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Help! DS (12) has just taken overdose!

(210 Posts)
BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 17:49:38

I am just leaving London to go home. DS2 just rang me to say he had taken an overdose. AP has managed to get into the bathroom and is sitting with him, I have phoned ambulance etc. Currently on train not knowing what the hell is happening, and very shaky. On my way to meet them at hospital but won't be there for over an hour.

NurseyWursey Wed 26-Mar-14 17:51:21

Oh you poor thing.

Has his behaviour been any different lately?

The fact that he rang you is very telling, just a cry for help and you're the one he can turn to.

I hope everything is going to be okay thanks

SnowyMouse Wed 26-Mar-14 17:51:44

((( BoffinMum ))) It must be very hard to be so far away time-wise.

FobblyWoof Wed 26-Mar-14 17:54:49

thanks Thinking of you. It's a very difficult time. My DB took an overdose when he was 15 (he is now ok), and it was a horrible, confusing time for everyone (especially him).

I hope your DS is ok and that, although an awful way to get to this point, it will a chance for him to get help

mangohedgehog Wed 26-Mar-14 17:55:17

It is a cry for help, like Nursey says. Poor you sad

When I was 14 I did this and I've never quite forgiven myself for the upset I caused my family. It was a cry for help but I wasn't prepared for how much I scared them all.

Perhaps he is struggling with some difficult emotions and he just doesn't know how else to get past them.

Am sure you will give him all the support he needs.

SuchNC Wed 26-Mar-14 17:55:52

How horrible! What a difficult journey you're having to make. sad
Still, I'm glad he called you and he's getting an ambulance over. I hope they can help him and he gets help for the reasons that have caused him to do this, too. thanks

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 17:55:55

He has been having MH problems since September but we thought he was getting better. He has been on Fluoxetine for a few months and last week took a week's worth in one go to see if they helped him feel even better. He had to go into hospital overnight. Then we were told to take him off the Fluoxetine for 3 weeks, but last night he started being all depressed again and he just phoned me while I was waiting for the train with a cry for help call. He apparently took lots of Fluoxetine but I don't know how as they are locked up. He apparently also had bleach in there with him. I don;t know what the hell is happening.

chickpeastew Wed 26-Mar-14 17:56:37

thanks thinking of you

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 17:57:16

I am sitting in this first class train carriage with fat blokes joking about the weather and all I want to do is cry.

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 17:58:20

Does anyone know anything about MH in kids?? He has been having counselling, NHS were great, very supportive and so on. Then we really thought the medication was making a difference.

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 18:00:59

Dh has texted and confirmed everything was locked away so I have no idea what to think about all this.

Jollyb Wed 26-Mar-14 18:05:06

Oh Boffin I really feel for you. I had depression in my early teens and it's only now that I realise how worrying it must have been for my parents.

I went on ADs aged 14 very briefly but what really helped me was my fantastic counsellor.

You mention he has been on fluoxetine - I believe there is some evidence that SSRIs can increase suicidal thoughts in adolescents. It might be worth discussing alternatives.

Will be thinking of you and your poor DS

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 26-Mar-14 18:07:02

Oh Boffin you poor thing, and poor DS sad

How long until you'll be home?

Sending you love and support.

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 18:07:05

I did not know that. He seemed happier until a week ago. What happens now?

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 18:07:34

It's about 50 minutes until I can get to the hospital.

jonicomelately Wed 26-Mar-14 18:08:21

One step at a time. Just concentrate on getting home. Cry if you want to. Sod the fat businessmen.

jonicomelately Wed 26-Mar-14 18:09:02

Are you being kept informed on what's happening at home?

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 18:11:22

I think I will cope better if I don't cry. I need to be able to drive properly etc.
I am worried he will have to go into hospital for a long time. The MH facilities around us are very poor for young people. I am worried about the rest of his life being coloured by serious MH problems. Also his brother has an interview for sixth form tomorrow, and i have to go into hospital for an operation on Friday, stress levels are at 100%.

Annietheacrobat Wed 26-Mar-14 18:11:28

I agree one step at a time. He's with people. He's on his way to hospital he is safe.

IamtheZombie Wed 26-Mar-14 18:11:38

We're all holding your hand, BoffinMum.

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 18:12:29

I have no idea wtf is happening at home but the ambulance people seemed efficient and concerned when I rang.

BCBG Wed 26-Mar-14 18:12:47

I thought that fluoxetine was not prescribed to young adults for the reason Jollyb gives, but I am not a doctor (my sister is on that medication, though) so I may be wrong. I would check it out though and I hope he's ok, please take care of yourself - sounds like he will be getting care by now

evertonmint Wed 26-Mar-14 18:15:09

Proffering a hand to hold, BoffinMum xx

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 18:15:11

I think we all had to weigh up the risks when they put him on it, but the psychiatrist said that we would know within a few weeks if it was unsuitable, I have no idea why it would be something like 3 or 4 months later.

jonicomelately Wed 26-Mar-14 18:15:25

Ok. So crying isn't going to help. That's fine. This is going to be a tough hour for you but it will pass. Your other DS will be fine. He'll be ok with his interview. Kids are resilient and he'll deal with it and if he feels he won't be able to cope, he can postpone. Don't think about your OP. Sort it after you're clearer about your DS. Focus on his physical health first before worrying about his MH. This will be his rock bottom and he'll get better from this point onwards.

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 18:17:26

I thought he had his rock bottom last week.

SummerRain Wed 26-Mar-14 18:17:31

Oh lord boffin, I'm sorry this is happening.

I took an overdose at a similar age, I didn't tell my parents as I genuinely wanted to die. My mother happened to have a headache that night though and spotted the entire packet was gone. I was yelled at, told to drink milk and had to listen to my mother wailing about how embarrassing it would be if I needed to go to hospital. Unsurprisingly I remained suicidal after that.

It sounds like your boy has a fantastic support network, mental illness is horrendous but having strong supportive people around you genuinely does help.

I hope it was just a cry for help and he hasn't actually taken much/any.

flowers

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 18:19:18

I had no idea so many kids take overdoses and do cries for help.
I have to say he had very good care from the NHS in the CAMHS clinic, world class. Which almost makes it worse that this is happening. If he gets this bad with good care then there is nothing else we can do.

thecatfromjapan Wed 26-Mar-14 18:20:38

flowers

Wishing the best for you. It really is good that he told you.

