Note: Mumsnet has not checked the knowledge, experience or professional qualifications of anyone posting on Mumsnet Talk, so this is not necessarily the best place to seek help if you're feeling seriously distressed or suicidal. Mumsnet cannot be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice and support.

Banishing the winter blues, warming each other up in The Village

(999 Posts)
LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Fri 20-Dec-13 21:52:55

Err, we need a new thread guys - I know this is Vicar's job so i hope you like the name.

This thread is a support group for those with mental health issues and generally feeling crap, some of us are on medication, some of us have help.

So come on in, grab a stool at the pub, the fires warm and the welcome is warmer - stay a while or move right on in!

All welcome

Ha! im not very good at this!

Yay!

I'm first in and closest to the log fire...even though I feel like an imposter and stranger these days.

But I've finished teaching practice. Just got my essay to do...but that will wait until the kids go back to school.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Fri 20-Dec-13 23:43:15

Enjoy the break Ed you deserve it! Am starting my annual christmas panic - not got enough presents for DD (i have) not got the right food (well we have no food but have ordered three bird roast that my mum will pay for - which is just as well - obscene!). DP still not finished work, he is on his knees and i feel so sorry for him.

I've put in a couple of job applications this evening - go me smile One would be ideal for me while I do my training courses. 3 hours a day, Monday to Friday. Allows lots of time for placements and college.

Still a bit gutted I'm missing seeing Vicky Ogden at our ice rink though sad

DumDum32 Sat 21-Dec-13 09:08:10

Just a quickie for Marking my place....waves to all fwink

hoochymama1 Sat 21-Dec-13 10:51:42

Thanks Lem for starting another thread fsmile, <puts another log on the fire>

Trying not to panic about Christmas, good enough is good enough fhmm

Hope the tablets are ok for you Snowy, give them a chance, they might be good. I took yr advice re chores, much better!
Daughters future in laws are coming round to meet us at 12 fshock
Sooo encouraging to read about your stuff Ed, you too Lollipop fgrin
(((everyone)))

wetwetwetfan Sat 21-Dec-13 11:15:59

Bags the comfy chair near the window.... smile

Well done Ed... for not giving up.

Christmas? Already? Oh dear... better go shopping. sad

DumDum32 Sat 21-Dec-13 12:02:24

Good luck Hoochy & snowy

Oh forget Christmas this year we ain't doing anything!

ed & lollipop inspiring stuff guys keep it up fsmile (my only offering for Xmas this year)

Today had been ok. Had a much needed shower with the carer & meds seem to be working. One day at a time for me & many put there I'm sure so (((big hugs))) to all xxx

Good thing I didn't go and see Dancing on Ice lady - my hairdresser will be here at 1pm.

2 hours early. I'm glad - if she'd been late, meaning I could've gone, I'd have been so annoyed!

DumDum32 Sat 21-Dec-13 12:28:34

Hmmm lollipop - hairdressers sounds fab idea fsmile
I'm Sure ur looking fabulous!!!

SnowyMouse Sat 21-Dec-13 13:27:25

Thanks LEM I'm not liking the citalopram.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sat 21-Dec-13 13:31:54

It is rubbish when you start on it Snowy, can you ask for some diazepam? they gave me it for a week when i first started or i would have been on the ceiling.

Queenofknickers Sat 21-Dec-13 13:32:09

Hello everyone please can I come back to the village? I've been struggling in denial for a few months with "if I just try harder I will not be ill" hmm So that didn't work and walked into GP who was v nice and called my psychiatrist who has sent me to bed with diazepam 6 times a day to keep me out of hospital for Xmas. DH being wonderful so I am v lucky. Love and light to all of you x

SnowyMouse Sat 21-Dec-13 13:53:36

Everyone is welcome Queenofknickers It's making me very sleepy LEM I might take it at night instead. I can't have a lie down until after my carers have been sad

I'm glad that you are getting support Queenofknickers, sounds lovely.

VampireRabbit Sat 21-Dec-13 13:58:20

Hi, I'm new. I have GAD and depression.

I have a new counsellor who I really don't get on with and I end up worrying about and dreading the sessions. I'm not sure how I can ask for a different counsellor? She's lovely but it is just making my life a whole lot worse (five sessions so far with her).

SnowyMouse Sat 21-Dec-13 14:21:45

Welcome VampireRabbit I'm not sure who you would ask, would it be too awkward to ask your current one?

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sat 21-Dec-13 14:31:37

Vampire - welcome, don't worry you can ask for a new counsellor, some work some don't ive had a few now blush two were brilliant, two not so much. They wont take it personally. Sometimes counselling can be tough though so it could just be you are visiting areas that cause you stress - have a chat with her, im sure she will be fine wiht it.

hoochymama1 Sat 21-Dec-13 15:30:07

Hello VampireRabbit yes, ask, sometimes for whatever reason, we don't hit it off with counsellors, nothing personal, just change..?

QueenofKnickers welcome, you were on another thread, exam one I think, and your posts helped me through a tough time...fsmile take it easy, sleep lots, and post how you feel, you'll get through.

Hope your ok, snowy((())) bloody meds fhmm

Dd's future PiL were fine, I got through it, feel sad and a bit lonely now, don't know why..Dh gone to work fsad

Queenofknickers Sat 21-Dec-13 15:59:16

Thanks for making me feel welcome everyone smile
Sending you all big hugs

SnowyMouse Sat 21-Dec-13 16:48:59

Thanks hoochy I do feel rough sad

DumDum32 Sat 21-Dec-13 16:59:13

Hi all,

Welcome to new comers queenofknickers & vampire rabbit

hoochy don't feel lonely were all here fgrin

I've manage to catch a nasty cold so am feeling rough now fsad

snowy meds will settle down - can sometime take weeks as u already know I'm sure. But these weeks can b tough sp take it a day at a time fsmile

Looks like I'm gonna b sneezing a lot tonight fsad

DumDum32 Sat 21-Dec-13 17:00:55

Oh cake & brew for all just because I'm having some fgrin fgrin fgrin

VampireRabbit Sat 21-Dec-13 17:31:49

thanks for the advice.

NancysGarden Sat 21-Dec-13 17:41:26

Hello ladies xx

SnowyMouse Sat 21-Dec-13 18:31:16

Thanks DumDum32, I will try to. I'm thinking of putting it off until after Christmas.

Thanks lem.

Hi queenofknickers and vampirerabbit and welcome. Pull up a chair/blanket whatever and make yourselves at home.

Marking place. Good day but knackering so off to bed...

take care all x

Struggling tonight - we've had visitors and lots of talking about my Granddad, which is good, because it means he isn't being forgotten.

But it's made me realise just how much I miss him, and just how hard Wednesday is going to be sad

<cries>

Queenofknickers Sat 21-Dec-13 22:33:21

Oh Lollipop - big hugs to you. He must have been very special. How lucky to be loved so much thanksthanks

I live with mum, gran and uncle - and granddad when he was with us. So I'm constantly reminded he's not here. It's a bit rubbish.

However, I've got a nice day planned tomorrow, then a bit of a manic one on Monday, before winding down for Christmas smile

Queenofknickers Sat 21-Dec-13 22:57:34

That's a LOT rubbish (((((violet))))). I lost my DGD this year too and I really feel for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

DumDum32 Sun 22-Dec-13 09:08:07

Oh sorry to hear that ((((violet)))) & (((queen))). Hope today has started a bit better for u both thanks

I've got a rubbish cold so want to stay in bed bit little one is up & about so no such luck. Lempsip for me all day today fsad

Hope everyone has a better day today fsmile

Today will be nice - seeing some friends then off to the ice hockey smile

The friend I'm going to see has a 2 year old DS - he said "LV?" and when I responded said, "Love you" completely spontaneously to me for the first time on Monday grin

There was a puddle of goo where my heart used to be - it melted!

hoochymama1 Sun 22-Dec-13 11:03:22

Hope you do ok today DD32 lots of brew and cake, stay warm.

That's so lovely, lollipop smile I miss my mum and dad too,
it's sad isn't it?

Feel a bit better today hmm

Ooo, lots of love to all smile just off to walk along the river. That's not a metaphor, by the way grin

DumDum32 Sun 22-Dec-13 12:51:28

Awwwieee violet that's so sweet fsmile

Thanks hoochy enjoy the walk fsmile

My carer just been had a much needed shower, all clean now fgrin & have had lots of warm brew & cake

SnowyMouse Sun 22-Dec-13 13:02:38

(((violet))) (((queen))) (((all)))
I've got a busy day tomorrow too, hope I wake up in time, got to wait in for a repair. fhmm

Queenofknickers Sun 22-Dec-13 13:34:43

Feeling sad as DH and DCs are all off to champagne and carols with all our friends. Was meant to be hosting an after party but cancelled it in the circumstances. Feeling like a failure for not being able to go. Hate this illness.

OnDasherrorOnDancerror Sun 22-Dec-13 13:42:23

Popping in on new thread. I have a stinking cold, 2nd one this season, and daily headaches and nausea thanks to my fluoxetine. I have to go back to the docs the day after boxing day before my prescription runs out. Feeling a bit sorry for myself but determined to stick it out.

Aww Lollipop, toddlers saying they love you is one of the sweetest things in the world!

Queenofknickers Sun 22-Dec-13 14:18:50

OnDasher if you can handle the first few weeks on fluoxetine I have found it really effective in the past (laughs hollowly as currently ill). I have taken it for 20 years (OMG) and it has worked when other things haven't. Good luck thanks

hoochymama1 Sun 22-Dec-13 15:59:07

Don't feel a failure, QoN the main thing is that your home with them, and getting better.

Ondasher hope you feel a bit better..

Hope it goes ok tomorrow Snowy, good to get stuff repaired. I organized a new bulb on my car last week and felt incredibly proud of myself!

Lovely walk, beautiful out there.

SnowyMouse Sun 22-Dec-13 20:26:59

It would be better if I knew what time they are coming, but they only specify the day. I'm skipping my meds tonight so I'll be awake tomorrow.

DumDum32 Mon 23-Dec-13 08:13:09

Up at stupid hour, grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

DumDum32 Mon 23-Dec-13 08:27:52

snowy hope last night went ok & today goes well x

jinglebellsarecoming Mon 23-Dec-13 09:17:08

Hello all. Not sure if I should post as not coping and you all seem to have some determination to get on and through. I can't find mine. 2nd day of increased dose of sertraline- I wonder if that's making me feel worse?

DumDum32 Mon 23-Dec-13 09:24:13

jingle it's a support thread for all no matter what stage you are at personally. U can post no matter what so pls don't feel bad. From my experience increasing dose is like starting afresh again so I have no doubt that is what is causing u to feel this way! Keep posting if that helps as the ladies are great support on here.

jinglebellsarecoming Mon 23-Dec-13 09:29:46

Thank you for your kind words Dum.

I don't know what to write. I just want to feel better! If only it were that easy! But being here on the thread does help so that's a positive.

DumDum32 Mon 23-Dec-13 09:40:10

Just lurk if u want to jingle as that's what I did for a while when I was really unwell. It really did help reading positive things on here fsmile ❤️

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Mon 23-Dec-13 09:57:00

jinglebells - dumdum is right, i found it similar when i upped my dose of citalopram and had to be given diazepam for a short time to make me feel even remotely human. But it passes - I get the impression (from those on this thread) that sertraline is a bit pants when you first start but after that is is really effective, have thought about switching but the citalopram seems to be doing its job most of the time

My mother is stressing me out what a surprise. She insisted on coming with us to do our last bit of present shopping yesterday but couldn't manage due to her back and we had to cut the visit short (like i am not on limited time now anyway - grrrrr). Please tell me im not the only one who hasn't done any grocery shopping and house is a pigsty? DP working today and DD not wanting to go out but i have to go and try and get what i had planned to get yesterday - my mum rang wanting me to go to the town with her but I had to say no. DP was supposed to be taking her to the osteoporosis clinic today but she wont go - she says she can manage - err no - she thinks I can manage and do everything for her all the time, I think she is being incredibly selfish - i could see she was in agony yesterday but she is doing it to prove a point - apparently the doctors shouldn't have left her so long so she is going to show them!! hmm She can't play the martyr if she goes and gets it sorted out. Sorry - self indulgant rant!

Oh an i think im going down with the cold that DP has had for the last three weeks <prays - Just a few more days, pleeeaaaase>

Sorry not responded to anyone really - I find it hard to read thread when my anxiety is high but love and hugs to all x

DumDum32 Mon 23-Dec-13 10:04:50

lem snap on the grocery shopping & house being a pigsty! I'm not even bothered fgrin

Already got the horrid c

DumDum32 Mon 23-Dec-13 10:07:55

Oops posted too soon

already have the horrid cold fsad so understand y u don't want it.... Sorry about ur mum doesn't sound v.helpful fsad
Hope u get through ur day fsmile

SnowyMouse Mon 23-Dec-13 10:33:51

Good luck with all the grocery shopping, I'm going away Christmas day and boxing day.

It's nice to be feeling awake fsmile I hope they come soon though.

jinglebellsarecoming Mon 23-Dec-13 11:10:42

Good to hear it maybe the drugs as I was wondering what the point of increasing them was. Will stick with it and the roller coaster of emotions!

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Mon 23-Dec-13 11:22:01

I think they do this to ease us into the meds. Saying that I always felt worse uppibg the dose than starting straight off

DumDum32 Mon 23-Dec-13 11:35:13

Agree lem for me dose increases were worse than starting a new drug!

Queenofknickers Mon 23-Dec-13 11:44:05

Jingle - as LEM said you can just be here, don't worry about what to write xxx believe me, determined is often the last thing I feel.

IMO upping/changing meds is hideous so brewbrewbrewbrew thanksthanksthanks for you.

SnowyMouse Mon 23-Dec-13 13:02:51

Good luck with the meds changes. My repair has been, one of my gel batteries had gone, so they replaced both.

Looking forward to tomorrow, my mother is coming to pick me up.

SnowyMouse Mon 23-Dec-13 14:30:23

I feel amazing having not taken my meds. sad I know I will have to take them tomorrow though.

wetwetwetfan Mon 23-Dec-13 15:15:23

Day 17 of Sertraline today... sleeping better, nausea stopped, feeling human, feeling in control of my thoughts, enjoyed being out with friends last night, enjoyed lunch with friends today, looking forward to Christmas because it's just us and our kids this year.. as long as they don't kill each other we'll be fine.

Took a couple of rough weeks to get to this stage but I know the drugs are starting to do their thing now...

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Mon 23-Dec-13 15:48:18

wetwetwet - well done for sticking with them, that really is the hardest part. I am envy of just you and the kids for xmas.

SnowyMouse Mon 23-Dec-13 16:07:47

What's everyone doing for Christmas?

DumDum32 Mon 23-Dec-13 16:27:18

Well done wetwetwet for sticking to the meds & glad ur feeling better aswell fgrin

snowy pls don't skip anymore days of meds I know from experience it's not a good idea!

Christmas wise -it'll b me n my daughter & mum n dad & my little brother. Nice n cosy family dinner (although it Myt b KFC for dinner since none of us r good cooksfgrin

DumDum32 Mon 23-Dec-13 16:30:44

Actually it Myt be nandos just found out fsmile boy we r going up in the world fhmm

SnowyMouse Mon 23-Dec-13 17:05:04

Nandos is good fsmile

DumDum32 Mon 23-Dec-13 17:54:57

Yes, hopefully we will be getting it as I'm sick of KFC fsad

SnowyMouse Mon 23-Dec-13 17:57:32

Awww fsad

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Mon 23-Dec-13 18:09:57

Nandos is lush - do they do takeaway? we don't live close enough to one.

We are going out to do the food shop when DP gets home - apparently its bedlam. I've made a list, am hoping that will fend off panic attack.

The weather is atrocious.

SnowyMouse Mon 23-Dec-13 18:43:04

Nandos do do takeaway now. Gosh, good luck with the shop LEM, I hope it's not too awful.

DumDum32 Mon 23-Dec-13 18:56:11

Really they do that is wonderful news... I'm going to call my local one to confirm tonight!!!

