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This is our Village, People! Need support? - Move In Here....

(975 Posts)
ThatVikRinA22 Fri 07-Jun-13 19:19:23

My Friends... theres no need to feel down
i said My Friends..Pick yourself off the ground
i said My Friends, cause youre in a new town
theres no need to be unhappy....

Our new thread folks (number 5!!).....i need to dash as im on nights but i will be back!
love to all. xxx

SnowyMouse Fri 07-Jun-13 19:31:54

Good luck for your shift.

LEMisdisappointed Fri 07-Jun-13 20:13:08

ahahahaahaaa smile Thats Brilliant Vicar - have a good shift!

Thanks vicar your titles are fab grin

Basset that was an epic post at the end of Thread 4 - and thanks. Today has been weird. I have got stuff done (bought dress for DD communion - this one), sorted couple bits at home. But general high anxiety has stayed the same all day, completely wound up, which puts a questionmark next to my cortisol theory. I should probably do some yoga or something but I'm too tired/lazy now.

knitted sorry to hear your DH is being useless. Can't remember if you've pointed him in the direction of any pages about living with someone with mental health probs on Mind/Depression Alliance website? Hope you're OK this evening.

snowy more flowers here, pink aquileja from my garden.

Just marking place.

Im hot. Sweaty. Sunburnt. And need to catch up.

Think I'll take a glass of wine to bed and read about what everyone else is up to

bassetfeet Fri 07-Jun-13 21:31:39

Hi Ed glass of wine and bed sounds good to me x

CIQ a lovely dress and thanks for sharing . Nice clothes from there . Love to look online. So chic and classy. What accessories will you use ?
I loved the one Snowy bought a week or so back also . Monsoon?
You will look fabulous .

www.tribal-earth.com/viewitem.php?cat=Clothes&subcat=Skirts&item=Teale+Patchwork+Skirt

This is my yearly treat clothes wise . Got tee shirt from M@S to match
IF i have to scrub up this is it . elasticated waist and heel length .
Must make sure I dont tuck skirt into knickers though if drinking or vague /panicking .

Nice distraction clothes and such .xx

Goid evening.

I'm not going to try and remember everything cos I can't scroll back.

Just remember it can be tough for our OHs. I don't have on OH but I know my best friend, whilst having the most knowledge of my emotional welfare and associated physical manefestations. But she still doesn't 'get' it and it frustrates the hell out of me at times.

I just think it is really hard for someone that hasn't been here to understand that because of this illness which may have no physical symptoms visible to others. ..sometimes we physically can't get off the sofa or out of bed etc. A year ago I probably wouldn't have believed it myself.

ciq do you know what's causing your anxiety? I know my anxiety scores are high at the moment. I know I have a lot of the physical manefestations, but emotionally I don't 'feel' anxious so I don't know what's causing it.

bassett I really didn't picture you as the sort of person wearing that skirt...I can, however see you in the dress snowy linked.

Right. Quick resume of my day

Nauseous. Sleepy. Shakey this morning so napped.
Had a shower
Wore my favourite summer maxidress with a nice cleavage bra (after beinv intervened).
Bonus points for make up
Bonus points for necklace
Sat in the sun for 2 1/2 hours watching dd3s may carnival. Forgot the sunblock. My cheekbones are very red...my makeup clearly lies when it says its spf25
My cleavage bra has left me with a white stripe between my boobs
My necklace has left me with a white ring around my neckline.

I'm thoroughly fried.

I have picked up 2 carrier bags of rubbish from the lounge.
Chinese for tea. All the plates are still in the kitchen. Will be grim in the morning.
Ive done a load of washing but its still in the machine.
Ive hung out a load of washing but its still on the line.

Mixed day really.

Now...hugs are offered to all...I think might finally be lurgy free...just spit roasted!

knittedslippersx3 Fri 07-Jun-13 22:25:30

Just signing into new thread.
Not had time to catch up on posts and post confused!
Will spend time tomorrow reading and writing, but for now good night my lovelies. Thank you for all your kind words, promise to be more specific tomorrow but now off to bed. Hope your shift passes quickly vicar

Hi basset great skirt - lovely colours and smiling at skirt in knickers grin Thanks for feedback on dress. I have a lovely bright pink Cardi, some smart Black wedge sandals so think I will get some pink nail varnish for toes. I tried it on and lovely ds said I looked beautiful smile

ed Chinese yum. Sunburn sounds ouchy hope you've got a nice moisturiser!

I don't know what's causing the anxiety. I wasn't great after half term. I am having great difficulty relating to dh, we haven't talked much this much this week cos I seem to be irritated by pretty much everything he says sad. I don't feel like I'm worried about a particular thing but have constant tension, tight chest, bit breathless, stomach in knots and brain agitated and a bit spaced. Any ideas/suggestions?!

Hope everyone else is doing ok x

bassetfeet Fri 07-Jun-13 22:52:37

And now that everything had turned chaotic, turbulent, and fearsome, now that I had felt the ground shifting beneath my feet and could no longer trust my own body to carry me blithely from one day to the next, there was at least this solace of the familiar. The house was my refuge, my safe place. The illness and its treatments were strange and unpredictable; home was everything I knew and understood.

This will pass I hope CIQ .......both of you worrying . No wonder communication is hard and your knot in tummy wont leave . I hate it for you so much . Just keep the cuddles or physical stuff going if words are too hard if you can . An arm stroke .not the whole whammy .

the quote above I love . You will recover .

Thanks so much basset.
Sleep well x

HellesBelles396 Sat 08-Jun-13 08:36:56

Just checking into tge village.

Love that dress CIQ

Can I have the house on the corner with the nice plum tree in the garden.

I will bake nice cakes with them

<back to reality....im still in bed...child free weekend here....>

LEMisdisappointed Sat 08-Jun-13 11:31:27

Can I live next door to Ed? I should just like to point out that all the fences will be dry walls - there will be NO picket fences in the village (i have a weird phobia of picket fences blush). I can make jam from the excess plums.

Will there be coffee mornings? and village fetes where we are all slightly squiffy from too much pims??

I mean, why wouldn't anyone want to live here??? grin

Seriously, this thread, all of you - its brilliant, i can't explain it but its like a safe haven.

I can have a crochet and craft stall at the fete...

<still ignoring the fact i am in bed>

SnowyMouse Sat 08-Jun-13 12:38:56

Nice dresses/skirts! Sorry to hear about all hte anxiety symptoms sad

Bed sounds good Ed, I'm trying not to though.

bassetfeet Sat 08-Jun-13 12:50:03

I am loving the planning of the village grin. Want to draw it like Jilly Cooper does in her books .

We can have our fetes in Vicars paddock [cos she will have her horses].

Oh yes....vicar must live in the old farmhouse with stables and paddocks.

I think nana would quite like the 18th century cottage...

ciq must have a huge light filled conservatory for her painting.

lem I hope you have a study that overlooks the beautiful view...might motivate you to get your lab books out.

I'm having a huge hammock in my garden where I can lounge and crochet in the sun...

Do we need fences at all (other than for the paddock)...we are all sociable enough....

<still in bed! >

HellesBelles396 Sat 08-Jun-13 14:05:38

No fences - big communal garden with lots of seating. Small areas for pottering and a ride-on lawnmower for whoever feels up to sitting outside for an hour driving up and down

Oh I Love the sound of this place grin.

Thanks for the conservatory Ed I can picture it already smile. I'm not too fussy as long as the house is light and its the sunniest village in the UK. A little cottage garden patch and a hammock would be fab.

Lem I sooooo agree about this place. A refuge.

STOP PRESS

I am out of bed.

I've put some washing out.

I am properly dressed.

My blinds are open.

I'm just going to deal with my chinese rubbish and then head to the shops. I also have another mouse to release.

The garden definitely needs to be the focus of this village...drag us all out of our beds.

vicar will be impressed at the progress we have made on the village when she gets home grin

Oh and I forgot to mention...the cottage I have my eye on for nana has a basement with a big heavy padlock so we can lock the headmonster away...

Glabella Sat 08-Jun-13 14:38:17

Love the new thread, it reminds me of my daughters naming where I made a speech saying that it takes a village to raise a child, and our friends and family celebrating with us were our village. I think we all need a village to raise us up sometimes. I will try to be on the thread more, it is a great support and it is nice to talk to people who understand, the days seem to get away from me lately and suddenly a week has gone by. Me and dp would like a tiny house with a couple of acres, since there is no way I will get away with moving to a village without room for some horses.

LEM I loved your list, it made me smile and cry in equal measure but thanks so much for the kind words. thanks

Nana Thanks for the great advice, I am on citalopram, but have only been on it for 4 weeks so they won't think about changing or upping the dose for another few weeks, its pretty much a case of waiting it out. Around here resources for mental health are hugely stretched, specialist services don't really get involved in simple depression unless there are psychotic symptoms etc. It is so difficult, I have seen it with my own patients. I had actually started taking the tablets, took 4 before dp got home and I stopped and came to my senses, but scared myself. But apparently that isn't a serious attempt to need any more care other than GP visits every other week. hmm

Thanks for worrying about me. I have been up and down this week since Tuesday, felt sort of detached and numb so had a couple of ok days lying in the sun but yesterday and today have been very down again, struggling to do anything and feeling suicidal yet again, although dp has hidden all the tablets and won't leave me alone so I feel safer now. I keep endlessly reliving horrible things from my marriage, questioning things, driving myself crazy, they go round and round in my head until I just feel empty. Was up until 2am last night, ended up waking dp to cry into his shoulder and scream into a pillow. I suppose I just have to trust that this will pass, and in the meantime remember to breathe. I should remember, I have a tattoo of the word breathe on my ankle.
Positive news though, we have decided to go to Spain for a week on Wednesday, booked the flights yesterday! Family have pulled together to have dd at short notice and dp's family have a flat by the beach that is free, so off we go. I know it won't be a magic cure, but being depressed on a Spanish beach has to be better than doing it here.

bassetfeet Sat 08-Jun-13 14:40:07

If I remember well Nana has a garden room if it turns inclement .
We can gather there and have a sewing/knitting/crocheting bee like times of yore smile

Good on ya ED for being dressed and out of bed x

Helles grin to ride on mower . oh yes . Maybe with a sidecar for those of us feeling wobbly .

Well done Ed

Glabella sorry to hear you're having such a tough time at the moment. When's your next GP appointment? In my experience if you're not noticing any significant improvement after 6 weeks they will up the dose. You're spot on with the breathing - hope you manage to keep it up. Spain sounds loverly, and good timing as apparently we're due for rain where I live on Tue! I have bought some yellow freisa as a pre-emptive strike.

Quiet house. DH has taken DCs to his brothers/their cousins. I opted not to go. Tomorrow is pretty busy and it would be a fairly full on afternoon and evening. Does feel a bit weird though. I need to get off the sofa and so some stuff online and in the garden and tidy up the bombsite of the dining/kitchen table and washing...

P.S can someone have a heated pool at their house wink

xx to all

HellesBelles396 Sat 08-Jun-13 15:15:51

Not the way I would drive it - whomever was in the sidecar would be ill...

Defo on garden room - perhaps something else that should be communal. It could be used for crafting, chatting and generalised handholding or shoulder-proffering.

Back to reality, time to do the washing up sad

ThatVikRinA22 Sat 08-Jun-13 16:16:10

smile hello!

gosh! liking the rate of village construction! and i definitely bagsy the farm house with the paddock and a stable block.....

There is a big old oak tree in the middle of the field we can all sit under for picnics.

i would rather deal with horses than people - tough night last night. Dealt with a horrible DV case involving a very angry man mountain.....he ended up doing the taser dance. (its only the second time in my service ive known taser be used)

got a few days off then but am in court next week - will be very very glad when thats over.

DS has moved to Devon (cant remember if i said that or not?) im not counting my chickens just yet based on past experience but it sounds like he is doing ok and enjoying the job.

Im planning on a day at the stables on monday, but my days off are cut short this week due to court - have booked a couple of days off next week to make up for it.

tomorrow im going to try and go for a run first thing, have a few hours sleep then clean all the critters out.

im getting my 2 new boys in a week, ive renamed my boy rescue cuddly dudley....cos he is just so cuddly!

right....must go and get some brekky....see you all tomorrow. x

knittedslippersx3 Sat 08-Jun-13 16:29:28

A little 2 bed cottage will do me! A small courtyard garden with views across the countryside. Nice and modern inside though. A stack of books to read and the radio on in the background. Sounds like bliss and all of you within walking distance.

SnowyMouse Sat 08-Jun-13 16:45:59

I'm opting for a two-bed bungalow, nicely in reach of everyone and everything

Nice snowy, knitted smile.

I'm assuming this village is just for us - in which case 2 beds good for me to. Big windows. Real fire.

Have a lovely day at the stables tomorrow vicar and really hoping your DS thrives in Devon.

Well, get me, I have been all techy this afternoon and set myself up with a one page website with one of my paintings on!
AND
Have created a profile page, inc the same picture.

Now need to get in the garden (tho sofa is v comfy)...

hoochymama1 Sat 08-Jun-13 17:17:25

Oh, this is so lovely, I'm glad we moved here, we needed to be in a pretty village that we could make our own.

HB A tea room would be lovely, with home made cakes, lovely mismatched old fashioned cups and saucers and space to sit and craft and chat. Always open, warm and cosy.

Lots of love to everyone, CiQ and Basset, I love the clothes.

((( Glabella))) words can be too glib sometimes, much love goes out to you. Don't make excuses for services in your area, and ask for help when you need it. Depression is such a dangerous illness, pervasive and eroding. Keep on with the meds, it's taken me nigh on 6 weeks to feel the benefit.

Just came back from centerparcs and it was so weird, last time I went I was really into it and chucking myself down the rapids etc, this time I was so afraid of everything. But I'm back home safe now with a trembly feeling inside.

Have my dd home, so all the family is here, busy and tiring. But it's a beautiful evening and my washing is dry.

((( snowy ))) and ((( ed )))

LEM deff dry stone walls, with nice smelling herbs like thyme growing in them.

Cuddles to Nana and Knitted flowers

Hi Hoochy a big yes from me for tearoom. Do you think there could be a twice weekly yoga class in the village hall to counteract it?

Hoochy well done for surviving centerparcs! Hope you get to put your feet up soon. Glass of wine in the garden?

LEMisdisappointed Sat 08-Jun-13 18:15:28

Glabella good to see you just be aware that citalopram can increase suicidal thoughts at the start of treatment just so you are aware xx

Notsoblonde Sat 08-Jun-13 18:33:53

bassett those were lovely words on the old thread.

waves to everyone else

I am having a bad day, I am convinced I have a dvt as I have a sore calf, none of the other symptoms but its sore when I walk and when I touch it, it feels more like a pulled muscle or even my sciatica is playing up as my thigh and bum are sore too down that side, am trying not to phone nhs direct but its so hard I keep imagining I am going to collapse and die sad. sorry for being so selfish. one of my main problems is health anxiety.

Queenofknickers Sat 08-Jun-13 18:49:37

Ooh please can I join the village? I'll run the shop where there'll always be chocolate, wine, a bit of celeb gossip and a welcome. God I wish that was my real life. Really struggling back at work after my surgery - hideously stressed, still in pain and my therapist pointed out to me I'm being bullied by my boss AGAIN (yes I seem to attract it).

Cheer me up by telling me what the village shop should have in it so I can live in a fantasy!

bassetfeet Sat 08-Jun-13 18:55:55

Hi Notsoblonde

So sorry you are having a bad day . And oh yes to health anxiety..me too. It is horrible .
OK ....your calf would be very red ,swollen and hot to touch my love if it was a DVT. You know this [hug].
Maybe if you draw a map around the area and see if it extends may reassure you ?
Can you ask someone else to judge independently how hot and red your skin is ?

I cant say it isnt DVT cos this the internet .
But sounds very likely sciatica to me .

If you are fretting too much go to a walk in centre where they can take D dimer blood test and scan . 111 is useless it seems.

I so empathise with this health anxiety . IT IS AWFUL . can you distract yourself at all?

sending a lot of empathy and support NSB.

Notsoblonde Sat 08-Jun-13 19:02:01

hi bassett its not red at all or hot, just tender when I press it, its been happening off and on all week and it has been completely disappearing, this morning it wasnt there then I cut grass and picked dd2 up and it tightened up completely. oh I hate this, I miss the old me. thank you for replying to me your are so kind.

hi to Queen of knickers

bassetfeet Sat 08-Jun-13 19:10:24

Welcome QoK lovely to meet you smile. So sorry you are having a rough time . Lots of support here and nice chat. No bullies .x

Mmm village shop ......nice deli meats,cheese, olives and artisan bread.
Greggs pasties, crisps,oven ready dinners and pizza grin.

Nice having this distraction of virtual village isnt it ? x

bassetfeet Sat 08-Jun-13 19:14:18

flowers for NsB .....so understand . We see so much in our work and it seeps in your mind . xxx

Queenofknickers Sat 08-Jun-13 19:18:11

Naice ham? Anyone?

((((hugs))) notso

hi queenof can I please request your stock order contains: good quality dry white wine, Windsor & newton artists materials wink plenty of green&blacks, fresh fruit so I can try and be healthy and that there's an ad in the window for a really good massage therapist of the non dodgy kind. Take care x

Well did all my techy stuff. Click on my name and you'll see some!

Sorted dump that was kitchen. Just going to take some piles of washing upstairs (and pile them somewhere else) then it is wine o'clock here. Anyone fancy a wine hoping it will dull my agitation a bit hmm

bassetfeet Sat 08-Jun-13 19:36:59

Is it your daughters communion tomorrow CIQ ?
What a lovely painting ........just how I imagined actually . Do you have preferred medium to use ? It is beautiful and so delicate ..like the blooms . Thank you for allowing us to see.

got my glass by my side . And yes to naice ham x

Hi Basset no its 22nd. Tomorrow we have the local donkey derby - like a summer fair with donkey races!

Thanks re: pic smile and v interesting its how you imagined! This is in oils which is my preferred medium - the colours are stunning, the paints are buttery in texture and there's loads of different techniques you can use.

Wine now. Am feeling very industrious - have even requested a missing part to DS lego set... Phew. How's your day been?

bassetfeet Sat 08-Jun-13 19:58:16

Had to nap which frustrated me as sun shining and the garden needs so much care . I have neglected it over the last few years.
But I did enjoy visualising our village as I drifted off . Nicer than the thoughts of doom .

Ah I love donkeys ciq . Did you know they kneel down at the stroke of midnight on Christmas Eve in their stables or field ? But they wont if anyone is watching smile.

So pleased you have had an industrious day ......I thought your painting was water colour . Really interesting to learn about this .
x

Its such a tiny photo its hard to tell!

I like the donkey tale wink

Nap sounds good to me. I had planned to do a bit of gardening but actually its not been warm here - very fresh breeze.

Hope you have a good eve x

SnowyMouse Sat 08-Jun-13 20:25:46

I've opted for curl up in bed for now, perhaps contradicting no screens in bed. Ah well. Got laundry sorted for tomorrow morning.

