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health anxiety

(848 Posts)
hopeliss Mon 14-Oct-13 11:18:02

has anybody ever found a cure for health anxiety. it has plagued my life for 7 years and don't see an end to it. awful day today.
ps never been on mumsnet before. sorry if this is the wrong place to raise this.

PeriodFeatures Mon 14-Oct-13 12:05:44

HI, I found a cure for an anxiety disorder i had suffered for about 15 years. It was a generalised anxiety and social anxiety. I was off work with stress and anxiety (again!) and got on google and found The Linden Method.

I was really sceptical but it actually worked. The telephone support is a good addition too.

Good luck.

choclab Mon 14-Oct-13 19:46:19

Another health anx sufferer here ... not easy i go through bad phases one now ...but getting out helps talking helps to ..

monikar Tue 15-Oct-13 10:59:39

For me, health anxiety was part of general anxiety. A few years ago I was particularly bad and worried about my health obsessively. I would check myself constantly - I even got to the stage where I would be checking my breasts in the supermarket - I am not joking, it literally took over my life.

I got a book from the library which helped me. It explained a technique where you retrain your brain to stop anxious thoughts. So in your head, you name 5 things in the room which are red, then 5 which are blue, and so on. You do this when you feel very anxious and want to start checking.

I also found being in the open air helped me - I hate gardening but just working outside for a short time a couple of times a week was helpful. The air above your head is supposed to help the anxiety lift and to a certain extent it did.

Good luck - hope that helps a little.

treaclesoda Tue 15-Oct-13 11:10:25

another sufferer here. Cognitive behavioural therapy and long term medication have helped me lead a more normal life.

choclab Tue 15-Oct-13 18:08:15

Just bought some rescue remedy spray to try anyone els tried it ? had a bad day today back to doctors for reassurance ....

she was lovely went through all my anx and feel a bit more reassured .

comfort to know I'm not the only one who suffers HA

treaclesoda Tue 15-Oct-13 19:16:01

why don't we try to keep this thread going, we can all have a bit of a chat and maybe take some comfort in knowing we're not alone?

monikar Tue 15-Oct-13 19:30:11

choclab I have used rescue remedy drops but not the spray. I found it helped a bit but not as much as I had hoped for.

choclab Tue 15-Oct-13 19:50:55

sounds like a good idea to me treacle soda ...

had some mint tea and some RR drops ....see what happens

treaclesoda Wed 16-Oct-13 10:51:05

how are you all today?

choclab Wed 16-Oct-13 15:18:18

hello , am ok about you ? is health your main anx ? is for me ...

treaclesoda Wed 16-Oct-13 15:22:13

yes, I've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety, but health anxiety is the aspect pI find to be truly crippling when it's bad.

choclab Wed 16-Oct-13 15:24:01

oh ok ,mine is health ...i find when other things going bad in my life this then triggers me to health and then i start checking and so it goes on ....

treaclesoda Wed 16-Oct-13 15:24:29

I also find that if I'm not struggling with worry about my own health that I focus on DH or the kids.

I'm not at my worst at the moment although I had a bad patch a few weeks ago. There is comfort in knowing I'm not alone.

choclab Wed 16-Oct-13 15:30:22

yes there is , i went almost a year with no trip to the doctors smile

although i do go to other clinics for other checks confused

sweetkitty Wed 16-Oct-13 15:41:22

I'm on medication and awaiting CBT for general anxiety and health anxiety. With me it's obsessive stressing about something happening to the DCs, me or DP. It affects my life so much I can hardly drive for fear of crashing hmm

treaclesoda Wed 16-Oct-13 15:48:45

that's horrible for you sweetkitty.

It's such a difficult thing to explain to people, because anyone who doesn't 'get' it just thinks 'well, we all have worries, you just have to put them in proportion'. Which is true. But if it was as easy as that, then that's what I'd do. wink

I put such a lot of time and effort into maintaining a calm exterior. Its exhausting sometimes. Only my DH and a couple of close friends know the true extent of my anxiety.

choclab Wed 16-Oct-13 15:52:27

hello sweetkitty , i to have tried CBT i did find it very good i have various books also that have been helpful i must get them out again as think could do with a look again may help get me on track again , hope you don't have to wait to long for an appointment .

and yes your right treacle , i find other people just don't get it !! i keep a lot to myself and try to work through it myself ....does help though talking to others who feel same

choclab Wed 16-Oct-13 16:01:39

I have to go out now , but will check in later if anyone fancies a chat , bye for now smile

monikar Wed 16-Oct-13 17:31:22

treacle I know what you mean - I put a lot of effort into maintaining a calm exterior too and also find it exhausting. My anxiety is general but I have health anxiety too. I think if you don't suffer from it you can't understand how it takes over everything.

A few years ago I was worried about a mole on my back and my anxiety reached its peak at Christmas. We were visiting family and I remember playing with DD on the floor and thinking about my mole and how I needed to get home to check it again. When I look back on episodes like that I realise that I am better on the health anxiety front now, but it can rear its ugly head at any time.

sweetkitty Wed 16-Oct-13 21:58:05

Oh I have had the mile thing as well, I have a sore back it's cancer of the spine hmm

DP has to text me twice on the way home from work (he has a 40 mile commute) so I know he's ok.

I think one of the reasons I'm so bad is we have no family really there's just DP and I and I am always thinking what would happen to the DCs if something happened to one of us.

choclab Wed 16-Oct-13 21:58:39

i totally understand what you have said , moniker

Hi, how are you all feeling today?

I have health anxiety and am really struggling at the moment. I seem to fixate mostly on one thing at a time and obsess continuously, anyone else? Right now it's my blood pressure, and have just discovered a BP machine in the health centre so I keep walking up there with the buggy to check it. And of course it's always sky high because I am sitting there panicking that it might be high. Ridiculous but I can't stop it.

monikar Fri 18-Oct-13 13:28:42

Yes, with health anxiety I tend to fixate on one problem at a time. Now my anxiety is more general though, I have several worries going at once. Neither situation is good.

Nude that is the trouble with blood pressure - anxiety makes it go higher.

treaclesoda Fri 18-Oct-13 17:36:59

am having a bit of a wobble today, but trying to take deep breaths and try to ride it out.

I think, in trying to overcome my anxiety, that sometimes I go to the opposite end of extreme behaviour. Rather than obsessively checking myself for lumps etc, I'm so terrified of the feel of them that I find myself trying to shower without touching myself (difficult! ) in case I find something. Or shower in the dark, because then I can't see any marks on my skin that might frighten me. Its no better than obsessive checking, its just obsessive avoidance I suppose.

treaclesoda Fri 18-Oct-13 17:38:38

oh, did any of you see on the BBC news today there was a report about health anxiety saying that cognitive behaviour therapy is much more effective than simply assuring a patient that they are not physically ill.

choclab Fri 18-Oct-13 17:56:07

Treacle , i know how you feel what do you do at the moment to try to cope ?
I haven't seen todays news about CBT , i did find it worked for a while , i fine exercise works very well to i train 4x a week running and classes helps i find .

off out to one in a mo ....really tired but will feel better after i hope .

monikar Mon 21-Oct-13 10:01:18

treacle I know what you mean about showering in the dark - when my health anxiety was at its peak I would avoid mirrors as then I couldn't see all the blemishes I kept checking.

How are you feeling today - hope a little better.

choc wow that's a lot of exercise! It is an effort but I find being out in the air really does help - I think it is the feeling of space above my head.

treaclesoda Mon 21-Oct-13 12:54:49

I think I'm in a more positive frame of mind today, thanks for asking.

Went to a really tough exercise class earlier and as choc said, I find that always helps.

treaclesoda Mon 21-Oct-13 12:59:21

how is everyone else today?

BankerMommy2010 Thu 24-Oct-13 03:32:40

Wow. Amazing reading this...I thought I was the only person that worried about my health. .. I obsess about breast cancer and can't check myself for fear of finding something..I get DH to check me now lol. I seem to dip in and out of what I worry about, at the moment its not so much my health its hubbys work... hes busy, has some big jobs going on, we have the normal nightmares of getting people to pay their invoices (hubby is self employed) but I seem to let my worries take over my life, it doesn't matter what I worry about, my head is constantly full of questions which forces me to seek reassurance, which annoys my hubby... I was diagnosed with OCD from a young age, basically the obsession is the worry whatever it might be the compulsion is to check myself or seek reassurance. .. I hate it and have just requested to go back on my tablets as id rather take them than have a head full of rubbish x

treaclesoda Thu 24-Oct-13 08:54:21

you're definitely not alone banker, welcome to the club none of us want to be part of!

monikar Thu 24-Oct-13 11:30:04

Banker welcome to the club smile - as treacle says no-one wants to be part of it, but you will find that everyone understands here. I used to obsess about breast cancer and was checking myself in the supermarket at one point - I also used to go to toilets in shopping centres to check myself there too. My health anxiety is better now and like you, my anxiety is now more general. It's so hard though isn't it - I look at other people and wonder what it must be like to not be worried about everything.

treaclesoda Thu 24-Oct-13 12:51:00

I got a book out of the library today called The Worry Cure. I'll let you all know if I find it useful.

SamU2 Thu 24-Oct-13 13:56:40

I am struggling badly with HA.

I have been to the dentist twice in two days over oral cancer fears.

My GP is sick of me.

I can't find a fucking cure, meds, therapy etc and I am STILL here fighting every day. Two bloody years of this, triggered because my ex husband, the father of three of my children is battling cancer and may not live. I watch my kids go through it, how it has turned their lives upside down and now I am petrified of dying myself. I spend HOURS with a flash light looking down my mouth with a mirror.

This year I have been convinced I have had

Ovary Cancer
Cervical cancer
Oral/ Tongue cancer
Skin cancer
Brain tumour
Tonsil cancer
Heart disease

I just got back from the dentist as I thought I had a hole in my gum and kind of cancer. He very nicely laughed and said I was ok, the hole is still there though but he assured me that if I had something to worry about he would spot it.

I can't enjoy anything as I am just waiting to die. I start a group anxiety thing next month, hope that helps some.

I have slightly high cholesterol, I need to check it again but don't dare, I spent the last check in tears waiting for the results, my diet has been poor because I guess I am depressed with it all now.

I just want one thing, to go to bed, be able to cuddle my husband, maybe have sex without the fear that I will bleed and freak out (never actually bled) and I want a normal conversation without asking him to check me over for signs of cancer. I want a future to look forward to.

Sorry for the downer post but I needed to get it out.

treaclesoda Thu 24-Oct-13 14:21:22

Sam you have my sympathy, and I think all of us on this thread can really identify with your fears.

Medication has been the most effective treatment for me, but I appreciate it's not a one size fits all situation.

I hope your new therapy sessions will be the breakthrough that you need.

monikar Thu 24-Oct-13 14:46:26

Sam sympathy here too - it is so hard isn't it. I'm sure everyone here understands how you are feeling.

I am hoping the group therapy will be helpful for you.


choclab Wed 30-Oct-13 10:32:37

feeling awful today , mind playing tricks with me over throat C fear ....
i could cry trying to hold together as got to go out with DD ...
got another appt tomz with doctor 3rd one in 4 weeks .....need reassurance constantly as mind playing good /bad devil tricks with my mind sure fellow HA sufferers know what i mean ....cant seem to get it out of my head .....

started with indigestion few weeks back , that set me off , now for past weeks constant swallowing and feeling of lump back of throat ...googled ....and that set me off .....went to docs , who said no was anx and gave me stuff for indigestion , which has gone now , but still this feeling or lump /sore ...constant coughing up and checking colour ...then last night gums bleed while brushing does happen sometimes to me , then this morning blood in spit when i cleared throat , I'm praying is left over blood from teeth brushing ....not my throat ...but mind saying is and just in such a spin now panic ....i had full bloods done 4 weeks ago to and a CN125 marker all came back normal so clinging onto the fact if something bad would flag up in bloods ...
thanks for listening sorry such big rant .....
virtual hug needed ....x

shrieklesoda Wed 30-Oct-13 10:53:43

Here is your virtual hug. I'm so sorry you're struggling at the moment.

I have had that lump in the throat feeling before, and in my case it definitely was anxiety. It was a couple of years ago, and I was terrified. I remember being in work and a colleague bringing me a coffee and I went to swallow and just felt this sensation, and the sweat broke out on me, I was so terrified. In my case it was definitely anxiety related, and it subsided after a few weeks, but it was an awful feeling, so I understand your fear.

choclab Wed 30-Oct-13 16:33:18

thank you ....feeli a little calmer been out and haven't had time to think about it till now .....i will go to doctors tomz and go through all my symptoms again .....hope she will be able to put my mind at rest ..

shrieklesoda Wed 30-Oct-13 22:41:48

this organisation have some good resources, I've found them useful in the past.

choclab Thu 31-Oct-13 08:29:05

thank you shrieklesoda have had a look yes very useful .

off to the docs at 10 , no blood this morning , didn't brush teeth last night to see if was throat ...
ears feel poppy and stuffy nose ...
will just go tell her again and see .....
hate this but in my mind the only way to get through this is to get reassurance from the doctor ..... sad hmm

choclab Thu 31-Oct-13 12:57:43

Back now , doc doesn't think i have TC , and all anx based , examined me again checked ears very blocked so having them suringed next week got some nasal drops for nose in mornings that may help but thinks all Health anx related ...offered me some beta blockers to help me relax ...i said would think about it ....

feel bit calmer now i think hmm....

shrieklesoda Thu 31-Oct-13 15:41:14

This not a medical opinion, I'm not a doctor, it's just the opinion of a fellow sufferer. But I think the problem with getting reassurance from the Dr is that it's all so temporary. It helps for a day or two, and then you find yourself feeling yet another pain/ache/sensation and the whole cycle starts again. Or at least I know that's how I find myself feeling anyway.

choclab Thu 31-Oct-13 17:07:22

this is true ....this is my 3rd trip to the doctors in 6 weeks .....

monikar Fri 01-Nov-13 12:11:08

choc so sorry to hear you are struggling. How are things today?

choclab Thu 07-Nov-13 20:53:27

not good today ...

treaclesoda Fri 08-Nov-13 09:05:57

sorry I didn't see this after you posted choclab. Are things any better this morning? Were you able to get some sleep?

choclab Fri 08-Nov-13 17:34:40

its ok , not good today either , went back to docs as yesterday had another bit blood in spit /flem in morning sent me in to a spin .....googled and now in panic ....
didn't happen this morning so felt a bit calmer .....
went to docs just now , and again she doesn't think its TC ...maybe sinus or rinatus ...sorry can't spell i get blocked nose in morning initially then cough up a bit blow nose then better ...ears full of wax so getting them syringed tuesday .....maybe things will flow bit better once I'm wax free .....
but she is going to refer me to ENT clinic to have light and camera down throat and a chest x ray ......she did stress this was more for MY peace of mind not that she thinks something sinister guess thats hopeful [ hmm]
im 41 non smoker did dable late 20s but never really took to it thank goodness ....
has anyone els had similar symptoms ? or camera thing not sure of name , not an endoscopy though that goes further down into stomach ....
im terrified of it all and the results ....... sad

treaclesoda Fri 08-Nov-13 19:17:24

Its a vicious circle isn't it? I totally understand your anxiety, I really get it. If I go to the GP (which I rarely do, as I'm too terrified) it doesn't matter what the outcome is, I come away stressed. If he says 'all is fine, nothing to worry about' I come away worried that he has missed something. If he says 'I'm referring you to a specialist to put your mind at rest' I come away thinking 'he secretly thinks I'm ill, otherwise he wouldn't send me'.

Its a total no win.

Is your GP understanding of your anxiety?

choclab Fri 08-Nov-13 19:59:09

exactly that treacle....really is ....!!! glad to hear someone feels same as me ......think I'm going mad at times ...

yes she's very nice wants me to go on AD or peta blockers to help me relax bit more .....i haven't as yet as i try other ways but this blip i must say has me in bits and I cantt focus on much els till get checked ou t .. :-/

treaclesoda Fri 08-Nov-13 20:54:02

medication for this has changed my life choc. It has gone some way to allowing me to be a 'normal' functioning human being. I know tablets can have side effects, and no one wants to take tablets in an ideal world, but honestly, what have you to lose? If you broke your arm, you wouldn't just wait for it to heal itself, you'd have treatment. Its the same thing really, there is no shame in needing medication, just because its something you can't see.

choclab Fri 08-Nov-13 21:41:16

yea i know that does make sense just scared of side effects ....
also i think I'm ok and have it all in control on good times days weeks ...
think its gone ...
then wham .....a slight thing and I'm back there feeling like this .. sad

mi worse self checking when i have other issues going on in life , upset etc ....this has ben the case for last months ....and still is so this isn't helping .....cant talk to many or anyone really glad to talk on here ...thnak you for listening ...hope your ok ....

treaclesoda Fri 08-Nov-13 22:12:36

I'm not too bad at the moment, going through quite a good phase, but its always there lurking beneath the surface, and can rear its head at any time.

I'm always happy to have a chat though, I completely understand your fears.

thanks look after yourself.

choclab Sat 09-Nov-13 10:29:19

thank you treacle , really do appreciate that , sill feeling low and worried today trying to focus on other things as got to wait for appt which i doubt will be very soon the mean time got to try keep this anx and worry in some kind of order as by time i do go will be in a right state ...wish could go today get it checked out ....feel like on hold now till the appt and test are done sad ....

no blood this morning so hoping thats good sign , till tomz then i check again ...and had all bloods done 6 weeks ago and all came back normal so clinging on to the fact if something sinister surly something would show in blood tests hmm, and had the CN125 i think is called C marker test came back normal , thyroid , liver , kidneys full blood count ... normal ...

glad your ok at the moment , please feel fee to off load if want to , i may be able to help ...or comfort you to ... thanks again

monikar Sat 09-Nov-13 14:07:18

choc sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment. I have had the blood in the spit thing and it worried me silly. A few years ago I had a bad cold and it developed into a cough and then every day for about 3 weeks I had blood in my spit. There was not a lot but it was there every single morning and occasionally a bit more later in the day. The gp said that TC was very unusual in a non-smoker of my age (I was in my late thirties at the time) and that any part of the body that has suffered any infection or injury will bleed. It did stop but it was extremely worrying at the time.


choclab Sat 09-Nov-13 16:43:51

hi moniker thank you for sharing your worry , a comfort to know I'm not alone ....
i am worried sick to be honest being home not helping not at work as keep swallowing a lot and checking spit (sorry TMI) this has only happened twice so far hmm and in morning just have to see .....

i can't help but think the worst ...

how are you at mo hope ok x

monikar Sat 09-Nov-13 17:00:12

choc I think the constant checking is the worst thing because you can't think of anything else. Mine was mostly in the morning too.

I am ok at the moment thank you, but as treacle says it can rear its ugly head at any time.

All your tests so far being clear are a very good sign though.

choclab Sat 09-Nov-13 17:07:02

thank you yes I'm hopeful all will be ok .. , and yes self checking not good ...i just can't seem to stop myself ...
really glad to hear you are ok at the mo smile

i have private health insurance so am hoping appt won't take to long as doc did say if not could be after christmas !! shock i really can't wait that long i would never cope through christmas ....

monikar Sat 09-Nov-13 17:54:36

If you have private health insurance you will be seen in a couple of weeks at the most.

I know what you mean about not being able to stop the checking. I think that is one of the worst things about health anxiety - the constant checking. It's just awful isn't it?

choclab Sat 09-Nov-13 18:13:34

yes it is ....its compulsory i find ..i just can't stop I'm swallowing constantly and checking spit ....which is making it all worse I'm sure ......its like good bad devil on my shoulder saying your ok stop it ...the other saying no no you def got C ....your going to D ...i know that sounds over the top but this is how bad it gets at times ..... hate it !!

SamU2 Sat 09-Nov-13 22:33:50

Hi you lot smile

I haven't been around as I was trying to see if taking a break from reading about HA would help. It didn't ;)

I was a bit stupid, on monday I had an HIV test. I pretty much woke up one day two weeks ago thinking I had it.

The GUM clinic were awesome, instead of making me wait 10 days they marked it as urgent for me and I got the results the next day, which of course were negative smile

So, I had a few good days. Woke up this morning and noticed that I still have this red scar thing in my hairline. I had bad acne there at one point and had this scar thing for well over 8 months now. It is flat, faded red and perfectly round. DH said it was from the awful spot I picked but I keep thinking skin cancer. He said if it was skin cancer it would be weeping, bleeding and growing, this has been the same for months and came up after the massive spot I had.

Trying not to let it get on top of me.

I had a week long sickness bug so had no medication in me for that long. Messed with me a bit.

Lots of posts since I last replied. Much strength to you all while we try to fight this horrible illness.

monikar Sun 10-Nov-13 09:44:21

Welcome back Sam it sounds as though you are going through a rough time at the moment. The red scar you describe does sound like just a scar - if it was in the same place as a bad spot and now is red and flat that that definitely sounds like a scar to me. If you have suffered from acne in the past then it is possible that your skin will scar badly.


choclab Sun 10-Nov-13 19:27:31

Hi sam , scar damage can look red for ages after spot could try bio oil on it as thats good for them .....hope your feeling bit better today .

choclab Mon 11-Nov-13 18:02:24

How is everyone today ?

Im ok ish , still checking and thinking .....having ears syringed tomz so hoping once done will feel bit more comfy as crackly and popping a lot ..hoping that things will drain better with sinuses as blocked this morning again ...using my nasal spray and think is helping .....

anyway hope your all ok smile

monikar Tue 12-Nov-13 13:11:34

choc ok at the moment thank you smile .

I expect the syringing will make things a lot better for you. As your sinuses are blocked up too, your spit problems are most likely to be linked in with that too. Pleased you are ok ish.

WipsGlitter Tue 12-Nov-13 13:50:24

Hi everyone, I get health anxiety. It started after I had my first child and I got it under control but it came back this summer. I've had lots of test so rationally I know there is nothing wrong but I am still worrying. I am under a lot of stress with other things (work, money, kids - the usual) so I think it is making it worse. I have been feeling generally anxious over the past few days as well.

I don't want to go to the doctors, I was given citalopram the last time but only took it for a week as it made me feel utterly dreadful!

It's nice to know I am not alone!

choclab Wed 13-Nov-13 21:46:52

Hi all , thanks moniker , sadly didn't go to well with syringing blocked to do so got to go back friday , she tried using this water type jet gun warm water , felt quite nice but said both ears so blocked need to do drops for longer .....felt so dizzy after attempt ....didnt like that and haven't felt to good today either bit panicy ...but think its due to the ears as bit whizzy at times ...
still got the swallowing thing , nose seems to belittle better with the nasal spray but still coughing up bit white cloudy stuff and swallowing lots having a panic about that thinking its puss in throat from TC ... sad no more Blood in spit so thats good i guess .....
sorry bit of a rant ......cant talk to anyone so letting it off on here ..oops

Hello wipsglitter , sorry to hear your feeling anx at the moment to , feel free to share , i find it helps talking on here to others that understand how this anxiety can make you feel .
hopefully we will all have better day tomz .

thanks for listening x

monikar Thu 14-Nov-13 11:49:52

choc Sorry to hear that the syringing didn't go well and feeling dizzy like that is horrible. Let's hope that tomorrow you have better luck after doing the drops for another couple of days. The white cloudy stuff if probably from the infection you have had - I can have this for several weeks after a cold or cough. I don't think it is puss from TC - I suspect that would be more yellow. Being nervous makes me swallow a lot. Good news that there is no more blood in your spit - that must have settled down. Feel free to let it all out on here - I know what you mean about people not understanding, but everyone on here does.

