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Sertraline and any other ADs support thread

(991 Posts)
hathorinareddress Sat 31-Mar-12 11:13:25

Following on from a suggestion by LittleWhiteMice on a thread I have going on here, I am starting a support thread for anyone taking Sertraline or any other AD.

I started taking it yesterday after eventually plucking up the courage to go to the doc on Thursday.

I feel a bit weird but not too bad.

<you better all come on here now I started this>

<needy>

LittleWhiteMice Sat 31-Mar-12 11:30:44

Hello! i went to the drs wed, she prescribed me 50mg a day for 2 weeks then to return to her in a weeks time.

i had to wait til i was paid on Friday to afford the prescription (dp wasted all our money). i took one on fri eve at around 7pm and 40 mins later (strangely similar to e coming up time) I felt really odd.

I still feel odd, like you would the day after. I CANNOT cope with being in that state taking the kids toc school, my pupils were huge. I was hithering, skaing hot and cold sweats, completly zoned out. No sleep just curled up trying not to gring my teeth.

I wondering about takeing a half instead. Also my DP has got some 4htp he thinks i should take instead of this.

It was like serendipity, i went on here to open a thread did so and then saw another one for someone who had taken thiers yesterday like me and anothr today.

Its really nice to have support, and im not one for support ;)

Thank you Hath

hathorinareddress Sat 31-Mar-12 11:40:47

I'm on 50mg too - but I don't feel too bad - just a bit zoned out and my face is buzzing which is odd as fuck. I have a headache too a bit = but it was worse this morning when I woke up I took some paracetamol.

I also have diazepam to take for spasms in my shoulder which I have been too chicken to take yet and some sleeping tabs she gave me to take. Haven't taken them either.

keithlemonsbackdoors Sat 31-Mar-12 11:44:02

Hello, just checking in.

Currently freezing cold & a bit teeth grindy. Think I might be hungry but I really don't fancy eating anything.

hathorinareddress Sat 31-Mar-12 11:46:43

Funny I noticed earlier Keith I'm clenching my teeth/jaw.

<must relax must relax must relax>

LittleWhiteMice Sat 31-Mar-12 11:46:50

id be very suprosed if you can eat on them.

I almost wish there was something to stop the shaking shivery feeling- diazapam might be a good idea.

sadly theres not much of that in my house.

Maryz Sat 31-Mar-12 11:54:49

Morning all, I'm on a low dose of something I can't remember, but I will check in a bit.

I'm a few weeks further on that you lot, I think I'm on my third month (of six) and I feel alternatively a lot better and a bit hopeless that it isn't making any difference.

I wish I didn't feel like eating, I have put on weight which isn't helping.

little white mice - it may be that you need to taper more slowly. sertraline are fine for breaking in half (conveniently scored to make it easy too). if i were you i'd take 25mg a day for a couple of weeks before trying 50mg. some people are more sensitive than others and ideal practice is to start at 25mg anyway.

hope that helps.

LittleWhiteMice Sat 31-Mar-12 12:07:09

thank you swallowed a fly smile i would much rather that then feel like this.

il take half in an hour. oh god, dreading it

keithlemonsbackdoors Sat 31-Mar-12 12:15:46

Good luck littlewhitemice!

I just ate a sarnie & feel a bit better. Not sure how I'm going to manage a lively 2 yr old this afternoon tho

hathorinareddress Sat 31-Mar-12 12:27:55

Well I just ate a mars bar and a bag of crisps so the chances of me losing weight are slim <very bad pun>

I can't take the diazepam until after I collect DD1 from her friend's but I am seriously considering taking it then my shoulder is hurting like fuck I've had brufen and paracetamol and rubbed in cream and it's fucking useless.

MapofTassie Sat 31-Mar-12 12:36:12

I started off taking 25mg Sertraline a day for a week. I started taking the tablets in the morning as per doctor's instructions but I was literally falling asleep whilst the kids were having their lunch. I was actually putting my head down on the table and nodding off for about 10-15 seconds before DS1 would shout at me!
I then started taking the tablets at night-time which seemed to work for me. As I got used to the effects I gradually brought forward the time I took my tablet so that I now take my tablet just before I have my breakfast.
I have been taking the ADs for nearly a year now (no counselling) and I find that it helps to keep me on an even keel. No extreme shouting (just normal shouting as I have two DSs), no feeling anxious - generally more like me!
I'm heading off to bed now (not in UK), so will catch up in the morning.
Tassie

ok so tips -

take with food,
take at night if you find the side effects sleepy making,
take in the morning if you find they make you wired so they don't disturb your sleep,
don't overdo the caffeine if you're finding they're making you a bit teeth grindy, jittery feeling as that will exacerbate it.

and be prepared to say goodbye to your sex life. i find sertraline are the worst for sexual side effects sadly.

LittleWhiteMice Sat 31-Mar-12 12:55:15

made me quite horny.... sad

im going to take half now. please encourgae me cos if i dont il take it an night and wel be here again tomorrow

BustyDeLaGhetto Sat 31-Mar-12 15:45:26

Me! Me! I am starting Setraline tonite. Just a half dose (25mg) as the full dose made me so spacey and anxious and the world looked like the League of Gentlemen. I am planning on taking it after DD is in bed (7ish) as feel can sit back adn watch a gentle film without feeling like I have stuff to do. Hoping will get side-effects overnight too. If they keep me awake all night will have to take in morning.

GP has given me 2mg of valium to take with to decrease my anxiety about taking ADs, so will be a real space cadet for a few days. Something has to give though, and something has to change so I'm hoping this + CBT will do it. Am trying just to get through the next few days at the moment but fingers crossed the near future will be feeling a bit brighter for us all!

Loopymumsy Sat 31-Mar-12 16:09:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oh mirtazapine usually really helps with sleep because of the massive histamine antagonism. trouble is it also makes you pile on weight. venlafaxine is very 'wiring' though.

i went onto sertraline after the news scares about citalopram at 60mg which is the dose it worked really well at for me. this is nowhere near as effective as that was - currently taking 150mg.

LWM - it just reduces sensation ime and makes it harder to ermm get to the destination shall we say.

BustyDeLaGhetto Sat 31-Mar-12 16:18:39

Swallowed I am really nervous about the Setraline - DH has 10 days off work so I can (luckily) get over the first four or five days with some support. I hope it works, I am feeling very housebound by the panic.

if it's panic that is the biggie for you i'd have gone for citalopram personally BDLG - it works fast on anxiety and is very effective.

Loopymumsy Sat 31-Mar-12 16:34:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sorry - that's not really very helpful of me. panic/anxiety/ocd = citalopram as first port of call imo.

i'm hanging in there because i really can't face a meds change - hate the whole coming off effects and starting new ones effect.

for those jsut starting try not to worry - yes you'll feel some funny effects but nothing really bad is going to happen ok? and they will wear off and settle down and there's a very good chance that a few months from now you'll be feeling much better and be very glad you persevered through a few initial side effects.

Loopymumsy Sat 31-Mar-12 16:39:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BustyDeLaGhetto Sat 31-Mar-12 16:46:36

SWallowed Its Panic Disorder as a result of PND apparently, so perhaps he's hoping to treat both ? I'm trying to not to think about it as I do tend to 'internalize' everything and overthink to a huge degree. Just hoping that in a month or so I will still to settle down and feel like my old self again. I feel as though I've tried so hard and so many things and - while I've seen some progress and can manage my attacks a little better thanks to CBT - I really do need some additional help, even just to get on an even keel.

Loopymumsy I had supressed appetite too - I imagine that wears off too does it ?

liveinazoo Sat 31-Mar-12 16:52:48

can i but in with tales of woe?sad

i started venlafaxine today-only had 37.5mg<meant have 1morning,1 night>

ive had worst day ever on ADs...
face bright red,back keeps feel wet with sweat
nausea,no apetite
mouth so dry tongue keep stick roof my mouth

seriously considering abandoning-all i can do is lay on my bed with 3 under8s wreck room around me i feel so ill...

any suggestions gratefully recieved

hathorinareddress Sat 31-Mar-12 16:55:16

Well I don't feel too bad. Really other than feeling a bit weird for about an hour after I take them it's not that different.

Really don't feel any different confused

realhousewifeofdevoncounty Sat 31-Mar-12 17:02:23

When I took citalopram I too felt horrid and too "buzzy" and I was considering just stopping them. But I switched to fluoxetine/Prozac and the side effects were much milder - and wore off after a few days. You may get used to them soon, but if you can't tolerate the side effects, speak to your gp. smile

bristolian Sat 31-Mar-12 17:02:24

I've been taking Sertraline for just over 2 years for reactive depression due to serious health problems for me & DH leading to employment & financial & legal probs etc etc etc. My GP started me off on 50mg, increased to 100mg 4 months later & 150mg 12 months later as the probs got worse. Have to say I didn't notice any side effects other than having a very dry mouth most of the time. Life is now returning to some kind of 'normality' & so with my GP's approval, next month I will begin to decrease the dose by 25mg over 4 weeks, then a review with GP & if all ok will decrease by another 25mg over 4 weeks & so on. Without the Sertraline I would not have been able to contest the legal probs etc & get through the past 3 years.
The best advice I can give is to have regular reviews with your GP as I did with my wonderful GP so any changes to dosage etc are done under medical supervision.

Loopymumsy Sat 31-Mar-12 17:07:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicholasTeakozy Sat 31-Mar-12 17:23:18

Liveinazoo, different people have differing reactions to these things. You'll need to experiment a bit to find the one/combination that works for you. I'm not on them, but am posting on Hathor's other thread.

Good luck to you all. smile

hathorinareddress Sat 31-Mar-12 18:52:32

I feel very nauseous, headachey and cold, and am clenching my jaw a LOT

Don't like this. At All.

Maryz Sat 31-Mar-12 19:04:59

hathor, when I was prescribed mine, I didn't take them for a few days.

I felt absolutely awful for those days, really anxious and jittery, I felt tearful and shakey and horrible.

If I had started the tablets straight away, I would have thought it was side effects. As it was, I knew it was simply a reaction to the fact that I felt I had "given up", that I had admitted I couldn't cope after years of gritting my teeth and getting on with it. I felt a complete failure for giving in and going to the doctor, and I think the physical symptoms of panic and distress were to do with that.

It took a couple of days to settle, and then when I did start tablets I didn't see much in the way of side effects at all (apart from difficulty sleeping for the first week or so).

So please don't give up yet - how you feel might be nothing at all to do with the tablets, more with your overall mood, if that makes sense.

hathorinareddress Sat 31-Mar-12 19:09:24

Thanks Maryz. I daren't give up DP would be more than a little unhappy.

As long as I think it's just the side effects or a temporary thing I think I can stick it out.

That's a good point about feeling like a failure - I feel like that sad

Maryz Sat 31-Mar-12 19:10:49

Feeling like a failure is stupid though. You are successfully treating an illness, how can that be a failure?

<feels like a failure too>

hathorinareddress Sat 31-Mar-12 19:12:44

I know all that intellectually and if it was me talking to anyone else I'd be telling them not to be daft.

But it's different when it's me iyswim?

Maryz Sat 31-Mar-12 19:15:50

Oh, yes, I know exactly what you mean.

deleting Sat 31-Mar-12 23:34:46

Hi, can i join in? Another one with anxiety here (health). Am seeing gp on tues to talk about ads and have been recommended sertraline so will put in for that one, but not sure i've got the strength to cope with the side effects. Just seems ridiculous to take a tablet to help with anxiety that's probably going to make me feel anxious. Already feel like chicken licken, so this is really worrying me. Feel so weak after over a month of panic. Need to get it sorted though, have had this on and off for years and these episodes seem to be getting more frequent. Prob not the best time to start in the school hols? Am worried about frightening the kids if i end up spaced and sweaty with massive pupils. Pleased i found this thread though, will be back.

Maryz Sat 31-Mar-12 23:44:50

You won't be spaced and sweaty (I don't think), and taking the first step is always going to be hard.

But it will be worth it in the end.

NicholasTeakozy Sun 01-Apr-12 00:42:56

Welcome Deleting. This is a support thread so just dive right in. You've very bravely made the first step. Now, just in case things get on top of you on Tuesday write down a list of your symptoms to give to your doctor. Don't forget, these feelings of being spaced out might be a reaction to you actually being open about things. Take the meds, and allow a couple of weeks for them to work. Good luck.

hathorinareddress Sun 01-Apr-12 08:13:29

Hi Deleting I'd recommend going to the doc with a list

I can cope with the side effects that I'm getting (so far anyway) by remembering that they're side effects and they'll go - and the doc is keeping a close eye on me so if they don't go she can change the dose/type of tablet if needed.

Headache this morning. Took the half a diazepam last night and felt totally spaced out but my shoulder definitely isn't so sore this morning so that's a positive.

LittleWhiteMice Sun 01-Apr-12 08:46:11

thought id update. it looks like the reason that i might have felt so odd is because i took another tablet at the same time.

i took half yesterday in the day and didnt feel much different, a bit spacey and on edge but ok.

i am debating continueing with them, as i have these herbal ones here.

im just not sure

hathorinareddress Sun 01-Apr-12 08:48:41

LWM - that's exactly how I feel and I'm taking a whole one. A bit spacey and edgy but not too bad.

Why not hold my hand take them for a couple of weeks and see how you are after that? That's what I'm determined to do.

BustyDeLaGhetto Sun 01-Apr-12 09:01:06

LWM I'm due to take my first half this morning. Have started smoking again in anticipation of panic <idiot emoticon>

I know the tablets you mean - are they 5htp ? Was it you asking for advice on them ? I don't know much but can try to help you out if you like, let me know.

Hathor You sound very determined. Last time I took a whole one I scared myself off taking anymore so am now starting with half doses. I just keep thinking that by this time next week the side effects should be mostly gone and by the following week (i.e my DDs birthday) I may be noticing some difference in my anxiety levels. Good luck!

keithlemonsbackdoors Sun 01-Apr-12 09:07:39

Morning folks! Hope everyone's feeling ok and got some sleep. After waking up at 4am yesterday, I was up at 3 this morning. Littlest DS woke up 5 min later, hopefully that's a coincidence (he's BF). I'm gonna walk to the shops and get sunday papers in a bit. I bloody am!

realhousewifeofdevoncounty Sun 01-Apr-12 09:13:54

Not currently on ssris but just wanted to say that when I took them it took a while for them to work, but once they did it was amazing. Nothing dramatic in the sense that I didn't feel falsely elated or anything, but I just felt like "me " again. When I'm depressed I tend to feel full of regret and really hung up on the past, whereas on antids I just felt a lot more positive, forgive myself and look to the future. I would really notice it if I missed a day at first, but I didn't become dependent on them. Around 6 months later I fell pg and decided to stop them, and because by then I was better, stopping them was fine. So ladies PLEASE persevere because the side effects ime are very transient. However if they reasly are unbearable, just switching to another may do the trick which seems odd as they all work in the sane way, but ime I tolerated one far better than I dud another. It us no good taking something that makes you feel awful, or worse still, stopping them altogether. I was always a bit suspicious if antids and avoided them for a long time, but will now not hear a bad word said about them, as they changed, and probably saved, my life.

realhousewifeofdevoncounty Sun 01-Apr-12 09:15:58

Btw, sorry for all the typos, just read that back and it's awful! grin trying to give dd breakfast at the same time us my excuse!!!gringrin

realhousewifeofdevoncounty Sun 01-Apr-12 09:23:18

And my fecking phone that "corrects" what I DO get right! angryangry

LittleWhiteMice Sun 01-Apr-12 09:27:57

yeah Busty thats them.

Ive just taken one but i might still take half an s later

hathorinareddress Sun 01-Apr-12 09:35:10

I have just taken mine.

No effects yet but it's only been about a minute grin

DucketyDuckDuck Sun 01-Apr-12 09:44:19

Hi all

Started taking Sertraline again 10 days ago (50mg). I find them a god send.

Yes, I have some side effects, dry mouth, spaced out and jittery.

But within 24 hours they have a sedative effect, and I feel calmer. I did up the dose again after 3 days to 75mg, as I sort of knew that 50 wasn't going to be enough.

The OCD behaviour has calmed which is a huge sign for me that something is wrong. It can take me an hour or so to leave the house at my worse, and its mental agony.

The panic attacks are still there, but not as prolonged, as is the insomnia and whizzing thoughts. But the tears have stopped, along with the paranoia.

All in all getting better, going to Doc's this week so will ask to be upped to 100 I think.

I have taken them for years, but what I was thinking stopping them before Christmas, I don't know.

Husband been off sick for a year, filling in Bankrupcy papers this week, and on verge of loosing home.

Terrified, but in a muted way - I know that Sertraline works. Stick with it people.

hathorinareddress Sun 01-Apr-12 10:10:23

Duckety that's good to hear.

i really really Do Not Like the buzzy face thing I have going on.

deleting Sun 01-Apr-12 10:17:03

thanks teakozy and hathor. i know it has to be done, so will have to just bear it. it really can't be worse than living like this. had a bad night last night, headache and couldn't sleep, mind was whizzing. really tired this morning and the kids are hysterically running round. thank god it's sunny here, i'll try and get out, usually feel a bit better outside. good to hear from people further down the line, that it's worth it, but why do we have to get worse before we get better? seems so cruel.

hathorinareddress Sun 01-Apr-12 10:25:28

I know Deleting but the same as you I knew I could not carry on the way I was so I had to do something.

BustyDeLaGhetto Sun 01-Apr-12 10:55:54

Hathor Did you say you had Diazepam for your shoulder ? My doc has prescribed same for me to allieviate jitters caused by Setraline. She has prescribed me 2mg to take three times a day if needed. Maybe you could do same if you feel anxious ? I don't know the strength you're on but might be helpful. Just taken my first half now. Dreading it.

hathorinareddress Sun 01-Apr-12 10:57:29

Yeah she gave me Diazepam to stop the spasms in my shoulder - don't know what strength.

I'm not too bad now the nausea has abated a bit but I still feel like my face is buzzing.

deleting Sun 01-Apr-12 12:03:26

Busty, good luck and sending lots of strength to everyone going through the first difficult stage. Sounds like a good idea to take the diazepam to counteract the jitters.

BustyDeLaGhetto Sun 01-Apr-12 12:14:22

Thanks, Deleting its really helpful to read all the success stories on here, and like you, I can't carry on as I was before. I really feel as though there is no alternative.

I have spent the last day and a half teary and horribly panicky, dreading taking this bloody thing. Its almost a relief to know that it can't really be any worse than it has been in my head.

LittleWhite Are you taking Setraline and 5htp ? I'd speak to your GP first before you start mixing them - both affect Seritonin levels and you need to be sure you're getting dosage right. I've heard very good things about 5htp but only for people 'the morning after' IYSWIM, when they're having come downs and stuff.

Hope everyone getting on okay, feel like I am bracing myself for an onslaught. Can't really take diazipam until DD is in bed as sedatives and toddlers don't mix.

CatPower Sun 01-Apr-12 12:15:10

Hello everyone,

Hope it's okay for me to post here. I'm currently taking Venlafaxine. Started on 75mg each morning, but on Friday my GP increased it to 75mg in the morning and 37.5mg in the evening. Next month she'll increase it to 75mg twice a day.

I'm not sure how it's affecting me yet. I've only been taking Venlafaxine for three weeks so I guess it is still early days. I was on Citalopram for a few months, which worked well initially but soon stopped, hence the move to another AD. I've noticed I get tired a lot and usually have a nap late morning/early afternoon, and my appetite has changed, all I want is chocolate/creamy/fatty things which won't help my ever expanding waistline.

Loopymumsy Sun 01-Apr-12 14:06:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hathorinareddress Sun 01-Apr-12 21:02:06

How's everyone doing?

BustyDeLaGhetto Sun 01-Apr-12 21:44:35

I took a half at about eleven this morning and other than feeling vaguely spacey and headachy I have been okay. I am in my nest currently - bed, laptop, hot chocolate and comedy shows on lovefilm - so that is helping, obviously. If I can't sleep I will take a Diazepam but reckon will be okay.

How are you feeling ?

Does anyone know about dosage BTW? I am only taking halves on advice of GP but not sure if will need to increase this in the next day or so as was originally prescribed 50mg (and only taking 25mg). I have no idea of the different strengths and presume that they are due to peoples varying tolerances as opposed to the problem - does that make sense ? I'm just worried that I may find out in a fortnight that I need to up the dose and will need to go through all the side effects again!

hathorinareddress Sun 01-Apr-12 21:46:37

I'm on 50mg and that's what the GP told me to take.

I'm in living room with fire lit and crap on the TV - apparently its roasting in here but I'm not feeling that warm!

Slightly headachey too Busty don't know if I'll take the Diazepam tonight coz I have to do school run in the morning.

BustyDeLaGhetto Sun 01-Apr-12 22:01:15

Its such strange stuff isn't it ? I am just trying to get through the next few days of side effects and will then hopefully start to ease off a bit.

How is your shoulder ? Make sure you are warm and cosy and don't need to move far to get things, that is how I'm getting by. All things within reach and a banana a day for pottasium (my ma swears this will 'help', and I'm intrigued enough to try)

Loopymumsy Sun 01-Apr-12 22:12:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hathorinareddress Mon 02-Apr-12 08:07:36

I didn't really sleep that well last night - didn't want to take the Diazepam because DD2 is still at school and I have the school run to do this morning. Shoulder hurts. A Lot.

Will eat a banana for breakfast wink

Actually that's another thing. Definitely haven't felt much like eating.

LittleWhiteMice Mon 02-Apr-12 08:23:24

bananas are full of potassium, which increases your seratonin naturally.

im undecided

NicholasTeakozy Mon 02-Apr-12 09:56:42

Hathor, take half a Diazepam before bed woman. It's been prescribed to relax your shoulder, to stop it spasming. Once the ADs kick in properly you won't need the Diazepam. Don't forget to tell your doc about your concerns regarding side effects. smile

hathorinareddress Mon 02-Apr-12 09:58:28

Nicholas I know but I was so so woozy in the mornings and I have to drive to take DDs to school so I didn't want to iyswim? I also can't make DP phone me every night and talk to me til I fall asleep coz that's daft and he might actually want to go out in the evening or you know emmmm have a life

deleting Mon 02-Apr-12 10:04:33

Hi all, sorry to hear you had a bad night hathor, I think it makes such a difference to your mood if you've managed to get some sleep. Loopy, you said you hadn't been eating well for months. Has it improved? I have lost so much weight, I'm really panicking about it and it's taking over all my thoughts (have health anxiety, so i am of course worrying it's something more serious). It's only started since this panic set in, but my mind won't accept that. Can't wait until tomorrow for my appt. Mornings are so bad at the moment, i wake up bristling with anxiety, dry mouth etc.

hathorinareddress Mon 02-Apr-12 10:06:12

Deleting - hope it goes OK tomorrow.

That feeling of panic is horrible. And the thinking and thinking and thinking when your brain won't stop I hate that.

deleting Mon 02-Apr-12 10:17:49

Exhausting. Feel a bit better now i'm up and about. Kids are playing hide and seek in the dirty washing pile (which is HUGE!!)

BustyDeLaGhetto Mon 02-Apr-12 11:27:38

I am in bed. Started feeling panicky this morning but not sure if that is me or the ADs - am tempted to blame everything on them at the moment. Now I just feel light headed and spacey again, but not as 'sedated' as I did yesterday, damnit.

Spoke to GP about dosage - think I will need to up my dose to 50mg starting tomorrow, as that is 'moderate' she tells me. She said as my problem is anxiety based it could be two weeks or more till I see improvement. Think once side effects wear off I will feel more confident, hopefully anyway.

deleting ugh, I know that morning feeling. It happened to me last Saturday morning and I just cried and cried at the frustration of it all. Is your appt wth GP tomorrow ? Make a list of everything including weight loss if you're worried you may struggle to explain the problem. Also, I too am thin, and lose and gain weight fairly quickly. Much of this is genetic but plenty is to do with being an anxious little soul and if you are too that will account for much of it. Remember CBT teaches you to think, accept the thought and then move on. Distract, distract, distract for negative thinking smile

Hathor You started pills on Friday, didn't you ? Any good news that the side effects seem to be abating ?

Loopymumsy Mon 02-Apr-12 12:02:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hathorinareddress Mon 02-Apr-12 13:18:45

Went back to bed blush left DD1 watching tv/computering and went back to bed blush

Have runny eyes and a terrible headache but that is hayfever not the sertraline.

deleting Mon 02-Apr-12 13:20:15

Busty and loopy, re being thin, you don't know how much it helps to hear that it's happening to someone else. Obviously i wish it wasn't happening to any of us but reading other threads and other people's experiences it seems that most people are worried about putting on weight, which adds to my anxiety that i'm on my own. It's turning into an ishoo with me as well, putting myself under pressure to eat and clamming up with a dry mouth.
Sorry you,re having trouble with side effects busty. Could you take a diazepam to get you through?

BustyDeLaGhetto Mon 02-Apr-12 13:32:48

I have taken a half a diazepam and DP has just come back with DD (he'd taken her to the beach) as I'm really nervous of being on my own. (Totally unlike me, I am usually the Lone Ranger and love my own company)

Cold hands and feet, and very very twitchy. Make take other half of Diazepam after lunch so can ease through afternoon. Keep thinking I'm going mad but is just panic.

When all this is over I am going to have an enormous drink and a great big bloody cigarette in a new dress and shoes with my friends. I promise I will do this.

hathorinareddress Mon 02-Apr-12 13:37:09

Busty - blush I made DP phone me and talk to me at night when I took the half a diazepam for getting to sleep (dodgy shoulder)

Can you do anything nice to take your mind off it?

<will join you in cig and new shoes and dress>

NicholasTeakozy Mon 02-Apr-12 13:57:20

Hathor do not feel guilty about going back to bed. You're ill. You need rest.

Deleting, good luck tomorrow. Write it all down just in case.

Busty, just keep going, do what you need to do to get through it. You'll do it. smile

BustyDeLaGhetto Mon 02-Apr-12 15:58:14

Thanks, nicholas it feels like there is a vice in my chest, squeezing me in a horrible panicky grip. Yuck. Diazepam have eased it somewhat, at least I don't feel like I'm going mad anymore.

Just want side effects to end, and I've only just started! <glum>

NicholasTeakozy Mon 02-Apr-12 17:53:10

You know I told Hathor to keep taking the tablets upthread? I'll say the same to you Busty. Keep taking the tablets. They look like they're doing the job they're designed for, namely easing your anxiety. I'm talking about the Diazepam of course. As you've only just started taking the tablets please bear in mind they can take up to two weeks to do their work properly. Until they kick in you might need Diazepam as a back up. Good luck.

deleting Mon 02-Apr-12 21:34:27

Getting an early night ready for tomorrow. have written stuff down. Hope everyone is coping and gets a good night's rest.

hathorinareddress Mon 02-Apr-12 21:42:20

Don't forget to come back and let us know how you get on

{{hugs}}

BustyDeLaGhetto Mon 02-Apr-12 22:03:45

Good luck, deleting its a very brave move you're making, so be proud!

hathor are you feeling a bit steadier ?

hathorinareddress Mon 02-Apr-12 22:05:39

Busty a bit I think. I don't think my head is just as busted but that might just be because I've told the doctor and I feel like I have a plan to get it sorted, rather than the AD's yet.

Although tonight I'm very tired.

I really am not too keen on this nonsense.

Loopymumsy Mon 02-Apr-12 22:06:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BustyDeLaGhetto Mon 02-Apr-12 22:14:41

hathor Me neither, it is a load of old balls. I am really struggling but determined. I seem to be swinging between hugely positive and cringingly terrified. I can't bear to be on my own with DD feeling like this, I don't feel capable of taking care of her I just feel volitile and shit.

Upping dose tomorrow too. Yuck. Another side effect I've noticed is that I've just spent £100 online at H&M. Bloody Setraline blush

Loopy Good luck for you too tomorrow. Fingers crossed for your meeting!

Loopymumsy Mon 02-Apr-12 22:19:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BustyDeLaGhetto Mon 02-Apr-12 22:37:53

Yes, of course. As soon as I'm feeling better I'm going to get some colour put in my hair and sit on the beach with a beer. These are the things the meds make us do. wink

NicholasTeakozy Mon 02-Apr-12 22:44:15

Well done Deleting, and good luck for tomorrow. You're being very brave.

Busty, that is why you need to carry on. To get you on an even keel, then get you back to being you.

Good luck tomorrow Loopy, hope she/he is the right therapist for you.

Loopymumsy Tue 03-Apr-12 06:16:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

keithlemonsbackdoors Tue 03-Apr-12 07:32:43

Hello again,

I've been on sertraline since Friday, made a brief appearance on here and then lost the ability to hold a train of thought!

I reckon we could blame the shopping on the side effects; I had an overwhelming urge for a new pair of shoes yesterday! I tried using it as a bribe to myself, was meant to be meeting a friend for coffee... couldn't do it though :-(

LittleWhiteMice Tue 03-Apr-12 07:56:34

im still taking my half everyday.

My sleep has been a bit better and i feel more rested, i hope thats the meds.

when shall i go back on my full dose?

keithlemonsbackdoors Tue 03-Apr-12 08:40:11

Hiya LWM,
Glad you're feeling a bit better. Are you still taking the 5htp? I would give it a week on the half dose then increase it. You shouldn't get the side effects again :-)

LittleWhiteMice Tue 03-Apr-12 08:45:49

i took the 5htp on the only day i didnt have my half. I wouldnt take them together.

if only for sleep i feel better.

