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My Sister committed suicide.

(61 Posts)
Juneywoony Wed 30-Oct-13 00:48:43

My 27 year old sister sadly took her own life on Sunday, I'm broken I can't sleep or eat I don't know what to do with myself. It was a shock but not a surprise she was crippled by depression and I just hope she has found some peace now.

Brittapie Wed 30-Oct-13 00:52:33

Didn't want to read and run, although I don't really have any useful advice.

Oh, you poor love. xxx

thecatfromjapan Wed 30-Oct-13 01:00:01

Do you have anyone with you? Would you like to talk about her? Would you like to witter?

whysorude Wed 30-Oct-13 01:01:25

Oh goodness. That is truly awful for you. xx

Juneywoony Wed 30-Oct-13 01:10:12

My husband is in bed, I've not long got off the phone to her best friend and my mum, we are all distraught. I don't know why I'm writing here really I just don't know what to do with myself. I know I should go to bed but I'm dreading waking up and it hitting me all again.

AlfalfaMa Wed 30-Oct-13 01:12:28

I'm so sorry. Depression is such a cruel illness.
Sending you love.

thecatfromjapan Wed 30-Oct-13 01:12:58

You can sit and chat here, then.

Do you have to get up early tomorrow?

TSSDNCOP Wed 30-Oct-13 01:15:40

Would you like to tell us about her OP? Aside from her illness, what made her "her" and some of the things you remember her with love for?

I'm so sorry that you and your family are suffering now. The way she has died is so terribly lonely and sad. My thoughts are with you and hoping you find some peace of mind xx

SecretWitch Wed 30-Oct-13 01:16:41

Juneywooney, my heart hurts for you and your family. Your grief must feel overwhelming. Would you like to talk to us about your sister? If it is alright with you I will pray for her and you. Sending you ((hugs))

Normalitycalls Wed 30-Oct-13 01:16:45

Hi, I've been in a similar situation with my dh. It is a horrible place to be but I couldn't help my dh and I'm sure you did everything to help your sister. There are some things you cannot fix sad
You will get some help here so please keep coming back in addition to real life
Xx

Normalitycalls Wed 30-Oct-13 01:19:22

Hi, I've been in a similar situation with my dh. It is a horrible place to be but I couldn't help my dh and I'm sure you did everything to help your sister. There are some things you cannot fix sad
You will get some help here so please keep coming back in addition to real life
Xx

Juneywoony Wed 30-Oct-13 01:20:58

Thank you.

I have a routine appointment with my psych in the morning which has come at a good time really. I have bipolar, I've been quite well for a couple of months. I spoke to him today to see if it was okay to up my dosage of clonazepam just to get me through this and he said yes and was really supportive. So at least they are making me a bit numb and drowsy.
I'm just so angry she had the crisis team going in everyday as she was on suicide watch, why the fuck hadn't they put her in hospital!!

Normalitycalls Wed 30-Oct-13 01:26:39

My dh was very clever at manipulating the people who were there to help him. The last job he did was to fix the IT system of the health professionals who were supposed to help him. He killed himself the next day.
You need to concentrate on yourself at the moment and make sure your mental and physical health is A1.
Time will help.

thecatfromjapan Wed 30-Oct-13 01:28:54

Had she been in hospital before?

That's good about seeing your psychiatrist tomorrow. Do you think you might need a little more help with sleeping?

KalevalaForMePlease Wed 30-Oct-13 01:36:07

So sorry Juney. Would you like to talk about her? Xx

Juneywoony Wed 30-Oct-13 01:36:21

Yes my appointment couldn't have come at a better time really. I have a cpn but she is off sick. Although I know there isn't much they can do really, what I'm feeling is normal and not part of my illness, but yes maybe I may ask about some temporary sleeping tablets.

She was a lovely girl we had the same sense of humour always laughed at daft things together. She doted on my kids, she had none of her own. Her problems started when her ex bf of 6 years killed himself 6 years ago, she was the last person he text, she just never got over the guilt. I just hope they are together now.

