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Can't sleep, marriage falling apart...

(700 Posts)
Ineversignedupforthis Tue 18-Oct-11 05:37:56

Trying to keep it together for now. Major problems with massively entitled, passive aggressive oh, which keep coming up. Been going on and off for 20 yrs (the problems).

Have bi-polar, which is generally under control, but know I have to be careful, particularly during stress, when I can't sleep.

Am back in that cycle where I wake up at 4 in the morning, almost bang on, as if by alarm clock. Any thoughts? Any poor sod up like me?

ChildofIsis Tue 18-Oct-11 06:13:53

I am with you, I am not bi-polar but have recently had xh leave me and am usually up at 4am too.

Unusually I didn't wake till 5.45am today. The latest I've slept since the beginning of september. Mind you I hardly slept at all on sunday night.

Xh had been round to put DD; age 5; to bed and we were talking about visitation times, he won't see DD when she wants him to , only when it suits him and his new family.
He is so passive aggressive and is an only child too. I have known he is like this but was in love with him and made allowances.
So much so that he's been having an affair for 2.5 yrs and has an 18 mth old dd with his mistress. All under my nose I might add.

We'd been together 28 yrs.

You have my sympathy.

Ineversignedupforthis Tue 18-Oct-11 06:18:38

Oh Child <hug> Its Pants. My oh not an only child, but treated very much as Best Boy by controlling mil.She would deny this, but she actually 'fought' me for him 20 years ago, as if he were here dp and not son. She has a lot to answer for. Any bells ringing for you at all?

ChildofIsis Tue 18-Oct-11 12:43:09

You have just described what happened to me!
I made xh choose between us eventually.
The whole mil situation was frankly dreadfull.
MIL would say jump and xh would be in the air before he asked how high.

Eventually xh realised who was his wife and that his mum was a manipulating controller. It hit him really hard and he never thought of his mum the same way again.
She died 6.5 years ago whilst we were ttc.

Ineversignedupforthis Tue 18-Oct-11 13:36:59

And yet he still went on to sabotage the relationship, even without her influence? sorry, don't answer if too personal, just confused.

Ineversignedupforthis Tue 18-Oct-11 17:00:09

Sorry Child didn't mean to sound so blunt, and I'm not really suprised, just why would anyone do that. It's so stupid, and it spoils their life as well as ours. If he has real commitment problems, the new relationship might not last either. A friend of mine was dumped by her husband recently, and is dead difficult re access, and now the dc's don't really want to see him, and they were old enough to choose. Very sad part is he has a previous family he has done this with, and it went the same way, and his previous grown-up dc's won't see him. It's like they can't/won't learn anything from their mistakes.

Ineversignedupforthis Wed 19-Oct-11 03:16:17

Up again. Anyone else?

ChildofIsis Wed 19-Oct-11 05:44:29

I'm up again.
Same old same old here.

My belief is that xh wasn't prepared to take a back seat when DD came along. She was a planned baby and is very much loved by both of us. However he'd had exclusive access to me for 23 years before DD.
In his new life he's never had to be dad. Never been there over night (until our split) never had to do any of the night changes etc.

He is a very hands on dad when he's with DD. He got up with us 3 and 4 times a night to do nappy changes when she was a baby, always been willing to look after her and take her out and about by himself.
He's never done any of that with ow.

Recently his parenting ability had been pretty poor as he was struggling with his guilt and was avoiding me and ended up ignoring DD.
Since he left he has upped his game a bit.
I don't really think it can be said that he has committment issues, we were together 28 years.
He's just selfish and self-absorbed.

Ineversignedupforthis Wed 19-Oct-11 08:08:21

Very sad. Sounds quite narcissistic(sp).

ChildofIsis Wed 19-Oct-11 11:43:51

I agree completely.
The biggest laugh is that OW is exactly the same.
I'm not sure if you can have 2 top dogs in one relationship. It'll be interesting watching.

Ineversignedupforthis Wed 19-Oct-11 11:48:01

How long do you give it until it combusts?

ChildofIsis Wed 19-Oct-11 12:18:16

My dear friend said it won't last til xh's 50th birthday next April!

A friend of xh's says that he can't wait to sell ring side tickets to their break-up, apparently I've been 'too nice' and haven't provided any sport at all!

I just have a feeling that he'll end up alone with us on one side and them on the other.
I'm fairly certain that his better relationship will be with us.

I told him he was very lucky that this split was with me as I'm possibly the nicest person he's ever met!

I'm very much into living my life in gratitude and forgiveness. It certainly helps in the darkest hours.

Ineversignedupforthis Wed 19-Oct-11 14:57:14

Yes, i was suprised that he had another child comparitively quickly <>Makes you wonder if he was in fact in agrreement with it.

ChildofIsis Wed 19-Oct-11 16:46:25

We all knew ow was desperate to have a child so any fool having unprotected sex with her was going to end up a father.
Xh maintains that the child was planned!
He says they started the affair at the beginning of march 09, ow was pregnant by the end of april 09.
I'm assuming that there was an emotional affair going on for some time before that.

It's all academical now though.
He's gone, I don't want him back.
We're negotiating a new way of being together as parents to our DD.

I'm quite proud of how DD and I are dealing with this.
We're really enjoying living with each other without xh.

Ineversignedupforthis Wed 19-Oct-11 17:45:14

Good to hear.x

Ineversignedupforthis Thu 20-Oct-11 08:24:39

Actually slept until 7 this morning, and only woke up because I had left the bast**d alarm clock on. Things are more manageable if I'm sleeping.

Anyone else up, feel like this has become a Child and me thread.

How are you Child?

ChildofIsis Thu 20-Oct-11 08:57:35

Maybe it us just you and me. A totally inclusive thread!

Do you know I'm great at the moment.
I seem able to view xh as DD's dad rather than my cheating h and it makes for a much easier life.

The electrician is creating more dust than a storm in the sahara, but it will be great when my new room is finished. The attic 'workroom' is becoming my new room.
I've wanted a bigger bedroom ever since I moved to this house.
DD also gets to have a bigger room when she moves into my old one.
A win win situation.

I am full of hope and joy today.
My newly found (made contact in May) birth mother and her husband are coming to see us next week; for the week; so DD and I are very much looking forward to that.
Mind you that's a thread by itself.

I hope things are getting easier for you too. it looks like we're all sleeping a bit longer which certainly helps make life look better.

Ineversignedupforthis Thu 20-Oct-11 09:05:03

Wow Child sounds real good! I think a new bedroom is an excellent idea, almost like moving could have it pink if you wanted, or zebra stripes or anything you jolly well like! Not suggesting that would necessarily be my taste. Have you been able to do it exactly as you like?

ChildofIsis Thu 20-Oct-11 12:06:57

I'm waiting to have it over-skimmed in 2 weeks time.

I'm going for pale walls; it's the attic; with dark red/ purple/ burgundy accessories.
I've already got some new bedding, the type with the large colourfull flowers on.
The kind of thing xh would've hated!

And I can have flannelette sheets now too.
Lots of silver linings in this cloud of mine.

Ineversignedupforthis Thu 20-Oct-11 14:44:32

Yeah! Sounds good to me!

Ineversignedupforthis Fri 21-Oct-11 07:11:13

Morning all. Been awake since 6, which almost counts as a lie-in these days....anyone else? childs, fancy a brew? Ps I have bedroom envy...

ChildofIsis Fri 21-Oct-11 07:31:59

Hi there, I did get a lie-in 6.30am!
Mind you that's on the back of being up twice in the night to a coughing mucus monster and then not being able to get back to sleep.

Whilst I love the idea of my new bedroom I so wish I wasn't in this position in the first place.
'I never signed up for this' either!! Ha Ha.

Ineversignedupforthis Fri 21-Oct-11 07:49:57

I know...I'm not making light of it. I had to change my name cos of ph(pig husband) stalking...but when its all sorted I'll get a more cheerful name. What is Child of Isis btw..Greek mythology?

ChildofIsis Fri 21-Oct-11 15:40:58

I am a witch who is a priestess of Isis, (egyptian Goddess).
In egyptian mythology all children are watched over by Isis and mothers are cared for by the Goddess Hathor.

It's a bad deal when you can't speak your mind in cyber space isn't it?
Xh knows of my attachment to MN, but I don't think he'd stalk me.
Mind you I didn't think he shit on me from a great height either.

Having an odd wobble today.
Xh doing school run and taking DD to his for her tea. I am happy that he's doing that but am feeling odd that I'm not seeing DD after school.

I suppose there'll be lots of 'new' things that I'll get used to eventually.

Ineversignedupforthis Fri 21-Oct-11 15:44:17

You will Child, eventually. You learn summat everyday (my name not nearly as clever emoticon) smile

ChildofIsis Fri 21-Oct-11 15:49:08

Hello, it's a while since we've both been on-line at the same time.

I agree completely with learning something new each day.

Today found out that I was instrumental in my friends family moving to my area 13 years ago.
My friend and I have been close for around 4 months, found out 3 weeks ago that we share our birthday.
Apparently it was my advice that encouraged them to settle here.
13 years later she is keeping me sane through the problems I'm having with xh!

Ineversignedupforthis Fri 21-Oct-11 15:54:55

Serendipity and synchronicity together....

ChildofIsis Fri 21-Oct-11 16:04:16

If nothing else in all that I'm going through I've seen how many wonderfull friends I've got, in rl as well as in cyber space.

I think that after this I can cope with pretty much anything that life throws at me.
And I know that I won't have to go through it on my own either.

Ineversignedupforthis Sat 22-Oct-11 09:14:41

Grrrr....just typed a long post, and the server at Mumsnet was down and LOST it!
Isis. When you've been divorced once, as i have unfortunatley, you know you will survive.

You need to keep the receipt, then when they are faulty you return then to the Manshop. Anyf said in fact that it is Poundland.....

ChildofIsis Sun 23-Oct-11 06:14:15

I was in poundland yesterday, thank goodness I didn't buy anything.
I might've accidently bought another one!

I do know I will survive and that I will make the best of it.
However that knowledge doesn't stop the hurt.

It is getting easier, it's been 8 weeks now so I'm in to the habit of it.
The shittyness of it doesn't go away though and xh is still pushing for things to go his way.

Ineversignedupforthis Sun 23-Oct-11 06:35:53

Yes Isis i had this last time (sigh) but it does get better, honestly....

Slept 8hrs last night, through to 6 this morning. Woo hoo!

ChildofIsis Sun 23-Oct-11 07:41:57

Steady on you won't need this thread soon!
All this normal sleeping is stopping the postings!

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 23-Oct-11 07:47:04

Have pm'd you Isis.

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 23-Oct-11 07:48:57

Six o clock is stupid-o-clock though....given a choice, one would remain in bed until at least 0800 hrs, and then have breakfast in bed.

ChildofIsis Sun 23-Oct-11 08:03:34

But to have breakfast in bed requires a willing breakfast maker, DD is 5 so doesn't use the kettle yet.
As soon as she can reach safely she'll learn the art of making Earl Grey for mummy.

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 23-Oct-11 08:10:41

Quite. But mine is a teenager and I will send her to boot camp on a course.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 24-Oct-11 04:07:18

Been WOKEN at 0320 by my recently acquired but not new mobile phone telling me that my Yahoo password, which it objected to days ago was incorrect. What?Why are you telling me this now you absolute a**e peculiar piece of technology? Is technology conspiring against me?

Due to go on holdiday with the mil idea weirdly, but before all the other stuff obvs. Rang her yesterday to finalise....and she had FORGOTTEN we were going. So we could have gone without her after all, and not even risked offending her!

ChildofIsis Mon 24-Oct-11 08:06:41

Oh Parsley that is too precious!
'You could've gone without her and she'd never known'

Maybe you could take her and then forget to bring her back instead!
Mind you you clearly get on ok with her or you wouldn't have been going in the first place.

My in-laws passed away a few years ago.
In view of current circumstances I'm glad about it.
I don't think they would have been happy with what their son has done.

I know what you mean about 'peculiar' bits of technology, my radio alarm woke us at midnight last tuesday! The electric had been off and I forgot that the alarm resets to 12am.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 24-Oct-11 08:22:54

No Isis she is an intefering old trout! Many of ph's probs with women are down to her....just felt sorry for her. It's only about a year since she was widowed. Have packed a travel kettle in case I need to hole out in the bedroom for long periods of time.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 24-Oct-11 08:30:23

Isis its this week your birth mum comes isn't it?

ChildofIsis Mon 24-Oct-11 10:51:38

Yes it is Parsley, it's kind of you to remember.

