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Overeating battles

(137 Posts)
IWishYouWould Wed 06-Nov-13 14:09:01

Has anyone who uses overeating as a coping mechanism, overcome their issues? I'm trying to find other people who battle with this to start a support chat. I'm currently at my worst and I am gathering the courage to tackle my underlying causes. but where to start?

Crawling Wed 06-Nov-13 16:58:15

I used to be anorexic now I overeat I haven't overcome it but I am interested in a support group.

IWishYouWould Wed 06-Nov-13 19:07:57

crawling, thanks for responding. I used to have an issue the other way too. I think my relationship with food in general is awful and so wrapped up in my emotional state, I don't know how to undo it and separate the two. It's not something I've spoken in depth to anyone about before, but the issue has been with me most of my life. have you ever had any help with your eating or do you try to cope on your own?

Crawling Thu 07-Nov-13 07:09:17

I've had therapy but mostly for other reasons but we touched on it. It's hard I guess I use food now when I'm down to make myself feel better where before I used to restrict my eating to make me feel more in control of my life. I don't understand why I've suddenly changed.

MargeryAllingham Thu 07-Nov-13 07:14:22

Hi, iwish and crawling. I've a similar battle myself, in fact feeling physically and mentally sick this morning after overeating already. I'd be interested in a support group. smile

CrochetKate Thu 07-Nov-13 07:51:59

i would aslso be interested

IWishYouWould Thu 07-Nov-13 12:25:29

I'm glad that I started this thread. We can feel better, in a way, knowing we aren't alone.brew
So if we find it helpful, perhaps we could suggest a new topic to MNHQ. Unless I haven't looked hard enough, I dont think we fit into a current one, as we bridge various topics.
So on that note MNers welcome to our first support chat.smile

issynoho Thu 07-Nov-13 12:29:18

A feeble wave and a nod from me. Am interested in support but not feeling up to stringing many sentences together right now. Will be back... smile

IWishYouWould Thu 07-Nov-13 14:10:38

I figured I'd outline my stort of how I ended up here. (It's majorly condensed). I had a disrupted childhood, born into a family I guess that didn't talk about emotions. my parents split, mum remarried and we left our home for a totally different county. it was far from amicable and I ended up limiting food to have control over something in my life. This went quite far, but not enough for intervention. Sadly my DM had lots of unresolved issues herself. I had to care for her but also took the brunt of her emotions over 10-15 years or so. Being thinner meant you were accepted by the wider family. so not a great set up for someone with very low self esteem. My pivot into over eating was 6 years ago. A traumatic event left me with severe depression and agian food was my comfort. This time to try and feel happy rather than an accepted. It has got progressively worse over the years. My weight fluctuates wildy over a yearly period, depending on my mood. But I have never been this far lost. I can't go a day without over eating, despite how low I feel about it or the consequences. I am now heavier if not more than I was after childbirth. Since june I've put on about 2 stonesad I daren't step on the scales any more as it's self destructive circle. I know the health risks and it's something I need to change befire the damage is irreversiblesad .

Crawling Thu 07-Nov-13 14:26:55

I'm so sorry to hear that Iwish here is my story. I'm the child of a drug addict who was also a dealer and in and out of prison and a mentally ill mum who I cared for a lot.

When I was 13 I entered into a abusive relationship eventually culminating in rape. I also have scizoaffective which is a cross between bipolar and scizophrenia. I started having eating issues age 13 I used it in order to have control over something at 15 I was addmitted to hospital after a failed suicide attempt and kept in for a month as I weighed only 6 stone.

This last year the overeating started and today I have stuffed as usual but as its my birthday I'll let today slide.

IWishYouWould Thu 07-Nov-13 14:57:38

Crawling, Reading your story is very emotional.
I'm back at work, so it's short, but just wanted to say Happy Birthdaythanks .

Crawling Thu 07-Nov-13 17:39:17

Thank you IWant

MargeryAllingham Thu 07-Nov-13 18:29:58

Thanks for both those stories. Mine started as a child, sexually abused and sought comfort in food. I left home at 16 and had no concept of cooking, even though I understood all about calories, etc. I was on income support, surviving on bread and pasta.
Now, whenever I am fed up, tired, stressed, whatever, food is what I want. I seem to lock my rational brain out and just eat as much as I can. I'm a huge control freak in every other element of my life with a very responsible job, so I clearly can make the right choice, just not when it comes to food sad

Viviennemary Thu 07-Nov-13 18:34:58

I have a bit of an issue about overeating. When I am stressed or worried about something in particular. I am trying to overcome it and have had moderate success. I am trying to lose weight and in the past once I've decided to come off the diet for a bit then I overeat. I've decided I won't be doing this as there doesn't seem to be much point. I say do I want this biscuit. And ask each time. So I might have two or three biscuits or whatever but not loads.

IWishYouWould Thu 07-Nov-13 21:21:05

Thank you to everyone who has been able to share their stories so far. Margery, I hope your day got better and you're not feeling ill now. Issy, I hope we see you back and that you feel able to join in.

Well I have had a busy but happy day. My GP told me that I can come off my anti-depressant over the next two weeks. I can't cope with the side effects, mostly feeling tired all the time. I do feel that this makes my eating worse. So although this is a big trial run, I'm positive. The hard part is that since I'm having such a good day, I let myself eat too much. So for tea I had paella, small crumble and ice cream and the about 4 lindt style chocolates. It was a reasonable amount for me, but added to the buffet I ate, on top of my packed lunch today. It's a bit frightening. The only good thing I did was have a slim fast milkshake for breakfast, so I couldn't eat too much then.

Does anyone else find replacing certain meals with shakes helps, or like Vivien touched on, is it something we are simply putting off? Diets are very much the same for me (until now) I have been able to get on them and lose a few stone. But it's like a sling shot, I celebrate by eating and all too soon I'm back to over eating.

MargeryAllingham Fri 08-Nov-13 06:30:43

That's good news iwish. I found that antidepressants added to my overeating too. I've never tried meal replacements as I don't like milk shakes and I feel that diets as such aren't the way forward for me, for example denying. My aim is to not want those things in the first place, if that makes sense?

BadSeedsAddict Fri 08-Nov-13 07:12:31

Hi, just adding my bit in case it helps, bits of it may be relevant hopefully!

I have had disordered eating due to ADHD (inability to uptake dopamine properly) since being a child. Over the years this became bulimia and I developed a horrible relationship with food. Gradually I have learned that wheat, sugar and carbs are addictive for me (give a surge of dopamine but make me more hungry generally and lethargic, also more ADHD symptomatic). So I try to follow the Paleo diet. Worth looking it up and understanding the reasons behind it. Chromium supplements have helped me stick to it when craving carbs (when stressed or confidence low). It really works for me, I have been trying to get into it for two years though so it can take time to get the concept into your head and get used to it. Anyway hth grin

Geckos48 Fri 08-Nov-13 21:46:28

Chronic over eater here.

Crawling Sat 09-Nov-13 13:42:11

I have gonna and had take away again today sad

HugAndRoll Sat 09-Nov-13 14:00:09

I'm a big overeater. I'm also on antidepressants but have to stay on them to stabilize my mood.

I have always been thin or overweight and nothing much inbetween. I think, from reading so far, most of us have previously really restricted food and now overeat. I wonder if there's significance in that?

I am addicted to carbs and chocolate. I say addicted because I managed to quit smoking yet I can't quit chocolate.

IWishYouWould Sat 09-Nov-13 23:12:14

crawling, I'm with you. I have eaten loads today. I'm stuffed nowsad I just can't get my head around it. I'm smart enough and like another poster mentioned previously, in other areas of my life I am in complete control. I understand the psychological process and yet still do it.angry
Although I am aware that this has been a long term problem, yes it is very insightful to see a lot of us used to control food to excess. Does anyone have any ideas as to why we changed course? Mine was after a traumatic event, that I had to cope with alone. Anyone else have a specific time it changed?

Being on this thread has meant I'm thinking more about the emotions I'm experiencing. Hopefully they will unscramble enough I can put some into words. The main thing that stands out at the moment is, when I type I feel self centered for typing 'I' and finding ways to remove it from the post as much as possible.hmm

IWishYouWould Tue 12-Nov-13 23:24:58

I have had some info via email regarding BEAT. It's a service that is looking to help people with food issues like over eating. It may be worth a look. has anyone had any experience with them?

