forgotten.

It is soul destrying to the carer if contact is promised and doesn't happen though. I feel for you having recently had to give up fostering after almost 25 yearssad

bonnieslilsister Sun 19-Aug-12 16:35:06

I hope you continue to feel better dogs we do have a hard job at times. I am about to move children on too. They have been with me so long I feel as if they are mine, although I know they are not. Hope you get the support you need thanks

M0naLisa Mon 14-Jan-13 16:28:45

I know this is a very very old thread but after reading it I just want to say through tears that EMIN you are such a brave woman and inspiration to many.
Reading the story about the baby girl who was drug dependant was heartbreaking.
Then after reading about your life struggles with your health made the tears fall more. Hope you are ok and recovering well? Xxx

Thank you MonaLisa, I'm doing ok apart from a dreaded visit to hospital tomorrow when I have to have an ERCP, a camera down my throat (shiver) x

ElectricSheep Fri 25-Jan-13 16:56:32

Hi EMIN I hope it was not too bad today. How are you now?

I've been thinking of fostering for some time now (my DC are all older) and only one still at home. YOur posts are very very impressive, you have such dignity.

thanks

Hello ElectricSheep, I'm sorry I've only just seen your post. Thank you for your kind words.

I had the ERCP on the 25th, it wasn't nice but it's done now so I'm going to forget about it and concentrate on the next issue which is swallowing a radioactive capsule for my overactive thyroid. Really hoping I glow in the dark afterwardsgrin

It can take 6-12 months to be approved as a foster carer so whats stopping yousmile

Best of luck whatever you decide x

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