Gud luck lem fsmile

wetwetwetfan Mon 23-Dec-13 19:07:10

LEM...really good luck at the shops. No way am I going back out there now.. weather is wild and everyone in the supermarket has a crazed look in their eye. If I haven't got it in the cupboard then we are going without..

Our local Chinese is open but dh has been and bought a turkey. Guess it's traditional lunch for us.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Mon 23-Dec-13 20:18:10

I started a thread about xmas dinner - people are having indian and chinese takeaways shockenvy Sounds bloody wonderful

hi everyone
nice to see thread so busy today fsmile

jingle seriously just post what you like when you like. Like lem says there's a good mixture of people on here... I was rubbish when I upped my dose of fluoxetine.

lem hopefully you'll have missed the panic buying this morning (when I was out fhmm a list is a v good strategy tho.

well done wetwetwet on sticking with the meds.

Hi dumdum, snowy queenofknickers

I've had a good day tho am waning fast now - can sense the tiredness/urge to cry growing. But had lovely lunch with friends and tea with neighbours. Seriously stormy here too.

wetwetwetfan Mon 23-Dec-13 21:12:30

Kids gone to bed. House is a pigsty... can't be bothered to clear up.

Might have to climb into bed to avoid looking at it...

Eye test was OK, optician didn't check my pressures, thought there was no need smile

Had a minor rant in the o2 shop and ended up walking out very angry - I'm usually quite calm but I think the Christmas crowds and very traffic heavy bus journey to town tipped me over the edge a little.

jinglebellsarecoming Mon 23-Dec-13 21:23:07

Seems crazy that upping a dose has such an effect on all but in a way it's nice I know it's the meds and not me.

Can I ask for those with depression other than drugs what people do to help getting better? I'm not sure if I should be looking into therapy or something. My depression ( in my opinion) is part physical(inherited) and part emotional stemming from childhood things. I usually get on ok with life but can't say I particularly enjoy it. Given the choice I think I would rather have never existed.

DumDum32 Tue 24-Dec-13 04:32:59

Hi all,

Up at stupid hour again & can't go back to sleep.... (big Sigh)

Jingle I'm waiting on one-to-one therapy ATM
Myself for things in the past (I have PTSD) & I think that will really help me. Around my town there is a long wait (been waiting 8 months now fsad ) not sure how long u would have to wait after referral. But I think u Myt benefit from the same maybe.

voilet rant away I'm sure u had good reason fgrin flag eye test was ok fsmile

Big wave to CIQ

wetwetwet don't worry by tidying up with kids there is sometime no point as soon as u tidy up they make it messy again. Hope ur having a good night rest.

snowy hope u have taken ur meds!!!

waves to everyone else fsmile

Right gonna try going back to bed... Wish me luck....

jinglebellsarecoming Tue 24-Dec-13 06:53:26

Hi Dum, hope you got back to sleep. The early morning waking is the pits, so frustrating.

DumDum32 Tue 24-Dec-13 09:21:40

Hi jingle this is pants really I think I managed another hour in between waiting up several times - gah fangry thankfully little one is still asleep but I'm sure not for long (sighhhhhh & imagine a long day ahead)

DumDum32 Tue 24-Dec-13 09:31:27

Ooop spoke to soon she is up...... Time for mummy duties!

SnowyMouse Tue 24-Dec-13 11:47:12

I wont have internet access over Christmas, so I just wanted to say Merry Christmas to all, you can get through it. fsmile

Hi folks sorry been AWOL! Something in me just Refused to get organised for Christmas. Present shopping in Sainsbury's yesterday, Jacke Lawson e-cards to do for those I haven't managed to send - or some of them.

I haven't been depressed though, just this thing in me that Refuses, like a horse at a show-jump (plus went down to London twice which didn't help - even though I took cards and list with me!). Luckily I am not the one doing Christmas dinner - will be at the Irishman's.

DumDum32 Tue 24-Dec-13 16:02:37

Merry Xmas to all fsmile

NancysGarden Tue 24-Dec-13 19:16:32

Merry Christmas all!

brother , his wife and kids are coming tomorrow. Should be fun as neither my brother or the wife are talking to me. ( should I plant a little surprise for them in the meat? DP and I are veggies! Just kidding. Will get up early and chant to have a peaceful day.

Which is what I wish you all xx and thank you for all your support. This thread has got me through December! X

hoochymama1 Tue 24-Dec-13 19:45:05

Phew, they've all gone off to church/pub so I am at last sitting down.

I can relate to the Refusal, SP..might do that next year wink

Hope your day has been ok DD, and that you are feeling better- easier with teenagers, somehow..hmm It gets better smile apart from the massive food intake and dubious aromas hmm

Nancy hang on in there, they should be talking to you if your cooking them a nice (!) dinner grin

Hope you have a good time snowy

Sending lots of Christmas peace and contentment to everyone fsmile

OK my lovelies, we can do it! See you on the other side fgrin

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Tue 24-Dec-13 20:20:57

I would like to wish all of my friends on this thread a happy and peaceful christmas. We haven't quite got to the peaceful bit yet, DD is bouncing off the ceiling with excitement - its proper doing my head in grin

But, small mercies and all that - saw a horrible thing today, came out of the shop to three ambulances and lots of police, someone performing CPR on someone, who i couldn't actually see whether it was an old person or what had happened, I was just trying to rush DD away as soon as i could, cordens were set up, looked like they had been there a while sad I did start to cry (stupid) as i walked off but managed to get it together - I just can't help but thinking that someone will be getting the worst phone call on Christmas Eve. The only thing i can say in hope is that i could hear on the shop intercom (i think there is a shared security system in the city centre) that the ambulance was leaving (we had been in the shop half an hour at this point) and about ten minutes later i heard sirens so was praying like mad that the person pulls through. We must be thankful for what we have, life is a precious precious thing.

Sorry to share bad tidings but needed to share and didn't want to start a thread.

I am happy its Christmas (or at least i will be when ive wrapped the presents and worked out what to do with a three bird roast that weighs enough to feed the entire street hmmgrin)

Wishing a happy Christmas to lem, snowy, sparkly, hoochy, nancy, dumdum, jingle, lollipop, wetwetwet, queenofknickers, ondasher, vampire rabbit, ed

and anyone and everyone who reads and lurks and posts.

Just sat down. Kids presents wrapped, been to church, iced cake, packed bags etc etc... It's a good, but strange time for me - everything went seriously pearshaped mid Jan this year, but am feeling quietly confident that next year will be better than this one. And a lot of that is down to you lovely people here. You've been such a big support.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wishing everyone a peaceful Christmas.

Hugs to those that need it. A hand to hold. A virtual friend for those that are lonely.

DumDum32 Wed 25-Dec-13 09:21:28

Oh dear oh dear was up most of night Dd not well has the nasty Cold we all just got over fsad

Wishing everyone a peaceful & joyous day today!!! fsmile

I want mine to be that but we are due at my aunties at 4 (last min Xmas invite & no one said NO thanks arggggghhhh) so I'll be feeling tired & miserable but at least i will be fed fhmm we didn't get any presents this year either as since Dad had the stroke (3 weeks ago) no one feels like celebrating.

I don't know about u all bit I'm seriously not feeling Christmassy this year fsad sorry a bit of a self indulgence rant (I needed to let it out).

((((Hugs to all))))

Hardly surprising that you aren't feeling all that Christmassy DumDum - have a good one anyway (in the circs).

And a very Merry Christmas to all who voyage in this thread thanks

A very Merry Christmas to all on this thread - I am thinking of all those who may be struggling today, for whatever reason thanks

Me? I'm holding it together. Yes, I miss Granddad terribly, but I am OK smile

Me and mum took my uncle's presents to him (he's in bed as he's paralysed and dealing with some ongoing medical stuff) as he couldn't be up in his wheelchair with us. Then we sat in our lounge with my gran and did all our presents. Some family have called in, and we're now having a nice chilled out day smile

DumDum32 Wed 25-Dec-13 13:48:32

Thanks sparkly fsmile

lollipop glad to hear ur day is going well.

I just want to go back to bed but it'll soon be time to get ready & go to my aunts. I've managed to at least get the outfits out for me n DD & straightened my hair! Feel zapped now of energy fsad but hey ho gotta muddle through today somehow so gotta get my fsmile on.

Queenofknickers Wed 25-Dec-13 18:55:57

Marry christmas everyone! Violet, I've been thinking of you today glad the day has been ok.

I've had lovely day but am now bracing myself for lunch with in-laws tomorrow who "don't believe in mental illness" OMFG. What is my response to the inevitable lecture about pulling self together and stopping "making a fuss"...?????

Hello, I'm Empress and I'm new to the Village (though not to MN).

I've been on Citalopram for depression for about a week after the suicidal urges I thought I'd kicked several years ago came back. I managed to stop self harming at the same time with the help of CBT but I scratched myself again today at a fraught moment (and I am DETERMINED not to let it get the better of me again).

Other than that, Christmas went well. Just me, DW, DD and our two puppies, we took them for a long walk this morning and they thoroughly enjoyed their Christmas dinner. Good luck with your inlaws, Queen.

SnowyMouse Wed 25-Dec-13 19:34:53

Just popping in to wish all a merry Christmas!

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Wed 25-Dec-13 21:40:25

Welcome to the village empress. Happy Christmas x

mamakoukla Wed 25-Dec-13 21:49:40

Popping in (from a few threads back) to wish you all the best for the coming year. May there be moments of peace and serenity, laughter and love, and whatever happens - persevere. You are all wonderful and caring people, and you have made these threads such a welcoming and supportive place.

Take care xxx

jinglebellsarecoming Wed 25-Dec-13 21:52:10

Hello all. Just dropped by to say I have survived Christmas Day channeling my inner mumsnet voice of this thread.

I hope others have managed to have a good as can be day. In particular for you Dum as your kind words this week really helped me.

Off to the toxic in laws tommorow but I am going to take my book and find myself a corner and zone out!

Thanks LEM. Hope you enjoyed the roast.

DumDum32 Thu 26-Dec-13 11:52:49

oh jingle glad to hear i helped fsmile and glad to hear u survived xmas day. good luck with the inlaws today!

welcome [empress] fsmile i'm sure u will love it here in our village! on SH i can only say i can understand where ur coming from but stay strong. try some avoidance techniques u may have learnt in your CBT sessions. I know it is hard once the thoughts start but u have to fight with all you got. I have now been SH free for approx 3 months and it is taking all my energy to do so.

queen WTF fshock - sorry ur going to have be dealing with A*holes. i would tell them to F* off but that would be too polite me thinks fhmm wishing u luck.

mama what wonderful words. same to you fsmile

I also have managed to survive although we had the traditional turkey rather then the Nandos I was looking forward to fsad but in saying that the turkey was really nice (first time I had it).

hope everyone is having a good boxing day and ((((big hugs everyone)))) especially those struggling. keep ur spirits up and keep fighting as its the only way to beat the demons!!!

I didn't cry smile I felt a bit sad, especially after a couple of glasses of fizz haha grin but I was alright.

The thing that nearly set me off was a text from my skating coach "Merry Christmas sweetie, I'm so proud of you, and know your granddad would be too" <sniffle>

We started skating show rehearsals about 5 days after he passed away, and seeing everyone at the rink each week helped keep me together, I think. Because I knew no matter how horrible work was, or how sad I was feeling, come Wednesday, I was back in my safe place amongst friends. Ditto Sundays at the ice hockey smile

Need to get back on the ice ASAP to see if Santa gave me a decent 2 foot spin like I asked grin

DumDum32 Thu 26-Dec-13 12:17:30

well done for keeping it together lollipopvoilet it doesn't sound like it was any easier for u & i'm sure Santa granted ur wish fwink

SnowyMouse Thu 26-Dec-13 13:54:39

I'm back home now fhmm It was nice whilst it lasted.

SnowyMouse Thu 26-Dec-13 14:45:27

I can't stop crying.

Hey snowy <wraps snowy in gentle hug>

Thanks DumDum, glad you enjoyed the turkey. The Village seems lovely, it's great to talk to people who are going through the same thing. As you say I'm going to keep on using the CBT techniques - I DON'T have to
harm myself so I won't. Violet, your coach sounds lovely.

hoochymama1 Thu 26-Dec-13 16:31:58

Oh, ((( Snowy )))

SnowyMouse Thu 26-Dec-13 17:52:18

Thanks ((( all )))

sicily1921 Thu 26-Dec-13 18:56:29

Hugs Snowy, anything particular, sorry if I missed something you said. I am desparately missing my mum who died nearly a year ago and it would be her birthday in few days. Just about surviving Christmas but I feel very ratty with kids,(don't know if I am but I feel it inside).

NancysGarden Thu 26-Dec-13 19:50:22

((( snowy )))

(((*sicily*))) Hugs for you - it's rubbish sometimes. I've just nearly cried at hearing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" because of the line:

Someday soon we all will be together, if the fates allow.

Well, the fates haven't allowed for us, and it's the first time I've really paid attention to that line.

On the plus side, my diet is going well over Christmas - Slimming World rocks smile

SnowyMouse Thu 26-Dec-13 20:40:59

((( sicily ))) nothing in particular, just my lack of progress. It must be a difficult time for you.

congrats on the diet success, Lollipop

DumDum32 Thu 26-Dec-13 22:08:38

((((( hugs all those struggling)))))

I find myself feeling odd & a bit angry tonight fhmm need an early night me thinks.

Wishing everyone a good & peaceful night tonight xxx

ThatVikRinA22 Fri 27-Dec-13 01:06:34

hey guys, im so glad there is a new thread - i have been AWOL slightly but im glad the village is still open for business.

i have had quite a lot to contend with but i expect i will be here quite a bit again over the coming weeks.

i have major surgery scheduled for next week which will result in me being off work a while. I am also expecting a bit of a roller coaster ride - its life changing surgery so not sure what to expect.

marking a place.....and now i will catch up with the 5 pages ive missed!
love to all.

NancysGarden Fri 27-Dec-13 11:45:36

Hello all

Have had a stuffed Christmas completely broken the diet, so climbing back on the wagon today but suspect I may slip as meeting a friend for lunch. Wish me luck.

Christmas Day was fine, I survived. My brother didn't show. His wife and children came. I dropped them home in the evening and my brother answered the door as if nothing was awry. Weird. He didn't look well.

Visited other relatives yesterday, that was fine but today I am so v low. It's this darned lack of sunlight, it really is a bother.

Surrounded by DD's Christmas presents for which there is a distinct lack of space and finding the day without DP for moral support an ordeal ( back at work today). It's easy to listen to that voice and be super critical of myself but I am trying to ignore it.

I handed in my notice at the end of last week and am not going back to work again. (Possibly not even to collect my 5 years' worth of resources in my cupboard!?) I will get compensation so I have time to find a new job but I keep feeling the fear. Big time. Especially late at night.

The temptation to find something unchallenging and easy job wise is huge. I am lazy. This is what my critical voice. I feel weak.

I do hope everyone else is feeling okay today. Sorry for the monologue!

DumDum32 Fri 27-Dec-13 11:46:44

vicar big hugs & wishing u the best for ur upcoming surgery & a speedy recovery thereafter fsmile

Queenofknickers Fri 27-Dec-13 11:51:42

((((Hugs to everyone))))
In laws were bearable. Today I have The Fear though, mainly about being signed off work and them now knowing why - career suicide???

Staying in bed pretending I'm by a a roaring fire with all you lovely people

NancysGarden Fri 27-Dec-13 11:53:51

queen I was/ am in the same boat, then I handed in my notice. I am hoping very much this is not career suicide but those words have been on my mind also. Saying that I know several teachers that have gone through similar and found new jobs.

SnowyMouse Fri 27-Dec-13 11:56:20

Good luck with the surgery vicar

DumDum32 Fri 27-Dec-13 11:56:32

Awww queen all will be well especially with work. Hopefully they will be more supportive now! Take it a day at a time for now & try not to stress fsmile

SnowyMouse Fri 27-Dec-13 12:57:14

Just seen my CPN. She's agreed I can halve the dose of citalopram, but didn't think it was causing the side effects I said. She's also suggested I leave the open university things until next year.

I am fsad I know it's a difficult time of year for lots of people, but I had a lovely time so why am I low?