We're meeting her and her DH at our holiday flat at 3pm.
DD can't wait.
DD's only met her once at my Mum's in the summer hols.
I think DD will get to have an active set of grandparents to have fun with.
My Mum and Stepdad are much older and really quite ill.

Birth mother wants to have DD to stay with her and her DH in the summer hols, DD can't wait for that either.
I think DD has inherited my impatient streak.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 24-Oct-11 16:19:33

Sounds lovely Isis. Is that today then? How did it go for you both?

ChildofIsis Tue 25-Oct-11 06:45:37

Hi Parsley, we met up with them at 3pm and were with them till 5.30pm.
It was very emotional, mind you it has been the other times that we've met.

BM said 'see you tomorrow' then realised what she'd said and started to cry. I still don't think she's accepted that we've found each other iykwim.

As bm said on one level we know each other thoroughly, we think alike and look alike (which is my dream come true), however on other levels we're strangers and it's a delicate thing finding our way around each other.

I really feel like a part of her/my family, as if I've never been away.
But there's 43 years of catching up to do.

And there's the elephant in the room that is my birth father.
I know the facts laid out in the forms I've got, and bm said she'd had a short affair with him; he was married; however I would like to know everything there is to know but realise that may not ever happen.
It may never be appropriate to ask and that's ok.
I'm hopefull that bm will volunteer the information at some point in the future.

I've got another 'meeting' with xh on wednesday evening to try and sort out our seperation.
He talks a good game but I'm not seeing any results yet.
He always was a procrastinator.
He gives 100% at work and is a lazy arse at home which means nothing ever gets done if it's up to him.
We've got a financial settlement to sort out, my name to put on utility bills, insurance etc to alter.
Most of which requires some input from him.
I wonder why it hasn't been done yet!!!

It's almost as if he's in denial as to what he's done.
He's in no hurry to divorce and when I say that I could push one through before xmas he gets all agitated and backs off.

He's such a tit, thank goodness he's gone.

Sorry that turned out to be a tome! smile

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 25-Oct-11 07:18:47

No worries,*Isis*, glad it was good for you with bm.
I have had about 4 hrs sleep, but will try and get some more.

Have done another thread about my 'holiday' in relationships, this morning when i couldn't sleep.

Stbxh is being a prat for you, isn't he?

ChildofIsis Tue 25-Oct-11 08:06:55

I saw the thread title and wondered if it was you.
Xh isn't doing himself any favours at present.

It's untested territory for all of us I suppose.
Although I would have thought he'd be more prepared considering he's been having this affair for so long.

It's like this is a surprise to him too, as if!

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 25-Oct-11 16:39:37

Isis you would think wouln't you? Beggars belief.
Ph and mil are being dreadful....have two more days of this, if I don't bail out.

ChildofIsis Tue 25-Oct-11 21:30:56

I would love to reassure you that eventually you'll be rewarded for your perseverence and tolerance, but from where I'm standing life doesn't have many rewards to hand out! Ha ha. grin

Had a sad evening due to having the family albums out for bm to look at.
There was so much love between xh and me when DD was born, where did it all go?
Then I foolishly let myself watch a video of the first song me and xh ever smooched to.
I'm sure I must be a masochist or have MUG stamped on my head or something.

I do know that there are lots of positives in this for me and DD, just feeling very sad about it all tonight.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 26-Oct-11 00:36:41

Isis stop that. That way madness lies. if you can't resist watching the video, give it to a trusted friend to look after until you are ok about it all.

PH been an arse all day. Mil So a bit of a cow then. Have spent36 hrs competing for Alpha Woman status in the holiday cottage we paid for....She keeps putting the salt and pepper away, that I have deliberately left out on the table. That and massage Best Boy's ego. He has made sure that she has seen he is sleeping on a blow-up bed to garner sympathy. If she says one negative thing about it tome I will tell her why her precious boy is banished to bedroom siberia.

ChildofIsis Wed 26-Oct-11 06:23:37

The video was part of a documentary on the origins of music videos.[neanderthal emoticon needed]

I've woken up crying again this morning although I did sleep for 7+ hours.
I feel empty and bereft at the thought of a life without the man who was the love of my life.
I know that man hasn't existed for a long time; if ever; however the sadness is nauseating.

It's funny I thought having grandparents visiting would fill out time and make the week easier.
Actually it means I'm not getting the space I'm used to to just 'be' without talking about stuff.
Of course bm wants to know about our past to help her get to know us and on one level I want to tell her, it just brings up memories of good times that have me questioning why he would do what he did.
If we'd had a crap marraige with no sort of connection between us I could understand it better.

I know what you're thinking, it is driving me mad and I will stop thinking like this, I know it's just a 'wallowing in the shit' drama.
I do feel the need to feel this sadness to be able to move on a bit more though.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 26-Oct-11 07:06:51

hrs sleep! margaret thatcher managed on 4 hrs, so....

You are bringing stuff up with bm, and you have stirred some silt up from the bottom of your river long are they here for

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 26-Oct-11 07:21:38

It will be ok for you. It was for me, and it will be again. Idon't care if its a documentary, it still counts. Put it on the attic if you can't bear to have it away from your house.

Promise me you won't watch it?

ChildofIsis Wed 26-Oct-11 08:09:10

It was just on tv, I don't think it will be on again.
And I promise, I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end from 'The Lioness'!

Bm is here till saturday.
I think I will try to avoid the subjects that cause pain today.
It was just going through the photos that set me off.
We're off the the national railway museum today, one of DD's favourite haunts.
She can run amok whilst we trail behind like compliant staff!

Got a bit of normality tomorrow with the shopping and swimming so will only see them for a few hours.
I do love them and am enjoying getting to know them but it's hard work keeping track of all the people in both our lives. We keep getting mixed up with who is part of who's family.

XH is being really nice at present which doesn't seem to be helping much either.

I've just seen how unreasonable that makes me look.
Of course I want any communication between us to be friendly, I hate it when he's being mean and cold.
It just reminds me of the man I thought he was, before he betrayed me.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 26-Oct-11 08:24:07

Not unreasonable. I preferred it when sbxh was an arse, cos itreassured me Iwas doing the right thing.

ChildofIsis Wed 26-Oct-11 20:33:51

Hi Parsley, I've had an horrendous day, it started with me feeling sad and sorry for myself and got worse when stepdad rang to say mum was near the end!
She's got heart failure and is gradually getting worse, it's not something one recovers from.
They'd had a dreadful night, gp and district nurse called out in the early hours.
I think they thought mum's time had come.
Unfortunately mum lives the other side of the country to me, at least 1.5 hrs drive away.

So DD got a treat and went to railway museum with bm and her husband as planned and I dashed across the M62 to mum's.
I'd co-ordinated with my brother who lives/works nearer and we were both there most of the afternoon.

Mum's been taken to hospital for tests/treatment.
There's only so much that can be done at home, I think she'll rally this time, but who knows when the end will come.

Xh has been great about helping out with DD's tea and bed, I wasn't back in time. He transferred some money to me to cover the diesel and has been very supportive over the whole thing. Even as far as saying he would take me there himself if needed.

However he's still being a complete bastard over the DNA thing and is adamant that I won't get an apology from ow for what she'd done to me and DD.
He understands why I want one but doesn't see the point in asking as it won't happen.
It's like he's suffering from a personality disorder, one minute lovely the next a complete arse.

So I decided it was wine o'clock and thought I'd catch up with what the real (MN) world was up to!
I hope your 'holiday' is going ok, soon be friday!!!

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 26-Oct-11 20:41:23

It is hard when you know people aregoing but you don't know when...with my Dad, I made sure I said to him the things I wanted (the things I was grateful for)...when you know people have limited time, its horrible, but it does give you chance to do this..

Holiday truly awful....never again. V optimistic on my part,even if things were ok. Just got tomorrow. Cannot bear to be in a car with ph and mil, so dd and I staying in the little town, they can do what they like.

Then we pack up andgo home Friday morning. About 5 hr trip unfortunately.

I am not on the wine, but have bought fudge, and flowers just for me, and a nice National Trust candle, and had a nice bath. This may stop me commiting a murder...

ChildofIsis Wed 26-Oct-11 20:50:25

Look if you feel like murder could you stretch your impulses to my neck of the woods!! Ha ha , only joking, they're not worth it.

As my very dear friend pointed out prison uniform is sooo last season!
Also I don't think they make them in xxxl.

At least once the rest of the shit has hit the fan I can have a weekend away.
I've got that many offers to go and stay with people that I don't know how I'll fit it all in.
I'm going to be trollied all over the country in the next few months.
I've had a very attractive offer which combines not going far with an eighties night club, total bliss.
I loved the eighties and can't wait to do eighties dancing.
I'll show the whipper snappers, at least I'll get some space on the dance floor now, my bum's much bigger than it was then.
It may even have a go by itself!!

Oh look I've found a bit more silver lining and have cheered myself up.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 26-Oct-11 21:04:41

Sounds good to me...

Re murder, have you seen the Hitchcock film, ( double indemnity?). Two people both want someone bumped off, and both have motive. So each does the other one's murder, leaving it impossible to attach motive.....So, you could do my mil, I could do your sbxh. No-one would suspect you or I...after all, you do not know my mil! Sound like a plan Stan?

ChildofIsis Wed 26-Oct-11 21:09:24

Well if you call me stan then no-one will ever find out will they?
Apart from the forum lurkers of course.
We may have got to 58 posts between us but that doesn't mean no-one else is reading, or does it?

I've just been on the suggestions to make life easier thread and said I'd go for castrating all philandering men, it didn't get any response.
What do you think?
If they're dead they can't suffer, however if we keep them alive then we can do our worst! Mwah ha ha ha ha ha grin

ChildofIsis Wed 26-Oct-11 21:10:48

Oh dear that came across abit cackling witch didn't it?
I'm in danger of outing myself now <removes cackle immediately>

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 26-Oct-11 21:11:19

Yes. Mrs Bobbit had the right idea. Was that her name?

ChildofIsis Wed 26-Oct-11 21:18:15

Oooh yes Lorena Bobbit, mind you didn't her xh go on to have it sewed back on and become a porn star?

I think I'll just stick to cackling and threats about access, they seem to have the desired effect.

I have absolutely no intention of denying him access, he doesn't know that though.
I can be very unpredictable when the mood takes me.
That always unsettled him.
Mwah ha ha ha, oops there I go again.

<note to self, rose causes virtual cackling>
Off to watch crap tv then to bed, night night.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 26-Oct-11 21:21:13

"Be afraid, be very afraid". Lol...grin

ChildofIsis Wed 26-Oct-11 23:46:03

Well I didn't get to bed, watched tv and seethed about tithead xh.

Having got my head into some sort of order I've emailed him and basically told him to sort it all out and get a divorce, then we can get on with being DD's parents without the endless arguing about stuff that doesn't ever seem to get sorted out.
It all has to be sorted out for the divorce going through so I reckon if I push him for a divorce he may actually do something about everything else iyswim.

I am so sick of it all, I just want it sorted out and all the loose ends dealt with.
Maybe I should just sue him for divorce to force the issue?
My solicitor reckons he'd have to pay 85% of the costs as he's admitted adultery.
However the rub is that I don't really want to fall out with him, for DD's sake; so am not pushing him too hard.
But then perhaps that's what he's counting on, I am so sick of this aaaaaargh!

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 27-Oct-11 00:09:01

Last time, I felt better when I was his bluff a bit, whilst leaving yourself some wiggle room? Can't thing of strategy at midnight....there must be one...tell him, 'offer not available for ever....for the next week only, or whatever. He's playing you a bit, it's a powere trip.

ChildofIsis Thu 27-Oct-11 00:18:12

He could do buy one get one free as ow is yet to divorce her ex.
We'll have to see what tomorrow brings.

You're right of course it is a power thing; always was with him; but then I always used to be persuaded that it was in my best interests to give in to him.

Well that ain't happening anymore, what a shame!

I will attempt sleep now.

Thanks, the wisdom of Parsley wins the day.

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 27-Oct-11 00:18:28

A bit like my competition in Chat,over the cofee machine....'All entries must be received by0900 on Friday 28 October'. I am offering a prize of brew or biscuit for those foolish trusting enough to furnish me with an addres which is not at Her Majesty's Pleasure grin

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 27-Oct-11 00:19:20

Ooh, cross posts...night night Isis x

ChildofIsis Thu 27-Oct-11 05:51:12

So much for sleep.
I had about 4 hours, well if it was good enough for thatcher...

It seems that another day dragging through the shit of life has dawned.
There may well be a diamond in today's shit though, my very nice (if married!) plumber is here today.
Finally I'm getting a new sink in the bathroom, the old one has been cracked since before DD was born!
Also he will temporarily shut off the water supply/remove radiator in the attic for the builder starting next week.

