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do i need help or will this pass

(31 Posts)
cantfindamnnickname Tue 27-Nov-12 19:46:40

Ive had a lot to deal with in the last 6 months, I have left a controlling husband who preferred to spend his time in the pub. I have 3 children and the oldest blames me and has been unhappy generally and we moved house.
Their father doesnt have proper contact with the children despite me asking him to.
I have fallen out with my best friend and she will no longer talk to me. I have had a couple of brief flings that I really shouldnt have done.
I also met someone a couple of weeks ago and fell for him way too easily and quickly and he has now ended it.
I have a professional stressful job and I have just handed my notice in because i have been offered another job - I am waiting to find out my new start date.

I am now at the stage where i cant sleep properly, I am ill with a chest infection and I feel so low that I keep crying and i cant concentrate properly.
I am a strong person and people always refer to me as "tough" but I dont feel it at the moment.

I have an appointment with the Doctors tomorrow - I dont know whether to ask for some help or just get on with it and it will pass.

I dont want to take anything that will make me put weight on or stop me having a drink. Im aware I need to stop with the self destruct behaviour but I feel like Im spiralling out of control

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Tue 27-Nov-12 19:48:48

I think you may need help, this may cause a problem though as you are not supposed to drink with most meds, I do, once a month or so, and get in a terrible embarrassing state.

Can relate to the flings. I'm all dated out now, thankfully

Lirogiro Tue 27-Nov-12 19:56:57

That sounds like a lot to deal with to me. No wonder you're feeling like things are getting out of control. It might be worth asking your doctor if there's a counselling service he can refer you to?

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Tue 27-Nov-12 20:00:40

I was just coming to say that do you have any counselling services in your area?

cantfindamnnickname Tue 27-Nov-12 20:13:40

I did have a session of counselling when I was deciding whether to leave my husband and it was like a light bulb going off in my head and he was very helpful. But i was confused about what decision to make and he helped. I paid for this on a private basis but i couldnt afford to do that on a long term basis.
I have no idea what services are like locally.

I know at the moment that Im just behaving badly! so Im not sure counselling will help.

Im tempted to take some time off work but I think if Im at home all day its not going to help.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Wed 28-Nov-12 15:22:09

What do you mean 'behaving badly'?

cantfindamnnickname Wed 28-Nov-12 19:23:40

one night stand, falling way too fast into a short lived relationship and getting hurt which seems to have sent me into a downward spiral.
i have been to GP today and he has said i can have anti-depressants if i want them alto im still undecided and i can self refer to counselling which has a 6 week wait list.
I have told work im struggling and i dont think they will hold me to my notice - so i should get couple weeks out before starting new job

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Wed 28-Nov-12 19:32:13

Yes I experienced a bit of that, not so much one night stands as I would meet men then want to run after an hour. I stopped dating, much easier. No feelings to get hurt! I'm having counselling it may work, then I may date again, right now I am not ready.

IT will do you good to have some time off work.. What anti-depressants did he/she suggest?

cantfindamnnickname Wed 28-Nov-12 19:41:17

i know that i need to be alone and give myself sometime to find me again.

i really do know that but dont seem to follow it through. As somebody pays me attention i get all excited and think wow, this is it, he's great, we could live happily ever after.

the thing is Im attractive and i get attention all the time so its like a vicious circle.

he suggested citroplam? he said i could still drink on it - he did a depression questionnaire and it was 12/27 which he said was moderate.

I still dont know what to do but Im still quite teary, struggling to concentrate, and struggling to find my strength which i normally have in abundance.

JGruner Wed 28-Nov-12 19:54:37

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Wed 28-Nov-12 19:59:04

Hmm yes you could me me. smile

My self esteem is zero so I dated many men (forgot half their names) formed some fake relationships, got hurt a little, had a think and didn't like the men that much just liked the attention if I am honest.