How are you? smile

keithlemonsbackdoors Tue 03-Apr-12 08:56:29

Probably for the best, serotonin syndrome doesn't sound like much fun!

I'm ok ta, taking the drugs at night seems to be working out well, feel like shite if I do wake up in the night though. Survived the weekend on my own with the kids - oddly enough my anxiety levels went through the roof the moment SH walked in the door...

keithlemonsbackdoors Tue 03-Apr-12 08:57:31

DH, stupid phone!

LittleWhiteMice Tue 03-Apr-12 09:04:22

maybe you were anxious that he might upset the equilibrium you had managed to maintain.

I feel panicky when my dh goes upstairs when the kids are out of bed, he shouts they cry and I feel sick. (not as bad as it sounds by the way)

i really hope they work.

Ive felt like this since i was 7.

hathorinareddress Tue 03-Apr-12 10:52:29

Morning all how is everyone.

Good luck today deleting hope it goes ok.

I'm tidying - DD1 has vair posh friend coming this afternoon and I'll have to ask the vair posh mum in for coffee

Loopymumsy Tue 03-Apr-12 11:09:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hathorinareddress Tue 03-Apr-12 11:15:54

Am off shortly to buy cake and palm it off as a homebake but if DD1 doesn't get off her shiny red arse and actually DO something to help in the next about 27 seconds I Will Not Be Happy and she will hear all about it

Loopy - well done for going, hope she works out.

BustyDeLaGhetto Tue 03-Apr-12 11:22:07

Morning all, day three for me and have just upped dose to 50mg. Ack. I can't. Stop. Yawning.

Loopy Take your time to decide - I think having the right therapist is so important - I was of the opinion that as they all do pretty much the same job who they are doesn't really matter but have since found out that is bollocks, isn't it ?

keithlemon I have been thinking about you the last couple of days (not in an 'Every Breath You Take' kind of a way!) - I cannot believe you managed on your own, if DP wasn't here I don't know how I'd cope at the moment. Although again, not sure how much of my anxiety is triggered by the ADs and how much by my muddled up head. Glad you're coping and just think - if you started on Friday the side effects should start levelling off soon and then you can look forward to feeling better!

LWM Spoke to my GP yesterday about upping the dose - she said the initial hit at any strength is the hardest bit but as keith said, you shouldn't feel any worse for upping the dose once they're in your system.

hathor Glad to hear you're expecting company. I'm thinking about resuming normal service soon, although aside from the hideous side effects I'm quite enjoying laying around and watching films.

A friend emailled me yesterday and said that 'congratulations in recognising that a chemical imbalance in your body is not a weakness within your mind.'
Lovely words, really helped me to focus a bit.

hathorinareddress Tue 03-Apr-12 13:12:26

Feeling very very nauseous sad don't want to take these stupid things but I know I have to. And buzzy face and clenchy jaw.

Meh.

BustyDeLaGhetto Tue 03-Apr-12 13:17:12

I just had a horrible bout of nausea too, had to go and lie down in the middle of making lunch. I also have clenchy jaw but less so since I took 1/4 diazepam with the sodding tablet this morning.

Think ahead. Think forward to a month from now when we will be feeling a bit more solid, a bit more stable. I am thinking about a trip home (Cornwall) I plan to make, and where I will go when I get there.

NicholasTeakozy Tue 03-Apr-12 13:59:30

Busty speaks wisely. As does her friend.

Remember and repeat the MN mantra: 'This Too Shall Pass'. Because it will. You can and will overcome this.

Loopymumsy Tue 03-Apr-12 15:25:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hathorinareddress Tue 03-Apr-12 15:27:00

Loopy - that sounds so positive.

I'm not even thinking of a month. I'm thinking get me to Friday til I can get down to DP's and switch off for a few days and the damned sertraline better not have affected my sex drive and I don't care if that's TMI

BustyDeLaGhetto Tue 03-Apr-12 16:01:05

Loopy that sound great news and is hopefully just the beginning of more improvement. Don't question why its happen, just be glad it has. I'm originally from Truro - Home of the Biggest Marks and Spencers In EUROPE, you know - and really miss it. I've been wanting to move back down and even considered leaving my partner to do so but think now that was just the PND talking. (leaving him, I mean. I still want to go back). Its the kind of place you'd chew your hands off to get out of when you're fifteen and then desperately want to move back to as a more sedate adult.

Hathor I'm sure it will be fine. Maybe you'll just need more - ahem - build up ? By Friday it will have been a week on the meds won't it ? Soon you will notice change, hooray!

I'm on Day three and haven't left the house in four days except to local shop next door and cafe over the road for takeaway coffee. A friend invited me to hers for dinner tonight and I literally seized up at the thought of it. I hope this is just the meds and I'm not really turning agoraphobic. I just can't stand the thought of dealing with people when I feel like this. Maybe I will try to get to park tomorrow.

Loopymumsy Tue 03-Apr-12 19:27:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicholasTeakozy Tue 03-Apr-12 20:03:15

That sounds positive Loopy.

Busty stick with it, and only do things you feel able to do.

Hathor, have you taken your half a Diazepam yet? It's about the right time. grin

hathorinareddress Tue 03-Apr-12 20:05:04

grin not yet bossy boots.

DD1's friend's dad is due any minute to pick her up I'll take it as soon as he's been and gone (he was due at 8pm)

NicholasTeakozy Tue 03-Apr-12 21:22:24

Thank you Hathor. Take it early, go to bed later and you get sleep and relaxation. You have a good attitude. You are going to get over this.

hathorinareddress Tue 03-Apr-12 21:25:17

I've taken the half - took it about 9.

Feel sluggish but not too bad

BustyDeLaGhetto Tue 03-Apr-12 21:41:00

Nicholas You are bloody aces, thank you for all the support. I do feel determined and if I'm honest am starting to feel less shonky already although I suspect that is a placebo effect.

hathor I really like Diazepam. Had to ask the nurse not to prescribe me too much blush Hope you sleep well

Maryz Tue 03-Apr-12 21:55:28

You took it hathor. Very, very good. Well done. Seriously, I am very pleased for you, because I know it took guts smile.

And best wishes to everyone on this thread - keep on keeping on, it will be worth it in the end.

I feel (almost) normal these days.

Loopymumsy Tue 03-Apr-12 22:02:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BustyDeLaGhetto Tue 03-Apr-12 22:13:54

Loopy Me too. I have had to watch lots of half hour comedy programmes because that is all I can manage. Trying to watch a film as I type this.

It is billed as a 'family friendly movie' and is certificate 12 and I am LITERALLY TERRIFIED of it. May have to switch to something less taxing.

Loopymumsy Tue 03-Apr-12 22:17:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BustyDeLaGhetto Tue 03-Apr-12 22:18:09

Incidentally, I am not afraid because of the ADs, its because I became a wuss after DD.

LittleWhiteMice Wed 04-Apr-12 07:42:22

Hi all

im going to take my half in a min.
just had another massive row with "d"p.

feel like shit again and nothings going to change.

NicholasTeakozy Wed 04-Apr-12 08:03:53

Morning you lot. Another day closer to the day you get better.

Thank you Busty, your kind words made me blush and smile

Hathor, hope you don't feel too drowsy this morning. Last day of school for DD isn't it? Maryz is right, it takes serious guts to do what you are doing.

All of you should be damned proud of yourselves for the progress you've made.

hathorinareddress Wed 04-Apr-12 09:41:56

Bit bleurgh this morning tbh.

Sigh.

NicholasTeakozy Wed 04-Apr-12 10:16:48

Sorry you're not feeling your best. This Too Shall Pass.

keithlemonsbackdoors Wed 04-Apr-12 11:13:28

LWM, I don't know how old you are but it sounds like you've been suffering a long time. Have you been referred for any sort of counselling? It might help to untangle whatever it was that went wrong when you were 7. If it's any consolation DH & I would definitely have had a row by now if he wasn't such a passive aggressive twat non-confrontational type. I'm hoping it's just the upset equilibrilum thing as you and Loopy said but I'm not convinced. Had a little voice in my ear all weekend going 'I don't want him back...' and I still just want him to fuck off and leave me alone. Ho hum.

Thanks Busty - whilst I'm disappointed to learn that I don't have my very own stalker your words made me feel all proud of myself even though DS1 is old enough to look after himself & DS2 has spent far too much time watching In The Night Garden on YouTube

Lost a couple of hours yesterday to the weird spacey feeling & I think I was grinding my teeth last night coz my jaw aches. Also have the lack of concentration thing, I'm supposed to be ordering my shopping...

kerstina Wed 04-Apr-12 13:41:20

Well after not taking the vile tasting sertraline i am in a dilemma what to do.
I have been taking 2.5 to 5ml of seroxat but not sure if it is doing me any good.
I do not want to take full dose of 10 ml but not sure if i will get any benefit from less been taking it over a month and still get a few side effects when i take more rather than less. Anyone got any experience of seroxat ?

BustyDeLaGhetto Wed 04-Apr-12 14:41:37

kerstina I'm afraid I have no experience of Seroxat but is it possible you could call your GP to discuss dosage if you're worried ? I couldn't face going to mine with an appointment but she was happy to discuss upping my dose with me over the phone. If you are still having side effects after a month perhaps you could try something new ?

LWM I had a row with DP when I first started taking the ADs - he really didn't want me to do it and I was fuming at his lack of support. Its horrible when you feel like this to have something as unsettling as an arguement. I hope it gets sorted, and something will change for the better soon, I promise. Keep something nice in mind for yourself that you can do when you're feeling better - doesn't have to be big or expensive, just enjoyable - and make sure you do it. You deserve it.

hathor Is it getting any easier ? I think I'm coping better with it now I know what to expect but that doesn't make it any less shit.

KLBD DD woke me in the night and I found myself clenching my jaw. I was literally bristling with anxiety. Had to take another quarter of valium to get back to sleep, and still felt super panicky this morning. Ironically the only thing which made me feel better was taking the Setraline. (With another 1/4 of valium).

TBH I feel better than I did - haven't had any nausea today, and not too much spacey-ness. Even struggled over the road with DD for takeaway coffee and back. Drew the line at the park though, but think that may be sheer laziness. I feel anxious and tense but that is how I usually felt before I took the meds so no idea if it is me or the side effects. Back in bed now though, just to try to relax and take my mind off things. I have also had horrible cystitus (unrelated) for the last four days and may need anti-biotics to lose it. Yuck.

NicholasTeakozy Wed 04-Apr-12 16:16:11

Kerstina, I second what Busty says. Talk to your GP about upping the dose.

Busty glad you're feeling better-ish. Keep planning your trip to Cornwall next month. smile

deleting Wed 04-Apr-12 16:36:52

hi, had my first one today. This morning was fine, but this afternoon it's kicked in and i've just almost had a panic attack! Just a weird feeling came over me and started feeling tingly and heart was pounding. Lasted a few seconds, but i'm now really clammy and on edge. Not nice. I hope that won't be happening too often.

hathorinareddress Wed 04-Apr-12 18:34:05

I took dd swimming this afternoon which is a positive.

Still feeling a bit meh.

{{hugs}} everyone.

I have to go back to the doc tomorrow for my review appointment. Strangely nervous.

Loopymumsy Wed 04-Apr-12 19:11:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

keithlemonsbackdoors Wed 04-Apr-12 19:17:37

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck...

Side effects still going strong!

How is it fair that drugs to stop my panic attacks make me panic??

Loopymumsy Wed 04-Apr-12 19:31:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foxeeroxee Wed 04-Apr-12 19:32:38

Hi everyone. Hope its ok for me to post here.
Have been on citalopram (20mg) for 2 months and really dont feel any different. still feel as hopeless and lost as ever.
Trying my hardest to keep things going for dc but spent most of last week dreading the school hols and now cant cope with all 3 in the house. sad feel awful writing that down...im terrible.
Have been on citalopram 2 previous occasions and it worked really well. i just dont understand why now,when i really really need it, it isnt working?!? So frustrated.
Sorry everyone for the self-indulgent rant.

BustyDeLaGhetto Wed 04-Apr-12 20:19:26

deleting Well done for going to GPs and getting something done. Its a brave thing to do, trust me. Hope you're feeling alright.

hathor VERY positive I'd say. Swimming ? I applauded myself for crossing the road earlier! Well done.

Loopy Big hugs. If its too soon to see a more permenant improvement then just embrace the days when its good - and for when its bad remember that This Too Shall Pass. Sending you love.

keithlemon how long have you been taking the Setraline ? If you're taking it for anxiety (as I am) it may be worth calling the GP and getting some diazepam at a very low dose to tide you over. Thats what they've done for me - I can take up to three a day but have found a quarter of one (so 0.5mg, nothing really) can take the edge of the horrible feelings long enough to get the drugs into your system. For now try distracting yourself. I have watched several entrie comedy series since Sunday, and am watching a shit film tonight. Its the only way, I feel like sealing myself off from the world till I'm better.

foxeeroxee No apology needed, it sounds very difficult for you. It may be that you need to up the dose or to try a different AD - your tolerances change, I'm told so you may just need something new. Three children is a realy challenge, I have one and I'm really strugglnig with that at the moment! Please call your GP and discuss how you're feeling with them.

I felt better today, even to the point of getting out of bed and doing some painting and having lunch with DD. Been swamped with panic this evening though, and wasn't sure if I was going to be able to sit through dinner. I triggered it myself by worrying about DP going back to work next Tuesday and how I'd feel if I still felt like I do now, and what if the drugs aren't working and I have to look after her alone and have no-one to help me ? Its fucking horrible, and completely alien thinking to me who loves being with DD and has done nothing but for two years so is no challenge. Please tell me the drugs will work smile

foxeeroxee Wed 04-Apr-12 20:27:13

Thanks for the positive words busty i suppose im just worried about having to go back to gp and have 'that' conversation again...get the feeling that gp is quite judgemental.and almost flippant but maybe im been paranoid.
By the way it is fucking horrible that fear and panic, i really do sympathise, and yes in these situations i think we're all praying that the drugs work.smile

deleting Wed 04-Apr-12 20:55:53

keith - you must be exhausted. It might make you feel better to give yourself a deadline and if you're still feeling panicky then to go back to the dr. It's a difficult decision when you've come this far to stop and start on something else, but you may find you get a quicker result with another.

Thanks Busty, am starting to feel slightly more relaxed at the moment after the panic episode. It really shook me because it came out of nowhere, so was on edge for a while in case it happened again (still am really). Also know what you mean about crossing the road. We live on a very busy one and I was so nervous crossing this afternoon.

Hathor - you sound like you're over the worst if you can swim.

foxeeroxee - a friend of mine was on citalopram and said exactly the same. first time was great, but isn't working so well now (third time).

loopy - hope you're feeling a bit better tonight. Relationships are under so much pressure at these times, hopefully when you're back on top, it will all improve.

Am in bed (again). I think it's the way forward, just to sleep through as much of it as possible. So far I think i've got off lightly, but it's only day 1 and presumably it's an accumulative effect, so will be gnashing my teeth in a few days. Foolishly watched The Wicker Man last night and can't get it out of my head now, so guess what i'll be dreaming about? Nervous about tomorrow and how i'll feel. Should have done all this before the holidays so that we could have enjoyed them. Don't feel like doing anything with the kids and so far all they've done is watch telly sad

deleting Wed 04-Apr-12 20:59:39

My neighbour has just dropped off a big box of macaroons to help me through the dark days!

BustyDeLaGhetto Wed 04-Apr-12 21:10:38

deleting A week or so of TV won't harm your DC - think DD is in seventh heaven with DP looking after her. With me its all arts and crafts and lentils. This morning she had chocolate chip cookies for breakfast and watched CBeebies before going to the park for an ice cream and the pub for a fizzy water blush

Shes having the time of her life!

Good luck for tomorrow, remember it affects everyone differently so there is a chance you could breeze through it. And watch something nice before sleep!

Loopymumsy Wed 04-Apr-12 21:37:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deleting Wed 04-Apr-12 21:38:19

haha, yes they love all that don't they. Kids are actually loving it, watching the telly and dvds, just that dd has got a holiday diary to fill in for school with pictures etc, so will have to make a few things up, or just take a pic of me in my dressing gown lying on the sofa with my tongue hanging out, covered in toys and dirty nappies or even maybe just stick in the leaflet from the meds showing all the side effects. Although I do remember one holiday we did loads of stuff, went out most days to museums, farms, visiting friends, seaside etc and in the car home on the first day back i asked ds1 what he'd done at school and he said they'd all had to draw a picture of one thing they'd done during the holidays. He'd drawn us in the supermarket!!

BustyDeLaGhetto Thu 05-Apr-12 11:44:06

Hathor Good luck at docs today, hope all goes well. Worryingly, I dont have a follow up appointment so may make my own in a week or so.

Deleting - Arf at DS drawing you in the supermarket. I went out with a friend recently who has an older DS and they had the class bear with them. She was propping it up in trees and things taking photos and telling me how competitive it gets with parents taknig extreme photos of the bear. It sounds hilarious.

I am feeling weirdly better today. Not well enough to go into town or anything but after last nights three hour sustained anxiety anything is going to feel better. Making myself spinach and puy lentil soup for lunch and enjoying having house to myself. Still bracing myself to have another panic attack but I feel like such a veteran of them now its more a pain in the arse than anything else now. I have put on a pair of cobalt blue tights which is the most colour I have felt like wearing in ages. Recently I've had a face like a Goth at a funeral so something good is hopefully happening.

deleting Thu 05-Apr-12 11:59:32

Anyone around today? Hopefully you've all turned the corner and are out celebrating or are you all under your duvets.
So much for the sleeping through it. Had a crap night, felt like someone was sitting on my chest, very tense and just couldn't relax. Slept in fits and start. Felt better when opened the blinds this morning as usual, even though it's overcast and a bit gloomy, but very shaky legs coming downstairs and still jittery and tense. Went against all instincts to take another this morning, can't give up after just one night! Felt like sticking my fingers down throat to get it out though when i thought about more of this. Spoke to a friend this morning who's been on these for a while and she reassured me it was all normal (as we all know, but i needed a voice to tell me). Trouble is, I get side effects from paracetamol, so this is wreaking havoc. Such a sensitive soul! Why are my kids so hysterical in the morning? I think they're getting cabin fever. So am I. Hope everyone's well.

deleting Thu 05-Apr-12 12:14:55

x post busty. glad you're feeling better today after a night of it. Panic attacks are vile, you feel so helpless and just have to wait for it to stop. Sometimes I can manage to stop it before it starts, as soon as I feel that prickly feeling, I relax, breathe and sort of switch off and as long as I can nip it in the bud it doesn't develop. I'm a veteran of the panic attack too!

Good luck hathor. Hopefully you will come out feeling reassured.

foxeeroxee Thu 05-Apr-12 12:48:53

Hello everyone.hope you are all having a positive day.
Im exhausted.Trailed the kids to the drs to collect more tablets and then to asda for some bits.When i got back i HAD to vac up haha the crumbs were driving me to distraction. so now im feeling quite sore due to the fact i got sterilised on monday (hooray!)
dd and ds1 have just had to be seperated for playing at 'been deers that bang heads' confused and ds2 has been sick so many times he ran out of vests this morn blush so i think today can be marked down as a bad one. wish id nver bothered getting out of bed.

hathorinareddress Thu 05-Apr-12 12:58:48

How's everyone else?

Foxee - sounds like you're having a very stressful day.

I went to the doc and came out with more flipping tablets.

Meh.

NicholasEggcupkozy Thu 05-Apr-12 13:27:46

Hi Deleting, your friend is right, things will get better.

Foxee your day does indeed sound a bit shit! grin Surely it can't get worse? shock

Busty, colour is good. Your positive attitude will be a great help I'm sure.

Loopymumsy Thu 05-Apr-12 15:28:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deleting Thu 05-Apr-12 15:37:54

Foxee, sounds very exhausting indeed. I only made lunch, so very impressed.
Hathor, did you get more of the same?

Feeling fairly normal at the moment, although really tired from last night.

hathorinareddress Thu 05-Apr-12 15:39:13

Deleting - no. Anti-biotics and ear spray for an ear infection

Anti-hists for hayfever and a nasal spray

Different anti-spasm tablets for my shoulder

Iron <bleurgh>

WorldOfMeh Thu 05-Apr-12 17:30:49

Hello, another one here. Saw my doc this morning and am starting on Sertraline tonight. So... clenchy jaw and weird spacyness to look forward to, then? <joy>

NicholasEggcupkozy Thu 05-Apr-12 18:31:44

Welcome WorldOfMeh. You might be best off leaving starting till the morning. See upthread for reasons. Try not to worry too much about the side effects, not everybody gets them all. You never know how these things will affect you until you take them. Don't forget, this is a place to come for support if and when you require it. smile

foxeeroxee Thu 05-Apr-12 19:09:31

Well....its finally bedtime!!!
<breathes huge sigh of relief>
Its been a noisy, stressful but i think i bring it on myself....after dinner i decided id get some crafty stuff out for dd and ds1 in the hope they would be quiet. fat chance!!! Glue,glitter and sick (dont ask!) everywhere.
I really dont know why i seem to have an uncontrollable burst of energy that i have to get out of my system and then when whatever i plan goes tits up,im beside myself with self loathing and thoughts of why do i bother. but i cant help myself iyswim?
loopy glad to hear im not the only person who sometimes refers to dc as a tribe!
deleting have you eaten all the macaroons wink
Was just wondering how long have other posters been on their medication? Is it a recent thing or an ongoing problem?

orangeandlemons Thu 05-Apr-12 19:18:18

Can I join too?

3 weeks for me this coming Fiday, am on it for anxiety. Had the worst ever anxiety last week on day 14. Mood definitely better, but still got very high levels of anxiety, but sort of don't care. I really don't understand this. Is this a side effect that will go away? Feel much calmer on one level, but much more anxious on another. Am hyper sensitive to all medications. This is my 4th AD in a row, and the only one I have been able to persevere with.

Hope the rest of you are bearing up

NicholasEggcupkozy Thu 05-Apr-12 19:42:24

Hello Orange, welcome. It might be a good idea to talk to your GP and get your dosage reviewed, as you might need to be on a higher one. Don't alter your dosage unilaterally (this is for all of you), always discuss it with your doctor.

Foxee, those feelings of self loathing are self defeating. You can overcome it, you need new tools to help you. I'll have a little look round, see if I can find owt.

foxeeroxee Thu 05-Apr-12 19:58:16

Hi orange good advice re talking to the gp again....though im trying to find the balls to go do this myself!
Thanks nicholas i realise the thoughts i have are helping no-one least of all my dc,oh and myself. Any new tools to help would be greatly appreciated.

NicholasEggcupkozy Thu 05-Apr-12 20:00:37

Have had a bit of a dig, is this link any help?

NicholasEggcupkozy Thu 05-Apr-12 20:01:41

Also, have a think about CBT, that might be able to help.

foxeeroxee Thu 05-Apr-12 20:15:03

Thanks for the link nicholas havent read all of it yet but the first section really spoke volumes to me and some things seem to add up iyswim.
Cbt? Whats that entail? Have had counselling and been under a cpn bout 7/8 yeard ago but found it really hard going. dont think i was quite ready to spill my thoughts and feelings at that point.

NicholasEggcupkozy Thu 05-Apr-12 20:21:58

Intro to CBT. There's an Australian site that does an online version, but I can't remember what it's called. There's a slim chance I bookmarked it.

NicholasEggcupkozy Thu 05-Apr-12 20:39:30

Right. Have had another look round and can't find that site. It was linked to an Australian University. Anyway, one thing I've found out is CBT is tailored to you and you personal condition. There are different techniques for treating anxiety, ocd, depression etc. As I have very low level ocd and anxiety it may even be of use to me. smile

MaryZ Thu 05-Apr-12 20:41:07

The Australian site is MoodGym I must say, I found it really good - it did two things. Firstly it gave me a bit of an insight into the mood I was in and how negative my thoughts were. And secondly (and possibly more importantly), when I was upset or panicking it gave me something to do that was easy, that I didn't have to leave the house for, and that occupied my mind.

keithlemonsbackdoors Thu 05-Apr-12 20:41:49

Busty I would LOVE some diazipam but I'm breastfeeding so I'm pretty sure I can't have any! So sick of it now, the only way to hold off the panic is to stay in my flat on my own (DH's presence is still setting me off, it's gonna be a long weekend...) On the plus side, I'm sleeping ok now (aside from DS's 4am wake up calls anyway).

Hello worldofmeh I've been taking mine at night and seem to be sleeping thru the teeth-grindy sickyness. Good luck, whatever time you decide to take it!

MaryZ Thu 05-Apr-12 20:42:10

Sorry, that might not be the one you are talking about Nick. But I found it good.

I actually agreed that I needed counselling on the back of using it, and I have found the counselling great (which really surprised me, as I thought it would be a complete waste of time).

foxeeroxee Thu 05-Apr-12 20:57:09

Thanks for the links...got some bedtime reading smile
Think im finally in a place where i want to be proactive in finding ways beyond ads that can help resolve the feelings i have.
Im also low level ocd and with ongoing problems with depression/pnd, i think i would definitly need some thing 'tailored' to suit!
Hope everyone has a good night...i have reading to do wink

NicholasEggcupkozy Thu 05-Apr-12 21:03:06

MoodGym is the one Mary, thanks for that! grin I'm going to bookmark the fuck out of that site now grin

BustyDeLaGhetto Thu 05-Apr-12 21:04:24

I was going to say MoodGym - I think I found out about it on MN as well. I echo CBT - it really gives you useful tools to manage your way of negative thinking, and I found it very grounding. Also agree that you may need to discuss your dose with your GP oranges, as there may be something you can do about your anxiety levels.

foxee Thinking about yourself in a positive way is very difficult if you're not used to doing it, I really struggled at first. It sounds like you're having a very stressful time so make sure you give yourself a nice treat tonight - a bath or a movie or whatever - and congratulate yourself on getting through.

keithlemon I have been in the flat now since last Saturday bar trips to the shop. Determined to get out tomorrow though, even if just to park and then scuttle home again. I am really concerned about my agoraphobic tendancies and while I am enjoying shutting myself away in my case it isn't very healthy. Are you still struggling with the panic ? I'm finding it hard to tell what is 'me' and what is the side effects. Today I noticed an improvement when I cut out caffine (Which is hard for me as I would mainline decent coffee if I could) and had a few cups of camomile tea instead. Dull but neccessary, maybe worth a try ?

WorldofMeh Welcome, and well done! I have a found this thread really helpful and supportive so make sure you use it if you need it.

deleting How are you finding it ? Hope you're alright and getting stuck into your macaroons. I have snuffled my way through more Green&Blacks in the last five days then at any other point in my life!

hathor You poor thing. Hayfever sucks, you must be sick of taking all these pills.

Today is my 5th day and I have to say I have noticed an improvement - an uplift in my mood and interest in things - I even joined in with a game of hide and seek with DD earlier, and I feel generally a bit more positive. Especially now side effects seem to be weakening. Also didnt take any Diazepam today so that may have helped.

I have a question; how can I expect to feel when the meds kick in ? I realise that certain factors - dosage, tolerance, etc - can affect this but in my case generally is it just a general improvement in mood ? A lessening of anxiety (Please!!) ? A nice buzz ? I'm swinging between wild optimism about how much better I might feel and a bit gloomy that Im going to be overcoming and struggling with fucking Panic for the rest of my life.

Loopymumsy Thu 05-Apr-12 21:05:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicholasEggcupkozy Thu 05-Apr-12 21:41:15

Just typed out a long post and Mumsnet went offline so I lost it. angry

Right. Here goes. Busty, re your question: read the first sentence of your previous paragraph. In fact, read the whole paragraph. You may be one of those for whom they kick in early.

Foxee, have a look at CBT tomorrow on Mary's link.

Loopy, reading that link I would say from my layman's position that Diazepam is a no due to its long half life (how long it takes to metabolise, I think) but Lorezepam is ok due to its short half life. <--- That's for you too Keith. And for anybody in the same situation who's lurking.

Loopymumsy Thu 05-Apr-12 22:06:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorldOfMeh Fri 06-Apr-12 09:08:36

Hello again, folks- and thanks for the welcome.

Have just taken the first tablet (I waited, on your advice, Nicholas - thanks). Only ten minutes ago, and I feel weird but am sure it's just anticipatory. Haven't been sleeping well as I have a bad cough, so that's more than enough to explain feeling 'out of it'. Will just mainline coffee today. Coffee is my friend. smile

NicholasEggcupkozy Fri 06-Apr-12 10:11:58

Hi again World, the feeling you're getting is most likely your mind playing tricks. Not everybody gets the bad side effects. As I said, you won't know how it's going to affect you till you take it. Are you on these for anxiety?

Also, there were reasons for suggesting taking the meds in the morning. A couple of other posters found it hard to sleep on these, but did ok if they took them early on. Another thing: try to take them at roughly the same time every day.

If you still get feelings of anxiety after a couple of weeks as Oranges does, speak to your GP about adjusting the dose. This goes for feeling too spaced out too. Do not adjust the dose without medical advice In the short term, think about using Diazepam or similar as an extra aid.