The village is a wonderful distraction smile

No nap for me today but I did lay in late.
Then I went shopping. Bought some wii games
Wanted a bra but couldn't find one in my size

I haven't done much around the house...I need to address that tomorrow.

My evening is being spent drinking alcohol; eating dairylea, fresh bread and cherry tomatoes with cheese and onion crisps...my favourite comfort food . I then have a greggs cream donut (or two) for dessert.

I have one eye on bgt and the other on my gerbils that are having a good play. They are still being settled so trying not to handle them too much. I am hand feeding them though ti get used to me human company.

ciq I would like to commision a painting of bluebells or poppies for my village cottage.

As for the corner shop....must have

Blossom hill rose
Dairylea
Cherry tomatoes (maybe we can grow them on our own allotment)
Fresh bread
Walkers cheese and onion crisps
Nice wool

Right cream donuts await smile

bassetfeet Sat 08-Jun-13 21:46:01

You got names for them ED ?

Yup.

We have

Poppy (black)
Lily (white)
(At which point I thought a flower theme was going to rule)
Pepper (light peppery grey)
Fudge. (Light golden colour with a white underside)

They are all different colours

Poppy loves poking her head up out of the tube like mario out of the green pipes
Fudge loves play boxing (a known gerbil behaviour)
Pepper loves sleeping
Lily loves jumping
,

bassetfeet Sat 08-Jun-13 22:21:47

Ah you make me smile ED lovely names and descriptions for the wee critters . A pic would be nice when they allow you x

Mmm.... think we may need a visiting vet to our village ladies . Lots of our furry friends to look after . grin.

That is my dream time sorted tonight .

HellesBelles396 Sat 08-Jun-13 22:23:50

Loving the tea room. It must have cake forks.

A village library with no self-help books.

My home will have a sun room so I can get my light therapy even in winter. A living-kitchen with good-sized pantry and an amazing shower room. Spose a couple of bedrooms.

In RL (should it be rrl now that we have an even less rl beyond mn?) I have baked oatmeal raisin cookies. Bought a shed since i got extra from tax credits because they had underpaid a fiver a week last year grin I also sketched out a plan if how I want my back garden to be and made a list of related tasks and purchases. it's going to take a while...

DS v happy today. Had a full day with his bff over and they went to another friend's house as he has one of those large garden pools which came out today for the first time this year. My best friend came over a couple of times to set the world to rights. I have been feeling so much better this past week. It is amazing what some nice weather can do. Think how much money the nhs would save if they sent me somewhere sunny and warm every winter.

LEMisdisappointed Sat 08-Jun-13 22:36:10

I queenofknickers

I guess we should have some gerbil and ratty food for Vicar and Ed!
Can i get some crickets for my pet tarantula? I dont have one yet but its to be my present to myself when i get back on top of things. Its OK guys, i'll keep it in my study in a locked vivarium smile

Do you think we can have a river that runs at the end of our gardens? not too deep but just enough so that i can dangle my feet in during the summer, oh no, hang on, its always summer in our village!

I'd like a three bedroom terrace with a front garden full of roses, back garden going down a slope to the river/stream. There is a weeping willow on the other side of the river.

I am doing OK this weekend, feel a bit anxious but its not been too bad. I have been to two pubs today shock and only had lemonade and coke shockshock Feel i have been drinking too much and i think its got to the stage where i don't actually enjoy it anymore.

LEMisdisappointed Sat 08-Jun-13 22:37:02

that was meant to day Hi queenofknickers !

LEMisdisappointed Sat 08-Jun-13 22:37:24

oh ffs say, not day - im not even on my phone!

Do you know what....looking back on our first day in the village...I must say that on the whole it has been a reasonably positive one. Lets hope it lasts.

We MUST have a village pub with quiz nights though.

Photos of my little cuties on profile. Sorry I cant rotate pictures.

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 09-Jun-13 10:22:05

morning all.

i decided not to go to bed today, so came off nights, went for a run, shower, then cleaned the rats cages out.

im sat in pjs watching last nights telly. house a tip but cant be bothered to sort it just now.

very tough night again last night. sad im ok, just had a very sad and difficult night. My colleagues are all hard nosed sods. Not one of them can put themselves in another persons shoes.

anyway. i am surprisingly wide awake so am going to try and get the Dudley out for a cuddle....

want a pic of the new boy? he is a sweetie....they said at pets at home he was wild savage little bugger....

mmmmm...such a savage....not!

Unfortunatelyanxious Sun 09-Jun-13 10:34:12

Hello all, checking in

I have had to tackle a few things hence my absence, sorting out my Dads stuff, still not finished. DH has been on a trip abroad with work as well.

I don't want to write what my phobia is but I have one, the incident that triggered this phobia occurred at a holiday home owned by Mil. I just don't go there anymore, she is now selling it and DH wants to go there one last time. He has said I do not have to go but it is triggering a very bad phase of anxiety. I get physical symptoms like chest pains and jaw pain with numbness down my face. I haven't had these physical things for a while. They are unpleasant.

I just can't bear the set back. DH has a phobia of snakes a bad one so he knows fear. You don't tend to bump in to snakes though so he can do as he pleases.

I have not shouted but I have begged him not to go, he flies off on trips all the time and has when I'm really unwell. I don't stop him doing stuff alone ever but this I cannot bear.

Any advice?

LEMisdisappointed Sun 09-Jun-13 10:56:41

UA - i am sorry that your phobia is causing you such a problem. I totally understand. My phobia is ridiculous, picket fences so if that cottage had a picket fence i just couldnt go there, i couldn't sad You don't say what the phobia is. Is that because even talking about it makes you feel bad? Is it ther fear of something happening to DH if he goes there? Because otherwise you would be happy for him to go alone, as you say, you don't stop him doing stuff alone but you cannot bear this? Is this a holiday home that has good memories for your DH? I can understand why he wants to go there again. The trouble is, you have had such a hard time that now is probably not the time to face your fears - i don't know what to suggest. I would help if we knew what the fear was, but understand if you cannot talk about it.

FWIW, i used to be petrified of spiders, i think to the extent that it could have been called a phobia. Now i love them - i don't know what really happned to change that. I worked in a lab full of them but never went near them, i felt uncomfortable at first. Fascination took over i guess. If there are spiders in my house, i have to give them names and then its ok.

Does your DH know what it is you are scared of? is there anything he can do to remove that trigger?

Ed - oh yes, there absolutely has to be pub! One that serves real ale along with pink wine. Pub quizzes and board games - a roaring fire. Oh and its all free, just like the village shop - thats all free too! There is no stress in our village, just nice things and happy days. It doesn't rain either.

Vicar - that ratty is just gorgeous for a savage. Have a good day - don't over do things though, you need sleep after a tough shift.

Unfortunatelyanxious Sun 09-Jun-13 11:34:34

I will be brave LEM and admit what it is , it is tick bites. The place is in the middle of the New Forest and half the time you end up with ticks. I used to be ok about this but I got really a lot of bites at the same time I was recovering from a pg loss and I just cannot bear to go there. The baby I lost was conceived while we were on hols there as well so I have gone from loving the place to loathing it.

It's more the thought of catching Lyme disease or getting an infected bite I can't stand. I'm a country girl and it means after a life of playing in abandoned pig stys and cow pat fights I'm scared of the countryside now but have a phobia of anywhere your more likely to Get tucks. Insects love me I got bitten walking in the Peak District at Christmas by something. What are the chances of that.

Unfortunatelyanxious Sun 09-Jun-13 11:35:19

Not tucks, darn autocorrect

LEMisdisappointed Sun 09-Jun-13 11:42:53

Ugghhh, ticks <<shudders>> horrible bloody things. I had one in my back once - DP thought it was a giant mole shock Yuck. But ts not the ticks is it UA? Its the association with really sad things that you associate the place with. Understandable, it totally is - its difficult to disassocite places with traumatic events, it brings it all back. I am so sad that you are scared of the countryside sad Have you ever spoken about this with your counseller?

hoochymama1 Sun 09-Jun-13 12:00:46

((( UA ))) not surprised the place has bad associations. Poor darling.

Lovely ratty, vicar I must do a profile.

Welcome QoK- excellent name.

Our village is coming along beautifully.

Oh, DS 2 has just started vomiting bug, and A levels next week! DS 3 has just recovered from it. Yuck yuck yuck.

Its just getting sunny here now, hope everyone has a good afternoon.

hoochymama1 Sun 09-Jun-13 12:07:21

Oh, Ed just saw your lovely knitty things, you are so clever!! And the cuties are so sweet smile

SnowyMouse Sun 09-Jun-13 12:34:46

What lovely gerbils smile

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 09-Jun-13 12:43:08

i almost missed your gerbils ed....sweet! more critters! smile

bassetfeet Sun 09-Jun-13 15:27:12

ua so sorry to read about your phobia and distress . As Lem says there is a lot of real hurt and upset attached to the cottage isnt there?. Agree that your Dh can go there on his own. You have had more than enough to cope with the last few months .

It is awful that the countryside in general has given rise to these panic feelings . I hope you can get some support in managing them .

Just an idea for future times have you googled anti insect clothing ?
there is some specifically for tick areas

www.rovince.com/

take care x

bassetfeet Sun 09-Jun-13 16:00:25

Ok ladies this is the village plans up to date so far

1: large farmhouse with stables and paddock for Vicar

2:corner house with plum trees for ED and a huge garden with hammock.

3: 3 bed terrace with roses around the door at front and sloping back garden to river and next door to ED is LEM.

4: 2 bed cottage with huge picture windows and conservatory with studio and real fires is CIQ

5: A cottage with huge sun room . A large kitchen /living area with huge pantry [I love the word pantry ] ....huge shower room belongs to Helles

6: 2 bed bungalow near us all is our lovely Snowy

7: A 2 bed cottage with secluded courtyard and outstanding views is Knitteds

8: Large rambling cottage with tea room attached is Hoochies

9: Mmm in her absence we have bought an 18th century cottage with glorious garden room for Nana . Hidden from view is the cellar where the head monster is incarcerated if it ever dares to show itself.

We have village shop courtesy of QOK that stocks anything we want .
A large common garden with oak tree in middle to picnic under .
Allotments
Cool spacious library
Yoga lessons
craft workshops
fetes
coffee mornings
drunken evenings

Any boundaries will be dry stone walls and no fencing .

Weekly visit from handsome kind crinkle eyed weather beaten vet to tend to the animals .

Phew .........that has been a good distraction today .x

PUB ........How could I forget that ? with quizzes and roaring fires in winter . Allows all the animals in if well behaved [even tarantulas].

knittedslippersx3 Sun 09-Jun-13 16:19:53

Brilliant bassetfeet!
Can't wait to move in, I'll be throwing a dinner party asap so I can meet you all in person!
This village is turning out to be a fantastic distraction even if it is imaginary. Well done Vicar!

apatchylass Sun 09-Jun-13 16:35:06

Not a very good day here I'm afraid.

DC away, so I'm not busy. Supposed to be packing for business trip but heart not in it, despite leaving early tomorrow.

Should have listened to Strawberry and not halved my dose last week.

Sorry - very self indulgent. Just having a low day - hate it when DC aren't around, and hate leaving home at the moment.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 09-Jun-13 16:55:46

Chin up apatchylass - can you restart your dose at the normal dose? Where are you going to on your trip? There will be a warm welcome at the village pub when you come back x

apatchylass Sun 09-Jun-13 17:36:28

Thank you LEM. Just saw how lovely and happy this thread is after having posted and felt I'd lowered the tone. The village sounds lovely. (And yes, back on normal dose again, just didn't work out swapping so quickly.)

Let's have a walled garden that always catches the late afternoon sun, with scented roses and lots of fruit trees and veg which are tended by a gentle gardener who has hedgehogs round his toes and leaves out trugs of the best pickings of the day for villagers to help themselves to.

Looking forward to the pub. I'll look in on my return with lots of local delicacies for you all from my travels!

Have started packing now at least and put a lovely dinner in the oven. Always feels better when you get up and do something.

bassetfeet Sun 09-Jun-13 18:27:45

Ah hedgehogs round toes and trugs sounds so calming apatchy.
and yes to doing something to keep the demons at bay . Wish I took the advice.
take care while away and come back to us with your travel delights .
see you in the virtual pub .
take care and good you upped your dose back. And no you are not self indulgent xx

Unfortunatelyanxious Sun 09-Jun-13 20:06:20

Thank you for your wise words, I may very well buy some of that clothing. I won't go to the cottage, the sad thing is I used to hill walk as a serious hobby. Hiking holidays and suchlike, nothing like going up along Hellvelyn on a cold sunny winter day, so it's very sad.

DH will go, probably with his Mum, I have a complicated plan as it is a long distance from our home. My sister lives sort of on the way so am going to try and get her to come and stay while he is away, she hates public transport so means I can get her. We will see if the plan works out. DH is fine UNTIL he is thwarted in any way. I had never suffered anxiety before we were together, it only really kicked in about six years ago, I lost the pg and my dd was diagnosed with a serious lifelong Health problem at the same time. I have never been the same since that winter.

I cried a lot and got puffy eyes, then forced myself to go shopping at Aldi then watched three episodes of The Tudors, nothing like a bawdy historically inaccurate sex fest to take your mind off stuff.

Love to all.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 09-Jun-13 20:08:36

apatchy - yes, this particular thread has a happy and calming start to it, but it is also a place to come and seek solace when life is too much. We all post our angst and trials on here - there is much hand holding and support, so please feel free to offload.

I am going to do that just now!

So, I am feeling a bit crap actually. Bumped into one of my old students in the shop, he told me that, they had complained about the course and got half their fees back. I was really pleased for them - They complained about how things had no structure and that they had FOUR tutors over the year. However he said that they stressed that it wasn't the tutors faults that it was down to bad management. At first i was "good" the bloody manager has got her comuppance but then i thought, ah no, i bet they use me as a scape goat as im not there to defend myself. So started to worry that they might take some sort of action against me for leaving the course midway? I don't know how i managed to finish the shop and we went for a walk with the dogs and DD but i coldnt relax enough to enjoy it. They wont do anything will they? Rationally i know it wasn't down to me in any way but i am now envisioning them trying to recoup the monies from me sad confused DP is cross with me and thinks im being a twat - which i probably am but fuck it.

Ironically i was thinking about our village when i was in the woods - Our village should have a woods too, don't you think? With bluebells and snowdrops. I love the idea of the walled garden, i think that could be where the herbs are grown. Was also hoping that Vicar would want some help with the horses. CiQ would have a ball with all the flowers and wildlife to paint.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 09-Jun-13 20:12:24

Whaaaat??? The tudors is a bawdy sex fest? I turned it off because i thought it was gong to be all stuffy! I don't know why after watching the other bolyen girl - that Henry the VIII was a knobwit wasn't he.

It sounds like a good plan UA, although i have to say, i really hope that you can restart your hobby one day, when you are ready. Would you like to tell us where you would like to live in our village? Maybe you could be the pub landlady?

Hi all

((((Hugs)))) ua and lem tough situations to handle. ua ticks are bad enough on their own let alone with all those sad associations. lem I'm thinking h your student prob wouldn't have told you if he'd had any problems with you - like he said - poor management. Take care.

patchy love the sound of the sun warmed Wales garden.

basset Thanks for the fab summary! Can't believe we've got to page 3 with this - a lovely distraction.

vicar altho your night sounds tough I can't tell you how heartened I am to know there police officers like you or there with some empathy. Thank you.

Feeling like the grumpiest wide and mother today. Everything I seem to say has been negative. I don't want to be that sorry of person but just feel stuck.

Walled garden!

Wife. .. Good grief no good on phone tonight!

apatchylass Sun 09-Jun-13 20:39:22

LOL Queen

LEM - sorry you're down - from what you describe of bumping into that student you've come up with that hypersensitivity to situations which is part of feeling unwell (very familiar here!) rather than a realistic assessment of what they think and what they are going to do. Try to bear in mind how easy it is to feel overly sensitive. I have to tell myself that all the time (bit of CBT) and it helps me feel a bit less anxious and more rational.

SnowyMouse Sun 09-Jun-13 20:54:38

The village sounds wonderful! Sleep well all.

HellesBelles396 Sun 09-Jun-13 21:15:51

Loving the walled garden and bluebell woods.

Are we saying, really, that what we all want is the typical (though rare) english village but with only peolle we like living there?

After church (felt guilty as I had missed several weeks but everyone understanfs and was lovely), ds and I splurged unnecessarily on sunday lunch at the local. I fell asleep when we got home but then headed into the garden. Much lawn-mowing (and plug-rewiring) and potting on later and I am feeling pretty good. This past week has been fantastic. I have felt so much stronger and so normal. There were times I was upset or anxious but they were reasonable reactions to negative situations. I still need to work on my self-control as I am still fattening myself up and overspending but I feel like I have turned a corner. I feel better than I have for years.

helles grin

Night snowy

Unfortunatelyanxious Sun 09-Jun-13 21:43:46

Pub landlady would be great for me ( I am a talker) and DH has said he would never stop me doing anything apart from being a barmaid so as miffed with him count me in.

I would offer Sunday roasts, carvery style with a decent vegetarian option and ladlefuls of wine infused gravy. At least five types of pudding all home made, custard, cream or ice cream or all three.

Yard of ale competitions as well and pub quizz nights where googling is banned.

The Tudors is really naughty Lem boobs and bums aplenty. Poor old Cardinal Wolsley has just pegged it, played by Sam Neill so will miss him.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 09-Jun-13 22:02:29

Helles - am thrilled to read that you are feeling good, that sounds like a perfick day smile

Am definately thinking this is starting to look like the typical british village. I'm sure there would be nothing typical about its inhabitants grin Just before we do get carried away with (and i so think we should) with our quaint little village, can i just ask that we don't have morris men - i have a phobia of those along with the picket fence thing. I blame edward woodward for that though!

I would say stereotypical rather than typical ....

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 09-Jun-13 22:16:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 09-Jun-13 22:21:15

and everyone else just took the piss out of me because i stood up for her. i work with unfeeling bastards. i cant do it. it shouldnt be like this. everyone hates meand i make such an idiot of myself all th time. i got bollocked for not keeping written notes - iwas too busy holding her and talking to her and i thought that was more improtant.
but no. clearly not.
nothing has ever got to me like this before.

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 09-Jun-13 22:32:24

im going out for a cig. first(and only) one tonight. pissed off and fed up.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 09-Jun-13 22:35:53

Oh love, thats just awful awful sad Its good to cry and get it out. It must be so hard to not be able to follow these things up, i understand your utter frustration at it. But you must know that this is not your fault. You have empathy and this make you good at your job - but so so hard on you. Im actually sad for your collegues that they have become hardened to it - don't ever let that happen to you Vicar! Hopefully she will be over crisis point and at a stage where she can access help? Being a health worker she may well know where to go? Oh, i wish i had the right words to say to you sad Have you had any sleep at all?

Oh vicar

Maybe you care too much to be a successful police officer.

