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Not sure I can go on

(83 Posts)
ProfondoRosso Sun 05-Jan-14 11:49:44

Hi everyone, I've posted on here before, quite a while ago, under a different name.

I have generalised anxiety disorder. I have been feeling so awful the past few days that I feel like I can't cope anymore.

I'm coming to the end of my PhD and need to find a job. That has got me worried, but now it's not so much the situation that I'm worried about, rather the fact that I'm having a relapse. I can't stand this feeling. It's horror. I get so anxious about being anxious.

I have left DH alone at home today and come into my office so I can be alone. I feel awful for doing this. When I'm this anxious, I smoke a lot and DH hates it. He feels it's a sign that I'm not fighting hard enough, that I'm just letting the feelings get me. I used to smoke a lot more, but have been wearing nicotine patches at weekends and when we're on holiday, and doing pretty well. DH is the kindest man - he was so gentle with me yesterday when I was having panic attacks, but this is too much for him. He has such a stressful job and really, really needs the weekends to rest. So I had to get away - to be alone, to smoke. I feel like scum.

I've been on several different meds - I'm on Sertralone 200mg now and I thought I was getting better. I hate this cycle of get better for a while, then get worse. I've been doing mindfulness meditation and thought it was a game changer but I let it slide during the Christmas holidays and feel like that might be related to how I'm feeling.

DH is 38, I'm 28. We so want to have a baby. We knew we had to wait until my PhD was over and I thought I was really getting better. Now I feel like we can never have children, because I'll never get well. If I crack up or smoke during pregnancy, it would hurt the baby. And I'd be a bad, unwell mother. And smoking will kill me one day.

I wish I'd been born to a horrible family and never met DH, because then nobody would be hurt if I killed myself. He bought me a juicer for Christmas. We were meant to have a nice day making juice today. But I've just been throwing up, smoking and now all the fruit and veg he bought me will go bad. I'm a horrible person and I feel like I just want to die.

I'm sorry for the ramble, I just needed to get this out.

lastnightopenedmyeyes Sun 05-Jan-14 11:56:42

Hi. I'm sorry I don't have much of use to say but couldn't read and run. I just wanted you to know that things can get better, and although it feels impossible now none of your problems are insurmountable.

I recently lost my sister to mental health problems, she took her life. I have also struggled with severe depression so I can see both sides.

Anyway, I'm just here to hold your hand and hoping someone wiser and more knowledgable comes along in a minute x

lastnightopenedmyeyes Sun 05-Jan-14 11:58:00

I see you are on meds, do you have an appt set up with your doctor to discuss options if you feel it's not working well? Have you considered counselling?

ProfondoRosso Sun 05-Jan-14 12:00:25

Thank you for the hand holding, lastnight, it means a lot.

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister and your own struggles. I've had 3 lots of CBT and quite a lot of counselling, but nothing seems to have helped in the long run. I feel so tired of changing meds only for them to fail again after a while. And I know there are issues with taking meds in pregnancy/BFing. I just feel like such a waste of a life.

lastnightopenedmyeyes Sun 05-Jan-14 12:07:15

Oh don't ever feel you're a waste of life thanks You just haven't found the right treatment yet, it's hard work for anybody but when you're so down you can't think straight, it seems impossible. I know.

lastnightopenedmyeyes Sun 05-Jan-14 12:11:58

If I may also say, your DH sounds like mine and I know how it feels when you think you are a burden, but he loves you and is there for you so if you are feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope - please go to him. For both your sakes.

LastingLight Sun 05-Jan-14 12:20:39

I have the same problem with meds as you do (depression, borderline bipolar) - they work for a while and then stop working, or they don't work at all and cause terrible side effects. I understand feeling like a horrible waste of space. Hang in there. When you finally find the correct combo of meds, and you will, it is an incredible relief. I've been stable for more than a year now and it's incredible to feel human again. You have to speak to your doc about this asap.

Congratulations on your PhD. I've been a part time student for 11 years now and it's very tough. Don't underestimate how much it would have taken out of you. What did you study?

As for the baby... I've never been pregnant so I haven't had to stop my meds. There are some meds that are low risk and you can continue to take while pregnant. My dd is adopted and that is perhaps an option you can explore? Discuss this with your doc as well. My illness has meant that dd has had a hard life at times but kids are resilient, they get through it.