Wips Welcome. I think that is the trouble with health anxiety, just when you think you have it under control it comes back to surprise you again. It is grim isn't it?

choclab Thu 14-Nov-13 20:44:49

Hi monikar , thank you for reply , still feeling very anx ....did read up on nasal drip thing and does sound similar to what i have ,felt a little calmer till i read ....if blood in it go to doc for further investigation that set me off again ....
no blood again this morning so thats good i still hope ...
going tomz for another go at ears , really plating up now can hear myself crunch eat etc ...horrid ...
so I'm hoping will get done tomz and will feel better and who knows maybe will cure my throat stuf thing to ...

hows every one els?
you ok Monikar ?....
does help talking on hear thank you again for listening ....will let you know how i get on tomz ....

monikar Fri 15-Nov-13 15:27:44

choc I'm ok at the moment thank you smile . How did you get on at the appointment for your ears today?

choclab Fri 15-Nov-13 16:04:31

hi , glad your ok :-)

just back from work , appt after 5 ...
feeling awful , in pain as ears hurting tired and feeling fluy a little wondering if i have a infection in ear that could be making this all so bad ...
really bad this morning reached up flem stuff (no blood ) and nose blocked ...

feeling so worried as sore throat thing again just feel generally run down ....
going into panic as still convinced TC .... sad

really hope that can do the ears this time....wishing i was feeling more positive and better ...

sorry huge irrational rant ....but feeling so low ...

treaclesoda Fri 15-Nov-13 17:21:43

yes, it is irrational, but that's why its health anxiety, so don't worry about it. If we were all rational about our health, it wouldn't be causing us such problems.

Please offload here if it makes you feel better, we all understand, we really do.

choclab Fri 15-Nov-13 17:52:27

awe thank you treclesoda , you don't know how lovely that is to hear .....i really am in a bad place ....cant seem to figure it all out and could do with some virtual hand holding .... sad

just back from nurse ....could only unblock 1 ear as other still so compact to carry on with drops and go back monday !!! huffff

and she said no infection , so i am now further worries about throat mucus stuff still as was kind of banking on infection and that would then explain all my problems .....

so there i am another weekend checking and worrying .....

so glad can write on here family and friends think I'm crazy I'm sure ....
thank you for listening x

choclab Fri 15-Nov-13 17:54:36

so sorry ranting on about myself are you treacle ? hope your ok ..

treaclesoda Fri 15-Nov-13 17:59:10

I'm not too bad for myself, but my anxiety extends to my family as well, and I've got myself a bit worked up about my DH. Basically he has just been a bit grumpy recently. He is working a lot of overtime and our DS is going through the terrible twos pretty terribly, and is not easy to deal with, but DH just seems to be snappy and grumpy. Minor stuff really, nothing sinister. But anyway, of course I get this nagging thing in the back of my head where I remember about a woman I know whose husband died of a brain tumour and the first symptom he showed was being quick tempered when it was out of character. My head tells me not to be stupid, but you know how it is...

choclab Fri 15-Nov-13 18:08:21

awe ....sounds like he's prob tired and a little stressed because of the overtime and extra work maybe ....maybe a relaxing weekend is in order for you both ..any nice plans ?
terrible 2s i remember them well .....very hard at times ...


choclab Fri 15-Nov-13 21:19:57

not great burst into tears to DH as really worried ...had a tiny really really tiny tiny spec blood clearing flem ...with that i was in tears ....
can't sam to calm myself about this and know its goig to go round in my head till i get checked out by ENT ....
googled ....frightened myself ..i know i shouldn't ...
but then googled NHS one on TC and i don't have all symptoms ...and does say more likely over 60s etc ...but still I'm juggling with good bad devil on my shoulder ......

calm me virtual hug would be most welcome as DH thinks I'm nuts and really as he tries i know ...doesnt get how i feel ....


treaclesoda Fri 15-Nov-13 21:57:10

thanks and brew and a virtual hug. Right here and now, is there anything you can do that you enjoy even for an hour? Favourite comedy programme to watch? Really good book to lose yourself in? Anything that could just distract you for a short time?

gaelicsheep Fri 15-Nov-13 22:06:55

Hi everyone. I've just read through the thread. I've just been diagnosed with generalised anxiety, which often manifests as health anxiety in particular. Lots of worries in my life at the moment which aren't helping. I'm starting CBT soon which I'm praying will help because I can't go on like this.

I won't keep participating in the thread though, because I'll start thinking I've got all the things that you all think you've got! But hope you all get through this in your own way. (hugs)

choclab Sat 16-Nov-13 05:56:43

woke with such sore throat , feeling very anx now could cry worried, just got to wait for appt to come ....but in the mean time I'm like this
throat got worse than before since i started nose spray (stopped last 3 days as thought was making it sore ) and had ears looked at Tuesday and attempt to clear wax.....going back monday for other one .....

now considering def is TC as got worse ,....i mean what els could it be ... sad will chase up monday after work if nothing in post .....
sorry morning scary rant but just got to let it out ....

keep holding on to the fact doc didn't think was saw her 4 x in a month , all bloods came back normal 7 weeks ago now hmm....

sorry huge wobbly rant ....

Tash28 Sat 16-Nov-13 06:34:22

Literally been in tears reading this post.

I had my ds 6 months ago, the pregnancy was awful, I had a cervical cancer scare and was convinced that dh was going to die before the birth. There was an incident where there was a motorway crash in the bad snowy weather and we did the same route but 15 mins apart, the crash was where he would have been if that makes sense. I knew it was a similar vehicle and in the middle of a huge traffic jam had a massive panic attack. I literally mourned his death in those 40 mins where I couldn't get hold of him. Thankfully it wasn't.

I can't say what's been a trigger, I don't necessarily think it was the cancer scare, me and dh were made redundant within a week of each other. We had sold our house but hadn't found another so were effectively homeless until a week after the baby was born.

This culminated in the birth of ds. I had a placental abruption. I had convinced myself I was going to die in labour so I genuinely thought that was it.

Now I panic all the time, at least 6 times a day the thought of me and/or dh dying occurs and I then get anxiety for what would happen to ds. I'm convinced that there's something wrong with me because I don't feel right, headaches, dizzy, tiredness. You know general new mum niggles that I've turned into life threatening illnesses.

It's funny because my dh has been really arsey (not really anything new) but then I keep thinking its a tumor!!!

Sorry for the war and peace post but it's been a bit of a release to see that this is something and that I'm not alone and drowning in a sea of bloody death thoughts.

choclab Sat 16-Nov-13 08:59:10

hi Tash , sorry to hear your feeling like this to , the dizziness comes with anxiety and panic i would think , iv had all types of those symptoms with anxiety, in super markets in particular time i just abandoned my trolly and had to leave ...i don't go to big super markets alone at all now , i just go to smaller ones and that i know the complete lay out of the store ,and that has helped .

everyone has been lovely on here so feel free to off load as i do find it a comfort knowing I'm not the only one with anxiety attacks ..

hope today is a better day for us all

treaclesoda Sat 16-Nov-13 11:26:59

tash you are definitely not alone, and I hope you take some comfort in knowing there are others.

choc ok, can you try to think about this in reverse maybe? In 7 weeks you would have deteriorated a lot if you had tc? And I know you haven't got better, but you haven't got significantly worse either?

monikar Sat 16-Nov-13 11:28:47

choc sorry to hear you are still struggling - I must tell you this though. My friend has been to her gp with blocked nose and ears, coughing, spitting up mucous and has put up with it for a few weeks. He has said she has an allergy up her nose which apparently is possible at any time of year and has prescribed a nose spray for her to use to calm the symptoms down. It could be possible that your symptoms are allergy related and that would account for the mucous. Hope you have a better day today.

treacle I remember the terrible twos as well and it was very tough.

Tash Welcome smile - everyone hear understands what you are experiencing. I remember when DD was a baby I felt so achy all the time I was convinced there was something awful wrong with me - I had a very sensible book which said that before you become a mum who are not used to lugging round a baby plus all the changing bags and kit and it was most likely to be that. It is a worrying time though when you have a new baby. The dizziness you describe is most likely to be tension - like choc says, when I was at one of my most anxious times I would feel dizzy in supermarkets and often had to lean on the trolley to steady myself. I don't know what it is about big shops that would set me off but I think it is a common problem. Feel free to unload on here as we all understand.

choclab Sat 16-Nov-13 11:39:49

thanks , I'm in a real state can't seem to stop crying ....just coughed up and tiny bit with streaks of blood in flem ... sorry ...
just had referral letter to see doctor about it not for 2 weeks ....and doesn't say if indeed anything will be checked or done ..just the appt ....

i know its not to long but will feel like years if this goes on .... what should i do .....

trying to see positives but struggling right now sorry ...

MissBetseyTrotwood Sat 16-Nov-13 13:01:35

Mine's back.

DS2 is ill. Life stops and I become unable to function properly or think about anything else.

treaclesoda Sat 16-Nov-13 16:44:42

choc yoga? out for a run? I know you've said before that exercise helps.

choclab Sat 16-Nov-13 19:00:02

yes treacle your prob right ...just haven't felt like it at all ..
sorry for rant ....a little calmer tonight kids keeping me busy and we are all watching Arthur Christmas trying to distract myself ...

hopefully will sleep tonight and tomz be a better less anx day ...i can do no more than iv done i guess hmm .... and getting further checks to see whats going on ...just wish was tomorrow...

hope your ok ?

monikar Sat 16-Nov-13 22:00:58

choc sorry you are having such a rough time at the moment - do you have much planned for the next two weeks? The trouble is with health anxiety is that it is all-consuming and I find that when I am bad I literally cannot focus on anything else. I am hoping that after your appointment you will feel a little reassured and will start to feel better.


treaclesoda Sat 16-Nov-13 22:25:39

I'm ok thanks, I'm going through a reasonably good phase at the moment, but I'm still keen to hang out here because 1) when I have a wobble you all understand and 2) hopefully I can reassure you that there is hope. I spent a full four years in a state of utter panic and doom before I got help, I thought that would be what the rest of my life would be like. (Of course, I also thought that the rest of my life was only about six months maximum wink but that's the nature of the beast). Anyway, here I am, not too bad, so I want you to know that there is hope.

choclab Sun 17-Nov-13 08:34:08

thanks treacle glad your ok , I'm ok , still so bunged up nose this morning , and sore throat , coughed up a bit stuff , no bloods as yet out though with DH and kids in a bit so will take mind off it all for just a while , but least out of house and busy ....

check in later ...hope everyone els ok today x

choclab Mon 18-Nov-13 15:09:24

off back to doctors later to get ear syringed i hope and see another doctor about my throat , still so sore feel rough ...really hope can help me , reassure me as totally convinced i have TC now sad as voice sounds rough and sore throat , the only thing slightly different since having one ear syringed friday is I'm not coughing up as much stuff in the day ....stll blocked nose start of day as i wake as lying down i guess all night , sneezing in day today to ....

just want to feel better and reassured ....iv tried look in my mouth with light but can't see much ....but yet feels so sore ......

anyone to hold my hand again ...

treaclesoda Mon 18-Nov-13 21:12:11

how did you get on? feeling any calmer?

choclab Mon 18-Nov-13 21:57:08

hi treacle , hope your ok ? well was a better trip i must say , saw really nice other doctor who was lovely , really took time so i went through all my worries and how i was feeling now , she could tell by my voice how sore my throat is ....and looked said was very red and glands up and give me ABs and said sounded all sinus related which she said the ABs she given me will really help all of it , i asked her if she though was TC and she really reassured me she really doesn't think is at all ... so that was good to hear smile
so 2 doctors saying that so i guess they could be right .....

got other ear syringed so thats done ....
and managed to get tomz off work as really feel rough and can hardly talk so managed to get cover for my day looking forward to resting tomz .....

do feel bit calmer tonight for first time in ages ...hope will sleep better to ....
hows everyone els , how you today treacle ?

treaclesoda Tue 19-Nov-13 13:22:21

excellent news, when the anti biotics kick in, you'll be like a new woman smile

I'm ok, although haven't been sleeping well, so just feeling a bit knackered!

monikar Tue 19-Nov-13 13:43:33

choc Pleased your appointment went so well that is good news smile. As treacle says, once the antibiotics start working you will feel so much better. Hope you are getting some rest today.

choclab Tue 19-Nov-13 15:38:20

thank you both , and for listening to me in my hour of need over the past days really does help being able to talk on here and the support thanks

the ABs 500mg so quite strong feeling a little better now, throat not so sore and lovely to be able to swallow a little easier i can tell you ..and nose streaming so all coming out i hope , felt bit sick after taking the one this morning but it has passed .... presume cos so strong and first thing in morning little food ...i get like that with vitamins ...been in bed almost all day (very strange ) and managed some sleep so fingers crossed will be better still tomz ...

hope your ok , and you get some better sleep tonight treacle ..

monikar Wed 20-Nov-13 09:09:56

choc Pleased you are feeling a bit better, that is good news smile .

I think it is best if you can take AB with food - it doesn't have to be anything huge, just half a slice of bread would be fine. It is being on an empty stomach that makes you feel sick.

How do you feel today?

choclab Wed 20-Nov-13 15:34:23

yes think your right about the food , am ok today had to work but feel shattered now , still very bunged up but throat better than monday ,
stomach so bloated but guess could be ABs causing that ...hmm
just hope will all be back normal once i finnish ABs ...

little bit anx i won't be ...but thats prob cos I'm tired and feeling bit low ...
still going to go for the appt in 2 weeks time ..

how are you today ? hope ok ....
How are you treacle ? hope your ok to ..

off to light the fire and start to cook chicken stew for tea fav ...then early night again i think ...

choclab Wed 20-Nov-13 16:32:33

got x ray appt next tuesday ....

choclab Wed 20-Nov-13 20:56:03

having a wobble again , saw something on tv about lung C , coughing up blood in flem ....frightened me and throat still sore ...but better than was on monday ...but still not normal ...
still worried something bad is going on ....

got my chest x ray tuesday then the camera thing following tuesday , what if after these ABs i still not back normal ?
sorry just feeling bit low tonight ....just want to feel well again ..
and stop this worrying ......

Milkhell Wed 20-Nov-13 22:11:30

Severe HA sufferer here. Also GAD. And PND. Happy fellow me...

Anyway I'm getting a brain scan. Do all HA sufferers eventually reach this rather dark place? When all that's left the scan is your actual brain?

WipsGlitter Thu 21-Nov-13 14:15:03

I saw a lovely consultant privately who was so kind and nice that he helped put my fears about a brain tumor to rest. He also gave me. Follow up NHS appointment.

It's very hard but I find it easier when I'm out and about. Lying in bed is the worst time, meaning I sleep badly, then feel shit and then start worrying.

I was thinking about my HA this morning and I'm surprised I don't actually go to the doctors more!! I think rationally it know there's nothing wrong and that keeps me going. Plus I tend to keep things inside anyway.

choclab Thu 21-Nov-13 15:54:03

Glad you found a nice consultant to help and listen , health anx is horrid i can wake up be ok , then something will trigger me, on tv or in magazine or someone talking about someone ...sets me off , i don't now buy magazines or papers , and if someone starts to walkabout someone will illness i stop them and say i cant hear it un less good out come ....and i switch of if on tv ...i can't now watch coronation st because of the storyline with H , just set me off again , or when or what has made my brain now react like this ?.....i never used to be like this .....will i ever see things differently ........
anyone els get this to ....

choclab Thu 21-Nov-13 15:55:21

i meant *talk about and *with illness ..oops

treaclesoda Thu 21-Nov-13 18:03:18

choc when I was at my worst I thought everything was a sign. So if someone was collecting money in the street for eg ovarian cancer then I'd convince myself there was a reason why I was in that place at that time and saw that person, and it must mean I had the illness, and one day I'd be telling people about my diagnosis and saying 'it was only when I was in the shopping centre and saw the lady collecting and she had a leaflet with symptoms, and that's when I suspected...' etc. Same if I saw a magazine or newspaper article, or something on tv. Of course, it didn't have to be ovarian cancer, could have been anything.

Like you, I don't buy newspapers or magazines, just to be on the safe side. Well, I buy magazines about home decor, or craft or something, things where I can be sure I won't see the C word wink

choclab Thu 21-Nov-13 18:47:08

comfort to know I'm not only one , i look at front cover and see first but i generally only get soap magazines or my running one ..

its awful really to be like this how do others just take it in thee stride and not react like we do ?
wonder if will ever change , think the older i get the worst will be as things happen as u get older .sad

choclab Fri 22-Nov-13 15:57:12

having a bad day ....feeling rough still so bunged up nose and throat little sore as coughing so much i think , but seem to have this kind of thing going on with breath kind of comes and goes , the only way i can describe it it like when u walk through hair spray with your mouth open , if youv ever sprayed your hair then seem to have inhaled it by accident ....
well like that kind of taste .....i don't think I'm wheezy but not sure ....
really worried something els , really think something wrong with throat or lungs ...convinced infact and got myself in a real worry .....
still on ABs till monday am a lot better but not as well as id hoped ....
could all theses weeks of throat flem etc just be sinus or throat infection ....
sorry seem to lost the plot today , can't talk to anyone ....was in tears at work today couldn't say why ...

got X-ray on tuesday then thing down throat following week .....

hand holding required please if poss ..

hope everyone els is better than me ...

treaclesoda Fri 22-Nov-13 21:11:41

sorry, have been out all day so haven't been here for hand holding. But am here now!

Does it help at all to think of all the things you've been convinced were wrong with you in the past but turned out not to be? That sometimes helps me, reminding myself that I've been wrong so many times in the past. If I was wrong all those times about being seriously ill, its perfectly reasonable to think I might be wrong this time too.

treaclesoda Fri 22-Nov-13 21:14:38

also that taste in your mouth, the horrible metallic bitter taste? I'm nearly sure that's from your sinuses, when you think of all the gunk that's in there, infected, draining into your throat and mouth, its logical that it would leave a horrible taste.

choclab Fri 22-Nov-13 22:02:19

thanks treacle , now youv said that about the sinus stuff that could be it ...didnt think that would make a taste in mouth but guess could be ....
am so bunged up reaching to clear throat at times it gets back of my throat ...nasty sorry (tmi)
will feel better i hope once iv had both tests done ...keep trying to look on positive as seen 2 docs both said same things trying to cling to that ....just seems to have been going on for so long ...

how are you today ? hope your ok and had a nice day ?
what are you up to over weekend ?

its my DH Bday tomz so going to go to pics all of us together then bite to eat out all being well that will be nice ...
thank you again for support means a great deal one els has a clue round me ....dont think would understand ..i find it baffling myself at times how i came to be like this ..hmm

WasWats Sat 23-Nov-13 17:36:28

I have dreadful HA too. I am utterly afraid of life atm and am really not living. I am convinced I have breast cancer / stomach cancer cancer cancer.

I finally went on Lexapro 5 weeks ago. Ironically the side effects are all physical ie weight loss and sore boobs. I am all over the place on it. My GP says to hang on and keep going for 8 weeks, that it can get worse before it gets better but it is hard.

However, I have done 5 I can and will keep going.

I hate this bloody thing and there are very few people you can really talk to it about. I go to a psychotherapist every week but really felt sick and tired of the HA so meds were my last stop

treaclesoda Sat 23-Nov-13 17:51:12

afraid of life, that's exactly it. I had this sort of lightbulb moment a while back when I looked at my elderly parents and thought 'if I live to their age, but I spend it worrying like this, I will truly have worried my life away'. I just knew I couldn't go on.

Medication and cbt have worked for me to a certain extent, but it still lurks.

Milkhell Sat 23-Nov-13 18:27:22

Yep. Afraid to be alive. That's it.

choclab Sun 24-Nov-13 12:31:42

How is everyone today ?

hope having a better day ....

im ok ish ....was good to get out yesterday def out of the house a different perspective .....
today am ok for now .. last full day of ABs still bunged up but little better i think hmm am i right in thinking that ABs still carry on working after you have stopped them ? think someone told me that at some point they are in your system ...


Milkhell Sun 24-Nov-13 13:07:53

I've got a pain in my groin...

What is it? Ovarian cancer of course - or the mole that's on my groin developing a deep rooted tumour.


Thanks for asking choclab. Hope you guys don't mind me joining you.

choclab Sun 24-Nov-13 16:27:14

hello milkhell no please do join , hope your feeling it better now .

hope everyone els is ok to

monikar Sun 24-Nov-13 16:45:15

Milkhell Welcome smile

choc I think antibiotics are in your system for a couple of days after you stop taking them.

choclab Sun 24-Nov-13 18:14:46

ok , just wondered as stop mine tomz and still not right hmm are you moniker ?

yes welcome milkhell smile

choclab Mon 25-Nov-13 08:11:33

oh dear ..just when i thought things were ok .....this morning looked in mouth under tongue ....where that skin bit joining bottom to the actual tongue ....(looks like turkey neck ) theres a blood spot i think looks like dark blood scab shock tried to get off with finger but won't ....oh god what could that be sad I'm close to tears and googling .....
could it be burst vessel then healing over ????
blowing nose a lot and streaky blood come out of one nostril yesterday ...dark in colour presuming vessel .....
im so feed up with this anx at a high today ...can anyone help me ....i have to go to work but know will be stressing all day and worried ...and can't tell anyone .... sad ...

anyone had similar ? or could it be Mouth C .........not sure if its a place i may have caught or bitten ...unlikly as where it it ....hmm should i rush to docs dentist ......

feeling so worried now and sick .....just had enough sad

Milkhell Mon 25-Nov-13 10:00:44

Choclab. When I'm feeling like this I do my best to think of all the other cancers I've 'had' and the ultimate result ( ie not had it - even when I've had actual links and bumps.)

Maybe try and write a list?

How are you feeling now?

monikar Mon 25-Nov-13 12:06:53

choc I'm ok at the moment thank you. Sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment. I have had the blood spot under my tongue as you describe - I looked under my tongue as it felt like a mouth ulcer. I don't know what caused it but it took about 2 weeks to go completely, each day it looked a little bit less.

When is your appointment - you could mention it then. Honestly though, mine cleared up by itself and it is extremely likely yours will too. When you look tomorrow, it will have gone down a bit I'm sure.


treaclesoda Mon 25-Nov-13 16:09:12

I've been doing well recently and now I'm having a wobble sad

Accidentally read a report on BBC website about Vinnie Jones being treated for skin cancer. Can't imagine why I read it as he's not someone I'm interested in, but read it I did. And it said something along the lines of 'I had what I thought was a blackhead, or wart or something, but it turned out to be malignant melanoma'. Now, that's a new one on me as I thought it was only moles that I needed to worry about. Anyway, my mind turns to my dh who has a little blemish on his face that won't go away...and its daft because its been there for months now, but it hasn't got any bigger etc but it doesn't stop me freaking out about him.