I have heard of the anti-depressants a lot some people find them very helpful. Is there any harm in trying them? I'm scared of most pills but may have to ask for some again as my anxiety is off the scale right now.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Wed 28-Nov-12 19:59:35

be me not me me confused

cantfindamnnickname Wed 28-Nov-12 20:09:12

Well I separated from h in October and i have already had sex with 4 different men, snogged god knows how many (inc 21 year olds!!)
The latest one told me all sorts of wonderful things i needed to hear, i started to fall for him, we had some lovely nights and then bam he backs off and tells me he cant be with anyone. so i feel absolutely devastated but I dont think im really that devastated about him - Im angry with myself, i feel stupid and he was so lovely !
Im still not sure about the tablets - think the Dr thought i should give them a go - he said that anyone who had been through one or two things could struggle but with everything that has happened
I like the attention - it makes me feel good!

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Wed 28-Nov-12 20:28:15

Yeah you need to calm down a little, find yourself, I know the attention is nice but you don't want to be used by men do you? I don't know if you are I kinda used one guy and he was using me, so it felt okay, I thought I loved him, for a while, I formed another weird relationship with another younger guy but he was well, not for me and very childish, I just liked the attention, dated other men though, youngest being erm.. 23 and too young for me, I'm 38 blush These guys all think I am 35 though hmm

I stopped the dating in September, I'm all dated out. grin The guy I was using still tried to call/text me but I ignore him now, I told him to 'leave me alone your pissing me off' in October but he forgot and started texting me again, I will tell him again soon, he isn't pissing me off yet and I like the attention, I won't meet him again though, he doesn't know this as yet..

cantfindamnnickname Fri 30-Nov-12 21:04:52

well i kinda thought i was using them so it was ok but i think im the only one that ends up feeling shit!
im 36 and i have had a few kisses with 21 year olds oops! nothing else though
today i realised that this week i have forgotten parents evening, forgotten another kids event, made big mistake at work, been to work today but not really there iyswim. i have work colleagues constantly asking if i am ok and telling me to please eat, im constantly bursting into tears, cant remember the last time i slept properly
is it possible to fall in love in 2 weeks and be so heartbroken that u keep crying? or is this just the final straw ? and im being silly.
i think he loves me but for some reasons i dont want to go into on here cant be in a relationship at the moment

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Sun 02-Dec-12 11:23:19

I don't know if that is possible, I know what you are feeling is very possible though, I feel in love overnight and yes it did hurt, when I gave myself time out though, I realised, i didn't like the guy, let alone love him, get those pills down you, you need to feel better yourself first. You seem very very down.

For what it's wroth I was in a controlling relationship, take me out and I am nightmare, I have no idea when to stop, that makes me think I need to be controlled, I don't I just need to learn how to control myself and when to stop. I am still learning btw.

I am very easily led.

cantfindamnnickname Sun 02-Dec-12 13:09:10

I am very easily led as well - we would be a nightmare out together!
I got drunk again last night saw the guy i am currently upset over and cried thankfully my friend looked after me and told me to pull myself together!!

cantfindamnnickname Sun 02-Dec-12 13:11:05

And i am realising that i have had so much to deal with i have just got on with it and that it is just catching up with me. I am transferring all my feelings onto this situation and im not really that upset about him if that makes sense

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Sun 02-Dec-12 13:43:46

Yes, complete sense. I am a bit the same here, without a guy (for now) I do have one I use, but I refuse to contact him, he uses me too, don't even suggest a night out grin It took me 3 guy-pals via a phone to get me to bed one week....I was talking shit and swearing at everyone on facebook, especially the happy people.

I think you need to grieve for the controlling man? This is rude but I call it 'grieving for a bastard' it sounds insane but it has to be done sometimes.

