Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Just started on Citalopram

(505 Posts)
Nanabana Wed 30-Jan-13 15:55:25

Have read old threads about side affects and quite worrying, but will give it a go. Hope it kicks in soon

zumo Wed 30-Jan-13 21:39:40

You can only try, works for many people but not all like all drugs, keep posative, eat well, bit of excersice it all helps, good luck

FiaGrace Wed 30-Jan-13 21:43:57

I would suggest taking it at night - some people feel quite odd/sick but taking it before bed normally helps.

I hope you begin to feel a bit better soon

Nanabana Thu 31-Jan-13 09:05:58

i took my first dose yesterday, i was surprised to feel some side affects so soon.. nausea, funny mouth, sorry if TMI, but also experienced loose motions. I feel hopeful.

Nanabana Thu 31-Jan-13 09:18:43

I'm on 20mg, been advised to take in the morning, but will try the evening if i'm struggling. I slept ok, I didn't have sleep problems previously, I liked to lose myself in sleep if anything. But I found that when I woke up, I was very awake and alert straight away.

I looked it up on wikepedia, and it said on there that Citalopram is used to treat major depression.. is that accurate? I guess it depends on the strength right?

QueenofDreams Thu 31-Jan-13 09:20:32

I've just been prescribed citalopram as well. I've taken two doses now and it's making me feel really sick.

Hi Nana. I am on Citalopram 20mg, have been up as high as 40mg for anxiety/depression.

Side effects to expect-

Feeling very hot-especially at night.
Clenchy/tight jaw
Vivid dreams

So don't worry about those. A year on I just have the vivid dreams.

Things may get a little worse before they get better, I persevered and it was so worth it. Good luck. x

Nanabana Thu 31-Jan-13 09:31:09

thanks Sparkling, glad it's working for you, and good luck QueenofDreams. I wasn't sure what people meant by woolly mouth (I saw this on recent threads), but now I understand!

GP suggested speaking to a psychaitrist before starting meds, but I knew I would chicken out of that. I needed to leave the surgery with something in my hands.

It seems really unfair that the meds to make you better have these side effects, but try and think of the end result.

Nanabana Thu 31-Jan-13 09:42:15

I cant even begin to imagine what the end result (if it works) might feel like, if you see what I mean

I know exactly what you mean Nana. I can't believe I ever used to feel the way I did before the meds now, if that makes sense. My counsellor said Citalopram takes the rough edges off and enables you to get on with things. That has turned out to be true. I am much braver than I was.

Nanabana Thu 31-Jan-13 10:15:18

Yes I see what you mean. I hope I can look back and think the same thing at some point. Thank you thank you.

DH has been a bit odd, I dont think he thinks I need it, or he thinks my situationa is that bad, i'm not sure. But that's ok, I can't expect him to understand.

I am sure your DH will understand when he sees the difference it could make.

cleoismycat Thu 31-Jan-13 10:25:05

I'm on 30mg. Started on 20mg and felt like death for the first week with the side effects to the point of also coming off them, but the second week was an improvement and now its great!

Nanabana Thu 31-Jan-13 10:45:07

that's great Cleo [smiie]

Nanabana Thu 31-Jan-13 10:45:30


Nanabana Thu 31-Jan-13 11:59:46

feeling wobbly, anxious, fidgety, can't concentrate, it is getting worse but i'm telling myself that this is what is meant to happen.

Percephone Thu 31-Jan-13 12:05:58

It is recommended to take citalopram in the morning because it can keep you awake if taken at night.

Persevere OP, most people settle down in a few days and it is generally well tolerated.

Good luck smile

Yes, don't panic. You will feel a bit strange while your body gets used to it. x

MissPricklePants Thu 31-Jan-13 12:09:02

I started on 20mg and now on 30mg, it will settle down and hopefully you will feel better soon xx

MechanicalTheatre Thu 31-Jan-13 12:12:04

I took Citalopram, made me feel a bit wonky for the first 2 weeks and then it really did work for me.

I've just started on Sertraline, no side effects as yet, which is odd as normally I get really bad side effects from ADs.

When you start on ADs I think it's human nature to think 'how am I feeling' a million times a day. if you can find some distractions that's a help-but it's hard when you can't focus on anything.

When I first took citalopram, I spent about three days feeling like I was on ecstasy, I could actually feel it moving through regions of my brain.
Been on it for over a year now and get nothing like that at all!

ledkr Thu 31-Jan-13 12:28:46

Hi can I gate crash? Just picked up my script for 20 mg I'm debating talking it tbh I feel shit enough without a load if side effects.
Been on Prozac before with no effects but go wants me to have this.
I'm depressed for sure but also coping with a lot at the moment. I have a bad sleeper and a para thyroid problem the side effects being depression mood swings and tiredness. I need a small op but won't be for weeks.
What to do?

MissPricklePants Thu 31-Jan-13 12:34:12

I have had no bad side effects, few weird dreams and a bit of jaw clenching but that passed quickly. Give it a try!

Nanabana Thu 31-Jan-13 12:50:10

Feel free to Ledkr.
I've been considering meds for nearly a year now, tried other ways to overcome the feeling but couldn't get myself out of this pit.

I'm willing to give it a go even if it means it's worse to begin with.

Nanabana Thu 31-Jan-13 12:56:59

Sparkling I think that is what I'm doing... wondering what I'm feeling every second..

My DSis was on Citalopram which had no effect on her, and was then moved onto Sertraline which has worked for her.

citalobrain Thu 31-Jan-13 13:40:16

Hello nanabana and fellow AD'ers, can I crash too please?

I've been on 20 mg for about 3 weeks now.

To all on the first few days the nausea, weird mouth, sleep troubles etc. do subside. I think mine (nausea) passed in just under a week so keep at it smile. I also felt wonderfully spaced out, but I enjoyed that blush

To everyone who has been on them longer, is it normal to feel worse at this point?? In fairness, I have felt better at points (tonnes better than I have in the last year), but the anxiety - waking up with a pit of dread in my tummy - dreading interaction etc. seems to be worse than it was.

In a peverse way I felt my best in the first week as I was enjoying not feeling like my 'normal' self!

I'm not sure if any of that makes sense grin

citalobrain Thu 31-Jan-13 13:46:41

Sorry, should have added, the dread feeling is about nothing specific, just life really.
I've not felt this much before starting them as I have generally felt numbed to life. Again not sure if that makes much sense - I'm hoping you may understand what I mean!

(Sorry again for thread-crashing Nanabana)

MechanicalTheatre Thu 31-Jan-13 13:52:26

citalobrain totally normal for the anxiety to get worse, although if it went on longer than a few weeks I'd mention it to the doctor (and be forceful about it - not just "I feel a bit anxious" but "I have been getting really bad anxiety, worse than when I wasn't on it".)

citalobrain Thu 31-Jan-13 14:01:25

Mechanical thanks so much smile

I'm due to see the GP on Monday to review how's it going but just wondered if this has happened to others. I will definitely let her know, she is lovely and easy to talk to smile

The dread can feel quite paralysing. I actually tell a lie, I have had it before, in my early 20s (before I was first prescribed ADs - prozac), but not since, I'm now 40. It's not a place I'm enjoying revisiting!

I will stick with it though. I'm in it for the long haul, I don't want this year to be like last year!

Thanks again smile

Nanabana Thu 31-Jan-13 14:41:04

you're welcome to Citalobrain

ledkr Thu 31-Jan-13 16:53:31

Can you drink on them? I have a night out tomorrow and was looking forward to a few drinks.
I'm not sure whether to wait untill my op as go thinks its that. My depression is also made worse by lack if sleep so dh is now sleeping in spare room and seeing to dd if she wakes so I'm wondering if that might keep me going.

MechanicalTheatre Thu 31-Jan-13 17:02:38

I wouldn't drink on them if you've just started taking them. You're likely to feel a bit too ropy to do much on them anyway for the first few days. I took my first Sertraline a few hours ago and I'm lying in bed trying not to vom.

ledkr Thu 31-Jan-13 17:30:23

Oh dear!! This is what worried me. I have such a busy life. Two kids one only 2 and a job I can't make mistakes in.
I may wait a bit and see if getting some sleep helps.

perspective Thu 31-Jan-13 18:14:24

Keep with it everyone. It's still early days for me, now 5 weeks in and really starting to feel more normal. I had awful side effects including anxiety and very disturbed sleep but they subsided after about 2 weeks. I then switched to taking it in the morning and sleep much improved.

Ledkr, regarding alcohol, It interferes with the way AD's work so not recommended. Too much alcohol and they just won't work. Occasional drink is fine, but agree, better to wait until side effect settle down.

Lecture time.
If you are depressed, then taking a depressant i.e alcohol, is a really bad idea.
If you are taking anti-depressants and you drink on them, then really it's pointless taking them as the effects will be counteracted by the alcohol.
Basically alcohol and depression are a bad combination.

MechanicalTheatre Thu 31-Jan-13 20:24:02

Maggie I get what you're saying, but it's not always true that alcohol cancels out your medication. I have drunk lots of times on ADs. Not saying it's a great idea, but it's a bit unrealistic for some people not to drink.

ledkr Thu 31-Jan-13 20:38:49

Lecture accepted maggie but I have to be honest and say I'm looking forward to a few drinks and a dance with my friends and always feel cheered up after wink
I hardly drink these days and agree it makes you feel worse in the long run.

citalobrain Thu 31-Jan-13 20:41:46

<chucks an alcohol-shaped cat among the pigeons>

The year before last, I was drinking waaaay too much. I wasn't on ADs at this point. I felt low a lot, but not seriously depressed.

Last year I bit the bullet and cut right back on my drinking. For the majority of last year I didn't drink (still not on ADs). But last year was the worst year ever for depression. I don't really know why, perhaps because I was not so keenly aware of it when I was drinking? Without the booze it was hard to pretend not to see the elephant in the room...

I've not had anything to drink so far this year and while I can say I'm physically better for it, I'm not so much emotionally, but I'm hoping this is where the ADs will help. Oh and I've loving not having the hangovers smile

Years back on prozac, I did drink, dare I say, normally. I'd say every now and then would be fine, except if you're like me who developed a reliance on alcohol. If you're someone without an alcohol problem, I would imagine it's very tough to cut out the odd glass of wine with friends because you're on ADs.

Ledkr I would try and put it off while you're new to them though as you would probably exacerbate the side effects.

Sorry if none of that is helpful blush I wanted to post as it was the weirdest observation for me. I honestly thought going t-total would help my mood, knowing as we that alcohol is a depressant, but it seems the reverse has happened!

thingamajig Thu 31-Jan-13 20:48:13

Citalobrain, is it possible that you were drinking heavily to mask an underlying problem? (like depression). It would make sense then that stopping drinking would allow your problems to come back to the forefront.

thingamajig Thu 31-Jan-13 20:50:49

By the way, I have been on citalopram for years, I no longer experience side effects and I have the odd drink. Good luck all those who are starting out. For many people side effects are not too bad, and they tend to reduce or go away within a month or so.

citalobrain Thu 31-Jan-13 20:56:50

thingamajig, definitely - the problem being me grin

You are spot on though, I used alcohol to blur the edges and not to face up to my feelings. I just thought stopping drinking would lift my mood a wee bit but not at all. The good outcome though was it showed me I really did need to get to the GP and ask for help.

It's SO hard all this. I've suffered depression on and off since my early 20s. I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with clinical depression. Does the clinical bit mean it's a state of mind you carry through your life? Rather than in response to an event? You'd think I would have it all figured out 20 years later!!

Have to go now but I'll check back in tomorrow. I'm so pleased I found this thread (thank you Nanabana). It feels good to read others' experiences.

I do wish everyone all my bestest wishes to feel well soon xx

thingamajig Thu 31-Jan-13 21:22:37

I think that "clinical depression" means sufficiently serious depression to warrant a doctor being involved/to need medical treatment for it. (When I first heard the term I was 12 and thought it meant that I was depressed because of the medication I was on).
Endogenous depression (from within you) is sometimes used to distinguish it from Reactive depression (reacting to events)

Nanabana Fri 01-Feb-13 09:22:55

i think taking it in the morning is working ok for me, as I sleep so heavily anyway (i like to lose myself in dreamland). The last two mornings I've been able to wake up quite refreshed. Had a couple of strange dreams. I'm feeling ok... maybe placebo, or feeling confident now that i have something to lean on.

Nanabana Fri 01-Feb-13 11:47:35

I'm sorry, is anyone there.. light headedness, pins and needles type numbness in arms, is thsi normal? Do i just need to get a grip?

schmohawk Fri 01-Feb-13 12:38:21

Hi Nana, I'm on day 12 of 20mg citalopram. I've definitely had the sensations you mention, most days actually. Pretty sure it's normal! I had been feeling slightly better, but in the last two days the anxiety has come back with a vengeance. Hate the feelings of impending doom. So frustrating not to be able to do anything/ go anywhere to make myself feel better. Can't seem to distract myself for very long...really hope the citalopram kicks in soon!

Nanabana Fri 01-Feb-13 12:44:44

Thanks Schmohawk, I was thinking I might be having a panic attack. I'm sorry it's come back for you, my pharmacist told me it couold take from 4 - 6 weeks to take affect, I thought WHAT!
I have work to distract me but it's making me feel worse, I can't concentrate on anything I'm doing and am not performing well.

citalobrain Fri 01-Feb-13 12:58:17

Nanabana, definitely light-headed here from time to time, and I did get very light pins and needles in my arms when exercising. I hadn't thought to link it to citalopram! Sorry you've had a rough day and hope you're feeling a bit better now.

Shmohawk the 'impending doom' feeling is just awful isn't it? It sits in my stomach and I can't think more than a few minutes ahead as I'm so fearful sad Am seeing the GP on Monday and will definitely talk this through with her. Hope it eases for you soon.

Onwards and upwards. The sun is shining today and that's lifted my spirits smile

Nanabana Fri 01-Feb-13 13:14:29

oh the feeling of impending doom is horrible. Hope your appointment goes well and your spirit remains lifted!

I'm feeling better, the tingling has stopped. Head still feels a bit funny though. It will pass soon hopefully.

gingeme Fri 01-Feb-13 13:21:30

Good afternoon ladies. Ive been diagnosed with GAD General Anxiety Disorder and have been given Citalopram for it. Im now on day 11 and feel a lot better. When I first starting taking it I felt so ill I didn't want to get out of bed!! The side affects are just awful.
I hope you feel the benefits soon.
Good luck x

Nanabana Fri 01-Feb-13 13:29:51

thanks Gingeme, hope it only gets better for you

schmohawk Fri 01-Feb-13 13:35:02

The pins and needles never last too long IME. Shame the anxiety does! Gosh 4-6 weeks, surely we'll see some improvement before that??
Hope you get to catch a few rays today citalobrain!
I know I shouldn't, but I keep ruminating over how I got so anxious and depressed, where did I go wrong? I'm constantly trying to look for answers and understand it, but it's all a bit scary!

gingeme Fri 01-Feb-13 13:37:52

Can I ask what dosage your on? I was started on 20mg and was told that's quite strong for first time use !

schmohawk Fri 01-Feb-13 13:40:45

Ginge I'm on 20mg, I was given the impression that that was standard and it can then be adjusted up or down.

Nanabana Fri 01-Feb-13 13:41:20

my pharmacist said that, but GP said around 2 weeks.. and most people on here say 1-2 weeks so hopefully pharmacist was just a bit off with his weeks!

I know what you mean Schmohawk, how did this happen. My anxiety is in reaction to things that happen around me and I dont seem to have the ability to shake things off. I worry about my DDs and pray that I can raise them in a way that they are strong enough to not have to go through all this.

Nanabana Fri 01-Feb-13 13:42:14

GP has started me off on 20mg too

gingeme Fri 01-Feb-13 13:46:30

hmmm ok.

citalobrain Fri 01-Feb-13 17:55:40

Glad to hear you're doing better Nanbana smile

Gingeme I was started on 20 mg like others so it sounds like you're not alone!

Shmohawk I ask myself that too, all the time. I remember being painfully shy in my early teenage years and so much happier in my own company than with anyone else. I experienced proper depression in my early 20s, and have since tried to battle it with food, booze, ADs, exercise, you name it! I had a year of counselling in my 20s which was helpful, but didn't turn things around permanently.

I feel very similar to the poster on another thread running at the moment. Apathy and inertia sums me up. Just no joy at being alive (not suicidal though). I work myself into such a panic at socialising as I feel I've nothing to offer. I work at home so it's very easy to isolate myself. Thankfully I have a dog which gets me out, I have to take him out! Weirdly I generally have no trouble chatting to people in passing, it's proper friendships (even long-standing ones) that I'm struggling with at the moment.

For the past year, I have just checked out of my life and hidden myself away.

I do think I will always be prone to being depressed, it's been many years, but the pit I've sunk into now is far deeper and has gone on for too long without any relief.

Sorry for huge post <nudges awake anyone reading who dozed off>! I am getting chinks of light in my mood the past week, I hope that that is the citalopram beginning to work its magic smile

Hope you all have a peaceful and content weekend xx

floramckitchen Sat 02-Feb-13 14:51:16

My 18yo dd was prescribed citalopram yesterday. She has taken one dose (20 mg) and suffered the worst side effects imaginable. Confusion, spaced out, inability to concentrate, dry mouth, weird mouth movements, sleepy etc etc. So bad she couldn't go to work today. I think its just making a bad situation much much worse. Whats the point of taking them if she cannot function? If she loses her job because of these bloody tablets surely that will make the depression worse??
Anyway just called OOH gp who has told her not to take a second dose at all. It is so hard to know how to support her??

I am so worried but at a loss about what to do now.

citalobrain Sat 02-Feb-13 15:25:44

Hi floramckitchen

Your poor DD sad

I'm by no means an expert, but, if she's only taken one tablet, I'd be inclined to do as the OOH doc said and stop taking them. And in the meantime book another appointment with the GP who prescribed them. She can take a lower dose than 20 mg so the GP might suggest trying again at a lower dose.

What she has experienced do sound like common side effects, but obviously severe in your DD's case and obviously not workable if she had to miss work.

If she'd been on them more than 1 day I think there would be a risk in just stopping, but in my limited experience I think she should be okay to do so if she's only taken 1. And speak to her prescribing GP again as soon as she can about lowering the dose / possibly an alternative medication.

Unfortunately there is a starting period you have to wade through that involves side effects (usually a week or so), but they may be more manageable for her at a lower dose.