I agree with lastnightopenedmyeyes, don't shut your DH out. Mine is my rock and I would not survive without him.

Here's another hand for you to hold.

ProfondoRosso Sun 05-Jan-14 12:30:16

Thank you lastnight and lastinglight - DH is a great person but I just feel that I can't go back to him right now. I'll be smoking, and in such a state and he can't stand that.

I feel like I can't go to my house because everything around me reminds me of anxious episodes and it's all too much.

LastingLight Sun 05-Jan-14 12:39:11

Hmmm... I don't know how your medical system works in the UK (I'm South African), but if I felt as bad as you did I would consider contacting my doc or whichever psychiatrist is on standby. You could also go to A&E. You are ill, it's not your fault, and you deserve help.

lastnightopenedmyeyes Sun 05-Jan-14 13:02:09

Yes I second that. I really don't like the thought of you sat at work alone and unable to go home.

ProfondoRosso Sun 05-Jan-14 13:05:45

Thanks LastingLight - my GP is closed today and I don't think I could manage the wait in A+E on my own, but I'll call my GP first thing tomorrow.

LastingLight Sun 05-Jan-14 13:13:29

Don't go on your own, get DH to go with.

I'm fairly new on MN and hugs seem to be frowned upon but you are in need of one: ((HUG))

LastingLight Sun 05-Jan-14 13:14:06

BTW are you being treated by a gp? With your history you should be seeing a psychiatrist.

ProfondoRosso Sun 05-Jan-14 13:36:02

flowers LastingLight, a hug is very much appreciated right now. I was having CBT last year but was discharged. I didn't feel it helped very much, but I saw it through to the end.

MN can be so great. It makes me feel less lonely in all this.

lastnightopenedmyeyes Sun 05-Jan-14 13:39:02

Hang in there. I'm checking back as often as I can,I have a 3 year old DS with a nasty cold. And I'm 38 weeks pregnant - so I'm here all day and will keep checking back in case you need to chat. X

ProfondoRosso Sun 05-Jan-14 13:42:07

Thank you, lastnight, and I hope your DS isn't feeling too poorly. x

ProfondoRosso Sun 05-Jan-14 14:55:53

I miss my DH. I miss his kind, lovely face. I miss the times when we've been happy together, when I've not been like this. He can't be happy when I'm like this. I feel like we can never have the life we want because of this bloody curse of mental illness.

lastnightopenedmyeyes Sun 05-Jan-14 15:41:26

With his help and support you can get back to that, but you have to be honest with him about how you are feeling. thanks

LastingLight Sun 05-Jan-14 15:44:08

ProfondoRosso imagine for a moment that it was your DH that was ill rather than you. Would you want him to try and cope on his own or would you want to be there for him?

lastnightopenedmyeyes I hope your ds feels better soon. My dd is visiting her grandparents on the other end of the country and I miss her.

ProfondoRosso Sun 05-Jan-14 15:49:40

I would want to be there for him, Lasting. I really would. But he just can't handle me when I'm like this. He has so much stress at work. He says sometimes that I obviously care about smoking more than him. And I don't. I love him so much. It's just this horrible bloody anxiety and my stupid behaviour that goes with it.

I tried saying to him this morning that this 'me' is still a part of me right now and, though I want to change that, it's very, very hard. But he just thinks I'm giving up and not fighting.

Preciousbane Sun 05-Jan-14 15:54:52

Your stress levels while writing up will be through the roof, hence feeling very unwell. I lived through the write up of my ex boyfriends PhD and he being just about the most stable person you could ever meet found it hard to cope. I remember him crying a few times, seriously it was just so out of character.

I think you need a review by a medical professional and be totally honest with them.

ProfondoRosso Sun 05-Jan-14 16:00:16

You're right, Preciousbane. The stress of writing up really doesn't help. When I'm feeling good, I think how good it will be to have the thesis done and hopefully find some work that's more structured, less introspective.

Preciousbane Sun 05-Jan-14 16:09:30

How far through your write up are you? Would you consider counselling through your University? As it will be free.

Do you think the worry of him being irritated by your anxiety makes you more anxious ? bit of a vicious circle situation.

Your only 28, just put the thinking about having dc right to the back of your head for the moment.Writing up a thesis and pondering the next huge step is too much for anyone, anxious or not. I think with anxiety, which I have had myself you question your every move . You know what though at huge crisis points people without anxiety also question themselves. It has taken me a long time to realise I am not as odd as I think I am. Sorry I hope that makes sense.