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 18:21:14

well clearly he was not wanting it to actually happen or he wouldn't have rung me

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 18:22:14

I was happily standing in WHSmith looking a a copy of the Spectator and suddenly I was propelled into a nightmare. I have to say my AP has been amazing and 999 were very good too. But it's difficult managing at a distance.

thecatfromjapan Wed 26-Mar-14 18:22:51

BoffinMum, I'm sure it's never a straight road, and there will be dips along the way. It doesn't mean that what you've all been doing hasn;t worked. The fact he told you must be a good sign.

jonicomelately Wed 26-Mar-14 18:22:56

Exactly. Cry for help. He'll recover from this. He really will.

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 18:23:35

well tbh the kids tell me most things. On the surface I am unflappable.

Badvoc Wed 26-Mar-14 18:27:13

He obv feels he can talk to you.
That's such a positive (even at a time like this)
You must feel like you have stumbled into an alternate reality sad

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 18:29:50

That's true, Badvoc. It's very disorientating to deal with something like that surrounded by other commuters.

jonicomelately Wed 26-Mar-14 18:30:09

I've had several moments in the past few months when my world has turned upside down. It feels surreal and unfair as everybody gets on with their ordinary lives but at sometime these moments happen to everybody. The important thing is to focus on the job at hand. Getting to your boy and helping him start his recovery.

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 18:31:27

well i thought we were a long way through his recovery. i was very wrong.

dottyaboutstripes Wed 26-Mar-14 18:32:19

I'm really sorry. My dd has done this twice. Hope he is ok

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 18:32:34

Nearly at station, may be some radio silence while I get up to the hospital and find him.

jonicomelately Wed 26-Mar-14 18:34:14

I know how you feel to some extent. I thought we were well on the road to recovery with DP, who had a serious physical problem. We weren't and it rocked our world but two months on, after what we thought was the worst case scenario happened, we're fine. A bit shaken but fine. It's not fair that you and your DS are going through this and it's terrifying but just keep breathing and you'll be ok.

mummytime Wed 26-Mar-14 18:37:53

I'm hoping for you.
A good friends DD had anorexia, and there were a lot of ups and downs, but she has really turned a corner now (and is living away from home at Uni).
CAMHS can be great, but there are often ups and downs along the way.

BoJolly Wed 26-Mar-14 18:46:13

This is a good website : www.youngminds.org.uk/

thanks

Annietheacrobat Wed 26-Mar-14 18:55:12

Thinking if you. Give him a big hug and tell him everything's going to be ok. Because it will be.

FreeLikeABird Wed 26-Mar-14 19:00:35

Thinking of you, hope your ds is ok x

Applefallingfromthetree2 Wed 26-Mar-14 19:01:05

You mention that your son took extra ADs recently hoping to speed up his recovery.A family member increased the dosage of the drug on the psychiatrists advice and became suicidal as a result. The dosage was reduced immediately. So the frightening suicidal behaviour was a result of the dosage rather than the drug itself. Could this be a factor?

Until you experience it no one can imagine the horror of mental illness, but hopefully it will pass and there is no reason why it should colour his whole life. It is surprising how many people experience serious problems and make complete recoveries.

Thinking of you and your DS

starlight1234 Wed 26-Mar-14 19:22:32

Very frightening situation to be in..

Thinking of you..Hope your son gets the help he needs

bigTillyMint Wed 26-Mar-14 19:28:00

Thinking of you. Like Annie said, give him a big hug and tell him everything will be OK. As you already know (from the previous incident) a drug overdose will trigger the CAMHS services to intervene much more quickly.

Iworrymyselftosleep Wed 26-Mar-14 19:31:38

Very much hope everything is ok at the hospital and your son gets the help which will make the difference.

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 19:31:50

To be fair CAMHS have always been amazing.

I am in here with him now and he is very apologetic.

jonicomelately Wed 26-Mar-14 20:17:43

It's great to hear you're there with him. Give him a massive hug from all of us on this thread smile

SilverStars Wed 26-Mar-14 20:21:17

So sorry to hear this. The fact he has phoned for help straight away indeed shows he is wanting help.

With cyounger children they often consider hospital. However as you are aware hospital itself is not always ideal, as the amount of actual talking treatment is often the same as outside of hospital. So is it worth asking him what he is wanting, what would help him?

No consolation at all but if this was an adult A and E would treat and often discharges. Many adults who take overdoses, especially smaller amounts and then seek treatment straight away do not get admitted to hospital ( lack of resources, no treatment inpatient often, risk factors etc - plus it can encourage people to do this to get help if inpatient is seen as help).

I hope all is well. Have you asked for a CAF meeting for your ds, to get all people involved with his treatment and care together to agree how they are going to move forward in supporting him. And maybe request some family counselling to help you all? Just a few ideas but not for tonight.

QOD Wed 26-Mar-14 20:34:17

Thinking of you x

NurseyWursey Wed 26-Mar-14 20:35:02

Hope you and your lad are doing okay BoffinMum all here for you.

Please tell him that it does get better. It's hard. It's hard for an adult let alone a child. But I promise it does. With all my heart.

Badvoc Wed 26-Mar-14 20:44:30

Glad you are with him and he is safe.
X

Jinsei Wed 26-Mar-14 20:48:45

Glad you're with him, and hope you're all ok.

bishbashboosh Wed 26-Mar-14 20:51:29

How terrible for you and him and what a nasty shock for you, glad you're there ,thinking of you xx

FabBakerGirl Wed 26-Mar-14 21:00:06

I really hope he can get as much support as he needs and that your op goes okay too.

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 21:22:33

OK, they have done temp, BP, bloods and an ECG. Temp, bloods and ECG all fine, waiting for blood results and second ECG now, but he's perky and has eaten a sandwich and is planning his birthday. They think they will probably discharge him tonight as we are scheduled to have a review at CAMHS tomorrow anyway.

Bit of an emotional roller coaster today - thanks for all your hugs and support xx

BettyBotter Wed 26-Mar-14 21:32:51

Thinking of you and your ds, Boff. thanks

I've heard that the 'upward' period of recovery from depression can be a riskier time in terms of overdose/ self harm than the downward sinking into it time.

Hug your boy hard tonight.

NurseyWursey Wed 26-Mar-14 21:38:38

Good job he's eating, that's always a good sign

Has he had a referral or anything from the hospital now?

