I thought I was tougher than this, but I am so tearful

(200 Posts)
YouOldSlag Wed 20-Feb-13 19:35:10

Right away I know I am pathetic. I love Mumsnet and its a big part of my life. many posters have given me a spring in my step just by agreeing with me or quoting me, or just by being wise or kind. Or making me laugh until tears flow. Or outlining an opinion I hadn't considered before.

However, and I know this is stupid, but I am being fucking macerated over the manner of how I got engaged on the "People who plan to "Get engaged" thread.

I cannot believe how nasty it has got. I have got really good at hiding threads that upset me in the past, but this one has actually made me go shaky.

I just feel stupid and thought I was better at holding my own, but I feel outnumbered over something so silly. DH and I went to Paris to "get engaged" and that very act has been labelled pathetic and meaningless. It was such a lovely memory for us and it's had me in tears that it has been called "meaningless" and "pathetic".

I'll have to leave as it's actually made me jumpy and lose confidence about posting. Not flouncing, just feel so shaken and daft to even feel that way.

0blio Wed 20-Feb-13 19:38:59

You're not daft.

I haven't read the thread but your engagement plans sound absolutely lovely. Treasure those memories and forget about rude nasty posters who forget they are speaking to people with feelings on here.

Foggles Wed 20-Feb-13 19:41:55

Not seen the thread but we also got engaged in Paris. Is there something I should know? confused

I'm really sorry that anybody has made you feel this way. Could you take a little break? It would be such a shame if you have enjoyed Mumsnet and it has been a big part of your life.

Why let some mindless idiots spoil this for you?

foxache Wed 20-Feb-13 19:42:29

I haven't read your thread, but please don't feel upset over this. Soon you'll realise it makes you a bit harder to things on here, but in a good way.

I've had a very very minor piss-taking and was surprised how much it affected me, God knows how a flaming must feel. It's amazing how people will pile in. I've seen flamings to other people and on screen they seem to handle it well, it must be different behind the scenes. You're not being stupid, it's really emotional!

JustCallMeFish Wed 20-Feb-13 19:43:21

I think most mn'rs upset the majority at some point and go on the receiving end of flack.

It doesn't mean you're wrong, inadequate or anything.

You have an opinion and you make decisions. Not everyone will agree. That's their prerogative. Don't take it to heart.

I haven't read the thread, but some battles you just can't win. I've been on a couple and been flamed by dozens and dozens of posters on them. It's just the way mn can be.

Your life. Your memories. Your engagement.

Two fingers to those who upset you

Chottie Wed 20-Feb-13 19:44:33

I haven't read it either, your engagement sounds really romantic and just perfect! x.x.x. Congratulations

germyrabbit Wed 20-Feb-13 19:45:46

hide the thread, some people are just intent on posting to be contrary, think they probably don't have much else going on in their lives. it's dead odd and mn never used to be like it is now. i blame aibu

i imagine it's pretty fab to be taken to paris and speaking as someone who has been with their dp for 20 years with no marriage or engagement myself am dead envious! but certainly don't think it's meaningless in the slightest.

FlouncingMintyy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:46:18

Please don't worry about what a load of random strangers think of your engagement.

Hide the thread, dry your eyes, forget all about it.

Gintonic Wed 20-Feb-13 19:47:12

Unfortunately some people seem to need to constantly criticise others in order to feel good about themselves - it is the same in RL but at least in RL you can avoid those people.

I haven't read your thread but sorry that people have been horrible about something important to you.

YouOldSlag Wed 20-Feb-13 19:49:24

Thank you so much everyone. I can't tell you how much a comforting word was needed. I thought I could brazen it out, but others have waded in and I feel horrible. Thank you all so much.

Foggles, according to the thread, you are engaged from the very moment you agree that marriage is on the cards and if you then arrange for a down on one knee moment and a ring after that, then it is "pathetic" and "meaningless". And such marriages only last 12 months apparently.

We went to Paris with a ring, DH proposed as we knew he was going to, and it was a wonderful weekend.

I'm getting properly barbecued for it.

usualsuspect Wed 20-Feb-13 19:50:08

Hide the thread,there are a lot of posters on here that are nasty for the sake of it ATM. Dry your eyes have a glass of wine and fuck em.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 19:50:34

YOS - you aren't being pathetic. If you value being here, don't go. I didn't see your thread..But..the really big thing about RL and on-line is that in RL you get to choose who you converse with, largely, and whose opinions you hear. On-line you hear all sorts of stuff that just isn't part of your RL experience, and allow them to critique you for your choice. Really , be careful about what affects you and what doesn't.
fwiw getting engaged in Paris sounds utterly wonderful. Just don't let the bastards ( and prob. jealous bastards) grind you down.

YouOldSlag Wed 20-Feb-13 19:51:03

Thing is, it was seven years and two kids ago. You'd think it wouldn't matter so much now! But it does when under attack.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:51:44

The day im bothered by mn opinion on things i do, is a cold day in hell
Mn is myriad of opinion,good and bad.but none of which you need to actually take on
No one has sullied your precious memories,but you are getting self in state about sweet fa.it's words on a screen not a searing précis of you or your choices

Now stop moping, hide the thread

EstherRancid Wed 20-Feb-13 19:53:17

tell them to fuck off, maybe not on screen because someone will report it and then you'll have your post deleted and then you'll feel worse and, well just shout 'FUCK OFF', and feel better?

fwiw, i've got a terrible engagement story, poor DH, <wanders off to find thread>

CheerfulYank Wed 20-Feb-13 19:53:43

Awww, I think that sounds nice! Why would anyone care how you got engaged anyway?

