I'm slow-cooking porn and it's gone sort of sweet and aniseedy?

(232 Posts)

I just browned it and bunged it in a cock pot with half a bubble of wine, load of vegetable stock, garlic, chilli, thyme, celery, onion, carrots and chorizo about 5. 5 hours ago. I'm a pork vinegar so might have done something wrong.

Any ideas of something I can add to make it a bit less sweet? Am contemplating soya sauce or paprika?

TIM!

colditz Wed 03-Apr-13 17:40:05

ROOOOOOOARRRRRRRR!,!

TaggieCampbellBlack Wed 03-Apr-13 17:40:05

confused

coffeeinbed Wed 03-Apr-13 17:40:05

hmm

coffeeinbed Wed 03-Apr-13 17:40:33

Cock pot sounds about right.

TweenageAngst Wed 03-Apr-13 17:41:05

Best typo ever grin

ProfYaffle Wed 03-Apr-13 17:41:06

<snort>

saintmerryweather Wed 03-Apr-13 17:41:08

Arf!

CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 03-Apr-13 17:41:24

Hahahahahaha.

I wouldn't slow-cook porn in a cockpot...but it sounds like it should be anything but sweet!

LizzieVereker Wed 03-Apr-13 17:41:32

Oh no, has it gone all limp and sticky? wink

I hate aniseedy porn. How big is your cock pot? grin

MrsJaqenHgar Wed 03-Apr-13 17:41:48

Slow cooked porn in a cock pot?

Suddenly I'm not hungry.

CecyHall Wed 03-Apr-13 17:43:06

That op is the most full of awesome I've ever read

AAAAAG! blush blush

nevergoogle Wed 03-Apr-13 17:43:36

snort.

ClaraOswald Wed 03-Apr-13 17:44:42

absolutely pmsl.

poppymagnum Wed 03-Apr-13 17:44:45

Excellentgrin

I'm not going to get any real advice now am I <sob>

Thinking about slow-cooking the fucking iPhone. Although I've spent all this time teaching it not to correct me when I do a swear

FairyJen Wed 03-Apr-13 17:45:25

Rofl! grin

World class typos there!

Maat Wed 03-Apr-13 17:45:40

You should be on Masterchef.

Cooking doesn't get saucier than this!! grin

HootShoot Wed 03-Apr-13 17:46:06

Bow chikka wow wow! Lucky Mr mermaid!

MrsJaqenHgar Wed 03-Apr-13 17:46:38

You can tell a lot about a person by their autocorrect wink grin

MmeLindor Wed 03-Apr-13 17:46:50

Is your cock pot too small perhaps? The porn does need a bit of room for the aroma to develop properly.

coffeeinbed Wed 03-Apr-13 17:47:23

I do wonder what you usually type OP.
I do!

Definitely the best typo ever!

peanutbear Wed 03-Apr-13 17:47:57

I was crying until I read this after a really hard day. Now I'm crying laughing thank you

KnockKnockKnockPenny Wed 03-Apr-13 17:48:04

I suggest starting a new thread with the correct title.

Personally I'd just be glad there wasn't a milky layer floating on the top.

Ahem.

CecyHall Wed 03-Apr-13 17:48:26

Sorry OP, I'm a pork vinegar myself so don't have any advice!

Maat Wed 03-Apr-13 17:48:35

Never mind OP - just down the other half bubble of wine and you'll feel better.

recall Wed 03-Apr-13 17:49:42

grin

I knew the blasted iPhone would be my downfall grin

Time to namechange AGAIN

MrsKwazii Wed 03-Apr-13 17:50:05

I have no advice, just want to grin

NotSoNervous Wed 03-Apr-13 17:50:28

Brilliant grin

woozlebear Wed 03-Apr-13 17:50:53

hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

pmsl

gone bright red and convulsing so colleague doesn't ask what I'm laughing at. Don't think I could face telling her!

grin grin

Xiaoxiong Wed 03-Apr-13 17:51:04

I like the cut of your jib MermaidAvenue, you've clearly been giving your iPhone autocorrect a proper seeing-to education.