Hope you both feel better soon

IamtheZombie Wed 26-Mar-14 21:40:30

Will continue to think of you, BoffinMum.

bigTillyMint Wed 26-Mar-14 21:40:35

That's good news, BoffinMum - you are doing a great job of supporting him. Things surely can only get bettersmile

BoffinMum Wed 26-Mar-14 21:45:52

Nursey they are in touch with local CAMHS so that is all in hand.

dottyaboutstripes Wed 26-Mar-14 21:51:30

Really relieved to read your update. Poor DS and you too, it's all so hard

LackaDAISYcal Wed 26-Mar-14 22:56:38

phew Boffin (I posted on your 2nd thread); he will get through this. As a long term MH patient, I agree that the road to recovery is very long and often rocky (and I speak as an adult without the whole teen turmoil thang going on as well). It sounds like he has a very supportive family and MH team behind him. hugs to you and yours xxx

thecatfromjapan Thu 27-Mar-14 07:00:48

Sending love and good wishes to you this morning. Here's hoping today is far, far better.

evertonmint Thu 27-Mar-14 07:46:43

Sounds like that sandwich made both him and you feel a bit better smile Hope the CAMHS appointment is helpful. Thinking of you, your DS and your family (and good luck to your older DS with his interview!)

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 08:26:16

Hello again, we are on the ward having spent the night here. I slept about 10 minutes all night it feels like. DS is OK and we are just waiting for some more bloods to be done.

Slh122 Thu 27-Mar-14 08:32:00

Hoping you're both feeling better today Boffin sorry you didn't sleep much sad
flowers

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 08:41:48

Dh has now arrived bearing toiletries and my hip medication and means of entertainment, plus joy of joys my laptop charger. MN is such a comfort in situations like this.

jonicomelately Thu 27-Mar-14 08:41:50

10 minutes sleep sounds terrible Boffin Everything else soungs really positive though.

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 08:43:30

Well, I listened to my Paul McKenna relaxation app a few times and basically dozed a bit, but the little parent bed was difficult to sleep on because of my hip, I was obviously very worried and stressed, and at 6am some kid in another bed started chatting to his dad and woke us all up. All a bit difficult. God knows why we still have shared wards in the 21st century.

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 08:44:10

DS on the other hand slept like a log and has just wolfed down cornflakes.

Donki Thu 27-Mar-14 09:21:04

How frightening - and it is particularly heart-wrenching when it is your own child and they are so young and you just want a magic wand to make it all better for them.

You are much in my thoughts (Mum of at times suicidally anxious preteen)

bigTillyMint Thu 27-Mar-14 09:25:36

Oh Boffin, sorry you have had such a bad night on top of yesterday, but the rest sounds positive! Agree with Donkismile

HarderThanYouThink Thu 27-Mar-14 09:29:17

BoffinMum thanks

Marne Thu 27-Mar-14 09:39:54

Sending you and your ds hugs, my step son has taken several over doses, he's now 21 and is in a residential mental health unit ( after having a break down 2 years ago), he is now doing well, we wish we got him more help when he was your ds's age as it was clear there was something not quite right sad, I have 2 daughters with ASD and one suffers with anxiety and depression ( she's 10 years old), it wasn't until the dd's were diagnosed that we realised step son was probably on the spectrum too, he is being assessed by the mental health team but has been diagnosed with psychosis and possible schizophrenia sad, getting him help as been hard work as he is now a adult so we have less say over what treatment and help he gets.

You sound like a fab mum and you are doing everything right for your ds, getting him help now is very important, I hope your ds has a speedy recovery and gets the help he needs xxxx

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 09:42:46

CAMHS have just rung us on the ward and they are being amazing as ever. They said they will sort out the medication problem and we can talk about therapeutic schooling as well (he's in mainstream and the school are very supportive but I actually think he can't cope now).

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 09:44:35

Just want to add, this ward is like the Ritz. We are currently in the teenage gaming room waiting for the blood tests to be done, and I am posting from a leather gaming chair, sipping coffee I made in the parents' kitchen.

elliephant Thu 27-Mar-14 09:49:24

BM thanks DS, also 12, has struggled for the past two years as well so my heart goes out to you. My DS is in a good place at the moment but it's hard for me to relax. There is light at the end of the tunnel though, I know many people who have come out the other side healthy and happy. Take care xx

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 09:51:09

Do you eliie? I don't. I only people who have ended up killing themselves. It's like living with Van Gogh.

elliephant Thu 27-Mar-14 10:00:42

BM, just read your later posts and just want to say my DS has additional needs. We made a decision to change schools to a smaller school more geared for his needs. That change broke the cycle of despair for him. In addition, inspired by the book about Jacob Barnett, The Spark', we decided to take the focus off all the things that DS has difficulty with and concentrate on/ discover the things he can do/ enjoys. So instead of extra academic support or physical therapies he found a sport he can do and spends time on his hobbies. He is more relaxed and sociable as he is not constantly being reminded of his difficulties. I don't know if this is any help to you or is relevant to your situation but I want to send you and your son my best wishes anyway x

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 10:04:55

That is my philosophy. DS has awful dyspraxia and is statemented but we got him skiing this year and he does black runs now. I am a firm believer in the fact that the only thing standing between most struggling children and success is the right 1:1 tutoring and support from a like minded individual in many cases. Ds wants to learn riding next.

Badvoc Thu 27-Mar-14 10:09:31

Wonderful news.
Has your ds ever done rrt (tea fined reflex therapy) bof?
Really helped my ds1 with his dyspraxic issues x

Boffin, huge hugs to you and your son.
Sounds like you're getting great help.

Wish our local CAMHS were as good as yours sad

Badvoc Thu 27-Mar-14 10:09:45

Retained even!
blush

My Ds also has dyspraxia, autism, dyslexia and anxiety.

mistlethrush Thu 27-Mar-14 10:19:40

I hope the review is positive Boff

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 10:21:38

I would have anxiety if I had dyslexia, dyspraxia and autism, tbh.

Me too.

elliephant Thu 27-Mar-14 10:42:59

BM, yes honestly I do. I know people who have come out of the darkest places and have healed. It's not easy and I think the fear of illness returning never leaves. CBT, exercise, diet, medication have all helped. I've struggled myself and have done since my early teens. MH issues in both sides of the family and some very good friends. Bit shocked now actually when I count that up . I know more people with MH illnesses than cancer for example actually ( not that that's a great comparison but I hope you know what I mean ) it's out there just maybe not as easy to talk about.

Understanding the physical aspects of MH helped me enormously and assuaged my guilt about DS a bit, as did the work of Irish psychologist, Dr Fergus Heffernan. I can' t to do links on this iPad blush but his advice was to recognise our spiritual side ( not necessarily religious, he was referring to nurturing a sense of hope), exercise, eat correctly, take time to breathe, keep a diary, all helped DS . Sorry, this may not be of any use to you and you've probably heard it all before. My daily mantra is 'be kind to yourself' , I say it to myself and the kids on an ongoing basis. Xx

elliephant Thu 27-Mar-14 10:46:38

Gosh, I'm a slow typist ( my dyspraxia!) and just caught up on your additional posts. DS additional needs include dyspraxia, dyslexia and a host of sensory issues so I can emphasise with all you are facing. You and your family are most definitely not alone .