Tell 'em to fuck right off! <pats shoulder sympathetically>

Your engagement is special to you, its your memories of starting on a journey and you did it in Paris. Thats pretty amazing. I will go to Paris someday when I can afford it and I cannot wait!

Please ignore that thread. People on here talk shit all the time.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Wed 20-Feb-13 19:59:13

I can't find any wedding / engagement threads.

As the others have said, don't give it another thought...I know that's easier said than done, but try and focus on your wonderful memories.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:59:37

Right enough arse kissing.you know it's daft to sweat it over what anyone thinks mn
I've been called terrible mutha,for babies in nursery ft, asked why had kids to leave em with strangers
But if you really can't hack it then yes do take break if mn affects you to adverse extent

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 19:59:59

Well, don't tell them to fuck off on the thread. As tempting as it may be. You'll just get some report-frenzy person reporting you. Just take great pleasure in saying it to yourself. Slowly and enunciating every syllable. grin

YouOldSlag Wed 20-Feb-13 20:00:10

I like your idea Esther! smile

Cheerful Yank- that's kind of what I said, but was told I thundered onto the thread and told everyone off.

Oh it's all gone wrong. I am greatly cheered by all your kindness.

JaquelineHyde Wed 20-Feb-13 20:00:29

I fully support the tell them to fuck right off brigade.

DH and I knew we were going to get married within a few weeks of meeting, for years I talked about when he was going to make it official and propose? Eventually he did and I knew it was coming.

If that makes me pathetic in some people's eyes then they clearly have very, very sad lives and need to get out more...Fuck 'em!

Foggles Wed 20-Feb-13 20:01:33

<links arms with YOS>

Bowlersarm Wed 20-Feb-13 20:01:57

I've seen the thread appearing on and off but haven't opened it. I've joined recently although have lurked for years and I don't feel brave enough to post a lot - it can be very very cruel at times it seems. Try and take a step back from that thread and still enjoy the areas of MN that you have been. The insulting idiots don't know you-fuck 'em!

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 20:02:35

Why care what arseholes think of your very lovely and personal plans, is what I say smile

Southeastdweller Wed 20-Feb-13 20:02:46

There's some morons on here that are best off ignored. It's bloody weird how some folks here get so riled up about innocuous things. My suggestion is to take a break for a day or too.

I feel that unless you happen to know the posters personally then it doesn't matter what they say, or at least it shouldn't.

Hope to enjoyed Paris. What a lovely memory.

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 20:02:49

There are eleventy billion ways of telling someone to fuck off. "Fuck off" is just one of them.

YouOldSlag Wed 20-Feb-13 20:03:07

LifeisBetter- it's on AIBU. I should have known better really! It's rough in there some days.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 20:03:49

No,people who think engagements are boaky not have sad life's.it's a different pov
And you need to robustly be able to all rub along on mn,with the robust pov
Fwiw, I do think engagements and dos arev omit inducing but hey ho.thats why I've never been engaged

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 20:05:30

So, that's sorted YOS. You're staying. Anything else after this is just attention-seeking.smile

wigglesrock Wed 20-Feb-13 20:07:03

Just ignore it, I know, I know easier said than done and I haven't read the thread.

I have 3 daughters and they all have very popular names that all end in the same letter - that seems to make me very dull, unimaginative and you'd think I could come up with "better" names for my children grin Say it with me "I don't give 2 shiney shites"!

MarkGruffalohohoho Wed 20-Feb-13 20:08:33

Cheer up youoldslag thanks This is not worth you sobbing over pet - assume you are having a shitty day ...hide the thread and have a brew
internet is not rl and i don't mean that in a snarky way - tis but words on a screen and difference of opinions. xx

Bluemonkeyspots Wed 20-Feb-13 20:08:37

It's amazing how brave rude some people get when sitting behind a computer screen.

Have a glass off wine and feel smug that you have the lovely memories to look back on.

YouOldSlag Wed 20-Feb-13 20:08:47

I'm staying but I'll switch off for a while and come back with a tougher hide. Thanks all. thanks

well i think it sounds lovely and romantic.

don't let some stupid thread ruin those beautiful memories for you. they're all just jealous. smile

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 20:12:37

"It's amazing how brave rude some people get when sitting behind a computer screen. " yep, exactement, mon ami.

have a nice break, YOS. It's a really good balancer.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 20:14:09

I don't think they're jealous in least, I think engagement simply isnt thrilling to everyone
And that's the mn rub,what's hugely significant to someone is boaky to someone else
And if you can genuinely understand that,and that you'll not convince otherwise you'll be grand

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 20:14:40

It is!

I have come back more balanced temporarily

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 20:15:37

shock at scottishmummy's soft side peeking out

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 20:17:10

I've seen sm's soft side peek out before. Photos are available.grin

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 20:17:45

They would be worth a fortune grin

eh BeerTricksBotter - which bit?

and no, i am not your mother. not unless you're 6yo. in which case you are a very talented child, and i'll be happy to adopt you.

almostanotherday Wed 20-Feb-13 20:20:42

My DH asked me to marry him via text message, yours is way better smile

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 20:21:24

It's all true, but I cannot speak of it,but would make jackie bird blush

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Wed 20-Feb-13 20:22:41

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops I'll take your 11 years and raise you 18 grin

I'm quite new to MN and find it bloodya little bit scary sometimes. Have already been told off once. Hope I can handle it.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 20:24:28

So talkin of engagements do folk ask for pressies and all that?
My granny used to go on about keeping a bottom drawer for when get hitched
Seeing I'm a dirty stop out never made it that far,no jeweler window for me

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 20:24:35


TheFallenNinja Wed 20-Feb-13 20:27:30

Never give up
Never surrender

lljkk Wed 20-Feb-13 20:27:45

I haven't even read the Getting Engaged thread. Still not even tempted.