DD and I are having a quiet day today, bm and husband round for a meal this evening.
This week has been a bit full on and I'm glad of a chance to decompress.
I usually spend a lot of time on my own; which I like; so having family/workmen/xh round all the time gets a bit wearing after a while.

I've just realised something, I've seen more of xh in the last few weeks than I have in months, I can't be doing with it.
I know he can't help where his job sends him but I prefer it when he's away mon-fri.
I know I don't have to see him during the week then so some things can be allowed to fade into the background a bit.

I do want him to spend time with DD, but it is difficult having to see him lots though.

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 27-Oct-11 07:01:35

Isis... I see your four hours, and I raise you 3 and a half hours sleep...
Yay to new sink. Going home today, half a day early...will be lufferly to be in my own bed again. Ph being vile, mil being vile. DD is being really lovely.

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 27-Oct-11 07:08:53

And, my ph is a plumber. You might think was lovely, and he is actually quite handsome, if gone to seed a bit...He is not lovely though, so maybe your plumber is, or maybe not...You will only know when you have been married to him for 20 years.

ChildofIsis Thu 27-Oct-11 08:08:09

I've just reread this thread of ours.
Do you know something Parsley it's things like this that keep me sane.

My friends; including 'the lioness'; have absolutely been marvellous.
Just hearing that others have survived is enough to empower me not to let the bastard grind me down!

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 27-Oct-11 08:30:44

the Parsley song

I'm a very friendly lion called Parsley
And you know you always like to see me wave
But please don't shit on me or abuse me
Cos you know you'll only get as good as you gave

ChildofIsis Fri 28-Oct-11 08:43:39

Ooooh get you! Quite the witiest lioness around.

It could be a good daily mantra.

Did you get back from your 'lovely' holiday ok?

I've got a lovely new sink and cistern in the bathroom.
It's sad when something like that cheers a person up, clearly I need to get out more!

Mum's not much better, they've diagnosed kidney disease as well as all the other problems, I really don't think she's got long left.

Had bm and her husband round last night, bm helped with bathtime and bedtime. A complete treat for all involved.
I cooked them supper and we had wine (it was red so no cackling!) and looked at photos of all my family, there's so many of them.
I always wanted to be part of a big family, I have been all along and just didn't know it.

I hope you've settled back ok.
Have you come to any conclusion as to your future with ph?(that always makes me smile).

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 28-Oct-11 13:26:12

Hi isis. Had to kick him out...sad Thread on Relationships.

ChildofIsis Fri 28-Oct-11 18:57:29

Hi Parsley you ok?
I read some of your posts on the other thread.
Are you getting the support you need? Is there anything I can help with?

I'm very sorry for you that it's come to this, but who knows what the future holds for you.
Once this is sorted out you are free to do what you and your DD please.

Ooh hark at me, perhaps I should heed my own words!

On a lighter note I didn't find myself with the virtual cackles after red wine last night so perhaps I should stay away from rose when i'm on MN.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 28-Oct-11 19:05:29

What are these virtual cackles of which you speak? Yes, tis shit, but I shall live. I am a bit relieved, as well as being in pain. I have lived through this before. And although it is horrid, I feel that the Me iquite liked is back.

Lots of suport, on and off MN. Women do Support wonderfully I find..

ChildofIsis Fri 28-Oct-11 22:23:07

Have a look at wednesday's posts, I'd been on the rose and we were talking about keeping people alive to suffer rather than a joint murder pact.

Although the latter does seem attractive just now.

I'm glad you're essentially ok.
I'm in the mega pissed off/ thank fuck he's gone camp tonight.

He's been round sorting out utility bills etc.
I made a comment about him being disorganised about it all, and why hadn't he given it more thought seeing as how it's been going on so long.
I got a load of grief about how I'm 'picking on' him. Poor thing, what a shame!

I don't think he likes the truth up close. Well tough!

Been at the docs today for more pain killers for my back, doc asked how it was all going and said my being angry would help, we know that it was repressed anger that contributed to my breakdown 20 odd years ago.

I can't wait for it all to be sorted then I can just get on with my life.
I want to get to where it's just about our parenting DD and not about finances etc. Although I'm sure it won't be that simple.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 29-Oct-11 02:50:33

You will get there in the end Isis it just seems endless at the time....
He has gone, and I feel relief, but pain, and bewilderment that someone would screw a relationship up in that way, and hate someone enough to treat them like this. The fact that he hates daughter somuch beggars belief. He just hates strong women, and fortunatley the Chosen One is being raised in my image, and he can't cope. His mother must be so proud.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 29-Oct-11 09:06:18

It will be ok in the end Isis. I need to keep going for the next few days, and try and get some sleep. Thanks for your concern x

ChildofIsis Sat 29-Oct-11 21:09:06

Sleep is a bit elusive though isn't it?

I am struggling with my mind wanting me to think of all the times in the past few years when we've seemingly been happy that I now know he was with her as well.
I just can't seem to get over the betrayal.

All the times he's encouraged me and DD to be interested in planning for the future. A future he clearly was never going to have with us.
Even as recently as this summer he was talking about when we go back to florida in years to come, he had no intention of going there again with us.
Goodness knows why we went in the first place, his mistress had just had his child at the time.
I thought we had a fantastic holiday but I can't think of it the same anymore.
I'm really angry with him for putting DD and I through all this.

What a selfish twat!

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 30-Oct-11 06:33:41

Yes. There mind's are something of a foreign country aren't they.

On't other thread, a wise mner, I will use the acronym WMN talks about grieving for the marriage you thought you had....applies to your situation too. Have a look if you get chance, would be interested what you think on Fred or PM....Got 7 hrs sleep last night, without any sleeping aids. Was just so tatered I knew I would fall asleep, just not sure about getting up at stupid o clock.

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 30-Oct-11 06:59:59

Just seen I put there and not their in the first line. I do know this really....v trivial, anyhoo.

Just thought. Any experience of this? A while ago he took his wedding ring off (months) took me a while to spot it, no idea how long. When I asked he said it was only recently off, cos he'd been doing something that might damage it, and he put it on again...
Now, I can't get mine off easily cos my fingers have got bigger along with the rest of me I believe soooo much in the holy bond crap but I will have a sneaky obs today in macs. I know it will go on and off again at will, but he might have forgotten about it.

ChildofIsis Sun 30-Oct-11 08:10:42

I removed mine 2 days after the confession when I realised the man I was in love with didn't exist and I certainly wasn't in love with the one who'd just dumped me.
He didn't take his off until 10 days later, wtf!

Xh never took his off once he'd got used to it.
He'd never worn a ring before we married and kept pushing it too far up his finger and making the webbing between his fingers sore.

I've been watching the other thread with interest.
There is so much wisdom on MN.
MN for president!!

I'm glad you got a better night. Life looks better after a good sleep doesn't it?

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 30-Oct-11 08:36:03

Yes, and toast with almond butter, and a cup of tea.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 31-Oct-11 00:49:43

Wish I could get to sleep now...was asleep at 8,30, then someone woke me up at 9,30....a nice text, but I'm going to have to try to remember to put the phone off, or leave in downstairs...but I like to have it with me, its a security thing.

ChildofIsis Mon 31-Oct-11 07:36:30

Morning Parsley, I hope you got back to sleep ok.

I was at a halloween party last night, a spiritual one, not just booze!

DD woke at 4.45am and didn't go back to sleep, bloody clock changes. Thankfully she doesn't go back to school till tomorrow.
I dozed off and on but got to thinking as you do in the early hours.
I realised yesterday when xh came to do the bedtime thing with DD that I have very little feeling toward him at all. Which I think is a very good thing.

Today is Samhain (hallowe'en), the pagan new year's eve.
It is a time in the year when the past and the future merge, the path between life and death, old and new is very short. It is an opportunity to give thanks and show gratititude to those gone before and to slough off all that has no benefit to your life.

Exactly what I need.
I am truly excited about the future, not least because the builder starts today to get my new bedroom ready to move into.
I hope you have a good day too! smile

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 31-Oct-11 07:45:40

Got to sleep about 0130 I think, up 7, but I reckon I had about an hour before the phone, so not too bad.
I like the idea of the Samhain...will light a candle for my Nan I think.She died this time abouts last year oddly.

What's the builder doing to your room? Knew you were having it decorated, or does your builder do decorating too?

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 31-Oct-11 07:51:35

When I couldn't sleep, i got some washing sorted, etc. came back with two lots of bedding from cottage as not provided.

Also did some hat making...have recently set up a not for profit venture. I've got a community page on facebook. This might prove a really good distraction, but I do need some more paid work I think.

ChildofIsis Mon 31-Oct-11 07:59:28

It needs plastering first.
It has been used as a work room for 22 years and the walls are in a state.
So once the plastering is done I will start painting.
Probably be able to do that next week.

Xh got the first of the bills for the work that's being done, the look on his face was priceless, he said 'how much!'I just smiled sweetly and said nothing.

I've stopped sending him the 'daily update' texts that we've done for years.
When he left he asked if I would continue them so that he knew what was happening with DD.
Over the weeks I've become increasingly uncomfortable about them.
Sending them seemed to be trapping me in past behaviour that isn't appropriate now.
I haven't sent one since saturday. Yesterday am he texted at 11am to see if all was ok.
Shows where his priorities lie as I would usually text him as soon as we get up.
He still hasn't cottoned on to the fact that the door is always locked when he comes round, it's really funny seeing him try to open the door and it staying closed. I know it's petty but what the hell!

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 31-Oct-11 19:14:12

Isis he can't come round and just walk in. It's your home, sod this it's half my house nonsense, you don't do it at his...

ChildofIsis Tue 01-Nov-11 07:29:55

Do you know I had been thinking that.
I always knock at his, mind you I'm polite and don't have a huge sense of entitlement.
I am going to give him his key back this week, it's not appropriate for me to be able to just go to his, also whilst I have a key he can still expect me to go and let workmen in etc.

I have got his key for mine 'for the builder', I won't be giving it back.
I have realised that the only way forward is to break all familiar 'married' behaviours.
Doing so is painful; it's so final; but is completely necessary.
I need to stop the old ways so that room can be made in my life for new ways.

It is such unfamiliar territory that staying with the old ways appears attractive.
However staying trapped in the past out of fear is not going to do me or DD any favours.

I hope you're doing ok today, I've been wondering how you are getting on.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 01-Nov-11 08:03:35

I'm right of this Fred. You're right on the other Fred.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 01-Nov-11 08:04:25

Right ON this Fred ....(thread, but sounds better).

ChildofIsis Wed 02-Nov-11 05:41:15

Well I've just posted on here twice to find I'd been logged out wtf is going on with MN at the moment?

I hope you're ok.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 02-Nov-11 06:38:44

Got a relate appointment today, but i have said I see it as a safe place to talk about access is not a good idea to see her without someone else while he just tries to get her on side, involves her in our drama, and then lies about what he has said to her when she comes to me in bits...I am sad, and v upset at times, but still feel I am doing the right thing. Someone who truly loved me and his daughter would not be treating us like this, and four separate blocks of therapy have not helped him beyond the time they were happening. Have survived 5 nights on my own, logging them on a chart....

ChildofIsis Wed 02-Nov-11 08:29:40

Well done you.

You are right that the way he's treated you and your DD not being the way someone ought to be with the family they love.

I've discovered that people can be very odd whilst justifying their behaviour to suit their own ends.

Hope all goes well today.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 02-Nov-11 14:06:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 04-Nov-11 06:29:37

Had to pull the above one, realised later I had named dd...head not with it properly. Don't know if you saw it before I had it pulled...

ChildofIsis Fri 04-Nov-11 06:47:32

I did see it and thought that you may pull it.
It didn't occur to me to mention it to you though.
It's obvious now that you hadn't intended to name her.
My head's not exactly where it ought to be either. What a pair!

I'm struggling with changing ingrained 'married' behaviour patterns. I am actually doing well with it, it's my thought processes that I'm having a fight with.
Having decided to stop all unnecessary texts/communication I've had some really sad/low moments when I've had the phone in my hand to text xh about something funny DD's done and realised that I can't share this stuff with him in the same way anymore.
For an instance I am the most lonely person in the world, then I do send the text but to one of my friends instead.
So I'm actually sharing more with my friends than I have for years, result!

I'm going to give him my key to his vehicle today.
We had said we'd continue to share vehicles for the time being.
However I know that he takes ow out in his and I don't want any part in that, so I'll get my stuff out of it and then that's another link broken.

This link breaking feels like it will be painfull until I actually do it, then it's a huge relief.