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 10:53:15

Right has bloods done and some daft bint of a doctor came and told me about all the follow up appointments he needs to come to that are in weird places and at weird times to suit the hospital's bureaucracy.

I can't bring him, I said, as I will be recovering from surgery (I am having an operation myself on Friday). I will not be able to ferry him about and/or sit around for hours.

Can't dad bring him? she said.

No, I said. Dad has no more leave left. Dad is on the verge of losing his job because he has been running around attending lots of appointments for DS. Someone in this family has to earn a living.

Honestly. I don't know what planet she is on.

I've just seen this. I'm so sorry, you must be feeling awful (as must he).

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 10:54:43

Ironically they make a big thing of informing social services all the time, but when you actually go to SS and say something like 'can i have help, we simply haven't got enough adults to go around' they are nowhere to be seen.

mistlethrush Thu 27-Mar-14 10:56:06

Just imagine the massed ranks of MNers behind you nodding heads Boff - well done for putting the line down. thanks and cake and brew

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 10:57:33

well she has fucked off now to write down all these places he is supposed to be.
his 16 year old sen brother who is about to do gcses will have to take the day off school twice to deal with this.
fucking joke.

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 10:58:11

I am not happy. Barely hanging on by a thread.

Badvoc Thu 27-Mar-14 11:03:41

Oh boff.
I wish I could help with appts etc.
I'm afraid the only way to make them understand is to (in a non violent non threatening way obv) make it clear that that you will not be fobbed off and that the separate service providers need to liaise and make it easier for their patient and his family

dottyaboutstripes Thu 27-Mar-14 11:05:19

I can SO relate to the appointment thing. They don't like to make it easy that's for sure. Hang on in there

apermanentheadache Thu 27-Mar-14 11:20:10

flowers

I have no specialist knowledge of MH issues in adolescents, but I do know from personal experience it can be a rocky road until the meds are right. It sounds so hard for you all. I would think a megadose of any SSRI followed by sudden withdrawal from that med would be enough to send most adults into a very serious tailspin, never mind an adolescent with hormonal changes thrown into the mix. I hope you get some help with the meds aspect tomorrow from CAMHS.

I know tens of peopke with MH issues who by and large live healthy, happy, productive lives - me included. There's no denying it's a horrible illness but it can usually be managed. I don't want to trivialise or minimise what you are all going through- just want to give you some hope.

bishbashboosh Thu 27-Mar-14 14:50:58

I'm so sorry god what has happened, my own 10 year old has MH problems and it is the most stressful thing EVER. It is so invisible too xxxx

NurseyWursey Thu 27-Mar-14 15:01:07

Oh boff sad

I wish you lived near me I'd help any way I could.

Annietheacrobat Thu 27-Mar-14 17:59:44

Boff hope you manage a little more sleep tonight. Just continue to take one day at a time. Don't stress about the future and whatever it might hold. Many, many people with MH illnesses go on to live 'normal' lives. It is fantastic that he can talk to you.

AdoraBell Thu 27-Mar-14 18:14:53

I've only just seen this too. Would a brew and cake help you with getting through To the ditsy Dr.?

Badvock is right, concentrate on getting the providers To liaise on their patient's behalf.

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 22:07:09

Right, back home, he's settled down and is in bed, we saw the psychiatrist this afternoon and he was actually very sensible and nice and told us not to worry too much. Still on edge though.

No wonder.

Glad the psychiatrist was good, though.

Donki Thu 27-Mar-14 22:16:12

Have you any friends/relatives/children's godparents who could help with appointments?

Donki Thu 27-Mar-14 22:18:17

(And I too know people who have come through anxiety/depression and suicide attempts to live happy and productive lives. There is hope - I try to hang on to this thought when the YoungDonki is having a suicidal meltdown...)

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 22:19:10

Not really Donki, they will help with other things but MH is too much for most people. It's the unpredictability.

NurseyWursey Thu 27-Mar-14 22:20:59

Boffin Has he ever spoken of a trigger, or a feeling he gets before he knows he's going to 'meltdown' (sorry meltdown is the term I use for mine, not sure what you'd prefer)

Sometimes it's good if he can recognise when it's coming on

Donki Thu 27-Mar-14 22:30:15

Have you tried asking? Sometimes people can surprise you most pleasantly!

Donki Thu 27-Mar-14 22:32:51

And agree with NurseyWursey. Our most effective ways to help the YD are reducing triggers - and the educational autism support people are doing a lot of work with him on recognising emotions and what makes him feel good (at mainstream primary)

NurseyWursey Thu 27-Mar-14 22:34:16

I think Boffin probably knows about all of this but I'm just trying to help anyway I can think of.

You'll both get through it Boffin thanks

Donki Thu 27-Mar-14 22:38:25

(Yes, I'mprobably trying to teach Boffin to suck eggs) (blush)

Thinking of you and your son Boffin thanks

Glad to hear he's home Boffin.

thecatfromjapan Thu 27-Mar-14 22:52:52

BoffinMum, I just want to add that I know people who've come out the other end too. Just to add to the little pile of happy endings (you sound as though you need a few).

Glad to hear you're all home.

Wishing you a steadily better tomorrow. flowers

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 22:54:14

I am just so reassured people are trying to make helpful suggestions. I don't know what I am doing really.

NurseyWursey Thu 27-Mar-14 22:55:57

No-one does boffin, even us depression veterans!

It's like the sea, enjoy it when it's calm and try to ride it when it's rough.

Easier said than done, I know.

If there's anyway we can help, let us know.

BoffinMum Thu 27-Mar-14 22:57:58

Thank you.

Donki Thu 27-Mar-14 22:59:43

(Offers a big blue fan to thecatfromjapan)

Donki Thu 27-Mar-14 23:00:11

(But my cat likes to hide in boxes)

Donki Thu 27-Mar-14 23:01:16

blush
Sorry

NurseyWursey Thu 27-Mar-14 23:03:14

boffin has he ever kept a mood diary? I found it quite helpful.

My DP is going to buy me one of those 'Jawbone' things. https://jawbone.com/up it does all sorts of fancy things (you link it to an app) and it records stuff like your sleep, exercise but it's also got a mood diary that you can record stuff on so it's sort of a more interesting way to do it. Pretty expensive mind, but might get him engaged? Or he could write it down in like a diary. It's good looking back, sometimes there's patterns

BoffinMum Fri 28-Mar-14 09:37:56

I might ask his therapist about the Mood Diary thing.