I hope she's okay soon x

schmohawk Sun 03-Feb-13 13:48:28

How is everyone doing today? Flora I hope your DD is feeling a bit better. I had a pretty good day yesterday but Mr Anxiety is back today and I'm stuck in obsessional thinking patterns again. Wish I could just relax about things and be confident that everything will be ok! The CBT for Dummies book makes some good points about relying too much on emotional reasoning and that this needs to be balanced with facts and evidence. I just need to take that on board!

MechanicalTheatre Sun 03-Feb-13 13:55:58

I am feeling rotten sad Sore head, NO appetite, short term memory completely gone, slept all day yday, shaky (couldn't even hold my phone to send a text)

Yesterday I ate 2 pancakes and a bowl of cereal and I choked those down. I'm sure the lack of food isn't doing me any good but I just can't face it. I've eaten an apple and four biscuits today, made two slices of toast but they're just sitting here staring at me.

ledkr Sun 03-Feb-13 15:36:13

Well having twice taken Prozac with minimal side effects I won't be taking mine. I have been trying to stay positive and busy and have caught up on my sleep. I have help with my busy and most stressful days and have been to the gym. It's easier for me because I have a possible reason for my depression so I'm going to try and hold out till that is sorted.

citalobrain Sun 03-Feb-13 20:33:43

Hi Ledkr, wishing you all the best, you sound like you've got a good handle on things smile

Shmohawk you reminded me I have CBT for Dummies sitting on my shelf! I read it once before and did some of the exercises and it was really helpful. I'm going to read it again. Hope the anxiety wears off for you. I'm tolerating it just, but only because I'm thinking this is a settling in phase and it will go soon!

Mechanical you sound like you've had an awful time sad Have you only started them recently? (Sorry if you've said and I missed that).

The nausea / loss of appetite was really strong for me in the first week but it did ease. My appetite is completely back now. I also had tremors in my hands, and weirdly the only time I still get them is reaching my hand out the bed in the morning to turn off my phone alarm!!

Had lunch out with my amazing mum today. She's keeping me talking about how I'm feeling. She has no experience at all of depression but bless her she's trying so hard to understand and help. I love her to bits.

GPs tomorrow. I'll be asking specifically about the anxiety / feelings of panic about nothing in particular and will see what she says. I'll let you guys know too in case it helps.

Take care x

MechanicalTheatre Sun 03-Feb-13 23:16:46

citalobrain just started on Sertraline on Thursday. Was feeling A-OK on Friday (even went out to a club) then just spent the whole weekend collapsed in bed. Got a ton of stuff to do, but I just can't.

Also grinding my teeth like nobody's business. And can't face anyone.

Nausea has kind of gone though and just had a bacon sandwich. <smiles weakly>

schmohawk Sun 03-Feb-13 23:18:38

Mechanical I totally know what you mean about forcing food down, there's no joy in eating at those times. What about something really easy to swallow- soup, rice pudding, custard, ice cream? I get the shakes too and it makes me feel like even more of a nervous wreck- hope it passes soon for us all.
Citalobrain your Mum sounds fab, it really does help to express feelings out loud. I've started telling a few more people what's been going on, it's good to get it out in the open although I feel I need to somehow explain why I'm anxious/ depressed, which I don't completely understand myself yet. Feeling a lot more myself this evening so am planning to return to work tomorrow, at least for part of the day. Hope I'm not being too optimistic....
Good luck with tomorrow everyone!

MechanicalTheatre Mon 04-Feb-13 00:04:54

schmohawk I'm also cursed with a milk allergy so most of that kind of lovely lovely food is off-limits. Makes me weep. But right now, even water isn't appealing. Weird.

50shadesofvomit Mon 04-Feb-13 14:50:51

I'm another one who's just started Citalopram. Doctor prescribed 10mg for a week then 20mg for 3 weeks before I have to go back to see her. I've been told to expect to feel worse for a couple of weeks then better after 4.

I've been taking it in the evening and going to sleep as it helps me feel drowsy. The dreams are a weird side effect.

citalobrain Mon 04-Feb-13 16:58:33

Hi 50shades, stepping up the dosage gradually will probably help to minimise the side effects? Hope it goes okay. I haven't had any weird dreams so far!

Schmohawk hope work went well today smile

Mechnical is the appetite and general bleugh-ness any better? I'm a notorious teeth grinder even without ADs and dentist 2 weeks ago told me I needed to have some enamel repaired where I'd been grinding! I hate the idea of those mouth guards though - I'm sure I'd never sleep.

I definitely feel a bit brighter smile Not all the time, and still have these extreme anxiety moments, but every now and then I feel like I've popped my head up from underwater.

I mentioned the anxiety to my GP today, and she has prescribed me propranolol to take alongside the citalopram. It's non addictive and it apparently helps with extreme anxiety (which she said is due to the 'settling in' stage of the AD). I should take 1 x 10 mg tablet 3 times a day as necessary for anxiety. Temporarily as I get used to the ADs.

I'm hoping I won't need it, I'm not generally a happy pill popper, but it's reassuring to know it's there and it will help if I need it.

Hope everyone is doing okay. This is the first day of week 4 and I'm hoping for good things for us all this week!

citalobrain Mon 04-Feb-13 17:27:32

Hmm, just read some threads about propranolol and many have said their anxiety has been made worse. It's a beta blocker? Mostly seems to be used for migraines and palpatations.

From what I can see, it deals with the physical manifestations of the anxiety, which I don't have much of a problem with - it's all going on in my head!

I think I will keep it in reserve and hopefully ride through the anxiety spells without it :/

ledkr Mon 04-Feb-13 20:43:48

Hi all. Was tempted to start today as felt really bad since last night. I realised its anxiety about going to work which is stupid as I love my job, I think it's just being out of the comfort of my house and being with people. Once I was there I was fine.
Still hoping to hold out until I see consultant next Tuesday.
I'm so surprised at the side effects I had none from Prozac apart from tiredness first few weeks
Hope it's getting easier for you all.

schmohawk Mon 04-Feb-13 22:43:59

Ah mechanical the milk allergy must be difficult. Hope you've managed to enjoy eating a bit more today.
Hi 50shades, I take mine in the evening too- haven't experienced any crazy dreams yet though...
citalobrain Glad you are feeling a bit brighter. I think I am too, but just when I think I've turned a corner I'm not so sure. I wonder if the beta blockers would suit me well as I definitely have the physical manifestations of anxiety, as well as in my head! I will ask about it at my next appointment too.
ledkr sorry if you've said before but why did you change from Prozac to Citalopram? Interested to know why people are prescribed different ADs.

ledkr Tue 05-Feb-13 07:21:25

Was in Prozac for a year about two yrs ago for pnd or pmt never knew which. The dr who prescribed citalopram said they are better!!
I might try St. John's wort. Feel a bit crap again this am, so unpredictable.

pudding25 Tue 05-Feb-13 14:40:02

Hi, I've just been prescribed 20 mg of citalopram for anxiety. Am worried now after hearing about the side effects how I am going to cope at work. I am a teacher which is the main cause of my anxiety!!
Also, I am a terrible sleeper as it is. Would it be better to take them in the morning (although now worried about feeling ill all day at work) or before bed (but now worried about sleeping less!).
I think am now feeling more anxious than I did before I got the prescription!
Does anyone have any advice please?

MechanicalTheatre Tue 05-Feb-13 14:44:44

pudding Could you wait til the holidays? When is the next mid-term? I understand you'd still have planning/marking but at least you could do it in bed. I am now on day 5, and feeling up to studying (this is Sertraline, not Citalopram).

schmohawk milk allergy is a dreadful bore because creamy, milky stuff is what I love. I have to give in to it quite often so end up with a sore head, blocked nose, sore throat...but it's worth it! I try to avoid as much as possible.

Feeling much less grim today. Still a bit zonked, but less anxious and planning to go out for a little walk just for some fresh air and then study in the evening.

pudding25 Tue 05-Feb-13 15:06:50

Half term is in a couple of weeks but will have DD to run around after then. Not sure what to do. Was thinking of taking it Friday morning then not back in work until the following Wed. Was hoping any side effects might have eased off by then or is that wishful thinking?

MechanicalTheatre Tue 05-Feb-13 15:19:43

Hard to say, really. Everyone reacts differently. I started mine on Friday and I would probably just about be able to go into work tomorrow if I had to. Are you secondary or primary? Any extra responsibilities?

Is there someone who could help with your daughter for a few days?

ledkr Tue 05-Feb-13 16:04:38

Pudding this is why I could face taking it. How old is dd? Could you plan a couple of easy days when you take it? DVD etc

MechanicalTheatre Tue 05-Feb-13 16:30:52

Oh God. Managed to finally eat. Felt fine then suddenly came over really dizzy and now have tinnitus. Can't even sit up. Help!

pudding25 Tue 05-Feb-13 20:07:43

She's 5. She's very easy but have already organised a ton of things to do over half term. Not sure what to do. Dr only told me that I might feel a bit sick...

MechanicalTheatre Tue 05-Feb-13 20:10:15

Surely you can cancel the things though? MH is more important.

123rd Tue 05-Feb-13 23:31:31

Pudding, I started on 20mgs daily. My Gp said to take in the mornings. Started at the end of nov. first two weeks I had hardly any appetite but no weird dreams or other side effects. As someone else said, everyone's different. I know we have to be aware of the bad side effects that are possible but please don't think you will get all that are listed.

Geeklover Wed 06-Feb-13 00:08:38

Hi there can I join in too.
I started today my gp is starting me on 10mg for a fortnight then up to 20.
I've been battling against this for so long now but after a really rough 2 months I just couldn't cope on my own anymore. I called xh last night who has taken a few days off work to support me through my trip to the doctor and to try and get me some rest while he takes over the dc and the house.
He's a fab support.
I also went back to the gym today after months away to try and give me something to focus on (I WAS training for a big run)

I have been extra thirsty tonight really dry mouth. I read it as a possible side effect but couldn't believe it was after only 1 tablet.

Hi everyone hope you don't mind me gate-crashing, I'm on day 5 of fluoxetine and feeling really awful - severe nausea, headache, dizziness and achy and exhausted. Is this right? Should I try and stick it out a bit longer - v difficult with DC and DS to look after...

citalobrain Wed 06-Feb-13 10:00:47

Hi all,
Pudding, I think what 123rd said is spot on. There are all manner of side effects you might get, but you might get none of them! Or you might find that any you do get are very mild.

Geek yes the dry mouth is horrible. I take a pint of water to bed with me (and usually end up getting up 3 times in the night to go to the loo!).

I've felt very low these past 2 days. I'm hoping it's just another stage of the settling in period but I'm feeling crap quite frankly. No worse than before I started taking them, but not great. I'm in week 4 now.

citalobrain Wed 06-Feb-13 10:04:31

x-posted with you colouringinqueen smile

Poor you, sounds horrid but I do think those sound like early side effects (although I'm not taking fluoxetine).

I think the worst side effects like nausea tend to go after a week or so, would you be able to sit tight and ride it through until then?

If you are worried though, perhaps you could call your GP just to talk it through with them? Hope you feel better soon

Thanks v much citalobrain great minds - I have just asked GP to call me later. I think nausea/stomach is worsened as I've had constant indigestion/irritable stomach for last few months (stress related) so I think that's exacerbating things. Never imagined side effects could b quite so debilitating! How long did yours last?

citalobrain Wed 06-Feb-13 10:23:29

I think the worst of mine lasted just over a week, the worst seemed to be 'glue mouth'(!) and sleep problems, and yes nausea too. It will pass though, but good plan to have a chat with the doc to get some reassurance.

I'm gutted though that after a few weeks of no night sweats, I've been getting them for the past few nights, nightmare!

Hope you feel better soon colouringinqueen, I'm sure you will x

Hmm glue mouth sounds fun! Thanks for the reassurance I will keep eating the polo mints. Will have to try and reassure kids that mummy won't be like this forever! x

Just spoke to my GP and she was great - suggested halving the fluoxetine and doubling the antacids, so I am really hoping that calms things down enough to keep going... given all the feedback on other threads I'm not sure my stomach would tolerate another AD any better... fingers crossed...

Nanabana Fri 08-Feb-13 12:16:13

hope you're all doing better.. haven't been on for a while. Side effects have worn off.. feeling better for that i think. Did feel stress levels go up in the first few days, but a bit better now.

pudding25 Fri 08-Feb-13 19:07:38

Decided to take it today for first time. Took it as soon as kids left school at about 3.30pm. So far, just got a bit of a sore tummy but feel fine. Fingers crossed....

MechanicalTheatre Fri 08-Feb-13 19:11:48

I'm doing much better today. I haven't done anything I'm supposed to though :/

MrsShrek3 Sun 10-Feb-13 22:42:43

another gatecrasher....can I join please? I've had the meds for a week and not taken any yet blush I know I need them - end of the line and all that, not going to function and find my way out of this big black hole otherwise, but poor [no] sleep is one of my issues, it sounds like this stuff could send me down to zero sad

Hi MrsS smile It might send you down to zero then back up the other side like it has for me.

MrsShrek3 Sun 10-Feb-13 22:50:43

hehe Sparkling...I'm not stalking you, honestly wink
thank you for the tip. Sigh.

If you can persevere MrsS, it will be worth it. It takes the rough edges off and enables you to get on with stuff.

MrsShrek3 Sun 10-Feb-13 23:09:19

that's the one. Rough edges and down a ditch. You know the score, sadly.

But on the plus side, I can drive round one way systems in town centres without a single panic now. grin

MrsShrek3 Sun 10-Feb-13 23:25:30


Nanabana Mon 11-Feb-13 09:58:02

Good luck Pudding and MrsShrek.
Mechanical - glad you're feeling better, so am I.

I have spent the last 2 years not getting anything done! But I feel like and am hoping that I'm turning a page.. feeling a bit more focused, less scared of digging myself out of the layers of stuff that has piled on top of me. Dare I say it... I feel a bit motivated

Hi everyone, day nine of fluoxetine and improving a bit now. My GP lowered my dose as the side effects were proving unbearable which def helped. I've upped it to 15mg this morning so we'll see how that goes. Am really hoping these help. Have managed to get kids to school in snow and put a load of washing on, so have now returned to the sofa and some Matthew Wright blush Hope everyone's hanging in there this morning x

Nanabana Mon 11-Feb-13 10:37:46

Nice one Colouringin

Nanabana Mon 11-Feb-13 11:57:24

my concentration levels are so so bad, I set out very well this morning, but my thoughts just go to everything else but work! Worrying about the future, worrying about decisons made, when really I should be worrying about keeping my job!

I know what you mean. It's very hard to keep unwanted thoughts under control. Are you at work now? I am now less good - walked into town into supermarket but felt more and more exhausted and anxious on walk home and back feeling horrible. Not quite sure what to do now - urge to retreat under duvet is v strong!

Nanabana Mon 11-Feb-13 12:46:08

yes am at work... shouldn't be on MN!
Hope you feel better, dive under the duvet if it makes you feel better!

MechanicalTheatre Mon 11-Feb-13 16:00:47

OK, I have actually made it to a lecture today. So that's good. Got quite a full week and I just feel drained but will battle through. At least the anxiety has gone a little bit.

Does anyone else do mindfulness or meditation? I did a course on it last year and it did really help at the time, so I've been trying to get back into it again.

Nanabana Mon 11-Feb-13 16:41:29

That's great Mechanical. Not done meditating. I did start reading The Power of Now, I can see the benefits of it.

MrsShrek3 Mon 11-Feb-13 17:54:40

thanks Nana
Im only on 10mg for startersconfused it goes up to 20 next week.

Geeklover Mon 11-Feb-13 21:11:12

That's me on day 6 now.
First few days were awful. I wasn't sleeping great anyway but this was bad. Tonight for the first time in ages I'm struggling to stay awake.

One thing I did notice over the weekend is a while after I take a tablet and only for a few hours I feel a bit odd. Not physically odd just a bit well numb I guess. Was trying to describe it to my friend it's for an hour or do after taking a tablet I feel no emotion whatsoever. I noticed it on Sunday for the first time.
Sad as it sounds I actually quite like it. It's better than the feeling I currently have when I wake up.

Nanabana Tue 12-Feb-13 13:00:01

Had a shocking morning, had a strict deadline which I haven't had in ages, I was flushed, panicked, flustered, but nearly there now. I feel so incompetent, have lost the ability to deal with things that previously i was able to.. hopefully this is all good practice to me returning to my former self

Nanabana Tue 12-Feb-13 13:05:07

My heart is still actually pounding, what the hell is wrong with me?! I had to go to the bathroom, and try to compose myself, this is ridiculous

Deep breaths Nana classic (rubbish) anxiety symptoms (says she who's been heavy breathing half the morning). Hope you're feeling better now and deadline is behind you. take care.

Nanabana Tue 12-Feb-13 16:00:46

Thanks ColourinIn.. still not finished what I'm meant to have finished because I have to rely (annoy) other people for information.. I am being persistent (brave?) though and I am chasing them down for their responses.. I am nearly there with it.. and I know i'll be relieved once it's done, just can't wait for that feeling.

Nanabana Tue 12-Feb-13 16:01:21

and hope you've stopped heavy breathing too smile

Geeklover Tue 12-Feb-13 21:53:36

Hope you made it through the rest of the day unscathed nana.
It's the anxiety that gets me too. I'm usually an out and about person but I'm finding I'm do anxious about things I'd much rather just be at home. The getting ready to go anywhere is so exhausting.

Yes I'm finding the anxiety this week much harder. Trying to psych myself to walk down to the high street this mroning, last time I struggled to get home without a full panic attack. Am hoping cos it's not so snowy today it will be an easier walk! Hope nana and geek you're doing OK this morning.

MechanicalTheatre Wed 13-Feb-13 11:50:19

Yikes my university seem to be really cracking down on absence. We all have to fill in forms for why we haven't turned up to lectures and I have missed a ton. Feel a bit sick, what if I get thrown off the course?

Nanabana Wed 13-Feb-13 13:25:02

I'm sure you wont get kicked off Mechanical, don't fear the worst. Here for you.. Just take it one step at a time. You weren't missing lectures for any old flimsy reason, I'm sure they'll be sympathetic. Here for you, stay strong

Nanabana Wed 13-Feb-13 13:27:31

Hope your walk went ok ColouringIn.. how are you doing?
Thanks Geeklover, it was a long day.. and so is today, but trying to get my head above water without taking the pressure personally. Anxiety is an arse

citalobrain Wed 13-Feb-13 13:30:11

Hello everyone, I've not been on for a while.

Mechanical if you were honest with them they couldn't throw you off the course could they?

Imagine you'd broken a limb or something, or had tonsilitis, or glandular fever, taking time off would be a given, they shouldn't treat MH any differently. Try not to worry about it, not easy I know, god the anxiety is a bugger isn't it sad Is there someone on the staff that you have a good relationship with that you could talk it through with?

