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Please talk to me about PND, CBT and anti depressants?

(105 Posts)
batterylow Mon 02-Dec-13 12:18:45

I have had a rough year, rough ten years if I am honest. But since dd2 was ten weeks old it felt like I was living in some kind of ground hog day when every day was impossible and her poor sleep meant I couldn't look forward to evenings either or ever get more than a tiny amount of sleep.

Our family life is really stressful, older child has sn and I knew I didn't feel right but kept thinking its circumstantial, couldn't face the gp due to anxiety about kids being removed, being out on anti depressants making me overweight (I know these two are not equal worries but have not been myself for a while!!)

Dh then had an affair which has been horrible to deal with but on the other hand has forced us both to look at our problems rather than carry on living separate lives in the same house. All sorts of things have been going on and I am not sure what the outcome of my relationship will be but am not making a final decision just yet for various reasons. I am due to start CBT in jan but still haven't been to the gp (self referred to CBT) but feel I am not managing very well and having panic attacks, horrible obsessive thoughts, feel hopeless about at least the immediate future. I know all this is normal considering my dh has betrayed me so badly but I felt so out of it and low before that that I think I could have PND but would the gp say its too late to diagnose this now(baby is 17months)? Would taking anti depressants help with cbt or would it make it less effective? I don't feel like my gp is particularly clued up with MH issues and my anxiety is that they will say as both dh and I are depressed, the children are unsafe?

batterylow Mon 02-Dec-13 12:29:18

Sorry for long op. can I just make that more concise and say I have these questions please?
1- could this be PND and would the gp say its too late to diagnose?
2- is it best to try cbt without anti depressants or would they help?
3- just thought of this one, I am on a high dose of St. John's wort which helps a bit but not enough and panic attacks are still bad, I wonder if I would need to be off it before starting ads? I hate feeling like this.

Avondale Mon 02-Dec-13 12:49:07

No, it's not too late to diagnose PND. My DC was 18 months. It just means you've been trying to cope with it for too long. It sounds like you have got loads going on and could with something to help. I would definitely recommend going and seeing GP. I think CBT and ADs together would give you the best chance of getting well again. It really helped me.
Why are you worried about your DC being taken away? They would need to have a lot more concerns than you being on ADs to do that.
Good luck

batterylow Mon 02-Dec-13 13:50:42

Thank you, which ads are you on if you don't mind me asking? I have been reading up and I was on ads years ago which I have found out were actually tricyclics which may explain why I gained so much weight on them?

I know the children being taken is probably irrational its just I worry about the fact dh has been seen for depression too so they may think we are both unstable. It's silly as if I was a single parent which is quite possible then it would be the same if I was on them. And if someone said to me that they were worried about this I would think it was a symptom of their anxiety/depression!

batterylow Mon 02-Dec-13 14:22:06

Just called the GP, can't believe I have been meaning to do this for over a year. Got phone appointment in two days so need to keep my nerve till then. After a bit of googling I THINK I would need to be off the St. John's wort for a week so maybe I should stop taking them in preparation? Although am worried I will feel dreadful in the mean time...

Avondale Mon 02-Dec-13 14:54:12

Fluoxetine. I started on 20mg but went up to 40mg and now back to 20 mg which I'm starting to come off.
Well done for getting CBT and making appointment. These are first steps in getting well and it doesn't matter how long it took the important thing is now you have done it.
I think loads of kids live with parents with depression. They won't take kids of you for that!
I seem to think that you can't take St Johns with ADs but am not a medical person. Perhaps wait until you speak to doctor before doing anything.

NewName123 Mon 02-Dec-13 16:11:58

don' t come off the st johns wort yet,take advice from your doc about swapping from one to the other. You are liable to have a big crash in mood other wise as the Ad will take a couple of weeks to kick in.
I was on big dose of SJW which was ok. I thought I was fine so came off them and felt like crap for a while, now in fluoxetine and feeling better.

batterylow Mon 02-Dec-13 16:49:26

Thank you both. I wish I could have spoken to the doctor today as am psyched up to get something done.

New name I am on a large dose of it too, it did help initially (started taking it after dh told me what he had done) and so bizarrely I felt a bit better even after that bombshell than I had over the previous year but I think I need something more now. I think I may ask for beta blockers or similar to help with panic when I stop taking it so perhaps I should wait till wed, good plan. I know when I miss a dose it can set me back for a couple of days so it must do something.

NewName123 Mon 02-Dec-13 16:51:30

with a lot of AD you can just swap from one to another without a break. Think the fluoxetine is stronger than the SJW although that did help too. Hope you get some help x

batterylow Mon 02-Dec-13 17:01:50

Thank you. Have just taken a sjw so am only down by one tablet as I missed an earlier dose but I think it is best to carry on till Wed just in case. Now all I have to do is not chicken out on wed!