You can all do this. Take the meds, and when ready, click on mine and Maryz's links to access proper online help.

Have a good Easter, leave some chocolate for me. smile

WorldOfMeh Fri 06-Apr-12 10:14:23

On them for depression/PND. smile

BustyDeLaGhetto Fri 06-Apr-12 11:49:52

Morning all, just went to the park for coffee with DP and DD - first trip out the house in 5 days. Was lovely and sunny and I felt okay - bit spacey, bit anxious but okay. DP taken DD to her grandads today so am taking advantage of that and watching a film with a family sized bag of Kettle Chips. Hope everyone feelng okay this morning.

Nicholas Thanks for your help - I was starting to worry that I might not notice any discernable difference in my anxiety and I hate the thought of living like this.

BustyDeLaGhetto Fri 06-Apr-12 11:50:59

Too many 'okay's in that paragraph!

NicholasEggcupkozy Fri 06-Apr-12 13:24:08

Well done for getting outside Busty, and you are welcome. Keep doing what you're doing, it appears to be working, and take things at your own pace.

You have my sympathy World, PND is the cruellest of illnesses. To suffer at a time you should be happy is really vile. You've made a start now to cure your brain and get you back to being you. smile

deleting Fri 06-Apr-12 17:28:01

Hi all, well done world of meh, if you do feel strange and a bit anxious remember it's normal at first, so don't panic about the panic.

Busty, well done for getting to the park. Of course you'll feel spaced out after being in the house for 5 days. I think that would happen even without meds. Four walls to wide open space.

Oops i took diazepam when breastfeeding a couple of times. Have finished now though. (bfeeding) Do you all have 5 mgs?

Yesterday was a good day really. After a lot of panic in the morning about taking another one, from about 11am i was relaxed. Actually a little bit too relaxed, was slightly zombified, but was preferable. Had a fairly good night's sleep and woke up feeling better than i have done for ages. Dp took kids to pils so had a quiet day reading and watching telly. Had some slight anxiety about an hour ago when kids came back (surprise surprise), but was snapped out of it by ds2 handing me what looked like a stone. I took it wondering where he'd got it from. After studying it, realised it was a small poop! He's potty training and keeps taking his nappy off.

I'm still thinking about the things that make me anxious but not getting anxious which is weird. I know it's still bothering me but am sort of numb. Still getting anxious about mealtimes, but not so much and have lost dry mouth and actually felt slightly hungry today. Am going to try outside tomorrow, even if it's just walking round the block. Got to start living again, need to visit parents on train and just get enjoying holidays with kids, although the thought of nat hist and science museum with anxiety probs is making me feel clammy.

NicholasEggcupkozy Fri 06-Apr-12 19:03:55

Genuine grin @ your DS2 handing you a poo! As for the numb feeling thing, that is perfectly normal and nothing to worry about. Yes to getting out, ok it will feel weird after being cooped up, but I'm willing to bet you'll enjoy a stroll either with or without your kids.

Just take things at your own pace, don't let yourself be rushed into anything you're not ready for. If you can't do the museums, then don't. Of course, you could well be feeling well enough to go, only you will know that.

To all of you: keep buggering on.

Pozzled Fri 06-Apr-12 20:25:39

Hi everyone. I hope you don't mind if I join. I've been prescribed sertraline for pnd, haven't started yet but I plan to take the first one in the morning.

I could really do with some encouragement because I feel very nervous/unsure about taking them. I feel like I should be able to snap out of it, and that I should be able to cope with life if I just worked a bit harder. Does/did anyone else feel the same? Logically I know it's the depression talking but it's hard to get past it.

I'm finding this thread very useful for knowing what to expect, and I've also been doing the MoodGym exercises, which are helping me to see how messed up my thinking has been. So at least now I feel like I'm taking the first steps.

Loopymumsy Fri 06-Apr-12 21:05:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BustyDeLaGhetto Fri 06-Apr-12 21:06:10

Hi Pozzled and welcome! I've been taking Sertaline (realised I have been calling it Setraline all through the thread!) for six days now and hope to see some real improvements soon.

Like you, I was very anxious about taking them, and really didn't want to need to take anti depressants but as I mentioned upthread an imbalance in your body is not a weakness in your mind, so don't feel as though you are 'failing' or 'giving in'. If you could just snap out of it, I'm sure you would have by now. Sometimes things are a little more complicated.

MoodGym and any other CBT type thinking is really useful and is a great tool when used with ADs, so definitely keep up with that. As Nicholas says, and as you can read from our experiences here everyone reacts to them differently so try not to anticipate anything with the side effects and know that you'll be grand. Good luck and keep posting!

NicholasEggcupkozy Fri 06-Apr-12 21:06:48

Hello Pozzled and welcome. smile Your first step was phoning your GP to make an appointment. That is your own sub-conscious talking bollocks at you yes. It's natural to feel nervous about taking these meds, mostly, IMO, due to the unfair stigma that still surrounds mental illness. When people see that the brain gets poorly too and sometimes needs medicine to help it get better is surely not far away.

I'm glad you've found this thread helpful. And it's great that you're using MoodGym. Using your online methods in conjunction with your meds will help you get better. Don't forget, we're here if you get wobbly.

NicholasEggcupkozy Fri 06-Apr-12 21:07:57

Busty said it better than me! grin

kerstina Fri 06-Apr-12 21:13:36

Hello Pozzled smile If you are interested in reading self help books I am reading Dont sweat the small stuff and am finding it helpful in my thinking.
Am really in two minds about carrying on with the anti depressant medicine i started to take a month ago it worked years ago but now i keep getting headaches and other side effects so I am going to make more of an effort to try and raise my serotinin levels naturally. I know easier said than done and probably not what this thread is about.
Good luck with the sertraline that is supposed to be one of the gentler ones I think which is good. There are lots of people on this thread who usually have great advice and words of encouragement and am sure they will be along soon . Thanks to people who responded too my post earlier in this thread.

deleting Fri 06-Apr-12 22:33:17

Thanks nicholas, i don't want to push my luck but also feel i could easily wallow in this. Need to find the right balance. I think a walk sans kids so i can just relax (and run home if need be!)

Hi pozzled. It's difficult to know what to do isn't it. Do you try to sort it out without meds / hope it will go away and risk missing out and not enjoying your new baby or take the plunge and try the meds. I had pnd with dd and basically left it to fester and now i'm having to deal it and it's a more complicated prob, so i think it's good if you can nip it in the bud.

Not sure what's going on with me. Anxiety has pretty much gone (don't want to talk too soon though) and have entered a sort of don't give a monkeys stage with a slight headache. Can,t be arsed to move off sofa and have no motivation to do anything. Am wondering if it's just me taking advantage of being on light duties (quite capable of that!) or what. Prob just knackered.

Am going for a doze. Hope everyone gets a good night's sleep.

NicholasEggcupkozy Fri 06-Apr-12 23:32:48

Sleep well Deleting. That's what I'm saying, don't push things, just keep doing what you're doing. Go out tomorrow on your own for ten minutes or so. Like I said upthread PND is evil, the cruelest of illnesses.

Kerstina, do what you think is best for you. Before you dismiss the ADs please have a word with your GP about safe ways to come off them. Good luck.

WorldOfMeh Sat 07-Apr-12 00:12:24

Just to say, thanks everyone. Failing to go to bed early like I promised myself, but have a 'day off' tomorrow, so maybe I can get a snooze during the day instead.

Funny you mention Mood Gym. I came across it when living in Australia years ago, and used to tell folk about it a lot (did CBT at the time as well). Had forgotten about it.

Hope to be more 'present' soon. It has been a fuzzy day.

Night!

Loopymumsy Sat 07-Apr-12 05:53:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorldOfMeh Sat 07-Apr-12 07:12:57

Glad you got some sleep Loopy. Sorry you feel like pants. sad

Hope you get some sleep later on when you get back.

Have had a rubbish night with my daughter, probably a couple of hours sleep in total! Just waiting for her dad to get his arse out of bed and take over for the day... so luckily I will be going back to bed. Getting my hair cut later today, so hooray for that...

deleting Sat 07-Apr-12 09:01:51

Rubbish night here too. Woke up with strange panic attack that was only in my head, no racing pulse or anxious feeling in chest, just mind racing. Difficult to describe. Opened window a bit and stood looking outside at the street to calm down. Tense and anxious. Boo

BustyDeLaGhetto Sat 07-Apr-12 09:27:38

Ack Rubbish night for me too. Had a three hour sustained anxiety attack last night - not sure if part of it is the actual panic disorder or the ADs at work. Finally fell asleep then DD woke at 5:30am, and I awoke anxious and clammy. Just had to ask DP not to go out today. I hate this. I hate it. I'm 35 years old and am having to get people to babysit me. Just about to call my ma who lives over 300 miles away to see if she can come next week when DP back at work, as don't think can cope alone.

Its horrible. I feel like I'm thinking about nothing else and just feel so on the verge of losing control or going mad. I can't bear to be around DD as feel so panicky and foggy, I hate it. I tried to remember who I used to be earlier and the things I used to enjoy and I couldn't do it. I can't remember. sad

deleting Sat 07-Apr-12 09:54:23

Oh busty, i know exactly how you feel. Mornings are the worst for me usually, i hate that feeling of waking up anxious. I was looking on my phone the other day at photos of when my life was normal. It wasn't actually that long ago but feels like a lifetime. I feel shit today as well, thought i might be improving because yesterday was fairly good. Hate the fact i can't fight it off, in this weird limbo. Hope your day improves.

keithlemonsbackdoors Sat 07-Apr-12 15:46:36

I'm in a pretty much constant state of panic still, really thought I'd be feeling better by now! Thanks for the drugs info but the health centre's shut til Tuesday now so I think i'll just have to sit it out...

Loopymumsy Sat 07-Apr-12 15:51:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deleting Sat 07-Apr-12 16:18:55

Keith (sad).
Have JUST started to calm down! My mum is coming on train. she lives 200 miles away. I'm 41 and need my mummy. Feeling very teary.

deleting Sat 07-Apr-12 16:22:04

Sorry keith. The sad smiley didn't work. Thanks loopy, looking forward to that. How was work?

BustyDeLaGhetto Sat 07-Apr-12 16:23:52

Keith Me too. sad I have just taken another quarter of Diaz and come for a lie down. My heart is pounding. Think this is my panic disorder excerbated by the ADs, and I feel so helpless. Hope you are coping alright. Distraction, distraction, distraction!

deleting My mum is coming tomorrow too. I burst into tears on the phone to her this morning and asked her to come and help me.

deleting Sat 07-Apr-12 16:36:38

Busty, that's nice that she's coming.

WorldOfMeh Sat 07-Apr-12 16:46:11

Hi everyone. Second day in, and although it may not just be the meds (I had little sleep last night) and feeling very jittery and sick and out of it. I think this is the same as a lot of you have reported?

Does it take long to pass? A bit concerned about my ability to look after my daughter properly if this is going to last for any length of time...

mumtothreeeeeeeee Sat 07-Apr-12 18:49:18

Hi everyone, wondered if I could join? I started sertraline last night and had an awful night. Was sick, upset tummy, didn't sleep all night, numb hands for a bit plus felt anxious. Really scared about taking it tonight, I might give up I'm not sure what to do. I've been in bed all day, partly because I'm so fed up but also because I feel so light headed from not eating much today. I've got no appetite. I don't know whether these side effects will settle down or if I'm really not suited to it.

How lovely that some of your mums are coming down. I am on the verge of asking mine to do the same. Would have to tell her everything though, think she'd be very upset sad

Loopymumsy Sat 07-Apr-12 19:10:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deleting Sat 07-Apr-12 22:03:39

Hi Worldofmeh. I'm day 4 and still feeling it. Not sure what's me and what's meds though.

Mumtothreeeee. Hi, i was advised to take it in the morning too. Try to give it a bit longer, we're all hoping it gets better!!

Loopy. Sorry to hear you've fallen out with your mum.

WorldOfMeh Sat 07-Apr-12 22:44:24

Thanks, deleting. Fingers crossed it starts getting better, then, eh? I don't feel quite so bad now I've had a veg out for a few hours. Don't want to be a blob, but maybe it's best to relax a bit more. Was rushing about a bit today.

Loopy- so sorry. Do you think your Mum would want to be there for you now, if you would let her? Obviously I don't know the circumstances of your fall-out, or what she's like. But if you miss her, and you aren't still angry with her, would it be possible to send her a 'Late Mother's Day' card or something?

mumtothreeeeeeeee Sun 08-Apr-12 02:40:13

Anyone else wide awake? Argh! If I takevthem in the morning, should I take it before or after breakfast?

NicholasEggcupkozy Sun 08-Apr-12 07:26:19

Hello Mumto, many people take their dose in the morning, allowing it to work during the day. I think the trick is to take it at roughly the same time every morning. As to taking them before or after food I honestly don't know.

Loopymumsy Sun 08-Apr-12 07:50:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumtothreeeeeeeee Sun 08-Apr-12 08:13:09

Thanks so much smile. I think I'm incredibly pathetic but I just don't think I can tolerate this drug. Last night I slept about 3 hrs I think and the rest of the time swayed between carrying on with the sertraline or trying to get over things naturally. I have already wrecked Easter for my family although they are being lovely.

Loopymumsy Sun 08-Apr-12 08:20:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumtothreeeeeeeee Sun 08-Apr-12 08:55:41

Thank you for the post loopy. What you say makes sense. Have just taken the second one but am very scared indeed. Some of that is my anxiety I know. Just wish I could sleep through the day!!

WorldOfMeh Sun 08-Apr-12 08:58:11

mumtothreeeee, I think we've started Sertraline at about the same time, although I started taking it in the mornings after Nicholas' advice.

I'll stick with it if you will. Feeling quite shaky and bleaurgh as well. Thanks for your words, Loopy. I know these things logically, I guess, but it helps to be told as well!

Loopymumsy Sun 08-Apr-12 09:00:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicholasEggcupkozy Sun 08-Apr-12 09:23:58

What Loopy says is right. You need to give these meds time to kick in. Mumto, being scared is natural in your situation, everything is unknown isn't it? It's hard to tell if what you're feeling is the drugs or your mind. Also, take up WorldOfMeh's kind offer of mutual support. Comparing of notes can help. Also, if you're not sleeping go to your GP on Tuesday and ask for something to calm you, as often other drugs are used to help while the Sertraline takes effect.

You can and will beat this illness. It will not be easy, nor will it be immediate. There may be times when things get on top of you, but you need to keep going and believe in yourselves.

WorldOfMeh Sun 08-Apr-12 09:28:32

Thanks, both. No bed for me unless my wee one has a nap. On my own with it today as it's her dad's 'day off' (mine yesterday) and there are things he needs to do. Hope mumto can, though! smile

mumtothreeeeeeeee Sun 08-Apr-12 09:39:43

Yes, I'm in bedsad smile! Have been since Friday night. I am pathetic and should probably get up and distract myself but just don't feel good. Feel overwhelmed by having 3 children. This is part of my problem though- I pushed and pushed for a dc3. Dh was much less keen. Feel so guilty about it now, would be so much esier with just the older two sad.

Loopymumsy Sun 08-Apr-12 09:47:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pozzled Sun 08-Apr-12 09:56:20

Mumtothreeee you are not pathetic, that is the illness talking- it's making you feel to blame. If it were any kind of physical illness that meant you had to stay in bed for a while, you wouldn't feel guilty, would you?

I know exactly what you mean though because I feel the same, as if I'm just being weak. It's so much easier to see clearly when we're talking to or about someone else, isn't it? I agree with what Loopy said about being kind to ourselves.

I've just taken my second dose, but I've decided to start with half tablets for a few days before moving to the full dose. It seems a lot less scary. And after reading the thread I decided to take them in the mornings. So far I've been ok, a little nauseous but nothing else really. I've had a couple of easy days with my DH being around- and felt like a bit of a fraud starting on ADs if I'm honest. But I'm already dreading him going back to work after the holiday.

Hi all, I've only read the first few pages and probably won't be a regular poster as I'm back to work on tues sad but just wanted to add my experience. I have 2 DCs and have had PND both times.

The first time 150mg sertraline worked for me and I was on it for about 6 months- I started on it late as I didn't realise I had PND - bad tempered and black moods rather than crying etc. I had DS 12 months ago and I recognised the symptoms when he was 6 weeks and went back on the sertraline. However, even 200mg (max dose) didn't seem to be working, so I changed to mirtazapine which made me gain loads of weight.

Anyway, I still had black moods which felt like PMT moods so I asked to go on the pill - I was put on the mini pill because of BF - and literally overnight my moods disappeared and haven't been back, 5 months on! I went back over to 150mg sertraline and that and the mini pill have kept me well. I'm due back in work on tues and a bit nervous about whether I can handle the pressure of work but I'm just gonna see how it goes.

Anyway, I wish you all the best and this is a brilliant thread, I wish I'd found it 10 months ago xxx

deleting Sun 08-Apr-12 10:44:45

Loopy. I obviously don't know your mum, but it does sound like she cares and prob thought she was doing the right thing. I don't know. I hate the idea of people knowing and being 'concerned' it makes me more anxious. Perhaps call and explain how you feel about it? It might be a relief for you both and improve your mood a bit.

Mumtothreeee. It is scary taking these meds. I was shaking when i took my second and almost stuck my fingers down my throat to get it out! Have calmed down about taking them a bit though now. I need to get better. Sleep will be disrupted for a while. I know it seems a lot to put up with when you're already low, but try to stick with it.

Well my mum came straight away. Felt much better and had a good chat. More anxiety this morning and got into a huge panic about my weight loss which is just fuelling everything. Using up so much energy being anxious that i can't put on weight and just feel desperate. Vicious circle. Kids eating choc, i'm in bed. Rubbish.

mumtothreeeeeeeee Sun 08-Apr-12 11:07:40

world of meh and pozzled amazing that we are all at exactly the same stage. You are both being very strong, well done smile. Still in bed but anxiety has gone down a bit. Just waiting for the 4 hour Mark since taking this pill-that's when I was sick after the first one sad. Have any of you got much planned in the next week or are you keeping things quiet? I don't work but am thinking I'll have to cancel a few meet ups with friends this week.

WorldOfMeh Sun 08-Apr-12 11:18:41

mumto - I wouldn't be doing a countdown to when you're 'going to be sick'! I know that's not what you mean, but I reckon you might make yourself feel worse- can you distract yourself with a book or a film?

Nothing planned particularly: we have the HV coming because the doc referred me. Hopefully she'll be able to tell me a bit about the support they have for mothers with PND, apparently there's even a creche where they will take your kids for three hours while you take a breather..! Might be a waiting list, though. We're also going to see a childminder about taking our daughter one afternoon a week, to give me time to catch up on things which have been sliding and driving me nuts. Or sleep...

Next social event is Saturday. Really hoping things will have settled down by then! I don't work either, and don't have too many friends around here (not from this area) so the upside of that is no busy social calendar. Hooray for being unpopular!

deleting Sun 08-Apr-12 11:31:05

Btw i don't want to hear anyone calling themselves pathetic (except me). We're all standing up to it and taking back control (with a little help)

deleting Sun 08-Apr-12 12:46:53

Have got a few things planned for next week, but not sure i'll be doing any of them. My neighbour has just taken the two older ones to the park for a couple of hours, so at least i don't feel so guilty about them stuck inside. Still in bed, i can cope in bed. I think too much noise and activity sets me off. How's everyone this afternoon?

mumtothreeeeeeeee Sun 08-Apr-12 13:11:41

I have got a few things planned too but not sure I'll be doing any of them. I feel lightheaded just walking to the en-suite at times. Starting to feel a bit nauseous now sad. And dh has just brought me up a sandwich bless him. Don't know whether to eat through it like morning sickness or not!

That's nice of your neighbour deleting. I hope you get some rest. How many kids have you got?

NicholasEggcupkozy Sun 08-Apr-12 13:24:19

Welcome to the thread Honeymoon, your story is fascinating. It really shows that the same problem might not be cured with an identical product.

To all of you going through this please do not describe yourselves as pathetic. You are ill: you will get better.

I think it's good that two or three of you are at a very similar stage in your treatment, as you can offer each other support/hug/hand to hold whilst knowing how the others are feeling, and have access to the same. Those further along can come and tell you things get better, and those just starting can come for help/advice.

Loopymumsy Sun 08-Apr-12 14:30:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deleting Sun 08-Apr-12 14:33:06

Mumtothreee. Have also got three. Ds1 (9) dd (5) and ds2 (3) Am having a lovely rest thanks. In fact if i could stay in this mood i'd be quite happy. Feeling upbeat. Had biscuits at 11ish, pizza for lunch and eating chocolate and i'm not even gagging or sweating over it. Mum is in bed with me!! Neighbour/friend has still got ds and dd and has taken them to a cafe for lunch. Hope you ate all your sandwich up. I've been getting the nausea and a very dry mouth so it's difficult, but keep your strength up.

deleting Sun 08-Apr-12 14:34:52

If these meds work, i'm never coming off them!! Can't go through all this again.

WorldOfMeh Sun 08-Apr-12 14:54:02

Just back in from a walk- felt stifled and sweaty indoors. Fresh air was really good, and the baby seemed to enjoy herself. Definitely still off my food and thirsty as anything (drinking seems to help) but starting to feel just a little bit better... I think?

Loopymumsy Sun 08-Apr-12 15:09:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foxeeroxee Sun 08-Apr-12 16:54:04

Hi everyone! Not posted for a day or so and have just caught up to where everyone is at! Sounds like we are all having a tough easter for one reason or another but i just think at least were all taking steps to beat these illnesses and are on that journey together.
Today has been a hard day for me...i went with my oh,mil and bil to scatter my dear dear fils ashes. He died on the 23rd dec after a very short battle with cancer. It had been sad but very cathartic at the same time. he has finally completed his journey. he was a wonderful, suppprtive man who loved his family with every inch of his being....and it is because of him that i need to find the determination to beat my mh problems.
Happy easter everyone, my positive thoughts are with you all.

Loopymumsy Sun 08-Apr-12 17:15:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foxeeroxee Sun 08-Apr-12 19:04:16

Well my positivity didnt last long. ds2 (16 weeks) has got chickenpox...caught from dd and ds1 who have both had it at separate times in the past month. so am bloody housebound again,just when i was starting to feel like i wanted to go out n take on the big bad world.
Def feel like iv taken several steps back.
Am in a cycle at mo of changing nappies and calomine lotion,ds2 has chickenpox all over his groin and bum. sad
Can see a very sleepless night in this house!!!

WorldOfMeh Sun 08-Apr-12 19:37:38

What a nightmare, foxee! Have you got support there?

Loopy - sorry to hear about the head churning. I just try to focus on my breathing when I start stressing/panicking... the physical sensations, if you know what I mean. And slow it right down, take deep breaths. Mind now boggling re: 'destructive coping mechanism'... the joys of an overactive imagination! grin

foxeeroxee Sun 08-Apr-12 19:48:55

worldof yes thankfully iv got oh at home till weds so if i need to get a bit of rest then he will take the reins so to speak. tho im hesitant to as he is still grieving for his dad.tho hes said on a number of occasions that the dc are a welcome distraction, iyswim.

deleting Sun 08-Apr-12 20:06:57

Foxee. So sorry you lost your fil. He sounds lovely. A sad day for you and chicken pox is just what you didn't need on top of that. Hope you have a quietish night

mumtothreeeeeeeee Sun 08-Apr-12 20:15:22

loopy I'm sorry your head is churning after your walk. I'm intrigued by your 'destructive coping mechanism' too. Eating out is the thing I struggle most with as my anxiety immediately effects my stomach. Alcohol is marvellous for dealing with that one!

foxee sorry to hear about the chicken pox. I hope the night is better than you hope.

I'm feeling ok but went down to eat tea with the family earlier and only made it halfway through, just feel spaced out. Had to go back to bed to finish it. I'm probably not eating enough but hard when youve got no appetite.

I'm having doubts about staying on sertraline again. I'm scared about how I'll eventually come off them and about having to tell people all about this.

foxeeroxee Sun 08-Apr-12 21:09:11

Thanks deleting he was a wonderful man n we all miss him terribly. The chickenpox can fuck right off!!! Feel like the house has been bloody germ ridden for the past month and manically cleaning hasnt done anything!
Mumto fingers are crossed for a good night here! Hope ur feeling ok. id bare with the tabs until tues n if u still feel like they dont agree with u, go to the gp n discuss it further. if u have support at home then take advantage for the next couple of days and try get some rest/find a distraction.
Hope everyone has a good night.

Loopymumsy Sun 08-Apr-12 21:25:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BustyDeLaGhetto Sun 08-Apr-12 21:30:56

Hello all, am on day seven here and a calmness of sorts has descended - I think this is only because I have support in the form of my mother for another week. She arrived today and has been fantastic.

Loopy I hope you can reach some sort of peace with your relationship with your mum in whatever form. Please try to immerse yourself in something enjoyable and veer away from your destructive coping mechanism (I think I got the pun) - stick on a film, something without much to it, something flimsy and feel good. Hot chocolate and rum. A jigsaw. Whatever makes you happy.

mumtothreeeeee I also had my doubts after my first dose of Sertaline - I only took one 50mg pill and HATED it. This is my second attempt, and am only persevering as I can't carry on as I was before. I feel for you, it makes you feel like shit but as others have said, try to look at the long term gain, distant as it seems.

Today is the first day I haven't been in bed for hours. I even went to the shop. The fuzzy headedness has made me misplace my purse though so if anyone knows where I've put it that would be aces smile

Hecubasdaughter Sun 08-Apr-12 21:50:32

Hi would it be OK for me to join? I started on Mirtazepine 6 days ago.

mumtothreeeeeeeee Mon 09-Apr-12 05:12:50

busty good to hear that things are settling down for yousmile

Ladies, I am struggling again! Just cannot sleep. Have had an hour and a half tonight. Didn't even try until midnight as I just wasn't tired. I daren't take nytol or anything as I was so sick when I did the first night. Will be phoning nhs direct today I think.

Loopymumsy Mon 09-Apr-12 05:33:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumtothreeeeeeeee Mon 09-Apr-12 06:17:44

You are awake early too loopy sad do you suffer from insomnia too? I'm sorry to be whinging so much but I just feel so poorly on top of not sleeping. My gp said most people don't get side effects from sertraline! I'm not BF anymore, no.

Loopymumsy Mon 09-Apr-12 06:51:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumtothreeeeeeeee Mon 09-Apr-12 07:28:14

Ah bless her smile. How long did you last on the mirtazapine? I get the feeling sertraline isn't suiting me!

Loopymumsy Mon 09-Apr-12 07:40:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicholasEggcupkozy Mon 09-Apr-12 08:00:20

Welcome Hec, of course you may join in! smile This is a support thread for all.

Great news about the sleeping Loopy. Last night I mean, hopefully that'll continue.

Mumto, if it isn't working for you there are others. Various people have said there is no one size fits all when it comes to treating brain imbalances.

Really chuffed you feel ok Busty, but I've no idea where you put your purse. I've had a look round, it's not here. wink grin

mumtothreeeeeeeee Mon 09-Apr-12 08:18:25

Welcome hec how are you finding the mirtazapine?

Well have spoken to a lovely nurse on nhs direct. She of course couldn't advise me as to whether to continue or not but did speak a lot about natural ways to control anxiety. I function really well apart from in the mornings and when eating out so she said it was something that was possible to get over by tweaking routines. I think she's right but it's not that easy. God what a mess! Not taken today's tablet yet.

Hecubasdaughter Mon 09-Apr-12 09:33:11

So far I feel worse. Anxiety has tripled and I feel dizzy and fuzzy headed.

foxee try calamine cream and keep it in the fridge. Let him have as much nappy free time as you can.

BustyDeLaGhetto Mon 09-Apr-12 10:10:09

mumofthreeeeeee and hec speak to your GPs tomorrow. I experienced a LOT of anxiety with the Sertaline (am having some now in fact sad ) and they gave me a very low dose of Diazepam to see me through.

hathor and keithlemon are you still about ? Any improvements to be seen? I am so up an down still, and just hoping it levels out properly soon. I wish I could guarentee myself that it will work and that all this will be worthwhile.

NicholasEggcupkozy Mon 09-Apr-12 10:11:17

Hec, I've read and posted on your thread. Talk to your CRT about your anxiety, and try to keep your compulsion under control.

BustyDeLaGhetto Mon 09-Apr-12 10:11:52

p.s mumofhtreeeeeee I actually got the Diazepam last Saturday from my Out of Hours GP - she faxed the prescription to my local pharmacy which was open on the Saturday and DP went and picked it up all within the hour. May be worth it if you're really struggling today.

WorldOfMeh Mon 09-Apr-12 11:15:25

Hullo peeps. Just checking in... went to bed a bit earlier than usual, which is something I find difficult to do. I feel better for it: the baby still woke at 4.30 but felt less shattered by it for having had an extra hour. Another small victory- she was just dozing off after her bottle at nap time when a small noise startled her, so for the first time, I put her down for her nap awake. After about 20 minutes and a couple of visits to disentangle her from her cot bars, she has fallen asleep. Hooray! (She is not a good napper.)

Still feeling a bit buzzy and odd, but not quite so much. Drinking lots of water, that does seem to be helping, and trying not to let my head take me for any walks... breaaaaathe.