Just blown the diet with the annual Violet Family Cheese Board - we've done it every year as long as I can remember. Big box of crackers, lots of lovely cheeses, and a nice chat smile

Was strange, we were obviously a person missing, but there's no way we weren't going to do it - we all love cheese too much grin

((hugs to those struggling))

I need to enrol for my Introduction to Early Years Settings course, but I just can't find the courage to hit "Apply". Keep making excuses about needing to check transport home, and the job centre. I can get a taxi, and job centre is fine with evening courses - JUST DO IT WOMAN!

I think it's the idea of walking into a room full of new people, I always hate that. But one of my old uni friends is doing the course, so I won't be totally on my own smile

Queenofknickers Fri 27-Dec-13 13:26:28

((Snowy))

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Fri 27-Dec-13 14:19:00

((((Snowy))) Thats a shame about the OU stuff, can you do it module at a time? Someone on here posted a link to free university courses online - you don't get any qualifications but its interesting and Ive signed up to do a courses on bio-informatics which is something never really got to grips with when i did my PhD just had to muddle through so going to give that a go - if you are interested in courses in your area let me know and i'll search out the link, there are courses in everything! From quantum physics through to socioloy to fine art! You don't get a qualification but there is also no pressure as its free.

Lollipop - just do it wink

Vicar I am so glad you found the new thread, I was worried that you woudlnt find it and was thinking about pm'ing you but didn't want to pressure you. I hope Xmas was good and that you are set for the life changing - life improving surgery in a few weeks time - how is that big bear of a dog?

Love to all - just a quick place mark, need to read through xxxx

sicily1921 Fri 27-Dec-13 15:28:54

Thanks Snowy and Lolli , hugs to all of you who are struggling

SnowyMouse Fri 27-Dec-13 16:47:03

Thanks LEM Maybe I am doing too much sad Thanks for the offer, but I really can't concentrate on anything at the moment.

have you enrolled yet, Lollipop ?

MerylStrop Fri 27-Dec-13 19:14:10

Hello, I'm new here.
Have had a really stressful couple of years, and it all suddenly seems to be catching up with me. If I ever stop to think I seem to plummet into inertia or rage or tears. I'd looked forward to christmas and stopping work and recouping some energy but now I am already dreading next year. Don't know what to do.

SnowyMouse Fri 27-Dec-13 19:39:27

Welcome MerylStrop

Queenofknickers Fri 27-Dec-13 19:52:49

Hi Merylstrop and welcome thanks

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sat 28-Dec-13 00:16:18

Hi Meryl - what is it about work that is distressing you? are you a teacher?

ThatVikRinA22 Sat 28-Dec-13 02:24:03

well, i feel similarly to ed (my twin on these threads!) a bit of an imposter these days - though i know in my head and heart i am welcome, as always. Ive just not been around a lot lately.

lem well done on keeping up and starting a new thread! ive been a bit lax....glad someone did it!

i want to say hi to all the newbies and hi again to all the oldies.
snowy - i hope your couple of days away was good for you.

im a bit all over the place. its been suggested by my supervisor at work that i get assessed for AS. quelle surprise.
i worked nights on xmas eve so was a bit out of it xmas day.
im still incredibly tired. ive got loads to do before i go off for the surgery, and im already having horrible dreams about it.
ive missed my meds the last few days and have only just remembered.

on the whole im good but a bit preoccupied. Im still on the sertraline and really dont feel like giving it up yet. i think i need to get all the upheaval over with and before i consider it.

lem my big bear is adorable - he gives me a reason to get dressed and get out for a walk and i really enjoy it. He is such a baby.....im so glad i have him. He is so loving, playful and a real sweetheart. He is good for depression.....every day he does something that makes me smile
and he gets me out and about. (as opposed to mooching around the house in my pjs....which it seems is all i want to do when im not working!)

hoochymama1 Sat 28-Dec-13 10:01:54

Welcome Meryl. What is the thing that most worries you, and what can you do to change it? The worst thing is the feeling of powerlessness..we can change stuff..

Saying that i am well into the dog days (no offence, bear) of christmas. bleurgh, DS is 17 today so we are going off for a nice meal in bakewell, but like Queen said, the fear is under the surface.

Happy about starting work on the 6th, but terrified too. I have not worked for three years..

Love to all you gorgeous people, you keep me going smile

SnowyMouse Sat 28-Dec-13 10:56:43

Thanks vicar, it was. I'm glad you've got your big bear fsmile
Good luck with starting work, hoochy, you can do it!

DumDum32 Sat 28-Dec-13 11:54:53

oh what a shitty night DD is ill and i hardly slept but of the sleep i did get i dreamt of my ex of 13 years ago & now i feel like i'm cheating on my current BF - just want to cry all the time too now.... something is v.wrong with me fsad

MerylStrop Sat 28-Dec-13 12:51:30

Hi all, thanks for the welcome, weirdly nice to know I am not alone, though sorry others are also not as festive as the world seems to expect us to be.

I am utterly exhausted in every sense, everything seems too hard....I have a life that needs me to keep on going and going (3 little kids, demanding but erratic work and too much of it for past year or so), lost all sense of balance. When I stop I collapse, and just feel total dread about our future, cry a lot, can't stop thinking about all the misery in the world....feel old.

I got a bike for Christmas from dh, really thrilled and have been out on it a few times and it's so much fun, giving me a few moments of forgetting...

Ugh.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sat 28-Dec-13 13:07:45

Bike is good Meryl - i have one too that my mum bought for me a few birthdays back. Ive called it Ralph blush and we have had some great adventures together - i am lucky that there are some decent cycle paths around here and i can cycle a good few miles off road. It abolutely helps - one piece of advice though - get a puncture repair kit and practice. I got caught out a few times and both in the middle of no-where. I had to approach a burly looking dog walker once who was mortified to be approached by a lone woman but he had a nice dog grin despite him protesting that he was worried about his dog with people (doberman) he was even more mortified when i had the dog sitting and giving me his paw - didn't match the image, but hey, i couldnt get my breaks back on my bike and i was miles from home so needs must. DP had tightened them up too tight. I'll literally go anywhere on Ralph - must get him out again soon.

It does sound like you are suffering from anxiety as you sound like i did (still do sometimes). Exercise is really good for this so be positive in that you can make a difference there, but then of course work sometimes means there is no time, and so it goes on. I am on anti-depressants and they help - may be worth discussing with GP. I wont be on them forever but not considering stopping just yet.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sat 28-Dec-13 13:09:53

Dumdum, you are knackered - it makes things much bleaker. I hope that DD is feeling better soon. Dreams can really play tricks can't they, but one thing, we cant control them and they are a muddle of thoughts and sometimes our brains put them together wrong - there is nothing wrong with you x

SnowyMouse Sat 28-Dec-13 14:26:03

I feel awful, not getting on with the citalopram, and fed up with the clozapine making me sleepy. hmm Last time I complained about it, they talked about using depot injections of antipsychotics, which I don't want.

What's the point in taking drugs if the side effects make life too difficult?

snowy the side effects vicar had at the beginning were quite bad, she was suffering quite badly when she started the first of these threads but it was worth it for her. And she is not the only one who has found support to keep on with the citalopram for the first few weeks on that and subsequent threads.

Give yourself a time frame - perhaps six weeks - and just keep taking them as directed for that time. Then review how you are feeling.

SnowyMouse Sat 28-Dec-13 15:21:17

Thanks sparkly I don't think my mood is helping me make sensible decisions hmm

Erm, well, you see... No, I've not enrolled yet! I am going to talk it over with family once more, then do it this evening smile

I have, however, had, and responded to, an enquiry about my wedding photography. So I might have a potential booking. For December next year - lots of time to prepare smile

Oh, and I'm currently waiting for my new phone to arrive - hurry up o2! I hope it arrives on Monday, I want to skate on Tuesday morning!

SnowyMouse Sat 28-Dec-13 15:24:16

Good Lollipop smile I hope your phone arrives soon too.

DumDum32 Sat 28-Dec-13 18:03:25

I've screwed up mega!!!! fsad

SnowyMouse Sat 28-Dec-13 18:09:09

What's up, DumDum32?

DumDum32 Sat 28-Dec-13 18:11:16

Totally forgot to make the rent payment & today was last day!!! I'm being punished I think for thinking about my stupid ex!!!!! Plus Dd is so clingy & I just wanna cry n cry n cry sad

SnowyMouse Sat 28-Dec-13 18:20:12

All you can do now is pay it at the next opportunity, you can't change the past. You're not being punished. Can you curl up with DD, a duvet and a DVD? Or something else reassuring?

DumDum32 Sat 28-Dec-13 18:24:55

I wish I could snowy but I feel too f***ed up in the head now. The voices aren't helping either sad but thanks for the suggestion.

SnowyMouse Sat 28-Dec-13 18:44:02

How do you distract/challenge the voices?

DumDum32 Sat 28-Dec-13 18:47:17

Usually just tell them to f* off but today it's not working sad

SnowyMouse Sat 28-Dec-13 18:50:09

Can you tell them to wait until later? (set a time each day to deal with them).

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sat 28-Dec-13 18:54:19

If you pay first thing monday it will be fine. Can you possibly pay online? It wont be prixessed until Monday anyway so it will be ok.

DumDum32 Sat 28-Dec-13 19:06:19

Thanks lem that helps ease my mind a bit!

snowy ur idea is good I'm gonna try it smile

SnowyMouse Sat 28-Dec-13 19:31:27

It's one of the ideas my old CPN gave me, I hope it helps.

DumDum32 Sat 28-Dec-13 19:53:21

It's a good technique snowy
I'm finding it useful smile

Well, I've done it. I've submitted the application for my Early Years Introduction course at college.

Now, I've got until February to lose a bit more weight, buy some nice clothes so I feel AWESOME when I walk in that room and can be CONFIDENT! grin

I could also do with finding a voluntary placement in an early years setting. Would SureStart centres count?

SnowyMouse Sat 28-Dec-13 20:14:17

Well Lollipop! smile I don't know for sure, but it sounds like an early years setting?

Well, it caters for under 5's, so I guess it is. Will give a couple a call in the New Year I think smile

DumDum32 Sat 28-Dec-13 20:26:22

Well done voilet smile

Queenofknickers Sat 28-Dec-13 21:37:20

Oh dear the crying and despair is back. Worried psych will send me to hospital on Monday when I see him but also worried he won't. Agony. Agony. Have taken sleeping tablet so today should be over soon. This is shit. I have no reason or this. I am lucky in so many ways. I just feel agonising sorrow.

ThatVikRinA22 Sat 28-Dec-13 22:11:21

queen so sorry your are suffering.

snowy - i had horrendous side effects for the first 8 weeks on ADs (im on sertraline but i found it really hard going for the first 8weeks)

it passed though - i couldnt have worked through it but i did allow myself to wallow in bed in those early days. i know you are on a different AD but try to stick with it - just take it easy.

i got dressed today and went shoppping - also walked the bear....

NancysGarden Sat 28-Dec-13 22:14:02

Greetings ladies, I have just had a very sleepy alcoholic ginger beer. DP's two sons are here for Christmas take 2. Just catching up on the thread again.

Your plans sound v positive Lollipop .

Oh Queen I hope sleep brings some relief and that you are feeling brighter tomorrow.

How are you feeling now DD and snowy ?

I like that strategy too, sending the voices away until a time that is convenient to you. I am going to try that one myself.

Night all x

SnowyMouse Sun 29-Dec-13 11:10:38

((( Queen ))) I hope you got some sleep. Thanks vicar, I'll try. it is horrible. I hope you're having a good time nancy, I'm still feeling low.

DumDum32 Sun 29-Dec-13 16:44:00

((( queen ))) hope ur day has gone well & u got some sleep last night!

nancy thanks for asking I've been pretty low since yesterday. Have spent most of day on bed sad hope ur day has gone well smile

snowy I understand how I feel being low myself today sad

DumDum32 Sun 29-Dec-13 16:45:27

(((((Hugs to all struggling))))

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sun 29-Dec-13 19:11:03

Bastard anxiety - you are a bastard! Why can't you leave me the fuck alone hmm Now christmas is over and i have no "project" (apart from looming bastard tax return - you are bastards too!) to focus on I am floundering. Just a feeling of generalised anxiety, i can feel it coursing through my body and i hate it. I don't want to feel like this - when is it going to stop? I have zero patience with my DD just now and am wanting to be on my own, when i should be sharing and appreciating DD and DP being home. WTF is wrong with me??? Like queenofknickers feels with the dispair, i have no real reason for the anxiety, it just wont go.

SnowyMouse Sun 29-Dec-13 19:16:39

((((((( LEM ))))))) I feel lost with nothing to aim at too, I had been focussing on Christmas. Sorry you're feeling low DumDum32, hugs.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sun 29-Dec-13 19:18:19

i am strangely envious of your day in bed dumdum - which of course is pants and im sorry you are feeling so low sad

I think you are doing brilliantly lollipop - I need to start a diet, but i don't know where to start, suddenly feel fat - it hasn't bothered me until recently but i know it is affecting my health.

Hang on in there with the Citalopram snowy, if you can, its pretty effective for me (most of the time!)

We went shopping today too Vicar, i managed to get a pair of jeans that fit me and a new top in the sales, DD got some snow boots - i did have an absolute bargain with the sales and got myself a pair of "the north face" snow boots/trainer type things that are the snuggliest, most comfy pair of shoes ive ever had - ive hardly had them off my feet since friday - they were originally £110 but i got them for £45 (even though the ticket said £60) So very happy with that - See, i should be happy (not that shopping makes me happy, but ive had nice family time) Bloody illness, i'll get there, one day!

How are you CiQ Ed Hoochy TSP Nana glabella unfortunatelyanxious and everyone else - sorry Im pants at remembering names.

SnowyMouse Sun 29-Dec-13 20:54:42

Thanks LEM, I'm trying. Sounds like a good shopping trip! I wish the weekend was longer.

SnowyMouse Sun 29-Dec-13 21:00:58

Good night all.

It was 3 months yesterday sad

Three months since my father figure departed this world, far before his time. Three months since I lay sobbing into my pillow then sobbing on my mum's shoulder. Since we planned his funeral and I went to say goodbye.

I can't believe how fast it's gone. It's just hit me, just now.

On a happier note, two good things have happened:
1. My 2nd cousin proposed to his DP on Christmas Day. This lady is lovely, we all treat her like part of our family already and she's done so much to help us since September, from helping us do a big food shop, to staying with my uncle while we went to the funeral. Totally above and beyond, really. I am overjoyed for them both - and they might ask me to do the wedding photos smile
2. I won something in a raffle today. A game worn sports shirt. The player who's shirt it is, shares his first initial with my granddad, and the first two letters of his surname, are my granddad's middle and last initials - spooky! The number on the shirt is 13, the year he passed away. I have a shirt I bought with 40 on it, his birth year. I think my granddad might have been with me tonight smile

Hi everyone my phone keeps eating my posts from yest and today

(((Hugs))) to everyone who needs them. Esp snowy lollipop dumdum anyone else

Anxiety bad too lem think mix of hormones and busyness.

DumDum32 Mon 30-Dec-13 08:38:03

Good morning all & hugs.....

Thanks lem & colouring

voilet ur grandad was definitely with you smile

I've been up with Dd again. Going to take her Dr later today. I'm still feeling low but hopefully my mood will pick up later!

DumDum32 Mon 30-Dec-13 09:01:32

Stupid fone posted too soon sad

snowy hope ur night went well & lots of (((hugs))) & everyone else who needs it too.

I'm having brew and cake for breakfast.... Need a pick me up smile

The post-Christmas thingy seems to have hit so many - crap though it is, it's quite common sad - sending huge hugs.

I am just v tired.

What sort of cake DumDum? If I am on a random food schedule, as happens if I get fed up with the whole round of planning, cooking, shopping (luckily there is only me and DCat) it is relatively common to have brew and coffee cake for breakfast blush

I too must do something about my weight soon.

I don't want to take the Christmas decs down - the house will be all dark and boring sad

I had to go look at my new hockey shirt this morning - we left it in soak overnight to get the smell of hockey player out. I just couldn't believe I'd actually won! But it's there, and it's mine grin

My parcel is out for delivery, so I should get my phone today smile

Decs don't come down till Twelfth Night, Jan 6th. I hope you charged other hockey fans to have a sniff before washing the shirt!