Hermione123 Thu 14-Nov-13 13:41:07

Just joining, teenage history of severe dieting then bulimic, now regular binges that I struggle to break. Alcoholic parents, lots of disruption as a teenager at home, always the good child that had to do the right thing, awful self esteem in general. I read a book about over-eating about having a time and a plan for each meal beforehand but can't seem to control more than a few things in my life at once, if I'm not bingeing I'm spending too much, if not that in obsessing over work or cleaning or dc etc.

KinkyDorito Thu 14-Nov-13 17:40:14

Joining after reading the thread in chat. Food is my nemesis.

I have no answers, but I am seeking some. I'm trying to stop dieting, which is hard when I'm still overweight and I don't feel that I trust myself not to go made with pizza.

Like some of you, my weight fluctuates hugely over a year - usually a couple of stones - but I never get back into a normal range. I've overeaten since I was a child and it is definitely a comfort thing for me. I actually feel physically hungry when something stressful happens.

KinkyDorito Thu 14-Nov-13 17:41:42

Hermione I do that too - I have an obsessive personality. I binge-spend and I also go through periods where I work manically then feel burnt out.

TheYamiOfYawn Thu 14-Nov-13 18:16:52

I ordered a book last week which was on the BEATb website called Overcoming Binge Eating. It has a self help plan which I am going to start on probably next week once I've had a chance to read it properly. The reading thing has crept up on me. I have PMDD which is very very severe PMS and I used to self-harm when that was bad. I Speed that a long time ago but would bone from time to time. But for some reason things have got quite bad over the past year or so. I think that now I have kids I can't really do the things I used to rely on to keep me sane like having lots of time by myself and going for long walks and getting enough exercise so I feel shit and make myself feel even worse by eating too much. I realised a couple of weeks ago that not only had I put on a lot of Wight but I'd also started eating in secret, hiding food and spending so much money on chocolate that it was seriously affecting my finances so I decided I needed to do something.

Hermione123 Fri 15-Nov-13 09:58:31

Y to that yami, I look at how much i spend on binge food and it's ridiculous, even with it being cheaper than veg. I will look into those books. Kinky Dorito, I read somewhere when I was getting counselling for bulimia that obsessiveness is correlated to that. Can't remember what the solution was though! Nice to have a thread for this, been looking for one for a while on mn, I've also found it's gotten worse now I have dc.

TheYamiOfYawn Fri 15-Nov-13 10:50:22

Yesterday's post was written in the throws of exhaustion while trying to cook dinner and entertain 2 children. I wrote it and it barely makes sense to me. Sorry. blush blush

IWishYouWould Sat 16-Nov-13 20:41:18

Hi to everyone who has joined. brew I read your posts and I can relate to all of you. I have recently had some time without DC's. I had time to look after myself and I started to feel a bit better. I noticed I said no to food at timesgrin . Although a breakfast buffet was still hammered, so I wasn't really in control. But day one of the kids back and the food I have eaten is ridiculoussad.

I often get a bit short if people say 'you can't be hungry now/ still'. It has taken a while to understand that not everyone eats as much as i do or the way i do. Reading that someone else feels hungry when emotional too, really clicked with me. There are times when I am and I will eat for various reasons. I really shouldn't be, but I am and I can't not eat. I very often get the need to eat something, but its like I'm craving something, but i have no idea what. I often keep going until it's satisfied. that can be a lot of crap.

Does anyone find they crave specific textures and 'crunch' as opposed to flavours? This is almost all the time for me. It must have psychological links but I don't have a clue why.

MrsRBrand Sat 16-Nov-13 23:28:35

Hi, I am a recovering conpulsive overeater and for a year now have not binged, I started going to my local Overeaters Anonymous meeting which is just donation only and wirks like alcoholics anonymous to deal with food addiction as a way of numbing feelings that we were not taught to deal with as children. I have had a spiritual awakening as a result of working the 12 steps of the programme and woyld highly reccommend it to anyone struggling with this awful disease. Good luck

IWishYouWould Sun 17-Nov-13 14:20:14

MrsRBrand your progress sounds fantastic. The programme sounds a great idea. I like many others don't do well on diets. Could I ask how you found this group? I'm due to start a support group with BEAT but it's simply for us to get together, rather than any treatment. Your post gives me hope that there is a way past this.smile

Hi, can I join? I have a terrible relationship with food and I'm going through a particularly stressful time at the moment. I've put on a stone and a half since September but I just cannot stop myself from eating. I feel disgusted with myself after and promise myself that tomorrow will be different but, as we all know, tomorrow never comes. I'm trying to find a way to get over this before I do my body more damage (on a health and aesthetic level!) which I know will just make the binging worse.

Watching this thread with interest smile

IWishYouWould Wed 20-Nov-13 09:50:35

Hi Still, it's always great to have more people join us.
The long term concerns you have are probably a strong worry we all share. It's a great one for me.

I was so out of control when I started this thread It was a bit scary. So I'm trying a new approach. A 'Happy Mission' if you like. Eating is my coping mechanism to make me happy, but ultimately it does the most damage. So I am filling my week with things that make me happy (where possible). Swimming, walking, music, seeing friends, shopping for the house to make it more homely. These I will do when I feel up to it. They are my focus and I make sure I think of them every day. I've also booked an hours tuition a fortnight for a hobby. I'm a bit scared of that one, but I need to try. Making sure that's the only fixed activity will reduce my stress and therefore minimise my need to binge. With regards to food I'm loosely following the WW pro points, to keep my portions in check. when I find myself thinking of food I keep my mind busy with something else.
So this is day 3, so far no overeating or binges. One day at a time. I also finish my AP's thurs, so hopefully not being in a fog will help me move more. My biggest change is no weigh in. I know what I weighed roughly, so calculated my points from that. Getting on the scales always makes me feel huge and a failure and starts the cycle again. Clothes will be my new guide, especially since non of mine fit nowsad

Does anyone fancy trying it out with me?

Hermione123 Wed 20-Nov-13 11:46:14

Definitely agree with the happiness mission and not getting on the scales, it always triggers a binge even if I've lost weight. Hi Still, I understand how you feel, I do think sometimes it becomes a punishment, I'm so useless that's why I then eat more cake etc, I try not to tell myself negative things, and get utility from getting out, breaking the routine. Do you all have routine binges? My weakest points are the start of the day (hate putting clothes on) and the end of the day (didn't do well enough).

IWishYouWould Wed 20-Nov-13 17:55:48

Hermione, my routine binges are evenings. Unless its holiday's, then it can be around every meal. Christmas is always a massive eating fest.

Does anyone else want to share the things that make them happy?x

k0keshi Wed 20-Nov-13 18:17:32

Overeaters Anonymous website

There are meetings all over the country. From how many of you describe your relationship with food, it's definitely worth a look.

Don't be put off by terminology. It's not a religious programme as many people wrongly assume. It seems to work for a fair number of people & is now an international fellowship.

TheRaniOfYawn Wed 20-Nov-13 18:52:45

So I'm 4 days in to my binge eating programme and it's going well so far. At the moment in the first stage I'm just recording everything I eat, when and where I eat it, whether it's a binge and how I feel at the time. Once I've recorded accurately and consistently for I week I get to move to the next stage, which is to keep recording but to keep to 3 meals and 3 snacks a day to eaten in a proper eating place while doing nothing apart from eating.

I'm finding it surprisingly helpful, and although I'm not trying to eat less yet, I am eating less already but more importantly I'm losing a lot of the guilt and shame and secrecy and general crap around food.

So I've decided not to try to lose weight at all for the time being, just to develop healthy eating habits. I'm overwrought but not hugely (BMI of around 27) so the healthiest thing for me to do at the moment is to get my head straight and do more exercise and feel more positive about myself.

I'm feeling really good actually.

IWishYouWould Wed 20-Nov-13 22:34:59

Rani, that sounds really positive. It's a great step you have taken. please keep us posted on your progress.

ishouldcocoa Thu 21-Nov-13 16:19:42

I am reading a good book that I got from Amazon.

Book

It talks about a lot of issues to do with over eating and bingeing. It talks about our lack of self esteem amongst other points. It also rubbishes 'diets' as 90% of people put the weight - and more - back on.

It rings a lot of bells with me, but as I'm only half way through it, I can't tell you how much weight I've lost!

iwish my trigger points are evenings. Its ridiculous what I can consume due to boredom/loneliness sad I'm really trying to focus on being happier. I think I am a little depressed too so this doesn't help. I'm trying to get back into exercise. I used to enjoy it and it made me feel good but I often feel too knackered. Vicious circle!

ishould I have ordered that book. Nothing to lose I guess (except maybe 20lbs!).