Yes it is amazing how a barney can blow up over nothing online. It's amazing we aren't all at each others constantly IRL.

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 20:29:45

I think they do ask for pressies,sm, or at least it's implied. My reaction is 'oh, good for you. Hope you'll be happy.' But me buying them a kitchen utensil won't contribute to their happiness, so I usually don't.
<could be my Scots intuitiveness about wasting money, tho'>

MrsDoomsPatterson Wed 20-Feb-13 20:29:49

Blimey, no wonder you're feeling a bit got at youold.

There are a few angry pieces over on the other fred and you seem to have copped it rather.

saycheeeeeese Wed 20-Feb-13 20:33:43

Just read ut, some very sad, bitter abd probably secretly jealous people on an extremely stupid thread.

YouOldSlag don't leave, I think how you got engaged sounds lovely and is actually very normal around my neck if the woods (I got engaged in front of a waterfall and I knew he was going to do it because we picked the ring together).

Just pick yourself up and move on.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 20:34:14

Indeed I'm disinclined to fork out for engagement pressie and wedding pressie
Unrelated thread was told no man would marry after I'd given away the milk
Apparently if you give away your dairy based assets no man will buy the cow

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect Wed 20-Feb-13 20:37:12

We got engaged 30 odd years ago,never did get round to getting married though.grin

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 20:37:23

Thanks BeerTricks grin

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 20:38:10

They're not jealous in least,nor are they in denial,or projecting.they think it's silly
But if it makes mn more bearable to use any of the jealous/denial/projecting off you go
On other hand,just think naw you're talkin out arse and don't get so het up

Foggles Wed 20-Feb-13 20:39:05

Your bottom drawer must be overflowing usual grin

Yama Wed 20-Feb-13 20:40:21

Dd spoiled the surprise by running into the kitchen wailing 'Daddy won't let me give you the ring!'

She was only 3. I was chopping onions. Lovely memory.

Don't let a bunch of dicks ruin yours.

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 20:40:27

i've heard it said, Foggles..

TheSecondComing Wed 20-Feb-13 20:40:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

i do think some people might be jealous of youoldslag for having such a lovely, thoughtful, romantic dp.

and also, i've noticed that when someone's bares a bit on mn, leaves themselves open to ridicule, then there's often someone to stick the knife in. not pretty.

it's easy to make fun of anything really. but to what end? and what purpose?

what's the bloody point? isn't life hard enough? pah

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 20:41:31

Cracking double entendre

I hope you've been able to tell them to Fuck off YOS. The nest of vipers can be awful, but the good still outweigh the bad. Time out and IRL can help make it better.

My DH proposed in a motel room fwiw. He'd found out I was pregnant a week or two earlier. DH is so romantic wink Your engagement sounds lovely!

lockets Wed 20-Feb-13 20:42:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.


pashapasta Wed 20-Feb-13 20:42:48

Wow, I've read that thread and the abuse you got was outrageous. People with axes to grind or bitter/jealous? I got engaged in Paris too!

pashapasta Wed 20-Feb-13 20:42:48

Wow, I've read that thread and the abuse you got was outrageous. People with axes to grind or bitter/jealous? I got engaged in Paris too!

ah but lockets, it wasn't just ANY food hall...

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 20:46:50

Some folks clearly think engagement is joyful etc.to others it's boaky schmaltz
Haven't read all thread,but if it's your significant memory it can't be altered by another pov
I think to do mn you need to rub along,accept different pov and no mn grudges,I never recall who said what anyhow

Growlithe Wed 20-Feb-13 20:48:36

That thread is horrible and sneery. OP FWIW your DH sounds really considerate, and your engagement sounds perfect.

I got engaged in the way those sneery posters think is ok. He proposed, in a grotty little club where we were having a late drink. We went and chose a ring together, and it had to be resized, so we picked it up a few days later. He took me for a coffee and put it on my finger. The whole thing was a bit meh. I was glad to be engaged of course but it was a bit of an anticlimax.

I'd rather have planned it with him and gone to Paris. smile

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Wed 20-Feb-13 20:48:43

Fuck 'em OP and hide AIBU for a while.

I have been told (not me personally, but from reading opinions on threads) that I am an utter shite of a person who everybody hates because amongst other things:

I love baby showers runs for the hills
I enjoy other people's weddings and don't mind giving money in place of a gift
I have had my baby scan picture as my FB profile pic <watches entire thread hoik bosom>
I allow my daughter to wear nail varnish
I don't shop and nor do I ever plan to shop, in Boden or Waitrose. Why would I unless I planned to tell everybody that that is where I chose to shop so they could all revel in my marvelousness? and I can't afford to so Matalan and Aldi it is

God, I could go on and on.

Don't sweat it. Honestly. Your engagement sounds lovely and I am very envious - how romantic.

My uncle proposed to my aunt on the balcony of a chalet, in the Alps, on New Years Eve <nawwwww>

I'm a sucker for romance.

Youold my dh did the bloody unmentionable of asking me just after make up sex after a row. It isn't exactly a tale for the dc!

You'll be ok, have a day off and come back, you'll be right. smile

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 20:51:51

DH proposed to me in a gondola in Venice..clichetastic!

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Wed 20-Feb-13 20:52:02

Growlithe that sounds like my engagement actually.

He's not from Crewe is he? wink

I got engaged in a blaze of anti-depressants, whilst recovering from a breakdown, having known him for 2 weeks. Was surprised when the relationship didn't last more than 6 weeks....after I made an utter tit of myself in front of all my friends and family who stood back with permanent shock faces, as their normally ordinary, sensible friend/relative acted like an alien!