NewName123 Mon 02-Dec-13 19:36:57

just be wary, when I stopped my SJW I was fine for a couple of weeks then felt awful.

batterylow Mon 02-Dec-13 20:32:43

Oh dear yes I am dreading that. Are you finding the fluoxetine more effective than the sjw?

NewName123 Tue 03-Dec-13 10:55:51

yes I think it is stronger than the SJW, some days I feel better than others. Generally I feel calmer and more chatty.
Today I feel tired and un motivated though.

batterylow Tue 03-Dec-13 20:23:49

Sorry to hear you are having a bad day. I am too although my period arrived today too so that explains why the last few days have been so unbearable. Fingers crossed tomorrow is a better day for us both.

BigArea Tue 03-Dec-13 20:30:58

Hello batterylow just wanted to agree with the advice given here. Sorry you are having such a tough time. When I was diagnosed I ended up with a combination of ADs (Citalopram first time around, now on Sertraline for a recent relapse) Propanolol (sp) which is a beta blocker and Zopiclone for sleep. I had to wait a while for CBT that I could actually fit in around work and child, but that was awesome when it finally happened and the various tablets helped me to function more normally in the meantime. Good luck going to the doctors and I hope you feel better soon.

NewName123 Tue 03-Dec-13 20:39:15

yes hope so, I have done nothing today which I don't think is good for me. Tomorrow I have a bit of work on which forces me out of the house. This usually results in me feeling better somehow even though I don't look forward to it.
So you have your Dr apt tomorrow, good luck, let us know how you get on. If in doubt, cry, that always gets their attention !!

batterylow Tue 03-Dec-13 21:06:25

Bigarea thank you, that sounds like what I am hoping, ie that the meds will also help me while I wait for cbt, been feeling desperate so I hope I don't sound too ok on the phone to the GP, I am a control freak I think as I cannot bear professionals to see my weaknesses so always pretend I am fine. In reality this is probably more worrying to them in some ways! Have you had any side effects that have made the meds hard going? I am so scared about weight gain, I know this is silly in the scheme of things but my confidence is so low that it would really affect me.

New name that is exactly how I am with work, I am terrible when I am not doing anything so am probably best at work sometimes although I tend to worry about it the night before (already anxious in advance of a fairly routine meeting tomorrow for example)

BigArea Tue 03-Dec-13 22:01:22

Well I lost all bar 7lbs of my baby weight but then put loads on which I always put down to stopping BFing when DD was 10m. But thinking about it I went onto ADs when she was 8m so there is a correlation there, whether it caused the gain who knows... but I think the reason it has stayed on is that I am very inactive!

batterylow Tue 03-Dec-13 22:57:45

Oh dear well I definitely gained weight when on ads before so I think they can do that for some people. I was on lofepramine though which is a tricyclics, was hoping ssris would be better for that.

I have spent this evening talking openly with dh about how bad I feel about the future and our relationship and even I can see that I am not being rational and am not that well(I mean I keep saying things like I have ruined my children's life etc,I think it is normal that I am negative about the relationship right now so I mean the other stuff rather than that) anyway I think I need anti depressants so I need to try not to let the weight gain fears interfere with getting the help I need I guess. God I wish I had seen the gp sooner.

NewName123 Wed 04-Dec-13 07:38:32

Hi I don't think I have put on any weight so far. Have had a few side effects. I was taking every other day though so this helped. Felt a bit giddy and very slightly sick sometimes. Not sure about sleep yet, definitely haven't given me insomnia like certain meds have but my sleep has changed. I seem to wake up very easily but then am able to go back to sleep. Have had some increased anxiety in the first few weeks but that has settled now.
I think it is worth s try for you

BigArea Wed 04-Dec-13 12:05:00

Seriously don't worry about the weight, I cannot say that my weight gain is not just down to greediness/laziness in any case! Totally get what you are saying re your DH/relationship - I went through exactly that v recently with mine which is what prompted me to take a step back and say "is it us that is the problem or am I unwell again". You are doing the right thing in getting as much outside support as possible.

batterylow Wed 04-Dec-13 13:11:12

Still waiting for the Gp to call me and getting fidgety as I really am psyched up to admit how hard this all is. I have consistently told the health visitor I am fine and feel a bit embarrassed now as presumably the gp will tell her?

Worried about the anxiety side effects as I am so paranoid as it is but hopefully in the long run I will feel better. It is almost a relief to be admitting defeat with treating this myself if that makes sense. Just wish I had done it sooner before my relationship went so wrong.