IWishYouWould Sun 24-Nov-13 13:55:35

Still, it would be great to hear your progress with the book too. I think I may hop over to amazon and look it up. Like you say nothing to lose except weight.
In the summer I was exercising for about 3 months and my fitness improved. I stupidly took a week off for hols and just couldn't get back into it. now outside is the last place I want to be with the cold. What sort of exercise do you like to do?

IWishYouWould Sun 24-Nov-13 14:11:37

I was thinking perhaps we could look positive things about ourselves. What we are good at, our skills and perhaps something that makes us smile. I did already write this post, and lost it. I actually discovered I don't really know many good points about myselfblush . This is what I can come up with.....

My skills - Admin and organisation at work. (just dont look in my bedroom, it doesn't match that profile at allconfused )

What I'm good at - Writing, I find it easy to send emotional letters and messages. maybe a mum, my kids aren't little shits so thats a bonus. lol.

My random - I'm still a big kid, so can often make a joke out of something. Helps my friends a lot when they are low and to hide my own emotions. When I drink, there is nothing but childish about megrin .

what are yours?

Hermione123 Sun 24-Nov-13 17:14:59

I loved doing the shred, really helped but I keep stopping and then takes months to re-start. Positives, hmmm I can b really focused, supportive to people I care about, my dd has fun with me!

I was enjoying doing the shred and also shred it with weights. But I stopped while I went away at the end of august and never got back into it sad That combined with the stress of starting a full time college course and being a single mum sparked my most recent bout of overeating and spelled disaster! I have done a kettlebell workout today (third this week) but I ruined it by grazing all day whilst writing an essay GRRRRR angry On the plus side, Amazon have despatched my book smile Oh and I've enquired about joining a women's only running club.

Struggling to think of good things about me today. I need to work on this!

rainbowfeet Sun 24-Nov-13 21:12:48

This is my battle too... Has been for as long as I can remember... Very interested in a support group.. Am working so hard on my issues & triggers & fighting the compulsion to binge... confused

Hi All. My book came today. I'm three chapters in and already I'm starting to feel more positive. I really hope I can change my relationship with food.

IWishYouWould Thu 28-Nov-13 22:31:03

Another positive post for the book. It sounds better all the time. Still It's great news that you are feeling a change already. I hope this is the start of a happier time for you.

harrap Sun 01-Dec-13 15:20:04

Can I join?-I've been size 8 through obsessive exercise and being very careful with food and I'm now size 18.

I know exactly what I should and should not eat but just can't stop-unless I'm in exactly the right frame of mind- one which doesn't come round very often.

If I think about not over eating I start to feel anxious because I know I'm setting my self up to fail and I can't stand trying to be "moderate".

Being tired is a big trigger for me. If I'm tired my body craves carbs and so becoming a mother of a poor sleeper certainly hasn't helped but I wasn't (especially) tired yesterday and yet there I was buying mince pies and eating them-why is it so difficult to resist?

There is also something about being very busy with work and home that leaves me with little time for myself to just do nothing. That constant slightly pressurised feeling results in low level self destructive behaviour like staying up too late, spending too much and over eating-I'm getting on top of the spending but the late nights, tiredness and over eating is so difficult for me. I want to rebel against restrictions by watching rubbish on TV while eating a packet of biscuits.

My mother has always had a problematic relationship with food-either cottage cheese and a Ryvita or a groaning, over flowing plate and I know she is appalled at my size now and often suggests we go on a diet competition-just the kind of offer to send me out to the sweet shop!

Anyhow thanks for giving me a space to write down my feelings.

IWishYouWould Sun 01-Dec-13 21:07:18

harrap, I'm glad you felt able to put your feelngs into words. it isn't the easiest task to undertake.
Your mums idea sounds very stress inducing. so I can see how it would make you reach out for comfort, which all of us here get through food. yoir situation is very familiar to me as I'm sure it will be to many of ussad . The ine thing that springs to mind reading your post is you may have been a size 8 before and an 18 now. But your happiness and a smile to others, are far more beautiful than these numbers will ever be.
I've been a bit quiet on here lately as I'm struggling again. I will put mine into a separate post. Just glad we have another person who can feel like they have a support available. thanks

IWishYouWould Sun 01-Dec-13 21:25:40

I started this thread only a month ago. Already a lot of people have come forward to look for support. So I just wanted to say hi to everyone who has taken this step. We are quite clearly not alone in this struggle;

TheRaniofYawn
MrsRBrand
Kokeshi
CrochetKate
Issynoho
Viviennemary
MargeryAllingham
Geckos48
Crawling
HugandRoll
KinkyDorito
ishouldcocoa
Hermione123
rainbowfeet
StillGettingItWrong
Harrap

IWishYouWould Sun 01-Dec-13 21:43:46

As mentioned above, I'm struggling so badly right now. My week is like a roller coaster. I start in control and feel immense that I am 'managing'. then I fall of the wagon and I feel incredibly useless and of course eat more. Trying to not pile on the pressure is difficult when you feel like a total failuresad .

Im officially the biggest I have ever been. My size 20 clothes are crying when I wear them, I'm back to a 22. I'm uncomfortable day to day. My back aches and I constantly feel like its because I'm fat and short. The one good thing I have achieved, is that I can admit that sentence and not feel like crying. My BMI also makes me feel so guilty. Why, when I know the damage I'm causing do I not have the control to stop this stupid cycle?sad sad

Tomorrow is my first help group meeting. I'm desperate for it to be somewhere I feel able to go. social events like this make me very nervous. But I so badly need help. In December I will also start CBT. Hopefully rewiring my psychological responses will loosen the grip this horrible condition has on me.

This week is almost 3 weeks clear of anti d's. All was going perfect until the last three days. I don't know if I'm feeling bad and eating which makes me unhappy. Or whether I'm unhappy and thats why I'm eating. I guess that is the area I need to think on this week. Do I need to make changes in my life? I do wish this was a problem you could bandage and it would heal, rather than untangling this messsad confused

IWishYouWould Sun 01-Dec-13 21:55:12

I have posted in Site Stuff, asking for an eating disorders section.

It would be great if any of you that agree, could add messages of support for the idea. I know the title could be more sensitive, buy the request was just getting the point across.

There are so many people with anorexia, bulemia, permarexia, binge eating, over eating and simply bad relationships with food. That's a lot of us who need support and help.

Hermione123 Mon 02-Dec-13 13:32:12

I'll find that and second it, have lurked in mh for a whole looking for ed threads.
Welcome harrap, yes, so so familiar, that feast or famine, on/off, good/bad mentality is exactly what we need to address. If I'm not bingeing i want to be really slim immediately smile I also think focusing taking care of yourself is helpful. I'm trying to take care of myself this week by eating lots of things that will nourish me.

Hermione123 Mon 02-Dec-13 13:34:21

Iwishyouwould, let us know how the group meeting goes, social things I never want to go to but after the first time it'll be a lot easier.

harrap Mon 02-Dec-13 16:44:09

I do know that I was pretty unwell when I was very thin-totally obsessed-looking for something I could control make me feel better after a split from my boyfriend.
I am saner now.

3asAbird Mon 02-Dec-13 19:47:00

I wish you would -good ide as lots of sites see to be aimed at younger age groups ie young girls.

Im struggling again.

I starve, binge and purge, and on days off over eat.

feel so unhappy with myself.

feel yself slipping deeper as being sick destresses me.

Hermione123 Mon 02-Dec-13 20:56:23

3asabird, try and remind yourself of the physical probls being sick will cause you though, it's not good for your body. Totally get what you mean about it des treading but can you get out for a walk to clear your head or put some music on and jump around?

IWishYouWould Tue 03-Dec-13 17:38:48

Hi everyone, I hope today has been a good one for you all. I promised an update after my help group session last night. Well it has been the best decision for me. I was nervous, but there wasn't anything scary. I actually felt able to talk. It really helped to be in a room where I was understood. This is definitely a new addition in my calendar. Although its only my first session, I feel much more positive.smile

Ephiny Tue 03-Dec-13 21:15:03

I think the eating disorders section is a good idea too.

I struggle with binging/purging, not sure if this is the right place to talk about it, but I came here looking for a support thread and this was the closest one I found.

I agree a lot of support groups/sites etc seem to be aimed at teenagers and young people, I sometimes feel like I must be the only one to have a problem like this in my 30s, but I'm sure I'm not!

