Letter to policeman dealing with my (historic) rape complaint

(10 Posts)
NannyPlumIsMyMum Sat 26-Jan-13 00:24:17

I don't think it is appropriate to add details in about PC2 and PC3 - address them directly in a different letter if you need to.

Pictureperfect Sat 26-Jan-13 00:04:41

I'm sorry things have been so difficult. Have you heard of Sonia Poulton, I don't know her personally but she has been doing a lot of research, campaigning and supporting people who are reporting abuse dating back many years. Her website is
http://soniapoulton.co.uk/

Bobits Thu 03-Jan-13 17:12:51

Gladyss - I don't log on as much, the police do give out a 'pack' of information that signposts to various places that can help (victim support, rape crisis) I'd mensioned in the letter - as it is a good thing.

When I was raped 12 years ago by a taxi-driver, a stranger - they didn't & I think this is a positive change.

I guess I'm not angry because I did everything within my control at a time I felt emotionally ready and safe to do. I could not control whether a prosecution would happen or if my ex-partner would/will do it again so I am able to let go of that anger.

The police handling of the rape is currently being investigated by the independant body in my area that handles that (Don't want to say in case it identifies where in the UK I'm from).

I can't control whether someone else is affected by sexual violence.
I can only share my negative experience of my dealing with the police in relation to this, in the hope it might help the next victim xx

It may achieve nothing but I hope xx

Gladyss Sat 08-Dec-12 00:28:50

I think you have been very brave and I think if it had happened to me I would been more angry at not getting justice or prevent it happening to some one else.
It is difficult to try to work out a rapists general motivation however it is recognised that some have also been victims/survivors themselves,combined with emotional abuse
Did the police refer you to any victim support groups?

Bobits Fri 14-Sep-12 23:40:23

LowRegNo - Thankyou for your input, I have amended, see below (damage written seperate - incident of stranger rape at 15 as well)

In July 2012, I reported to the police, my ex-partner for rape, 3 years to the date.

I am not appealing the decision made my the PPS not to prosecute, as the police did their job very well to collect all relevant evidence pertaining to the case and appealing will not change that fact.

Although I am satisfied with the outcome of the investigation, I was upset with certain comments made during the investigation.

During the investigation the police asked if I was aware what a serious crime rape was and it's consequences, in light of the fact that we now had a daughter together, and my reason for reporting was not genuine.
I know nothing of police procedure. I've never been accused of rape, or convicted of rape. I know nothing of these things. All I know are the consequences of being a victim. The fear and the vulnerability and the choices made to try to stay safe. The damage that follows. 12 years of damage in one simple question. And in that question I no longer felt like a survivor, I felt like a victim.
This damage is illustrated separately.

As a rape victim/survivor, the answer to the question of ‘whether I knew what a serious crime rape is?’ simply put is the damage the police cannot see when they are questioning a victim. This for a rape victim/survivor is the very reason why rape is such a serious crime and in light of this, I don’t feel it is a sensitive question to ask any victim and the police have a responsibility to treat all victims sensitively.

Also during the investigation. The assisting officer Policeman 3 made reference to him having messy nights with the wife when they couldn't remember.
This was upsetting because in the context of me reporting an incident of rape, where I had too much to drink and passed out - it came across that he was comparing the two events - sending me the message that he thought what I was reporting wasn't rape or that he rapes his wife on a regular basis.

Policeman 3 also mentioned many of the reports the police receive are when people have been drinking.
It is sad, the policeman knew this fact, I personally know this, and I wonder how many rapists know and use this also?
It is my personal opinion that he didn't say this to empathise with my situation or the situation of many women who have been taken advantage of when drinking, but that his opinion is that many of the reports made are not genuine.

I appreciate the police do a very important and difficult job protecting people, and from police perspective, dealing with rape victims who assist their enquires into a very serious crime.

However, from the perspective of a rape victim, at the time of reporting (and sadly not many get there) much of the damage has been done. The police are part of damage limitation. The police are assisting a rape victim in using their damage to help protect themselves and also protect others, also a very important and difficult choice and job.