The builder discovered a leak in my roof during the torrential rain yesterday.
Thank goodness he does roofing too.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 05-Nov-11 07:07:21

Know what you mean...I have times in the day when I am very sad, and cry for a bit...and then I need to look at my list of why you have to be out of it...for now, probably for ever.
And when the man came to fix the dishwasher, he commented, as I have been doing for ages, on how many leaks there were under the sink. So he didn't fix lots of things when he was here. And ah was a plumber....

ChildofIsis Sat 05-Nov-11 08:49:47

It's the same here.
Loads of jobs that xh is capable of doing that have never been done.
Well they're being done now and he will have to pay the bill.
At present I think his wallet is the only sensitive bit he's got.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 05-Nov-11 09:34:21

Trouble is it is me paying the bill sad...

ChildofIsis Sat 05-Nov-11 11:18:20

That's a real bugger isn't it.

Here's a laugh for you, you could get friendly with a plumber to help out!

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 05-Nov-11 12:13:22

Had my fill of plumbers, they are not to be trusted

ChildofIsis Sat 05-Nov-11 13:13:43

I thought you would say something like that!

I've got the builder in plastering today, he's going to mend the roof on monday too.
Hopefully I can get a coat of paint on the ceiling tomorrow.
The roof leak is confined to one small area and won't hamper my painting.

I seem to be fighting with my internal dialogue again today.
We're having a good day and I slept well but my mind is tripping me up lots.
Well, I'm not having it.
It can sod off with reminding me of signs that I missed/overlooked at the time.

What's done is done.
All I can do is respond to it in a way that's beneficial to me and DD.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 05-Nov-11 13:15:08

See other thread. I say Head says one thing, Heart another. Head is line-manager of heart, so is boss, and must be deferred to.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 07-Nov-11 07:39:57

Got new cat....must only tell dh on access.Not text him. So hard, but necessary, no?

ChildofIsis Mon 07-Nov-11 09:20:49

You're right about not texting him.

I've had a dreadful start to the day.
DD kicked off during hair brushing, a regular occurrence.
It ended up with her telling me what I had to do and that I was 'a Disgrace!'.
I shut myself in my room til she'd calmed down.
She gets quite physical when in a strop and I don't want to lash out myself so I take myself away.
I texted xh for some support when I came out and he was as much use as nothing.
So much for 'co-parenting' DD together.
It's just another nail in the coffin isn't it?
I texted him to say that I won't involve him in the future as he was no use to us this time, I've yet to receive a reply.

If I never had to interact with him again it would be too soon.
It's a shame I have to cos of DD.
Whenever she's had a day with him she gets in a strop the next day.
They'd had a good day together yesterday, she'd enjoyed herself.
I think she doesn't really get why she can't see us together, she knows we aren't together but can't quite compute what that means, she is only 5.

ChildofIsis Mon 07-Nov-11 09:22:02

I forgot to say good luck for your meeting later.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 07-Nov-11 11:53:43

Thanks hun....I think they get to play Good Cop don't they, and milk it....Relate have got some books about helping children cope, my dd still has the odd strop, so I don't think its smooth for them whatever the age.
If it didn't settle down, and I suspect your dd probably will, would you think about Family Therapy, even if it was just you and her? Very good stuff...some very talented people involved in it...
We got a new cat. DD putting pic on profile later..

ChildofIsis Mon 07-Nov-11 13:41:55

I think that may be a good idea, I hadn't thought about it.
Do I ask the docs about it?

I can tell DD has a lot to say about the situation but isn't sure who to tell it to.
School have had the counsellor to speak to DD, Counsellor seemed to think DD was ok and wasn't exhibiting any behavioural symptoms of the split.

Typical child, she's fine at school and has really impressed her teacher with her learning and behaviour.
I suppose it's a compliment that she acts up at home, it's where she feels safe and secure and knows that I will always love her no matter what.

Apparently xh hadn't got the texts I sent til much later, yeah yeah!
I don't believe anything he says these days.
He's going to have a word with DD this afternoon to see if he can 'help'.

Who knows whether it will or not.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 07-Nov-11 16:33:43

Yes, the doc is a good first point of call I think.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 08-Nov-11 07:00:47

Awake at 1, 6, then half up then, but fortunately got back to sleep the previous times. Solicitor trip was grim, think that didn't help.

ChildofIsis Tue 08-Nov-11 07:29:46

I wish there was something I could say that would help.
Is there anyway your solicitor could've got it wrong about the equity?
It seems a bit harsh tbh.

On a more positive note xh helped out yesterday and had a positive effect on DD. He ended up being very supportive and kind.

An old friend came round for a cuppa last night and we put the world to rights.

I got the attic ceiling painted yesterday and I think I may have got away with just one coat.
It's like half a hexagon and the eaves go down to about 18 inches off the floor, my back knows about it this morning.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 08-Nov-11 07:48:40

She was talking worst case scenario, but she said I
won't give you any bull, or words to that effect, and being a straight talking northern bird myself, I kinda respect that....

It was sad though, too....another step along the way, though I am not ready to divorce yet, I probably will be before too long. Just part of the letting go in stages thing I suppose.

ChildofIsis Tue 08-Nov-11 09:20:09

I know what you mean.
Part of me wants a divorce now, then it's over and done with.
But part of me says why give him what he wants so readily.
But then whenever I mention divorce he says he doesn't want to do it yet, wtf!

I kind of wish that I could shoot forward in time to when it is all dealt with, but I know it's a process of letting go and to do it too quickly wouldn't necessarily be the best for DD or me.

xh still hasn't come up with the DNA proof I asked for so I assumes he's ok with the things as they are for now.
It certainly suits me to continue as we are doing for now.
At least DD is getting her daddy to herself and they are having fun together.
I suspect that alone time will stop as soon as the other child is in the mix.

Who knows what will happen in the future?

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 09-Nov-11 18:36:49

Yes, i don't feel quite ready to start the process, but I think I will be. Don't see any other alternative. But very sad, when you think you'll grow old with someone. And until fairly recently, I actually thought we were doing ok. You realise you have loved someone who really didn't deserve it.

ChildofIsis Sat 12-Nov-11 07:54:42

Morning Parsley How are you?
What's been happening for you this week?

I've had a week and a half, the small leak in my roof has led the builder to go up into the loft space to find wet rot = new roof in the spring.
He has mended the leak temporarily.
He wasn't prepared for me to fall about laughing when he told me though.
I thought it was hilarious as xh will be footing the bill.

Whilst I was having fun on the 'drunk' thread and the' what silly things have you done this week' thread last night; a bunch of rowdy arsewipes went past the house and decided to kick the driver's side wing mirror off my van.
Rendering it unuseable.
So suddenly I wasn't merry anymore, I was on the phone to the police!
They're going to ring back/come round this morning.

Fortunately we weren't planning on going far today.
We don't have to have a vehicle until the middle of next week really.
We may have to start being more organised so we can walk to school!

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 12-Nov-11 09:36:45

Bit of a crappy week Isis with trip to sol and stuff....access visit at Mac's yesterday no fun....he just doesn't interact with me... never did really, so I'm angry about the past I suppose. I'm going to have to take a book, or my pooter, you can get wifi at macs, so it doesn't get on my tits nerves so much. Still have the odd howling meltdown in private. I let myself have five ten mins, then go back out there.

What you use your van for, are you self-employed?

ChildofIsis Sat 12-Nov-11 11:12:31

XH and I run a property company, however the van is left over from when I had my own catering business.

Strictly speaking I'm a co-director of the company, but in reality I work part-time gratis doing lots of hard, grotty jobs.
The theory was that our sweat equity would pay dividends in our future.
Hollow bloody laughter.
I've been gratfing for some twat who doesn't want a future with me!

It's now about DD's inheritance as far as I'm concerned.
It'll hopefully provide DD with an income when she's older.
It's just ticking over for now, xh has a f/t job too.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 12-Nov-11 12:12:57

Ah, I see...have to meet ah later, he has got dd's kung fu pants, cos she stuffed them in a bag I had already filled with his crap clothes. The carrier was the same as one she had been using earlier...don't want to buy any more tho cos they are quite dear and Special apparently....

ChildofIsis Sun 13-Nov-11 16:11:48

How did the kund fu pants handover go?

I hope you're ok? It's a bugger isn't it this life we're living?
Mind you if 'what doesn't kill us makes us stronger' then we'll be the world's strongest women!

I've painted 2 very odd shaped large walls sunshine yellow.
Suddenly the attic is starting to look like it may get to be a bedroom soon.
The carpets go down on tuesday. Then I can start moving my stuff up.
I know I need the exercise but a million trips up the attic stairs may be overdoing it a tad.
My bed and wardrobe go up next sunday.

It's 6 weeks till xmas and I'm a bit concerned about it all.
The day itself and Boxing day are organised, but xh has gone very quiet over the dna business, I suspect it will get sprung on me when I least expect it.
Either a positive result or an absolute refusal.
The refusal suits me, it gives DD time with her Dad to herself.
And I suppose gives him an excuse to be away from his other life, he likes to hide from anything that needs talking about or that makes him uncomfortable.
He tends to do whatever is most convenient and least effort.
Quite how having an affair for 2.5 yrs fits into that I'm not sure.

No doubt time will tell which it is to be.

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 13-Nov-11 18:37:43

Kung fu handover ok, but didn't really want to meet the day after we had already, and I had reassured myself I was safe for another week.
Sorry, the dna thing...who is asking for dna test, and why? Pm if easier...
No idea about Crimbo. Mother wants us to go up there, but that makes it about 300 miles between gp's, so I would rather stay here (would be preferred venue anyhoo). Can cope with Christmas Eve at an impartial venue, but don't want him coming to the house...fear there might be a scene.
Want to organise something for New Years Eve tho. Normally stay in, so going out would be a nice change, and remove the memories a bit. Thought about booking a hotel. Might yet do so.

ChildofIsis Mon 14-Nov-11 10:50:49

I want dna proof that the ow's child is xh's before I let him tell DD that she has a sister.
The ow has a history of infidelity and I don't want DD caught up in an unnecessary situation.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 14-Nov-11 15:46:37

Oh, get you now. What on earth did he want to saddle himself settle down with her for then?

ChildofIsis Tue 15-Nov-11 06:48:52

Goodness only knows.
Although to quote him he knows 'categorically' that the child is his.
As if anyone can be that sure, particularly when they're away 5 days a week.

He asked how I would feel about having to do a test to prove he was DD's dad, I said bring it on, after all I've never slept around.
He hadn't expected that response I don't think.

He wasn't the only one wanting a bit of excitement in the face of being a parent to a toddler, but was the only one who chose to sleep around.

ow is an ace manipulator but then so is he.
I can't see it ending well.
I'm well rid of him.

How are you holding up?

ChildofIsis Tue 15-Nov-11 06:49:18

Ooooh we're on page 6!!!

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 15-Nov-11 09:02:18

Ooh err, so we are...yes, they are such Plonkers aren't they? I think given what you have said, he could neither CAT egorically or DOG egorically guarantee the child was his....OW's I mean. Jeremy Kyle do free dnas btw....
My ah was suggesting that I might have put it about a bit, as a justification for the cyber-stalking. What he found was tres dull, and a bit rich considering he had signed up for online dating, and spent lots on credits, for gawd knows what purpose. Am off to change the will tomorrow...

ChildofIsis Wed 16-Nov-11 16:47:13

Just had yet another dissatisfying phone call with xh.
There are so many 'miscommunications/misunderatandings' between us at present that he must be doing it on purpose!
He agrees to stuff then does something different and says he 'thought' he'd do it the new way as that is what he 'thought' I'd want.

I know he's not really doing it on purpose, I suppose he's just as mixed up as I am. It's infuriating though.

I am being very precise and specific in my communications so that there are no misunderstandings then he goes and does what he likes, as ever.
In truth he's often second guessed me and I've not really been bothered about it. Anything for a quiet life.

I've made it clear to him that he doesn't make any decisions about DD or me without consulting me first. It's clear that he's struggling to do that.
I caught him making arbitary decisions about the business during the week, I was furious.
Fortunately it wasn't something that came off so it's no big deal now.
I would have thought that he would want to be as clear as possible in view of all the lies he's been telling in the past.

It's as if he's carrying on as normal even though we're not together anymore.
I wish he'd just sort himself out.

Aaaarrrrhhhh! End of rant.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 16-Nov-11 18:00:08

Mm. Bit convenient to remember the convos in a way which suits himself tho....I think that's why some people have to resort to only communicating thru wiggle room there.

ChildofIsis Wed 16-Nov-11 18:20:57

Funnily enough when I suggest doing that he suddenly remembers everything accurately.
The only way to get to a yorkshireman is through his pocket.
He's desperate not to involve solicitors anymore than is necessary as he'll end up footing the bill.