Hope things start settling soon for those of you suffering with the anxiety. I guess Diazepam and anything else that can help- grab with both hands. Just keep going. <starts humming wartime ditties>

Loopyloveschocolate Mon 09-Apr-12 12:49:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catinboots Mon 09-Apr-12 13:05:37

Just marking my place. Started 50mg sertraline two weeks ago but anxiety not much better sad am due to see doc on wed xx

NicholasEggcupkozy Mon 09-Apr-12 13:58:51

It's close enough Loopy, and should be safe from stalkers.

Hi Catin, welcome to the thread. Good luck at the docs.

Great news about naptime World, you do seem much more positive than last week.

Fantastic advice from Busty too.

deleting Mon 09-Apr-12 20:35:19

www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWi6QVsW-qA

m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=GB#/watch?v=31TTcjYw0hQ

Think we could all do with some of this at the moment. Don't know how to do links.

deleting Mon 09-Apr-12 20:35:46

Or perhaps i do.

NicholasTeakozy Mon 09-Apr-12 20:59:11

You linked What Would Jello Do? Great taste.

deleting Mon 09-Apr-12 21:13:01

Oh, it's supposed to be laughter yoga on you tube. Works when i press it. First one is " laughter yoga in london " and second is "Laughing yoga man."

NicholasTeakozy Mon 09-Apr-12 21:37:06

First one for me is Laughter Yoga in London, second is What would Jello Do? and Henry Rollins. WWJD is good. I recommend highly if you like fun with your politics.

WorldOfMeh Mon 09-Apr-12 22:14:19

Hmmm. I got a list of recently watched stuff on YouTube. So, have you watched those vids recently, Nicholas?

<wanders off to watch What Would Jello Do?>

NicholasTeakozy Mon 09-Apr-12 23:23:08

Yes I have. I love the WWJD series. Mr Biafra talks about serious stuff with humour. My fault for liking Alternative Tentacles on Facebook.

Loopyloveschocolate Tue 10-Apr-12 05:36:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pozzled Tue 10-Apr-12 09:40:57

I'll have a look at the links later as well... very intrigued by the sound of WWJD?

Loopy both my DDs managed to fall off the bed when quite small- I think it's a rite of passage or something! Hope your daughter is ok now.

How are you feeling about your DH going back to work? Mine is back today just after the bank holiday and I'm feeling really low and anxious about facing the day and looking after the kids. Already panicking a little about keeping the house tidy even though we got a lot done over the weekend. I'm going out to meet a friend in a minute, which helps to keep my mind off things but it also makes me anxious because I have less time to get stuff done. confused

What does CPN mean? This is all new to me but I guess if you're feeling worse than 'normal' you should call someone.

Hope everyone else is doing ok this morning.

mumtothreeeeeeeee Tue 10-Apr-12 10:05:55

Loopy Im not sure what CPN but I second what pozzled said.

Pozzled- I hopeyour day goes well. Have a nice time with your friend.

I am still feeling rubbish. I managed to get up for an hour or so yesterday teatime but feeling very lightheaded and anxious and my body is just not letting me sleep. I stopped the sertraline on Sunday morning after only 2 doses. Just been to see a different GP who said yes, I'm absolutely not suited to it. She has put me on 10mg citalopram instead. I am terrified (and told her so) about starting more medication after the sertraline being so awful and feel pressured to get over it without medication. But she did reassure me and so I'll start on the citalopram tomorrow. I'm just so scared about things, I feel so unlike the old me. I don't know how all this happened sad sad

NicholasTeakozy Tue 10-Apr-12 10:31:30

What Would Jello Do?

Morning all. Mumto it's perfectly natural to be worried about taking meds. Finding the right treatment is key to you getting the old you back.

Loopy, good idea if you're worried about coping.

Pozzled, CPN is Community Psychiatric Nurse. Don't worry about the house getting messy, It Doesn't Matter. Go and meet your friend, it's more important than cleaning. smile

Loopyloveschocolate Tue 10-Apr-12 11:14:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorldOfMeh Tue 10-Apr-12 11:53:59

Happy Tuesday everyone...

Bit more of a rubbish day, so far. Woke up feeling like I'm coming down with something, and have tried and failed to put baby down for a nap. Was trying picking up/putting down, but I think I misjudged how upset she was getting, and in the end my partner just went and got her up. (He works from home.)

Feel really crappy about it. sad

Took meds a bit late. Feeling clammy, but that's possibly just the bug. Weather crap, so don't fancy taking the baby out a walk...

Gah.

You're sounding brighter, Loopy. smile

deleting Tue 10-Apr-12 12:26:34

pozzled - don't bother about housework, it really should be very low down the list of things you need to worry about. Having a nice day will do you the world of good and cleaning will wear you out.

Mumtothreeeee. i hope the new meds suit you better. my dad has been on them and liked them. (what a family!)

Loopy, glad you're feeling more upbeat.

Worldofmeh, try not to feel crappy about it, it's difficult to judge when you're so distracted.. At least you're still getting involved. I've avoided mine for the last couple of days!! I've been clammy since i started on these. really sweaty hands and feet. yuk.

Well, the last two days have been much better. Have slept much better and woken without the tingling sensation of anxiety and have been quite relaxed (mainly because i've been in bed relaxing and my mum has basically taken over, which has just taken the pressure of). Am going back home with her on the train this afternoon with the kids, so will have a nice few days in the countryside. Feeling a bit more optimistic. got test results back from doctor for everything i was worried i'd got and a general MOT test and they came back normal, so that's a big relief. Might be offline for a few days, but will try to check in to see how everyone is getting on. Nervous about train journey, haven't been out of the house for so long.

mumtothreeeeeeeee Tue 10-Apr-12 13:01:13

loopy you do sound like you're relieved to have dh back to work and that you're coping brilliantly.

worldofmeh I hope you're feeling bettter really soon

Ladies, just listening to you makes me realise how 'not right' I am. There is no way I could cope without my dh- he will probably have to take the week off. And I couldn't take a baby out for a walk either. I am still pretty much in bed most of the time. This is since Friday night!! Feel spaced out and when I do go downstairs I just feel really crap, the childn just drain me. Even when they come upstairs to see me I feel worn out after 5 minutes. When I go down they think I'm better and start the 'can we do this, that and the other this afternoon?' All the things we normally do together sad. Am also feeling really anxious all the time, can't bear it at times. This can't be the sertraline still in my system can it? I was never this anxious before taking these tablets but can't believe it's still affecting me. Just don't know what to do.

mumtothreeeeeeeee Tue 10-Apr-12 13:04:10

Just need a bl***y good cry but something about having anxiety stops me, so strange. sad

NicholasTeakozy Tue 10-Apr-12 13:05:06

World, hope you feel better soon.

Deleting, like Loopy you seem more positive than even a couple of days ago, which is great. smile I reckon a change of scenery will do you good. We'll still be here when you get back.

mumtothreeeeeeeee Tue 10-Apr-12 17:04:10

I'm sorry to have been so me, me, me earlier. Have managed a trip out with the family this afternoon. A nice walk and then found a quiet cafesmile. Just collected the citalopram for tomorrow.

Deleting- I hope you have a lovely break away smile

NicholasTeakozy Tue 10-Apr-12 18:37:21

Good to see you went out this afternoon Mumto, that's a positive. Don't worry about whingeing, that's partly why this thread is here. Let's hope Citalopram is the drug that works for you. smile

foxeeroxee Tue 10-Apr-12 18:43:21

deleting hope you have a nice break!
mumto dont have to say sorry...thats what this thread is for.if you feel like crap n want a rant,then do! When you have a good day, rant about that as well. btw im on citalopram(20mg) and in the past has worked well not quite sure this time and hope it agrees with u.
loopy glad to hear you sounding so positive....i know what you mean about oh. i feel the same about mine, hes a brilliant father and hands on but i think sometimes he does it because he doesnt think im capable/stable enough to cope. though im probably been paranoid.
Well iv had an energetic 2days....i honestly dont know why. i had a bloody cake in the oven at 8.25am yesterday confused and have not been able to stop. feel like my blood is rushing round my body and i cant sit still. oh took dd and ds1 for a walk as i apparently made him feel a bit nervous with how i was 'buzzing round the house' whatever that means. ds2 still has chickenpox but is coping really well, bless him.
Anyway im confused as to where/what this energy is?!? Iv been sat down for probs 10mins and am already trying to think of something to do. i was wanting to sort clothes out for a car boot but dc just gone to bed so thats out of the question. iv cleaned everywhere and now im starting to worry myself....

Phew what a long post!
blush

foxeeroxee Tue 10-Apr-12 18:45:31

deleting hope you have a nice break!
mumto dont have to say sorry...thats what this thread is for.if you feel like crap n want a rant,then do! Were all here to listen.When you have a good day, rant about that as well. btw im on citalopram(20mg) and in the past has worked well not quite sure this time and hope it agrees with u.
loopy glad to hear you sounding so positive....i know what you mean about oh. i feel the same about mine, hes a brilliant father and hands on but i think sometimes he does it because he doesnt think im capable/stable enough to cope. though im probably been paranoid.
Well iv had an energetic 2days....i honestly dont know why. i had a bloody cake in the oven at 8.25am yesterday confused and have not been able to stop. feel like my blood is rushing round my body and i cant sit still. oh took dd and ds1 for a walk as i apparently made him feel a bit nervous with how i was 'buzzing round the house' whatever that means. ds2 still has chickenpox but is coping really well, bless him.
Anyway im confused as to where/what this energy is?!? Iv been sat down for probs 10mins and am already trying to think of something to do. i was wanting to sort clothes out for a car boot but dc just gone to bed so thats out of the question. iv cleaned everywhere and now im starting to worry myself....

Phew what a long post!
blush

foxeeroxee Tue 10-Apr-12 18:59:59

Fuck it. am off to bake smile am sure oh thinks im barking mad but i just cant sit still.

Loopyloveschocolate Tue 10-Apr-12 19:27:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foxeeroxee Tue 10-Apr-12 19:49:51

yes loopy restlessness and agitation covers exactly how i feel. cake is in the oven and am trying to sit for a few mins. oh is watching game of thrones and am sat here thinking theres too much tits and arse nudity that adds sod all to the story.
Literally feel like i could explode. sad angry
Hows your day been loopy?
Sound like you're tired!

Loopyloveschocolate Tue 10-Apr-12 20:12:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foxeeroxee Tue 10-Apr-12 20:56:34

At least you can see improvments loopy that is a positive.it is very tiring trying to find that balance isnt it? Hopefully you will have a good night and get some rest.
<crosses fingers>
Definitly know what you mean though with feeling like you are 2 people...i think thats why iv got so much restless energy ifyswim.i think i may be overcompensating the whole 'trying to act normal' and am ending up looking as mad as a box of frogs
Btw have some cake grin
<hands out slices of cake>

WorldOfMeh Tue 10-Apr-12 21:10:03

Did someone say something about cake..?

foxeeroxee Tue 10-Apr-12 21:26:23

Oh yes iv got an abundance of energy which has resulted in me manically baking. grin
There is enough for everyone worldof

Loopyloveschocolate Tue 10-Apr-12 21:49:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorldOfMeh Tue 10-Apr-12 22:08:51

grin I like cake...

See y'all in the morning. Trying for an early night: sleep well everyone...

Loopyloveschocolate Wed 11-Apr-12 05:13:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foxeeroxee Wed 11-Apr-12 06:53:27

Banana cake?!? Not a bloody chance!
Oh dear loopy another early morning? Is the spinning a side effect of the ads? Hope you have a good day.
Well i fell into bed last night feeling exhausted from racing around during the day.Couldnt get to sleep because i once again felt like my blood was rushing round my body confused got up for a bit and then ds1 and ds2 decided to take it in turns to wake throughout the night.
Feel so tired but still unable to 'chill out'. I dont know what to do. other than do more cleaning/baking blush

Loopyloveschocolate Wed 11-Apr-12 06:56:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foxeeroxee Wed 11-Apr-12 07:07:15

Ooo another shopper! Iv really had to rein myself in with the internet shopping. Last week i decided to order the dc a new slide...it arrived the day after and promptly pissed it down. angry oh set it up in the room though!
I suppose i need to find a less expensive distraction.

WorldOfMeh Wed 11-Apr-12 07:29:32

So, how many days has everyone been taking their meds for? I've had 5 so far, taking the 6th later with breakfast.

Still feeling clammy and a bit flu-ey/edgy this morning, but not horrific (at this moment, anyway!). Baby slept through- mainly because she didn't nap much yesterday- we're trying a new routine with her, and she Doesn't Approve. Yesterday was definitely not great- had to go and crash at one point as was on the point of collapse, but luckily my partner was able to take over.

Loopy - poor you, that really is an early start! Have you been given anything like Diazepam or sleeping tabs to help you sleep better? Although, I guess if you co-sleep, that wouldn't be a great idea. <not helpful>

I like that shopping can be blamed on the meds. I bought a silicone bib online yesterday for a whole 8 quid- sheer decadence. Will blame it on the ads. wink

Loopyloveschocolate Wed 11-Apr-12 07:41:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorldOfMeh Wed 11-Apr-12 09:58:17

If you are waking in the night and worrying, my top tip is to have an ipod by the bed. I find that if I listen to documentaries on it, it stops me from lying there stressing out about all the usual stuff, and I'm more likely to drop off and sleep well.

BustyDeLaGhetto Wed 11-Apr-12 10:24:01

I'm on day 10 or 11, I'm not sure which without looking at the calendar. If I'm honest I feel like shit. I called the GP yseterday after having a panic attack the size of Texas in the street while trying to pick up DD's prescription (its a 10 minute walk from home) and asking her if this was normal. She assures me it is just a side effect and to keep going, using the Diazepam as and when I need it. Still can't cope with DD alone, having my mum is here is brilliant and DP is taking next week off (hopefully) as compassionate leave - can't bear being babysat like this but feel is the only way I can get through. Sick of it, though. Anxiety has increased and with it the gloom. Hope this abates soon, feel like I might go mad!

deleting Wed 11-Apr-12 10:57:47

mumtothreeee. "Ladies, just listening to you makes me realise how 'not right' I am. There is no way I could cope without my dh".

I couldn't/can't cope either, that's why dh had to take time off and why my mum had to come down because dh had to go back to work. I wasn't functioning at all. couldn't cope with having the kids around with all the noise and just wanted to be on my own in bed. I think if you can, just pass over all responsibilities to someone else for a while while you rest. the added pressure of feeling like you have to hurry to get well makes it all worse. I know how much anxiety and depression can make you feel physically ill because yesterday morning when I had to call up the dr for my results i was dry retching, felt so weird, spaced out and faint and could hardly put one foot in front of the other. My face was as white as a sheet. When I got the results and they said everything fine it all just stopped. Not to say it didn't come back, but nowhere near as bad, but it just proves how powerful these feeling are and how they can physically affect you.

mumtothreeeeeeeee Wed 11-Apr-12 20:23:35

Is there any cake left? Chocolate just isn't cutting it this Easter, think I have the dry mouth symptom as well!

I started the citalopram this morning and no major effects so farsmile. Feel a bit spinny but not too bad. Also had a good CBT session so a better day all in all.

busty I can so relate to your post. I bl**dy hate panic attacks. I hope today has been a better day. Glad you have got some good support. If I cant pull myself together a bit soon I might have to rope my mum in to help.

Hope everyone has had a good day

WorldOfMeh Wed 11-Apr-12 21:49:47

Millionaire's shortbread do you, mumtothree? Saved some from earlier...

Re: physical effects of anxiety/depression... yeah. I should have got to doc's a long time ago, really, but I had a day back at the beginning of January where I just hit a wall. It was like all these synapses fired all at once in my brain and I just lay on the couch and couldn't move any more. Genuinely couldn't, as in paralysed. After a while I was able to whisper if I really, really put in some effort. Our flatmate is a psych nurse, so I was able to answer some yes/no questions. I think I said I needed hospitalising, but they basically (my partner and him) decided against it between them, and just put me in bed for two days. My partner had to take time off work. I just slept and drifted in and out for that time. Maybe it was partly exhaustion: I get alternate nights off since then, and a day off on the weekend, and I haven't had a repeat.

Shattered now, really feel slug-like. Took baby to a free creche the HV told me about. There's a cafe, so I left her for half an hour to see how she got on. She didn't care that I wasn't there at all. This is stupid of me, I know, but I'm a bit worried now that my mothering is so bad that she has got used to me being 'absent' somehow, and that she liked being with other people better! We are also looking at using a childminder for one afternoon a week to get her used to being looked after, and give us some space/get some bloody cleaning done (!). Better get over it, then- suppose I should be pleased, really. sad

Definitely feeling like there's a time around 5 where everything gets a bit weirder somehow. Like I'm made out of melty rubber or something. Anyone else have a 'weird' time of day?

Busty: keep with it. I'm sure it isn't fun being 'babysat', but your family obviously loves you and want to do what they can for you- so let them.

Sleep well, everyone...

Loopyloveschocolate Wed 11-Apr-12 22:48:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BustyDeLaGhetto Thu 12-Apr-12 09:42:50

Hi all, I had a much better day yesterday - less anxious, a little more active then I have been the last few days. Went to the park with ma and DD but had to leave as panic started to rise and the Diazepam had made me spacey and a bit floaty. I walked home slowly though, and forced myself to take a few wrong turns to avoid dashing straight home. I feel so frustrated, this is all such a backward step for me - I felt like this six months ago and felt as though I was managing it with CBT and stuff - now the pills have made me anxiety spin wildly out of control I feel like I'm back to square one, hiding at home.

Is there any way I can help myself here ? My ma says I ought to not put myself under further pressure to 'get out' and just wait for pills to start working. I am of the opinion that the longer I stay indoors the more housebound I'll become (despite being determined not to be IYSWIM). Any ideas ?

Mumtothree Glad the meds have improved - I don't think its unusual to have to sift through to find one which works for you so best of luck

Loody Productive is good! I baked a flapjack yesterday and dis some craft stuff with DD - I even made playdoh on the stove for her, and that felt good.

deleting Your post reflects almost entirely how I feel, and you're right. Pressure to 'get better' does make things harder, doesn't it ?

Meh My weird time of day is now, about an hour after I take my pill. Jittery, tense and anxious. Think some of that is partly psychological. It seems to fade and by tea time I seem to perk up a little usually. I have a good friend coming over today to take DD to the park for me - I'm starting to worry that DD will think I don't love her anymore as we used to do everything together! <dramatic>

BustyDeLaGhetto Thu 12-Apr-12 09:43:43

Loody LOOPY, obv.

mawbroon Thu 12-Apr-12 09:48:27

Hi, can I join? I am taking Lofepramine as I am struggling with post psychotic depression. It is having some strange side effects. The worst one is that I don't feel hungry at all, ever. I can go all morning without eating and still not be hungry. No rumbling tummy, no feeling shaky or faint. It's really weird and I have to think about how much I've had to eat and guess if it's enough or not. When I do eat, I don't enjoy it anywhere near as much as I did before.

I've only been three weeks on these tablets and am going back to the doc on tues, so I might ask to try another one because this is a horrible side effect.

Loopyloveschocolate Thu 12-Apr-12 13:52:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumtothreeeeeeeee Thu 12-Apr-12 14:08:12

meh loopy is right. Your dd must be very secure smile. My dc have been like this on the whole which is a pleasant surprise as I never wanted to leave my mum's side as a child!

busty glad you had a better day and hope today is just as good. I agree with you and deleting about the awful pressure to get better quicksad.

Welcome mawbroon, I haven't got much appetite either but am having to force myself to eat properly as by bedtime I get a grumbling tummy and this makes nightime nausea worse.

As for me, I had blood tests last week and had to speak the gp about them today. He says I have high thyroid T3 levels. Apparently the symptoms of this include anxiety!!!, sudden panic disorder, diarrhoea, being clammy, sweaty and not sleeping well. He wants me to go in and have an examination then will probably refer me to a specialist. I don't know what to think, I never thought there would be a physical cause even though all this anxiety is really not me. confused

poppypops Thu 12-Apr-12 14:32:58

Hi all, can I join too? Been on sertraline 50mg for 6 weeks for post natal illness, mainly anxiety and insominia. My little boy is 10 weeks old. Have been having a rough time but over the past 10 days. Thought I was having a reaction to the meds, tiredness, dizzy spells, off balance, nauseous, headache but saw a doctor yesterday and I have infected sinusitis.

Feeling relieved as I honestly thouht I was going mad and turning into a hypercodriac.

Has anyone else found that they feel low and anxious when unwell? X

NicholasTeakozy Thu 12-Apr-12 15:15:47

Welcome Maw and Poppy.

Maw, I think you're right to ask for a different drug. Loss of appetite is quite scary on top of everything else.

Poppy, I know from experience how bad sinusitis is, so have a (((hug))). When I am ill I do feel low and a bit anxious too, so you're not on your own.

Busty, Loopy is right. Just take a quick walk round the block, nothing too heavy, this is not going to beat you.

Mumto, it's interesting but not entirely surprising that your mental state could indeed have been altered by a physical ailment. See how you feel once they start treating your thyroid imbalance, it may be that you feel better mentally too. Don't ffs feel bad if you don't though, just carry on with your meds as you are now.

foxeeroxee Thu 12-Apr-12 15:22:14

Good luck with the appointment mumto hopefully you can get some answers!
Hi to mawbroom and poppy hope you can get some support from this thread.

Well im still very very restless,though i think the dc are enjoying all the baking grin so far we have made 2 cakes,a fridge cake, cookies,cheese straws and a trifle. blush We ran out of stuff this morning so dragged all 3 dc to the shop for more supplies. Between baking stuff I am sorting out junk clutter for a car boot sale and cleaning cupboards at the same time. I have so much energy its scaring me.
Last night i was trying to sit down for a bit and couldnt.I ended up in the garden digging up weeds blush (wtf?!?)
Oh and i have also alphabatised my and the kids dvds.
Has anyone else experienced this and what have you done to stop it?
I feel like if i stop i am going to explode.
And i feel that my constant racing around is going to have an ill effect on my dc.... sad

poppypops Thu 12-Apr-12 15:49:20

Thanks for your warm welcome guys. Have had similar restless feelings Foxeeroxee, with me however it was intentional. I had to constantly keep busy to stop myself overthinking things. I suffered with anxiety after my first child and that was my way of running away from my thoughts. Think I had an element of OCD too which didn't help matters. It is exhausting sad.

Pleased this thread exists. It is nice to of load to others who are going through a similar tough time.I feel really guilty about my constant need for reassurance from friends and family. I must be driving them to drink at this stage.

Loopyloveschocolate Thu 12-Apr-12 18:47:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mawbroon Thu 12-Apr-12 20:19:49

Thanks for the welcome. I recognise some of the feelings that you are talking about, I swing through all sorts of stuff. Feeling hopeless, everything is too much effort, getting restless and a bit panicky sometimes. When I feel a bit restless, I really get worried that it is the psychosis returning. I always thought I would recognise it, but I realise now that it may be completely different because I am medicated.

My appointment is on Tuesday, but I will have to check out the drugs in breastmilk website because I know the gp will probably say there are no other drugs that I can breastfeed with, which I know is crap, so if I do my homework first he might listen to me.

Loopyloveschocolate Thu 12-Apr-12 20:26:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poppypops Fri 13-Apr-12 12:52:01

Afternoon all, I really need someone to give me a good kick. Driving myself mad looking up symptoms of everything under the sun. I mentioned that I have infected sinus and have been feeling unwell with that. Now I have infected wisdom tooth that the dentist has cleaned but thinks I need stronger antibiotics than the amoxicillin that I am on for the sinus infection, day 3 now. Problem is you can't breastfeed and take the stronger antibiotics so I am holding off until tomorow to see how I respond to the amoxicilin.

Feel so horible and miserable. Don't want to stop feeding but feel awful with my collective problems. Can't decide what to do. sad

Does anyone know if it is ok to take ibprofen whilst on serraline? Have been having paracetmol but obviousy not strong enough.

Worried that I am now on so many meds that I am having symptoms of serotonin syndrome. I am officially mad! I know I don't have the main symptoms but my anxiety overrides logic.

Sorry to be self indulgent today. Hope everyone is well x x

NicholasTeakozy Fri 13-Apr-12 13:42:44

Don't apologise chuck. You're ill. You're allowed to moan on this thread. I'm not sure about mixing ibuprofen with your ADs, but they're ok while breastfeeding. Go to your GP and see about Lorazepam and use that in the short term. I put an explanation as to why that and not Diazepam upthread somewhere. Try to be kind to yourself and focus on getting better. You will do this. smile <- Smile of encouragement.

mawbroon Fri 13-Apr-12 15:26:16

Does anybody have any advice? I have been having horrible side effects from Lofepramine and think I should change to another AD, but I am not sure whether to get the GP to change it or wait until i see the psychiatrist.

I was under the intensive home treatment team for several weeks with my psychosis, and they signed me off at the end of Jan. I feel like I have been dumped by them, and have had a really long wait with no support until my new patient appointment which is at the end of this month. I got ADs from my GP, but I don't know whether to get the GP to prescribe me something else now, or wait another two weeks to see the psych who presumably would know more about it than the GP.

I have an appoinment on tuesday, but if I wait til I see the psychiatrist in 2 weeks, then the GP appointment would just be a case of asking for a repeat prescription. I don't know what to do. Has anyone changed ADs? Is it like going back to the beginning and having to wait 2-4 weeks for them to kick in?

mawbroon Fri 13-Apr-12 15:27:53

poppypops, can you really not breastfeed on the stronger antibiotics?

check here Lactmed

NicholasTeakozy Fri 13-Apr-12 15:50:02

Afternoon Mawbroon, certainly raise your concerns with your GP. He or she will be able to switch you to a different medication if your side effects are so extreme. Don't suffer. If necessary go to your local unit to see if they can help.

Poppy, looking at the Lactmed report for Metronidazole it appears safe to take while breastfeeding. I took this for an abscess and it works quickly. A word of warning: don't drink alcohol on this stuff, another use for it is for aversion therapy in alcoholics. Basically these plus booze equals projectile vomiting.

foxeeroxee Fri 13-Apr-12 18:22:59

Hi! Hope everyone is ok? Sounds like your all still having a tough time.
maw id deff talk to your gp regarding side effects, ads dont have the same effectiveness for everyone.
Well im still pretty much the same...
Restlessness, cant sit still, too much energy, cant sleep, cant stop sorting, cleaning and trying to control things....
Im scared now because this isnt depression is it?!? I was up at 3,30am mopping the kitchen floor, oh woke up and had to prise it from my hands. I have low level ocd which presents itself in sorting,ordering things,boxes with labels on, i suppose quite stereotypical ocd traits bit i have never been like this.
I feel erratic and like im trying to jump out of my body.
I think oh is getting very scared and has mentioned taking time off work, but just cant afford it and plus im a lot more productive when hes not here. blush

foxeeroxee Fri 13-Apr-12 18:24:15

Oh dear that just looks like a incoherent ramble.
blush

Loopyloveschocolate Fri 13-Apr-12 19:14:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorldOfMeh Fri 13-Apr-12 22:03:22

Aw no, Loopy! I know how you feel. It's a horrible feeling, isn't it? It's hard, but try not to beat yourself up- accidents happen sometimes, and she's ok. <passes Loopy some Green & Black's posh chocolate and a glass of wine>

Welcome, poppypops and mawbroon.

mawbroon - you must be Scottish, right? Random fact- I am distantly related to the guy who came up with The Broons- found this out recently. <feeble brag emoticon>

Nothing much to report here... just feeling increasingly tired and 'rubbery' at times during the day. Went to dentist today, had to take baby as partner had work emergency, so she got to watch the torture from her buggy. Friday the 13th... seemed appropriate somehow.

Off to bed, in case it makes a difference tomorrow- lots on, and much Pretending Not To Be Barking to be done... sleep well, everyone.

toptramp Fri 13-Apr-12 22:29:27

I've been taking Citalopram for almost a week and I do feel calmer, I drive better and more patient with dd. I do still feel like my life is fucked up though. sad But on balance I feel better about my life being fucked up!

poppypops Sat 14-Apr-12 17:35:22

Afternoon everyone,

Loopy, hope you are feeling better today. Accidents happen, we have all been there! Thanks for the offer of looking up hale book re metronidazole. Have spoken to friend GP and pharmacist and both advised not to combine feeding and tablets. Took the plunge and have started the antibiotics as not feeling any better today sad.

Going to formula feed and continue to express in the hopes that I can return to breast feeding in 5 days. It is going to be a complete pain in the neck and time consuming but I have to give it a go. Don't want to give myself another reason to beat myself up down the line if I don't try. Silly I know but never established feeding with my first child due to my stupid anxiety and panic attacks and it was a huge source of guilt for me. This time round I wanted to prove to myself I could do it and I have been really enjoying it sad

How are you today Foxee? You sound like you are really struggling at the moment. Have you told your doctor about this 'jump out of your body' feeling? It could be a side effect of your meds?

Loopyloveschocolate Sat 14-Apr-12 19:05:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicholasTeakozy Sat 14-Apr-12 19:32:00

Poppy, if you read the link I posted yesterday at 15.50 that shows Metronidazole as being safe for breastfeeding. As is Ibuprofen. If th Amoxycillin isn't cutting it go to OOH doctor and get some better stuff.