Bigarea do you mean your relationship was the same sort if thing as mine? Are you still in it if you don't mind me asking? I am hoping the ads will help me with the way it has made me feel about myself and to live with some of my choices over the last few years. Would love them to help me stop obsessing over my husbands affair but I think only raising my self esteem will really help with all that.

batterylow Wed 04-Dec-13 13:54:41

Bit disappointed. Gp wanted to see me and can only do so tomorrow. Was really hoping to get something started today but I guess that was unrealistic . And now I actually have to ask for time off which has made me really anxious and also I have to actually face her and talk about this, and will cry which I will find stupidly traumatic I absolutely hate losing control.

NewName123 Wed 04-Dec-13 13:58:53

Hi battery, the GP will need to see you face to face to be able to help you. It is better to be open and honest with her. If you try and hold it all in then she won't get a complete picture of what things are like for you.
I would go along and talk frankly with her and if you cry well so be it. She will have had many patients cry in front of her before. x

batterylow Wed 04-Dec-13 14:06:02

I know, it's so silly really I just am not someone who can talk and cry at the same time. And once I start I can't stop because I don't do it often. I am getting paranoid now also that I have some kind of bi polar tendencies having read a thread on here because when I started taking St. John's wort I was quite "up" and kept spending money I didn't have and was drinking a lot, not getting any sleep but still full of energy (opposite to how I am now!!) also I went on a date with a guy from a dating site exactly one week after my husband confessed his affair. I had a good night, it wasn't even as if I was a mess. Maybe it was the adrenaline of it all but it tends to be how I handle extreme stress and I often seem to end up doing bizarre stuff when like that. For example when I broke up with my ex partner I invited a guy I briefly dated two years before that, to stay with me for the weekend, I barely knew him and took him out on a work night out. This is going back years (pre children) but still, I seem to go a bit over confident when under a lot of stress or something.

NewName123 Wed 04-Dec-13 14:20:13

why don't you write stuff down before you go to let her read or to read out to her, this might make it easier?

batterylow Wed 04-Dec-13 14:46:22

Thanks yes that's a good idea. I initially felt myself start to lose control on the phone but managed to get back from it and listed my symptoms as if I was talking about something routine which helped. The danger in that though of course is that she thinks I am fine!

BigArea Wed 04-Dec-13 16:03:29

Hello again. Firstly sorry no I didn't mean I was in same situation as you re affair - more that I thought our relationship was massively on the rocks when actually it was because I was feeling so awful that things were so bad between us IYSWIM. It's a bit chicken and egg isn't it because the situation is depressing in itself, but the depression makes it very very hard to deal with the most minor of things and it is easy to obsess over everything especially when there is such a big 'elephant in the corner'. So I think the ADs will help you deal with this.

Re going to the GP and your fear of this, have a watch of this Brene Brown video if you haven't seen it before. It's all about having the courage to be vulnerable and how that can benefit you. 'Putting it out there' was for me a huge step forward in recovering. If nobody knows you need support, you don't get any.

Nobody will think badly of you for having claimed to be fine for so long (I did exactly the same and hid my depression extremely well for months). It is fine to cry, absolutely fine, all GPs have tissues on their desks for a reason. Honestly although it is excruciating, once you've seen her you will wonder why you were so worried.

Agree with NewName re writing it all down - I did bullet points last time I went. This helps if you can't actually speak, and ensures you don't miss anything out.

NewName123 Wed 04-Dec-13 16:07:40

Hi Big, you are right when ever I talk to a Dr or mental health professional I try and let it all hang out so to speak because I figure they have seen it all before. If I am nervous then I don't rey and hide it, I often witter on and try not to sensor what I am saying so to speak. Yes I think you are spot on when you say let yourself be vulnerable x

batterylow Wed 04-Dec-13 16:16:54

Thanks both of you. I really wish I could have had the appointment today. Especially with work tomorrow as will have to go straight after but I really do need to start sorting it.

Bigarea sorry your relationship was so stressful too. Hard to deal with definitely and I agree about chicken and egg. I am low enough that I genuinely can't tell if I caused the affair by being depressed, dh says no but I feel it can't be coincidence that my last partner cheated and that maybe I can't have relationships. But if someone else said that to me I would think they weren't thinking straight probably. I want my dh to support me with how I feel but as he caused a lot of it, I feel I don't want him to now which is lonely. But I think my depression goes back further than the affair and relationship stuff and the self esteem problems even further back. I definitely had a period of not being depressed between my two children but its hard to say when that began and ended now.

batterylow Wed 04-Dec-13 16:23:48

Ps just watched the start of that clip, wil watch the rest later but her first session with the therapist reminds me of me going for counselling years ago!

BigArea Wed 04-Dec-13 19:59:30

You know what, CBT has your name on it battery. I went from thinking "I am the world's crappest mum/friend/person" to thinking/knowing "actually, I am ok". It helps you to 'reprogramme' those negative thought patterns you get stuck in. What you said re being cheated on - it's not you, it's them - you know that really don't you? But you need some help convincing your own brain of that.

