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Health anxiety anyone ?

(95 Posts)
Lonelybunny Wed 24-Apr-13 20:31:43

I seem to have a problem with health anxiety. I think it was triggered by PND . My daughter is now nearly 9 months . Every pain, twinge , symptom I think it's something really serious. I've already thought I have a brain tumour, back cancer, lymphoma, bladder cancer , and now breast cancer. I last went to the GP last Friday after finding a lump in my breast (I'm breastfeeding ) she said she can't feel it and thinks its glandular breast tissue , and to come back in a month. Well I nearly broke down last week after being silly and googling everything . I'm on the verge of going back to the GP as I'm still freaking out and it's really ruining my life at the moment. Anyone else suffered with this sort of anxiety before ?

Lucyellensmum95 Wed 24-Apr-13 20:42:19

Yes, me, in spades! exactly the same of you - i was even in hysterics once because i thought my tonsils were tumours hmm

Firstly, no matter how much you think you might reassure yourself, Google is NOT your friend, ever! So you are banned, you hear me, banned!!

Then do please go back to your GP and speak to her, not about your breast but about your health anxiety - you can have treatment in the form of ADs (you can breast feed too) and possibly some counselling.

You did the right thing by going to the doctor about your breast but believe me, if your doctor had any reason to suspect anything sinister you would be in the breast clinic before you knew it, there would be no coming back in a months time! So rest assured - your breasts can actually feel quite lumpy too, i went for the very same reason when i was BFing and it was just normal tissue, i find my breasts can be a bit lumpy at different times of the month - and i have been to the doctors a few times now with this blush but every time, it turns out to be just normal - the key is, STOP FIDDLING, because that will make the area inflammed and feel lumpy, its a vicious circle.

I don't really suffer from HA anymore, i just told myself i wasn't having it, i would literally say "no, i aint avin it" and it sort of went. Ironically i do suffer from generalised anxiety now and depression but not the HA.

It is perfectly natural though, especially when we have babies to feel scared and worriedabout our health, after all, we have children now and they depend on us, i think its very common for mums to feel anxious about things. Try to be kind to yourself - do please go to the doctor and find some time to relax - anxiety can be exhausting.

alwaysworriedtoo Wed 24-Apr-13 20:46:26

Oh, yes! I had a constant stream of worrying for years until I reached a certain age and suddenly thought,' Wow if I am still here I must be really o.k, maybe there is nothing wrong with me after all.' I also realised that lots of the things I felt or thought I felt, I had been through before and it had turned out to be nothing.
Saying that though if I do suspect something might be wrong I don't ignore it, I still go to doctors but I don't panic over it anymore. I just think 'I'll check just in case'
I totally sympathise I will add though don't google any symptoms this makes everything a million times worse. honestly!
Still go to the docs for 'just in case' this is a positive thing but try not to let the panic take over.
I hope this helpsx

Lonelybunny Wed 24-Apr-13 20:50:12

Thank you so much for your reply , and yes I am trying to stop fiddling ! But I can't help it lol it's just feels really big , GP said she couldn't even feel a lump to which I was shocked cause its there but she also said stop playing with it then come back , but why does she want me to come back ?
I was put on an antidepressant when my baby was about 3 months old but it made me worse and made me feel drunk which no way could I do with children . I feel so sad that I can't enjoy my life and I keep fixating on things ! I think the trigger was a lady up the school has cancer or is receiving chemo as her hair is falling out and since then I've gone Barmy ! I can't snap out of it . I find I'm ok for a day or two then its back again it's really debilitating and I feel I'm failing as a mother as I just cannot focus and then I end up snapping at everyone sad

MrsNPattz Wed 24-Apr-13 20:51:53

Yes, I have suffered with different forms of anxiety/depression over the years but it manifested itself as health anxiety when I was pregnant. I tried to deal with it but when I was 20 weeks pregnant I started on Sertraline - after getting the dose right it faded away, and I'm still on it now (my son is 7 months and ebf). I still have hints of anxiety, not just about health, but I'm in a much better place than if I wasn't on the AD's! I agree with other posters who say see your GP but explain the health anxiety! Good luck thanks

Yes -me too. Mine was triggered by having dangerously high blood pressure after birth of 2nd dc 5 years ago. I'm still on (very low dose) meds for the bp, but the anxiety is pretty much gone. Time (and realising that if I didn't drop dead of a stroke when my bp was at its highest then I'm not likely to now) has helped. I also really recommend plenty of exercise, plus mindfulness meditation, and can suggest books for the latter if you're interested. Good luck!

Lonelybunny Wed 24-Apr-13 20:55:09

I'm sure it is anxiety isn't it ? It feels like my stomach just drops then I get really hot then feel like I can't breathe and I'm going to just burst into tears. I nearly broke down in the school playground after stupid google then finally got the children then had to call my husband to help me get them home cause I just couldn't cope , then when we got home and we were in for 20 minutes I felt it lift , really odd ? But it's now making me depressed as well. My dad suffered with anxiety too

Lucyellensmum95 Wed 24-Apr-13 21:04:50

Yep - its the adrenalin, that stomach dropping feeling - your mind is telling your body there is a problem so its reacting. Anxiety can bring on some really shitty symptoms. You describe exactly what i experience.