Welcome Toptramp, looks like you might have found the right drug first time! That's a good thing.

Copied and pasted from the Lactmed page for Metronidazole as my link has timed out:-

'Sixteen newborn breastfed infants (aged 0 to 22 days) of mothers receiving 200 mg or 400 mg of oral metronidazole 3 times daily reportedly suffered no observable adverse reactions during the 9 days of the study.[10]

A case of diarrhea and secondary lactose intolerance was possibly caused by metronidazole in breastmilk transmitted to the infant in the early neonatal period.[13]'

It infers that stools may be looser, and in a total case study of 51 there was one case of oral thrush that might have been caused by the drug. I'd say it's pretty safe.

mumtothreeeeeeeee Sat 14-Apr-12 21:17:30

Hi everyone, I hope you have all had reasonable days. I only lasted two days on my citalopram, I wasn't finding it too bad tbh but have since been diagnosed as hyperthyroidism. Since a major symptom of this seems to be anxiety and panic and generally feeling rubbish, I have taken myself off the meds and will be seeing an endocrinologist in a couple of weeks. Hopefully things will improve once I start treatment, I think the anxiety has lessened already tbh now that I know the reason why it's occurring.

Just wanted to post this as I have been really shocked that there's a physical reason for my problems. Most GP's have just diagnosed post partum anxiety. Make sure you all get your thyroids checked if you haven't already.

NicholasTeakozy Sat 14-Apr-12 22:09:46

Good luck Mumto, we're on your side. I said upthread somewhere I hoped this was the physical cause of your problem. Or words to that effect. Let's hope that is the case. smile

mumtothreeeeeeeee Sat 14-Apr-12 22:29:14

Thank you NT smile I really hope so too.

busty have you had your thyroid checked? Just found a thread of yours from last month and you sound very like me.

BustyDeLaGhetto Sun 15-Apr-12 17:14:58

Hi mumto its funny you mention that as I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and was going to ask them to check my thyroid then. The panic attacks have been going on for such a long time but its only recently that all the anxiety feels as though it has spiralled out of control.

Its been two weeks for me today since starting ADs and not much change sad - I'm still very on edge and anxious, with prolonged periods of high anxiety. Going to docs tomorrow to see if I need to up the dose or change the meds. DP is off this week as I still don't feel able to look after DD by myself - too anxious. It is her second birthday on Thursday and I'd really like to be able to get to the park for her.

mumtothreeeeeeeee Sun 15-Apr-12 18:24:20

I'm glad you are going to ask at your appointment busty. It's only when I saw a different GP that he thought to check. I never thought it would come to anything. This new GP said the blood tests are costly and that's why the others probably didn't do it. So be prepared to insist if you have to, tell them about your quality of life etc.

You sound like you have a very supportive dh smile. Mine is too though he really needs to get some work done this week, he's going to stay at home tomorrow though and see how I cope. I've been very anxious today too sad. I hope you all have a good day for dd's birthday. Totally with you with the feelings. It is dc2's birthday soon and I am dreading it. Nothing organised yet but at the moment I couldn't cope with a party, even a simple soft-play one.

Loopyloveschocolate Sun 15-Apr-12 19:08:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorldOfMeh Sun 15-Apr-12 21:08:05

Hey all: checking in v. quickly while Mr. World takes the dog out.

Had quite a busy weekend socialising with the baby. Awkward as I do feel a bit mentally disjointed, but it does use up the time, so that's good. And she seemed to enjoy herself.

Not sure if the Sertraline is working or not, tbh. My symptoms were atypical, possibly- but not like anxiety as I would think of it, or a consistent deep depression. More sudden dips and rages, against a backdrop of feeling crappy and feeling I wasn't coping. Does that even make sense?!

Anyway, I suppose, I am a bit more 'flatline' at the moment, like I veer back somehow from thinking about the things that would normally bring me crashing down. Like a rubber duck: plastic, hollow and buoyant. (Or maybe I'm just bloody tired and feeling a bit surreal!)

Loopy - sorry if I am prying, but why can't you speak to your husband- why do you feel your shutters need to be down with him? Is there anyone who you can confide in in RL?

mumto - good news. Hope you are feeling much better soon, with the right treatment. smile

Loopyloveschocolate Sun 15-Apr-12 21:28:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorldOfMeh Sun 15-Apr-12 21:37:12

You're not rubbish- not at all! It's just that you seem somehow angry with him. And so I wondered how you were doing for RL support, because I have no idea how I would manage without it- and I only have one child!

Anyway, have some virtual cake.. hope things ease up for you soon.

Loopyloveschocolate Sun 15-Apr-12 22:06:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicholasTeakozy Mon 16-Apr-12 08:06:02

To those of you who are here through PND there is a webchat tomorrow. This link gives all the information. It's on at 1pm. If you can, follow along or join in. smile

Loopyloveschocolate Mon 16-Apr-12 21:49:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mawbroon Tue 17-Apr-12 13:26:51

Had my docs appointment today. He thinks the psychiatrist will change my meds so we decided just to stay on the same one til my appointment next week. He increased the dose, so hopefully that will help.

It was the same doc who came to the house when I was psychotic. He asked how much I could remember of his visit. I can remember it all sad it was awful. I wouldn't believe that he was a real doctor and ended up calling the police because he wouldn't leave and I was hysterical, convinced he was an alien. I wish that the whole psychosis was a blur, but unfortuantely I can remember it all in clear detail.

Irishexile Tue 17-Apr-12 19:07:22

Hi there, been lurking for a bit, having started on sertraline 2 weeks ago for pnd. Initially had bad tummy but that passed after a couple of days and I felt so much better, just like myself, and not overwhelmed/anxious/exhausted as I've been over the last while. Last couple of days have been really hard work though. I saw go today for check up and am seeing her again in a week to check if low mood means mess need upping. My baby (DS) is 6 months old and has been sleeping 10-6 since Easter Sunday, but I'm still exhausted and need to nap for an hour or 2 every day if possible. Am giving myself a hard time about that and really relate to comments about pressure to feel better. Hmm.

Right DD needs to get put to bed, so will check in later. Cheers all- this thread is ace.

Irishexile Tue 17-Apr-12 19:07:57

Sorry- mess, not mess.

Irishexile Tue 17-Apr-12 19:08:24

Aaagh for auto correct on iPad! meds

WorldOfMeh Tue 17-Apr-12 19:31:37

Hullo folks... and welcome, Irishexile.

Is anyone feeling substantially better on medication? I seem to be having a bad day, but then I slept badly (restless baby) and we have had some crap news that has messed up our carefully made plans, so perhaps I shouldn't expect any different!

Just feel tired and flat and boring all the time. Found myself thinking along 'suicide as a sensible solution' lines again today. My life just doesn't make any sense to me, I feel like it's such a mess and I am such a pointless, not particularly good or interesting person that there isn't much to be gained by carrying on with it.

I don't mean to be dramatic with this, honestly. It's a rational discussion I was having with myself, not an emotional one, if you see what I mean?

Of course, the problem is that I have a baby to consider, and I wouldn't want her or my partner to suffer... but I am angry at myself now for having had her, because it means I am stuck here, and I struggle to have enough energy and enthusiasm to be a good mother to her.

I don't even know if this is depression or postnatal depression as such, or what difference it makes one way or another. I just feel like I have been, and always will be hobbled by it, no matter how hard I try.

Argh. Sorry for rambling... but there are some things I can't say to my partner, I guess.

NicholasTeakozy Tue 17-Apr-12 19:46:19

Hi Irish and welcome. smile It sounds like you've found the right meds for you and the dose might need adjusting. Don't forget, you're at the beginning of a campaign to make you better. Don't worry about needing a nap during the day.

Mawbroon, it's good you're open with your GP, it really is the best way. I suggest you write down the negative and positive things your meds are causing you to feel instead of just relying on memory. Fingers crossed for your appointment next week.

NicholasTeakozy Tue 17-Apr-12 19:56:09

WorldOfMeh, just read your post. You do realise that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem don't you? Your partner would be devastated should you go through with it.

The best thing you can do for your DD is to stay alive and get better.

Feeling flat and tired is how XW felt on her ADs, so she got them changed. Maybe you could discuss it with your GP.

Irishexile Tue 17-Apr-12 20:12:58

I was thinking today that I'm a rubbish mother, and that my 2 deserve better, but then I look at them and realise that they're happy little souls, and (hopefully) are oblivious about how much effort it takes me to get through a day. I'm trying to focus on the fact that even when struggle to get through the day it's not obvious to everyone else, whether that's my kids, GP, friends, inlaws.

Meh- I'm with you on not being sure if this is pnd or 'normal' depression- it feels like it's been building for maybe a year. Maybe it doesn't matter if it's pnd? The main thing is to get better. And feeling like it's hard work is all part of the illness, isn't it? And that means it won't last forever. Hang in there, your LO and DP need you and love you.

deleting Tue 17-Apr-12 21:36:16

Irish i think i'm feeling the same as you. Last week was good. Went home with my mum and felt absolutely fine. Thought it was all sorted. Got back on saturday and feel i'm going downhill again. It's as if i've got used to them already and i'm going backwards. Went to dr who suggested another type, but am loathe to start all over again, so am giving it another week to see if it's just a phase. Feel tired and low and can't be bothered to do much. Woke up this morning feeling dizzy and anxious. Dr said feeling dizzy wasn't a side effect of meds, but it says so on leaflet. Maybe was anxiety.

Worldofmeh. Suicidal thoughts can be a side effect of the meds. It's one you really don't want so please see your gp. All these feelings are temporary as nicholas said.

Had to call dp this morning to come home, was in state with dizziness and felt very anxious. Perked up in the afternoon and did some hoovering (big deal!). Just don't know whether i'm coming or going. Can't make plans in case i'm having an off day. Think my dr is getting bored of me. Think everyone is.

deleting Tue 17-Apr-12 21:41:23

Asked dr about thyroid test. She said it had been checked and was normal. Have to admit i was slightly disappointed! I know it sounds ridiculous to want to have something ohysically wrong with me, but at least then it would explain why i'm like this.

deleting Tue 17-Apr-12 21:45:48

Sorry mumtothreee. Not making light of your condition btw. Hope you get the right treatment now and see an improvement.

Loopyloveschocolate Tue 17-Apr-12 21:51:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Loopyloveschocolate Wed 18-Apr-12 11:37:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BustyDeLaGhetto Wed 18-Apr-12 13:37:19

Hello all, am trying to make a unicorn birthday cake for DD for tomorrow. Think ambition may be outweighing actual skills, as have only ever baked a Victoria Sponge before.

Deleting how long since you started the ADs ? I called the GP on Monday having been on Sertaline for two weeks and STILL having horrendous anxiety and hes told me to stick with it for another week. Apparently not feeling any effects until 3-4 weeks is quite common. DP has taken compassionate leave for this week as I too still feel very anxious. You're not alone but if you're feeling really low get back to the GP and see what they say.

I have to say that I think I am starting to feel better. I have noticed that my anxious thoughts - usually whizzing round my head like meteors have really calmed down and I feel a bit less jittery. I have got out the house for a walk yesterday and today which really helped and as I was looking up at the clouds scudding across the sky (stay with me) I found myself thinking about how this day was created for me, and that each and every day is the same, all filled with potential for good (or bad) but that each day is new and fresh. To be honest, I had just done some meditation and that had left me feeling very floaty.

I also found what really helped was to type in 'Sertaline works' (or whichever AD you may be o)n into the Search Talk bar at the top of the page. Reading everyones success stories really gave me the momentum to keep going.

Irishexile Wed 18-Apr-12 18:05:40

Hi all, just checking in. Today seems better. I spent the morning with a very lovely friend, and last night had a long chat w another good friend who has had MH problems so can fully relate. I was thinking about my bad days on Monday and yesterday. Does anyone else feel like their mood is still easily influenced by who they spend time with? I saw a friend on Sunday who is really unsupportive and kind of disinterested (to the degree that I'm reconsidering our friendship) eg she called yesterday to ask me something, and when I said I was having a bad day, I just got "oh well". I think I'm just not well enough to spend time w people who I don't find supportive at the moment. Is that unreasonable?

Busty- I'm beyond impressed at the unicorn cake! And v glad to hear you are having a better day.

deleting - I'm with you on being anxious about going backwards. How are you feeling today? Have you been back to gp? For myself, I'm just trying to trust that it'll be gradual progress, and that the odd step backwards doesn't cancel out the steps forward.

BustyDeLaGhetto Wed 18-Apr-12 20:17:28

Ha! Irish you should see the cake. Its like an implosion in an icing factory. I've got a sugar rush just looking at it. It is appalling to look at but shes only two and still thinks Im great so thats fine.

I think the anxiety about going backwards is normal. I have felt positive today, buoyed up by the idea that things are on the mend - but I still worry, and am expericing some anxiety about going out the house (its been weeks!) but the worst I can fear is a panic attack now, and that I can deal with. I think. We'll see. I may try going to playgroup with DD and DP tomorrow and see how I fare.

Irishexile Wed 18-Apr-12 20:58:23

Good luck at the playgroup Busty. Will be thinking of you.

Just seen email exchange between my 2 DSis re mum's 65th in July (yes, I know it's only April.....!)- there's talk of a do of some sort in my home town. Having told one of my sisters that I couldn't think that far ahead, I now feel quite anxious about the expectation I'll go back to Ireland for it, along w DH (who can't stand my DM and half of my family of origin) and 2 DC. I know I may feel stronger then but it's stressing me out. One DSis knows re PND and Ads. The other one told me (when I had PND after DD was born, 3 years ago) that it wasn't depression and to buck up. Cheers sis. So, unsurprisingly, I haven't confided in her. On top of that, I have a strained relationship w DM (who recently announced everyone gets PND, that it's caused by bf and that I should be ok as I've lost my baby weight. FFS on so many levels!). I know I have to do what's right for me and my family and my DM and co can go and hang, but old habits about wanting approval from them die hard. Time for bed I think. Hopefully a good night's sleep will make it all more bearable. Husband home in about an hour (been away w work since Sun pm), so he can feed baby and talk some sense into me.

Night all. Xx

Irishexile Wed 18-Apr-12 20:59:53

And Busty - of course she thinks you're great, because you are and you're going to so much effort to show her how much you love her!

Henwelly Wed 18-Apr-12 21:11:55

Can I join in?

I have been on Sertraline now for about a year, prior to that I was on Citalopram but suddenly started to get extremely tired.

All seemed good but all of a sudden my ability to cope has seriously diminished, I can feel myself slipping back and some days are truly awful (this seems to be coupled with my period).

The bad days are starting to increase and where a could manage a few days either side of my period its now stretching out longer.

I'm going to have to go back to the docs arent I - bugger it!

NicholasTeakozy Wed 18-Apr-12 21:21:52

Hi Henwelly, welcome. smile Yes, you should go see your GP. You might need to up your dose (don't do this arbitrarily), or maybe switch to a different medication. Don't beat yourself up, you're ill. We're here for a hand hold or hug if needed.

Loopyloveschocolate Wed 18-Apr-12 21:26:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Loopyloveschocolate Thu 19-Apr-12 04:13:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Henwelly Thu 19-Apr-12 10:40:48

Thanks, I will go just annoying as they were talking about cutting back and now im going to have to go through the whole I feel crap conversation again.

Also wanted to say my side effects went after a month, I take mine before bed.

Irishexile Thu 19-Apr-12 11:57:02

I take mine before bed too, as I'm bf'ing DS so that's my biggest gap between feeds. Side effects have settled down though I have the odd blip and have a bad tummy.

WorldOfMeh Thu 19-Apr-12 19:48:58

Welcome, Henwelly. Sorry to hear you've had a setback. sad

Thanks, folks for the supportive comments. Have had a slightly better day today, although that's weird as I had F-all sleep. Baby has had a bug which made her v. restless and unhappy with a fever, and last night she was suffering with her teeth. When she finally settled (around half three in the morning) I got about an hour before I started coughing up a lung. Spent the early hours with my face buried in pillows, trying not to wake her. Yay.

Still, we got out for much of the day: took her to the creche where she managed an hour while I had a coffee, staring into space with poached eggs for eyes. Managed to get a couple of bits from the shops, including some nice baby books from a charity shop. Tiny achievements, but it does make a difference. Maybe I was too knackered & full of the cold today to get thinking negatively, too?!

Want to see this unicorn cake too, by the way! grin

NicholasTeakozy Thu 19-Apr-12 21:02:58

Tiny achievements is the same as baby steps. And baby steps is how you beat depression. It can't be done in one giant leap. That day of yours sounds like a better one. smile. One day at a time people, one day etc...

Irishexile Thu 19-Apr-12 22:12:37

Here's hoping that everyone (inc respective children!) have better nights.

Xx

Loopyloveschocolate Fri 20-Apr-12 06:11:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Irishexile Fri 20-Apr-12 06:33:11

Poor you Loopy - 4 hours is a killer . Seeing counsellor today then play date at ours. Feeling stressed out as I told Dsis and DB re pnd (by email). Feel really vulnerable and suppose I'll have to talk to them about it today. Grr!

NicholasTeakozy Fri 20-Apr-12 08:03:31

Morning Loopy, 4 hours is horrible. sad But, on a positive note you see a therapist. If this is your first appointment you might find it difficult to open up, so maybe writing down some key things is a good idea. Good luck.

Feeling vulnerable is normal Irish, at least they know why you can't see as far into the future as your DM's birthday. Hope the counselling goes ok and the playdate is fun.

moocat Fri 20-Apr-12 09:07:06

Hallo
Can I join in? I started on sertraline (100mgs) yesterday - I have been on them before but not such a strong dose. Turned up at the GPs unable to speak, because of crying, which I have been doing all week on and off.

I have always suffered from depression intermittently, but relationship crisis is making everything feel awful.

I took a tablet then felt so nauseous I had to get off the bus and walk in the rain - and then had the wierd jaw clench thing.

I think I need to get signed off work - it's better to get signed off than to turn up and not deliver anything isn't it? Is it?! My career going into freefall is contributing to my depression, without a doubt

NicholasTeakozy Fri 20-Apr-12 09:46:24

Hello Moocat and welcome to the thread. Yes, get signed off for a couple of weeks. By then the side effects should have stabilised and you can focus on starting to get better. Fingers crossed your relationship crisis resolves itself.

moocat Fri 20-Apr-12 09:49:40

How long does it take to kick in - I remembered it being a fortnight or so, but the (fantastic) nurse practitioner I saw yesterday said it could be up to six weeks

moocat Fri 20-Apr-12 09:50:36

Thanks Nicholas btw.

deleting Fri 20-Apr-12 17:15:06

Hi everyone. Still plodding on! Yesterday and today have been good. MIL took two older ones to the museum, so met up with a friend and did a bit of shopping. Been out for lunch today, seem to be getting my appetite back which is encouraging after crying AGAIN at the doctor when I went for my review. I think being around a few friends has actually done me the world of good and made me feel a bit more normal again. had been hiding away for weeks. I agree that certain people should be avoided if they make you feel worse. In fact that would probably apply even without depression/anxiety!

Busty, have been on them for three weeks on wednesday so it's still early days.

moocat, I've been told the same about how long it takes to kick in. A friend of mine said more like 6 weeks to get back to 'normal'.

mawbroon Fri 20-Apr-12 18:40:57

I am 4.5 weeks in just now and have had a couple of "good" days. By "good", I mean not as bad as the other days, but it's so long since i have been normal (my psychosis was in December) that I think I have forgotten what normal is!

I am finding it hard coping with the kids on my own, so my sister has been round a lot to keep me company which has really helped. I also find it hard to do anything when the kids are around, it's almost like i need all my concentration just to look after them. I found the school holidays hard with ds1 around all day winding ds2 up.

Housework and cooking has fallen by the wayside at the moment. I have decided that it won't kill us if we eat jars and packets for the meantime until I can face proper cooking again.

Loopyloveschocolate Fri 20-Apr-12 18:44:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BustyDeLaGhetto Fri 20-Apr-12 18:52:10

moocat Hello and welcome. I've heard the same although beneficial effects usually not 'felt' until around the three week mark.

deleting Awesome news. Glad you're feeling as thought the days are getting easier for you. I'll have been on mine four weeks on Sunday but already am feeling a little better, inch by inch.

Mawbroon I bloody LOVE the Broons. I used to read it as a kid. I have had to ask DP to take a weeks compassionate leave and next week off too - work have signed him off UNPAID until I feel capable enough of dealing with one child on my own so you have my sympathy, and its good that your sister can help. Bollocks to housework and cooking. I shoved a hoover around recently then had to have a little lie down. This is nothing to do with the PND though, just hate housework. Do what you can, not what you think you should, and accept what you can't change.

Real breakthrough day for me today, after nearly a month housebound I went to the shops, the bank, the doctors and the chemist. None of these places are too far from home but still, it was an achievement. Also took DD to the park for an hour or two which was lovely, in the sunshine. I am starting to feel much more positive. The GP has upped my dose to 100mg but am starting with 75mg initially as hate the idea of doubling my dose in one go.

Anyone know how increasing dosage works ? Do I need to wait another 2/3 weeks to feel effect of upping it ? Am hoping it'll make it work faster as we really can't afford for DP to be out of work at the moment.

Krumbum Sat 21-Apr-12 02:15:11

I currently take 20mg escitalopram for anxiety. Are any other anti depressents better for anxiety specifically does anyone know?

Loopyloveschocolate Sat 21-Apr-12 06:04:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Irishexile Sat 21-Apr-12 08:56:36

Sorry, I don't know either krumbum, but welcome to the thread, and welcome to Moocat too.

Loopy , deleting and Busty- so glad to hear you're all feeling a bit better. I spoke to my brother for quite a while last night, which was really good, and he was really supportive and kind, which I didn't necessarily expect. I have a right old habit of not opening up tp my siblings and parents and then wonder why they don't support me, so this is v new behaviour for me, so I'm v glad it went well!

Here's to everyone having a good day. Loopy- I think you said your DHwas home this weekend, and that MIT be challenging, so good luck. Xxxx

Irishexile Sat 21-Apr-12 08:57:09

Sorry- might be challenging

deleting Sat 21-Apr-12 19:59:29

Irishexile, I'm glad your brother is being supportive. It's good to talk about it. I'm finding that the more people I talk to (bore) the more I realise just how common it is to have these feelings of anxiety, especially health anxiety when you have kids.

How's everyone's day? Went out with a friend for lunch and had a walk along the river. It made me realise I have actually come quite a long way since the last time we did this. I was in a right state, very distracted, anxious and couldn't eat without panicking and sweating! Today was so different. the anxiety is still there in the background, I can't totally stop thinking about my weight etc which is what I'm pinning my anxiety on now, but it's nowhere near as bad.

Am planning a trip with the kids tomorrow to watch the marathon for a bit. Not sure if they'll find it in the least bit exciting, but hopefully there will be someone dressed up as a canary to entertain us or a few minor celebs, who knows.

Irishexile Sun 22-Apr-12 03:41:26

Nice day yesterday overall. Went to the gym in the morning (though got massively stressed getting all 4 of us out of the house), then took DC swimming. Home, then just pottered about till my Dad arrived about 6. We had a really nice dinner w him, but I'm awake now w indigestion fron Sertraline (almost like it hasn't dissolved in my throat iykwim?) and crying DS.

Irishexile Sun 22-Apr-12 04:18:54

Still awake w indigestion/pain in tummy, even after glass of milk and bowl of cereal. DS asleep though. Trying not to worry re energy levels in morning following bad night.

Loopyloveschocolate Sun 22-Apr-12 05:03:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Irishexile Sun 22-Apr-12 08:26:07

Broadly good, though a bit random- he arrived at 6pm last night and left before 8am! He doesn't really do children (even though I'm one of 5), and when he was here, he was uncharacteristically interested in DC (he has been known to ignore them completely). I even told him re pnd, and though we didn't really get into it, he was kind, and said he was sorry to hear that (as well as not really doing children, my dad doesn't really do feelings).

Any chance you'll get a nap today? 5am is pretty early. How old is your LO? How are things w your DH?

I was sick about 5am, so getting back into bed for a little while.

Loopyloveschocolate Sun 22-Apr-12 08:41:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Irishexile Sun 22-Apr-12 10:51:35

Hmm, I'll have a think. I've not been to Dundalk much, but it's not far from Dublin, where I'm from. How old are your DC?

Loopyloveschocolate Sun 22-Apr-12 15:54:16

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Loopyloveschocolate Sun 22-Apr-12 16:16:59

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Irishexile Sun 22-Apr-12 18:21:25

Me too- tiredness can make a huge difference. But I find it so hard to make time to rest.

Dublin Zoo is good, and it's in the Phoenix park, which is about as big as Hyde Park, and there are deer there too. Outside Dublin, there's Tara (near Navan) but that might be a bit historical. I'll ask friends/family and will come back to you.

Loopyloveschocolate Sun 22-Apr-12 19:10:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Irishexile Sun 22-Apr-12 21:05:00

Tara is the mythological home of the High King of Ireland

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hill_of_Tara

I'm sure I was there on school trips, but I'd hope there would be something (a visitor's centre?) or something there now, as I think there was just a field (though to be fair, it's probably 30 years since I was there).

There's a Viking exhibition in Dublin - you know the ones where actors dress up as Vikings etc? It's at Christchurch in Dublin.

There's also Newgrange, which is another Neolithic site (it's a bit like Stonehenge, in that it was built to link to summer or winter solstic). It's in Meath too, which is near Dundalk

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newgrange

I'll keep thinking.

Irishexile Sun 22-Apr-12 21:09:35

I've now been on Sertraline for 3 weeks. First 2 weeks I felt great- just like myself, and was so relieved, but for the last week I feel like things are kind of hard work again. Monday and Tuesday last week were grim, but I kind of figured out why (spending time with unsupportive people). Now I'm back to just finding things hard.

Last night I took my tablet at bedtime, as usual (started it this way originally as bf'ing DS, but find it generally works for me anyhow). One time in the first few days, I took it without water, and it really burned/gave me indigestion. Though I drank loads of water last night, it really burned again and I woke at 3.30am with really bad indigestion. I was up till about 5.15am, and could only go back to sleep after I'd thrown up a couple of times. Today I've felt grim all day, despite nap, eating plain food, etc.

Has anyone else had intermittent symptoms like this? How has everyone else been feeling?

Irishexile Sun 22-Apr-12 21:10:26

I've just realised my post re things to do in Ireland reveals that I was a bit of a geeky child!

deleting Mon 23-Apr-12 00:01:14

funny you should say that irishexile. I had really bad indigestion and reflux a couple of nights ago and was up until 3am. I do get reflux when I'm anxious and take omeprazole, but this was really bad and i couldn't sleep. Take mine in the morning though.

Loopyloveschocolate Mon 23-Apr-12 06:16:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Irishexile Mon 23-Apr-12 09:23:26

There's also a soft play place in Dundalk called Pirates Den- not sure if it'll suit your older ones and not been so no idea if it's ok, but might be worth bearing in mind. There's also a bowling alley in Drogheda, which isn't far.

Yeah, I think it was the placebo effect, as it was so quick. I'm on 50mg, but going back on Wed to discuss upping the dose, which may mean I finish bf DS (maybe. The though of finishing bf'ing had me in tears last week so we'll see).

mawbroon Mon 23-Apr-12 10:47:17

Hello all. I seem to be having a run of good days just now since the doc upped my dose of Lofepramine. The tingling tongue has turned into a freezing cold sensation in my tongue, mouth and nose which is not very nice. I am still having trouble recognising if I am hungry or not and my sense of taste is all to pot.

It is amazing to have these good days. They are so good, I am even thinking about tackling the cleaning that has built up from 4 months of being unable to function properly. But hey, steady on, I'm only thinking about it!!

Irishexile Mon 23-Apr-12 21:56:15

Mawbroon- so glad to hear you're doing well, and am v impressed at the talk of having a clear out!

I had an enjoyable though exhausting day. The power has just gone in our area so I think I'll use it as a hint to have an early night.

Night all!

WorldOfMeh Mon 23-Apr-12 22:14:06

Just checking in to say hi- no major changes in terms of mood so far. Have a horrendous cold with a racking cough that's stopping me from sleeping, and the baby is ill too + has an eye infection. Have family visiting, which is ok on one level but work on another. I'm sure you know how it is...

Sorry to hear about your indigestion probs, Irish: and maw, good to hear about there being some good days for you!

Off to bed, brain seizing up even more! G'night, Jim-Bob.... wink

Loopyloveschocolate Tue 24-Apr-12 05:53:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Irishexile Tue 24-Apr-12 17:28:18

My GP seems keen to encourage me to give up bf'ing and keeps telling me to keep an eye on DS for side effects, so I feel under a bit of pressure to plan to give up. Maybe I'm being I've rsensitive.....

I keep eating biscuits, bread, stodge and then feel really lardy and unattractive, but rubbish is all I fancy. Hmm. And yes, I know eating properly is better for my mood.

Irishexile Tue 24-Apr-12 17:30:24

That was meant to be over sensitive

Irishexile Tue 24-Apr-12 21:33:46

How's everyone doing? I had a nice day (massage, chores, coffee w friend then tea time/ bedtime/bath time w DC), but am now utterly exhausted. I feel like even w lots of self care and help around the house, I feel exhausted just getting through the day. Please god let my energy return soon!

