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Sertraline and any other AD's Support Thread Part 2

(929 Posts)
PackItInNow Fri 07-Dec-12 13:48:03

Just a continuation from the original thread, which is due to finish soon. Anyone and everyone needing some kind words, and hand-holding, are more than welcome smile.

susiedaisy Fri 07-Dec-12 13:51:14

Marking my place!

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Fri 07-Dec-12 15:31:48

ah found you.....marking a place too.

Lottapianos Fri 07-Dec-12 15:39:32

Hi all
I started Paroxetine last Sunday. I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for years and have been seeing a psychotherapist weekly for the last 2 years. Therapy has become really intense in the last few months and is bringing up a lot of painful and scary feelings. I felt like I needed a break from the panic attacks, sobbing fits and general misery so I've decided to start a course of ADs.

It's only 6 days in. Side-effects - pretty horrible nausea if I don't eat something at least every 2 hours and some mild insomnia. Nausea has lifted a bit today, hoping it will bugger off for good by tomorrow.

Mixed feelings about starting on the pills. My therapist says it's a pattern I have learned from my parents - every time I have a feeling I'm expected to put it away and not actually feel it. That makes sense to me but I'm totally exhausted from it all. DP saw me have a panic attack and ended up sobbing and totally freaked out himself - he feels pathetic at not being able to make it all better for me sad So he needs a break from it too.

I'm planning to spend no more than 6 months on the pills and will continue weekly therapy in the meantime. I have heard that coming off Paroxetine can be horrendous so there's something to look forward to hmm

somewherebecomingrain Fri 07-Dec-12 17:12:55

Marking my place xx

TacticalWheelbarrow Fri 07-Dec-12 17:20:05

Hi ladies, I've been waiting for the old thread to fill up before i posted. I'm hoping I can join this thread if you'll let me because I think I need a bit of support.
I got my prescription for 50mg of sertraline nearly two weeks ago, it took me a week to go to the chemist and a few days after to pluck up the courage to take it. My DH really doesn't want me to take these things as he says I will be a zombie but at the moment my life feels like it's falling apart.
I'm terrified of the doorbell or phone ringing, it sends me into horrific panic attacks.
I've been on it for 3 days now but am taking 25mg as I heard side effects were better if built up the dosage gradually.
I have a quick question though- does sertraline cause headaches when you first start taking it? I have a pounding one at the back of my head and for someone with health anxiety you can imagine what that is doing to my mind right now.

Thanks for reading if you managed to get to the end, I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel for me and I can come on here and help other people going through this!

susiedaisy Fri 07-Dec-12 17:42:33

tactical headaches are one of the side effects listed and I have had a few since starting sertraline nearly three weeks ago,

TacticalWheelbarrow Fri 07-Dec-12 17:44:44

susie thank god! I'm not reading the side effects because of my health anxiety, I know I will read them and then develop them all!
Can I just ask the headaches you get are they at the back of your head?

Thank you for your reply smile

TacticalWheelbarrow Fri 07-Dec-12 17:45:32

Oh and I hope your headaches get better soon!

PackItInNow Fri 07-Dec-12 19:00:36

Good evening ladies. Nice to see some new folk on the thread. A warm welcome to you all smile with plenty of brew or wine or thanks and virtual choccies.

Tactical. Have a brew to warm your hands. It's cold outside. I hope your headaches go soon. I used to have a brain that went into overdrive over simple things like cuts, bruises, you name it. I found it a relief to engage in a bit of autosuggestion. It's where the person repeats something over and over to themselves to the point where they start believing what they saying. In my case I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to die grin from a paper cut on my finger. I have gone from a panic-ridden teen to someone who rarely bats an eyelid at things like seizures, major gashes etc.

One thing I was thinking may help you with your health anxiety would be to join St John's Ambulance. I joined for a year in my 20's and it helped me enormously with my panicking.

PackItInNow Fri 07-Dec-12 19:03:10

Apologies if I'm talking s**te folks, but I had my AD at tea time and it's kicking in already. Another 1/2hr and I'll be sending a dozy mare alert out on the thread grin.

susiedaisy Fri 07-Dec-12 19:13:36

grin

susiedaisy Fri 07-Dec-12 19:16:23

tactical yes the headaches have been in the back and also one side of my head, I am a migraine sufferer so If headaches are a possible side effect you can bet your bottom dollar that's one I will get hmm

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Fri 07-Dec-12 19:58:36

im trying to work my way through reading the original thread - im finding alot of the side effects im experiencing have been mentioned on there but im only up to page 10....still, thats reassuring.

ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone Fri 07-Dec-12 20:03:24

Just checking in on the shiny new thread.

<nods approvingly>

It's nice here smile

TacticalWheelbarrow Fri 07-Dec-12 20:05:44

packitin thank you for the advice, just took my daily dose. Hoping the headaches won't get worse. I'm so surprised that health anxiety seems to be quite common. It's reassuring in a weird way because it makes me tell myself that it's not me being a hypochondriac. I'm starting CBT soon and hoping that I can overcome it. The depression is going to be harder I think.

susie you poor thing! I hope you stop suffering soon!

PackItInNow Fri 07-Dec-12 20:34:06

Evening Susie, how's you this evening? Here, have a wee brew to keep yon hands warm. Tis a cold night tonight, Apparently we've a Siberian cold front heading over and sometime next week the east coast of Englad and Scotland are supposed to be getting major snow.

I hope it comes over here to N.I. I'll be clothing up to keep warm and going outside to throw snowballs with the kids grin. Nowt I like better than a good snowball fight with the kids.

PackItInNow Fri 07-Dec-12 20:41:18

Here you go Shakey, warm one's wee hands on this brew for a bit.

Feck sake, I told you I'd be talkin s**te before long, but hey, let's have some fun talking like busted washing machines grin. I can't even spell England right, and the other one was meant to be throwing snowballs at the kids, not with the kids.

Everyone heating up yet?

PackItInNow Fri 07-Dec-12 20:51:20

Right folks, found a few packs of biscuit for y'all to share.

Just listening to some Seasick Steve. One of his best songs is I Started Out With Nothin. It's one of those must listen-to songs that get the old feet tapping. Well worth listening to.

PackItInNow Fri 07-Dec-12 20:55:41

Well ladies, I'm away to bed now, but will check in tomorrow morning before my friend arrives.

Good night ladies, take care of yourselves and I'll natter away tomorrow smile.

ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone Fri 07-Dec-12 22:06:59

Oh thanks for the brew PackItIn

My darling little boy seems to have turned into the devil child since he turned 3 last week! WTAF! Where did my nice little boy go?

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Fri 07-Dec-12 23:41:29

im still finding it difficult to sleep on a night but im shattered all day....i did manage to get dressed today though, which may be progress.

im still grappling with what to say to work and when to go back. im meant to be back for a night shift on monday but i dont think i would stay awake for it tbh, my body feels leaden.

its early days i guess. day 5.

im not sure whether to just allow myself to sleep when tired (which is all morning) or whether to force myself up on a morning but as soon as i go back to shifts normality is a thing of the past anyway.

i wish i could make a decision.

still experiencing some odd side effects. not much of an appetite. jaw clenching and twitchy, fatigued, waves of nausea but its not constant, and some dizzyness.

i think i might have to phone gp on monday and ask if she can justify doing me a sick note for a bit longer while the effects subside. it would be nice to be off until the positive effects kick in but im not sure that will be practical.

Colourhairbarbie Sat 08-Dec-12 09:09:50

Hi all,
I just started on 20mg fluoxetine (Prozac) a wk ago for anxiety. I had a quite rough 48hrs with xtra anx and nausea but I think its calming now. Didn't want to go on med but got to the point where I knew it had gone too far for me.
I like my biscuit so hope il be able to squeeze in smile

TacticalWheelbarrow Sat 08-Dec-12 09:51:14

vicar sorry to hear you are having bad side effects. sad I think it is probably best to ask for a sick note from your doctor, that way you can get over the horrible side effects without the added stress of being fit for work. Hope you feel better soon.

colour hair barbie hi and welcome. I'm glad you are starting to feel better in yourself. Like you I really didn't want to go on meds but unfortunately I didn't see any other way out. Has your gp referred you to have some CBT?

I had a really bad night last night, I was going to drink (just one) but before I had a huge panic attack triggered by the phone ringing. I feel so fucking pathetic! I wish my DH would support me more, I feel ratty on these meds and grumpy. I explained this to him and asked him to cut me just a little slack, instead he has been picking at everything I do and say sad.

PackItInNow Sat 08-Dec-12 10:36:31

Good Morning Barbie, Tactical, Shakey, Vicar, Susie and Trinn. How are you all today?

Barbie, just grab a pew and join in. Your more than welcome. Anyone for a brew?

Colourhairbarbie Sat 08-Dec-12 10:48:39

Thank u tactical for your kind welcome smile
I had a course of cbt a couple of years ago and thought it was fab & I really believed that I would never need to use meds again.

When I felt the anxiety rising this time I tried to use everything I had learnt but I think once I had passed a certain threshold I didn't have the power to stop the anxiety snowballing out of my control sad
I'm hoping once I get a bit of perspective back il be able to use it all again.

I am sorry that you had a difficult evening but I can relate to the problems with your dh as mine although brilliant generally, really struggles with my anx - it all seems completely alien to him.

Colourhairbarbie Sat 08-Dec-12 10:55:37

Thank u PackItInNow
I couldn't possibly resist a good brew grin

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Sat 08-Dec-12 11:53:10

morning all,

massive head ache for me today....and chattering teeth. this is fun. not.
i will certainly have a brew thank you.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Sat 08-Dec-12 12:17:24

can i ask if anyone on Sertraline has found its affected their eye sight at all?

PackItInNow Sat 08-Dec-12 12:43:34

Barbie, with all MH meds, it's just a matter of taking each day as it comes. Another thing is to try and keep yourself busy, so you don't spend too much time dwelling on things.

Tactical, would it be possible that your DH is picking because he feels helpless. Obviously he can't help you with your MH, so maybe he's getting grumpy because he can't help your MH problems IYSWIM. Apologies if I'm talking a load of chuff, am having a blood sugar drop, but I'll be fine.

Vicar, I would second going back to your GP and asking for another sick note until the side effects subside enough for you to back to work. You are allowed to sleep if you're tired,

TacticalWheelbarrow Sat 08-Dec-12 13:06:07

colourhairbarbie It's good that you got something from CBT, I hope when I start it will help me too. I feel for you and everyone on here having to deal with shitty panic attacks, it is so debilitating. How do you feel being back on AD? I'm trying to keep myself busy this weekend to take my mind off of it, are you doing anything nice?

vicar I have headaches that make my vision blurry if that makes sense?

Packitinnow How are you today? My DH suffered with depression in his early 20s and he took AD and they really didnt work for him so he thinks that there is no point in me taking them. He cant see that I need to do this for myself because I need to try something to pull me out of this great big hole! Have a biscuit and sugary brew to bring that blood sugar up!

I know this sounds weird but today I feel odd but not in a bad way. I have that funny feeling in my stomach that you get when you are excited confused. It's hard to explain, maybe its the sertraline finally kicking in?

susiedaisy Sat 08-Dec-12 16:24:23

Actually thinking about it when listing the side effects I forgot to mention the tense jaw and twitchy ness and headaches, hope everyone is doing ok todaythanks

PackItInNow Sat 08-Dec-12 22:03:04

Evening ladies. How's things? Only checking in for a quick natter and then off to bed I go.

Have had a bugger of a day, haven't stopped and am totally knackered. TBH, I'm actually beyond exhausted.

Just want to say good night to you all and will chat tomorrow.

Take care of yourselves ladies and I'll be back in the morning.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Sat 08-Dec-12 22:19:14

evening

another day spent in my pjs today sad i barely managed to get a brush through my hair today im afraid. bugger.
DH is being so good. Ive not lifted a finger. but feel so lazy
good night packit and everyone else. see you all tomorrow.

ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone Sat 08-Dec-12 23:29:28

Vicar I know what you mean. I have to set my alarm before ds wakes up so I can get out of bed, straight into the shower. If I don't do it immediately, I wouldn't do it at all. I have to force my silly, little ass into the shower.

Also, I have a rule that I am not allowed to wear pj's downstairs. It stops me from coming don in my pj's and putting them own again at 6 pm.
<remembers still being in pjs at 7 pm because of not having time for a shower when ds was newborn>
<now recognises early signs of PND>

PackItInNow Sun 09-Dec-12 11:33:08

Good morning ladies. How is everyone today?

Had a fab night's sleep last night and I'm up and bouncing grin. Had my Xmas cards from kids and DH (the big soppy duffer). Still haven't had me morning tea yet.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Sun 09-Dec-12 12:51:17

well, im up but far from bouncing. im so incredibly fatigued. Is this a side effect of the sertraline? today will be day 7. Early days still.

11 hours sleep and i could go back to bed. im going to go and have a bath (shower broken) and attempt to look and feel a bit more human. DD has a riding lesson this afternoon. DH wont take her so ive got to drive.It will be the first time ive driven since starting the meds. hope i can stay awake...

PackItInNow Sun 09-Dec-12 18:05:06

The thing is, I'm wondering if your body has become used to not needing so much sleep and it's also used to dealing with some level of tiredness. If so, then I suspect that your body is trying to adapt to having some amount of decent sleep, which, in turn, could be making you tired.

I had a friend stay overnight as she was shattered. She slept in DD's room and DD has a memory foam mattress topperon her bed. Said friend came downstairs this morning and was saying that she had a brilliant night's sleep. The problem was that she wasn't used to such a good night and was even more tired because she felt like her body was trying to adapt to a better night rather than having been used to dealing with less quality sleep IYSWIM.

So your tiredness could be down to side effects (More than likely) or your body adjusting to better quality sleep (possibly).

PackItInNow Sun 09-Dec-12 18:07:05

How is everyone else? Hope you're all OK.

uptothestars Sun 09-Dec-12 19:49:09

Not posted in a while (since the last thread) feeling exhausted and so emotional tonight.
Need to have a word with myself. Failing that could do with someone to shake it out of me!

PackItInNow Sun 09-Dec-12 20:00:24

Stars, sometimes we have to let ourselves get emotional from time to time. Sometimes a good old bawl-out can do the world of good. Emotions are aomewhat like a pressure cooker and there is only so much pressure we can take before we 'blow' IYSWIM.

PackItInNow Sun 09-Dec-12 20:24:03

I have found that accepting the emotions that I'm experiencing, and knowing they won't last forever, helps me keep level headed as opposed to going off the rails and seeming unhinged.

PackItInNow Sun 09-Dec-12 20:25:38

Anyway ladies, I'm heading to bed now as I've an early start tomorrow, so take care of your good selves and I will be back at some point tomorrow smile.

uptothestars Sun 09-Dec-12 21:07:45

Thanks packitin that sounds very CBT like to me. Just find it very hard to realise that my moods aren't going to last when I'm too far in to them iykwim? Gonna try an early night too I think

jazzyl Sun 09-Dec-12 23:37:21

Hi there! have been taking setraline for about 4 months now (150mg) and the dry mouth bit is really gettin me down so doc changing me to Mirtazapine. Does anyone know how long it takes for the dry mouth to recover? Have had week on 100mg, then week on 50mg and changing over tomorrow. thanx

TacticalWheelbarrow Mon 10-Dec-12 01:06:50

Sorry I didnt post today but it's been so shit. I've asked my pils to have the kids until wednesday so I can hopefully get on top of the side effects. Thank god for them!
Me and DH have been decorating our bedroom, something to take my mind off of things.
A door to door bettaware salesman knocked while DH was out. I could see him through my son's bedroom window. The doorbell ringing was so utterly Terrifying. I locked myself in the bathroom, I got myself in such a state that I threw up.

I feel like such a fucking failure! Why aren't these pills working!

TacticalWheelbarrow Mon 10-Dec-12 01:08:15

How am I ever going to get over this? I'm meant to be going back to work soon yet I can't step foot outside my own house. I'm such a fucking liability, I feel sorry for DH having to put up with me.

susiedaisy Mon 10-Dec-12 12:06:37

Hi tactical hope your ok, could you go back to gp and have a chat about your anxiety? I've been on sertraline 3 weeks now and my anxiety levels are just beginning to subside a bit, but I'm still nowhere near being 'me' yet. Thinking of you x

turnedupsidedown Mon 10-Dec-12 14:41:31

Not a good day here-anxiety +++. Someone popped round unexpectedly which completely threw me. Just feel very low and isolated....so glad mumsnet exists.
Hope you are all having better days today.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Mon 10-Dec-12 19:04:17

not great here either. stomach churning + the side effects, of which fatigue is the worst.

DH says i seem much worse generally since starting the sertraline. Its a huge disappointment.

TacticalWheelbarrow Mon 10-Dec-12 19:45:02

Looks like we are all having a rough time today sad
Thanks for the nice words susie it just so happens I have an appointment with the GP tomorrow that was booked when I was first put on the ADs and will bring it up. I hope you are doing ok yourself.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Mon 10-Dec-12 19:48:18

sorry, being horribly self indulgent -

Good luck at GP tomorrow tac

hope we all have a better day tomorrow.

TacticalWheelbarrow Mon 10-Dec-12 19:53:49

vicar you aren't being self indulgent at all. Everyone needs to offload from time to time. You are going through such a stressful time at the moment. Do you feel any better at all?