Your GP asked you to go back to reassure you, but you DO have to stop fidding, the more you fiddle the lumpier your breasts feel - i speak from bitter experience. Christ i have been known to be feeling my breasts in the bloody supermarket hmmblush It got really painful and my breasts felt like bags of rocks sad

Maybe you could try another AD? or persevere - the first few weeks on ADs can be hell as they tend to have side effects and not seem to help with the anxiety and can even make it worse but after a couple of weeks the side affects subside and you start to feel so much better. They put you in a place where you can rationalise. I know its difficult with the children, could your DH maybe take some time off work to support you in the first few weeks?

Lonelybunny Wed 24-Apr-13 21:10:55

I was on fluoxetine in the past for depression which didnt really make me feel too bad but they put me on seroxat this time and it was terrible but I got through it and have been fine until about 6 weeks ago and it came back but much worse its horrible :0 yes I was fiddling with mine walking down the road !

Lonelybunny Wed 24-Apr-13 21:11:38

When I say got through it I meant I got through without meds

MrsNPattz Wed 24-Apr-13 21:29:40

I had the same reactions to the anxiety, tummy dropped, panic, felt sick, tearful etc. I saw the Perinatal team at my maternity hospital who were great, and they said that the anxiety creates a depression. I really feel for you cause it's bloody awful, keep talking to us and know that this will pass xx

Lonelybunny Wed 24-Apr-13 21:34:07

I really hope it will , wish the lump would just go away so I can get on with my life , but no doubt if find something else !

MrsNPattz Wed 24-Apr-13 21:36:58

Stay strong xx

Lonelybunny Thu 25-Apr-13 07:17:41

Thank you smile

Lucyellensmum95 Thu 25-Apr-13 08:26:01

Lonelybunny, are you me??? "wish the lump/pain/funny feeling would go away so i can get on with my life" I lost count of how many times i would say that - You really need to leave it alone. Maybe allow yourself one feel a day - its hard but doable, so say, right, at 9am i am going to examine - do it PROPERLY, flat of your hand/fingers - not finger tips and do it gently, no poking, no grabbing or pinching, if you do that, you WILL find lumps but it will be normal breast tissue. Then after that, you are not allowed to touch again - if its there in the morning it will be there in the afternoon - if its inflammed you wont give it chance to go down, if you leave it alone it will.

I really think it would be a good idea to go to the doctors though, seroxat is a heap of shit, ask for citalopram - shit side effects to start, just like the others but they work and the side effects don't tend to last so long. seroxat is well known for shitty side effects and i wouldnt take it if i were desperate!

Its a lovely sunny day today - go an enjoy it, make yourself busy and get on with your life! <stern>

Lonelybunny Thu 25-Apr-13 08:56:08

Thank you so much , it's really getting me down , to top it off I've just found out the lady with cancer up the school was breast cancer and she has lost her boob. I really need to get back to the GP as I can feel it coming on again . And to top it my right boob has been itchy which I put down to dry skin , I've been putting cream
On it and silly me googled it last week and then what came up ? Pageants disease which is a sign of rare b cancer ! Now I keep trying not to scratch :-/ but I will try out your advise , thank you all so much . I will go and see another GP smile

Brambule Thu 25-Apr-13 16:23:37

I have had HA for much of my adult life but it has got increasingly worse since having my DD. Whilst periods of time can pass without it affecting me, it's always there in the background waiting for the next trigger.

I am like a moth to a flame with Dr Google. Despite knowing nothing good ever comes of typing ailments into a search engine. However innocent a symptom is that you're experiencing, you can always find worst case scenarios and I seem to inexplicably hunt them out.

Just last month google had me in a tailspin that I had a neurological disease. It was debilitating. Went to GP in tears(!) she told me not to worry but referred me to NHS consultant for reassurance. Consultant wrote back saying I'd have to wait 6-12 months as I wasn't a priority. I should have been reassured by that. Instead I went private. Private consultant told me I had 'benign' and 'common' syptoms. I walked out not believing him.

I know I need to sort myself out as I'm wasting so much time worrying about life rather than enjoying it! I started 20mg citalopram last month and now the rather hideous side effects have worn off, I'm starting to feel more 'myself'. Start CBT next week too - wish I'd done it years ago.

You're certainly not alone with how you feel.

Lonelybunny Thu 25-Apr-13 20:45:13

Thank you , I'm feeling so fed up with myself , despite people reassuring me I just can't switch off to the worry , I've had it all day again and I'm tired now . Think I will be back to the GP for more reassurance but I'm terrified they may refer me to breast clinic which would take weeks which would cause me even more anxiety and upset so think I'm going to have to just ride it out alone and scared my poor husband is so fed up with me keep asking him about it I give up I'd rather be dead then live like this sad

MrsNPattz Thu 25-Apr-13 21:08:32

I really feel for you, it's horrendous. And like you say, nothing anyone says will make you feel better. I honestly think your best bet is to try different AD's and maybe some counselling?