And today, presumably because I've been worrying, I've got the 'lump in the throat' feeling. But of course in the back of my mind I'm thinking something much worse. blush

choclab Mon 25-Nov-13 17:48:51

Hi everyone ...thank you for replying , I'm ok ish, the blood thing has come off ..yay !! can only presume i must have caught it from food or something as can see slight red scratch ....hmm so maybe i caught it and it bleed and that was it.... but i was in bits this morning i must say ...sad
home now and throat still so very sore , finished Abs , and still feels sore not as sore as last week but not right , swallowing a lot as anx making it worse i know , i am totally convinced i have some kind of Throat C sad as why would still be in pain after ABs ? what els can you get in throat when sore symptoms .....
i know that I'm not presenting with the typical signs and a non smoker but can't seem to stop myself thinking the worse ..sad ....

week tomz i have the camera thing close to xmas I'm not sure how i will take bad news I really don't ...

Oh treacel- this is one of my other biggest fears , aim freckly and many moles so get checked every 6 months (at my own request ) they say can leave a year but i don't , they say to me to watch for change check maybe once a month , something like that would set me off in a spin also , i have sun damage blemish on my face and I'm on constant watch, i have even taken pics of my face to see change and yes over years they have spread out but at the clinic they say all r ok ...think as we get older we do get things on face try not to worry , does your DH know your worried about it ?

sucking a throat sweet now feels a bit better ...
be on later if anyone wants off load x

treaclesoda Wed 27-Nov-13 07:47:26

I told him I was worried and asked him to go to the Dr, and to my surprise he agreed that he would - his father has had skin cancer so that's probably in the back of his mind. The thing is, now I'm really worried. He hasn't been to the Dr for over 12 years, so the fact he is agreeing to go has me sick with worry, even though it's me who wants him to go confused

choclab Wed 27-Nov-13 08:47:15

Awe treacle hope your ok , has your DH got an appt ? i know its so hard this worrying ....feel for you , but good he wants to get checked out as many men just leave things ....

i know you won't rest till he's had it checked , so hand holding on offer for you here if needed ... (((hug))) x

treaclesoda Wed 27-Nov-13 10:00:34

No, he hasn't made an appointment yet. He says if it doesn't clear away by next week he will make one then. But its been there for weeks and weeks, so its hardly going to disappear in the next week. Gah. I just want him to go and get it over with. He does say I'm being silly though...

choclab Wed 27-Nov-13 11:25:37

what does it look like , as iv said before i to have sun damage spots on my face like big freckles , discolouration of skin,was booked to have laser done last week but i chickened out as was scared .. as getting older they can come out more ...but until checked you will worry as you will be on constant watch ....
could you make an appt for him ? or would he go mad at you ...sometimes these men need us to take control of it for them if you see what i mean DH had a lump close to breast and i said he should go get checked he said no , but then later i said any lumps should be checked male or female and he then made an appt and he acctually asked me to go with him in the end ..... all was fine was just thickening muscle but least we knew and could stop worrying ...

maybe tonight he will have changed his mind after some thought through the day and want to go for piece of mind ..


treaclesoda Wed 27-Nov-13 11:48:04

Basically at first it looked like a blackhead, and of course, he couldn't resist poking at it. But then it never really went away, and he keeps getting sort of dry, tough skin in that spot, and then he picks at it, and then it bleeds, and then it comes back, and then he picks at it, and then it bleeds. I mean, logically I know that its more likely to be some sort of scar than anything else. But its sort of at the top of his forehead, and over the years he has had a few sunburns over the top of his forehead (he is pretty good about wearing sunscreen, but sometimes gets caught out on a day that looked cloudy) and his skin is pale, so of course I'm panicking. It doesn't look like a mole or anything, really more like a blemish of sorts, and I wouldn't have given it much thought if it wasn't for reading that bloody article on the website at the weekend. sad

choclab Wed 27-Nov-13 18:37:16

how are you feeling now treacle .....

treaclesoda Wed 27-Nov-13 19:03:39

a bit crap sad but I've been worse.


choclab Wed 27-Nov-13 19:43:22

oh dear ...has DH said anymore about it ?
im ok , had x ray today so got to wait for results ..will call friday i think see if any news ....

treaclesoda Wed 27-Nov-13 20:34:09

he just said 'stop staring at my head' grin

choclab Wed 27-Nov-13 21:00:23

oh .....

treaclesoda Wed 27-Nov-13 21:23:27

if I didn't laugh I'd cry

choclab Wed 27-Nov-13 21:34:04

i know this is true ...

treaclesoda Thu 28-Nov-13 08:43:54

feeling a bit shaky and spaced out this morning sad

choclab Thu 28-Nov-13 10:19:00

have a sweet cup of tea , are you eating ok ? hope your feeling bit better now ....

choclab Thu 28-Nov-13 19:09:34

how you feeling now treacle ? hope little better ...

treaclesoda Thu 28-Nov-13 20:56:04

yes, think I'm feeling a bit calmer thanks. Sitting here trying to read my self help book, see if I can re-train my brain.

choclab Thu 28-Nov-13 21:02:03

good glad a little calmer smile

choclab Mon 02-Dec-13 19:15:57

How you doing treacle ? and everyone ?
im ok although got appt tomz with ENT person ....see what they say and what want to do ...
was going to cancel as feel a lot better , but if i don't go would be wondering if i should have so i will go .....
still tiny flem in morning but nothing like before ...
just hope will be ok , and got to wait still for X-ray results ....stil nervous about that

treaclesoda Mon 02-Dec-13 22:27:51

was just thinking about you earlier, that I must post a message.

I'm not too bad, a bit wobbly, but coping.

Your appointment should put your mind at rest, but the fact you're feeling so much better will put your mind at rest better than tests etc. Glad your throat is improving.

DontWannaBeObamasElf Tue 03-Dec-13 10:08:17

I've been directed here by treaclesoda. I'll copy and paste my thread:

Please tell me I'm not alone. I've always been a worrier, since I was little. Every pain, lump or bump has me convinced I have cancer.

I've been referred to the breast clinic by my GP for what she believes is a cyst (it's painless so obviously I'm thinking the worst) and also an Occupational Therapist about my anxiety.

I've had the lump for a couple of months, it's soft, moves and hasn't grown. Then last week I found one on my shin and ended up in tears for 2 days as I thought that any cancer I may have has spread to my bones. 2 GPs have checked and say it's just muscular and possibly from an old bruise.

I also get hip pain (have for years) and that freaked me out more as I came across a thread where someone mentioned their MIL was diagnosed as terminal and all she had was hip pain.

I have no appetite and an upset stomach, so even more fear, but this has been happening since I found the lump so guessing it's anxiety.

This isn't healthy. I'm just so terrified of leaving my family. I'm 25 with a beautiful, amazing 1 year old.

treaclesoda Tue 03-Dec-13 10:14:35

Welcome, although I'm sure you'd rather not be having to join us at all.

In my case, like you, I've always been a worrier, but it was more a little nagging worry at the back of my mind. After having my first child, it just went off the scale. And I struggled for about three years until I blurted it out to my lovely GP one day and he said 'you do know that's a form of post natal depression'. I've been on medication ever since, and I have no intention of coming off it. I tried to a few months ago, and the anxiety came back as badly as ever, I was shaking and struggling to breathe, it was hellish.

Does your GP know about your anxiety, or have you only told her about the physical symptoms? I've been pleasantly surprised at how understanding my doctor has been, instead of being dismissive or thinking I'm a time waster, he understands that I am ill, its just that the illness is the anxiety, rather than physical.

treaclesoda Tue 03-Dec-13 10:16:39

If you're interested, I've found these books quite3 helpful, even just to know that its a real condition and that other people suffer from it too has been so reassuring.

The Worry Cure

Overcoming Health Anxiety

DontWannaBeObamasElf Tue 03-Dec-13 10:17:16

Yeah I'm on a waiting list for a sort of therapy "workshop" my surgery offers. They want to try that first before any medication.

I'm crying all the time, I hate the waiting game for the breast clinic appointment.

treaclesoda Tue 03-Dec-13 10:20:49

I'm so sorry, its such a nightmare. Please know that you're not alone. And you can offload safely here, there is no one on this thread who doesn't understand.

DontWannaBeObamasElf Tue 03-Dec-13 11:04:58

Treacle I can't thank you enough for linking this thread to me. It is honestly like all I'm reading all my own thoughts.

Your post where you mentioned about someone collecting for charity and you thought it was a sign? That's me all over. News stories, FB shares and threads on here all have me thinking "It's a sign I'm ill."

Ephiny Tue 03-Dec-13 19:36:35

I hope it's OK to join in. I just wondered if anyone had experience of health anxiety mostly focused on someone else?

I've had anxiety issues for as long as I can remember, used to be mostly about my own health. But I seem to have transferred my primary anxiety onto DH recently, I'm convinced he has some degenerative neurological problem (I can't even bring myself to write the name of the condition I'm most worried about, in case somehow it makes it real). Every time he mentions something like having muscle aches from the gym or a numb/tingling sensation from sitting awkwardly, it confirms it in my mind and sends me into a panic. The worst thing is I don't know if this is anxiety or if it's real - adding up little things he's mentioned over the months/years makes me think it must be real, but then I know I have this anxiety problem, so...

It's so difficult, because I can't even do anything about it, I can't demand he goes to the doctor about something that's quite possibly just my anxiety, I have to bite my tongue to keep from asking him about symptoms 100 times a day, I find myself withdrawing from him and being emotionally distant, just because that's the only way I can cope. It sounds awful, but it would almost be a relief to me if he was diagnosed, instead of this endless waiting and dread (I don't mean that, I really don't, but I feel like I do sometimes).

Sorry, this is long, and I know it's silly compared to other people's real health scares, sorry if this was the wrong place to post.

choclab Tue 03-Dec-13 21:03:36

hello everyone ..and warm welcome to dontwanna ..and Ephiny ... smile

sorry to hear your feeling so worried , dontwanna ....this health anx is truly awful ....but as treacle has said feel free to off load here as we all understand how if can be ...hopefully your appointment will come through very soon ....and can put your mind at rest ...

if you'v had chance to read back you will see how bad i have been the past weeks ..i am in a slightly better place today ..hmm

how rings with you treacle today ?

choclab Tue 03-Dec-13 21:03:48


treaclesoda Tue 03-Dec-13 21:46:59

Today has been not too bad, thanks choc.

Ephiny yes, I've had the focus on someone else thing. In fact, I had that quite badly before my focus shifted to myself. This almost sounds funny, but it nearly drove me to the edge of reason. Shortly after my first child was born, I became convinced that my dh had a cancerous growth on one side of his head. He wears his hair very very short as he is almost bald. With hindsight, all I was seeing was the fact that no one has a symmetrical head blush , there wasn't even a lump or anything. But for months I used to only stand to his left, as I couldn't bear to see the left side of his head. I remember almost being physically sick when I had to stand behind him in a queue because I could see 'it'. I got to the stage where I dreaded him coming home from work because it meant I spent the evening looking at it, convinced this imaginary growth was bigger each day.

choclab Wed 04-Dec-13 16:04:42

how is everybody today ?

FloopyFox Wed 04-Dec-13 16:47:14

Hi, I'm new. I'm not sure if my health anxiety is health anxiety. I constantly worry about my mental health. I have suffered with depression in the past and suffer from seasonal affective disorder. But I also x

FloopyFox Wed 04-Dec-13 16:49:56

Sorry, pressed enter by mistake
I also convince myself that on my low days it's just depression, but when I have a good day it must be because I am bipolar. I am recovering from surgery at the moment and am in pain, but I'm not sure if the pain is real or if I have convinced myself I must be in pain... Does this make any sense?

strawberryswing Wed 04-Dec-13 18:12:54

Hi guys smile
Hope you don't mind me joining in, I suffer from terrible health anxiety sad It genuinely is ruining my entire life , as I spend my whole day just waiting for my brain to haemorrhage.

It sounds completely crazy but when I was 4 years out I had a violent headache and passed out. No tests were done on me at all and was just diagnosed with a migraine. However I'm terrified it was something more severe and that was just totally missed.

Now I'm 22 and I have been having daily head/eye pains for 2 months. They start when I wake up and carry on intermittently for the rest of the day. Every single day, no breaks. I'm now even more convinced that it is an AVM/aneurysm and that I'm going to die leaving my young daughter.

Because of my health anxiety the doctors will no longer believe me, and I'm at a total loss bevause I'm crippled with fear that my brain is going to bleed. Sorry to bring down the tone but I needed to get tat off my chest!

phlebas Wed 04-Dec-13 22:41:13

Ephiny my health anxiety (i'm on sertraline which has reduced the intensity of panic & my physical symptoms though I'm still living a half life) is primarily focused on my children. Sometimes I think it would be good to die in a accident because the agony I feel watching the children for signs that they are going to die is unbearable. I'm an ex-HCP and have ishoos from fairly horrid previous medical stuff (have some PTSD symptoms) ... I have four children & every time I feel like I get on top of the anxiety something else happens.

Yesterday I had a pelvic scan for weird gynae stuff (all okay) and was feeling relatively calm but today dh had a drs appointment for a mole check & psa testing ... that primed me & the this evening my 2yo woke up crying/gagging/burping but wasn't sick - dh thinks he has a cold & post nasal drip, I'm running through brain tumour symptoms (? raised intra cranial pressure from lying down causing nausea). Last month it was neuroblastoma, or leukaemia. It is always something & I just want it to stop.

phlebas Wed 04-Dec-13 22:46:34

& oh yes to adverts leaflets, charity campaigns, fb stuff, news articles etc ... they are all signs that something bad will happen soon.

Argh my bloody brain makes me so unhappy sad

treaclesoda Wed 04-Dec-13 22:53:57

Floopy what you're saying makes perfect sense to me. When my anxiety is bad, I don't trust myself or my judgement. I torture myself thinking 'is this pain real, or have I convinced myself it's real?' and I end up not knowing if I'm coming or going.

treaclesoda Wed 04-Dec-13 22:56:55

also, hello to phlebas and strawberry.

Although I hate the thought of you all suffering the misery of anxiety, I can't tell you just how much comfort I feel in knowing that there are so many of us, when for years I've felt so isolated with this.

phlebas Wed 04-Dec-13 23:14:40

When my anxiety is bad, I don't trust myself or my judgement. I torture myself thinking 'is this pain real, or have I convinced myself it's real?' and I end up not knowing if I'm coming or going.

yes me too - when I'm bad I don't trust my perceptions at all. It is so exhausting.

FloopyFox Thu 05-Dec-13 16:30:11

Thank you phlebas and treacle. I find that reassuring that I'm not alone.

choclab Fri 06-Dec-13 07:27:14

hi all and welcome to all new people smile
how is everyone ?

you are not alone this and is areal comfort to know that ...

I'm going through another worry .. sad seems just get over one fear and another presents itself ...

so feeling veyr anx today i was diagnosed with IBS some years back and cut long tory short had various tests ...saw various doctors to confirm this ...

i keep getting left hand side pain just under left rib ...i sometimes am in agony but passes with a little (wind) but lately this has ben happening a lot ...most weeks .....and yesterday a lot longer than normal .... and not as much wind (stmi sorry ) im now worried may be C ....and pancreatic Haley has on coronation street ....
this is the kind of trigger that will set me off .....and now its fixed in my mind that when i get this pain that is what it is ....

considering making an appt with consultant again then can poss get answers or forward to another scan .....
holding off the google search if i can .....but this cloud is over me now and finding it hard to feel happy or shift it ....

treaclesoda Fri 06-Dec-13 08:51:45

oh choc I'm so sorry that another panic has come just as the old one seemed to ease sad

Don't google, whatever you do, but then you know that already.

The best I can offer is some virtual handholding, will that do?

galaxydefender82 Fri 06-Dec-13 15:22:12

Hi all.

I have suffered with health anxiety for about 7 or 8 years and have been prescribed Prozac, then Citalopram 10mg and now on Citalopram 20mg. Anxiety is a little better but have only been on meds for a month or two.

I often worry about any pain in my chest and can make myself physically sick worrying. It's exhausting and depressing. Hope all is well

choclab Fri 06-Dec-13 16:32:07

thanks treacle , being able to sound off on here and get support is really appreciated iv told /tell no one other really don't understand ...think I'm mad , attention seeking etc ....dont understand how this anx can map you feel ....
I'm going to keep a record of the pain over the next week or so period is due so anx to the highest at the moment so will see ...but has been dull pain today but trying not to focus on it .....

how are things with you treacle and your DH blemish on face ?
hope everyone els ok , if not get typing and we can support one another ..

WasWats Sat 07-Dec-13 19:02:05

Okay, one thing you have to all remember.

You do NOT have cancer, you have anxiety. You can bet your life, pardon the pun, that if there was anything terminalally wrong with us, we would have found it.

They are just thoughts, we are creating them.


choclab Sat 07-Dec-13 19:15:35

love to feel that positive waswats ....but don't ...but i understand your thinking ...

phlebas Sat 07-Dec-13 23:21:27

choclab I'm sorry you've got a new 'thing' to worry about sad I have IBS too & get all sorts of weird pains/bloating etc.

I had a couple of good days (felt longer actually - the relief of not actively worrying all the time) but back down again this evening - I had lots of intrusive thoughts about ds2 having a brain tumour & then dd2 had leg pain (she had synovitis 2 years ago which did't really resolve - she ended up having tests for leukaemia/bone cancer etc but was eventually just put down to 'we don't know' - it was v. traumatic & triggered my health anxiety) which woke her up ... that is a massive trigger & I'm very close to a panic attack.

Light headed, blurred vision, sweaty & shaky, whooshing feeling in my brain & burning in my face & scalp. I need a plan about the leg pain - if it were something serious she would get it again, it would get more frequent or severe ... if it happens again in the next couple of days I'll take her back to the doctor.

WasWats Sun 08-Dec-13 00:21:51

I dont feel that positive either but have been trying to but into here!!!

choclab Sun 08-Dec-13 09:15:46

sorry your feeling like this to phlebas ,hope your little better today , must have been such a worrying time with your DD2 and those tests ...they say health anx has a trigger.
the anx will def make you feel light headed , shaky etc ....i get this a lot specially in supermarkets ....i often abandon my trolly and have to get back in can to calm myself down ...

waswats hope your ok x

violator Sun 08-Dec-13 09:24:56

Sympathy to all suffering here.

I can offer what I learned during a hospital-based anxiety programme.

Anxiety is anxiety. It is a persistent bugger and will latch on to whatever your 'weak' spot is. For you guys, it's health. Not surprising, given the constant stream of adverts, leaflets and warnings about illnesses we get bombarded with!

Anxiety is a lie. It's a pure lie. It starts with a thought. That thought then takes off into a spinning circle and all you need to do is stop that circle spinning and it'll stop.
Sounds so easy eh? It's not, but it does work.

CBT is fantastic for anxiety. It helps identify what the thought was that triggered the anxious cycle.

The only way around anxiety is through it. Feel it. It's unpleasant but it's just a physical reaction to what you're thinking. It can't hurt you, it's just anxiety. For some it's tight chest, others a dicky belly, some have headaches and fuzziness. Just physical reactions. They're not harmful.

Did you know your body reacts exactly the sane way when you're excited?! So a bloke watching his team win the match is feeling a dodgy belly and shaky. But he doesn't chalk it down as 'bad' or run from those feelings because he's not associating them with a bad thing. He's excited, so those feelings are ok. You're anxious, those feelings are ok too.

Pixiedust49 Sun 08-Dec-13 19:56:21

Just discovered this thread. I am obsessed with DDs health. She succumbs to every bug going and I have convinced myself that something far more sinister is going on. I rarely worry about my own health. I'm really struggling to lead a normal life because of it.....

SamU2 Sun 08-Dec-13 23:30:08

Hi guys.

I haven't been here on this thread for a while.

My ex husband, we have three children together, only have days/ a couple of weeks to live, so things here have been awful.

My HA is through the roof.

It started when he was diagnosed with cancer but now it is terminal I am even more scared of leaving my children behind.

I still think I have mouth cancer. Dentist wasn't too concerned about my painless mouth sore thing as it has been there almost a year, not grown or bleeding but I am seeing my GP again about it tomorrow.

I just can't have cancer now my kids are about to lose their father. Well, three of them are, I have two with my 'new' husband.

treaclesoda Mon 09-Dec-13 13:37:17

Sam I'm sorry, that is a hideous thing to have to deal with, I think it's quite common when someone closely linked to you is ill that you worry about being ill too, its completely understandable.

I hope you got on ok at the doctor today. If he/she tells you not to worry, will it put your mind at rest do you think?

Ephiny Tue 10-Dec-13 13:14:44

I agree with violator about the techniques for managing anxiety. That sounds very similar to what I was told by a therapist a few years ago, and while it doesn't make the anxiety go away, it does help me live with it, stops it escalating into full-blown panic attacks etc.

It was a revelation to me to realise just how much anxiety can produce real physical symptoms, things like light-headedness, shortness of breath, weird muscle pains and spasms etc. Just knowing that, and being able to remind myself of it, helped me put things into perspective.

I find mindfulness meditation quite useful as well, though I'm bad at making time to do the regular practice (which is what you really need to do to get the benefit of it).

roomwithhue Tue 10-Dec-13 14:58:35

Hello all.
Hope you're all having an OK day.

I've been lurking for a little while, and have NC-ed for this. It feels like a big step to post, as I'm admitting to myself that my HA is back.

Anyway, I've had longstanding HA (since my teens), which has at times been completely delibitating (missed quite a lot of uni, referrals to psychiatrists, lots of meds prescribed (though few actually taken), etc). Over a long time, I somehow got back on track, and have basically had a few years during which I've not had very much trouble from the HA (although I partly have just transferred my worries to my CD blush).

Anyway, I've had a few months of worrying about my some health issues with my DC quite intensively, and then, out of the blue, BAM, my symptoms have returned. I feel light-headed, physically off-balance, trembly, scared, desolate and exhausted. I recognise all these symptoms of old (had them on and off for nearly 20 years when anxious) but nevertheless my main concerns are that this is not "just" HA, that I have something terrible, and that I won't be able to cope with it/will be a terrible mum/wife/will have to give up work.

I am so glad to have found this thread, but I am of course also very sorry that you are all going through similar issues. thanks

roomwithhue Tue 10-Dec-13 14:59:49

DC, not CD! I'm bonkers, but not THAT bonkers...

roomwithhue Tue 10-Dec-13 15:07:12

Just been looking back through the posts, and wanted to say that like many other posters I am also obsessed with health of DC. At the moment, I'm ashamed to say that I dread seeing them, because I know I'm going to "spot" awful signs of current/future illness. I spend unneccessarily long hours at work to avoid it. Then of course I feel like a very bad mum.

treaclesoda Tue 10-Dec-13 15:59:12

I've always felt so alone with this, its amazing to know that so many other people understand what its like.

treaclesoda Tue 10-Dec-13 21:54:28

oh no sad I've convinced myself that I see a lump on dh's neck, and he lost his patience and snapped at me that he's fed up with me telling him he has got lumps everywhere and I need to give it a rest. Can't say I blame him, but I still feel sick with worry.

choclab Wed 11-Dec-13 20:16:37

how you doing treacle ? ...hows DH now ..