TheReturnoftheSmartArse Fri 28-Mar-14 09:53:44

How are you doing today, Boff?

I know others have said on the thread that they know plenty of people who have had MH issues and have come out the other side and gone on to lead satisfying lives, but I just want to add to that.

I am the mother of a DD who at 14 went through a year of very severe OCD (think so bad that she couldn't get to school because her compulsions were so strong) and who also tried on several occasions to take her own life. She has been on Fluoextine for 2 years now and had a year of CBT, and I can honestly say she is now 100% "normal". Still has her ups and downs, like any teenager, and is definitely not looking forward to starting the GCSE exams in a few weeks! But she has come out the other side, has learnt to recognise the difference between the start of a "down" period and normal teenage angst, and to speak up when she thinks she needs someone to talk to or a little extra help. (She was latterly diagnosed as having a sensory processing disorder and dyspraxia, which may have contributed to the anxiety, OCD and suicidal thoughts.)

So, whilst you will never stop worring about your DS and looking for "signs", I promise you that he will eventually find the right treatment and way of dealing with his differences.

Hang in there! If someone had told me how difficult parenting is, and that it lasts a lifetime, I might have thought twice about it!

BoffinMum Fri 28-Mar-14 10:21:57

That is actually very reassuring. I think that was what the psychiatrist was saying yesterday, that there is a pathological bit to all this, and a teenage angst bit, and that they are teaching DS, us and his school which is which. I think I understand that a bit better thanks o your post.

In essence I am superficially calm but in actual fact stressed out of my box and I am worrying I will fly off the handle at an innocent person if I don't watch it.

TheReturnoftheSmartArse Fri 28-Mar-14 12:16:16

I'm glad it was helpful. smile Look after yourself, Boff - I hope you have nice people around you who can give you a shoulder to cry on occasionally, because it is hard work and we mums are often overly involved (naturally!) in our children's lives, to the detriment of our own sanity and well-being. It wasn't until we started to emerge from the fog that had been a hellish year that I realised quite what pressure I'd been under myself, never mind my DD.

duchesse Fri 28-Mar-14 12:22:23

Do you have a really good friend/family member who be stand-in responsible adult around the house for a week or so?

BoffinMum Sat 29-Mar-14 08:55:10

Not really, Duchesse. I have an AP so not totally abandoned, but it will be a tough few weeks.

BoffinMum Sat 29-Mar-14 08:56:36

I am in hospital myself at the moment and jolly miserable. They are not looking after me very well either. I am having to draw on significant internal reserves of gumption at the moment.

Badvoc Sat 29-Mar-14 09:32:56

Oh boff sad
Can you ask to see the ward manager?
Oh, I wish I lived near sad

mistlethrush Sat 29-Mar-14 09:41:51

Boff I don't know what part of the country you're in - is there a mnner local that could come in and bring things / get some more help sorted for you?

BoffinMum Sat 29-Mar-14 15:26:40

Back home now as have been sprung by DH, fed, watered and tucked nicely into bed with the right painkillers. Feeling a bit better albeit swollen and sore. Good news is that DS2 is quite perky today which is nice to see.

BoffinMum Sat 29-Mar-14 15:31:41

DH is organising a complaint. They ignored the advice from the consultant, did not feed me and did not give me the right painkillers. When DH intervened they treated him badly too (and he is Mr Old Fashioned Gentlemanly Politeness). I was very unimpressed. This was actually a private hospital (I have BUPA).

BoffinMum Sat 29-Mar-14 15:32:53

DH said it was like the NHS in the 1980s and he had a point. The contrast with the kindness shown to me on DS's ward the other day was very stark.

Glad you are home and that DS is better today.

But that sounds crap of the hospital. sad

mummytime Sat 29-Mar-14 16:01:26

I'm glad you are home. My DH had dealings with a local private hospital and an NHS one last year. The NHS one was much better (I just wish it was our local one). To be honest I would never use the local private one now - we'd ask for another one.

Selks Sat 29-Mar-14 16:09:33

Hi Boffin, just wanted to post re your son. I spotted your worries earlier on about the problems your DS is experiencing affecting him long term or blighting his life. I'm a CAMHS practitioner myself, and just wanted to say that in my experience children that are going through what your son is generally do overcome the issues and go on to lead healthy, fulfilled lives. Of course a minority do have long term difficulties but it is much more common in my experience that problems such as this - while naturally alarming and upsetting at the time - are generally transitory.
Your son will need continued CAMHS therapeutic support to manage his mood and any self harm risk, and to support him to develop better coping strategies and greater emotional resilience, but young people can make good use of support and treatment and the outcome is likely to be positive. That is the thing to try to hold on to right now.
Sorry to hear of your own health issues....life has a habit of throwing these things at us all at once, doesn't it?...Get well soon.

BoffinMum Sat 29-Mar-14 17:23:19

Thank you Selks. I was hoping a practitioner would come on.

I suppose I just don't know what to think about it all. It is quite a recent thing that children got proper MH care, I reckon, so my only reference point is friends from adolescence who topped themselves or who got anorexia, things like that. That is what I was fearing for my DS.

I do think he is in good hands with the local CAMHS team though, and they are generous about counselling and support for him, so clearly the prognosis is good. We also get parent counselling, and the nice lady who does it bends over backwards to make it work for us.

I have a question about medication, in case you can help. What length of time on average do children take Fluoxetine for, and how do you know if they are ready to come off it?

Selks Sat 29-Mar-14 17:45:48

Re Fluoxetine as far as I am aware it is a totally individual thing. It should be monitored by regular (every few weeks or months) appointments with the CAMHS Dr that is prescribing it to see if it is being helpful/not/still needed/not, also ideally there should be regular reviews of care that you and DS would be invited to to see how things are progressing, so it can be discussed there too. But different CAMHS teams have different ways of doing things, so it might not be quite the same where you are.
I'm really pleased that you are happy with the service you are receiving from CAMHS though; that's always good to hear smile. I'm sure they will be happy to discuss any queries re medication.

BoffinMum Sat 29-Mar-14 17:48:51

Yes, we have reviews about every 2-3 months and we see them weekly the rest of the time. They said he might be on the meds for a year but I wasn't sure if that was typical.

Selks Sat 29-Mar-14 18:01:34

It can be, yes. Good luck with it all; hope your DS starts feeling a bit better soon.