Lonelybunny Thu 25-Apr-13 21:11:05

Thanks Mrs Patz Im fine one minute then the next it comes into my head , I'm wasting my life away here I may as well be dead to be honest then live like this . I will try and see GP tomorrow but they always seem so busy and it's always a different GP everytime

MrsNPattz Thu 25-Apr-13 21:17:21

Make it a priority tomorrow, try and see the same one but if not, still go. Explain everything that you have told us! Take your time. Cry if you want to (I always seem to when I'm telling the Dr). Make it clear that you need some help. Please let us know how you get on xx

Lonelybunny Thu 25-Apr-13 21:19:59

Ok thank you , I will try and pluck up the courage but so hard when I have the baby as I'm trying to stay strong for her whilst shaking inside myself sad I will let you know how it goes

MrsNPattz Thu 25-Apr-13 21:26:42

I know - you can do it!! Do it for her. Thank you xx

Lucyellensmum95 Thu 25-Apr-13 21:58:16

Holding your hand doctors tomprrow young lady! will be thinking of you x

Lonelybunny Fri 26-Apr-13 08:56:40

Thankyou everyone , so glad I'm not alone , u wanted a telephone consultation but none left so I'm going to have to face the dr , at 5 . Having a bad morning as my baby is very clingy at the moment I can't even make a slice of toast without her screaming on my leg ! I've got a mouth full of ulcers prob from the stress .....I'm worried about antidepressants and weigh gain which I will address to the GP as I'm quite big anyway and I don't need to put more weight on

Lonelybunny Fri 26-Apr-13 09:01:09

I meant I wanted a telephone consultation sill fat fingers on iPhone

MrsNPattz Fri 26-Apr-13 09:28:24

Good luck! And well done for making the appointment, that's the first step xx

rightsaidthread Fri 26-Apr-13 12:13:08

Hi OP your post could have been written by me.
Can't be arsed to name change but do tend to keep my health anxiety a secret in RL.
I also think every twinge is the start of something serious. I'm a little improved from stopping googling but sadly I would say every day I have an irrational fear about my health.
Hope your appointment goes well it might spur me on to talk to my GP x

MrsNPattz Fri 26-Apr-13 12:46:32

Sorry you are going through it too rightsaidthread, I hope you can get some sort of help too xx

Lonelybunny Fri 26-Apr-13 12:50:06

I deffinatly think you should seek help too. It's such a waste of life worrying all the darn time ! I can't even be bothered to clean the house anymore and I know it's because I'm down cause all I do is worry which makes me tired .

Lucyellensmum95 Fri 26-Apr-13 13:23:34

Good news about the doctors appointment! Do tell him your concerns about the ADs and weight gain, i have found Citalopram to be OK, there is one called Mertazipine (i think, it begins with m) that is notorious for weight gain and making you tired, you don't want that one! Im a big girl too so certainly don't need more pounds.

I went through a whole thing of not cleaning the house or doing any DIY or gardening because i thought i would die soon hmm It is all part of the illness.

You just have to think, really, what is the point of worrying, because no amount of worrying is going to change things - all it will do is make you ill in a different way but ill is ill. I hope you get support today, try and switch the worry off until monday - if it creeps in, say, Right, i am having family time now - fuck off worry, I'll deal with you on monday. Worth a try xxxx

Lonelybunny Fri 26-Apr-13 19:24:30

So I didn't go today stupid I know but I figured the ad's won't help me straightaway in fact they will make me 10 times worse at first which I really can't cope with .... The lump is still there like a grape so y the GP couldbt feel I don't know ! Cause it's there I'm not mad i can feel it , I'm going hot and feel sick I'm really wishing I was dead seriously it would be better for me unless someone can get this lump to go away sad

Lucyellensmum95 Fri 26-Apr-13 19:29:37

Where is the lump?

Lonelybunny Fri 26-Apr-13 19:39:26

It's on the inside about 5 cm up from the nipple on the outside

Lonelybunny Fri 26-Apr-13 19:40:49

Sorry that didnt make sense so it's like on the cleavage side

Lonelybunny Fri 26-Apr-13 19:41:38

Ppl say blocked duct or mastitis but I've had no pain it doesn't hurt at all which is freakng me out even more

MrsNPattz Fri 26-Apr-13 19:42:06

Oh no, I really think you need to go! Even if you don't take AD's, just to talk to them!

Lucyellensmum95 Fri 26-Apr-13 19:51:00

it really is likely to be healthy breast tissue, i can grab at lumps the size of grapes if i try hard enough, your breast is made up of glands and fat tissue, so there are actually lots of fatty lumps all together - tell me what you feel when you examine yourself properly - put one hand behind your head and GENTLY push the area with the flat of your hand, like your doctor would have done - you might feel something because you have been fiddling with it but i am willing to bet that if you examine yourself in this way you wont feel anything!

This has got to stop - its the weekend now so no doctor until monday - that means that there is nothing you can do until monday. Nothing will change between now and monday - so do what i said, concentrate on doing something nice with your family, anything to distract you.

Lonelybunny Fri 26-Apr-13 19:56:14

I wish I blooming had now sad

Lonelybunny Fri 26-Apr-13 20:09:04

I've done the flat hand thing and it feels like a bump rather then a lump , Both my boobs are different sizes the right being bigger then the left which is maybe why I feel more on my left then the right , I've been good all day and kept busy not touched it nothing it's kept flicking into my mind but I've managed to push it back out but as soon as I get home and it's evening It comes back and then I panic .

knackeredmother Fri 26-Apr-13 20:10:10

I can't be bothered to nc but I had HA very very bad for a couple of years. My mum died suddenly and my so was seriously ill and it was initially missed, I was accused of being an anxious parent.
I should have gone for AD but work with a lot of my own GPs ins professional capacity and couldn't face it.
What I did was- STOP GOOGLING ( or in my case rereading all my medical textbooks!), stop the constant checking/need for reassurance, exercise. I got myself some CBT self help books specifically for HA and worked my way through. They really helped and I am almost free of HA now.
I clearly remember convincing myself I had multiple myeloma and being unable to pick my dc up from school, I had to ring my husband. I then got a call from my GP friend who had convinced herself she had renal cancer!
That was the turning point, when I realised how common it is. That and my husband saying 'you are so busy worrying about dying you aren't even living'.
I hope you manage to move forward with this, it really is debilitating.