ANYWAY, someone tell me what to do about my sweet porn!

thornrose Wed 03-Apr-13 17:51:34

grin grin grin

MadBraLady Wed 03-Apr-13 17:51:44

BAAAAAAHAHAHA!

fluffywhitekittens Wed 03-Apr-13 17:51:53

Maybe you'd be better off trying pulled pork?

uktv.co.uk › Good Food Channel › Recipes
Rating: 3.6 - 325 reviews - 5 hrs 55 mins
Get your teeth into the Hairy Bikers' meltingly tender and juicy pulled pork recipe with a deeply flavoured smoky crust.

rubyrubyruby Wed 03-Apr-13 17:51:57

grin

MadBraLady Wed 03-Apr-13 17:51:59

Wait, what does "TIM!" mean? How is he involved?

SantanaLopez Wed 03-Apr-13 17:52:15

Roaring laughing grin

Cock pot just about finished me off <weeps>

LazyMonkeyButler Wed 03-Apr-13 17:52:28

Who's Tim? What part does he play in the porn-cock pot scene?

Or maybe I don't want to know grin.

Sorry, but it is funny though grin.

Xiaoxiong Wed 03-Apr-13 17:52:35

NOOOO don't namechange!!! I want to see your name on threads and think "ooh it's MermaidAvenue, she is a total LEGEND what with her cockpot and aniseedy porn".

You're going to be infamous for your pornfood as opposed to your foodporn.

BooCanary Wed 03-Apr-13 17:52:36

grin

Great OP, OP.
No advice sorry, I only use Coke when I put my porn in the cock pot. And I like it sweeeeeeet.

herhonesty Wed 03-Apr-13 17:52:37

I'm not joking this made me laugh so much I think I may have split my c section stitches!

Merrylegs Wed 03-Apr-13 17:52:46

<Applauds>.

(Who's Tim?)

glorious Wed 03-Apr-13 17:52:49

thanks you've cheered me up too grin

Not sure what you should do for sweetness but for over salting you can add potatoes and cook then remove potatoes. No idea if that'd work for sweetness.

dingit Wed 03-Apr-13 17:52:51

i would recommend some prickprika myself.

Allalonenow Wed 03-Apr-13 17:53:43

grin

MadBra, that was supposed to be T I A... Clearly my phone thinks I'm talking dirty about Tim in IT again [wink&

MadBraLady Wed 03-Apr-13 17:53:49

You are so in the weekly round-up.

MmeLindor Wed 03-Apr-13 17:54:24

I'd go with balsamic vinegar maybe.

SminkoPinko Wed 03-Apr-13 17:54:26

I think it's all gone wrong and sexy because you are a pork vinegar.

BooCanary Wed 03-Apr-13 17:54:32

Think I've cracked it OP - you need more than one bubble of wine!

Maat Wed 03-Apr-13 17:55:29

I missed the TIM bit.

<actually weeping with laughter now>

Please don't namechange OP. This will go down as a classic and you have made slow cooking actually interesting.

CarpeVinum Wed 03-Apr-13 17:55:36

grin

If there is a forum equivilent of "Damn You Autocorrect" this surely would be in the top ten.

dingit Wed 03-Apr-13 17:55:42

is the symptoms of the std from that pork scratchings?

sjupes Wed 03-Apr-13 17:56:36

Ha! grin

totally unhelpful but oh my god haha

Thanks fluffy I might have to try Hairy Bikers Pulled Porn next time grin

MadBraLady Wed 03-Apr-13 17:57:03

Oh god, NOBODY with stitches or respiratory problems or less than an hour to spare google "Damn You Autocorrect". You have been warned.

"I'm a pork vinegar" <arf>

Actually I'm chuckling at the explosive TIM at the end now too grin

shallweshop Wed 03-Apr-13 17:58:15

Love it grin. Can work out most of what you meant to say but not the pork vinegar bit??

Love the porn in the cock pot

What does "im a pork vinegar" mean, the mind boggles

MadBraLady Wed 03-Apr-13 17:58:44

TIIIIIIIM! <subsides>

Love the porn in the cock pot

What does "im a pork vinegar" mean, the mind boggles

It was supposed to be pork virgin! The one even slightly sexual term in the whole thing and the phone makes it about ingredients. <sign>

thornrose Wed 03-Apr-13 18:00:12

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

TiredFeet Wed 03-Apr-13 18:00:31

Shaking with laughter here grin

Hmm maybe try turning up the heat a little bit. Let it get nice and hot and steamy

Maat Wed 03-Apr-13 18:01:26

It would have been even funnier if it had left the "I'm a pork virgin" in.

grin

fuckwittery Wed 03-Apr-13 18:03:45

Did you mean to say "I'm a pork VIRGIN" rather than vinegar?