I can laugh about it now......confused

icepole Wed 20-Feb-13 20:52:17

Bollocks to them. Not read the thread but I am jealous of your romantic engagement. Mine was like something out of a bad comedy.

ErikNorseman Wed 20-Feb-13 20:53:11

Really? Outrageous abuse? Overreaction much...OP you are taking it all way too personally. You volunteered your experience, which jarred with the general tenor of the thread, so you were disagreed with. Next time don't share so much. But don't take it so seriously.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 20:53:27

Indeedy,one person big spesh gesture is boaky to someone else.and so what
no I really don't think anyone is jealous of engagements,I largely agree it's boaky
But you know what mn is big enough for all pov and it'd be twee to all agree

<hoicks bosom> and what is wrong with Crewe?

I am from Nantwich <waits for jaw to drop>

Yama Wed 20-Feb-13 20:54:01

Thanks BeerTricks.

YouOld - this thread has brought back lovely memories for many of us. See? Don't let the dicks win.

harrietlichman Wed 20-Feb-13 20:56:46

OP you need a break from MN if that thread bothered you this much - that really wasn't a flaming, and why on earth would you give a shiny one what strangers think of your own, personal engagement? Let it go (and if you want to leave, leave...never really got the advertising on Flouncer's corner either...)

Have you seen this lovely vid? Makes me all mushy.

sing along proposal

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 20:58:56

Now you lot are over vehement and yo about engagement,bit too touchy I think
No ones jealous,no one crying into their single girl latte,just different stroke different folks
Mn doesn't boil down do doesn't agree with you=dick,jealous,denial.it really doesn't

I think they'd chew me up and spit me out over on that thread, Dh proposed on the orient express, and I loved it, and him for doing that, he knew I'd always wanted to go on it, like murder on the orient grin

Stuff em, they're just jealous.

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 21:00:19

if it helps, OP,a lot of posters get name-called. Sometimes it matters, sometimes it doesn't. It really doesn't say anything about you. <I know you are lurking..smile>

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Foggles Wed 20-Feb-13 21:01:12

I mentioned oop thread that we got engaged in Paris. It was 24 years ago and my significant memory is more to do with humour than romance.

I didn't know anything about the trip that DH had booked or his plans to propose <romantic>

He was going to propose over a champagne meal <romantic>

He had booked a table at the LIDO!! He swore he had never heard of the Bluebell Girls. We had a front row table and rather too much of a view of the titties & bumcracks.

He was shock

He "forgot" to propose.

Next day - he was going to propose at the top of the Eiffel Tower.

He thought it was Too Busy.

Long story short. We were in Paris for 3 days and he finally proposed in the park at the foot of the Eiffel Tower ONE HOUR before we were getting on the plane back.

We celebrated with a can of lager and a sandwich. grin

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 21:01:42

Scottishmummy..it is too late. .we have all seen that you secretly are a big mushydrawers

No no. It's me you should feel sorry for. No Paris here, I got engaged in Wetherspoons. Shoot me now.

You got the Seine, I got a chicken burger grin

Corygal Wed 20-Feb-13 21:04:49

Your engagement is beautiful!

Twats are one of life's side-effects, pah.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 21:05:43

Really you ladies just keep telling yourself all the unengaged are jealous,if it helps
alternatively,mn is odd microcosm were opinion never discussed in rl is elevated to histrionic heights
That's the pleasure,humour and frustration of mn -the sheer histrionics

Wishiwasanheiress Wed 20-Feb-13 21:05:53

I wish we had gone to Paris. I have wonderful memories of a weekend there with dh before he was dh....

We got engaged in a restaurant. It was beautiful. I wouldn't really change it but well.... Paris! Sigh.....

U lucky lucky birdie xxx

Yama Wed 20-Feb-13 21:06:06

Well, Scottish I apologise for calling people dicks (if it upset you). I didn't read the thread but extrapolated (wrongly it would seem) that they must be dicks if they upset the lovely YouOld.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 21:07:51

I'm absolute believer in keep self safe and Sane on mn,and don sweat the wee stuff
I love Paris,it's a gorgeous city

Growlithe Wed 20-Feb-13 21:07:53

Nah Brian he's from the Wirral. The ironic thing is we'd been to Paris that year, and had another fabulous holiday planned for later in the year, and he still picked that grotty little club.

He went to the bar to ask if they had some champagne. The barman said 'You are having a laugh aren't you?' and he came back with a couple of Baileys. grin

I'd known him longer than two weeks though, and we are still married. Never have been back to that grotty club. wink

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 21:08:24

Scottishmummy is just well jel cos she didn't get engaged winkgrin

Ah fuck em YOS. Don't flounce over a few opinionated twats.

Your engagement sounded lovely.

I got engaged in Paris too. Dinner in the Eiffel Tower. We were sat near a rather loud Texan couple who insisted on tomato ketchup with their meal. I cannot for the life of me remember what my DH said to propose but the tomato ketchup stuck with me.

elfycat Wed 20-Feb-13 21:08:57

I started reading that thread and soon decided it wasn't for me, and left quietly.

One time I started getting flamed in _chat and was told YABU... I ignored them as they'd obviously migrated to the wrong place and would soon starve on a poor for them diet.

We got engaged after several bottles of wine in my sister's flat in Hove (near Brighton). I asked if the hypothetical conversation we were having could be real.

We then crashed out and sometime after throwing up a cup of tea the next day I had a 'uh-oh' moment and asked if I'd proposed. He said yes I had and the answer was yes. So we went and had vodka-ice for hair of the dog breakfast.