MrsDeVere Sun 30-Mar-14 11:53:41

Boffin I have been lurking and following.
I just want to add that I have a child who made several attempts over a period of 2-3 years.
He is 'fine' now. He is happy and doing well. I think he will always tend towards depression but he is ok and maturity has bought him a lot more insight.

flowers

BoffinMum Sun 30-Mar-14 14:16:07

Thank you Mrs De Vere. Was there a trigger or was he just basically melancholic?

MrsDeVere Sun 30-Mar-14 16:45:21

He had a lot to deal with but appeared to cope very well. Then he turned 14 and it all seemed to hit him. He has always bee 'high maintenance' (I don't mean that in a pejorative sense although it probably sounds like it).

Now he is an adult (20) and out of the teen years I can see that he is generally prone to over thinking things and being dramatic (again, I don't mean that as a put down, I just can't think of another way of putting it). His risk taking has lessened which helps.

If I am honest, I was the same at that age with much less reason to be so.

I also think that when they are younger they genuinely cannot see the consequences. They are impulsive and unable to regulate their feelings. Their brains are just not mature enough.

That doesn't mean their actions and feelings are not real. I hope it means that as they develop emotional maturity most children will be able to cope with their feelings and grow away from this behaviour.

BoffinMum Sun 30-Mar-14 17:02:11

That makes sense and is very reassuring.

MrsDeVere Sun 30-Mar-14 18:20:56

I hope so.
I hope you are ok.
This stuff hits right where it hurts the most.

Wishing your DS well flowers

MrsDeVere Sun 30-Mar-14 18:22:59

Sorry blush

I didn't read the other posts properly and I can see that selks pretty much said what I did.
I didn't mean to 'talk over you' Selks.

Selks Sun 30-Mar-14 19:18:32

I don't feel that you did, MrsDeVere. No worries smile

BoffinMum Sun 30-Mar-14 22:13:00

No, it was all helpful.

BoffinMum Wed 02-Apr-14 09:36:47

It appears to be kicking off again - he now seems to be in major trouble at school for swearing, singing rude songs and calling up porn images on the school computers, and I have just had a complete earful from his Head of Year who has also told me off. Self destruct doesn't even begin to describe what he seems to be doing here. He'll be kicked out of school by the end of term at this rate. He is currently at home too wobbly to go in, and school is being threatening and saying they will put it down as an unauthorised absence unless I force him and bring him in myself. I have said that I have just had an operation and can't drive (it's 30 miles away) and if I put him on a train he might top himself, so obviously this is a major problem.

apermanentheadache Wed 02-Apr-14 11:08:56

sad Sod the school. Ignore them. They sound like they are being extremely unhelpful. I would be furious to be given an earful about what are clearly manifestations of an illness. Concentrate on your son and getting yourself better. When you are feeling up to it it might be helpful to give the Education Welfare Officer at your local LA a call to ask for their assistance, if the school is not actively helping you.

BoffinMum Wed 02-Apr-14 11:11:17

He just went up to the railway line and threatened to kill himself. I have got him back in the house. DH is coming home. I have asked the Psychiatrist to ring me.

BoffinMum Wed 02-Apr-14 11:11:59

EWO are useless in this area, they never once returned a call of mine so I have given up.

mistlethrush Wed 02-Apr-14 11:15:15

I hope that you can get someone to help Boff

BoffinMum Wed 02-Apr-14 11:22:35

It's a fucking nightmare.
I wish I had normal children.

bigTillyMint Wed 02-Apr-14 11:37:08

Is it possible for you to ask CAMHS to write formally to the school to explain the situation? So sorry to hear the school is not being supportivesad

BoffinMum Wed 02-Apr-14 11:42:17

I think the Head of Year and one of the Assistant Heads are a bit unsympathetic about MH issues. Other people have been very kind.

I am going to ask the psychiatrist to ring them and also send a follow up letter.

bigTillyMint Wed 02-Apr-14 12:44:05

Yes, definitely do that Boffin - it is crucial that they all work together with you and CAMHS to support your DS. Very sad that they are more bothered about attendance figures than his MH.

Hi Boffin, just wanted to say to ignore anything school say about unauthorised absence etc. CAMHS can sort all of that out, and if school contact you again, you can give them the name and number of your ds's camhs worked and refuse to discuss anything else.

My dd2 is 14 and has taken 2 overdoses and self harms. it is such a rollercoaster and in my experience, just when I think we are getting somewhere dd goes downhill again.

Dd also takes fluoxetine, but it doesn't seem to have done much.

dd didn't find camhs much help th, but has just started DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) and this has helped a lot.

I hope your ds gets the help he needs xx

BoffinMum Wed 02-Apr-14 13:10:58

DH is now home and is going to go into school tomorrow, I think.
DS has settled down a bit and dome some homework.

MrsDeVere Wed 02-Apr-14 16:29:38

I am sorry Boffin. Hold on. He has you, that is important and will make the difference. It doesn't seem like that now but it really will.

I am sorry I can't offer you any other help.

WTF? They sound awful. I think I'd be swearing if I were in his shoes (not to mention yours).

Selks Wed 02-Apr-14 21:20:41

Did you get to speak to the psychiatrist? If not and you are in any way concerned that your DS may attempt to harm himself again tonight then take him straight to A&E

BoffinMum Wed 02-Apr-14 21:46:52

Child and Family Psychotherapist rang from clinic. We are trying to see people at school tomorrow and the Psychotherapist has offered to drop everything and come too, but the Head of Year is saying they are too busy. DH just can't go on Friday. It's all difficult.

bigTillyMint Thu 03-Apr-14 07:02:23

They are too busy??? WTAF! Go to the HT or DH and get them to arrange someone to do the meeting. It sounds like the HoY is awful.

Donki Thu 03-Apr-14 09:47:06

Thinking of you and your DS, Boffinmum.

The lack of understanding and support from his school is horrendous.

BoffinMum Thu 03-Apr-14 10:23:38

We have a 20 minute apt with HoY later today.
I think the HoY and the Asst Head egging them on both have, shall we say, and MH training need.

apermanentheadache Thu 03-Apr-14 11:33:40

I would say they have got some training needs. It may be worth pointing out to the school that your child is likely to have a disability under the Equality Act 2010 and that they have duties in respect of that Act (More info on the EHCR website ). That'll make 'em sit up and take notice - here is an extract:

"Excluding a disabled pupil for behaviour which arises as a consequence of their disability is likely to result in unlawful disability discrimination unless you can show that the exclusion was a proportionate means of achieving a legitimate aim.