I'm feeling anx tonight and last night ...sitting in bed i felt here fluttering and kind of palpitations ....shaky ...feel it now feel quite uptight so much going on ....
anyone els get this ?
had X-ray results back all normal heart lungs etc so that was something

SamU2 Thu 12-Dec-13 08:27:02

I have now had a dentist and a GP tell me my mouth 'sore' thing isn't cancer. It looks like a flat ulcer that is healing, but not ulcerated or bleeding or growing. They don't want to refer me unless I ask them to and I don't know if I want to go down that road.... yet. They don't think I need it. Which is good I guess.

Even though its been there for a LONG time and not going.

I was reassured for like 1 day.

I am under a crazy amount of stress with my ex husband dying, trying to support my children through the death of their father, trying to deal with my feelings of losing what is a great friend and ex husband while trying to give my other children a good christmas.

It's all a bit too much.

Funnily enough, I NEVER worry about others health unless I really need to. I don't inspect my children or husband. It's just me because I am scared to leave my kids behind, now I am even more scared as three of them are losing their father.

SamU2 Thu 12-Dec-13 08:30:00

Choclab.. it is 'just' anxiety. I get this all the time. It is so very scary, but it will not harm you physically. I promise. It's just mental torture sad

Treacle.. I know how hard this is but unless your husband has a track record of leaving serious health problems, try to trust that he knows his body best and know when to worry. I know it is all so much easier said than done.

Ephiny Thu 12-Dec-13 11:45:43

I get that too, choclab. It's a very common symptom of anxiety. It feels horrible but like SamU2 said, it isn't dangerous and doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your heart. It's difficult to believe that sometimes though, I know!

WasWats Fri 13-Dec-13 15:51:19

Are any of you on meds? I am on week 7 of lexapro and honestly I can not tell you how much it is helping. The first 6 weeks were very very bad, I was freaking out all over the place but the obsessional thoughts have now gone and I am coping so much better.

I used to be afraid to go on meds in case I missed a symptom and I would die because of it. I can now pick up the countless breast cancer etc leaflets that come through the door without thinking they are a sign to prepare myself for the worst.

WasWats Mon 16-Dec-13 22:10:59


I have read your post so many time as, it has helped me so much. please share some more of your knowledge if you can. Am in a bit of a tizzy because I saw a blood spot on dd's leg, it came up out of no where, she is 11, wasn't there 30 mins before hand. It had a little green head which popped and blood came out then.

I am worried now that it is something terrible, it isn't is it?
Can someone just reassure me a bit so that I don't obsess.

treaclesoda Mon 16-Dec-13 22:21:25

was I would tell you to try not to worry, but I'd be a big old hypocrite because the reason I haven't posted for ages is because I was too busy worrying about stuff myself blush

Try to remember that it's the anxiety that's making you feel like this. thanks

WasWats Mon 16-Dec-13 22:26:02

It is only the anxiety isn;t it, I mean being realistic, it had a green go head on it and seems to have left like a cut on her leg. I keep wanting to rip off the plaster to check it but I don;t want to alarm her.

God I have been doing so well, although I suppose the fact that I am questioning my anxious thought is good.

DontWannaBeObamasElf Tue 17-Dec-13 09:14:55

I'm not doing so well today. Have the doctor today as I felt a hard lump near/on my liver. I've been awake since 3-4 worrying about it. I was sick this morning and it was undigested food from 12 hours before so I am freaking out about everything.

I'm so tired of this. My therapy doesn't start until late next month.

treaclesoda Tue 17-Dec-13 09:25:47

Don't that's horrific for you, anything like a lump would have me sick with worry too, but I can offer a handhold and a sympathetic ear, if that could be of any comfort.

DontWannaBeObamasElf Tue 17-Dec-13 09:29:40

Thank you treacle. I just keep having thoughts that my body is riddled with it sad

phlebas Wed 18-Dec-13 22:15:45

DontWanna, how are you? Did you go to the doctor?

DH had cholesterol & PSA testing done today & he has a weird mole being checked out in mole clinic on Monday so I'm really stressing about that. On Monday he went down to a meeting with FIL's haematologist - FIL has prostate cancer, heart disease, Alzheimer's, kidney failure & a very very rare leukaemia. MIL is (understandably) finding it very difficult, she misunderstood the haematologist & unfortunately thought FIL's prognosis is better than it is. DH & I are both feeling fragile & exhausted.

DontWannaBeObamasElf Thu 19-Dec-13 09:22:24

I'm so sorry to hear about youu FIL Phlebas.

Yes I did go, she had a good feel around and felt nothing out of the ordinary, I do have hard bits all around my abdomen but she said it's probably just impaction(?), no advice on how to improve it and as soon as she saw I'd been referred for health anxiety she took on a very patronising tone.

I'm full of the cold and my armpit is sore and swollen, I mentioned that and she just looked at me like hmm

I got upset and she just stared at me. Definitely won't be going to her again.

phlebas Sat 21-Dec-13 13:12:36

That's crap don't sad idiot drs who fail to realise that patronising & dismissing us makes it so much worse.

I having the worst day ever. I feel like I'm trapped in hell & no one will help me.

WasWats Sat 21-Dec-13 13:21:37

This si the worst time of year for all mental health sufferers I think. The pressure to be perfect and happy. I think what is happening with me is that I am feeling the 'normal' anxiety that al parents do at this time of year, presents, food all has to be done etc etc. But my brain feels the anxiety and switches it 100 % onto health issues. And I worry and worry and worry.

Phelbas, get it out of your head, chat here x

phlebas Sat 21-Dec-13 13:39:18

Just been sobbing down the phone to my mum I am absolutely desperate.

Dh (who hates me right now) in at OOH with ds2 (2 years old) - he isn't right & we took him to GO yesterday who was mmmm a bit constipated but okay - but still kit Niall. He woke up this morning with a purple blotch on his eyelid - it isn't an injury - that is a presentation if neuroblastoma & I am fucking terrified. I know that GP at OOH won't be helpful neither will A&E & then it is Christmas & no one will help. And I want to die right now. I cannot face this.

phlebas Sat 21-Dec-13 13:41:31

I have no one that can help me

phlebas Sat 21-Dec-13 13:43:58

I have three other children they will be destroyed if anything happens to their baby brother. My poor baby.

phlebas Sat 21-Dec-13 14:45:02

Seen GP who isn't at all worried - going back on Monday to talk about getting ursine screening test for ds as I can't let this one go. More worried about me - have Valium to get through weekend dh is taking youngest children to my mum's so I can sleep (I haven't slept for 3 days). Christmas Eve is due date of baby we lost half way through pregnancy. I find this time if year very difficult.

WasWats Sat 21-Dec-13 15:37:01

If the GP was at all concerned, he would have sent you to the hospital with ds. It is nothing to worry about. It is just a blotch which will probably be gone by tomorrow. Christmas is so hard you you, your worries are valid, just not the way they are presenting if you know what I mean.

Nothing will happen to your son, nothing at all. Holding your hand from afar x

WasWats Sat 21-Dec-13 15:40:05

I am in a state myself, I showered dd2 and saw a cluster of marks on her back, am afraid it is leukaemia. I thought dd1 had it last week. Fucking hell, how stupid this bloody anxiety is. How bloody stupid, i am so angry now at it. I am re-posting this quote from VIOLATOR

Anxiety is anxiety. It is a persistent bugger and will latch on to whatever your 'weak' spot is. For you guys, it's health. Not surprising, given the constant stream of adverts, leaflets and warnings about illnesses we get bombarded with!

Anxiety is a lie. It's a pure lie. It starts with a thought. That thought then takes off into a spinning circle and all you need to do is stop that circle spinning and it'll stop.
Sounds so easy eh? It's not, but it does work.

treaclesoda Sat 21-Dec-13 17:05:45

you're both having a horrendous day, I wish there was something I could do to help.

SamU2 Sun 22-Dec-13 16:18:58

Hard day here too.

Ex husband father to three of my kids passed away last week.

The thing on my mouth is worrying me. Broke down at the dentist so he referred me. I have to get through xmas. Hard enough as it is with supporting three grief stricken children.

The mark is about 2mm.. it is flat and not open or bleeding. Dentist told me a few weeks ago that it doesn't look like cancer but come back if it still worries me. GP looked and said he thought it was fine and if the dentist didn't refer me it was ok. Not bleeding, open or asymmetrical.

I have to wait a few weeks for the appointment.

I am my boys only surviving parent now. If I die their world will be even more shattered.

I can't stop looking at it in the mirror sad I want to make Xmas as stress free as possible but I can't.

I also viewed my ex husbands body and so did my children. I will never get the image out of my mind of my child sobbing into his chest asking for him to come back sad

SamU2 Sun 22-Dec-13 16:20:37

I am SO sorry for what everyone is going through.

I wish we could just beat this evil illness sad

Mrsmorton Sun 22-Dec-13 19:17:29

SamU2 I want to reassure you, firstly it is probably not cancer. Your description sounds quite unremarkable and if your dentist was at all worried in the first place, you would have been referred. Secondly, there is no cancer in the world that is more curable when it is smaller than 1cm (5x the size of your lesion) than oral cancer so even if it IS something horrid, you will be ok.

I can't admit to understanding health anxiety but I really feel for you because it must be awful to lose your DCs father and be so worried.

treaclesoda Tue 24-Dec-13 17:37:03

how is everyone today?

BoozyBoots Tue 31-Dec-13 21:22:05

Have just come across this thread, thank god it's here!
Feel like i'm going mad! I think i have cancer one minute & then am going to drop down dead from a heart attack the next. I'm 29 & have had 2 ecg's in the past, & numerous blood tests, all have come back clear.
Constantly checking symptoms online, which always send me into a frenzy of believing i have every disease/illness under the sun. What's wrong with me! My husband is supportive & often calms me down & is the voice of reason, but inside my head there is always doubt. It's so fucking exhausting!
Sorry for the rant, just good to know i'm not alone.

treaclesoda Tue 31-Dec-13 21:30:55

ah Boozy you are so not alone, join us, we all know how you feel. sad

treaclesoda Tue 31-Dec-13 21:31:16

but smile for you having found us!

TheCricketWidow Tue 31-Dec-13 21:46:07

Boozy boots- i could have written your post just about word for word. Ive just seen this thread too. Ive been off work with anxiety for a chunk of this year, at the moment its anxiety about my health that is a major problem for me. Its really getting to me but im hopeful i can manage it better in 2014.
Nice to 'meet' you all here.

Lonelybunny Tue 31-Dec-13 23:45:14

I'm 29 too , I've currently got bowel cancer and breast cancer again ! Despite loads of scans and all clears , I think it's brought on by stress and tiredness with me , hope u get better soon

WasWats Wed 01-Jan-14 10:50:30

Morning all.

I am sticking it out with my medication and honestly, I am hopeful for the first time in years. Yes I still get episodes when I am in a highly stressful situation, for eg Christmas, thinking everyone was terminally ill. BUT they are passing, I am holding onto them for a few days, not the weeks and months I did before. I wish us all good health and a quiet and non eventful 2014.

Lonelybunny Wed 01-Jan-14 13:43:44

I'm in a state today , DD isbt feeding well from
Right breast I'm having panic attacks telling myself it's cause I have a breast lump or something , god I can't keep it together today sad happy blooming new year :,( hope u all ok xx

Linz2418 Sat 04-Jan-14 01:45:38

Glad to come on here to read this thread, although it saddens me to hear your stories as i know how bas it hurts its nice to know not alone. i am new to the site and made a list of a few things i could do to help me, that I would join a mums advice site, I would write my thoughts and try some local mums groups to help me forget about my daily anxiety struggles. I have two girls who are 3 and a half, and 1 and a half, and feeling so frustrated that my anxiety is taking over. I know I am a great parent but spend hours feeling upset and worrying so much so that I feel I could be better. My dr has prescribed me meds but I've refused to take them because the leaflet that came with the packet highlighted some of my fears . I've only recently confessed to my doc as I spent years hiding it which kind of strained my marriage. Now my hubby and mum are constantly worried about me and treat me as a bit crazy which only increases my anxiety! I had my children super young which knocked my confidence as always felt judged. (I'm 24 this year)

CrockedPot Sat 04-Jan-14 04:50:26

I am so relieved to discover this thread, all or any of them could have been written by me and while you all have my deepest sympathies it is such a relief to find I am not alone.
I have had this for at least three years. I know it is this long because three years ago I went to Spain on holiday with my dh and two dcs and spent two weeks worrying about how terrible it would be for dh having to organise getting my body back to the uk when I died of a heart attack.
Since then I have been convinced I have or have had....heart disease, breast cancer, cervical cancer, tumours on the spine, in my brain....I also catastrophize events, so we buy a new car and I picture it mangled in a road accident, or I am walking down the road and a tractor is driving by (we live in a rural area! ) and I imagine it will veer off the road and kill me.
It is bad at the moment, I have not slept at all tonight (it is 4 am as I write this post, I got up to search for a cure and found you all) and I just want to be normal and stop these crazy thoughts from ruining my life and my kids childhoods (for me, I mean....I work very hard to appear 'normal' and apart from dh, no one knows how much I worry)
Sorry for the epic post. I only wanted to write a line but it all came out...would love to find a way to get out of this cycle.

treaclesoda Sat 04-Jan-14 11:48:45

I totally 'get' what you mean about working so hard to appear normal. Its exhausting. Only my husband really knows just how I feel, other people who know me think I'm always cheerful etc and if only they knew...I sometimes think i am the world's greatest actress, because most of my life is an act.

MrsDeVere Sat 04-Jan-14 11:54:21

Not just me then?

treaclesoda Sat 04-Jan-14 11:55:37

Are you 'one of us' too Mrs DeVere?

CrockedPot Sat 04-Jan-14 12:46:26

After writing on this thread at 4 am I managed to get a few hours sleep and actually feel a bit optimistic this morning! I feel a load has been shared. I hesitated before joining the thread, as I worry (ha!) about indulging myself by thinking/talking about it, and trying to 'cure myself' by telling myself to shut up, trying - and failing - to crush my anxieties, but it never works. I am hopeful that by sharing it, and reading all of yours, it may help me to deal with my own more effectively.

CrockedPot Sat 04-Jan-14 12:49:14

Treacle - I too should get an oscar for my happy-go-lucky routine! I have confided in a few close friends, but have always underplayed it. Most people wouldn't believe it if they knew what I am 'really' like.

MrsDeVere Sat 04-Jan-14 16:23:07

Yes I certainly am treacle.
I have PTSD and it all relates to medical issues.
My DD had cancer and died. Any leanings I had towards anxiety have obviously gone through the roof since my girl got sick.

I a waiting for EMDR therapy. Its so fecking exhausting being like this.

For me it is inevitable that I will get something really, really nasty. Like a punishment for surviving my child.

I think there are different types of health anxiety and different reasons for having it but I know they are all exhausting and you all have my sympathy.

CrockedPot Sat 04-Jan-14 19:04:53

MrsDeVere, I am so terribly sorry for your loss, it is something I find unimaginable and I honestly don't know how I would cope with it. Have you been waiting for therapy for very long?

Lonelybunny Sat 04-Jan-14 21:48:16

I also came downstairs in the early hours crocked pot to search my symptoms/problems , goes to show just how similar our fears are and how they take all
Of us on the thread over sad

Mirandasbestmate Sun 05-Jan-14 08:06:12

Hello - please could I join too? I have suffered on & off for last 10 yrs since birth of my children. Constantly worrying that every little ache & pain is something much worse. Not helped by being menopausal, also a MIL in last stages of terminal cancer, who was fit & well - we thought -5 months ago. Now I'm worrying that I have something awful too & don't know about it.
My usual way of coping is to make a Drs appt for a few weeks time then cancel it a few days before if I've managed to convince myself that I'm really ok. I have just done that as am hoping that MN will be just as effective a support as she is !!

Lonelybunny Sun 05-Jan-14 10:27:15

Hello Miranda , mine too started after I had my third child , and got worse and worse since I care for terminally ill people which often triggers it off. I've had bad back and abdominal pain this am which has set me off again , I like your appointment idea I think I'm going to try this too smile

MrsDeVere Sun 05-Jan-14 10:56:44

crocked it is taking ages. It took ages to get referred and then to get assessed and then to get put on the list. In September I was told there was a 4 week waiting list but have yet to hear anything.
Unfortunately one of the conditions I had to meet was to stop seeing my regular therapist (who is a specialist in childhood cancer) so I have had no support for months and months.

I just wish they would get on with it. If its not going to work at least I will know and if it does work I will be such a release after all these years.

CrockedPot Sun 05-Jan-14 14:28:44

That's terrible MrsDeVere, I really hope it happens for you soon and you get the support you need.
I have had mine since I had my dc, and used to be able to tell myself not to worry so much, that nothing was going to happen, that it was all in my head, but then we were involved in an RTA which put my ds in intensive care (he made a full recovery, thank God) but it shattered my confidence that my worries were unfounded.
I am finding this thread a great support though, and finding it really helpful to read your stories as well as posting my own. Anytime of the day or night!

CrockedPot Sun 05-Jan-14 14:30:17

When hopelis started this thread back in October, it was to ask if anyone had been 'cured' of it - does anyone know if this is really possible? Or can you just learn techniques to manage it?

treaclesoda Sun 05-Jan-14 19:14:01

I'm certainly not cured, but I'm not in the terrible place i used to me. I don't pace the house shaking, I don't feel sick with panic at the first sign of a sniffle in one of my children or whatever. I do still panic, but it's not on the scale where I totally can't function because its all that I can concentrate on. Although I do have wobbles, as I can see for myself if i read back through my posts on this thread over the past couple of months.

I'm not sure I'll ever be cured, but a combination of CBT and medication have definitely allowed me to be a more coherent and functioning individual.

It does help to know that there are others though, I used to feel so alone.

MrsDeVere I've seen you on other threads and was aware of the fact that you have lost your daughter. I'm so sorry, that is a special kind of hell that I couldn't begin to understand.

WasWats Sun 05-Jan-14 20:09:12

treaclesoda can you give us some of the CBT techniques? I have to pay for CBT here and it is about 90 per session, so that ain't happening sad

treaclesoda Mon 06-Jan-14 15:51:12

waswats I'm not at the computer at the moment but when I next am, I'll post a link to a book I've found helpful and I'll try to explain how cbt worked for me. With the disclaimer that I'm not a therapist myself of course, so can only pass on a few tips, I'm not a cbt expert by any stretch of the imagination.

blissa Mon 06-Jan-14 18:11:45

Would you mind me joining you?

I used to on a long running health anx thread on here a few years ago, the support was brilliant and got me through some tough times,along with some counselling. I've been on top of my HA for a good while now but these past few weeks it's reared it's ugly head again.

I've been back and forth to the dr for a few months now with pain in my left side and lower abdomen, I've had blood tests which came back ok and an ultrasound after the dr said she could feel a fullness during an internal examination, this also came back clear. They are now treating it as IBS and trying me on meds for that.

But the pain is still there and I have convinced myself I either have cancer or an aneurysm. I'm barely sleeping and the constant feeling of dread is back with avengence sad

I'm sorry you are all living with these horrible, often debilitating feelings. I hope you are all doing ok today.

WasWats Tue 07-Jan-14 08:08:04

Treacle that would be fantastic thanks!

Blissa pull up a chair.

I am sure you are fine, IBS can cause dreadful pain, I had it years ago, my goodness it was horrible. Waves of pain. If you had cancer or an aneurysm they would have found evidence of it by now. I promise.

treaclesoda Tue 07-Jan-14 11:57:11

Ok, firstly the book that I recommend is this

What my therapist did with me was to identify the 'errors' in my thinking, and work with me to try to overcome them. To take one example, she identified that I had a tendency to catastrophise, to always see every problem as the most serious thing it could be. So, for example, I had abdominal cramps. The 'normal' reaction to that would be 'ok, I've got a stomach bug' and to see how it goes. But in my case I jumped straight to 'bowel changes can be a sign of cancer, I'm ill, I'll never see my children grow up' etc. As I'm sure everyone on this thread can identify with, I could go straight from having a mild pain to planning my own funeral, imagining how I would explain to my children that I wouldn't be there for them, wondering how my elderly parents would cope when I died first etc. What CBT taught me was that these are thinking 'errors' and that I need to stand back and think of alternative explanations. So, on the one hand it might be a symptom of bowel cancer, but on the other hand, it might be a stomach upset, food poisoning, IBS and dozens of other conditions that are unpleasant but in no way life threatening. When I first started doing it I thought 'this will never work' but to my surprise, I did find that it helped.

She used to have me keep a diary, where I would identify on a scale of one to ten what my symptom was and how worried I was about it. Then I would have to think of alternative explanations and think again about where I was on the scale.

That is obviously a very brief explanation, and there was a lot more to it than that, as there were loads of 'thinking errors' to cover, but I just wanted to give a wee example of how it worked for me. That book that I linked to explains it all quite well though, you might find it helpful.

CrockedPot Tue 07-Jan-14 16:51:00

Book ordered treacle, thanks so much...I am finding this thread a great source of comfort and support and honestly have been feeling better (read 'good days' as I know it will be back) I think it's because it is the first time I have really acknowledged I have a problem, and facing it is helping to minimise it some how. How is everyone else doing?

WasWats Tue 07-Jan-14 18:36:32

I have ordered it too, thanks so much.

I could have written your post Treacle word for word. IOf I get a twinge under my arm, it is breast cancer. Shit I have cancer. I have to face telling the kids. They will be in bits. How will they cope at my funeral? Who will cuddle them the night I am gone. Etc etc etc etc etc . I can make a 'drama' out of anything and I think that is one of the massive problems. I have kept it inside me for so long because people label me as dramatic. So I don't want to make a show of myself and say nothing, dying inside, pardon the pun!

I am finding Lexapro helpful, I am more at ease but need to learn how to change my way of thinking.

WasWats Tue 07-Jan-14 18:37:39

Crocked, I hope seeing that there are so many of us helps. Hopefully when one of us is having a meltdown another will come in with a rational head and talk rationally.

blissa Tue 07-Jan-14 22:03:01

Have ordered the book too, thank you treacle.

What you say about catastrophising (is that a word?!) rings very true. I fear the worst and get scared so easily. I am terrified of leaving my dc, and run through all the senarios you have all mentioned.

I can't find the post I read earlier,was it yours treacle? that said about how we think and changing your focus to counting coloured objects when you're thinking bad thoughts. This struck a chord and made me realise that the way I think isn't 'normal'. Checking your pulse several times a day isn't 'normal' behaviour is it?

Crocked, I think that chatting with other people who are going through the same thing really helps. I've found that no one can understand anxiety unless they have experienced it themselves, how can they? It's so irrational.

hemel07 Wed 08-Jan-14 12:10:35

I worry that I may ignore a something that does need checking because I am anxious about my health. Current worry, I feel as if I have a lump or a growth on the left side under my rib cage. I can't physically feel anything when I dig around, its more of a sensation. Crazy?! I can almost imagine it growing. I've had this about 8 months and have so far resisted going to the dr as wouldn't really know how to describe it to them. In the past have "had" numerous different cancers and a heart attack!!! Also worry like mad about my children. Is exhausting.

treaclesoda Wed 08-Jan-14 13:06:16

hemel07 it is so so weird that you should say that because I have exactly the same sensation! Only in my case it is under my ribs on my right. I've had it for ages, and I can only conclude that if it was a 'growth' it would by now have grown to the point that it would be visible/touchable. (About 15 years ago I had a very severe chest infection and was lying on my side in bed when I took a coughing fit, and felt something 'snap' in that area, and tbh it has never felt quite right since. But that was before I had health anxiety, so at that stage it didn't bother me confused)

When I tried to stop taking my anti anxiety medication the 'sensation' got much worse, to the extent that I felt like it was crushing my lungs and I couldn't breathe. It was terrifying.

hemel07 Wed 08-Jan-14 14:06:51

I did have a lump in the exact spot about 6yrs ago, it was my gall bladder which was subsequently removed, so maybe just "remembering" the feeling, or perhaps some scar tissue, or most probably some horrible cancer. I am also concluding that would have developed other symptoms by now (but what if am ignoring when really should be pushing for an MRI scan?).