LastingLight Sun 05-Jan-14 16:11:10

I'm sorry your DH finds it hard to cope with you not being well. It can be so difficult for people who have never had a mental to imagine what it is like. Would he be willing to see a counselor to work through his feelings about your illness and come up with a strategy for helping you?

What is the subject of you thesis?

ProfondoRosso Sun 05-Jan-14 16:16:40

I'm very nearly finished, Precious - I should only be another few weeks at most. You're right - the effect my anxiety has on him makes me feel a lot worse. I've ruined a couple of his birthdays since we've been together because I've been in the middle of an episode. He says it's OK, they weren't ruined, but I can't get rid of the guilt.

He had a bad childhood, and was actually in a psychiatric hospital himself in his early 20s - he was diagnosed bipolar but thinks it was a mis-diagnosis because he's so much better now and hasn't taken meds in years. So when his birthday comes around, it can be hard because he only has bad memories - family not caring, feeling alone as a child. And I just go and make it worse.

Lasting, him seeing a counsellor is something to think on. I think he can't understand why I can't just work hard at getting better, like he did. My thesis is on French cinema.

LastingLight Sun 05-Jan-14 19:35:46

I hope you managed to get some rest tonight. Let us know what the doc said tomorrow.

LastingLight Mon 06-Jan-14 09:16:52

How are you doing today ProfondoRosso?

ProfondoRosso Mon 06-Jan-14 11:51:37

Thank you for checking in, Lasting. I'm still not so good. I had panic attacks Saturday and Sunday night and this morning, which is awful because I always used to settle down at night and feel safer. But I've phoned the doctor and will hopefully get a telephone consultation today.

ProfondoRosso Mon 06-Jan-14 15:04:40

Hi everyone, sorry to come back again but I'm really not doing well. I'm in my office, colleagues are here so that's good, but frightened of going home later. I'm so scared I'll have another panic attack (like the last two nights), feel an intense need to smoke (I never do at home or in the evenings) and DH will hate me. GP hasn't phoned yet, but I feel so sick and light-headed.

LastingLight Mon 06-Jan-14 15:16:25

Ask DH to take you to A&E... you've suffered long enough, you need to act. If you don't want tonight to be a repeat of the last 2 nights then you must change something about the situation. ((HUG))

ProfondoRosso Mon 06-Jan-14 15:31:10

I need to wait until DH gets back from work.

I feel like everything is slipping through my fingers. The life we could have had, the children we so want to have, our happiness. I don't know what we did to deserve this.

LastingLight Mon 06-Jan-14 16:20:44

You didn't do anything to deserve it, it's an illness that you didn't bring upon yourself. Don't try and look at the big picture right now, it's going to look bleak from where you're at. Focus on what you need to do for yourself right now. Be kind to yourself. I know it doesn't feel that way but things can and will get better.

Preciousbane Mon 06-Jan-14 16:25:42

I'm very sorry that you feel so bad, he won't hate you but he will be concerned. Keep posting or call Samaritans

ProfondoRosso Mon 06-Jan-14 16:31:45

Thank you, both of you. Your kindness means so much right now. MN can be amazing.

LastingLight Mon 06-Jan-14 16:44:09

When does your DH come home?

Preciousbane Mon 06-Jan-14 16:47:05

Until he is home, which I hope is soon then distract yourself on here.

wfrances Mon 06-Jan-14 16:50:24

sorry your feeling so bad,
have you tried beta blockers? they can stop/lessen the physical symptoms .

ProfondoRosso Mon 06-Jan-14 17:13:08

Thanks wfrances, I've had beta blockers from the doc before, but years ago. I'm still waiting for her to call me today. I have some diazepam which is about a year old - don't know if that would still be OK to take?

LastingLight Mon 06-Jan-14 18:57:10

I would take the diazepam if I was you.

Preciousbane Mon 06-Jan-14 21:34:07

If you get the chance to update let us know how your doing,thinking of you op thanks

ProfondoRosso Mon 06-Jan-14 21:48:23

Thank you for checking in, Lasting and Precious - I had some diazepam and am just sitting with some chamomile tea. Still quite shaky, but feeling a little better. My mind is a bit quieter right now and I'm thankful for that, and the amazing kindness of everyone on this thread.

I don't know how tomorrow and the rest of the week will go, but right now feels better than earlier.