Unfortunately for DD she's doing exactly the same today, her excuse is that she's 5 and it's normal for a 5 yr old to not listen properly.
She's out at cadets at the mo so I've got a bit of peace time to do jobs!!

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 16-Nov-11 19:39:37

Otherwise you could just use texts, save them, then forward them when he does summat different...must me something in the air, I couldn't get dd out of bed again this morning....

ChildofIsis Thu 17-Nov-11 10:53:55

That's not a situation I've ever encountered. DD is an early riser like me.
Too early some days though.
I dare say when teen years come along it'll be a different situation.

What do you do to motivate a bed slug?

Xh took DD to the school's big breakfast this morning, he sent some photos which I thought was nice of him.
He is human, then!!

Mind you he changed this weekend's plans last night to DD's detriment, so maybe he isn't after all.

Do you know what I really miss is a lovely big hug from somone who's got my best interests at heart.
Mind you Xh hasn't been that person for a long time and I've managed ok.

I don't mind being on my own; I do like my own company; it's the loneliness that I don't like.

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 17-Nov-11 13:10:53

Yes, when the piggin bus driver just drove right past me the other day, after I had waited half an hour, I wanted someone to tell. I was doing that dance to let the bus driver know I wanted to get on the bus,and wasn't just standing for no apparent reason at the bus stop, which made it embarassing in front of people on the bus already at the bus stop.
He would have sympathised, but would probly not have meant it.

ChildofIsis Fri 18-Nov-11 09:41:27

I had my big hug last night, well metaphorically at least.
My Mum rang, she's home from hospital and much more herself than she's been for months.
I know this is probably just a reprieve, no-one recovers from congestive heart failure without a transplant; I am very gratefull to have the extra time with her.
I had thought I would never see her again.

There is just so much going on at the minute that at times I find myself sinking below it all.
Then I remember that life will calm down eventually then I will be able to take stock and see where I have learned and where I could do different.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 18-Nov-11 15:44:44

That is good news...fortunately I am distracted by a new business-type venture, which is keeping me sort of sanish. Did have a moment in the car on the way back from a meeting when I thought of some good advice ah had given me.
sometimes over 20 yrs I got a glimpse of the man he might have become, had he not gone down his chosen career path of being an Arse instead. This was sad, but I'll get over it.

ChildofIsis Sat 19-Nov-11 13:49:58

I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that 'arse' is the default setting for some men.
Some manage it well until a crisis comes along, some are like it all along and some never are.
Unfortunately the former are the ones that masquerade as good guys.

DD is having a 'sad' day today.
I think she's on some sort of delayed sympathy reaction to me.
When I've been having 'sad' days she seems to get them about 3 days later.
Maybe she sub-conciously realises that we can't really afford for both of us to be down at the same time.
She's such an angel.
We're at a party at 3.30pm so that should cheer her up.

I hope you and your DD are having a good weekend.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 19-Nov-11 15:26:38

Not too bad ta...have been teaching a craft class this morning, which was ok. Did not get all my fee, which was a bit annoying, but still money I didn't have before.

ChildofIsis Sun 20-Nov-11 17:24:47

I get to have my first night's sleep in my new attic bedroom tonight!
I thought I'd never get there.

DD is also in her new room tonight too.
The redecoration starts tomorrow all being well.
DD's full of cold and is coughing fit to burst so she may be off school tomorrow.

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 20-Nov-11 20:41:37

Exciting - new bedroom! I might get a new carpet & curtains at some point, room is too small to rearrange I think, but it will be good for you, and dd I think.
You can have a watch tv under a duvet on the sofa day tommorow, and drink hot chocolate. With or without marshmallows.

ChildofIsis Mon 21-Nov-11 08:15:25

It's DD that is under the fleece on the sofa, we may have a dvd this afternoon though.

First night in our new rooms was ok, DD awake lots though.
The stairs may finish me off!
It's one thing to leap out of bed to go through to the back bedroom, another thing entirely to leap out of bed avoiding banging head on roof beam and descend steep stairs.
I will have to finally get a banister rail up to the attic.

I didn't think about xh as much in the night; you know the brain going over memories and explainations type stuff; so maybe being in a different room will be beneficial to the healing process.

It's such a mix of positive and negative that it's mashing my head.
I hope one day to be able to just get on with life without the past tripping me up emotionally.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 21-Nov-11 11:13:02

You will get used to not banging your head...may do it a couple of times in the interim. Think how fit and thin you will be will all the extra excercise of the stairs.

I went to go out on my bike today....part way down the road, discovered the front tyre has got some kind of rubber fatigue. Another job for sdad, as won't be able to get it into my car for the bike shop.

Yes, emotions are difficult. I hate ah at the moment, and am angry he has put dd and I through this. She hates him too, so he's going to have to improve his ways with her if he wants any kind of meaningful relationship.

ChildofIsis Tue 22-Nov-11 09:50:19

Life throws some really sad curve balls at times doesn't it?

I'm just struggling with the truth of what xh has done.
I know it has happened but still find it hard to accept that the man I once loved is capable of being such a callous, disrespectful dickhead.

Then I have a day like yesterday when he was really supportive and helpful.
That almost makes it worse cos I get a glimpse of the lovely man he can be, and know that he's choosing to be with someone else.

What a bloody mess!

The electric went off at 5am, DD had just woken from a dream to see her digital clock go off, it scared her.
I rang the emergency electric from bed and it was back on in 50 minutes.
What a nice engineer.
Mind you the silly woman who first answered the call did the whole 'if it's your fault, then you'll have to pay a call out fee'.
I wonder how many people sit in the cold and dark cos they're scared of a fee.
It's bollocks, the engineer could see that there was a fault and fixed it quickly.

I'm having my hair cut today so I may feel a bit more human.
I have it very short and spiky, I hate it when it gets 'long', it doesn't spike so easily then.

ChildofIsis Tue 22-Nov-11 14:55:04

Lovely short hair, I feel like 'me' again.

I've had quite a productive day at work and am feeling much better about things.

Did you get your bike sorted out?

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 22-Nov-11 15:11:57

Yes, got new tyre, now fitted, 12.95. Job done. DM and DSD here. Hair sounds good. I had mine subtly streaked last week. Tis fab.

ChildofIsis Tue 22-Nov-11 16:20:48

I've given up on subtle, I've got yellow and pink steaks growing out and am going for purple and red next. My hair is very dark brown with lots of 'grow your own' highlights in white!

It's amazing how a new 'do' can make such a difference.

I'll finally get to start on DD's new room tomorrow.
Woodchip to strip and paintwork to prepare ready for painting next week.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 22-Nov-11 17:13:51

Stripping woodchip is hard....reward yourself later with chocolate and wine and a nice scented bath.

ChildofIsis Tue 22-Nov-11 18:54:11

Ooh I forgot to say that my chimney is being swept tomorrow too.

So at least one 'flue' in the house is being seen to !!

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 22-Nov-11 19:48:01

Good. All jobs off the list.

ChildofIsis Wed 23-Nov-11 08:19:28

I had a crap evening last night.
Full of thoughts of why xh didn't try to make our marriage work, why he looked for someone else, why he wasn't honest etc.

He is unable/unwilling to answer my questions.
He's broken my heart and torn my family apart and he doesn't know why, wtf?

He says he's sorry he's hurt me, but is not sorry he's done what he's done.
What a complete arsehole!
I wish I never had to see him again.
Unfortunately it's not that simple.

My mind keeps trying to trip me up with thoughts that I've just been a convenience to him.
I know this is untrue but it doesn't stop my mind telling it to me.

I think the move to the attic has triggered another layer of soul-searching and it's not very pleasant.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 23-Nov-11 08:35:20

Ok, you will get over this...we both will. Have you ever come accross the Five stages of Grief model, for loss issues, which include bereavement, divorce, among others. Wikipedia do a link to it, I came accross it when I trained as a counsellor. This is maybe in the depression phase, and you can move about between the stages....I have been doing this recently. I agree its very tragic that you can love someone, who appears, or in fact does, love you back, then they smash that relationship to pieces. This is about Them not Us. A major Flaw. They are not worth our love....but who knows, there may be someone out there who is. And if I never meet Him, being on my own is prefererable to being ground down every day with misogynistic behaviour.
There might be something you can add to your attic bedroom, some kind of symbol that would help you. I'll have a think. Can you think of something very meaningful to you that might help a bit?

ChildofIsis Wed 23-Nov-11 09:17:35

I agree with you that being alone is prefereble to being disrespected and lied to.

I don't want to go back, what we had clearly wasn't working.
I want to understand why it happened, then I may be able to see it happenening as and when I have another relationship.

I'll look at that model, I'd not heard of it.
Anything that helps me understand what's happening is great.

I can't think what I could add to the attic as a symbol.

Thanks for your support, it's very much appreciated.

And we're on page 7!

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 23-Nov-11 16:03:53

Lucky 7....have you got something you can have in your new room that really signifies who you are, as separate from anyone else? I don't know, maybe an ornament signifying a passion of, violin, whatever?
I really like sheep...come from farming stock, and had a pet lamb as a child...something about my roots, but I have a few of them about.
You're welcome btw. x

ChildofIsis Wed 23-Nov-11 16:41:37

I do have quite a bit of stuff like that, mind you most of it was around when xh lived here.
Maybe a Green man wall hanging or Ankh perhaps.

I had a look at that model of grief, made lots of sense, thanks.

I've stripped 3 of DD's walls of wood chip.
The paper came off really easily, mostly without need of the steam stripper.
The walls were a bit mouldy underneath, in places, mainly where the old paper had been left on.
Lots of suger soaping needed.
There are large gaps down the side of the window frame too.
I think I'll need a bucket of filler.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 23-Nov-11 19:48:24

Yes, something that was NOT around when he was would be good. Could be a good excuse to go shopping....sounds like you got a lot of the work done on the room.

ChildofIsis Fri 25-Nov-11 13:16:03

The woodchip in DD's room is history!
Going to wash the walls down next ready to paint tomorrow.

I've found some things in my 'stash' that look great in my new room.
Things that weren't around when xh was here.
And that I don't think xh would like. Yeah!!!

Hopefully get the painting done next week and then I can concentrate on xmas stuff.
I can't wait to go up to my friend's next weekend, it'll be lovely to get away.
From the decorating as much as anything.
I enjoy doing it but the house ends up in a tip in the process.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 25-Nov-11 15:03:52

Yes! Things They Woudn't Like are always good I find...!
Yay to ex-woodchip. Weekend away will do you the world of good.
Just come back from the has taken her two weeks to do a draft will, and she has put me at the wrong address....glad she won't be doing the (inevitable) divorce. Letter says make an appointment to sign it. I go to the office, and they say Ring Her. Err, I'm here, at the office, what's your job exactly....this stuff is annoying at the best of times, and these aren't the best....
Got Crimbo sorted, pressie wise, a while ago. But for the day itself, me and dd are:
not having turkey, but getting nut roast, and maybe some special ice cream. Have been paying for a hamper all year, which has lots of goodies in. We are having new jim-jams, and will probably shower, put them on AND NOT TAKE THEM OFF ALL DAY. We will not be watching the Queen's speech, and reserve the right to watch lots of Jeremy Clarkson, if we can find him on any channel (ah hated him).
The Northies are coming on Boxing Day, and staying over. Twill be nice, and shall have a buffet. Little sis is staying in spare room, DM andDSD in hotel.

Feel free to pick any of the above for your day....

ChildofIsis Fri 25-Nov-11 17:02:18

We've planned a buffet lunch for christmas day.
DD wants xh to come in the morning for pressie opening, hopefully he won't stay long.
We're out for tea to my friends who's got her adult kids staying.
Boxing day we're going to another friends for a 2nd christmas with all the trimmings.
Then on the 2nd jan off to birth mum's for a few days to have another christmas and get to meet all my relatives!
I make that 4 so far.

I like the idea of not taking pjs off all day.
Might have to di that the day after boxing day.

I've used a full tub of filler on the walls in DD's room, the woodchip was covering up walls that resemble a crazy golf course.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 25-Nov-11 17:47:01

Sounds like a full calendar. Would it be an idea to limit time that ex is able to stay Crimbo day? Have somewhere you have to be, so he only has a one/two hour time slot or whatever...might be less wearing for you.

ChildofIsis Sat 26-Nov-11 10:18:58

That's what I've been thinking. Mind you he'll no doubt want to go to his other family fairly quickly, hopefully.

