Miffed about how friend has dealt with dead fish

[EbonyIck]

What a silly thread title! I'm not a fish expert but this didn't seem like AIBU material and I still wanted to whinge so...

We went away over Xmas hols to see family and a friend offered to 'fish sit' for us. Her DH has tropical fish in a big aquarium thing. Our fish (betta fish), in small tank. We took the fish to hers so she wouldn't have to drive over to feed it etc.

The DCs LOVE the fish. DS3 used to draw pictures at nursery to put near the tank for the fish to look at. DS2 can't see a beach without wanting to choose a stone for the tank. They fight over whose turn it is to feed it.

Have had the fish for 2.5 years which is a good innings for a betta especially as he was adult when adopted.

So first thing DCs wanted to do when we got home was collect fish. Friend busy. Offered to drive over one evening. She said she'd let us know and didn't.

Today she texted me "really sorry but DD (5) was changing your fish's water while you away and killed it! LOL! Had to flush it. Can't remember what it looked like but your tank is cleaned and ready for a replacement, come over this evening?"

I am miffed that she didn't tell me before! Though it sounds like she was maybe hoping to buy a lookalike and I do appreciate that but surely letting me know what had happened would've been fine? And she flushed the body down the loo so can't do matchbox burial.

I know it's just a fish but I'm still miffed! And not looking forward to telling DCs

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

I don't really get burying a fish if I'm honest, but not telling you straight away that the fish has died is pretty shitty.

[sebsmummy1]

I think you have every right to be miffed. Sounds like your friend was trying to put off telling you but why she thought a 'LOL' in the text was appropriate I really don't know.

I also think flushing the fish and not allowing you to let your kids say a proper goodbye was pretty crisp too, although I can see why she flushed it. All in all are you sure she is as good a friend as you original thought?

[sebsmummy1]

*crap

[NakedFamilyFightClub]

I'd be miffed about that text message and the LOL and would revise my opinion of her I think. I would have expected
to be told earlier and I'd expect her to actually sound sorry about it.

On the other hand, I'm not sure it would be reasonable to expect her to keep your fish for burial, presumably she'd have to wrap it and freeze it and that might have freaked you out when she gave you it if your custom wasn't to bury your pets.

[VashtaNerada]

That is not on at all! My DC would be devastated if our fish died. She won't understand though, maybe time to get a new friend...

[Skatingfastonthinice]

She let a 5 year old accidently kill the fish? She thought it was fine, couldn't remember what it looked like and didn't bother to tell you ASAP?
She's not a friend. I'm sorry that your trust was misplaced.

[EbonyIck]

Oh I wouldn't expect her to have kept the body! The DCs wanted a 'funeral' as and when (we had talked about fish lifespans a bit), that in itself and the fish dying in her care isn't what I'm miffed about per se.

It's the not telling me (so now I will tell the DCs the fish has been dead almost a month), and trying to avoid me/LOL thing.

The LOL did really bother me because silly or not we were all really fond of the fish, he had a name and the DCs always proudly said "we have a fish!" when people asked about pets.

I know she doesn't get sentimental about her DH's fish - with a big aquarium I gather they've lost a lot of fish over time - but LOL???

I'm not sure about the DD aspect, presumably she was being supervised by her dad but I'm not sure the eater would've needed to be changed really.

Poor DCs. I'm sure they'll be fine but I don't think we'll be getting another fish.