Lonelybunny Fri 26-Apr-13 20:19:37

Thank you so much , I work with elderly some of which are dying of cancer which I think makes it worse , I'm trying my best but I think I've gone loopy , I think it's poorly people around you which sets it off , how selfish of me when I'm not even ill :-/

lonnika Fri 26-Apr-13 20:25:10

Ahhh you r not alone. I broke down at the doctors last week because of this. I had gone from having cervical cancer to ovarian cancer and finally bowel cancer. Feel much better now - taking beta blockers and I know that I am being irrational

Lonelybunny Fri 26-Apr-13 20:43:54

Thing is I could probably get over it if I couldbt physically feel a darn lump but that's making me paranoid when it's there harmless or not , I've also been scared of cervical cancer too but a smear cleared that up , bone cancer cause my arm hurt , bowl cancer , brain tumour , back cancer , it's non stop really it is I also had a dear of going out and getting lost , I'm also a paranoid weirdo but I deffinatly over think things ever since I was a child , I would worry over not having anything to worry about , I worry about being on my phone all day (cancer causer maybe) looking deeper now I realise I'm always worrying but not always miserable so there's something

MrsNPattz Fri 26-Apr-13 20:47:25

Knackeredmother hi, where did you get the CBT books from?

lonnika Fri 26-Apr-13 21:01:36

LOL lonely you sound like me. Honestly try not to worry. If the docs had ANY CONCERNS you would have been referred smile))

Lonelybunny Fri 26-Apr-13 21:05:31

I know blush darn anxiety

knackeredmother Fri 26-Apr-13 21:24:21

I went on Amazon but ill have a look which ones were good and let you know. I'm fairly sure that if you look up health anxiety on there are links to downloadable CBT pamphlets ( there is a good one by north Tyneside hospitals that's should be googable).

knackeredmother Fri 26-Apr-13 21:25:33
MyNameIsLola Fri 26-Apr-13 21:27:14

I know exactly how you feel.

My HA was triggered by pre-eclampsia and I was absolutely convinced that something was seriously wrong with my heart for a very long time, I even had the A&E doctors convinced I was having a heart attack for a few hours. When I finally got over that, I was obsessed with the thought I had DVT because of a pain in my leg, despite my GP's reassurances, then it was a brain tumour...and it goes on and on.

Firstly, stay away from Dr Google, he's not your friend. I know it's easier said than done, it's bloody hard but it never helps. Secondly, go to your GP and ask about CBT, I've been having it for a while now and while I'm not 'cured' its helped me so much. My panic attacks are fewer and less severe and I'm finding it easier to not google symptoms and be rational when I get a headache or whatever.

Wanting to see the doctor for reassurance and then not believing them and then being too scared to see a doctor in case they confirm your fears is a classic sign of HA too, I went through periods of being in my GP's office every 5 minutes then avoiding them like the plague for months and just panicking & worrying everyday instead.

You really do need to speak to your GP though and ask for help coping with the anxiety. It's very debilitating and scary and very hard to live with.

Good luck x

MrsNPattz Fri 26-Apr-13 21:28:30

Thank you knackered!

Lonelybunny Fri 26-Apr-13 21:32:14

Thank you everyone , so nice to fm find people that understand where I'm coming from . I hate google I think I should dispose of my iPhone its not helpful at all ! Other then candy crush which is good at distracting me ......

Apanicaday Sat 27-Apr-13 10:48:43

I also have health anxiety and relate very much to what has been written here - I've diagnosed myself with heart attacks, leukaemia and breast cancer. It's so very hard because whilst you know you are being irrational, there's that little bit of you that says "but what if there actually IS something this time" and it's that bit that wins over.

I've had cbt in the past, which helps, but the thing that I've found most effective when I have a flare up are antidepressants - have been on escitalopram, citalopram and am now on fluoxetine as I'm pregnant (which
pushes the health obsessions to a whole new level of hideous). I find that I don't need to go on them for a massively long time (about 5/6 months) but they just give me a bit of headspace - the worries are still there (I don't think I'll ever be "free" of anxiety - I've obsessively worried about stuff all my life - but they do keep it at a level that I can cope with, and allow me to move on from whatever loop I'm locked in at the time. (I also have a driving phobia, and they've massively helped with that too). And I've not put any weight on with them (I'm not small, and have found that I actually tend to lose weight when I'm on them as I stop comfort eating and am more able to get out and about). Please go and see your GP - they really can help.

Lonelybunny Sat 27-Apr-13 11:14:15

Thank you so much , I'm just sat here crying now as there's nothing else I can do , I've got all the kids home with me , baby just keeps crying and won't leave me alone to think as it were . Hubby has gone to visit a sick relative and I think he is scared to come back as has no idea y I am crying it's a joke it really is , it seems to have come from nowhere , right now I don't give a sweet FA if I'm dying or not because I feel empty. I sat in the bath this morning and I felt like I was looking through the window at my family not like I am part of it , I'm totally away with the fairies !