KalevalaForMePlease Wed 30-Oct-13 01:38:32

Xposted, sorry. It's totally understandable that you're angry, and want to vent. And I'm glad you've got an appointment tomorrow. Just take one day at a time.

KalevalaForMePlease Wed 30-Oct-13 01:41:02

Ah Juney that's so sad, it does sound like she never got over it. It sounds like she was a lovely person, and a great auntie. How are your DCs?

I'm so sorry Juney. I lost my best friend to suicide 8 years ago.

Big hugs flowers

Juneywoony Wed 30-Oct-13 01:50:17

Their too young to understand they are 6 and 4, my inlaws have been fantastic and looked after them since sunday. Their coming home tomorrow afternoon so they should keep me busy and my mind occupied.

I'm just frustrated as my mum and brother live a 100 miles away, I spent the day with them Sunday and have been in constant contact on the phone. My poor brother found her, she hung herself he has to live with that image forever.

I went to see her in the hospital Sunday night, I'm glad I did I couldn't stand the thought of her being all alone in a strange place and to check that she was really dead if that makes sense! But seeing her like that wasn't nice.

2Retts Wed 30-Oct-13 01:57:58

I can idenitfy Juneywoony...sincere condolences thanks

My Db committed suicide some years ago and my DSis sufered MH issues following and came pretty close to success whilst on a unit! Please don't feel bad that she wasn't hospitalised etc. Some things will simply 'play out' regardless of where a person is.

I totally appreciate that doesn't help but, as TSSDNCOP says, it definitely helps to talk about the wonderful person you lost and to focus on the positives that you loved about them x

Juneywoony Wed 30-Oct-13 02:02:34

Thank you for all your kind words, yes fond memories of her are keeping me going and I have such a kind, supportive husband and two beautiful kids to keep me going too.

I am going to go to bed now and try and sleep,

Thanks again. xx

KalevalaForMePlease Wed 30-Oct-13 02:02:50

Your poor brother Juney, that must be awful for him to deal with. A death like this can just create ripples through the lives of so many people. It's all so tragic. What you said about going to see her in the hospital because you didn't want her to be alone brought tears to my eyes. You sound like a lovely, caring sister.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))()

thecatfromjapan Wed 30-Oct-13 02:12:13

Good night. Wishing you a good day tomorrow.

Thumbfuckerwitch Wed 30-Oct-13 02:19:40

So very sad for you Juney, what an awful thing to have to deal with. And how dreadful for your brother to have that image. Hope he can access some counselling pretty quickly, that's quite traumatic.

Like 2Retts said though, hospitalising your sister may not have stopped her from doing it anyway - a bloke I went to school with was hospitalised with paranoid schizophrenia after an "interesting" druggy party he went to, and he managed to escape from the 24h suicide watch he was under during lunch, and killed himself. sad

While there isn't really anything anyone can say to make you feel "better" at this time, I just hope that you can feel that she is somehow released from whatever torment she was in and is now at peace.

You're very brave to have gone to see her at the hospital. I hope that you get as much love and understanding as possible from your family and friends, it's a dark time but I hope you have all the support you need to get through it.

If you need any help with how to explain things to your children, then Winston's Wish is supposed to be very useful

((((hugs))))

AdoraBell Wed 30-Oct-13 02:32:28

So very sorry <<Hugs>>

GuillotineLibertine73 Wed 30-Oct-13 03:23:46

So very sorry for your loss love. There always someone here for you if you need us flowers

Mimishimi Wed 30-Oct-13 03:31:38

I'm really sorry thanks

KalevalaForMePlease Wed 30-Oct-13 03:54:21

Hope you managed to get to sleep OP. There will always be someone here if you need to talk. All the best, will be thinking of you. Xx

Juneywoony I am so very sorry for you. Thinking of you.

Crawling Wed 30-Oct-13 08:40:34

So very sad for you.

Juneywoony Wed 30-Oct-13 08:45:59

Thank you.

I managed to get about 3 hours but have woke up again feeling like I'm in a dream.

