June Non-Fiction Book: Lundy Bancroft's Why Does he Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

(38 Posts)
StewieGriffinsMom Mon 16-May-11 17:01:29

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BertieBotts Fri 20-May-11 17:59:53

Great choice! I have read this, so I'll skim-read again before the end of June smile

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 16-Jun-11 20:26:24

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StewieGriffinsMom Tue 28-Jun-11 10:37:13

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AliceWhirledSupportsTheStrike Wed 29-Jun-11 21:22:18

Came over to visit and see what was going on. Not read the book though. Was it good?

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AliceWhirledSupportsTheStrike Wed 29-Jun-11 21:27:09

Is it like 'abuse myths' like rape myths, that are debunked then?

AliceWhirledSupportsTheStrike Wed 29-Jun-11 21:27:41

Like the quote.

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AliceWhirledSupportsTheStrike Wed 29-Jun-11 21:31:39

I don't have a kindle and my mac is too old to download the software. My partner has it on his, but I'd feel a bit odd downloading it onto his machine (and he's using it)

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AliceWhirledSupportsTheStrike Wed 29-Jun-11 21:35:12

I don't actually know what android is blush. Do I have it on my phone? It is touch screen. I wish it was an iphone if that counts.

AliceWhirledSupportsTheStrike Wed 29-Jun-11 21:36:20

so are they the things abusers use to justify their actions?

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AliceWhirledSupportsTheStrike Wed 29-Jun-11 21:45:12

Ah I see, interesting cos they aren't all obvious.

sunshineandbooks Wed 29-Jun-11 21:50:21

I love this book. I actually read it after I'd already left my abusive XP, but if I'd read it sooner I probably would have left sooner.

The thing it really did for me was give me a lightbulb moment that abuse is not about anger at all, but entitlement, and that abusers don't lack control, they are exercising choice. It's a message I still think needs to be got out there, because I hear far too often about how "he can't help himself; he just gets angry" etc.

I also found chilling to the extreme the fact that Bancroft's work suggests that less than 5% of abusers ever really change (I think, don't have a copy handy anymore as I lent it out). If that's not a reason to never ever give a second chance, what is? I mean what are the odds on any one man being one of those 5%?

AliceWhirledSupportsTheStrike Wed 29-Jun-11 21:54:35

Rather like the 'he can't help himself, he has urges'

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HerBeX Wed 29-Jun-11 22:07:25

I love this book

It is very accessible - not at all full of jargon or complicated concepts, just simple and straightforward but packed with facts and common sense.

I love that he totally debunks that myth that domestic violence is all about being out of control and angry, when in fact it's about taking control and channelling your anger very effectively.

Also I find it very chilling that there is a move towards sending abusive men off to anger management courses, when in fact Bancroft shows how very good they already are at managing their anger - they are learning how to cover their arses when they go on these courses, how to talk the talk of rehabilitation, rther than walk the walk. I'm beginning to think that any womn who reports DV, should automatically be offered a place on the freedom programme. Why is there all this help given to men to better perpetrate more violence, and no help given to their victims, to understand the dynamics of that violence?

HerBeX Wed 29-Jun-11 22:09:32

Is the reason there is only a 5% reform rate, down to the fact that most programmes to reform them are based on the false premise that they need help to control their anger?

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