Preciousbane Mon 06-Jan-14 23:06:55

Thanks for coming back on to the thread, the only other I can suggest further is deep breathing. Lay on your back put one had lightly on your chest and one on your abdomen and take nice long deep breaths and make sure your abdomen rises.

I hope you get a decent rest.

LastingLight Tue 07-Jan-14 05:19:32

Good morning ProfondoRosso, how was your night? Did the gp ever get back to you?

lastnightopenedmyeyes Tue 07-Jan-14 09:01:43

Good morning. I hope you had a restful night, still here just checking in on you. Posting is sporadic due to aforementioned 3 year old + last phase if pregnancy - and I'm not sure how much use I am to you - but I am here to support you nonetheless. smile

Preciousbane Tue 07-Jan-14 09:58:11

Hello Hope you managed to get some rest, just seeing how you are.

ProfondoRosso Tue 07-Jan-14 11:15:59

Morning everybody, and thank you again for checking in. I had a better night last night - no panic attack, managed to keep some food down and took things very easy. The GP hasn't phoned back yet, but I will try again today.

I hope your DS is feeling better and you're feeling well yourself, lastnight - it's so kind of you to check in when you're in the last bit of pregnancy! And everyone else, of course, Lasting and Precious especially, you have been a real help while this has been happening. flowers

Preciousbane Tue 07-Jan-14 11:32:09

Thanks for checking in, please do chase your GP up. I know they are busy, I just had to wait three weeks for an appointment, it wasn't urgent obviously. I'm really glad you didn't have a panic attack and got some rest.

I'm off out at midday and back home at about six so will check in then.

LastingLight Tue 07-Jan-14 16:05:13

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, but as Preciousbane says, keep on trying to contact your gp. It's important that you get help.

ProfondoRosso Tue 07-Jan-14 16:29:58

Thank you, Precious and Lasting, I'm going to phone for an appointment to see how soon they can see me. Hope both of you are well today.

LastingLight Tue 07-Jan-14 17:28:28

I'm fine thanks, dd came back last night after 6 days away so the family is complete again. Apart from that I spent way too much time on MN at work today... this is a bad addiction!

ProfondoRosso Tue 07-Jan-14 17:45:50

That's good, Lasting - I hope you're enjoying having her back. I'm meant to be writing my PhD conclusion, but MNing way more than writing. It's hard to pull yourself away! smile

LastingLight Tue 07-Jan-14 18:07:55

I need to register for this year - our academic year starts in Jan. I'm doing an Honours in Psychology. Unfortunately the requirements for qualifications to become a registered counselor or psychologist are in the process of being changed and it seems as if the degree I'm busy with may end up being useless. I need to do more research on this but I'm procrastinating.

More pressing though is the huge pile of unfolded laundry so I will make you a deal... you spend some time on your thesis and I will fold laundry. smile

ProfondoRosso Tue 07-Jan-14 18:24:39

It's a deal, Lasting smile

Preciousbane Tue 07-Jan-14 19:06:28

I'm fine all fed and watered including the last of the mince pies.
I hope you managed to get an appointment.

LastingLight Tue 07-Jan-14 19:31:14

Right, laundry all mostly done. I'm going to bed with a book now. Hope you have a good night ProfondoRosso, chat again in the morning.

LastingLight Wed 08-Jan-14 06:24:24

Morning, how are you feeling today?

Preciousbane Wed 08-Jan-14 08:03:16

I hope you managed restful night, let us all know how your doing.

ProfondoRosso Wed 08-Jan-14 12:16:04

Hi Lasting and Precious, thank you for checking in again. I'm doing OK - no panic attack last night, though appetite still not completely back. Went round to my parents to help my sister prepare for her interview for a teaching postgrad and that was nice. I phoned the GP and I should be able to see her next Wednesday.

Hope both of you had a nice evening and you enjoyed those mince pies, Precious.

LastingLight Wed 08-Jan-14 12:37:58

Glad to hear you're OK.

Preciousbane Wed 08-Jan-14 18:23:46

Thanks for updating, stay distracted and rested and maybe write down how you have been feeling as when you see your GP you may forget stuff due to stress. Happens to me all the time.

LastingLight Thu 09-Jan-14 12:52:21

Hey ProfondoRosso, how are you today?

Can you only see the GP next Wednesday because that's the first available appointment? It seems an awfully long time to wait.