Hopefully my psych will give me something to help me sleep today. One of my good friends is taking me to the appointment, she's a nurse and very kind and caring. My husband usually comes with me but he's got so much on at work, although he did say he would come if my friend couldn't. I always get anxious and end up crying when I see my psych even when I'm well! lol god knows why.

I feel bad for making this all about me. I keep thinking maybe there was something I could have said to her, done...etc.

The hardest part is that she had ignored all my phone calls and texts these past 2 months, we hadn't fallen out although we had, had our fair share of those in the past over daft things but always made it up afterwards, neither of us are the easiest of people and we are both as stubborn and feisty as each other. I could laugh at some of the silly reasons we fell out over....one being a sandwich!!!!

She went back to live with my mum a couple of months ago as she just wasn't coping, I spoke to her a couple of times whilst she was there and then she just started ignoring me. It wasn't just me, it was our Gran and some of her friends I knew why as when you feel so depressed you just don't want to talk to people, you have nothing to say. I spoke to my mum all the time though so passed messages on through her and was kept up to date with how she was etc..

It was my daughters birthday two weeks ago and my mum, brother and sister sent a huge box full of gifts, I knew instantly it was my sister who had chosen them she knew the things my daughter liked. I text and rang to thank her and asked if she wanted to speak to my daughter as she wanted to thank her Auntie but I got no reply. Why didn't I just get the bloody train up and see her!

Thanks for the link to help my children. I have already spoken to my brother about counselling about what he saw and have asked him if he would go and see her now, so that the last image isn't as bad. Although it still isn't a nice one, but she looks asleep and at peace. She was moved to the funeral parlour yesterday, her best friend has kindly bought her some lovely new pj's, dressing gown and fluffy bed socks to wear. God we loved fluffy socks I always used to buy them for her when I bought myself some, we always used to like getting in our jammies and watching a film even if it was the day time!

It's going to be hard as the funeral isn't until the 11th, our Dad lives in Africa and had open heart surgery 4 weeks ago, my mum just wanted to give it an extra week for him to get a bit stronger for the flight.

I'm waffling on now...

Thanks again, x

I blamed myself for a long time after my friend's death, but in reality there was nothing I could have done. Even if I'd camped at the foot of her bed she would eventually have found a way. I found it took a while for the self-blame to fade. I also got really angry at points - that's normal too.

I understand about going to see your sister - I did the same with my friend. It was horrible but helpful IYSWIM.

Be kind to yourself lovely, it's a terrible shock to lose someone dear in this way. Make sure you eat something, try and get some sleep and drink fluids. I'm glad you've got your appointment today.

Much love to you and your family. flowers

2Retts Thu 31-Oct-13 00:15:34

Hope your appointment went as well as could be expected today Juneywooney. It's so important to be good to yourself right now.

You seem to be coping so well all things considered. I especially enjoyed reading your -waffle- mentions of wonderful memories of your DSis; she clearly loved you and your DD very much.

Whenever we (in our family) lose a precious loved one, our default is to focus on all the wonderful memories we know we were privileged to have had the time to create with them; we continue to give them our time in talking about these memories frequently...it helps us.

Know that our thoughts are with you and that we're here to listen too x

Megbeth Thu 31-Oct-13 03:21:25

So sorry to hear that, that's so sad. Maybe some bereavement counselling when you feel ready would help you. My committed suicide when I was a baby. I was only 1 yrs old. Even though I don't remember her it has affected my life not having a mum.
Thinking of you at this time.

KalevalaForMePlease Thu 31-Oct-13 04:49:47

Hope your appointment went well today Juney. Thinking of you.

williaminajetfighter Thu 31-Oct-13 06:49:51

So sorry to hear this Juney. I understand some of what you're going through as my Dad killed himself last year. It takes a long time to get over the initial shock and its a feeling of sadness and bewilderment that never really goes away.

I would say that people respond to and deal with grief re suicide in very different ways. I found the comments and people's behaviour up to and at the funeral really mixed. I tried to ignore this and just focus on my own feelings and memories. I hope you're able to do the same.

Hope you are able to get some rest and support from your family.

Juneywoony Thu 31-Oct-13 08:24:52

Thank you everyone.