Lucyellensmum95 Sat 27-Apr-13 11:26:13

Oh honey - you really aren't well sad Please please please make an appointment to see your doctor on monday, one of those emergency appointments, if you can't see your doctor, see any doctor, nurse practitioner, anyone!! You sound like me at my lowest ebb and its a very scary place to be. If you have any scary thoughts or thoughts of self harm, promise me you will call someone? I have been where you are now but it will get better. It wont go away by itself though - medication and counselling is what you need. I have suffered from HA pretty much all my life and now its general, which is easier to deal with in a way - I never EVER google now as its so easy to find wrong information. Ironically I am desperately waiting for funding now for a research project into a breast cancer gene. It is like my nemesis really as i have had to read a lot of literature around the subject, but i just don't read the clinical stuff. It allows me objectivity. There was a point in my life where i wanted to have a mastectomy, just in case hmm It has only been medication that allowed me this - I am trying to say that you can work thorugh it, i have allowed my HA to affect my family life and my career. I didn't apply for a really good job with a good company once because i knew you had to have a medical on entry and i had convinced myself i had HIV or hepatitis. The job had my name on it - i regert that bitterly.

Go to your doctors monday - please - I can feel how unhappy you are and you don't have to be because there is help out there.

Lonelybunny Sat 27-Apr-13 11:32:38

I am and I will go ! I have to do something ! I was going to go to A&E but it's not really the right place to go and I've the children with me not fair on them , I waste al my days off like this , I've got work tomorrow which I'm not looking forward to , ironically I miss my baby too much . I hate feeling like this but I will pull through I have to

Lucyellensmum95 Sat 27-Apr-13 11:39:55

Yes - you WILL pull through - it will get better xx

MrsNPattz Sat 27-Apr-13 11:52:25

Sending you huge hugs and to let you know I am thinking of you - you CAN do this, it WILL get easier, it just doesn't feel like it right now xx

ChilliKnickers Sun 28-Apr-13 16:47:00

Hi cba to name change. I'm in the same boat as you I think. Thinking I have alsorts at the moment it throat cancer because I have a lump in my throat and sore jaw. Dr says its all the tension in my body. Also I think I damaged my liver because I use to drink too much. Dr tested liver function is fine so why don't I belive them. Can they find all that out with a blood test. They have told me that if there was anything wrong they would tell me. Its just not sinking into my bloody head. Been in bed for practically two days doing nothing but worrying. Dr has given me meds (mirtazapine) took for three days and slept for 18 hours which scared the hell out of me. Stopped taking them went back dr said to take half. Still did the same. I'm to frighterend to go back now. Have an appointment in 10 days for another blood test and results on my insistance .
Feel numb ( sorry for rambling)

Lonelybunny Sun 28-Apr-13 18:06:29

Hello chilli knickers , I have no idea why we don't believe them , I woke up today crying again but I seem to be finally coming to terms with what my GP said , I'm starting to lean more towards believing the GP then my fears. Although its still lingering in my mind 24/7 it's making my work hard and I dread going home as I seem to get more anxious when I'm at home don't know if that's pnd related. I'm exhausted , freezing cold and constantly thirsty prob due to the anxiety . I am going to GP this week hopefully tommorow as I have got to get over this as its destroying my life. Very strange as its come on all of a sudden hmm

ChilliKnickers Sun 28-Apr-13 19:50:48

I should trust my drs seen three of them now. There all saying the same thing.
It's all the things in the paper of Drs missing things and wrong diagnoses that and then it's to late to do anything ie cancer. That the person didnt fit the symptom box.
It's getting to the point that I've stopped reading the paper and watching certain things on tv.
Checking every time when I go to the toilet pooh or wee if its-the wrong colour
To be honest I wouldn't know if I had old blood in either so freaking out about that as well.
Thirsty all the time tested not diabetic.

Will stop now my mind is going into overdrive
I don't know how I can get the children up tomorrow and face the world I just want to stay in and hide and get better

Lonelybunny Sun 28-Apr-13 20:56:01

Omg I'm
Thirsty all the time ! Scared now . I feel exactly the same as you so we will get through tommorow together . I have 3 children to get up and out tommorow a GP appt to make , I need to go to town so we will help each other yes ? I can still feel this lump and I'm going mad about it every time I feel it I really need to stop my stomach sinks and my mouth goes dry my heart bangs and I feel sick sad I have to turn over the cancer ads , I can't watch them they make me terrified god knows how I would cope if it is for real !

Lonelybunny Sun 28-Apr-13 20:56:32

Oh and it's affected my mum now too all my paran

Lonelybunny Sun 28-Apr-13 20:57:27

Paranoid txts she broke down and cried and said she scared now she going to die and won't be there to support me sad so it's rubbing off on my loved ones now I really need to stop this rubbish sad

ChilliKnickers Sun 28-Apr-13 21:13:53

I'm sorry Lonelybunny didn't mean to scare you.

Im trying to say this is all not real it my body reacting to stress. But its so hard with all these things happening to my body.

We will get over this.

Must make an appointment with the Dr again.

ChilliKnickers Sun 28-Apr-13 21:17:32

Also thirsty all the time is another sign of anxiety as the Dr advised me

Lonelybunny Sun 28-Apr-13 21:37:00

It's ok I'm still focused on my boob wink would much rather be worrying about diabetes lol god what are we like !?