TacticalWheelbarrow Mon 10-Dec-12 19:55:16

I mean since you have started the ADs

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Mon 10-Dec-12 20:18:29

in all honesty not yet, but ive only been on them 1 week and i know that it may take longer than that to have any effect.

if anything i think i feel worse - as well as being a misery, im a side effect suffering misery, but im hanging on to the hope that when the drugs start to take effect it may be worth it.

susiedaisy Mon 10-Dec-12 20:31:59

When I was first prescribed sertraline my gp warned me that my anxiety may be worse before it got better and for a few days it was, days 4-8 was awful I was more panicky, exhausted to the point that I couldn't even hold a conversation and wanted to sleep all the time, had no appetite, but slowly it passed and like I mentioned earlier been on sertraline for 3 weeks now and am just beginning to feel a bit more human, HTH

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Mon 10-Dec-12 22:33:01

susie thank you - that does help loads. it give me some hope that this absolute exhaustion and fatigue will pass and i may start to feel better.

im a bit conflicted that the gp has effectively fibbed on my sick note - im sure he thinks he is doing me a favour (which he possibly is) but i cant string out the chest infection thing for the next few weeks if thats how long it takes to start to feel more human.

i want to be able to stop worrying about work.

i too can seemingly not manage to string a conversation together - i visited a friend earlier to give her a birthday present but gave up after 20 mins of not being able to manage a conversation that made any sense. i kept drifting off, yawning and couldnt speak properly. i also keep biting my tongue as im getting involuntary jaw clenching. She was lovely and very understanding.

i wish i could explain to the gp how this is effecting me.

susiedaisy Tue 11-Dec-12 13:01:59

Hi hope everyone is ok today and not too cold!!

PackItInNow Tue 11-Dec-12 19:00:22

Evening ladies. How is everyone? Just made a load of brew, anyone want a cuppa and a chocolate and ginger biscuit or 2?

PackItInNow Tue 11-Dec-12 19:16:05

Hi Susie, tis baltic over here in Northern Ireland.

PackItInNow Tue 11-Dec-12 19:30:07

I started this thread so people could rant and be self-indulgent without anyone judging them. The more you speak about your troubles and irritations, the more we can understand each person, and so understand the actions IYSWIM.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Tue 11-Dec-12 19:38:03

evening susie and pack

any sign of tacticalwheelbarrow today? hope she got some joy at doctors.

im still so incredibly tired beyond belief. Felt very sick all morning too, getting truly fed up of this now tbh.

going to have an early night tonight, am up for an early appointment at dentist tomorrow (joy) and then at hairdressers. If i could get away with rebooking it all i would but i know i wont get back in either before next year.

Barkyboots Tue 11-Dec-12 21:13:53

Hi all, have never posted before but this looks like thread I could do with joining... I'm due to go back to work on Monday after being off sick with anxiety/stress/depression since July. Have never ever had so much time off work, and have been working for 30 years. I've been in my current job for 13 years and have been really quite surprised and disappointed at how unresponsive my employers have been. I'd been on Fluoxetine for around 15 years, for much of that time only 20mg, but since this recent episode i've been increased to 40mg of fluoxetine, and most recently, a month ago, switched to citalopram, 40mg, as my GP thought that might help with the anxiety. I'm noticing a lot of the side effects that some of you mention: clenched jaw, sleep disruption, craving sugary food, and so on. Worst of all though, I have somehow gained about 20lbs in 20 weeks! I don't think I've ever gained weight at that sort of rate before so I think it must be the increased dose of antid's. I'm still very anxious about returning to work - the problem (a particular bullying individual), is still in place and I will still have to work with her, albeit no longer share an office with her. My employers have told me that they only way they could do something about this would be if I brought a bullying claim against her - and I really don't feel it would be in my interests to do that - just more stress and anxiety... I'm also quite nervous about how to deal with questions when I go back along the lines of 'how are you' (which I think will be code for - 'what on earth has been so wrong with you that you've been off for five months?!') I don't know how honest to be or how people will 'judge' me...
Sorry if I've gone on too long.Would welcome your thoughts. Thanks.

TacticalWheelbarrow Tue 11-Dec-12 21:27:42

Sorry for not replying last night vicar but my ADs kicked in and I fell asleep face planting my iPad blush. Are you feeling any better today? I think both of us are at the same stage at the moment, in limbo waiting for these bloody things to kick in. I think it will be good for you to have the extra time off to try and ride out those side effects. How's the headaches?

My GP is amazing she is so supportive, we've decided not to increase my dose and give it a chance to kick in. Im going back on Metformin as well so hopefully that will counteract any weight gain I might experience on these pills.

How are you doing packitin and susie

TacticalWheelbarrow Tue 11-Dec-12 21:31:25

barkyboots how are you feeling in yourself at the moment? Do you feel ready to go back to work?
With regards to questions maybe a smile and "I'm fine thanks" will be enough for them? If they push further could you fob them off and say "oh we haven't got long enough for me to even start"
How horrible for you to have to be worrying about this bullying individual. Do you have to spend much time with this person alone?

I hope you are ok

Barkyboots Tue 11-Dec-12 21:50:58

Thanks TW it's really nice to have your response (MN is so cool!). It's a bit weird, yesterday I thought I felt ready to go back to work, but today I'm not so sure! I'm not sure if I'm afraid of going back and facing the Bullying Witch, or whether I'm scared of going back because I'm afraid that I will go back to feeling as sick/ill/anxious as I was feeling back in July, if that makes sense? (I work in a team of 2 effectively, and she is the other one!)
Your thoughts on what to say to colleagues is helpful.. although I sort of doubt my ability to not over-reveal when asked. Eeuurrgghh...

somewherebecomingrain Tue 11-Dec-12 21:55:12

barkyboots I would plan your exit strategy. Not immediately - no sudden moves - but get out of there. It is a case of either fight or flight - you can't just stay and try to work with the person as if they are reasonable.

try this website www.whybulliesbully.com/ the woman who does it really knows her stuff.

Barkyboots Tue 11-Dec-12 22:16:14

Thank you somewhere - that website looks really interesting.
You're probably right about getting out... I have felt quite disillusioned at the way I've seen my boss and others in the organisation just 'run away' from/take a head in the sand approach to this individual.. at the cost it seems to me, of my health/wellbeing. Sometimes I feel that I want to 'fight' as in stand my ground and face the problem, and other times the 'flight' option feels very appealing - just bloody run away and leave them all to it. Trouble is, it's not easy to walk away from what is otherwise a good job, close to home, etc etc I do feel though that it is better to go back and then, when I'm ready, leave on my terms in a sort of 'head held high' approach, rather than fade away in a kind of 'long term sick and then never seen again' approach.
Have you or others on the thread had to face difficult issues re: work?

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Tue 11-Dec-12 22:17:28

hi tactical - glad you got to see your gp and have a plan. Cant say i feel better yet, (the side effects were dreadful today, and at the moment they seem worse than the depression) but i did get out for my riding lesson, and had a funny conversation with my riding instructor....i was envying her lovely job outdoors among the horses and she was envying mine - She put me straight on hers (no money in it) and i put her straight on mine (stressful and cannon fodder for idiots) which was funny....there we both were thinking how the grass must be greener....grin id still swap though....

hi barky i can totally understand where you are coming from - im nervous about going back and people asking loaded questions or judging me for being off, even though they dont know the diagnosis. As for how to deal with the colleague - i would be very wary against putting yourself back in the position that made you ill, i would also look at ways of removing yourself from the problem.

i think thats what im going to do if i get no joy when i go back. If i dont feel better, or if i feel that it is the job that put me here in the first place, i will start to look for something else. I feel sad about saying that, because i worked so so hard, but my health is going to have to come first i think.

TacticalWheelbarrow Tue 11-Dec-12 22:20:46

barkyboots it seems to me that you being worried about going back to what you were like in July is emphasising your anxiety about being around this woman.
Have you talked to your boss about you going back?

TacticalWheelbarrow Tue 11-Dec-12 22:24:04

vicar it's great that you are getting yourself outside, I really believe that leaving the house and doing something does make you feel better. Sorry to hear about the side effects, what ones are the worse for you? I'm in bed atm with a headache (back of head) and my lovely DH has brought up a hot water bottle for my pelvis, and the paracetamol is just kicking in. Same for you maybe?

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Tue 11-Dec-12 22:35:19

for me the most debilitating side effect and most noticeable is absolute exhaustion, fatigue beyond anything ive ever known. my eyes stream all day from yawning, as soon as my head hits the pillow im out for the count and DH says im snoring....im absolutely shattered.

then its the nausea.

then its the teeth chattering/jaw thing.

then yes, a dull, pounding headache.

the fatigue is doing my head in now, and if it doesnt subside there is no way i could stay on these tablets, i have to work nights, at this rate i would be asleep by midnight.

going back to your point about being outside - you know thinking about it i stopped running outdoors in April. Im only managing to ride once a week, if this tiredness subsides i might have to try running outdoors again.

Barkyboots Tue 11-Dec-12 22:38:26

Thanks vicar, how long have you been off work? I absolutely agree, I am very anxious/wary of putting myself back in the situation that made me ill in the first place, but i don't feel I have any choice, other than to leave I suppose.
Thanks tactical - talking to my boss? He has been hopeless - has delegated dealing with me to a.n.other in the organisation, and has only e.mailed me once, and met with me once, in 5 months of being off. I'm due to go back on Monday and I e.mailed both my boss and the a.n.other, offering various times when I could go in this week to discuss my return to work, and he hasn't replied and the other has replied saying none of the dates work for them. So am I just expected to walk back into work on Monday after 5 months off?! I think it's crap to be honest - hardly supportive. And like all organisations, (and it's a large one) there's all this stuff on their website about valuing their employees and supporting them etc etc and blah blah! Sorry, I'm going 'off on one'...
Sorry to hear you're all having such a tough time with the side effects of anti-d's. I've had several but they're tolerable, apart from the weight gain! I do feel a lot better than I did five months ago, but I suppose the anxiety is rearing up again now that I'm facing going back to work...

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Tue 11-Dec-12 22:54:01

barky - ive been off for a month by next monday. im due back to work that afternoon but i have a doctors appointment in the morning - if the side effects are still hitting me hard i will ask for longer, but im hugely aware that the longer i have off the more difficult it will be to go back and tongues will be wagging by now already. That said, i think i would prefer to be feeling better before i go back as otherwise i think i am in danger of walking. Its an incredibly stressful job and one which needs you to be operating at 100%. It also involves shift work. I know what you mean about just being expected to walk back in - thats the bit im dreading too. Its a funny culture i work in (police) but they dont know the diagnosis - only that im suffering some side effects from medication. I havent even told them.

Barkyboots Tue 11-Dec-12 23:07:13

Is opening a jar of jam and eating it off the knife spoon a side effect of citalopram? blush
vicar that must be a very stressful job - I can completely understand that you need to feel 100%. I deal with clients from all over the world, who can be very bright and very demanding and challenging ... so it can be stressful too, albeit differently - less life-threatening-y! But there's no room for self doubt, I have to look and sound like I know what I'm talking about...
I imagine that the police culture is still quite 'macho' when it comes to things like mental health issues? I think most organisations are still stuck in the dark ages when it comes to mental health issues though, that's why part of me feels it should be spoken about and that it's important to be as honest as possible... but then...like you...i don't want to 'out' myself as someone who struggles with anxiety, depression etc. Difficult isn't it?

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Tue 11-Dec-12 23:36:14

yep barky im struggling with whether to tell them or not, but i tried to speak with my acting supervisor last week who asked why i was telling him and said i didnt need to disclose anything to him......it clearly made him uncomfortable. i fear i will be seen as weak and flaky, or someone who cant hack it. So im still in a bit of a quandary about what to say to who. I think it just adds to the stress.

im sure weight gain is a side effect btw - as is weight loss, so it says on my leaflet!

Barkyboots Wed 12-Dec-12 07:57:32

vicar I totally understand your worry about how much to disclose... Although I guess nothing about your work situation is going to change unless you tell them what's causing you the problem. At that point I think they're legally obliged to demonstrate that they're doing all that can be deemed 'reasonable' to support you... Do you have a contact in HR you could approach? They would know the legal requirements and might be more responsive. No organisation wants a claim made against them for being found to be liable for your mental health problems. Think the law treats mental health the same as physical health in that the employer can be liable for causing you 'injury'.

PackItInNow Wed 12-Dec-12 08:38:55

Morning Vicar and Barky. Welcome to the thread Barky. I hope you find it a realease to come on here and rant/cry/whatever. We're here to help each other and try to support everyone smile.

Anyway, I'll be back on at some point today, but got to go. Take care ladies.

somewherebecomingrain Wed 12-Dec-12 10:06:21

Hi Barky yes i went through something similar. i clung on when i should have got the hell out of there and it got so bad i don't think i've ever got over it. it's complex and everyone's experience is slightly different - sometimes it's the right thing to complain/fight but sometimes it's better just to leave that to someone stronger to do at some other time and put yourself first. But maybe the situation isn't as bad as mine was i don't know.
xxx

somewherebecomingrain Wed 12-Dec-12 10:10:07

ps vicar re side effects i was on fluoxetine and there were a few days when i was a bit sleepy then suddenly i was full of energy. i never stopped wanting to have a nap in the middle of the day if it was at all possible, but if it wasn't possible i was fine, i just slept well at night. if you hang in there it will pass i'm sure.

xx

susiedaisy Wed 12-Dec-12 11:04:34

Hi thinking of everyone today x

Barkyboots Wed 12-Dec-12 12:12:15

Thank you for the welcome packitin - suddenly starting to experience the amazing power of MN for myself, strangers sharing experiences and offering support... how brilliant is that?!
and thank you somewhere - that's awful to hear that you 'clung on when you should have got the hell out of there'. I suppose for me the 'clinging on' is partly about a sense of justice and fairness (why should I be forced out of the job I've had for 13 years?), and partly out of wonky confidence: (could I really start a business of my own using the skills I use at work and make it fly?) Overall though, other aspects of my life are very good: kind caring husband, two fantastic teenage DSs, it's crazy that I am allowing this situation to make me so stressed and unhappy. Ugghh, I need to get a grip. Perhaps the return to work will clarify once and for all what I'm feeling and what I need to do. Really appreciate you sharing though. Sorry I haven't read all of the preceding thread to this one, what's your situation and how are you doing? Feel you're making progress?
Good to meet you all - warm wishes on a cold day...

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Wed 12-Dec-12 14:22:48

afternoon everyone.

thanks somewhere im on sertraline, not fluoxetene, but its not just making me a bit sleepy, im completely wiped out. fatigue beyond anything ive ever experienced before, and the problem for me is that i work shifts so im not even sure when i should take it when i go back to work - the shift pattern i do is earlies, then lates, then nights, (2 days of each so its hard to adjust) and at present i cant stay awake at night....im going to give it another week or so but then if im still this fatigued its just going to cause me more problems than the pills are solving i think.

i was up early today for dentist and hair dresser but i found myself very sleepy on the way home and while driving.

i feel better for getting up early though. Im just knackered now.

jazzyl Wed 12-Dec-12 14:49:00

Hi all, can anyone answer my question please? I have been taking setraline for about 4 months now (150mg) and the dry mouth bit is really gettin me down so doc changing me to Mirtazapine. Does anyone know how long it takes for the dry mouth to recover? Have had week on 100mg, then week on 50mg and just started M. thanx

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Wed 12-Dec-12 15:01:26

sorry jazzy i have no idea - have you asked your doctor? my dose of sertraline is much smaller than yours so im not finding the dry mouth the biggest problem, i would ask the doc, hope you find the mirtazapine better.

jazzyl Wed 12-Dec-12 16:00:42

Cheers Vicar, I have apt with doc in a couple of weeks to see how M is suiting me, just fed up of biting inside of lips as they keep sticking to my teeth, aargh. Bad enough feelin like crap without people thinkin I pullin faces all the time, lol

Autumnalis Wed 12-Dec-12 17:23:43

What time are you taking the sertraline? I've changed to evenings around 7 pm. It seems marginally better, the feeling of dread is in the middle of the night rather than on the way to work. Taking them for a week now.

turnedupsidedown Wed 12-Dec-12 18:28:11

Hello. Really hard day today. just about keeping the house going (I have 4 children).....supposed to be going out later to help with tea and coffee at a small event, but just sat fretting about it so have said I am not going. Anxiety seems worse at the moment.....struggling and tearful today.
Managed parents evening at a secondary school on Monday for my eldest which was really good. HAve Christmas play in the juniors next Monday which I just cannot face- hot hall, long play with 60 kids in....but feel guilty about not going to watch ds.....all a bit much.
Have cut back on lots of things that I normally do -trying to pace myself, but it doesn't seem to be working.....only 2 weeks on sertraline 50mg. Seeing Dr next week-do you think they will increase dose?

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Wed 12-Dec-12 19:16:51

autumn i take mine at about tea time so around 5pm - i find taking it with food helps with the nausea. The trouble is when i start shifts again ive no idea when to take it - when im on nights should i take it in the early hours when i eat? or before i go to bed? will i ever wake up again if i do that? it seems to have totally made my body grind to a halt, however some of the side effects seem to be easing a bit.

ive been taking it for one week and 2 days.....

turnedup from reading up it seems that it can take a good few weeks to start to feel any benefit. Im ploughing on with mine, even though the side effects seem to be outweighing the benefit at the minute....im hoping that within another few weeks i may be feeling more like myself. (or at least less whingy, miserable and lethargic)

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Wed 12-Dec-12 19:17:39

autumn i take mine at about tea time so around 5pm - i find taking it with food helps with the nausea. The trouble is when i start shifts again ive no idea when to take it - when im on nights should i take it in the early hours when i eat? or before i go to bed? will i ever wake up again if i do that? it seems to have totally made my body grind to a halt, however some of the side effects seem to be easing a bit.

ive been taking it for one week and 2 days.....

turnedup from reading up it seems that it can take a good few weeks to start to feel any benefit. Im ploughing on with mine, even though the side effects seem to be outweighing the benefit at the minute....im hoping that within another few weeks i may be feeling more like myself. (or at least less whingy, miserable and lethargic)

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Wed 12-Dec-12 19:18:25

aaarrrggghhhh!! no idea why that posted twice.....sorry! MN is playing up for me at min....

Autumnalis Wed 12-Dec-12 20:21:43

Tricky with shifts starting so soon when you haven't yet established a pattern to the side effects. The worst for me is insomnia, if I could shift this awakeness to be during daytime ( IYSWIM). Also the panic attacks, the feeling of dread as I drive to work. The nausea and jaw thing aren't too troubling. OTOH I can almost convince myself that something is already changing for the better.

jazzyl Wed 12-Dec-12 20:28:38

Always took my sertraline 1st thing in the morning turnedup, also started at 100mg then went to 150mg, so yes doc will prob increase it.