Your phone is so rude it refuses to write virgin!

poor Tim, his porn got rid of, his cock in a pot and his sweet virginal love has turned into a vinegary old hag who only serves bubbles of wine

monsterchild Wed 03-Apr-13 18:05:12

Yes to more wine!
Don't name change, I too want to think happy sweet porn thoughts when I see you posting again!

MadBraLady Wed 03-Apr-13 18:05:37

Ah, tis that many years since I were a pork virgin.

MrsRandom78 Wed 03-Apr-13 18:11:13

I can't breathe for laughing!!

WildeRumpus Wed 03-Apr-13 18:13:14

This thread is hilarious. I have had a shit day and this has made me laugh my head off smile thank you!

balia Wed 03-Apr-13 18:14:01

Crying and my stomach hurts.

Brilliant!

ChozRa Wed 03-Apr-13 18:16:47

I have tears streaming down my face, I'm laughing so hard! DD aged 2 just came over and hugged me because she thought I was really crying! Maybe balsamic vinegar or something might help? Hope it turns out ok grin

sparkle12mar08 Wed 03-Apr-13 18:17:11

This has to be a contender for classics, surely?! I'm weeping with laughter here!

mum23girlys Wed 03-Apr-13 18:20:27

grin

Bluelightsandsirens Wed 03-Apr-13 18:21:47

Help!

My neighbour thinks I've lost it for real out loud laughing whilst standing on my drive reading my phone?

It's windy out here, my eyes are streaming!

VerySmallSqueak Wed 03-Apr-13 18:27:37

I love you OP.
grin

anklebitersmum Wed 03-Apr-13 18:30:49

grin thank you thank you thank you..after a thoroughly crap day I am laughing fit to bust summat whilst humming 70's pork music

<ba ba ba ba baaaaaam bam bam bam ba baaaam>

Kveta Wed 03-Apr-13 18:31:47

I almost want to get an iPhone now, to see what wonderful autocorrects it could come up with grin

BoyMeetsWorld Wed 03-Apr-13 18:33:18

Best. Post. Ever.

That is all grin

BoyMeetsWorld Wed 03-Apr-13 18:34:02

Ps ) TIM!!!!!!

Well I STILL don't know what to do with my aniseedy pin <grumble> but I feel a whole lot better about my cooking fail that it's made so many of you snorts grin

Am now in the bath with the other half of the bubble

Still18atheart Wed 03-Apr-13 18:35:18

Hahahahahaha

grin grin grin grin

AllPurposeNortherner Wed 03-Apr-13 18:36:10

WHAT?!! Pin?

I love autocorrect posts

MyCatIsAStupidBastard Wed 03-Apr-13 18:36:46

Just brilliant. I think i love iPhones

grin

MyCatIsAStupidBastard Wed 03-Apr-13 18:39:17

Pin????

It gets better. This is definitely up there with the Big Shit epic title fail!

tribpot Wed 03-Apr-13 18:40:42

TIM! <wipes tears from eyes>

SantanaLopez Wed 03-Apr-13 18:41:34

Is Tim enjoying the bath with you? grin

PORN not pin [angey]

Jesus

SantanaLopez Wed 03-Apr-13 18:44:48

OP you are fabulous. I love you.

holstenlips Wed 03-Apr-13 18:45:39

Ive done a wee seriously funny Mermaid!

Potterer Wed 03-Apr-13 18:51:50

This is the best thread EVER grin

Happiestinwellybobs Wed 03-Apr-13 18:55:44

Indeed the best thread ever! Absolutely hilarious grin

ProcessYellowC Wed 03-Apr-13 18:57:28

SNORT! grin

Please don't get angey

Blatherskite Wed 03-Apr-13 19:04:37

Absolutely a classics contender. DH wants to know why I'm silently shaking with laughter grin

MrsShrek3 Wed 03-Apr-13 19:05:17

pmslgrin

ControlGeek Wed 03-Apr-13 19:08:47

OP, I have just had to read this out aloud to DP because he wanted to know why I was howling with tears running down my face. Thank you for the much needed (though unintended) laughs.

