Hey all, having the same issues...have an 18 month old DD who is refusing everything...about a week ago was happily tucking into pasta, risotto all by herself. Now she won't touch anything. She know she will get yog and fruit and sometimes rice pudding so that she is full so just refuses her main meal...its just getting into screaming matches and i lose it as am 5 months preg and emotional..REading all these posts it seems I'm not the only one and have taken things on board..I'm only worried about her losing weight.

sequin, I have a 16mth old who is my DC4 so you'd think I'd be used to all kinds of toddler behaviour but it still sometimes gets to me when food is refused.
The best advice I can give is the hardest to follow but looking at my now strapping older DCs I can see that a few missed meals or repetitions of menus really won't do him any harm at all in the long run so taking a deep breath and just accepting it is the way to go.
Could you maybe give him the things he likes at breakfast and then for the other meals just give him what you're having then you don't need to make any extra effort and the annoyance factor is reduced if it goes uneaten.
My 16mth old is actually a really good eater which I think is partly luck of the draw but is also helped by eating with the other DCs at breakfast and tea time where the wish to join in overrides fighting about food. I know you don't have other DCs but maybe you have your meals with your DC - I know its a bit restricting but most children want to feel more grown up iykwim.

Aah thanks for replying, I am a first time mum and its great to get some advice from other mums.

Just wondered Sarraburd, did you see my update a bit further down as a new post'16months mealtimes a nightmare - UPDATE'

would be really interested to hear your thoughts.

Thanks again.

Also think 16 months is quite young to have traditional adult hot meals - that may take a while to come, mine were more like two and a half...

I think you don't want it to get to the screaming point or it will maybe become a food problem - I used to deal with it by offering something like yoghurt/banana/fruit for pudding after the main meal so that I would know they weren't hungry. I never made an issue over how little they'd had of the previous and now they eat most things that they rejected then!

Yes, be firm on the treats though (maybe start keeping things you are happy for him to have in the cupboard that used to have the treats!)(I didn't have any treats in the house so removed the temptation that way...)

Yes, if you stand firm he knows that what you offer him is what he gets; and my offering several "courses" you know that he will eat enough over the whole meal to be fine. And yes fine to take toast of the menu if he's taking the alternatives too!

Glad it's going a bit better!

Hi

I meant to add that by taking toast off the menu it wasnt that I was leaving him with nothing that he liked as he would still get his brekkie which he loves and sandwiches for one of the meals plus yoghurts/ fruit pots so he wont starve. Just didnt want it to look like I was bein a really mean mummie
x

Hi

Thanks you SO much to everyone for sharing their experiences/advise, I really appreciate it as it times like this you feel you are the only going through it.

We had a bit of a better day yesterday, I have found that DS will refuse his meal then 10 minutes later be pointing and crying at the cupboard that holds all the bread/puddings/biscuits etc so I decided to empty out the cupboard and move the goodies to new places and when he refused his sausage casserole I ask if he he wanted to get down and took him out of his high chair, he then went straight to cupbaord asking for toast etc so I showed him it was empty and was 'all finished' he then played for a bit and was asking for food so took him back to his high chair re-offered the casserole he did put up a bit of a protest but went on and he ate it.

So I was thinking I would keep the secret goodies elsewhere and perhaps take toast off the menu for a few days as that is what he keeps asking for and see how I go as I have a feeling he always knows that he will get toast at some point in the day so refuses other foods.

Tonight I picked DS up from nursery he ate most of his sheperds pie for lunch which is the first hot meal all week but refused his tea there which was scrambled egg (usally loves it), he subsequently started pointing to the cupboard as soon as we got home asking for food and I held firm showed it was empty and basically we had a 40 minute tantrum until it was time for bed. It was heartbreaking to see him get so upset and almost hyperventilating but I knew he just wanted a biscuit as he had skipped tea.

Do you think this is the right way to handle it, I am hoping that I might have a couple of difficult days and then he might realise he only get offered what he is offered and there is no alternative.

Thanks again for listening x

(forgot to say re above: main thing is not to let it become a food issue, or nip in bud if it's starting to become one)

Couple of books I found helpful (your local library will probably have them) are Toddler Taming, and What to Expect: the Toddler Years.

Just had a quick flick through for you and other points they had were:

- worth remembering alot of adults won't eat a huge variety/have strong likes/dislikes even of things others find quite normal eg my brother absolutely loathes bananas! It might just be how he is
- my figure of ten is probably on the low side! Both books say toddlers might need to try/be exposed to things dozens of times
- toddlers are v resistant to change; "familiarity breeds content" - so it's not a suprise it takes a while to like something new
- they might want to play with the food/mush it up/see you eat it dozens of times before actually eating any of it
- try putting same thing out several days in a row and then it will start to become familiar and he might eat it

Good luck!

Also agree try not to show your frustration as if he can see it gets him negative attention that will probably encourage him to persist.

I think probably a control thing rather than fussy eating, since he is happy to eat a variety in different situations and he seems to mainly do this with you.

My first (DD) did similar and so did her cousin - try and stay calm it will come right in the end! She is now four and a half and still isn't that into traditional hot meals - sometimes will eat a roast dinner, sometimes won't.

Some thoughts after what we went through:
- no point entering a food war with a toddler, they will always win and it's distressing all round
- if you add up every bite he eats in snacks etc in between meals (eg box of raisins etc) he is probably having enough
- babies are much less fussy than toddlers, something to do with protection against them accidentally ingesting poisins once they get more mobile
- also toddlers need much less food proportionately than babies as rate of growth is much reduced (can't remember what age this is, but basically food consumption slows down dramatically suddenly)
- they have to try something about ten times to accept it, hence why he sometimes will and sometimes won't have stuff - still going through acceptance phase for that particular thing so keep at it if he's enjoyed it once chances are he will in the longterm take it
- if he has stuff out and about, can you try doing picnics in the park in this nice weather for his supper?? WIth whatever the hot thing is lukewarm (agree that my kids seem to prefer stuff rather disgustingly tepid!)
- have you tried pasta? Most toddlers seem to love it, especially with lots of cheese! My niece went through a phase when it was literally all she would eat, and only with butter and cheese no other sauces
- my DS will eat almost anything from my plate, but won't try new stuff too willingly from his own - so perhaps worth sitting down giving him sandwich etc and then in front of yourself having what you actually want him to have and see what happens
- I have discovered that my DD is basically what they call a "food purist" ie she doesn't particularly like her food mixed up, she prefers it to be kept individual (hates anything like quiche, scrambled egg, stews etc unless you then divide the stew into its individual components!)
- does he like fruit?? If so can get nutriants into him that way (or smoothies?)

Good luck you will get there in the end!