Irishexile Wed 25-Apr-12 11:52:12

No one else? Just been to GP who didn't want to up my dose. Hmm. Back again next week. Feel awful. Off to bed.

BustyDeLaGhetto Wed 25-Apr-12 12:32:07

Hi Irish I actually started another thread as I've just upped my dose to 100mg and need to know how long it'll take to have an effect. Hoping its quicker than three weeks this time. I'm still having a lot of panic and horrible intrusive thoughts, and on top of this DP is still off work unpaid until I start to feel better. FIngers crossed!

I meant to reply to your previous message about food last night but zonked out to my meditation instead - the Sertaline is also making me very sleepy. I have recently given up alcohol, caffine and nicotine on avcount of my MH problems and I eat superfoods like they're going out of style and it hasn't made any difference to how I've been feeling so eat what you fancy for now, don't worrry about what you 'should' be doing, don't give yourself other things to worry about. Get sleep and see how you feel, I am catnapping like mad.

mawbroon Wed 25-Apr-12 13:59:53

I'm still around. I am having a strange day today. It started off ok, I coped with ds1 who didn't want to go to school, we were 10 minutes late, but I managed to not give in to the little voice in my head which was telling me that it would be easier just to keep him home.

Then I went for an interview to apply for a place for ds2 for the local children's centre. It involved (obviously) talking about how my depression is affecting the way I care for ds2 and why I would benefit from him having a place at the centre. I had been feeling good for the last few days and thought I would cope with it ok, but I got very upset talking about it with them and started crying. It's knocked my whole day for six and I am feeling quite down about not having been able to talk about it without crying. I am not looking forward to my psych appointment on Friday because I think it will be the same.

And the weather is completely shite which doesn't help one little bit.

Busty - I increased my dose last week and I felt much better after about 4 days. I hope it's the same for you

Irishexile Wed 25-Apr-12 17:54:43

Oh, I'm so glad everyone hasn't vanished- I was starting to worry I'd scared everyone off somehow....

Maw- I thought I was ok till I ended up in floods all over gp. Nice to know im not the only one! Just dashing to do bath time but will check in properly after kids' bedtime.

Xx

WorldOfMeh Wed 25-Apr-12 19:04:52

Not disappeared, either. Having family about makes it hard to post, as certain of them think nothing of looking over your shoulder when you're using a laptop and commenting away.

A bit stressed about them being around, really, which is more to do with my head than them. I don't really want to whinge on about it here, though, as I'd never stop!

Seeing GP tomorrow, I think she will up my dose, too. Feeling low and tired, and have a really nasty bug, which my OH has caught- though of course, what he has is glandular fever rather than what I have, and has necessitated two days in bed. Poor love.

Irishexile Wed 25-Apr-12 19:26:18

Nice to hear from you Meh but sorry to hear things are still tough. And god bless your OH-!

The other day mine told me he cd take the view that as I'm home all day and have help w kids and a cleaner (please don't flame me, I don't think I can cope with that), that he cd take the view that the house should be tidy when he gets home and that dinner should be on the table, but that he's accepted it's more important that we're all happy. (ie so house isn't immaculate and often he makes dinner or at least helps). Which is all well and good but now I can't stop thinking that the house SHOULD be immaculate and dinner on the table, and that I'm failing somehow, but to be honest, I just can't do that. I find it so hard to be nice to myself and accept that at the moment, I just can't do much. and I hate that I can't do much and want to be my normal self, flying around at 100 miles an hour.

Am meeting 2 friends tomorrow. Slightly dreading it as I feel I have to "buck up" for them, or at least one of them. She makes the right noises but I don't feel like she really understands at all.

I spoke to my eldest Dsis on Monday. DD was starting to tantrum in the street, so it was brief but even so Dsis seems to have totally missed the email re pnd... I know she has her hands full w3 DS, one of whom is only 6 weeks old, but she seems to have understood everything else in the email chain (re DM's 65th in July). FFS!

Loopyloveschocolate Thu 26-Apr-12 06:03:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foxeeroxee Thu 26-Apr-12 06:18:20

Im still here but have been lurking to keep up with everyones progress.
Not posted because i seem to have lost the words to describe what im feeling.
I dont feel depressed anymore but it seems to have been replaced with something else....if anyone can remember my last post then not much has changed. The inability to sit down, the constant cleaning, feeling like my blood is rushing round my body,i cannot deal with the energy i have. The other night i even went running in the rain to burn some energy and came back piss wet through and shivering sad
Just trying my best to act normal which is probably another reason for not posting. i feel ought to be honest with everyone here.
Hope everyone has a good day.

Irishexile Thu 26-Apr-12 16:06:09

Loopy- you may be right and are clearly a nicer person than me- I just assume she doesn't give a sh*t, esp as w DD the same DSis told me I didn't have PND (hmm, cheers sis), and I just felt really told off.

Foxee and Loopy- so glad to hear you're still around though sorry to hear you're still restless and strange head space respectively.Foxee- the questionnaire my counsellor gets me to do weekly includes restlessness as one of the qs- maybe it's the opposite to wanting to sleep all the time but the same cause- not wanting to feel feelings (just speaking for myself)? Have you got any support or help? And surely here is the one place we don't have to be normal?

How about you Loopy? How's the 3am wake ups? Xxx

Irishexile Thu 26-Apr-12 16:16:26

Oh I think you meant my friend. Yes, you may be right.

foxeeroxee Thu 26-Apr-12 16:38:21

irish yes i understand what u mean. have been filling out the questionnaires every 3/4 weeks with a very nice and supportive health visitor i have.filled it out today and my score has increased by 6points and is quite high now.i told her pretty much everything as iv said on here so been very honest.apart from the illusions iv been having.....
Am going to be very honest now so please bare with me if its long.
I keep getting visions of my dc getting hurt. Everytime we walk to school im paranoid that something horrific will happen eg they get run over or snatched. Everytime i blink these images flash up and it scares me so much.
Im convinced that if i am this brutally honest with my gp that he will think i cannot cope and take my dc away from me.
They are literally the thing that keeps me going and i quite succesfullt manage to keep things as normal as poss.
sad

Loopyloveschocolate Thu 26-Apr-12 19:25:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foxeeroxee Thu 26-Apr-12 20:29:29

Thankyou loopy it means a lot for you to say that having experienced ss first hand.
I think im just very worried about opening up to my gp as when i went after dc3 was born he was rather flippant and had a look at my notes saying 'mm i see you have had ad's before heres a prescription,you probably just have a bit of depression'
shock
I think im going to have to swallow my pride,request another gp,spill the beans and hope for the best.

deleting Fri 27-Apr-12 09:17:43

Still here as well. Foxee, i have similar thoughts about something happening to dcs. Just before all this kicked off i'd booked a day trip to france on ferry. We couldn't go in the end because kids were ill, but i kept having visions of us all on deck and then realising ds2 wasn't there and dp and i saying " i thought you'd got him". Was awful and i couldn't get it out of my mind. Awful panicky feeling. Think that's what set me off actually.

Nothing much to report. I'm sort of okay, but not quite right. Think i need to start this cbt thing. Hope i,ll get an appt soon. Feeling a bit flat today. Went out last night and had one beer and woke up this morning feeling more anxious. Now just flat. Everyone keeps encouraging me to drink more because they think it will relax me. They just don,t get it that it makes me WORSE. Arrghh!

mawbroon Fri 27-Apr-12 19:55:23

I heard a technique for dealing with unwanted thoughts such as those you mention deleting. When the thought enters your mind, immediately say in your mind "cancel, cancel". Don't let the thought take hold and keep cancelling it until it goes away. It sounds a bit unlikely, but I have found it to work for me.

I had my psychiatrist appointmnet today and it went really well. He asked me to give the Lofepramine another week or so to see if the side effects subside to a bearable level and if not, he will change me on to either Sertraline or the other one which begins with C, the name of which I can't remember just now. He has also reduced the dose of my anti psychotic medication which may give me a bit more energy because it does have quite a sedative effect. He also is willing to write a letter to the children's centre to say I should get priority for a place for ds2. No idea if it will make any odds, but it's good that he is willing to do it.

I am feeling that finally things are coming good. It's been 5 months since I was psychotic, so it's a long time to feel out of sorts.

deleting Fri 27-Apr-12 22:53:19

I know you were worried about going to your appt, but it all sounds really positive mawbroon.

Thanks for the technique, will give it a go.

pissed off. dp has just had a go at me. was reading a thread on here about which stephen king novel is the best and he's read a few. anyway i brought up Thinner, which is one about someone who is cursed and can't stop losing weight and joking it was like me and he just turned on me asking why i'm joking about it and that i'd be getting myself into a panic again and then he'll have to take more time off work and having a go at when i was in bed for a few days and saying "when do i ever get to spend days in bed!" I know it's been a worry for him as well, but does he really think I was skiving in bed? I was in bed because I couldn't cope with anything or anyone and was a gibbering wreck and he's envious?

WorldOfMeh Sun 29-Apr-12 20:50:34

Hey, all- just checking in while I have quiet moment.

Hope you are feeling re-assured, foxxee- deleting and Loopy are right, of course. What you describe is typical anxiety, by the sound of it... and adrenaline will do funny things to you. Don't worry about telling someone you can trust, it might help defuse it. The technique you mention sounds really good, mawbroon. I will remember that in case I need it!

mawbroon - was it Citalopram? My sister is on that, and has had really good results.

deleting - sorry to hear about that incident- it must have been unsettling, especially when you were trying to make light of the situation, to get bitten like that. I don't know your partner, of course, but could it be that he is stressed and worried and hasn't got any outlet for it? I doubt he's envious, unless he is very, very unobservant.

I have had a good couple of days since the relative has gone home- possibly the medication is starting to kick in? Managed to take my daughter to a car boot sale in Saturday morning and get her a load of clothes and toys (a couple of which have been a big hit!) and a couple of bits for the house. It was sunny and there was a nice, fun atmosphere with plenty of people for the baby to flirt with from the backpack I had her in.

Then a nice evening with my partner: felt a bit more, er... 'interested' in him again, which was nice for both if us!

Today, a friend I haven't seen in years visited and I was able to introduce him to my flatmate, who is involved in some very similar projects - I think they may be able to spark well off one another as their work is very complimentary. I know I am feeling better in myself, because I see not only the possibilities there for the future, but I am really happy for them both... and I am not using their success as a stick to beat myself with. In fact, ironically, their work (and that of my friend's wife, who is a high-up psychologist/researcher) has a lot to do with combating depression and negativity.

Feeling much, much closer to my daughter, too, which is a relief as I had been feeling kind of remote.

Anyway, fingers crossed this is part of an upwards trend, rather than a blip.

Wondering what has happened to hathor, though- are you lurking still? Hope you're doing ok.

foxeeroxee Mon 30-Apr-12 10:54:27

Hi everyone.
Hope you are all doing ok.
Got a phonecall from dr this morning to book an appointment..he seems worried after seeing the questionnaire i filled out last week.its on weds and im not looking forward to it.
Got to be done though i suppose.

CatsSleepAnywhere Mon 30-Apr-12 13:54:20

Hi ladies, can I join you?

I am on day 2 of Fluoxetine, feeling o.k. but a bit zoned out. I have a strange sense of calm which I suppose is a good thing. confused

Can't think of much to say but then I have been like that lately.

WorldOfMeh Mon 30-Apr-12 21:18:41

Welcome, Cats. Well done for taking the first steps- and hang in there with the side effects. I think most meds take a wee while to 'bed in'. I haven't had Fluoxetine, but remember feeling similarly when I started on Sertraline.

It's all gone a bit quiet... mind you, Mumsnet does keep falling over, which won't be helping. Hope everyone's doing ok today. smile

Irishexile Tue 01-May-12 13:03:13

Welcome Cats. I'm still here too. Ditto on the symptoms, so hang in there.

I've been feeling brighter in myself the last few days (4 weeks in taking Sertraline) and had a lovely weekend and a great birthday yesterday w children (walk, picnic, baking fairy cakes for tea party w DH who got home a bit early from work). That said, I'm still utterly exhausted and after taking DD to nursery this morning I was fit to drop so had a big sleep. I'm trying not to resent the tiredness, and to accept it's where I am right now, but not always easy.....

Meh- I'm with you on being a bit more interested in DH- thank the Lord! It makes me feel a bit more like me, ifswim?

Hope everyone else is ok. Xxx

mawbroon Tue 01-May-12 13:48:03

How is everyone coping with their dc's?

DS2 is 2 and I am finding it hard to connect with him. When he laughs, I feel nothing, when he cries I feel annoyed. I leave him to his own devices most of the time so that I can have some head space and luckily he is happy with that, yet I know that I should be interacting more with him. I don't play with him, I don't read to him and if I take him out, I get annoyed with him for being, well, like a 2yo. I hate it. I want to feel normal again.

DS1 is at school all day, and I don't seem to feel the same about him. Then I feel all guilty that I might be favouring ds1 over ds2 when they are supposed to be equal and then I worry that this is somehow harming ds2.

God, it's shit sometimes.

CatsSleepAnywhere Tue 01-May-12 14:24:08

Hi all, I have a 3 yr old and an older child at school. Finding the 3 yr old hard work at the mo.

Henwelly Tue 01-May-12 18:44:20

Well I finally made the doctors appointment, its next week and I have to see someone else so we will see what he says.

Been putting it off but bullied myself into it yesterday smile

I just really hate having to go and sit and explain how I feel, when I dont really understand how I feel. I also think they must think i'm putting it on (daft I know).

Glad some of you are starting to feel better now you have been on medication for a while.

foxeeroxee Tue 01-May-12 19:24:06

Welcome cats and henwelly hope you can find some support from this thread.
Iv got my drs appointment tomorrow and am shitting em....trying to think of reason not to go but i have none. sad oh said i should go and be honest with gp as they are there to help,but am not convinced after the last time i went.
Struggling with the thought of been honest and telling gp about the images i keep seeing.
Regarding the dc....i dont struggle at all tbh but everything i do with them i*s almost robotic.i feel rather detached from them. i love them with all my heart but at the same time i dont seem to enjoy them in the same way oh does.
I dont know i guess im rambling a bit now.
Hows everyone else at the mo??

Ps well done henwelly for taking the first step in making the appointment and hope you go and be honest with them/have bigger balls than me smile

thekidsrule Tue 01-May-12 20:02:03

hi,can i join you ladies

was on prozac years ago then put on to sertraline for the past 4yrs

havent read all but i sound like a complete junkie compared to many on here

2 x 100mg a day and also been perscribed tamazepan 1-2 x 10mg a day

2 nytol one a night also

only been on the temazepan last month

no bad side effects but have put on alot of weight

ive been on AD for over 10years and really feel that not doing that much,a temp doc was shocked when he saw what and for how long they been perscribed

does this sound alot to you

will try and catch up on previous comments on this thread

thanks

Arana Wed 02-May-12 06:46:26

Hey, thought I'd join you on here.

Been on Sertraline for 3 months, and just gone from 150mg to 200mg (max dose) so not looking forwards to being antsy and sweaty for the next couple of weeks, but fingers crossed it might start to touch my depression.

DCs are 2 and 4, and in full time daycare since I went back to work 3 months ago. I'm finding work much less stressful than being a SAHM.

I had a nervous breakdown after we emigrated to Australia 8 months ago, and was referred for anxiety and depression. Have since realised that I've had depression on and off since early childhood. I tried citalopram at first, but the anxiety from that nearly killed me.

I have also just been diagnosed with adult ADD and taking ritalin for it, which is a real help, although not the wonder drug I was hoping for.

Just taking one day at a time.

Irishexile Wed 02-May-12 12:04:10

Feeling a bit frustrated. DH told me off last night for not being interested in stuff (we need to do work on our house, which he is itching for me to organise. I can't face the idea of it). Yet again I explained how hard it is to do anything. I feel like I'm talking to the wall at times....

CatsSleepAnywhere Wed 02-May-12 13:48:32

Feeling ill today. I'm sure I'm eating less cause food seems to make me feel sick.
Trying to have enough to keep plodding on though.

Irishexile Wed 02-May-12 16:51:28

I lost my appetite when I first started on sertraline as I felt quite queasy. Fine now. Maybe it's side effects? Hang in there.

foxeeroxee Thu 03-May-12 21:05:28

Well i went to the gp again n was finally honest with him. He seems to think the pnd i had is now anxiety with heightened ocd (whatever the fuck that means)
Have been asked to keep a diary for a week and to write down all the things i do and different feelings i had.plus had my ads increased.not sure how i feel about it yet.

Oh been really supportive and came home from work today with some of my favourite bath bombs to cheer me up. its moments like that which make me realise how lucky i am.
Hope everyone is well.

mawbroon Fri 04-May-12 10:40:46

Oh dear. DS1 asked me this morning "Mummy, why do you never laugh out loud?"

It made me feel really sad for him sad

WorldOfMeh Sat 05-May-12 09:36:38

Aw, sorry to hear that maw. What did you say to him?

Me, I'm having a bit of a relapse. Very tired, and irritable. OH's parents are staying- came a day early, even, which I only found out about the night before. I had things to do & had to go out, but the OH assured me he was going to 'blitz the house'. Got home to find him hoovering the front room. This was his idea of 'blitzing the house', apparently. I didn't have time to do much before they arrived. Since then, every time I turn round, they are furtively cleaning something. His mother even brought her own pair of rubber gloves, and a bathmat.

Baby is waking a lot more in the night. On the up side, my OH does do turn about on nights with me: on the down, whatever time she gets up, I then have her (generally between 5.30 and 6). I only get a lie in every two weeks when the night before has been my night off, and only then if there are no guests in the spare room, as I then have to sleep in the lounge. Feeling resentful of my OH always seemingly sleeping until 10.00 or going for a lie down whenever he feels like it. And complaining about how badly he sleeps on his nights off! He works from home, by the way, so it isn't quite as bad as it might sound. But, yeah. I seem to be getting saddled with more and more of the 'housework' since we had the baby, which is not how it started out. I don't know if he's a lazy f*cker these days, or depressed as well...

I am feeling particularly horrible as yesterday I was extra stressed out and hormonal (particularly Gothic period), and was trying to get the baby changed for bed while she was writhing around, as usual. This drives me mental at the best of times, but last night she twisted round and grabbed the nappy I'd laid out and started waving it around by the tab, and in the heat of the moment/grabbing it back, I slapped her hand. I haven't been able to tell me partner about it properly, he thinks it was purely by accident, but I think I sort of meant to and couldn't fully stop myself.

This feels particularly horrible because I'd been connecting with her much better, but for the last few days I've been feeling so tired and stressed and grumpy, I look at her and don't 'feel it' again. I feel like running away, really. I've pretended to go for a lie down while the baby naps, as I hate being on my own with OH's parents and trying to make conversation. They don't know about the PND, I think they just think I'm a slattern and a bad mother. I suppose I am, really.

Sorry about the essay...

Irishexile Sat 05-May-12 15:16:44

Oh Meh- didn't want to read and run. You are NOT a bad mother or a slattern. Sending you huge hug. We all do these things- it is a normal part of parenting, even without PND.

Baby is crying, so suppose I better go and see to him (see- neglecting upset child in favour of MN. If that's not being a slack mother, I don't know what is!).

Sending big hug to Maw too- hope you're feeling a bit better, despite DS's comment.

Arana Sun 06-May-12 10:54:38

Having a shit day. Gone from 100mg to 200mg sertraline over 2 weeks and it's killing me. Anxiety through the roof, oversensitive to everything - noise, light, emotions etc. I cut myself today, which I haven't done for ages, and had a total breakdown.

I hope it's the drugs. I can't carry ob much longer.

WorldOfMeh Sun 06-May-12 11:31:27

Thank you Irishexile. I really appreciated you taking the time to reply & send a virtual hug. smile

The visitors went home while I was in bed this morning (it's my day off, so thrust the baby at her father when she woke at 6 and went to bed for a sleep). It was a bit of a relief, to be honest- last night was really awkward, as we don't have a TV and they don't know what to do without one. I tried to talk to them, and offered to put on a DVD, but they just refused and stared at their feet in silence. My OH says they were probably 'watching the TV in their heads'. Depressing.

Arana, sorry you're having a crap day. It does sound likely to be the drugs. Is there an out of hours number you can call? I hope you have someone supportive around in real life, but I will be thinking of you today and willing things to get better for you soon. Hang in there, at least you know this is not 'typical' and so is likely to be a temporary thing. {{hug}}

Loopyloveschocolate Mon 07-May-12 08:40:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ladybird73 Tue 08-May-12 05:48:05

I have been going through your threads at 5.30am! As I had my 1st 100mg of Sertraline after a week or so without them as I went away+forgot to take them with me! And also wanted to test myself to see how I would cope+feel without them after being on 200mg for over 18months! Suffice to say I was starTing to feel a lot more anxious as the week went on without them, tearful, low and pessimistic! So rather than go back to feeling depressed thought it for the best to start taking them again. Took one at bedtime last night and woke up 4.30am anxious as hell, jittery etc just like I did when I first stated taking them 18months ago! And am now beating myself up for putting myself through this! Should never have stopped taking them so remember to take your meds on hol with u!
Is there anyone out there who has successfully weaned off SERTRALINE?
If so, how many mgs were you taking and are you coping and feeling better without it?
FOR ALL OF U NEW TO SERTRALINE STICK WITH IT! THE SIDE EFFECTS WILL PASS..... =)
SERTRALINE FOR ME GAVE ME MY LIFE BACK! I WAS ABLE TO COPE WITH LIFE AGAIN + HAPPY! AND LIVED LIFE WITHOUT ANY ANXIETY! WHICH WAS NOT THE CASE BEFORE I STARTED TAKING SERTRALINE.
BEST OF LUCK =)

Loopyloveschocolate Tue 08-May-12 06:11:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ladybird73 Tue 08-May-12 06:58:11

Hello and Thanx Loopyloveschocolate smile so I guess I had a bout of anxiety because I just stopped? and not weaned off like u did?
Hope so! Just worried to wean off them and have the anxiety return and have to go through the whole stop/start process again sad
But will see GP as advised.
Many Thanx smile

Ladybird73 Tue 08-May-12 07:00:47

Since you stopped taking SERTRALINE Loopyloveschocolate have any of your symptoms come back or are you ok now?

Loopyloveschocolate Tue 08-May-12 10:55:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ladybird73 Wed 09-May-12 07:07:49

Many Thanks loopyloveschocolate smile Now my anxiety as subsided slightly I realised a lot of my anxiety was caused by other factors other than my own disorder! Eg Partners moods, mums illness, demands of the kids, day to day chores etc and although I was feeling "powerful" enough to deal with my own battle with my anxiety dealing with the two at once was far too overwhelming! So unless I can run away to do battle with my anxiety disorder without the other pressures shall learn to juggle another day ;)
Thanx for your input and hope you feel better soon smile

Ladybird73 Wed 09-May-12 07:51:11

I just want to say that I was prescribed 200mgs of Sertraline over 18months ago for what they say was an anxiety disorder/Generalised anxiety disorder and know that without them would never have got through without them! I wish I had accepted that I couldn't do it on my own sooner but was always apprehensive to take them as they make your symptoms worse before they make them better and the thought of that prevented me form doing so!
Eventually I decided to "go for it" as living how I was became unbearable and remember clearly feeling sick, dizzy and a lot worse for the first 2-4 days but persevered and within 2 wks at the most felt back to "myself" and in control of my anxiety for the first time in what seemed like years! smile
Wish you all the best!
My best piece of advice and what helped me enormously was research, research RESEARCH! ;)
I am one of those who has to know everything and spent a hours scouring the net for info on my condition, medication etc and know that had a big part to play in overcoming my disorder...
If YOU do have the time invest it in YOURSELF!
Afterall YOUR WORTH IT! ;) (they have us believe)
Convince yourself you are if you have to, like I did! ;)

Best of Luck&Wishes

Irishexile Thu 10-May-12 18:29:42

Hi all, and welcome back Loopy. I'm glad to hear you got through the trip to Ireland. Feeling better but exhausted. Having lovely week off w DH and DC but tired beyond belief. Dr took bloods but nothing came up so it is indeed depression. Like I didn't know that....

Will check in properly later. Xx

Irishexile Thu 10-May-12 18:54:52

I keep craving chocolate, sweets etc cos I'm so tired. Maybe I just need to go to bed.

NicholasTeakozy Fri 11-May-12 13:48:23

Ladybird please do not go cold turkey from Sertraline. Like Loopy says, you should talk to your doc about weaning your self off them.

The rest of you, chins up, this too shall pass. smile

Loopyloveschocolate Fri 11-May-12 17:18:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Irishexile Fri 11-May-12 20:56:38

Nice to see you again NT. things are def getting better for me, though still utterly shattered. Was asleep before 8 last night and am heading to bed now. Trying not to give myself a hard time for needing so much rest, and also trying not to just eat loads of sugar to mask the tiredness with a sugar rush.

NicholasTeakozy Fri 11-May-12 22:36:32

Loopy I understand the surface thing very well.

Irish, as sleep is working, keep at it.

Also, please look at this thread as she needs help. I've linked her here, but do dive in. Thanks.

It was actually her thread that prompted me to post here again. I apologise for being so heartless. Good luck all of you, you're amazing people.

WorldOfMeh Sat 12-May-12 15:27:19

Heya, all. Good to see people are still posting. I thought perhaps the thread was going to keel over, which would have been a shame.

I'm doing a bit better: have been given a creche place once a week by the PND centre here, and have been trying to get out of the house with the baby every day. Also trying to walk more of the time, rather than take the bus. It just makes the day go a bit quicker, and gives me a little more exercise.

On the down side I've had a really bad cough for the last month that stops me sleeping, and which has become an upper respiratory tract infection I've had to go on antibiotics for... so feeling very tired and crappy, physically. Still, the meds seem to be working so hopefully I'll start feeling less sh*t soon...

Have a good weekend everyone. It's sunny here (hooray!), hope it is where you are, too.

Irishexile Sat 12-May-12 21:56:42

Nice to see you meh- I was starting to think it was dying too. Glad to hear you're feeling brighter. Get well soon- hope the antibiotics start to work soon. I'm sitting in bed, waiting for tixylix to kick in so I can go asleep despite irritating cough.

Night all.

Loopyloveschocolate Sat 12-May-12 22:18:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorldOfMeh Sat 12-May-12 22:40:18

Loopy: you know that you are just being overly harsh on yourself, don't you? I think we all recognise the place you are writing that from, but please, please don't think of yourself as some sort of failure for not abusing your body by forcing yourself to be sick!

Eating, like cutting, is a coping mechanism. Neither is the most helpful one out there, obviously, but on some basic level your subconscious thinks of it as a way to keep going. In time, you will be strong enough to examine why that is, but right now, reserve your strength for hanging in there. Punishing yourself for little slips like this is a waste of your energy. Tomorrow is another day.

Irishexile: thanks. I hope your cough goes soon- it's really doing the rounds! Beware that in some cases it is actually Whooping Cough, though- so if it is mainly dry and in the lower throat and doesn't clear up for ages (often clears for a brief period before setting in again with a vengeance), then see your doctor! Hope you manage to have a good night's sleep. smile

CatsSleepAnywhere Mon 14-May-12 14:13:31

Hope you are all o.k. Just thought I would pop in on the thread. I think I am doing o.k as slept quite well last night. I have a cold today though so keep feeling a bit feverish and tired.

NicholasTeakozy Mon 14-May-12 14:58:26

Nice to see you here Cats. Good too that you think you're doing ok, positivity is a good thing IMO. Also, there is much to be said about the beneficial effects of A Good Nights Sleep. If you read the thread many posters complain of a lack of sleep. Have any of you tried any of the over the counter sleep aids like Nytol or Sominex? Are they any good? Let us know either way. Ta. smile

Irishexile Mon 14-May-12 18:38:05

Cats- My sleep isn't great- I'll often wake up every hour or so after 2 or 3 am, but I find I sleep better earlier on, so really feel the benefit of any early night. And I guess an early night may help you get rid of your cold?

Thanks for the tip re the cough Meh- so far it's not too bad though it did have an unexpected though welcome side effect- DH went into spare room to escape the coughing so I had our bed all to myself, and I slept log a log!- hurray! I was thinking about you and your in laws' recent visit. You have my greatest respect- there's no way I cd cope w visitors at the mo, esp if they didn't know re PND, so I think you should give yourself a massive pat on the back for getting through it. As an aside- as a result of my inability to be around people who don't know re PND, I keep telling all sorts about it (not yet told the postman, but have told far far more people than usual. Then again my usual would be to tell about 3 people). At times I'm not sure if it's a good thing to be so open, but then again I can't not tell people (too hard to keep up the front), so maybe there's no point wondering if I'm doing the right thing.

How are you doing today Loopy? I hope you're managing to be a bit kinder to yourself and that things feel even a little brighter.

How are you Arana? I wonder if foxee and mawbroon are about-?not heard from them in a bit and hope they're ok.

Irishexile Tue 15-May-12 00:33:03

Aargh- I have that horrible indigestion/burny feeling (as if the sertraline hasn't dissolved and is stuck in my chest). Yuck. Am hoping a glass of milk helps as I really need to go back to sleep.

