Late night confession

(10 Posts)
thisgirlruns Mon 07-Mar-16 00:54:49

It is nearly 1am, and I have spent half the evening on MN digging out old posts (I have now name changed) from 2008 and onwards where I was constantly seeking advice and support for my ailing relationship with the father of my two DDs.
Just over a year ago I found the strength to leave my 15 year relationship. And then I found my RAF officer. OK, well, maybe I will admit to a very brief period of double-running, but as soon as I met Mr RAF I knew I couldn't let him go.
A year and a bit on and I can honestly say I've never been happier. The challenges of balancing 2DCs, a full time job and a long distance relationship are interesting. And I have NO IDEA how this will ever work, really, as I've kept him secret from the kids (wanted to make sure it was going to last!) he's down south and I'm north and the chances of us ever living together are remote :-(

But the fact remains I am beyond crazy about him; I now live for my weekends away with him where I escape being a mum and pretend I'm 21 again. Oh and the balls! I sometimes secretly wish I'd met this man 20 years ago. Oh well.

So here it is, an absolutely pointless, late-night post from someone who has the school run and work in the morning and should be fast asleep, but is instead perusing this board and realising just how f**g good it was to make all those tough decisions last year.

That is all xxxxxx

thisgirlruns Mon 07-Mar-16 00:57:53

Oh dear. Just read that back and realised it looks like I'm getting over-excited about his testicles. They are lovely, but I was, obviously, referring to the dancing/eating/dodgems & ice-sculptures posh dos. Having never had an occasion to wear a full length evening dress before, I like this Very Much Indeed. Xxx

whatdoIget Mon 07-Mar-16 01:00:44

Hahaha! He sounds great, hope you continue to be happy, balls and all smile

madwomanbackintheattic Mon 07-Mar-16 01:28:52

I did lol at the balls. But having spent many years as an RAF officer, I knew what you meant lol.
Good luck with this one.

ToastedOrFresh Mon 07-Mar-16 02:37:40

Go for it. I'm glad you are happy, hope it continues.

I attended a Mess Ball back in Summer 1990 with the soldier I was dating. I had a nice time in a tent in Minden, Germany. Oh, alright it was a Marquee but the rain poured down outside.

No.1 mess dress for him. Silk strapless cocktail dress purchased from Monsoon for me. Happy days. What happened ? We went to Greece for a row, came back not speaking to each other and decided to keep it that way. No loss, we were both pretty racked off with each other by then anyway.

I still have the photos. Not of the row, but me in my posh frock and him in his No.1 mess dress posed (I nearly typed pissed !) for a professional photo that evening with snow camouflage netting around us by way of decoration.

thisgirlruns Mon 07-Mar-16 09:41:38

madwoman he spent a lot of time telling me why I shouldn't get involved with him. Lifestyle, never available, always moving, unpredictable, owned by the force etc. (he is only 2 years in - career change!) Told me most relationships in the RAF are doomed. He is probably quite right, and it's definitely challenging. But for now, unconventional is absolutely fine, and a million miles away from what I had!

Toasted happy days? Sounds like it wasn't meant to be, at least. Having never owned a ball dress in my life, I am now glued to Monsoon/House of Fraser websites etc. at sales time.

madwomanbackintheattic Mon 07-Mar-16 14:53:09

In 16 years I saw way more civilian marriages come unraveled than military ones. I'm trying to recall even one RAF marriage that ended and coming up empty... Must have been my fantastic management skills, natch wink

In fact even in our extended military friendship group, only one couple has split (army). In some instances, I think the military makes people work harder for their relationships - you can't get complacent about anything, so everything is constantly under review iykwim.

I haven't seen the actual stats for a while, (I know that the separation rates are higher) but personally speaking, it isn't as widespread as it is often made out to be.

Have fun anyway - if he's only two years in, there's an awful lot of very boring postings ahead...

ToastedOrFresh Mon 07-Mar-16 19:33:31

this girl runs -

Yeah, happy days. I seem to have fond memories of that time rather than that person. Selfish much ? smile We wanted different things out of life. So you're right, it wasn't to be.

For the record, the silk dress I wore I had purchased 2 years previously in 1988 for my first ever company dinner dance at Christmas at the invitation of the company where I was working at the time. I felt so grown up.

Stupidly I didn't store the dress properly and it got sun damaged. I kicked myself when I realised my mistake of leaving it on a hook on the back of my bedroom door when I should have put it in the wardrobe for all those years. There's kind of no going back from sun damage. I did toy with the idea of dyeing it a darker shade of it's original colour to take care of the sun damage, but FWIW I might as well get a new dress. So, I gave it to a charity shop.

Nevermind, I believe Monsoon are still in business......

I purchased a dress in a similar style from a charity shop. It was strapless with 'bones' going up the sides of the dark blue velvet bodice and the full skirt was blue and black with flecks of reflective gold colour in it. Would have been sold brand new in much the same era as I bought my dress from Monsoon. I last wore it at a formal, 'black tie do' with my husband several years ago. (We looked like a 'power couple', just for the evening mind !)

The dress didn't owe me anything when in turn I gave it away.

Hope you find something fabulous in Monsoon/House of Fraser, and have a fabulous time, um, with or without it on ! blush

just how f**g good it was to make all those tough decisions last year.

Thank you. Totally unrelated circumstance but that remark really resonated with me. We have made the tough decision/s. Following through with them will be where the mental/emotional toughness kicks in. Fortunately, my husband and I are on the same page for this. I'll just say, we plan to be home in time for Christmas.

lucyjordon Mon 04-Apr-16 21:25:42

Really madwoman? I'm surprised. I left a ten year abusive marriage to an Army WO three years ago and have never looked back. Almost all the military friends I am still in touch with on facebook are now separated/divorced. In fact at one posting there were a group of 6 of us who were particularly good friends and we are all divorced from the partners we had at that time (8 - 10 years ago)! Out of the ones that are still together, probably half of those are now doing it unaccompanied. It's noticeably a much higher split rate than my civvie friends.

scaryteacher Wed 13-Apr-16 11:54:28

I think more of our group remained married than divorced. I know of 4 marriages that broke up in the time my husband was in (he retired in 2014), and most of us have made it to the 25 if not 30 year plus mark.

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