I hopefully come bearing news that may cheer everyone up a bit though grin I'm just over a month on the pills and I am feeling SO much better!! My anxiety is much less, although it sometimes comes from nowhere and floors me, but honestly, much much less.

I've even committed to some social stuff which a month ago would seriously have been unthinkable! (Not that I've gone yet lol, but just the committing to go is a massive step forward).

The downsides are sleeping problems (but I've always had trouble sleeping so this is no worse really) and the awful awful night sweats. I have to sleep wrapped up in a towel blush

My appetite has come back and i have no nausea at all.

I hope this gives anyone finding it hard some hope. Those first weeks are surreal at best, and bloody awful at worst, but it really really does get better. I'm finally realising that the person I'd turned into over the past year might not be the real me, fingers crossed!

Take care everyone and hang in there x

citalobrain Wed 13-Feb-13 13:32:38

Cross posts with you nanabana smile

Just read my post back and when I got to the 'social' part my tummy just turned itself into a big anxious knot, still very much a work in progress then!!

Hi citalobrain that's great to hear you're feeling the benefits at last [smiley] like you say tho, work in progress. Hello MT I echo citalobrain, I'm sure if you explain what's going on to one person they'll understand. Hi nana thanks, walk was much better today than Monday - I think the slipperyness (snowy here) really didn't help me then. I am struggling today with if/who/how to explain to friends what's going on with me - there's two mums from school I usually see for coffee every week or two, but haven't all term as I've been feeling so rubbish. I've been invited round this Fri and feeling rather apprehensive about it.

citalobrain Wed 13-Feb-13 14:16:20

Aw Colouringin, it can be so hard can't it?

Do you know what, if it were me, and if you just weren't up to it on Friday, I wouldn't go, and would make whatever excuse if you're not keen on telling them what the problem is.

If you think you should tell them, maybe you can wait until you're feeling better/stronger?

Were you quite happy to meet up when you weren't feeling like this? If you were, I'd say leave it until you're feeling better and more up to it.

This may be bad advice though! I really don't know.

In a way it might have been an easier decision for me up until now as I knew there was no way I could go out, no matter how many times I or other people told me to pull myself together!!

Be kind and gentle to yourself, you will emerge from the fug x

Thanks citalobrain - I have cancelled a couple of times and am feeling if I leave it any longer it will just get harder, so am hoping to try and go. My OH did say to one of my friends that I'm not myself at the mo and I think she may have an inkling, the other friend I'm not so sure about. My OH had severe depression last year and she clearly didn't know what to make of it all. It's hard to talk about tho isn't it? When I say that on a good day I sit on the sofa instead of going back to bed it sounds really pathetic! Completely exhausted/permanently bad mood may be an easier way of explaining how I've been... I do miss their company and I know that isolating myself is not helping me either... a broken leg (as my DD has at the mo) would be much easier to explain wink

citalobrain Wed 13-Feb-13 14:36:29

God Colouringin, you've put in words exactly how I've been for so long now! And you're right, it's feels nigh on impossible to explain to people who you think won't understand.

I've told my 2 best friends, my Mum and my ex DP (who is also a very good friend).

Out of my 2 best friends, one has similar depression to me, for as long as me, and gets it completely. The other has never had depression and really can't fathom it, but is always kind and sympathetic.

Interestingly they all knew something was very wrong with me, and there was me thinking I'd manage to hide it all so well!

What you wrote is exactly why I said my advice might be bad advice. You will probably have a really lovely time if you go on Friday, and it may kick start the process of getting better smile And actually, you probably would never regret going, but you may regret not going.

Have to go now but take care and have a big {{hug}} x
(hope your DD makes a speedy recovery too!)

Geeklover Wed 13-Feb-13 19:33:47

It's good to hear that there are benefits to be felt eventually. I've had a horrible day was so anxious when I woke up this morning I was actually sick. No real reason to be so anxious I had nothing planned for today.
I've been on edge all day.
I just want to believe there will be a time that I wake up in the morning and feel even half normal. This all just seems like such an uphill struggle right now.

citalobrain Wed 13-Feb-13 21:18:21

Geeklover if you're a week or two into it, it does feel bad, but it will get better i promise you. I think that was about the point I felt at my worst too.

I had exactly the same thing, pit of dread in my stomach for no specific reason, just dread about the day, even if nothing was planned. I feel so much better now. My anxiety levels are much lower than they were.

I think they were actually worse in the first few weeks on citalopram than before, but within a week or two they started to ease.

So sorry you're struggling, you will be all right though, stay strong and you'll get through this tough bit xx

Geeklover Wed 13-Feb-13 21:33:14

Thanks citalobrain. It's good to hear from someone a bit further on.
Yeah I'm a week in. Today's anxiety did feel far worse than I was before I started the tablets.
It's good to hear it's normal and there is another side to this.
Right now it just feels so scary not to feel like me and I wonder if I ever will again.
I'm waiting to hear about counselling as well. My gp has 2 in house counsellors to support the anti d's and luckily the gp I'm seeing is fantastic and will continue to see me regularly.
Everyone keeps telling me I was so brave making that first step. I'm just hoping I feel it myself soon.

pudding25 Thu 14-Feb-13 08:11:46

Hi everyone. Thanks for the support. I have been on them since Friday now. I also have an ear infection so not been feeling great but think it is the infection not the pills. My appetite is definitely less (not a bad thing!) and no weird dreams or jaw issues. Feeling a bit nauseous too at times and tummy a bit odd but that could also be to do with the antibiotics.
Strangely enough, I also seem to feel less anxious. That could be to do with the fact that I haven't been into school this week as DD is sick and I have been off with her! Will be interesting to see how I feel after half term re the anxiety.

Nanabana Thu 14-Feb-13 10:27:00

Hi Pudding, I got noro virus a few days into taking it,..i know you must be feeling rotten but now I feel fine - there is hope! Hopefully you feel better soon, as well as the positive effects.

ColouringIn, dont put pressure on yourself, see how you feel on the day.. I know the build up to trying to prepare yourself for seeing your friends may only add to your anxiety.. dont be tough on yourself, although seeing your friends may well help in some ways to distract you for a while.

Oh that feeling of dread, over nothing in particular, i get that... spend too long in bed trying to battle the feeling before I can get myself up. Have been late for work every day for god knows how long because of it... but this week has seen a bit of a change, have been getting in earlier. Perhaps that's the citalopram.

Mechanical, are you feeling better now about letting your university know about your absences? I really think it will be absolutely fine.

I feel a lull first thing in the morning, by mid morning i'm pretty upbeat and on the go, and then i feel a lull again.

Today I'll be facing people I'd rather not have to deal mantra is: I don’t appreciate being questioned over the actions of someone else.
I don’t appreciate being subject of scrutiny due to someone else.

Don't ask, this is what I do!!

Hi everyone. Yes geeklover my side-effects were worse for first 10 days, today (day 12 I think!) really improving. I definately think the mornings are the hardest - I have a much better day when I don't have to do the school run! Thanks nanabana am trying not too think about meet up tomorrow and will just have to see how the conversation goes. Will be interesting to know if they've noticed anything - I feel quite spaced out which makes conversations a bit more of an effort to say the least. Hope you got on OK with your "people I'd rather not have to deal with" today. Take care all x

Geeklover Thu 14-Feb-13 19:10:17

Yeah I have really appreciated no school run this week.
My parents had all the dc on Tuesday night which was a huge break and I only had ds2 who is 2 last night then my dad collected him at ds2's insistence request this morning.
I realised it would be so easy to just lie around in my jammies and tbh I did for a while but after arguing with myself I went to the gym and signed up for a 10k in 12 weeks. shock
It will (hopefully) give me a focus and something to work towards.

Nanabana Fri 15-Feb-13 09:09:38

Geeklover good on you and your 10k run - I always hear exercise is good for relieving stress, but i'm just too lazy! Hope it will help.

I got on fine with the people I had to deal with in the end, I wasn't going to take anything lying down.. in the end I didn't have to tackle any awkward situations.

MechanicalTheatre Fri 15-Feb-13 12:33:55

Ugh, the anxiety has been so bad the last couple of days. I had to go to London and I was literally stuck in bed for about 4 hours, unable to get up.

A little better today, but still...

Wow Geeklover running is great- my OH took it up last year following his depression and he has found it really positive so good luck. MT sorry to hear you're suffering with the anxiety, that's hard, hope its a little better tomorrow too. Well I "outed" myself to two friends this morning and told them about the depression. They were very kind and sympathetic but I can't help feeling like a freak. They're getting on with their lives and doing this that and the other with their kids and I feel like a failure. Rubbish. Sorry this is a self pity post. I'm hoping now they know that will help, and need to really try and not feel so embarassed about it all. Not easy though.

citalobrain Sat 16-Feb-13 17:04:37

Mechanical how are you doing? Hope the anxiety levels have dropped a bit, hang in there they will get better, it's horrible to have to ride them through x

Nanabana glad your day turned out okay. Colouringin how was your night with friends? How are you pudding?

Geek that's a fantastic idea to sign up for the 10k! Exercise is supposed to increase your endorphins I think. I do a fair bit when I can and it always makes me feel better smile

I keep doing things that surprise myself. On Friday I texted some friends who I've not seen for ages and we're meeting for a few drinks tonight. I can't believe I actually took the initiative to text them!! I keep wondering where my real self is hiding as I don't recognise this new me at all shock

I've had nasty butterflies and have been feeling sick on and off all afternoon as I'm worried I'll have nothing of interest to say but I'm going to go and hopefully I'm going to have fun!

I hope everyone is okay. The sunshine here has cheered me up smile

MrsShrek3 Sat 16-Feb-13 19:02:10

Im still lurking. I've been on them a week and a half. at only 10mg it's not doing much more than take the edge off but at least no side effects smile

<goes back to lurking>

Hi citalobrain lovely to hear from you and thats great about texting yr friends - hope you have a lovely eve. When I met my 2 friends they were kind and interested in how I was doing, and it was good to be open about what's been going on. But I really struggled - I came home feeling like a freak, they are busy getting on with their lives doing this that and the other and I am barely functioning. So yest pm was rubbish and I woke up this morn feeling prob the most depressed I've felt so far, to the degree of thinking that there are enough pills in the medicene cupboard to overdose on and that would be the best thing to do. I managed to tell my OH what I was thinking and we have got through today. I don't feel as desparate now - this morning seems like a nightmare dream, I just have the worst headache. I managed to mooch round a national trust garden this pm - a very surreal day. My sister came to visit which is lovely but I'm finding it difficult to know what to say! Phew. Very tired now. Did appreciate the sunshine too tho and seeing lots of snowdrops. Now I'm rambling. Hope everyone else is managing to hang on in there x

citalobrain Sun 17-Feb-13 09:20:12

Oh boy Colouringin, I'm so sorry to read that sad I'm so pleased you told your OH about how you were feeling. I wonder whether you should go back to the GP and say how much worse you've been feeling - they may need to adjust the medication and perhaps citalopram isn't the right option for you? Did you feel this bad before starting them?

Please don't leave it if you feel this bad. Your GP will be able to help you, and keep talking to your DH if you can. You poor thing, sending you a big hug {{{}}}

citalobrain Sun 17-Feb-13 09:20:49

<waves to MrsShrek smile >

Thanks citalobrain yes OH says I have to ring Docs. Have been ringing them weekly cos have had such strong (stomach) side effects to the fluoxetine and am not enthusiastic about getting back on the phone but they should really know about yesterday. No I've never felt that bad before and it was pretty scary. Am a bit better this morning. My OH is now trying to get together a plan for the week as its half term and I have DD8 and DS4 at home and he has to go away with work for 3 days (not the best timing)! Trying to have a very quiet restful day at home today. {{}} hugs back to you. How did you get on last night with your friends? Waves to everyone x

citalobrain Sun 17-Feb-13 10:27:33

Colouringin sorry, I put citalopram instead of fluoxetine, doh!

I'm so pleased you're in regular touch with the GP. They would definitely want to know about you feeling so low so don't feel worried about telling them. Something's not right if they're having such an adverse affect on you. I know the bedding-in period is hard but your feelings are extreme and GP should be able to make some changes to help. I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad sad

Could anyone family-wise be around the 3 days your OH is away to give some support?

Keep talking anyway as it will help xx

Bless you for asking about my evening! It was fine actually! Really nice to see them but I was totally exhausted afterwards. Going from my own solitary company to 4 hours continual chit chat was quite a leap! I didn't say anything about my depression as they are not super close friends and it didn't feel right. It's hard to know sometimes isn't it re telling people?

I did notice that afterwards I was thinking to myself phew, that's done, now I can disappear off the radar again (hmm)!

Hope you have a nice relaxing day today, make sure you get lots of TLC smile

citalobrain Sun 17-Feb-13 10:30:55

it would be so nice not to think of social encounters as a chore, to be got through, with a big sigh of relief at the end! But I've felt like this most of the time for years and years and years so I think it will always be so. I'm certain I'm an introvert, and I guess a depressed introvert is not a thrilling combination grin

Thanks smile yes I know exactly what you mean about socialising/chit chat being exhausting esp 4 hours! At least you know you can do it, you can maintain your friendship and have a nice time. It's OK not to want to do it every day. Yes it is hard knowing who/how to tell isn't it. I think OH is going to end up telling a few people over the next week as he sorts out support... he's going to speak to a good friend and also my parents. I hate feeling like a burden but I also know I don't think I could cope on my own so will just have to swallow my pride. Take care of yourself too xxx

citalobrain Sun 17-Feb-13 21:03:11

Hope you're feeling a bit better Colouringin. Your friends and family will be glad to help so you musn't feel like you'll be a burden to them, they won't see it like that at all smile

Hope you feel better tomorrow and that the chat with the doc is fruitful.
Take care of yourself xx

Waving to MrsShrek MT Nanabana Geeklover and anyone else, hope you're enjoying the sun.
Thanks citalobrain I spoke to a diff doc this morning and she said for me to come in tomorrow to talk through, may look at increasing dose slightly to get to a therapeutic level. She said at this stage its hard to distinguish between side-effects and symptoms of this illness. She was good though, and as my own GP is going on maternity leave soon think its good to be seeing her. Not doing too bad today, bit better than yesterday which was a bit better than Sat so am hoping this will continue! Take care everyone x

kizzie Mon 18-Feb-13 13:10:00

Hi - I just wanted to confirm what Im sure other people have said.... in the first couple of weeks or so of treatment the side effects can make anxiety in particular worse before it gets better.
(For me this was particularly bad in the mornings - really awful.)
Hope things ease really soon.

citalobrain Mon 18-Feb-13 17:35:50

exactly the same with me Kizzie. I still get the anxiety, but nowhere near as bad as those first weeks, which were really horrible at times.

Colouringin good luck tomorrow. Think as long as she knows the feelings weren't as strong as this before you started taking them she'll be able to sort things out for you.

Glad to hear you're feeling better today smile

MechanicalTheatre Mon 18-Feb-13 18:24:17

Hi all,

Well I'm doing a little better, the anxiety is a bit less, but still spending weekends in bed alone and no motivation or desire to see anyone.

Very sick of the teeth grinding.

Geeklover Mon 18-Feb-13 23:53:12

Good luck tomorrow colouringin. I'm back at docs tomorrow too. I was Wondering if I should say I want to try different tablets or push on with these ones.
I've been feeling rotten since I started them the anxiety and the sickness but if I take it at night (as I did today) I don't sleep. I don't know whether to persevere or try something else.
It's either can't stay awake or can't sleep Never a happy medium.

MechanicalTheatre Tue 19-Feb-13 00:12:21

How long have you been on them now Geek?

I personally think it's always worth persevering til you get to about the 2 month mark. The symptoms almost always settle down after a month or so.

I REALLY need to stop being half asleep though. I have 8000 words to write in 5 weeks, plus I need to apply for jobs. I have done NOTHING since I started on these tablets.

Geeklover Tue 19-Feb-13 11:31:41

I've only been on them 2 weeks. I'm on my own with 3 dc and if I take them in the day I'm struggling to function with a crippling headache, anxiety and nausea. If I take them at night I don't sleep. I am not sure I can do it for a couple of months like this.

MechanicalTheatre Tue 19-Feb-13 17:50:58

Geek it's so hard, isn't it? I've no children and I'm at university at the moment and it's been hard enough for me to cope.

Your doctor might be able to give you something for the nausea, I used to take stuff when I was really queasy with anxiety. Maybe they'd give you sleeping tablets too? Mine used to be really generous with zopiclone which knock me out, but alas my new doctor won't prescribe them.

Geeklover Tue 19-Feb-13 18:47:10

The dr has changed me to sertraline. It will supposedly help with the anxiety as well.
The pharmacist was very positive about these ones being much better re side effects.
Dr said I have the choice to continue on the citalopram and persevere or try these new ones.
I'm a bit torn really. I feel that despite the side effects I have been starting to feel a bit of benefit from them but can't continue the way I have been for past fortnight.

MechanicalTheatre Tue 19-Feb-13 18:52:11

I definitely had bad side effects on the sertraline, Geek. As far as I remember, worse than citalopram (although it's been years since I tried that).

However, my sleep has been fine on it.

Geeklover Tue 19-Feb-13 19:08:04

That just makes me more confused. I really don't know what to do.

MechanicalTheatre Tue 19-Feb-13 19:13:44

I know, it is so confusing. I wish I had some advice for you.

Hi citalobrain, MT. Geeklover my OH has had Sertraline and had no side effects whatsoever. Plus they were very effective for his depression and anxiety. I'm glad the GP listened and offered you those, in my (limited experience) they do tend to start people off on something like cital/fluox and then switch to sertraline if its not entirely effective. My fluox side effects calmed right down after 12 days so its worth considering swapping if you're still really suffering on the cital. I do feel for you with the 3DC - that's really hard. I had a good chat with GP this morning, we talked through the last few days, and agreed that I would up the Fluox from 10mg to 20mg gradually over the next week. If that sorts the anxiety then fine, if not she'll switch me. She also said feel free to ring again which was nice. I've had my dad over to help with the DC today and it has actually been a nice day. Wobbly this morning but improving during the day. Am thinking (hoping) Sat morning was a bad blip in reaction to a stressful Sat, so am taking up all offers of help this week to try and stay as calm and unstressed as poss! take care everyone x

MechanicalTheatre Tue 19-Feb-13 20:56:51

Glad you're feeling a bit better ColouringIn.