3asAbird Tue 03-Dec-13 22:43:48

Ephiney you not alone i feel so crap being amum in my 30s with this issue.

sounds like we have lot in common.

im 33 and this has been ongoing problem on and off since I was 12.

Hermione123 Wed 04-Dec-13 08:23:24

Yep also a mum in her 30s and though my disorder has changed over the years it has never gone away. So glad Iwishyouwould's group session went well! I think it really helps to talk to people who get it.

3asAbird Wed 04-Dec-13 09:46:51

I think people think young girls when they see anything about eating disorders yet they on rise in 30-40 age group.

Many see it as about being thin when its really about other things ie stress.

Many dont suspect unless persons very thin.

My husband thinks its funny that john prescott bulimic as hes big guy .

I guess all disorders is linked to emotions +food either binging or restricting.

I feel worse this relapse as now i have kids seems worse and would hate the kids to know or copy.

Im not feeling ready to tackle it yet or admit to anyone I have a problem.

Kind of hoping its just phase and once xmas out way can focus on it more for me stress has caused a relapse.

IWishYouWould Wed 04-Dec-13 10:43:34

This morning has been quite nice to catch up with all the posts. Not that I want people to be unwell or struggling. but I know we are all here searching for help, advice or just the knowledge we arent alone. I agree that at unless your thin then it's over looked or misunderstood. Worst of all dismissed as negative stereotypes if your not suffering from the socially accepted illnesses. I think we can go a long way to helping raise awareness for other conditions simply by being here and talking to each other. It makes me really happy to know that emotional overeating (which is what I have now) is being recognised finally. BEAT is doing a great job of helping to do this.
I'm in my 30's too. Previously suffering with anorexia.but the other way for some years now. I thought I was alone in that change of situation, but I have seen on here I'm not. Even that small revelation has made me feel different about myself.
I hope other people feel able to join us here for support. We have so much experience of the hardships and stresses that come with these issues. im sure we can help others even if its just to know we are listening. Thank you to those who have added to the Site Stuff request. I thinknwe have given MNHQ a lot to consider.

IWishYouWould Wed 04-Dec-13 11:23:09

After the support group and a comment I read on here, I thought outlining some guidelines for the thread might ba a good idea. (any other suggestions / edits are greatly welcomed)

1. No talking about individual calorie intake.
2. No talking about numbers / weight / sizes.
3. Keep the group as support. any negative comments directed at individuals or the group be reported and rejected by the group.
4. A general all welcome approach.
5. respect other points of view.

IWishYouWould Wed 04-Dec-13 11:24:23

blush I'm aware that I have already broken #2. This was insensitive and I apologise for any upset it may have caused.

NorthernShores Wed 04-Dec-13 13:50:33

I saw the thread mentioned on the site stuff thread and have come over. I'm huge and have been in the last two years. Always had disordered eating but only last two years have I ballooned.

I haven't read the whole thread yet but will. I go to a support group most weeks but not a lot is changing with my habits. Its so blinking hard. People say it's not about the food but I si wish I jag the food under control.

harrap Wed 04-Dec-13 14:46:57

Sorry, I started talking about sizes and I agree its probably best not to.

This thread has already been good for me because I have managed to be more "mindful" about what I'm eating the last few days. But again this morning I found myself chomping on some stale French loaf with lashings of butter without enjoying it or, to begin with, even noticing I was doing it. No coincidence I'm tired and have too much to do today.

Anyhow, I managed to stop and make some proper breakfast. I'm going to try making a positive effort to have defined snacks and meals-no deprivation and no obsession but just be aware of what I'm doing.

Really grateful to everybody for sharing. I think overeating is just seen as greed and weakness by many but there is so much more to that that.

IWishYouWould Wed 04-Dec-13 17:07:53

Hi Northernshores, its great that you found us. A huge positive I can see from your post is that you go to your help group. Although you don't think you're making a difference in habits, just taking that step for yourself is great. I would imagine things to be a lot worse without that support and outlet. So you are already going in the right direction.
Harrap, I wouldn't worry too much. This is very much a work in progress for us all. But its great to see your name pop up and know you're getting a benefit from the chat. Hopefully by helping each other we can boost our moral a bit. Anything in that area must help to lay the foundations for recovery and a brighter future for us allthanks

HI, I feel that this might be where I belong. I know I overeat and I self sabotage. If I have done well and lost a lot of weight (have lost a huge amount of weight in the last two years, but started back on the overeating cycle)

I have been on anti'd in the past and I felt that they didn't help, but the gp wouldn't change either my dose or the type of antid. I was on 30mg citalopram (the mg might be mcg but the number was 30) and he wouldn't let me use more. I have had cognitive therapy too, paid for by my work health insurance.

I just feel that I'm not in a great place. obviously a lot find this time of year incredibly stressful, but I'm getting to the point that I feel like I don't want to go out of the house, that I'm not worthy of having a good relationship. I have the same type of relationships over and over again, generally useless men who do nothing, and moan that things aren't perfect or that they don't get enough attention. I have 4 dc fgs they are my priority.

I lost weight for my children, I felt that it was a better example for them and I feared that they might be bullied for having a fat mum, but I can feel the urge to eat, and I know it won't stop. I have a phobia of vomiting so even though I really want to vomit after binging, I just can't. I end up feeling like maybe if I cut myself or hurt myself in some way that that would be a good enough punishment for over eating. Again I haven't but its at the forefront of my mind all the time.

I also feel that perhaps if I left the children with their dad they would be better off. instead of living with a mum who screws everything up. Since we got divorced we've had rubbish rented accommodation and had to move every 6 months. i have been in this house for 18 months and now hopefully have stability but its that doubt hat living in rented means at anytime i can get notice and have to upheave the children again, whereas xh has his own house and doesn't have that threat over him.

scared of disappointing everyone? that is something huge in my life, going out of my way to make sure the children have material things, things that i know don't really make a difference but if i don't buy them im letting them down. This isn't them asking for things its me, i see a child of the same age with 5 monster high dolls and my dd only has 3 so i have to buy her 2 more, one of ds1's friends has an ipod dock, ds1 doesn't so i buy him one do you see what i mean?

Luckily my spending doesn't cause us any financial difficulty but i do feel i waste a lot, which then gets me down and so i eat. Eating makes everything feel right at the time. I savour it and dream about eating delicious foods, doesn't even have to be gourmet, i might be craving a bowl of angel delight or a steak with chips and onion rings, but i literally have no off button.

gosh sorry that was long, sometimes just writing it all down helps a little.

3asAbird Thu 05-Dec-13 20:04:48

Dont let them get you down.sorry you having tough time of it.

Remember your ddss need you its not all about home ownner ship and wealth.

try put dark thourghts to back of mind.

wish i could stop vommiting.
i have 2girls and worry they might end up with eating disorder.

we rent private and might have to move after christmas that scares ad streses me even though i hate current house.

financially we striggle some months now husnands new ob low basic commision only thats a worry.

I think all parents worry about if they got enough.

im worried reckon our xmas shop be last min.

feel like juggle alot with 3 never mind 4 like my brain cant switch off.

At the moment the worries about youngest consume me and gettig shool place for dd3.

feel like pressure cooker about to explode.

have been sick twice today and resticted eating feel so tired.

made hm lasagne and cant face eating it but did force myself have small bowl of soup, im trying.

Hubby feesl liek im not attentive enough, shiftt , always down and distant he does not understand how i feel or what i do.

Thank you 3 there are some comparable there. Renting in the uk sucks!

I've been exercising a lot after a binge I will go for a run for hours or go to the gym again for hours or if I can't go out because the children are here and no one to look after them I will run up and down the stairs do push ups, go on the trampoline and exercise. I get obsessed with googling calorie contents and then how long of an exercise to burn those calories.

Very I'm mumsnet like hug to you all.

Un not I'm?

3asAbird Thu 05-Dec-13 23:59:58

Dont let them get you down-

I do same other day tried to find out calories burned by crunches.

I dont eat anythng unless i know how many.

I mentally add up calories consumed in day due to few beers tonight im over what I had set myself.

I do secret crunches, sit up leg exercies and run up and down stairs.

toddlers jammed the wii.

I constantly feel

anxious,guilty or panicky about food.

appertly exrecise is anoter way or purging just like being sick.

ARealPickle Fri 06-Dec-13 06:14:45

sad it's pretty crap isn't it. I'd love to be rid of all the crazy in my head around eating.