ProfondoRosso Thu 09-Jan-14 17:15:11

Thank you for checking in, Lasting and Precious - Wednesday is the earliest appt I can get, but I can hold on. Sorry for the late reply, I've had a lot on work (nothing too serious or stressful) - I hope you're well.

LastingLight Thu 09-Jan-14 17:54:18

I commented to several people at work today that it's Friday, clearly I'm in need of a weekend! Nobody corrected me either. I guess it was just the fact that dh and dd were both on holiday today (and tomorrow) that confused me.

LastingLight Sat 11-Jan-14 18:47:16

How is your weekend going ProfundoRosso?

ProfondoRosso Sat 11-Jan-14 20:47:28

Hi Lasting, good to hear from you again, I hope all's well with you. Today has been really hard, things not good between me and DH but am doing better now and have had some dinner. I'm hoping for a better day tomorrow but in any case I'll see the doctor next week.

LastingLight Sun 12-Jan-14 06:44:01

Hang in there and look after yourself.
I'm well thanks, just not looking forward to the start of our school year on Wednesday as things have been so relaxed at home during the holidays.

newyearhere Sun 12-Jan-14 10:03:45

I'm glad you'll be seeing your GP soon. How you are feeling isn't due to "not trying hard enough", it's your illness. If your meds aren't working then I agree it's worth reviewing them with the GP.

ProfondoRosso Sun 12-Jan-14 17:25:57

Thanks Lasting - I hope the new school year starts ok. I don't think we ever really get rid of that 'Sunday night, homework time' feeling as we get older!

And thank you for your support too, newyear - I know it's not my fault, but seeing the pain it causes in DH makes me feel so guilty. Hopefully the doctor will be able to review my meds on Wednesday.

I can't say it enough - the kindness of everyone on this thread throughout these past few horrible weeks has blown me away, thank you for being there.

LastingLight Tue 14-Jan-14 07:04:53

Hi ProfondoRosso, how are you doing? Good luck for doc tomorrow. Write down everything you want to say so that you don't forget. Let us know what he/she says.

ProfondoRosso Tue 14-Jan-14 15:15:22

Thanks Lasting, I will. smile

Appointment is at 4:10, I'll update afterwards. Hope you're well today.

newyearhere Tue 14-Jan-14 19:39:00

Hope your appointment went well today.

ProfondoRosso Wed 15-Jan-14 14:09:03

Hi newyearhere smile I've not been yet - it's this afternoon. I'll update how it went later on. Thank you for checking in.

Going to Ikea with DM afterwards, which will be a nice treat. Hope everyone is well.

newyearhere Wed 15-Jan-14 14:25:30

Sorry to have got the wrong day! Hope it goes well and you enjoy the trip to Ikea too smile

LastingLight Wed 15-Jan-14 19:38:58

How did the doc visit go? And did you get nice stuff at Ikea? smile

We survived the first day of school and are slowly getting back into the routine.

ProfondoRosso Thu 16-Jan-14 13:48:46

Hi everyone, hope you are all good today. smile

The doctor's was a bit of a wash out, but I'm not sure what I was expecting. She decided I should stay on the sertraline at least until I've submitted my PhD and have found a job. I am certainly doing better this week than I have been the past fortnight, but I'm keeping alert and if things start to get very difficult again, I'll go back straight away. I kind of get the feeling she's not sure what to do with me anymore, but she has always been very kind and understanding. She told me to get back into doing my mindfulness meditation every day, as it seems to have helped before.

I had a grand time at Ikea, thanks Lasting - I bought some cheap blankets (we're collecting them in the office for a convoy going to Syria) and the classic 100 tealights for £1.75.

LastingLight Thu 16-Jan-14 15:30:36

I'm sorry the doc wasn't more helpful. As ill as you were when you started this thread, I would have said you need to see a psychiatrist. Maybe I'm just spoiled with having private health care, from what I've read on mn the nhs would really frustrate me! Good luck with completing the PhD.

ProfondoRosso Thu 16-Jan-14 16:28:27

I feel like that a bit too, Lasting, but I'm going to see how the next wee while pans out. If I do relapse so severely again soon I'm definitely going back.

LastingLight Thu 16-Jan-14 17:38:26

If you went to A&E while having a panic attack, would they refer you to a psychiatrist?