Your proposal/engagement sounds a much nicer story! Don't let them ruin it. Miserable sods!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Wed 20-Feb-13 21:09:40

There's nothing wrong with Crewe or Nantwich - with the exception that the ex was born and bred in Crewe. Which makes it top of my shit-list unhinged grin

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 21:09:56

Gosh I'm no upset,call folks whatever you want,But remember golden rule,no mn grudges

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Wed 20-Feb-13 21:11:48

Flouncers Corner <checks name of topic>

This is the place to come when you are feeling a bit battered and bruised, then go with the general consensus of "mind the door doesn't bash your arse on the way out" or "don't be daft, stay and take a chill pill".

Isn't it? confused


FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 21:12:17

In all seriousness I do actually think sm was being nice in her own way

TheNebulousBoojum Wed 20-Feb-13 21:12:54

I agree that one of the interesting things about MN is the window that it offers into other people's lives and what they find important. Sometimes I find it amusing, sometimes it's cringeworthy, occasionally I agree and sometimes it's just WTF?
It doesn't alter what I find important and valuable in my life, and yes, I had a romantic proposal with flowers and a special setting that is a special memory for me.
I think you should stay, YOS, otherwise this might continue to bother you more than it should, but you need to recognise when people are being arseholes and walk away much sooner.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 21:13:09

I may have had wine

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 21:14:31

Yea,keep telling selves all unengaged are so jealous.they want lizzy duke ring too
It's like housewife threads,any working mum is given the bet she jealous retort
If it's significant to you,then it's not going to diminish because others have snigger

TheNebulousBoojum Wed 20-Feb-13 21:15:30

Oh, I don't think the nasties were jealous or in denial either. I think they are narrow-minded bigots who can't imagine anything, other than the way they'd want things doing, as being acceptable.
Rather like my grandmother.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Wed 20-Feb-13 21:15:36

<drags Fanjo off sm>

Really, some people have no decorum wink

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 21:15:41

Noone said that. .well I did but I was joking

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 21:16:17

Brian I just cant help licking her arse grin

usualsuspect Wed 20-Feb-13 21:18:46

Aww fanjo is all loved up with SM

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 21:19:34

<flings sm away and leaps on usual>

usualsuspect Wed 20-Feb-13 21:23:46

I was wel jel,Fanjo

IF it helps, I came out of hospital, pregnancy related and dh insisted on stopping at bluewater on the way home, disappered off leaving me with a toddler and knackered. Got home, huge row, he chucked a small box at me and said 'I thought I'd ask you to marry me.'
Paris has nothing on us.

harrietlichman Wed 20-Feb-13 21:25:06

I would suggest that there is no need for Flouncer's corner, BeerTricksPotter, since you ask. I have come and gone on MN, as the mood has taken me. Never felt the need to announce my proposed departure, in much the same way I never felt the need to announce my proposed engagement (see what I did!)

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 21:26:04

,if we all took mn to heart it would be dreadful,be more stoic,less poor me
Pile in,no grudges, and log off - that's it really.And it's only words on a screen
I've had folk claim i Stalk them,pm enquiring after my mental health,poster who asks is you drunk (irrespective of time,day)

IF it helps, I came out of hospital, pregnancy related and dh insisted on stopping at bluewater on the way home, disappered off leaving me with a toddler and knackered. Got home, huge row, he chucked a small box at me and said 'I thought I'd ask you to marry me.'
Paris has nothing on us.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 21:27:52

<pins a big NotTakingMNTooSeriously medal on Harriet>

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect Wed 20-Feb-13 21:28:24

Hide flouncers corner then,you won't get annoyed by it if you can't see it.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 21:31:00

But flouncer corner is wanky,it's a big ego massage and pleas of don go hun
That's why folks do it of course,the reassurance the awwww hun
It clearly fulfilf a need

Lizzylou Wed 20-Feb-13 21:31:01

Op, please don't be upset or worried about what others do. Blimey. I don't agree with loads on Mumsnet, prob 80% of the comments in all honesty.

Apparently DH was going to propose to me when we were at the Taj Mahal. Unfortunately he has a weak constitution and so was doubled over with Delhi Belly and the hordes of pickpockets and drug dealers somewhat put him off in his delicate state (think he thought it would be like that Diana photo, all uncrowded and dreamy, erm. NO). I'd had no idea of his plan tbh. Was just enjoying the holiday, with my stomach of iron.

So, over a cup of tea when we were back home just before I dashed to work it was grin

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect Wed 20-Feb-13 21:34:13

Don't be bitter SM,just because cannot dumped you for me.

usualsuspect Wed 20-Feb-13 21:34:28


scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 21:37:20

Right so we all sorted then?the perennial truth is mn is meant to be fun
Its birds wi laptops,iPads,tablets battering out opinions.thats all
If it hurts,distresses,or isn't safe it's time to log off.that's your line in sand

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 20-Feb-13 21:38:13

<gets engaged to usual> Welcome to dumpsville sm..population you

Lizzylou Wed 20-Feb-13 21:42:00

You just have to realise that MN is full of internet warriors.
If you met most of them at a coffee morning/soft play/dinner party you'd be charmed.
On MN some feel that they can unleash their inner beast and be quite vile.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 21:42:12

Sounds mighty fine after my stay in badmuthaville, I will sashay over pronto

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 21:46:23

Nooo Don't get rid of Flouncers Corner! It serves a purpose. Not sure exactly what that is, as yet, but at least we get to mock posters for their egotisms, surely?

steppemum Wed 20-Feb-13 21:47:07

wish my dh had taken me to Paris to ask me - I wouldn't have cared if I knew in advance or not grin

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy Wed 20-Feb-13 22:08:57

But mn is v cunty,no point pretending it's all engagement rings and love ya hun
And face it thats why we are all here,it's fast funny,and bit of a car crash at times
If it was all mwaw mwaw twinkley signatures and youse so right it'd be awful

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 22:10:34

Well, that could be an uphill struggle for some, BTP.....wink

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 22:26:12

yeeess, I'm getting the beetle, and the Dante references, but not the 'thankless' aspect. But yes for MN at least, the are a tiny number of 'vipers' who are best avoided, but make a lot of noise. I think it was WelshBoris, a long time ago, who couched the 'nest of vipers' tag, and she had a point.