WasWats Wed 08-Jan-14 14:23:50


You would have other symptoms. You do not have cancer, you have health anxiety.

If I think enough about any part of my body I become aware of it. Think of your right hip. Really sit quietly and just 'feel' it in your head. The chances are it might twitch or make itself known to you. Like with yoga, you will feel little aches and pains that you never had before.

Our minds are wonderfully powerful instruments, ours are just playing the wrong tune.

hemel07 Wed 08-Jan-14 16:06:37

Thankyou WasWats, you speak so much sense.

SamU2 Wed 08-Jan-14 16:27:22

That is a great book. I have read it so many times.

I am still waiting for my appointment about my mouth. It has been over 3 weeks so I guess they have marked it as non-urgent which is a good thing I guess and it hasn't changed at all.

I am trying to keep busy but now the kids have gone back to school it is getting more difficult.

We are obviously still grieving so things are difficult enough so I have to get a handle on this.

hemel, WasWats is spot on smile

WasWats Wed 08-Jan-14 16:31:54

Does anyone else find their anxiety has lessened somewhat since Christmas is over? I think what happens with me is I feel anxiety, like everyone does. But then I distort it. So for example, Christmas. Everyone feels stress. But I don;t feel the stress about Christmas, oh no. I decide that because it is Christmas something terrible will happen. I will die. I will die on Christmas morning and my kids will find me. Throw me an Oscar ;) But seriously, it is as if my brain goes, shit there is a bit of anxiety here, must be a health thing. Now wats, go ad find a lump and get nuts over it.

And so the cycle starts. Check, check again, Check in different lights. Check at different times of the day, in different rooms and multiply it by a million!!!!
God no wonder I am always knackered.

hemel07 Wed 08-Jan-14 17:31:52

I go through phases of making my husband wake me up when he leaves in the morning (5am!) just to make sure I haven't died in the night.

blissa Wed 08-Jan-14 17:57:40

Oh hemel-I used to do that too!

hemel07 Wed 08-Jan-14 18:34:17

Its amazing that so many people can have the exact same thought processes.

WasWats Thu 09-Jan-14 22:57:39


phlebas Thu 09-Jan-14 23:26:54

Hemel I have that sensation too - December 2013 I was unwell (tooth abcess then tonsillitis) but when I got better I was left with the feeling that there was a lump in my neck even though I couldn't feel anything. All I could tell the doctor was that it felt lime there was a lump but I couldn't find it - had loads of tests (was convinced it was my last Christmas & I had lymphoma etc) everything was normal & then it went away and I was okay. Until March. Then I started getting pelvic pain (all tests normal probably related to IBS). Since September it has been headaches.

I'm still in a pretty bad place. Ds has paed appointment in February - am very (!) anxious. I''ve been noticing lots of articles etc about small children & tumours and I'm in full on magical thinking mode complete with rituals etc. Hate it.

NHS CBT was a non starter for me (had to start with phone contact & I'm not able to use phones) can't afford private but I need someone I trust who knows about OCD as well as health anxiety & can help with learning to live with aftereffects of all the medical trauma I've had in the last 10+ years.

phlebas Fri 10-Jan-14 09:47:07

I read this this morning - the reasons why people worry resonated with me. Preparing you for the worst (I know from previous experience that when things are actually wrong I don't feel at all prepared by the weeks of anxiety preceding) , making you hyper vigilant to signs that it is going wrong (a big one for me) & preventing the bad thing from happening by worrying about it (totally irrational but I have loads of magical thoughts & worry-rituals still).

I've been on sertraline for a year now & it has really helped with panic attacks - only get a couple a month now whereas they were daily before - & keeping the intrusive thoughts at bay; they made me desperate. Overally my anxiety isn't any less though.

WasWats Fri 10-Jan-14 11:07:40

Phlebas, if your anxiety has not lessened after that amount of time on meds you need to get it changed. Honestly you really do.

CrockedPot Fri 10-Jan-14 18:11:57

WasWats, i agree that my anxiety has lessened since Xmas has been done with, and I actually had a very stress free, chilled out time! Even so, I would lie awake worrying, or even just be watching tv and have the thought that I could have a heart attack or brain haemorrhage right then and there.
It has been a good week for me anxiety-wise. I realised today that I have had no catastrophic thoughts for about a week, which is huge. (Though I was carrying some heavy bags up a couple of flights of stairs and had to stop myself from panicking at how breathless it made me!)
I think 'talking' about it with you all has really helped and it's great to keep the thread someone has already said, when we are having a bad day someone is always here to provide a rational voice. thanks

treaclesoda Fri 10-Jan-14 19:00:26

I get that CrockedPot, the sudden thought, from out of nowhere, that I could have a heart attack or a brain haemorrhage right now. It's not helped by the fact that two close relatives have had these things at a young age. One of them survived, but still when I worry about it I think of the other one.

hemel07 Fri 10-Jan-14 19:24:15

I am actually finding repeating waswats wise words like a mantra is helping.

I/he/she does not have xyz, I have health anxiety.

Thankyou waswats.

WasWats Fri 10-Jan-14 20:22:58

Oh God not at all hemel, glad to be of help. It is a pain in the arse this anxiety. Small sayings can be the distraction that works.

blissa Fri 10-Jan-14 22:02:52

Hello all smile

My book arrived yesterday, looks very interesting, I'm a couple of pages in....

I've been back to the gp today and told her my fears. She felt my tummy and said she is not worried about anything sinister. She's trying me on a different IBS medication and I'm to make an appointment with another dr for a weeks time.

Changing meds brings up another of my stupid anxieties which is the side effects of medication or severe allergic reaction. Does anyone else worry about this? I read through the leaflet and then worry all the listed side effects will happen to me at once!

bloody anxiety!

treaclesoda Fri 10-Jan-14 22:20:16

severe allergic reaction, yes, that's another thing I have obsessed about in the past blush (not so bad at the moment, thankfully).

I didn't eat peanuts for about five years because even though I knew I wasn't allergic to them, I feared becoming allergic to them. Then I started cutting out other things, being afraid of shower gel/shampoo/hair dye etc and then I realised it was all part of the anxiety.

blissa Fri 10-Jan-14 23:12:34

It's horrible isn't it- the constant cloud of something.

I was stung for the first time in my life this year and I've always worried about being allergic to wasp stings. I was absolutely fine but now I've been told that it's actually the second one that gets you!

WasWats Sat 11-Jan-14 10:33:39

Side effects mean that the meds are working, that is the way I look at it. If I am lucky enough not to get them, I just sail through but if i do get them the way I see it is that the meds are changing whatever is wrong and everything else needs to change a little too. When I went onto Lexapro I got every side effect you can think of. I lost a half a stone in two weeks, I am skinny anyway so this was bad. My periods went nuts, very early and heavy, I had to use maternity towels. My boobs were killing me too. All in all I was a nervous wreck, I have health anxiety and here was my drug that was meant to be helping, making me ill. I thought I had every disease on the planet.

I wanted to come off them and my GP begged me to do 6 weeks. And I did, 6 hellish weeks. And then one by one all the side effects stopped. And here I am now, 11 weeks on meds and a much calmer person.

hemel07 Sun 12-Jan-14 11:18:47

Had a bit of a wobble this weekend over my dd(8). She has mentioned intermittently that she has a headache. She doesn't get them often but always, always in exactly the same place (right hand side, behind her ear). She has no other signs of anything being remotely wrong (have googled !) but I still feel sick.

WasWats Sun 12-Jan-14 11:38:53

I get a pain in that exact same place when I am a little dehydrated. How is her fluid intake?

hemel07 Sun 12-Jan-14 12:31:27

Definitely could be better. Will try that. Thankyou.

CrockedPot Sun 12-Jan-14 12:53:40

Am having a wobble....woke up twice in the night with a sharp needle-like pain in my lower right abdomen...ignored and went to the gym. Once there, it came back so I almost left the class but forced myself to carry on. It was really bad on the way home so phoned my Mum for advice who said pain killers and hot bath. Did that and it has lessened a little but have also googled and it is coming up as appendicitis. Dh impatiently told me there is nothing wrong with me and he's probably right but I read that if it is that and it bursts it can be fatal so not sure if I should go to out of hours doctor or not. I'm being ridiculous, aren't I? The pain is real though, I'm not imagining it.

treaclesoda Sun 12-Jan-14 13:41:39

I think, from what other people tell me, that with appendicitis you tend to be very sick as well. Although don't take what I say as medical advice, I'm in no way qualified! But just thought it might help.

When I've had severe abdominal pain in the past it has always turned out to be constipation blush

CrockedPot Sun 12-Jan-14 16:34:16

Thanks for replying treacle...the.painkillers had taken it off but it has come back. It's a really sharp pain. I will have to go to gp ro morrow if no better hmm

WasWats Sun 12-Jan-14 16:43:53

Are you ovulating? I get that some months. Afaik you would be A LOT sicker with appendicitis.

CrockedPot Sun 12-Jan-14 17:51:55

WasWats, I am! Never had it before tho...

WasWats Sun 12-Jan-14 19:32:34

Well, you have it now. Nothing to worry about, put it out of your head and have a cuppa and a bit of chocolate ;)

CrockedPot Sun 12-Jan-14 20:22:18

Thank you so much Treacle and WasWats.... I realise now that a couple of nurofen probably wouldn't have made much of a dent on appendicitis, and your advice makes complete sense! Love this thread, really grateful, you have calmed my panic. Thanks again x

WasWats Sun 12-Jan-14 20:27:11

Yay, that is brilliant! We just have to stay strong and rational for eachother.

CrockedPot Mon 13-Jan-14 21:13:00

surprise, surprise, my 'appendicitis' didn't materialise and I am fine I am putting it down to ovulation pains blush! Seriously though, if I had had a panic in RL I would be so embarrassed today - because I know you all understand, I have no qualms in sharing my fears!

WasWats Mon 13-Jan-14 21:42:15

Glad to hear you are feeling better smile

DontWannaBeObamasElf Tue 14-Jan-14 13:54:46

Hello everyone.

I got the all clear from the Breast clinic last week. Big relief. I'm waiting on an appointment with General Surgery as the GP thinks the lump in my abdomen is a hernia. She also thinks my gallbladder is playing up but thankfully Liver Function bloods came back normal.

Got the GP tomorrow for a funny looking mole/wart/tag thing on my tummy I've had for a while, I'm not concerned about it though, just want to know what it is. And after Michelle from The Apprentice having BCC thought it best to get it checked.

Le1890 Wed 15-Jan-14 01:21:25

Hi Ladies

I am wondering if I can join you please?

I've suffered with health anxiety for just over 3 years now, mainly about my own health. Although the year before I developed it about my health I was obsessed with DD's.

I am currently terrified I have mouth cancer after finding a little hole like thing at the top of my gum, just before Xmas. Ive seen 3 dentists all who have told me it is not ca. The last one I saw said he thinks the tooth above it had died and there is some sort of chronic abscess. I've to see another dentist Thursday as I need aedation for dental work!! I've poked and dug my nails into that much that the hole has got a bigger!!

I'm 33, married with two kids. 4 and 9 months. I am obsessed with cancer. Lumps, bumps and asymmetry on my body (so I obsessively check and feel both sides and when one side feels different to the other I freak)!

In past 3 years I've had numerous scans, X-rays, physical exams and mountains of blood tests. In the past 6 months I've seen various specialists all of which have tried to reassure me I don't have cancer.

As well as the mouth thing I'm obsessed that I hae swollen lymph nodes (again doctors saying I do not ) and I also sweat through the night which terrifies me

anyway sorry for war and peace!! I am so glad to find others going through this although I am not glad that you are having to live with this torture and fear xx

treaclesoda Wed 15-Jan-14 11:41:34

of course you can join us!

Sorry to hear you are going through this too.

hemel07 Wed 15-Jan-14 12:04:40

One of the silliest things about all this is that I never learn. I've worried countless times about countless different ailments, all of which have come to nothing, but it doesn't stop me going into panic overdrive the next time.

WasWats Wed 15-Jan-14 22:03:27

My book arrived today and I am really looking forward to getting into it.

WasWats Wed 15-Jan-14 22:06:32

Hi Le1890. Night sweats are very common in anxiety sufferers, all that adrenaline ;) If it was cancer, they would have fund it by now. You sound perfectly healthy to me. As I sad further up, repeat after me, we do not have cancer we have health anxiety!

treaclesoda Wed 15-Jan-14 23:16:42

also, if it helps, I had terrible night sweats a few months after giving birth, think it was hormones all readjusting or something, and I know quite a few friends who've had the same.

WasWats Thu 16-Jan-14 09:10:41

Oh yes me too, i had forgotten about the hormonal sweaty nights!! I still get like that coming up to a period.

phlebas Thu 16-Jan-14 12:02:54

I get horrendous sweats with my anxiety (had a classic attack this morning when I went from fine to dripping in about 30 seconds - I didn't even notice I was anxious until afterwards).

I was at the doctor this morning for headaches - I think I've been pretty calm about them - I'm going to try amitriptyline to try and reduce the frequency ... she says they are classic tension headaches.

Am very anxious about ds2 today - I wish I understood why it suddenly gets bad again. His paed appointment is in three weeks ... not doubt they will think I'm crazy too. I really didn't want to be on my own but no-one around to talk to sad

I have found a local psychologist who does lots of anxiety/OCD stuff - trying to pluck up the courage to contact her.

strawberryswing Fri 17-Jan-14 10:52:26

I can relate to so many of these posts. After a while of thinking I was getting somewhere I'm back to square one again.

i'm flitting between a sinus infection which WILL develop into meningitis, a brain aneurysm and either kidney infection leading to blood poisoning, bladder or kidney cancer, all depending on which symptoms are worst at the time.

Why do I think this? I have random eyebrow and head pains and my wee was dark this morningsad

I Was automatically given anti-bs when I went to the doctors they did nothing now obviously its a super infection lol. Currently taking amitriptyline for nerve pain.

God I wish I could stop worrying, just for one day!

treaclesoda Thu 23-Jan-14 09:22:28

how is everyone feeling?

I'm sort of hoping that the fact that none of us have posted in a panic means that we're having a calm period, and we're managing a bit better.

Hope so anyway.

Le1890 Fri 24-Jan-14 09:55:54

Ive been 'coping' I.e keeping a lid on it on the outside but nagged by fears on the inside.

I'm at the gp just now. I've not been in 3 weeks which is good for me!!!!

Anyway my neck is still sore on the right side and I can feel lumps. I'm fed up with gp and ENT telling me there are Jo swollen glands. I am hoping they are my swollen glands and part of the muscle but I don't think so. I'm just so scared and fed up thinking something is going missed. I do know though that thinking things are being missed is part of ha.

I hope everyone is doing ok!!xx

Le1890 Fri 24-Jan-14 09:57:07

Sorry 'Jo' swollen glands is meant to say 'no' lol

hemel07 Fri 24-Jan-14 14:07:25

I'm not feeling too bad at the moment, although my dh fell out of bed at 1:30 this morning and I thought he was dead. He just slipped!! Managed to see the funny side this morning, having spent the rest of the night planning his funeral and wondering how I would break the news to the kids!!!!!

CrockedPot Sat 25-Jan-14 18:02:35

I am feeling really good at the moment, I have had a week without any panics, which is a long time for me! Keeping an eye on thread though.
I haven't had a drink in January, and am wondering if this might be the reason for my calm...I acknowledge that I sometimes dive into the wine to try and forget my fears, and though it works temporarily, it always comes back with a vengeance. I know alcohol is a depressant, and am seriously thinking about not drinking for February and beyond to see if it is having a positive effect on my anxiety....

Meganlillymai Wed 05-Feb-14 19:43:11

So glad I found. This I have major HA but mine is about finding cancer. And I refuse to go to the doca. I panik at even the thought of phoning up!! I found a swollen gland in neck why I had the flu. It was small but hard and very mobile. So reading into it it was either LYMPHOMA!! OR a reactive node. Automatically I think lymphoma. But its been 7 months and the lump hasnt changed if anyhing its shrunk!!! Thats good right

Milkmachinemadness Thu 06-Feb-14 17:35:22

Oh gosh my daughters friends mum has just died of cancer and now my anxiety has come rushing back to me . Feeling very anxious now sad(

CrockedPot Thu 06-Feb-14 22:03:13

Meganlillimai, if your lump has shrunk,it is not cancer. I have a lump in my thigh and went to the gp with it (I was thinking thyroid, lymph noid cancer) he said as we get older we get lumps and it was nothing sinister. Six years later, I can still feel it if I grope around for it, but I know it can't be cancer, and yours sounds like a similar thing. Totally get it though. The worry, worry, worry cycle!

CrockedPot Thu 06-Feb-14 22:06:22

Milkmachinemadness, sorry to hear that, I know that when something happens to someone close to you it does bring all your fears rushing in (if it can happen to them, it can happen to me syndrome) it is awful, and things do happen, you just need to get a little perspective if you can. It helps to post on here, what exactly are you worrying about?

Milkmachinemadness Fri 07-Feb-14 20:39:15

Well I have a fear of cancer :-/ since breastfeeding my little one abd my boobs being so lumpy (had them scanned twice ) all was fine , I'm terrified that when I stop breastfeeding there will be a lump and a bad one , dd is 18 months and ppl keep saying I need to wean but I'm to scared to incase something sinister pops up , I've also had dear of bowel cancer and lymphoma , all these have happened to ppl close to me. It's health anxiety . It gets worse when I've been stressed, been drinking or very tired.

Meganlillymai Fri 07-Feb-14 21:14:25

So good yo see im not the only one. Mine went big and shrunk but its still there buts been 7 month n hasnt grown so suppose thata good

WasWats Sat 08-Feb-14 18:46:17

Milkmachine, I was the exact same as you. I was convinced I would find a lump in my breast. Convinced. I am still afraid taking a shower in case I find one, but I am so much better then I was. I took the step and went onto meds, I should have done it years ago. It has given my children back their Mother and given me the chance to live again.

Milkmachinemadness Sat 08-Feb-14 21:42:05

I'm glad you are doing well , I hope one day I can get back to myself , but I think it's miles away yet

basia2 Sat 08-Feb-14 23:27:18

Hope you don't mind if I jump in with my 3 cents.
I was surfing the web for "health anxiety" and found this site.
I am 41, the mom of a two year old, a 22 year old, and a 24 year old. All sons. I also have a 3 year old granddaughter.
I have suffered from anxiety disorder for years, and it mostly manifests as worry about my health, and that of my toddler.
My older sons have problems; one is in drug rehab and the other is schizophrenic and in state prison. This makes me terribly sad... at one time, I was almost suicidal over it, but I've managed to let go to some extent, and now most of my energies are fixed on my little one.
Unfortunately, my anxiety demons continue to plague me, to the extent that I am constantly convinced that he or I (or both) have some serious illness, even though it always turns out not to be so.
I do not like living this way. I want to be happy with my baby, and I am not, because I am constantly convinced we're dying of one thing or another.
I do not know the answer, but it really did me good to read about some other moms going through the same thing. It is so hard, and it hurts so much. It takes the joy out of living.
Thank you for sharing your stories. I do not feel so alone now.

basia2 Sat 08-Feb-14 23:35:14

I should also mention, my husband and I are about to try and conceive again. When I am pregnant is the only time my anxiety abates, hence I am convinced that hormones play a role.

basia2 Sun 09-Feb-14 01:12:11

I'm currently freaking about ( might as well just get it out in the open) my little one having liver disease (after his preschool teacher mentioned his complexion was "yellow" compared to the other children; now I can't stop checking him for "yellowness". I wish she'd kept her mouth shut. His scleras are white as snow, so I'm sure it's just from eating too many carrots).
I'm also worried about having oral cancer, after noticing an assymetry on my tongue. I have an appointment with the ENT specialist on Thursday, but I'm basically planning my funeral already.
Before this, I thought I had a liposarcoma (there was a lump in my thigh) and that my baby had Kawasaki disease ( he had fever for four days, then a viral rash). And this is just last month!
Before that, I thought he had a hernia (I saw a lump near his groin that came and went), but the specialist said no. I thought I had uterine cancer (abnormal bleeding; turned out to be a benign uterine polyp, since removed).
That was in December.
If I listed all the diseases I have thought we had, it would take all night!
What I'm saying is, I always think we have some serious illness, and I can never be happy because of it. Even when the doctor says we're fine, it doesn't ease my mind, because I simply convince myself that the doctor doesn't know what he's talking about. The internet is full of stories of misdiagnoses.
So that's where I am at right now.
And yes, I have believed in the past that I had breast, cervical, lung, brain, bowel, and many other cancers, and actually believed I was exhibiting symptoms of these.
I am such a messed up person, and it is making me so sad.
My baby sees me crying and says, "Mama, bump head?"
He can't think of any other reason I'd be crying, and his innocence makes me cry even more. I want so much to let go of this terrible fear and anxiety, and just be happy with him. He is healthy and wonderful!

Milkmachinemadness Sun 09-Feb-14 07:23:06

Basia so sorry to hear you are iaffected by this too , it probably is the carrots as my friend ate too many satsumas and she turned orange. I'm currently waiting for my dreaded period to turn up , I think it's late now I'm freaking out , been up all night worrying , I've got copper coil but read so much online where it's failed ppl now I'm convinced its failed us grrrrr. Good luck for you ttc hope it goes well

Meganlillymai Mon 10-Feb-14 21:28:55

Aw listen to us. I alway try to tell myself that its going to something else next month. At the moment I keep incase I have a enlarged spleen!! Why do we fo this to ourselves

Milkmachinemadness Tue 11-Feb-14 09:11:56

Lol Megan I have no idea :-/ I've got AF now so I told myself phew now what else was I worried about ? Oh yea that pain I had in my left but cheek hmm I best google it , ffs it's beyond a joke now ! I'm keeping focused today

Olivegirl Tue 11-Feb-14 09:24:53

Glad I found this I know whats wrong with me..

All my life I've been healthy and never ever even thought about health issues , knowing I'm ok fit and healthy..

I get to 48 yrs old and I seem to be constantly worrying and checking.
It stems from a general women's health check I had where my bp and cholesterol showed a little high panic set in and there it stayed sad

I took my own bp at docs the other day and because I was panicking it was high and got an immediate appointment to see the nurse....who was lovely ,calmed me down took my bp again and it was normal....
Hate being like this and I want to control it and be how I was.
I find work ..being busy , and long walks help a lot winesad

Meganlillymai Tue 11-Feb-14 09:53:47

Milkmachinemadness I ones thought I had cancer in my butt cheek cos I always got a pain there... It's ridiculous when I think back to all these things I thought I had.

