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Generally feeling hassled, harrassed by my children. lonely, bored

(30 Posts)
walkbesideme Sun 22-Sep-13 16:35:22

My husband works long hours and has been at work all weekend. OI feel like I've spent the whole time doing nothig but picking crap up off the floor, hoovering, putting cushions back on the chairs, putting lids on pens, picking up tiny bits of scissored paper, making drinks, changing dvds and cooking.
And I turn around an my house still looks like crap. Does everyone feel like this?

Custardo Sun 22-Sep-13 16:39:02

i got to a 'fuck it' point. I dont know if everyone else gets there, but my mental health was really suffering, my DH worked nights when my 3 (under 5) were little.

So i just mentally let myself have room. So what if its messy, why tidy up 15 times a day, let it be - and them get the kids to do the tidying - in that ribbush way that kids do, and then spend a small amount of time once tidying up per day.

Also crafty things were put away in a box in a high up place, no crayons, pens, scissors, paper, glitter plastecine were allowed out unless supervised. which meant that i had to be in the frame of mine to do the activity AND the tidy up

cupcake78 Sun 22-Sep-13 16:40:50

Oh yes! You have just described an average day for me. It's relentless. When I get to the point your at I know its time to make plans for me.

You need some time for you. Get your dh to do bedtime and you open the wine and listen to the carnage knowing its all his problem wink

walkbesideme Sun 22-Sep-13 16:49:09

THansk guys - both your answers have really helped. I sometimes find it's so relentless - i know we all feel it but perhaps I'm just hating it more after 7 days straight of childcare. I think it's made worse by some colleagues coming for lunch tomorrow - want to show the place off a bit, make it seem nice. Difficult when there is felt tip pen all over the table, stains of some sort all over the beige carpet, spilled chocolate milk all over the sofa.

Plus I spend my entire day shouting - be nice, say please, say thank you, put the pen lids on, eat your food, sit down. Always shouting.

Just feel like a day off - no children to touch me or to hear at all would be lovely.

janesnowdon1 Sun 22-Sep-13 16:53:16

My dc are older now but that is how I used to feel. All our furniture was so old and crap and the house was being gradually refurbished so that no matter how hard I cleaned it never looked clean.

"Don't sweat the small stuff" is a great adage. I also finally started putting a really large blanket on the floor each day when the kids played with lego or k'nex or polly pockets or any bitty things and just lifted the 4 corners to make a bag at the end of the day and could then easily dump it all in a box - I stopped caring how much it all got mixed up.

I read a childcare book years ago that suggested just sweeping all the debris into an alcove or corner of the room at the end of the day to save picking it all up!

thefirstmrsrochester Sun 22-Sep-13 16:53:21

Snap with all previous posts.

I wound up with low self esteem and servile mindset due exactly to the relentless trailing about after, picking up after, clearing, cooking, ferrying about after my lot. Anxious to please my increasingly ungrateful and never satisfied dc, I was rock bottom in the pecking order.

I saw the light once when out walking with the family, dd continuously and subconsciously nudged me out the way when I was walking alongside DH. Absolute moment of clarity, they all viewed me as the hired help.

My dc are 9, 12 and 14 though so I accept that I've made a rod for my own back. And it's an uphill struggle to turn things around.

Lazy sods, my dc.

FoxPass Sun 22-Sep-13 17:19:28

I feel the same most of the time, but especially after a few days of dh working away and being the sole child carer. It is relentless and I feel downtrodden and unappreciated. I tidy behind them and say the same things over and over.

oldest ds is starting to realise he needs to help more and can be prompted to tidy up after himself. toddler ds is just a walking mess.

I've just got my head down, trying to make it through to a time where it will hopefully be slightly easier!

BellaVida Sun 22-Sep-13 17:26:40

Yep. Feel the same and been particularly bad today. Trekking kids to activities, dealing with meltdowns, washing, tidying, cleaning, cooking, sorting, supervising homework. I haven't even been able to go to the toilet without one of them asking something through the door, as clearly it just couldn't wait- grrrrr.
It gets to the point where you are fed up of hearing yourself and fed up of 'doing' for everyone else and nothing for yourself.