Agree, having a depressed wife must be very hard but not every man has an affair, therefore the depression did not cause the affair. We are all human, we all fuck up, we can all move on if we choose to. So what has happened in the past does not define how your relationship has to be in the future, but you do need to be strong enough to tackle it.

Getting things sorted between you and DH may mean you can stay married and things will get back on track, but I am certainly not saying that all your problems are down to your depression - so it may be that once you are feeling better, you may realise that it is time to move on. Either way you will work out what is right for you and have the strength to follow through on it.

I am massively into the whole concept of having the courage to be vulnerable, I am definitely a slow learner but I do find myself gradually becoming a bit wiser - and that is one of my most valuable life lessons to date. Tomorrow will be fine - try to have a good sleep, don't think about it while you are at work, and just go in to the doctors and blurt it out - think of it like ripping a plaster off, you just have to go for it. Once you have started it will all come out and I promise things will start to improve.

batterylow Wed 04-Dec-13 20:53:27

Thank you that's a really helpful post. I sort of know its them with the cheating but it took a long time to believe that about my ex who was a bit of a serial cheater, he actually didn't have the emotional capacity to have a relationship due to awful childhood issues and mental health stuff so I came to realise (years after we split, he was quite controlling and I was still dealing with that for a long while after the relationship ended as we had a child together) Dh seemed so different and it now feels like I turned him bad when I think about it in my low moments. But I sort of know that's not rational.

I really hope cbt helps me. It sounds like a success for you and I would love to not constantly criticise myself about this stuff. I don't even know what's real and what's my low self esteem any more. I convinced myself I have bi polar disorder today, in fact I probably do need to tell the gp about my erratic behaviour and high mood when under extreme stress because I think some anti depressants would be a bad idea if iam prone to those moods but I don't want her to think I am worse than I am and worry about the children etc.

batterylow Wed 04-Dec-13 21:21:43

Someone posted a link to the post natal depression questionnaire so I just did it. If you score over ten you should seek help, after dd1 I remember being told I had scored 11 but due to circumstances the hv just saw me regularly for a bit. Today I scored 25 !!

BigArea Wed 04-Dec-13 22:09:27

So a high score in a test is good, right?! grin Well done for doing it, I think it's so useful. What time is your appt tomorrow? FWIW I don't think anyone will worry about your children unless they are considered to be at risk, which I don't get the sense of at all from your posts. You sound to me like you are still parenting really well in difficult circumstances. Unless children are at risk nobody would even consider taking them away - but you might get more support, which would be wonderful. Hang in there.

LetMeAtTheWine Wed 04-Dec-13 22:34:33

Hi, I just wanted to say I have suffered from depression for years (not PND) and have been on and off AD's over a period of 7 years. This year I completed 6 sessions of CBT and it has made such a difference! At first I thought it would be a complete waste of time but I am now so glad I did it. I am no longer on AD's and use the techniques from my CBT sessions regularly.
Please try to be honest with your GP as it is the only way they can give you the help you need. Not admitting how you really feel is a common 'symptom' of depression and no-one will think badly of you for coming forward now and saying you think you need some help.
I hope your appointment is productive and that CBT is as effective for you as it was for me. Hopefully getting support with this will help you resolve any other issues you have in your life at present.

batterylow Thu 05-Dec-13 12:12:28

Thank you both, will be back later as have to go back to work but just cried at doctor , urge so embarrassing. Anyway she prescribed citalopram to start after I stop St. John's wort for three days so Sunday.

BigArea Thu 05-Dec-13 12:50:45

Well done you have been very brave. Brilliant.

LetMeAtTheWine Thu 05-Dec-13 15:25:55

Well done! Hope it helps quickly. X

NewName123 Thu 05-Dec-13 16:41:05

Oh great, hope it works well x

batterylow Thu 05-Dec-13 23:06:47

Thank you. I feel relieved now as when I get horrible obsessive thoughts I know its due to not being well, hopefully they will lessen when I start the ads. Dreading the side effects though!

BigArea Fri 06-Dec-13 07:34:07

Well done battery, agree side effects not nice but I think should only last for a few days. I found a steady supply of drinks and biscuits helped with the nausea. Well worth it though, but do go back to docs if you're not coping x

Avondale Fri 06-Dec-13 07:50:00

Good on ya! Wondering how you were getting on. Sure they will be in effect from the New Year and things will start to look more manageable for you.
My CBT taught me to use lists. Not my usual pages long To Do Lists which I found overwhelming but five, realistic things I could achieve that day. Good luck

batterylow Fri 06-Dec-13 14:19:37

Thanks yes hopefully I will have a bit more motivation when on them to sort things out a bit and am hoping the cbt will help deal with some of the patterns I have which have led to this situation. Lists sound good. Just being able to ink straight enough to know what needs doing will be good too. Dreading Sunday but also just want to get on with it.