I don't think the force has the resources to have an officer tied up for 3+hrs for something that sounds as though it should be passed to another agency (mental health team).
I know you don't want to see her fall through the cracks. The people on the other side don't either.

Its a shame. A huge shame. Those cracks shouldn't be there in the first place. And do you know what...you kept her out of that crack for 3hrs. And if it was up to you I know you woukd still be there keeping her out of the cracks.

You put someone else first. That's in your nature. I guess your supervisors are just hardened to the way it is. The limitations on resources. That's not the way it should be. It's just the way it is. And you can't change who you are.

Rock and a hard place if ever there was one.

You did your personal best. Those in command of you were responsible for moving you onto another task. You did your best.

Hugs.

More hugs

And even more hugs.

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 09-Jun-13 23:14:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSilveryPussycat Sun 09-Jun-13 23:20:01

Did she get a proper assessment ie had been detained on a S 136 (is it?)

Sad to say the suicide rate round here is creeping up, I'm guessing we are noticing the effects of a v overstretched service sad

I'm going to stay right here, as my nice big newbuild won't fit in (despite the estate actually fitting in quite nicely into a little old ex-mining village). But I will drive over v v often, and I'm sure one of you will put me up if I need it after a visit to the pub!

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 09-Jun-13 23:27:16

no SPC because she was too pissed - mental health wont see anyone who is drunk or on drugs until they come down.
so she was held for another reason (with the best of intentions by the arresting officer who thought she would get assessed this morning after she sobered up)

and i kept telling her that.
and it turns out it was a lie because they just let her go without being assessed.

TheSilveryPussycat Sun 09-Jun-13 23:44:08

Ah I see. Did she tell police she was OK this morning?

A similar, but different, problem often crops up in su involvement circles - people who know they are in a crisis (eg relationship breakdown or loss, eviction notice, or whatever), are not suicidal, but fear they might be - crisis team say 'it isn't a crisis'. And it isn't, by the criteria they have to work to. There seems to be some hopeful discussion taking place around this issue, but it is early days.

If you were a counsellor you'd have a proper supervision which would help with this; as a CAB worker, and when I was a volunteer, the Manager would provide support. My friend who used to be a social worker had to deal with things alone (things may have changed now). And it seems, so do the police.

You do need to find some professional detachment. That does not mean you do not care - far from it. Sending love.

ThatVikRinA22 Mon 10-Jun-13 00:01:26

im ok. i think. this is the only job thats had me in tears in 3 years so i dont think im so fragile that i cant cope....
its just frustrating and im seen soft because i can empathise.

i think im just on edge generally because of my court case next week. ill be better when thats over with.

im tired and emotional. no sleep today and came off nights this morning so i guess that isnt helping.

goodnight everyone - sorry for the whinge. im ok now - feeling a bit better and have at least stopped blubbing....

Uggghhhhh

I had an absolutely awful nights 'sleep'

Uggghhhhh....my bones hurt.

I must have woke every hour.

I feel awful.

And I've woken up with 21 bruises on one arm and 7 on the other.

I think I am being abducted by aliens in the night and beaten sad

LEMisdisappointed Mon 10-Jun-13 11:57:34

Vicar, you say it was all for nothing, but its probably not - she may remember some of the kind things you said to her - that despite her screaming abuse at you, you were still kind to her, you still cared enough about her to listen, really listen and show empathy. You could have made more difference than you realise. You could do no more than what you did, hopefully she will access help herself today - lets hope so, but if she doesn't, well, thats not your fault and you must know that you did what you can.

Bloody awful nights sleep here too sad toothache reared its ugly head, i was already on high anxiouty status due to the college thing, couelnt concentrate on my book due to pain in face - took two zopiclone at 3.30am so am proper space cadet now. Resisting the urge to go back to bed as i wont sleep tonight but I am being a space cadet of the first order - goin to go and do some weeding in my garden, cloe my eyes to the mess in the rest of the garden and pretend im in my little cottage with the roses growing over the front door smile Still anxious +++ and only about level 1.5

Ed, i wonder what you were dreaming about to get those bruises sad

HellesBelles396 Mon 10-Jun-13 12:43:34

vicar it sounds as though you did the very best you could in a terrible situation. Hold on to that. You gave a clearly tormented soul three hours of respite.

TheSilveryPussycat Mon 10-Jun-13 13:11:42

vicar should have said you did amazingly, and who knows but you have made a vital difference. However, if police put personal freedom by someone with capacity above a previous state of despair, then I think this is the right bias.

Mnd you, when the police had to take me to a place of safely 20 years ago, they could take me to the local hospital, where psychiatric assessment could take place fairly quickly. So not to a cell. I was psychotic, though.

ThatVikRinA22 Mon 10-Jun-13 13:33:43

hi all

im ok today, just tired. i couldnt get out of bed this morning and ive not gone to the stables. sad
my days off have been cut short this week so i think im going to do what i need to do and thats rest before im back at work. Im sad that ive not managed to get to my "happy place" (stables) but it is a full days work and i just need some time off.

ive reported my 2 posts that may contain a bit too much info on a third party. I wasnt quite thinking straight last night and although ive not given too much info its probably more than enough so ive asked HQ to delete those posts.

im feeling alright today - i think i was very tired and id forgotten meds i realised after wards - nights balls up my eating patterns.

im nipping out to pet shop for supplies then slobbing for the day. im hoping if i ask DH nicely he might tidy up for me.....

NanaNina Mon 10-Jun-13 13:38:18

Oh I'm stupid, I was looking at the old thread and wondering why no one had posted! I've read through all the posts but of course can't remember who said what! To be honest I don't do well with these "virtual" things but I will try my best since you all like the idea, and yes the cottage is fine Basset

I'm a bit pre-occupied with health anxiety. Yesterday was horrendous with the "worry tape" grinding around my head. This is different from headmonster stuff (meaning crap days of depression/anxiety). Mind if I tell you? A couple of weeks ago I was out walking with DP and a lot of DIL's family and I noticed something on the front of my leg (small spot) and brushed it off but it started to bleed and someone had a plaster that I put on - didn't think much more about it, thought I might have been bitten. Then a scab formed over the spot. Yesterday morning I woke with blood on the sheet and there was an area on my elbow that was bleeding. That has now scabbed over. Strangely a similar thing on my other elbow - I have no memory of scraping or banging elbows.

Of course I consulted Dr Google and am thinking skin cancer (most common place for skin cancer in woman is lower leg - panic! Says any incidence of bleeding in the skin that is not the cause of scraping, bumping etc is of significant concern and need to see GP. My practice is awful for getting an appt (it's the phone at 8.00 am thing) and the phone is always engaged and when you get through there are no appts left, so made one on line with GP for 19th June (first one available with GP I trust) but don't know if I can wait that long now. DP is sympathetic but is convinced I have scraped both my elbows and haven't noticed, and the thing on my leg is a bite, and that's really not the case. He has been showing me tiny marks on his arms that he's had for ages.......aaargh! Sorry to be so self indulgent when others are struggling.

Basset I think you mentioned HA. I have had it a few times in the past. Once convinced myself I had throat cancer and other stuff.

I've lost track of the new people on the thread, but hello to you all. I'm not usually so self indulgent to take up so much space moaning about my HA. Phew trying to remember stuff .

Vicar you are so not suited to police work (as if you needed me to tell you!) I think you do have to "grow a second skin" to work in caring professions (I am NOT including the police here!!) because if you are so emotionally affected, you cannot help others. But you are so recently recovered from depression and so got plugged into this woman's emotional distress. I suppose the police are just working within their boundaries and to be honest it doesn't surprise me at all that once the woman was sober they would just release her. I'm not sure who they could have contacted.
I just remember when I was a social worker and there were so many things that we really couldn't do very much about. People living on the margins of society with financial problems, high rise flats, no family support, few friends, alcohol and drug abuse and domestic violence in the mix usually. We could remove the children if they were suffering significant harm, but had no resources to do anything for the parents. I often felt some young mothers needed to be fostered themselves. Children trying to bring up children......a huge gap between their emotional age and their chronological age. So we just "papered over the cracks" and once the child/ren would be moved, more would be on the way. During my time in SSD I saw 3 generations of families who were stuck in this cycle of deprivation and no-one has any idea how to break into it.

I know a lot of people advise going to A & E when feeling suicidal, but ime that is no good, as I did that when my last major episode in 2010 got so bad I had stopped eating and drinking. I waited 3 hours for the "crisis team" by which time my anxiety had subsided a fair bit and then saw a CPN and DR and they sent me home with diazepam! They did make a referral to the psychiatrist but I think this was just normal procedure for anyone they see "out of hours" - I was admitted to hospital 3 days after the A & E visit, and the DR came on the ward one day and expressed great surprise that I had been admitted.

I know you are anxious about the court case this week Vicar but once you have given your evidence (remember kISS - keep it short, keep it simple) you can leave the court and go and get yourself a treat, a big one, though not another rat.......please!

So sorry I can't remember anything else. Snowy how are you - any advance on a 2?

I am trying to keep occupied today to stop the "worry tape" - it's weird really because over the past 3 years I have wished so often that I would get something, so that I could die of natural causes, so that my loved ones don't have to cope with my suicide, and yet at the first sign of this I'm in a panic.

ThatVikRinA22 Mon 10-Jun-13 13:45:11

im ok today nana but thank you.

normally, in those circs we let someone sober up and then get the crisis team out.

re court - unfortunately i cant leave as its my case. ill be ok, and yep, i am getting 2 more rats next week to keep rescue boy company! lol!

LEMisdisappointed Mon 10-Jun-13 17:34:47

Nana - I had a little wry smile there about the throat cancer - when my health anxiety was first picked up, it was because i had gone to the doctors in absolutely hysterics because i thought my tonsils were tumours. blush hmm Can I just comment on what you have said about the bleeding thing? Its just that, the spot on your skin was bleeding, you knocked off the scab and it bled? In your comment you mentioned bleeding IN the skin, so like a blood blister or bruising under the skin? Doesn't sound like what you re describing. To be honest, and i worry about skin cancer ALL the time - this wouldn't concern me unless it kept happening at the same spot. I don't think your elbows are connected at all - for one thing, you wouldn't develop cancers in more than one area like that. I get really dry skin on my elbows and it looks a bit like psoraisis, which a friend of mine gets (his is worse than mine and it often bleeds) could this be what is happening with your elbows? If you are still worried - and if you are anything like me you'll let this grow out of proportion until you are seen, could you go to see the nurse practitioner? They are often more thorough than the docs anyway - put your mind at rest? I hope that doesn't sound dismissive because I know how HA can be - just bloody horrible.

NanaNina Mon 10-Jun-13 18:39:37

Thanks Lem I appreciate your concern, and what you are saying is what DP is saying. I have calmed down a bit now - afraid I have been consulting Dr Google again (I wish he wasn't available) because the old medical books just used to give you a para about any illness, but bloody Google takes us "all the way" - I'm sure GPs must be fed up of "googling" patients! No I wondered about skin cancer showing in 3 different places. The elbow thing is very strange, but the one was bleeding when I woke and I definitely hadn't scraped it. I am going to see what happens over the next day or so. I just brushed my leg this morning and the scab fell off. Thing is I every time I google bleeding or scabs, all the cancer sites come up. Of course you don't sound dismissive Lem - and you're right HA is a bloody pain -ha! When I was in my early 30s I convinced myself I had MS and insisted on seeing a neurologist and even when he told me that I didn't have it, I didn't believe him!

How is everyone else?

LEMisdisappointed Mon 10-Jun-13 18:44:23

oh dear, ive had "MS" as well blush I suspect many folk withhealth anxiety have had it too as anxiety symptoms would bring up MS if you googled. I simply NEVER google these days, i just wont allow myself, but its hard.

Notsoblonde Mon 10-Jun-13 19:04:23

hi all, I was too anxious the other day to think about the villagesad my leg still sore but its moved and def think its coming from my back.

I have health anxiety and all I see in my job tends to make me worse when I am down, I was speaking to my dm the other day and said maybe if I did something else it would go, but in reality I think it would manifest in some other day. nana its so hard not to google I have spent nearly the whole weekend googling dvt, sciatica and torn muscle its completely ruined my weekend. I have a few big moles on my back and get them checked now and again. I hope you manage to relax a bit until your appointment.

dh has just come home after working away for a month, the relief when he came in was amazing, I miss him so much when he is away, he is worried about me and doesnt know why all this has come from again. I was crying and said to him I completely understand if he wants to leave me it was so hard for him the last time. he just laughed and said we will get through it.

am just on my phone and it apparently doesn't capitalize and I cant scroll back, I just wanted to say to nana, lem and bassett how awful health anxiety is. charging my tablet and will return once dc are in bed.

love to all

bassetfeet Mon 10-Jun-13 20:23:30

The trouble with health anxiety is no amount of reassurance helps .
The thought just festers and festers . Even when the doctor tells us we are fine our minds find something else to torment us sad.

Guess health is one thing we dont have control over apart from the obvious prevention stuff. Wish I knew the answer.

Helloooooo Nana lovely to see your name pop up xx

HellesBelles396 Mon 10-Jun-13 20:33:45

I went to the doctors once because I had become so fat that my periods had stopped. I had increased from a size fourteen to a size sixteen. He suggested a pregnancy test, and the test came back positive. I was permanently cured of health anxiety.

Whilst we are talking about health anxiety etc.

I don't thonk I have health anxiety, but I do seem to be constantly ill or injured at the moment. ..injured neck...damaged coccyx. ..parvovirus and now these bloody bruises.

I have pictures on my profile. Everyone I have shown them totoday has told me to go straight to the ddrs hmm. My dr is going to be so glad to see me again.

I feel very very shaky. Very very nauseous. Very exhausted.

I'm just falling to pieces. Waiting for dtd1 to get in from guides and then I'm going to bed because I can't keep my eyes open. And I slept until 1pm today...

(((hugs))) Ed

grin helles

LEM I'm with you on the MS sad tingling and pins and needles in hands and feet being a key symptom of mine [hmmm] It is so hard isn't it. I work hard to keep telling myself that if it was something serious I'd soon know. Last weird one was going to GP with strange moley thing on my leg and this guy (who is v smart but not the best bedside manner) said well its always worth coming in with these - its either nothing at all, or its very serious!!! In my case it was a wart grin

hello basset, nana, notso

Just in from End of Year show at college - 4 of my paintings up and they look good smile. Am knackered. Met up with a friend today and shared some of what has been going on. She was nice, but it upset me. Her and her DH are setting up a small charitable foundation and have asked me to be a trustee! Counsellor tomorrow.

love to all x

NanaNina Mon 10-Jun-13 21:13:44

Made me smile Lem that you've had MS too! Am envious of your ability to keep away from google. I think I'm doing it to re-assure myself, but then it scares me.

Notso hello - don't think we've met! Think you came on while I was having a break from the thread. What is dvt? Sorry I just can't think what it could be. Do you mind saying what your job is - some kind of HCP maybe? I too wish I could keep away from Google, it's just too easy isn't it to tap something in and then out comes a load of info. So glad you are feeling better now your DH is home. It helps so much to offload doesn't it. My DP was out walking all day yesterday and I was so relieved when he came in and I could blurt it all out. Do you have mental health problems too?

Ed I did mention once before that you seemed to have a lot of illnesses and accidents. Those bruises on your arm look pretty awful. Any idea how you got them - do you bruise easily? Do you think the nausea and shaking is related to mental or physical illness, or can't you tell. I think you should see your GP and book a double appointment, and don't forget GPs choose to do that work and they are extremely well paid. SO I reckon you should make an appt. tomorrow. Think you have been complaining about being exhausted for a while too. Make a list and hand it over to GP and see where you go from there.

Glabella remembered that you were going to Spain - hope you have a lovely time. Incidentally do you think you could have PTSD (as you say you are thinking a lot about your ex and they are not good thoughts, to say the least)

Hello Basset always nice to see you too - and I think I'd like to live next door to you in the "village" (see I'm trying to embrace this virtual village!) What was your job Bassett as you once said "so many of us are/were working with people" or something like that.

Snowy where are you? Please pop by just to say hello and let us know how you are.

I am in bed now.

I am freezing.

I was assuming that shaking is mental. Ive had it pretty much all along.

I was tested for thyroid etc. Feb time.

I do bruise fairly easily (and I think it is also a potential side effect of fluoxetine). But I can usually work out where they come from. But how the hell did I get over 20 bruises overnight and have no recollection of it???

The only thing I can think of is that I repeatedly bashed my arm on my bedside cabinet as I had a very restless night...but 20+ times??? Surely I would have some awareness of it.

I've been looking at dr google...and spontaneous bruising can be the result of aplastic anemia. Aplastic anemia can be the result of parvovirus. Parvovirus is a likely cause of my flu like Ilness over half term...

. I was assuming that the nausea and exhaustion were mental health related due to the increased shaking...but guess what. Common symptoms of aplastic anemia incluse nausea and tiredness...

I dunno. I'm a scientist. I over analyse. Im sure it does me no good...

LEMisdisappointed Mon 10-Jun-13 21:54:05

Those bruises look like finger marks ed could you have been dreaming gripping your arms? I agree with nana drs for you make 8 o vlock lottery booking in the morning get some bloods run anaemia can make you depressed

bobblypop Mon 10-Jun-13 22:11:05

Hello all, can I join you?
you all sound so supportive and i love the sound of your village! I have suffered with depression and anxiety for years. Im currently on citalopram and not doing too bad at the moment - but it's always up and down...you know how it goes. I'm trying to do a lot of positive self talking at the moment and keep my motivation going...
Sorry for those having a rough patch just now, hope things soon piock up for you.x

Dreaming??? I'm not sure I was asleep long enough to dream....

I shall reassess in morning.

I will ring at 8am (no lottery here...nice automated queue so once you don't have to keep redialing).

I'm not sure whether to go for my usual gp who sees me for depression and anxiety and saw me with parvo (though she diagnosed as flu like virus...I didn't know I had been in contact with parvo at the time)...or whether to see the gp that wilk whip out the tourniquet and needles there and then rather than waiting to get bloods taken...

LEMisdisappointed Mon 10-Jun-13 22:19:11

Bobblypop welcome xxx

ciq glad you had a better day today

bloody weather pants again today yet london 50 miles away sunny thats whT i get for living by the sea

Hi Bobblypop welcome to probably the nicest village in the world. Good to hear you're doing ok at the mo and the self talking is a great idea. I've been dep/anx since new year after a serious tough prev 18mths... but doing better now than in Jan/Feb. Take care.

Thanks lem yes freezing cloudy here today too. Sun came out at DC bedtime confused

Hi bobbly.

I'm awake for the third time tonight alreafy.

I'm worrying about my arms sad

Morning all.

Sorry to dominate again last night.

I just don't know what feels healthy these days sad

I've been to the drs. She wasn't overly concerned about bruises...then suggested blood tests to check clotting and anaemia. ..then pointed out there were appointments today. So I've just been back and had bloods taken. Clotting results back tomorrow. Rest will be a week.