Haha I'm guessing you've smelt one then Sparkly? This particular player is very well liked, that shirt was highly sought after - I'm very surprised I made it out of the rink alive and didn't get mugged for it!

The downside? You could SMELL me coming - the smell was that strong the thing came home in 2 carrier bags that were both tied up!

NancysGarden Mon 30-Dec-13 09:36:21

Morning all, terrible fucking night. Anxiety dreams all bloody night and I kept waking fitfully then drifting back into the same shitty work dream. Urggggh. Feeling very anxious and queasy this morning. This time of year should be illegal. We should all hibernate.

I think sparkly is right it is common to feel awful this time of year. So add that into the MH health mix, I am not at all surprised to be feeling like this. Doesn't actually makek it easier.

So, if it's coffee cake for breakfast or some new boots from the sale that gets you through, then yay for cake for breakfast and sale boots!!! Fuck yes.

Big hugs to everyone.

I am about to get in my car and drive up to see a friend in Worcester. In this grey weather.

hoochymama1 Mon 30-Dec-13 10:12:26

((( Nancy ))) take care driving..lovely to see a friend though.

Lots of cake and brew today to get us through..I feel so disorientated this time of year, but I too have indulged in the retail therapy, also with boots, those sound good, Lem.

People just sound exhausted.

So, getting my big fat bottom off the sofa and going swimming as dh nagging me hmm I know it's good but I'd far rather stay here. Where it's warm, sort of.

Much love to all today, snowy, Ciq, DD, Violet, Queen, and anyone else I've forgotten grin

DumDum32 Mon 30-Dec-13 12:34:21

Omg it's horrible outside!!! Just got back from
G.p little mite has chest infection sad

On a plus point for the first time in a long time I weigh under 100 kilos (98 to be precise) smile that's put in a better mood smile gotta continue this weight loss me thinks - have a goal of 85 kilos to start with.

((( Love n hugs to all )))

DumDum32 Mon 30-Dec-13 12:36:12

hoochy I understand not wanting too be off the sofa I was like that yesterday but today had to force myself out to take DD to Dr's. It's just the initial push we need smile

DumDum32 Mon 30-Dec-13 12:39:23

sparkly it was chocolate cake yum yum & I don't feel guilty at all grin weight loss is continuing nicely but quite slowly. I just manipulate my diet if I eat badly. So today no lunch & a small dinner with plenty of water all day.

SnowyMouse Mon 30-Dec-13 12:45:09

(((( all )))) veg'ing here sad

DumDum32 Mon 30-Dec-13 12:49:51

((((snowy)))) u ok?

((( Snowy )))

My new phone has arrived - much fun updating and putting apps on it grin

DumDum32 Mon 30-Dec-13 15:13:13

voilet what fone did u get??? It's always exciting getting a new fone grin

iPhone 5s - and one of the first things I do?

Google for stupid stuff to ask Siri grin

DumDum32 Mon 30-Dec-13 15:18:49

Lol snap I got the same phone & so do I. I think at one point I asked Siri "do u love me?" Lol pathetic I know!!!

No, what's pathetic is I just did it to see what would happen! grin

I got told I'm looking for love in all the wrong places - scary thing is, I'm single and he's probably right!

Oh this is all keeping me rather amused - I've got weigh in later so depending on how it goes I'll either be feeling awesome, or a bit down. Hopefully I've maintained or lost smile

DumDum32 Mon 30-Dec-13 15:32:56

Fingers crossed for u voilet re weight loss!

Siri is funny!!!

SnowyMouse Mon 30-Dec-13 16:29:24

Nice phone! good luck with the weigh in, violet

I'm struggling, this blip needs to go away.

DumDum32 Mon 30-Dec-13 16:59:49

((((*snowy*))))

SnowyMouse Mon 30-Dec-13 18:06:04

Thanks. Finding it hard with the new year, as this year just gone hasn't had many achievements, apart from going into hospital voluntarily, which isn't something I can share.

DumDum32 Mon 30-Dec-13 18:10:39

I understand snowy as that's the only thing I achieved this year too which like u I can't share with friends. Only my family know I.e brothers & mum n dad. Plus with dad having the stroke this year has been the most awful of my life aside from my horrid childhood!!!!

NancysGarden Mon 30-Dec-13 18:40:03

Haha. My DD has been having fun with Siri on my iPad you get some hilarious answers, she has even proposed!

Journey here was hellish the first 50 miles with torrential rain and blinding sunlight (felt like I was driving with my eyes shut!) but the rest was fine.

Am still smoking to ease the anxiety, tbh it's better than resorting to Valium every time and at least that way I can still drive to other places! I hate myself for smoking still managing to keep it secret from DD.

I keep reminding myself this too will pass. Is that helpful?

DumDum32 Mon 30-Dec-13 18:46:34

Smoking is great nancy grin glad u got through the drive today! My brothers know I smoke but mum n dad don't - want to keep it that way. Though I only smoke when I leave the house which hasn't been often last few weeks as don't wanna sm

DumDum32 Mon 30-Dec-13 18:47:13

Oke around DD! Oops posted too soon sad

SnowyMouse Mon 30-Dec-13 21:00:00

This too will pass is a helpful mantra, just hard to believe at present.

brew for all

jinglebellsarecoming Tue 31-Dec-13 08:51:51

Hi all. Feel rather selfish for only posting when it gets too much for me but I do read all the posts and think about you all. NYE is my worst day /night of the year as it presses all my depression buttons- loneliness, everyone having more friends than me, not being in love with DH, daughter being an only child and not having siblings to celebrate with etc etc etc. just want to feel happy not like I'm drowning in a black toxic cloud. Not sure what to do with myself. I have no plans for tonight / today as didnot get invited to anything.

Someone send me a grip and tell me what to do!

jingle first, did you have a nice Christmas?

Second, I am sending you a grip, have you got a round tuit I could have in exchange?

DumDum32 Tue 31-Dec-13 10:38:32

Morning all smile

Hope everyone had a good night. Mine was so so with DD & kind of still asleep sad plus the voices are pretty darn awful...

((( jingle ))) don't feel selfish just keep posting.

Waves at sparkly & thinks of snowy

Hugs to all smile

jinglebellsarecoming Tue 31-Dec-13 10:52:26

snowy Christmas was better than expected but no as it should / could be ifyswim.

Your grip will be used to get me out of bed and into the shower - always good to be clean. But tell me what is a round tuit and I will go and see if I have one?

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Tue 31-Dec-13 11:18:35

jinglebells - you have to say it out loud to get it "get a round tuit" smile I think i need both a grip and a round tuit. I definately need something to stop the anxiety driven procrastination that i am the queen of.

I hate new year too - but i'm not bothered about gonig out, haven't been to a nye party since the millenium and even then i hated it. This time last year I was preparing lessons and feeling stressed about not knowing what i was doing at work. The other night, i was prepping lessons in my head and feeling stressed about schemes of work for a job that i walked away from in march hmm The job that put me back on citalopram and left me questioning if I was capable of anything significant. In terms of acheivement this year i think getting through it was one, but hey - most people do don't they. The end of the year hasn't been so bad but this is because i resigned myself to not working. Thankfully DP's business has done well (ish) and we have held our heads above water. I am scared for this year - I HAVE to be more positive, but the thought of getting a job still paralyses me and i feel disappointed with myself. I wish i could just be one thing or another - settle (settle?) for being a SAHM and embrace it - its a good thing to be, i love that i can go on school trips, be part of the PFA (even though some of he pettiness and the chair is pissing me off) and be there to pick DD up every day. If she forgets her lunch/recorder/violin or water bottle i can pop it into her class (i love doing this as i get to see her in class) The holidays this year have been the best of times - yet this holiday I have found DD hard to be around, i think its because DP is around too - not that i don't love his company too - but together i feel overwhelmed. He procrastinates too - we hold each other back i think, but we are soulmates its something we need to work on, not walk away from. Ive seen friends fall on their feet with jobs - but i just seem to fuck up, people have stopped asking me about work. I am sure most people i know don't believe i have a GCSE let alone a phd. THIS is why i hate NY, all this forced happy and reflection, oh and resolutions - i have resolutions that i want to try, but am scared of failing.

Arrrrrghhhhhhh sorry for the rant, it didn't come out right but i wanted to put it on the thread.

Snowy and dumdum - you both went to hospital this year, that is true - but you both came home, you may have to go back at times to get things tweaked, that is how you keep yourselves well - that is an achievement in my book

DumDum32 Tue 31-Dec-13 11:49:30

(((( lem )))) we can all tell NY to F* off together!!!

I'm not in the mood at all just pissed off with everything to be honest. NYE party lem what is that? I think the last one I went to was about 12 years ago when I was 20.... That sounds sad just reading it back sad

I'm just bracing myself for my appt Thursday - have a feeling my dose will be upped as the current has lost its mojo! As for my partner well I'm managed to rough that up & asked him to stay away till after my appt as I don't wanna say more stupid things to him at the moment sad

I will though be stuffing my face tonight - to hell with the diet today!!!

(((hugs to LEM and DD32 and anyone else who needs one)))

I am ready to see the back of 2013 but I can't be doing with all the NYE hype. I'll be in bed for 10 and hopefully sleep through it.

I got a new app for my phone - Sleepbot. I'm going to use it to track my sleeping habits and try and get better sleep. So far, after one night, it's told me I move around a lot!

Oh, I maintained on the weight front. Happy with that, seeing as it was Christmas smile

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Tue 31-Dec-13 12:20:14

Well this year can fuck off to the fqr side of fuck - lets hope for a better one for all of us this year. One thing we have - this thread smile

bobblypop Tue 31-Dec-13 12:29:00

hello all. I posted on here for a bit a while ago then sort of dissappeared...wondered if I could come back to the village?
I'm feeling very crap just now having quite stupidly decided to try coming off citalopram, even though I knew I wasnt ready and right before Christmas LOL
I have re-started today and just hoping they kick in soon as I have felt I was totally losing the plot the last few days..
I have tea, cake and biscuits to share if I can join you all!

Ugh. Facing the "clean your room" moaning from parents. There's lots of clutter, but I know where stuff is. I tidy it to their exacting standards, can't find something, we go back to square one. That and I'm a natural hoarder.

It's a big job, it's overwhelming and yet all they do is moan and nag and don't even offer to help. Like I've been asking for years. Just every few months, help me declutter because I'm a natural hoarder.

Never happens. I just get moaned at more.

Still, I've done a bit, that'll do for today.

DumDum32 Tue 31-Dec-13 12:46:00

voilet new app sounds interesting.

pop welcome & thanks for brew cake & biscuits need lots of those today!!!

DumDum32 Tue 31-Dec-13 12:48:30

voilet U've done a bit that will do!!! They'll just have to moan tomorrow again.

Bah, can do no right today.

Apparently left the freezer door open (slightly - if you don't give it hard push if doesn't fully close).

Can I just sleep til tomorrow, please?

DumDum32 Tue 31-Dec-13 13:03:40

((( voilet )))

It's alright really - I went in the freezer yesterday while cooking dinner so the door has been slightly open all night. Not ideal but really not the end of the world.

Going to have lunch, then might do a bit more tidying up - have got on a roll now haha!

Am off skating early Thursday morning, then need to show proof of JSA to the college to finish my enrolment, so could do with room being sorted by the end of tomorrow.

Hmm, might even treat myself to breakfast at Frankie & Benny's after skating, or go to the vintage tea place grin

jinglebellsarecoming Tue 31-Dec-13 13:54:52

Ah I get it now!

So I didnot get showered but did get dressed! And I'm in on telling 2013 and nye to piss off!

This village rocks!

SnowyMouse Tue 31-Dec-13 14:15:49

(((( all ))))
Everyone is welcome here brew biscuit wine cake

DumDum32 Tue 31-Dec-13 17:25:49

Let the chocolate eating begin Lol to hell with the rest guys smile

SnowyMouse Tue 31-Dec-13 17:35:26

I don't have any chocolate in the flat shock

SnowyMouse Tue 31-Dec-13 19:27:47

I want to go to sleep and not wake up (just a feeling).

Hi all and (((hugs))) to everyone on this tricky eve.

Having tough time. Arranged to spend new year at dear bros as dh and I never good at new year... will be good to put 2013 behind me. But dh not rught since this morning. WIthdrawn anti social doesn't look right but doesnt know why. Went to have lie down. Cbt doesnt serm to have given him insight as to causes of major mood changes. I am worried for him and cross with him for basically spoiling today. It was going to be a challenge for me anyway but tjis is proving really shit. I know I sound selfish but thats how I feel. Ive orhanised everything the last couple of days. Wanted an ok eve. Sorry to post and run am in bathroom! Will try pop back later.

You are all brilliant as is tjus village - such a big comfort. Thanks so much everyone who's supported me this year - its made a massive difference xxx

Sorry for record number typos x

DumDum32 Tue 31-Dec-13 19:46:25

(((( snowy )))) & (((( colouring ))))

Anything sweet to eat will do I just happen to be surrounded by chocolate grin

CIQ that sounds rough, but that's what the Village is for - you can say how you feel and not be judged for it (((*CIQ*)))

Snowy any idea why you feel like that? I used to get it a lot, back when I was being horrifically bullied in school, but fortunately haven't had it for a good few years. Know how horrible it can be (((*Snowy*)))

I'm feeling a bit anxious tonight. I hate fireworks, they scare me and I KNOW I'm going to get woken up at midnight by everyone around me seeing in the New Year. Could they not do it in a way that doesn't impact other people? Why are there fireworks at New Year anyway?

DumDum32 Tue 31-Dec-13 20:00:24

Yep voilet I'm losing the plot with fireworks too... they have already around my area sad

DumDum32 Tue 31-Dec-13 20:02:41

Started* sorry about my stupid typos tonight sad

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Tue 31-Dec-13 20:04:24

What is it with today dp is being shitty to me. I dont know what ive done sad dont want to start the new year like this ciq I think theh must have been drinking out of the same cup - bloody men

DumDum32 Tue 31-Dec-13 20:10:45

ciq & lem that is y I told my partner to keep away I knew we would end up fighting like cat n dog!!! I'd rather be alone tonight with just my DD.

DumDum32 Tue 31-Dec-13 20:20:40

Distracting myself with a film for now!

Wish u all a good night, stay safe xxx

SnowyMouse Tue 31-Dec-13 20:47:40

I agree, the village is brilliant support.

Here's to a better New Year for us all.

OnDasherrorOnDancerror Tue 31-Dec-13 21:23:27

Sorry I've not popped in for a while. Been keeping a low profile and feeling pretty rubbish on my meds. I went to the Dr about 2 weeks in and mentioned my daily headaches with the fluoxetine. I've had a blood test for thyroid and liver function and got another months worth of tablets, but if I'm still ill they'll try me on something else. I know it all takes time to get things right but I feel frustrated that I'm not 'better' yet. I'm very impatient and irritable but thinking that's a side effect or just end of year grumps.

2013's not been too awful overall but hoping for much improvement in 2014. Hope you are all well or hopefully getting there. Have a good evening. smile

Thanks everyone. Yes lem sympathies. He is joining in a bit and had some wine and tbh am trying to ignore him a bit and not soak it up anymore (and drink more wine hmm) trying not to think about tomorrow...

Wishing You all a better new year, lem snowy. Lollipop, ondasher, dumdum, jingle, sparkly, ed, vicar, glabela, hoochy, ua, and anyone reading.

Thanks everyone. Yes lem sympathies. He is joining in a bit and had some wine and tbh am trying to ignore him a bit and not soak it up anymore (and drink more wine hmm) trying not to think about tomorrow...

Wishing You all a better new year, lem snowy. Lollipop, ondasher, dumdum, jingle, sparkly, ed, vicar, glabela, hoochy, ua, and anyone reading.

Sorry double post. Dh disappeared again. Thank goodness for d bro and sil

jinglebellsarecoming Tue 31-Dec-13 22:04:23

Thanks couloring. I've gone to bed but am mums netting instead of sleeping. Silly me as the screen keeps me awake!

Here's to the best 2014 we can get!