He's been for DD this morning and disappointed her by saying he'd bring her home in time for tea. He usually has her for tea on a saturday.
She hasn't had tea with him for a fortnight, hasn't been put to bed (here) by him for four weeks and hasn't seen him first thing in the morning for three months.
So he really wants to spend time with her then!

Not that I'm resorting to sarcasm.

He's so inconsistent that she's starting saying that if daddy can't do stuff it doesn't matter.
It's such a shame that she's become so grown up and hardened to life.
She's such a sweetheart and he's missing out on it.
You would think he'd make the most of her love for him.
No doubt that will wane as time goes by, especially if he keeps mucking her around.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 26-Nov-11 12:55:54

Yes, it is sad, but I am proud that my dd can see through the bs, though sad he is doing this to her.
Sadly, we can't control what they do, even when it breaks your heart.
I saw ah today. Noticed he wasn't wearing wedding ring, though he tried to hide it. When he noticed me looking, gave me a trite reason, and I said, "well, now might be a good time to sell it, the price of gold being quite high". I do sarcasm too. And he said, "Well, if that's the way we're going to go". Err, why is this all about MY choice. Didn't think I had any, and keep dd safe, and my sanity...

ChildofIsis Sat 26-Nov-11 13:02:03

It does seem to be a theme that exs make it all about the money or what they want, and we rightly put our DD's first.

Eventually I would like to meet someone new, but first I want to establish stability for DD and get xh to have a routine of spending time with her.

He seems to think when he is with her it's for my benefit, he doesn't think about it being her visit with him.
It's no benefit to me to have him mucking her about.
She's too young to see the bs, I don't know if that's a bonus or not.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 26-Nov-11 13:17:38

Not sure about the last bit...I agree with you, as it were.
I don't think I'll become a born again virgin, but not anxious to rush into anything. Would like to feel appreciated, after many years of not being.

ChildofIsis Sat 26-Nov-11 15:13:02

I think I am already heading to virginhood, there'll be cobwebs soon!

You're probably right about DD knowing what's bs.
She loves her daddy and wants to see him.
She understands that 'he has other things to do', her words.
He's not doing himself any favours going forward is he?

Well the first coat of emulsion is on DD's walls, white for now just to get rid of the colour of the plaster.
Bright yellow and bright pink will go on next week, I'd better get my sunglasses out!

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 26-Nov-11 17:21:20

Neopolitan ice cream. Yum.

ChildofIsis Sat 26-Nov-11 17:34:54

Oooh lovely, wish I had some.

DD home, xh in a grump about something, they'd had a fallout about something and nothing.
He looks distinctly unhappy with life. Shame.

Going to have a nice evening with some dvds I think.

I've got advent stuff to sort out, it's all stashed here and there.
I never buy the choc coins too soon as they get eaten, I'll get them on tuesday.

noseinbook Sat 26-Nov-11 17:55:00

Hello, I used to post in Mental Health (under another name) and then I discovered Relationships (waves to Parsley). I have a diagnois of bi-polar but believe my marriage was a major factor in my symptomology, as I operated under continuous stress for decades.

You're all waking up early?? I'm staying up late, which I can do as not working and kids are grown grin

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 26-Nov-11 19:16:17

No, we do it all day nose. We're Uk, are you somewhere with a diff time?

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 26-Nov-11 19:21:38

Should have added,yes Nose know what you mean. I think I had to go, as in exit the relationship to save my sanity. Ah used to make out I was a bit bonkers, but given some of the things he was doing, pot calling the kettle sooty bum methinks. There is a certain type of abusive relationship that definitely makes you worse IMO.

Isis you think xh and tartywoman had a row?

noseinbook Sat 26-Nov-11 20:36:14

In the NE Parsley. Only on a few threads, all EA. That's why I called you fool by accident, on your thread, even though I had just written a paragraph about The Herbs. I mixed up usernames blush

Sorry for hijack, skipped to the end of thread, will read when I have more time.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 26-Nov-11 20:38:15

NE for North East? I think Child and I are posting later in the day, but it was stupid o clock at one point.

noseinbook Sat 26-Nov-11 20:50:56

yes the North East, I love it, it keeps me sanish grin

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 26-Nov-11 22:15:00

Oh, that's good. Darlington not far from darling sister.

ChildofIsis Sun 27-Nov-11 08:38:06

Oooh Parsley we've got another poster!
Welcome Nose.

I live south of Darlington (30 miles).

I think you may be right about the row, who knows what goes through his head.
I have been having dark thoughts that she'll have another child, she was always one for one-upmanship.

I'm still convinced it will end in tears. His mainly I would imagine.

I've convinced him that DD would like him to put her to bed tonight, rather than him turn up for an hour round teatime get her revved up and then leave me to calm her down in time for bed.

I'm off to the tip later, what a life !!grin

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 27-Nov-11 11:39:57

Ooh, off to the tip....good for the soul though, dumping stuff.

ChildofIsis Sun 27-Nov-11 13:09:33

I may not get to the tip today, the excitement might be too much for me!
I think they may start charging me rent as I'm there so much at present.

I want to finish filling the walls in DD's room ready for the bright paint tomorrow.

I will have to go to the tip soon though, as I need the van empty for when I pick up my new chair from my friend's on saturday.

I've been down to the empty flat to let some prospective tenants view it this morning, DD went to her Auntie's to play.
I hope someone takes it soon, one of the other tenants has lost his job and is fighting to sort out housing benefit so he can pay his rent and arrears.
Aren't finances a mess in the world just now?

ChildofIsis Sun 27-Nov-11 13:10:02

Oh the excitement, page 8!

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 27-Nov-11 13:26:43

yes, and three of us now, all Northeners....

noseinbook Sun 27-Nov-11 16:30:24

Oi, who are you calling a Northerner? I'm a Sarf London girl, or as they up here 'you're not from round here are you?' Once a Sarf London girl, always a Sarf London girl grin But I feel right at home here, my heart belongs to this place...

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 27-Nov-11 16:32:20

nose, do they say to you"Dont't be coming 'ere with your faaaaaancy Lunun wayzzzzzz"?

noseinbook Sun 27-Nov-11 22:16:16

That sounds a bit too West Country - was it meant to be? Or a ref to something?

When I was first here, people called me petal or flower. As I got older they stopped doing it sad Don't know whether it has completely died out, if not then perhaps as I become a little old lady age, they will address me thus once more!

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 28-Nov-11 07:56:28

Just a bit 'league of gentlemen'....I think northerners do the 'love' thing a bit, round here its 'duck', which I resisted for a long time, I tried to call people flower and petal, but have got in the habit of duck now, having been here since 1989....

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 28-Nov-11 07:58:36

Anyway, morning all Isis you ok this am? I am a bit cross today...mornings are always a pita with dd. Won't go to bed on time, then won't get up, and is all tazmanian devil when she does. We have to be up by 7 to get out on time.

noseinbook Mon 28-Nov-11 10:43:16

Ah, wondered if it might be L o G - only watched clips, too creepy for me!

We all call each other 'man', though.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 28-Nov-11 12:17:02

"You're my wife nooooooow......" Really creepy. Makes you want to say it though, after you've seen it. What's that about, lol!

ChildofIsis Mon 28-Nov-11 17:25:57

Hello to you both.

I've been painting in DD's new bedroom.
2 walls day-glo yellow and 2 walls high-visibility pink.
They may well be visible from space.
Thank goodness I don't have to wake up in there.

I am actually a southerner too, although I have been here for 37 years so am really a local now.
How old does that make me seem?

noseinbook Mon 28-Nov-11 18:40:29

Blimey! How old is she? I'm guessing not a teenager or it would be black and purple.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 28-Nov-11 19:06:46

My teenage dd has red and wall is a French cartoon strip, black and white.

ChildofIsis Tue 29-Nov-11 11:02:22

DD is 5.5 yrs old.
She adores pink and yellow.

Just finished the yellow walls and going back up to put second coat on the pink walls.
She's off school tomorrow so a day off for both of us.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 29-Nov-11 13:57:14

Got the same issue Isis. Would have been ok, but got meetin organised, so will park dd in cafe with her ds.

ChildofIsis Tue 29-Nov-11 19:37:13

Fortunately I don't have to work tomorrow.
We're going to live it up and have breakfast at morrisons!
It's about all I can run to at present, it's just as well that DD loves thier buttery toast.

ChildofIsis Tue 29-Nov-11 19:37:36

Their not thier, I can spell really!

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 30-Nov-11 14:12:29

Course you can Isis! Have been to meeting, and city centre. Dd has picked her dress out for a wedding in Feb, which seems to be a corset with a belt small frilled skirt attached. She does look fab in it, but must wear a jacket over it and thick tights.

ChildofIsis Wed 30-Nov-11 20:17:19

So will the jacket and tights come off as soon as you're out of sight?
Or will you be stood behind her with a gun?

I don't know how DD got so much in her old room, new one is twice as big and I seem to have filled it just with the stuff from the old one.
That can't be right!
I shall sort it out tomorrow, can't have a bedroom beating me!

Of course I now have another empty room for redecorating, I may just leave it til after xmas.

This room will be my study/meditation space.
My lovely so called friends are already calling it my 'spell room'.
I guess it will be used for that occasionally.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 30-Nov-11 20:31:42

"Don't need a mum, need a keeper with a gun..." do you remember that from the Horlicks advert Isis?
Fortunately, I will be at the wedding with her....

Can you do a spell for me?

ChildofIsis Wed 30-Nov-11 20:43:20

What do you need me to do for you?
There are lots of ethics involved in working for others, but if I can help I will.

ChildofIsis Wed 30-Nov-11 20:44:29

PM me if you want to keep it private.

noseinbook Wed 30-Nov-11 21:26:16

How was breakfast in Morrison's, Isis?

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 30-Nov-11 21:47:33

Have pm'd you Isis. Just want things to be reasonable, doesn't seem like a big Ask does it...?

ChildofIsis Thu 01-Dec-11 07:59:07

Ooh 200th post! How exciting, I really need to get out more.

Breakfast was great, thanks. We had a lovely day together.

Parsley I've replied to your PM.

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 01-Dec-11 15:11:11

Good meeting, now got wig stands and everything! Attempting to chill, before making tea, and start the ferrying to kung fu and back.

ChildofIsis Thu 01-Dec-11 19:44:23

Wig stands?

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 01-Dec-11 19:50:25

Will pm you...

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 02-Dec-11 11:15:36

Have gone back to bed for another hour this morning. Just felt tatered, and have to meet ah later, and its late night shopping in the village for Crimbo, which will be a treat after the trial...How are you today Isis?

ChildofIsis Fri 02-Dec-11 11:17:34

I'm great today.
Getting all sorted for our little road trip after school.
We're really looking forward to getting away if only for one night.

I just need to get off MN and finish my jobs now!

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 02-Dec-11 14:00:46

Good for you. Enjoy ur trip. Have sent you a message from the Dark Side!

ChildofIsis Fri 02-Dec-11 15:36:44

I got your message, I'm sure that Parsley is not your middle name really!!!
However it was quick thinking of you.
Just waiting for xh to bring DD home from school, quick snack then we'll be off.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 02-Dec-11 15:51:17

I did it a while ago...changed my name back to maiden name, and added a twiddly bit...can't change my status to separated though, from Its Complicated. Must have been able to do it last time....

ChildofIsis Sat 03-Dec-11 17:50:17

Maybe it won't let you change your status until it becomes less complicated!

DD was spectacularly sick on the long journey home, twice.
I'm glad my floor mats are rubber.

Then I discover that Orange had suspended my phone so it's just as well I didn't need to call for help.
I paid them at the end of last month and again on friday, maybe they want blood as well; everybody else seems to these days.

I've been an Orange customer for 15 years, well not anymore.
I've e-mailed them and told them what I think of them, particularly as I tried for 40mins to get passed their ridiculous automated answering system to be told that it was a further 10 mins wait to talk to someone real.

Do you know I am so sick of having to fight for everything but I will not let some twat of a company whose wages I pay defeat me.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 03-Dec-11 19:16:45

Isis that does sound a bit shit.... night away not good then, or good bit forgotten in what came after....I have changed to seperated, weirdly, you can only do it under Friends and Family or other such nonsensical heading.....

ChildofIsis Sun 04-Dec-11 08:35:41

It was a good night away, the sickness is just another one of life's challenges.
This sort of thing always makes me smile to myself as people being sick was the one thing I could never deal with before I had DD.
She was such a colicy baby; she could vomit across the room; that I just get on with it now and it doesn't phase me at all.
She's fine this morning, had a great sleep and is raring to go.
She'll have to have tomorrow off school though as they have a 48 hour rule for sickness.

Oh and my phone was working again this morning, I wonder if I'll get an apology?