For example:

A pupil with ADHD is excluded for his behaviour including refusing to sit at his desk, distracting other pupils by talking and running around during classes. The pupil has been cautioned previously and the school does not see any other option than to exclude him. This is likely to be unlawful discrimination as he was excluded for behaviour which is related to his disability. It is unlikely to be a proportionate means of achieving a legitimate aim as no other efforts were made to support the pupil to manage his behaviour.

In addition you have a duty to disabled pupils to make reasonable adjustments to your procedures if needed. This might include:*

disregarding behaviour which is a direct consequence of their disability
making reasonable adjustments to manage such behaviour
considering alternative, more appropriate punishments, and
ensuring that a disabled pupil is able to present their case fully where their disability might hinder this."

BoffinMum Thu 03-Apr-14 11:45:36

I have had conversations like that with the Asst Head in the past, but to be honest he never really 'gets' SEN or disability. As he is a PE teacher I made the analogy once of penalising a one legged kid for not being able to achieve the same speeds running around the athletics track as his two legged classmates, but IMVHO this guy is a bit slow on the uptake and simply can't comprehend SEN in anything like the way you would expect him to. I am sure he thinks it is bad parenting and an attitude problem on the part of the children.

CAMHS are sending a representative down to the meeting later, which I think will be very helpful.

Interestingly I happened to encounter the Asst Head's children recently and, shall we say, their behaviour did not reflect well on him as a parent. wink

apermanentheadache Thu 03-Apr-14 12:14:15

Oh dear. What a shower. Honestly. If no joy from the meeting today, can you ask CAMHS to take it up with the actual Head (where is s/he?!) and the school Governing Body. These people are likely to be appraised (or at least interested in demonstrating compliance with) the law and will be afraid that they could be subject to legal action if they don't fulfill their obligations under statute.

But really, you don't want to have to be doing all this with them do you, right now? It's not like you've not got enough on your plate! Maybe you can take some comfort in the knowledge that they can't realistically exclude your son because they would likely be infringing the law.

apermanentheadache Thu 03-Apr-14 12:15:32

And I would think a mention of the actual Act and the possibility of bringing a case against the school if they don't step up might make ears prick up. Or it bloody should do.

KateF Thu 03-Apr-14 12:32:25

Hi BoffinMum, so sorry you and ds are going through this. Just popping on to say that getting CAMHS into school is the best thing you can do. I have a 14 year old dd with severe depression and anxiety. I was getting a huge amount of pressure from school until dds mental health nurse came in to a meeting with me, insisted on seeing the Assistant Head and very nicely but firmly told them to back off.

My dd has LEA tutoring at home and the school are not particularly helpful re work but at least the threats have stopped.

BoffinMum Thu 03-Apr-14 12:39:35

i have juts told DH all this. I am trying to decide whether or not to trek into school but I am feeling pretty fragile after the operation so it would take a toll. Maybe DH will have to go by himself.

apermanentheadache Thu 03-Apr-14 12:46:44

I think it sounds like one for your DH. If they're that useless they might also be sexist and more inclined to listen to your DH cos he's a man (sadly). All the PE teachers at my school were neanderthals (sorry, any nice PE teachers out there....)

BoffinMum Thu 03-Apr-14 12:58:00

TBH they know I am a Boffin and know lots of stuff. I don't think gender would come into it.

apermanentheadache Thu 03-Apr-14 13:14:13

That's good. I hope it's a useful meeting and they lay off you for a bit.

Sonnet Thu 03-Apr-14 13:32:23

All the best BoffinMum - a dreadful time for you all xx

scottishmummy Thu 03-Apr-14 14:07:23

Sorry to read your son is distressed,you must be beside yourself

Ask for psych assessment and discharge planning/follow up treatment plan
I see youre with camhs .the home treatment teams are skilled and support families too

I wouldn't sweat the what ifs too much just now that's discussion for another time.

Mental health is a spectrum and it may be a short episodic adolescent illness or it may have longer term impact.with the right medication,support most mental illness is managed safely in community and is largely unproblematic. It doesn't necessarily mean your son has a gloomy prognosis. These are discussions to be had with the psychiatrist

Maintain your regular routine,and being a family.although it all seems so disrupted now

You can request a professionals meeting as a parent,discuss sensitive topics and impact on family.

Plan meeting with schools about support

Useful links
young minds
royal college of psychiatrists
good resources

And best wishes,to your son,and all the family
Make sure you and your partner debrief to each other about this,dont bottle it all up

BoffinMum Thu 03-Apr-14 18:52:12

Thank you ScottishMummy xx

We've been to the school and CAMHS came too and were very helpful indeed. I think we have settled things down there quite a lot and I am not so worried now. In fact it is a big relief.

DS is quite settled today and he's been doing a bit of schoolwork at home, which is good to see.

Donki Thu 03-Apr-14 19:19:23

I hope that that settles things and that School give your DS the support he needs. smile

bigTillyMint Thu 03-Apr-14 20:01:42

Boffin, well done you! Glad to hear you are feeling that it is a bit more settled and that your DS is more settled toosmile

BoffinMum Thu 03-Apr-14 21:06:05

CAMHS psychotherapist said that many kids like DS spent a year on and off being il and getting better, and then were basically OK. I was very encouraged by that as I thought I would have a dependent adult living me who tried to top himself regularly, in years to come.

Sonnet Thu 03-Apr-14 21:11:58

Glad it went well, hoping this upward trend continues. Please take care of yourself.

bigTillyMint Fri 04-Apr-14 08:05:34

Boffin, that is quite reassuring - that they are likely to "grow out of it" - gives us something to hope forsmile

BoffinMum Fri 04-Apr-14 09:25:10

The point made to me was that:

If the right medication is given
If good counselling with an experienced counsellor happens regularly
If parenting skills are secure
If parents are affectionate
if parents are healthy
If there is enough money and support at home
If the child's life has proper structure and purpose

The prognosis is good.

Interestingly they have spent a long time looking at our parenting, and we do well on all the important things, such as kindness, friendliness, structure and order at home but not too much, encouragement, setting a good example in terms of alcohol/drugs/holding down jobs/arguing politely/being predictable, having a sense of humour and so on. It was quite reassuring to be given the stamp of approval as parents, as obviously when something like this happens you wonder what you might have done wrong.

So I think key to all of this has been the fact that the psychiatrist knows a lot about the best way to prescribe medication, and that excellent and unconditional counselling has been provided both for DS and us as parents. Which is all the more impressive when you think about the difficulties in fundings CAMHS at the moment.

mistlethrush Fri 04-Apr-14 09:35:59

That sounds really positive Boff. I hope school sort themselves out and stop making matters worse.

bigTillyMint Fri 04-Apr-14 13:15:35

That is all really positive.