Olivegirl next time u go to get your Bp taken sit down for 5 mins before and take slow deep breaths. I can bet you your bp will be normal. Today I'm a lot calmer but give it an hour when I'm sat alone and bord my mind will then start to wander and google angry

Milkmachinemadness Tue 11-Feb-14 11:27:18

Oh ladies it's terrible :-/ I think mines increasing as I approach 30 , it seems to make me think cause I'm getting older I'm more likely to get cancer and die , or if I survive it I will still worry it will come back sad cancer rates are pretty low in my family too

ItsSoooFluffy Tue 11-Feb-14 12:20:30

I have GAD with health anxiety being a part of it. I am always back and forth going to my doctors at least once monthly. I just want to be 'normal' I guess.

Milkmachinemadness Tue 11-Feb-14 18:26:28

Fluffy it's horrible . But looking back I've always been a worrier , even as a kid at school I remember being up all night worrying because something was coming up and I didn't want to do it like PE I hated that and I think a lack of confidence , I was not a confident kid at all. I'm wondering if any of you looking back were worriers as children ?

Meganlillymai Tue 11-Feb-14 20:02:04

See I worry but wont go to docs. Im a watch a waot person wich makes the whole worrying worse! I havnt been to docs abput my swollen node I just watch and wait

Milkmachinemadness Tue 11-Feb-14 22:02:18

I flick from both I wait for a while and sometimes forget about it then when I feel/check another time I just freak and think maybe I should go to A&E shock

basia2 Wed 12-Feb-14 01:03:43

MilkMM, yes. Even as a child, I worried.
I have two severely disabled sisters- epilepsy and cerebral palsy- and maybe that was the start of it.
I distinctly remember being about eight and being convinced I had cancer and was going to die, because I found a small lump in my wrist.
I had never known anyone who had cancer, but I read a lot, so I knew what it was.
Another time, when I was about ten, I kept picking at a mole on my arm until it bled, and then I actually became so convinced it was cancer that I managed to convince my father, who took me to the doctor (it wasn't, of course).
But that just illustrates how great my conviction is. I believe I am ill so strongly that I am able to convince other people, which of course scares me even more.

As I mentioned, I am currently convinced I have oral cancer, because I have a rough, bumpy patch on the side of my tongue. I have an appointment to see the ENT specialist this Thursday.
I am scared to death. I seriously cannot function right now. I am 41, and smoked for years, so this time it seems like a real possibility.
If I keep worrying about everything all the time, then someday I am bound to be right, after all.

basia2 Wed 12-Feb-14 01:12:40

I am half afraid the doctor will say it is nothing (because I won't believe him, and I need this torment to END), and half convinced he'll recommend a biopsy, because I'll probably drop dead of fear while awaiting the results.
I am so, so, so scared right now.
I feel as though I'm walking through the valley of the shadow of death. And the terrain is quite familiar, because I've been here many times before.
Each time, I swear it is the last time I will wind myself up like this... but there's always a next time.
I am not afraid to die. In fact, I half wish I would. I am afraid of pain, mutilation, indignity. In short, illness.

basia2 Wed 12-Feb-14 01:47:44

It doesn't help that the internet is full of stories about people who kept being brushed off by their doctors and told it was nothing, and then it actually turned out to be cancer (late stage, of course, because they wasted so much time trying to get the right diagnosis).
It makes me not trust doctors at all.
But I do not know who else to turn to for reassurance. Sometimes it makes me want to exaggerate my symptoms, though, just so they'll be sure and take me seriously.
But then, that's really sick, isn't it? Munchausen's Syndrome, it's called.
Munchausen's by proxy is when you invent or exaggerate your children's symptoms. At least I have never been guilty of THAT.
Of course, with Munchausen's, I've heard they do it for attention. When I've been tempted to exaggerate, say, the length of time a particular illness or symptom has gone on, it's simply because I am SO CONVINCED that I am seriously I'll, and I want the doctor to take it seriously and leave no stone unturned.

Milkmachinemadness Wed 12-Feb-14 10:04:54

I'm sorry Basia you are going through this right now. I too was convinced I had BC twice had ultrasounds and they said urs all breastfeeding related but to go back when we have weaned ...... Well I don't want to wean now cause I'm terrified they will find something ! I can't watch cancer adverts , I feel the tv rams them down our throats 24/7 I know cancer exists but does it need to b on tv , magazines , posters everywhere like there is no escape. I also am
Not afraid of dying , I'm afraid of leaving my children but I always think if I am dead I don't have to go through the pure terror if worry everyday , it is terrifying , I know exactly how you feel. I nearly broke down up at the school once collecting the kids , I had to call DP to come and help me get home . It's debilitating , I also think it's turning into OCD as its constant checking , once I'm fixated I have to keep checking trying to convince myself it's nothing but then
I tell myself but it is it is something and it's going to bad this time sad

BettyG1981 Wed 12-Feb-14 11:04:32

I'm glad I've found this thread because it makes me feel just a little less alone. I suffer from general anxiety with health anxiety playing a big part in it. For the last month I have been to the doctors at least once a week. The first week I was there four times. I am utterly convinced myself or my kids are about to die. The anxiety has reached a level where it has caused physical symptoms which in turn makes my anxiety worse. It's a vicious circle. I've bad blood tests, an ECG and countless examinations for lumps, bumps, aches, pains and a fast heart rate. The GP prescribed me diazepam to get me through "my crisis" which didn't work. I'm now on antidepressants and have been referred for counselling, but due to budget restrictions I can't been seen until April.

My anxiety reached a new level yesterday when my youngest son feel from his brother's top bunk and walloped his head on the floor. I took him to a&e and he was given the all clear, but I'm watching him like a hawk because I'm terrified they missed something and he has damaged his brain. I then found a bump/ridge on my forehead. I saw the nurse practitioner this morning and apparently it's very normal and nothing to worry about. I'm not reassured and still worried.

Anxiety makes me feel alone and worst of all I feel like a burden to my family and friends. I have tried to think of where it all stems from and I have no idea. I've always been a worrier and a thinker, but not to this level. It's the scariest prison to be trapped in a mind that doesn't let you rest. I hope the meds will start working soon and I can get some peace.

basia2 Wed 12-Feb-14 12:54:57

Betty, as for the head bump- I've been there too.
My youngest fell and bumped his head awhile back, and I took him to A&E.
They said to simply observe him for 72 hours for signs of a concussion. Now THAT is terrifying. Awful three days. On the third day, he vomited, and I rushed him back, only to be told he just had a stomach bug, not a concussion.
When I'm afraid my chi!dren are sick, I always bargain with god, ask him to make me sick instead of my children. But then when I'm afraid I'm sick, I'm terrified too. I'm such a wimp.
I swear, I'd this tongue thing turns out to be nothing, I'm going to do something about this anxiety. Maybe I will have to get on meds.

basia2 Wed 12-Feb-14 13:03:55

And Betty, just to slightly reassure you, hopefully (because I researched all this a lot when my son bumped his head) even if he had a concussion, brain damage is extremely unlikely. Many kids get them, and nearly all recover fully... and without any treatment.
The real danger of head bumps is when a person gets multiple concussions, getting one before another is fully healed. This is why boxers and professional athletes sometimes end up with brain damage.
The odds are truly one in a million that your child would suffer permanent damage from a single head bump.
I know reassurance doesn't help too much, but that is what I learned when I was in your same situation, so I wanted to share it with you.

basia2 Wed 12-Feb-14 13:46:48

As far as the obsessive "checking" of whatever body part I currently believe is diseased, I go back and forth between checking obsessively (like every five minutes) to convince myself I'm okay or to make sure the problem isn't getting worse... and being afraid to look at my body at all, whatsoever. I do not, for instance, look at or touch my breasts. I also never look at the paper after I wipe (even if I only peed) for fear of seeing blood when there should not be any. There are many body parts that are now off-limits for me to look at, because they scare me too much, or have in the past.
This is no damn way to live. I'm envious of everyone else in the world- even fat ugly people, homeless people, everyone- because I imagine they are healthy and cancer-free (which I am too, but I don't feel like it) and also not afraid of the bodies they inhabit.

BettyG1981 Wed 12-Feb-14 13:51:35

Thank you, Basia. That does help and makes a lot of sense. It's so scary when you're not in control and it's something that's happening to your child

It all got abut too much for me this afternoon. I watched a piece on TV about a young woman with pancreatic cancer. I was absolutely terrified. I was in tears and decided to ring the Samaritans. I just needed someone to speak to that didn't know me. It's made me feel a little better and I had a good cry too which helped too.

Meganlillymai Wed 12-Feb-14 19:53:30

Basia u sound so much like me. I never check tpilet paper and never look down the toilet! I do self check every day or even 10 times a day!!! But god knows y cos id never go fo docs

Milkmachinemadness Wed 12-Feb-14 21:55:48

Basia I am heading that way I think . I very stupidly prodded at my boob again and before I know it I've found 2 lumps in one and one in the other ffs y do I do it , no doubts poor boobs will get cancer from all the poking and squishing I do. I once made one completely black with bruising it really looked terrible , I then had a full blown panic attack whilst I was on holiday over it convinced it was cancer which had made it this colour even tho it was me from prodding and squishing constantly ! I wonder if squishing and poking all the time will cause cancer ? I hate that word hate it ! It's taken over my life I just want it to eff off and leaves alone just go away stop following me stop taking me over I want to be able to be happy and not have these thoughts of dread rushing into my mind . I know I will be up all night checking its ridiculous . But if I've had them ultrasound scanned twice eve tho I was breastfeeding so they would have been full of milk they would have seen something wouldn't they? And if they didnt it wouldn't have developed this quick would it? And how come my GP thought it was cysts but they didnt mention cysts at the scan ? Y is this even bothering me now , this was back in August last year sad

Milkmachinemadness Wed 12-Feb-14 21:58:06

Oh and hello Betty , I sometimes panic if any of my children have bruises thinking it's lukemia sad

phlebas Wed 12-Feb-14 22:10:07

hi everyone - sorry I don't post regularly but sometimes the only way I cope at all is by Not Thinking About It (or anything).

I've had an okayish month - coped with my mum being ill, ds2 going to the paed (had a wobble when she said the thing I was most worried about wasn't actually that rare but she doesn't think he has it), dh having weird symptoms (I was scared it was MS turned out to be something silly). I even had a let up in IBS symptoms. Then I found a weird thing my my armpit - been twice to the GP in two days, they think it is an infection but have referred me to the breast clinic. I now have to survive 2-3 weeks for an appointment. I'm running to the loo with IBS diarrhoea every 20 minutes & have that cold wash of adrenaline flooding through my body. So many intrusive thoughts all the time.


phlebas Wed 12-Feb-14 22:13:07

one positive thing I've done is night wean ds2 though - dh is doing nights now & I am getting much more sleep. Tiredness is a massive trigger for me - I'm also getting fewer headaches & less weird tingly face/scalp symptoms. I've started taking vitamin D & B12 (I'm vegetarian) supplements religiously too which might help with general low mood & aches & pains.

phlebas Wed 12-Feb-14 22:15:29

gah pressed send too soon.

I bought a CBT-ish book for anxiety & trauma (I've had lots of horrid medical stuff in the past which has left me quite traumatised) but haven't even opened it yet - when I'm reasonably well I just want to try and forget about it & when I'm not I'm just too ill to do it. I think where I am right now that doing it by myself isn't really manageable.

Milkmachinemadness Wed 12-Feb-14 22:17:59

Phlebas you should be seen before 2 weeks , I was seen within 5-6 days and my GP only sent me cause I was so anxious , it's probably nothing , please let me know how you get on

Milkmachinemadness Wed 12-Feb-14 22:19:33

How old is your DS? I need to night wean DD that's probably half my problem but then I'm terrified the less I feed the more lumps will be easily found :-/

Milkmachinemadness Wed 12-Feb-14 22:24:45

This anxiety was brought on after my 3rd dd and sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have had her cause then I would b normal sad

basia2 Thu 13-Feb-14 00:43:20

Well, wish me luck with my appointment, !adies.
It's first thing in the morning: 7:30 am.
I'm actually feeling a little calmer now.., resigned. sad
I'm afraid once I actually get in the office, though, I'll have a panic attack.

Ladies, again, I know reassurance doesn't really help, but I've had a million breast lumps, starting in my teens, and the doctors always say I have fibrocystic breast tissue and it is normal in many women of reproductive age.
In fact that is why they don't do routine mammograms on women under 50... the breast tissue of younger women is naturally denser and "lumpier" and more prone to cysts. It makes it difficult to find actual breast cancer on a mammogram. After menopause, apparently, it's easier to see it.
I will definitely not say don't worry. That would be silly, considering. But I have been told by many doctors over the past 20 years that it is actually NORMAL for women before menopause to have lumpy breasts. It has to do with our hormones.
So if you feel a lump, just consider that it could very well be a normal part of your anatomy, and hormone related. Of course, it could be cancer, but the odds are definitely not in favor of that, especially considering that most women normally have occasional benign cysts or lumps.

Hopefully I can come back tomorrow with good news about my doctor appointment. Oh, I do hope so.
And I wish you all a peaceful night's rest (I'm in the US, so it's nearly bedtime here).

Milkmachinemadness Thu 13-Feb-14 02:47:16

Basia one good thing is a nice early appointment at least you can get it over and done with. I'm sure it's going to be nothing but go get ur mind put at ease a little smile

ItsSoooFluffy Thu 13-Feb-14 12:04:14

Yes, definitely used to worry as a child as far back as I could remember, then I used to worry if I forgot what I was worrying about too hmm

BettyG1981 Thu 13-Feb-14 14:18:18

Hi Milkmachinemadness. I am constantly feeling for lumps everywhere. Yesterday evening I thought I found a lump in my armpit. The doctor checked me out today and said everything is fine and normal. All the checking and prodding has made my armpit so sore. Today I have found what I think is a lump in my neck at the back. My partner thinks it's muscle or bone, but I'm not convinced. I'll be on the phone at 8 in the morning to get a GP appointment. I'm terrified and had a huge panic attack. I just can't seem to get my head to a place where I feel confident that I'm not ill. I'm exhausted by it all.

Hope the appointment goes okay, Basia.

Meganlillymai Thu 13-Feb-14 19:15:23

Ive been so good latly and stayed calm till tonight out of no where I sneezed then my nose ran with blood!!! Lasted no longer then 5 minutes but my god I was toerrifed and thought this it. Tonights the night im either going to die or find somthig sinister out. [Sad]

BettyG1981 Thu 13-Feb-14 19:43:45

Oh Megan. Nosebleeds are scary. I'm glad it lasted less than five minutes. Your sneeze was probably what started the nose bleed. Sending you a reassuring hug. I feel terrible tonight. I ended up going to the walk in centre with my lump. The nurse "suspects" it's a gland. I'm not convinced. I didn't think there were any glands in the middle of your neck? I know thee are to the sides. She said to keep an eye on it and see my GP if it gets bigger. I've now got a nagging pain in my right side. Just feel rotten! I think I'll end up seeing the GP tomorrow as I can't worry all weekend about it :-(

Meganlillymai Thu 13-Feb-14 19:55:18

Do you have a cold? If ao then it is proberly a gland. Im worrying now because ive got a head ache. Ao automatically I think tumor.

BettyG1981 Thu 13-Feb-14 22:07:02

I do have a cold. My ear hurts and the nurse says my temperature is a little high. You're right it us probably a gland I just can't stop thinking she's wrong. I hope your headache gets better :-( I had one earlier too from worry, but thought it was linked to my neck lump. It's just never ending.

basia2 Fri 14-Feb-14 00:50:01

The specialist said it wasn't cancer on my tongue.
He does not want to biopsy it, says he sees nothing troubling at all.
He did prescribe an ointment for "inflammation", but I feel he did that more to shut me up than anything.
However, he did seem very sure that there was no oral cancer.

I ought to feel wonderful, but I don't, because THe SHIT IS STILL THERE.
If it goes away, I'll feel better... at least until the next thing. But sometimes I get a few good weeks in between worries. Although not recently, they've been one after another all fall and winter.
But anyway, I got my "good news".

WasWats Fri 14-Feb-14 09:32:06

Basia, you will find something else to be worried about. The body is a vast and wondrous thing, but it is not perfect and the imperfections can be seen as illnesses to us sufferers.

The problem is the anxiety you have within your brain has latched onto health, so while that is there so will the health issues. I have suffered for years and years. My anxieties jumped from one thing to another since I was a child, settling firmly on health issues as an adult. I have done every type of therapy you can think of. I am on medication now, have been for four months and I have never felt so 'normal' Please talk to your GP about getting a psych referral if you can. It does work. I was afraid that if I went onto meds I would miss a cancer that was there and that I would die because I wasn't checking. I still check, but not in that frenzied 100 times a day way that I used to. Checking to reassure myself, then checking in a different light in case I missed it, then checking again and again and again til I was in a panic.

hemel07 Sat 15-Feb-14 20:29:47

Freaking out a bit tonight. My 8 yr old dd1 still complaining intermittently about headaches (at the back,right, behind ear.) She is easily distracted and doesn't need any analgesia, no other symptoms of anything nasty (I can't even type the words....) and she is really well in herself. I just hate it. Every time those words come out of her mouth its like I'm being stabbed in the heart.

Pixiedust49 Sat 15-Feb-14 21:06:18

Hi Hemel. I feel just like that every time DD complains of tummy ache/ sore throat etc, she gets ill such a lot. Every morning I wake up with a feeling of dread about what she might go down with that day. I can't eat, sleep or function properly, it's wearing me out.

hemel07 Sat 15-Feb-14 21:10:05

It is soooo wearing. You have my full sympathy Pixie.

BigPawsBrown Sat 15-Feb-14 21:15:39

I wanted to come on here and say that I used to have terrible health anxiety and I am now health anxiety free smile I had CBT and I did the thought records enough so that now I have an entirely normal attitude to health anxiety - I even recently had an armpit lump that needed investigation and I didn't even worry about it. I wanted to let you all know it is possible to get better! smile

Meganlillymai Sun 16-Feb-14 17:48:27

I do beleieve winter is the cause for most of my worrying as we are stuck n bord

Carlisle has been lovely and sunny today so ive been out in the garden. Then this afternoon I had a row with my father and all of a sudden my HA has pricked up. sad feelig so sad

basia2 Sun 16-Feb-14 23:15:10

Yes, getting outdoors and being around others helps a lot.

BettyG1981 Mon 17-Feb-14 11:43:00

Basia, I'm glad you got good news. Pixie and Hemel, I do exactly the same thing. I worry over the slightest thing. Every sore throat, headache or tummy ache that my kids get sends me into a panic. I worry that I'm transferring my anxiety on to them too.

I went for a follow up appointment with my doctor today. She's upped my dose of antidepressants and she's referred me to the local psych services for CBT therapy. She also looked at my lump in my neck and it's not a gland, it's actually bone. It's part if my spine that sticks out a bit more than it would on other people. This makes me feel worse as the nurse who originally told me it was a gland obviously doesn't have a clue. Aches and pains everywhere today and suffering with stomach pain.

LovelyBath Mon 17-Feb-14 16:59:58

Hi can I join you? My Dh says he will ban me from always googling health conditions out of anxiety. It is almost a form of feeling the more I know the more I can be aware if anything goes wrong. However it is making me very stressed.

A couple of years ago i had a benign growth which was removed but it was very unusual and had become life threatening due to the location where it was in. My local hospital had not seen the condition before. So this has led to me being very anxious. (sorry hope this is not adding to others' anxiety)

I keep trying to focus on the positives- it was benign (yey) they did treat it in the end however i've been left with these horrible adhesions causing pain, which increases the anxiety. I keep thinking, well what if the pain is masking something else? Then start thinking about all the CT scans I've had and the radiation..

An being referred for a psychology course on facing anxieties. For me this will mainly be focusing on things like dealing with the NG tube and possible emergency surgery if the adhesions cause another bowel obstruction. Apart from that I'm trying to change by thoughts and focus on being healthy, exercise etc. It isn't easy to stop having worries and thoughts, but it may help to change them around to being more positive.

Meganlillymai Tue 18-Feb-14 16:33:35

Aw poor you. Anxiety is hust awful. Lately ive had a had head behind my eyes and the bridge of my nose so I automatically assume its my blood pressure as im over weight. Im so worried incaee I need to go to doctors as its a phobia of mine

Milkmachinemadness Wed 19-Feb-14 09:46:27

Glad you got the all clear in the oral cancer fear smile hey how do you get cbt I heard it's a very long wait , can you self refer? I really want to get cured of this , I'm sick to death of worrying , if I see another breast cancer advertisement I'm going to ring them personally and tell them
To STOP please it's too much sad hope everyone is holding out ok, I'm going to stay in today and at happy music and try to chill.

BettyG1981 Wed 19-Feb-14 10:35:54

I was referred by my GP for the CBT. I have no idea about waiting lists. The best thing to finis speak to your GP. They really are there to help. Mention the way you're feeling and about the way you view your health.

I'm not doing great today. Eldest son has had a bad tummy yesterday, all night last night and today. We had a very restless night. He's very anxious too. I'm so worried.

I'm still focusing on different parts of my body and worrying what might be wrong with them. The latest is the moles I have.

LovelyBath Wed 19-Feb-14 17:51:24

I was wondering about mindfulness. has anyone tried that? Do you think it's possible to get a referral on the NHS?

Meganlillymai Wed 19-Feb-14 18:58:03

Do u think head aches like an ache in the forhead eyes and nose can be caused by anxiety

Meganlillymai Wed 19-Feb-14 19:00:57

Bettyg1981 I am the same. Last week and part of this week ive claimed I have lymphoma hight blood pressure heart disease skin cancer and now somthig wrong with my eyes or brain....

Milkmachinemadness Wed 19-Feb-14 21:48:13

Oh yes I went through the mole thing , also have a cyst on my arm but of course that was cancer , it's one thing after the other sad I really don't want to have to go back on meds sad

BettyG1981 Thu 20-Feb-14 11:08:36

LovelyBath, my friend has tried mindfulness. She said it is brilliant and helped her a lot with anxiety and panic attacks. I'm not sure if GPs refer or recommend it. It can be quite pricey for the courses.

Meganlillymai, I get a lot if headaches. Tension headaches cause pain in my forehead, top of head and sides. I get pressure in my nose and eyes when my sinuses are blocked, which is often accompanied by a headache.

I worry all the time about everything. I've had a cold now for two and half weeks. I'm now concerned about the meds I'm on because they can cause a reduction in blood cells. Just after starting them I caught a cold with a terrible sore throat that I can't kick. Plus, a gland on my neck has been up for weeks now.

I tell myself that if I go it the doctor to get something checked then I won't have to worry anymore. The trouble is I find something else to worry about. sad

BettyG1981 Thu 20-Feb-14 11:17:18

Having said all of the above, I do feel the meds are helping. I still worry, but the panicking is easing. I feel less scared when I wake up and the physical symptoms that my anxiety causes are easing. I'm a long way from being well and being able to function as I would like, but I do feel like I'm getting there. Small steps. I didn't like the idea of being on meds. I didn't want to be drugged up, but I think they were necessary. I need something to balance out the worry thoughts I have. My meds increase the serotonin in my brain. I now have hope that I might feel "normal" one day.

Meganlillymai Thu 20-Feb-14 14:40:04

Yeh well ive a runny nose but the head ache is still there although eased a lot today its just in the top of my head now.