Hear hear x

Khimaira Tue 31-Dec-13 22:19:47

Hello. I hope no one minds me posting, LEM suggested I take a look here. (I wasn't ignoring you, just trying to pluck up the courage to post) I don't know that I can cope with following everything so I'll just lurk in the corner if that's ok?

Best wishes for the New Year

Hi khimaira welcome. Lurk, post whatever you feel like x

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Tue 31-Dec-13 22:39:00

Hey Khimaira - good to see you, we have a virtual pub, pull up a chair smile I can't keep up with the thread most of the time, we just bumble along really. I am being a grump as per usual on NYE, can't be doing with it - 2013 was shite, but not as shite as my anxiety made me fear it would be. I am watching father ted and am a bit the worse for the baileys. DP is still putting DD to bed hmm this is an issue that needs sorting in the new year! I have never liked NY as it always signifies the end of christmas.

Am so glad you said hello smile Its good to know we are not alone

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Wed 01-Jan-14 01:06:47

Just to say if you need support tonight and cant start a thread due to issues with the site . Please feel free to post here as this thread is up and running and id hate to think someone might be struggling and not be able to start a thread

Well I've had a shite night too. I've avoided wallowing on MN all evening...so now I'm going to have a philosophical waffle...feel free to skip past me.

I wonder if its a subconscious pressure we (feel we should) put on ourselves to change into 'something better/happier/more driven' overnight?

I wonder whether it is the fact that we feel enforced to feel happy tonight in isolation from our emotions that underpin the other 364 days of the year. A switch that (for me) feels so false, artificial, alien, just to perform to society.

For me that drives me to withdraw from all of society, even close friends and family. I can't help it. I don't know how to stop myself. I wonder if your dh feels similar ciq?

For me...I have felt so lonely tonight. I haven't text a single person to say happy new year. I have only received 1 tonight (from one of dds); got a couple of others in advance this morning. I did get a late invite to my (wonderful) neighboyrs earlier. I was going to go. Then she questioned whether I woukd feel difficult not knowing her other guests. So I hit tge self destruct button. I put my pjs on anf sat staring at the Wii for 5hrs. I was going to come here...to my 'friends' but I felt sooooo withdrawn that I couldn't even do that..

I've been like this for the last 3yrs on NYE - since I have been single.. I send tge dc to their dads so I can isolate myself. And then I proove to myself that I have no friends.

So here we go. I was on the up for the last few weeks of 2013. And then I hit the self destruct button...

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Wed 01-Jan-14 01:54:34

Its just tonight ed. You only have to follow your posts to see just how on the up you are. 2014 is going to be your year because you fought and kept going and you deserve it. Fuck parties and small talk, who needs it. You are right the forced happiness is rubbish.

Changing the subject....wtf is going on here?

As I said I have avoided all forms of social interaction all night.

I've just seen JulieMNs thread and am well confused. ..and I can see how angry (justifiably) you are. Please PM me if necessary.

TirAnna Wed 01-Jan-14 02:28:03

Hi everyone... I've come out of long-term lurking recently and decided to make this my normal username (it was originally a namechange to start a MH thread). I don't know if anyone remembers me but I feel a bit bad for never returning to the Village after lurking for a while and writing a couple of posts back in spring - I keep seeing people from here around the site and thinking how much you helped me during what was a really crappy time, even though you probably didn't realise it smile I'll try and stay around a bit longer this time (that's if there's no mass emigration following all the weirdness tonight, anyway confused)

I'll have a read over all the recent posts tomorrow, until then if anyone's still up sleep well smile

Changing the subject - what on EARTH happened on here last night?! I go to sleep (eventually, after the stupid fireworks) and it's all kicked off and people are saying MN is dead?!

<confused, brain implodes>

Anyway, this morning I am mainly trying to stay happy and think of good things that are going to happen this year.

I can only think of 3, so it's not going so well.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Wed 01-Jan-14 11:16:12

Weclome back Tiranna - everyone is welcoem here, old and new - we take what we need from it smile

As to last night - There were so joke threads, all a bit childish really, i suspect wine had been taken. Juliemumsnet had been left on her own by the rest of MNHQ and she made a duff decision and shut the site down - you could post on existing threads but only from the mobile site but no new threads at all. I was worried that people may have come on needing support and not been able to post. really REALLY bad timing. I feel sorry for Juliemumsnet, everyone was pretty pissed off.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Wed 01-Jan-14 11:17:23

Lollipop - 3 good things? Thats pretty amazing, i have made no plans yet so nothing in the offing good wise - i'd be happy with three smile

Yeah, I've had a look around and a read - utter chaos descended by the sounds.

Anyway, I only have 3 things because they've been in the pipeline since last year: weekend away in April, friend's wedding in August and starting my course in February smile And actually, you're right, that's pretty good for Day 1 of the year.

Currently sat in PJ's, reading a skating blog and chilling. Need to get dressed really.

DumDum32 Wed 01-Jan-14 11:30:27

Hmmmm so I totally zoned out after the film as I took my sleeping meds missed all the ho ha of last night!!!

Hope everyone got through last night ok & hope today is a better day for all of us.... Though my stomach pain is saying otherwise.... I'm still in bed.... DD had been plonked on the computer watching her fav YouTube videos....so me thinks me will stay in bed a bit longer. I've got no energy despite sleeping well confused

SnowyMouse Wed 01-Jan-14 13:25:08

Welcome back TirAnna I also missed the hoohaa last night. I still feel sleepy now sad

How's everyone doing?

DumDum32 Wed 01-Jan-14 14:03:41

Welcome TirAnna have some brew & [cake ] smile

snowy I think I have stomach flu, can't keep anything down & it hurts like hell. Dr shut today so will have to wait till tomorrow or Friday. Thinking of getting some gaviscon... It might help hmm how r u doing today?

SnowyMouse Wed 01-Jan-14 14:19:08

Sorry you're ill, DumDum32, I hope it clears quickly. I'm soso thanks, fed up of feeling sleepy, but I suppose it's better than having lots of symptoms.

DumDum32 Wed 01-Jan-14 14:24:58

Yes snowy I'd prefer sleepiness over the voices & hallucinations any day grin maybe try watching some tv as a distraction it worked well for me yday!

SnowyMouse Wed 01-Jan-14 15:08:59

I'm watching the 7th harry potter, should be distracting.

TirAnna Wed 01-Jan-14 15:14:39

Thanks LEM, Snowy, DumDum smile

I actually ended up having an ok evening in the end, despite thinking it was going to be pants - played some silly word games with my parents then watched Charlie Brooker on iplayer and felt cheerfully misanthropic. I'm still feeling alright but it's back to stressing about work now (funny how I always find myself on MN more when I have exams approaching, isn't it? hmm)

Snowy are you starting to find the citalopram any better? I remember it was absolute hell when I first started taking it - I was eating about five meals a day and sleeping for an hour or so a night, and I hadn't felt such a strong urge to hurt myself in years as I got from the lack of sleep then. The only reason I persevered was because I was scared withdrawal symptoms would be even worse if I stopped. I'm so glad now that I did though - I really do feel like it's given me my life back. I wouldn't say I'm happy as such but I feel like a normal person instead of someone who's crazy and needy and angry all the time... hang in there, if it works for you it'll be worth it smile

SnowyMouse Wed 01-Jan-14 15:20:38

I'm not finding it better yet, but thanks for sharing your experiences, TirAnna It's nice to know it's not just me. smile

TirAnna Wed 01-Jan-14 16:15:17

Definitely not just you - have you ever had a look at the citalopram survival guide?

SnowyMouse Wed 01-Jan-14 18:11:02

Thanks TirAnna - lots to read there.

hoochymama1 Wed 01-Jan-14 18:31:15

Happy new year my lovelies. Went for a walk today but a bit sad tonight. Just tiredsad . Good link tiranasmile

SnowyMouse Wed 01-Jan-14 18:50:19

((( hoochy ))) Going for a walk is good. Sorry you're feeling sad.

DumDum32 Wed 01-Jan-14 19:39:50

((( all ))) decided to clean up the room in an effort to tire myself out... Not doing that good think I'm apprehensive about my appt tomorrow sad

(Sigh's at the long night ahead)

Hi all, how's everyone doing this eve?

snowy hope you enjoyed harry potter - I saw it a couple of night ago and enjoyed it. Last one on tonight - tho will record as want to find out how sherlock lives!

tiranna hi I did post to you last night but my phone failed. Hope your days been ok.
lem nice you did that open invite to post here last night. Have got the gist of last night's craziness!

hoochy can you take it easy now? Tiredness can make such a difference. Be kind to yourself x

dumdum hope you're feeling better this evening.

Ok here. V tired now after v late night. Feel I have organised and cooked non stop for last 3 days tho did catch sound of music this pm! Dh bit better today but no mention of how he has basically opted out of the last few days. He slept 12.30 - 10.00 and yet its still me cooking dinner. I have all his family round tomorrow and am tempted to go on strike!

SnowyMouse Wed 01-Jan-14 19:52:48

What's your appointment, DumDum32? (sorry if you've said already). It was enjoyable, bit dark for the tv screen CIQ. I'm taping this evening's one too, my meds tend to knock me out around 8:30-9, not enjoyable.

I hope everyone's managing, this can be a difficult time of year.

DumDum32 Wed 01-Jan-14 20:05:28

ciq feel for u having to cook so much & sorry ur dh is still being funny!

snowy it's my psych appt I'm feeling apprehensive as I know my dosage of meds may be upped & that means stupid side effects all over again which I really dread.

On a plus point my brother has just turned up with a DVD so at least for the next couple hours I will be distracted that's if I can concentrate on the film (it's an Indian film which tend be hours long!!!)

SnowyMouse Wed 01-Jan-14 20:11:49

Good luck with it DumDum32, I'll keep you in my thoughts. Enjoy the film.

[Angry] x 10.
Dh despite being basically mentally awol since mon lunchtime is off to a meeting at 10.30 tomorrow, so I have to do supermarket shop early depite having 6 hours sleep last night compared ti his 10 and cooking him every meal since monday morning. He has made a bed which he was sure to point out. Feel like going on strike tomorrow except dont want his crapness to affect dcs. Looking forward to when he goes back to work.
Rant over.
Simehow need to get to sleep asap

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Wed 01-Jan-14 23:25:13

Im sorry your dh is taking advantage ciq. sad thats very naughty when its his fsmily you are catering for.

DumDum32 Thu 02-Jan-14 02:20:29

ciq so sorry ur dh is not helping at all & hopefully ur sound asleep...

I've been woken up by the lovely stormy weather we r having here so chances of now going back to bed r slim sad great I'm going to look like shit tomorrow morning sad

DumDum32 Thu 02-Jan-14 12:39:33

Running late for my appt sad hope he sees me!

SnowyMouse Thu 02-Jan-14 13:14:49

Sorry to hear that, (((( CIQ )))) I hope things settle hmm sad
I hope he sees you too, DumDum32!

NancysGarden Thu 02-Jan-14 13:46:18

Just arrived back home. Big pile of washing to tackle and unpack bits but I am procrastinating and taking DD on a play date instead. We were supposed to come home yesterday but I was completely flat and unable to move off the sofa for the entire day. Luckily my friend was in a similar mood, our DDs just happy to play together.

I forgot the charger and don't do MN on my phone ( is there an app?) so not been on since 31st afternoon.

So what did happen on MN? Was a it this thread or somewhere else?

DD32 I hope you got to your appointment, and that you had the outcome you were hoping for.

CIQ are things any better today?

Hugs to all and will second how tricky a time of year this is. For me it sometimes goes on til February which is a big worry for me right now.

X

OnDasherrorOnDancerror Thu 02-Jan-14 14:16:39

Not the greatest start to the new year for me. Nasty cold on top of feeling ill on my medication. And to top it off, my ex has been causing trouble for me through lies. I found out last night that he told someone's new girlfriend I've got photo evidence of him beating up his ex! No idea where this has come from, I suspect my ex is trying to get into the woman's knickers by putting her off the new man, but using my name to do so has really shook me.

I never thought he could stoop that low, and we live in a small town so he must be stupid not to know I'd find out. I've cleared my name but still shaking with rage. Sorry to rant! 4 years with him is partially why I'm in this rut now and I was doing semi-ok without hearing about him all year. I'm trying to sort my life out so I can get out of this horrible gossipy town!

Sorry your DH is being so unsupportive at the moment CIQ Hope your appointment wenk ok DumDum

I'm going back to bed with a brew

SnowyMouse Thu 02-Jan-14 14:40:06

I hope things pick up for you, Nancy. Gosh OnDasherrorOnDancerror, that's shocking! Enjoy your brew

DumDum32 Thu 02-Jan-14 16:46:21

Hey all,

Thanks for thinking of me. I got to see my psychiatrist thankfully though not happy with the dose increase as it'll mean side effects for next 6 weeks sad

As suspected I have stomach flu but picked up some over the counter meds for it so pain in stomach is calmer. Will be having soups for a couple days me thinks!

Nancy & ondasher hope things get better for u both thanks

snowy hope ur ok smile

(((Hugs to all)))

SnowyMouse Thu 02-Jan-14 17:02:30

Oh dear DumDum32, I hope the side effects go quickly, it is horrible. I'm not good, my CPN was off sick today.

DumDum32 Thu 02-Jan-14 17:11:42

Oh snowy sad we're all here though just keep posting smile

SnowyMouse Thu 02-Jan-14 18:37:07

Thanks, I'm distracting myself with Harry Potter and the deathly hallows part 2. I have to stay up late tonight sad

Hello everyone.

I've had a weird day. Went skating, got there nice and early - no coach so couldn't get on the ice til 10, instead of at half 8 like I thought sad They couldn't let me on on my own as there were no staff in the building. Fair enough, really smile Did ask about the possibility of some hours working there, the rink manager is going to have a word smile

Anyway, went to Costa in the local Tescos for a coffee, and then went to friendship group when it opened for a couple of hours. It was nice, we had a chat about lots of things and it was good fun smile

About 11 I went on the ice for an hour, but now have a poorly foot due to my own stupidity blush I put some coloured laces in my skates a few weeks back, in November time, but they're thicker and shorter than the white ones that came with the skates. Thought nothing of it and have been merrily skating and jumping shock in them.

Today, doing 1 foot turns to backwards, felt my heel lifting in my skates and couldn't think why - thought my feet had shrunk and I needed new boots! Somehow, even though I didn't fall, I've pulled a muscle in my right foot. Came home, asked my mum how I could've done it, mentioned my heels coming up a bit, she said, "If your heels are lifting up, maybe you're not lacing your skates tight enough." So I put one of my old laces back in, and was shocked at how much tighter I could tie that skate! I have now swapped back to my proper laces smile

Lesson learnt, skating with loose skates can be a bit risky! At least it's only a pulled muscle!

Wow, that was long and rambling haha! Sorry smile

SnowyMouse Thu 02-Jan-14 20:02:09

Sounds like a packed day, but ouch Violet I hope it heals quickly.

It will, it is just a tweak really, nothing major smile

Oh, went down to college today as well (really packed day haha!) and took proof of JSA in the form of my signing book. Apparently, unlike everywhere else that has ever asked me for proof, this isn't valid for the college, so I've got to go back tomorrow with a proper letter.

Very annoying.

Just gets better, doesn't it.

Just tried to apply for some freelance video work (that I'm qualified for) with my old uni's in house company. We were told keep in touch, there's always work for graduates.

Been told I come below current students on the priority list.

Had a moan to family - been told it's my attitude stopping me getting a job and that I don't like being told "no."

WHO DOES? Who likes applying for a load of jobs only to get rejected or have no reply?

And my in-work attitude was complimented by my last company - I was just venting. You know, that thing HUMANS do?!

<sigh>

I love my family, but sometimes they're SO unsupportive and make me feel worse than I do already!

wetwetwetfan Thu 02-Jan-14 21:02:59

Thought i'd pop my head round the door and say hello.

Day 28 of sertraline today and i am feeling like a human being for the first time in so long. still having ups and downs but my downs are more manageable -if that makes any sense!

I am quite looking forward to getting back to work soon. Doing something normal, seeing different people, being out of the house.