If you can appreciate the value of what I am saying, it would count more in terms of sensitivity than any training could offer.
And perhaps a better level of trust would be built (and trust is a huge issue for any victim) and better quality of information would be obtained from the victim in a less traumatic manner.
And perhaps ultimately more victims would make the choice to report.

The changes in the law and the pack that is given out are positive changes.
I hope if myself, my daughter or my son ever have to deal with the rape crime department in the future
More will have changed.

Bobits Fri 14-Sep-12 23:36:06

consuelaa - Unfortunately I didn't find your input productive or sensitive. The case is no longer ongoing (as I explained that I was not appealing the decision not to prosecute) so the letter is not written with the intention of helping my case.

A rape victim also does not write a letter with the intention of offering constructive criticism in order to influence the case. The police decide to prosecute based on evidence not angry letters. hmm

LowRegNumber Tue 11-Sep-12 01:01:50

Bobits, I wonder if it is worth putting in the letter how you would like things to change, in what way they could have made it easier on you as the victim etc? Feedback is brilliant and so few victims feel in a position to give it but if it can contain constructive suggestions for improvement it is so much more valuable.

Personally I would take out policeman 3 bit and leave it as him not beingnamed whilst the others are but that is just me, I am obviously not sure of exactly how he was unproffesional etc.

I would just choose to deal with consuelaa as if they had said nothing too if you can. Some people think everything is aibu smile

ThreadWatcher Tue 11-Sep-12 00:59:54

That was a sensitive response consuelaa hmm

You were asleep when it happened? Presumably you woke up to find him assaulting you........ awful sad

Sorry I cant say anything else of value though

Consuelaa Tue 11-Sep-12 00:47:14

"If you could not pass on my thanks to Policeman 3. He dealt with myself neither professionally or sensitively."

Yeah that is really going to help your case (not)

Bobits Fri 07-Sep-12 16:29:17

This topic is personal to me - Please be sensitive.

I do not know if this is where I should post this,
alot of action is needed, and I am just one woman, one victim, what can I do?
Tell my truth to one other person, who may or may not listen.
But if that one person does,
I've made a little difference xx

Policeman 1,

Thank you for investigating the report of rape I made. You dealt with the case and myself very professionally.

I am not appealing the decision made my the PPS not to prosecute, as the police did their job very well to collect all relevant evidence pertaining to the case and appealing will not change that fact.

If you could also pass on my thanks to Policeman 2, as he dealt with myself and the case sensitively and professionally. I am very appreciative of this.

If you could not pass on my thanks to Policeman 3. He dealt with myself neither professionally or sensitively.

I hope you do not take what I have said personally, as it is not intended that way. I appreciate that you do a very important and difficult job protecting people, and from your perspective, dealing with rape victims who assist you in your enquires into a very serious crime.

However, from the perspective of a rape victim, at the time of reporting (and sadly not many get there) much of the damage has been done. The police are part of damage limitation. You are assisting a rape victim in using their damage to help protect themselves and also protect others, also a very important and difficult choice and job.

Even though I knew there was very little chance of conviction...

I don't know what is in the head of my rapist. I have an idea during the rape he had feelings of excitement and power - "will anyone interrupt me", "can I remove her underwear with out her waking up" "I did, I'm going to get away with this", "I can do anything I want".

If by reporting this, him being questioned by the police is added to his memory of that night.
If he is ever in a similar position, and is triggered,
If this extra memory of this experience makes him think twice,
If it protects someone else from going through it too.
It is worth all the damage.

If you can appreciate the value of what I am saying, it would count more in terms of sensitivity than any training could offer.
And perhaps a better level of trust would be built (and trust is a huge issue for any victim)and better quality of information would be obtained from the victim in a less traumatic manner.
And perhaps ultimately more victims would make the choice to report.

The changes in the law and the pack that is given out are positive changes.
I hope if myself, my daughter or my son ever have to deal with your department in the future
More will have changed.

Thanks again
Bobits

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