TheSecondComing Wed 20-Feb-13 23:12:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 23:22:17

I was proposed to once. By a very very drunk ex in a pub in Liverpool. <the pub was called "The Wedding House" for plain irony, and any scousers there?>

I said 'You've got to be kidding'. She wasn't. sad. As it happens she inherited a fortune ( 2 million squid) from her father's farm business a few years later. Damn.grin

BOF Wed 20-Feb-13 23:24:14

You fool, Pan grin

OP, that's just Mumsnet. FWIW I agree with the sentiment of that thread, but that's no reason to point and laugh at other people. A little tact and discretion goes a long way. Shake it off, ignore them, it's just the internet, which is full of fools. Life would be boring if we were all the same.

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 23:28:22

Well, yes and no BOF. I would have felt like a v well paid prostitute.

Those bastard principles just keep getting in the effing way.grin

Branleuse Wed 20-Feb-13 23:29:22

they would all LAP it up if their dhs had proposed to them like that. Every bloody one of them.
It sounds lovely and romantic thanks <3

Pan Wed 20-Feb-13 23:41:45

oh sure, Bran - if any women went to the bother of whisking me off to Paris to propose, the answer would be 'yes'. I'm that easy.smile

scottishmummy Thu 21-Feb-13 00:05:00

Yea keep repeating the unengaged are jealous,dying for a ring,a man to complete them
Many things have real significance to me,saying I do,and getting engaged,not significant
graduations,postgrads,family,pals,career.we all have different kerching! things

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Thu 21-Feb-13 00:45:58

I think those that haven't read it are getting a skewed idea of the other thread.

It wasn't at all about where/how romantic it was or wasn't etc, it was started by someone saying the didn't understand the idea of 'a couple planning to get engaged' because surely as soon as you have discussed it together and agreed to get married you are engaged - you can't 'plan to get engaged' on x date (I suppose unless there's a reason it might not go ahead - ie you could plan to get engaged next year if x behaviour stops or starts I suppose). I wouldn't do that (plan to get engaged, on x date, in y place) as to me it's too 'fake', especially if it in includes a proposal (what are you propsing if you have already discussed it - nothing!) - but if it makes other people happy - then, really, so what? It's not going to stop the world turning is it and when I was young I wouldn't have thought of it like that and would possibly have done the same.

Bessie123 Thu 21-Feb-13 00:52:08

Ah oldslag it's just a ruck, it wasn't that bad. What do you care what someone you've never met thinks about the way you got engaged?

bbface Thu 21-Feb-13 07:24:24

I could not be arsed to read the entire thread you mention. However I got to a few pages past when you first posted and, as far as I can tell, your initial post was sweary and defensive. Most subsequent posters ignored you, but you kept posting quite angry and defensive posts. That is going to attract similar responses.

Fwiw I do think it is a very strange way to go about things, 'to get engaged' as being a planned action agreed between the couple.

ErikNorseman Thu 21-Feb-13 07:41:53

Agree with myheadinsand and bbface. It wasn't the manner of the proposal. It was 'planning to get engaged' on a certain date that confused people. Confuses me too.

ErikNorseman Thu 21-Feb-13 07:43:25

But these threads always go like this. I had someone flounce over a comment I made and on her flouncers thread people were calling me awful things, cyber bully I remember, without having read the thread in question. I think they are bad form. Tatting by stealth.

Growlithe Thu 21-Feb-13 08:22:26

MyHead I read the other thread and am not getting a skewed idea of it.

It amounts to this. You can get engaged in a number of ways.

1. You or your DP can plan a whole romantic scenario in which to ask the question in secret, without knowing whether the other partner will say yes or not. This of course has the possible outcome of being a mistake, which could result in anything from a ruined moment to a ruined holiday, as well as causing a lot of emotional upset.

2. You or your DP can ask the question in the spare of the moment, without knowing whether the other partner will say yes or not. Depending on where you are this could also result in anything from a ruined moment to a ruined holiday. It could also (in my case) mean that you don't get the big romantic moment for when you get engaged.

3. You or your DP (or both of you) could sound each other out first, before spending time and money on creating a perfect scenario. Of course knowing the answer does technically mean you have already made the promise to marry, but it also takes away the risk factor.

In the OPs case, her DP had good reason to sound her out on her attitude towards marriage. He was obviously wanting to create a perfect moment which he knew would be perfect. Nothing wrong with that.

Option 3 would also be a good option for an insecure, but romantic, would-be proposer.

The fact is, getting engaged is a personal thing, which is an important, happy, romantic event to the couple in question however they choose to do it. It is not merely a business contract. To scoff at somebody else's (especially calling it pathetic and meaningless - or 'fake') on the grounds of a technicality is mean and catty.

nkf Thu 21-Feb-13 08:38:52

Seriously? You misread the mood of a thread, post in some detail about your engagement, get upset about references to attention seeking behaviour and now you are here, explaining you are upset and leaving. Have I got it right? Is this a subtle wind up?

nkf Thu 21-Feb-13 09:08:32

But, Growlithe, this is a discussion forum where people post things they don't say in real life. That's what makes it fascinating. If you have crafted a special scenario for your engagement in which there is a mixture of planning and surprise and a sense of occasion and it makes you happy, then fine.

