coping with loss as a foster carer

[Yesmynameisiglpigl]

Hi,
am looking for any advice - my partner and I are relatively new foster carers and have a 2 yr old toddler and 10 mth old baby. We've had them for the last 8 months, so baby was v young when placed. The children are gorgeous and have settled well. Plans are now being made for them to be adopted, (not gone to final hearing yet). My partner and I are struggling with feelings of loss, and having to let go when the time comes, although we think it's best for the children. We are dreading when they go, and at the moment it feels like waiting for a bereavement we know is going to happen. Do any other foster carers have ideas about how to cope at this time/experiences to share? I just feel like crying all the time when I think of not being able to see how they both get on as they grow, and not being able to cuddle them anymore

[SquidgyBrain]

having not been there I can't give you any advice but you are describing my worse fears of fostering, and from reading other posts when the kids leave I think it is pretty normal to feel like you are doing :(

Just wanted to offer some (((hugs))) I am sure that one of the experienced foster mums will pop along and give you much better words of wisdom

[sumum]

There is a thread bit futher down -coping when they go- have a look at that.

Noone can tell you it will be easy, it's not but it what we do. You will grieve and you will survive to foster again.

Is there any rl support or help you can access to talk about your feelings, can you talk to your link worker about it.

I find the support of other carers really valuable and we are all here to lisen too.

[sumum]

How to cope when gone -- that is the thread title. [hsmile]

[Yesmynameisiglpigl]

Thanks, I will have a look

[EarthMotherImNot]

Hi, we are foster carers, have been for many years and we've helped many lo's move on, both to adoption and back home to birth families.

I wish I could give you the magic formula to help you but I'm afraid there isn't one

Even after doing this for so long I dread each lo leaving and the pain is acute every single time.

I've found that focusing on helping the family, either adoptive or birth, get through this time helps me. I concentrate on making it easy for them and put my grief in a drawer till the lo has gone.

Then I howl like a banshee I'm afraid.

I comfort myself with the knowledge that if I couldn't cope or move on then I would have packed in years ago.

Good luck