It was/is her birthday today she would have been 28, just hope she is happy wherever she is and not in all that turmoil. I take comfort in the fact that she is with her ex bf now.

I got the kids back yesterday, they had, had a great time at nanny and granddads but my eldest who's 6 kept asking questions about my sister and I said maybe it would be nice to draw her a picture with her cat (she loved that cat and treated it as her baby). So she drew a lovely picture, then later on I caught her looking through a draw in her bedroom, she was looking for the birthday card my sister had sent the other week. We found it and she said I need to keep this safe forever, later on when she went to bed she just started sobbing, it broke my heart. She said she knows she will never see her again, I had to lay and hold her for ages. It's all just so heart breaking.

somersethouse Thu 31-Oct-13 08:39:35

Oh that is heartbreaking, I am so sorry. The bit about your daughter and the birthday card has made me cry.

You are being so strong. Your sister, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. x

2Retts Fri 01-Nov-13 03:01:26

Oh Juneywooney, it is indeed heartbreaking, our DC's reactions.

My son was only 8 when my DB died and he sobbed throughout the memorial service wearing the little Garfield waistcoat my DB had bought him some years earlier. His pain was so tangible and I had no clue how to deal with it...we talked, a lot.

To this day, we have lengthy chats about my DB and his precious memories...it helps him tremendously.

Your lovely daughter will deal with this far better than you could imagine as long as you continue to communicate; I do know that is difficult. You are always in my thoughts and prayers

kateandme Fri 01-Nov-13 03:15:36

make sure your keeping well hun.i know this grief will set off all sorts of triggers for your own illness.
i cant say it will get any easier.but its does get easier to cope.each day it may hit you hard.but you are here.you are loved and im sure she loved you so very much.her needing to do this isnt anything on you or your help and love and support.depression as an overbearing illness and im sorry it took her to that place.
you can do this.its going to be very hard but there are lots of thought circulating for you.
let people help you too.
im also sorry the team set to help here werent there like they should.
they arent all the saem so if you need extra support reach for it.,
take care.

ajandjjmum Fri 01-Nov-13 04:18:11

So sorry - what a dreadful thing for you and your family.

Juneywoony Fri 01-Nov-13 11:16:46

I went out and got so drunk last night, feel a complete twat today, cringing at stuff I was saying to people. I feel like I'm getting ill I can't function. My husband is off work today as I just cant look after the kids. Ive got a cpn coming today, not my usual one as she's off sick, I'm so scared of loosing my mind.

KalevalaForMePlease Fri 01-Nov-13 11:26:26

Don't be so hard on yourself Juney, you are grieving, dealing with a horrible tragedy. One day at a time. Xxx

TillyTotter1 Fri 01-Nov-13 11:29:00

My heart's going out to you. What an awful time you're having, any wonder you're finding it hard to cope/function - anyone would, regardless of whether they have MH issues or not

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Fri 01-Nov-13 19:24:53

So sorry to hear this Juney, take care of yourself

Hoofdegebouw Fri 01-Nov-13 22:38:54

I am so, so sorry for your loss

2Retts Mon 04-Nov-13 02:09:47

Hope you are feeling better after the weekend Juneywooney

Juneywoony Mon 04-Nov-13 09:40:35

I'm so so really, got the kids al ready to go to school this morning, walk there just to find out it's closed due to the heating being broken! I was looking forward to just being alone with my thought today, instead of kids arguing and fighting all day! Plus I've got carpet fitters coming to do the stairs and landing arghhhhh!

Just panicking that it won't be open tomorrow as I'd planned to go up to my mum's and see my sister in the chapel of rest, order flowers and help my mum with some of the arrangements.

In the words of my dear sister FuckyBollocks lol!

alexjefery11 Mon 04-Nov-13 10:30:08

we must have to be somewhat close to our children and family so that they can easily share their issues and problems

Juneywoony Wed 20-Nov-13 07:45:44

Just a little update for those of you that may be interested.

We had the funeral on remembrance day, it went as well as these things can, family and friends cried buckets. My parents are divorced but their partners took a step back and let them be together to hold hands, hug and cry together for their youngest child, which really touched me.