SnowyMouse Thu 02-Jan-14 21:18:34

I'm glad your downs are more manageable, wetwetwetfan! All sounds good smile

Hugs Violet, sounds like you're doing all you can.

DumDum32 Thu 02-Jan-14 21:25:00

( voilet ) what a super busy day u had smile

snowy hope tonight goes ok for u.

I've just taken a zopiclone to go to sleep, stomach is hurting & sore! I need a good night sleep (fingers crossed)

Good night my lovelies xxx

DumDum32 Thu 02-Jan-14 21:26:31

Glad thing are better now wetwetwet & hope it continues the same way smile

I am Snowy and to be fair to mum and gran, mum is a nurse, gran an ex nurse, so they've always had a profession. They've never had to do this job searching business.

I've applied for a few tonight, fingers crossed smile

DumDum32 Thu 02-Jan-14 21:36:36

Fingers crossed for u voilet smile

wetwetwetfan Fri 03-Jan-14 13:56:33

Please roll on Monday so my 'd'c can bugger off back to school.....

Hiding in the bedroom because I am fed up with listening to teenagers arguing over an Xbox game.... it's a bloody game!!!! Supposed to be fun not warfare!

Should really get on with tidying and putting the washing away but procrastinating on MN is leading me astray..<sigh> ...oh well.

SnowyMouse Fri 03-Jan-14 15:24:10

Fingers crossed, violet

Oh dear wetwetwetfan play nicely or they lose it?

wetwetwetfan Fri 03-Jan-14 15:40:46

That's my usual comeback snowy... think they (we) have just all had enough of each others company. They are off out tonight so a few hours peace from it at least.

DumDum32 Fri 03-Jan-14 15:41:43

Off to dr's stomach is killing me sad

SnowyMouse Fri 03-Jan-14 18:33:55

Enjoy the peace, wetwetwetfan

I hope it's nothing serious, DumDum32

SnowyMouse Fri 03-Jan-14 18:34:28

On the plus side, I've started knitting again - keeps my hands occupied.

TirAnna Fri 03-Jan-14 19:07:53

Hi CiQ smile Sorry to hear your husband's being difficult - have things been any better today?

No problem Snowy and hoochy, hope you find it helpful smile I haven't read it all, just dipped in and out, but that was enough. What are you making Snowy? smile I'm thinking of starting knitting again too, but I keep getting into the habit of taking up crafty things only to drop them again in favour of a new 'project' hmm

Sorry you're having trouble sleeping DumDum, do you know why?

That's a shame Nancy - at least you had someone to share the feeling with though. Hopefully things will get better before long.

OnDasher that's crap about your ex. Glad to hear you've been able to prove he was lying though. I went to a gossipy school so I sympathise about the town - hope you can get out soon as well. Are you likely to be able to?

Violet I'm in awe of the fact that you're a skater! I love ice skating, although I can't do anything more fancy than moving without falling over grin There's a rink not far from me actually, I really should go more often as it's one of the few things that are guaranteed to cheer me up. Hope your foot clears up soon. Sorry to hear about your family being rubbish too, parents can be really unhelpful about these things sometimes can't they? sad

wetwetwetfan I'm glad the meds seem to be working, I had the same experience with citalopram and apart from a few off days it's pretty much only got better (at least when I manage to take it regularly!) smile

I've had an ok few days... got a bit teary and emotional for no apparent reason a few nights ago, but it was better in the morning. Keep having weird dreams that mean I'm not sleeping very well but I've bought some Nytol now so hopefully it'll get better.

I saw some of my old schoolfriends yesterday, which was a bit weird - I used to really miss them but in the last year or so I feel a bit awkward whenever I see them and find myself wishing I was with my new friends instead. Hopefully they didn't notice I was being quieter than normal. I went home with one of them afterwards though and it was much nicer with just us and her boyfriend - she gave me a microwaveable cuddly toy as a late Christmas present and it cheered me right up grin I even managed to see them together without feeling jealous and/or lonely, which counts as an achievement for me blush

SnowyMouse Fri 03-Jan-14 19:30:26

I'm making a poncho, here

I hope your sleep improves, TirAnna

TirAnna Fri 03-Jan-14 19:50:18

Ooh, that is very pretty - how far have you got? And that's decided it - I'm definitely taking it up again after my exams are over, I have to learn to do cables sometime after all wink

SnowyMouse Fri 03-Jan-14 20:10:59

I've only done 10 rows so far. It's actually a nice, simple pattern, doesn't need much concentration. I'd prefer to get back to my OU studies, but my concentration is shot sad

Busy day again today - job centre, nice lunch, and a bit of browsing the shops smile

Oh, and a nice email I've just picked up, that I've been selected for a phone interview for a part time job I've applied for grin

3 hours a day, 5 days a week, plenty of time to fit voluntary work and college in, and shifts that are short enough that after the nightmare of my last job, it'll ease me back in to work. And, the best bit?

Customer facing - NO PHONES! grin

SnowyMouse Fri 03-Jan-14 20:22:37

Ooh, good luck Violet! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Oh, and the lady who enquired about my wedding photography wants to discuss things further - woohoo! grin After feeling low yesterday evening, I needed today, I think smile

wetwetwetfan Fri 03-Jan-14 20:44:04

Ooh... love the poncho. What colour are you making it? I wouldn't know how to hold knitting needles let alone actually make something!

I wish I could skate too...I manage to stay upright most of the time but not sure if that counts as skating.

I need a hobby! Something cheap and easy to have a go at.... any ideas?

SnowyMouse Fri 03-Jan-14 20:50:24

I'm making this colour.

Maybe have a look at kids crafting kits, they can be good for trying something, e.g. candle making.

Some people like adult colouring books here

TirAnna Fri 03-Jan-14 21:30:04

Sometimes simple patterns are the best, not too much effort but you still know you've achieved something. Nice colour too!

wetwetwetfan how about painting? You can get starter sets relatively cheaply and it's something you can easily dip in and out of without needing to commit too much time to each piece. Or if you'd rather something that doesn't require as much design/thinking on your part then beading and cross-stitch are both easy but absorbing, and you can get free patterns online. Cross-stitch often takes quite a long time though so it might not be ideal if you're like me someone who tends to abandon things after a while smile

Good luck Violet! When's the interview?

NancysGarden Fri 03-Jan-14 23:04:00

Urgh, no energy today just felt like vegging. Met a friend for coffee with LOs.

Have finally attacked the chaos that was our bedroom.

V flat. Some days I can't feel the meds working at all.
Good luck with the job search violet

How are people today? ondasher , snowy , hoochy , lem , ciq and everyone else

NancysGarden Fri 03-Jan-14 23:11:33

Ooh lovely poncho btw. Are you taking orders? grin

DumDum32 Sat 04-Jan-14 10:04:27

Morning all,

Have hardly slept thanks to stomach bug & am grouchy big time sad

Sorry not caught up with thread & will be MIA today.

Hope everyone is doing ok smile

hoochymama1 Sat 04-Jan-14 10:25:50

Hello my lovelies smile

Feel groggy as am not sleeping too well hmm

Just found out my monday job start date will be delayed as they have not done a contract yet..mixed feelings, relief and disappointment confused

Ooo Snowy snap on the knitting, I love rowan and am making a nice big wrap in drift/fire. It's huge! Soo expensive as a yarn, but so cosy against your skin.

Have a good day with lots of cake , brew to keep us going grin

Love to all, Lem, Ciq, Ed, DD32, Lollipop, Nancy and anyone else that I've forgotten smile

NancysGarden Sat 04-Jan-14 11:02:15

Another day struggling to get out of bed. Have promised to take DD swimming, then got to pop to my grandma with her meds. Then DD has play date. We have had breakfast in bed but I am still so tired. I think it's time to completely give the Valium a misss. It is making me very groggy in the mornings.

DD has just fallen off my bed (divan) pulling a cracker and has just stopped screaming. That woke me up. No broken bones.

Sorry to hear about the job hoochy , I can imagine the sense of relief even through the annoyance of it. I sm going to enquire about some voluntary work at DD's school. I imagine they will bite my hand off, being an experienced teacher "on a break". I have also organised one day a month volunteering at our Buddhist centre in town. I could do a lot more but I have no idea where this year is going to take me.

One more brew then I might just be able to face the world.

I'm boiling the kettle, anyone fancy?? wink

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sat 04-Jan-14 12:17:09

ooh, i love that poncho snowy - I bet DD would like one. I started a jumper last year but picked the wrong wool and i am disheartened with it, that poncho looks fab

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sat 04-Jan-14 12:19:56

I'll have a cup of chai latte Nancy smile Can you half your dose of valium?

Well, I'm feeling a bit low today - the sky is grey outside my window, it's cold, and generally a bit dreary.

I've also still not got my diary for this year - I am going to keep a journal every day but have still not got the actual physical book to write in. So when I finally get one (Monday - I am determined) I've got a few days writing to catch up on. I might get some nice pens to write with though - maybe a fountain pen and some funky ink?

I'm also suffering from total inertia - I just do not want to do anything today.

TirAnna Sat 04-Jan-14 13:14:53

Is it too late to request a cuppa? I have some fancy ginger beer here too if anyone wants an alternative.

A journal sounds good! I have the opposite problem, a nice big book and nothing much to say. I might try and start one too if you are, though.

SnowyMouse Sat 04-Jan-14 14:25:10

Thanks. The good thing about ponchos and wraps is that you don't need to be so strict about tension as you do with a jumper. Chunky wool is also good as it grows quickly.

Good luck diarists.

Snap, I have ginger beer too, TirAnna

SnowyMouse Sat 04-Jan-14 14:38:20

I hope you feel better soon, DumDum32 I've uploaded a picture of the knitting pattern to my profile, the flash has made it go a bit yellow.

I now have the need for a fountain pen so I can use funky coloured ink in my journal, after browsing the web and seeing all the different colours smile

Purple ink, turquoise ink, pink, green... Endless possibilities smile This idea makes me happy smile

SnowyMouse Sat 04-Jan-14 16:18:21

Sounds lovely grin

wetwetwetfan Sat 04-Jan-14 20:06:08

I really recommend the journal idea ..it's has helped me so much to write stuff down. I don't write in mine everyday just when i have a head full of thoughts and need to get some order. I only started mine a few months ago and it has turned into a bit of therapy for me... like phoning a friend and just spilling everything out.

just plain old biro for me though...

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sat 04-Jan-14 22:35:10

Falling apart here - had massive row with DP, went for a walk - did walk past train station but managed to make myself go home, for DD. Supposed to be going on day trip to london tomorrow - was so looking forward to it, now i don't want to go

wetwetwetfan Sat 04-Jan-14 22:43:16

Sorry to hear that..<<holds hands>>

I'm rubbish at advice on such matters but you have my hand and sympathy...

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sat 04-Jan-14 22:45:27

Thankyou - not really looking for advice so a hand to hold will do nicely. Am going to have a bath - i think I have a lot of thinking to do, if i were advising myself on here I wouldn't like what i had to myself, but for now, i am going to stick my head back in the sand.

Queenofknickers Sat 04-Jan-14 22:48:06

Hello everyone. Sorry, no words, still really low. psych says not hospital though but I can't really remember why. Wishing you all love. Wish I could find some words of help or encouragement for you all. Time for a sleeping pill and end the day I think. Might be brighter tomorrow. Means a lot to know you are all here x

Queenofknickers Sat 04-Jan-14 23:21:50

Lem - hand for you to hold here ythanksthanks

hoochymama1 Sun 05-Jan-14 09:30:35

((( Lem )))

hoochymama1 Sun 05-Jan-14 09:31:39

Also ((( Queenofknickers )))

DumDum32 Sun 05-Jan-14 10:36:50

((( queen lem wetwetwet snowy voilet tiranna nancy hoochy & everyone else who I've missed who needs it )))

Sorry was AWOL yesterday stomach pain was horrid sad a bit better today but still there!

lem I'm sorry ur DP is still being horrible. A walk is a good idea if u trust urself to return like u did. Ur DD is the most precious being on earth & she needs u!

Off to hospital with dad - fingers crossed nothing serious!

SnowyMouse Sun 05-Jan-14 13:59:05

((( Queenofknickers ))) ((( LEM ))) ((( DumDum32 ))) ((( hoochy ))) ((( wetwetwetfan ))) ((( Anyone I've missed )))

SnowyMouse Sun 05-Jan-14 17:09:34

I feel more and more like I'm crashing sad Can't even get going with one row of knitting.

DumDum32 Sun 05-Jan-14 18:07:36

((( snowy )))

Dad is ok just has a infection - I thought the worst when he couldn't breathe properly - home now & he's feeling ok.

I'm knackered & stupid stomach pain continues but at least it's calmer then yesterday! As for my mood well it's lowish & voices r quite crappy today but I think tiredness is to blame. I'm wide awake though despite it so looks like i will be taking another sleeping pill tonight sad

Wishing u all a good night tonight smile

SnowyMouse Sun 05-Jan-14 18:34:40

Thanks, things go from bad to worse, my kitchen has just flooded sad sad

Tiredness can be a killer.

Grrr, very trivial but after a really good day, I've gone to log into my email only to find there has been suspicious activity detected and they've locked me out.

I have also used all my tries to reset my password as I can't remember who the primary account holder is for AOL (the email provider) so I'm locked out til tomorrow.

This is the 2nd time they've told me to change passwords due to their rubbish security! I get so much spam in there it's unreal! Now I'm a bit panicked about it sad

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sun 05-Jan-14 22:45:29

Bloody AOL i am always getting hacked and it sends out spurious emails to my contacts - so thats everyone i've ever emailed. Its usually for viagra or something equally embarrasing blush Really annoying but i think people generally know its spam. I just have to change my password - AOL are shite though, i really should change. I don't think always had to provide the account number, you can choose to answer different questions - so alternate email address or security question. Its a pain in the arse though.

Had a lovely day with DD2 and DP today, we went to the V&A in london, i love london so much, wouldn't want to live there though. I just love the diversity and the fact that you can sit outside a coffee shop at 8pm on a Sunday evening, having a Chai latte and chocolate cake smile So bloody expensive though sad (we take a packed lunch so that we can afford the cake shop treat otherwise we couldnt afford the visit - £1.70 for a can of coke in the science museum - we found a water fountain!) Everything shuts here on a Sunday and no one apart from the local layabouts are out after 6 during the week anyway. Still really pissed off with DP but have decided not to say anything and let it go (difficult for me). DD1 got upset that i didn't ask her to come - err, she has never liked museums, she is living with her DP and usually works on a sunday hmm but i still feel really bad and it has taken the shine off the day for me. Hey ho - theres brandy in the cupboard - one wouldn't hurt smile

DumDum32 Mon 06-Jan-14 03:53:34

Wide awake at stupid o'clock again sad

As for AOL - we had them years ago & the problem was getting online in the first place (admittedly they were quite new then) so after 3 months of pure misery we changed back to BT & still with them now.

London is fab on the weekend lem with no one around grin & I don't like museums much neither but I think ur DD1 just felt left out even for a grown up - shows her love for u smile well done on being strong & the bigger person re ur DP - something not easily done! Oh sorry about the prices all these corporations love to make a few £££ from us & it's the same in hospitals. Dad was in all day today at hospital & we spend about £20 just getting 2 sandwiches (tiny as well), 2 bottle drink & chips (again small portion) angry sorry feel as if should have warned u but been busy with dad sad

I hope I go back to bed soon sad

ErrorError Mon 06-Jan-14 12:09:52

It's me (OnDasher) back to my pre-Christmas name. Got an email from work today with a reminder list of upcoming meetings and I felt really panicky. I have a bad cold and chesty cough still so that's my excuse for not going to the first one, I really couldn't face it even if I was physically well. I know I can't avoid it forever, I just feel really lightheaded at the thought of having extra pressure and responsibility. I desperately want these tablets to start working soon but I have no idea how I'll know when they actually are.

I've replied to the email so that's out of the way but I can't help feeling wobbly and upset. I need to focus on me for a bit, and want this cough to shift.

Hardly got out of bed for a few days and had worst night's sleep ever last night, a mixture of coughing and anxiety attack. Hugs to all. Will be a better thread follower soon, how are you all today?