WorldOfMeh Wed 12-Dec-12 22:13:23

Hello, folks.

Looks like there's a different crowd on here now- I've not been checking in for a while. In general, have been trying to spend a bit less time online/on forums etc, but actually, it's nice to have somewhere to come back to when things aren't going so well. And.. they kind of aren't.

Sorry, I feel a bit whingy and maybe it's taking the p*ss to come on here just to moan, but perhaps I could just say 'ADVISORY, SELF PITYING WHINGING AHEAD' and people could just opt out- deal?

Right, now that's sorted... have really been very lucky in that I had a good GP who informed me about various local services as well as giving me drugs. I've been attending a counselling/creche service, even started doing yoga and stuff like that, to get stronger properly.

Trouble is, my brain keeps throwing up things I don't want to think about- like all the ways I've screwed up in my life, and how it's too late to fix it, too late to get a decent career with a proper income. I don't work, at the moment- don't know where to begin with it. I am dependent on my partner, and it rankles. He doesn't deliberately hold it over me, but I feel there are power shifts going on in our relationship that worry me.

Anyway. I started getting flashes in my head of running a razor blade along my veins, like that's pretty much the only option left. A fairly abstract feeling, not a strong urge, but not good either. I try to push it out of my head, but it keeps coming back.

Then yesterday, I had one of those bloody mornings. Trying to get out of the house on time to get to the shrink, and my toddler did something at the last moment that stuffed it all up, and I was wheeling around the house trying to still make it all come together, and I totally lost it- and smashed my foot into a heavy piece of furniture, full force. Only I wasn't wearing my usual armoured boots, because I had decided to make an effort. Ha ha.

By evening the pain was bad enough I had to accept it might be broken, so had to go to A&E to get it x-rayed. Hours of fun.

No bones broken, but I am now on crutches. Not sure how long for. Sigh. And now I am even more dependent on my partner than before, and everything is a million times harder, and I just wish I could go back and stop myself, do something less damaging instead even, but I can't. There is no 'control Z' in real life, is there? Duh.

somewherebecomingrain Wed 12-Dec-12 22:30:29

Hey worldofmeh it is a different crowd but a lively one. So sorry to hear about your awful morning. I am also not really earning and nor is my partner - I wish we had that power game for him to play! Your foot will get better - it's nothing irrevocable. But I see that your state of mind is not so good and these thoughts are probably not gonna change that. Glad u have a shrink you are doing all the right things - people like us who try so hard on all fronts who are forced to dig deep get to know life better than anyone I think. Can you think of this time as something that will pass - there will be better days ahead? Xx

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Wed 12-Dec-12 22:56:02

sorry you had such a shitty day worldofmeh dont dwell on your foot - its done and it will mend and dont feel bad for offloading on this thread - i think its what its here for.

hope you feel better tomorrow.

turnedupsidedown Thu 13-Dec-12 08:24:02

Morning.....supposed to be going to something this morning but cannot face going.....do I make myself go or stay in the warm and chill out? I can't face it....putting on a 'happy head' and making polite conversation with people. I hate being like this......I hate letting people down.....but just now I need to stop! Help....

susiedaisy Thu 13-Dec-12 10:02:50

World- I've just recovered from breaking my toe it will heal but I understand your frustration especially at this time of year.

susiedaisy Thu 13-Dec-12 10:07:44

turned did you go? Don't worry if you didn't, be kind to yourself and give yourself a break, put yourself first, there will always be more social events to go to, this time of year can be manic I used to feel it more when the kids were younger as primary schools are so busy with Xmas stuff but as they start seniors it drops right off thank goodness!

Hope everyone is ok x

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 13-Dec-12 11:30:04

morning everyone.

turned i hope you managed to make a decision and your ok.
Im still fretting over work and seeing gp on monday....i wish i could wake up without a worry in my head occasionally.

turnedupsidedown Thu 13-Dec-12 12:50:58

Thank you lovely people. I went and survived. It is a group that I help run and it was the Christmas party so.......took a deep breath and went. Going to have a nap now.
I look forward to the day when the bleakness lifts....I hope it is soon.Hibernating seems like a very good idea-I should be a polar bear maybe.....

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 13-Dec-12 15:04:18

well done turned

i managed to get dressed and walk the dog in the sunshine today. Im still very tired, i cant be bothered with much, but i just threw some clothes on, a hat on (so i didnt have to worry about the hair) and went.

i know what you mean about hibernation. I wish i could whip up some enthusiasm for christmas but its just not happening.

turnedupsidedown Thu 13-Dec-12 15:15:46

So much for a nap-had to pick up ds1 from school unwell.....poor wee chap. Good excuse to snuggle and watch a film together.

PackItInNow Thu 13-Dec-12 15:47:23

Good Afternoon ladies smile. How are you all today? I'm gonna be on here for ages today so come on and tell me your stories of surviving meetings with various people and stories of just getting through each day. This'll just be my catch up for the days I've missed.

Oh, by the way, can I share some news with you all? Will await a few nods before I spill the beans.

PackItInNow Thu 13-Dec-12 15:52:02

Just read about your day Turned. I'll give you a big virtual pat on the back and a big hug too, for gettng through it. Saying that, I'm sure having to do something like that will have tired you out emotionally anyway, so go and have a well deserved nap. Go sleep off the anxiety of having a tough day, BUT, don't forget to congratulate yourself on getting through it smile. You did well smile.

susiedaisy Thu 13-Dec-12 16:04:41

Hi pack of course you can spill your news!smile

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 13-Dec-12 16:05:02

<nods>

go on packit spill.

ive got to take DD horseriding in a bit, really cannot be bothered but it will do me good - fresh air and horses.

ill catch up when im back....hope its good news pack!

PackItInNow Thu 13-Dec-12 16:12:16

OK, I give in now. I got 95% in my biology assignment, but I'm not overly happy because I made 2 stupid mistakes that robbed me of another 4%. So I could have got 99%.

Ah well, I suppose I'll have to live with that mark and strive to get an even better mark next time.

Hi can I join here?

I have just been prescribed sertraline for OCD and depression by the psychiatrist at the CMHT.

I am on mirtazipine 30mg at the moment, for the next three weeks I have to take the mirtazipine as usual and 25mg of sertraline in the morning. Then after those three weeks I go down to 15mg of mirtazipine and up to 50mg of sertraline and eventually up to 150mg.

I am really nervous sad In a YEAR I have been on citalopram, trazodone and mirtazipine and had short courses of sleeping tablets and lorazapan. I am starting to wonder if there will be a right thing for me. I am so worried about my sleep being mucked up on the sertraline, my sleep is really poor at the moment anyway.

This is super negative sorry smile I will have a read of the other posts.

PackItInNow Thu 13-Dec-12 16:41:32

Welcome to the thread Fluffy smile. Here have a brew and a biscuit to dunk. Don't be afraid to have a moan/rant etc. Sometimes having a place to let things out can feel like a small weight off your shoulders.

susiedaisy Thu 13-Dec-12 18:10:38

Well done pack that's fabgrin

PackItInNow Thu 13-Dec-12 18:26:42

Thanks Susie, although I suspect I won't be happy until I get 100% every time grin. Strive for better, that's what I saywink.

TacticalWheelbarrow Thu 13-Dec-12 18:31:27

Hello packitin how are you doing?
vicar Have the side effects eased yet?
susie How are you?
barkyboots are you feeling better about going back to work yet?
Hello to everyone else has joined, I hope you are all doing ok.

Sorry I haven't checked back in a while but I have been busy revising for an exam at uni to get onto a postgrad course. I had it today. It was a bloody massive step for me. In the car on the way their I felt like I was going to throw up and going into that hall was so nervewracking. But I done it! I feel so proud of myself, grin. A month ago I was thinking of cancelling. I would have never been able to do this without sertraline.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 13-Dec-12 19:12:11

im back from freezing my baubles off after DD riding lesson - actually i run about leading the horse so i actually stayed quite warm - it was -5!!

Anyway - well done pack - 95% is brilliant!

fluffy i found with sertraline it makes me quite sleepy - i sleep very heavily on it, you might find the same.

tac im still very very sleepy on it - and im losing weight but thats not a bad thing, i can afford to lose a little. I just have no appetite on it at all, but the fatigue is the main troubling side effect still. im wiped out. im praying the gp will let me have another couple of weeks off work, but im anxious that she might not. (Then if she does i will be anxious about taking more time off - i cant bloody win)

hope every one else is doing ok.

PackItInNow Thu 13-Dec-12 19:30:34

Good evening Tactical. You should be well proud of yourself for going in smile. Here, have a brew and a biscuit to dunk in your coffee/tea smile.

Nowt like sharing a cuppa and some good news smile. When do you get your results?

PackItInNow Thu 13-Dec-12 19:33:00

There more brew going round for anyone who wants one. Will have to crack open more biscuits as I've no cake.

I reckon we should pester MNHQ to bring in a mince pie emoticon for Christmas. What do you good lot think?

PackItInNow Thu 13-Dec-12 19:34:54

Cheers. More brew Vicar grin? Just had to get that one in. Couldn't resist it.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 13-Dec-12 19:46:36

grin

i would love a brew to warm me up and then i think i could quite possibly partake in a wine !

AngryFeet Thu 13-Dec-12 19:52:55

Does anyone know if you can take beechams flu plus with sertraline? Thanks smile

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 13-Dec-12 19:59:17

i would angryfeet - i cant see why you couldnt tbh - just dont overdose on paracetamol.

PackItInNow Thu 13-Dec-12 20:14:53

Yes, you can take Beechams Flu Plus. Have looked through my book of medications and sertraline has been known to interact with MAOI's, anti-coagulants (Warfarin etc), Phenytoin, Tryptophan, Lithium, Tolbutamide, Sumatriptan and Fenfluramine. The herbs it interacts with are St John's Wort and Ma Huang.

I hope this helps.

PackItInNow Thu 13-Dec-12 20:22:16

Am heading to bed now ladies, so will bid you all good night and I hope you all sleep well smile.

Take care ladies and I will chat to you tomorrow.

Night night.

WorldOfMeh Thu 13-Dec-12 21:41:48

Thanks for the support, folks. Much appreciated. A bit braindead just now, but can already see that this has become a busy and supportive thread- which is lovely. Going to sleep now, as I think a lot of my dip is tiredness. Anyone else get that?

Congrats to Packitin and turned- well done both of you. smile

PainForLife Thu 13-Dec-12 21:46:40

hi all,
may I join also pls... in need of some handholding - going through a v.down period & for the liFe of me cannot snap out of it. I've been on various AD's over the last 3 years from mirtazipine to citalopram & now just take sertraline (100mg twice a day). tbh usually I take the take it tasks the edge off my anxiety/depression but the past few weeks I've not been able to switch off at all sad

sorry I've not read up all the previous messages yet either but will do. hope every1 has a gud night smile

susiedaisy Thu 13-Dec-12 21:48:02

Welcome pain.

PainForLife Thu 13-Dec-12 21:58:19

thanks susiedaisy

Thanks for the welcome smile

Interesting vicar that it makes you sleepy, when I was on citalopram I felt like my sleep was quite disturbed, the psychiatrist said the transition period between the mirtazipine and sertraline would be when my sleep suffered the most. Hopefully I will be sleepy like you!

Well done to wheelbarrow and packitin - very impressed at your exam/essay efforts!

I had a huge cry to my husband tonight, he said he is finding it hard to see what has changed after a year of really intensive support because I am back feeling very suicidal. Hard to hear.

PainForLife Thu 13-Dec-12 23:17:13

fluffy - I've just has a good cry too but instead of a supporting hubby it was on my pillow... I'm not having any suicidal thoughts but having all the feelings of not belonging... just feel crap & wanna switch off sad

TacticalWheelbarrow Thu 13-Dec-12 23:24:42

packitin I get my results in January so fingers crossed, I think a change in career is going to be a good thing for me. I actually bought milk and biscuits after my exam because I was thinking of this thread grin
vicar have you tried beta blockers at all to ease the anxiety about work whilst waiting for the sertraline to kick in? I'm sorry too hear about your predicament. It's awful to have that stress.
fluffydressinggown welcome to the thread! I'm sorry you are feeling so down. Do you think that your husband was being honest because he wants to make sure you have the best recovery possible? Have you talked to your GP about these suicidal thoughts? I'm very concerned to hear you are having them. Please post back on the thread, I know everyone here is so supportive, it could be a help to you.

Just took my first 100mg dose of sertraline and WOW I know what you ladies are talking about the dry mouth now! I have a question however and hoping that you could help me out: does anyone have any experiences of mixing alcohol with sertraline? I am getting mixed responses researching it on the Internet. confused

TacticalWheelbarrow Thu 13-Dec-12 23:26:16

painforlife I was where you were at the weekend, it was horrible. It does get better though (even if it only is for a few days). The worst this about depression is feeling so fucking worthless!

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 13-Dec-12 23:26:58

sorry you both are having a bad night. I find it very hard to cry. maybe crying is a good thing - release of pressure? its a good thing i think. (but im just jealous.)

hope you both feel better tomorrow.

TacticalWheelbarrow Thu 13-Dec-12 23:27:06

Unmumsnetty {{hugs}} for painforlife and fluffydressinggown

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 13-Dec-12 23:28:56

im finding mixing alcohol with sertraline is no different but im on 50mg.....at first i felt drunk enough without a glass of wine, but as im adjusting im finding a glass or two of wine is fine.

I don't see my GP TacticalWheelbarrow my care is managed through the community mental health team, I have lots of support really. I see my CPN once a week and it was her who arranged the psychiatrist (it is hard to spell that word!) appointment, I also see a clinical psychologist once a week. I have been very unwell this year and have spent time as an in-patient so thankfully they are very responsive and supportive of my needs. I have told my CPN about my suicidal feelings and I have recently re-started self harming and she knows about that. She said I can ring any time or ring the crisis team who know me but it feels so pointless. This must be so depressing to read, but in summary - everyone knows and I have tons of help and support. I am just too crap to get better.

I have always drank on anti-depressants, I mean, not in an unhealthy way but a few glasses of wine has been fine! I think it can make you a bit more drunk so I try to drink soft drinks inbetween or have wine and soda type drinks. You def deserve some after your hard work smile

AllMuddledUp Fri 14-Dec-12 06:50:55

Hi everyone, is it okay if I join this thread? I started 50mg sertraline on Weds night. It totally knocked me out the first night! Not last night though. I have the most awful taste in my mouth all the time and just a spaced out/ lightheaded feeling. How long does it take for the side effects to ease off? I have taken lots of ADs but just can't remember how long the settling in period lasts.

I feel pretty despairing but am trying to plough through it. I had a terrible day on Tuesday and just broke down crying for an hour or two, it was awful. I've been in a bad way for months but just not admitted it to myself, and it all came out. I have been foul to live with, everything makes me stressed, I've felt so worthless and useless, been unable to make the simplest decisions.

My last GP (hardly see the same one twice) said as I was coping to try CBT without ADs- as ADs for me seem to become less effective the longer I take them. The CBT actually triggered a worse state for me, all those core beliefs that I don't feel I can change set me back. I had visions of self-harming and suicide, I've been snappy and short tempered with my kids, I've totally isolated myself so now I have no friends left and no social life which is a bit shit but I feel silly trying to make friends at my age!

New GP was lovely. I cried (of course) and she agreed I definitely need something to help me. I'm referred for more intensive CBT assessment in Jan, and starting sertraline. She told me to stop being so hard on myself which was nice. Also, in my area there is something called PALS which apparently I can be referred for and they will set me up an exercise programme and it is subsidised so I won't have to pay for a full gym membership. That's something I plan to sort out in January.

I think i am just rambling now! Sorry. You all seem lovely, I'm sorry that you are all suffering too.

PackItInNow Fri 14-Dec-12 08:33:39

Morning ladies (and gents if there are any on here) how are you all today?

Welcome to the thread Muddled have a brew and a biscuit to dunk grin. You're more than welcome to join in and have a moan smile. Got lots of brew on the go, so help yourself.

Gotta go do some shopping, as boring as it is, it has to be done. Will be back later though.

PackItInNow Fri 14-Dec-12 08:35:53

Your GP was right though Muddled. You ought to stop being so hard on yourself.

Well off I go and will catch you good folk later smile.

PainForLife Fri 14-Dec-12 09:55:01

morning all,
so I managed to knock out last night after a whole week of not sleeping... maybe the crying did help after all... I feel no different but hey at least I slept. DD has been home this week as her nursery is shut for xmas. they have a whole 3 weeks off sad she decided to have an early start dis morning & I've already used up all my energy :|

Hope every1 has had a better start to the day then me smile

Hi Muddled it sounds like there are a lot of positive things planned to help you get better. Hopefully you can ride this wave of feeling rubbish and start to feel better soon. I think that the side effects normally calm down after a month or so?

PainForLife I hope your day has got better?

Well, not the best start for me, I forgot to take the sertraline this morning. I got some sleep though and have written some Christmas cards. My husband is off work at the moment and he is doing my head in, I just want to be alone.

PainForLife Fri 14-Dec-12 17:57:37

hi fluffy I'm no better... really dizzy n nauseous feels like the side effects I had when I started taking sertraline a year ago! loss of appetite too dnt want to eat anything either. just been lying in bed all day only got up a few times to see to DDI but bless her I think she knows mummy is poorly as she's been lying quietly in bed with me. I know the feeling of wanting to be left alone!

muddled n fluffy ho.pe urge both feeling better now & tactical &#12298;hugs&#12299;back & packitin hope shopping went well n u got all u need smile

PainForLife Fri 14-Dec-12 17:59:50

tactical that was hugs (dnt know wot happened there).... blush

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Fri 14-Dec-12 19:31:46

hi allmuddled

pain im experiencing the same side effects you are on the sertraline, but i will have been on it 2 weeks on monday - the nausea is better now than it was, it also knocks me out. Im glad you managed some sleep.

im feeling dreadfully anxious, someone from work is having to come out and visit me over the weekend, and i have no idea what to say to them. i dont look ill. im going to feel stupid and embarrassed. im dreading it and its been on my mind all day. Do i get dressed? i suppose i have to....what am i supposed to say though?