Its funny cos I always think il be the only person with these symptoms when really im not millions of people experience the same symptoms.

Im debating about seing a doc about my anxiety. I just have an awful phobia about the docs :/
I have a lump in my neck im asuming its a gland as it was sore n went hard after a while but 8 months down the line it hasn't changed smile

Milkmachinemadness Fri 21-Feb-14 16:40:46

Think I'm gonna go out and buy a bottle of whiskey maybe that will help

LovelyBath Fri 21-Feb-14 16:59:22

I went to the library and got a book on Mindfulness. It looks quite helpful. There were also some books on Health Anxiety.

Milkmachinemadness Sat 22-Feb-14 17:15:13

Having a bad day today sad I keep looking at my daughter and feel sick with worry . Convinced again its breast cancer abd cause my boobs are large they are so lumpy and don't always feel the same each side , I feel like I've missed something. I'm going to GP Monday to ask for CBT. I don't enjoy myself anymore , I never want to go out I just want to hide abd I'm missing out on the kids and my life ! I'm 30 this year my youngest is 19 months abd I feel like I've totally lost the last 2 years of her growing up all I can remeber is me worrying , I worry over every little thing . Will keep you all updated on GP appt.

BettyG1981 Sat 22-Feb-14 17:36:30

Meganlillymai, going to the doctor is a really scary thing to do. Is there anyone that you trust that can maybe go with you. I was so scared but found once I told my doctor a massive weight had been lifted. The first step is always the hardest. You're definitely not alone with the symptom thing. I've got a pain in the back of my head. My rational side says it's my cold it my eczema on my scalp (caused by stress), but my anxiety is saying it's something wrong with my brain.

LovelyBath, I hope the book is helpful. Let us know how you get on with it.

Milkmachinemadness, I think talking with your GP is a good idea. My friend has had CBT and she says it changed her whole outlook. I know what you mean. I'm 32 and the doctor keeps reminding me that I'm young and healthy when I just feel ill and that time is slipping away. Be really honest with your doctor and don't hold back. I spent around 20 minutes crying and talking with the doctor. I was convinced she was going to lock me up for being mad! She was really understanding and supportive and assured me that there are lots of people that feel like this. Lots of luck with appointment. Be sure to let us know how it goes.

WasWats Sat 22-Feb-14 18:23:22

Milk and Betty you both sound 100% like me before I went on meds. I am so far from it now that I find it hard to imagine being like that again. I did every type of therapy you can think of and then in Oct took the big step, which actually in reality isn't that big. At this stage I don;t even notice I am on them, they do not interfere with my life at all. Other then make me feel more rational and grown up and in control.

Meganlillymai Sat 22-Feb-14 18:56:02

Well I spoke with my mum who didnt seem to worried as its a mild head ache but its more annoying then anyyhinh elsr. I feel it behind my ears and my eyes and ever so slightly on my nose. Is that due to my cold do u think???

Milkmachinemadness Sat 22-Feb-14 19:31:19

Megan I've had that before when I've got a cold , sounds like your sinuses xx

Meganlillymai Sat 22-Feb-14 19:34:50

Its been nearly a week but its not getting worse just slightly better more annoying

Milkmachinemadness Sat 22-Feb-14 20:53:09

I'm sure it's your cold , take some lemsips , they help x

BettyG1981 Sat 22-Feb-14 22:23:49

Definitely sounds like a head cold and your sinuses. I've had a cold for nearly three weeks now with sinus trouble. The doctor told me that it's normal and colds tend to pile on of each other at this time of the year. Sinus infections usually clear by themselves and rarely need antibiotics. It will linger if you don't rest or are run down. I think that's why I'm suffering because I can't get any rest. Hope you feel better soon.

WasWats Sat 22-Feb-14 23:06:09

Eh hello. I tried to help. Remind me not to bother.

dishandspoon Sun 23-Feb-14 06:40:25

just found this thread ... I suffer with health anxiety too, not so much day to day, but I struggle with it if I travel more than an hour away from home, I struggle with anxiety and then start thinking what if I have a stroke/heart attack etc away from family and help. It is horrible because then I start feeling really panicky and get the symptoms anyway. Still unravelling my anxiety disorder really appreciate any tips or feedback, have resisted medication so far but is it really the only answer??

Milkmachinemadness Sun 23-Feb-14 07:39:29

Hi dish and spoon , sorry you are suffering from anxiety too , it's blooming awful. I've had similar to you but worry if I'm out shopping and something bad happens abd I have to call an ambulance abd everyone would be staring etc but I more fixate now just on my health . I have panic attacks about it and the worry I will have an attack whilst away from home , it's not good. I was on citalopram which worked to a certain extent but I still felt like it was just making me slower rather then dealing with my anxiety. I'm back to GP Monday so will see what her suggestions are...

Milkmachinemadness Sun 23-Feb-14 07:46:07

Waswats sorry I didn't see your post , I'm all over the place this morning sad what have you having? Therapy / medication ? Is it something I could ask my GP for ?

WasWats Sun 23-Feb-14 12:16:06

Sorry Milk, that was very childish of me, must have pmt at the mo! Yes I am on Lexapro. It is one of the serotonin ones. Basically if you do not have enough serotonin in your brain you will be come anxious, obsessive and depressed. this one is the best of obsessive thoughts. The first 4 weeks or so on them was bad, but nothing that I wasn;t used to. But still it was bad til my levels settled. Saying that, my sister is on them and had no side effects, so it si very personal. I am telling you now this med has given my children back their Mother. I still worry but I rationalise it very fast so no checking and double checking. I can pull myself out of it. I am like the grown up version of the frightened child I had become.

Milkmachinemadness Sun 23-Feb-14 14:12:37

Thanks waswhats , I think I may have to go back on the meds , need to pluck up the courage to go to GP sitting here shaking like a leaf cause I've found a Hardish lump at top of my boob and been constantly checking all day. Making me feel sick , don't know how I'm going to get thru this again but I have to for my kids , although right now I wish I was dead so I don't have to worry anymore . I'm also worried as GP refered me to breast clinic twice already had ultrasounds all clear so think they gonna think GO AWAY crazy person sad

Milkmachinemadness Sun 23-Feb-14 17:14:50

I'm at work now I'm trying not to burst into tears well I already have , I'm waiting to go in but now u can see I've been crying sad someone give me a slap please to wake me up

WasWats Sun 23-Feb-14 18:00:32

Milk, what you are experiencing is not right, you are sick. But not physically. You do not have cancer or anything else, you have health anxiety. I promise you that is all you have x

Milkmachinemadness Sun 23-Feb-14 18:38:36

I hope so I really really hope I don't , i can't believe this is happening again to me , I only went through all this last August twice , I'm falling apart , how am I going to get kids to school tommorow abd how am I going to get myself to the GP , I don't want to b on my own tommorow sad

WasWats Sun 23-Feb-14 19:49:16

Listen, if you had an ultra sound in Aug they would have spotted a problem. Go to the GP tomorrow, and talk about treatment. You do not have to live like this, trust me.

Meganlillymai Sun 23-Feb-14 20:51:56

Yeh ive woke up with a really awful nose full :/ n then got a pain in my stomach n automatically thought ohhg its a lump it must be. Haha what we like. I love this thread it always makes me feel better

Milkmachinemadness Sun 23-Feb-14 21:10:19

Yea that's true unless something else had developed since the U/S god this is drugging stoooopid . Can i ask anyone if they also suffer with paranoia ? Is anxiety also a paranoia thing ? Hey Megan sorry your feeling bad today too , at least we are not alone smile

Milkmachinemadness Sun 23-Feb-14 21:10:48

Drugging I meant something else then I'm sure lol

Meganlillymai Sun 23-Feb-14 21:26:29

Are use from the US

Milkmachinemadness Sun 23-Feb-14 21:33:24

No I'm in very sunny England in uk , where u from ?

Milkmachinemadness Mon 24-Feb-14 07:51:30

How is everyone this morning ? I'm in a bit of a state , going to try and get to GP about this lump , I think it's bone which I've made swollen with all the prodding it a cyst on top of a bone I don't know but it's hard and noticeable . I'm dreading the GP referring me to breast clinic again , the wait will probably kill me for good , and give the breast specialists a good laugh. The 2nd time I was refered the specialist refused to see me and sent me to the breast pain nurse instead, I think he thought "not her again " I'm 29 nearly 30 so I know my chances are low but I've seen so many stories of younger women having it, hope you are all ok sorry for blabbing on but don't have anyone in RL to talk to sad

hemel07 Mon 24-Feb-14 10:35:06

Bit of a state here too. I worked last night so wasn't in this morning but my 8yr old (the one with the every now and again headaches) woke up with tummy ache. She told me this when I got in and went happily off to school, now I can't sit still in case she meant she felt sick as opposed to tummy ache, which is another symptom of something horrible head wise. I feel like going up to school and quizzing her. Have made her a dr apt for the morning but literally feel like I'm going insane with worry.

BettyG1981 Mon 24-Feb-14 10:43:39

Oh Milk, I'm sorry you're suffering. Hope all goes well at the GP. I hope you can talk to them about the way you are feeling.

I'm having a bad couple of days. Couldn't stop crying yesterday and just feel terrified today. My kids aren't back until tomorrow and I'm dreading it. I'm having lots of dizzy spells, pains in my head and neck and pains in my chest. I feel utterly exhausted.

Waswats, it's comforting to hear that someone has come out the other side okay. Can I ask how long it took for your meds to really work? It's early days for me.

BettyG1981 Mon 24-Feb-14 10:54:22

Hemel, you're doing the right thing by going to the doctor. There are lots of tummy bugs going round at the moment because of the horrid weather. My two have bight had tummy aches a lot. I hope you get some reassurance soon.

WasWats Mon 24-Feb-14 11:40:02

Betty it took about 8 weeks, and it gets better everyday, how long are you on yours and what ones?

Milkmachinemadness Mon 24-Feb-14 12:02:41

Well back from GP he said he can't feel any lumps..... None nothing , he also said he won't try me on any meds for now as I'm still breastfeeding and thinks its best I ride through the anxiety hmm but on a good note he has refered me to the psychiatric team and I should hear from them in about a week , so maybe they will prescribe me something I don't know

Milkmachinemadness Mon 24-Feb-14 12:56:09

Waswats wish GP had given me something , I asked for beta blockers but he won't give me anything :-/ , can a psychiatric team prescribe meds does anyone know ?

WasWats Mon 24-Feb-14 15:59:18

Afaik, you can not take ssri's when you are breast feeding. But that is fantastic that you are getting to see the psych team! That is a massive step and one closer to being better. Well done you!!!

WasWats Mon 24-Feb-14 16:00:17

And yes a psychiatrist can and will prescribe where needed. They are so much better in tune with the right meds then the GP's.

BettyG1981 Mon 24-Feb-14 16:20:17

Milk, that's great news. Well done for going to the doctors. It's the first step.

Waswats, I'm on Mirtazapine. I was on 15mg for the first two weeks and 30mg for the past week. I thought I felt like I was getting better, but the last couple of days have been really hard.

Milkmachinemadness Mon 24-Feb-14 16:47:09

You can take some when breastfeeding as one GP gave me seroxat and one have me citalopram :-/

WasWats Mon 24-Feb-14 18:14:34

Ah ok I stand corrected! Milk you have to give them time to work. Talk tot he team, they will help you.

Betty, I was the exact same. I was on 5 mgs of Lexapro for a week and then onto 10. I thought I was grand on the 5, but could have been better iykwim. Anyway I went onto 10 and all hell broke loose. My side effects were all physical, you can imagine the state I was in. I was losing more weight everyday, I had really sore boobs, fatigue you name it.

I was so anxious but the doctor kept asking me to try it for 6 weeks, and all of a sudden I turned a corner. I couldn;t believe it. I am a bit rocky the last few days but nothing like I was./ Just normally anxious as opposed to being obsessed. Dh has to have some tests done so naturally I am on edge, but that is normal.

BettyG1981 Mon 24-Feb-14 18:33:10

I feel so dizzy and my chest pains are worrying me. Everything is hurting. I'm glad to hear that I am feeling normal things. Thank you, waswats. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll turn that corner too. Hope everything is ok with your dh.

WasWats Mon 24-Feb-14 19:15:22

Betty if you want to pm me do, I can chat to you til the cows come home about side effects, but it would bore the thread rigid ;) And sometimes it is good to have someone to reassure you instantly if needs be.

Le1890 Mon 24-Feb-14 19:24:47

Hi girls

I am sorry you are all having a hard time.

I am breastfeeding and the psychiatrist I see for health anxiety prescribed me sertraline.

I am trying to hold it together. I am going for a neck ultrasound tomorrow after having avoided it for months. I've been having neck ache for a year and I've become obsessed feeling my neck and believe I feel lymph nodes. I've seen my gp numerous times, ENT twice (december)and a haematologist (september)and all have said I have no swollen lymph nodes. Ive had numerous blood tests and speciaist ones by the haematologist. Also ent put a scope down my throat as well as examining my neck. But I think they are wrong. I know typing this it sounds stupid that I would even doubt them. But I feel pressure in my ear and throat and then all these lumpy bits in my neck. Basically my gp said she doesn't know what else to do that will make me believe them and then said to go for an ultrasound. But I'm so terrified that it's going to show something they have missed and that these bumpy bits are bad nodes. sad

hemel07 Mon 24-Feb-14 20:06:21

It wont show anything Le1890 but fingers crossed it will put your mind at rest. Have had an awful day, haven't felt this bad for ages.

Milkmachinemadness Mon 24-Feb-14 22:04:35

Hello Le I'm so sorry you are going through this . I too had a lymphoma scare when I could feel lumps in my neck and kept getting funny twinges in my jaw. Ive also been reassured today I have no breast lump, and although the GP told me its fine but by all means go back in 2 weeks for him to check again - not cause he felt anything but because they change during my cycles , I now feel doubt , only a small doubt but I know coming up to that next appt I will still have that niggling "what if he just said it was fine to shut me up?" "I felt it so y can't he?" "He will find it next time" and it goes on and on until I move into my next obsession , I really hope my counselling comes thru quick or I may not make it in this world much longer. My head is seriously f****d up. I now feel paranoid people at my work want me to leave and are trying to push me out , I'm even looking for other jobs for when it happens , I seem to have about 5 obsessions going on at once and my brain flicks and checks over them all in an order , I believe this to be a form of OCD maybe ?

Can anyone tell me how long I will have to wait till I get to see the psych team?

Milkmachinemadness Mon 24-Feb-14 22:06:25

Hemel me too , what have you been through today ? I'm tired but doubt I will sleep tonight

BettyG1981 Mon 24-Feb-14 22:41:21

Milk, hang in there. You've managed the first and hardest step by going to your GP.

Hemel, how is your daughter? Is her tummy okay?

Le1890, good luck with the ultrasound. I'm sure it will be fine and I hope it puts your mind at rest.

I've been to the out of hours GP this evening with my youngest son. His birthmark started bleeding so I freaked. It's all fine now. They gave us a prescription for some ointment to stop infection which is great, but I read the info leaflet and now I'm panicking about the possible side effects and allergic reaction symptoms. It's a never ending circle of worry. I worry about the worry. Chest pains are bad.

Hope you all get some rest tonight.

Milkmachinemadness Mon 24-Feb-14 22:51:09

Hey Betty G sorry about your little one sad hope he is ok. Kids usually are aren't they smile Im trying my best to cling to what I can ,

hemel07 Tue 25-Feb-14 10:50:16

DD1 seems fine. I think she looks a bit pale and tired but that could just be me! Took her to the dr this morning re the headaches/tummy ache and she had a good look at her. Nothing to find of note, throat and ears bit red, glands up slightly. Told to take her back if anything else developed. Watch and wait as they say!! Spend my life doing just that. I do feel a bit better this morning. I hope you all do too.

Milkmachinemadness Tue 25-Feb-14 11:20:15

Sounds like a virus or something ? Poor thing , glad your doing a bit better , I'm a bit better but still think I need some meds , hope I hear from the mental Heath people soon , think my GP said a week but not sure . How's everyone else today ?

Le1890 Tue 25-Feb-14 14:57:14

Thank you all. How is everyone today?

Well you were right. Had the ultrasound and all was normal! I was so thankful that the consultant actually carried it out and he was the one I had 3 years ago who interpreted my MRI scan that showed benign liver cyst and I feel I can trust him as he was right about my liver thing.

Anyway he took what felt like an age measuring things etc and then he said 'let's have a chat'. He said 'you neck is completely normal'! The lymph modes that are there are all normal looking and everyone had them. The bit I actually wanted scanned is apparently normal muscle and no nodes! So god knows. I've been worrying for a year that these are nodes and it just muscle!!! I asked if he thought anything needed a biopsy and he said 'I would be doing you a complete disservice if I biopsied anything as there is nothing at all that warrants it'.

I feel relief. I still have the ear pressure etc but he said it just tense muscles. He even scanned up the side of my face and cheek on that side as I had been saying I had ear pressure.

So thank you all for your comforting words. I did have tears in my eyes when he told me all was ok. Partly relief and the other part at just how warped my mind is and how it's possible that it can do this to me time and time again. sad xx

hemel07 Tue 25-Feb-14 20:06:12

Great news Le1890. Enjoy the peace and long may it last!!

BettyG1981 Tue 25-Feb-14 20:49:58

That's fantastic, Le1890. Funnily enough I thought I had a troublesome gland on the right hand side of my neck. I was told ten years ago it was a gland and again by a nurse practitioner a few weeks ago. A doctor, who I'm quite confident in, examined my neck last Friday and said that none if my glands are up in my neck and it's actually my muscle edge and because I'm tense and have kept mucking around with it, it's painful. I'm so pleased you got good news that you can believe in. I hope you can get some rest tonight. x

Milkmachinemadness Wed 26-Feb-14 15:35:48

That's great LE1890 glad u got good news ! I heard from the mental health team today , I have a phone consultation next week , hopefully i will get some help now .

BettyG1981 Wed 26-Feb-14 18:12:43

That's great, milk and really positive. I haven't heard anything yet. My doctor said they'll contact me fir a consultation. Hopefully it won't be long. I'm still not doing well at all. My emotions are all over the place and I can't stop crying. OH took the boys to school this morning and I slept until 11am. I feel exhausted and I'm aching from head to toe. Just want to feel "normal". I want to be happy again. sad

Milkmachinemadness Wed 26-Feb-14 22:46:58

I'm sorry your not doing well sad u have 3 little darlings and the school run is a killer , then I have a 1 year old to look after all day and keep 2 jobs down sad I'm very on edge at the moment and very paranoid that people are out to get me , especially my work , I think they want me out , no reason as I've done nothing wrong but I'm convinced , it's horrid , I'm fed up I just want to be happy too and be normal ffs sad

BettyG1981 Thu 27-Feb-14 11:39:39

It's a horrible feeling, milk. If it's any comfort though you're not alone. Anxiety can make you feel really alone, but you're not. We're here for you and although everyone has a different situation, we know how you're feeling. Hold on tight and we'll ride the storm together.

Milkmachinemadness Thu 27-Feb-14 11:45:35

Thanks Betty G, it does make you feel so lonely sad despite having family and friends you still feel so alone sad . It's nice we can al talk on here and relate to each other smile

Meganlillymai Thu 27-Feb-14 20:53:53

Having a bad day. Been stressed lately so my anxiety is peaking. Anyone ever feel like there hearts brating really haed! When I lay down I can hear it and feel it. I dont have chest pains or short if breath could this be my anxiety

Milkmachinemadness Fri 28-Feb-14 10:48:41

Yes that's anxiety , I get that and I get the stomach drop feeling with the knot in the back
Of my throat feeling

BettyG1981 Fri 28-Feb-14 14:28:28

Definitely anxiety. I get this a lot. It feels like my heart will jump out of my chest! The doctor sent me for an ECG and everything is normal.

Le1890 Sat 01-Mar-14 22:34:48

Why is it when I get good news and an all clear does my mind fill again with new worries. Next on the agenda is worry over bc. Im still breastfeeding and I've always noticed my left breast looks a bit bigger altho hubby says he doesn't notice. Also I have a blue vein more in this breast. I have had a part of it scanned about 7 months ago as I had a little lump that they thought might be a blocked duct but turned out to be normal breast tissue. But now I feel bany doesn't want this breast as much. He takes it but he just seems like he prefers the right. But I do know it's possible I'm reading into it too much.... I've not checked for lumps as to be honest I have big boobs and they are full of lumps so I would just think it was all something to worry about.

Im also having stomach issues and health anxiety is tryin to niggle me into thinking something sinister.

Is this just me who's mind moves on to the next thing?!?x

Milkmachinemadness Sun 02-Mar-14 08:31:57

Wow LE you need to talk to me about this , I have/went though the exact same thing and still am. I'm still bfeeding my 19mo and I also had scans twice on bothe breasts and they couldn't find a thing. They also said its probably ducts and nodular tissue . My LO also favours one breast over the other , so now I'm a bit lopsided. She also doesn't feed as good when AF is approaching . Hope this helps. I'm sure I will back to the gP soon scared I've found another lump but deep down I'm sure it's nothing but my head won't let me rest.

Meganlillymai Sun 02-Mar-14 20:13:57

My little girl had me at my wits end other day. She broke out in an awful rash and het nose and forhead was swollen!!! Doc ap and everythins fine thank god!. My HA isn't to bad im just constantlu waiting for anothrt pain or aches. It never ends. Debating on weather to talk to a nurae at docs but even thats a big step for me n causes me yo panick even talking about it :/

Le1890 Tue 04-Mar-14 10:11:14

Hi Milk

It's never ending isn't it?!

I breast fed my daughter for 11 months (she's now 5), she stopped of her own accord. But I am sure she preferred the left breast and that's when I first noticed it looked a bit bigger. Never had ha then do never thought much.

But i just worry about the what if. Both my breasts have visible blue veins and I've read that's normal in preg and bfeeding. The left breast tho has a bigger one than right and I could see it before I was preg. My gp said its normal to see veins there because the skin is thin and I'm pale skin. Plus my boobs are really big 36f before I got preg second time!

Milkmachinemadness Tue 04-Mar-14 15:29:35

You can see the blue veins on mine and I'm Also big 34 E . I also sure veins aren't anything to do with BC so please try not to worry that's sharp coming from me hey ! I've calmed down a lot since last week but it wil rear it's ugly head again soon enough I'm sure .

Meganlillymai Tue 04-Mar-14 21:01:31

Thanks milk. Tonight im fine for ones no aches/pains so I have that dreaded feeling. As if somethings going to go wrong tomorrow or the next day. Is this also axiety (still learning)

Milkmachinemadness Tue 04-Mar-14 21:50:22

Sounds like it to me Megan yes I get this sometimes too in fact most of the time :// at the moment I'm struggling with social anxiety , I really need to get my hair cut bit I'm terrified when I'm in there and the hairdresser chats to me she may ask me something I get so shy I will go bright red and then just panic , I get this feeling all the time just lately when talking to people it's taking over now to the point I just don't want to go out sad

Meganlillymai Tue 04-Mar-14 21:54:43

Aw no way. That must be awful.
At the momrnt I keep feeling like my hearts racing so I count my pulse for 60 secs and its not its 100 wich I read it can be 60-100.
Its like my minds telling me to panik. I thoight my brain was shaking the other night it was my daughter moving beside me!!!