I am really really struggling to eat well. Luckily I am a student atm, so I can go for lunch in the cafeteria, but other than that it is crisps, chocolate, biscuits. The thought of preparing anything is daunting for some reason and I can never think of anything I even want to eat and my appetite is still gone.

Maybe I just need to buy some healthy snacks. My skin is really suffering and I'm sure all the junk is not helping my mental state.

Thanks MT sorry to hear about the eating thing. I know it can be really hard when you're unmotivated and appetite is down. It doesn't have to be complicated things though - things like bananas, yoghurts, toast to start with and maybe some baked beans, boiled egg or soup if you can manage warming something up? Even a hot choc made with lots of milk in microwave has goodness in that will help you and may be a bit more appealing (if yr a choc fan like me). Start off small - maybe one of these things tomorrow - and build up from there? take care x

MechanicalTheatre Wed 20-Feb-13 00:26:13

Going to my parents tomorrow for a few days so they will be on hand to cook for me! Might make it a bit easier.

Oh that's good MT hope you have a good rest and enjoy being looked after.

citalobrain Wed 20-Feb-13 16:39:16

Geek hope you're doing better now. I think you're at the worst point, time-wise, for settling into the new medication, and I'm sure it will get better if you can just hang in there. Keep talking here and to your doc x

Colouringin glad to hear you're having a good day, and yay for the supportive doctor and family, it makes such a difference smile

Mechanical a few nights of TLC and home-cooked food will be fantastic, enjoy! I totally sympathise with the teeth grinding too. I have to go to the dentist at some point to have all my grinding damage repaired :O (not specifically from citalopram, am a keen sleeping tooth grinder with or without the pills!!)

Was phoned on Tuesday by a vague/very distant family member (not even family actually) to ask to meet up today. I genuinely couldn't make it. I have so much on this week with work and a sick dog (self-employed so work +++hours at times) and nicely and apologetically said I couldn't make it but we should make plans to do it another time. She kept on at me and I kept having to say I couldn't. I was a mess by the end of the exchange! It kind of pulled the rug from under me and I spent the rest of the day / night feeling guilty and worried. She's not been well, but I just couldn't have met her today. I wonder if I should have made time and then worked later into the night?

This is what I hate! I question my judgement and decisions all the time, and spend insane amounts of time worrying that I've upset people, or that people think I'm weird / rude / socially inept.

Bugger! Sorry for this very self-indulgent post! I think I thought the ADs would miraculously make all these kind of anxieties disappear <hollow laugh>

Take care to everyone xx

Citalobrain sorry to hear you're feeling stressed about that call. It sounds like you made exactly the right decision but I know what you mean about questioning your judgement and worrying about other people's perceptions. After psyching myself to be open with 2 friends Fri I guess I had thought one of them would be in touch even if just a text, to say Hi, but nothing. I'm lucky I have one very good friend I have been completely open with - on top of you lovely MNers - and that's helped reassure me my judgement is OK. A bleurh day today and have got kids into bed very early for some quiet TV and chocolate for me... Hope the dogs feeling better soon! Take care everyone x

citalobrain Wed 20-Feb-13 20:28:23

Chocolate is a very good idea! I have recently discovered frozen yoghurt, which I have convinced myself is so healthy I can eat a large tub in one go blush

Thanks for the reassurance smile It means a lot as I find it hard to see the wood for the trees so often. You're right, having MN and you lovely people to check in on too is a big help smile

Don't worry about your 2 friends, honestly. I bet they haven't even thought to text, rather than an intentional silence. (**Very important** I don't mean hadn't thought to text as in 'we don't care about colouringin', but as in 'shit, where has the week gone' sort of thing? - I know in my head what I'm trying to say but not at all sure it comes across how I mean it in words!).

My friend who 'gets it' is fab too. We can speak after weeks of not talking, and say whatever is on our mind - all the shocking thoughts and feelings you'd never tell anyone else, but laced with laughs, and with no judgement. It's brilliant and precious and I love her to bits!

Take care of yourself and everyone else too. Here's to a calm and content day for everyone tomorrow xx

MrsShrek3 Wed 20-Feb-13 21:45:36

I've also rediscovered chocolate, haven't had any for months and since getting on citalopram I have had the urge to eat lots of it hmm grin
Bit of a downer today despite the meds, no idea why sad

reeniemartini Thu 21-Feb-13 19:09:09

Hello all! I'm glad I found this thread. I was prescribed citalapram 20mg yesterday and took the first dose last night. I had to change my bed clothes 3 times last night and then slept on a towel. I've spent the whole day feeling like I'm about to throw up and my hands have been shaking like I have the DT'S. I tried to go out to take my mind off it, this turned out to be a bit of a disaster as I saw to men shop lifting. I told the shop assistants and the guys heard me. They ended up screaming at me in the middle of the shop that I was a "mother-f*****g ugly c**t," that they "never forget a face" and "f**k you you bitch". Turns out they had dumped the stuff they were stealing and then ran out of the shop after taking a swing at me. The assistants were so worried they offered to escort me back to my car. I've got home, cried my eyes out and feel like I never want to go out of the house again.
After reading this tread it seems like there is hope, people seem to gradually be getting better. I really hope this happens to me because although today hasn't been the best to judge it by, the side effects after just 1 tablet are pretty

Blimey Reenie that's quite a day for your first day on Citalopram.

The side effects get worse before they get better, it really is a case of getting over the worst bit to get to the good bit IYKWIM.

I find it better to take mine in the morning.

Hi Reenie wow what a day. Really hope you're feeling a bit calmer tonight and that you have a better night. Glad you found the thread too - its a great support to quite a few lovely people. Good luck tomorrow x

Other things to watch out for reenier are a clenchy jaw/ear thing, non stop yawning, feeling very warm in the mornings, constipation, and vivid dreams. Not nightmares, just like films. I have had some corkers. grin

the constipation may be just me though.

reeniemartini Thu 21-Feb-13 20:18:59

sparklingbrook Thanks - does it also give you an inability to spell ? ;) I seem to be suffering from that at the moment. I'm having to be very spell-checky. As for the constipation...hmmmm kind of the opposite, IYKWIM

citalobrain Thu 21-Feb-13 21:17:10

Jeez what an awful day you've had Reenie, you poor thing!
Side effects as Sparkling said will be bad for a week or so but they will get better. ALthough you may well find it all quickly moves in a positive direction after your day 1!

Sympthies with the sweating, it's bad for me too. I also sleep wrapped in a towel but think it might be getting slightly better (I'm just over a month in now).

Hi Sparkling smile I've read your advice on other threads on here and really appreciate it, it's been really helpful x

Hope everyone's okay today. Been okay here but a bit, meh! I cleaned all my windows and mirrors a few days ago which has given me a real shock. I realise now I've been looking at my face in smoky / soft focus for ages and now am shock at what I've been subjecting the rest of the human race to when I'm out!

Nanabana, the thread founder, how's it going with you?

Big hugs to everyone xx

Hi citalobrain. I don't have the night sweating any more, sometimes i will feel a bit hot on waking.

reenie Spelling and everything else goes out of the window for a couple of days when you first start. i got a bit obsessed with checking how I was feeling all the time too.

MechanicalTheatre Thu 21-Feb-13 22:28:18

Welcome Reenie, things like spelling were a problem for me too for the first week or so.

At my mum's - she fell down the stair and has knackered her back and is signed off for a month; the dog is 18 (!!!!!) and alternately wanders about the house in a daze or dozes at the radiator, has to be helped up the stair every night; I am sitting here grinding my teeth and trying to stay awake past 8PM.

What a disaster of a house atm!

MrsShrek3 Fri 22-Feb-13 00:07:24

sorry so many people have had a crap daysad

I was also told to take it in the morning -I never have time first thing (or the memory skills...) I compromise on taking it in morning break time so 10.30ish. works for me.

MrsShrek3 Fri 22-Feb-13 03:40:52

yay. had a week of reasonable sleep... but looks like my old mate insomnia is backhmm

citalobrain Fri 22-Feb-13 10:16:24

Mechanical that sounds stressful! Hope you're all okay there.

Reenie are you feeling better today?

Hello to everyone else smile

Shrek insomnia is the pits isn't it? For the first time in so long I'm actually sleeping really well now, without the aid of booze and nitol blush (apart from the sweating!). I was prepared for my sleeping to be generally worse on the pills, so I've been so happy to find out it's got better. You're a bit behind me so it may well get better too?

I have a radio on just loud enough so I can hear it without straining (talk radio) and I listen to it to stop my head from whirring with unhelpful thoughts. Also, I let myself change positions a couple of times, but then make myself stay where I am, and I'm sure that also helps me to drop off.

When I remember the last radio segment I heard, I can work out it takes me about 15 mins tops to drop off. Pre the pills, I'd still be awake tossing and turning gone 3 am. It's a bloody revelation grin

Hope some of this may help x

citalobrain Fri 22-Feb-13 10:17:26

oops, meant to say I take mine around 9pm each night, and it doesn't seem to be interfering with a good night's sleep.

Hi everyone, MT hope you're having a better day - doesn't sound like the easiest place to be!
Reenie hope you're having a better day today.
Mrs Shrek hope you got some sleep.
Just wondered when people started to feel the benefits of their ADs? I've been on Fluoxetine for 3 weeks now and I'd say over the last seven days I've been worse than before. I have another docs appt next Wed so am thinking if no improvement by then, I'll need to ask to switch. Which is rather depressing as that'll be Jan and Feb as total write-offs.... any ideas? thanks all x

Looiloo79 Fri 22-Feb-13 16:10:02

So glad I've found this thread. I've started on 20mg citalopram a week ago and the side effects have been horrendous. I didn't feel this bad before I started the meds. Today has been the worst day and I've been back to docs who've reduced my dosage to 10mg for a couple of weeks. Has been useful to see all your positive posts and encouraging to know the effects don't last forever! Can't wait to get back to work and being normal again. Don't like feeling like a zombie and groggy all the time. The anxiety has heightened which I understand is very common so hoping the diazepam knocks me out tonight so I can have a full nights sleep ( not used to having insomnia ). Thanks for letting me join your discussion and keep the positive posts coming.

catgirl1976 Fri 22-Feb-13 20:51:52

Can I gatecrash too?

I've been on 20mg since Tuesday

I feel really spaced out and tired. I just want to sleep. I've no appetite and my mouth feels funny, I have a swollen tongue which is sore as it's rubbing on my teeth

I agree with Maggie, sometimes I get tingles like coming up on ecstasy

I have a 15 mo so I'm not sure if I should carry on with it as I can't be like this looking after him and he's not well atm.

I can't get across to DH how out of it I feel. DS has gone to my mums and since he left 5 hours ago I have just lain on the sofa in the dark in slience staring at nothing.

Hi catgirl. It's really crap that beginning bit. I nearly jacked it in, but somehow kept going. Just keep in mind the end result, however hard that seems. x

catgirl1976 Fri 22-Feb-13 21:00:10

Hey Sparkling smile

Thanks for that. I'll keep going and I'm back at the doctors on Thursday so I'll take to her and just try to stay focused on getting back to normal

It is hard though catgirl, and I think you have had to have gone through it to understand. I don't think DH could grasp it at all, but he certainly reaped the benefits when it kicked in and I became calmer, and more relaxed about things.

It takes the rough edges off and enables you to get on with stuff.

Hi looiloo and catgirl good to hear from you and you've come the right place. Hang in there, everyone says its worth it, but I know the side effects are tough - this is a good place to get support. Take care x

Linoleic Fri 22-Feb-13 21:12:00

DP just been prescribed citalopram and first dose today. Has anyone not had horrendous side effects? He already has dry mouth. I'm worried he will get all spaced out and not care about anything sad don't know how to help him ATM sad

Everyone is different Lino. I didn't feel spaced out, just couldn't focus on anything, concentration level of zero.
Really he just has to get through the first couple of weeks. Just be there for him, keep communicating. x

Linoleic Fri 22-Feb-13 21:20:38

Thank you sparkling, sometimes he communicates and sometimes just shuts off completely sad that's the worst part, although sometimes he also gets really angry at me over nothing. I realise this sounds selfish, going on about how bad I feel when he feels worse, but in RL I can't really talk to anyone about this.

You don't sound selfish Lino, you are trying to understand it all. Has he been prescribed the Citalopram for depression?

Linoleic Fri 22-Feb-13 21:29:58

Yes, for depression. First time prescribed. Depression much worse over the last couple of months. Has behaved in ways totally and utterly unlike him. I've known him for 8years and he has never been depressed before this year. They think its because of unemployment and struggling to find work rather than something that therapy could help with. I never thought this would happen to him, I've always been mildly depressed/anxious but have never sought medical advice on it, mostly because I'm afraid to confront it. Open the can of worms. This may sound pathetic/stupid but I'm so worried about how they will affect him, will he still be like himself/ the same person I love?

Lino once they start to work you should notice the difference. They don't change your personality, they enable you to deal with things that you couldn't before.

catgirl1976 Fri 22-Feb-13 21:37:07

Hi Colouring smile

Sparkling - glad to hear they worked for you and hope you are getting better

Linoleic Fri 22-Feb-13 21:38:59

Thank you, I guess it's just a wait and see thing. Encouraging to read this thread and so lovely that 'random strangers on the Internet' can be so kind and supportive.

Thanks catgirl they definitely work for me.

Lino there is always someone around on here if you are having a worry.

Linoleic Fri 22-Feb-13 21:56:14

That's good to know, very glad and encouraged that they work for you sparkling

Hi Linoleic my OH was very depressed for a lot of last year, finally diagnosed with severe depression in Sept and put on Sertraline. he is now really well smile I found last year a very hard, and at times, frightening time, so I guess I'd say to try and be kind to yourself. Last year (his illness, my redundancy, my DS starting school) all seems to have caught up with me this Jan and I'm now on Fluoxetine. Anyhow just wanted to let you know you're not on your own with this and hope your Cital kicks in soon x

oops linoleic re-read and realised its yr OH not you on cital - sorry - brain fog here, but anyhow def need to look after you too x

pixwix Sat 23-Feb-13 21:48:20

Hi! can I join? I started on citalopram (20mg) 10 days ago..

First 5 days, I felt sick - not all the time - just the odd wave of nausea, then I would sneeze and feel Ok. Jaw stiffness, and yawning - still ongoing, but less. Feeling tired - very much so, but wearing off now. Feeling spaced out - yes' for a week, then it just started to happen at peak times, and now thats largely worn off.

Emotionally I'm feeling better already, the weight has lifted, the anxiety got worse for a few days after starting it, but now am sleeping better, and the anxiety has started to lift...

Hi pix. Sounds like you are doing really well.

pixwix Sat 23-Feb-13 22:11:45

sparklingbrook am starting to feel better already, but have a way to go blush the first few days on it were tough though, but I was backed into a corner, so kept on - well - keeping on - and taking it. A couple of days, I just had to go for a nap after work, and leave the kids to it for a while (15 & 9) am lucky that they could sort themselves out for a while, but the tiredness has worn off now. Am thinking about lactulose though...

Nanabana Sat 23-Feb-13 23:14:13

Hi everyone, I've not been on for quite a while with it being half term.. I was surprised to see this thread on the most active and with so many new posters! Really hope it's been of help to all. It has been to me xx

ColouringIn.. I'm so sorry you felt so so down last week, so sorry I wasn't on here. Hope you're feeling a lot better now x

So the side effects have all gone.. It's been 3 and a bit weeks since I started. It feels like the fog has lifted, especially at work, I feel like myself again, motivated, working hard. I even went in both days last weekend as I feel like I need to make up for lost time! it feels good to
finally feel like I'm being productive. I am fighting the feelings of what my colleagues might be thinking of my work, I have been pushing on regardless.

I feel like I'm a much more effective mum. I've been enjoying being with dc, at times I have felt so so grateful to finally feel good that i have literally jumped with joy when with them. The dc have also
seemed to have noticed the change in me.. They're enjoying time with me.. To think that I haven't been giving them the best of me makes me feel so bad. During these recent good moments with dc, I almost
wish I could ask my gp to up my dosage to ensure the feeling doesn't go away.

On the other hand there have been periods of anxiety, eating away at me. When I saw someone recently and they told me they'd moved to a particular area specifically to be within the catchment area of an outstanding school, I went into panic mode and was questioning
myself as a mother and why I hadn't thought in the same way when we recently made an offer on a house which isn't within the catchment of the great school.. I considered taking a few extra citaloprams for a
couple of days hoping it would make the worry go away. There have been other things that haven't change too, eg overly worrying about what others will say etc.

But I have felt the benefits, I don't wish for bad things to happen to me anymore, I'm enjoying life a bit more.

Reenie... Goodness, you had a horrific experience, hope you're ok now.

Mechanical, hope you're doing better. How's it going with uni?

Geeklover, hows it going on the new ADs?

Citalobrain.. That phonecall sounds like my perfect nightmare - hope you've recovered from it and are no longer stressing about what the other person must think as chances are they are no longer thinking about it.

Hi,would appreciate joining this post.

Took citalopram 10 years ago now for PND,I was in an abusive marriage too.
Roll on 10 years & I am re-married to a wonderful ,supportive dh,we had a dd 6 years ago & have been fighting to get her dx'd,we did last year with a rare form of CP.Her issues are very complex,the main one being she cannot speak.I struggled with this massively & had private counselling at the beginning of last year to help me deal with her disabilities.I feel that the counselling was successful,but I must admit the dx brought up more issues too.I was also made redundant from a job I loved over 2 years ago now & have been out of work since as caring for dd is such a full time job!

Over the past 6 months I have been becoming increasingly 'down',have lost my 'get up & go'.I have been ignoring this really & battling on,but it has been getting worse.On Friday night my best friend asked me if I was happy & then it hit me that I had become depressed again.I am embarressed & frustrated about it as I have a great dh & cannot understand why this has happened again.sad

But I am going to make an appointment with my GP tomorrow & tell him that I need some help.I have thought in the past that I really did not want to go back on AD's again,but I think I need that extra help to get me back on track & enjoying life,which I don't do atm.
Sorry for going on but I checked out this post & you all seemed very supportive of each other & that is just what I need atm.Thankssmile

MechanicalTheatre Sun 24-Feb-13 14:23:46

chickens there's no need to be embarrassed by being depressed (although I can understand the feeling.)

Welcome to the thread.

I've been an idiot and come to my parents without enough medication. Going back today and only missed one dose, but I had the most awful nightmares last night which I'm sure is related to withdrawal.

Nana I'm glad that you're doing better, despite the anxiety. Uni is going ok, had a few days off which I think I needed. Now got 8000 words to write in a month, which is a bit intimidating, but trying to be calm and tell myself it's 200 words a day, which is more than doable.

reeniemartini Sun 24-Feb-13 16:18:52

pixwixs I think I may be having the same side effects as you.