Vicar you don't have to look like anything to be unwell. Are they visiting you informally or formally?

Just be honest, you still feel that things are difficult and you have started some medication and the side effects have knocked you for six.

I hope it goes ok.

PainForLife Fri 14-Dec-12 20:28:41

vicar not been in work for 2 years now bcos of my physical disability so can't really give much advise. just dnt put on a brave face when they come for their sake. u dnt want them thinking u will back to work sooner! be honest I would say but just dnt tell em ur bonkers grin , just kidding!

just thought a weekend visit??? ur work sending friendly spies before official visit!!!

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Fri 14-Dec-12 21:04:47

it will be an official "welfare" visit. Im so anxious over it, i just feel it will put pressure on me to say "im fine and ill be back asap"....im praying something comes up and puts them off tbh. My acting sgt is lovely but i feel like im taking the piss, im going to be apologetic when i shouldnt be. i cant help it.

PainForLife Fri 14-Dec-12 22:11:42

vicar oh sweety that would make any1 anxious. can u have some1 with you for support? u shudn't have to sit through it on ur own. pls dnt downplay it for ur own sake! u said ur "acting sgt is lovely" so just be honest with em. they will understand & they probably r coming over to see hw u r doing and what further support they can offer.

wish u the best of luck for it thanks & were all here for u x

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Fri 14-Dec-12 22:51:07

oh god sad i hate this. hate it.

they are being sent by inspector. i will be seen by now as a waste of money. If i could just afford to leave i would never go back.

ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone Fri 14-Dec-12 23:18:58

Oh Vicar I have just posted a massive post on your other thread (it is the first time I have seen it).

Only 2 weeks ago I was absolutely livid and didn't know what the hell to do with myself.

Again, if it is a formal meeting, you have the right to have a union rep or work colleague with you.

Take care (hugs)

PainForLife Sat 15-Dec-12 01:52:30

arghhhh wise awake even sertraline is not working sad

AllMuddledUp Sat 15-Dec-12 10:59:29

Thanks for the welcome everyone. How's everyone doing today?

Vicar your work sounds so stressful. Will you have someone with you for this meeting? I hope it goes as well as it can do, try not to let them bully you into hurrying back.

PackItIn thanks for the brew and biscuit, my favourite grin.

PainForLife How old is your DD? I have two DDs who are 4 and 5, the house is chaos when they are both at home in the school holidays! Hope you got some sleep last night? I went through a period of bad insomnia in the summer, it was awful. One thing that helped was distraction so I do that game where you go through the alphabet thinking of a country/ fruit or veg/ name for each letter. It's quite boring but I think that's why it helps me to get off to sleep.

Fluffy how are you? Yeah I have lots in place now to help me, I just need to help myself too by putting it all into practice!

Last night was weird, I'd taken my sertraline and gone to bed. I could feel that panicky feeling, my heart was starting to race, but I wasn't actually feeling the panic iyswim? I just felt a bit numb and 'oh my heart's racing' in a disinterested way. Was a bit surreal.

Does anyone else have the awful taste in their mouth? It's not dry, just an odd chemical taste that doesn't go. On the upside, my appetite has decreased a bit which is great as I'm very overweight (comfort eater).

Hope you all have a good weekend.

PainForLife Sat 15-Dec-12 13:40:05

Muddled Ive bad phases of insomnia but lately i was sleeping very well until about a week ago. I finally did get some sleep and thankfully my mum took my DD (she is 2 years old) last night so I could have a lie in.

Dont know about u all but i've been very shaky past few days & dizzy plus a constant headache. At the nausea feeling ahs gone away. Loss of apetite is very welcome by me too as I need to lose at least 40 pounds to get my BMI to normal from obese (like you comfort eating is my sin) so even if i can manage 20 pounds it would be a miracle!

I know what you mean by the awful taste in mouth I'm the same but I'm also finding it very hard to swallow. it's weird its like ive lost the swallowing action (again not complaining as its making me eat less).

Vicar thinking of u sweety let us know how it goes (hugs)

Hope every1 is having a good weekend smile

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Sat 15-Dec-12 14:50:40

hi ladies.

hope everyone is having a good day.

my acting supervisor came out - ive put a big update on my thread in MH but just to summarise it went really well.

i had been tying myself in absolute knots but he came out this morning and just allayed all my fears in one fell swoop. He said i am to get well, take whatever time i need to do that, and stop worrying about work. He was absolutely lovely. He was here for ages. I could have cried with relief.

They want to help me, they want me to go back to work when im well enough and they will help me to do that. He is referring me back to occupational health.

My only regret is that he is only acting supervisor for now, and some of my problems at work had been caused by our normal supervision, but im trying not to worry about that just now.

Autumnalis Sat 15-Dec-12 15:05:29

Good news, Vicar. Take it for what it is. The worst fear of the weekend lifted, try and relax now.

Oh brilliant news vicar so pleased it went well, now you can focus on you and getting better.

I took my first tablet today and feel totally the same! No side effects of note.

I also feel like shit. I feel like I might explode but I can't, I am worried about things escalating, I don't know what the answer is though.

ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone Sat 15-Dec-12 21:31:57

Just checking in.

Feeling a lot better, went to see GP yesterday and have another sick note for 3 weeks. That takes us until the new year. New year, new start. Now I have got a time frame to work to I can, hopefully, prepare myself for my return to work.
I go to occupational health on Monday and they will formulate a plan, I hope the management will adhere to it this time. I will also go back to the GP for a fit note stating the conditions advised by occ health, eg, office based for 2 weeks, working with someone for 2 weeks, reduced hours and no on call for at least 6 weeks. I also plan to have my union rep with me when I discuss this with my boss. I will NOT be fobbed off this time.
I want to be back in work but feel safe and confident, I believe that my employer has a duty of care to make that happen.

Lots of love to everyone xxx

PainForLife Sat 15-Dec-12 21:38:07

vicar brilliant news. hope ur now feeling a bit more relaxed. As every1 said concentrate on U now & getting better!

I'm still having the horrible side effects. didn't eat nothing all day & only had a bit of dinner now but feel lyk throwing up (not gud). I wanna lose weight but wanna be able to eat a little at least LOL

my mum just commented "you have lost so much weight in 2 days" so me thinks I'm losing dramatically eventhough it's not intended!

PainForLife Sat 15-Dec-12 21:43:50

shaky ur absolutely spot on, stand ur ground & stand up for urself. Hope u have a great weekend smile

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Sat 15-Dec-12 21:47:59

thats great news shaky i really hope they stick to the plan this time.

ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone Sat 15-Dec-12 21:56:34

PainForLife I found the side effects of Prozac dreadful, especially the loss of appetite. The nausea and bloated feeling if I did manage to eat was awful, I was also completely wiped out for weeks. I would take it in the morning but be sleepy by lunch time, then wide awake all night, repeat in vicious cycle. It helped to take the meds at night time so I would get some sleep and feel better in the morning. After gradually bringing the time forward, by 30 mins each day, I can now take them in the morning and feel much better. I have eaten tea for the last 3 nights in a row (which is progress)

shaky that sounds really positive smile

I am nervous about seeing my psychologist on Monday, he does this DBT thing with me where he will only talk about my self harm, and I hate hate hate it. I am not upset when I self harm, nothing happens before or afterwards really. And of course it is getting worse but DH is off work so I can't do anything really. I don't know what to say. I don't even know if I am sad.

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Sun 16-Dec-12 06:24:42

May I join you all please? SirBoobAlot here (will be whipping off my festive hat soon!). I may be a bit of an odd thumb with my diagnosis, but hope that's okay...

I suffer Borderline Personality Disorder, have done for years. Came off my ADs and anti psychs a while back now, maybe six months, after doing a lot of reading about their relevance to my condition - BPD is also called Emotional Intensity Disorder, which sums the main symptom up nicely. I have extreme intense moods, and one tiny thing can make me horrendously low, and it happens so quickly that a lot of teams suggest ADs are ineffective. I've managed without my meds for a few months now, and was doing okay with it, but the last few weeks I've been constantly down.

Last night I had a huge melt down. Then I called DP by mistake, was trying to text him to tell him I was okay (he knew I'd been down and I hadn't replied to his texts, didn't want to worry him), hung up quickly, and when he called me back I just burst into tears. Was a bit of a mess when he got over physically and mentally. He was amazing, helped me clear up my arms (sorry if that's TMI), and then talked with me for a few hours. He's been so supportive when I came off my meds, didn't want to let him down by going back on them. He told me he was proud of me (?!) for having the melt down as it showed that my therapy course was starting to help, and that if I felt in myself that I needed to go back on my medication, then I shouldn't question that judgement, and that he would support me either way. He stayed over and hugged me all night. He really does get me through sometimes.

So I'm back on 60mg Duoloxitine. I kept a weeks supply when I came off them in case I needed to, and have a doctors appointment booked for Wednesday for something else anyway, so I can get more. I dunno, I can advocate for other people to go back onto their meds, and to see the GP, because its the right thing to do, but I feel like I've given in sad I'm rather a hypocrite.

Vicar I'm so pleased to hear it went well today, have been thinking about you.

Shaky taking your union rep sounds like a goo idea, really hope that the management team are more supportive than it sounds like they were last.

Painforlife I found the side of effects with prozac quite tough too. If you're struggling with feeling sick as the main problem, then you could request a few days worth of anti sickness pills from your doctor? I use them for another health condition, they do help.

Fluffy talking about self harm is so hard, isn't it? I have group therapy on Monday and will be asked if I've cut <sigh> I guess the big question is do you want to stop? I was two and a half-ish years clean until recently, but right now I don't know whether I'm ready to stop again. Just be safe. x

Sorry for epic post. Hope its okay that I hang out with you all.

PainForLife Sun 16-Dec-12 10:44:35

sirboobalot firstly welcome, secondly & most importantly ur not a hypocrite or failure for seeking the help u need. it's d right thing to do esp if ur feeling the way u r. so good yo hear u have someone who is understanding to support u through it smile

For me sertraline is helping massively stopping me feeling low & depressed and stops d horrible flashbacks I'm having but the nausea feeling is awful. I havent actually been sick though it's just the feeling of being sick. shaky thanks for the advice I'm going through exactly dat at the moment so I'll try out ur way. hopefully it'll work for me too!

Last night I had broken sleep again & I mean for god sake it's 10.30 & I'm still in bed whereas DD has been up for hours & is driving my mum&dad crazy!

self harm must be very tough to talk about I imagine. I had a pretty bad time last year & took a one too many pills but since then haven't thought about doing that kind off thing. dnt know about u but when u get to that point u just want the thoughts to stop & it doesn't matter how you achieve it.
right I need to get out of bed and have a brew & maybe I'll be adventurous and have a biscuit hope every1 has a good Sunday smile

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Sun 16-Dec-12 11:13:15

hi all,

and boobs - you arent a hypocrite at all. You are recognising when you need some extra help - thats all.

im feeling more relaxed already. I got a good nights sleep, actually went to bed before midnight last night.

The bulk of my anxiety i think is around work. I have to find a way to deal with it somehow.

feeno Sun 16-Dec-12 12:58:40

Hello everyone, may I also join please? I'm on 150 mg sertraline and have been for about 6 weeks or so. I built up gradually from 25 mg to try and combat side effects. I've been feeling lots better but over the last four days or so, I've really gone down the black hole again. I'm not able to sleep without a pill or taking a 'may make you drowsy' type medicine. I'm on edge and feeling very panicky and tearful and unable to sleep. I don't know if this is because ds1 has been ill and not sleeping well and DS2 is having to stay with my mum as he is too tiny to risk him getting the virus. Is it time to up the dosage after a chat with GP or is it best to see if things subside after ds1 recovers. Previously my therapeutic dose for PND was 150mg. I've been on 200mg in the distant past but I'm reluctant to go up due to weight gain.

Perhaps it's the miserable weather

Any advice at all? UnMN hugs all around.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Sun 16-Dec-12 13:42:24

hi feeno

i think what im finding is that i have really good days and then really bad days. I would see what your gp says, do you have another appointment or could you speak to them on the phone?

Id say that having a poorly little one is tiring and exhausting anyway, coupled with the fact your mum has your baby is enough to make anyone feel down and anxious.

PackItInNow Sun 16-Dec-12 14:10:19

Good afternoon ladies. How is everyone? Hope you're all hanging in there smile.

Hello SirBoob and Feeno. You're more than welcome to join the thread. Here one brew for your good self SirBoob and another brew for you Feeno <<hugs for both of you>>.

Don't be afraid to share your burdens, after all, this is what the thread is about..........to let you share your burdens and hopefully we can all help each other in finding a remedy for you problems, however big or small they are smile.

The other thing is, I will give a verbal kicking to anyone who comes onto the thread being nasty. Especially to anyone who is on here needing support, but that's only because I started the thread and all you good folk are a massive support.

Anyway, enough of the soppy, sentimental shite grin and back to reality and finding solutions to problems (or as damn near to).

Had my birthday yesterday (35yo) and had a nice quiet one with 2 mates (C and M and M's DD(14). Had a lovely compliment from M's DD. She told me that she sees me as a 2nd mum. She also asked me if she could come to me for advice if she feels overwhelmed. I said yes and asked her why me? She said that I don't panic and let my feelings get in the way of making a good judgement on different situations.

I have to say I was pleasantly shocked and very flattered that a 14yo feel that she can come and get advice from me and DH smile. We had a good laugh as M is on meds for migraines and she is also on Amitriptyline for another type of migraine she suffers from. DD, M and me were having a laugh because her uncle was asking what she was up to and I dared M to text him saying she was on drugs (prescribed) and doing coke (Coca Cola) LOL. Well, M and her DD fall about the place laughing and then M told me that if she had sent a text like that, she'd have her ma on her back about it. The laughter was flowing and by the end of the night we were pissing ourselves laughing. I can say that it was a birthday to remember.

Anyway enough about my mad parties, what about the rest of you? How are you all doing smile?

PackItInNow Sun 16-Dec-12 14:13:26

Afternoon Vicar, how are you today? Glad to hear that you had a good night's sleep. Do you feel any better for it?

feeno Sun 16-Dec-12 15:30:57

Thanks packitin. Hugs much appreciated. I'll hold on and see how I get on for a few more days. I'm on at the moment so hormones probably exacerbating the problem.

Glad you had fun and got such a lovely complement from a teen no less!

Thanks to you too vicar. It is exhausting. I needed a bit if perspective methinks. If things don't improve, I may have to take the both of us to see the doc!

Hi sirboobalot nice to see you here, I hope you are ok? I think you are so brave going to the group therapy. I am supposed to be doing DBT in the new year and I am shitting myself about it. Honestly I think you are being incredibly strong - recognising you need some meds at the moment is a positive thing. If it helps it helps. Your DP sounds very supportive which is great. Look after yourself.

I hadn't self harmed for four years until this year and it has all gone downhill, I don't know really. It is hard because I know it is in my control, but equally, it feels like it isn't. I know my current self harm will not be enough for much longer, but I also know if I do more there are crappy consequences, I don't give a fuck about what I do to my body but all of the crap that comes with SI is too much sometimes. I keep thinking that dying is better than this crap. I found myself rehearsing the text to tell DH I have gone to A&E for stitches so it is all shit.

I am really irritated by everything at the moment, all the bins need emptying and there is a stupid amount of washing up but my DH is insisting he does it and if I do it he will be v.grumpy and see it as passive aggressive when it isn't I just want it done. I also need to wrap some Christmas presents.

vicar I am so glad you feel a bit better, can you access talking therapy to help you?

packitin I am so pleased you had a nice birthday smile You sound like a brilliant friend.

Hi feeno I am sorry you feel so rough, you should def go back to your GP, if only for some support and advice.

PackItInNow Sun 16-Dec-12 17:44:30

Good afternoon Fluffy. Things will get better. You know that you have control over your self-harming, and now is the time to start believeing that you can and will exercise some control over your self-harming.

It may be little baby steps, but things like these don't change suddenly overnight. It will take a long time, but it can be done. You just have to believe it will. You know what they say about the power of the mind????

I remember having severe PND and just wanting out of motherhood. Logically, I knew I would beat the PND and be there for my kids. It took 4-5yrs of me seeing the immediate and short term goals that would lead to the long term goal (being free of PND). It worked, and now I am applying this to my studies.

Of all the professions I want to work in, Psychology is the one I am completely interested in and drawn to. I think the keys to good thereapy is someone who is a listener, a good problem silver, and one that helps you to believe in yourself. Lastly but least, for me, I would want someone that helps me work out reachable short term goals. Another one is a therapist who sees slip-ups as small problems that need to be sorted.

Well, I have to go wash dishes, wash the kids and do their snacks for tomorrow, but will be back later.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Sun 16-Dec-12 19:52:13

evening everyone.

im back to see my gp in the morning so i just hope i can convince her to sign me off for a while more - i got a text of supervisor today to say he has referred me back to OH. Im nervous about both having to go back to occy health with my tail between my legs and seeing the gp tomorrow. I have to take the mental health questionnaire back and one of the questions was about suicidal thoughts - i havent exactly been there but i have wanted to crash the car to stop the stress and have a rest, i put "once" on the form and i wish i hadnt.....my former colleagues will see it as they will be the ones to scan it into the systems..... i feel like a failure as far as the shiny career goes. I used to work at my GP surgery. I question my sanity ever going into this job knowing my propensity to worry.

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Sun 16-Dec-12 20:18:14

Feeno I think personally I would be tempted to see how you feel after DS is sleeping okay for a few days, but a visit to the GP can never be a bad thing. Either way, I hope you perk up soon.

PackIt Happy birthday! And what a lovely thing for her to say, really hope that you can remember that in your low moments.

Vicar long may the good sleep continue!