I had an awfully restless night again. I'm going to nap now

Sorry I'm not up to date on what everyones up to. Struggling to concentrate on anything.

TheSilveryPussycat Tue 11-Jun-13 11:57:23

Ed sending hugs. It's the fact that it seems trivial but there is no apparent cause... so blood tests sound like a good idea. I don't suffer from HA but have learned the hard way that as I get older, physical symptoms repay prompt attention (my feet and knees in my case).

LEMisdisappointed Tue 11-Jun-13 14:46:22

crap day today - done bugger all, cross with self sad slept badly

Hugs to ed - glad the doc wasn't too concerned re bruising, maybe you can get a nights sleep tonight.

((((hugs)))) to ed, lem
Ed glad you had your bloods done, hopefully that will give you some clarity.
LEM you've got loads done recently from reading back your posts - try and accept today as a recharge day, ready for the second half of the week.

right school run......... (need [yawn] smiley!)

SnowyMouse Tue 11-Jun-13 15:13:04

Sorry to see your bruises Ed, hope they get the cause sorted soon. Sorry you're having a rough day LEM.

Hope everyone's doing OK this eve.

Interesting chat with counsellor today about DH and I. It's hard to know how much of my negative thinking re: him is the depression and how much is actually he can be v irritating to live with at the mo! But I do know I need to find a way to express the things that bug me most as keeping it all bottled up is making my dep/anx worse. I have felt worse since he said he would be taking August off...

So am just using this post to clarify main things I do need to raise at a favourable moment...
1. It's difficult to know how much progress he's making on his ultimate consultancy goal.
2. I sometimes feel he is spending a large amount of time organising his tasks etc rather than doing.
3. One of the measurements in my eyes is how he's progressing projects at home which he has been keen to do. None of which have made any progress really. (So - is the work stuff the same, or is he doing more work stuff and that's why home stuff isn't happening - in which case stop making promises that you can't fulfil).

Need some diplomatic language really. I think it also stresses me out as my dad was self-employed til I was about 20 something and he was very stressed by it and money was tight, and his stress impacted on the whole family. Food for thought.

take care everyone x

TheSilveryPussycat Tue 11-Jun-13 21:11:44

Oh dear, CIQ, is your husband like me - finds it hard to get started (but then often persists till job nearly finished)? Or like my Ex, who was a lazy bastard (hope not!)

I sometimes wish I had had words with him about his work plans, but at the time had an uneasay feeling that he would have just done nothing because I had mentioned it anyway (can you tell he was a FuckWit?)

Oh that sounds rubbish SPC . No he's not lazy. He's a slower worker than me. More plodding and less efficient in my humble opinion! So not sure that's ideal if you're self-employed...

SnowyMouse Tue 11-Jun-13 21:19:42

Good night all.

TheSilveryPussycat Tue 11-Jun-13 21:20:38

Depends what results you get, in the case of self-employment smile

I could get Ex started on a job around the house by attempting it myself. I am actually totally useless at stuff like that, and he would take over... Not saying your DP is like my ExFW shock - but wondered if this might work on for him wink?

LEMisdisappointed Tue 11-Jun-13 21:24:02

CiQ i am feeling your pain, my DP is self employed and is working as a sub contractor just now. Thank God, becaue its giving my head a rest from the uncertainty - it allows me to just let him get on with things, otherwise im constantly nagging, chasing and fretting over things. DP is making noises about going totally alone again - i really don't want him to, trying to put it out of my mind. Silvery that pretty much describes my DP too - hard to get something started and then persisting til its NEARLY finished - drives me scatty! When i was unwell the first time, the "business" was a major contributory factor. It put alot of pressure on me and DP. It does sound like your DP is being thorough though? organising things properly?

I don't know what is wrong with me today - i feel like shit, really bad anxiety, can't keep my EFFING leg still and been taut with DD. She is writing a book (shes 7 and severely dyslexic so having to encourage this as much as a i can - to be fair, I only suggested it this morning on the way to school, she came out of school full of it, and i have been spelling words out for most of the evening confused) but i was anxious +++ before I even started it. I am wondering if its because i took the sleeping pills the other night? Does anyone know if citalopram interact with zopiclone. I have a feeling ive double dosed today as well - not major, i was on 40mg before. I feel like i have taken ten steps back. I didnt sleep last night either. Arse biscuits sad

Bobbly? Hows it going?

Vicar - was you in court today? How was it?

Ed - hope you are feeling better.

Love to all xx

spc yes am thinking I might try that with the home projects!

Hi lem thanks. Yes v organised and thorough, but what's actually getting done? wink

Sorry to hear you've had such a tough day. Can't help re: the cital and zoplicone I'm afraid - have you done a search? Helping my DD who's 8 to write a book would be a major challenge and she's not dyslexic. Spelling words all evening - wow.

Aromatherapy bath, book, hot milk?

Yuck.

Exhausted. Sheer fatigue.
Nauseous.
Forced myself to eat.
I look like shite...I even scared the upvc window salesman away just by opening the door.
Worried.

I've forgotten my meds so jyst sent dtds to go fetch them. Then I will sleep (I'm already in bed)

Sorry. Hugs to all.

I'm just a bit scared. The list of possible diagnoses have some scary things on it. I didn't have health anxiety...

Dr wasn't overly concerned but nurse was shocked to see the bruises. And so has everyone else thats seen them. I have a few on my leg too. But I think they are probably normal injuries. Nothing like my arms.

LEMisdisappointed Tue 11-Jun-13 21:50:51

I hope you get a good nights sleep Ed - you will get your clotting results tomorrow wont you? I bet you are aneamic, you know, it would explain so much. A positive thing i think - they can do something about it!

HellesBelles396 Wed 12-Jun-13 08:09:21

Just managed to look at your photos ed. Poor you! Once in a dream, I banged my head against the wall enough to bruise it. I was dreaming that I was trapped in a fire and trying to break a window with a lamp.

CIQ does dh have a small business advisor? Sending him to a professional might be more helpful to both of you than you having to chase him up all the time

Unfortunatelyanxious Wed 12-Jun-13 08:58:36

Hello all, have had a few bad days. Managed to tell DH something I have never told anyone about past abuse.

Just saying hello though and sending love.

LEMisdisappointed Wed 12-Jun-13 09:56:52

UA, that was really really brave - you will probably feel crap for a bit, but it is a massive step in moving on, well done xx

Hi Helles he is seeing a career counsellor with the Richmond fellowship who help people with mental illness get back into the work place and has a good friend who set up a business. I should ask him more about it but cant face it cos of the irritation levels. I might have to resort to writing a letter at this rate!

ua that was really brave, take care yourself today lem is right - there can be a bit of a fallout after..

lem Hope you have a better day today.

ed hope you got some sleep.

I have just done a brisk half hour walk along a canal in nearby town and now treating myself to a coffee. Saw the sun a bit too which was great. Need to do the cleaning when I get home tho!

Hello to everyone else x

bobblypop Wed 12-Jun-13 11:04:03

morning all

lem sorry to hear you're feeling bad. I don't think that citalopram should interact with Zopiclone. If you did take double citalopram though that may account for increased anxiety and poor sleep. I went up to 40mg for a while and felt crap for first few days...anxious++++ and couldnt sleep. Hope you're feleing better today. I have an 8yr old dyslexic dd and doing any writing/reading with her is challenging to say the least!

ciq sounds a difficult situation re your dh and his work. Not the same, but I too spend a lot of time pondeing if it is my mental health problems that lead to me feeling down/stressed/irritated about my marriage or vice versa....

ed hope you got some sleep last night and feel a bit better today. Hope you get some results back to put your mind at rest too.

well, I had a bit of a rubbish day yesterday, no reason really just feeling sooo exhausted and grumpy! I also ate horrendous ammounts of rubbish - which is something that has become increasingly a problem for me lately. Silly really as I know that eating loads of chocolate, biscuits, crisps etc...will just make me feel worse...but I still do it! On the positive side I have cut way down on my alcohol intake which was also getting to be a bit silly. Have only had 3 or 4 glasses of wine in the last week and a half so feeling better about that.

It's my day off paid work today...am meant to be blitzing the house but have woken up totally exhausted again, plus have streaming nose and red itchy eyes from hayfever so feeling sorry for myself. Will motivate myself to do little bits of the most important stuff hopefully, although would really love a nap....

will try and pop back later...
Hope everyone's days go OK

Hi bobbly hay fever is rubbish! Thanks for your comments - you've hit the nail on the head. ..

Well done for cutting down on the alcohol. I've been trying to cut down on the rubbish esp sugar - its addictive for me. At the mo I'm letting myself have two smallish treats a day. If I eat healthily and get some exercise the rest of the time I can just stay the same weight. If I want to lose weight I have to go down to one treat like some plain choc at the end of the day. I don't manage many days like that!

I too was supposed to be cleaning the whole house today but have decided that's just not realistic so am just going to do downstairs ... in a mo... we can always compare notes later!

LEMisdisappointed Wed 12-Jun-13 12:47:52

OOOh, i need to clean, still not got off my arse, i keep pushing the time back..........not got much time now sad Feel awful

SnowyMouse Wed 12-Jun-13 13:10:40

You can do it LEM

Phew. 2 hours to tidy, dust and clean downstairs (and its not a big house, 2 rooms plus hall - it was grubby). Feeling virtuous and deserving of a cheese toastie wink

Hi snowy hope you're hanging in there today.

Go on lem just do one room, then sit in it and enjoy!

TheSilveryPussycat Wed 12-Jun-13 13:34:49

LEM just do enough for hygiene. Then if you feel up to it, make it look a bit tidier.

Am being held ransom by me - am staying at Level 1 (dressing gown over nothing) until have completed the accounting task I have to do! Am allowing self coffee, cigs and MN tho.

LEMisdisappointed Wed 12-Jun-13 14:58:41

Colouring - im in the south east too - thinking of kidnapping you to come and do my house! Two hours and i have loaded the washing machine, sort of tidied, gave up, haven't hoovered blush I'll cook you a cheese toastie - the kitchen was ok because we had takeaway last night shock My excuse is that my mum was on the phone to me four times, then DP. small panic attack too. dammit ah well, tomorrows another day.

Sorry guys - feel like i let you down after your kind messages

LEMisdisappointed Wed 12-Jun-13 15:03:25

Little brown rescue dog doesn't help! the minute i sit down he jumps on my lap and snuggles - what can i do!!! grin he is just so lush i could cuddle him all day, ooops, it appears i have today confused

hoochymama1 Wed 12-Jun-13 16:39:13

Hey my lovelies, good to read all your news. LBD sounds lovely, can I take him for a walk around the village green? We could pop in the shop for a doggy treat.

I feel pretty rubbish today sad , found a collapsed lady,overdose? in a house day before yesterday(anorexic, hoarder, drug addict MH probs, basically one of us) I was due to take her for a ward round and had to take her to resus in the ambulance instead. I coped ok at the time but it has left me feeling rubbish.She is still unconscious. The paramedics had extreme difficulty getting her out of her house due to the hoarding.I held her cold little hand and felt useless confused

Then dss 1 and 2 up till late on computer games- argh! I felt angry all night after telling them off and didn't sleep much angry

If I don't sleep I drop like a stone, and everything seems pointless.

Concerned to hear about health worries, DH has MS and he has coped for years, still working full time. But I was convinced I had it too at one time confused I think it was a way of coping with the worry.

Ooo, lots of kisses and cuddles to all reading smile , I don't know what I would do without this thread flowers

hoochymama1 Wed 12-Jun-13 16:47:47

Poor Ed ,your arm looks sore. x

Hi hoochy nice to hear from you tho sorry Your job sounds seriously hard when you're well - can't imagine how you can do it - so well done for that! Yes I know what you mean about sleep - hope you have a better night tonight. Nighttime curfew for computer games?

lem ah not toooooo far maybe (tho you're by coast I think and I am sooo not wink dog sounds adorable. And you got loads done despite DM 4 calls (that can't have helped your mood either!) I am now completely knackered which is frustrating but there you go... DH home now so kids are his...

hoochy - meant to say sorry you're not doing so good today.

bobblypop Wed 12-Jun-13 18:48:24

evening all
lem doggie cuddling is ALWAYS good! and you did achieve some stuff!
hooch I agree your job sounds very demanding. hope you're feleing a bit better soon.

well...I too didn't manage too much on the tidying front! i went to bed for a "short" nap as I felt shocking and ended up sleeping for 2 1/2 hours shock still I'm hoping it will have helped reduce my levels of irritability a bit!
Did a quick blitz of hall, kitchen and lounge when I got up and then it was school pick up....
Did manage to make a nice cottage pie for tea... and dragged dc out to walk doggies which was nice (except for the fact that where we walk is FULL of VVV long wild grass and it has really set my hayfever off again...sigh...)
Now just ploughing through reading and homework...then cubs for dd3, and I feel an early night with a mug of ovaltine and my book coming on...(see I live a real rock and roll life!)

Im on a course tomorrow and Friday which I am stressing about a bit, but trying not to let the anxiety get the better of me!hmm

LEMisdisappointed Wed 12-Jun-13 18:53:41

Ah, to be fair CiQ the phone calls were over something nice so i wasn't too bothered, just frustated because i had finally got off my backside! A full day tomorrow, going shopping for DD1 bday present with my mum, she is having a good week! and then walking the kids in DDs class up to the big school for a recorder recital (god help my ears!) So its a new day tomorrow - kicking this anxiety to the kerb! grrrr!

hoochy, you are more than welcome to walk the dog, but i have two - they are little buggers but so funny. Sounds like you need a walk to the pub after a really stressful day! Definately a computor game curfew - i find i have to switch the computor off a few hours before bedtime or i wont sleep.

Hugs to Ed

Vicar? hope you are ok, sure you are just busy with work x we are here if you need us

How are you today snowy?

Hugs to Nana, Basset, notsoblonde, UA, helles and anyone ive missed out

Glabella? you good?

SnowyMouse Wed 12-Jun-13 19:13:07

I'm low, nearly through another day. I find I should not watch a screen straight before bed either, tempting as it is to have a tv in the bedroom.

Thinking of everyone.

LEMisdisappointed Wed 12-Jun-13 19:18:11

Well done snowy, you are doing well - maybe consider going for a walk tomorrow?

cross posts with bobblypops, i am the queen of the pre-school run blitz, i tend to do houseworky type stuff in bursts just before we go out - im pretty efficient once i get going but today just couldn't co-ordinate my brain :/ I hope you enjoyed the nap. I am hoping for an early night with my book, although i accidentally bought a scary book on my kindle, its gripping and easy to read, but i think i dreamt about it last night. I don't need to add fuel to my citalopram induced dreams i can tell you!

Hi snowy me too - tv not too bad from a distance, but laptop on lap gives me insomnia - its to do with the brightness apparently.

boobly I think if you slept for 2 and a half hours you must have needed it. Ovaltine and book sounds great.

I am knackered now. Went to bed at normal time last night - 10.30ish (pat on back, first time in a while) and feel like I could sleep now! I hope its just getting back into better sleeping pattern...

Hi lem, hoochy, ed, spc, vicar, nana, glabella, notso, ua, helles, basset

NanaNina Wed 12-Jun-13 19:44:07

Wow CIQ that was clever of you to remember everyone - you must have a good memory! I used to have a really good memory but now am crap though put that down to my great age! I do remember your post about worrying about your DH or DP (sorry don't remember) but what struck me was that you are not really communicating. I understand your reluctance because of the "irritation factor" (same here sometimes) but I usually find it's best to say what you are feeling/thinking, rather than bottle it up, as that causes stress. It may end in a row, but I think you might feel better. IF you can, is it possible to talk about how things are going workwise for your DH, you know, without being critical.

Welcome boobly and hello Hoochy are you finding your own mental health is worsening things for you in this placement. Sorry that sounds like a silly question but I just can't remember where you were in terms of your own mental health. You should be finished soon shouldn't you?

Snowy am worried you are so low. This has been going on for quite a few days hasn't it. Is your CPN back next week?

UA I'm glad you were able to tell your DH about trauma in childhood. There is a therapy that people speak highly of for PTSD related to childhood abuse - called EMDR (you could google) apparently you don't have to go through all the details as you do in more conventional therapies, and by all accounts it is very effective. Sorry if this is not something that you want to think about, but just thought I would give it a mention. I have been surprised at how many people on this thread have experienced traumas, though I don't know why I should be.

Hello to everyone else - how is the court case going Vicar though you might be too busy to post.

wink nana no memory is lousy, spent a lot of time scrolling so as to try not to miss anyone out!

Yes you are prob right re: communicating. Its so hard to start the conversation!

SnowyMouse Wed 12-Jun-13 19:59:12

My CPN is away next week . I'll be ok, I'll take temazepam if my sleep is disrupted.

Night all. Have to go to bed, soooo tired. Did manage to tell DH that after months of no progress on house projects, starting one next week in run up to DD first communion on sat was noy good timing (like obviously? confused)

Wishing you all a good nights sleep.

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 12-Jun-13 21:11:25

evening
lem thanks - ive just been so busy.

was in court all day today - good result for me - i MUST start to trust my own judgement. I MUST stop listening to other people and trust myself because i am usually right in what my gut instinct says - today proved it.
my case was won.
by me. Because i didnt listen to those saying ditch it - i knew what the job was and i knew it should go to court.
and i was right. smile

im tired but ok. came home late, have had the ratty boy and girls out for a run and cuddle. I finished my book last night so started another today, and court is now a much less scary experience for me. In fact one of the barristers popped his head through the door to ask what i was reading and then we had a lovely discussion about books....i was fine. I had a lovely enlightening talk to some very experienced CID cops and im pretty sure thats where i want to be in future....

if i survive long enough in response that is before i blow up at my inept supervision....thats another story and one i wont bore you with.

anyway. im yet again losing the thread because it moves on at such pace - which is great but i must apologise for my apparent lack of awareness of what others are doing at the min....sorry for not catching up properly.

x

bassetfeet Wed 12-Jun-13 21:45:16

”Your mind knows only some things. Your inner voice, your instinct, knows everything. If you listen to what you know instinctively, it will always lead you down the right path.”

Am so delighted that today went well Vicar . You are so inspirational to us all .

The Jewel sisters and the Blues Brothers rats sound so lovely wink.

Love to all

my router is playing up so have to type quick before it goes poof yet again . sad.

SnowyMouse Wed 12-Jun-13 21:56:10

Phew, I'm glad it went well vicar

LEMisdisappointed Wed 12-Jun-13 22:19:20

Yay go vicar!!

Yay! We have our feisty confident knows what she wants and knows how to get it vicar back

Hugd to everyone else

Blood tests all came back clear so my bruises remain a complete mystery

I slept all morning. Went to tesco which exhausted me.

Sorry I haven't kept up with thread.

Hugs to all. Night all.

Brilliant vicar Yes to trusting your instinct and great you had a positive chat with CID.
Hi Basset hope your router sorts itself out.
Ed mystery bruises! Maybe a very intense moment in a dream when you grabbed your arms?! Hope they calm down soon.