Cherrypi Mon 06-Jan-14 12:50:27

You have my sympathy errorerror. I feel exactly the same. I keep getting work emails and they're panicking me. I don't know what to do. I want to leave my job but can't face all the things I need to do to do that. Scared about seeing new doctor later too. Argh.

Queenofknickers Mon 06-Jan-14 14:03:41

This morning I went for a walk!!! I left the house!!! After 4 days in bed crying/staring/sleeping I actually got up and walked around the block. I know it doesn't sound like much but ..... Seeing psychiatrist tomorrow and thinking he might not admit me if I can do some small stuff (y'know, eat, speak,walk!)

SnowyMouse Mon 06-Jan-14 15:25:10

That sounds like a lot, Queenofknickers, it is so hard to do those basic things! I'll keep fingers crossed the right thing happens for you.

I hope your appointment is ok, Cherrypi. I had my clozapine blood test today, went ok.

How long have you been taking the new tablets, ErrorError ?

Did you get back to sleep, DumDum32?

Glad you had a nice day, LEM

I've been trying to replace the basics from my ruined cupboards, £££ I don't have sad The plumber said because it was drain water, the goods are ruined.

SnowyMouse Mon 06-Jan-14 17:26:22

How is everyone doing?

Cherrypi Mon 06-Jan-14 17:55:53

New doctor was lovely. That was a whole panic over nothing as usual. She signed me off without me even having to ask.

SnowyMouse Mon 06-Jan-14 18:26:19

Oh good, Cherrypi smile

ErrorError Mon 06-Jan-14 18:43:16

Good news Cherrypi, you'll be relieved about that now. I do know the feeling, I want to give up my job too, but the process of doing it seems so daunting right now, but I do want to be better so I can have the motivation to look for something else, hopefully in another town or city.

Snowy I've been taking my tablets for 23 days. I don't have the daily headaches anymore but I'm still not feeling any more positive about anything, and the cold definitely doesn't help. DSis is on fluoxetine as well and said it took a few weeks for it to kick in and she started to feel like she was more motivated and less anxious. Taking the edge off was how she put it. I want to start planning my life again even though I don't quite have the motivation yet, but I think I'm getting a bit impatient. It's like my body hasn't caught up with my brain yet.

I hope things improve for you soon Snowy and the kitchen is sorted soon.

DumDum32 Mon 06-Jan-14 19:02:36

Dad again in hospital today sad

He said it was my fault he had the stroke I caused his disabilities now sad haven't stopped crying since! Just wish I was dead!!!

I am so proud - I have sorted college properly, and am going to talk to student support about some in class support to help with my note taking smile

I also went to the SureStart children's centre that's just down the road from the college and asked about volunteering to help with the course - they were thrilled, welcomed me with open arms and I'm going back on Friday to finish all the paperwork for the DBS check etc

Good Day! And I got my diary grin

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Mon 06-Jan-14 19:15:36

Oh Dumdum - am angry with your dad on your behalf. Of course it wasn't your fault! Stupid man! I imagine that his cognitive ability isn't what it was and he is probably confused so do try not to take it to heart. You have been really good since it happened a its obvious to all of us on here that you care for him deeply. My mum is similar so i understand.

No need to warn me about london prices though - we know its expensive, which is why we take a picnic and then can enjoy the cake with less guilt smile

Snowy i hope you got your cupboards sorted x

DD back at school tomorrow - sad

SnowyMouse Mon 06-Jan-14 19:27:11

I hope the fluoxetine kicks in soon, ErrorError

Oh DumDum32, of course that isn't so. (((((( DumDum32 )))))

Oh that's great news Violet ! grin

I've bagged up 5 bags of rubbish, hoping my carer will take them out for me later.

Why are you sad about back to school, LEM?

SnowyMouse Tue 07-Jan-14 14:03:06

How's it going today? I had a lie in until 11:30 hmm

wetwetwetfan Tue 07-Jan-14 15:49:25

Wow snowy that is a proper lay in!! Jealous!!

I went swimming and for a sit in the steam room.... lovely.

My kids were all back at school today and i had no work so just me and the dogs singing along to the radio...

SnowyMouse Tue 07-Jan-14 15:55:06

It's clozapine that makes me sleep so much. I get up at 7:30 (when my carers come), get dressed and go back to bed. hmm

Oh, steam room sounds gorgeous, I miss swimming etc.

Did you enjoy your quiet day?

wetwetwetfan Tue 07-Jan-14 16:01:47

Oh yes i did... the Christmas holidays were long and VERY noisy.... we are a noisy family anyway so had to have the radio on for some background noise. I don't actually like silence unless i am reading.

I liked the steam room the best... it's my reward for the swimming !

SnowyMouse Tue 07-Jan-14 16:21:06

I tend to have the tv on in the background.

Good point, good way to exercise, and rewards are good! smile

SnowyMouse Tue 07-Jan-14 16:23:54

I'm back to the knitting as distraction. smile

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Tue 07-Jan-14 17:45:42

Well i survived the first day back smile Snowy, i just miss my DD when she is at school but this was the first holiday when part of me was pretty relieved when she went back. She has had lots of excess energy as the weather has been so dire that we haven't been able to get out and about much for her to burn it off. Wetwetwet - i actually savour the silence when im on my own - i didn't used to but i rarely put the radio on and never ever have the TV on in the day. I tend to get anxious if there is background noise.

My anxiety was +++ earlier today but seem to be settling down more. I did find it hard this morning with DD back at school. DP was still around doing quotes and i wanted hiim to feck off to work and get back to normal. I am working with him next week, doing a decorating job should be a welcome break. I got soaked through today, took my dogs and my mum's dog for a walk and the heavens opened. I had to put my coat in the tumble dryer and my clothes are still on the bathroom floor, you would actually wring them out - even my bra! I was MISERABLE as you can imagine, but i had a lovely bath afterwards so it made me feel better. Didn't manage to get any real tidying up done which was my mission for today, so will have to buck up tomorrow - didn't turn computor on until just now though - feel better for that.

Hope you are all having an OK day - i don't know about you guys but i am very ready for the wind and rain to sod off now, even if DP is getting more jobs because of it.

SnowyMouse Tue 07-Jan-14 18:02:06

I'm not good, low and keep hearing voices. sad

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Tue 07-Jan-14 20:57:03

Sorry to read that snowy sad Can you push on with the knitting? maybe put some relaxing music on?

SnowyMouse Tue 07-Jan-14 21:00:10

Thanks LEM, carer just been which distracts (she kindly put 20 minutes into cleaning the kitchen).
Looking at the knitting now.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Tue 07-Jan-14 21:18:06

I'm drinking wine and stuffing chocolate as a distraction - my news years resolution never even got off the ground blush.

SnowyMouse Tue 07-Jan-14 21:24:49

Sounds good. A mini ben and jerrys tub made it into tomorrow's grocery delivery, and some stuffed olives, and I've just noticed pizza hut have a £5 pizza deal on, maybe for tomorrow? blush

SnowyMouse Wed 08-Jan-14 12:10:07

On second thoughts, no pizza on top of the ice cream.

ErrorError Wed 08-Jan-14 12:13:16

I've done it. I've used the 'D word' with work. I got an email from them asking about something which was supposed to have been completed in December, which of course I completely forgot about due to my brain being all over the place. I responded to the email, offering a reasonable solution and apologised as it was my responsibility to facilitate the task. I have admitted that I've been diagnosed with depression and am getting help for it. I am now however crying a lot and I don't know if it's out of fear of what their response will be, or relief that I've finally said it, or both.

I have felt like such a terrible employee, with rubbish concentration and forgetting some important stuff, and hated myself so much for it that I kept imagining ways that I could have some sort of accident or (physical) illness that would legitimately get me out of the job.

I do still want to leave but only when I can find something better when I'm feeling better. I've just been living in fear that I'm rubbish and they'll see right through me and think I'm lazy and just sack me. Having a really wobbly day. sad

SnowyMouse Wed 08-Jan-14 13:02:04

Well done Error I remember how hard it was to tell my DPhil supervisors when I was first diagnosed, I felt I let them down but it's the depression, not you causing the problems.

Have you thought about talking to occupational health about your depression?

ErrorError Wed 08-Jan-14 13:20:03

I only work part time anyway and sometimes from home so I'm 'off work' quite a lot and didn't realise this could be an option for me but I'll look into it. I've been obsessively checking my emails and not sure what to make of the following response:

Hi Error, that’s fine, thanks. Sorry that you’ve been unwell.

Thanks

[bossname]

Perhaps he is just busy and that's ok but I'm still worried. Had a couple of emails from others in the mean time which I've successfully dealt with, probably due to me working on pure adrenaline at the moment!

I do feel I've let work down, it has been so hard masquerating as a functional person all this time. So I hope what I'm currently feeling is a form of relief that it's 'out there'. Just desperate to have my life back, but on tablets are you supposed to feel a bit worse before you get better? Or is it such a gradual change you barely notice until you've made some significant progress milestone?

ErrorError Wed 08-Jan-14 13:21:33

masquerading

SnowyMouse Wed 08-Jan-14 13:34:13

The tablets take weeks to work unfortunately, but if you don't see improvement after 6 weeks you should go back to the prescriber I think.

Boss' email sounds supportive to me.

ErrorError Wed 08-Jan-14 13:43:02

I'm going back to the GP when this supply is nearly finished in, just for a review. Tomorrow I get the results from my blood test to see if there are any underlying thyroid/liver function issues so that's caused me a bit of anxiety too but not as much as the work stuff.

Thanks for interpreting the email that way Snowy, I wasn't sure myself, but I understand sometimes people don't know what to say in this situation, but saying sorry that I've been unwell is probably enough recognition for now. As long as I keep producing work to my best (though currently limited) ability, I hope they'll be understanding.

I feel a bit better now for having got all that off my chest. Thank you. Hope everyone else is having an ok day. I'm going to make myself a coffee and cuddle a cat!

SnowyMouse Wed 08-Jan-14 14:14:37

Oh good, a review is a good idea.

I'm worried that someone is in the flat with me hmm

ErrorError Wed 08-Jan-14 14:26:04

Oh Snowy what a horrible feeling. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself? I don't have personal experience of paranoia but know family members who have and it's distressing for them. Aside from actually checking, all I could suggest is having some background noise like radio or TV which sometimes helps me if I'm anxious. Complete silence is unnerving to me. Sorry I can't suggest anything more helpful. ((hug))

SnowyMouse Wed 08-Jan-14 14:29:37

Thanks. I have got the tv on, helping a little sad

error well done for telling your employer. I too think that is a supportive email.

snowy that sounds a creepy (and crappy) feeling. Does checking put your mind at rest?

Had a horrible night last night - thought I'd heard a noise outside and it sent my anxiety into the stratosphere. I did sleep, but then had a dream that I'd had a full on, standing, screaming row with the job centre.

Not fun sad

Better today, but phone interview didn't go well - they wanted someone who could drive, ideally, so they could go and pick stuff up from other stores. They said as I've never driven or owned a car my product knowledge would be lower and they like their staff to have some basic knowledge before training. That's fair enough, obviously this job was not meant to be smile

Maintained at weigh in, which is OK. Was hoping for a loss but it's that time of the month so maintaining is good.

SnowyMouse Wed 08-Jan-14 15:29:08

Checking helps, Sparkly, just not for long. Sorry you had such a night, Violet I'm sorry about the job, but well done on the weight maintain, it's hard to do.

SnowyMouse Wed 08-Jan-14 16:05:28

Pizza ordered, I need to find some non food distractions/treats too. I already listen to music/tv/audiobooks, mnet, knit sort of.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Wed 08-Jan-14 16:22:14

I watched the first lecture on my online course today and I understood it - it wasn't anything highbrow to be honest and i did have to stop a few times to listen again because he did zoom through things but i enjoyed it. Now of course i have the first set of homework to do but not too daunted. Its a pretty good distraction snowy smile link This is the link - you can use it to link in to the rest of the website and find a course that may interest you snowy - something light but interesting an distracting? Just an idea, don't worry if its not for you. Main thing - its free!

Nothing wrong wiht pizza shaped distraction, what will you have on yours? DP took me to lunch - i had salad <virtuous> or it would have been if it hadn't have been stilton and bacon with loads of mayonase!

House is a mess though - anxiety really high but keeping a lid on things (just). Hate January, just hate it.

How are you doing Sparkly?

I need a new name - can't have Santa in it for much longer.

Error - snowy is right, it does take a while for the meds to kick in, and yes, you can feel worse to start with but do persevere - very often you find yourself feeling better and not recognising it for a few weeks, if that makes sense, rather than there being a marked difference between days. The email from work sounds supportive and fine. You have done the right thing for letting them know.

SnowyMouse Wed 08-Jan-14 16:39:17

Thanks LEM I'm contemplating giving up 2 out of 3 OU modules that I'm doing, because my concentration is rubbish. I might switch back to an old username...

SnowyMouse Wed 08-Jan-14 16:39:45

Actually, there's still a chance of snow..

SnowyMouse Wed 08-Jan-14 17:41:59

One of my friends is threatening to od sad

sad for your friend, snowy - will she listen to you?

I am fine, though still to finish off Christmas blush - have presents still to deliver, and must write to those who didn't get cards... Am feeling rather indolent though.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Wed 08-Jan-14 17:54:34

Well its not good if its stressing you out snowy - study is supposed to be fun confused But maybe postpone rather than give up, there is nothing like feeling you are juggling to bugger your concentration, so doing one at a time will be much better i'm sure. Ive only taken on an hours worth a week - thats enough!

Sad for your friend - can you direct them to help?

I'd quite like some snow - just for one day! except it has to snow everywhere apart from the roads, so everyone keeps safe

SnowyMouse Wed 08-Jan-14 17:58:06

Yes, I might postpone. It's hard with my friend, she has severe chronic pain, nothing helps it. She's just been discharged, she's been inpatient (and suicidal) for 8 + months. Crisis team just tell her to distract etc. So it's very hard to know what say, she's already spoken to them today, and been at the day hospital all day.

Perhaps you should have some you time, Sparkly

Yes, no snow on the roads and pavements please!

Ha, it's all me time atm - I quite like doing nothing much, some of the time.

SnowyMouse Wed 08-Jan-14 18:07:34

Fair enough smile

Actually, snowy, you are quite right - I need some different me time - exercise and visiting friends, am in a sort of blurgh rut if I am really honest.

SnowyMouse Wed 08-Jan-14 21:09:52

Oh (((( Sparkly ))))

Could you pencil some exercise etc. into a calendar or diary?

I'm not getting out at the moment, but that's more due to flooding making the buses divert.

Not looking forward to seeing CPN on Friday.

SnowyMouse Wed 08-Jan-14 21:14:01

Friend rang and she's feeling better, phew.

SnowyMouse Thu 09-Jan-14 14:12:28

I'm struggling, so tired, can't go to bed as carer coming soonish. sad

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Thu 09-Jan-14 16:13:21

Hope your day improved snowy.

Had a busy day here coffee with a friend that went on for too long because she had time to kill then sat down with my "homework" from my course - three hours And a headache later I managed to complete the first task. Science is hard I forgot this! Do feel I have achieved though.

ciq, vicar and ed? How are you doing? Hope Surgery went/goes well vicar.

SnowyMouse Thu 09-Jan-14 16:19:59

I was wondering how Vicar was too - I don't remember exactly when her surgery was, but it sounded like it needed a few weeks recovery.

Well done on getting the first task done, LEM!

I'm really not good, it feels like someone is watching me the whole time sad

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Thu 09-Jan-14 17:20:52

That must be a horrible feeling snowy sad how is the citalopram going? I am SO tired, worrying really when i did was a few hours of thinking!

SnowyMouse Thu 09-Jan-14 17:26:09

I'm still taking the citalopram, will discuss it with the CPN tomorrow. sad Can you catch up on your sleep at all?

hoochymama1 Thu 09-Jan-14 20:17:27

Hellosmile Well done Lem grin attagirl!

Do you think it may be funny side effects from the citalopram, Snowy? I had some weird stuff early sertraline, but it may have been the depression.

Ooo, lots of love to you, Sparkly..hope you get your dear self out and about a bit, it may be a nice day tomorrow.