Fluff know exactly what you mean. I've never needed stitches, yet. Well done on your years without SI, that's a really long time - and shows you can do it. So remember that. You are in control of it. You can be in control of it by limiting the damage if you're not ready to stop yet. The group therapy isn't actually as bad as I thought it would be. And I have heard wonderful things about DBT, so I do hope you get the opportunity to do it.

I am very lucky with DP. He's been utterly amazing. I was honest with right from five minutes after I met him the start about my health, always knew he was accepting of it, but since I started this therapy course, he really has been superb. He has his faults wink but I couldn't ask for more where it comes to being there for me when I'm struggling, and believing in me. I've never really had anyone believe in me before. Its nice. He takes me up to my therapy sessions, and has managed to arrange to come out of work for a coffee with me after each one to go over it all as well.

Right... DS is snoring away, I need to find the motivation to get in the shower...

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Sun 16-Dec-12 20:20:07

xposts - Vicar totally understand why you're feeling that way, but the only way you can get better is by being totally honest. <hugs>

AllMuddledUp Sun 16-Dec-12 21:16:52

Hi everyone,

Vicar I'm glad the visit went well and you felt reassured. Hope the Dr appointment goes well too. How's the tiredness now, has it eased off a bit? I understand why you feel uneasy about colleagues seeing your questionnaire but it's best to be honest so they can find the best way to help support you. Once you are back on an even keel then you decide whether you want to carry on in your career. If you don't, there's no shame in it at all.

Fluffy I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. It's so hard being in that place isn't it? (Hugs)

Hi Boobs I'm glad you felt able to decide to go back on your ADs. It's not failing to start taking them again (otherwise I'm a massive failure grin).

Pain I'm sorry you've been feeling rough and too sick to eat. Hope the side effects ease off soon. I have had a binge today, dunno why as wasn't really hungry, and now feel yuk.

Feeno Hi! I found that even on ADs I would have good days and some really down days so it could be circumstances making you feel worse, but I'm sure your GP would talk it through with you. Hope your DS1 recovers quickly, and congratulations on your DS2! How old is he now?

Pack how lovely of your friend's DD! Just think what a wonderful person she must think you are, it's such a compliment.

I have missed people off I'm sure, sorry if I have. My head is hurting and I need to jump in the bath. Normally I love baths but lately it has felt like such a chore keeping up with bathing/ showering that I just have a quick wash at the sink blush some days I can't be bothered to drag a brush through my mane hair either so stick on a hat for school run. Anyone else find their hygiene/ beauty regime suffers when they are low or am I just a manky cow?

Night all.

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Sun 16-Dec-12 21:25:50

Muddled we can be manky cows together in that case grin Dry shampoo and a cheap body spray are two of my dearest friends...

vicar I can totally understand your worries and fears, but you have to be honest, as difficult as it is

SirBoobs I would be interested in how you have found group work. I am lucky to have such great access to DBT really, but it feels like a huge thing. I am a very quiet, and largely emotionless person so I am worried I will not make the best of it. I am so good at looking like I am ok, or looking like I am engaging when I am not.

I really really struggle with my self harm, I have been in a psychiatric hospital twice this year because it got to the stage where I was in A&E 3/4 times a week and they were worried I would accidentally kill myself so it is a scary and slippery road. At the moment, I think at least if I cut to deep and died I wouldn't have to be brave enough to kill myself. I hope that comment doesn't offend anyone.

I have to confess, I am super clean, I have OCD and I am very very ritualistic with washing, luckily it doesn't take long, but I have to shower and wash my hair every day before I am allowed to do anything else. And if I leave the house I have to have my hair and make-up done. When I was really unwell in hospital I always looked immaculate (see above for looking like I am fine). I wish I could have PJ days!

On a positive note. I have wrapped the Christmas presents and arranged a coffee with friends tomorrow and on Tuesday. DH is back at work on Wednesday which is good and bad I guess.

I hope everyone has had a nice Sunday smile

ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone Sun 16-Dec-12 21:57:01

Muddled it's weird isn't it how the shower thing is so hard. If I don't set the alarm and get up and in the shower before ds wakes up I CANNOT do it at all, all day. I don't know why, but it ruins my day, thinking "I need to get in the shower, I can't be arsed". So put it off but still feel anxious re need to get in shower, there have been many days when I have failed to do it and have felt much worse, due to sense of failure and beating myself up for being lazy, dirty bitch.

If I get straight out of bed and into the shower I have already achieved one of the biggest hurdles of the day, without even thinking about it, honestly it helps. I could go days without getting in the shower if I let myself but would feel dreadful for the whole time.

Very warm welcome to all the newcomers, big hugs.

This is a lovely, supportive, no judgemental place on mumsnet. You will never be flamed or be in a bunfight here. We are all here to be able to support, advise and generally be a shoulder to cry on for each other. It is a beautiful place to be smile

ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone Sun 16-Dec-12 21:58:23

X post with fluffy

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Sun 16-Dec-12 23:14:19

muddled you are not alone....i am also of the cant be arsed with personal hygiene variety if i dont have to go anywhere....there are days my hair does not see a brush.

boobs thank you....i know i need to be honest but i find it feels like weakness.

fluffy well done on the xmas wrapping and seeing friends - i think thats brilliant. im sorry you struggle with self harm. i always seem ok on the outside too, at home i can be a different person but to the wider world i am sorted. i wish it were true.

i also managed to wrap some xmas presents tonight - im feeling ever so slightly better as the weight of worry over work was lifted.

speak to you all tomorrow. hugs to all. (Yes i know we dont do that here but tough!) x

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Sun 16-Dec-12 23:26:58

My therapy is called STEPPS, is specifically for BPD, but can be great for anyone, as its basis is about changing your thought patterns. I'm finding the group environment challenging at times, but because its an educational based therapy and not a ''lets all sit in a group and talk about ourselves'' I can cope wink We do have to do some sharing, but that actually starts to feel quite nice after a few weeks of getting used to it!

DP and I are going on a proper date tomorrow night - we normally just hang out here, because of DS, but we're doing dinner and film after he finishes work. Will be lovely <ignoring the fact I get terrified in cinemas>.

Impressed with the present wrapping, you're putting me all to shame!!

DBT skills group is an educational teachy type thing. I am just nervous I guess. I never cry in front of people, I am so so private, I rarely get angry (or happy!), am just very closed off. I have elements of BPD, def the self harm, def a lack of emotional regulation but I suppose unlike the stereotype I am not unreasonably angry or volatile, there is just an absence of anything. And I wonder how I would manage that in a group. People know me as calm and collected and together, when in many ways I am anything but.

Have a lovely time at the cinema smile

PackItInNow Mon 17-Dec-12 07:53:03

Good morning ladies. It's nice to hear you're going on a date night with your DP Shakey. There's nowt like a good date to keep the spark going smile. I really hope it goes well for you.

I usually have a shower and imagine all my dirt was 'dirty thoughts', ie, can't be arsed and anxious-type feelings. I jump in the shower and imagine that I'm scrubbing all those 'dirty thoughts' away, leaving nicer thoughts to tax my brain IYSWIM. It gets me through the day if I have a

Good morning Fluffy. Not got much time as I'm getting ready for college, but can you think that the people in the group will be there because they're probably in the same boat as your good self, mentally (very private people etc).

Well, gotta bugger off to college now, but will be back later briefly as the kids have their Xmas party at club, but take care all you good ladies smile.

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Mon 17-Dec-12 08:00:23

Fluffy one of my friends from the group is similar to the way you describe yourself. She has found things like identifying emotions really hard, and really struggled to come back after the first few sessions, but now she's glad she did, and is recognizing positive changes in herself. Everyone in our group has cried at least once, FWIW wink

It's the last session before New Year today, we're going to be discussing surviving Christmas - will post any helpful tips.

feeno Mon 17-Dec-12 10:58:15

Hi everyone. How you all feeling today? I tell you, a bit of sunshine makes a world of difference! I feel lots better today. Wish I didn't have to be on sertraline but I need it to cope with day to day life.

Hate side effects but I guess it's a small price to pay for my sanity.

I have some awful side effects including yucky night sweats, unable to sleep well, irritability, stuttering, poor short term memory and having to work hard and for ages to get to the big O blush with no loss in libido and worst of all, weight gain (from increased appetite after long term use).

Anyone else finding it a pain putting up with side effects?

Hope you all have a good day today. I keep telling myself all the time to just get through today-yesterday has gone and tomorrow isn't here yet!

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Mon 17-Dec-12 11:00:31

morning everyone

Good luck at your group session boobs.

I saw gp this morning who has signed me off for 4 weeks. I am to go back in 2 weeks to get more sertraline. She thinks the fatigue may be things just catching up with me. im not sure.

She asked if things would be different when i go back to work, which i honestly doubt. i hadnt even thought about how i will cope when i go back. confused

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Mon 17-Dec-12 11:02:03

morning feeno - x posts.

im just finding the side effects are feeling like they are starting to ease a bit - but im only on 50mg and today will be the 2 week mark.

feeno Mon 17-Dec-12 11:10:14

PS boobs...how did you get your diagnosis for BPD? I have been suffering for years and years and I often wonder if I have BPD? I am very intense emotionally, can be volatile when I get angry or irritable, I am highly sensitive and find it difficult to cope in social situations. I often portray a very confident and 'life and soul' type personality to the world but inside I'm extremely negative and filled with darkness.

feeno Mon 17-Dec-12 11:12:21

<waves at vicar>

Hi vicar glad you got another prescription and your time off work sorted, maybe you can use the next few weeks to think about what will have to change or what can happen for things to be better?

Thanks for your comments boobs I hope your group went well today.

feeno I am not the person you asked but I can tell you my experiences of being assessed as BPD? I am 28 and since I was 19 I have had on and off involvement with the mental health team, mostly around self harming. Earlier this year I was admitted to hospital which sped things up a bit, but basically I was assessed by a psychiatrist and by a clinical psychologist and that was that! I don't have an official diagnosis but the reason they felt I met some of the criteria was the fact that my mental health has impacted me throughout my adult life. It affects me globally - work, marriage, day to day life. I struggle to manage in times of extreme stress and turn to self harm in those times. I often can't explain how I feel, my body language rarely matches how I feel, and I can be very superficial in terms of engaging with my emotions. I also have OCD which complicates my self harm in particular because I am very O/C about it which is not very typically BPD.

You need a referral to the CMHT for a diagnosis but a referral can get hard to get. Your GP would not be able to diagnose it, although if you discuss it with them they may be able to push for a referral for diagnosis.

Hope this helps!

I saw my psychologist today was quite a positive meeting really. I have committed to starting DBT in late February. Eeep. I think this next week will be really really hard to stay safe in, so taking it hour by hour.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Mon 17-Dec-12 20:18:16

evening everyone. <waves back to feeno

You know i have been thinking about that fluffy - and the gp asked me that this morning. the truth is nothing will change. there is little i can do about the workload or lack of decent supervision (normally - the acting sgt is fab but he is just standing in) there will be little i can change in reality. im not sure what to do. if i cant start to find a way to deal with the stress im not sure what i will do. i may have to look for something else much as im loathed to admit defeat.

one thing i realised today is that i stopped going running in April. In May i was at my lowest ebb ever. I wonder if i should start running again, ive no idea if its coincidence or whether it actually did make me more able to deal with stress. it may well be coincidence. But i may try and get off my arse and just do 20 mins a couple of times a week, and keep up with the horse riding. i do feel better when im outdoors.

PackItInNow Mon 17-Dec-12 20:19:08

Good evening ladies, I hope you had a good reasonable day today smile.

I have to admit, I don't know a lot about MH problems as, unfortunately, I remember very little about my feelings when I had PND. I only vaguely remember wanting to kill myself. After that, I remember sod all squared. It's almost like my brain wasn't willing to deal with that part of my past and so erased most of it. I have tried to remember anything about it but just cannot recall anything else apart from the above.

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Mon 17-Dec-12 23:48:05

Feeno my story is complicated slightly by the fact I was initially admitted to the mental health system because of an arsehole doctor seeing 'self harm' and 'anti-depressants' on my medical record and deciding I couldn't possibly be physically ill angry I was also 16 at the time, so was under the youth services. My diagnosis was finally confirmed last year (I think). I've been seeing the same psych for quite a while now, and think that's an important part of the diagnostic process, from what I gather. I'm happy to send you some information, or answer any questions you have smile

Date night was lovely, highly recommend The Hobbit to anyone, although there were more battles than in the book (!!!) and I'm not sure what the fuss is about surrounding 3D movies grin We had fun though.

Hope you're all okay.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Tue 18-Dec-12 00:02:36

glad you had a good night boobs! hope your group session went well. x

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Tue 18-Dec-12 00:09:51

Hmm... Well... It was an interesting start to the week. Long story short - a woman who wasn't supposed to be coming back as she had missed too many sessions turned up, kicked off and trashed the room. So the session was cancelled within half hour of it starting!! I'm fine but a bit shaken up, arranged a one-to-one with one of the course facilitators to go over what happened tomorrow.

Did mean I got some extra time with DP though!

Two days SI free. Have been thinking about it all day, after what happened in the group, but have stayed safe smile

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Tue 18-Dec-12 00:13:46

thats so unfair, how incredibly selfish - good luck tomorrow. well done btw. grin

the girl done good.....yes you boobs!

Well done on two days smile Brill. You sound like you have a great attitude about what happened in the group as well, very controlled, I think a de-brief will help as well. Glad you had a nice date as well, sounds like a positive start to the week.

I have had an ok day, I have seen my friend this afternoon and then I am seeing another friend tomorrow so lots of socialising smile

Not sure I have any side effects from my sertraline yet, but only three days in!

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Tue 18-Dec-12 00:25:29

Vicar thanks. Quite proud of myself. It was my immediate thought after what had happened, and yet I didn't do it. And now I am sat here, knowing there are plenty of things in the house, and I haven't so much as picked anything up. Baby steps.

By the way - exercise is a fantastic natural depression treatment. So if you could start running again, it might really help you. Before my ME hit, I went to the gym a lot, and then more recently did yoga until my abdominal pain got too bad to continue. The yoga took a while to get used to, but I ended up finding it beneficial on several levels.

fluffy well done for being social, its so hard to do sometimes. Hope you had a lovely day.

susiedaisy Tue 18-Dec-12 11:13:18

Hi haven't checked in for a few days but just wanted to say hello to everyone and hope you're all ok xx

turnedupsidedown Tue 18-Dec-12 11:14:07

Hello. Ducking in -sick children at home-been hemmed in since last Thursday as the bug goes around all of us. there are only so many times you can watch cheesy Christmas movies!! Drs tomorrow for 3 week review-don't feel terribly different except my head has stopped whirling round at great speed, overthinking things. Still having some side effects, but I don' feel drunk anymore.
When people have increased the dosage-did you get another round of side effects?

PainForLife Tue 18-Dec-12 14:22:21

Hi All haven't been on for a couple days as side effects took over! lookslike every1 is doing great xxx

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Tue 18-Dec-12 23:11:40

evening all

i feel much more relaxed but i think that is more to do with the pressure being off around work, that said i cant really tell if the sertraline is working or if i am just happier knowing i dont need to worry for a few weeks about it, the side effects certainly seem to be less noticeable but its been 2 weeks now so maybe its just in my system now....i hope to goodness the fatigue disappears for good or i will struggle with nights on going back. I also have a new focus for my anxiety as i have to go for an endoscopy for reflux. Should the sertraline be taking away my anxieties? if so its not working....

anyway glad everyone is still checking in and managing ok,

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Tue 18-Dec-12 23:31:50

Must. Not. Read. Threads. Debating. Validity. Of. Diagnosis. Must. Not. Read... angry

Anyway.

We were given a sheet about surviving the festive period yesterday. It is aimed at BPD, but a lot of the points are quite general. Would it be of any use to people to share it?

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Tue 18-Dec-12 23:36:35

im sure it would be useful boobs

im not gonna ask which thread or i might get ragey....how are you doing anyway?

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Tue 18-Dec-12 23:53:17

I am ragey wink But a psychologist friend of mine has just told me a wonderful joke - ready for this?

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb has to want to change.

grin

I'm glad the side affects are easing off at least Vicar. Do understand your anxiety about the endoscopy sad Try and focus on the end result, rather than the process of getting there though.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Wed 19-Dec-12 00:09:07

grin

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Wed 19-Dec-12 00:14:00

im going to try and get to bed - i noticed another thread on this board for support with BPD....your wise words might be needed on there boobs ....

much love to all and g'nite....hope everyone gets a good nights sleep.

PainForLife Wed 19-Dec-12 12:45:35

hello every1,
so side effects r finally calming down & I got a good night sleep smile still having hot/cold sweats at night, appetite seems to be coming back (Darn it I still need to lose more weight), nausea has gone but dizziness is still bad sad
feeling a lot more positive this morning so going to try keep that feeling going through the rest of the day hopefully (fingers crossed) & take a much needed shower!

hope every1 is having a good day so far smile

feeno Wed 19-Dec-12 13:29:01

Hi all. Not been on much due to being struck down by the same virus DS1 and DH have. It's the worst I've had for at least a good couple of years-yuk!

Anyway, thanks boobs and fluffy for info re BPD. I'm due with a review in the new year with a doc at mother and baby unit here so may ask about it then. I find it very difficult to cope with any kind if stress and I'm pretty positive I've never really been quite right after some really horrible childhood issues suddenly came upon me after I had repressed them for 5 years or so. Since the age of 9 I've not been a very happy soul so I guess the regular periods of anxiety and depression were a given.

pack I know exactly what you mean about not remembering the PND time. I'm going through my second bout and I honestly can't remember much of DS1s first 9 months to a year or so. I know it was a bloody nightmare and my parents told me I tried to jump out of the window but I just don't remember it. It's quite sad really that there are so many pics if DS1 when he was tiny and I don't remember any of the times at all. There are even videos with him and me in them but its like watching somebody else with him.