However, some people will think it's idiotic and phony and even a bit narcissistic. In real life you will never know that. Because people aren't that rude to you. So they will ask you about your ring and where it happened even if inwardly, they are thinking, "what a lot of fuss." On MN, someone types, "what a lot of fuss." Nothing has changed except your knowledge that not everyone thinks you are a pair of romantic young things. And then to flounce about that, well, that really is a bit attention seeking. .

givemeaclue Thu 21-Feb-13 09:26:16

I have read the thread. You do state clearly on these that you don't give a "flying fuck" what anyone else thinks. Now you haunt started a thread saying you are crying , tearful etc?

What for? People don't like your engagement, so what, who cares, stop making a drama about what a few strangers on line think.

Good grief.

FanjoForTheMammaries Thu 21-Feb-13 09:29:55

why kick someone when they are down? She has already stated she is upset and tearful, give her a break! hmm

KiwiJude Thu 21-Feb-13 09:33:46

What a bunch of meanies. What is it to other people how or when you get engaged? Paris for an engagement sounds fabulous, as does seven years and two kids later smile

Growlithe Thu 21-Feb-13 09:36:44

She probably did start off not giving a 'flying fuck'. So they kept on and kept on at her until she did. Even when someone said she was crying on this thread she was called 'pathetic'. That's not a discussion on engagements. It's being cruel for the sake of it.

She's not saying she's flouncing now (although she probably chose this board as being the best fit for how she felt). She is saying she has lost confidence in posting.

So well done in making someone feel shitty.

KiwiJude Thu 21-Feb-13 09:37:00

Oh wow, I thought there was only one page to this thread and have just found the other six pages. Gosh.

nkf Thu 21-Feb-13 09:45:18

What is it to other people how you feed your kids, arrange your household, talk to your mother? MN is all about people posting the details of their lives and other people weighing in with opinions. Most of the topics are trivial and most of the opinions are heated. It's that very mix that makes MN so entertaining.

I think if something is deeply personal to you, you keep it off MN. The OP on this thread got in a ruck and didn't like what she heard. But she entered the ruck and "thought she was better at holding her own." But now she's upset. Which was it? Holding your own in an MN bunfight or revealing the intimate and the personal? It was an example of misjudging, I think.

FanjoForTheMammaries Thu 21-Feb-13 09:47:54

why come on someone's flouncing thread and criticise them like its AIBU? hmm

nkf Thu 21-Feb-13 09:51:00

Why? I'm interested and the alternative is paperwork.

amillionyears Thu 21-Feb-13 09:58:56

People should be reporting as soon as there are PAs. If the PAs are not reported, it can all just esculate.
Sometimes it calms down afterwards, sometimes not.

Growlithe Thu 21-Feb-13 10:02:45

Yes she felt she could hold her own and revealed her engagement, and why her DP thought it appropriate. Then she tried to defend this and found that it all got very upsetting for her. So yes, she probably misjudged the mood of the thread.

So what are you going to do now? Harangue her until she decides to leave a forum that she has enjoyed for five years? Why would you want to do that? Entertainment? Boring paperwork?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FanjoForTheMammaries Thu 21-Feb-13 10:15:22

Beertricks.,your beauty makes me shy <cheesy grin>

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FanjoForTheMammaries Thu 21-Feb-13 10:16:14

Paperwork or make someone feel shite..clearly an easy choice hmm

FanjoForTheMammaries Thu 21-Feb-13 10:17:11

I'm all about the love <whips out flowers>

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peedoffbird Thu 21-Feb-13 10:38:52

YOS I have read the thread but not much of this one. You seemed to steam in with a very aggressive attitude from the start. I think you rubbed posters up the wrong way and I didn't think you got flamed anyway.

Why do you care so much about this? MN is about expressing opinion and should be done in a reasonable manner although feelings can get in the way of this. YOU were the one whose feelings ran away with you. Perhaps you need to look at your part in this too.

LeoniPoni Thu 21-Feb-13 10:41:09

I read this quote a while ago and it was something like "the internet allows people to be whatever and whoever they want to be" and I was thinking how sad it was that so many people want to be mean.

There are lots of things I don't do or don't understand but I try and not be all judgey about people who do.

Some people plan to get engaged. So what? Oh god, I've just bored the pants off myself. We all know flaming someone over their engagement is stupid. So I'm off to find a good old troll or Daily Fail journo or something...

NigellaTufnel Thu 21-Feb-13 11:24:43

OP I'm sorry you are feeling put upon.

I think there are two issues, mainly the first about your engagement. Anyone's opinions about it are irrelevant. As long as you and and your DH are happy, that's all that matters. No one really cares, and it should be no comment about you, your DH, Or your marriage.

However, the second is the flouncing. I'm sorry but I think you were quite punchy on the other thread, bordering on a bit rude about anyone who disagreed with you.
You kept stating you case, and then if anyone remotely criticised you, you waded back in filled with indignation.

If you feel you're getting upset at a thread stop poking it with a sharp stick.

WorraLiberty Thu 21-Feb-13 11:35:07

YOS I've just caught up with that thread and all I can do is echo what others have said...don't let it get you down! thanks

Your engagement sounds lovely - not 'meaningless and pathetic' at all.

I don't know what's wrong with some people.

For example, I personally don't get the point in parents Christening their babies when they're in no way religious but if they're happy, I'm happy.