It is useful to know what it is you should be doing to ensure the best possible outcome. And reassuring to know that you are, because you do start to wonder if it is something you have done/are doing.

BoffinMum Tue 29-Apr-14 10:16:25

Apparently he let himself out of the house last night when we were asleep and tried to hang himself with a noose.

Where do I even go with this one?

ZingWatermelon Tue 29-Apr-14 10:27:27

fuck, so sorry to hear sad

I don't know what to say but I just wanted to be here for youthanks

CinnabarRed Tue 29-Apr-14 10:29:52

Oh Boff, I'm so sorry to read that.

I have no experience with teens, so don't want to proffer advice that might be less than helpful. I just wanted to post so you'd know someone was reading.

How do you know what happened last night? Where is DS2 now?

I think in your place I would be starting to wonder about whether an in-patient stay somewhere might be needed. I know from your earliest posts that provision local to you isn't great, but it might be better than the alternatives.

LastingLight Tue 29-Apr-14 16:53:20

(((HUGS))) I wish I had words of wisdom but I don't... just wanted to let you know that someone is reading and cares.

mummylin Tue 29-Apr-14 17:34:45

So sorry that you are having to deal with this. I hope your ds can get the help that you want for him

ZingWatermelon Tue 29-Apr-14 20:27:19

Boff

are you ok? I so want to help but don't know what to say.

(hugs)

SugarMouse1 Wed 30-Apr-14 00:47:14

I'm sorry you have gone through this.

Remember, it isn't your fault; and he hasn't done this to try and hurt you. Sometimes people feel that they just cannot cope with life.

I'm also sorry to say that with depression, it's hard to get well again, even with lots of support, it ultimately has to be his decision.

mummylin Wed 30-Apr-14 13:36:23

I hope you and your ds are ok. What a sad situation, hopefully you will get help to make your ds,s life happier. What a worry for you.

fluffybunnies246 Wed 30-Apr-14 16:53:27

BoffinMum hope you, your sons and husband are all ok. You are all having such a hard time- I can't imagine what it must be like for you. My tuppence is just a few words of encouragement. I was a 'highly disturbed' teenager and spent a couple of years as an inpatient, and of course met many other 'highly disturbed' teenagers. Guess what? The vast majority of us came through it, went to uni, have kids, jobs etc. I only know one that didn't make it (an anorexic). I know people are doing well as we are still in touch 20 years later smile I personally am on a downer right now, but I've had hugely happy long periods in my life where I was glad I was not successful in my many unsuccessful attempts (I had 6 months of not even being able to go for a p**s without a member of the nursing staff present in the toilet just in case) Although I still get down (very rarely now, I must add) I cope with it much better. Just because DS reacts like this now does not mean that he will be like this for life. My experiences made me better at my job, and also it meant that when my friends had problems growing up, they turned to me for support as I had been in the abyss myself. Being a teenager is hard, schooldays are meant to be the best of your life, but I think for a lot of people they just aren't. It sounds like you are doing everything right- you sound like a fantastic mum. Just keep on loving him, and don't take it personally- DS will be in such a state that he cannot really evaluate the consequences of his actions on anyone else. As I said, I cannot imagine how hard this is for you, no parent wants their child to be unhappy, but it can get better. My mum didn't do that well at parenting due to her own problems, but I still shudder to think at what I put that poor woman through, and didn't realise at the time.

Boff I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and your family. Attempts like this are not selfish, they are desperate. (((hugs)))

LadyStark Wed 30-Apr-14 17:09:19

So sorry you are going through this.

Do you have an inpatient option available? Short of taking it in turns to watch your DS 24/7, I'm not sure what options you have remaining to ensure he lacks the opportunity to harm himself.

bigTillyMint Wed 30-Apr-14 17:12:27

Oh no, that is any parent's worst nightmare. Thinking of you all - I hope the hospital/MH system is able to give you appropriate emergency support.

Maryz Wed 30-Apr-14 17:18:34

Boffin, have you considered just pulling him out of school for a few months? Can you either take unpaid leave or get someone to supervise him? Just give him some time out - he can catch up on education at any stage.

My biggest regret with ds was not just removing him from school (he deliberately got himself expelled in the end). I remember collecting him one day when he'd been in trouble again and he said "if they found a body in the corridor they would arrest me first and call the ambulance later". He was very bitter about the fact that everything was his fault by that stage.

I still think ds would have killed himself if his best friend hadn't sad

God I'm so sorry, no advice just letting you know that I'm here, we are all with you x

BoffinMum Wed 30-Apr-14 21:33:15

Sorry for radio silence. We've had a bit of progress.

1. He is now a bit more accepting that he is going to have to come up with more strategies to get throughout the day, and he has started reading the leaflets he has been given and coming up with one or two ideas.
2. He got to and from school today without mishap (he is a good pupil once he is there, which helps the day to day situation a lot). I was amazed he went but he survived.
3. FOUND A PART TIME NANNY WITH SOME SPECIAL NEEDS EXPERTISE! SHE HAS ALSO FOSTERED! SHE DID A TRIAL AFTERNOON AND THE KIDS LOVED HER!

Fluffybunnies, thank you for telling me about this. I live in hope.
LadyStark, no inpatient facilities available in this area unless he starts hearing voices etc.
MaryZ, if I take leave I won't ever get into that line of work again, and ironically there aren't many jobs as flexible as this one, so I think I have to keep on trucking, but now there is the prospect of some help from a nanny I think this might be easier.

Maryz Wed 30-Apr-14 21:51:45

If he is generally happy at school, then obviously leave him there - I saw the post upthread about him being in trouble all the time, and imo there is nothing worse for a child with depression and/or mh issues and/or ASD to be continually in trouble. It stomps the little confidence they have into the ground.

I'm glad things are looking up a bit.

ZingWatermelon Wed 30-Apr-14 23:28:42

good to hear things are improving.
I wish you all the strength and wisdom to deal with this.thanks

BoffinMum Thu 01-May-14 19:53:36

Thank you Zing.

BoffinMum Thu 01-May-14 19:54:15

Maryz, he was flapping about at school but then we went in with someone from CAMHS and that settled it and we realised it was actually two teachers in a flap.

BoffinMum Wed 04-Jun-14 20:11:36

The two flappy teachers at DS's school are kicking off again and one of them was a bit unprofessional today, I think. <sigh>
Vair stressed about it.

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