MrsShrek3 Wed 03-Apr-13 19:09:05

depends if you like your porn soft wink wink

This is the best thing I've ever read on here!!!

FeijoaVodkaAndCheezels Wed 03-Apr-13 19:32:02

I shall hence forth never say Thanks again, but instead says TIM. grin

TIM for the laugh.

sjupes Wed 03-Apr-13 19:44:13

TIIIIIIM!

You wouldn't like me when I'm angey confused

aufaniae Wed 03-Apr-13 19:45:37

Mermaid please don't feel you need to namechange!

This thread is brilliant. I've had a bit of a rubbish day and it's really cheered me up, TIM grin

Maat Wed 03-Apr-13 19:47:42

Unless you change your name to TIM grin

SarahLundKicksAss Wed 03-Apr-13 19:48:38

Just smudged my mascara reading this thread!

Is Tim a bit like Tak? (that one's for Borgen/ Killing fans!)

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 03-Apr-13 19:49:31

Love it! Bloody fantastic.

BCBG Wed 03-Apr-13 19:53:24

We're being a touch acidic - she's a porn vinegar, as she said grin

Passmethecrisps Wed 03-Apr-13 19:55:39

This is brilliant! I started reading this just as I was about to pop to the loo. Full bladder, weak pelvic floor and aniseedy porn has just about done me in.

Awesome!

LegoAcupuncture Wed 03-Apr-13 19:57:54

Cracking thread!

Maybe you could serve then with some minge? grin

Onetwothreeoops Wed 03-Apr-13 19:58:07

Brilliant! Thanks Mermaid you've really brightened up the food/recipes section, I'm giggling away here grin

fluffywhitekittens Wed 03-Apr-13 20:01:30

I DARE anyone to google Tim porn pork and click on any of the links shock

fluffywhitekittens Wed 03-Apr-13 20:05:17

Maybe this product would help your problem Mermaid?

AThingInYourLife Wed 03-Apr-13 20:06:31

Best thread EVAR! grin

Rindercella Wed 03-Apr-13 20:06:54

Thank you Mermaid for your hilarious OP and others for your responses. I was feeling a bit pants and this thread has had me crying with laughter grin

DianaTrent Wed 03-Apr-13 20:10:56

Ha ha ha ha ha, brilliant typo OP!

Bluelightsandsirens Wed 03-Apr-13 20:11:10

Fluffy I give you this google image.

Mermaid you cannot ever namechange!

This is the best thread I have read in a long time, just had a propper laugh at it all!

Brilliant, just brilliant

Timetoask Wed 03-Apr-13 20:17:03

Omg cannot stop laughing!!!,!!!!!!

shock st the cock with added protein !

Sailormercury Wed 03-Apr-13 20:21:04

I will accept that challenge fluffy white kitten grin

HappyDogRedDogToss Wed 03-Apr-13 20:22:29

grin

Sailormercury Wed 03-Apr-13 20:29:09

Right I'm back!
I googled it and the first thing that came up was "Tim VonSwine's hardcore porn bbq, its fucking time!" Srsly.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs Wed 03-Apr-13 20:32:49

Ha ha ha pmsl!

YokoUhOh Wed 03-Apr-13 20:36:58

I can imagine TIM! being barked ad infinitum, in an Alan Partridge 'Dan' style smile OP I have cried proper, fat tears of mirth at this thread, it is hysterically funny thanks

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 03-Apr-13 20:56:49

you made my evening OP....grin

HappyDogRedDogToss Wed 03-Apr-13 21:01:20

My ex is/was a Tim. It is indeed a very satisfying name to whine yell in despair.

AllPurposeNortherner Wed 03-Apr-13 21:07:02

Haha, I only just noticed 'half a bubble of wine'

MrsJamin Wed 03-Apr-13 21:09:02

Crying with laughter here smile

Macdog Wed 03-Apr-13 21:10:03

I am crying with laughter at thread title and OP!!

jaggythistle Wed 03-Apr-13 21:20:34

I only just got my extremely snotty 11mo to sleep and I almost woke him up by crying and laughing on him. blush

Awesome typos OP!

grin

coppertop Wed 03-Apr-13 21:22:34

Tim, Angey, the Cock Pot, and slow-cooked porn.