I can see 'it's not about the food' but still not sure where to start. I can't order a new self esteem on Amazon or undo difficult childhood or remove all the current stress full situations. It feels so unfair, like I have a defective emotional part and that my attempts to change behaviour won't make any difference.

3asAbird Fri 06-Dec-13 07:50:31

had a huge row with husband and not even 8am.

feel so stressed and tired . upset hes fails to appciate how much i do.

Asked if I was having an affair I dont have time for blooming affair.

Going to try not binge and purge but emotionally feel all over the place.

its definitely 'not all about the food' I know the food isn't the problem hat its whats going on inside but food does make it feel better for a while.

ive always had issues with food, I was anorexic when a teen and young adult, I just didn't eat, no need to purge as there was nothing to purge. That was about image and feeling like the big heffalump all the time. I come from sturdy stock, and at 5'8 so much taller and bigger than all of my mates, no one ever said anything I just didn't feel good enough and funnily enough even though I hated myself at my lowest, I had endless streams of admirers and that made me feel good until after. My mother says I am just an attention seeker.

mashedpotatohead Fri 06-Dec-13 13:09:15

Joining this thread when it looks like its kind of finished!!

Just wanted to add some feedback I've had from counselling for overeating.

I seem to do it to push down the emotion, literally. My counsellor said that is common to push it away. I feel anxious before I binge. I am unsettled & dont know what to do with myself. I try to resist but crave the carbs/choc etc as the anxiety feeling goes away afterwards.

The evenings are my worst time for bingeing. If I'm out, I still want to do it when I come home but find it easier to go straight to bed & tell myself no. My problem is I lack drive & energy to go out & obviously going out isnt the answer!! The day following a binge, I am full of self loathing & hate myself for my lack of control.

My background is a familiar tale of seperated parents. Remained with my father, however witnessed domestic violence towards my sibling. This has left us both with issues around abandonement & favourtism. To be honest, I was too scared to do anything wrong.

I became depressed age 14yrs old & began self harming. I also limited my eating & became very underweight. I have also suffered with bulimia. I have issues with low self esteem & have been taking Sertraline for the last 4yrs. I am now overweight!

mashed, I hope the thread isn't finished as I've only just joined as well.

Hopefully we can support each other and post when we feel the need.

3as- I hope your day has improved.

mashedpotatohead Fri 06-Dec-13 14:51:27

Oh hi DLTGYD, wasn't expecting a response! I've just read back & seen your history. My mother also said I was an attention seeker.

I actually hated myself when I was slim. There's me thinking that losing weight will make me happy but I know it wont. Guess I still have a lot of work to do!

Happy to listen & support x

IWishYouWould Fri 06-Dec-13 19:49:00

I wrote a massive reply and lost itshock So for now all I can type is...the thread is definitely still going. I think some days we just don't feel able to talk, but the idea was this was somewhere to go any time we need it. So I do hope you feel able to keep posting.

oopsadaisyme Sat 07-Dec-13 16:21:10

This seems to be so common -

I used to be anorexic, now I use food for comfort - both a totally unhealthy relationship with food -

I have a '5 stone' fluxuation, which has always been 2 years either one, it has always had nothing to do with my weight (was always the happiest when I was just starting to 'eat normally' again from being at my lightest), was usually the time when I felt happiest in my life, then when things started to 'not go right' ate more, for comfort -

Then, something else happens, and just can't eat, and every time, it's a 6 lbs loss a week, I start to weigh myself, wont eat anything until 'dizzyness' then its always the same, tomatoes and cottage cheese -

I'm on the heavy side now, and stating to buy what I used to, cottage cheese and tomatoes, and unconsciously I know I heading back the other way - starting to think about calories etc -

There's an obvious reason, maybe to others, but my eating habits have nothing to it, its totally irrelevant, its a 'feeling' that makes me over eat, or just not -

oopsadaisyme Sat 07-Dec-13 16:30:00

I'll give an example, my (now ex) OH and me have split up, he's used the whole 'your a fat cunt' thing as a put down, and I'm thinking anyone else would have just 'stopped eating' because of his comments, I didn't, went the other way!

But now I have alot to sort out to make things better, the 'get control' start of me has now kicked in, and eating is now something on my brain, and am finding myself not hungry -

Does anyone know where I'm coming from?

Yes I know exactly. Xh was a diet sabotager he would come home with a Chinese or huge bar of choc at mere mention of me attempting to lose weight. It wasn't about wanting a fat wife he just wanted control. But his insults were things like you're so fat no one would want you. Like you say you'd think this would lead to starvation but no it made me eat more because food is a comfort.

If I'm upset I reach for food. If I feel I'm losing control I stop eating.

I'm surprised how many over eaters were or are sometimes anorexic too.

oopsadaisyme Sat 07-Dec-13 17:47:47

Dontlet so you must think, like me, it's a 'control' mindset?? Loosing control, eat for comfort, in control, or forced to 'be in control' through an upset or some sort of 'trigger', not hungry, mind gone elsewhere, then food or even 'weightloss' becomes part of 'being back in control' -

God, it's weird when you put it down in writing, you know it, but it's totally out of your control -

HI - just wanted to say you guys are far from alone - here are some other recent threads with similar posts, there may also be some useful tips/books to read etc in them...

here

here

and here

oopsadaisyme Sat 07-Dec-13 18:04:06

I just think 'anorexia and then overeating' are very apparent maybe in one particular 'dis-order'??

There should be a diagnosis for this, don't you think?

IWishYouWould Sat 07-Dec-13 18:12:32

oopsadaisyme, I have read yournother thread I think. Your ex is...well to be honest I'm struggling to think of a word that describes someone so low.

I do understand where your coming from. I have my go to foods when I'm in 'loss' mode. Obviously anything goes when I'm the other way. but it is mostly carbs. My truly happiest times have been when I became quite small. Not through dieting of starving, but not thinking of food out of the norm anf being healthy. Those times have grown to be less over the years. The last being when I met my DH.

My control foods are lettuce and water. I will eat a bag of mixed leaves and drink water that's it.

I hate that I have no choice over it. I know exactly what's happening and as you say I can write it down and know exactly what I need to do but I can't / don't. I would never admit it to anyone in real life and I think I said previously even when hospitalised my mother said I was making it up and attention seeking. She said the same about my severe pnd too.

oopsadaisyme Sat 07-Dec-13 18:26:14

Iwish yeah, sorry you had to read that, and loads of love for doing xx, and yes, I think your looking for something along the lines of 'total wanker' ... nicely putting right now -

But still had nothing to do with my 'weight' control - he can call me a 'fat cunt' all day long, I'll still eat for comfort.....

Right now though, I'm putting my life back in control, and (who know's, I may have a worry 'trigger') I'm not hungry, and for 14 years of pretty much '2 on 2 off' rubbish with food, I know when I'm just not hungry, I don't eat - and unconsciously buy a big tub of cottage cheese and a load of tomatoes -

I'm budgeting now anyway (after him cleaning us out!), so planning meals for kids, maybe that's lead on to it a little too, I don't know, all I know, I'm now not hungry, so just know where I'm going

IWishYouWould Sat 07-Dec-13 18:28:50

oops, your post to dontlet, sums it up really. Although reading it seems complicated, thats how it goes. I can see how our partners / people cloee to us can find it hard to understand us. (definitely not refering to anyone who is horrible or deliberately sabotaging).

oopsadaisyme Sat 07-Dec-13 18:34:55

Iwish some of us are just that complicated, and so glad you understood what I was saying, it must be labelled somewhere as a particular disorder??

IWishYouWould Sat 07-Dec-13 19:00:50

you don't have to say sorry. Although its not a good situation, it is great that you are getting the support you need on here. I don't post often elsewhere, but I do lurk a lot.

IWishYouWould Sat 07-Dec-13 19:13:33

Thank you for the links to other threads. We are definitely not in small numbers. I for one am really glad that this is being looked at seriously by the government / NHS / private sector.

Oopsadaisyme, you have raised a good point. After starting this thread I have discovered, like you have, that I'm not alone in the transition from anorexic to over eater. But it hadn't occurred to me that this would actually be a condition in itself.

3asAbird Sat 07-Dec-13 19:48:47

Hi guys.

Hope everyones not had bad day.

I find the thoughst of food consume me,
I try and mel plan family ie kids and husbands meals.

when im on restructive day ie low cal i feel like i acheived.
If i go over what calorie amount i set myself i then then feel guilty weak and reallu unhappy.