Love to Error your posts made me remember the early days of realising that I was ill, and scared about work. That e-mail sounded fine to me, people don't know what to say about depression..OH should be a good choice. Sometimes home working is stressful.. also the a/d's take time to work smile

Well. I've almost done a week, it's been so hard, and I felt tearful on Tuesday. But as time has gone on it's felt better. It's been three years since I've worked..but it is very interesting. My big fear is that I won't sleep and my MH will suffer, but so far so good.

Love to all

SnowyMouse Thu 09-Jan-14 20:28:40

I don't know, hoochy, have to wait and see if it clears. I'm glad you're doing well, hoochy.

OK, using you guys as a sounding board. I've got an assessment of my needs at college tomorrow (for my visual impairment - I'm hoping to get in class support/note taker or something sorted for my evening classes).

College offers free counselling and as far as I can see, no limit on the number of sessions. I'm thinking of trying to have weekly/fortnightly/whatever sessions, to try and get into a better head-space while I've got the chance. If you could, would you use the service?

Yes, I'd go for it lollipop, what have you got to lose?

Think I am exhausted from having folk to stay last week, and from seeing the Irishman, who was fighting a headache by being slightly manic, following that.

LEM thinking can be tiring, it does use energy too, more than you would imagine for "hard thinking".

Nothing to lose, quite a bit to gain, I guess smile Went to see my friend and her DS today, was lovely - she's been a wonderful friend for years, especially since September and my granddad's death.

Actually, I think that's going to be goal 1 of counselling - deal with my grief properly. I let it out sometimes, but I think I'm holding a lot in that needs to be released somewhere.

SnowyMouse Fri 10-Jan-14 09:43:06

Definitely worth a go, LollipopViolet

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Fri 10-Jan-14 09:48:43

Another go for it vote lollipop

DumDum32 Fri 10-Jan-14 18:37:16

Lurking sad

College meeting was good - will email counselling service once I start the course I think smile

Went to do the paperwork to volunteer at the children's centre and it's all gone a bit hectic! The nice lady asked about my degree, now there's talk of documentary projects (feature length) and getting funding and me doing some photography of the children for the parents - like a "watch me grow" thing. This could potentially become a social enterprise if I started a business doing photography and offered a photography club within the community or something. Not entirely sure how it works but it's something to look into.

DumDum you OK? (obv not sad )

Managed to progress v slowly - made myself get out of bed and have some soup for lunch, then back to bed for afternoon. Then a bath. Now am gradually catching up on the house - which is not too bad underlyingly.

Lollipop that sounds very promising...

Hi everyone,
lollipop great to hear about the counselling and children's centre stuff sounds exciting smile

lem sympathies on the tiredness front. That's been my frustration today - have a had a good few days but shattered today.

snowy sorry to hear you're having a tough time (((hugs)))

sparkly good for you for being kind to yourself and sounds like you're making good progress too!

congrats hoochy that's great. Sleep well smile.

(((dumdum)))

Week has been good, got lots done now kids back at school but today not great - reeeeeeeeaaallly finding it difficult to get up in the mornings and get us out of the house in time for school. And knackered all day. Could easily have gone back to bed... DH pitched for a big contract on Thur (his first decent one under his new business) and was told he'd hear today. Nothing. I am not optimistic but praying I'm wrong. Don't think that's helping on the exhaustion front. What is normal with tiredness?

take care all x

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Fri 10-Jan-14 22:03:24

Will keep my fingers crossed for the contract ciq. Just because uou haven't heard doesn't necc mean a negative. Its a big deal to you and dh but probsbly less so for the client so they wont view as urgent.

Thanks lem fingers crossed... stressed. Should go to bed. Seem to need 9 hrs sleep a night... Is that normal?.

Night all x

I too, am off to the land of dreams. I can honestly say, I've not felt this happy in ages. I will go to sleep happy tonight, ready to start working on some ideas tomorrow smile

Cherrypi Sat 11-Jan-14 12:05:08

Hi all. Felt better over the last two days now back to down again. Just want to hide away and eat bread. Argh.

DumDum32 Sat 11-Jan-14 19:34:56

Day n night r dragging & I can't shake this feeling sad

Sorry you're having a sad day dumdum can you snuggle up in front of some tv tonight?

take care.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sat 11-Jan-14 20:32:49

<hugs> dumdum can you watch some crap TV?

I've just watched cool runnings. Thoroughly recommended. Very difficult not to laugh out loud smile

DumDum32 Sun 12-Jan-14 11:05:50

Thanks everyone for the (((hugs))) & suggestions to keep occupied. I've been taking sleeping tablets to knock myself out sad

still the same no change sad sad sad

How are you doing today dumdum?

I can't seem to get going today - seems like a good week has finished me off hmm.

Hope everyone else is hanging in there!

DumDum32 Sun 12-Jan-14 16:32:08

(((*ciq*)))

I'm just blank at the min sad think it's the meds increase making me like this as it always does. No amount of cigs r making a diff so just stopped smoking for today.

((((Hugs to all hanging in there))))

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sun 12-Jan-14 18:52:34

Well giving up cigs may be a positive thing dumdum, i have never smoked but i can't imagine the nicotine cravings help things. I hope you start to feel better soon - if its your meds, do speak to your mental health team if you have one and keep them aware.

DP got stuck getting a tyre fitted today so the whole day wasted. DD quite happy playing on her wii though. I have a week of "work" so am pretty nervous, its only doing something for DP but he isn't able to be on site with me so im bricking it.

DumDum32 Sun 12-Jan-14 20:12:44

Good luck lem u will be great am sure smile

I'm distracting myself with tv watching "the voice" repeat so far doing the trick. My brother has taken little one for a bit round his friends so getting some me time. Not feeling any cravings for a cig either so am happy with myself for that!

LEMmingaround Mon 13-Jan-14 19:15:21

I have name changed not sure about this one but it'll do for now. "Work" was good I ache like hellsmile I need to do more of this!

My potential wedding booking fell through, but the couple were lovely and said if their venues were a bit closer together they'd love me to do their pictures. But as they're a good few miles apart and the wedding is in December, they'd worry about my ability to get there with not driving. I'm OK with that, I'd rather people were honest straight away smile

Got lots to do in preparation for my first meeting at the children's centre on Thursday - I'm very excited but VERY nervous too!

LEMmingaround Mon 13-Jan-14 19:33:22

You'll be fine. You are doing so well

Ha, I wasn't this morning when I had raging insomnia! I think I got maybe 4 hours sleep. Not good.

Hoping for more tonight as I've got a skating lesson tomorrow. Need to be awake or lovely coach will be putting a toepick somewhere painful! grin

She is genuinely lovely, and would never do that, but does despair when my skills take an unexpected holiday!

Hi everyone,
hoping you're all doing ok today.

Back to my counsellor after a Christmas holiday, and it was helpful. I've been feeling v flat the last few days and struggling to work out why. Was good last week up til Fri when DH had a big pitch. He still hasn't heard. Basically I am struggling to keep the faith with his business venture. Back in Dec he was v optimistic he'd have 3 clients sign up in Jan. We have one paying only a tiny amount. I'm not sure he's being realistic, but I don't want to be completely honest in case it bursts his bubble totally and he ends up depressed again. His bad few days over new year have put me on edge. Counsellor asked where I was getting support for this anxiety - and I thought actually on here is the only place. So need to fix up a coffee with a rl friend whose ear I could bend. I know it's reasonable stuff to be anxious about, but need to get past the anxiety a bit to get a bit more info on his offering, but historically anxiety has made it impossible to concentrate!

Hey ho. Just have DD home after school today so hoping she's in a good mood and we can find something to do that we both want to do... grrr anxiety is trying v hard to take over...

Khimaira Tue 14-Jan-14 15:14:50

Hope everyone is ok today. I'm still lurking if that's ok - I'd like to ask a question. How do you manage to get through counselling sessions? does anyone have any tips?
I spent the morning doing nothing, getting increasingly on edge about it and almost panicked a few minutes before. We didn't speak of anything too deep, just about holidays, my DS, his behaviour and his referral but even then I could barely concentrate enough to speak about it and have to fight off a snow storm in my head (like empty fuzziness which is blank). It seems to take an extraordinary amount of effort to string a sentence together. He clearly noticed as he cut short the session (or maybe I'm imaging it - he said he had to go and wish the cleaner happy birthday) and said he wants to speak again in a couple of days. I seem to be totally unable to function today and am worried because next time I'll have the children with me. Now I just feel totally shaky and a bit sick.

hoochymama1 Tue 14-Jan-14 19:00:01

Well done for getting through it, Khimaira, it sounds like it was ok. It might be easier with the kids there to break the ice smile
Love to all, esp CiQ.
Well done LEM, little steps,eh grin my work is ok. I get really easily worried that I'm not doing stuff right, and get little waves of bleakness..but that's normal for me. It's helped to remember to eat and drink and go for a walk now and then.
Hello Snowy <<waves>>

Thanks hoochy. Brilliant that you're keeping going with work I'm sure you're doing a good job. Hope you have your feet up now.

Have just read through DH's business plan and cash flow forecast. Optimistic forecasts I think. I don't think he'll end the year in the black as he forecasts. He sent them in an email and said "be kind to me". Well I know encouragement is important, but so is reality hmm does that sound really harsh?

hi khimaira counselling is often not easy ime. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself before your session? Or go for a walk to help with the anxiety (apol can't remember if you have DCs with you before). For me at the start, and still some weeks its hard to string a sentence together - that's a sign of your anxiety ime. But keep going. Try not to worry about the counsellor, he sounds like he's on the ball. I always find I need some downtime after to process everything and recover a bit - hope you're able to even if it means dcs watch some tv. take care.

Khimaira Wed 15-Jan-14 02:23:03

Thank for the kind words hoochy and CiQ. And for making me feel a little less alone. I will have the DC's before and after next time so that will distract me.

I'm no help, I'm afraid CiQ, no experience about business whatsoever. Could you suggest he does a second, not so optimistic forecast to see what the results would be and come up with a plan to see how he could try and ensure it's the first forecast he's working towards.

(...crawls back under a stone to lurk some more...)

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 15-Jan-14 02:54:50

hi all......long time no see!

ive had my surgery and am now recovering at home though i have to say physically i am very very well. i get my clips out tomorrow (hurray! they are driving me mad - i have contemplated unsealing my clip scissors and doing the bloody job myself!)

i just really wanted to pop on firstly to say happy new year to everyone - lets hope its a good one and we all beat the blues.

secondly really just to say that i find myself needing the village a little less these days - i have mixed emotions on that score - i m sad about it in some ways but glad that it means recovery is very much underway for me.

im still a complete bed head.....i think my natural make up is always going to be night owl. (late to bed, late up! but i do have that luxury and am mindful that sometimes its ok) my new woof is forcing me to get dressed and get out. i try not to chastise myself if that doesnt happen until lunch time!

but i feel so much better now than i did. im still on the sertraline and im scared of coming off it....i may well need you all when that happens - but for now im very aware that im not here so much and im trying not to put myself under pressure to post because i feel i have to or because i feel responsible for the threads - im very glad that these threads have taken on a life of their own and are providing such amazing support whether im here or not! smile

so i just wanted to say if in not here in body i am in spirit and i will still seek the village out and lurk even if i dont need to post.

you, my village family have all been so amazing, the support here is real, solid, tangible and so precious, it doesnt matter that we havent met in real life - these threads, this board, all of you here now - old and new posters alike, were my life line when i was in the grip of depression that i didnt even recognise i had.

you are all wonderful and i mean that. i wish everyone here a happy and healthy 2014. (rather belatedly!)

just in case im not here for a bit.....
love you all and the support, solidarity and advice you all freely give. x

LEMmingaround Wed 15-Jan-14 20:30:10

So good to hear from you vicar. Glad your surgery went well. No pressure to post of course thiscwill always be your village and you will always be given a warm welcome home. In the pub by the fire. We are all on a journey and at different dtages. Im feeling stronger so moving forwards I hope. I don't think I woild have got thtough this year without this thread it has been my life line

I'm doing OK - have got my 2 stone award at Slimming World today smile I'm actually focused on my mum - her recent Facebook postings make me think she's struggling, so I'm going to try and cheer her up with a nice day out when she's got some time off later this month smile

And I might just have to buy her a small gift while I'm out tomorrow smile

ThatVikRinA22 Thu 16-Jan-14 00:52:48

lem - ditto. you all feel like family. the support on here is worth so much more than anything i had in real life. im really touched and im so glad these threads became wihat they have and are so useful for people. my initial selfish post was 8 threads ago.....i had no idea that my ramblings in those early threads would help people but im so incredibly glad that these threads evolved and became such a wonderful supportive place.

you all have a piece of my heart. and i mean that.

DumDum32 Thu 16-Jan-14 11:45:42

Well done voilet on the weight loss smile

Nice to hear from u vicar & glad surgery went well smile

I've lost 1stone 3 lbs in three months aswell so am over the moon with the result - still got another 2 stones to go but am optimistic now smile

Hope all r well & bug hugsssss xxx

SnowyMouse Thu 16-Jan-14 11:50:53

I'm glad your surgery went well, vicar smile

DumDum32 Thu 16-Jan-14 12:09:24

Just noticed "bug hugs" sorry that was "big hugs" blush

TrueWorrier Thu 16-Jan-14 16:07:24

Hello, is there room for one more [waves nervously]

I've had a really anxious and stressful 18 months all down to financial worries, because my DH runs his own business and the recession has really bitten him hard.

We've really struggled to pay bills and the mortgage, and it's been so hand to mouth and incredibly stressful. Yet on the surface we still look respectable and successful, living in a nice house and driving nice cars. I know our friends would be stunned if they knew how much we struggle financially.

Anyway, I finally cracked before Xmas and started feeling really anxious all the time and totally withdrew emotionally from my lovely DH, which I found incredibly upsetting as I've always been very much in love with him. But whenever I looked at him I felt nothing but sadness and anxiety and was certain our marriage was over for me.

Saw my GP recently, and have been diagnosed with anxiety and mild depression due to long term stress. I'm on 50mg of sertraline a day. Days 1-5 were absolute Hell, but then I started to improve and feel calmer and more like my normal self. Also, feeling better about my DH, and that the 'connection' is coming back, but I know the anxiety is lurking in the background all the time.

We've decided we HAVE to sell this house and downsize, which is making me feel 100 times more anxious and upset because we worked so hard for this house and it's our HOME.

Now on Day 14 of sertraline and have had a bit of a wobbly day, feeling more anxious again. Really worried I might be relapsing sad Is it normal to still have bad days, in the early days of taking SSRIs, even when you mainly have okay ones?

Gosh, that was long. Sorry blush

Come on in, True and make yourself at home smile

I've no experience of SSRI's so hopefully someone will be along soon who can answer your questions.

I've had an ACE day! Meeting went well, film has been given the go-ahead and I joined the book club that some of the mums run amongst themselves at the children's centre I'm volunteering at smile

They are such a lovely bunch, I'm normally awful in big groups of new people but I felt so welcome, no one even cared I don't have any children yet.

I'm also pretty certain I'm now a size 14 on the bottom half, for the first time in years, after trying on some jeans in a couple of shops smile

So, I'm currently flicking between the internet and a copy of Atonement i've been loaned from book club smile

true it does take a while for SSRIs to kick in properly, but the signs you've described are good - and I know how hard it can be to consult a doctor about these kinds of symptoms.

It is also good that you and DH have made a practical decision about your financial situation, sad though that decision must be. Far better to act to take control than to sit helplessly worrying and doing nothing.

Yes it will be stressful downsizing, however you seem to be acting as a team (which I never had in my own marriage, now over), and that bodes well for the future, whatever it may be.

TrueWorrier Thu 16-Jan-14 20:03:23

Thank you, and hello again smile

I'm just so crap at dealing with all this uncertainty, I really HATE not knowing where we'll end up moving to. Or even if we will definitely, definitely end up selling. DH has mentioned that if he manages to secure a few larger contracts then we'll probably stay. Grrrrrrrrrrr, I just HATE all this not knowing what's going to happen. No wonder I'm so anxious.

Can someone lend me a time machine so I can fast forward the next 6 months, please.