Today is my 5th dose. The nausea is subsiding gradually but I have not appetite. the spacey feeling and inability to concentrate is still there. I haven't done a lot for the past few days. i'm trying to set myself small tasks to complete each day so I feel like I've accomplished something - I think that's a good idea. I haven't exercised for a week so tomorrows goal is to go to a yoga class that I always enjoyed before.
I've only had 3 days off work in total but am starting to stress about going back next week. I have to do 2x12 hour shifts and I have a job where I can get in a lot of trouble for the most minuscule mistake. I'm afraid of messing up and knocking my confidence, especially as I know I'm not on the ball at the moment. but I'm also afraid of taking the time off. By lucky coincidence I have a holiday booked and if I take those two 2 days off it will take me up up to my holidays, just worried people will think I'm taking the piss.

nanbana I can empathies with the anxiety levels rising when you start thinking about what others are thinking / saying about you. It's one of the things that's a real trigger for me.

chickensaresafehere I don't know if this will help you but I always remember what a very kind person told me a few years back. " Think of your life like a long piece of string. All that's happened at the moment is that you are in a loop, soon that loop will bring you back to where you were before all of this started and you will be able to carry on your life again." I try to hold on to that when I feel like there is no light at the of the tunnel x

Thanks MechanicalTheatre & ReenieMartini smile
Told dh this morning which was incredibly difficult for me(memories of the past&all that)but he has been so very supportive&understanding.I keep saying 'I'm sorry' as I feel my depression is a reflection on him hmm
It gives me hope when I read that people are starting to feel better after taking citalopram,it really worked for me first time round,but have bad memories of the initial side effects.

MrsShrek3 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:27:31

this week brings the joys(?) of a day off tomorrow and later in the week the inevitable increase from 10mg to 20hmm
hope all you folks have had as good a weekend as can be managed with the various circs.
Hello Chicken, you're in good company smile

Hello MrsShrek3,thanks for the welcome!

Hello chickensaresafehere and pixwix you've come to the right thread smile. Hope you're soon feeling better.
Waves to everyone else (if I've missed anyone its cos my brains still foggy - sorry!) nana, MT, citalobrain, mrsshrek3, geeklover, reenie catgirl, sparkling, lino wow its a good crowd now smile
MT - good luck with today's 200 words.
Citalobrain - good tip about radio, had forgotten mine this morning...
Nana - great to hear you're feeling better. I know exactly what you mean about the anxiety and self-doubt though. Took my kids to school this morning and overheard another mum talking about how she'd booked her sons party in in May already as she was now fully booked with University finals work (she has 3 kids under about 8), which made me feel like a real inadequate, and pretty sick to my stomach... Really trying this morning not to do the comparing thing, but sometimes it feels like everyone else is happier, more successful, doing more proactive stuff with their kids... blah. Anyhow, am going to be brave and walk in to town later to meet best friend for a coffee smile
Take care everyone x

Been to Gp this morning & he has started me on a 10mg dose of citalopram for the first 2 weeks,then he will up it to 20mg.
Nervous abot the side effects but determined to stick with it,as I cannot go on feeling like this sad
Hope today is a good day for all of you & things are improving.

Nanabana Mon 25-Feb-13 13:39:48

Hi everyone
ColouringIn, wish we could stop doubting ourselves, I'm sure we're great mums, difficult to convince ourselves of this.

Hi Chicken, glad youre on the road to getting better, I think I remember you saying that you took them before years back.. So you'll know it gets worse before it gets better but it will get better.

I missed my dose the last couple of nights, and boy am I feeling the effects. Makes me feel a bit sad and sorry formyself that I need these pills to help me feel a little sane. Been shouting at my poor kids all
morning, resent and hate the people I live with more than ever before,just feel so much pressure. Being the main breadwinner, homemaker, and cater, I just feel so hard done by! I know, I am really feeling sorry for myself but just need to vent somewhere. I've bored my family and friends with my whining enough already, don't want to turn to them anymore which is why I started on citalo in the first
place. Have been tempted to take more than one pill in one go.. I am back to feeling like wanting something bad to happen to me for those around me to actually understand how bad I'm feeling and how bad they make me feel.

Nanabana Mon 25-Feb-13 13:45:29

ColouringIn, the fact that you worry (althoug I wish you wouldn't worry) shows that you are concerned and think about how you are as a mum, you don't just assume you're thebest, which speaks for itself, ie you are trying the best you can in your situation, which is all you can do. No one is the perfect mum no matter how much they shout about the great things they do for their kids.

Nanabana Mon 25-Feb-13 15:45:47

Have been weepy and crying all day up until now, took a pill earlier, now starting to feel better, a little more clear minded.

citalobrain Mon 25-Feb-13 16:34:23

Hi everyone

Nanabana so sorry you've had such a shit time of late sad I think missing a few days will have made quite a difference, I hope you even up a little now you've taken them again.

I couldn't agree with you more about wanting the GP to up the dose. I've had such lovely moments where I've felt normal, but then back under water again. I now worry that I'll have fewer normal moments and have been wondering what I can say to the doc when we have our next phone call that will make her decide to up my dose! I'll just be honest and say feeling flat and feeling anxious seems to be slightly dominant to feeling normal / feeling happy.

Sorry the above doesn't sound like a great ad for the pills, I definitely think they can and will work, it's just a question of getting the right dose. I left it for so long (year+) before seeing the doc despite knowing I was massively depressed, so perhaps it will take a stronger dose to shift out of it?

ColouringIn I couldn't put it better than Nanabana has put it smile You are doing fantastically well in the midst of suffering depression. What you are managing is what other people manage day to day without depression. You should be really proud of yourself for that x

Self-doubt, anxiety etc. are just the worst part of it all. Have you tried CBT by the way? I have CBT for dummies and found it really helpful, I should go back to it as my anxiety is spiraling up again.

Really sorry not to name check everyone, but worried I'll leave someone out inadvertently, so sending everyone a hug, and hello to the new peeps, and hope everyone is managing okay today.

Take care everyone x

MechanicalTheatre Mon 25-Feb-13 18:36:27

The side effects have totally gone for me now, thank God.

I'm not feeling THAT great though. I feel anxious a lot of the time and can't be bothered with university.

I need to get back into doing meditation, that helped me so much.

Nana, sorry you were feeling bad but good that you've picked up a bit.

Hi Nana sorry to hear you've been feeling rubbish I know what you mean about wanting people to know just how awful you feel. I really hope getting back on track with the drugs helps level you out. Thanks to you and citalobrain for your kind words, I will keep re-reading them... My OH has benefitted a lot from CBT so its def on my radar. It's weird though, some of the anxiety I find it hard to pinpoint on a partic issue, eg cooking tea for me and the kids this eve I just got more and more stressed (only macaroni cheese!) and hyperventilating, so am wondering if its more chemical when its like that (brain just not working properly?) and diff from the negative thoughts - like this morning's playground thing? I am back to Doc on Wed so will see what she thinks about dosage - upping/switching... like you citalobrain I think I was mild/moderate depressed on and off for a lot of last year so there's prob a way to go now.
MT how long have you been on cital now? are you due a review soon?
chicken wishing you lots of luck, hopefully starting out on 10mg will mean the side-effects aren't toooo bad.
Take care everyone x

MechanicalTheatre Mon 25-Feb-13 20:51:29

Not on citalopram colouringin, I'm on sertraline. Been on it for about 4 weeks now and going in on Thursday to see what the score is.

pixwix Mon 25-Feb-13 23:23:52

Reenie am on dose 12 now, and the spacey feeling has pretty much worn off - sounds like you have the same job as me without going into detail, but I talked to my manager, and they looked out for me..

colouringin I get a general anxiety about all sorts of stuff that mounts and mounts - feeling am not spending enough time with the kids, other mothers cope better, the state of the house, work, not sorting out finances, not being dynamic enough etc, forgetting things for book day/inset day/comic relief/raffle tickets (delete as appropiate) and sometimes it feels overwhelming - like I am going round in ever-decreasing circles.

MechanicalTheatre Tue 26-Feb-13 02:03:15

Can't sleep tonight. Very anxious. I'm having a lot of problems in my relationship and its just going round and round in my head. Tried meditating, reading, browsing Internet, but this horrible feeling of worthlessness and panic won't go away.

Hi MT sorry sert of course. Hope you managed to get some sleep eventually. I've been forced to read chick-lit to calm brain down at bedtime hmm
Reenie that sounds very familiar - this morning realised hadn't done my son's reading...
Dropped DD8 off at school today and she wouldn't settle, ended up having to leave her with the lovely lady in the school office, in tears. Only positive is a couple of weeks ago that would have completely finished me off, whereas I managed to stay calm, so that is some bit of progress.
Hope everyone has an OK day today x

MechanicalTheatre Tue 26-Feb-13 13:37:34

Got a little bit of sleep in the end, now half way through a six hour day of lectures :/

Just want to curl up in bed, feel so rubbish.

{{hugs}} MT. That's a great achievement - hang in there.
I had my first counselling today. Counsellor seemed nice. It was pretty tough though and doesn't feel very "natural" (a bit embarassing) but I think prob does need to be done. Exhausted now...

MechanicalTheatre Tue 26-Feb-13 16:56:19

Well finally finished for the day. I feel so anxious, panicky...

I'm glad your counsellor was nice Colouring. I think it IS embarrassing, especially in the beginning. It was VERY hard for me to try to be honest and not worry about being judged. I always felt like she was thinking inside "oh my god, you KNOB" even though she was lovely. It's just very hard to shake off that shame, I think.

"you knob" grin yes did feel a bit of a basketcase! I've found the last couple of days I've got more anxious as the day's gone on - I think justmaybe cumulative mental exhaustion - does that sound possible? - I cannot imagine lasting a day of lectures - well done. Hope you can take it easy this eve.
Back to docs 2moro so will get her perspective...
take care x

citalobrain Wed 27-Feb-13 09:43:22

Hello everyone

Pixwix I so identify with what you wrote. The relentlessness of everything is getting to me. I feel like I have so many demands from my family (demands is probably a bit strong) and obligations to people and so often I feel like just running away. I fantasise about taking off to a small remote village or a massive city where no one knows me and just hiding! I've started feeling like that again which makes me think I need some tweaking / adjustment to my medication. Glad your side effects have subsided smile

Mechanical, poor you. Tell you doc everything and see what they suggest. Perhaps you need a higher dose? Or another drug altogether? I think we all so often say "I'm fine" that it's sometimes hard to admit the gritty truth that we're actually really "not fine" when we need to. Sending you a {hug}

ColouringIn so glad the counselling went well smile It is hard starting out. I remember being embarrassed by how silly my feelings sounded when I said them out loud! It's hard to articulate your feelings but it will massively help. Good luck with the doc on Thursday. Are you going to ask about changing anything or are you happy (you know what I mean!) with how things are at the moment?

I have 2 weeks left before I have to call for a new prescription so I'm going to give it 1 week and then call and speak to my GP. Things don't feel better any more. I dread the day ahead, even with nothing scary planned. I don't even want to be bouncing out of bed with a massive smile on my face, I just want to not dread everything.

Hope everyone has a good day. Sorry my post was not very positive sad x

Hi Citalobrain, sorry to hear you're not feeling the benefits any more. Like you say give it another couple of days and then go back to the GP... maybe you need a higher dose? I also fantasise about moving somewhere like the Isle of Skye (!!!) where I think life would be simpler - like you say, just escaping from the present situation.

I think I have seen a little benefit from the ADs the last couple of mornings - have felt a bit more able to engage with some other mums in the playground. But at the same time I am doing very little - I have scaled my life right back, the couple of hours after school pick-up in the afternoon sees my anxiety rise and rise. Yesterday my OH helped with the school run, I came home watched a bit of TV, went to counselling, had a cry, had a big sleep, watched a bit of TV, picked up DS4, picked up DD8, heard her read then cooked tea while they watched TV (hmm recurring theme here) and that was enough for the day. Not exactly a full life! But it is a bit more manageable and people keep telling me it won't be like this always (and I try and believe them!) anyhow sorry for splurge - must get to docs now!
Take care everyone x

MechanicalTheatre Wed 27-Feb-13 19:12:24

I also think about going back to where life is easier (I come from rural Scotland). There was a huge house, 9 bedrooms I think, right out near the Black Isle (top of Scotland, by Inverness) that was the same per month as my flat in London.

I would LOVE to be somewhere like that right now.

catgirl1976 Wed 27-Feb-13 19:13:15

Hi everyone

I am really struggling atm

I cant eat am naseous really bad headaches spaced out sweats shakes and chills

Is this normal?

MechanicalTheatre Wed 27-Feb-13 19:44:25

It was really bad for me for the first 2 weeks, catgirl. Now I'm back to normal.

How long has it been for you now?

Hi catgirl, sorry to hear you're feeling so rough. Yes from my experience that does sound fairly normal - what day are you on now? I ended up nibblinh on rich tea biscuits to try and keep the nausea under control (well a bit). What dose are you on?

MechanicalTheatre Wed 27-Feb-13 20:07:51

Have you tried eating ginger? It was the only thing that stopped the nausea for me.

Oooh MT that Black Isle looks beautiful.

MechanicalTheatre Wed 27-Feb-13 20:33:27

Yeah isn't it Colouring In? I'm from further east, but up there is beautiful too.

They have one of these up there somewhere.

bit weird, I like it

catgirl1976 Wed 27-Feb-13 20:43:22

Hi Mechanical and Colouring

It's been just over a week now so I think I have a way to go
I think I am making myself worse by not eating but the thought of food makes me heave. I am on 20mg

I had to ring my mum today I felt so grim. Bless her she took DS out to the park and returned with some nice bread, warm chicken breast and salad and made me eat it

I do feel a bit better for that. It's just hard to think of food atm but not eating isnt helping

MechanicalTheatre Wed 27-Feb-13 20:47:16

I lived on biscuits and crisps for the first couple of weeks. Just try to choke down whatever you can. If it's been over a week, you should settle down in the next couple of days.

catgirl1976 Wed 27-Feb-13 20:48:47

Thanks - I hope so smile

I am back at the doctors tomorrow so will mention the side effects to her. Going to ask for some counselling as well I think

Hope everyone is doing ok today thanks

Citalopram helped me no end, Iv actually just this month come off it, and its been invaluble. Persevere with it OP. \When it starts to kick in you will reap the benefits smile

best of luck <<hugs>>

Looks lovely MT!
Hang in there catgirl, hopefully you'll feel a lot better in a few days - and as MT says try and eat something (doesn't really matter what) if at all poss. Yr other options is (in consultation with Doc) is to reduce dosage a bit to get past the worst of the side effects, but tbh if you've done a week you're nearly through the worst of it. Def get help though - I did with my DCs - too much otherwise x

citalobrain Wed 27-Feb-13 21:24:05

catgirl hope you're feeling a bit better x The side effects can be horrible but you will be through them soon. Do you think you may have a cold or some other bug on top though? There are loads of nasty ones about at the moment. Great advice to try and eat anything you can manage. You don't want to cos you feel sick but it does make you feel better. Hope the doc tomorrow can provide some help and reassurance.

ColouringIn hope the doc went well today. You are doing great! Just keep on doing however much or however little as you can handle / get away with at the moment. It will pass but for the time being try and put you first if you can (not easy I know day to day!). It's great to hear that you may be starting to feel the benefits though? smile

Mechanical oh I love that part of Scotland!! I stayed with my friend there last September. Her nearest big town is Inverness. It was so beautiful (and quite rainy!). I love how her life seemed up there - she seems to be able to be peaceful, tranquil and hide away if she wants, and then social and busy and out there if she doesn't. And her friend has pigs!!! I adore and would love to have pigs!

Good luck back at the docs tomorrow. I'm dithering about ringing my doc sooner rather than later to check my dose with her.

Take care all

MechanicalTheatre Thu 28-Feb-13 13:32:00

citalo, that sounds great. Not sure I wouldn't get bored though, I HATED living up there as a child.

Just back from doctors, she upped my dose to 100mg. She asked me what I enjoyed doing and I couldn't think of anything. She pushed me, and I burst into tears. I feel so bad, and I couldn't explain it to her, but I don't enjoy ANYTHING because I feel so insecure that I am "bad" at things. Bad at anything arty/musical, bad at anything physcial...even things like reading, I feel like I'm not doing it properly. I hate being like this.

Hi MT sorry you're feeling so low - it's horrible that feeling and not being able to think of something and not enjoying anything.
Maybe its Thursdays (poor joke). I am having a shitty day today, can't even manage to look "normal" in front of the kids today.

citalobrain Thu 28-Feb-13 18:35:36

<gives Mechanical and ColouringIn a huge, squashy hug!!>

I can't offer much help I'm afraid but I can identify 100% with what you've both said. It's so clear from reading your posts though that it's the depression talking, and not you as a person Mechanical. (Not that I know you of course!). Someone who isn't depressed would never even say those words, so try and keep in mind it's not you and who you are.

I don't know if that's any help. It helps me a lot to remember it's nothing I've done, it's like breaking a leg, it just needs fixing. I know it's more complicated than that (bastard thing!) but it helps me keep it in perspective when I feel like I'm drowning. I'm sure upping your dose will help you through the worst, keep talking here x One day soon you will wake up and you'll be grabbed by an idea, something you want to do, and you'll be onwards and upwards.

When I first talked to my doctor she asked me a similar question, I think she asked about anything in my life I 'take joy from'. I must have looked completely blank! I said I felt like I had just simply checked out of my life, and was basically going through the motions, and perhaps not even managing that.

Have decided I'm going to ring my doc on Monday and hopefully speak to her then or Tuesday (ridiculous new surgery system). I'll be saying that I feel I'm going backwards, and HELP! Dreading calling though, hate phone calls!

Take care of yourselves everyone xx

A1980 Thu 28-Feb-13 19:41:08

I just started on it two days ago. Needed a day off work today, I feel sick and lethargic. Couldn't get out of bed.