WowOoo Sun 22-Sep-13 17:33:21

I know what you mean. It is relentless, isn't it?
Can you ask Dh for a full day off soon?

I've had a few hours break away from the children today and no work either. It was bliss. I didn't want to go home.

Don't know how old your children are but are you teaching them to tidy up? I started telling them they can't play with something until some other mess/toy has been tidied and we'd all help. They'll do it themselves now with a nudge or two.

HoopHopes Sun 22-Sep-13 17:38:42

Sounds like my normal week really. Unless dh there life is housework, childcare and repeatedly picking up and putting away. When my dc old enough they will have to learn to do some basic tidying I think!!

That is why I get out to as many baby groups as I can- some adult company even if all I do is smile at them and it is not my house to tidy!! Library is great place to spend a few hours I find!

thefirstmrsrochester Sun 22-Sep-13 17:40:10

For what it's worth, all my friends feel exactly the same. I can't even have my wine whilst cooking dinner as dd is out somewhere and will require a lift home at a time of her choosing.
There are days when the word 'mum' should be banned.

alarkthatcouldpray Sun 22-Sep-13 19:30:20

Yesterday I was called into work earlier than expected - ended up working 11 am to 6pm, frantically busy NHS shift, first toilet break was on my way out the door at 6pm.

So obviously today, when we went out for lunch and took the kids cycling round the park was much easier and more pleasant? Um, no, I couldn't really say it was. The fighting over who was going to sit on my knee this morning when I read a story, the histrionics when told not to slam the bedroom door, the hissing to be quiet during lunch as 4 yr old DD1 demanded to know why a young dad at next table needed a walking stick, when the colouring was coming (the stuff we'd brought ourselves wasn't good enough), why there were only girl waitresses and no boys!

Then there was the park. Having emptied the boot to lug the bike and smart trike down to said park, it would have been nice to see them in use. Dd2 age 2 however, preferred to drag the trike round by the handle backwards. It made a dreadful scraping sound which wrecked the peace for probably everyone in the vicinity. Meanwhile DD1 starts throwing sticks and leaves in the Victorian fountain. Further histrionics follow when told to stop. We leave the park at this point and in a strop she refuses to stop at the exit, instead cycling out towards a busy road. Has to be manhandled by wrist to safety.

I feel like I am on high alert the whole time, that my neural circuits are in overdrive. I try to do all the right things, spend quality time doing simple activities with my DCs, spend time in nature, take exercise, eat healthily, see the positives in them and praise it. But honestly, it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

I had a nice evening last night - watched an episode of Lewis and was able to concentrate on the plot and engage with it properly. Tonight all I feel fit for is sitting on the sofa staring into the middle distance and trying to restore some sense of equilibrium for the onslaught of school runs, after school activities, cooking, supermarket shopping, meal planning, endless hand washing of plastic crockery which can't go in the dishwasher and even more endless laundry that fills the week ahead. What happened to my life? Where did it go?

walkbesideme Sun 22-Sep-13 19:52:55

THANK YOU THANK YOU wonderful mothers. Today seems to have been one of those days shared by many. Husband home now, upstairs doing the bath. The chaos I hear is raising my hackles, but not to fear, wine in hand and antiques roadshow about to start!

Here's to another week of servitude, semi-solitude and sniping - and another step closer to the kids understanding the meaning of tidyness and lie ins (mine are 4.3 and 1.9 years old).

Good luck y'all.

walkbesideme Sun 22-Sep-13 19:54:37

ALArkTHAT COULD - please put the plastic cutlery in the dishwasher. So what if it gets wrecked. Ikea, Asda, Tescos do such cheap stuff. Life really IS too short x

alarkthatcouldpray Sun 22-Sep-13 20:09:18

I know, I know, it's those bloody Salmon Luke dishes which cost £40 between them, and despite claims that they are dishwasher proof, this is officially A Load of Tripe. Why the 4yr old is still using hers is probably the question I need to answer. Sometimes I just don't have the energy to move to the next stage. You know, like the folk on Supernanny that are still giving their toddlers night bottles to whatever, I guess this is a milder form of the same thing. Plus they cut down on the eating mess slightly kids self. I really am starting to resent the washing up though. The other week I visited my SIL and she put the plastic stuff not only in the dishwasher but <shocked whisper> on the bottom shelf. Reader I judged. She is of a more laid back disposition to myself (who'd have thought it possible?). I need to learn her secrets. Do you think if I start from the dishwasher stuff and work backwards I will start to chill a bit? Or just end up with a load of crapped out crockery?