Anyone had experience with starting citalopram? I know people often get started on it and change so hope its not the cheap option, would hate to go rough side effects etc then have to change but I guess its the same whatever I was taking.

LetMeAtTheWine Fri 06-Dec-13 19:10:14

That is the one I was last on and from what I remember it was find, although have been on a few others with varying impacts which shows that not all medications suit everyone. Hopefully you will be fine on it too but if not try to remember that changing will help you in the long run so will be worth it.
Good luck OP, I have my fingers crossed for you.

LetMeAtTheWine Fri 06-Dec-13 19:10:38

Fine, not find - sorry!

batterylow Fri 06-Dec-13 19:13:22

Thank you, fingers crossed it helps as feel I am in limbo waiting to try.

batterylow Fri 06-Dec-13 21:55:41

Sorry, me again can't face starting a new thread. Does anyone know what is the best time of day to take citalopram or is it a personal thing? I have read they can interfere with sleep (is this just initial starting side effect?) and I have insomnia anyway so maybe I should take in the morning? But then if they made me tired that would be tricky.

BigArea Fri 06-Dec-13 22:16:35

Hi lovely, I took mine in the morning. Just googled and the first reply on this thread seems quite useful. You may find you don't suffer any initial side effects but if you do they should only last a few days. Try to ride them out and please do keep posting here x

batterylow Fri 06-Dec-13 22:26:04

Thank you yes that is a good reply, based on that and the fact my worst time is evenings , I will start in the mornings too and see how I go. I am also reassured by the whole discussion of how helpful they were to that poster, its funny as when I was on lofepramine I don't remember noticing feeling better till about 18months after taking them! I remember realising that I had talked to a group of people at college (was years ago) and hadn't felt inferior to them, it was a revalation!

batterylow Fri 06-Dec-13 22:27:00

I really appreciate the support on here , honestly it really really helps.

BigArea Fri 06-Dec-13 22:46:12

Hmmm, makes me think your previous tablets may not have actually done anything! With Citalopram and the Sertraline I am on now I found a marked improvement within days. Fingers crossed for you experiencing similar. Keep posting, I will check back daily - you are doing really well.

BigArea Fri 06-Dec-13 22:46:42

PS get exactly what you mean re not feeling inferior

batterylow Sat 07-Dec-13 13:01:08

Thanks so much, sorry fell asleep last night, am taking herbal sleeping pills which sometimes work! Yes I wonder about the lofepramine too although I do remember the improvement eventually! Had counselling too though so that could have helped. I used to drink heavily on them and was on other stuff for a bad back at same time which could have affected them.

BigArea Sat 07-Dec-13 16:18:34

Ah maybe that was it then. First tablet in the morning, the wait will be over! Glad you had a good sleep last night. Let us know how you feel tomorrow.

batterylow Sun 08-Dec-13 10:15:59

Thanks bigarea, first dose taken and now having coffee and mince pie to celebrate! Dh just said I seem better since stopping the St. John's wort but I think its more hormones because as my period approaches I tend to get more obsessive and then it all calms down over the few days once its arrived. Feeling a bit unhinged today tbh so hope the tablet doesn't make me too bad initially, think it takes a couple of days for side effects to build, will I find out soon anyway!

BigArea Sun 08-Dec-13 10:19:47

Fingers crossed for you thanks

batterylow Sun 08-Dec-13 10:38:51

Thank you x

NewName123 Sun 08-Dec-13 11:05:56

Good luck Battery. I am increasing my dose of fluoxetine now so expect I will be side effecting with you x

batterylow Sun 08-Dec-13 12:20:48

Thanks, how you feeling so far? I thought I was fine then stood up and have felt dizzy and sick ever since. Tired as dd2 never sleeps but feel more tired than usual and just a bit weird, hadn't expected side effects so soon but they are not yet too bad.

NewName123 Sun 08-Dec-13 16:12:39

I am feeling a little tired but maybe feeling like that anyway cos I took a sleeping tablet lest night. Yes it is very early for you to be having SE. Mind you the sooner they start the sooner they will be over.

BigArea Sun 08-Dec-13 17:55:35

That's pretty much how I felt, and on day 1 too with both the ADs I've been on. Keep sipping water and have regular snacks - I found it strangely similar to morning sickness in a way - nauseous, light headed and v v tired. Keep at it x

batterylow Sun 08-Dec-13 19:32:49

Thanks both, and yes I agree it is a bit like morning sickness with the tiredness and nausea but hunger at same time. Feelin better as the day has gone on, quite paranoid and felt vulnerable earlier when we took the children out so made sure we avoided busy places but tbh that is the depression more likely as have been like that a while now and a lot of that is because I worry about people not being nice/understanding about my oldest child's behaviour. It's not normal for me though before all this I was much less bothered.