Extra thick treacle day here + big headache and a bit of dizziness. Excellent confused. Am due to meet fellow painter to supervise exhibition for 2 hours this morning. Hoping I can do that - should just be sitting down for 2 hours with biscuits and coffee, but think I will be going back to bed after. Seriously frustrating.

love to all x

LEMisdisappointed Thu 13-Jun-13 10:15:41

Vicar now you have something to drive you forward so glad yesterday was positive and even sounded like you enjoyed it well done!!!

Im in bits today my little Brown rescue dog has pulled up lame its probably nothing but I lost my previous dog to bone cancer have been sobbing in phone to dp dog has wet fur ftom my tears stupid. No vets yet see how it goes there is a mark on his pad im 90% sure its that but it just took me right back to my poor boy dp offered to come home but no need x

TheSilveryPussycat Thu 13-Jun-13 10:43:14

Oh bless LEM what a lovely dp you have. [hugs] I know that worry from when DCat been ill.

(((hugs))) and a pat on the back to your DP. Like you say most likely thing is him having caught something sharp/thorn. Lots of cuddles needed... x

Home early. Wiped and splitting headache. About to go back to bed...

((((hugs))) for Lem specifically, but anyone else who needs them x

LEMisdisappointed Thu 13-Jun-13 16:09:14

How is everyone ? I feel like i have fallen out of the tired tree and hit every branch on the way down - just bloody shattered! Busy day today and i didn't like it - i didn't like not having any time to myself - not sure how that bodes re me getting job.

I think its the weather CiQ its really close and stormy here. Although its been cloudy all day, the sun has just come out! Dog is on my lap, leg seems to be better but im watching him like a hawk and am worried his knee seems loose, am hoping he hasn't damaged his cruciate. He has just noticed his reflection in the log burner and is say on my lap, hackles up, shaking like a leaf, growling at himself - stupid animal!

Ed - hope you are feeling less bruised today!

Nana - are you ok? you were having a bit of a hard time last time you were on, hope you are feeling better.

Hugs to all - god im so knackered, I have to perform the miracle of the arborio rice and left over chicken soon!

hoochymama1 Thu 13-Jun-13 16:54:38

Oooh, Lem poor doggy, hope it's better soon, I bet paws are so sensitive.

((( Snowy ))) I just want to get a big fluffy blanket and wrap you up.

Tiredness is so awful, I'm supposed to meet up with friends tonight but I feel so knackered.

So proud of Vicar flowers

((( Nana ))) Yes, it is having an effect on my mental health. But, it's more fulfilling than anything I've ever done. I think you know what I mean. I went with two C&F SW's yesterday for a review meeting where foster parents were adopting these two damaged, lovely little boys. So moving.

Love to CiQ , knitted, silvery, spc, glabella, notso, ua, helles, basset -sorry if I've missed anyone smile

Ed hope the bruises are better hmm X

SnowyMouse Thu 13-Jun-13 17:17:09

A virtual blanket is always good smile Much needed, thanks, today hasn't been good.

Thursday tired club anyone? Or something more expressive using knackered!

lem cute image of yr dog and his reflection smile
hoochy must be great to have a role thats so satisfying smile

Slept 1.30 -3.30 only woke cos I set an alarm hmm managed to do 2 thank you letters with ds and teach dd correct layout format etc for writing a letter and env. Now back to staggering round house holding onto stuff...

((((Hugs in blanket))) snowy

LEMisdisappointed Thu 13-Jun-13 17:40:59

We used to have Thursday hysteria club at work - come thursday afternoon tea break we would often just be giggling like school girls (even the men!) over no reason whatsoever - it got to the point where we would turn up in the tea room and start to laugh - i so miss that side of working. Definately something about thursdays!

Dog is fine - chasing around after a ball and beating up his big brother.

Virtual blankets for all (I need to work out how to wash my actual sofa blanket that now smells like a dog blanket, its non wash, i dont mind risking it, but it think all the pile will come out and kill the washing machine)

Wash it inside a duvet cover. That should stop the fluff killig your machine.

And if the fluff does kill your machine I know how to unkill it...

bobblypop Thu 13-Jun-13 18:22:42

evening all
survived my course...just! another day tomorrow...stressing over all the bits I need to complete after the course...

Feeling quite fed of always being the one to juggle a million things at once when it comes to family/work....sigh...
irritation levels very high, and ridiculous anxiety type restlessness setting in for the evening...arrrrggghhh, need to find some strategies to get through till bedtime....sad

will come back later for proper catch up....
hugs and fluffy blankets to all those in need today.

LEMisdisappointed Thu 13-Jun-13 19:32:05

Edwina you are properly brilliant you are! why didn't i think of that!

Its all very well you saying you know how to unkill it, but will my arms end up covered in bruises wink?

Basset, could you have a glass of wine and warm bath, or glass of juice if you are not drinking just now?

ThatVikRinA22 Thu 13-Jun-13 19:38:28

evening.....

will have a proper catch up in a bit but just got in and nipping out to walk the dog....

no one asked how my case went. instead i got told that i had "not been in control" of the suicidal lady the other night.....
i cant have 5 minutes without being got at by some bugger.
i didnt need control of her because she was calm with me, she wasnt a criminal, she was having a mental breakdown with grief over the loss of her dh.....

and im criticized. Ther person who dealt with her after me says she tried got violent with her.
funny that for the 4 hours i was with her she didnt get violent with me though eh....but again i feel like its me thats in the wrong.

i dont feel like i didnt have control and i dont feel like i did anything wrong in how i dealt with her, my approach was much softer but i felt it did more good than wrestling with her. but, ive found that where im concerned there is always someone who will piss on my chips.
im not actually that bothered tonight. im criticized because i do things differently, but im trying to hold on to the thought that it doesnt necessarily make it wrong.
im a bit pissed off that apparently custody had said this to another officer - i wonder why in the 4 hours i was present they didnt feel the need to tell me if they felt i hadnt handled things well or had proper control. hey ho.

i also went to tell the CID bobby who advised me on the court case the result - he was really pleased and said had it been dealt with by them it would have had at least 3 experienced DCs on it and a DS, so i now feel much better that i got a good result, with the evidence that i got on my own.
i spoke with the victim today and they were really pleased. So im pleased that the outcome was a good one for everyone concerned.

its just very telling that no one asked me how it went. funny job this. i get the feeling that were i getting my head stoved in i would be on my own. im not mrs popular either today because the fact ive been off means im not up for an attachment that no one wants to do - ive been "excused", everything seems to alienate me a bit more.
id like to move i think.

LEMisdisappointed Thu 13-Jun-13 20:14:23

Ah, fuck em vicar, really, fuck them! I can't help but wonder if they aren't a little bit threatened by you. They seem to be wanting to get the job done as quickly as possible, even if that means doing the bare minimum or even cutting corners. You on the other hand are taking a more measured approach and doing your job properly! As you say, the woman was calmer with you, but got voilent with another officer - this doesn't tell me that YOU were in the wrong! With no experience whatsoever, your approach was clearly the better. You protected yourself becuse she didn't get violent with you and you protected HER because in your care she didn't damage herself, you calmed the situation down. To be perfectly frank, even is she was a criminal, it shouldnt have been handled anything other than sensitively. No matter how angry or frustrated you are with someone, it is not the police's place to be judge and jury, rather to enforce the law and keep people safe, but diffusing the situation if possible. That is how I would see the job, so even if you have a complete scum fucker in your cell, if being sensitve and compassionate results in them not kicking off then that would be the right approach, imo.

You said yesterday that you got a good result and after speaking the CID you felt that was the way you wanted to go. There you are then, make that your focus. You are brilliant at what you do. Thorough, caring and effective - im telling you, those people are jealous!

SnowyMouse Thu 13-Jun-13 20:18:28

(((( vicar ))))

here here to lem I really don't think they get you at all, so can't relate to you, so behave completely crapply.

Hi bobbly well done for getting through your course today! Any ideas how to relax a bit this pm? I have just watched an episode of Dempsey and Makepeace on YouTube, a prog I used to watch as a teenager - and altho its pretty cheesy now it still made me smile anything like that you can think of?

ThatVikRinA22 Thu 13-Jun-13 22:54:52

i wish is could just stop trying to people please where my colleagues are concerned.

i spoke to my friend tonight who said much the same - that the queen bee who tries to belittle me is simply threatened by me.

the stupid thing is no one has any need to be - im not trying to outdo anyone - but i cant be something that im not. im just me. 3 years in and im not any different - i think im too old in the tooth to change or harden up.

so either the job needs me or it doesnt. everyone approaches things differently but i cant see there is a right or wrong way. just my way is the way i am and i cant change it.

im going to try and go back and catch up with everyones posts now....i feel quite bad that im not acknowledging everyone on the thread but im just not getting chance to read the pages i miss properly.....ive just walked the dog, talked to my pal, picked up DD from her boyfriends and then had the rodents out for a run while reading....

and suddenly its bed time!

ive got another counselling appt next week. DS is moving into his own place next week, he seems ok but im on tenterhooks.

but so far he seems ok....he is enjoying the job. im going to really try to catch up with everyones posts tomorrow.....

hope everyone is doing ok. ive just realised ive missed my meds again tonight because i have actually forgotten to eat.....ooops. im not remotely hungry though. must take meds tomorrow....it doesnt help to miss them.

goodnight everyone....
x

TheSilveryPussycat Thu 13-Jun-13 23:03:50

vicar somewhere upthread you described a v resourceful attitude that popped up for you re work. A state that will serve you well when you have to deal with plod uniform when you are in CID grin

ThatVikRinA22 Thu 13-Jun-13 23:07:20

i think that was the coping mechanism as identified by my counsellor....which oosely boils down to "just dont think about it until you really have to" or something like that.....i found the way forward was not to prepare in any way shape or form for going to work....

its worked so far. smile

vicar think back to this time yesterday. How did YOU feel about the job that YOU did yesterday.

You felt great.
You felt reassured that you were capable (albeit in a different way to others).
You proved yourself to yourself, and no doubt to others.

Whats changed? Someone has come along and judged your work. Ask yourself this. Did they have the right to judge your work? Does their opinion matter? If no then don't let them change tge way you feel in the space of 24hrs. Bring back the fiesty vicar.

There will be some people you have to acknowledge have the right to pass judgement (ie superiors). If they are passing judgement without it being necessary. Ignore them. Self reflect on your work. Reflect on your superiors comments. F#*/ everyone else.

Now for my list of the day...haven't done this for a while...

Today I read a book from start to finish
Bathed (whilst reading).

The end.

Oh and the dr has requested that my bloods are repeated. Bruises are going away though. I am gaining a few on my legs but I don't think they are out of the ordinary. I always have a scattering of bruises on my legs. I think I am just being hyper vigilant.

Hugs and warm virtual crocheted blankets to all.

ThatVikRinA22 Thu 13-Jun-13 23:11:19

well....i think im off to the virtual village pub for a swift vino and a game of dominoes.....

ill take one of those crochet blankets ed....somewhere in my loft i have a couple that my beloved nan crocheted me.

i should dig them out....they were made with TLC. i could do to be wrapped up in one of them i think.....
they are garish but beautiful. i had 5 at one point but gave 3 to charity....

Feeling pretty awful today, now laid out immobile on sofa. Did manage to talk to dh a bit last night. Something I read on another thread rang a bell deep down. Sth about your brain working hard to protect the defence and coping mechanisms we've set up so we can eg in my case avoid being open with pepple close to us eg dh. Dh agreed with this. Had a bit of a chat, I felt v vulnerable and anxious, got to sleep late, head spinning, woke up head feeling completely scrambled, achy, treacly, and shattered.

LEMisdisappointed Fri 14-Jun-13 12:11:29

Ciq I hope you manage to feel better. I was listening to green day earlier, as one does one of the lyrics was "its like a banging toothache of the mind" I thought of all of us and it is really what it is. Ive actually done some cleaning and washing up from three days hence the green day. Its mt dd1 birthday on sunday going out for a meal with her later my mum is paying we are stoney broke I am giving her someyhing I have had since I was seven as I have no money I hope she likes it its special to me

Thanks lem. That's a nice touch pressie wise. Am planning to give my dd a cross and chain I was given as a child for her Communion. Wondering if I should take it to a jewellers to be polished? Great stuff re your cleaning etc smile and that tooth thing is spot on. Going to try and eat something and take paracetamol x

NanaNina Fri 14-Jun-13 12:53:53

Ah sorry you're feeling crap CiQ but glad you managed to "lift the lid" a little with your DH. What you read on the other thread about our brains working hard to protect our defence and coping mechanisms that we have set up resonated with me too. I think it's quite extraordinary that we do this absolutely unconsciously. My DP is hyper sensitive to criticism (or anything that he perceives is critical) and this has its roots in the usual place - our childhoods. His dad was very controlling and frequently criticised DP (unfairly in his view) and this has "followed" him into adult life of course.

We did have counselling some years ago when we both retired together (not planned) and found living together on a day to day basis very difficult. This issue of criticism came up and the counsellor thought that DP actually felt the pain he felt as a child when I was critical, or he thought I was being critical, when I didn't think I was. I thought this sounded a very strange thing to say but I turned to look at DP and he was nodding vigorously! SO I have that defence/coping mechanism in my brain, but it's not emotionally healthy because with me, I let things go that annoy me, because of DPs reaction to criticism (he shouts, or gets agitated and interestingly uses child like phrases ("I haven't done anything wrong") and he is right back in the "then and there" as a child with his dad shouting at him. Then a head of steam builds up and I "blow" and then we have a big row, but it's cathartic because he will listen to my grievances and we are back in the "here and now"

Sorry this is hi-jacking the thread a bit but I know you agreed with a comment I made about communication a while ago. I think though if you have had to psyche yourself up to raise issues that are on your mind, which I call "lifting the lid" it is tempting to shut it again, and then you're back where you started, whereas hopefully you can build on it and make communication a bit easier between you.

Anyway hope you can manage to feel a bit easier as the day goes by and maybe an early night to make up for last night.

How is everyone else?

Thanks nana yes your communication comment struck a chord. I said to dh last night, when I do open up I feel very vulnerable - like a hermit crab without a shell at risk of being trodden on. And then feeling so bad today the temptation is as you say to hide in my shell again. Dh suggested trying to tell me one thought-type thing each day... Interesting to hear about your counselling and DH - I can picture the cycle. When I'm doing better there is the poss of counselling for DH and I maybe.

Struggling.

Slept all morning.

Been awake a couple of hours.

Want to sleep now cos there is nothing else to do.

But there is. I habe over 40items of unopened mail to deal with that date back to the beginning of May.

Lots of house stuff to do.

I'm off the wagon and in bed...again...

I need to book my holiday...but I can't pick up the phone. The potential medical problems are also holding me back (even though I do feel less poorly and I have no new overly concerning bruises...dr google is scarey and the fact the dr wants to repeat the bloods is a bit scary)

TheSilveryPussycat Fri 14-Jun-13 15:00:24

Hi Ed. Riffle through that mail - some of it could maybe go straight in the recyling without even being opened. At least that would reduce it from 40+ items hmm

The obvious junk hasn't even made it to the pile....

bassetfeet Fri 14-Jun-13 15:37:24

ED Dont worry about repeat blood test . It will most likely be to get another sample of the one that was insufficient amount to process last time . If it is the blood clottting one then ask the phlebotomist to make sure the blood bottle is filled up to the line or the lab cannot process it
Lots of samples get refused because health workers sometimes dont fill the tube up to the top on this particular test . All the others are fine and take that as very positive xx

I also bruise easy and it has caused comment . I think it is med related with me .

Hugs to CIQ and LEM ..hope the day is getting better for you .
Interesting chat about communication and how we retreat from it . The crab in its shell resonated with me very much.

Hope we all have a peaceful content weekend ...with some sunshine xx

I know I know I know. But what if????

And I do bruise easily. And I often don't kniw where my bruises have come from. But this was a LOT (over 30 on my forearms) that appeared literally overnight with no explanation.

Rubbish weather here. Think I am going to be doing paper maiche all weekend...

bassetfeet Fri 14-Jun-13 15:57:56

Sorry ED didnt mean to make you feel worse . Will it help to talk about it or not?

I know.

You didn't make me feel worse.

I'm just ib that frame of mind where I will find flaws with anything that is said to try and reassure me if that makes sense.

Its not personal. Its those negative filters....

I might try and go to tesco tonight which means I can lock myself away from the bad weather all weekend..

But has the positive that I will have organised food for the whole weekend. . And the bonus of mcDS for tea.

I just hate myself for spending all day in bed again.

I shouldn't.
I don't know why I did.
I wasn't even tired when I woke up at lunch time.

bassetfeet Fri 14-Jun-13 16:13:14

((( ED))) .

Thanks.

I dunno what has got into me the last few days.

Unfortunatelyanxious Fri 14-Jun-13 17:07:51

Vicar I put myself forward as pub landlady so have a pint with a whisky chaser. As it is our pub all rounds are free and all pets welcome including your rats who are welcome to packets of pub peanuts. All the regulars are there, you know who you are and we may have a sneaky lock in.

As it is jeffing freezing for June the special is steak pie with mash and loads of gravy smothered veg. Trifle for pudding and liqueur coffees.

I'm sorry to hear about the continual stress at work.

I know I'm not quite as regular on the thread these days but I think of you all often.

X

hoochymama1 Fri 14-Jun-13 19:01:50

Ed I think your doing great, the main thing is that everyone is fed. Let yourself off the hook, fix a time in your head to deal with the mail, and get someone to help you? Much love to you flowers

I beat myself up all the time with the stuff that I haven't done, I'm my own worst enemy.

My gosh, that stuff about communication resonated with me Nana. I'm the same with my Dh, all the childhood stuff surfaces. Its not pretty shock

I'm in tesco.

I just want to sit and cry.

Dtd1 is being a lottle shit. I can't cope with her.

I just want to sit and cry.

bobblypop Fri 14-Jun-13 19:34:27

just come on here and seen your post ed
can you go the caffe and have a drink so you can both calm down/catch your breath...then make a BRIEF list of essential shopping, get what you need and then get out?

bobblypop Fri 14-Jun-13 19:39:27

so, have completed my course..has been a hard couple of days, but Ive done it!
Sadly feeling irritated a lot tonight...sigh...lots of issues surrounding career/marriage/family/sharing of responsibilities...sigh...trying not to be snappy on grounds of unresolved frustrations.....

house sadly in is in TOTAL chaos....am not bothering for tonight but will need to tackle at wekend, but will; do my "15 min" approach where I tackle any task for 15 mins then get to have 10 min break...maybe not the most productive but it does stop me feeling totally overwhelmed and then not doing anything...

considering need for marriage counselling but not sure where it may lead....
am allowing myself some wine tonight as it's Friday grin

Hi everyone.

bobbly wine sounds like a v gd plan. Congrats on finishing yr course! Relationship stuff is hard when your head poorly isn't it. I go between wanting to try and improve communication and connect more with dh to just being so irritated.