Lonelybunny Mon 29-Apr-13 10:16:36

Well I made it to the GP this morning. She felt my lump and said its hard to tell with breastfeeding. She said she will refer me to breast clinic to be sure scared much but she thinks it's milk. She offered to try me on seroxat again as safest when breastfeeding . I said no I really don't like it , so she says 10 mg citalopram every other day for 2 weeks but she was worried as I'm breastfeeding ?

ChilliKnickers Mon 29-Apr-13 19:42:17

I made it to the Drs too not good news kidney infection now. Mind is going ten to the dozen. on antibiotics and another blood test nest week

Glad Dr heard your concerns and referred you to put your mind at rest

MrsNPattz Mon 29-Apr-13 20:28:59

I hope you both get some peace soon xx

Lonelybunny Mon 29-Apr-13 21:26:18

Oh dear chilli knickers did you have any symptoms of kidney infection ? Cause they can be rather painful , hope you feel better soon . I on the other hand have again be sat in all day convinced I have cancer I can't help it I can't shift it , one minute I think "oh no it'll be ok " then it "oh but the lump is hard and the dr could feel it and what the hell will the breast clinic find ?" I'm so sad for my baby girl she is so loving and just wants happy mummy but I can't even connect with her at the moment I don't feel like she is my baby iyswim? I love her so much but I feel so distant at the same time sad she deserves to be taken out and played with and have attention instead I feel like I'm ignoring her all the time .

Samu2 Mon 29-Apr-13 22:09:41

I have very severe HA. Have done for years but have had an awful spell that has been going on for almost two years now.

I just got told I have high Cholesterol, not helped at all.

I would go into more detail but I am off to bed soon. This is an evil illness to have to live with and it has ruined the last two years for me.

I have been convinced I have had every type of cancer there is out there at one point or another.

I take anti- D's and currently having hypnotherapy which is actually really helping. I feel like I am on the up, although the cholesterol thing has put me back a step.

My story is really long and depressing but I will post more tomorrow.

Lonelybunny Mon 29-Apr-13 22:25:46

Sorry to hear that samu, will speak to you tommorow xx

Lonelybunny Wed 01-May-13 20:54:04

Thought I would give u all an update as I k is you were all so nice to me. I have an appointment at the breast clinic next week . I think I'm ok I think but I need this over with once and for all ! I'm on citalopram and surprisingly feeling calmer already and only side effects are I'm feeling a bit lethargic . Hope everyone is ok ....

MrsNPattz Thu 02-May-13 09:17:37

That sounds positive, I hope it continues! Thanks for letting us know xx

Lonelybunny Sat 04-May-13 18:35:05

Having another bad episode today can't stop dreading the worse news on Wednesday. I feel physically sick and terrified I wish Wednesday would hurry up so I can hopefully move on or if not do something about it sad I've been in again all darn day and its getting me in sick a dark distant place sad I have spent all day playing with this lump that I don't even know which one originally worried me anymore sad I miss my family I feel like they aren't even here

MrsNPattz Sun 05-May-13 06:28:22

I hope Wednesday helps! You are not alone, we are all here so keep talking to us xx

Lonelybunny Sun 05-May-13 09:31:33

Thanks mrs Patz , I may ring the clinic tommorow and see if they can squeeze me in I can't bear any more panic attacks for another 3 days, I've got to try and go to work like this as well and can't afford to take time off sad

MrsNPattz Mon 06-May-13 21:07:16

Did you manage to speak to them today? xx

Lonelybunny Mon 06-May-13 21:49:10

No as its bank holiday sad but in a good note I'm ok about it at the moment , I think the citalopram is kicking in a bit and calming me down smile

MrsNPattz Tue 07-May-13 07:43:50

That's good to hear smile xx

Lonelybunny Fri 10-May-13 19:59:02

Well had breast appt on Wednesday he said nothing to worry about but will do ultra sound scan anyway then to come back 2months after breast feeding just to follow up so I'm taking that as good news got scan next week. Been fine since then . But my sister told me my dad told her I'd found a lump and now she really worried well I've just come over totally sick ? Why ? I felt better about it and looks like within 2 seconds my anxiety came back ? sad

Tay1981 Sat 11-May-13 04:21:20

lonelybunny sorry you are feeling so crap. Everything you have said sounds very familiar to me. I have suffered with HA pretty much since I was a child I think. I had it under control for quite a few years then it seems to have got worse again since having kids and in particular DS (now 10 weeks) along with a bout of PND. I am on sertraline (I live in the US but also took that when b-feeding my DD in the UK - prescribed by GP). I have found it to have v minimal side effects and def no weight gain - I'm a completely avg. size 12 + baby weight!! Currently on 25mg but doc here was happy to prescribe up to 50mg which I may have to resort to if I don't start feel better soon.

Over the years I have convinced myself I am suffering from all kinds of things. However my obsessions mostly centre around my teeth (had this since being literally 7/8 yrs old when I used to make my Dad check that I had cleaned my teeth properly EVERY night because I was so terrified my teeth would rot) and STDs. I don't really have much insight into why these things other than that I feel if I did have either thing it would be MY fault ifyswim. I have lost count of the number of times I have visited the dentist convinced that there is something dreadful wrong with my teeth. Of course I don't have a filling in my mouth and there has NEVER been anything wrong. This has not stopped me experiencing real pain though and seeking endless second opinions. Thats my real red flag - seeking second opinions - when I have finally plucked up courage to go and then can't accept reassurance I know that the health prob is not the real prob ifyswim and I have to go back on meds. This has probably happened 5/6 times and I am 31. I am the same with STD's - ridiculous as I'm married and sure my husband is faithful and have been for 7 years and we were together 3 years before that!! Still panic at the thought of being intimately examined / smears etc - have not looked at my bits myself for YEARS.