Does talking on here help you at all

Samu2 Tue 04-Mar-14 22:24:19

Hi everyone. Been a while since I last posted.

I have my oral health appointment on the 14th for the mouth 'lesion' thing that two GP's and dentist said wasn't cancer. He referred me as I kept crying and they marked me down as non-urgent so I have had to wait four months for this appointment.

I guess if they thought it was cancerous they would have had me in much sooner? it hasn't grown or changed in 5 months which is a good sign I guess.

I am dreading the appointment. I want to go in and they tell me it's fine. If they biopsy me I am going to be a hot mess for a long time. I hope they will only biopsy me if they think they have a real reason to. I am not sure how that works.

I have read all the posts and just wanted to send out more love to you all thanks

Meganlillymai Tue 04-Mar-14 22:37:54

Aw no way. That must be awful.
At the momrnt I keep feeling like my hearts racing so I count my pulse for 60 secs and its not its 100 wich I read it can be 60-100.
Its like my minds telling me to panik. I thoight my brain was shaking the other night it was my daughter moving beside me!!!

Does talking on here help you at all

Meganlillymai Tue 04-Mar-14 22:41:20

They will not biopsy if they see no need to. Although they might for peace of mind either way you should get your biop results in the following week. Well wishes

Milkmachinemadness Wed 05-Mar-14 09:40:12

Great lost my form I filled in for my Anxiety consultation from the MH team sad bet I have to wait another week now sad

Meganlillymai Wed 05-Mar-14 16:49:11

Oh no. Thats sh*t. Xx

Milkmachinemadness Wed 05-Mar-14 21:05:45

I found it smile all went well , she said a 4-6 week wait and that I need a higher rate counselling or something like that , hope it's free tho , I don't need money worries on top of it

Theonlyoneiknow Thu 06-Mar-14 12:08:17


I finally plucked up the courage today to ask for counselling as my health anxiety is taking over, and ruining, my life.

I have always been worse case scenario with health issues but it increased ten fold in Jan 13 when my baby girl was referred with suspected neurofibromatosis (NF1) which they also suspected I, and my DS, had. It took 4 months to see the geneticst, then 2 more months for blood test results to be negative. During this time I was in a real stressed out crying frenzy.

I also had (and still have) ongoing breast issues. Constant pain on the left side and very fibrous tissue.

I am convinced I am going to get cancer in some form and not see my kids grow up. I know this isn't normal?! So need to do something about it. I have had four appts at the breast clinic last year - ultrasounds, mammogram and a swollen underarm gland aspirated twice (all fine). I was back at the GP again this month as I now have a small indent at the top of my breast that wasn't there before so need to go back to the clinic AGAIN. At least she was honest with me and said she didn't know what it was rather than just say 'it's all fine'. It could be ageing (am 42) and loss of volume after BF two DC but who knows.

So, something else to worry about. DP said to me it's almost as if i'm not happy unless I have something to worry about. I really wish this wasn't true.

Anyway, this is me!!

Meganlillymai Thu 06-Mar-14 18:54:20

If its not one thing its anotherm I know how u are feeling THEONLYONEIKNOW and theres nothing worse then waiting. Im debating about a trip to the docs about ky anxiety as ive never been. Im terrified incaee he wants to run all kinds of tests as thats my biggest worry :/

Le1890 Fri 07-Mar-14 16:55:21

Totally know where you are coming from Theonlyoneiknow it's a never ending cycle.

I honestly walk about thinking I'm a walking ca case and I just haven't found it yet! I've had so many tests and seen so many specialists and yet I still doubt and move on to the next place. I have had every single part of my body scanned, bloods, examine etc except brain! Lol x

Theonlyoneiknow Fri 07-Mar-14 17:41:41

I lost my sense of smell three years ago and had a CT scan of my brain then. Was convinced I had a brain tumour as losing sense of smell is,very odd! CT scan was fine and my sense of smell came,back a few months,later

Meganlillymai Sat 08-Mar-14 18:29:36

Thats unusual. My new worry is my heart. I could feel my pulse in my head when I was in bed n felt like it was fluttering. When I felt my pulse in my wrist it felt fine. I totally freaked out

Theonlyoneiknow Sat 08-Mar-14 21:33:54

I have also had episode of hearing my heartbeat in my ear like a whoosh sound, pulsatile tittinus. Cue more freaking out.

Meganlillymai Mon 10-Mar-14 07:15:50

This morning I actually thought I was having a fit but inside my head. My brain felt shakey so u sat up and it went away :/
Its all getting to much now. Im plabning on going to doctor bit what will they do at this appointment. Im going to talk about my anxiety. Will they take my blood???

Meganlillymai Tue 11-Mar-14 19:06:52

so i think it could be pissible as my daughter sleeps in my bed its her moving in the night and i think im shaking? as my body doesnt actually move so i did an experiment.. i stayed on the couch and it didnt happen. i went back to bed it happend. i stayd at my mums on the couch it didnt happen!!

ive finally made the dreaded docs app about my anxiety though. as ive never been diagnosed with HA as i never go to the docs it terrifiies me!1 but ive finally made the app and sounds silly but im so proud of myself yet a little scared to sad im scared to tell her about all my diff symptoms incase she orders me in for an MRI Or CT as that would just push me over the edge! feeling a bit overwelmed at the min... sorry for long post

Theonlyoneiknow Tue 11-Mar-14 19:52:44

Making the appt is a great first step. She will probably refer you to someone rather than prescribe medication right away? At least that is what happened to me. I haven't got my appt through yet we councillor though

Meganlillymai Tue 11-Mar-14 19:59:50

Who would she refer me to?

Theonlyoneiknow Tue 11-Mar-14 22:58:16

I have been referred to a counsellor but i cant remember what type they called it! There was no mention of medication. I think they would try this approach first?

Meganlillymai Wed 12-Mar-14 19:26:10

I got medication n ive to go back in 2 weeks to see how they are n if they need to up my dose.

Cant believe ive finally been diagnosed as a HA sufferer. Seems silly but im so proud ive finally made the first step

Milkmachinemadness Thu 13-Mar-14 06:55:23

I really don't think I can just "ride this out" until counselling like my GP asked me to sad I'm really getting in a state again I can still feel this lump in my boob and its taking over my life again, I think I need mess sad what are the best meds for anxiety? I can't take citalopram as it made my hair fall out sad

Milkmachinemadness Thu 13-Mar-14 07:44:02

Theonlyoneknow, I've had that in my ears before its horrible and scary ! Mine passed after a couple of days but used to come back at varying times , that was a couple of years ago , I haven't had it since x

Milkmachinemadness Thu 13-Mar-14 17:29:03

Anyone there ? Please help I'm slightly freaking out a bit about this lump which the GP couldn't feel a few weeks ago sad really don't wanna go back again and say I can feel it , feel an idiot sad

Theonlyoneiknow Thu 13-Mar-14 19:32:48

Hi milk I am in a similar position (I posted very recently on General Health about my 4 referrals to the breast clinic in 18 months!). I have lots of problems with my left breast, it's a right pain. The GP won't think you are an idiot - make an appt please, you will feel better once you do. Make a mark of where the lump is so you can find it at the appt (I didn't and couldn't find the lump as I was all flustered).

I have an appt at breast clinic next weds, bricking it

Milkmachinemadness Thu 13-Mar-14 21:34:46

I've been twice to breast clinic last year , the 2nd time the breast consultant refused to see me and sent me to the breat pain nurse sad although she was lovely and sent me for ultrasound again 2nd ultrasound which came back all clear ! So wtf am I getting in a mess again ? I'm sorry you have to go back again , I hope u haven't a long wait xx

Milkmachinemadness Fri 14-Mar-14 11:24:33

So just been to GP, he has found two lumps which are mobile , which he couldn't feel before. He won't refer me to breast clinic until I stop breast feeding. DD is 20 months. I don't feel ready to stop yet but i won't be reassured until I have . I feel that was just a waste of time sad

Theonlyoneiknow Fri 14-Mar-14 11:32:19

My GP referred me when I was breastfeeding? Mobile lumps are highly unlikely to be anything sinister. When I was at the clinic they wouldn't do a mammogram because I was breastfeeding but were still able to do an Ultrasound. Did he reassure you at all?

Milkmachinemadness Fri 14-Mar-14 11:36:38

He said he doesn't think it's anything to worry about but because I had an ultrasound last September which was all clear he said he won't refer for another until I've stopped bfeeding ?

Milkmachinemadness Fri 14-Mar-14 11:37:06

He said he doesn't think it's anything to worry about but because I had an ultrasound last September which was all clear he said he won't refer for another until I've stopped bfeeding ?

Milkmachinemadness Fri 14-Mar-14 13:00:13

Theonlyone are u there ? sad

Theonlyoneiknow Fri 14-Mar-14 14:48:16

Ok, i would try not to worry (i know its hard). If he had any suspicion about the lumps no matter now small he would have referred you. they really ddont take chances, lots of lumps and bumps,can be perfectly normal. This leaves three options. Either see a different GP who might be willing to refer you, get an appt privately, or try to be,reassured by the GPs confidence that all is well.

I really sympathise. My left breast gives me so much grief. It is so much lumpier than the right, often painful and now i have this dent which is freaking me out :-(

Having dC has increased my health anxiety imminsely, really sucks.

Milkmachinemadness Fri 14-Mar-14 14:57:34

Thanks , so sorry u are going through this too sad what worries me is he said at first after feeling these two new lumps which he didn't feel 2 weeks ago was "I will refer u" then he sat at his computer read my notes and changed his mind , oh sigh sad

Milkmachinemadness Fri 14-Mar-14 15:00:59

Are you on the no more panic site too ? Join there and post on there . So many boob concerns , makes us look
Normal lol

Theonlyoneiknow Fri 14-Mar-14 17:20:21

Can you see another GP or go private? I think it is about £100 for a consultation x

Meganlillymai Fri 14-Mar-14 17:28:05

if your GP isnt worried then really you should try not to. easy said then done i know. do you always check the lump multiple times a day to see if its still thre? cos i did this with a lump under my jaw ic only made it worse and larger. plus HA sufferers tend to feel lumps that are quite small but our minds tell us there a lot larger. when really they are the size of a pea!
If its effected you day to day then defonitly go back to your GP and explain this and he should get you in sooner for your own peace of mind and your bleeding sanity. Hope your ok x x

Milkmachinemadness Fri 14-Mar-14 18:07:31

Will see a different GP next week . My mind ain't gonna rest , I'm in for a long panicky weekend sad I keep think what if the reason the last ultrasounds came back clear was cause I was breastfeeding so they missed it sad I feel he isn't taking me seriously and he has missed it , he felt 2 lumps yet said "I think it's nothing to worry about" he only thinks he is not certain

Milkmachinemadness Fri 14-Mar-14 18:25:15

I'm not sure if I can go private ? Is that with bupa? I can't afford that as I'm getting married soon , not that I'm going to enjoy if now sad

Milkmachinemadness Fri 14-Mar-14 18:25:43

Will see a different GP next week . My mind ain't gonna rest , I'm in for a long panicky weekend sad I keep think what if the reason the last ultrasounds came back clear was cause I was breastfeeding so they missed it sad I feel he isn't taking me seriously and he has missed it , he felt 2 lumps yet said "I think it's nothing to worry about" he only thinks he is not certain

Milkmachinemadness Fri 14-Mar-14 18:26:41

Oops sorry for double post :-/

Would I still have lumps if I'm bfeeding a 20 month old only 3 times a day wich are v short feeds ?

Milkmachinemadness Fri 14-Mar-14 19:52:43

I'm gonna get drunk and drown it down a bit sad

Theonlyoneiknow Fri 14-Mar-14 22:05:38

You can self refer to a private hospital. In my town an ultrasound is about £250? But that is through insurance so might be less for walk in patients. You would prob get an appt next week. Might be wirth it just to put your mind at rest.

Please try to stay calm and get some sleep xxx

Milkmachinemadness Fri 14-Mar-14 22:14:20

Wow that's a bit pricey for me sad I will try my best, thank you

Milkmachinemadness Fri 14-Mar-14 22:19:12


Theonlyoneiknow Fri 14-Mar-14 22:41:57

Do you have a female GP you could see?

Meganlillymai Fri 14-Mar-14 22:45:36

Did anyone revieve blood tests why on panic disorder tablets and if so what kind of blood tests

Milkmachinemadness Fri 14-Mar-14 23:34:50

I think maybe the GP was Pervy hence why he wants to keep seeing me :-/

Milkmachinemadness Sat 15-Mar-14 16:59:22

Im really sad today sad looking at my goreous little girl and thinking I'm going to die and she won't even remember me , bless her she playing all by herself whilst I'm say here shaking and crying thinking I have BC sad

Meganlillymai Sat 15-Mar-14 18:32:11

Oh no milk. Im sorry i couldnt be on sooner. Dont feel alone. U need to keep teling your self if ur doc is not worried then u shudnt be

Milkmachinemadness Sat 15-Mar-14 18:53:46

But y do they want to see me again after bfeeding has stopped ? If its all ok? I don't get it ? And he said if it not stopped soon u have to go every 2 months for him to check ? I don't get it sad

Meganlillymai Sat 15-Mar-14 19:04:40

Because your breats change after breast feeding. The 2 month checks are all procauation. If your doctor was worrird he wouldnt asknu to wait he would be taking action

Meganlillymai Sat 15-Mar-14 19:10:10

Did any one recieve blood tests why taking anto anx tablets??? Im scared for my next app incase they wanna do bloods. If so what kind of bt will they be

Milkmachinemadness Sat 15-Mar-14 21:56:43

I don't think they would show up ? Surely not ? They change the chemicals in the brain, not the blood ?

Theonlyoneiknow Sat 15-Mar-14 22:15:19

Sorry, am confused. Why are you scared if they want to do blood tests?

Milkmachinemadness Sun 16-Mar-14 06:13:52

Well I'm getting up, can't lay here like this anymore sad

Theonlyoneiknow Sun 16-Mar-14 08:54:14

Please call the GPs first thing tomorrow and see a different GP.

My breast Clínic appt in weds evening. Am so scared, keep thinking that my life might be turned upside down afterwards and i wont see my two DC grow up

Milkmachinemadness Sun 16-Mar-14 09:22:43

Theonlyoneknow i totally know how you feel sad is someone going with you? I don't want them to refer me in a way cause the last time the breast consultant refused to see me sad and sent me to the nurse, made me feel like I was wasting his time , which I was. U hope it goes quickly for you . I may just go to Gp ask her to have a poke and give me some AD's and push my CBt through .....

Meganlillymai Sun 16-Mar-14 09:32:11

Im scared of what the blood tests show up. I always think they are going to find sonthing sinister

Milkmachinemadness Sun 16-Mar-14 10:26:04

It's not fair we all feel like this sad there has for to be more to life then this surely ??

Meganlillymai Sun 16-Mar-14 12:22:22

I know. Ive just started my meds so im hoping when they kick in i feel better. Im ecperiencing slgh pain in my side n thinking i have an enlarged spleen

Milkmachinemadness Sun 16-Mar-14 12:30:45

Megan what meds do you have ? I can't have citalopram , cause they made my hair fall
Out sad

Milkmachinemadness Sun 16-Mar-14 14:43:50


Meganlillymai Sun 16-Mar-14 18:31:02

Om on citalopram. I have only had then a few days. Ive to go back to docs in 2 weeks. What will the doc want to see me again for

Milkmachinemadness Sun 16-Mar-14 18:36:59

Yes I had that when I had them , just to see how you are getting on with them . I'm sat in the car in tears , sposed to be working sad I'm so depressed its unreal , my mum said to me today she doesn't know how I can be depressed with my lovely children round me all day , I don't deserve children sad I don't think I can go on like this I really don't , I'd rather be dead

Meganlillymai Sun 16-Mar-14 20:51:23

Its not your fault its an imbalance in your brain. Your mum should be a abit more supportive n if u have thoughts like that then u need to go back to the docs. You need to tell your you maybe thinkbits easier to be dead but imagine the grief you would leave your loved ones and esecially yoir lovely children. Some people dont have a choixe in life and have to diem u have a choice. Go back to the docs or to your local 24/ hpur care and tell them how u feel. Maybe even talking to a doc will make u feel better. Cxx

Theonlyoneiknow Sun 16-Mar-14 20:53:47

Milk, i am really worried about you. Please promise that you will call your GP first thing in the morning and make an appt. Xxx

Milkmachinemadness Sun 16-Mar-14 21:20:53

I will b ok , I m going to ask for a phone consultation , I don't wanna anymore pokes at my breast it's making me paranoid sad

Theonlyoneiknow Sun 16-Mar-14 21:41:51

Do you have any friends you can talk to about things?

i am looking at the strange dent in my breast every ten mins and feel sick. How can this not be something serious? Everything online about dents equals tumors and cancer :-(

Milkmachinemadness Sun 16-Mar-14 22:57:07

Not really ? Do you ? I know that's how i feel when I feel this damn Lump ! Makes me feel sick ;(

Milkmachinemadness Mon 17-Mar-14 07:16:32

I feel terrible , I've just gone mental at my 6yo for having a bad attitude this morning and going deliberately slow to wind me up. But it's not her fault , she can probably sense I'm depressed sad feel really bad now

Milkmachinemadness Mon 17-Mar-14 11:01:53

So gp wants be back on citalopram , I told her about my hairloss but she doesn't think it was the citalopram even tho this is a listed side effect sad she won't let me try abything else

Theonlyoneiknow Mon 17-Mar-14 11:19:01

Just a thought, have you tried any alternative therapies? Acupuncture might be worth a shot?

Milkmachinemadness Mon 17-Mar-14 11:32:07

No I've not , I'm waiting for CBT , we are a bit tight on cash at the moment having 3 kids and I can only work a minimum paid job to fit around them. Such a same as citalopram worked well for me until I lost clumps of hair on my already fine haired head

Milkmachinemadness Tue 18-Mar-14 18:50:56

I can't shake this thought that I have BC I can't get the fear away it's in my mind all the time ! I think I'm dying

Theonlyoneiknow Tue 18-Mar-14 19:48:54

I know exactly how you feel. I am convinced that this time tomorrow my world will be totally different. My appt is 5pm, am so scared

Milkmachinemadness Tue 18-Mar-14 20:16:24

The only one I'm sure it's fine , what did ur go actually say?

Milkmachinemadness Tue 18-Mar-14 20:17:46

GP sorry

Theonlyoneiknow Tue 18-Mar-14 20:29:43

One could see the dent, one couldn't. Am so fed up of the constant hassles with my left breast, it's constantly painful, very lumpy and now this very odd indent. Everything on the net = cancer. :-(

Milkmachinemadness Tue 18-Mar-14 21:07:18

Mine are lumpy but my right is more lumpy , it's annoying and scary . I think your be ok , mine look funny when I lay down , like all the skin goes loose ://

Milkmachinemadness Tue 18-Mar-14 21:09:50

Mine feels really hard which is scaring me , think its bone but its a lot bigger then the other side :-/

Milkmachinemadness Wed 19-Mar-14 07:52:01

Great DD doesn't want this breast now , she doesn't like it , making me v v paranoid

Milkmachinemadness Wed 19-Mar-14 19:38:47

How was the clinic today ?

Milkmachinemadness Fri 21-Mar-14 14:02:43

Theonlyoneiknow r u there ? I'm worried about you

Theonlyoneiknow Fri 21-Mar-14 14:53:22

Hi sorry here, consultant couldnt feel a lump but could see dent so now have to wait till 4tj April for an ultrasound. Am bit worried as I know there is a sneaky breast cancer which isn't a lump :-(

JohnSnowsTie Sat 22-Mar-14 17:12:23

Hi there

Just putting this out there really, don't know if I'll come back to the thread but need to get it off my chest!

Have always suffered with general anxiety although it's been much better since I've had my DCs. However since DC3 its come back and is mainly health related.

I have a molar which had root canal a few years ago and in the last few weeks, part of it snapped off. Now the palate next to it has swollen up and i'm convinced it's going to spread into my brain and I'm going to die! DH seems very confident it will all be fine (have a dentist appointment on Monday afternoon and am thinking also of going to the doctor on Monday morning) but how can he possibly know? I'm a fierce Googler and have read about every worst-case scenario out there and am just convinced it's going to be a terrible outcome and the DCs are going to have to live without a mum.

I feel like a fly on the wall at home, as if I'm preparing not to be there.

Argh - hate feeling like this and could write so much more but don't know if it would do any good.

Part of me wants to go to A&E, but the fact that it's not painful (yet) makes me think they'd be annoyed with me - after all I'd just be going because I'd been Googling and making myself panic.

Thanks anyone for reading.

Milkmachinemadness Sun 23-Mar-14 10:02:19

Oh we'll at least it's not too far to wait ? Did he reassure you or anything ?
Hi John Snow , welcome to this thread. Your in the right place. Sorry your going through this too. I'm
Wondering if a lot if it is hormone unbalance after having kids or something ? As a lot of women seem
To suffer this after having babies ?

Le1890 Mon 24-Mar-14 01:26:58

Hi Ladies

Sorry I've not been on in a not. Been trying to keep busy.

Milk and Theonlyoneiknow I totally understand the breast issues. My left breast freaks me out. It's bigger than the right, has a massive blue vein On it and my underarm ache. I'm still breastfeeding my 12 month old. It just feels like lumps galore in both! Milk I would see another gp an tell them you want the referral. Whilst I don't think there is anything wrong, it's not the point and is wrong to say to come back after stopped feeding!

Well I'm totally overwhelmed and can feel my ha catching up with me. I've been worrying for a while that I have a prolapse. Had a big baby, 3rd degree tear an I'm overweight. Anyway gp confirmed I do but she says its mild! It doesn't feel mild to me when I'm leaking and also after I pee I need to squeeze a bit I get las dribbles out.

So as if having this isn't bad enough I've convinced myself that there's more to it that just the childbirth trauma and it's Becuae I have tumours somewhere in my stomach or ovaries!! And that I have a big tummy not Becuase in overweight but Because of said tumours!

Also I've been having bowel problems for about 1 year plus, upset stomach when I eat certain foods and often soft stools. My gp says its ibs.

I also have acid reflux. Also I have a little patch of dry skin on my upper thigh that's been there for months and now tonight I'm thinking it's skin cancer!

I feel so overwhelmed and literally want scans galore but I know my gp is going to say I don't need them. I've read stories of ladies with the things I have who turned out to hae ovarian ca. Even though inha my ovaries scanned just over 1 year ago during pregnancy.

And ofcourse as I've already said I also think bc in left breast!

Plus i had a virus 2.5 weeks ago and even though I feel well now, I'm having sinus issues and throat pain. Ha is telling me my immune system is low from ca!!!!

Sorry for war and peace I just needed to get all of this off my chest as I'm struggling right now zxx

Milkmachinemadness Mon 24-Mar-14 12:05:49

Oh gosh how terrible for you sad yea I'm still bfeeding 20 mo , I'm same as you worry after worry after worry. I hope they speed up my CBT , how everyone else today ?

Meganlillymai Wed 26-Mar-14 20:01:34

Le ive had my sinus infection for weeks they can last a long time. I also worry that i have low immune system. I have my first cbt app soon
My tablets dont seem to be helping :/

choclab Tue 08-Apr-14 21:30:02