Hi Ed sounds like a tough day. Hope you're able to relax a bit now.

hoochy sympathies re the critical voice - no fun.

ua your pub sounds fab. Could almost do with a real fire tonight!

Dh bought some nice moisturiser and has promised me a foot rub. Which is kind and I do like them. Just need to get past the irritation factor which has reared its head tonight.

LEMisdisappointed Fri 14-Jun-13 22:20:57

(((Ed)))) you are going to be OK, can you just have a look on the haven/park resorts sites? Are these were you are to spend your vouchers? Will take your mind off things - so horrible when you have health worries, like you say, its the "what if" that sneaks in, then that what if becomes a "yeah but" as in, I will be plodding along quite nicely and feel relaxed and up pops the "yeah but"........

Well, you know i said i was giving my DD one of my things that mean a lot to me for my birthday - this thing had been shut away on the top of my wardrobe - its a cobra and mongoose that i brought back from australia when i was 7 (disclaimer: would never dream of buying anything like this now) i was absolutely fascinated by it. Anyway, the mongose has developed alopecia and lots most of its hair grin DD was still pleased with it and pleased with her other bits and pieces. We had a nice meal and im knackered and for some reason some idiot is letting off fireworks hmm my dog is quivvering!

very jealous of the foot rub CiQ, great as my DP is, a foot rub would be one step too far for him grin

A good day for me - love to all xxx

Well done for finishing your course bobbly winewinewine

ThatVikRinA22 Fri 14-Jun-13 22:39:13

how are you doing tonight ed? you are up and down - i know that feeling.

i hope you managed to get out of Tesco unscathed.

me....good day. ish.
work - i worked with a different team today full of people who actually like me.....they like me. me! they hate the bully on my group and have said that i would be welcome to go and work with them if i can wangle an attachment, which made me feel way better.
its really not me. the group im on is shit. seems i was the only one who hadnt cottoned on to that fact.

so great day today. i was told i just stay exactly as i am. its weird that i get on really well with everyone by my own bloody group. weird. odd dynamics on my group though - too many women.

tonight not so great.
argument with DD after i found she lied about where she was and who with earlier. She got found out.
she turned it back around and says im as bad because she found my cigarettes in my bag....
forced me to tell hubby that i had been having a crafty fag occasionally

DD felt righteous despite having been a fibber tonight.
DS is not faring so well....i can see a crash coming. not sure i can contemplate what happens next....
DH has fallen out with me because he is tired and grumpy.

but im ok really. remembered my meds today. feel reassured re work by the people i worked with today, and who have made it clear they trust me, like me, and would welcome me to work with them. We talked about telly we liked and no one turned their nose up at me for being a snob smile

im really going to try and stop worrying about what my group think (the people i worked with today said i am welcome to go and natter and drink tea with them, which is nice....they seem at first to be a rather intimidating group but they are lovely....)

i really dont think it is me thats at fault. ive given too much info away but im learning that i need to shut up - and i need to start standing up for myself with the bullies (who it appears no one else thinks very highly of anyway apart from the suck ups on my own group who just fall in with them....)

so feeling newly reassured i will arm myself with that for tomorrow....

I'm ok.

I'm in bed

Dunno why today was so tough.

I was just really short tempered. Even 3 children talking excitedly at once got to me.

Dtd1 had her back up because of something I didn't do yesterday. She kind of has a fair point (dtd2 revealed cause).

House is a tip.

Gerbils have been out for a run...and 2 tried to escape...need to rethink their playtime as the big box we use clearly isn't deep enough. One of them is a right little indiana jones character. She even uses the wire roof as monkey bars..

Have promised some crafts tomorrow on the promise we have some group tidy time. That usually does wonders for the house. 15 mins. 4 people working hard. And they want to do paper maiche which means lots of breaks to do more tidying...I've been a bit cunning grin.

Now I need to sleep.

Hugs and blankets to all.

Right.

I'm up.

I'm about to get dressed.

I'm holding childrens craft sessions in the village hall today....all welcome. But you have to do a minimum of 15 mins housework to be eligible to join in.

Lots of glue, paint and mess anticipated.

Great my dcs will come when dd has finished her homework...

bobblypop Sat 15-Jun-13 12:11:42

morning all
Ed sorry yesterday was such a bad day. I totally get the excited dc all talking at once thing...when I'm struggling I get really sensitive to noise...and being in my house with the DC even when they are all just chatting can drive me over the edge.
We'd love to attend the craft session please grin

vicar glad yesterday was so positive. I also tend to always assume that it is me that is the problem when there are difficult dynamics between people...but in reality that isn't always the case!

lem glad dd liked the present. Hope doggy has recovered from irritating fireworks.

ciq hope you had a nice footrub!

I am deciding to stay positive today! House is a total tip, but I am doing 15 minute blasts so I don't get overwhelmed!
so far have done some washing, breakfast and the walked down to the post office with ddog2 to collect a parcel. feeling virtuous for walking, (only about a 3 mile round trip!) but have determined to start getting more exercise.

Next I'm going to print off some pictures for dd4's Ireland homework...then dust and hoover the lounge...

will eventually get on to tackling the upstairs but that is much worse hmm

hope everyone else is having a good day today.grin

hoochymama1 Sat 15-Jun-13 12:31:01

Hello my lovelies,

((( Ed))), I'll lend you a hand in the hall, and bring some yummy cakes and drinks to keep us going.

Really nice posts Bobblypop smile Congratulations on finishing the course flowers

And what's with the footrubs! I'm jealous envy

Do we have a spa/beauty parlour/hairdressers place ? If not, why not!!

Unbelievably I have a interview on Friday, with the young offenders team here. Aaarrgghh!
So scared and excited at the same time confused I will go, and have the experience.

Remembering what Vicar said about not thinking of it until it happens. Hope I can do this, otherwise I'll be a wreck.

Hugs and kisses to all-XOXOXOX

NanaNina Sat 15-Jun-13 13:27:14

Snowy I worry when you are missing. Can you pop in to say Hello - suspect you are still low. Is your CPN back next week (she seems to have been away ages)

ThatVikRinA22 Sat 15-Jun-13 15:55:07

just popping in to wish everyone a relaxing evening - i feel a bit out of the loop in terms of where everyone is up to....im just not getting chance to catch up but want everyone to know i am thinking of them....

TheSilveryPussycat Sat 15-Jun-13 16:12:14

vicar don't worry too much about keeping up, your posts recently have been, frankly, inspirational.

Re: DS. Would it be worth ringing the lady with whom he is lodging, who aiui is also his employer? I imagine she knows he has AS?

TheSilveryPussycat Sat 15-Jun-13 16:13:38

He is entitled by law to reasonable adjustments, if he has declared to his employer that he has AS.

SnowyMouse Sat 15-Jun-13 17:17:05

Sorry I'm not keeping up. My CPN is away for another week yet.

TheSilveryPussycat Sat 15-Jun-13 19:24:33

Sending you a hug snowy.

LEMisdisappointed Sat 15-Jun-13 20:37:25

Just looking in, hoping everyone having a good/ok weekend. Weekends are easier for me, i am aware that they are harder for others. I have wine and am trying to think what to download on my kindle, finished the scary story, disappointing ending.

Hi everyone,

(((Hugs))) snowy.

Hi vicar Ed nana hoochy bobbly lem
*hoochy ( Thanks for the lovely post and good luck with the interview - that's just brilliant.

footrub was nice thanks!

Decided to double my trazodone last night to see if I'd have any side effects - Gp said to double up before a particular stressful day - which next sat will be. Feel calm today but could also be hormones/placebo anyhow no side effects so will do same for Fri and Sat I think.

Been reading about arrested emotional development today (as you do). For years I've often felt immature in social situations, when talking to people I sometimes feel like a young teen in terms of ability to relate and respond. So anyhow don't know how the term came to me but several things struck a chord. Difficulty coping with everyday life, frustrations with loved ones and other stuff I can't remember now.

It's not a major thing with me - usually its associated with major childhood trauma and leads to significant dependencies eg alcohol and failed relationships. But some struck a chord. My mum had a major breakdown when I was under 10 eg 7. Don't know much about it apart from her complaining about deadening knock out meds, and she was unable to do anything except tapestry.

I've never asked who looked after me during that time. I suspect no-one as my dad was at work. I know lots of people have far tougher experiences but I've found it a helpful perspective and part of understanding how I am now.

Now - enjoying wine. Love to all x

X post Cheers lem wine

TheSilveryPussycat Sat 15-Jun-13 22:01:05

I felt as you did re immaturity etc - in my case I think it's a trait of AS. I have learned over the years, and am not bad at it now, though it took well into my 40's and I find it exhausting to keep up for extended periods of time. It also used to make me feel inadequate, lonely and depressed sad but those days are long gone smile

TheSilveryPussycat Sat 15-Jun-13 22:02:08

ambiguity *it also used = immaturity etc

Interesting spc my uncle (brother of dm) I think would now have been diagnosed on the autistic spectrum. Some of my mums behaviour eg inability/lack of awareness of others emotions/effect of your words eg at one point dm telling me she would be happy to die now so she could go to heaven hmm rings bells too.

Hmm...

Well I ran the craft session. Tidied the craft hall....cooked a roast...go me!

Done a bit of washing too.

I found your post very interesting CIQ
I find it hard to deal with social situations. I missed a BBQ recently and used the Parvo as an excuse (there is no way I would have been infectious).
I also had an abusive childhood.
My df had a nervous breakdown. I remember him being on medication. I remember him spending a long time in the bathroom before he went anywhere. I see similarities in the anxieties.

At the time my mum also had a physical illness that took a long while to be diagnosed. During that time (I would have been 14-16). I basically run the home during this time. Shopping. Cooking. Cleaning.

The way I look at it is that other people most definitely have tougher experiences. But that shouldn't detract from the experiences that you/we have had and the effects on us.

Good to see you Snowy. You don't need to keep up just to pop in and say hi. Good to see you.

Waves to vicar, hoochy, bassett, LEM, Nana, Bobbly, Helles, Notso, Glabella, anyone I've missed and all the lurkers

I am currently watching Scary movie 3. I don't watch much TV, but I am finding this very funny and very watchable if a little tacky. I quite like spoofs. I also watched most of despicable me with DD3 earlier (if I am going to be dragged to the cinema to watch the second one I need to know what it is about). I am recording the rest of it though so I will go to bed now.

Chill day tomorrow. Swimming lessons. DCs are going to see xp for fathers day...so I might get a nap. Need to do homeworks too....

Notsoblonde Sun 16-Jun-13 08:05:27

have fallen off the thread, off to work just now be back later. hope everyone has a calm day smile

HellesBelles396 Sun 16-Jun-13 09:49:58

vicar you sound so positive about work. I love this other team and hope you can wangle an attachment.

ed there are a million reasons (slight exaggeration) for excess bruising - including, i gather, some mineral deficiencies. So there are a wide range of explanations from the easily solved to the very rare. Ignore dr google - the people on there are there for attention. They aren't going to go on and say "I get loads of beuises but since I started eating a balanced diet, it stopped".. Do you feel physically well?

hoochy hurrah! I am sure you will be brill. What format does the interview take? Is it just the traditional question panel or will there be some sort of skills element?

ciq perhaps the main point is it wasn't a healthy childhood. I have been warned by my counsellor about the "other people have it worse" viewpoint. She keeps reminding me that I didn't have what I needed and that is all that actually matters.

Since we are now a village, perhaps we should stop saying hello to "lurkers" as it makes them sound like peeping toms! Perhaps they could be the neighbours we haven't met yet? If you all agree, let me be the first to say: hello, neighbours

Counselling continues well. DS' s counselling continues well - apparently I have nothing to worry about. The only fly in my ointment right now is that some swallows are building a nest in the passageway between my front and back gardens. Now, I like swallows at a distance. Apart from anything else, they eat midges which, otherwise, would have eaten me. But the only place I can't have them nest is in that passageway as, because I am ornithophobic, the passageway is then off-limits to me until the autumn.

I really am feeling well lately. My dislike of my parents is still difficult to hide and cope with. It's difficult for me to accept that it's ok not to like people! Roll on ds being old mature enough to be home alone before and after school so that they will no longer have a hold over me.

bobblypop Sun 16-Jun-13 10:30:25

morning all
ciq I too found your post v interesting. a lot of that could fit in my case too. My Mum had severe mental health probs, and was in hospital a lot from me being about aged 9 to 15/16. again, there wasnt really anyone else to look after me or my younger sister, so we did a lot of fending for ourselves whilst Dad was at work....I have clear memories of trying to cook the tea and do ironing at the same time when I was about 10 ish!!! I too now also hate social situations and avoid them if posisble. Interestingly though my job basically revolves around talking to people which I manage really well...odd!

ed craft session AND a roast...go you indeed!

hellesbelles I also have v difficult reelationship with my parents...it is hard.

nsb have a good day at work.

lem hope youre enjoying a nice wk/end

snow silverypussycat Hi
anyone I missed HI!

I had a totally rubbish nights sleep. kept waking up with VVV sore throat,wheezy, eyes streaming...damn hayfever
as a result am now in very fed up and irritated mood. struggling to get motivated to do anything. sad have brought dh breakfast in bed and cards etc for fathers day...but now need a plan of what to do next....
not helped by fact that ds2 is in v tired and grumpy mood too...
I suspect it's going to be a loooong day.sad

SnowyMouse Sun 16-Jun-13 11:46:21

Good morning all, just about

bobblypop Sun 16-Jun-13 13:25:25

morning snowy how are you doing today?

I feel crap today.totally crap. Have turned into shouty Mummy form Hell, hate myself for it, which makes me more fed up, hence more grumpy hence hate myself more .....etc....
feel just so massively overwhlemed by everything that needs doing, then feel guilty for not doing x or y or more reading with dc or nicer craft projects etc...feel such a failure as a Mother.....
I am soooooo tired
I just want to go and hide under the duvet and never come out sad

Sorry for ranting...just needed to vent...
Am going to go and give myself a good talking to and try to salvage a bit of the day....sob

SnowyMouse Sun 16-Jun-13 13:29:01

Sorry about your vicious circle, bobbly I'm okish, wish the weekend was longer.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 16-Jun-13 21:09:52

sad I am so pee'd off and ive probably just really damaged my relationship with DD1. Her DP let her down on her birthday, i got the rage and told her to LTB, to come home - she is now not responding to my messages. I shouldnt have said anything - fuck. Why do i let my hair trigger temper/anxiety button do this to me every fucking time, when will i learn to keep my bloody mouth shut

HellesBelles396 Sun 16-Jun-13 21:46:36

bobbly hope you got sorted and started feeling the family love again. I get that way a fair bit but I out myself as a grumpy sod and that seems to help.

lem there is never a good time for a LTB comment. The only time I welcomed my mother's opinion on my horrendous marriage was when I phoned her to tell her I had chucked out xh! She'll come round. Just give her some space for a day or so.

ThatVikRinA22 Mon 17-Jun-13 02:07:40

hi all

(snowy hope you are hanging on in there)

ive now got a week off. yay.

I was nervous, as yesterday (ie - the busiest night of the week) my supervisor decided it was time for me to go it alone again.

but it was fine. (more through good luck than good management i have to say) but ive come to reaise that the actual job is not what is causing me problems. was alone again tonight. I felt surprisingly ok. yesterday was the first time ive driven again, and i did a few blue light runs. Ive been busy tonight but deliberately so. i went from job to job to job. I didnt get my break but tbh i think id rather work than sit with a bunch of people i have nothing to talk about to. so its fine.

im now realising that its better to be totally reliant on myself - my instincts are good and im ok when i follow them.

i think i prefer to be alone. Ive been put on the busiest call sign again but i have found that i am not stressing as i used to do - clearly the sertraline is working.

i used to get so nervous, my stomach used to churn and i felt like i didnt have a clue what i was doing, now im feeling more relaxed, and im just doing what i want to do instead of asking for advice. its worked so far - early days as only been alone again for 2 days but am feeling ok.

so. going to enjoy some time off now, going to take DD shopping for her prom bag, pick her dress up, book her appointments, and spend some time at the stables. Going to get 2 new rats tomorrow for company for rescue boy.

ive got counselling again at the end of the month.

i have brought my works phone home but its switched off. and is staying that way until i go back to work.

i feel quite good. i had no idea how bad id become or how ill i was, but this is a measure of it. When i compare myself now to 6 months ago the difference is quite stark. Even though i was aware that the meds had made a difference i think im only just seeing how much of a difference.

im sneezy tonight, hope im not getting a cold. think its hay fever. (hope it is....dont want to be ill while im off)

might manage to catch up a bit on here now over next few days....

goodnight all and hugs to those still struggling. it can get better. its subtle, but it can.

x

TheSilveryPussycat Mon 17-Jun-13 08:40:46

I don't think it's just the meds, vicar wink - you are a resilient and resourceful lady.

bobbly I've been shouty mummy in my time. My kids are grown now, and fine.

LEM as helles says this will pass. My own relationship with DD(21) has its ups and downs, the downs hurt but so far we have always got past them...

<waves to snowy> - and to everyone else (one day I too will do a full name check blush) Am happy and busy. Though still taking time to Get Started, am making good progress when I do.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 17-Jun-13 11:05:52

Not feeling good at all today sad I feel i am a bit of a waste of space if truth be told. DP was talking about getting a tent yesterday, going camping - he THINKs it will mean cheap holidays, it wont be cheap and we still can't afford it. DD was asking about holidays this morning. We can't afford a holiday this year. Now thats not really the problem, lots of people can't afford holidays and we went away last year. What upsets me is that if i were to get a job we could afford these things - instead we living from hand to mouth, barely managing. This is because of me, because i can't motivate myself to get a job, something, any job, theres always an excuse. I am not liking myself very much at all today. I want DD to have a mummy that is happy and cheerful and always doing things - i said to her this morning, ooh, it will be the summer holidays soon. She expressed her disappointment - she would rather be at school than spend time with me. The reason, because im boring and shouty and pretty self indulgetn, just like this post.

Sorry - everyone seems to be doing so well and im letting everyone down AGAIN.

TheSilveryPussycat Mon 17-Jun-13 11:14:39

Hi LEM saw your thread about DD1, as well as here. I imagine the thing with DD1 is floating around unhelpfully in your mind, just to add to it all sad

When we had no money for holidays, I imagined in my mind during the summer hols that our own house was a holiday cottage. Just this slight fantasy was enough to change things for the better a bit. Camping seems like hard work to me!

LEMisdisappointed Mon 17-Jun-13 11:14:43

I wish i could be more like you, Vicar - but the slightest thing and i crumble and walk away - my family deserve so much better than this, but i just dont seem capable

LEMisdisappointed Mon 17-Jun-13 11:17:39

Yes TSP i can't imagine my DD2 would enjoy it actually. I think its just DPs way of TRYING to get us on holiday

TheSilveryPussycat Mon 17-Jun-13 11:19:37

The job thing - as I have said before, I would let it go for the time being, and focus on getting the rest of your life running smoothly. When it is, that would be the time to think about paid employment. Do you like hunting for bargains? getting best deal on electric? making stuff, mending, DIY or stuff like that? I always think of any savings I make by my own efforts, as income I have earned-through-saving.