I made an appointment with my psychologist for next, I'm feeling anxious about school starting and keeping on top of all that (and I only have one child!), and serious uncertainty about the direction my studies must take. Work is also not going too well. I also have an appointment with psychiatrist the week after. Focus and concentration are big problems for me, the meds I tried didn't help so I hope he can come up with plan B.

lqlauralu Thu 16-Jan-14 19:59:02

Hi Hun. I've just signed up to this website and yours is the first post I've looked at. I hope you don't mind me saying but you gave me hope that I'm not the only one feeling as though life is kinda crashing around them and these emotions and thoughts can feel like you will never recover.

To me, you sound as though you have so much going for you, you and your partner sound lovely and 'go you' on the phd! My friend just finished hers and I couldn't even imagine having the strength to attempt one so you're much stronger than you think!

My partner sounds similar, such a loving and caring person. He also has a busy work life and I worry that he will just stop coping with my CONSTANT obsessive worrying over irrelevant and intrusive thoughts. I've suffered depression and anxiety since me early teens and he's had to cope with a lot since we got together when I was 18. I'm 29 now.

I've focused my obsessive worries on very specific things over the years, now I have a new one...babies. I've always loved the idea of having children and suddenly I've found myself thinking about it quite seriously with my partner and all I can think is...I'm going to ruin it by worrying whether it be 'what if we're not perfect enough as a couple to have kids' or 'what if my anxiety and worrying hurts the baby'.

Sorry, going off on a tangent about myself. I guess I just wanted you to know you're not alone and if you can find others to talk to that have similar issues then we can be strong together! I'm terrified about the future and I really don't want to be, like I'm pre-programmed to sabotage myself. If you'd ever like to talk let me know. ;)

BTW, on a slightly lighter note, I went to Profondo Rosso in Rome last year. Had a good old chat with Luigi Cozzi, praising him for the beautiful mess that was 'Contamination'. ;p xx

SugarMouse1 Thu 16-Jan-14 21:19:10

Does your DH understand about the smoking being linked to your anxiety?
we all have some habits our partners hate, and honestly smoking is not that big a deal, far better than doing crack, becoming an alcoholic or god knows what. But, I know, completely depends on the circle you mix in, I've smoked on and off for years, linked to anxiety and my family hate it and are very judgmental, yet in my workplace 90 per cent of staff smoke.......Remember there is a hell of a lot of tax on cigarettes in the UK, so NEVER let anyone make you feel guilty for smoking, youre an adult, it's your choice, no one is perfect- plenty of people on here stuff themselves with chocolate then rant on about smoking. However, have you tried doing exercise/yoga instead? Or any other techniques?

You still have plenty of time to have a baby, so don't worry about that for now. There is definitely no rush. Many people find they can easily stop smoking while pregnant - it just makes them feel sick.

Have you asked for CBT? Looked into support groups in your area? I know I found it helpful to meet others going through similar and there's always mumsnet and other sites which can be fab for support.

What specifically is your anxiety over ATM? if its your phd work, does the uni offer any support? Speak to your tutor if you get on with them? maybe take someone with you for support.

ProfondoRosso Thu 16-Jan-14 22:01:37

Thank you everyone for your kind replies.

Lasting, I hope everything goes well with your psych appointments. You're in SA, right (sorry if I've remembered that wrong)? What is the weather like where you are? If I do have more panic attacks (I'll be especially vigilant this weekend), then I will go to A&E.

lqlauralu, nice to meet you. smile I'm sorry you've been through similar. I think about having children a lot and just hope so much that things will turn out ok.

You know, I have never met another person who's been to Profondo Rosso! That's so cool that you have! I was there last year too, it was great to meet Luigi Cozzi and the wee museum was great.

SugarMouse, thank you for your kind words too. The smoking thing is rotten and I do wish I'd never started. Not to come across like a martyr but I feel like people who haven't got into the bad habit of smoking to deal with anxiety (or anything else we do which we know we shouldn't) find it hard to understand. I'm making sure I do my mindfulness every day now and hopefully that will help.

Hope everyone is well tonight.

LastingLight Fri 17-Jan-14 04:35:47

Good morning
Yes I'm in SA. Weather is fine, sunny and warm. smile I lived in the UK in 1996 and 1997 and I couldn't survive your winters. I came home for a couple of weeks over Christmas to soak up the sun!

LastingLight Mon 20-Jan-14 06:11:31

Morning ProfondoRosso, how was your weekend?

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