I am uncontrollable with alcohol. So whats this guy doing, does he like you? I know the guy I was using/was using me, liked me didn't want a relationship and that was enough for me, then my feelings became involved and I sent him a rude message, something like 'quit it with the using go fuck off and annoy someone else, I refuse to be used'.... He has forgotten, still bloody texts me...

cantfindamnnickname Sun 02-Dec-12 13:55:38

He has said its not happening but i want there to be an "us" but there isnt and there wont be but i am so uncontrollably upset its bloody stupid! i need to stop contacting him and put him completely out my head but i just cant seem to.
The prob is he is hoping i will go away and stop bothering him i think but i want to know what he is thinking and whether he did actually care

SoHHKB Sun 02-Dec-12 13:59:57

Have a look at MoodGym online - it helped me get back on track after my split/affair/general life chaos... Good luck smile

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Sun 02-Dec-12 14:08:29

I think you need to forget this guy, he sounds like his mind is made up and possibly likes having you fawn over him, my tip would be, delete his numbers, don't let him talk to you (however nice he is being) and I am off to have a look at the link suggested.

Any more thoughts on the anti-depressants?

cantfindamnnickname Sun 02-Dec-12 19:46:50

He is deleted. I think I pissed him off last night anyway!
i will look at moodgym.
Im still undecided about the anti-depressants

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Sun 02-Dec-12 20:18:14

Hope you feel better soon, these guys can throw us... I'm bloody chatting with one on a dating site hmm

I need to leave there, even my dc have commented 'why talk to men and never meet any mum? Or do you meet them? Please bring one home' hmm

No thanks, nowhere to put a guy right now, talking is fine. grin

I only go on every Sunday or maybe a Saturday if very bored....

cantfindamnnickname Sun 02-Dec-12 20:30:44

im on there as well grin
and im also talking to one grin

why is my self worth based on how a man feels about me? I think this is what i need to work on.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Mon 03-Dec-12 17:02:24

Don't worry, I would like to say it passes but I was doing it too confused

Just wait until you/if you get to the 'I am breaking all rules phase' I break all the rules, I had, I sleep when I want (dc @ school), eat when we want (when I find dc) eat Takeaways on non takeaway days and yup, I do what I want when I want and no one can tell me off grin

I need to quit the dating though, my parents were worried. I was too driving 50 miles to meet men? Never again, way too much petrol money.

TheSilverPussycat Mon 03-Dec-12 20:18:22

On the emotional abuse thread (and others like it) in Relationships, the advice after leaving such a relationship is to take time to find yourself again before getting involved with someone new. Bad relationships erode self esteem, mess with your head, and make you vulnerable. And your twat radar is not likely to be very well tuned for a while, as you are likely to be biased so that you don't notice any twattishness because it is less than that of the partner you have escaped from.

Take your time. Get yourself settled into your new life, preferably alone. ADs can help in the short term.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Wed 05-Dec-12 17:02:01

I was counting today and I have dated 6 men this year, liked none, well one was okay-ish but I was off down the wrong path again, he was a 'bad-boy' handsome but no good!

I dated 2 months after I split with ex, then told the guy 'take me home, I do not need a man in my life thanks', dating him again this year just to double check I didn't like him, I didn't, he collects Teddybears. hmm He is too posh for me also, sounds strange swearing, he is policeman, he also lied about where he was/is from.

cantfindamnnickname Wed 05-Dec-12 17:10:42

why date them if you dont like them?
collects teddybears? oh dear!

I have taken the anti-depressants 3 times this week but they just make me feel really woozy and out of it and im not sure how thats gonna help me - I m not sure i should carry on with them.

I am over the guy - see clearly there was something else going on in my head.

I do need to steer clear of men though i think - but saying it and actually doing it very different.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Wed 05-Dec-12 17:39:02

Well obviously I don't know if I like them until I date them - so I date them and don't like them, they seem fine before I date them, or I wouldn't date them.

I have no idea if that makes sense.... confused

I haven't dated since October/September and feel better for not dating. Hope you feel better soon.

TheSilverPussycat Wed 05-Dec-12 18:30:31

As with all ADs you have to take them for a few weeks before they reach full effect. Initial side effects like wooziness should wear off quickly - if they don't, report back to GP for a change of meds.

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