Film pitches that you just wonder how they got they made

(56 Posts)
Egosumquisum Mon 27-Jul-15 20:59:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Egosumquisum Mon 27-Jul-15 21:29:56

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floatyflo Mon 27-Jul-15 21:32:43

There's this sadistic surgeon.

He kidnaps three people.

Then sews them together...by there bottoms and mouths.

floatyflo Mon 27-Jul-15 21:33:04

Sorry their!

Egosumquisum Mon 27-Jul-15 21:34:02

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Egosumquisum Mon 27-Jul-15 21:39:14

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WhatchaMaCalllit Mon 27-Jul-15 21:40:34

How about a prostitute who falls in love with a venture capitalist (or whatever his role was in business)?

Sparklingbrook Mon 27-Jul-15 21:41:00

Sleazy lothario older dance instructor seduces teenage girl during a family holiday. That sounds fun. smile

WhatchaMaCalllit Mon 27-Jul-15 21:41:51

Sharks get sucked up into a tornado and then go on a rampage - let's call it "Sharknado"

WhatchaMaCalllit Mon 27-Jul-15 21:42:26

I think that's what happens - it sounds so awful I couldn't be arsed watching it [laugh]

LooksLikeImStuckHere Mon 27-Jul-15 21:42:27

So there are these tornados that strike at random across the US.

Oh and they have sharks in them. They kill people and stuff.

Must have been a good pitch to get to Sharknado 3.

LooksLikeImStuckHere Mon 27-Jul-15 21:43:04

Haha!! Cross post Whatcha

It is that bad, I watched.

Egosumquisum Mon 27-Jul-15 21:44:27

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floatyflo Mon 27-Jul-15 21:48:10

Yes it a real film...the human centipede. I haven't actually watched it myself and don't intend to. Also I believe there are three centipede films.

Egosumquisum Mon 27-Jul-15 21:49:33

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bertsdinner Mon 27-Jul-15 21:51:27

The Day After (I think it's called). America goes into a sort of ice age. Here comes a wave of cold so icy it can freeze you rock solid in seconds, but if you turn on a few gas rings and make a bit of a fire with a few books you should be ok.

Egosumquisum Mon 27-Jul-15 21:54:43

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DrWhooves Mon 27-Jul-15 21:55:03

A creepy loner who owns a factory lures 5 children in as competition winners, scares the shit out of them with the creepiest boat ride ever and almost kills 4 of them. Great film for the kiddies.

Angelto5 Mon 27-Jul-15 22:05:56

Twins separated at birth reconnect & go on a road trip & get a reward for handing stolen goods back.

But they are played by Arnie schwarzenegger & Danny Devito!

Even more amazing there is talk of doing a triplets film with Eddie Murphy as the third brother!grin

SerJorahsSecondChoice Mon 27-Jul-15 22:16:56

My dh and I always quote a line from either Arrested Development or 30 Rock (I think the latter, but I forget) - 2 screen writers coming up with a ludicrous film plot then saying 'I love how we can write when we're on cocaine!'

SerJorahsSecondChoice Mon 27-Jul-15 22:22:52

I imagine most of these film pitches go like this:

Bob: We need to do a film starring X - he's hot right now and he's under contract with us to do 2 big blockbusters in the next 3 years.
Dave: It's gotta be tween/ teen friendly.
Mike: With 1 solid hour of fighting and explosions.
Bob: We need to tie it in with something heavily merchandisable - if it's an existing product we can piggyback and rebrand so much the better because then we can reduce the need for test marketing.
Eric: But what about the plot?

Long silence as everyone squints at Eric.

ThePhoenixRising Mon 27-Jul-15 22:25:10

So, a load of people from a Welsh village push wheelbarrows of soil up a hill until the hill is eventually big enough to be considered a mountain. Chuck Hugh Grant in as a love interest.

DarylDixonsLover Mon 27-Jul-15 22:52:39

grin Ser.. poor old naive Eric and his plot.

PiperChapstick Tue 28-Jul-15 00:41:38

Bob: I have a great idea for the next Disney film. Two sisters. Princesses. One has magic powers which turns things into snow or ice. Powerless sister...

Mike: wait, the other sister has no powers?

Bob: er...no. Anyway, she slips and falls and gets healed by rocks that turn into trolls

Mike: Bob, have you been taking LSD again?

Bob: seriously this is fucking genius. So the troll heals her and her parents decide to keep the other sisters powers a secret so the little one doesn't slip and fall again. They lock all castle doors and sack staff

Mike: why would they sack staff?

Bob: just go with it. So the parents die and magic sister doesn't speak to other sister for about 15 years. When she becomes queen her powers are accidentally revealed so she pisses of up a hill to live

Mike: hmm

Bob: other sister, with a reindeer, a random dude and a snowman who talks set out to find her. It's all escalates, after a random set of events that make no sense whatsoever, they both nearly die. But don't. And it's a happy ending of course.

Mike: I still don't get why she doesn't speak to her sister for 15 years. Surely when she was old enough to understand ice = danger they'd tell her the truth?

Bob: oh shut the fuck up Mike, you never believe in my visions. I'm telling you it's genius and has the potential to gross billions! We could even sell things like beakers in Matalan for £10 and have 47 different varieties of dolls for the sisters. I'm thinking a catchy main song, clothing, Lego, even branded pizza Mike! Mark my words. This will be a HIT!

Prelude Tue 28-Jul-15 02:22:32

Piper, I'd really like to see a film with that scene of yours in it grin

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