Loopyloveschocolate Tue 15-May-12 05:12:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Irishexile Tue 15-May-12 08:48:50

Thanks Loopy. Back to bed about 1am, till DD woke briefly at 5.40. DS woke at 5.50 but DH got up, so I got to sleep till 7, so not too bad today. Though I'm tired, I feel quite bright today. 6 weeks on the ADs are doing the trick, I think!

Irishexile Tue 15-May-12 21:22:34

Hmm, maybe I spoke too soon. Exhausted and cheeses off. Been to gp today and looks like I've low blood sugar, even though I eat regularly. Anyone else suffering from that w sertraline as gp mentioned it might be a side effect?

Irishexile Wed 16-May-12 08:51:02

No-one else out there? Hmm, guess this thread is dying after all....

CatsSleepAnywhere Wed 16-May-12 09:21:44

I'm here but having a shit morning. DS fell over last night and says I pushed him but I never. I just hope he doesn't tell them at school cause he will get me into serious shit. sad I wouldn't hurt my children. I do everything for them! DD was also being hard work this morning but there's nothing new there. she is your average 3 year old with extra tantrums thrown in for good measure.
I feel like the worst mum ever this morning. I am supposed to go to counselling but really don't see the point! How can the counseller understand what life with kids is like when she has none herself!

NicholasTeakozy Wed 16-May-12 10:24:44

Hi Irish, re the low sugar maybe shoehorn a bar of chocolate into your diet, that should give you a short term boost.

Cats, go to counselling, it's good to talk. I agree 3 year olds are hard work, but that doesn't make you a bad mother. You do see it's your illness that makes you think like this don't you? smile

CatsSleepAnywhere Wed 16-May-12 10:27:06

It's too late. My appointment was at 10. I'm just rubbish!

CatsSleepAnywhere Wed 16-May-12 10:31:03

I can't stop crying today. I was even crying on the school run. I'm a crap mum! Everyone will think I'm useless! sad

CatsSleepAnywhere Wed 16-May-12 10:51:26

How can I face the other mums? I have to go back to nursery in a while and get my DD. Some of them know I was crying. I just want to hide! sad

NicholasTeakozy Wed 16-May-12 11:15:46

Now then, you are not rubbish, you are ill. You're taking medicine to help you get better, but what you must have seen from this thread is that there is no quick fix.

You are not a crap mum. Don't worry about crying, go and fetch your DD and if anyone asks tell them you're clinically depressed and taking steps to get better, and crying is a part of that. If they look at you like hmm that reflects badly on them, not you.

Rearrange your appointment for another time, they'll understand.

CatsSleepAnywhere Wed 16-May-12 11:18:18

I feel so cold.

Irishexile Wed 16-May-12 13:40:28

Thanks NT - won't that cause sugar spikes (and therefore affect my mood when the spike passes)?

Cats- I can guarantee you are not a crap mum, just struggling st the mo. and I've done nursery pick up in tears and felt really self conscious about it but everyone just assumed I was really sleep deprived and tactfully said nothing. Most peeps are too self absorbed to really get involved. Are you still feeling cold?- sometimes I find orange squash made with boiling water really comforting. And layer up w jumpers and get a hot water bottle for your lap. Look after yourself.

Am off to do tax return. I've been avoiding it for months but the tax man called today to say it's late, so I guess it really is time to do it. Will check in later. Xxx

CatsSleepAnywhere Wed 16-May-12 13:53:08

Hi Irish Good luck with your tax return.

I do still feel cold. I had soup for lunch and it warmed me up for a little while but am cold again. Having a cup of tea now to see if that will help. Seem to feel cold quite a lot lately. I think it could be a side effect of my AD's. I see the doctor tomorrow anyway.

NicholasTeakozy Wed 16-May-12 14:03:09

Irish if you just have a square at a time it shouldn't cause a sugar spike but hopefully take the feeling of having low sugar away. Stuff in moderation and that.

When you see your gp tomorrow Cats mention that you feel cold. Make sure you eat properly, I feel cold when I'm hungry.

This last thing I've mentioned on other threads, but it's so simple: write down your concerns, your feelings, everything you think is relevant to your situation, and give it to your doctor because many things can happen. You either forget things or can't get the words out. Many people get in there and dry up.

Chin up both of you. smile

Irishexile Wed 16-May-12 15:44:55

It's done! and it wasn't half as bad as I feared (as with most things). In fact, I've done half of DH's tax return too, so feeling quite pleased with myself.

Ditto on the hungry, but especially tiredness (yes, I know I'm always talking about being tired!). I'm always cold if I'm tired- maybe plan an early night if poss?

Right, I'm off for a bit of choccie (always happy to take that kind of advice, NT! Thanks for all your help and support).

Take care of yourselves.

Loopyloveschocolate Thu 17-May-12 10:55:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatsSleepAnywhere Thu 17-May-12 11:06:46

I have been to see doctor. She said it will take time to feel better (like many people have said). I have to try and find solutions to my problems or things I am worrying about. She wants to see me next week.

Loopy Hope things get better for you soon.

NicholasTeakozy Thu 17-May-12 12:34:59

Well done on getting your returns done Irish, you desrve that chocolate now! smile

Have you thought about just doing a stream of consciousness type of post Loopy? That could work.

Not sure I like your doc's attitude Cats, leaving you to sort yourself out isn't good. Have you thought about CBT? Have a look at MoodGym, see if there's anything on there that might help.

It's good that you're seeing her again next week, at least. You might need another week or two before your meds start working properly. Keep at them.

OvenReady Thu 17-May-12 21:46:15

Hi lovelies...
Just come acroes this thread. Wanted to share my experience and hopefully give you hope.

I suffered post natal depression following my son's birth october 2010. To cut a long story short i tried to get better with help from family and friends, but i was convinced i was going crazy. Despite my loathing of ADs i decided to take them, for my son's sake.

Was still breastfeeding so could only take certain meds. Started on Seroxat - hideous initial side effects but family looked after me and son. For a few months they helped, but then the depression seemed to get hold of me again.

I went back to my doctor (who was really helpful and never gave up on me) and told him i felt very unwell again. He referred me for psychiatric help, and the psych changed me onto Sertraline. Started on 50mg, then gradually upped to 200mg.

I started sertraline july last year. I had a massive upset cos of an evil health visitor who called social services (completely unfounded) and this set me back terribly. I still suffered from PND and i had stupid social workers to deal with BUT i NEVER gave up.

November last year i went back to work part time - one day a week. I started dropping the dosage of my meds and began to ferl in control. February i dropped my meds to 100mg. April i dropped down to 50mg. End of April social services finally confirmed they were leaving me alone. Start of this month i dropped my meds to 25mg. I intend to wran myselff sertraline completely by the end of June.

I don't think i've suffered side effects from coming off the meds, and i ferl on top of things. In fact i'm trying for a second baby!

I've been on ADs for over a year and they have helped - fixed the crossed wires in my brain. I will be free of them soon.

You CAN get better, and you csn enjoy motherhood again. Don't give up. Find a doctor you trust. Let family and friends help you. Don't feel ashamed. I went quite public with my pnd - most people were reslly understanding. Mitherhoid is hard! The people who really care will stick by you. Make sure there is slways someone you can ring or visit if you feel a wobble. Get out and do stuff - i found a routine, set toddler grps etc, kept me going. Depression makes you stronger, you have to work harder to function and be a mum so it is no way a weakness! And the fact you question yourselves shows you care about your kids.

Keep going - it does get better. I wish you all hope.

Xxxxxx

MrsMuddyPuddles Thu 17-May-12 23:04:07

Hi all, I was hesitant to join this because I'm not on Sertaline, I'm on Lofepramine stupid depression made me stupid and think that I wouldn't be welcome for some bizzare reason confused Anyway, I started on 11 March, and am currently on 140mg (went up about 3 or 4 weeks into taking itm after starting on a 70mg dose).

cats, Wednesday was a bad day for me as well felt terribly guilty and a bit like jumping but settled for SH because DH and I left our DD with the childminder, the one who is contracted for full time care because we both normally work full time, while we went to the cinema... felt like such a shitty selfish mother who doesn't care about her DD and is only interested in herself...

Today was much better for me (how about you?), so I wonder if it was the phase of the moon or something? hmm (and it feels good typing out what are clearly lies that depression was telling me yesterday.)

What strategies are you going to try? Would you like suggestions/a group brainstorming?

NicholasTeakozy Thu 17-May-12 23:22:40

Welcome Oven and Muddy. Thanks for your tale Oven, that will give many hope.

Muddy, this is a support group for those on ADs, just dive in. It's good that today was better than yesterday for you. The thing about depression is it makes you feel like nothing you do is good enough, that you aren't worth it when you quite clearly are. When you get on an even keel you realise that you were suffering badly.

Loopyloveschocolate Fri 18-May-12 05:37:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatsSleepAnywhere Fri 18-May-12 07:02:12

Hi all,
Muddy I'm on Fluoxetine. Wednesday was a bad day. I have only been taking them for nearly three weeks now so it's all fairly new to me. The doc said the first few weeks on AD's can be quite tough then hopefully things should start to get better. I was alright yesterday and feel o.k. so far today --but still have to get through the school run-- .

Loopy sorry your not feeling great, hope you start to feel better soon.

CatsSleepAnywhere Fri 18-May-12 11:21:16

Has anyone ever had shaking as a side effect?

Yesterday I noticed my leg was shaking a bit and today my arm is shaking when I lift my cup of tea. <not great> Otherwise though I feel fine.

MrsMuddyPuddles Fri 18-May-12 12:30:41

I feel shakey and shuddery but don't look it, but that's more my brain saying "hey! You're trying to do approximately half of a normal amount of stuff too much! Take a rest!" than a side effect. sad

WorldOfMeh Sat 19-May-12 22:10:49

Hey, folks. And hello, Ovenready. Thanks so much for writing about your experiences. It's great to hear from the other side, if you see what I mean.

Welcome, Muddy.

Very tired at the moment- seem to find myself worrying in the wee hours and have to listen to my iPod to distract myself from getting carried away by a tidal wave of 'A Million And One Ways I Have Fucked My Life Up'. At other times I feel almost normal. Although I've never really been that!

Cats - no shaking on this that I'm aware of, but was on Citalopram (I think it was) a few years back and got 'Restless Legs Syndrome' (?) at night which stopped me from sleeping.

Time to sleep, goodnight folks and hope you're having a nice weekend.

Loopyloveschocolate Sun 20-May-12 19:10:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicholasTeakozy Sun 20-May-12 21:37:01

Do you think you might need your dose adjusting Loopy? How long have you been on Venlafaxine? Maybe your GP can advise, or your local MH team.

Loopyloveschocolate Mon 21-May-12 14:14:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMuddyPuddles Mon 21-May-12 14:40:33

Are you sure you're not just doing better at burrying your issues and pretending, Loopy? It really sounds like you could do with a chat to review your approach to things.

AnAirOfHope Mon 21-May-12 14:50:25

im on 150mg of sertaline and have been on it for your two years. im alot better now but to day ihaving a down day and i just want to hit things and jump of a bridge. im so irratated and annoyed at everything frigght now. i have a three yo who is doing my head in and i just want to run away. I dont want to be touched and he just wants to be next to me or sat on me or touch me and i want to scream.
Im fat and i have my dd christening on sunday and i dont want to go i dont want to face people, i dont have anything to wear and im fat and ugle.
i just want to scream. Im soooooooo feed up of son whining and moaning and not listening to me.
i feel like shouting "Stop touching me - i kill you" but i will not. i jst feel so angry and feed up i could cry. i have housework to do but i dont feel like doing it and that makes me feel guilty and worse. i never have me time and i just want it to stop for abit.

sorry for the rant.

OhBurger Mon 21-May-12 17:02:52

Hi, was prescribed 50mg of seteraline today. I am scared to start on it tbh sad but I know I have to do something, I told my mum today and instead of being supportive I got a huge lecture about how well she had to cope with four kids and working full time while being a single parent angry I would love to be working, I would at least get a break. GP also gave a number to ring so I can self refer to counceling.

CatsSleepAnywhere Mon 21-May-12 17:17:53

Hi OhBurger, I was scared to start my AD's when I first got them. I'm on Fluoxetine (3 weeks in now). The first few weeks can be a bit tough but people say it will improve after that.

NicholasTeakozy Mon 21-May-12 17:27:10

You rant away Hope. Frankly I'd be amazed if your three year old didn't wind you up. He's 3, it's his job. You're going to have bad days every now and then, you just have to get over them.

Loopy, go and see your GP, local MH team or counsellor. You're struggling here, I can see that. You need someone to talk things through with, and maybe review your meds.

Hi Burger and welcome. smile It seems many on here take their meds in the morning. It's a shame your mum feels like that, she really should be offering you her support. sad Do start tomorrow, don't forget they can take a while to work properly. Also give the number a ring and get on the list. You can beat this.

OhBurger Mon 21-May-12 17:28:47

Thanks cats just took my first one. Feel less of a wreck than I did yesterday and this morning. Had quite a lot of booze on Saturday night which I know doesn't help at all, going for tea total for the foreseeable future.

OhBurger Mon 21-May-12 17:32:48

Thanks NicholasTeacozy I rang them and they are sending out a registration pack so I can go on the waiting list. I have stuff I need to work through, my mum is always the same. Been dealing with it all my life, I don't know why I a surprised by it anymore. I also fessed up to a friend, cowardly through text blush not had a reply yet.

NicholasTeakozy Mon 21-May-12 18:01:47

Telling your friend via text is fine. It's out there now, and you'll know how much of a friend she is by her reply. I think much of being embarrassed for suffering with a mental illness is because sufferers are stigmatised, which is a pity. Let's face it, if you had an infection you'd take medicine, taking ADs for depression is exactly the same. Your brain is ill, and Sertraline is penicillin for your brain.

Does any of that make the slightest bit of sense?

MrsMuddyPuddles Mon 21-May-12 18:08:56

Hope I've had a bad day today as well. sad no real reason, just struggled to get out of bed

OhBurger Mon 21-May-12 18:24:28

Yup, it makes 100% sense. The sad thing is I used to work in MH and I just ignored all my symptoms hoping it would all go away. How wrong could I be? I have so many unresolved issues and when I take a step back an look at my life it's a wonder how I have managed up til now with no help sad I feel so sorry for my kids, they shouldn't have to suffer too. I haven't had a chance to catch up with the whole thread but I will when I get my hands on the laptop. Been a member of MN for ten years but rarely post but I'm glad it's here.

Loopyloveschocolate Mon 21-May-12 18:58:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicholasTeakozy Mon 21-May-12 21:17:37

You're right Loopy it isn't a quick process. Have a think about CBT for your food obsession. MoodGym's a good site, you have to register but it's free. When you see your therapist tell her about this, she may be able to help with tips or meds. Sorry I'm not much help.

Don't beat yourself up Burger. In admitting you have a problem you've overcome the biggest hurdle. Getting it out there is bloody hard, yes you maybe could've recognised the signs earlier, but nobody's perfect. When you read through the thread you'll see questions about side effects and how long they take to kick in. The side effects calm down after a while and the meds work after anything between two and six weeks. If Sertraline doesn't work for you, then a different one will. Stick with it, and if you struggle badly go back to your GP.

MrsMuddyPuddles Mon 21-May-12 21:30:53

Just to add to what NT said, a higher does might also help.

CatsSleepAnywhere Tue 22-May-12 07:55:14

Morning all, feeling a bit itchy this morning. confused Not quite sure why, maybe it's another side effect. I think I might book that appointment with the doc. Was also feeling faint and sick when I got up in the night. sad
It's a shame if these are all side effects cause I am otherwise feeling a little better!

NicholasTeakozy Tue 22-May-12 12:00:24

Get that appointment booked Cats, you know it makes sense. smile It's a good thing that you're feeling a bit better, don't forget everything is baby steps.

CatsSleepAnywhere Tue 22-May-12 12:23:39

Hi NT Appointment is booked for tomorrow. Still waiting to hear about my counselling, hope I haven't screwed up on that! I have phoned them twice since last week and they said they emailed the counsellor so I am waiting for an appointment. I know I should have gone last week but I hit rock bottom and wasn't thinking clearly. blush

The itching felling seems to have gone so I wonder if it was anxiety related. confused

MrsMuddyPuddles Tue 22-May-12 16:20:54

Cats I hope you hear soon from the counsellor!

NicholasTeakozy Tue 22-May-12 16:57:49

Yes I remember your thread from last week. There's no point worrying about that. If things get really bad go to see your CPN. They have no reason to not contact you, they know you need help.

CatsSleepAnywhere Tue 22-May-12 17:25:30

What is a CPN? I don't think I've got one, I've only seen the doc and the consellor.

CatsSleepAnywhere Tue 22-May-12 17:26:59

*Counsellor (sp?)

Anyway hope everyone else is alright.

MrsMuddyPuddles Tue 22-May-12 17:30:42

CPN is community psych nurse

correct spelling is optional here, we've enough to worry about without stressing over that, TOO grin please? I can't spell

I'm doing better, went out and got some exercise in the sun everyone who said that that's a good idea was right, damnit

NicholasTeakozy Tue 22-May-12 20:10:02

Don't forget to write your concerns down Cats. This is just in case you can't remember everything or are unable to speak for whatever reason. Just be honest with her.

Muddy sunshine and exercise definitely work as a mood lifter. As does A Good Nights Sleep™. I had a lovely couple of hours walking around Geocaching (found one, didn't find two). Great fun.

JigForVictory Tue 22-May-12 20:45:49

Hi everybody, I hope you don't mind me joining this thread (I normally post under another name but have namechanged for this).

I've been taking sertraline since September for panic and anxiety. I went up to 75mg/day, which worked very well for the panic, but started getting side effects: bruxism (jaw clenching), lethargy, and food cravings, so have been dropped down to 50mg and started on a low dose of Wellbutrin (buproprion) as well today. I am a bit anxious about the Wellbutrin - I am always nervous about taking new medication, and I am a bit worried about it making the panic come back.

I am also having a weekly session with a counsellor.

Loopyloveschocolate Tue 22-May-12 20:57:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatsSleepAnywhere Tue 22-May-12 21:14:03

Well done! Loopy smile sounds like a good day.

Muddy The sunshine is lovely, glad you got out and enjoyed it!

Hi jig

NT I will try and remember to write things down.

MrsMuddyPuddles Tue 22-May-12 21:16:39

yay, loopy glad to hear that today wasn't bad smile

welcome jig

cats did you ever get things sorted with your councellor?

CatsSleepAnywhere Tue 22-May-12 21:49:00

Muddy I missed the appointment last week --which I now now was a silly thing to do-- (I was extremely down). Since then I have seen doctor she said "I must phone them" so I have phoned them twice and they said they have emailed the counsellor. I still haven't heard from the counsellor. I will see doctor again tomorrow and let her know. Doctor really doesn't want me to loose my place. sad

MrsMuddyPuddles Tue 22-May-12 22:57:17

sad good luck, cats.

NicholasTeakozy Wed 23-May-12 06:37:16

Hi Jig I think we all get nervous when faced with new meds. Let's hope these help.

Loopy, that's more like it. Fingers crossed that today is similar or better. Your 3 year old is a clever blighter grin.

Good luck today Cats.

MrsMuddyPuddles Wed 23-May-12 06:54:41

Loopy, I meant to ask: what sling do you wear a 3 and 4 year old in? totally off topic but gave up wearing our 3yo when she was 2 and I'd like to start up again since the buggy can be a pita

Loopyloveschocolate Wed 23-May-12 15:01:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HipandOrganic Wed 23-May-12 16:14:00

Hello, can I join? I was prescribed 20 mg Paroxetine a day for anxiety and depression. I was on Citalopram for six months about 10 years ago for a bout of depression but haven't been on AD since (Until now!!).

I have two DC (3 year old DD and 9 month DS) and getting through each day is a struggle at the moment, not helped by the fact that I am going back to work in a few weeks. I started taking the tablets last week and am waiting to feel a difference. I hope they take effect soon as I am hanging on by a thread - trying so hard to appear normal for family & friends!

Does anyone have experience of Paroxetine? I have read some horror stories about weight gain and addiction, which has made me panic. There again...I panic at everything or I wouldn't need the Paroxetine grin

I have name changed for this, normally post under another name.

NicholasTeakozy Wed 23-May-12 18:17:25

Hi Hip, jump right in. Don't try ro appear 'normal'. Things are bound to be hard enough without that.
Your meds can take anything from 2-6 weeks to kick in properly, so just stick with them for the time being.

Loopy I doubt very much you've spoiled their day, kids are resilient. Maybe take them for icecream later...

JigForVictory Wed 23-May-12 22:17:30

Well I think the Wellbutrin did get me a bit hopped up last night. Fell asleep at 11.30pm and woke up at 1.30am and couldn't get back to sleep. Hmm. I crashed out and had a nap at lunchtime, but hopefully that won't affect sleeping tonight.

On the plus side I did manage to make an appointment with my therapist and get about 1000 emails cleared out of my inbox today, although it was torturously slow and I have still saved the scariest looking ones to look at just before I see my therapist (this is one of the things I get anxiety about). Going to try to do some writing tonight (am in different time zone to UK) and go to bed early, then get up and deal with them.

For those of you with food cravings/weight gain, I have this too and was advised to keep a food diary, which has really helped. I have got in some dried fruit to snack on, which helps with the craving for sweet things, but is better for me as I can't actually sit down and eat a whole packet of apricots in the way I could with a packet of biscuits.

MrsMuddyPuddles Wed 23-May-12 23:24:11

Thanks for the recs, loopy. You know, an hour or so of television being left to their own devices won't do your children any harm and if it's non-screen-time independent play, would prob do them much good. Hell, even some tv is educational. I reccomend the octonauts on youtube if they're little enough. Certainly, it's MUCH better than a mummy so stressed out that <drastic thing that you are tempted to do when the going gets rough> happens. am trying to justify why there's been so much octonauts on in my flat over the last few weeks Best of luck in your diary.

Jig that's a good thing about the apricots , I HAVE chowed down on a whole packet before, to rather, um, runny result shock blush

Welcome hip

MrsMuddyPuddles Wed 23-May-12 23:25:33

Just googled the rose and rebellion carriers shock those are the CHEAPER ones!?

Loopyloveschocolate Thu 24-May-12 05:42:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMuddyPuddles Thu 24-May-12 18:44:41

hope you avoid temptation, loopy

I managed to have a reasonably good day today, miles better than Monday. I even manage to do almost a normal amount of "stuff" (washed a stuffed toy, did some gardening, had a lie-down, met DH for a picnic, and was supposed to do some practice dancing with a friend, but was too tired so we didnt do much at all blush, then picked DD up from the childminder.) am a bit shattered, though, and am not sure how tonight will go since DH is out DD will be glued to youtube until bedtime because one of my coping techniques is to be a bad parent

Loopyloveschocolate Thu 24-May-12 19:43:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicholasTeakozy Thu 24-May-12 21:33:50

Don't worry about your DD Muddy, Youtube is fine.

Loopy, sounds like you have some sort of OCD type stuff going on. Have a look at MoodGym to see whether anything there can help.

Loopyloveschocolate Thu 24-May-12 21:40:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicholasTeakozy Thu 24-May-12 22:37:52

No Loopy you're not. You are ill. Your brain has a poorly and it needs medicine and other work to help it get better.

I suggested MoodGym because it looks like you need to alter the way you look at things. It is CBT, which can help with behaviour traits like those you describe. Please discuss your thoughts with your counsellor next time you see her. There is no shame at all in being ill. You need to get better, for the sake of your family, but most importantly for you.

Loopyloveschocolate Fri 25-May-12 05:33:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicholasTeakozy Fri 25-May-12 08:51:54

Loopy that last post has made me want to give you a massive Mumsnetty hug.

Loopyloveschocolate Fri 25-May-12 12:58:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Arana Fri 25-May-12 13:20:55

Today I saved somebody's life (she was choking) and didn't cut myself.

Still feel hollow and empty, and like the rage is going to take me over at any moment, but I guess you have to take the bad with the good.

I'm tapering off sertraline and about to go to cymbalta. Anyone done this before? I'm going from 200mg sertra to 50mg over the course of 10 days, then starting 30mg cymbalta. There's gonna be some funky shit going on in my head, I can tell you that.

NicholasTeakozy Fri 25-May-12 13:54:50

Wow Arana, you saved a life! Brilliant. And well done on the not cutting. Good luck with the change of meds, I really hope Cymbalta works for you.

Loopy there's no shame in being ill. In your earlier post you said it might be time to try CBT again, which is positive. You're at the point where you're ready to take another step on the road to getting the old you back. There is a 'normal' person in there wanting to come back without the negativity.

MrsMuddyPuddles Fri 25-May-12 19:29:40

Well done, Arana!

Loopy, it's funny, but I went for help because of how it was affecting others and not because I was necessarily bothered in myself about the new tendancies/new "normal form me", too but it was how it was affecting work for me, not family I assume the hollow/screaming you isn't how you've always felt, and hope that you find who that "me" person is without too much screaming, or at least, without more than you can bear (though for me, it's bouts of pure terror when I peek at my deamons... am starting to think that I might be able to poke at them soon, though. maybe)

WorldOfMeh Fri 25-May-12 21:50:37

<worships the heroic yet humble Arana>

Loopy - uncanny, I can totally relate to that hollow/screaming/'what is me?' thing... and I wish you hadn't mentioned the Roses and Rebellion thing. I am now in luff.

Am sitting here, pissed for the first time in a wee while. Had a bit of a rubbish day again, unfortunately: have had a chest infection off and on which seems to have kicked in again last night so woke up coughing and ended up spewing in the loo at 2 in the morning. Baby then woke at half 3, probably got another hour's sleep before getting up with her at 6.30. A day of barely contained fury and self loathing ensued. Plus my Mum is having a hard time just now.... my Dad died a couple of years ago, and sometimes she hits a wall with it. She drinks a fair bit (always has), and then we have long phone calls about it where she repeats herself constantly and I worry about whether she has dementia or alcoholic brain damage setting in. Hey, ho.

Having very vivid and crazy dreams at the moment. Recurrent themes are (in no particular order): running away to New York at a moment's notice (but jumping through infinite hoops to make the flight), finding myself in strange and extensive Edwardian municipal changing room/shower complexes and panicking about where I am allowed to be, and Zombie Apocalypse. Last night I found myself in a some cool hipster BDSM club in New York with my extended family (including my slightly weirded-out mother), meeting a couple of 'kerayzy' NY friends and buying over-priced cakes and sushi from the W.I., who had a stall in this club. Naturally.

Seeing a doc again on Monday. Unsure about what to say, and whether to think in terms of asking for an increase in the dose. Have been sort of level-ish in the main, but not... right. Not right at all. But then, since I have no idea what being right entails, that's possibly not the best reference point for a freak like me.

Oh, and MrsMuddy and Loopy, my main motivator in going on meds was also the fact that I was more concerned about how my mood swings/craziness were impacting on others. I was hitting myself in front of my partner and baby, and figured that trying taking pills couldn't be any worse. O what larks...

Loopyloveschocolate Sat 26-May-12 07:45:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMuddyPuddles Sat 26-May-12 08:31:08

I am loving your dream-logic, world of meh! Of COURSE the WI would have a stall at a hispter BDSM thing in another country! (I have similar dream logic at times, too but sadly can't recall much. Oh, except the kangaroo-coyote the was terriozing my family once.)

loopy if it's terroizing you, then back away from it, just make sure that your councellor eventually knows that "me" time is a scary concept for you. Just because it's something that a lot of us need to stay relatively sane doesn't mean that it's what you require at this point in your life.

WorldOfMeh Sun 27-May-12 20:04:23

Thanks, MrsMuddy. Love the mental image of the terrifying kangaroo-coyote :D

Have had a slightly crappy couple of days: the baby has been a bit under the weather lately, and has been whinging a lot. It gets on my nerves at times (I feel horrible about this). A couple of times over this weekend I've lost it and screamed stuff like 'JUST SHUT UP!'. Then her wee face just crumpled. It comes out of nowhere, almost like I'm unaware of the pressure building up. The rest of the time I manage to be loving with her (I think), but then I turn into some sort of horrible demon. I'm worried she's going to be scared of me, like I was of my mother (I used to have nightmares about her trying to kill me when I was a little kid).

sad

Loopyloveschocolate Mon 28-May-12 04:53:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMuddyPuddles Mon 28-May-12 12:35:53

oh meh I know that feeling! Are you getting councelling? I feel like I should remember/know that but I don't thanks to not enough sleep or food
loopy give good advice re babywearing.

loopy sorry to hear about your tummy, hope you find that miracle!

I managed to almost do a normal amount of activity this weekend, and even saw someone on Fri night that I'd been dreading seeing she's child-free and always a bit sniffy about how mothers get protected maternity leave but others can't just go on a paid career break, so I was scared that she'd be equally sniffy about me being off work with depression... she was kindness in itself, however! well, to my face at least Am paying for it now, though hmm

CatsSleepAnywhere Tue 29-May-12 06:20:24

Hi all, I have been finding it hard to get anytime on MNet lately cause when I turn the computer on DD always comes over and --gets in the way-- wants to sit on my lap or wants to go on the computer herself. hmm
Also suffering from not enough sleep also caused by DD.