TheSilveryPussycat Mon 17-Jun-13 11:23:19

Put the camping budget towards some days out that all will enjoy. I find a day's activity then a day's rest/chilling, then another day's activity worked well (and still works well for me alone, as I need downtime, and processing and reflecting time). and sometimes a nap

(((Hugs))) lem will be back later...

SnowyMouse Mon 17-Jun-13 11:58:29

Oh hugs LEM

Hugs lem

I know I feel a lot like that some days...sometimes most days.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 17-Jun-13 12:14:59

Thanks everyone - am trying to muster energy to clean bathroom - its hardly rocket science but...........

(Well you are doing better than me...I am trying to muster the energy to get out of bed)

LEMisdisappointed Mon 17-Jun-13 12:22:22

i will if you will................!

I'm up. I'm dressed (old style level 2). I'm going to the pet shop for some cute and fury therapy (I blame vicar for starting this).

I have a fever...again....

LEMisdisappointed Mon 17-Jun-13 13:22:39

Am manageing to resit the furry therapy - my two dogs would think they were dinner! But i have done the bathroom - just a basic clean, the walls need cleaning but i can't be arsed. DD2's school play soon

Well done lem and Ed. Hope your afternoons going ok. I'm sat watching dd swimming lesson. It is soooooo hot and humid in here - almost sauna like. Recipe for bad hair and bright red face!

Hi to everyone, hope your days going ok. I got out for a walk this morn. Out to school this eve to a talk which should be interesting. No counselling tomorrow as have dd and ds sports days - so a full day of it!

bobblypop Mon 17-Jun-13 21:37:56

evening all.
lem sorry today was a bad day for you. Hoping you can get an early night and feel brighter tomorrow.

ed hope you had good furry therapy

snowy hi

silverypussycat I like the idea of counting savings towards money earned...I got very good at bargain hunting when I didnt work (had no choice as we were seriously skint!!)

CIQ good luck with sports day marathon tomorrow!

waves to everyone else!

well I woke up feeling much more positive today...it can be so hard not knowing how I'm going to feel when I wake up...sometimes there is just no rhyme and reason to how I feel day to day...

have managed to do basic house stuff, good day at work, and good session of dog training with 8 month old delinquent doggy this evening!!
going to have earlyish night and finish my book....

be back tomorrow grin

SnowyMouse Mon 17-Jun-13 21:42:05

Sounds like lots well done bobbly smile

How was the talk, CiQ?

How was the play LEM?

What has everyone else been up to?

I hope it's not too scorching tomorrow.

Evening all.

Shite day here.

So so so sleepy.

I have a slight fever.

I have a few more unusual bruises.

I opened one of my letters today. I am over my credit limit on my credit card hence the reason it has been stopped.

I am so stupid.

I am in bed now. Need to sleep. Bloods tomorrow.

I did manage to vacuum though and put some washing away.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 17-Jun-13 22:50:59

Snowy - play was good recorders agogo! Dd did wee how are you today? Scorching?? I wish - weather is grim here.

Ed you are not stupid! Well done on housework vi only managed half hearted effort of bathroom

Ciq I am going to try for a walk tomorrow

bobbly glad you had good day

silvery you are right I have to forget about work for a bit longer I am not ready

ThatVikRinA22 Mon 17-Jun-13 22:58:31

firstly
lem - please be assured that kids are genius at subtley making us feel shite....
we havent had a holiday for 2 years. It irks me because im earning more now than at any other point in my life and we are still up shit creek financially.....i sometimes think thats why i resent work.

ed you are not stupid. im in a similar boat. spending money makes me feel better temporarily.....i have spent hundreds that i dont really have on rats.
and riding.
but these things have got me through, and so im trying to remember it can be resolved. and it can. it will. eventually. soon one of my loans finishes. then i might get sorted. it will take a while....

i am very very sleep again lately, i slept until noon today. house was a tip and i managed to get some of it sorted but not all and ive piles of washing both to iron and to wash....im going to rename the spare room mount washmore.....

i sorted the kitchen, DD did her room and bathroom, hall stairs and landing.

i went for the new ratties tonight, they are sweeties but dd doesnt like them because they are just normal rats, top eared, and ratty coloured....but they are sweet boys. Dudley is currently being a bit of a bully boy and throwing his weight about....im hoping they will settle down together. I thought he would appreciate company....

it was a long drive and my evening has gone.

No plans for tomorrow - going to have an easy day. looking forward to it, tv to catch up on, hoping the ratty boys can all go back in the big cage if they are getting along.

i need to start stripping DS room out....it feels funny without him here. He has moved into a shared house tonight.
he is homesick but ok.
DH keeps reminding me that this is how it should be and that ive done my job right.....but he is vulnerable and i worry about him. And i feel a bit guilty because i didnt really want him home....though i didnt really think he would move 300 miles either....

LEMisdisappointed Tue 18-Jun-13 09:32:06

Thanks Vicar - that is kind, for me, money is the route of my anxiety and i actually hate spending it, it makes me so nervous, food shopping is bad enough but clothes and shoes, stuff for me, forget it, i just cant. but i will quite happily fork out £££s for DDs riding and anything she wants. I will also waste money on coffee blush because sitting in costa packet coffee with a cappuccino makes me feel normal. Ridiculous.

Its a lovely day here, i am going to try and get out with the dogs and maybe do some gardening, all i really want to do is go back to bed!

SnowyMouse Tue 18-Jun-13 10:05:08

I can empathise with wanting to go back to bed Ed, hope you have a nice walk and garen. Sounds like a very productive day vicar.

Notsoblonde Tue 18-Jun-13 11:20:00

Hi everyone, ed sorry you feeling so bad just now, hope you get some answers soon.

Lem hope your feeling a bit better today sad you are not a waste of space, I find all of you ladies very brave and this is what this thread is for, support when we are not feeling our best.

Vicar it's nice to hear your feeling better about work, hope you get moved to the other team, they seem much more professional, I enjoy all your updates but I think as you are on sertraline too I always look out for you, it motivated me and I have started my meds today, feel a little spaced and tired but not too bad as yet.

Nana I have bobbed in and out of this thread so pleased to meet you, a dvt is a deep vein thrombosis, (blood clot) and luckily I didn't have one but thank you for your concern, hope you are well today.

Bobbly hello, nice to meet you. I can be shouty too, my 2 seem to ignore it now so I don't think it works for us, hopefully my meds will help and I can be a bit calmer.

Ciq hope you enjoyed the school talk.

Hello to spc, snowy, ua, helles, Bassett and zombies.

Hi everyone,

Bobbly great to hear you had such a good day yesterday, hope today is good too. Thanks re: sports day - halfway through now, was v cute watching DS first ever school sports day but glad to be home for a bit.

Hi snowy, notso at risk of outing myself, talk was v interesting, by Sue Palmer, author of this book. Talking about speed of change, and need to take stock of how we approach all the mod tech and marketing sophistication re: our kids. Plus research showing rates of language delay in kids is rising every year. Not enough one to one with parents, communication, play... very thought provoking and v nice to have some of my own thoughts and tactics justified - eg screen time limits much to DCs annoyance...

Hi Lem how's today going?

Hello too to vicar, ed, ua and anyone I've missed.

Feeling stressed today - some of last nights talk was thought-provoking which for my head means a bit stressful hmm, Doc appt - which was OK but basically, keep doing what you're doing. 2 sports days, DS having friend over after school and DH out this eve so I have to do bedtime routine (Not my fav by a long way). Have 45 mins now before I go back to school... saus and chips for tea I think.

take care all.

LEMisdisappointed Tue 18-Jun-13 13:50:54

No walk, its gonna rain so i made a double egg sarnie instead grin

Im doing ok today, have done kitchen and tidied and hoovered living room, one lot of washing on the line. Run out of "go" now though.

Worried about DD1 - she didn't go home last night, stayed at her workmates house after work. I phoned her this morning and she is upset with me - saying i am sticking up for her DP!! shock Err, no, i apologised for calling him a c* (not to his face) and told her I liked him. I don't know what to do, apart from step back - there is a very big part of me that thinks that actually yes, the time has come to LTB but Im not sure she is doing it for the right reasons. I think she has got in with a bit of a rum crowd at workk (young girls out for a good time - nothing wrong with that but DD has DP to consider and their outgoings etc) and im worried that she is being bouyed by them. There are things that make me think that she will be better off witout her DP and others that think hes a great lad and she should try and get things sorted (there is fault on both sides i think - not least, DD spending money like it is water). I think this is why i was upset about the birthday, as i see it as a symptom. I will be gutted if she leaves as i saw it as stability for her, but if its no good its no good sad She said she doesn't want to come home. Doesn't know what she wants to do, will go home (to dp) either tomorrow or tonight (she works late shifts so easier to stay at her friends). I have just told her i wont anymore q's but am there if she needs me - its tearing me apart not being able to do more, shes my daughter FFS sad sad I never have felt like a good mum to her, now i feel like she doesn't need/want me.

Sorry, i feel like im hijacking this thread - i just needed to vent it and the response in AIBU or god forbid relationships are too strong for me just now.

CiQ you sound like a brilliant mum, just the sort of mum i wish i could be, so hands on with your kids, even when times are hard. You should be proud of yourself. Glad you enjoyed sports day.

Nana, hope you are doing good - Also, zombie (not seen you for a bit, wonder if you have picked up this new thread? i might have to go on a zombie hunt)

Vicar, i hope you are enjoying a restful week and keeping that phone switched off.

How are you today Ed?

Keep going with the good days bobbly

<<snowy>> i think you are lovely, just wanted to say that.

Thanks for the kind words nosto.

Huggs to anyone i have fortgotten basset, hoochy, UA, glabella (where are you?)

Pub feels a bit empty - we should organise something wink

Thanks lem you're very kind. That sounds tough re: your DD. I can imagine its best to try and take a step back but I can also believe that's really difficult to do. A few "I'm here if you need me"s every now and then sounds great. I'm sure you have been a good mum - but when the stress and anxiety builds its almost impossible to remember/believe that - I know. Be kind to yourself x

Well my anxiety is a PITA this pm. I have done 2 sports days and have brought DS home with his friend - they are now jumping on trampoline. Anxiety is just constantly building. It's weird days like this, something triggers it and I just can't control it at all - in fact the opposite... Have to collect DD in 20 mins, trying not to think beyond that at the moment. Suspect it will be an evening of 30 minute chunks. God what a pain.

Think last nights talk + GP + busy day + no DH this eve is probably the cause... hope I am better tomorrow. Oh and that time of the month too (sorry TMI!). Ok end of moan...

Take care all x

hoochymama1 Tue 18-Jun-13 17:11:53

Oh, oh, how lovely you all are.

Really agree with the small chunks of day, CiQ, sometimes I feel like I'm being swept along in a torrent of water, trying to reach the bank and just stop.

I feel happy and busy, but not quite myself somehow, as if the A/D's have taken something away.

LEM you are a good mum, it is so hard as they get older to judge it all, I am constantly failing, but as long as there is love there, we can't go badly wrong.

So terrified about the interview on Friday sad I feel most scared that they might offer me a job, as I just want to stop for a bit and have a breather. I know I need to earn the money, as I have been sponging off DH for two years, but I'm such a wimp, and want to be at home for a bit.

Love to you Snowy.

Waves to Notso, Ed, Bobbly, and anyone else I've forgotten smile

I feel like a nice evening down the pub beckons, with that cosy fire, and scampi and chips in the basket for me please grin

SnowyMouse Tue 18-Jun-13 17:37:41

The pub is a great plan smile I'm struggling a lot at the moment confused

snowy, notso, lem can I buy you a drink?

chipsahoy Tue 18-Jun-13 18:40:48

Can I join?
I have PTSD and it's a real pain in the ass right now.

Nice to meet you all.

SnowyMouse Tue 18-Jun-13 18:49:30

Lime and lemonade sounds nice please.

Catmint Tue 18-Jun-13 18:50:07

Hi everyone, just popping in to say hello, I haven't been her for ages. Have been struggling a bit with sleep and anxiety, but am ok.

Love to you allxxx

SnowyMouse Tue 18-Jun-13 18:50:58

Welcome chipsahoy

LEMisdisappointed Tue 18-Jun-13 19:18:08

Come on in and grab a chair Chips!! We are a friendly supportive bunch and its just a lifeline to come and vent, ask questions or just talk about our days, if its a bad day, a good day or a mediochre day, I find it comforting to hear about everyones day to day comings and goings. What is said on this thread stays on this thread and there is no judging so if you feel you want to share about your PTSD then please do, if not, thats ok too.

Hi Catmint - are you on meds at the moment - sorry brain like sieve xxx

HellesBelles396 Tue 18-Jun-13 20:27:53

Just in from garden - ds currently hating me because I said he had to go to bed after he came in half an hour. So he's come downstairs with a "bumped head" for cuddles!

LEMisdisappointed Tue 18-Jun-13 21:08:29

My DD just rang, she still hasn't gone home sad I think this could really be it sad she sent him a text today to ask if he wanted her to go home and he hasn't replied. I can't help but think she is being unduly influenced by her friends. At least she rang though smile

I wonder how many times DS will come down for cuddles helles? kids are funny.

So, to the pub with me, thanks for the offer of a drink CiQ, im torn between a nice cold glass of lemonade with ice and lemon or a double JD and coke grin

Lime and lemonade it is snowy
Hi chips welcome, fancy a drink?
Hi catmint nice to see you again
Hoochy (((hugs))) just do the interview. Think of it as practice. Question them - find out what they're like - would you like to work for them? and then see how it goes.
Lem what'll it be?

I think I will have some wine for a change wink. Have finally sat down. DCs showed me up this eve. They were prob tired from sportsday and overexcited But. Refused to use cutlery to eat dinner. Lovely guest actually said to one of them that they weren't being very nice to their mummy blush. Then guests' DM arrived and we agreed they could have another turn on trampoline. 5 mins later DS screaming saying DD had jumped on his head, DD screaming no I didn't.... so had to get them all off trampoline... DS refused etc etc etc. Embarassed. Told them their guest had behaved better than they had. They are now bathed and in bed. I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tempted to open a bottle of wine

Hi Helles drink?
Lem cross post. I vote for the JD but don't want to lead you astray!

hurryup Tue 18-Jun-13 21:17:00

Can I join pls? Am in desperate need of anyone that understands. I have anxiety and depression, been on citalopram for a while after separation and then new relationship was really stressful when moved in as we both have dc that live with us full time. Went on venlafaxine and had cbt but now falling apart big time :-(((

LEMisdisappointed Tue 18-Jun-13 21:24:54

I am sat here with a lovely glass of ....................tonic water!! its actually quite nice. hmm

LEMisdisappointed Tue 18-Jun-13 21:26:50

More than welcome to join hurryup What has brought about the latest downslide? anything in particular?

Hi hurryup welcome - this is a lovely supportive thread. Sorry to hear you've had such a tough time and feeling worse lately. I also suffer from dep/anx, on fluoxetine, trazodone and counselling. Feel free to share as much or as little as you like.

lem well done on the tonic. I am resisting the bottle - just.

LEMisdisappointed Tue 18-Jun-13 21:35:36

CiQ, its only because i drank all the wine sunday night! blush

hurryup Tue 18-Jun-13 21:35:37

Thank you, am falling apart as have to go to court over financial settlement for divorce. Ironic that it is on our wedding anniversary. 16 years ago I was so excited about spending rest of my life with him, now I'm dreading going to court to hear him justify why he thinks I deserve nothing from him other than what CSA say he has to, whilst he has 2 houses and spends shed loads a month (more than he gives me for kids) on meals out, clothes and winebars. Life is shit tonight and I would probably be better out of it but too much of a coward so here I am totally dependant on dp and stuck between the two of them.

LEMisdisappointed Tue 18-Jun-13 21:37:40

How are things with your now DP, hurryup?

hurryup that sounds so tough. When is the court case?

hurryup Tue 18-Jun-13 21:44:33

Crap, he wants me to get everything I can from stbxh and stbxh wants to give me as little as possible. He left me I tears today at 8am and went to watch racing with friends. No contact until 3pm when he texted to ask how one of kids was getting on in competition. Feels like he just wanted a m for his 3 kids as their mum died and he is in late 50's. I have seriously fucked up my life. And now I'm just moaning on and on and haven't even noticed any other threads. It's just so nice to be with people that may have similar problems. I January I just lay in bed, drank and sobbed. I'm trying not to go back there but not looking good right now

hurryup Tue 18-Jun-13 21:47:27

5 july, 16 years to day of my wedding. Same he turned out to be abusive to me. Now he has new dp who kids love and he adores. Can't help thinking they'd be better of with them than here. His credit card statements arrived from solicitor and whereas I never even got card on valentines day, she got £150 of flowers.

He sounds like a piece of work. Would you consider going back to see your GP?

LEMisdisappointed Tue 18-Jun-13 22:04:23

It does sound a little like out of the frying pan into the fire - does he work?

Sorry have to get to bed - shattered. hurryup I think you should look at how to get more stable and through court case - and gp may be able to help. Sorry brief

Take care all.

sad start. Exhausted stressed you name it. Weather forecast for sat is now heavy rain all day - so much for party in garden. Sorry bad start to thread today. Its only wed...

Unfortunatelyanxious Wed 19-Jun-13 08:37:33

Due to difficult times for many I announce cocktails at the pub with or without small parasols. Plenty of fruit gives us our five a day.

I am okayish, I have decided to apply for a part time course and managed to actually write a form and statement out. I know some folks, ones not here would think well so what but I had not written anything even remotely sensible or demanding for six months. Nor had enthusiasm for anything much. We all now how that feels.

Hello to Hurryup and Chips who I see have joined hello to everyone as well.

Awaiting the tropical heat wave threatened in national press, had no idea it means sky is grey.
Love to all x

LEMisdisappointed Wed 19-Jun-13 09:25:55

UA, that is bloody fantastic about the form - so what? err yeah, right - i don't remember a time when something like that wasn't a big deal for me - but actually i think to a degree, its a big deal for alot if not most people. But yes, i hear what you are saying, right now i can't even LOOK at job adverts/courses I wish i had your strength right now.

Not a good day for me either CiQ - didn't want to get out of bed, wish i could go back there but it never works for me - makes me worse. Really struggling, can't see the point of anything really - bad thoughts today.

Signing in on the bad day.

Had 2 naps yesterday. Very naughty.

Drs again today. ..blood results are back...

Not as sleepy today though at the moment. I think it has helped that I didn't come straight back to bed after school run.

I sat watching my gerbils. They are all awake and have such lovely characters.

Fudge is a burrower. Always digging. Fascinating to watch.
Lily loves her wheel. I don't think anyone else has been on it properly but lily does marathons on it in the evenings, only pausing for snacks and water. Fudge and lily are the most active (lily is an escape artist when we get them out for playtime). They are both getting quite tame and will happily approach hands in the cage/box.