RumoursOfAWhiteChristmas Wed 19-Dec-12 16:44:41

Hi, I'm starting 50mg of sertraline tomorrow and was wondering how quick you start to feel side affects if you get them?
I've read through this thread and its lovely the support on here. I would like to join if I can smile

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Wed 19-Dec-12 16:54:58

hi all

rumours i felt the side effects within hours of taking the first one but now, 2 weeks in, im not suffering so much at all. I would take them with food. For me they made me feel spaced out, whoozy and sick, and it put me off taking another - however this time i have persevered and taking them with food seemed to really help. They made me very tired so i take mine with my evening meal. stick with them and see - the side effects were worse for me for the first 10 days or so.

PackItInNow Wed 19-Dec-12 17:17:57

Welcome to the thread Rumours. Have a brew and a biscuit to dunk with. Just got in from college and picking a few things up from Tesco. It's very drizzly over here in NI and I'm so tired, I can't even be bothered with tea. Will probably just go to bed as I'm yawning loads ATM, but I just wanted to welcome you to the thread Rumours and you're more than welcome to come on here and have a good auld moan smile.

Anyway, I'm off to bed folks, but have a good evening.

Take care smile

turnedupsidedown Wed 19-Dec-12 17:40:47

Hello. How is everyone today?
Went to drs and have increased dose to 100mg of sertraline. However dr did suggest not doing it until after Christmas Day so to avoid side effects of an increased dose.
I am struggling with this silly sense of failure....particularly with church. I haven't told anyone at church I am ill as I don't want to be defined by it all.....it is surprising how negative churches can be about depression. A handful of people know I am unwell but not with what....I can't face all the questions and judgements. My dh is being lovely but he has a demanding job -out for 12 hours a day and some Saturdays-I am very fortunate that there is no pressure to work. I just have to muster the energy to be Mum and wife......
How is everyone else doing and how have you found your relatives/friends reacting to it all?

RumoursOfAWhiteChristmas Wed 19-Dec-12 17:43:45

Thanks for the welcome smile

I am supposed to take one every morning. I know side effects are different for everyone, just hope they don't effect Christmas too much.
I will make sure I have some breakfast with them, thanks vicar. I am going to ds2's nursery christmas party tomorrow morning, that should be fun!

Have a good sleep packitin

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Wed 19-Dec-12 18:11:23

rumours - i was told to take in the morning too but i found the side effects easier to cope with if i take them in the evening - the gp said it doesnt really matter when you take them so experiment with whats best for you.

im not sure if they are having any effect or not really, turned let me know if you feel any different with 100mg - id be interested to know.

ive only just got dressed but at least ive managed it - im going to go to the supermarket but im going to go late on so its hopefully not rammed....

Hello everyone smile Welcome rumours

turnedupsidedown I hope you can find some support for your depression, I am surprised the church is not supportive. My friends and family have been very supportive which has helped.

I had a nice Christmas coffee with my friend yesterday and finally finished my shopping. Then today I saw my CPN which was a good meeting, then I went into town and bought a dress and some nail polish as a treat for myself. I love nail polish smile

I feel very anxious and panicky about tomorrow because I am alone all day and I am finding it hard to be safe. I think one of my cuts is infected as well.

I said to my CPN today I feel so conflicted, I don't understand how I can get up, wash, do my hair and make-up and see friends and Christmas shop and still feel so shit and destructive!

I hope everyone is ok and Christmas plans etc are going well.

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Wed 19-Dec-12 21:02:19

Welcome Rumours! smile

Vicar dressed is still an achievement. Hope the supermarket wasn't too overwhelming. I hate supermarkets blush

Turned the sense of failure is a bitch. Do try and remind yourself that you are ill, that it is not your fault, and to be as kind to yourself as you would be if you had a broken bone. Hope the med increase helps.

Feeno BPD has a lot of links to childhood issues. I do hope your review is helpful.

Am feeling good tonight. I bumped into an ex that I had a bad break up with on the bus tonight, a combination of my mental health issues (I was really ill at the time), and him dealing with his own stuff, causing him to be quite a knob. We started talking occassionally again at the beginning of the year, after finding out that we live about two minutes away from each other! He knows about my diagnosis. We had a giggle on the bus, and I was brave, and apologised about some of the things I said and did in our relationship that I still feel embarrassed about. Have felt horrible about them for years. He gave me a hug, told me that he understood, that it was okay, and that he only remembered the good things. He also apologized for the things he had done, too.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I really do. The BPD causes me to be incredibly sensitive to what people think of me, especially people I care / have cared about. To know that he doesn't hate me, and remembers the good things, means so much. smile

RumoursOfAWhiteChristmas Thu 20-Dec-12 07:22:46

Morning and thankyou again for the welcomes smile

I'm about to take the first tablet. Just a quick question, with Christmas around the corner I was looking forward to a glass or five of wine, can I still drink or not? The leaflet says to avoid but I was wondering if the odd glass would matter? If its a no then it's a no, no biggy!

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Thu 20-Dec-12 10:37:56

Personally I don't feel up to drinking in the first weeks on medication! Alcohol is a depressant, but the odd glass of wine shouldn't be an issue.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 20-Dec-12 13:30:23

for the first 10 days or so i felt quite sickly, but i am having the odd glass or two now with no ill effects.

PackItInNow Thu 20-Dec-12 13:54:18

Afternoon everyone. Left college early to get some peace and quiet to work, not that I'm actually working on here grin and everyone else was partying anyway, but I will be working after 3pm. Just having an hour on here before I go out in the pissing rain to collect the wee rascals from school.

Anyway, how is everyone? Are you all looking forward to Xmas? Rumours, I personally would stay off the drink, but then I'm not interested in alcohol anyway. I'm sure it'll be OK if you have 1 or 2 drinks as long as you are strict with yourself and don't go overboard.

RumoursOfAWhiteChristmas Thu 20-Dec-12 15:49:23

Hiya, to be honest I went shopping today for the Christmas food and I didn't fancy any of it, nor the booze. I took my tablet at 8am then around 12 started to feel queasy and the feeling has not left me, even after eating. Bleurgh!

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 20-Dec-12 16:28:47

stick with it rumours the nausea does ease - try experimenting with the time you take it. I felt better if i took it with quite a hearty meal, im still only eating one meal proper a day so i take it then.

Hi packit i think im ready for christmas. Ive got some cards and a couple of gifts still to deliver, but not going out in the rain today....im still in pjs blush

susiedaisy Thu 20-Dec-12 21:13:24

Hi rumors that nausea will pass after a few days of taking the meds but it is horrible whilst it lasts.

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Thu 20-Dec-12 22:14:15

I don't feel like I'm real tonight. I feel like I'm just watching. Don't feel in control of my body. I'm also so utterly exhausted I could cry.

Have wrapped a grand total of two presents.

Could someone wake me up when Christmas is over with, please?

susiedaisy Thu 20-Dec-12 22:26:18

Santa sending you hugs and positive thoughts thanks

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 20-Dec-12 22:45:24

hi boobs - just think about DS and how xmas is for him. That will get you through.

im actually relishing xmas as i should have been working xmas day and boxing day.

BlackCatinChristmasChaos Thu 20-Dec-12 22:46:32

Hi all, can I join you? although I might do more lurking than posting as I don't always feel chatty.
Been on Fluoxetine since April but I struggle with taking them regular. blush
Feeling quite tired so might go up to bed soon.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 20-Dec-12 22:49:23

welcome blackcat i think its a case of the more the merrier on here.

BlackCatinChristmasChaos Thu 20-Dec-12 22:54:18

Thanks for the welcome. smile Been referred for counselling after 2 recent bereavements sad , finding it quite hard trying to be in the right mood for Christmas but am trying as I have 2 DC.
Anyway, might pop in tomorrow sometime as I must go to bed.
Hope you all o.k.

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Thu 20-Dec-12 22:56:43

Welcome BlackCat smile

I hope everyone has had an OK day smile Welcome blackcat

rumours I have always drank as normal on anti-depressants and had no real issues. I don't drink heavily though, but a few glasses of wine are fine.

boobs I am sorry you are struggling. You have loads of time to wrap presents etc, can your DP help you?

I keep thinking I have finished wrapping presents and then find myself remembering one more to buy, so frustrating. Not had a great day, feeling very on edge and twitchy, hard to focus. I really don't feel like being around so many people this Christmas, I feel a huge pressure to be positive and happy when I don't feel like that really. Ho hum. I always feel like I sound so negative, sorry!

I have a dry mouth from the sertraline I think? I don't drink enough really so probably good to drink a bit more.

PackItInNow Fri 21-Dec-12 08:20:55

Welcome to the thread BlackCat Have a wee brew and a biscuit to dunk in your cuppa <<goes out to buy more tea, coffee and biscuits>>.

Good morning to all your good ladies. How are you all today? Anyone fancy a cuppa while I've got the kettle on?

BlackCat, I understand how you feel about your bereavements. DH and I lost his mum at the start of August sad and obviously it'll be heartbreaking with this being the 1st Xmas without her. I've found that the 1st of everything (Xmas, her birthday, her anniversary etc) is always the hardest to get through, but we do it because we have no other choice. We can't not get through it in whatever way is the most comfortable for us IYSWIM. MIL was part of the furniture. She used to come to our place on Xmas eve and stay overnight until she went home on Boxing Day. I suppose I'm just worried that DH will crumble with not having her here sad

feeno Fri 21-Dec-12 08:39:51

Hi everyone. Just checking in really. Hope today is a better day than yesterday. Seems it was a shitty day for most of us!

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Fri 21-Dec-12 11:06:57

Fluffy don't you dare apologise for sounding negative, we're not on anti-depressants for the fun factor wink <gentle hug and shove at the same time>

Sorry to those of you who are facing this first Christmas without people sad xx

Someone has started a BPD thread, but is it okay if I stick with you guys as well? I like it here...

PainForLife Fri 21-Dec-12 11:33:33

hey every1 <waves at everyone & quick hugs>

y'day was definitely a shitty day & last night was tough to get through, I was lurking in here but didn't really know what to say or write.

so sorry for all of u who will be spending their first xmas without loved one's sad

I've been stressing over next week <got an xmas day wedding & a dinner party on boxing day> sighhhh.... I really dont think I can cope with going to either not with the side effects the way they are! sad

PackItInNow Fri 21-Dec-12 12:35:54

Of course it's OK to stick with this thread SirBoob, the more the merrier and all that smile. You company is more than welcome smile <<hugs SirBoob and hands a brew>>.

There's plenty of tea and coffee to go round, so help yourself.

Fluffy, there's no need to apologise for being negative, I'm sure we all understand that life sometimes throws a load of shit at people and we can see why you'd think negatively. BUT, and the big but is, never give up no matter how hard life is. Life will be hard at times, but you just need to find a way to get through it as comfortably as possible.

Think of it this way............just like toddler tantrums, hissy fits and all those little things, life will have it's phases when things are hard, but they will get better smile.

PackItInNow Fri 21-Dec-12 12:48:32

Pain, don't worry about writing things down here in a comprehensible manner. Just write your feelings down in whatever way they come to your mind. I'm sure I'll be able to make some kind of sense, and if not, then I'll ask you what you meant. You know, this is a thread where you can vent your frustrations, talk about your periods of sadness/depression and everything else, so don't worry smile.

Well ladies, I'll have to bugger off for a short while, but I'll be back in a wee while. Take care y'all smile.

feeno Fri 21-Dec-12 13:09:27

I'm such a bitch. I don't understand why God blessed me with 2 beautiful little boys. I can't look after myself so how the fuck can I look after them. I have no patience and all I do is moan and shout. I wish I was dead or had the guts to get on the train track behind my house and do everyone a fucking favour.

PainForLife Fri 21-Dec-12 13:44:20

Thanks Pack that makes me feel a lot better that u all will understand... sometimes I just don't know how to express my feelings!

Feeno what's happened that u feel like such a terrible mum sad if it makes any difference then I can tell u I have DD who is 2 year old & since the day she was born she has been looked after by my dad as I'm not able to bcos of my health conditions. I have those emotions on my really bad days. I've never done anything normal with her like going to the park or shopping. I have somehow learnt to cope with those feelings but Der is not one day when those thoughts don't cross my mind.

I am certain ur a fabulous mother so never doubt urself... if u have done even one day of looking after ur kids yourself then ur already a better mother then me so be proud of yourself and keep ur head high smile

PackItInNow Fri 21-Dec-12 13:49:51

Feeno, you're not doing anyone a favour by killing yourself, least not your boys <<hugs Feeno>>. Do you know, I can understand where you're coming from, but please don't do anything that you can't take back.

You're absolutely allowed to come on here and have a rant about eveerything if it makes you feel better smile. If you did anything like kill youself, I'll miss not having a natter with you now that I have more time to spend on here. Here, have a wee brew and vent you're feelings or if you want, or even if it helps, just write them down on here and me and the other good ladies on here will try and help you as best we can.

We're not here to judge you, we're just here to help each other when we need it. That's what this thread is about. Help and support for others in their time of need.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Fri 21-Dec-12 13:51:39

trust me feeno your boys will not think like that - youre their mum and they will love you no matter what. sorry you sound so down. Everyone moans and shouts - thats just part of being their mum. You are looking after them no matter what you think, and they need you.

im just checking in - having a quick brew before i head out. i managed to get a bath, get dressed AND do my hair and stick a bit of slap on! progress!! i will probably pay for it tomorrow but hey...

stay strong everyone. <hugs>

PackItInNow Fri 21-Dec-12 13:55:40

You know Feeno, Pain is right. I'm absolutely sure you're a fab mum, and do you know what else, you sound like you're having a crisis of confidence in your abilities as a mother. Never doubt yourself and your ability to be a good mum to your boys.

Who do you think the boys look to, to guide them through life? You. I'm sure you've done a grand job so far, and we know you can do it again smile. If us strangers can have faith in someone we don't know, then you should have faith in yourself. <<gives Feeno another hug>>.

PackItInNow Fri 21-Dec-12 14:00:36

<<waves at Vicar>> Hi Vicar, fancy a brew? Ran outta biccies, so will have to make do with a cuppa ATM.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Fri 21-Dec-12 14:02:23

<waves back> a brew is fab....just what i need right now! im plucking up the resolve to go and search for an xmas present for myself....well ive actually got dressed today so shame to waste it!

feeno Fri 21-Dec-12 14:07:13

I'm sorry everyone. I go through moments like this every day. My boys are still babies so i shouldnt behave this way at all but the pain of my mh issues just wont quit. Ds1 20 months and ds2 10 weeks old yesterday. I've had (and still have) a virus and so has DH and ds1 so ds2 having to stay either at my mums or a trusted friends. My brother is getting married in a week and I don't even know if I'll manage to go. Everything feels so shitty right now. My poor little boys are suffering because of me. I don't want them to end up damaged because of me. I'm so scared because I can see my eldest is already highly sensitive like me and I'm worried I've messed him up already. I love my little boys but I'm no good at taking care of them or DH at all. I can't cope with daily life!

PackItInNow Fri 21-Dec-12 14:11:24

Aye why not. Go on out and get your good self some fresh air and a wee walk.

As soon as I get up, I always get dressed. Force of habit and all that. TBH, I'd feel like I'm a lazy mare if I didn't get dressed, although, I am partial to the very rare PJ day, but it's a rare'un and maybe once every 6 months.

PackItInNow Fri 21-Dec-12 14:43:17

Feeno, answer me one question. How many people do you know that have had a perfectly easy life and have never been through a shitty time? I bet your answer is No-one smile.

Everyone has been through a shite time at some point in their life. It's not about how shitty that phase is, it's more to do with each person's determination to get through it as comfortably as possible. And just remember one thing Feeno, it is just a phase that will end. You just gotta believe in yourself smile. I'm sitting here believing that you'll get through this, because I know you will.

PackItInNow Fri 21-Dec-12 14:46:35

Just noticed that DS and DH are beating each other up and torturing each other grin. Ah well, just the usual in the Pack household. Never a dull moment in my house.

PackItInNow Fri 21-Dec-12 14:48:24

Anyone else fancy a brew? DH has just bought some biccies so we can all have a biscuit to dunk in one's tea.

feeno Fri 21-Dec-12 14:52:56

Shitty phases feeling a bit constant at the mo pack. Thank you though. You are right. I just wish I didn't feel like killing myself every time it gets hard. I don't know why I just can't be normal and get on with things. Thanks for tea and bics too. Sorry again.

PainForLife Fri 21-Dec-12 15:33:16

Thank for the brew and biscuit Pack it's a good pick me up. Your household sounds like a fun place to be smile Feeno I hope this feeling passes you by quickly I'm sure we can all sympathize with the your feeling and Pack is right this phase will pass just trust in yourself and those around you!
my mood seems to have picked up a bit now so I'm off to attempt a shower grin. catch up with u wonderful ladies later wink

PackItInNow Fri 21-Dec-12 15:56:05

Well then, could you answer me another question? What is normal? I'm pondering this because I think that what is classed as normal is 'Societal normal' and not individual normal.

My take on this is that everyone is normal in their own weird and wonderful way. So IMO, what isn't normal for one person is quirky for another and totally normal to someone else.

Have you gone through a really crap time in your life where the shit feels like it's building up and you look back and realise you've come out the other side relatively unscathed? I was always taught to imagine I've been knocked over, and instead of lying down and doing nothing and feeling sorry for myself, I get up, dust myself off, and plod on a bit further. The thing is, when you look back, you see the crap time you've had, but you also think about how you got through it and so on.

Life is a journey with its highs and lows.

PackItInNow Fri 21-Dec-12 16:03:42

Thanks Pain, like I say, it's never a dull moment in our house grin. You know what Pain, don't even think about having a shower.........just do it. The more you think about it, the more time you have to put it off. I've done that a few times when at biker rallies and ended up a complete dirty, filthy stinker by going home time. The good think about being smelly, I suppose, was that people tended to leave me alone. The flies did as well grin.

I understand that some things will be emotionally and mentally hard to do, but the more times you do them, the more like 2nd nature they become. You just gotta not think about the first few time you di things. After that, it does become easier, trust me.

PackItInNow Fri 21-Dec-12 16:08:47

Oh, and that's another thing, if it helps, try and look for a positive or funny thing about the shit time you're going through.