Recently i get anxious eating around others.

so i make my excuses with family that i ate earlier, not feeling very well or that im full.

I will watch them eat and feel sense of control that im resisting.
latly i been cooking diffrent meals so husband does not notice im eating way less cals soups my comfort food or fruit when restricting phase.

Husbands been working so much its easy to lie ad say had big lunch or ate with kids at tea time.

Even my binges are so different from before.

I use to eat loads then purge.

no I have calorie controled binges of choc type things as worry wont ourge enough that consume too much.

If i have feelings of hunger then think yes i doing well. I hate going bed hungry so sometimes take a sleeping pill to get to sleep.

There are other days ate very little then by evening i binge and cant stop as feel so hungry then feel crap as lots control again.

Kids broke weighing scales probably agood thing as weighing can really either make me happy or break me so much that i binge that day.

I try weigh once a week at a small boots as think their scales be accurate ad wear lightest clothing take shoes, scarf and coat off.

havent weighed in 2weeks since stayed same then got really down.
Last few weeks been secretly exercising and thinking in my head just want to look slim for xmas day when go bak ome and see family but my target seemed so far awayfew weeks back then i get pannicy thourghts what if i cant do it and I fail.

I know its not healthy thinking and if was watching em on tv I be bit worried.

I feel even more rubbish being a parent and being selfish and reckless but im doing it to try and be happy-mental i know but hate the way I look right now. hnece why not overly passionate with husnband and him whinging.

i have wardobe split into diffrent sizes and keep looking at my smaller sizes sometimes trying to get them on and in tears as they wont fit. some would say get rid of skinny stuff but that to me would be admitting i failed that will never be pre baby figure again and that scares me.

I cant face talking to anyone else i real life about this.
Im scared husband will find out.
hes already accused me last week of being sick and even asked if im having an affair.

oopsadaisyme Sat 07-Dec-13 19:55:45

Iwish I think it must be a condition which possibly needs a diagnosis, I thought I was on my own in my thinking, but apparently not after this thread -

Maybe something that needs attention, I don't know, just glad I'm not alone in this x

3asAbird Sat 07-Dec-13 20:08:49
Twolittleboyz Sat 07-Dec-13 21:13:03

Hi, only just seen this board. Would love to join you for support. I am a normal BMI but struggle with binge eating especially in the evenings when I am tired/bored/lonely. The rest of the day i compensate by strict diet and plenty of exercise. I'd love to just be able to "eat"- not over eat or under eat.

oopsadaisyme Sat 07-Dec-13 21:23:45

3as Think there needs to be a simple diagnosis considering how many people seem to suffer it - not eating, to over eating - extreme fluxuations in weight -

3asAbird Sun 08-Dec-13 09:12:47

Ooopsdaisyme-yes maybe but just dot think much money in spent on reserach into mental disorders.

Its just an observation from what seen on tv and that last abc news peice, dr phil on you tube so melodramatic but they seem to treat eating disorders more seriously over there mayeb its beause they private healthcare and they all have therapists and treatment centres where as nhs is drastically overstretched and deals with just the worst cases.

If you read on nhs website about eating disorders its very different from american sites.

nhs talks about self help a lot.

usa seem concerned about elctroltrlytes with bulimia nhs dont.

I know this is very different but something seen on few hoarding tv shows. Those who dident have much growing up or during the war then became hoarders in later life emotional ties to stuff maybe its the same sort of thing with food tht extreme deprivation will lead to reverse but im just summising.

I do know someone ex anorexic whos overweight now and she said doctor said she ruined her metabolism so often after recovering people can be heavier weight than before.

when ever you see eating disorders on tv shows they ever really do over eating.

The people they choose are always young girls an they always seem to get found out and recover really quickly.

Maybe if they did one about middle aged eating disorders and binge eating would raise public awareness.

neighbours recently did 2 storylines both young girls one bulimic adnd other not eating much and over exercise -that has a name cant remember wht it is.

I read the other day there are 2million anorexics in uk which seems a lot but combine other issues as they always say we an obese nation and some of that obesity may be down to binge and weight loss clubs can help short term but unless they reach the root emotional cause then people do not get better.

Having a crap day another row with husband so fed up and eowm

IWishYouWould Sun 08-Dec-13 22:15:25

3asAbird, Thank you for posting the links to the EDNOS info. I had a read and didn't come back as it gave me a lot to think about. I definitely fit the B.E.D diagnosis. I feels better to be able to read information from a medical / psychiatry source. I suppose it lets me feel like an actual diagnosis (as far as you can yourself) rather than feeling alone and dysfunctional.

In your message you talked about eating away from your family, so that you can hide your control with the food. This sounds quite isolating for you. It must be hard to balance your day to day life alongside these impulses and feelings thanks.I understand your feelings of elation when you succeed. The going to bed hungry feels very much an internal badge of honour doesn't it. When it comes to weighing I think we can all lose our ability to think clearly sometimes. I will take everything off, Pants included. I can actually acknowledge that this is daft, will my pants actually make that number go down? No fblush but if I haven't done it naked, my mind will not relax. I think the lengths we need to go to have total control can be worrying.

With regards to your different size clothes. I do find that putting my different size clothes into a box out of sight helps, that way I'm not guilt tripping myself every time I open the wardrobe. No matter how many times over the years, I have though they would be an incentive, they have simply served as a trigger for my binges or stopping eating really.

You say that you can't face talking to anyone else in real life about how you're feeling. I suppose I would ask, do you feel that you will be able to come past the fog of feelings and the symptoms they produce for you on your own? It may well be the case and you could get to a better place in time. We all seem to swing between the good and bad over time. I am terrible at opening up n real life. most of my communication is done through social media. I find this is a real help. I can get the information across without having to find the words in front of someone. So far it has been really helpful with my friends. I also find that by doing this with my mum, I don't have to see her reaction, or listen to her switch the conversation over to herself. The messages is sent and then I can get on with my day. When I shared with friends I got support, but also one opened up about their eating battles too. We understand each other and have grown closer. My DH knows about my issues, but as I can't communicate well, I tend to find articles like the one you posted and show them to him. All o then have to say is 'that's me and how I feel'. Its good for him as rather than my waffle, the explanation is to the point and concise. Perhaps it might help you? Are you worried that he may not be supportive if DH knew?

IWishYouWould Sun 08-Dec-13 22:17:38

I'm slowly catching up with the posts.. 3asAbird, has your day improved after this morning? I hope your feeling better.

IWishYouWould Sun 08-Dec-13 22:20:42

Twolittleboys, welcome to the thread. How has your weekend been? A lot of us have found we eat for the same reasons as yourself. Do you have any support in RL?

IWishYouWould Sun 08-Dec-13 22:22:02

oopsadaisyme, how has your weekend gone? Are you feeling any more positive? thanks

IWishYouWould Sun 08-Dec-13 22:23:46

Dontletthemgetyoudown and mashedpotatoehead, how are you both feeling today? Has this been a positive or harder weekend for you? thanks

IWishYouWould Sun 08-Dec-13 22:57:55

Right so I suppose I should comment on my own weekend. It would be so easy to skip off, but I'm in a very bad phase so I need to work on it.

This week I have been feeling very much like I need to rush back to the doctors and get my meds back. I really had blamed the sleepy effect they had on me, for the rise in my binge eating. However I seem to be in the same place still. My weight gain has slowed down, which is a positive. I no longer need to have a nap to get through the day, so I'm moving more. But it's like I can't turn the switch off. With regards to my feelings, I'm constantly angry at the moment, the most pointless thing can set me into a rage. I don't show this but internally I feel ready to explode. I can't tell you why, I have no idea what has made me this angry.

Over the weekend I have eaten an obscene amount of food. Christmas has already become my excuse. the 'I'll deal with it in January' is such an easy box to put all my guilt into.

My little break through has been watching TV. I have seen a few emotional things this weekend. Each one has made me cry, not just in a little way but obviously letting out some pretty major upset I'm not consciously aware of. It has been a huge release for me. Far greater than I get when I eat. I still don't know if something has triggered this, but the emotions that have surfaced so far have been; the death of my granddad. He passed almost 4 years ago, but I don't remember grieving for him. I was dealing with a difficult pregnancy when he left us followed very quickly by a traumatic birth. So that is something for me to explore. I just truly can't understand how I can have so many emotions tucked away, that I can't be aware of what they are. My logical brain says that if there are so many, I must know what some of them are. But unless the tears are triggered I can't say.