Bunnygotwhacked Thu 28-Feb-13 19:56:09

Hi i've been prescribed 20mg of citalopram for GAD I am going to take my first one tomorrow so i'm hoping to crash on this thread as it looks like im in for an even rougher few weeks of it. I am tempted to mark three weeks out on the calendar as a count down to when i should be feeling normalish. At the moment anxiety is so bad i cant really leave the house today was the first time i left the house for a week and a half and that was only because dp was with me.
I am nervous about taking the pills but i have a life that needs getting on with and i just seem to be stuck so fingers crossed these will work for me. Will hopefully update tomorrow once have taken first one

catgirl1976 Thu 28-Feb-13 20:07:16

Hi Everyone

Turns out I have a kidney infection so a lot of how bad i am feeling could well be down to the not the citalopram

MT Really hope you are ok sounds like a rough day

Hello A1980 and Bunnygotwhacked, youve come to a good thread. Well done for getting some help (hope that doesn't sound too patronising) and really hope the drugs give you the boost you need.
catgirl ouch that's really not going to help. Hope you get the chance to rest and feel better soon x
MT Hope you're OK tonight, keep posting.
Citalobrain thanks so much for your hug and insight. Sounds like a good plan to ring the Docs - go for it. Be as honest as you can.
I have had a good chat with my OH tonight. He says he thinks I've been a bit depressed for a long time, but is optimistic I will come out the other side. I know its not to be encouraged, but open chat was preceded by drinking more wine than I have in a while wink, My best friend texted me too, and another mum from school so that helps. phew it does feel like a bumpy road sometimes doesn't it?
sleep well everyone and take care x

MechanicalTheatre Thu 28-Feb-13 23:45:59

citalobrain, the thing is I have always been like this. So it IS who I am. I have a personality disorder and at the end of the day, that means it is just something that is wrong with me, rather than a chemical thing or whatever. I hate it. I so wish I was normal.

Bunnygotwhacked Fri 01-Mar-13 08:59:41

I'm sat here this morning with the pill and a glass of water and i have to say i am very nervous about starting on this journey I hate taking pills its the whole once youve taken it thats it theres no way to get it back you just have to ride out the effects whatever they maybe. I am really scared about the anxiety becoming worse as mine I would of thought is as bad as it could be and to get worse im not sure i could cope

citalobrain Fri 01-Mar-13 10:39:10

Hi everyone.

ColouringIn last night sounded good!! Talking is good, and wine sometimes helps grin I spoke to my best mate last night too and it cheered up me massively! Have a good day today.

Catgirl wow, so sorry to hear about the kidney infection, sounds nasty sad I hope it clears up soon.

Hi Bunny and A1980. You really will be okay. I guess it's best to expect a bumpy ride for the next few weeks and then things will start to improve. Good luck and definitely keep posting if it helps.

Mechanical I'm so sorry, if I spoke out of turn to you. I wondered whether my logic would help you (rather ham-fistedly I now think). I sympathise with how you're feeling. I've had depression for 20 years now shock and also have that feeling of 'this is just who I am'.

I've often wondered if ADs bring out the real me, or just mask it. Whichever way, give me the pills anyway lol!

Really hope I didn't offend you Mechanical.

Have a good day everyone xx

Bunnygotwhacked Fri 01-Mar-13 11:50:27

took it just after posting have been feeling a bit floaty light and clenching my jaw on and off other than that no real side effects so far

MechanicalTheatre Fri 01-Mar-13 12:02:18

citalo, no no no! You didn't offend me at all. Sorry if I came across as a bit short, it wasn't my intention at all!

Morning everyone.
Well I discovered that drinking half a bottle of wine whilst on Fluoxetine is not to be recommended! Did have a good chat with OH he says (I can't remember most of it), but when I got up and went to bed (at about 1.00am) I felt so sick, terrible night sleep, woke up feeling even worse, got up to go to the loo and then nearly fainted, OH had to carry me back to bed blush some dioralyte and rich tea biscuits and sleep later and I have now just made it to the sofa... lesson learnt wink
MT my OH reckons he has always been slightly depressed and that was why his episode of depression last year was so severe. But he is now doing really well - for him a combination of sertraline, CBT and lots of support from friends and family have made a world of difference. Don't loose hope, even if it has been a long time, there is always the possibility of change for the better.
Bunny well done for taking the first step, be kind to yourself today.
Citalobrain glad you had a good chat too and hope your Friday's going OK.
1 March - I'm hoping Spring is on its way now for us all x

citalobrain Fri 01-Mar-13 12:34:58

Mechanical phew! (Did I mention I suffer from anxiety among other things grin?). You didn't sound short by the way, I just worried I'd trivialised your situation in some way.

I'm sure you can get to a better place than where you are now. Can you remember feeling better than you do now? Can you remember what was different? Pills, or circumstances, or both? (don't feel you have to answer! it might help to think about it so things don't seem quite so bleak?)

Bunny well done. Things like jaw clenching will definitely subside. Shamefully, I enjoyed the spaced out feeling!!

ColouringIn yikes, that doesn't sound fun. Take it easy today and nurse that hangover. Chocolate is my go-to for a rough hangover. It may not help but it tastes bloody good!

Have to make the phone call to the distant non-relative this afternoon sad I really don't want to and I'm worried I'll be bulldozed into something but must be done. Wish me luck!

Hi Citalobrain, thanks am still on the toast and marmite stage think it might be a while before I get to the choc (which I love too) but actually it's OK - I realise that handling being physically ill is pretty easy compared to bad depression!

Do you have a plan about the call? Is it about something in particular? If you're worried you might end up saying yes to something, have you tried writing down a few "No" replies to have to hand as a back-up? Good luck!

Bunnygotwhacked Fri 01-Mar-13 13:16:15

citalobrain could you keep a plastic bag with you to rustle at the phone saying its a bad line and hanging up if it gets too heavy so you can regroup and call again later?
I haven't got to do anything today dp is doing school run going to get takeout for tea and let kids have screen time nausea is kicking in but that could just be because im thinking about it iyswim

citalobrain Fri 01-Mar-13 13:58:19

ColourinIn that's a really good idea, to write a few things down, so I don't veer off course. And Bunny brilliant re the crackling bag! Before reading these I'd summed up the courage and called, but her voicemail said please don't leave a message, text instead. So I did, just saying hi and wanted to touch base.

To be honest I'm not sure why I felt I had to call. How it was left before made me feel bad, and I guess I wanted to resolve it as it's been worrying me. I wanted to give her a specific week (after Easter!) when I could make a day trip to see her and therefore stop worrying about it! I genuinely can't make it before then due to work and busy weekends (nightmare!).

So I was all revved up and ready to go but I'll have to wait now to have the convo later as I'm 100% sure she will call me back.

Honestly, it's not normal to get so wound up by making a phone call is it?! When my phone rings, I stare at it for ages before answering it, always, even if I know who it is and would like to talk to them, bizarre.

Bunny you sound like you have the perfect plans in place to get you through the day with the least stress possible. Try and eat something even if you feel nauseous. You may find you have minimal side effects which would be great smile Hope it all goes okay x

Will check in over the weekend. Hope everyone has a decent one smile

pixwix Fri 01-Mar-13 22:05:41

citalobrain I know - it IS relentless sometimes, the family stuff - much as you would lay down your life for them, I go to bed feeling like a crap mum, and agitating about homework diaries, if ds1 is going to remember to pick up ds2 from school, whilst am at work, have we enough milk, the house needs redecorating, I need to study, is Ds1 doing enough for his GCSE's, is ds2 spending too much time on the pooter, did I remember to tell someone at work that so and so need a new cannula... it all feels insurmountable at times. I can try and rationalise it, but it only goes so far.

And the sense of dread when I wake up.. I thought it might be work, but I had two weeks off with both kids at school, and I still woke up agitating, rubbing my feet together, and wondering how I was going to get through.. In fact, I felt slightly worse - alongside the depression.

It is getting better though. Work was tough today, but I was internalising it less, and was less anxious. Because of my history (ECT, hospital admissions in the past etc - although I can be well for years, and have no contact with mental health services now) when I was prescribed meds again 16 days ago, she wanted to see me a few weeks later, and wants to double up to 40mg.

I am starting to feel much better, but am not going to argue against doubling it. I might as well hit it heavy, then I can always titrate it down. I have another week of annual leave which coincides with my appointment to double it, so I don't have to worry about side effects and work.

I hate phonecalls too, and put them off for as long as I can - don't worry about upping your meds - it's not set in stone, when you feel better, you can always reduce slightly - so get thee along to the doctors! smile

catgirl mucho ouchio - I hope you feel better soon, and it can't have helped you feeling poorly! I know what you mean about the food - I couldn't eat much for a few days, but as I started to feel better, I saw food as medicine and something important to getting better, so I plan small regular snacks/small meals, and see it as part of getting better, even if I don't feel like eating.

colouring in Your OH sounds lovely, and he IS right - you will come out of the other side of this.

mechanical I hope you feel a bit better soon x

Bunnygotwhacked Sat 02-Mar-13 09:33:28

We got dd's secondry school letter through yesterday and she got the only school that we really didnt want and although i could feel panic trying to break through the most i felt was a bit warm and tingly which i could cope with felt really stoned yesterday but was much better once i ate took a while to get to sleep but other than that no real problems so far fingers crossed. I am going to try and make a cake with ds today before its time to take pill as once i have cant see me being good for much

CremeEggThief Sat 02-Mar-13 09:59:57

Hi everyone, please can I join? I have been mildly depressed for a long, long time, but have always managed to keep going.

Then my STBXH left me out of the blue for an OW last June. I hadn't been in love with him for a long time before that, but what he did came as a complete shock. I don't have a job or lots of friends and family around, so this is what my depression relates to. I think it would be abnormal for people in my situation to not feel depressed, so this put me off seeking help for a few months. Also, I usually get down in the winter months anyway, so thought I might feel better as soon as winter ends.

However, I finally went to my GP on Monday and he prescribed me 20g of Citalopram. I haven't taken any yet, as I had my first job interview for over a year coming up on Thursday (didn't get it, but glad to get the experience) and I wanted to be in control. I'm nervous about taking them anyway, as I worry about the side effects. I don't know if I can cope with feeling nauseous all the time and I meal-plan for everything I eat and can't afford to waste food. Also, I have nobody to help out with DS (10), if I need it. Will I still be able to get up and take him to and from school and keep everything functioning at a basic level on Citalopram?

Hi CremeEggThief (love the name) course you can join smile.
So sorry to hear your story - can't imagine how hard that must be, and you're right, it is depressing and this cloudy winter doesn't help at all. So pleased to hear that you managed to get to the Docs though and start taking some positive steps towards feeling better.

I can understand your reticence to start taking the meds esp with a DS to look after. You can do it though. I think looking back to my first 7-10 days I'd suggest you think about the following:
- Take your meds after you've done the morning school run (assuming yr doc has said take them in the morning)
- Get in some plain food - is there anything you can eat when nauseous? (for me, rich tea biscuits, toast, crisps)
- Plan the weeks meals for minimal cooking (anything in the freezer you can use/can you do some cooking in advance this weekend?)
- Can your DS go round to a friend's after school one day?
Is your DS with you all weekend? If so if it were me I'd be tempted to start them Monday morning after the school run, but that's just my approach.
Anyway hope this doesn't come across too bossy - feel free to ignore, but do keep posting, there are lots of lovely people on this thread and I find it helps to know you're not the only one going through this.

Take care x

Bunnygotwhacked Sat 02-Mar-13 14:56:36

hi creme egg on day two here i second not taking until after the school run as this morning i felt just as i usually do no difference until about 45 mins after i take it.

citalobrain Sat 02-Mar-13 15:20:45

Pixwix, bless you! Wow you've been through a tough time in the past. You are clearly incredibly strong! Good luck with the increase in dose. I want to ask my GP about increasing on Monday, do you think I should just come out with it and say I want to increase it?

Great news you have some leave around that time, that should really help keep things on an even keel smile

Life today goes a hundred miles an hour, it's a scary ride so much of the time isn't it. If I think too far ahead in the year I start to panic.

I know exactly what you mean about rationalising things, but it's so hard isn't it? One of my problems I'm only recently identifying is that I want everything resolved immediately! So a conversation to be had, must resolve it now. Work deadline in 2 weeks, must do it in next 2 days. Some spice I need to get next time I go out, must go and get it now. What's that all about?! I wish I didn't feel I had to tackle stuff this way as I'm sure my life (head) would be more relaxed if I didn't! It's like all unresolved stuff fills my head and worries me until I've sorted it. But life is never 100% resolved so my (head's) expectations are completely unmanageable.

ColouringIn, Mechanical, Bunny and everyone else hope you are all doing okay this weekend x

And welcome CremeEggthief smile Hope the first few days go well for you, whether starting this weekend or next week. Try not to panic if it's a bit bumpy as this is normal and it will get better.

My phone callee called me back and I just couldn't pick up the call! So will call her back tomorrow when I've psyched myself up again. Quite an impressive game of phone tennis we seem to be having lol I did call my lovely stepbro though and it was really nice to speak to him.

Take care everyone xx

CremeEggThief Sat 02-Mar-13 15:37:32

Thanks a lot for the tips. The GP didn't actually say when to take it. I saw on this thread that a lot of people take it at night instead of in the morning, but taking it after the school run could work. I usually eat breakfast then, so could try taking it after that. I am actually quite good though at keeping busy and finding stuff to do in the day. It's the evenings I sometimes struggle with, so might it work to take it about 9 p.m. when DS has gone to bed? I usually go between 11 and midnight.

I felt exhausted and overwhelmed earlier, but going for a walk in the sunshine helped a lot. I suppose I have lots of coping strategies and I know how to keep going, but now I'm thinking I want more than just that (apologies to anyone reading who would give their right arm to be at the stage I am at now. I know what it's like to feel as if everything is too much and I'm so grateful I can still function; please don't get me wrong).

My DS is 10 and going through a difficult stage right now. I have to ask him to do things over and over again before he does them, and sometimes he throws tantrums about these things, or he doesn't do them properly. I feel like I am tip-toeing around, almost scared to ask him to do anything, because of his reaction or not doing it properly and causing more work for me, so eventually I explode. I have been trying to crack down on this this week, but I ended up in tears about it this morning. Maybe I need to let that slide for a few weeks until the Citalopram kicks in and I feel more on top of things? Advice appreciated on this too. [I'm talking about very basic things, such as washing his face and brushing his hair; using a knife and fork instead of fingers to cut up food like sausages and waffles; stripping his bedding and putting it in the machine, without throwing a tantrum; and putting everything away properly after he makes cereal or a sandwich and clearing up any spills, etc.]

Hi citalobrain I know just what you mean about getting stuff done Now. Then its not rumbling around in your head isn't it? But as you say life is usually too complicated for that to be practical. In terms of the Docs I would start by talking about how you're feeling - symptoms, degree of improvement/not, and then say you'd wondered about increasing the dose?

I am not doing so good this pm. House was (and is) a bit chaotic this morning, I did a supermarket shop. But before that I had to email someone at church that I help run some children's sunday school type stuff with to say I have to pull out cos of health probs. Can't stop worrying about what he will think when he reads my email. But it's just too much at the moment.
Kids and OH are out this pm and I thought I would try and paint (took this up in the autumn to try and stay sane while DS started school). But I don't know whether I've been too ambitious with my subject/the anxiety is finishing me off/both but I've just had to walk away. Which I'm pretty upset about as it is just about the only thing I had been enjoying, but am not today. I feel like I'm going backwards at the moment tbh.

cremeeggthief I get what you mean about wanting more than just keeping going - that's what I was doing last year, and now can't even do that. Really great you had a good walk though. I sympathise in terms of DS. Not sure I'm qualified to advise on that - mine are 8 and 4 and my OH is having to step up at the mo as I just end up shouting. Perhaps concentrate on one or two things you want to improve on to start with and identify an incentive that your DS will go for?

Hello pixwix, catgirl, bunny, mechanical and anyone I've missed x

CremeEggThief Sat 02-Mar-13 17:48:36

Sorry to hear you're not in the best form this afternoon, ColouringinQueen. FWIW, I think you did the right thing to cancel the activity at church and put your health first, but even when it's the right thing to do, you hate feeling as if you're letting people down.

I bet you can think of something you did that makes you feel better, if you think small steps and celebrate every achievement. It was sunny enough to hang out the washing this afternoon, for the first time this year (even though I knew I'd have to finish it off later in the dryer!). So I did. And it made me feel better. While I was out there, I did a quick tidy of the garden- just a few sticks off the grass and some rubbish that had blown in binned. That made me feel even better, and then I felt confident enough to go for my walk.

This is how I try to think anyway, when I feel overwhelmed. It doesn't fix everything, but at least seeing you're making some progress, is a big help.

MechanicalTheatre Sat 02-Mar-13 20:21:12

Hi all, just checking in. Having so many problems atm - my flatmates are being really noisy (they were running about and banging doors and screaming at 5AM this morning, I'm so upset with them) and have a lot of relationship problems.

Sorry, not much support today.

MechanicalTheatre Sat 02-Mar-13 20:22:31

Hi all, just checking in. Having so many problems atm - my flatmates are being really noisy (they were running about and banging doors and screaming at 5AM this morning, I'm so upset with them) and have a lot of relationship problems.

Sorry, not much support today.

citalobrain Sat 02-Mar-13 22:16:58

Oh Mechanical you poor thing. I lived in London in flat-shares for years (last one was 7 years or so ago?) before I moved to where I am now (no flat-share).

A bad flat-share was actually what sent me over the edge health wise. It's totally brilliant when it works, but when it doesn't it's so so hard. I had a flat-mate who was either a vampire or an owl and only came alive at night. Together with at least 10 other of his friends, every night. I used to go to bed knowing that around 3am it would all kick off (and my dog would go mental). Not surprisingly I drank a lot at that time!

Is it worth you looking around for a different house share? My then flat mate was an absolutely lovely guy, but us living in the same flat was just a disaster. God it sucked, I feel for you. (After he left, someone moved in who virtually never left his room apart from to watch football too in the pub and it was bliss! We supported the same team which was handy too grin)

ColouringIn you and me both re feeling like you're going backwards. Are you going to go back to the doc and see what they say? I'm resolved now I'm going to call on Monday.

Cremeeggthief you are so right about getting little things done and the boost it gives you. When I went through my slightly manic phase when settling into the ADs, I did stuff that I'd ignored for over a year. Particularly in the garden.

Looking back on those few weeks, it now feels like another person sad

Sorry, all my posts become incredibly long so well done if you've read down to here! Also been drinking tonight which is creeping into my life again and I'm not happy about that at all. Hey ho, onwards and upwards and all that.

Samu2 Sat 02-Mar-13 22:37:57

I started citalopram just before Xmas. I was on prozac for 12 years and it changed my life for the first 6 years, last year it just didn't work at all so the GP switched me over. I started on 20mg and I had no bad side effects. It took the edge off but not as much as I had hoped so we increased my dose to 30mg four days ago. Thankfully, still no side effects.

Mine is for health anxiety and while I do suffer with mild depression it is tied in to my anxiety. When my anxiety is low my mood is obviously much better.