What more could anyone ask for in a thread? grin

VitoCorleone Wed 03-Apr-13 21:24:08

Fucking hell that title and opening post just made me roar with laughter, fucking awesome

GeordieCherry Wed 03-Apr-13 21:30:22

Anyone over their due date should be signposted to this thread. My 33 week old bump & I love it grin

GinAndSlimlinePlease Wed 03-Apr-13 21:30:33

Your post had me snorting in laughter. On the train shock

porn in the cock pot grin

tigerlilygrr Wed 03-Apr-13 21:31:37

Reported and begged for this to be moved to classics. Thank you thank you thank you OP!

pepperrabbit Wed 03-Apr-13 21:33:45

grin
That's all, just grin

Classics needs a whole new section on typos. This, the rinsed minge and the Arts and Crafts poster desperate for info on acquiring a Big Shit are threads that just keep on giving. grin

Manchesterhistorygirl Wed 03-Apr-13 21:38:24

Surely this has to go on autocorrect damn you.com

dinkystinky Wed 03-Apr-13 21:38:43

Roar at the OP. I dread to think what you are having on the side - boiled vag perhaps??

MeAndMySpoon Wed 03-Apr-13 21:39:34

PLEASE don't namechange, Mermaid! You are now a legend and we all love you. :-)

Lucyellensmum95 Wed 03-Apr-13 21:42:12

grin

lucysmam Wed 03-Apr-13 21:42:24

grin grin grin

and this dear reader is why autocorrect is the work of the devil grin

your op and title even had dp in stitches Mermaid!

skratta Wed 03-Apr-13 21:45:14

Thanks for cheering me up smile

VioletStar Wed 03-Apr-13 21:47:10

Made me larf so much I'm crying. Thanks Mermaid

StoickTheVast Wed 03-Apr-13 21:52:27

Mmmmmm, porn....

Ohhelpohnoitsa Wed 03-Apr-13 22:02:59

I cannot read past pg2. I am literally in fits of giggles, trying to stifle as cosleeping. Absolutley FAB - U - LOUS!

Furball Wed 03-Apr-13 22:05:05

Is it pork in side her cider?

Y'know, my sweet porn turned out rather well against all the odds...

fluffywhitekittens Wed 03-Apr-13 22:12:45

Bluelights I was a little scared to click on that smile

gallicgirl Wed 03-Apr-13 22:13:20

Still laughing at page 4. Don't think I'll ever manage to make a pork casserole ever again.

MadBraLady Wed 03-Apr-13 22:18:32

Yay for the successful sweet porn! Was it some kind of salty, viscous liquid that made all the difference?

<goes too far>

I remember the cheap minge thread, is that different from the rinsed minge thread? And can anybody provide me with a link to the Big Shit thread, because I can't see an advanced search on "Big Shit" working out too well? grin

AmandaPayntedEgg Wed 03-Apr-13 22:22:00

I have had a shit day. DH has just asked why I am shaking with laughter. It wasn't as funny out loud though...

You have made my night!

HotelFromage Wed 03-Apr-13 22:26:12

Mermaid, you should have your own cockery show.

Laughing like I have never laughed before grin Was it only me who thought of 'vinegar strokes' when discovering that Mermaid was a 'pork vinegar'?

Snowgirl1 Wed 03-Apr-13 22:41:20

Brilliant. Crying with laughter. Trying to read bits out to DH, but laughing too much.

Startail Wed 03-Apr-13 22:41:48

Thank you for making me cry with laughter, it's great to sea I'm knot the only one whose smelling goes all wanky.

grinwinewine

fengirl1 Wed 03-Apr-13 23:04:47

Oh dear! I only scanned your OP and completely missed the TIM part... Are you sure you only had half a bubble??? grin It's threads like this that keep me sane....

sashh Thu 04-Apr-13 06:37:40

Attention MNHQ - I vote this one for classics

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Thu 04-Apr-13 07:11:24

Too funny.

hazchem Thu 04-Apr-13 07:20:00

Best thread evergrin grin

Mermaid, you should have your own cockery show.