Moodwise I have been doing o.k. but I have been itching an awful lot. I don't know if it is caused by the recent hot weather we have had or if it is caused by the meds or anxiety. confused It is driving me up the wall!
If it is caused by the hot weather it should hopefully calm down a bit today as the weather looks and feels a bit cooler.

MrsMuddyPuddles Tue 29-May-12 18:16:22

Sorry to hear your DD is being a pest, Cats.

I've been kinda up/kinda down today confused

WorldOfMeh Tue 29-May-12 19:34:35

Hello again, folks... happy Tuesday. smile

Thanks for the kind words (as usual) also. Loopy - my daughter is nearly 11 months. Funnily enough, I had been thinking about carrying her more, and your post prompted me to just do it. We have a 'backpack' style carrier so I popped her in that yesterday, and got some stuff done. It went ok, so I think this might actually be a great help if I can do short bursts of sorting daily. My sis is a big baby wearer, dunno why I've not gone there so much: she's a big baby, which is part of it I think. My back isn't great, so it can get tiring/painful after a while. The backpack is pretty good, though, and we've been walking the dog together as well, which both the baby and dog love. So thank you, from the three of us! Any further advice on the subject will me more than welcome. grin

Anyway, saw the doc yesterday and she upped my dose to 100mg- so will see how that goes.

I've decided to cut my time on the net as well as I don't think it's helping. The plan is to do more productive stuff with the time (which I think really mounts up!) by being more present for my daughter, do some studying, make stuff and get out walking more. I waste way too much time looking at crap and/or arguing with idiots about meaningless rubbish! If anyone is interested, I found a great add-on for Firefox that helps you set personal limits if, like me, you lack a spine of your own.

Cats - I'm sorry, I can't remember what meds you are on, but I'm on Sertraline and have noticed a bit of increased itchyness. It might help if you drink more water and cut back on caffeine?

Muddy - good to hear you got out and it went much better than you were dreading it might.But... a two day hangover? Ouch!

Loopy - you sound a little better now. Hope this is the beginning of an upward curve for you.

MrsMuddyPuddles Tue 29-May-12 20:27:34

Meh sadly, wasn't drunk enough for a hangover... just tired confused I feel like I did when I had glandular fever.

yay for babywearing smile Just don't overdo it at first... slow and steady so you don't injure yourself

HoneyMum21 Tue 29-May-12 20:33:03

Hi all, i'm fairly new to mumsnet so i hope i'm ok to be posting this on here. I'm 12 weeks pregnant and before ttc i had a fairly hellish few months switching my antidepressants to Fluoxetine as i was told that this was the safest during pregnancy. I've been settled on that for nearly 6 months now but am worrying about whether i'm going to have to make another switch in order to breastfeed and, if so, at what point i should think about making the switch? Is fluoxetine dangerour in breastfeeding?

Sorry for bombarding with questions - my psychiatrist has left recently and they are stil trying to organise a locum so there isn't anyone i can ask in the real world!

thanks

Loopyloveschocolate Tue 29-May-12 21:37:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nomadwantshome Tue 29-May-12 21:40:47

Book marking, bit whacked right now

NicholasTeakozy Tue 29-May-12 23:22:42

Hi Honey welcome. If you don't mind I'll have a bit of a dig for you in the morning, my eyes are not really taking things in properly. Don't be scared; contrary to popular opinion we're not bastards. We're luffly.

Hi Nomad, have a read and dive in. We'll help if we can.

MrsMuddyPuddles Wed 30-May-12 06:14:12

Hi Honey and nomad

loopy, I hate it when that happens sad hope today is better for you

MrsMuddyPuddles Wed 30-May-12 06:46:17

Oops, spaced on the breastfeeding stuff for honey!

Dr Hale is considered by many to be the world's leading expert on drug effects on breastmilk. He has a lookup book that most breastfeeders prefer it's a better resource than some doctors have to consult when thinking about taking medicine : he goes by what research there has and hasn't been done, rather than CYA type paranoia that some pharmaceutical companies and doctors prefer. A couple ladies on the breast and bottlefeeding board here have a copy if can't afford to get your own i never bothered as I'm rarely sick and should be able to look things up for you.

Here's the kellymom (a great resource, have a root around there for all sorts of info) page relating to ADs: kellymom.com/bf/can-i-breastfeed/meds/antidepressants-hale10-02/ (she may have others but that seems to have the info you need).

I looked up fluoxetine because what else is there to do when you're awake well before the rest of the family and it seems that's a different name for prozac? If so, the good news is that's a very good one to be on while nursing, the bad news is that levels in your placenta + levels in your milk may be too high (one or the other would be safe, but not both) so he recommends dropping down to a lower dose before birth. Hopefully your new psych or gp will have access to the research he bases this on (or even the research the American FDA used to approve this for a nursing mother ) so as to advise you properly im just a stranger on the internet and in no way qualified to give medical advice!

CatsSleepAnywhere Wed 30-May-12 06:51:06

Hi Honey and nomad

I'm on Fluoxetine (1 month in now). I am quite new to Antidepressants so don't know a lot about them. I have a 3 yr old and an older child at school.

The counsellor got me another appointment so I will go to it! (today)

DD slept all night which means I got a good amount of sleep which is great!

<Sending positive vibes to you all> smile

NicholasTeakozy Wed 30-May-12 07:57:31

Thanks Muddy. The stuff you turned up is better than what I was able to find, far more relevant.

Yay Cats! See, A Good Nights Sleep™ works wonders. Good luck with the counsellor. Remember your OP on your thread? Print it out to take with you.

HoneyMum21 Wed 30-May-12 08:07:53

Thanks for all your responses. I got confused as some websites I looked at said u should def switch before breast feeding but some said that even though it can pass through the milk it's still safe to stay on. So much conflicting info out there!

cats it's amazing what sleep can do!

CatsSleepAnywhere Wed 30-May-12 11:27:53

Hi all, I went to counselling, ended up getting all emotional about not being able to fit in everything into the day. confused Feeling like a bit of a "nutter" now.
She must think I'm mad! sad

NicholasTeakozy Wed 30-May-12 12:06:52

Wow Cats you went! Superb. Remember only a couple of weeks ago you couldn't face it? You got emotional? Good. That's a good thing, it shows you care, you want to get better. You're not a nutter; you are ill. You're taking medicine and having other treatment to cure your illness.

Just bear in mind this could take a while, so be patient, and don't worry if you seem to be making no progress.

MrsMuddyPuddles Wed 30-May-12 12:31:10

Hi cats! Glad to hear you went, sorry to hear that you're feeling down about yourself for being ill. I get overwhelmed by trying to fit everything in, too even the lower levels of "everything" I'm doing now so don't feel like you're alone in that. You're putting energy into healing, so of COURSE there isn't going to be mental space/energy for lots of other things. If you can, become slovenly back off from the things that are difficult for a bit, and pick them up again/rearrange your life to fit them in when you can. considers taking her own advice

When's your next appointment?

Loopyloveschocolate Wed 30-May-12 18:46:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMuddyPuddles Wed 30-May-12 21:10:38

hi loopy One step at a time. Sorry to hear you had/have a shite psych

I am quietly celebrating 1 week and 11 1/2 hours since the last time I self harmed. also happens to be the time I did the most damage/took the least care that it didn't "show" but ho hum I'm also feeling randomly down, but that's probably due to eating too much chocolate this afternoon blush

CatsSleepAnywhere Thu 31-May-12 04:23:34

Hi muddy and Loopy, my next appointment is in about 2 weeks. I suspect she will say similar to what she has said all along though which is - break everything down into small steps. This is good advice but when you feel crap even small steps feel difficult to achieve!

I am fed up of feeling itchy! feel like giving up on the meds. I may need to go and see the doc again confused --though she will be fed up of me-- <reminds self this is the depression talking> I am trying so hard to be positive but that in itself feels draining!

Small steps! small steps!
I was reading something about us having an "inner bully" and "perfectionist thinking - trying to doing it all" which apparently can be a cause or symptom of depression. confused Sorry, I might be rambling as it is too early in the morning!

Jnice Thu 31-May-12 07:24:56

Hello! I found this thread and had a skim of the first and last few pages - bit too big to read it all on my phone.

I started sertraline 25mg 8 days ago and at psych's direction upped the dose to 50mg after 5 days. I felt a lot less desperate after just a couple of days. My main symptoms (PND) are feelings of desperation, inability to cope with small tasks or make decisions, getting v. Angry and crying all the time including at night when trying to sleep. All of that got better in the first few days.

But... Now I feel this void. I have moments where I feel something but generally I'm just hollow.

My DS is sleeping badly (still) and I haven't slept through the night since he was born 7 months ago. He had started giving me 5 hour stretches here and there but is now back to waking up to feed 4 or 5 times a night. I think this is getting to me because I'm really lost as to what todo about it.

I have 3 DS and I'm 40 - I feel so old and worn out. I used to be fit and strong and I just feel broken. Sorry, this was meant to be a simple question but turned into a brain dump.

My question was - is this normal progress? Feel a bit better quickly then peter out? I'm feeling very despondent. The side effects were hard to deal with but I was happy to deal with headaches and spacyness if it meant getting better.

MrsMuddyPuddles Thu 31-May-12 07:56:21

cats definately go back and get one that doesn't make you itchy smile Also: if your small steps are difficult, they are probably too big...

The inner bully and perfectionist thinking things sound way too familiar... wonders if I brought this on myself from reading that hyperbole and a half comic... though possibly not since I've been in similar places before

Hi Jnice "Feel better and then peter out" was certainly my experience, and more experienced people on here have said that was normal, so yours is probably normal, as well... I'm sure the more experienced types will wake up in a bit and chime in smile

NicholasTeakozy Thu 31-May-12 11:31:27

Cats I echo what Muddy says. Do not stop your meds without advice. Like you said, baby steps. You're allowed a wibble you know.

Hello Jnice, glad you found us. Feeling hollow is normal at the beginning, these types of meds can take up to 6 weeks to kick in properly. Don't worry about ranting, we're used to it! smile

Muddy, you're only supposed to having the odd square of chocolate. wink Seriously, congrats on going over a week without self harming. You should be proud of yourself for that. Again, baby steps.

Loopy, great advice wrt breastfeeding. Your psych is a twat for telling you to stop BFing though. I believe you when you say it's the only thing keeping you alive.

I fully understand the 'inner bully/perfectionist' thing. I have my fair share of critics, none of whom is as harsh as I am. I think it's something you have to train yourself out of.

CatsSleepAnywhere Thu 31-May-12 12:31:36

I am still taking them at present and won't just stop without talking to the doctor first as I know it can be dangerous (if that's the right word). I seem to be feeling less itchy today. I don't know if it is caused by the hot weather or if it is the meds or anxiety related. Sorry if I've already said that. The weather is rainy today so that is why I wonder if it's to do with it.

NT if they take 6 weeks to kick in I still have about 2 weeks to go so maybe I need to stick with it. If the itching comes back though maybe I will see the doc.

CatsSleepAnywhere Thu 31-May-12 12:39:39

Hi Jnice I think I get where you are coming from age wise. I am 2 years away from 40 and find things tiring at times especially if I don't get enough sleep.

NicholasTeakozy Thu 31-May-12 13:38:00

That's the spirit Cats. You will get the old you back. It just takes time and patience along with the meds and counselling. It helps if you have someone to open up to, who will listen and not criticise or tell you to buck your ideas up.

MrsMuddyPuddles Thu 31-May-12 13:49:20

cats, I was going to suggest calamine lotion for the itches, but wasn't sure if that would help if it's the meds... if it's the heat/something in the air (allergies?) then calamine might help, or oatmeal baths. or if you're susceptable to the placebo effect, it'll help no matter what the cause grin Nothing wrong with changing meds because the side effects are too annoying.

I am a little worried about the "you get tired with age" thing: I'm already tired enough and I'm only 32! shock

Jnice Thu 31-May-12 17:35:45

Thank you all for the welcome and support. I'm glad to hear what I'm experiencing is not a concern. Have an appointment with my psych and therapist today so will also mention it to them.

HoneyMum21 Thu 31-May-12 19:19:21

Hi Jnice - what you're going through sucks and is horrible especially when you think you've found something that's going to help but it sends you up, down and sideways first. Having been on (i think) nearly all the SSRIs over the past 11 years or so and, without trying to sound blase about it, they all knock you around a bit for the first few weeks. But hang in there, they do help eventually. And (not wanting to sound negative, this is supposed to be more of a positive note, so hopefully it'll come out that way!) if these meds aren't for you then there will def be one that will help - they all just work slightly differently and you need to find the best one for you. Just stay in contact with you gp and psych, i also found it helpful to keep a bit of a mood/symptom diary when starting new meds so when feelings come back or get worse for a couple of days you can reassure yourself that things are getting better bit by bit. Hope this helps.

Loopyloveschocolate Thu 31-May-12 20:13:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicholasTeakozy Thu 31-May-12 21:52:23

Loopy sorry, I try to keep up by refreshing TIO but I missed your update. sad Go and see your GP, explain exactly how you're feeling (write down, it works). Honest lovely, please get yourself seen. You deserve better.

Loopyloveschocolate Fri 01-Jun-12 06:33:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Arana Fri 01-Jun-12 06:44:29

Come off sertraline now. It's nice not to have the constant oppressive fatigue and the tremor - I went for a run for the first time in over a month, which I just couldn't manage before.

However, I'm back to my psychotic irrational fucked up self.

Cutting even more, even had a cigarette yesterday, when I haven't smoked for over ten years.

I'm totally spaced out, don't feel anything unless it's emptiness, rage or self loathing.

Meant to be starting cymbalta, but I want to have a full washout of sertraline. I want to know that the baseline fucked-upness is worth the on ADs fucked-upness.

Oh, and I can't stop crying. I'd forgotten how debilitating that is when you're trying to live a normal (on the face of it) life.

I'm so fed up to the back teeth of all of this.

MrsMuddyPuddles Fri 01-Jun-12 06:57:58

loopy he might be able to hold your hand through this particular bad patch, and help you find a mechanism to manage any future ones. It's a run of 3 bad days in a row, so possibly getting further help would be good.

Arana sad how long of a "washout" are you taking before trying the next one?

Loopyloveschocolate Fri 01-Jun-12 08:31:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Arana Fri 01-Jun-12 09:22:09

You guys reckon the washout is a bad idea?

Loopyloveschocolate Fri 01-Jun-12 09:44:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMuddyPuddles Fri 01-Jun-12 17:12:30

loopy am I right in thinking you sound a smidge better today? Isn't there an overeaters anon as well as AA, NA, etc?

Loopyloveschocolate Fri 01-Jun-12 21:58:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMuddyPuddles Fri 01-Jun-12 22:50:20

Yikes!! I'd heard they were a little religious but not to that extent confused

NicholasTeakozy Sat 02-Jun-12 22:42:47

That's the problem with 12 step programs. I think all of them require you to believe in a god.

Arana, you shouldn't go cold turkey from Sertraline. Please start your new meds, what Loopy says is right.

I think I may have scared Cats away. sad She sent me a pm and I replied honestly. I find lying difficult though.

Loopyloveschocolate Sun 03-Jun-12 07:44:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMuddyPuddles Sun 03-Jun-12 12:17:33

Loopy, it's like at Christmas : you can't judge yourself by normal standards as it's holiday times, so you need to use holiday standards, and holiday tricks for helping yourself. Glad you're doing better.

NT, honesty may hurt but it's better than otherwise. I hope Cats comes back, too.

I'm currently on a long bus ride to visit some friends run away from my 3 yo and responsibilities for a few days. I do wish people women of a certain age didn't feel the need to bathe in perfume! though maybe I'm not one to talk, as showering this am didn't happen blush

CatsSleepAnywhere Sun 03-Jun-12 18:35:46

Hi all,
NT You haven't scared me away grin. I just haven't had a lot to post about over the last couple of days.

CatsSleepAnywhere Sun 03-Jun-12 18:41:40

I think I am doing o.k. but I am finding it hard to sleep all night. Last night slept from 12 till 4 then got up, went back to bed at 6.30am and up again at 8.00am.

I seem to feel worn out at 8.00pm but then get more energy again around 9.00pm --once the DC are asleep-- Then I don't feel like going to bed. confused

NicholasTeakozy Sun 03-Jun-12 19:34:02

If you think you're doing ok then you are. So glad proclaiming ignaorance doesn't worry you.

Good for you Muddy, a few days away should do you good.

CatsSleepAnywhere Sun 03-Jun-12 20:08:13

Sorry you feel like that NT. It has been a bit hard to get on here with the DC at home. They like to go on the computer too! I didn't want to seem ignorant! sad I just don't have the right words to say to other people sometimes so I feel rather than say the wrong thing I would rather say nothing. Social anxiety is like that! Sorry you got the wrong impression of me.

Loopyloveschocolate Mon 04-Jun-12 07:03:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OvenReady Mon 04-Jun-12 16:09:10

Help. Struggling. I'm losing it.

So much for my 'you can do it' post a few weeks ago. Utter rubbish. I feel like I've been thrown in an alley, run over by a rubbish truck a few times, and no-one is listening to my pleas for help. Thank god for you lot.

I frickin HATE ADs. I am STILL trying to come off Sertraline, and I feel worse than I did before I went on it. I've read up on the side effects, and you name it I think I've got it...

* nausea (so awful I don't wanna get out of bed);
* dizziness;
* brain 'zaps' like in a weird movie or horror film;
* unbalanced, like the ground keeps shifting;
* hot and cold;
* goosebumps and itchy crawling flesh;
* extreme rage - why the hell my husband hasn't walked out I don't know, it gets so bad I want to smash everything up in the house;
* headaches;
* weird up and down dreams;
* very low mood - very, very low - the sort of mood I was prescribed ADs for in the first place;
* feeling isolated;
* constant crying.

To top it all I'm about 5 weeks pregnant (yay!) and I should be glad but I feel like crap! I don't feel happy at all. I already feel sorry for this baby being born to a person like me. If I'm like this now what's it gonna be like if I get hit with PND again?

AND - I've fallen out with my family, the very people who should be really happy they're gonna get grandchild no. 2 but are actually really quite indifferent (no emotion WHATSOEVER when I told them I was pregnant). I haven't spoken to my mum for almost a week (we normally see each other every day) and when I saw my dad Friday last he was as cold as Frosty the snowman. These people are supposed to be boosting me right now - this latest facade has made me realise part of my PND last time around was because of my messed up relationship with them [very controlling father, cold emotionless no affection mother].

Haven't been to the docs cos I don't trust them after the grief I previously had with Social Services. Am waiting to see a midwife I know from previous preg to get booked in etc, but will have to be economical with my feelings in the event that SHE lands me in the proverbial with Social Services. [Note my son IS safe].

The little leaflet you get with these drugs tells you all about the side effects you can get when taking the drug, but it doesn't warn how fragile you can become, how poorly, when you try to wean yourself OFF them. I'm down to 25mg every 2 days and it sucks. Obviously I wanna be off them totally so that my pregnancy isn't affected.

I just wanna crawl into a hole and be left alone......

NicholasTeakozy Mon 04-Jun-12 16:58:39

Hi Oven, I remember your earlier post wrt coming off Sertraline. As I recall it was a HV that got SS on you wasn't it? Didn't your doctor refer you to a counsellor? I think you need professional help here. I know you don't like ADs, I don't think anyone does, but if they help...

I would honestly go NC with your parents, they're no good to you with their attitude.

Another thing: if you go back on ADs get something like Lorazepam to help with the anxiety. Look after yourself.

Loopyloveschocolate Tue 05-Jun-12 05:48:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Loopyloveschocolate Tue 05-Jun-12 08:57:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicholasTeakozy Tue 05-Jun-12 09:48:30

Oh Loopy that's a bit shit. Oi, Loopy's H, give her some privacy, you utter minkle.

Good luck love, hope all goes well.

WorldOfMeh Wed 06-Jun-12 22:16:47

Hullo...

Loopy, I hope you turn out to be wrong about your DH. That would be very out of order of him if it were true. If you are, in fact, reading this, Loopy's DH- you should be ashamed.

Ovenready not much to add to what has been said, but I feel for you. (Congrats on the pregnancy, though!)

Anyway, have been kind of wobbly in places since I last wrote. Had one or two destructive freakouts (kicked in a kitchen cupboard door before I could stop myself). A couple of friends who I lived with abroad years ago were in town at the weekend and so we went out and got v. hammered, but it has led to a lot of mixed feelings. (Paranoia about not being liked, being weird and being a total failure, mainly.) Still feeling kind of fuzzy and down when I think about it, and finding it hard to not spiral into very negative thoughts.

Hey, ho.

MrsMuddyPuddles Wed 06-Jun-12 22:51:35

oven are you feeling better today? You sound kinda... trapped with respect to the medical services in your area. Can you find out circumspectly what they will and won't call Social Services about?
loopy best of luck with the DH and the early waking, not getting enough sleep is a shitty situation sad

As for me, I've brought the Cold of Doom with me from my friend's place think I may have brought it there, am hoping I didn't get them all sick as she's a bit imunocompromised at the moment, and am trying not to get all paranoid that it's some exotic bacterial infection rather than just being a cold, which is what my head is saying is most likely but am generally in good spirits. Had a good chat with my boss today who wished me well only one point did I want to SH and the ice cube trick worked, wish I remembered what it was he said that sent my mind/feelings in that direction... it was something about the woman that neither of us get on with, I think

I see my GP tomorrow to discuss whether Lofepramine is working, I'm not 100% convinced that it is helping, but maybe I'm just delusional about how bad I am/was/would be without it? confused As in some ways, i'm still worse for taking it and for being off work than I was when I was just keeping a brave face on it, but on the other hand... things that others have said here have resonated in a bad way with me (as in, everyone agrees that something isn't right in someone, and I was doing that before I went off, so that means I was that ill, too?) I guess I just don't want to believe that I'm sick sad We're also discussing whether I'm fit to work confused, no idea with that one, but have already booked travel to see the in-laws for 2 weeks that slightly overlaps the time I'm off ill, so whether I'm fit for work or not, I won't be in the office until the end of the month...

kat1885 Thu 07-Jun-12 21:13:38

Would it be ok for me to join you all? I have just been prescribed sertraline and have taken my first one today.

I posted on the mh board before as a few weeks ago I was prescribed citalopram for anxiety, however they made me feel really spaced out and I wasn't "that bad" so we were just going to try counseling. Things have gone downhill since then.

My anxieties are related to health and wellbeing of myself and my family. I am terrified of illness and always think worst case scenario (most recently it was pointed out that ds2 who is 5 weeks has a white ring around his pupils which I then googled. If you look at white and pupil it brings up loads of sites about retinoblastoma and since reading about it I keep taking photos of both my boys with the flash on to make sure they still have the red reflex as I am certain they are going to get it).

To top it off I also have developed pnd. This has manifested in my anxieties going into hyperdrive for ds2. I can't sleep as I need to keep checking he is still breathing. Noone else can have him, I don't even like them holding him.

Unfortunately, it has almost destroyed my relationship with ds1 who is 4. I have no patience with him, shout at him every day and have visions of me hitting him (although rationally its something I would never do as I was beaten as a child by father). I have told the Dr this.

I feel like my children hate me, I sometimes feel I hate ds1 and don't want him anymore (although this is not what I really feel).

It's like my head has been split in two and I'm struggling to cope.

I'm lucky my mum works for mind so is very supportive as is my dh and sil. Noone else really understands and find it uncomfortable, my sister is on citalopram for stress caused depression and even she found it uncomfortable to hear.

I just need to talk to people going through a similar thing and especially need support going through the probable side effects.

Sorry for hijack and self indulgent long post.

kat1885 Thu 07-Jun-12 21:16:13

Noone in rl other than Dr knows hitting ds goes through my mind as they would rightly be horrified and disgusted as I am and sure you are reading it. I don't deserve my children.

NicholasTeakozy Thu 07-Jun-12 23:34:38

Hello Kat. Please dive right in. Your story is why I contend that PND is the cruelest of illnesses. Give the Sertraline a chance, and in the meanwhile try to get referred for counselling. It's great that your close family is supportive, there are so many that aren't due to not understanding MH problems.

DS1 doesn't hate you, he probably feels confused as to why his beloved mummy is shouting at him. DS2 needs you to be rested and well. Your DH needs you to trust him, both with your DCs and with helping you get better.

It's good that you've told your GP. I'm not disgusted nor am I horrified of your feelings, but I can see that you are.

If you've read the thread you'll recall I said several times there is no shame in being mentally ill. Your brain is ill, you're taking medicine to help it recover. Exactly the same as if you had Tonsillitis you'd take antibiotics. There is no difference. smile

Trust the professionals, and take your meds. You can beat this. Have faith in yourself, you're brilliant. You must be, you admit that you're struggling.

kat1885 Thu 07-Jun-12 23:46:18

Thank you. I have seen your name across the thread (didnt read it all as I'm struggling to concentrate but read a fair bit). You are very supportive to people and seem to know the right thing to say.

I feel quite nauseous and clenching my jaw already which I did on citalopram but even on tablet one with citalopram I was spaced out and not "in my body" so this is an improvement so far (optimistic day 1 let's see how long that lasts!)

adoremyfamily Fri 08-Jun-12 00:03:33

Hi, I am trying to help my dd deal with her depression. First diagnosed with pnd when dgs was about 6mths given fluoxetine worked well came off them fine for many months then depression came back, went back on same ads again worked well and able to come off them. Dgs now 3.6 and few months ago depression returned back on fluoxetine but last week dd broke down and confided that she was getting worse. I visited her Dr (dd refused to see dr at that point felt they couldn't help) who was lovely reassured me I was doing right things and suggested dd may need different ad, also said if she has to stay on ads long term/forever that is ok.

DD then saw dr who changed ads to sertraline (she also takes amitriptyline at night for nerve damage to ribs). DD very upset today been taking new ads for 1 week and she can't stay awake, can't be bothered to do anything, back to dr today who says its side effects try to persevere and to cut amitriptyline to 1 tablet.

Basically I want to know if these side effects last long does sertraline work - silly question everyones different.

I just want to help my wonderful dd get back to feeling herself again. She asked me today why me? breaks my heart that I can't make her better that's what mums are supposed to do.

NicholasTeakozy Fri 08-Jun-12 00:23:49

Thank you Kat, that is kind of you. How about getting something like Lorazepam to help with the jaw clenching, which seems to be a common side effect. You only need a tiny dose just to help. This again is suggested by someone else upthread.

Hello Adoremy and welcome. It's great that you're supporting your DD. Not all ADs work for everyone. Sertraline takes from 2-6 weeks to work properly, so get her to stick with it. Keep doing what you're doing, she needs your help.

MrsMuddyPuddles Fri 08-Jun-12 07:36:13

Hi adora Welcome. Will you be showing your DD this thread, too? Re your side effect q, if you search the thread, people have talked about the length of time side effects lasted for them... I believe others have had the side effects only for a week or two?

Hi Kat, welcome to the madhouse the AD support thread. You are not the only one who has thought about hitting her child on here blush Have you heard the expression "Depression Lies"? I first heard it with respect to "it tells you that maybe people would be better if I'm not around" but I also think "it" tells me other horrible things about myself... the odd smack isn't physical abuse anymore than the odd shout is emotional abuse I had to look up the details on the NSPCC website before I realized that, no, I probably hadn't crossed that line... meanwhile my depression was telling me that if I ever raised my voice with my daughter I was getting abusive, or damn well close blush

I wanted to respond yesterday when I first saw your post, but my head was in a real mess in the afternoon (had a good or possibly manic morning, though! Even mostly enjoyed a trip to the park with DD and our Childminder smile ). The bad afternoon was possibly not helped by a trip to the GP.

I am not sure that the lofepramine I'm on is working, so she suggested increasing it to 210mg (split into 1 pill in the am in addition to the 2 pills at night that I currently take). She also gave me sleeping tablets (because sleep is worse that it had been before starting the meds)

The thing is, I think it's doing the opposite of helping and i'm not sure I made it clear to my GP that that is the case sad It DID work for about a week, but now I feel like I'm more depressed now that I'm taking these and off work than I did in the first place sad SOME of it is that I now have the space for all the feelings I was bottling up to get on with things, but... I am not convinced that that is all of it. I didn't used to fantasize about how to kill people, and I think these thoughts are due to the meds.

So... yeah. that's me. Any advice, please? hope this doesn't get me sectioned

kat1885 Fri 08-Jun-12 10:39:19

Mrsmuddypuddles I would mention it to your gp. I wouldn't think you would be sectioned for the thoughts but I'm not sure. It's horrible when our minds tell us things that aren't true or we wouldn't normally think.

TMI ALERT

Side effects today are still nausea and jaw clenching accompanied by diarrhoea. It's making looking after my children (4yo and 5wks) hard. Dh is trying to get a half day to help but not having much luck. Have put ds1 on computer to play angry birds because I can't function properly which is just great parenting!

MrsMuddyPuddles Fri 08-Jun-12 11:33:47

Thanks kat, went back to the gp with my concerns and am now sat in outpatients at the psychiatric hospital!

Nothing wrong with a bit of computer games now and again, I'm sure your son id enjoying himself :-)

kat1885 Fri 08-Jun-12 11:44:25

Let us know how it goes hopefully they will be able to put a plan in place to help.

NicholasTeakozy Fri 08-Jun-12 12:11:27