I would never call it 'meaningless and pathetic', that's just rude.

HerbyVore Thu 21-Feb-13 11:56:28

You know the question that often gets asked on here about saying stuff on here that you wouldn't say in real life, because, you know, in RL it would be rude and hurtful?

You do have a choice you know? - Even more here because you have time to think while you're typing so you could avoid inadvertantly putting the boot in?

Just a thought.

HerbyVore Thu 21-Feb-13 11:58:06

And my post was more relevant on the previous page, obviously.


EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy Thu 21-Feb-13 12:09:31

The thing is, you are engaged from the moment you agree to marry. What 'engaged' means is 'no longer available for proposals of marriage from anyone else'. What you and your dh did, YOS, was to celebrate, or perhaps formalise, your engagement, recreating an idea you had of a romantic proposal. That's fine, if that's what you want to do. But if you knew it was going to happyn, it doesn't make you engaged when you were before.

I haven't read all of the thread in question, but I suspect that it what people were trying to point out.

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy Thu 21-Feb-13 12:09:54

happen, not happyn. Am always making that typo <sigh>

FanjoForTheMammaries Thu 21-Feb-13 12:13:09

Herbyvore speaks much sense

atthewelles Thu 21-Feb-13 12:15:05

I think this thread is a bit misleading. Youoldslag was quite aggressive on the other thread and posters, including me, restated our case. She was the one who initially swore at people (for no particular reason). One poster did get quite nasty towards her, I would certainly agree with that, and called her engagement 'pathetic' but YOS is giving the impression that buckets of people came on the thread directly slagging off her engagement. That didn't happen. Even the person who used the word pathetic came back on and said she was wrong to have used that word.

To be honest, this is a case of someone dishing it out and then running off crying when people respond.
I'm sorry YOS is upset but I do think she's giving a skewed version of what happened.

MrsWolowitzerables Thu 21-Feb-13 12:24:28

What Fanjo and Worra said.

It got mean and someone got upset. This is Flouncers Corner not AIBU. Why jump in here and try and make an upset person even more upset? hmm

atthewelles Thu 21-Feb-13 12:25:48

Because I think she's being unfair to other posters and not giving the full picture. That is upsetting too.

MrsWolowitzerables Thu 21-Feb-13 12:31:20

People are more than able to read the other thread and see for themselves.

I've read the other thread and although I thikn it started off harmless enough, the OP was treated terribly by some and I can understand why she feels upset.

Her engagement was called pathetic and meaningless. That is hurtful and although my engagement was very different from hers, I'd be hurt by those comments despite initally agreeing with the OP.

scottishmummy Thu 21-Feb-13 12:35:01

Of course op giving a skewed poor me account of thread,to drum up aww poor you
That's the point of flouncers thread,cry youve been hideously treated,all too much,threaten leave
Sit back wait the awww Hun they is all jealous cows,and ego stroking, job done

FanjoForTheMammaries Thu 21-Feb-13 12:45:37

You lot are like a pack of dogs chasing the op and trying to bite her <throws bone away from thread so you all chase after it>

atthewelles Thu 21-Feb-13 12:54:04

No one's trying to 'bite her'. Some of us are just saying that there are two sides to every story and that the OP is just giving her own version which is not a 100% balanced version of what happened.

FakePlasticLobsters Thu 21-Feb-13 12:55:23

YOS - I am sorry that you've been upset and I hope you are feeling better now.

I took part in the other thread and it was for the most part an interesting discussion on at what point a couple becomes engaged, rather than a thread designed to macerate the way you and your husband chose to do it.

It really wasn't about that, criticising what you did by going to Paris with both of you, and your friends and family, being aware of the reason why, it was simply meant to be a discussion about people's opinions on when a couple who decides to do something like that actually becomes engaged. If you've agreed to go and get engaged, aren't you actually already engaged then and there?

Although some posters on both sides did get quite harsh with each other, I don't think that was athtewelles intention when she started the thread and you yourself did start out by saying 'bollocks' to people who disagreed with your way of doing things. Although I took that as a lighthearted 'bollocks' before things got out of hand. I'm still not surprised that you are upset about the "pathetic and meaningless" comment though.

Also, in atthewelles defence, she has been told a couple of times on her thread, to come here and look at yours, so she shouldn't be criticised for coming and doing so.

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 21-Feb-13 13:38:20

all this fuss about engagements. Who'da thunk it

changeforthebetter Thu 21-Feb-13 14:19:01

Gwendoline! I got engaged in Wetherspoons too! Oh my, was that a mistake- the meal, the beer and the man. The first person I told about our engagement was the bouncer who chucked us out at closing time. Classy,eh?!wink I have no desire to remarry but would happily spend a romantic weekend in Paris. Congratulations OP. Have a brew and <tissue emoticon>

I have been slated on here a couple of times (under other names) . If someone is being provocative then I disengage.

SoleSource Sun 24-Feb-13 14:59:07




Hide tbread, ignore. You've always got Paris. What theygot? grin

Forgetaboutit x

scottishmummy Sun 24-Feb-13 21:59:46

As much as some of you seem to think,it's simply not true that engagement matters to everyone
Unengaged women aren't necessarily sobbing into their single girl latte as no proposal
If engagement matters to you,smashing.but don't assume it's significant to others

SoleSource Sun 24-Feb-13 22:59:35

I would answer but I got to iron the tea towels scottish.

atthewelles Mon 25-Feb-13 15:51:12

Wow, Solesource, I hope you are a bit more careful when your kids come running up to you complaining that someone was 'mean' to them. Or do you just slag off that 'someone' without exploring what role your own kids played in the incident?

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