<Rocks gently on sofa>

MzPixielated Thu 26-Sep-13 16:51:45

-whispers- im currently mumsnetting at the bottom of the garden in the wendy house. I needed to get away!

PeanutPatty Thu 26-Sep-13 22:44:23

<marks place for future less crazied moment to be able to properly contribute>

Crunchymunchyhoneycakes Thu 26-Sep-13 22:51:23

I always put my salmon Luke stuff in the dishwasher and it's onto its second child now. Didn't even know you weren't supposed to. Bottom rack too. It's fine.

PeanutPatty Fri 27-Sep-13 18:24:30

Everything goes in the bottom drawer now. Life's too short to worry about it.

MacMac123 Fri 27-Sep-13 19:22:01

There was a brilliant post a few months ago called something like 'does motherhood affect your mental health.' it got so long a second thread was started, it was all this stuff you're all saying and more. That thread was the best thing ever - my dd was 5/6 months then and I was edging back to work, I felt really low and overwhelmed (also have ds age 4).
There are no solutions or answers, suffice to say everyone feels the same way, if not all the time then some of the time, whether they are working or not.
The thread made me feel so much better.
There was talk of it being moved so it could be saved but it's fallen off my threads I'm on so I can't find it anymore hmm. But maybe someone from the old thread will see it and show is where it is. I recommend reading it.
Also recommend, triple recommend, reading the book what mothers do.
I envy this book.
Again it gives no answers, just validation, and makes you realise you are not alone!

PeanutPatty Sun 29-Sep-13 13:37:32

Thank you Mac. Funny how it always seems every other mother copes effortlessly whilst your day spirals out of control again.

alarkthatcouldpray Sun 29-Sep-13 20:46:39

The hand washing Salmon Luke dishes is in many ways a symptom of stress for me rather than a cause. It is part of the routine which I follow day to day to keep everything ticking over. When you add all the bits of the routine together life becomes pretty busy - cooking from scratch, keeping on top of housework, balancing the DCs' activities to include exercise, fun and educational stuff etc. I sometimes feel like the boy with his finger in the hole in the dam wall. If I step back and let the smallest thing go then everything might come crashing down around me.

It is all very well people saying don't sweat the small stuff, relax, life is too short (and I know people on the thread mean it well) but ironically it is only when I am in a strong place mentally that I can truly believe this and recognise what I can let go and what is really important. I guess it is about control and using routines as a security blanket.

For some reason this past week has been easier. Long may it continue!

PeanutPatty Mon 30-Sep-13 12:56:45

I get antsy if I haven't emptied the DW or put the WM on every morning. I think it's part of the keeping busy routine. Being at home all the time it's easy to create your own routine and rituals and then have the need to stick to them. Things start falling apart for me if I'm home all day. Worst thing I can do is sit down and watch tv/surf the net whilst the children go crazy around me. Then when teats arrives I feel I've wasted a day.

TropicalRain Fri 04-Oct-13 00:00:06

I am also at that point, it is a constant hamster wheel of entertaining a little one and trying to clean up. What is very difficult for me is that since the pregnancy, (my dd is 1year old now), I cannot enjoy alcohol, it just makes me feel sick. One of my life's greatest pleasures, a glass of red, a wee whisky, gone. Replaced by cake and general irritation. I enjoyed my baby up to about eight months immensely, I wanted to be with her all the time. Tis a different ball game now that she is almost a toddler.

This is my life 24 7. Single mum to four dc one with special needs. At least you have dp or dh to occasionally give you a break. I have no one.

My self harm urge is coming back. I am a truly shit mother and all I do is rage at them. They are better of without me

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