I am hoping the increased dosage will kick in soon as I have pretty much had enough of living in fear. This bad patch has lasted over a year and I want my life back.

I hope everyone starts feeling better soon. There are so many posts here so just jumping in but I wish you all the best and look forward to reading everyones updates.

MechanicalTheatre Sat 02-Mar-13 23:05:57

citalo, I can't really move, I only have 4 months left here anyway...will just ride it out.

Such a bad day, I really think me and my partner might split and I am just...I can't cope without him, I don't have anyone else.

A1980 Sun 03-Mar-13 00:01:19

I've given up after 2 pills. made me too sick.

{{hugs}} to everyone.
hello to Samu2 Brilliant to hear you're not getting the side effects and really hope the citalopram does the trick for you. Also interesting to hear about your experience with proxac - I've been prescribed fluoxetine for moderate depression and anxiety... really hoping it does the trick.
hi A1980 sorry to hear you've given up. What dose are you on? I was too sick on 20mg and my GP advised me to go down to 10mg for a bit and that really helped - I was able to keep taking them. Perhaps worth a call to your GP tomorrow?
citalo don't worry about the long posts - yours are always really supportive and honest and that's so helpful for me and I bet lots of others. I was having the same worries about mine being long if its any consolation but am ignoring them. You weren't alone drinking last night. Personally I think a glass of wine is good as it helps me relax wink. Really glad to hear you're ringing the Doc tomorrow - def sounds like the right thing to do. I am back to Docs on Wed...
Mechanical so sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. Have you got anyone else in RL you're able to confide in? Keep posting here too.
Take care everyone x

didn't mean to miss you out cremeeggthief and great advice. I did finish my painting in the end. Not a classic, but it happened! Gardening is food for thought too... hope you enjoy some sun today.
if I've missed anyone else - forgive me!

CremeEggThief Sun 03-Mar-13 13:19:11

Good for you, ColouringInQueen.
I bet you felt a lot better for it.

No sunshine here today sad. Feeling a bit panicky, so time to get off here, unload the dishwasher, put the recycling out and make some lunch, I think.

Mechanical, hope today is better.

citalobrain Sun 03-Mar-13 14:07:42

Thanks ColouringIn x I should feel much worse than I do today, hangover wise! Hope you feel okay and are having a good day. Painting sounds wonderful by the way, a good way to escape for a while I'd imagine?

A1980 what ColouringIn said is a good suggestion. Were you put straight onto 20mg? Could you talk to your doc about dropping the dose while you settle into it?

Cremeegg keeping busy really helps in the early days doesn't it. I think the less time you have to sit and wonder about how you're feeling at the beginning the better! Hope you're feeling less anxious now.

Mechanical I'm really so sorry you're having such a crap time with it all. We're one big listening ear on this thread so please talk away if it helps x

Got lots done at home today and received such a lovely text from my stepbro. I told him about my depression when I spoke to him yesterday and he was totally shocked, had no idea I'd ever had it, I can stick on quite a 'happy face' much of the time! In a way I'm glad I told him but in other ways I'm not. I don't want him thinking of me or treating me any different. I told him as there's a big family drama rumbling on and I wanted to help explain the reasons why I've made certain choices. Trouble is the bush telegraph will ensure the whole family knows within the next few days! It's done now anyway, at least I won't have to hide anything any more.

Hello to everyone else who's reading, hope everyone's having a good weekend smile

A1980 Sun 03-Mar-13 15:00:31

Yes I was straight on 20mg. Awful sickness etc hurt I guess that's the jaw clenching.

Truth be known I.don't.really want to.fix the mess I'm in. it's got too much.

Hi everyone.
Hello A1980 how are you doing now? Do you want to share what's going on - sounds like a tough day. Take care x
Citalobrain wow sounds like a v productive day and well done on being open about how you're feeling. I hope the family drama isn't too stressful.
I've had a more productive day, went to church, cooked roast and took DCs to fly kites. Really need to run away to bedroom now for some quiet before I loose it with DD and her homework!
Hope everyone else's days been ok x

MechanicalTheatre Sun 03-Mar-13 18:07:19

Thank you all for being so kind. Feeling quite low today, but a little better.

Also had an amusing experience that made me laugh. Feeling very low, I went out to get some fresh air and buy some crap food to eat (normally I eat really healthily but today I can't be arsed.) I'd already waited an age til my flatmates were gone, because I just couldn't face them, I'm really annoyed with them atm. Got to the shop, bought a load of junk. When I got to the counter, they didn't have any plastic bags, so I had to walk back, my arms laden with shite food.

The humiliation was just not what I needed when I was already feeling anxious, but at the same time, it was so ridiculous that I laughed.

grin mechanical. Come up fess up to some crap food favs... mine include mr kiplings viennese whirls, prawn cocktail crisps and pretty much anything covered in chocolate...

MechanicalTheatre Sun 03-Mar-13 18:43:05

Well, I bought Maryland cookies (white choc chunk brownie! RIDICULOUSLY chocolatey) mini eggs, haribo, crisps, ribena and Cookie Crisp cereal.

I am allergic to milk, so most of these will give me sinus crap and a headache, but whatever.

Mr Kipling is a good idea, I used to be addicted to his apple pies.

citalobrain Sun 03-Mar-13 19:23:13

Mechanical grin

I eat healthily most of the time. And today I have had a panini for lunch (take away from cafe), 4 scones (yes, 4), about to have pizza for dinner and frozen yoghurt after that, ahem.

Can't even blame it on time of the month!! Sometimes we just need a blow out, enjoy smile

A1980 please please don't struggle without help. Do go and speak to your doc again as a dose adjustment will probably sort it, and you will start feeling better. Take care of yourself x

ColouringIn your day sounds good! Enjoy the rest time and run far away from the homework, very good plan!

Family drama has rumbled on for years, but came to a head last year. Might be a good thing as it turns out as it brought the depression stuff to a head and made me have to do something about it.

Take care everyone. I'm looking forward to Tuesday. Today was a hangover and tomorrow will most definitely be a dough-over blush

Yum yum yum to mini eggs and those cookies sound great grin. Citalobrain, did you not eat yest wink respect for fitting in pizza after 4 scones grin. Like you both say, sometimes it just has to be done. Am now going to tuck into kinder egg pressie from DCs. Night all x

Hi all. I need to make a public service announcement. My GP says Citalopram interferes with your 'feeling full' response. It takes longer for your brain to register IYKWIM. So watch the portion sizes, and generally keep an eye on food intake and whether you are really hungry. Sorry. I am heavier than I was when i went on it. sad

citalobrain Sun 03-Mar-13 20:04:04

Sparkling thanks for the warning. I've been like a locust this weekend so it's actually a bit of a relief that it could be at least partly due to the citalopram!

I was on mirtazopene (sp?) for a very short while before I asked to change as I couldn't deal with the uncontrollable appetite at all (as well as being turned into a zombie), so thought I was out the danger zone with the citalopram.

Will definitely be more vigilant as weight gain is something I really don't want to have to deal with as well.

Thank you smile

CremeEggThief Sun 03-Mar-13 20:04:22

Thanks for the warning, Sparkling.

I felt I should share, horrible though it is. sad She said it is sometimes prescribed to people with eating disorders.

MechanicalTheatre Sun 03-Mar-13 20:15:21

Oh shit, yeah, I never thought that it could be about the ADs that's making me want to eat shit.

citalobrain, mirtazipine is CRAZY. I mean, it works, it worked really quickly on me, I went from unable to wash to fully functioning member of society in three weeks. But I was also sleeping for about 14 hours a day and was NEVER full. I mean, I was shovelling crap food into my mouth like I hadn't eaten in a month. I would get up in the middle of the night and eat an entire big packet of crisps and then go back to sleep. And I (despite today!) am not really into eating junk food.

pixwix Sun 03-Mar-13 22:04:07

Bit of a crap weekend - nowt spectacular - just can't be arsed to do owt - slept loads - ho hum..

Bunnygotwhacked Sun 03-Mar-13 22:07:09

See i'm hardly eating at all due to the nausea but will watch out for that if the sickness goes away. Feeling a bit shakey today but that could be the hardly eating thing though i don't think so.
We are as of today facing a major family upheaval and i think the shaking is just my bodys way of dealing with the panic as i can't seem to feel worried about anything on this stuff.
We are off out tomorrow going to try tescos on the pills if anything is going to set me off it will be that place. We meaning dp and i not the royal we
MechanicalTheatre Ive found as a plus point with citalopram i can eat wheat when i can manage anything without it effecting me the same as usual so fingers crossed your reaction won't be so bad.

A1980 Sun 03-Mar-13 22:09:17

Everything has gone wrong for me... job, personal life etc. now I can't be bothered to fix it.

A1980 Sun 03-Mar-13 22:13:32

I barely bother to brush my teeth or dress at weekends. I stay in bed.

Geeklover Sun 03-Mar-13 22:25:27

Hi everyone.
I'm just trying to catch up on how everyone is getting on.
I had a shaky few days stopping taking the citalopram before starting the new ones. I was worried I was going to have all the same side effects again.
Sooo glad I changed though. Have had nothing but a bit of nausea first few days. The sickness, shakes and headaches have all gone. My normal day to day anxiety is still there but the horrible pit of my stomach feeling is gone. I'm getting a bit more sleep as well which is good.

My gp has been brilliant. She has been very reassuring about it all. And promises me I will eventually start feeling like my old self.
I'm trying to make a bit more effort at getting out and about. Seen my best friend yesterday for the first time in a month. We had dinner and I actually really enjoyed myself. I've had some very hard moments recently where I'm just scared I'm not going to feel normal again so it was good to find I relaxed last night.

Right off to have a read and catch up properly on everyone else.

Bunnygotwhacked Mon 04-Mar-13 09:07:05

A1980 They have loads of different AD's so if this one hasnt worked try another one if you can't make it to the docs can you see if they will speak to you over the phone please do get some help you really don't have to feel like that.
Geeklover What have you been changed on to?
I have just managed the school run ok with dp but with tiny amounts of anxiety the feeling of dread was still there but it was like it was behind a wall and couldn't get to me IYSWIM. However we left school turned round corner to head out to tescos and it was dreadful like coming up on a pill I could do nothing but turn around and come home. Still feeling shaky now will probably feel stupid later but i will not be beaten Ahahahah i managed the school run so i will be proud of myself and ignore the shopping trip

Hi everyone.
Great to hear diff ADs are helping Geeklover and you had a good meal out with your best friend.
Bunny - you did the school run, that is no mean feat.
I am feeling really shitty this morning. Forgive me ranting here but I hope writing it down will help. Did some normal things yest like go to church, cook lunch and go out in pm with OH and DCs to fly kites. Completely knackered yest eve and this morn. Did school run. There's 2 mums that last year I would have said were my two closest school mum friends. They know what's happening with me as I met up with them a few weeks ago. If they see me they say hello and then carry on with their so engrossing conversation. I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. Alongside being depressed this year its not helped that my DD has a broken leg and so I take her straight into school, no playground chit chat as previously, but most days I can't do chit chat anyway. I don't find it easy to make friends, and having worked p/t for a while would say I really only have 4-5 local friends, of which these were two. Today I just want to say F* you, but then that also leaves my DD who is friends with their DDs in a difficult position - I don't want her to feel marginalised any more than she does at the moment with her leg and the other two girl's closeness. This is feeling really nightmarish this morning. I have attempted to use anger and frantically hoover downstairs!!!! Now need to find a way to calm down... Reading this through am worried at am risk of outing myself. fingers crossed.

CremeEggThief Mon 04-Mar-13 10:03:08

ColouringinQueen, I'm not surprised you're upset. They sound awful sad.

Is there anything you can do that will take your mind off them? Good book? Housework? Anything you can get engrossed in.

It is really hard when people you expected to be there aren't supportive.

Thanks cremeeggthief. It is hard, and I feel a bit of a billy-no-mates now. I am now MN-ing with Matthew Wright blush on in background and then going to try and go for a walk as sun is coming out here shock If I can pluck up courage will text a good friend...

CremeEggThief Mon 04-Mar-13 10:56:26

I know the feeling, ColouringinQueen. I am glad you are doing something you enjoy. Be kind to yourself.

I am trying to do stuff today that I might not have the energy for a few days, after I start taking the drugs!

citalobrain Mon 04-Mar-13 12:48:12

ColouringIn, that's awful sad Take comfort from and focus on your true friends who are there for you. I only have 2 friends I could really call proper friends, the rest can take or leave me I'm sure (and there aren't too many of them anyway!). Sorry they made you feel so bad, it reflects totally on them and not on you x

Good luck with the chore drive cremeegg! I got so much stuff done at about week 2 / 3, I was a whirling dervish.

A1980, staying in bed, not brushing your teeth etc. are classic symptoms of depression (I even bet they appear on a depression checklist!) and if you can find the right AD at the right dosage and get some more help from your GP you can feel better you know. Please go and talk to them, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Sending you a {hug}

Mechanical oh my word they were awful (the mitraz). I didn't even give them 3 weeks as I've had eating issues in the past and any help they may have given my mood would have been more than cancelled out by the appetite and weight gain. Even after just a few days it felt uncontrollable! About an hour after I took the first one, I fell asleep upright on my sofa with my laptop on my lap shock Hope you're feeling okay today.

Spoke to my doc on the phone this morning and she's upping my dose to 30mg a day. I explained how I had felt much brighter, but seemed to be slipping back over the last few weeks (trouble answering phone, getting myself organised to go and take dog out, dread feeling etc.).

She was lovely smile She said from a drug point of view, it all sounded very good as they were obviously the right pills for me, but just not the right dosage at that point, so up I go another 10 mg.

Has anyone increased a dose? Do you feel like you did back at the beginning do you think?

Another War and Peace post, sorry!
Hope everyone's doing okay today. Hello too to anyone I've not mentioned xx

citalobrain Mon 04-Mar-13 13:02:01

p.s. Mechanical, out of interest I did some googling about Mirtz after I stopped taking it. Apparently (it might not be true but I believe it) the drug was initially developed for veterinary use for use in pets to stimulate appetite. Figures eh?

CremeEggThief Mon 04-Mar-13 21:30:02

Just taken the first pill, after a very productive day on the chore front!
If I hadn't, I'd probably be still stressing about taking it at the weekend and with the added anxiety of what to say to the GP at my appointment next Monday!

Hopefully I'll be up to doing a job application tomorrow...

MechanicalTheatre Tue 05-Mar-13 01:25:50

Hope it goes well for you CremeEggThief

citalo Glad your doctor is understanding. I've just increased from 50mg to 100mg and while I had a couple of slightly sleepy days, it was nothing like it was at the beginning. That was four days ago now and I feel fine. Interesting about the mirtazipine, it really is a crazy drug, but apparently it is the best for kind of pulling people out of a really bad depression and then you can switch to something else.

Colouring they sound horrible. Did you call your other friend?

Geek good to see you and glad you're feeling a little better.

A1980 I have had those days too when I really felt like nothing was ever going to get better, it seems impossible to believe but they do pass.

And hi to everyone else, there's so many of us now!

Well, a quick update from me. I am doing so much better this week. Had a very difficult weekend, my flatmates were being really loud and it was stressing me out. I have a ton of uni work to do, jobs to apply for and my relationship is really going down the drain. But today, I finally got up and just felt fine! For the first time in ages. Today I've been to two lectures, tidied my entire room (took four hours! It was such a tip), done all my laundry and made a healthy dinner (thai curry).

Best of all, I went to socialise with people willingly. Just chatting with my flatmates in their rooms, but it was so nice to actually want to talk to people and not be panicking about it.

And it is SO nice to be wearing fresh pyjamas, got fresh bed sheets, just had a shower, and I am not tripping over piles of junk and papers and standing on things.

So, let's hope the rest of the week goes well too!

Bunnygotwhacked Tue 05-Mar-13 07:30:31

A quick question I am finding it really hard to sleep, really hard. Does anyone know if i can take Kalms sleep with citalopram?

citalobrain Tue 05-Mar-13 08:28:48

Bunny I'm not 100% sure about the Kalms but I'm pretty sure they should be okay. I'm almost certain any of the herbal variations would be fine. Sorry to hear the sleeping's not great, it does settle down.

Good luck Cremeegg, hope it will be smooth sailing at the start smile

Mechanical grin smile smile

That was such a lovely post to read! So pleased you're feeling better smile Onwards and upwards!

Hope everyone else is okay x Took my first 30mg dose last night and I'm not expecting any major fallout so hoping for the best.

Have a good day everyone xx

Samu2 Tue 05-Mar-13 08:45:17

How is everyone feeling this morning?

This week is PMT week which means high anxiety. I have been looking at my mouth for signs of oral cancer with a torch on and off yesterday for hours. I am pretty tired! Of course I found a lot of worrying things, I started looking to check my gum infection and then I got carried away. I have to remind myself that I have been to the dentist and I am sure they would have noticed cancer and I am also going for a clean in two weeks so I can ask then. Plus a 31 year old with oral cancer is rare.

I am being strong and not running to my GP.

I hope the increase in my meds will kick in soon. I am pretty mentally exhausted and my insomnia has been a bitch.

I am out with my mum this morning shopping so I will have a day where I am not stuck in front of the mirror at least.

Looiloo79 Tue 05-Mar-13 08:50:26

Bunny I was wondering the same about kalms I'm going to ask gp tomorrow as I can't cope with not sleeping. I'm waking up in middle of night and can't settle back to sleep for 2/3 hours. Shattered isn't the word.

Other than that I'm on day 18 and feeling pretty good mood wise. The anxiety is settling and each day is better than the day before. I'm not taking diazepam as much either. The propranolol seem to be doing the trick with the palpitations.

Glad I finally accepted I needed medication cos I'm feeling positive about feeling good again. Lots of relaxation/hypnotherapy CDs too

Keep going everyone x

Samu2 Tue 05-Mar-13 08:55:30

Colouring They sound horrid sad

Can I just say how pleased I am to find this thread? I really need people to talk to right now. My husband is wonderful but after over a year of this it is becoming tough for him too. He has bipolar so he understand better than most but I rely on him for reassurance and if he doesn't give it to me quite right I end up panicking more and it's too much to keep putting it on him like I have been.

I also have feelings of guilt. My ex husband who I am close too suffered with cancer for almost two years, bone marrow donation and four rounds of chemo and now he is doing better he is getting on with his life and there is me looking for signs of cancer and not living my life. Seeing my children go through that with their father was just heartbreaking and I am SO scared they will have to go through the same with me. Two of them have special needs and while their dad and step dad are both lovely parents I can't stand the thought of them losing me.