We asked for just family flowers only but donations to MIND if people wanted to, there was almost £200 in the box and my mum has since had more from friends. My mum and myself took them to MIND and they were very grateful, it gave us some comfort.

Life seems strange now, it's only been 3 and a half weeks since she passed but already it feels like she's forgotten, people not mentioning her to me which hurts as all I want to do is talk about her. I've cried everyday bar one (which I felt guilty for ) since the day she died. It does me good, my psychiatrist said to let it all out and has reassured me that it's not my illness causing things I'm doing but grief. He has been so good to me through all this. He has upped my meds and is seeing me fortnightly, I'm seeing cpn weekly so at least I feel like I have a safety net.

My brother is traumatised bless him, he went back to work the week after she died but after the funeral he didn't so was really worried he had lost his job, trouble was he wasn't sleeping, keeps thinking she's walking in his room, picturing the image he saw. I rang his work up and sorted that, I also got him a doctors appointment which he went to, they gave him some sleepers and started the ball rolling for counselling.

Thanks to everyone who posted, xxxxxx

Helpyourself Wed 20-Nov-13 08:06:39

Thank you for updating. It sounds like it was as good as it could be- how lovely of your parents' partners to stand back like that.
Look after yourself; how are you?
flowers

Juneywoony Thu 21-Nov-13 06:46:04

So so really, managing to do the basic housework, washing etc.. getting the kids to school.
I swing from crying uncontrollably to laughing at funny things we did.

Sleeps a bit better, Psych has said I can take two 7.5 zopiclone if I want but I've been sticking to one just don't want to get too reliant on them. Taking more clonazepam, it just keeps the edge off things. He upped my lamotragine to 200 mg daily.

My mum had somebody from the crisis team visit yesterday to ask how they could have done things differently, so she told them. Hopefully they will take it on board and change things, if they could and just save one other persons life then it would mean that Helen's death wasn't in vain.

Had to go to the breast clinic yesterday as I have a lump and missed my appointment a couple of weeks ago with all this going on, thankfully they did ultrasound and said that it's nothing to worry about. They are going to send the images off for a second opinion but the woman reassured me she really did think it was nothing. So at least that's one less worry off my mind. x

Helpyourself Sat 30-Nov-13 09:21:50

Sorry I missed your update juney.
Take care, what are your plans for christmas? Will you be with your Mum?

Juneywoony Sun 01-Dec-13 08:42:14

Got my brother staying with me for the weekend which is really nice and doing us some good being together.

Yes I will go up and spend a bit of time with my mum and brother over Christmas. Got my dad and his partner coming to stay for a couple of days at my house too.

Christmas day will be the usual of going to my in laws.

Started crying in town yesterday as this time last year it was me and my sister doing the Christmas shopping together, had to tell the kids I had a bit of tummy ache.

Saw my psych again on Friday which is really good, that's the third time I have seen him since it has happened, I'm so lucky to have such a kind and caring psych. My cpn is still off sick, have seen another in her place a couple of times but it's just not the same. Really do feel though like it is just grief affecting me and not the illness just really hope that it stays that way.

xxxxx

Helpyourself Sun 01-Dec-13 18:52:23

I'm glad your psych is good. Don't worry about your dcs seeing you cry, and why!
flowers

Varya Sun 01-Dec-13 18:57:11

Very sorry to hear this sad news. My husband attempted suicide in 2009.
Depression is a terrible condition and my heart goes out to you as my sister died suddenly in 2007. Hope you can gradually come to terms hard as it is. Varya XXX

Juneywoony Mon 02-Dec-13 05:31:19

Thanks.

Helpyourself I have cried in front of them and told them why so many times now, they were starting to get upset themselves so I just had to say I had tummy ache and take some deep breathes to stop.

Yes Varya depression is such an awful illness, I'm glad your husband was caught in time, must have been a terrible time for you.
I'm sorry you have lost your sister too, xxxx

Unhelpful please know I'm another person thinking of you today xxx

giraffesCantSledge Mon 02-Dec-13 06:21:14

Thinking of you x

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