My problem is that I am terrified for my kids health now too and my anxiety has started to extend to them which I hate because I am DESPERATE for them not to suffer from this like I have and I know that means doing exactly as you describe and being strong on the outside whilst boot quaking on the inside. The panic symptoms you describe are just like me - feels like the floor falls from under me I get very hot very quickly and shaky and completely unable to focus on anything except the fear. A friend of mine recently told me that her daughter has Molluscum - completely benign skin virus but v contagious and hard to get rid of. Our daughters are good friends and have lots of contact so she may have caught it. I immediately felt as above and had to make my excuses and leave the event we were both at. I couldn't even articulate to my husband (who is totally sick of me) what the problem was. Now I have been obsessively checking my daughters skin for signs of lumps / googling etc all the bad stuff. She has keratosis pilaris so her skin is a bit lumpy anyway on the backs of her arms / legs and face and this drives me insane. Am terrified little one will catch it - have been obsessively washing everything in sight. Its horrible.

I know meds help me - they have in the past. And I have found Mindfulness approaches moderately helpful. I feel like I am completely incapable of employing CBT techniques. If anyone is in the same boast or any other suggestions of helpful techniques I would love it. Feel like a terrible mother. Lonely I know what you are going through. Only insight I feel I can really offer is that the fact you can't accept the reassurance makes me think its the anxiety that is the problem and not the boobs :-) As others have said too - I have v lumpy breasts too - am b-feeding also. Think also b-feeding can make your breasts feel v much more sensitive than they would normally. I normally wear underwires etc but can't even stand seams in my nursing bras. Maybe that is contributing as well? ESP with the checking etc. And its completely normal in my experience to have good and bad days even once you have started the meds - I would say it will take 1-2 months to stabilise out and even then you may feel slightly panicky when encountering certain triggers but you will get over these blips more quickly and easily than before. You will feel better believe me!! This has turned mammoth - sorry!!

MummyTyler Sun 12-May-13 16:19:25

lonelybunny I can totally sympathise with you and all the other HA sufferers, it is such an awful thing to have.

Mine started just before I was due to get married, I had strange ache in my tummy on the left hand side that just wouldn't go away, it then evolved into shooting pains down my legs, numbness, pins & needles and pain in the pelvic area, so much so I struggled to sit down! I start to tear up when I think back to how I felt, I was convinced there was something seriously wrong with me. In the end after countless visits to the Drs in tears they referred me to have an MRI - nothing there, completely normal! Magically a week later my symptoms disappeared!

Anyway that's what kicked off my HA (never have I worried about health before) I have thought I've had every illness out there and know all too well that feeling of panic, nausea, inability to focus on anything but what is worrying you. I had my daughter 7.5 months ago and everyone told me it would get better after having her, but it's got worse because I panic il get ill and won't be able to look after her!

I know how exhausting and mentally draining HA can be, it's ruining my life :-( Just wanted to say I totally sympathise with all you HA sufferers!

Lonelybunny I know it's hard but pls be reassured in what the dr has told you, they know what they're doing, you have nothing to worry about!

Samu2 Sun 12-May-13 21:40:43

Took me ages to come back.

I have had OCD since I was 6 years old and around 8 years ago I had a tiny bit of HA. My ex H (father of three of my children) was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer (doing well now) and I had to watch my children go through it and it was horrid. It was horrible knowing they could lose a parent at such a young age. It triggered of a huge 2 year HA episode for me as I am so scared of leaving my children behind.

I have believed I have had every cancer out there. It's been horrific.

I am now having a mixture of therapy and hypnotherapy and had an amazing two weeks where I thought I was getting over it, BUT four days ago I started to go downhill again.

I have two moles I don't like, one on my back and one on my hip, the one on my hip is small but very dark, almost black. My GP checked them out 6 months ago and said they were perfectly fine and although it is very dark it isn't cancer looking dark. They haven't changed, my husband helps me monitor them and says they haven't changed either (Also had them for well over 7 years) but I have been a right mess over them sad I have an appointment on Tuesday to get them checked over again.

I am gutted!! four weeks ago I got the all clear on tongue cancer and my life moved on, I started the gym, I felt happiness like I haven't felt in years and I was over the moon- my therapy seemed to be doing the trick, along side meds. Now why am I back here? I have worked so darn hard to overcome this but I can't seem to do it. I have the gym tomorrow and instead of looking forward to the day I am now wondering what's the point when I have skin cancer.

I just want to get over it and get on with my life.

Samu2 Sun 12-May-13 21:43:01

I am so sorry others here feel as bad as I do sad I guess we all have to keep fighting it as best as we can and hope one day we find it fades so we can live without this fear again.

