Sexual Bullying in School.

(32 Posts)
LouisPasteur Wed 08-Jul-15 21:10:38

DD hates her form class. She is a quiet girl amongst other girls but surrounded by a larger group of boys. They're all at the end of year 9 now. She's been unhappy for a while now but always told me that they boys are rowdy and get on her nerves. Tonight, everything has spilled out and I'm desperate for advice.

DD came home from school in tears - for the umpteenth time, one of the boys has told her and her best friend that if they don't have sex with him, he's going to spread a load of lies about them on the Internet. Another quiet girl in their class has in the last few weeks succumbed to his threats and sent him photo's of herself - DD hasn't seen them but she said that some we're of her undressed - and now the boy has sent them all to his large group of friends.

Not only are they disruptive to work, they are always talking about porn and sex. My daughter feels vulnerable in her own class. The boys are I understand, behaving in sexually aggressive ways and my DD doesn't want to return. She left her class yesterday with her friend under the guise that she was unwell and they spoke to another teacher. This teacher was horrified and asked her had she reported it to their Head of Year, but even though DD hasn't, other pupils have yet nothing seems to be done.

I don't want my DD being educated in such a sexually aggressive environment and I want to plan my next step well. I don't want to burst in there too emotional because I know that I won't be taken seriously. Please advise me on how best to handle this.

VerityWaves Wed 08-Jul-15 21:12:37

I would be emotional too! How horrendous I'm almost speechless at this.
Please speak to the teacher but I would remove my daughter from this abusive environment.
I'm sure many will follow with better advice
Your poor DD.

confusedeio Wed 08-Jul-15 21:13:25

A not dissimilar thing happened when I was in Year 9 at school, the boy was prosecuted. This is one for the police if the boy is circulating indecent images if a child taken under duress. The school also need to know.

thehumanjam Wed 08-Jul-15 21:16:19

I think it's one for the police too. You might get the odd toe-rag behaving like this but this sounds like there is a terrible culture of sexual bullying and abuse going on here. It's really very alarming.

MarinaCoyle Wed 08-Jul-15 21:22:21

Your poor DD. This is utterly sickening. Feel sick for the other poor girl who succumbed too.

Agree with police. Fuck treading lightly.

I wouldn't send her back either though I don't know how I'd work the logistics out (not in UK so I'm unsure of your school system and legal aspects of keeping her out).

confusedeio Wed 08-Jul-15 21:23:43

My last message was sent in haste as the battery was dying. Please, please, please call the police and get your daughter to give a statement. A crime has been committed and the child needs protecting. He will be charged with making and distributing indecent images of a child. The school should have already reported this and are remiss in not doing so if they are aware of it.

BrilliantDayForTheRace Wed 08-Jul-15 21:28:12

Most certainly don't send her back for the last few days of term!

Is moving school an option? I'd certainly spend tomorrow ringing all schools she can commute to finding out if they have any spare places in her year.

And also if ring the police. But even if police take action I'd still remove her from there if another local school had a place.

JulyKit Wed 08-Jul-15 21:31:24

What confusedeio and other have said. Exactly. Poor girls.

LouisPasteur Wed 08-Jul-15 22:58:47

I am immensely grateful to you all. You have no idea how much.
I have told DD that she will not be returning to school this academic year and I have telephoned her best friends Mum to discuss. She is also keeping her daughter off school until action is taken. DD burst into tears of relief when I told her.

I'm going to phone the School tomorrow and request an am regency appointment with the CPO and the Head. I feel stronger in my position now after reading all your responses.

I cannot put into words what I'm feeling at the moment. I feel an intense hatred towards these boys and hope that this school takes action. If they let my DD down, I will not hesitate to move schools. DD is prepared.

TensionWheelsCoolHeels Wed 08-Jul-15 23:06:03

Good luck OP, I've nothing to add to the advice you have had already. This is one of my worries about my DD as she grows up, I genuinely hope you can make a difference here.

bikeandrun Wed 08-Jul-15 23:12:10

Be proud of the relationship you have with your DD that she was able to talk to you about these abusers. She is a brave young woman with a great mum on her side

confusedeio Wed 08-Jul-15 23:21:01

Good plan, hopefully the school will do what they need to. Please seek a reassurance from them that they will contact the police. If they are unwilling to due to how it will make the school look, please do call yourself. Please put yourself in the shoes of that poor girls parents and I am sure you would be eternally grateful to the people brave enough to take action. Too many teens have taken their own lives in similar circumstances, that poor child must be going through hell now. That is not to minimise your daughter's experience, she is fortunate to have you on her side.

zeddybrek Wed 08-Jul-15 23:33:55

Hi OP. I used to be a teacher, and agree with all the advice up thread. Don't let this boy get away with it.