Oh fromage! Hahahahaha grin <helpless snorting> that just made me guffaw really loudly and it's so early in the morning!

Fab fab fab thread

k2togm1 Thu 04-Apr-13 07:47:11

I keep wondering if this is a dream... Best thread ever! Thanks for making my morning grin

notjustamummythankyou Thu 04-Apr-13 07:50:57

Brilliant! The children think I've gone mad as I sit here laughing at my phone.

A great start to the day grin

(and how was the porn from the cockpot? Did Tim like it hot?)

If I write a cockery book, I'll count on the power of MN to send it straight into the Bestsellers grin

Ohhelpohnoitsa Thu 04-Apr-13 09:12:17

Huge thanks to Mermaid and subsequent posters. I have a baby with d&v, had no sleep for days, done a chinese laundry amount if washinh and been generally feeling sorry for myself. I have been CRYING with laughter at this. I am going to have to show my dad because he loves wit - he will be hysterical. (will have to apologise for the really rude bits in advance) BEST THREAD EVER. EVER.

Izzybuzzybuzzybees Thu 04-Apr-13 10:42:03

Love it!

ChasedByBees Thu 04-Apr-13 10:46:37

Crying laughing here too grin

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Thu 04-Apr-13 10:47:42

gringringringringrin

vitaminC Thu 04-Apr-13 10:49:48

Oh wow! I don't think any thread has ever made me laugh so much grin
You need to submit this to www.damnyouautocorrect.com!

caramelwaffle Thu 04-Apr-13 10:53:39

Awwwww....grin grin

AND it's in the correct section

aroomofherown Thu 04-Apr-13 10:54:46

I can't stop cackling with tears running down my face! Hilarious typos, I can barely see I'm laughing so hard!! grin

caramelwaffle Thu 04-Apr-13 10:54:48

This section allows you to post pictures you do realise...

<INNOCENT FACE>

Portofino Thu 04-Apr-13 11:00:10

mmm. I like a bit of hot porn.

I am having this later.

ladyjadie Thu 04-Apr-13 11:30:27

This is all.. just perfect grin

SoupDragon Thu 04-Apr-13 11:31:55

[weeps]
[wheeze]

Oh this is fabulous....

SoupDragon Thu 04-Apr-13 11:37:32

I could make some comment about whether or not you got your cock pot filled with pork later on but I won't as it's far too rude.

MadBraLady Thu 04-Apr-13 11:39:31

What we all want to know in these thrifty times is did you have enough leftover porn to last a second night?

PanpiperAtTheGatesOfYawn Thu 04-Apr-13 11:42:39

mermaid another thank you from me. Proper rofls here.
The 'TIM!' at the end adds an element of delicious surreality to it all.

I'll clean your cockpot any time luv wink

BookieMonster Thu 04-Apr-13 11:50:20

grin]
A cold porn roll for packed lunch today?

BookieMonster Thu 04-Apr-13 11:50:37

FFS, grin

MadBraLady Thu 04-Apr-13 11:54:22

Sometimes I do a nice creamy risotto if I have leftover porn. <nods>

Portofino Thu 04-Apr-13 11:55:24

did my pic not work?

QueenFuri Thu 04-Apr-13 11:57:20

grin no advice just grin

MadBraLady Thu 04-Apr-13 12:02:40

There's going to be pictures on this thread now?

Mermaid! You've been tweeted!

TIM!

StuntNun Thu 04-Apr-13 13:16:49

I laughed so much I had an asthma attack. Along with the lady that thought she burst her stitches this thread is a health threat.

Made my day, cheers Mermaid.

Oh love you Mermaid!!!

was just about to start moaning about how unfair it is to be GMT+8 as we miss all the hilarious AIBU bunfights!

By the time you good people are on the wine we're recovering from it and unable to sift through 18 pages of it…..

This is way better than the newbie/moldie winge of late!

Mermaid - can you please post the recipe for your porn casserole - sweet, sticky porn sounds like something dh would love. I am not sure I should serve it to my teenage boys, though - that would be all sorts of wrong.

I came back to this thread too late to provide any practical advice - though maybe a bit of balsamic vagina would have reduced the sweetness of your porn? grin

SoupDragon Thu 04-Apr-13 13:50:30

This is a nice cock pot.

sexchuan pepper & cum-in maybe?