I also found that lots of noise and demands from the kids were pushing me far more than normal. We don't often raise our voices or shout at them, but that has happened a lot this weekend. It makes me really sad that I haven't been able to compose myself and act as I normally would with them. This may not sound too drastic, as I haven't screamed or gone mad, but it's just not how I want our home to be. My mum had major anger issues when I was growing up and I felt insecure throughout my life when she was around. This is something that I refuse to do to my kids. I may not be able to make myself better over night, but I will do anything I can to make sure they are happy and know I'm always here for them. Another reason really for me to get this sorted. At present I'm putting myself at risk of a lot of health complications in the future. They need their mum here and healthy physically and mentally. Although I don't have the cure for my condition I do feel much stronger than I did when I started this thread. I know I'm not alone in my issues and feelings and there are resources out there for people like us who need the help. I just need to remember that I want to do this and I have the greatest motivations possible. They are currently peacefully asleep in their beds.

I was reminded by a friend today that this is a long journey and I shouldn't put too much pressure on myself to be better now. So I think perhaps I will set myself tasks for each week / month. Things I need to look at and think about, actions I could follow and emotions that need to be explored. I have started to write chapters for myself on each of my worries. This was a huge help. I left it for my DH to read whilst I was out. We don't need to talk about them or dissect what I have written. But my lovely man did point out where I may feel awful about myself, he sees me in a totally different way. He actually said he wishes I could see myself the way he does. It made me feel better knowing that a lot of what I feel is just in my own head. Actually I know that the anxiety, depression and low self esteem are most definitely in my head, but it certainly doesn't feel like it now...

IWishYouWould Sun 08-Dec-13 23:17:00

I was looking for some definitiosn and came across this. I found it interesting, but it alos gave me a sense of ;someone understands me' IYSWIM. I tick all of them.
It's from Here

Who are compulsive overeaters?

This affects men and women of all ages, unlike the other eating disorders which are heavily biased toward females. However, women are more likely to ask for help and this is probably because women are more concerned about the effects of overeating on their appearance.

Some common factors are interesting:
◾Most but not all begin to eat compulsively after a period of dieting
◾Most, but not all would describe themselves as kind
◾Most put others first and attend to the needs of other people and not themselves
◾Most, but not all have some difficulty knowing or expressing their needs
◾Many, but not all lack clarity about how they feel and cannot manage their feelings properly
◾Most, but not all have low self worth
◾Most , but not all need to be liked
◾Psychologically they are otherwise not different to people who eat normally except among those who are particularly overweight

Some of these observations are useful in helping the expert to treat the condition and help someone to regain an enjoyable relationship with food.

Hermione123 Mon 09-Dec-13 09:10:23

I have been doing better at trying to get on top of massive binge cycle that's been running since September, a few more minor binges this weekend, i aim to squeeze in some exercise this week..hold me accountable on that! .I'm trying to avoid booze as definitely a trigger. 3asabird, I often don't feel validated by dh (he insists this is all in my head), can you look at doing an activity for yourself that gets you in contact with others?

I reckon on the self worth point, a lot of us could do with self esteem boosting exercises/activities. I talk myself down a lot in my head I think it is warped self protection but it's more useful to try the opposite.

I've done well this weekend and not binged, but I was exceptionally busy and didn't have time to really think about food, so I was eating with the dc and eating the same as them. I know its linked to my feelings as I felt rather content this weekend, the dc were a dream, the Christmas shoppig is all but done, presents wrapped etc. DS1's match was brilliant and he was star player for school and his team, we walked the dogs and I had no contact with my partner (too old for a boyfriend), which is probably very telling.

Those factors are very interesting Iwishyouwould, they certainly ring a few bells here.

3asabird can you talk to dh? not necessarily re the binging/purging but how you feel in general? How in order to feel like you want to be affectionate with anyone you need to feel wanted and valued. I think for many men sex is a physical thing and they are turned in on different ways to women, lots of women need the build up to the deed and not just a few minutes of stroking and twiddling wink, I know this isn't the case for all men and vice versa. Hope today is better, a new week a new start and all that.

3asAbird Mon 09-Dec-13 13:18:02

Thanks for input guys,

Dontlet them get you down-well done ot binging and getting all shopping dome . yes you right sometimess need more than the physical.

.Hermione-sounds like you gaining some control over the cycle.

I wish you would-hope you have better week.
weekends when hubbys in work sometimes feel like too much mine are so noisy and messy.

any news on ed board? from mnhq.

well made the attempt to be be phycisallly attentive to his needs last night so hes happier now.

I was expecting a complete show down when he came back from work.

we had some cross words when dishing up dinner then i dident eat with them so he got moody about that.

I think he maybe sees and sometimes hears im unhappy but feels powereless to change it.

Hes stopped accusing me of an affair not sure if having an ed is better.

I think deep down he knows buts hes not pushing it like big elephant in the room and part of me relived but other part of me feels bit like drug addict.

I am being secrative
I am wanting to be alone a lot
im am a bit depressed, anxious and stressed.

So this week i pretend everythings normal.

My family are far away
rarly ee my few close freinds
have husband
breifly chat to some parents at school dont really have freinds there.
I cant face toddler grouups even tough been saying i would go since sept.

so its easy forme to live in my bittle bubble pretend no one to notice.

Today has been hectic 2separate school runs-actually made it school on time big achievement for me.

Been to look round yet another school for admissions for dd2
I liked the school but feel stressed speaking to mother of pfbs made me feel even more stessed.

I had time kill went coffee shop before vist and had choc brownie then felt guilty as didet know how many calories I like to know cal count everything and add them up.

Weighed myself at chemists a loss but no where near my target so not sure made me happy or sad, im not underweight for my height so target is within healthy range acording to scales as the range seems huge.

Once i have purged theres no thourgts it my head its like peace and empty calm mind for short amount time light floaty feeling. I dont really enjoy act being sick but its the way i feel after I did read that purging does not achieve calorie reductions whic is why bulimics normal or slightly overweight.

twolittle I realise that bingeing often has little or indeed nothing to do with hunger, but I think by controlling food during the day you are probably almost setting yourself up for a binge in the evening? If you haven't eaten properly all day then it is predictable that you are going to be ravenous by the end of it....

3asAbird Mon 09-Dec-13 21:56:25

watched hubby gorge himself on pizza like he did last monday where i had 2peices then went and threw up.

tonight i resisted and had cofee and ginger biscuit they my latest safe food obsession.

had small tea-last nights kiddy leftovers.

feel run down tonight been busy day.

not sure if what im doing is starting any damage.

some days feel so tired and dizzy.

got busy day tommorow so going to try get early night.

IWishYouWould Mon 09-Dec-13 22:14:54

3as, I'm sorry to hear that today hasn't been a good one again. It really does sound like you would benefit from some RL help. You mentioned feeling dizzy and tired, those sound like worrying signs. If you don't feel up to discussing how you are feeling with family or friends, perhaps you could contact an organisation instead?

IWishYouWould Mon 09-Dec-13 22:17:11

I haven't heard anything back from MNHQ yet regarding the new topic request.

Hermione123 Tue 10-Dec-13 09:53:28

Yes agree 3, I'm not sure you are getting enough good quality food, dizzy and tired isn't good at all, try and look after yourself, at least get an early night.

3asAbird Tue 10-Dec-13 19:12:43

thanks guys im ok today just last few weeks been too hectic with hubby working so much all down to me everyone else seems as hectic as xmas.

today had another school tour. small boys hospital appointment both city centre so stressful. made effort grab sandwich from boots as had driving lesson this afternoon.

made 2 meals tonight rissotto and chiken casserole hubby wanted neither hes eating reduced snack from co-op instead but least hes not nagging me eat tea tonight.

Can I ask random question?

Anyone finding december harder as feels like theres so many food adverts, bulk stacks s, cashier trying flog chocs at till.

popped into pound shop earlier for non food item and was surrounded by food.

Christmas seems like it all about food done few bits other week.

for most people xmas is valid reason to gorge and binge.

christmas night we go back see my family aunt does huge buffet thats worrying me a little.

Feel bit anxious people watching me eat.

trying to avoid having too may binge/naughty foods in the house.

trying to meal plan and think i over think food.

plan get early night as tired not sleeping properly but dont want to rely in sleeping pills every night as struggle next day.

Im eating 1 meal a day plus snacks and drinks.I do try and eat enough so that i can get through the day.