NewName123 Mon 09-Dec-13 08:29:32

yuck, had the night sweats and anxiety last night, crap night sleep fsad

batterylow Mon 09-Dec-13 11:46:25

Oh no poor you, what time do you take yours is it evening?

So far I feel ok, bit of a tight feeling in my head and nausea that comes and goes but not awful. Work tomorrow will be the test though. Are you able to take it easy today?

NewName123 Mon 09-Dec-13 12:44:14

Hiya, been rushing round but sat down now until school pick up. Saw Dr this morn and have agreed to stay on the 20mg for now.
I take it first thing.
Yes I remember the tight head sort of feeling, can't really put a finger on what it is really. I had some jaw clenching for the first couple of weeks but that has got better.,
Sometimes work takes your mind off of things?

batterylow Mon 09-Dec-13 14:04:52

Just had a call from work, I have to do something really really stressful tomorrow and its something build speaking related that I would have found incredibly scary anyway. I feel sick, its the worst timing and can't be off sick now even if I was ill as it would look deliberate.

NewName123 Mon 09-Dec-13 14:38:52

Oh know Battery. Can no one else stand in for you, bloody hate stress at work. I have got to work somewhere tomorrow that I find really stressful and I wish I had never agreed to it now.
Is the speaking in the morning tomorrow so you can get it over and done with?

batterylow Mon 09-Dec-13 14:59:22

I will have to do it, no one else is able to. Feel sick and shakey and I will have to be confident and talking publicly for an hour and half sad was nervous about work as it was, its such bad timing. Thinking I will have to take my ad a bit later tomorrow so the side effects don't hit me till after, I they seem to kick in about two hours after taking so I will take late morning instead.

Oh god, feel like crying about it, or leaving work but I know that is a bit dramatic! Sorry you are in the same boat, if only these things could be in a couple of weeks when side effects calm down eh?!

NewName123 Mon 09-Dec-13 18:21:50

Have you done it before?
Yes take your AD later in the day if you think it will help SE.
Just think this time tomorrow it will be all over. This place tomorrow just makes me anxious. They are all so perky and positive and I just want to run a mile and hide. I am on a short contract and would love to leave there but it is a few extra quid in the bank.
If you don't enjoy your job have you thought of moving or asking to get out of the public speaking bit.
Best of luck xx

batterylow Mon 09-Dec-13 20:34:54

Thanks , I am on a short contract too. I don't usually do public speaking which is why I am feeling so worried, I used to take Valium for it at university as hate it that much. Still, at least its not all the time. You are right though, I cannot wait till this time tomorrow. Same for you, hope yours goes well and I know what you mean about perky people!! They scare me!

Feel anxious this evening, think the work thing has thrown me and I am back to obsessing about my dd's affair and the fact I am stuck with this tainted relationship etc. it's almost as if the ad has worn off, I will see how things feel tomorrow after I take it a bit later on.

BigArea Mon 09-Dec-13 23:54:26

Oh battery, good luck tomorrow - find a friendly face and speak just to that person. Keep breathing, refer to notes and don't panic.

NewName123 Tue 10-Dec-13 08:19:11

morning, here's to it being later soon x

NewName123 Tue 10-Dec-13 15:00:51

It's later yay!!
How did you get on today Battery?

batterylow Tue 10-Dec-13 19:18:12

Thank you both and it went ok in the end as far less people turned up than expected and I somehow was calm. How did your thing go newname?

BUT I have been really really ill today, took my tablet after the speaking bit at about twelve, had a quick sandwich and a coffee and drank plenty of water with it then went into the next work thing I was doing, fine until about two when I started to feel absolutely dreadful. Went and sat quietly in the office and about half three started feeling worse, ended up spending the rest of the afternoon dizzy and so nauseous that I was hanging over the toilet till home time and was barely safe driving home. Lay on the bathroom floor a while at home and now beginning to feel more human though still very dizzy and waves of nausea so got a bucket handy. This is no good with two small children, is this normal do we think ? Maybe because I took it later on?

BigArea Tue 10-Dec-13 22:08:10

Oh that doesn't sound good - maybe see if you can get a callback from a GP tomorrow to discuss? Glad your thing at work was ok though.

batterylow Tue 10-Dec-13 22:38:48

Thanks , yes think I will if I am like this again. I had hideous morning sickness and need up on tablets for it when I got too weak to get up so am wondering if I could be prescribed the same tablets. I feel like I have flu when its properly bad, its worn off gradually this eve but I still feel really rough.