Plus, my bank balance is taking a serious hit from all the therapy ;)

Lonelybunny Thu 13-Jun-13 20:47:56

Oh dead naughty stupid idiotic me sad I ran out of citalopram
About a week and a half ago sad did I go back for more ? No angry now I'm slipping v v quickly back where I was sad boob obsessed now worried about a birth mark too , I need a slap , y didnt I go back !?!?!,

Meganlillymai Sat 03-Aug-13 17:19:08

I'm with use. I worry all the time. At the minute I'm worrying a out lymphoma! I'm 22 n have a bleeding cold but it's caused my lymph nodes to swell. But to me they feel huge! Others they feel ok. AND I can only feel them when I rest my chin on my chest???

Notsoblonde Sun 04-Aug-13 23:40:37

Hi all, I have suffered health anxiety for approx 7 years now, some days am able to shrug things off, most of the time I can't, I started sertraline approx 6 weeks ago but just now I have myself convinced I have tetanus, a cat scratched my leg, it honestly barely bled, wound nice and clean and healing well, I even went to my practice nurse and she gave me a tetanus booster as I was 5 years out of date, but still can't stop bloody worrying. I hate this anxiety it takes over when I let it.

Megan how are you feeling now? Your lymph nodes should go down when you start to get better but it can take a wee while. I totally get what you mean though.

Meganlillymai Mon 05-Aug-13 08:53:24

I'm feeling a lot better colds still there a tad but glands feel a bit smaller. Now I'm asking myself if they really do feel smaller or is it my imagination.

Making a docs app this week about my anxiety. 1st docs app in years so nervous

ItsAliveItsElectric Sat 31-Aug-13 14:24:23

This is my first ever mn post and I am so glad I found this thread. About 2 weeks ago I started getting heartburn/acid reflux on and off. It would be there from waking up to going to bed. I went to doc's on Thursday (took day off work) and he said its prob just the reflux and has booked some blood tests for me on Wednesday to check for anemia. I have been googling (bad) and come up with all kinds if cancers even though the reflux is the only symptom but I am scared it is a sign. I have always been an anxious person, every twinge, headache I think its something serious. I have been tearful since being at the doctor's and convinced the blood tests will show up cancer and I'll get called back to give me the bad news. My DH says I am being ridiculous and irrational but I can't help how I feel. My DC's are 3 and 7 and I keep having these thoughts all day they will be growing up without a mother. :-(. I wish I could think its just a bout of heartburn or reflux. I would love to hear from anyone who has had this who can reassure me!

Meganlillymai Tue 17-Sep-13 09:53:09

My heart burn comes and goes its mental torture. It's under.control at the min but I think a lot of heart burn can be due to worry and stress. I've had an on going cold so because I think my immune system is down I think I have cancer !! How have u been

strawberryswing Wed 18-Sep-13 21:11:06

LonelyBunny I could have written your opening post. I've been suffering terrible health anxiety for months after having some unexplained chest pains. I went hot, dizzy and I was alone with my daughter. I totally freaked out,convinced I was going to have a heart attack any second and that was that.

Over the next few days the pains escalated to all over my body, my neck, back, legs I had searing pains through my hands. I made the mistake of self diagnosising myself through Google. Oh God, since I started to diagnose myself with everything.

Leukemia, heart attack/disease, lymphoma, aortic aneurysm, aortic dissection, dvt, cervical/ovarian/breast/throat cancer, spinal tumor, brain tumor, brain aneyrusm, appendicitis, meningitis you name it I've.'had' it.

Every ache and pain was something serious and life threatening, ive had 4.ECGS, 1 chest xray, 3 sets of bloods and the doctors cant find anythin wrong. My body still hurts to touch, everywhere. It's so frustrating, especially as anxiety causes and worsens the physical symptoms

The past week its been leukemia. I had a sore throat and bone pain, it couldnt possibly be anything else. (bloods were fine!)

Im doing better this week. Ive stopped googling,.I've learned that any symptom, no matter how common/minor can be attributed to a.deathly illness if you search hard enough.

Ive also realised I spent so much time worrying about dying, worrying about not seeing my daughter growing up etc that I'd stopped living. Ironic.

I'm not over it by any means, I worry a lot, I just try not to dwell. Its so difficult, its horrid to live with, I feel for you all.

WasWats Fri 22-Nov-13 15:21:36

I have been reading this thread and nodding at all of it.

I have dreadful HA too. I am utterly afraid of life atm and am really not living. I am convinced I have breast cancer / stomach cancer cancer cancer.

I finally went on Lexapro 5 weeks ago. Ironically the side effects are all physical ie weight loss and sore boobs. I am all over the place on it. My GP says to hang on and keep going for 8 weeks, that it can get worse before it gets better but it is hard.

However, I have done 5 I can and will keep going.

I hate this bloody thing and there are very few people you can really talk to it about. I go to a psychotherapist every week but really felt sick and tired of the HA so meds were my last stop.

Meganlillymai Tue 11-Mar-14 19:10:24

hi forum. how is everyone. hope this thread is still active. here gos
ive always been a 'worryer' but no long after my daughter was born (3years ago) my HA really kicked in. he other night i was in bed and she was figiting about and it felt like mt brain was shivvering. i sat up n realised it was just her moving aout in her sleep. the next night i was fine. night after all i could think about was what if it was some kind of mild fit!! n it happend again. my body doesnt actually move a muscle its just inside my brain it feels shaky! so i experimented and stayed on the couch a few nights.... it never happend i was fine. go back to bed with my baby and it happens again!! is this just my anxiey causing me to be aware of every tiny movmemnt as i also listen for my heat beat aswel. please help!!!

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