A wise wee woman once told me, "For every shit time you go through, there is usually a hidden positive to find" smile. I guess the positive bit of me being a smellbag after a rally WAS the flies leaving me alone grin.

PackItInNow Fri 21-Dec-12 16:13:27

Anyway, enough about my smelly antics at rallies. Gotta go and sort out the washing, dinner and then I'll be going to DBro's place to drop off DB's, DSil's and their 2 DD's pressies to make more room for our own.

And at that last word, I shall leave you good lot and get the winewinewinewinewinewinewine flowing since it's nearly Christmas smile. Enjoy yourselves ladies and I will, hopefully, be back later.

IAmLouisWalsh Fri 21-Dec-12 17:41:45

Quick side effects question- been on 50mg Sertraline for about eight weeks now. First weekend the nausea was terrible. Then it settled. Over the last four weeks it has crept back and I am struggling with it - also have had diarrhoea for nearly two weeks now. It seems to have coincided with changing the make of tablets - not sure what first lot were, but this lot are Lustral. It shouldn't make any difference, should it?

susiedaisy Fri 21-Dec-12 18:41:11

That's an interesting point iam as my next packet to start is lustral, every chemist in my town seems to use a different make!

somewherebecomingrain Fri 21-Dec-12 19:26:59

IAMLOUISEWALSH first time any one has mentioned this issue which is of great interest to me. I took generic fluoxetine for two years and every brand was almost a different drug. One brand made me get worse which was scary. The others varied in strength, sleepiness, concentration, good mood - it was extraordinary. So I totally back you up the brands are different. Lustral is the original sertraline i think - equivalent to prozac for fluox. These patented (?) brands as i understand it are stronger than the generics so no wonder it's having a strong effect.

IAmLouisWalsh Fri 21-Dec-12 20:03:28

Thanks - I think I will go back to the old pharmacy when I get my new prescription after Christmas. At one point the nausea was so bad I started to wonder if I was pregnant despite not having had sex for aaaageees!

feeno I am sorry you feel so sad, do you have support you can access? Just hang in there.

vicar hope you managed to get out and about, brilliant that you felt up to it!

It has been a mixed day for me, long story short, cut my ankle, been to minor injuries, have 5 stitches sad Not needed stitches since August. I will maybe ring my CPN on Monday if she is around to tell her. On a positive note, I am washed, dressed and I painted my toenails and washed the towels. Going to my parents tomorrow for Christmas.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Fri 21-Dec-12 20:22:02

evening everyone.

fluffy so sorry you had to go to hospital - but the positive stuff is good and its good that you can talk to the cpn about it.

Regard the lustral folks - thats the one im on - its the one ive started on and the effects are not too bad now its well into my system.

I have a sore throat tonight and im praying that im not getting DDs cold or the reflux with flare up (waiting for endoscopy) and that will mean a booze free xmas. im thinking of drinking a lempsip under sufferance (i hate the stuff!)

BlackCatinChristmasChaos Fri 21-Dec-12 21:32:02

Hi all, think I might be getting a cold or something too as feeling really tired all day. Did manage to go out and do some shopping though.
Off to bed soon,

Just wanted to say, you'r all lovely on here supporting each other. smile

I'm not great at doing all the chatty stuff so apologies for that. x

RumoursOfAWhiteChristmas Sat 22-Dec-12 07:29:31

Hi just popping in, loving the support on here. I've not much to add yet, sorry, still finding my feet with all of this and trying to accept that I am clinically depressed. Day 2 of the sertraline wasn't too bad yesterday, didn't feel as sick.
Got a busy day with housework and entertaining the ds's, so I know I will end up wound up at some point.

PackItInNow Sat 22-Dec-12 09:52:33

Morning ladies. How is everyone? Hope you're all doing OK. Need a brew to wake me up this morning. Anyone want to join me?

Iam I think you have a very valid point. I would be writing to my GP asking why 2 tablets of the same dose and the same drug can have side effects that vary dramatically. Writing it down makes me think that is may be that sub-consiously (sp) your body thinks it's a different drug in a dosage sense IYSWIM. Hmmm, don't take my post too seriously, as I'm only wondering and it doesn't mean I'm right. Just something that got me thinking and it I see a different perspective just by writing it down IYSWIM!!!

PackItInNow Sat 22-Dec-12 10:44:35

Take your time Rumours. People need time to come to terms with what's going on. If you need another perspective on things. That's what we're here for smile. Have a brew and a biscuit, or would you prefer wine?

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Sat 22-Dec-12 11:24:17

Just popping by to send some love. Had a really rough night, but feeling a bit more in control today.

feeno Sat 22-Dec-12 12:12:41

I think sertraline isn't working for me any more. I'm so angry at myself and everyone all the time.

Welcome to all the newbies. It is a great support to have this thread. Thank you ladies. X

PackItInNow Sat 22-Dec-12 12:27:55

Maybe it's time for you to see your GP Feeno if the AD's aren't doing their job properly. Anyway, have a wee brew and get it all out of your system. This is what this thread is for smile. It's for people to have a rant or share their feelings and the rest of us ladies may be able to help. If we can't help, then you know you can come to this thread for support.

PackItInNow Sat 22-Dec-12 12:30:49

Hi SirBoobs <<waves>> Fancy a brew?

PainForLife Sat 22-Dec-12 14:45:50

feeling really odd today not sure hw to describe it but I feel detached from my surroundings like I'm not here!

hello to every1 & hope today has been a better day as yday sounded pretty bad for
some of us smile

fluffy hope ur doing good today sweety <big bear hug>

feeno sorry to hear AD aren't helping. can u get to ur G.P before xmas? <lots of tight hugs>

Pack hope ur day is going gud & I'm.loving ur brew 's smile

feeno how are you today? I would agree with going back to your GP to change your dose or try something else. You must share that you feel suicidal, they can offer you more support if you need it.

boobs I hope you are still feeling a bit better, sorry you had such a rough night.

rumours I am sorry you are having such a difficult time, it is so hard to accept that you have mental health problems, it is something I struggle with. Give yourself time and be nice to yourself as you adjust.

painforlife I hope you are feeling a bit better?

We are packing the car to go to my parents' house, had a very lazy morning. My ankle is quite sore but that is to be expected I guess, my DH has been really lovely about it, I expected him to be cross or frustrated but he has been just accepting.

PainForLife Sat 22-Dec-12 16:27:42

ok this weird feeling is really taking over now & I'm starting to feel really sad. the flashbacks have started again now & I cnt seem to switch off.... been trying desperately to divert my mind for last couple of hours... starting to get shakes as well now.... sad

sorry ppl just needed to put my feelings down somewhere!

HeartOfDixie Sat 22-Dec-12 17:10:07

Hello everyone. New to this thread. Feeling very low and can't stop crying. Am looking after my DD 9 yrs and she has watched TV all day with me sobbing in the next room. How can I make myself get a grip and do some housework and cook her some supper. I'm new to this depression thing and its so life destroying.

susiedaisy Sat 22-Dec-12 17:38:10

Hugs to everyone havin a crap day

Heart, can you get to see a gp before Xmas?

turnedupsidedown Sat 22-Dec-12 18:13:25

Good day turning into difficult day. Ds1 Refusing to tidy his room and bloody hell can he whinge for England.His behaviour is really getting me down. Dh on his works do so is away overnight.....trying not to be paranoid about that either.....aaaargh........

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Sat 22-Dec-12 20:36:07

evening all.

im relaxing with a wine and the strictly final. After a bumpy start i managed to get out to visit some elderly ex neighbours who needed a bit of help and a bit of company. spent the afternoon at two different elderly households and realise things could be worse for me....

feeling ok tonight though i do need to work on my anxiety....got a review on new years eve. i dont think im truly going to know how well the sertraline is working until i get back to work....

got my Endoscopy appt through today for end of jan....really worried about it but know it needs to be done.

heart - get to the GP on monday honey. dont leave it and dont suffer...ive been on the sertraline 3 weeks on monday and i feel heaps better - not perfect - but better.

love to all and hope everyone had a good day.

PackItInNow Sat 22-Dec-12 20:43:58

Welcome to the thread Dixie have a wee brew smile.

It's amazing the difference between being a bit down and being depressed. Depression can creep up on a person, and the sufferer may not realise anything's wrong until they are finding it hard to get out of bed. Being a bit down, however, can be either a short-term thing where the person has things getting on top of them, but usually sighs and get's on with things. Sometimes the feeling a bit down can be the start of depression setting in, but I'm only going by my experience with a friend who was depressed for 7+months before going to the GP about her depression and this is looking back at how things were with her.

Turned, has your DH ever given you cause to get paranoid like this, or is it jusat your mind playing funny buggers?

PackItInNow Sat 22-Dec-12 20:52:55

Aye alright Vicar. Sod ye, I'll keep me brew for meself then if it's not good enough <<flounces off to sulk in the corner and slurps tea>> grin

How are you me dear? I guess things are looking up a bit more for you since starting the AD's.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Sat 22-Dec-12 20:58:53

grin never one to turn down a brew pack!

i am finding im having very variable days, but at least that means that some parts of some days are better and im managing to get up, (eventually) and get out of the house! its not every day....but i think its progress. That said i realised yesterday my anxiety levels are no different - i annoyed DD as i didnt want to go out and leave her alone for an hour (she is 15!!) and was wittering like mad about keys being accessible and not falling down stairs....she got mad with me.

i need to work on that. clearly.

PackItInNow Sat 22-Dec-12 21:02:27

Glad to hear that you got out and had some company. I did my good deed for the day and helped a wee elderly lady get her shopping into the taxi. Not like I was in the scouts or anything grin. Had a grand old day too, so today hasn't been so bad.

Anyway, can't stop as I'm off to bed to relax and listen to my MP3, so good night ladies and will be back tomorrow at some point.

Take care you lovely lot.

PackItInNow Sat 22-Dec-12 21:11:15

I can just imagine you talking like a washing machine on the spin cycle grin.

Getting out of bed is progress, getting out of the house for a bit is a big step in the right direction, so keep going out for a bit as and when you feel able.

Anyway, I am really off to bed now, so will bid yourself and all the other good ladies good night.

HeartOfDixie Sat 22-Dec-12 21:14:41

It's not easy is it everyone?! Thanks susiedaisy, going to GPs on Monday and wait until someone sees me. Such a roller coaster as have glimpses of feeling ok and then crash. The last gp told me to stop taking the citralopan she prescribed after 3 days so think I need to try something else.

PackItInNow Sun 23-Dec-12 09:05:49

Morning good ladies smile, I'm up and ready to take on the world grin, so does anyone want a brew? Will be back in a wee mo, just to getarelative--up--out--of--bed ring DH's uncle to thank him for my birthday card grin. Will be back soon.

PackItInNow Sun 23-Dec-12 09:09:05

Ooopppssss. Remind me never to do strikethrough unless it has only one word grin.

PackItInNow Sun 23-Dec-12 09:14:04

Heart, you're right, it's not easy, but if you can get through it, then you've accomplished something. Sometimes you just have to grin and bear things for a bit before they get better. There is always a postive for every negative even if it doesn't seem like it.

HeartOfDixie Sun 23-Dec-12 10:40:53

Pack do you mind if I ask your story regarding mental health stuff, you seem to have a very positive and pragmatic outlook which I admire (and am a bit jealous of!!!). No worries if you don't want to.

Today I haven't cried (yet) so that's one good thing, and I put some washing on, and I tidied up my daughters bedroom. Now exhausted And the duvet is calling but I am going to resist and go for a shower.

hope everyone else who needs it is feeling a little relief as well.

biffnbuster Sun 23-Dec-12 10:53:46

Good morning you lovely people. I am on 100 sertraline (Just gone up from 50), would it be ok to have a vodka and coke on Christmas day ? Or would it make me feel ill ? Thanks x

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Sun 23-Dec-12 11:29:16

Think you have to make your own call on drinking. I never feel worse because of a glass of wine or several.

Off to exILS today, wish me luck. Back on Thursday. So if I can;t get on via my phone until then - a very Merry Christmas to you all. Stay safe. Much love. xx

PackItInNow Sun 23-Dec-12 12:59:50

OK Boobs, have a good'un, and I hope things go well for you at the IL's smile.

Heart, TBH, I don't remember much, but that's probably because of 2 kids under 18m, sleep deprivation etc. What I do remember of it wasn't nice at all, but the way I see it, it's my past and not who I am now IYSWIM. However, I think that what I went through with PND, and dragging myself out of it without any help from the GP, has helped me be the person I am today.

I didn't ask the GP for AD's because I though that they would contact SS and take my kids away. Within that PND there was that little glimmer of hope and, my logical self, grabbed that hope and worked on it to give me more hope. The hope grew with everything I did right (dishes, sterilising bottles etc) and I knew instinctively that I would get through. Getting through PND took about 5-6 years and I'm finding it very hard to be put down now. I look back now and realise that I emotionally and mentally dragged and crawled out of the PND.

Colourhairbarbie Sun 23-Dec-12 22:37:03

Hi all havnt been on in a while, had no Internet confused i was doing so well I thought... but like everything what goes up must come down i suppose and right now I'm feeling out of touch. Hope everyone else is doing well x

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Sun 23-Dec-12 22:51:43

evening all.

im in a bit of a quandary really as im feeling ok i guess but anxiety levels through the roof.....awoke stupidly early this morning just fretting and didnt get back off until gone 6am....so ended up not waking till 10.

im not sure if the sertraline is working or not but upping the dose means side effects all over again....

im also tempted to ask GP to sign me off until after my endoscopy at the end of Jan....i need to stop taking my reflux meds which means i will end up coughing.

its 3 weeks on the 50 mg sertraline tomorrow.....

Colourhairbarbie Sun 23-Dec-12 23:08:34

Hi vicar, I'm sorry to hear ur in a bit of a Limbo at the min. I havnt any experience of ur meds but I would ask myself what the difference is from before I started to evaluate whether they are working? With regards to work, I would advise to always give yourself more if there's any uncertainty ( although I don't always listen to my best advice). I can tell u from experience that your employer won't realise the effort you have made to get back there early and now I would question if it is worth the rush...

PackItInNow Mon 24-Dec-12 10:39:58

Hi Colour, long time no see grin. What you been up to?

Morning Vicar, I would suggest trying to make an appointment with your GP after the holidays (just so that you don't have the side-effects to deal with over Christmas and new year). Do you think you can get through Christmas and New Year?

biffnbuster Mon 24-Dec-12 19:54:45

Thanks Santa x

PainForLife Mon 24-Dec-12 20:35:18

I've had d worst panic attack/breakdown today. just sat on sofa blubbering & crying my eyes out! felt so rubbish I cannot even begin to describe it. took my evening pill earlier tonight.... really hate myself ryt now as my DD had to see me lyk dat sad lying in bed now just thinking wot a mess I've become...

sorry for putting a downer on tonight ladies I just needed to write it down somewhere.... I'm know I'm probably not making any sense my head is whizzing atffull speed.

hope ur all had a better day then me & merry xmas to u all x

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Mon 24-Dec-12 21:18:02

evening ladies.

thanks pack ive got an appt with gp on 31st, i will talk to her.

pain sorry to see you had a bad day - hope tomorrow brings some relief.

i hope you all have a lovely day tomorrow what ever you have planned. happy xmas all.

PackItInNow Tue 25-Dec-12 11:38:41

Merry Christmas everyone smile. Will be back later asI've people visiting, but will post later when things have settled down. Take care til then.

susiedaisy Tue 25-Dec-12 12:54:08

Merry Christmas everyone hope its a good day for all xxsmile

uptothestars Tue 25-Dec-12 23:22:04

On my fourth attempt at posting. Can't seem to put into words how I feel.
Today has been good, kids have been spoilt and had an amazing time but now they're at their dads til Thursday tea time and I just feel flat.
I don't know whether its all the excitement and run up to Christmas for it just to be over or I just can't seem to have a good day and it stay good.

Had an incident this morning that completely threw me. Sometimes things are just so intense and I need to release this anger I have inside me.
I feel alone. Like no one in the world would understand and I'm finding it so hard to explain.

I've been messing around with my medication, trying to come off it, but this is what happens when I don't take it.
It scares me, the intensity of what I feel, it's like a switch gets turned on and I flip.

I just want things to be ok..someone tell me what to do xx

PackItInNow Wed 26-Dec-12 12:19:04

Good afternoon all you good ladies. Stars, you don't have to be able to make a post coherent, just put down in words how you feel. Even if things seem jumbled, stick it down and I'm sure we can figure out what you're trying to say smile.

BlackCatinChristmasChaos Wed 26-Dec-12 14:38:29

Hi all, felling a bit "empty" I guess now, Felt pretty stressed up until yesterday, all the worry of getting it all done. Now it's all done (Christmas) I feel kind of "what do I do now?" As if there is no purpose to the day, if that makes sense?

Guess I have to try and find some kind of normality. Maybe I'm lost without routine?

Sorry, I'm just rambling on!

How are the rest of you?

Hello smile Happy Christmas to everyone.

I am at my parents and have survived! We went sales shopping today which was nice. Trying not to think about January, feels too scary.

I hope everyone is feeling ok and has had a nice Christmas.

RumoursOfAWhiteChristmas Wed 26-Dec-12 16:40:56

Hi everyone, hope you all had a nice Christmas.
I'm feeling a bit like you blackcat, a bit lost. I've been taking the sertraline for a week now and really hope they start kicking soon.

PackItInNow Wed 26-Dec-12 17:31:56

Hi everyone, hope you all survived Christmas grin. TBH, I think there's a bit of a climax at Christmas. Once Christmas dinner is done with, it all seem like it's all over for another year. Saying that, I've just been out and bought all of next year's Xmas pressies and cards. I'll start wrapping them tonight and have them all done by the 1st week in January. After that, I'll hit the january sales for birthday pressies and some other bits for throughout the year.

PackItInNow Wed 26-Dec-12 17:34:04

I have to admit, I like to be super-organised so I have extra time to concentrate on other things.