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 04-Dec-11 11:09:12

Wouldn't hold your breath for the apology.....glad you had a good night away though.

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 04-Dec-11 17:29:35

I have two phones, and one of them is Orange PAYG. It won't let me make calls, cos I don't have enough credit, and it won't put me through to the top-up helpline to put the credit on...cos I don't have any credit. So my only alternative is to buy a voucher sometime, but it does seem ridiculous, that I am trying to give them money on the phone via my card, and they won't let me....confused

ChildofIsis Mon 05-Dec-11 08:10:52

I'm going to pull myself up to my full height ( 5'2") and e-mail Orange demanding an apology and a refund for no service over 24 hrs.
I may not get anywhere but it will make me feel better.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 05-Dec-11 14:01:46

Well, have you had it yet Isis?

ChildofIsis Mon 05-Dec-11 16:26:23

Inertia set in and I haven't e-mailed yet.
DD off today as school won't have pupils back until 48hrs has elapsed after d & v symptoms.
As a result I haven't got much of any great importance done.

I'll send it tonight once DD's in bed.
I love her dearly but do find it hard to concentrate when 'the wittering' is at full speed.

ChildofIsis Mon 05-Dec-11 16:27:40

I've just realised we've lost Nose.
Do you think we scared her off?

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Mon 05-Dec-11 16:31:44

Oh but it's great when you've got daughters - with any luck they carry on wittering as teenagers and young adults, much more than sons as far as I can tell. So you get to hear more about your daughter's life than your son's (in my case, and the experience of most of my friends).

Spending time with your daughter and listening to her wittering is of Great Importance, woman! It's all true about them growing up quicker than you think smile

ChildofIsis Mon 05-Dec-11 16:50:01

I realise that, I meant that I didn't get any 'work' done today.
Having spent all day yesterday doing accounts I wanted to tidy them up ready for a meeting with my bank business manager on wednesday.

Whilst DD is the most important thing in the world I do have a business to run and now that my brain is less mashed from xh leaving I want to get caught up.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Mon 05-Dec-11 17:13:44

ooh business accounts <excited> Do you use excel? I am having to do the family accounts for the last decade, because of my impending divorce, spent the last 3 days sort of solid on it (OK and MN, but MN is so helping me work things through). I have had to make myself have today off! No LOs, all grown.

What sort of business do you have, can you say?

ChildofIsis Mon 05-Dec-11 19:27:08

Xh and I run a property company, lettings renovations etc.
Currently neither of us take a wage from it.
He works f/t for a national construction company and I work p/t for the company, gratis.
The theory was that it was sweat-equity and we were working towards our future. Clearly he hadn't been thinking of our future for a very long time.
I see it as DD's inheritence and at some point I will be able to take a wage from it.

If he ever gets his finger out we will have to do the same with our domestic finances, I can tell you now who'll do the bulk of the work!

Before DD I ran a tearoom and craft shop for 10 yrs so am well used to accounts.
These are a bit different as we are a limited company so it's all a bit more serious.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 05-Dec-11 19:35:05

Ooh, Isis....there is a cafe in the village that will be for sale before too long, and I keep eyeing it up, and thinking, sofas, low coffee tables, open one night a week for poetry readings, sell craft stuff from the walls....
Can't realistically raise the capital at the moment, so will carry on with the hats and bags, which is just sweat rather than capital intensive.

ChildofIsis Mon 05-Dec-11 19:45:09

It's a great idea if you love long hours and hard work.
My place was only small I was the only f/t so if I wasn't there it was closed.
So only one week's leave per year and worked six days per week the rest of the year, seven in the summer hols weeks. Mind you I did close early on a wednesday.
At least once per month up at some ungodly hour to get to the cash and carry (25 miles away) for it opening at 6.30am and back to the tearoom to off load and prepare for the day. That's with getting all the frozen stuff delivered.

I did enjoy the interaction with the customers...most of the time.
I started in catering in my early teens and did hotel management at college.
I found that serving people is something that I was drawn to do.
I can always tell those staff members who just do it cos it's a job, there's a real art to being good with the public.

These days I serve my tenants instead, both easier and harder in different ways.
I've always believed in treating people how you would like to be treated.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 06-Dec-11 07:37:28

I did think the hours would be a downside... at the moment I can work about half-time, but not with a cafe...
Yes, treat people properly, I agree.

ChildofIsis Thu 08-Dec-11 08:22:47

Well another day of DD off school.
The 'tummy bug' from the weekend has reappeared from the other end (sorry tmi).
She'd had a sore tum off and on since the weekend but has been up in the night lots so we get to have an extra day together.
I think we may attempt the xmas cards later.

How are you?

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 08-Dec-11 16:47:40

A bit low, but think I have done too much this week... when kids are ill, all other plans go by the wayside.... I am glad I can work round her though, must be awful if you work for someone else trying to juggle it all.
Poor Isismini, hope she feels better soon.

ChildofIsis Thu 08-Dec-11 16:52:16

Oooh I like Isismini what a great name for DD.

She's been ok since being so friendly with the loo this morning.
Can't go back to school til monday though so we'll have to just have a lie-in in the morning, shame.
You're right about the convenience of being able to work around ill dcs.

Have you had any 'me' time this week?
I find that if I've ignored myself then I end up lower than usual.

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 08-Dec-11 16:54:45

That's the plus side of a sick day, a lie-in, lol! Haven't had any me time really....need a bath and a glass of wine on the side methinks.

ChildofIsis Thu 08-Dec-11 19:33:38

A glass of wine is a sound idea. wine

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 08-Dec-11 23:44:43

Ok. Have had one. or three....bored now...why do we do this stuff (marry tossers I mean?).

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Thu 08-Dec-11 23:48:25

Parsley I went for a fixer-upper - thought we both needed rescuing and we could rescue each other. Was yours a charmer?

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 09-Dec-11 07:45:28

Yes, he was. It worked reasonably well for quite a long time too.

ChildofIsis Fri 09-Dec-11 09:39:15

Mine convinced me he was the most trustworthy faithfull man on the planet.
Mind you he fooled everyone else as well.

I'm so glad he's gone.
I still get really upset about the future that isn't going to happen, but know that I'm now completely in control of the future me and DD are going to have.

I get sad that I won't be sharing xmas with a close partner, but the truth is that the last few have been awful and I'd rather it just be me and DD than go through what we have done in the past again.

It's like I'm on a see-saw in my mind.
It is getting easier but xmas is certainly challenging my new found equilibrium.

I'm hopefull of getting at least one night out over the festive period. I've started to feel quite isolated from 'normal' life over the last 3 months.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 09-Dec-11 13:51:29

Would be good to get a night out Isis. I am having Crimbo lunch with the knitting ladies in a couple of weeks, but, tho it will be fun, doesn't count!

ChildofIsis Sat 10-Dec-11 11:26:55

I've wrapped some xmas gifts this morning and am off to collect a friend from the train for a girlie lunch and catch up.
I can guarantee it will get silly.

xh's vehicle wouldn't start this morning so I delivered DD to his.
First time I've been in weeks, looks like a student squat.
Stuff everywhere, no order or tidiness. So that's how my house would have been without my influence.

Do you know it's a revelation to live in a tidy house!

ChildofIsis Sat 10-Dec-11 17:35:57

Had a great time with my friend.
It did indeed get silly within about 10 mins of her train coming in.

Her xbf dumped her the same day xh left me, although she's no kids she was with him 10 years and is going through the emotional wringer too.

We have laughed all day.
I feel a bit flat now though.

DD will be home soon and I'll get a big snuggle to cheer me up.
I think children give the best hugs in the world.
I miss her so much when she's not here. I know she'll have had a great time though.
I can't wait til the holidays when she's here all the time.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Sat 10-Dec-11 18:00:50

Hiya, I know what my house looks like without my influence, as I am treating the master bedroom and ensuite as my personal living space and leaving most of the housework in the rest of the house to ah/stbx and DD (21) who is planning to live in his house when he buys one and moves out. Don't care, as hope house will be valued low.

My space doesn't look all that impressive either - neither of us were the tidiest, but I have always been the one that tackled the mess and cleaning, usually before a parental visit. Thanks to Flylady, I can do it now, but damned if I'm doing it atm.

Glad you had a nice time with your friend, Isis, I rang my oldest friend, from when we were 8 years old, last night to catch up on each other's lives, and she was so supportive.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 10-Dec-11 19:17:10

Yes, if the house is a mess, hopefully the valuation will be lower... my front door need painting, but blowed if I'm going to do it. Teenage dd is so messy though, I couldn't just leave it...

ChildofIsis Sat 10-Dec-11 23:07:05

Well ladies the 'calm before the storm' feeling I've been having has been proved.
Xh said the dna test was done and the results are expected on friday.
He wants to tell DD about the child on saturday then DD can go to ow's for tea over christmas.

Now I may be wrong but I don't think any of that is in DD's best interests.
She's 5.5 and is still traumatised at times about daddy leaving and now he wants to tell her that she has to share him with another child who he planned with ow whilst he was married to me.
Although he may not want her to know the last bit, the maths will tell the truth of that to her when she'd older.

Am I right in thinking he's being selfish?

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 10-Dec-11 23:15:40

Yes, he's being selfish....will think about the other stuff before I give you considered opinion....hard though for you. Hugs. x

ChildofIsis Sat 10-Dec-11 23:27:56

I don't want to stop DD knowing her own relative, least of all a little girl who she already knows and loves.
However I have a deep sinking feeling that it may escalate the issues DD and I are currently dealing with and will possibly fill my house with talk of DD's other family.
It's like a knife being driven into my heart.

Mind you once it's done it's done, and it won't be looming over me like a dark cloud as it has been for 14 weeks.
And finally he's set a date for DD to stay over at his place 28th december!!

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Sun 11-Dec-11 00:36:47

Isis I don't have personal experience of this, just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are having to go through it.

ChildofIsis Sun 11-Dec-11 08:48:36

Thanks, it's good to know that I'm not alone in the world.
That was drama I know.
I know I'm not alone but do feel isolated by my situation at times.

The strange thing is how many other people have experience of a child being conceived in deceipt and the trauma it causes.
It seems there are no depths to which some won't stoop to satisfy their own selfish needs.

I've just posted on my f/b wall my christmas wish :
That all the selfish people in the world get what's coming to them with bells on.

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 11-Dec-11 10:22:35

Been and posted on that thread Isis...! You are doing the grown-up thing in not being obstructive about a relationship with Isismini potential half-sibling. Yes, she will at some point do the maths, but you cannot control other people's bad behaviour, in this case your sbxh.... It is hard, and very selfish of him. I still think counselling is a marvellous thing, done properly, and am still waiting for the school counselling to kick in for her (it might be on t'other thread, but there was a fight this week, which seems to have escalated into that becuase of her anger at her situation). It fuels my hatred for ah, for setting in motion a chain of events that has gone this way. I will never forgive him for what he has done to our family. If you can forgive yours, let me know how its done!

ChildofIsis Sun 11-Dec-11 14:01:25

Do you know the forgiving is happening everyday, it's something I learned from the More To Life training.
It's the forgetting that's hard.

Forgiveness is the refusal, absolute refusal to hold ill-will/resentment against others; or yourself; for your own benefit.
Once I realised I was forgiving for my own sake it became easier.
If I continue to carry ill-will towards others it will eat me up and create negativity within me and for me.
Forgiveness does not have the others' actions being ok or have you liking the action or person.
Forgiveness frees you to be authentically you and allows you to step forward from a position of truth.

I honestly don't know where I'd be without the work of the More To Life Foundation, it's been an emotional lifesaver.

ChildofIsis Sun 11-Dec-11 14:03:47

Of course my friends MN and RL have been an absolute lifesaver too.

I may be skint at present but in terms of emotional welfare I am the richest person in the world!!

ChildofIsis Mon 12-Dec-11 14:06:48

Well xh came round to see DD for an hour yesterday late afternoon.
As expected he made no mention of the texts I'd sent him detailing his selfishness and lack of regard for DD's feelings <parallel universe> and chatted away as usual.
I'd been quite forcefull in my opinions in the texts.
Finally I'm standing up to him, I don't think he knows what to do about that!

He was conspicuous (sp?) in his attempts to be light and humourous.
As he was leaving I said that we need to have a serious conversation and said 'yeah, yeah'. I told him not to yeah, yeah me and that this was important.
I said that DD could easily wait a while before needing to know about the child and that he had to examine his motives.
He didn't look happy as he went, shame.

Do you know what I feel 10 feet tall today, he's such a shit and I don't have to put up with him anymore. Hurrah!

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Mon 12-Dec-11 14:32:46

Yay Isis smile

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 12-Dec-11 14:37:43

Glad you feel better about stuff Isis.