BigArea Tue 10-Dec-13 23:37:32

Yes good idea. Sounds bloody horrible, sorry you are feeling so rough. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

NewName123 Wed 11-Dec-13 09:33:25

Hi Battery, that sounds awful. I would go back to your GP I am sure they can give you something to help and get you through this period

batterylow Wed 11-Dec-13 11:56:05

Thanks, how are your side effects newname? I took it at 9 today after some toast and then had a biscuit at 11 when I felt a bit sick so fingers crossed it won't be as bad today but will talk to gp if it is as otherwise won't be fit for work (I only do three days so am off today)

batterylow Wed 11-Dec-13 11:56:28

Thanks bigarea too.

batterylow Wed 11-Dec-13 14:15:05

Hmm well so far not too bad, have had a nap and am a bit groggy but nowhere near the sickness of yesterday . Maybe biscuits are the answer?!

NewName123 Wed 11-Dec-13 14:33:21

I have decided not to increase my dose Battery so no increase in side effects for me.
I just feel a bit like I can't be bothered a lot of the time though. Like I am too relaxed on the medication. Am going with it though Dr has put my meds on repeat so going to stay on then till spring noe and then see how I feel.
My house is dirty and I have some jobs to do but have spent the afternoon doing nothing much.
Maybe yesterday was a one off for you, did you have a bad nghts sleep the night before your public speaking. I think lack of sleep makes everything feel worse?

batterylow Wed 11-Dec-13 14:39:29

Yes I did although no worse than last night, the children between them mean I never get more than a couple of hours at a time, its a contributing factor to all of this I think.

I had a very bad headache after my stressful morning so am wondering if it was in fact a migraine causing such extreme sickness. Fingers crossed anyway.

I am like you with motivation etc but not too relaxed, its a symptom of my depression I think, just can't face even small tasks. No fun at all, my dh is having to do everything house related atm and any phone calls etc. good idea to stick with the prescription for now, I think its a tough decision.

NewName123 Wed 11-Dec-13 20:10:11

yes it might have been the stress. I am just putting everything off at the moment, I have a letter to write, presents to buy etc etc.
I need to swat up on a couple of things for work on Saturday, am dreading it sad
Are your kids still waking at night? I can't remember how old they are?

batterylow Wed 11-Dec-13 20:31:42

I know exactly what you mean, I am the same and really need to get started with Stuff, feel really panicked by Christmas this year, it will be a pretence relationship wise and just feels too much. Maybe the pills will have started to help by then though with any luck.

Yes mine are seven and one and a half, the oldest is usually ok but often wets the bed and the youngest wakes every hour and a half, its really really hard going even with dh doing half. I should get to bed early but the anxiety often makes getting to sleep hard work then every waking starts me off again.

batterylow Wed 11-Dec-13 20:32:39

Anything work related sends me into a panic too btw, I seem ok when there as concentrate but at home it seems a massive issue to me.

Oblomov Wed 11-Dec-13 20:52:31

Ds1 has Aspergers. Has made my diabetics awful. I wonder how dh and I have any marriage left.
I found CBT and AD's useless. I don't know where to turn next.
I hope you have more success OP.

batterylow Wed 11-Dec-13 21:42:27

Sorry to hear that, have you tried different ads?my oldest child's sns have put huge strain on us as a couple and the stress of everything has made me react differently ,just constantly on alert and critical of myself, dh etc. very hard.

Yesterday's sickness has not returned thankfully but my mood is lower than it has been in ages! It end to switch off when properly depressed and I am feeling too much right now, its not nice at all.

NewName123 Thu 12-Dec-13 07:28:05

I hope you have a better day today Battery. Have you spoken to the GP about the bed wetting? I thought when they reached age 7 if it was still happening then they could give a hormone spray to help (I might be wrong)
My DS 6 always used to wake up during the night. DH sleeps with him now (he has a double bed) and things are a lot easier. Especially for me as I get the bed to myself. My sleep has improved as well due to not being woken up by a restless partner. Not sure it has been great for my relationship though but it means that I can face the day a bit easier.

batterylow Thu 12-Dec-13 09:12:27

I think more couples sleep separately than talk about it if that makes sense as lots of my friends do it. Dh and I had slept separately for a year but the affair and resulting mess has made us share again, its at his request and I think a lot of it is his paranoia about me e mailing other men tbh! Long story! It does mean less sleep though as he snores and turns over noisily etc etc and that isn't good for our relationship, I think he annoyed me less when we sleep separately so it works both ways!

The oldest has sn and wets in the day too, just about to go through community incontinence team so maybe they will help with it, hadn't heard of hormone spray but that would be good.