HeartOfDixie Wed 26-Dec-12 18:09:15

Feeling lost too. Now I don't have to hold it together not sure what to do with myself.

PackItInNow Wed 26-Dec-12 19:59:28

Every time I got anxious about going out to the January sales, I ask myself what would happen. It was then I realised that I was getting anxious over a perceived threat that, in all likelyhood, wouldn't happen. That's what changed me from being very anxious about leaving the house, to a person who was able to go anywhere and not have much bother.

PackItInNow Wed 26-Dec-12 20:01:06

This is the anti-climax part of Christmas because there was all that running about looking for presents for our loved ones. Now that it's all over, the next best thing is the mad rush and buzz of the January sales.

PackItInNow Wed 26-Dec-12 20:02:45

^Yes^

PackItInNow Wed 26-Dec-12 20:03:10

Bugger. It didn't work grin.

PackItInNow Wed 26-Dec-12 20:06:26

ANyway ladies, I am feeling very drowsy now, so will bid u goodnight and hope you all sleep well tonight smile.

Take care.

uptothestars Wed 26-Dec-12 20:21:51

Mehh...work has driven me mad today. The joy of being in retail!

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Wed 26-Dec-12 20:57:20

evening everyone.
hope you all had a lovely xmas day. We had visitors again today and also had one of DS friends round who got nada for xmas - so been out today to buy him some goodies. he stayed along with my visitors for some food, booze and board games so house feels empty now everyones gone - DH is back to work tomorrow so in bed, DD buggered off and DS has gone to see his friend back home.

im trying desperately hard not to think about work. ive got to send my sick note in (a week late with it blush) so will try and get that sorted tomorrow. might have a pj day tomorrow....feel in need of one.

PackItInNow Thu 27-Dec-12 12:58:54

Hi Vicar, how's things with you? That was lovely of you to buy a few pressies for your DS's pal. I don't understand how a parent wouldn't get their DC pressies for Xmas. Even if they were skint, they should be able to spare a quid for a selection box or a wee toy from Poundland or something.

So sad for all those wee children who got absolutely nothing for Christmas sad. Makes me want to cry for the poor wee kids.

I was thinking of doing something for a few of the lonely elderly people in the estate I live in. Something like getting them to my place for Xmas dinner and a bit of warmth. Either that or I'll plate up some Xmas dinner and deliver it to their houses with a couple of those sleeved fleece blankets or slankets as I think they're called. I'm also going to batch cook things like stew, soup and mild curries for the folk.

Will be back later good people, got to go shopping for more pressies. I've just decided to get more grin.

PackItInNow Thu 27-Dec-12 17:36:44

Back again. Bit of a strange one today as there was only a handful of people in Tesco, Boots and M&S today. But there was the usual folk standing in the middle of a narrow aisle gossiping. Asked one of the people if I could squeeze past them and they gave me the filtiest look that I've seen in years.

So I asked them what I had done to warrant the look and she said "We were having a conversation and you just go barging past us". Letting out a big sigh and told her "I didn't go 'barging' past you, I asked if I could squeeze past, which meant that you only had to move a wee inch or so, so I could get by". She then bitched at me saying "You've got no fucking manners", so I finally said to her "If you want to bloody-well socialise, then there's a pub across the road", and in a defensive tone DD piped up "Don't you dare speak to my mummy like that you ignorant person" grin.

I was trying not to laugh and I could see that the rest of her group were trying not to as well. One of her group eventually pointed out that she was being rather nasty, which was unwarranted. She shot a filthy look at the person, but I didn't wait around to get more dog's abuse.

Ah well, the joys of post-Christmas sales grin. Luckily I had dynamite DD with me. I have to admit, DD has the patience of a saint, but even at 6yo, she can verbally slap down anyone who crosses her.

PackItInNow Thu 27-Dec-12 18:03:30

Stars, how was your day today? Have you been in work and driven mad by the customers or have you had a day off? I hope you had a day off just to rest your brain from a ll the post-Christmas palaver.

It feels like there's a good bit of the atmosphere gone, but there still is a buzz of excitement, it's just not the same type of atmosphere.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 27-Dec-12 19:19:33

well done you packit for standing up to such rudeness and good on your DD too!

ive had a roughish day here - im still in pjs....could not get out of bed this morning at all.

then just to ice the cake work rang....just "seeing how you are" my arse....its was old supervisor who is obviously back in charge, i just told him i had a sick note for a month and that id send it in. He was nice on the face of it but bloody hell, i really dont think i want to go back. i then spent the afternoon worrying about that all over again....

DH put "made in dagenham" on and made me watch it to take my mind off bloody work....

PackItInNow Thu 27-Dec-12 19:36:01

I have some jokes to tell that might cheer someone up on the thread. They're a bit daft, but still, anything to put a smile on someone's face. Here goes.......

*What do you call a fish with no eyes? A Fsh
*What do you get if you cross a pitbull and a labrador? A dog who chews your leg off and then runs for help?.
*Did you hear about the constipated mathmatician? He worked it out with a pencil.

These are just a few of the jokes I know from my high school years (18yrs ago). I hope they brought a smile to your faces smile

PackItInNow Thu 27-Dec-12 19:50:58

Hi Vicar. I was watching Made in Dagenham a few weeks ago. I thought it was alright. I have to admit that I thought it wasn't going to be a great movie, but IMHO, I found it didn't make me feel anything for it.

Saying that, I'm a comedy person, but it's the stupid, daft comedies I like. The Pacifier with Vin Diesel is one of my favourites.

PackItInNow Thu 27-Dec-12 19:54:09

I didn't think it Made in Dagenham was boring, but it just didn't stir up any feelings.

Don't worry about having a PJ day, but I'm wondering if your AD's are working if you're still feeling the odd 'can't get out of bed' kind of day. Might be worthwhile seeing your GP for some reassurance or a change of AD if needed.

uptothestars Thu 27-Dec-12 21:00:17

Been at work...not off til Monday now. Can't wait for my hours to go back to normal. Could do with a pj day. Feel like a need a huge lie in and a chill out. Everything's just so crazy at this time of year.
On the plus side I've got new year off...just not made any plans. Really not feeling it.
Got a hundred and one things to get done but no energy to do them.

How is everyone else?

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 27-Dec-12 21:13:14

pack film was ok, just took my mind off work for an hour or so! liking the jokes....my fave joke ever is
"how does an elephant ask for a bun"

<adopt a stance like an elephant using arm as a trunk> "can i have a bun please?"
had me in stitches.....silly i know but i loved it. Dsis always made me laugh with it. xmas is hard without her.

uptothestars im okish....new year is always funny for me....i always feel like we should be doing something but we never seem to manage it.

anyway must try to get out to supermarket tomorrow if nothing else.

uptothestars Thu 27-Dec-12 21:44:46

Vicar..I desperately need to go to the supermarket. It just feels like a mammoth task. I think I can put it off til at least Monday though. I only have tomorrow night to feed the kids, then they're at their dads Saturday night and we're at my mums for tea on Sunday.

Have you thought about doing it online? If it seems an impossibility to go out? Or are you kind of needing to get out?

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 27-Dec-12 21:48:47

i have no need or desire to go out at all.....but i dont really need enough for an online shop either. i normally do it online tbh....but i just need to pick up a few bits really.

i wonder if dh will go for me.....if not i will drag him with me. i intend to be in and out.

i dont think my ADs are working very well if im honest.

uptothestars Thu 27-Dec-12 21:57:52

Definitely drag dh with you. It will do you good...plus you could get yourself some little treats!

Are you due to see your GP? If not would be a good idea to make an appointment. My ad's did nothing for me for a long time. I tried a couple of different ones too.
Now, after trying to come off them, I realise I can't function that great without them. Need to ring docs for a repeat prescription, am hoping He will just give me one without me having to see him.

Probs not

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 27-Dec-12 22:19:16

im seeing gp on monday. i will talk to her. im scared to up the dose in case it makes me even more sleepy....i could sleep for england at the minute and ive no idea how the hell im ever going to work nights again....

uptothestars Thu 27-Dec-12 23:02:08

If you don't think your ad's are working then now would be a good time to up your dose. You have some time off work to get over the sleepiness stage.
I've heard that going to bed and getting up at the same time each day helps. Can't do it myself though. If I get the chance of a lie in then I take it!

I've settled on 150mg of sertraline. My last dose increase was a few months ago while back at work after maternity and the first few weeks were awful with the tiredness.

Ask your gp to increase your dose and if it's still not working for you there's always the option of trying a different type of medication. One which makes you less sleepy?

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Fri 28-Dec-12 00:44:52

Hi all. Back home, struggling a bit. Hope you had a lovely Christmas, will catch up on thread tomorrow. Much love.

ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone Fri 28-Dec-12 00:57:06

Hi everyone, how are you all?
I am supposed to be in bed but I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow and I am too anxious to go to bed. I know I need to or I will feel like crap tomorrow.
<sneaks up the stairs>

ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone Fri 28-Dec-12 00:59:06

<hides under the duvet> I'm really still sat on my arse in the conservatory, waiting for it too stop raining so I can go out for a fag before bed

PackItInNow Fri 28-Dec-12 09:20:42

Morning good ladies, I just had some toast then a few thorntons choccies for breakfast. I love the festive season because I can eat whatever I want without feeling like I have to answer to someone for it IYSWIM. Also listening to Seasick Steve. Brilliant singer/songwriter.

Hi Vicar, sometimes a wee trip out to the supermarket can do some good. I understand that you don't particularly want to, but sometimes it can make you feel better just knowing that you braved the crowds and got home safe with your groceries.

Stars, I hope you get your repeat script without having to see the GP.

Anyway, hope you all have a good day today. I'm off on my travels around town, but will be back later. I've found that I used to have to gee myself up to go out, but I've come to the point where I have done it so many times, that I just choose to go out and get on with it. It has become 2nd nature to me because I've done it so many times without thinking about it IYSWIM.

vicar good luck for you GP appointment, how long have you been on the sertraline?

shakey good luck with your meeting

packitin your daughter sounds fabulous smile

I am at my ILs, feeling like things are building up, feel very stressed but not, I am all snappy and horrid. Ugh. Take away is here so must dash. Hope everyone is ok.

Rumours Fri 28-Dec-12 19:55:45

I'm a week into these sertraline tablets now and apart from feeling sick nothing is happening, I hope they kick I'm soon.
I've been sat here stressing myself out tonight and know I need to relax but it's hard, so thought I'd write it down here.
I have two ds's, one is ASD the other is currently going through observation for possible ASD. I'm a SAHM, I've just finished a BSc and feel immense pressure to use it now. I will do but I'm not ready yet, I need to get ds2 sorted first, he's only 3 and I can't do a PGCE until he's in school, I need to be able to focus on it. We love 400 miles from all our family, it's just me, dh and the boys, has been for nearly 7 years now. I have been looking for a part time job in a school but they are so hard to come by, may well volunteer, but I need to get my depression sorted first.
I know what I new to do, I need to give it time, let these tablets start to work, start the sessions with the mental healt nurse that are planned for the new year. Then think about work.
I also want to lose weight, so thinking about joining WW. Thinking about all of this in one go and hence stressing myself out.

Thanks for 'listening'

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Fri 28-Dec-12 20:32:49

i am coming up to a month on monday on 50mg sertraline and really dont think i feel any real difference....

im hoping that im not a lost cause.

Rumours Fri 28-Dec-12 20:42:52

I'm new to all this vicar, but can you have a higher dose? I knows mental health nurse said she'll start me on 50mg, and see how that goes.

turnedupsidedown Fri 28-Dec-12 21:32:09

Hello. Hope you are all surviving. Have been OK until today.Was supposed to go to a party this evening, but sent dh on his own.Couldn't face people- small talk, despite the fact it is anannual party and always a lovely one....feel really low today. Have family coming tomorrow which could be very difficult. Will lose myself in the kitchen I think. Christmas day, however was lovely......
Have to decide about upping the tablets....I think I should but a bit nervous of having side effects again......

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Fri 28-Dec-12 22:32:23

i had a missed call from occupational health today who want to book me in....im reluctant now tbh.

i ignored the call sad but i need to deal with it. i will call them back next week when i feel like i have the strength to deal with it. i dont right now. i dont want to be reminded of work right now.

i want to be signed off until ive had my endoscopy at the end of Jan....im feeling very anxious about it and getting things out of proportion a bit. I have no idea if i need the sertraline upping or not, and suspect i wont until i get back to work, and im worrying about what to say to gp on monday. im also worried about more side effects as the tiredness is still a problem for me even on 50mg.

this is just shite - no wonder i want to stay in bed. its the best place for me lately.

ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone Fri 28-Dec-12 23:43:02

Vicar I sympathise, I really do but getting out of bedmate getting showered and getting out of the house will make you feel so much better, truly.

The law in my house is that, nobody is allowed downstairs in the morning in their pjs and you must be clean to wear clean clothes.

These rules are the only thing that stops me crawling back into bed straight away. It is not good. I remember the tiredness vividly but found that the more I slept, the more tired I felt. Then would be wide awake at 3 am, not get back to sleep and be knackered the next day. I do not let myself nap anymore, it means I get a better nights sleep and am more refreshed in the day.

My meeting with my boss went well. I was mega anxious last night, couldn't sleep and felt shit today. We have sorted out a plan for return to work on 15th jan.

Vicar 4-5 weeks is usually the turning point for ADs, try to drop the day time nap if you can, to sleep better at night.

Occ health will totally be on your side and if you say working night is a problem and affecting your health then your boss has a duty of care to make sure that alternative arrangements are made to enable you to return to work.

I have just read NHS sickness absence policy cover to cover, I know you don't work for the NHS but your employer still has a duty to look after you x

PackItInNow Sat 29-Dec-12 08:50:17

Good morning Vicar, Turned, Shakey, Boobs and Rumours. Hope you all managed to get through another day relatively unscathed smile.

Will be back soon as I've a few things to do.

HeartOfDixie Sat 29-Dec-12 10:39:16

Hello all. Little update from another newbie. Saw lovely GP on Thursday who explained that I had been given too high a starting dose of the citraolpam (can't spell) so no wonder was having horrid side effects, the second AD prescribed (which luckily I never took) was totally unsuitable so he has prescribed 50 sertraline. Day 2 and so far just nausea a a side effect to deal with.

Can I ask some advice, I have this constant conversation going on in my head, chattering away about all the negative, sad, worrying things going in life, mine, my families, the world in general. Does anyone else have that and if so how do they deal with their inner thoughts?

PainForLife Sat 29-Dec-12 13:18:49

hi all,
been missing a few days have had a very horrid flu/cold sad been in bed for the past few days no strength to even get up! how is every1 doin? waves at pack vicar shakey turned boobs rumours & every1 else.
heart I know exactly what u mean as that is what I have all the time. I'll be having a conversation with someone but in my head I'll be having another conversation talking to myself. all negatives things & usually it ends with the world being better of without me. I've not found a way to deal with it yet ...

on another point do u think it is ok for me to have lemsip max & sertraline? they won't interact will they?

PackItInNow Sat 29-Dec-12 15:29:14

<<waves at Heart, Pain and everyone else>> Blooming freezing outside, anyone want a brew and a biscuit to keep warm, or at least to keep our wee mits warm if nowt else?

PainForLife Sat 29-Dec-12 15:42:22

pack I'll join u with my mug of lemsip for a wee while before my stupid guest arrive. my aunt & her family have decided to drop round for a visit & we get half hour notice! I'm so not in the mood but have had to get myself out of bed, washed & changed plus get DD dressed n changed.... arghhhhh sad

PackItInNow Sat 29-Dec-12 15:50:53

Pain, as far as I know, the citalopram interacts with other SSRI''s and tricyclic AD's, cimetidine, tryptophan, lithium, moclobemide, tramadol, sumatriptan, ketoconazole, itraconazole, macrolide AB's, omeprazole, metoprolol and MAOI's.

It also, in the herbal range, it interacts with St John's Wort and ma huang. That's about it for interactions AFAIK, unless there is something new on the medicine market that reacts with it, but nothing other than the aove that I know of. Best to see your GP and ask if there is anything else that's new that'll react with it.

HTH.

PackItInNow Sat 29-Dec-12 16:12:14

One Lemsip coming up. Will have a mug of tea myself, but loadsa biccies to munch at grin, so help yourself me dear.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Sat 29-Dec-12 16:16:26

afternoon everyone, just checking in....ill have a brew if ones going. pain i would just tell your guests your not well....

i had a bath, got dressed and did hair (no make up though - cant be chewed) and took DS out to the local factory outlet to get a suit which he claims to need for uni and then interviews. strangely enough he forgot his wallet....hmm

im now back home ready for hibernation. im going to try and get an earlier night and set an alarm to get up in the morning. im just so exhausted all the time.

PainForLife Sat 29-Dec-12 16:25:19

thanks pack butI'm on sertraline not citalopram...

PainForLife Sat 29-Dec-12 16:32:51

pack thanks for the lemsip smile
vicar I wish I could just say bugger off to em but apparently dat wud b rude! in my family ppl just pop round when they wish just dnt care if ur sick! it gets up my nose so much... I always give ppl like a week advance notice before descending upon them!

Rumours Sat 29-Dec-12 17:42:42

Urgh, that's how I feel!
I was having a good day then popped to my neighbours and she was going on about how happy she is, she has a new job and friends at last, (thanks, thought I was one hmm), and then how she now has a life etc. I came away feeling rock bottom again, I struggle socially and this just highlights it.
Cat wait for dh to get home from work and the the ds's to bed then I can shut off.

PackItInNow Sat 29-Dec-12 18:00:42

Sorry bout that Pain. For some reason I saw sertraline and though citalopram grin. Maybe I should be reading one word at a time LOL....

PackItInNow Sat 29-Dec-12 18:53:56

Rumours, I'm not sure she meant that you weren't a friend, just that she made new/more friends through work, so I guess it just came out in the wrong way smile. TBH, you shouldn't take it personally.

I normally get through each day by thinking that I can and will deal with whatever life throws at me. TBH, I don't see that I have any other choice about it, so I just get on with it. It's a bit like was