Pepper is a hider. She loves hiding in the burrows fudge makes but is too lazy to make her own...this does not impress fudge. She is the most placid and easiest for tge dcs to handle, and if you can get her out of her burrow or tube she will sit and be stroked.

Pepper is quite shy and nervy. She is out and about quite happily but does a runner if anyone opens the cage. She has a beautiful glossy black coat.

Idle gossip goes a long way towards destraction...

LEMisdisappointed Wed 19-Jun-13 09:51:45

Morning Ed - the gerbils sound like great fun x

What are we challenging each other to today then?

I'm putting washing away for a bit..

LEMisdisappointed Wed 19-Jun-13 10:05:05

finish the next level of candy crush is about my limit today sad I really should take the dogs out

Lol!

I've said that every day for a week.

Seriously stuck on 350...right teeth brush...washing...drs...

Hi all. UA cocktails sounds fab. I quite like a raspberry - vodka-y one. And that is brilliant about your application - well done!

I need to find a way to try and reduce the stupid anxiety that is addling my brain, exhausting me and making me want to scream/cry in equal measure. Going for a walk with my dad at lunchtime should be good.

Weather for sat still looking sh*t. Was going to give DD a gold cross I was given as a child, but can't find it anywhere. Really worried I've accidentally given it away or something. Need to now find an indoor venue too I think... But am watching The Wright Stuff - feel paralysed.

lem if you take the dogs out I'll go for a walk!

Ed hope you get on ok at the docs.

LEMisdisappointed Wed 19-Jun-13 10:27:57

350??? it goes THAT far? 158 here!

You are going for a walk anyway CiQ!! but fair enough, a friend has suggested i take them for a woodland walk - should not bump into anyone there! Watching the wright stuff is enough to paralyse anyone!

I was thinking about you last night where you said the anxiety just builds and builds - i remember my cbt therapist said something to me, "you never ACTUALLY explode and leave a mess everywhere" and then explained something i already knew - that the anxiety is a physical thing, that the amount of adrenalin, peaks then goes off, he drew a graph, like an upside down bell - showing the adrenalin getting higher and higher and then it goes down, because other hormones kick in to regulate it, it can't not happen like that - impossible. So if i feel my anxiety getting out of control, i try and picture that graph, it works sometimes

Right - this is a four HOUR walk, I need to leave by 11!! My dogs are going to LOVE me ( i dont actually want to do this, but am going to! - stubborn)

Ed - i hope docs goes ok and you get to the route of the problem.

FOUR HOURS?! wow. Take water... Good luck on your expedition. I have just found phone numbers for 5 local village halls, and hoping DH will
ring them as I can't face it!

Thanks re: graph. yes its the cortisol that kicks in after adrenalin to calm you down. However in cases of anxiety/lt stress it takes your body longer for the cortisol to work, by which time you may have had another adrenalin rush etc etc... according to what I've read. But will try and replace that scenario with yours!

Right loft next in search of gold!

hurryup Wed 19-Jun-13 12:28:34

morning, hope youre all ok. 1 hour walk sounds lovely but 4 hours? Thanks for all of your advice, I had pretty sleepless night but have gp appt this afternoon by some miracle so hopefully that will help..

LEMisdisappointed Wed 19-Jun-13 14:12:54

Phew - just got back - that was some walk! just over three hours I am knackered and one of the dogs has the arse as he had to have a bath, he is now bedraggled looking at me resentfully. Enjoyed the walk and only saw a few bike riders, took myself off the beaten track to avoid other dog walkers - it was lovely, bit warm and sweaty though. Going to sit and do nothing for an hour now.

hurryup - it will help, not straight away, but it will help x

Ciq i hope you get a good walk too, although maybe not three hours long!

Ed - hope drs goes/went well.

Pooped i tell ya, pooped. Feel better? a bit confused

SnowyMouse Wed 19-Jun-13 17:03:28

I went as far as the local corner shop for an icecream, on level 2 , feeling pretty awful today,

Unfortunatelyanxious Wed 19-Jun-13 17:25:24

Sorry your having a bad day snowy I am also going to corner shop for ice cream later.

I had a very weird experience at the day centre I attend, it has been great and very supportive. One of the other clients was upset and asked me to go in to quiet room. She is having a very bad time at the moment, I have always been very supportive and very friendly as we have same diagnosis.Due to her situation she started to kick off as distressed, to say it was awkward is an understatement. She was actually quite aggressive.

Situation was dealt with as best as possible.

blimey well done lem hope you have cold drink in hand now. Nice walk thanks - hot - but only 50 mins wink

hope you had a helpful appt with GP hurryup

(((hugs))) snowy

ua that sounds like a challenging situation - sounds like you handled it well and you seem none the worse for it which is v impressive.

Found the jewellery in loft I was searching for, so that and walk in sun have picked me up a bit. Anxiety still fairly strong but managing to stay sane!!

bobblypop Wed 19-Jun-13 18:58:25

evening all
ciq glad you found jewelery
lem I am V impressed with your walk
ua that does sound tricky. hope it didnt upset you too much
snowy hope you enjoyed your ice cream
hurryup hope gp was helpful
ed how did you get on at Drs?

I have had a busy couple of days! I've done some much needed decluttering round the house and have got rid of about 12 black bags of "stuff" so far shock
DD1 and 2 room now done and littlies rooms done...DS1 can sort his own out (or not!!) Dining room sorted and half of kitchen.
And have bought a new bed fo Ddog1 grin
Back at paid work tomorrow but then off Fri/sat/sun/mon and tues yay!grin
Hoping to get a bit more blitzing done on Friday but want to chill a bit Mon and Tues a sit's my bday on Sunday!

am now feeling V tired though...hoping Ill sleep though as have been having rubbish nights sleep lately...
Hayfever also shocking again today...I look a total wreck - eyes are now totally red and swelling up!

right...need to take dd3 to cubs...back later grin

Wow bobbly that's fantastic decluttering! Fancy doing another house?! Great to hear you have a long weekend lined up too.

I know what you mean about the hayfever - mine has seriously kicked in today, but I have enjoyed the sun and warmth. Have you got antihistamines etc?

Bought gold polish and cake-making ingredients this pm, so will be polishing tonight and baking tomorrow! Also need to buy myself some nail varnish to complete outfit! Praying for an extraordinary weather event to turn currently predicted solid rain all day Saturday into calm sunny spells hmm

hope everyone's doing ok this eve x

Just a quickie.

Drs ok. Bloods all fine. Just one of those things.

Dr has changed my ads to venaflaxine (sp) because of continued shakyness and I'm not moving forward

I havr a petechie bruise on my arm that has come up since so I don't think this is the end of the story. I also shaved my legs this morning and my legs are covered in an itchy razor rash which I've never had before.

No nap today. Spent afternoon with the friend I upset a couple of months ago. Seem to have sorted out our differences.

Tired now. Watching the apprentice and then bed

NanaNina Wed 19-Jun-13 21:16:27

Hello everyone - just popping by to say Hi, to the regulars and the newcomers. Forgive me, because as usual I can't remember what everyone has said, but I did remember Lem the thing about your adult daughter, and how distressed you were as you weren't able to "reach" her (emotionally I mean of course) when she was/is? having a bad time with her partner. I have sons aged 40 and 46 and I learned long ago that it is so so hard when our kids are grown, to be able to support them when they are in need. There is an old saying "when they are little they make your arms ache, and when they're grown they make your heart ache" and I in my experience is this is certainly true.

Also remember Hoochy you had an interview - for an agency? sorry can't recall the exact details.

hurryup so sorry that you are in this predicament. This is a good place for support re mental health issues, but you might find it helpful to post in "step parents too" - and maybe "relationships" - one step at a time though. Sounds like you might have made a mistake with the new partner and full time care of his kids is a tough call (I am a step parent but thank god they are both grown with families of their own) but the years when I was step mother were such a struggle and they didn't live here full time.

Snowy I do worry about you. You say so little and seem so low. Have they got the meds right for the depression-side of your mental illness.......when is your CPN back?

My ageing brain cells can't remember anything else. I am ok and CPN is visiting tomorrow. Don't want the psych to come (he is due in a couple of weeks) because he is wanting to lower my dose of imipramine because he thinks the dose (200mg per day) is too high, as it's "age related" (meaning to high for over 65s but don't know why!) and up the mirtazapine that seems to be effective, but I don't want any more tinkering with meds cus I know how much trial and error is involved.

SnowyMouse Wed 19-Jun-13 21:27:57

My CPN is back next week. Not sure I want to see her.

I'm watching the apprentice too, bit warm today.

Unfortunatelyanxious Wed 19-Jun-13 21:47:01

I'm a bit worried about my friend, There is no way I can check up on her. Trouble is she is drinking a lot, I would say verging on a problem with alcohol and she is on a lot of meds.

I spoke to the workers about her, she is incredibly self destructive when she gets like this. She argues and falls out with people quite a lot.

Unfortunatelyanxious Wed 19-Jun-13 21:49:06

Snowy I had vanilla ice cream , fresh pineapple and jazzy sweets, the chocolate discs covered in hundreds and thousands all mixed up in a bowl.

Hi Ed just wondered what ADs you're switching from - hope the venwhatsit helps.

Hi Nana nice to hear from you - glad you're OK. Hope you have a helpful meeting with your CPN.

Have polished little cross and it looks lovely smile

DH met with ex boss who gave him some good advice about how to charge for consultancy/mentoring so am feeling happier about potential income. Phew. Now just need to sort village hall for sat and I will be well on the way...

yum ua

Switching from fluoxetine.

Must take todays.

But I have to wean...off...overlap and stuff so could have a rocky couple of weeks.

Hope that switching over isn't too rocky x

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 19-Jun-13 22:15:03

good luck on the change of meds ed

im enjoying my days off. not doing much really but enjoying not doing much.

going to play with the ponies on friday. taking dd out for lunch tomorrow.

thinking about fostering now DS has vacated his room....not just yet, (not that daft and DH just reminded me that i have just had 5 months off sick, plus need to see how DS gets on)....but he is on board with it when i am. my home seems to attract waifs and strays anyway....going to see how the next 6 months pans out.

hope everyone else is managing ok. x

hurryup Wed 19-Jun-13 22:37:23

Hello, sounds like you've all sensibly gone to bed! Gp was helpful, dp had rung her to fill her in on how bad I've been as last night was planning to drive into path of a lorry. The good news is she thinks its just a temporary blip due to stress caused by upcoming court case so I have some zopiclone to help me sleep and diazepam for anxiety but she wanted me to give them to dp to dispense. Clearly she thinks Im not to be trusted, probably she's right though.

Vicar - how many ponies do you have? The horses are often my lifeline, either that or wine.

Ed - I am on venlafaxine, it literally turned me and my families life around after citalopram not doing much and escitalopram just making me worse. Fingers crossed for you.

I wish I'd gone to bed...

Just been reading up on venlafaxine and now I'm scared...dreading coming off it (I haven't even started it yet. ..) and I'm not the most reliable person at remembering to take my meds...I guess that is about to change.

But I need something to move me forwards. Fluoxetine has moved me forwards from where I was. Without a doubt. But it hasn't moved me far enough forwards. ...

Well lets see what the next few weeks bring....I'm weaning off fluox this week. Take both fluox and ven next week then drop the fluox altogether.. could need some hand holding...

mamakoukla Thu 20-Jun-13 04:15:14

Hand holding and hug to <Ed>

L

Hugs to all. You are stronger than you acknowledge and accept.

mamakoukla Thu 20-Jun-13 04:21:27

Okay. I blame my phone.

Long time attendee on the the thread but in a quiet phase smile

I did bring the virtual village to a stressful situation and it was comforting. I am thinking of a small B&B, people welcome for short stays, rest and respite, possibly with a little spa for pampering. The little B&B magically transforms, tardis style, to accommodate all. It is a bit Harry Potter inside.

Love to all.

Go tiger, make that your motto for the day. PS tigers do loll around and nap as well :-)

Good to see you MAMA

The b&b is a wonderful idea. And when you stay your room provides exactly what you need to help at that time. Maybe a bark room with no windows and a big duvet to shut you away from the world temporarily. Maybe a light and airy room with beautiful views. A place of isolation but the stimulation to facilitate quiet contemplation. And of course there is always someone sitting by the log fire in the breakfast room willing to lend an ear to listen, shoulder to cry on or hand to hold.

Sleepy here

I'm back in bed already....need to tackle the kitchen later.

LEMisdisappointed Thu 20-Jun-13 09:40:16

I love the idea of the B&B, i got talking to someone on the internet once who owns a B&B, i used to fantasise about going there - on my own and have this person look after me, from a respectful distance! Of coures, way too expensive!

Feeling sad today, DD1 still hasn't gone back home hmm quite cross with her as yesterday i asked if she was trying to prove a point, she said, partly yes - well she needs to be careful playing this game, i can't give her more advice, she doesn't want it, shes listening to her friend and she doesn't have her best interests at heart sad

Also have decided to give up on working again - its just not me, I am gutted actually but every day i wake up and think, today, today i will look for a job, every day i set myself up for failure. I look at some of the mums at the school, dressed in their work clothes, nice cars, etc and its just not me - i barely reach level 2 for drop off, if i brush my hair is a fecking miracle. I just think its not my place to do that.

ed i will hold your hand through the transition - hopefully the new meds will help you. Dont be reading side effects, none of us would take anything if we did!

Ed ditto lem advice re: side effects. I've been reading good things about those ADs so try and focus on them helping you get better for now.

Hi lem (((hugs))) re DD. Random thought - send her a card with a simple "I'm always here for you, love you, take care" message?

I do think its a good idea to put the work thing on the back burner for now. Doesn't mean its forever. And take that bit of daily pressure/feeling of failure away which can't be helpful. I know exactly what you mean about mums at school looking professional and smart etc - I often feel the same. My counsellor says - but do you actually want to be like them? (I think - well a bit, but I don't want to be working f/t juggling childcare etc. Mine are growing up so fast.) It's not easy though. I think having my painting has been a lifeline - I have something to say when people ask so what do you do... and I am trying to see having the time off as a good thing (tho appreciate its hard when money is so tight). Got much planned today?

I need to make a big cake this morning. And have a load of other errands to run/little jobs to do. Weather is better than expected today, but still looking crap for Sat! (I am now addicted to Met office website wink

take care all

hurryup Thu 20-Jun-13 10:11:30

Ed - I was so reluctant to take them for the same reason but my gp pointed out that the option was staying on tablets that did nothing at all or getting better. The only side effects i has was constipation and dry mouth, both gone now. don't be scared about coming off them just get well first.

LEMisdisappointed Thu 20-Jun-13 10:15:58

Oh, im so sorry everyone - i am really struggling. Waiting for Dr to call to give me prescription of meds, MH woman just called, told her i was OK hmm I am not ok. I'm actually starting to scare myself.

What are you doing now lem?

LEMisdisappointed Thu 20-Jun-13 10:22:19

I want to ask my DP to come home, but he can't

Is there anyone else you can call? Have you taken the dogs out today - clear your head for half an hour?

Notsoblonde Thu 20-Jun-13 10:27:45

keep talking lem, whats scaring you my lovely

LEMisdisappointed Thu 20-Jun-13 10:31:07

Im scared because i dont want to do this anymore, i want it to stop and im scared because i wont make it stop, i don't want to have to keep getting up in the mornings. I'm scared of being here

Notsoblonde Thu 20-Jun-13 10:53:37

Oh lem (((hugs)))) can you phone your mh lady back? What's your gp saying?

LEMisdisappointed Thu 20-Jun-13 11:03:12

I phoned DP but he just told me to pull myself together and stop blubbing hmm I cut him off, he cna't call back. I want this all to stop now - sorry, i shouldnt be doing this here

Notsoblonde Thu 20-Jun-13 11:09:59

Dh told me to just switch things off the other day, it's not helpful is it? He doesn't know how to deal with it though. You have had a lot on just lately with your dd's situation and you made a big decision yesterday about work, then that long walk. Did you manage to sleep last night?

It will get easier, who posted yesterday about the graph, can you try visualising that with the peak then the trough? I have an app on my phone it's called headspace it's like a 10 minute meditation, really helps to relax an d focus your mind.

SnowyMouse Thu 20-Jun-13 11:59:05

(((Lem))) could you ring them back and talk to them? I'm worried for you.


I'm also low, just had a SW (not normal contact) telling me she's coming to see me tomorrow, she wouldn't take 'I'm fine thanks' as a response. The last time I saw her was just before I got sectioned.

Hi lem what are you up to now? Hope you've managed to speak to your GP.

Sending (((hugs))) brew biscuit and flowers x

NanaNina Thu 20-Jun-13 12:10:29

Lem do you think it's the thing with your daughter that has made you feel so bad. It sounds like anxiety - and not made any better by your DP. Damn these people who don't understand mental illness - if only they knew how awful it can be. Don't apologise Lem - this is what the thread is for. Come back and talk. I feel anxious this morning too.

Snowy I know you don't like SWs or CPNs visiting, but you must let them in as if not that will "tick another box" for them if you see what I mean. You have been low for a long time now so maybe the meds need reviewing. It doesn't mean you are going to be section again.

LEMisdisappointed Thu 20-Jun-13 12:16:03

GP just called and I just asked for more meds, told her i was ok (ish) She gave me two months worth this time. I didn't see the point of talking to her, what can she do? I am anxious about my DD, yes, but i have to trust that she will be ok, she is playing a dangerous game just now and not having any contact with her DP, but i can't interfere. I am also anxious about money as DP doesn't get paid til the 10th of july and we have bills that wont wait. We will get through it - can't help but think if i just had a job...........i don't know which way is up really. But enough for today, i feel a bit better, thankyou - i might just do nothing, i might go and do the kitchen, im hungry. Thankyou for being there xxxx I am seeing my counseller tomorrow so thought it best to wait til then, i'm in no danger today.

Snowy - returning the hugs - can we help? You care so much about others, you need to care for yourself too.

NanaNina Thu 20-Jun-13 12:28:23

I know Lem I agree entirely that it's no use talking to GPs as they only dish out meds, and sometimes it seems like there is no-one who can understand how bad we feel. You're right that you can't interfere with your daughter, and you must try to take a step back - it will sort one way or the other. She's an adult and there are no children to complicate matters.

Money worries are tough too - best to contact the people who are sending bills, rather than just not pay. They are usually ok if they know you are in contact with them and intend to pay at a given date.

Hope you/we (Snowy too) improve through the day.............second what Lem says - you care so much about other Snowy but are so stoic yourself.

SnowyMouse Thu 20-Jun-13 12:33:45

I don't know. Friends have said they're concerned too. It feels 'unfair', as other people miss group for weeks on end and don't get people coming round to their house to check on them. It is meant to be a drop-in. I also find it disempowering to get my views of being ok enough dismissed (by friends or HCPs). Tomorrow will consist of loads of risk assessment type questions, but they write what they want if I say I'm ok.

Do keep talking LEM

SnowyMouse Thu 20-Jun-13 13:00:24

How's it going LEM?