SDT!! Balsamic Vagina is ALL that was missing...

Oooh, Tweeted? <flutters>

I love how whenever I try to be funny it falls totally flat. Try and make a boring domestic fred about slowcooking and bang - I'm on Twitter grin

Try and make a boring domestic fred about slowcooking and bang - I'm on Twitter

Shouldn't that be slowcocking ?

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Thu 04-Apr-13 15:42:11

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA! grin

Oh yes, slowcocking...

jammiecat Fri 05-Apr-13 13:00:04

This thread is fantastic.

Personally I think you should name change to:

sweetporninacockpot or similar. Would have us laughing all over again every time you posted grin

AngelWreakinHavoc Fri 05-Apr-13 13:08:39

This is brilliant, I cant stop laughing! grin

Lucyellensmum95 Fri 05-Apr-13 13:15:48

Did the OP ever get a sensible answer????

UmBongo Fri 05-Apr-13 14:19:35

I don't think so, but she has cheered so many of us up grin

..and OP has made the Talk Round Up grin

All I can think of to say is that I hope you added a knob of butter.....

This thread has had me laughing so hard I've had to read it all to DH! He actually stopped working to listen!!

Absolutely brilliant on so many levels! Thank you for making a really crappy day have a brighter ending (literally in the case of this thread it would seem!).

sapphirestar Fri 05-Apr-13 19:00:09

I've come across so many hilarious threads today, is it something about Fridays on MN? This had made my dd ask for at least the third time 'have you found some more funny writing on your computer mummy?'
Yes dd, yes I have grin
Legend!

erowid Sat 06-Apr-13 13:05:52

AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA ! Fabulous! grin

GW297 Sat 06-Apr-13 13:11:45

So funny!!!

MaureenMLove Sat 06-Apr-13 13:25:15

Wonderful! MN at it's very finest & best! I've been lurking away for far too long and finally I'm laughing again!

Mermaid - you are a legend and must never, ever change your name!

Taffeta Sun 07-Apr-13 07:42:41

TIM! Actually has me crying with laughter grin

Bunbaker Sun 07-Apr-13 07:45:12

Can't you turn predictive text/autocorrect off?

SoupDragon Sun 07-Apr-13 07:48:56

Turn it off?? Where's the fun in that?

caramelwaffle Sun 07-Apr-13 08:53:46

Turn it off!? No! No! No! grin

Oh, thank fuck I've finally got DS asleep. I was laughing so damn hard he kept popping off the boob to look at me and join in. grin

droopytulip Sun 07-Apr-13 19:30:31

Oh my Lordy. Fabulous just fabulous grin

Chockyeggpants Sun 07-Apr-13 20:44:40

Mumsnet HQ could this be moved into Classics?

tigerlilygrr Sun 07-Apr-13 21:11:46

I've reported it and Olivia said it would be referred to the classics nomination committee (now there's a fun job if ever I heard one).

TIM!

I'm dying!

I very rarely laugh out loud, but I'm creasing and reading it all out to dh
grin

MrsAceRimmer Sun 07-Apr-13 23:21:09

I've asked for it to be put into Classics too.
grin
TIM

DeafLeopard Mon 08-Apr-13 00:24:59

It's too late to read the whole thread so I'll just mark my place for a giggle tomorrow

I've just read this and laughed so much, a little bit of wee came out! Thank you.

themidwife Wed 17-Apr-13 16:03:24

It's not your month is it Mermaid?!! smile

themidwife Wed 17-Apr-13 16:14:52

Check out Mermaid's new one about the balloons everyone! Even better!!
She is a legend!! gringringringrin

themidwife Wed 17-Apr-13 16:15:41

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1734307-SHITTY-SHITTY-FUCKFUCK-HORRifying-delivery-mixup

PearlyWhites Wed 17-Apr-13 16:38:07

grin best thread I have read in ages

So, so funny. I'm howling!! grin

Mermaid you are indeed a legend!

THE SHAME

It definitely is not my month... grin

Shaky Wed 17-Apr-13 21:00:36

Mermaid I have a fractured rib and am now in agony from laughing.

<goes off to take more painkillers>

I think I love you though!

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