VerityWaves Thu 09-Jul-15 00:14:29

Good luck OP. I'm so glad you are being so strong for your DD.

LouisPasteur Thu 09-Jul-15 06:40:38

Thanks everyone. I've had a sleepless night I must admit. Combination of nervousness and pure fury has kept me itching for a cigarette all night sad.

A third Mum has contacted me very early this morning. After a sleepless night, she and her DH have decided to keep their DD off until the end of term too.

It seems that I have opened a Pandora's box. Both the other Mum's are awaiting my call and they are hoping to join me at the school for the appointment.

CamelHump Thu 09-Jul-15 06:45:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LouisPasteur Thu 09-Jul-15 06:48:43

I did Camel. I must admit. I was so fired up (still am) that I wanted responses quick. I wrongly assumed the Education board would be quiet so I wanted some wisdom from our MN feminist support board.

Apologies everyone. ALL your support is helping us here a great deal.

CamelHump Thu 09-Jul-15 06:53:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Didntseethiscominghelpplease Thu 09-Jul-15 07:02:22

OP you are doing the right thing, not only for your daughter and school but also for all schools. I work in a school and it is really hard for school to act on hearsay and rumours but there is an increasingly unnerving level of inappropriate sexual behaviour in years 8,9 and 10. It seems to sort itself out by year 11. It is clear smartphones etc and access to porn are the issue and PSHE is too nice and not hard hitting enough to really deal with it. I suspect there are lots of parents who will read this post in horror. I'd love parents to share this with sons and daughters - feedback will depend on your relationship with them but I would bet they all have a story about a group who are massively over sexualised and make life unpleasant for others.

00100001 Thu 09-Jul-15 07:21:59

Well done OP. I'd be amazed if the CPO wasn't contacting you today! Hopeful ly the teacher has informed the head if year and/or CPO and recorded the conversation.

They shouldbe recording any significant conversations within a few hours and informing CPO within. 24hrs.

You should also wrote down everything DD has said to you asap also try and get the others girls.mother to keep her DDs phone. Even if the message was deleted.

Well done for sticking up for your dd Louis you've done exactly the right things so far. Keep talking to us if you need more support, to vent, whatever. flowers

LouisPasteur Thu 09-Jul-15 21:22:11

Hello everyone. The school's CPO called me by 9:10 and asked if I were available to come in for a talk, so a really positive start. She took my Dad and I to a meeting room and we went through everything that DD had told me. I found her incredibly supportive, hard as iron and has a very grim view of what is going on. She told me that a friend of another girl in the same year group has disclosed some other disturbing information and while she wasn't going into detail, it really seems to be an enormous problem unravelling for the school.

I was dreading her telling me that they would be in touch and being sent away but I was reassured by her telling me that they were contacting the Police themselves directly. I cannot tell you the relief I felt at this point, and hard as nails or not, I almost hugged the woman. We then met the Head teacher - he actually brought us in a jug of water and sat with us while the CPO left the room. He was also very supportive and reassured me that they took a serious stance on what was happening. I admitted that we were considering other schools for DD depending on the outcome of events.

So, a good meeting I feel. We were home by 12 and the CPO told us to expect a contact call from the Police. They sent out 2 female officers at 3ish and they have already taken a statement from DD and will be doing the same for DD's friends and other classmates. Both officers were fantastic and DD is so, so relieved, as am I.

We'll both sleep a bit better this evening.

CamelHump Thu 09-Jul-15 21:24:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

That's great news. So pleased for you, and it will have made an enormous difference to your dd having felt your rock solid belief and support for her flowers

getinthesea Thu 09-Jul-15 21:34:19

Well done you, and to your DD for being strong enough to get all this out into the open.

I completely agree with the poster up thread, this is what I fear most about secondary school, and it will take lots more brave girls like your daughter and strong mothers like you to take it on.

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