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intrusive thoughts? somethings gone in my head today

(101 Posts)
holstenlips Wed 10-Jul-13 21:35:44

Been under pressure general life and work stuff for weeks
Slowly building up and last few days im really struggling
Took yesterday off work. Went in today and spent most of it crying at my desk. At points today nearly walked out of work. I called gp but no appts.
I have thoughts popping in my head . Suicidal / self harm thoughts. Im scared I will act on them. Dont think I will but at times they seem overwhelming.
Distraction (with work or listening to music for example) helps a bit. Kids have kept me busy this evening.
Part of me wants help. Part of me wants to lose the plot.
Intrusive thoughts ? Where are these from?

StickEmUp Wed 10-Jul-13 22:02:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holstenlips Wed 10-Jul-13 22:05:13

Thanks Stickem. My kids are wonderful.

StickEmUp Wed 10-Jul-13 22:10:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holstenlips Wed 10-Jul-13 22:15:36

Thank you I really appreciate it . Doc said call tomorrow and they will try fit me in .
Trouble is working full time and hard to get out.
I just feel like a waste of space tonight but no thoughts like I had earlier. Was thinking of jumping out the window at work how ridiculous.
Luckily ive exhausted myself today with these thoughts so I shall go to bed x

StickEmUp Wed 10-Jul-13 22:21:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

decaffwithcream Wed 10-Jul-13 22:25:12

If you feel the need to be seen more urgently its always an option to go to A and E and tell them you are having suicidal thoughts.

They are used to that.

Or the Samaritans are good even just for a non- judgemental listening ear

HoopHopes Wed 10-Jul-13 23:14:09

If you can't see a gp and it is urgent just phone the out of hours number after your gp practise closes. Much better than a&e and you get a booked time slot instead of wasting 4 hours waiting to see a nurse etc at a&e.

holstenlips Wed 10-Jul-13 23:16:34

Thank you all. My head hurts so much im going to try to sleep. I feel quite scared. But I wont do anything bad tonight. See how I feel in the morning have googled some stuff on mind website.

holstenlips Wed 10-Jul-13 23:19:51

Feel utterly disgusting . I hope I can get dressed and out tomorrow it was a job this morning. You are all so kind. Thank you.

holstenlips Thu 11-Jul-13 12:38:11

In work . Crying again. Wishing I was dead. How do I get through this ? I cant leave my kids I know that.

StickEmUp Thu 11-Jul-13 12:44:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holstenlips Thu 11-Jul-13 14:38:59

Ive told my boss in an email and gone home. Will see doc in morning and go from there. Thank you for replying.

StickEmUp Thu 11-Jul-13 15:04:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holstenlips Sun 14-Jul-13 11:31:05

Just to update. Took friday off saw doctor in the after noon by which time I had a meltdown .
In public.
Anyway gp very nice. Has referred me to mental health team. And given me some mood stabilisers for the meantime signed off work.
Thank you

SnowyMouse Sun 14-Jul-13 11:47:24

I'm glad you're getting the support you need.

holstenlips Sun 14-Jul-13 12:05:16

Thanks snowy

holstenlips Sun 14-Jul-13 12:07:34

I feel like I dont belong in my body / dont recognise myself/ am invisible . Is this normal? Ive also lost my confidence. Cant be around people except my kids and dp.
What if I never get it back?

MrsFTHC Tue 16-Jul-13 08:04:41

Hi, you will get it back, please try not to worry. Have yougot an appointment with the mental health team already or are you waiting for them to contact you?

holstenlips Tue 16-Jul-13 09:15:29

Hi Mrs thank you for responding. Yes my gp said she wants me to be seen by a week or so . Im waiting for them to call. I feel a shadow of my former self.
Im taking lamotrigine which gp prescribed.
I have good and bad parts of the day. Mid morning is the worst. Im signed off work for 2 weeks but feel maybe im making this all up and should go to work - that sounds crazy doesnt it.
I wish I knew who I was but I dont. Feel like ive been living someone elses life for 20 years.

holstenlips Fri 19-Jul-13 10:45:16

Still havent been contacted by m/h team. Have decided that I want to change my job its too stressful .

StickEmUp Fri 19-Jul-13 15:05:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holstenlips Fri 19-Jul-13 15:21:17

Hi so nice of you to come back
Called gp they said its def been referred as urgent so I will just need to wait for a call
Im off work anyway, signed off and couldnt go in if I tried. Wouldnt last 5 mins. In fact I think I need to change my job. (Eventually)
Thank you so much x

StickEmUp Fri 19-Jul-13 17:54:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holstenlips Sat 20-Jul-13 10:38:25

Got a letter from mental health team. Appt for end of august. How the hell am I going to continue til then
My kids want to go swimming but I cant get out of the house

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