3as...you can't carry on this way. Severely restricting calories is a battle you will never win - its as silly as your right hand fighting your left. It is basic biology. If your body isn't getting the necessary nutrients it needs then it will scream 'hungry' - louder and louder until it gets fed properly. Get to this state and a binge is almost inevitable sad.

You need to get back to eating proper, regular meals, to re-regulate your appetite and reassure your poor body that food is available and will come when it is needed. Then you need to address the other reasons that you are bingeing. It may be that there is an emotional need to do so (as well as the biological one you are sort of manufacturing by restricting your food most of the time). If you need professional help to achieve all this then please seek it.

People binge because they have a need to - they are not flawed, or broken, or willpower weaklings - bingeing is not wrong! It also should not - in fact cannot - be fought with willpower. Bingeing is a sign screaming that something else needs to be resolved in that person's life.

Hermione123 Wed 11-Dec-13 08:18:04

3, one meal a day is really starvation mode, this will be making your tiredness and bad thoughts much worse. Your brain needs essential fats to function properly. Try and squeeze in a high protein yogurt at breakfast if you can't face proper food yet, and handfuls of almonds or other nuts or seeds, gradually build up what you are eating with things that are good for you. I've yet to meet anyone that got fat because they liked eating nuts or grains too much.

Hermione123 Wed 11-Dec-13 08:19:19

Ps I'm not judging in case that's not obvious, many days this year 90% of calories consumed have been junk ones.

ishouldcocoa Wed 11-Dec-13 08:40:37

Sorry not to have been back to this thread. Iwish - how did you get on with the book?

It is helping me a bit. Small babysteps. Just being a bit more mindful about food, and reminding myself that a lot of this is about low self esteem. (I'm a SAHM and really miss 'achieving' stuff in life).

I am also trying to binge (when I do) on stuff that's more filling. Oatcakes and ham, nuts, yoghurts. I keep trying to binge on dark chocolate and failing, so a small victory, I suppose!

(I'm wheat intolerant, although on a bad day, you'd never know. I pay for a week afterwards with bad mouth ulcers)

The 'checklist' of personality types you posted upthread - I tick every single one of them.

Hermione123 Wed 11-Dec-13 10:35:36

It is certifiably nearly impossible to binge on dark chocolate, or raw chocolate smile I've tried both! I tick all the boxes too...btw I've started throwing out chocolate Xmas gifts, if I have it in the house, sooner or later it gets eaten, you might want to try that. Feels wrong throwing away 'food' but actually it's just going to hurt me.

Ishould - what do you do for yourself/what did you used to do (not work), I mean for pleasure, relaxation or interest. If nothing in particular, is there anything, a sport, class, creative something or other you feel drawn towards?

ishouldcocoa Wed 11-Dec-13 23:50:03

I sew a bit and I volunteer, too. I enjoy both. Its' just I feel that life is passing me by, sometimes. I need to plan to go back to work, but luckily don't have to as DH earns enough. It would be more for my self esteem.

Hermione123 Thu 12-Dec-13 08:24:22

Ishould I only work because I need to for my self esteem, I'm in the same situation and although I feel guilty that it's not best for my dh or dd, it is what I need to do. What types of thing would you like to do?

ishouldcocoa Thu 12-Dec-13 15:08:18

I used to be a designer - and I'm sure that's why I enjoy sewing so much.

I am also a real 'people' person, so my volunteering is based around that.

I have complete strangers pour their hearts out to me... while I sit on a park bench trying to eat my lunch!! (I must have something tattooed across my forehead....hmm)

IWishYouWould Sat 14-Dec-13 17:32:46

smile update: MNHQ has agreed that they will make a new topic for ED's. I really think all of us using this thread and others across MN to bring the topic into the open a bit more has helped massively.

So we can look forward to having more support not just for us, but everyone else waiting to have a relevant place to share and ask for support. smile

KinkyDoritowithfairylightson Sun 15-Dec-13 13:35:03

Popping in to catch up.

Definitely seeing similarities with my current situation. I've piled weight back on over the past 6 weeks. I'm going through a significant change and just can't seem to get a grip. Feel so tired and run down and food is everywhere. It's so easy just to eat crap.

This weekend was birthday party for DS, so binged after that. Today, have eaten a load of leftovers, and we're still early in the day. Feel sick, feel fed up and know I'm getting fatter and fatter.

Why is it so hard to stop????

KinkyDoritowithfairylightson Sun 15-Dec-13 13:35:36

Completely identify with the poster who said that the Christmas excuse has kicked in.

AlwaysOneSockMissing Sun 15-Dec-13 23:36:49

I know aht uou mean kinky. Im aware of how much I wi eat over Christmas. But I have already got into the food, so by January I'm going to be so unhealthy it's playing on my mind, a lot.

AlwaysOneSockMissing Sun 15-Dec-13 23:37:17

next time I will proof read firstblush

Hermione123 Sat 28-Dec-13 09:45:13

How are people doing over the holidays? I really restricted what junk food came in this year so while there's been over eating, nothing too awful.

3asAbird Mon 30-Dec-13 12:43:26

well i loosened up my eating and put on quite bit of weight in 2 weeks now feel crap again but sick of food sick of eating.

I wouldent even say i ate huge amounts just house full of food.

freezers full.
kids got lots choc and sweets off family and freinds

I have some days binged and not purged.

But guess xmas is big bingefest for people without eating disorders.

I keep saying new year fresh start,

plus new year will mean all the diet foods on offer, all the fitness videos out, jan mags be full of diets so will be bombarded with message to lose weight its vicious cycle.

Any progress on actual section?

hope everyones had ok christmas.

going to try distact myself from food.

i do need to take more time to exercise just hard with the kids best get husband to unjam the wii.

I've not done well at all. Despite my effort to keep the house junk free and brought minimal chocolate only really small items for the dc stockings like choc coins we've had tonnes of food gifts. Boxes and boxes of chocolates and biscuits. I've given a few away, 2 boxes to the bin men etc but still have lots here.

I ate a whole box of dairy milk and a share bag of Doritos felt as sick as a dog which then meant I are cheesecake as I am disgusting anyway so why stop there? Felt dreadful a few hours later and I know I did it through boredom. The dogs refusing to go out in the rain and wind so only been going on quick toilet walks for them.

I feel sluggish and a bit low. With the dc home and no work I've not had anytime to stick to my normal exercise routine or regular meal planning.

Hopefully once back in routines I will be able to cope much better.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

IWishYouWould Sun 05-Jan-14 12:03:28

Hi to everyone. Apologies for not being back for a while. Christmas and New Year were extremely busy. I also had my email account compromised, so that has all been changed. After some great recommendations I have started the BED recovery book. I'm still in early stages, but I feel positive. It was great news before Christmas that MNHQ were going to add the new eating disorders topic. It's a bit disappointing to not be able to see it yet.
I have made a decision to focus on myself more. I find it far to easy to focus on anything but my own issues. So I need to stop that while I recognise it. I do wish everyone a good 2014, hopefully this can be the year that we can recover and feel better about ourselves. If anyone is interested I have started a blog to try and focus this recovery process, please feel free to follow me and my progress, I will post it in blogs. I hope I'm not breaking the rules linking this, but I'm sure it will be removed if I am.

IWishYouWould Sun 05-Jan-14 17:37:48

I don't know how else to put it on MN, so here it is...
ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

Hermione123 Wed 15-Jan-14 15:28:34

How is everyone? Does anyone have any tips for stopping an in progress binge? Mine go for a few days, January blues. Hope others are well?

stilllearnin Thu 16-Jan-14 00:06:53

Hello- did you get your board? I nearly name changed for this but I am being brave. I've never told anyone the extent of my stuff with food. My dp must know - but he never lets on. I can eat anything - notably eggshells and paper - when i get going. My mum was anorexic but is recovered and I never thought I had a problem- I have been hiding from it for ages. I do not understand why I do it at all- do people find a psychological understanding helps? I am currently doing very well with very healthy eating - so the focus is on health not calories or weight. But I constantly feel I'm skating on thin ice so any moment I'll binge. Plus I really worry my dd will have a problem. I'm not sure I'll have the courage to post again but wish you all some peace and recovery.

Hermione123 Thu 16-Jan-14 08:38:44

Glad to hear you are doing well stillearnin, agree a focus on healthy eating works well. I don't find understanding causes helps personally, I know the triggers, it's to do with not having a better way to process anxiety/bad feelings but it doesn't prevent anything to know that. I need to try and enforce a binge avoidance plan I.e. Behavioural approach.

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