Sorry for the TMI post. I guess I needed to talk.

I hope everyone has a good day today. The sun is shining at least.

Bunnygotwhacked Tue 05-Mar-13 09:03:02

Sorry for blunt post earlier was only half awake and feeling pretty desperate. Looiloo it does get pretty bad with the no sleep which makes the anxiety worse imo. I'm glad to hear your on day 18 and it's working I had a massive panic on the afternoon school run yesterday which was so disappointing after the morning.
On top of all this we are now moving to the other end of the country in a months time nothing like a high stress environment to make your anxiety vanish hmm

citalobrain Tue 05-Mar-13 09:31:43

Bunny that does sound high stress sad I'm sure the meds will be effective by then which at least will help?

Sorry you and Looiloo are have trouble sleeping. I know some docs have said take them in the morning, but I've always taken them around 8pm and after the initial few weeks of disturbed sleep I've been sleeping really well. Might be worth considering to see if it will help?

There is definitely a few weeks of difficult sleep though, so hang in there if you can and see if it improves.

Wow Samu2 you poor thing. You've been through such a lot and now this anxiety, I'm so sorry. Try and keep in mind that the dentist would have spotted something in your mouth (they do check the soft tissue).

Do you think CBT or something similar would help you with the anxiety? Have you talked to your GP specifically about it? It sounds very debilitating sad

Talk away on this thread if it helps! I'm out for the rest of the day but it seems there are a lot of us reading and posting smile Thanks again Nanabana!

take care x

CremeEggThief Tue 05-Mar-13 10:02:25

I feel rubbish today, after only three hours sleep. Not sure I can do this.

Mechanical, glad you had a great day yesterday. Hope it's the start of a brilliant week.

Sorry to hear others aren't good this morning too.

Hi everybody - great to hear from everyone, and echoing a few people yes this is a brilliant thread isn't it. Thanks everyone for all your support yesterday - it really helped.

What's with the sleeping? I haven't had much sleep the last couple of nights either, and am sooooo sleepy. The sun here today though is soooo beautiful so I went out for a walk first thing smile. I am now just in from second session with counsellor which was good. Didn't cry quite as much as last week wink and had an interesting chat about anger - basically I don't express it. Yesterdays swearing, hoovering and rant here was the most angry I've got since ? So food for thought.

Cremeeggthief sorry to hear about your lack of sleep. Any chance of a nap after lunch?
Mechanical brilliant to hear about yesterday, hope it continues. Yes I did meet up with my nice friend for coffee smile
Bunny any move is stressful let alone a big one. Be kind to yourself.
Samu not TMI at all, that is a really tough thing to go through, and ime being a parent to children with sn can be a big trigger for health anxiety, without your ex's experience on top.
Looiloo hello and great to hear you're feeling better.
Citalo good luck with the 30mg, hopefully you'll only notice an improvement. I do think with all these ADs the side effects are worse when you start than when you up a dose.

Lunch and nap beckons, then back to GP 2moro and see what she thinks... My GP is going on maternity leave after that which is actually good. She's so heavily pregnant and looks knackered that I think I subconsciously am not completely open. Her job share I saw 2 weeks ago was great so hopefully will see her moving forward. Anyhow take care everyone and get some sun on your skin if you can x

Fragglewump Tue 05-Mar-13 12:27:58

Hi op I've done citalopram and found it helpful but it doesn't suit everyone! Some people get really tired and others feel jittery. If you still feel crap after 6-8 weeks of taking it then ask your gp to try a different ad - something else might suit you better!

CremeEggThief Tue 05-Mar-13 12:59:15

Thanks Colouring. Glad you met up with your nice friend yesterday. It must have done you the world of good, as you sound so much brighter today smile.

I kept fairly busy this morning and have just been for a stroll in the sunshine. Going to have some lunch now and rest for an hour before I have to pick up DS from school.

Linoleic Tue 05-Mar-13 13:15:13

Samu it's ok to talk here and say whatever is on your mind.

Creme Egg well done for getting out there in the sunshine, sometimes just leaving the house is half the battle and just a bit of exercise will have done you some good.

For everyone asking about sleeping remedies, please ask your GP before taking anything, even if it is herbal. Even herbal remedies can interact with prescription drugs and have unwanted side effects/interactions.

An update from me, DP started on citalopram a week and a half ago and has been struggling with dry mouth, achey jaw, and decreased libido. He is also feeling incredibly sleepy, tired all day and goes to sleep at 9pm, sleeping until 8am.

However I think we have been communicating quite well about how he feels and it me feel much better and less worried about him when we can talk openly about it all.

One of the things I was most anxious about before he started was how it would affect how he is as a person, and our relationship (disclaimer I know these are selfish worries) and whether he would just go off me.

So far he is just the same old DP in a good way. I know it's too soon for the drugs to be really having an effect but they haven't had a negative effect so far. For me, decreased libido is the worst side effect but him feeling better is more important.

citalobrain Tue 05-Mar-13 15:56:08

Linoleic really good to hear your relationship with DP isn't affected by the pills. I don't feel much different in myself, just different in the way I respond/react to things, and my general mood. I can vouch for the fact that libido did come back after several weeks (not that I could put it to any use mind grin)! Might not be the same for everyone though.

Just got home and feel bleugh. Bit sick. Had a small lunch but thinking about it makes me feel queasy. I'm surprised as I didn't think I'd notice any difference.

Was planning my usual exercise spot in a while, but not sure I can manage it today. Annoying as I know it makes me feel better but I might take today off and see how I feel tomorrow.

Hope everyone's doing okay smile

Hi Linoleic thanks for the update and good to hear you and DH are able to be open about what's going on.
Yes cremeeggthief am having a much better day (bumpy ride this business!) I really think starting the day with a quiet walk in the sunshine in the country has been v helpful. The sun does seem to make a big difference to me, so am wondering if there's an element of SAD going on too...
citalo sorry to hear you're feeling bleurh. Sounds like a good plan to take today off, hope you're feeling better soon.
take care all x

MrsShrek3 Tue 05-Mar-13 19:23:39

just read last few pages.
hugs to all who need them. some inspiration here too.

Im having a rubbish week sad
I need chocolate. That is all grin

Bunnygotwhacked Tue 05-Mar-13 20:06:03

I hope you find some chocolate MrsShrek3 brew pretend it's hot chocolate grin

MrsShrek3 Tue 05-Mar-13 23:52:45


Morning everyone. Hope sleepy people got a better night's sleep, and queasy people start improving x

citalobrain Wed 06-Mar-13 10:27:09

Good morning everyone smile

Did everyone manage to sleep well / find chocolate ?

The queasiness passed thankfully but the dread feeling is back with a vengeance sad I'm telling myself that it will pass.

Have to psych myself up to take the dogs out (looking after my mum's too at the moment). I used to love that part of the day but I dread it now, have done for a while. Having charge of 2 rather than 1 sends me into a bit of a spin too. It shouldn't do, they're not difficult.

Woke up to e-mails from family members saying where are you? Why aren't you on Skype. (They're away at the moment). I haven't been able to tell them I curl into a ball when thinking about having to have a Skype conversation with anyone. The phone I can manage at a push, but not the whole camera / screen thing too. How have I got to my ripe old age being so incapable? sad

Feeling very shit today, sorry!

Hope everyone has a good day. Anyone with sleeping issues, I know I've said it before but could you try a radio / talking book with headphones? It really helps me as it gives my mind something to focus on instead of whirling round with unhelpful and scary thoughts. Another option to maybe try in the quest for sleep smile


A1980 Wed 06-Mar-13 10:38:06

I don't think I want to fix this. I'm too alone and too miserable. I go to bed hoping I don't wake up.

Hi citalo yesterday I found a delicious viennese finger from our local bakers smile Sorry to hear the dread's back - that is a tough one to start the day with isn't it? Good luck with the dog walking - I'm sure you will feel better for having done it.
Completely understand about Skype! I haven't really done phone for ages and there's no way I'd do skype! Can you plead a technical failure and revert to email?
So sorry to hear you're having a shit day, but hang in there, "this too will pass" and it won't be too long before you feel the benefits of the higher dose. The incapable thing is not you, its the illness, keep telling yourself.
Last night I dished up spaghetti and meatballs to the family, we ate dinner, I took the plates over to the sink and saw that I'd only dished up two thirds of the spaghetti!!! Brain not functioning properly cos it's been overwhelmed, but its not permanent I keep telling myself.
Anyhow must dash have a docs appt...
take care, be kind to yourself x

A1980 you sound very low. Forgive me, I can't remember your back story, have you seen yr GP recently, are you waiting for counselling or anything? It is very hard to keep going when you feel so bad, but things can get better. Is there anyone you can talk to in RL? If not, would you consider ringing the Samaritans? Take care.

Bunnygotwhacked Wed 06-Mar-13 12:10:45

Morning everyone I've only just woken up dp must of done the morning and the school run I am a bit late to take the pill but I figured i would try and force some food down before i took it.
citalobrain I am right there with you on the dread I think it might be the worst part the constant churning feeling and phone calls are dreadful i find my self pacing while on phone trying to calm down what day are you on citalobrain?

CremeEggThief Wed 06-Mar-13 12:51:24

I managed about six hours sleep last night, so better than the first night. Not much of an appetite, but only mildly nauseous at times. Has anyone else noticed if it puts you off sugar? I usually take a heaped teaspoon of demerara in my tea, but it's started tasting too sweet confused. Feeling quite whacked out today, tbh.

Take care of yourselves, everyone. X

Bunnygotwhacked Wed 06-Mar-13 13:07:07

I havent had a cup of tea since i started on this just don't fancy one i am expecting massive weight loss after all this grin

citalobrain Wed 06-Mar-13 14:08:42

ColouringIn and Bunny, thank you thanks

I can't tell you what a difference it makes to have this thread as an outlet, and to not feel so alone with what we're struggling with x

ColouringIn hope you are having a good day. And hope the doctor's appointment goes well.

Bunny and Cremeegg the first few weeks do affect appetite. But it definitely returns (which is good or bad depending on your perspective grin)

Glad sleep was better for you both smile

Bunny I think I'm around week 5 or 6 (I'm crap with dates) so I should be doing better I think. That's why GP upped my dose a bit on Monday. She said what I'm experiencing is very common, and it's a matter of getting the dose right. She said the fact I had felt better, then dipped, was a good indicator that it's the right drug for me, but just not the right dose.

So if anyone dips at some point into the process, try not to panic, it may just be that your dose needs adjusting.

Have walked the dogs and feel much better. So pleased to hear I'm not alone in my Skype fears! I love the PC failure idea ColouringIn, will be using that I think! I think the dose increase has definitely had more of an effect than I thought. Had really vivid dreams last night.

Hello to everyone else reading too. Hope everyone is having a stress-free day x

citalobrain Wed 06-Mar-13 14:09:14

A1980 am I right in thinking you stopped taking the ADs due to feeling sick? I really hope you can find the strength to go back to the doc to look at the options? I know it's so hard in the short-term, but they really will help you. You can feel better. I so feel for you. Alternatively, you could call Samaritans like ColouringIn suggested. You can get help and you are strong enough to do it xxx

Hi citalo really pleased to hear you feel better for walking the dogs smile Doc was good thanks she seems to be taking me a bit more seriously/I'm being more honest with her. She is upping my dose and I'm back in 10 days which I'm pleased with.

But aaaarrgh now tho. Had psyched myself up to meet a good friend from where I used to work, with her baby for lunch. My OH had told her I wasn't well cos we know she's cool. Sat down in cafe to have school ring - DD8 not well can I come and collect her! I did tho say I couldn't get there for 30 mins so had a brief lunch. But am very disappointed about lunch and anxious about DD - she has missed a lot of school this term what with broken leg and struggling to cope with her grumpy teacher. I think she does have a slight temp so maybe she actually has a bug today. But also means that she'll prob be at home 2moro and I was hoping to go to my painting class sad God it's a slog at the moment! DP home at 5.30 today - I think I will counting the minutes!
Hope everyone else is having an OK day x

A1980 Wed 06-Mar-13 15:05:06

Everything has gone wrong for me.

I'm so alone.

MechanicalTheatre Wed 06-Mar-13 16:23:51

Colouring I'm going to write a longer update later, but just to say: is it possible your daughter could go to the class with you? I know it's not ideal, but my university actually says that children over five can come to classes in an emergency. It's happened a couple of times with some parents on my course and it's definitely never been a problem. Could you ring and ask?

Looiloo79 Wed 06-Mar-13 16:25:07

Just returned from doctors. Wants me to return to work on Monday - scary! Also meds seem to be working every day better than day before. Mentioned about the sleep disturbances so have been told to take the tablet in a morning and see if that helps so I'm not waking up in middle of night.

Asked about kalms and they are fine to take with citalopram and propanaolol so gonna take one tonight and hope I sleep a little better.

Glad to see everyone making progress. This forum is brilliant for sharing our successes and failures and lovely to receive encouraging messages.

Looiloo79 Wed 06-Mar-13 16:28:11

Colour what dose are you on now. I seem pretty calm on 20mg with the diazepam as emergencies. Doc said not to carry them around with me - who's he kidding lol!

MySonIsMyWorld Wed 06-Mar-13 16:31:04

I'm on it, it makes me sleepy so i suggest taking at night. I think it helps..

Thanks Mechanical I hadn't thought of that - have just emailed my tutor, fingers crossed.

Hi Looiloo yes this forum is great isn't it. I've been upped from 20 to 40mg fluoxetine (prozac), so am hoping that will have an impact as I haven't really noticed much improvement so far - occasional better days but still some v bad days... Really good to hear your meds are working well for you. I can imagine that the thought if returning to work is scary. Do you work full time? If so is there any options of a phased return (starting back part time)? This worked well for my DP when he went back after depression. All the best.

Mechanical my tutor said yes grin thanks so much x

MechanicalTheatre Wed 06-Mar-13 19:18:13


I would never have thought of asking either, but I go to a really small university with a lot of mature students and I think they are really trying to make it as family/woman friendly as possible.

citalobrain Wed 06-Mar-13 21:08:53

Hi everyone,

ColouringIn I'm so pleased your art teacher was accommodating, what an inspired suggestion Mechanical! Aw, your poor DD, is she still in a cast? How are you feeling now you've gone up to 40? I have to say a bit of me felt sad when my GP suggested 30 and not 40 as I want everything to feel better now! She's calling me in 2 weeks to see how I'm doing so I'll let her know. She's been so great, like the big sister I always wanted (although she's younger!).

Mechanical hello, good to hear from you smile You still feeling good?

Hi Looiloo, best of luck going back to work. I can understand it must feel quite daunting. Do you feel prepared for it? Have to say my work (I work at home) has been great for me as it keeps my mind busy, but I know I don't have to make it into an office or wherever every day. Agree with Colouring (I keep saying that!) that a staged-return would be the best option, do you think they might be flexible?

Felt much better as the day went on. Mornings or late evenings seem to be the worst.

Onwards and upwards everyone. Take care of yourselves, and thanks for the support today xx

MechanicalTheatre Wed 06-Mar-13 22:10:35

Hi all,

Well after a day of feeling good, the worst thing possible happened. Split with my boyfriend. It's been a long time coming, but I don't know what to do with myself now. I feel like my life is over.

I know it's for the best. He always let me down, could never give me enough...but I just feel so alone. I've no-one else really.

I'm sorry for being rubbish at supporting others, I feel so self-centred atm.

Samu2 Wed 06-Mar-13 22:37:07

I am sorry to hear that MT. Don't worry, I very much doubt anyone thinks you are self centred smile A big change like an end of a relationship is always tough but you will get through it. Remember, you do have us to lean on x

Hi Mechanical I'm so sorry to hear about your split. That's so hard and sad. Don't even think about trying to support others, you take care of yourself today, tomorrow and the day after. It's good you know its for the best, but even with that its like a bereavement, and you have to go through it, but you will come out the other side. Like Samu says keep posting here, we're here for you just like you were here for me today. My DD is so excited about coming to college with me tomorrow. Take care x

MechanicalTheatre Wed 06-Mar-13 22:51:10

Thank you both.

It's times like this I really wish I was close to my family. I need a huge. sad

MechanicalTheatre Wed 06-Mar-13 22:51:17

Or even a hug.


CremeEggThief Wed 06-Mar-13 22:55:12

Oh that's rubbish, Mechanical sad. Sorry to hear that.

Look after yourself. ((((hugs))))

MechanicalTheatre Wed 06-Mar-13 23:20:31


Nanabana Thu 07-Mar-13 10:27:10

Hey, wow so many new posters on here!
Have been doing ok, but have waded into a family argument (this time my own family instead of DH's).. and feeling very very crappy now. Please can i get some love here.

citalobrain Thu 07-Mar-13 10:40:16

Sends {{{{hugs}}}} to you Mechanical. I'm so sorry Mechanical sad The end of a relationship is so hard, it is a bit like grief. And you're not self-centered, (silly smile) you're going through a hard time, so post what you like when you like and we'll be your virtual shoulders xxx

Cremeegg and Samu how are you both doing?

ColouringIn I bet your DD is excited! My mum owned a toy shop when I was little (how charmed is that for a young person!?) and I used to go with her to the trade shows. Was like Christmas the night before. My overwhelming memory is the whole event smelling like rubbers (of the eraser variety). Hope you have a great class with her.

Nanabana {{{hugs}}} for you too. Sorry to hear about the family drama. I'm stuck in one too, have been for years. And boy does it bring you down. I'm trying desperately to learn how to detach from it all and not let it affect and damage me, but it's difficult, often impossible. Is that something you could try to do to protect yourself?

Everyone look after yourselves today, we sound like we all need lots of TLC so lets give it to ourselves (sorry, that sounds very cheesy!)

Bunnygotwhacked Thu 07-Mar-13 11:05:50

Feeling very cheerful this morning though that could be due to another lie in provided by dp have appetite back today which is good or bad depending on which way you look at it.
I am still worried about the long journey down thats at the end of the month I have to see doc in two weeks do you think they could give me something like 2 diazepam just to cover it one to take at home see how it effects me and one for the actual journey I wont need any more. Is that even possible do you think. Of course it could work out that in three weeks these will be in my system and I wont need anything else. Tbh though am already thinking i could probably do with a higher dose and am resisting the urge to phone up earlier.
Mechanical that is truly shit for you but if he can't support you when you are at your lowest then he is not worthy of you full stop {{{{hugs}}}}
nana Sorry about the family argument I hope you can get a resolution or the ability to not give a shit about it soon grin

looiloo79 ty for finding out about the Kalms will be useful
a1980 please keep posting and try to get to your docs