I really think sleep is a massive factor in depression/anxiety etc so its worth doing anything to improve chances of getting it. I'm feeling a bit better today but I think the anxiety is worse and obsessive thoughts etc, really really hope they improve as the tablets take effect as I torture myself with horrible thoughts, I think that's probably normal after an affair but its hard to deal with when ill like this.

NewName123 Thu 12-Dec-13 09:22:47

Oh gosh you have a lot to cope with. I thought it was your DH who had the affair, sorry not reading the original post properly.
When I first started fluoxetine I went through a period when my anxiety increase so don't worry it should settle in a couple of days. I remember having to do deep breathing cos I felt all pent up inside.
I am sure you will start to feel better in the next few days, just gotta keep going till then x

batterylow Thu 12-Dec-13 12:43:24

Thank you, I really really hope so. I am worried that the tablets are lifting the fog of depression and will leave me more exposed to the horrible feelings of what has gone on?

It was my dh who had an affair but I retaliated/ lost control a bit in the resulting stress and had two flings. All very complicated and lots to ideal with now. Can't believe I am in this situation, to the outside world we look like any other couple just with a bit more stress.

NewName123 Fri 13-Dec-13 09:28:06

Hi Battery, I think the AD can only help and make you feel stronger to face up to everything.
I feel really low today, think I have pmt sad

batterylow Fri 13-Dec-13 11:23:00

Sorry to hear you are feeling low, my pmt has got worse the older I get , it now seems to take up almost half the month, I sympathise!

I am definitely more anxious than before but I hope its just the early side effects . There seems to be a pattern in that I am anxious all morning, then tired but reasonably numb, then really really low as the evening approaches but then evenings have always been bad for me. Managed to leave the house for a short while today though which has helped a little and dh is coming home early which also helps despite a lot of this being his fault!!

NewName123 Fri 13-Dec-13 14:52:11

Just keep going ,hopefully this time next week you will be feeling better.

batterylow Fri 13-Dec-13 20:04:29

Thanks , fingers crossed x

NewName123 Tue 17-Dec-13 19:57:28

Hi Battery, how are things going now?

batterylow Tue 17-Dec-13 21:18:08

Hi, quite good thank you, I am worried it could be a false start but I THINK my stress levels seem better in the day time . At night I am still anxious but its less focused and I think its best to have my good mood in the day then be safely at home when the panic starts. It's a definite improvement at work in particular, I went in today feeling happy enough to be going,not panicking and worrying about all the things I could have done wrong, imagining people don't like me etc.

batterylow Tue 17-Dec-13 21:18:50

Think I am on day nine now, it is probably too early for improvement isn't it? How are you feeling newname?

NewName123 Wed 18-Dec-13 08:11:16

That's great Battery I am so pleased for you. No I think that sounds about right. I started feeling better at about that point and at first you think you may be imagining it because it kind of creeps up on you. I am sure you will continue to feel better over the next few weeks too.

I am ok. Think I have kind of plateaued now. Feel OK. Quite layed back, less anxious and I am finding it easier to talk to people because my social anxiety seems better. On the down side I am sweating a lot at night and sometimes feel a bit tired and brain dead but am gonna continue for the moment.

batterylow Wed 18-Dec-13 12:51:55

That sounds exactly how I am , social anxiety loads better, more laid back (in the day time but hoping the evenings will improve as it kicks in more) but a bit hot and cope less well withy he tiredness. I am finding though that say for example I have to write the Christmas cards or some other task, ring the bank or whatever, I can actually do it rather than worrying about it and knowing I should do it. I sort of wish I had had the tablets a year ago.

NewName123 Wed 18-Dec-13 14:48:43

I do find that I am so laid back that I keep putting things off till tomorrow.
How is your sleep? Mine is better than it has been for years except the night sweats (yuck)
The only down side of the tablets is that it has affected my ability to have an orgasm (whispers)
Trying to get things back on track with DH but this won't help. Not sure what to do about it. Have read that Viagra has been used to help women on SSRI's with about a 50% success rate. GP won't prescribe it though fblush

BigArea Wed 18-Dec-13 22:27:07

Battery that's fab news I am so pleased for you - so great to be feeling better before Christmas. Hope you and yours have a lovely one fsmile

batterylow Wed 18-Dec-13 22:37:29

A friend of mine said the same about orgasm newname but so far I am unaffected so hopefully it will stay that way. It's a shame there have to be so many side effects.

My sleep is worse . I take my tablet in the morning then take Kalms at night but they no longer work. And yes, the night sweats are horrible.

Thanks bigarea, you too! And thanks for all your kind words it really does help.

Not a great evening but relationship stuff caused it , I also know I will be more rational tomorrow even if I don't feel it tonight.

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