ChildofIsis Thu 15-Dec-11 06:29:46

Well had another mercy dash across the pennines to Mum yesterday.
She's got a herniated bowel and is very ill indeed.
On tuesday they weren't sure if she'd see the weekend, at that point they didn't know what the blockage was.
She's rallied again, surgery is needed but she's had her fill of it after having a stroke during the last lot of surgery.
My DB thinks she may change her mind and have the procedure, apparently it can be done under an epidural rather than full GA.

So enter xh being kind and supportive, my inner cynic wonders what's in it for him?
He came back up from work; down south; early to pick up DD from school and have her at his for the night, first time ever.
So I've woken in a house without DD and am very anxious and emotional.
It was awful coming back to a forlorn cat last night.

So much for a lovely lie-in, I've been up since 5.30am!

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 15-Dec-11 08:44:17

Oh Isis....sending hugs and good wishes to you. Will light a candle for you both. Message me if you need to.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Thu 15-Dec-11 12:50:00

I suppose he'll be able to say 'look what I did for you' later on. But at least he did it.

Hugs from here too. And cat says hello to your cat (alright in reality she'd hiss but...)

ChildofIsis Fri 16-Dec-11 11:13:44

It's funny but I don't think he would verbally use it against me.
It's him exerting control again, all very covert and unsaid.

Once over I would have spent the next few weeks trying to make it up to him as he'd done me a huge favour.
When in actual fact he was caring for his daughter, parenting is it's own reward.

I've always done the bulk of the parenting and he earned the bulk of the money.
In reality that's him working 40 -50 hours per week for a very good salary and me doing everything else.
It's like some 1950s timewarp.
And I thought I was independent, well I am now!
It's so much easier doing everything myself when there are no expectations of someone maybe doing a bit to 'help'.

Mum's a little stronger, we still don't know what the future holds but then none of us do.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Fri 16-Dec-11 11:24:48

I so agree about the (unfulfilled) expectations of help.

And mine didn't even earn the bulk of the money. Long story, but he is basically cocklodger.

So sorry to hear about your mum, hope she keeps improving.

ChildofIsis Fri 16-Dec-11 11:30:15

In all likelihood Mum hasn't got long, she's got a very damaged heart and damaged lungs.
Anything she's treated for is to increase her comfort and decrease her pain in the meantime.

It's a sad fact of life but we all have to face it eventually.

She's been ill for around 3 years and has had multiple heart surgeries and investigations.
She wants to be well enough to go home again but I don't know if she ever will.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Fri 16-Dec-11 11:46:58

Yeah we all have to face it, but she is your mum sad Luckily both my P are still going, pretty fit for how old they are.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 16-Dec-11 18:09:52

Good that she is a bit better Isis.

ChildofIsis Sun 18-Dec-11 18:07:03

Mum passed away this afternoon, it was a peacefull end.

I don't quite know what I'm going to do without her.
We'd become friends since DD was born after years of animosity and angst.

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 18-Dec-11 19:46:53

Oh sorry. ring if you need to (hugs). x

ChildofIsis Sun 18-Dec-11 19:49:49

I'll give you a call in a few minutes, thanks.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 19-Dec-11 08:08:12

Sending you vibes to get you through the day today...please try and make some time for a nice bath or something, to recharge yourself. x

ChildofIsis Mon 19-Dec-11 09:50:28

Thankyou Parsley, your support is very much appreciated.

I'm feeling quite adrift today.
All the close support I thought would always be there has gone in the last 4 months and I'm not sure what to do about it.
I know I will cope and that life goes on blah blah, but I'm sick of 'coping' and just would like someone else to cope for me.

Well it'll be January soon and hopefully next year will be more positive.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 19-Dec-11 15:39:42

Isis if ex is being supportive, could you let him for a bit, or would this just feel wrong?

ChildofIsis Mon 19-Dec-11 16:09:47

He is being supportive up to a point and I am letting him help.
It feels odd to let him but I need all the help I can get at the minute.

My head is mashed today and I just don't know what to think any more.

The funeral is on thursday 29th, I'm gratefull that my DB and DStepD have managed to get it arranged before new year.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 19-Dec-11 17:06:35

Ok. Have you got someone to go with you?

ChildofIsis Tue 20-Dec-11 11:22:32

My birth mum and her husband have been invited to come.
I'm thrilled that my brother and Stepdad wanted her to be there, I was worried about being on my own.
Apparently stepdad said he'd like her to be there for me and to meet the rest of my family.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Tue 20-Dec-11 12:10:24

So sorry to hear about your mum, of course you are feeling mashed. Lean on anyone you can, post here, whatever. x

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Tue 20-Dec-11 12:10:56

whatever might help

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 20-Dec-11 14:55:56

Isis that is good news, at a bad time.

ChildofIsis Tue 20-Dec-11 15:52:54

There's always a silver lining however dark the cloud may be.

I'm feeling a bit more balanced today, lots of phone support last night helped.

I'm very glad that school has finally broken up for the holidays.
I'm looking forward to being able to slob around in my pjs tomorrow morning. I don't suppose I'll get a lie-in though!

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 21-Dec-11 10:09:06

I know what you mean Isis, I've been able to get up later having to be up at 0700 for sure. Re the support we get from people when times are tough. I find that there is an odd thing about it. Some people are a bit rubbish at it, some peeps are absolutely brilliant. And you often can't predict which group people will be in, there are often suprises IMO. Yay to PJ days. x

ChildofIsis Wed 21-Dec-11 13:40:51

You are so right about not knowing who will be there for you in a crisis.
Some of my married/partnered friends backed right off after xh left.
I assume it's because they have no sphere of reference from which to help.

On the flip side my friends who've been through it have been marvellous.
Also my admiration for their fortitude has grown.
I knew they'd been through it but I had no experience so couldn't empathise truly.
I have always supported my friends through anything that's befallen them, and have never understood those who pick and choose the traumas they help with.

I guess that most people help where they feel most comfortable and back off from the stuff they feel awkward about.
I think they're called fair weather friends.
I really know who my true friends are now, and I've got lots of them.
Thank goodness for lovely friends! Parsley included!

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 21-Dec-11 18:35:22

Thanks Isis!
Have been to see elderly Great Aunt and Uncle of dd's today, about 15 miles away, in a residential home. Somewhat thrown to find mil, bil and sil there, given that they live over 2 hrs away. Awkward or and bil ignored me. Sis made vauge small talk gestures, but as I have been completely cut off by then, I think its a bit hypocritical tbh....Anyone would think it was me online dating, not ah....

ChildofIsis Wed 21-Dec-11 20:19:43

Isn't it funny how people ignore the ones they've hurt and treat them as if they were the perpetrators of the hurt.
It's guilt and shame driving them to pretend they haven't acted badly.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 21-Dec-11 20:45:38

Maybe Isis, but tis short-sighted. Dd will always be their relative, and as they live 2 1/2 hrs away, this relies on me a lot for contact, so anything towards co-operation would make sense you would think.

ChildofIsis Wed 21-Dec-11 20:48:41

You've hit the nail on the head there, they clearly don't think!
Their need to be spitefull is obviously more important than family to them.
More fool them.

ChildofIsis Wed 21-Dec-11 20:49:11

Oooh page 12!!!
I really need to get out more.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 21-Dec-11 20:59:15

Yes Isis....still makes me want to slap them though. Hard! Yes we are one third of the way through the thread. The next one should have have a more upbeat title methinks.

ChildofIsis Wed 21-Dec-11 21:27:47

How about 'We're going to have a fantastic xmas cos grumpy twat has gone'!

ChildofIsis Wed 21-Dec-11 21:28:27

Or even the 'We were too good for him and are happier without'!

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 21-Dec-11 21:29:27


ChildofIsis Wed 21-Dec-11 21:39:32

Or I could use a quote from a friend of mine :
'Doesn't he look rough now he doesn't have a wife looking after him?'

The truth is he looks dreadful, he's become a right scruffy bugger.

Oooh ooh another one 'Thank god the scruffy bugger's gone!'

ChildofIsis Wed 21-Dec-11 21:41:15

I'm getting good at these now, could I get a job making up thread titles do you think?

I've got my Yule meditation to do so I'm off now.
Nighty night!

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Wed 21-Dec-11 21:42:31

That would fit mine as well. He has always been scruffy, and wore horrible oversized fleeces despite me saying how unfanciable he looked in them. T'will be interesting to see if he gets less scruffy, perhaps?

ChildofIsis Thu 22-Dec-11 08:13:38

I assume ow likes him scruffy as he's got worse over the past year, despite the fake leather primarni jacket he's got.
He is a joke! Especially when he teams the jacket with cargos, he's almost 50 fgs.

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 22-Dec-11 10:19:03

Good grief Isis...mine is not scruffy, but whenever I see him he seems to have perfected a hangdog/poor me/isn't it tragic/nothing to do with my actions demeanor.....makes me want to slap him. Hard. Not the effect he was hoping for I imagine!

ChildofIsis Thu 22-Dec-11 12:12:49

When will people learn that acting like a child is what caused the situation in the first place.
Continuing to behave childishly will only make things worse.

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 22-Dec-11 15:47:57


ParsleyTheLioness Fri 23-Dec-11 19:18:58

Isis, rudolph, where arrrrrrre you?

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Fri 23-Dec-11 19:24:46

Hello, are you all right Parsley. Have just had first row of Christmas, with DD who would not unwrap the brown paper from two parcels addressed to me when asked as they were not her presents and she wouldn't feel comfortable grrrr. AH did not back me up, and anyway we were having another row about who had bought Christmas trees over the years.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 23-Dec-11 19:27:10

Rudolph, you can't beat it....if it helps, my first exh and I had an enormous row over who would have custody of the dc if we split up. Logical you might think, except we didn't have any....mad or what?!

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 23-Dec-11 19:28:48

Rudolph, yes in answer to question btw. You coping? I have had wine. It helps!

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Fri 23-Dec-11 19:32:38

It was a weak moment. Trouble is, DD has learnt it from AH who for several years now has just said no whenever I have asked him for the slightest bit of help. I remember one morning begging him to spare 10 lousy minutes helping me clear the kitchen up!

It will be interesting to see how they cope when AH eventually moves out, and DD goes to live with him. But I probably won't find out, will I?

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Fri 23-Dec-11 19:33:00

DD is 20, BTW.

ChildofIsis Fri 23-Dec-11 20:43:50

I've had a strange day of contrasts.
DD spent the day with xh.

I've been getting on with tidying and cooking and did have a very low moment thinking about Mum.
I was wondering who I ought to ring when my friend and her adorable twins arrived with a surprise xmas gift.
They were just the right people, lots of hugs and daftness.
Then as they were leaving my lovely friend who lives in london arrived, she'd just got in on the train and insisted on coming to see if I was ok before going to her Mum's.

Then I get to xh's to collect DD to be told that he wants DD to go to ow's on boxing day for tea and the dna results have come in the post.
I told him she would be going nowhere for tea as we'll have been out all day and that in view of the fact that DD's Grandma has not been dead a week yet it was in very poor taste to try and force me.

Now for the best bit...

He won't be coming to see DD on xmas morning because I won't let him tell her about his bastard offspring.
I've told him that when I've verified the test results as genuine then she can be told, but not before xmas.

What sort of tithead would do this to his own flesh and blood?

He has completely burned his boats now as far as I'm concerned.
I will not be blackmailed.
He deliberately upset DD to try and force me to do what he wants, well he can just jog on.

I've told him he can see me in court in the new year over access visits, he won't like that, cos it costs money!
I am not backing down on this, I will not have DD upset any more.
I don't know what the rush is about but he can just go to hell.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 23-Dec-11 21:12:17

Isis (hugs) x

ChildofIsis Sat 24-Dec-11 08:20:39

Well DD and I are having a good xmas eve so far.
We're off to a posh deli for lunch later on and are just chilling at the moment.

I'm wondering if the spineless wimp xh will ring at his usual time; this evening; to speak to DD?
I have a suspicion that he will not, his loss.
He's nailing his own coffin as far as I can see.

I have some concerns about xh's monthly payment into my bank next week, he may stop the direct debit.
I am very lucky to have a contigency fortunately, my lovely stepDad has already offered to help financially if DD and I need it.

I realised in the night that xh can't hurt me anymore, and I will not allow him to hurt DD by using her to get to me.
He's being a bully and so infantile.
I didn't give in to bullies when I was at school and I'm not going to start now.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 24-Dec-11 11:50:34

Have a good lunch...and come back later and update if you get chance.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Sat 24-Dec-11 12:13:24

Hope you had a nice lunch Isis. I hope things will be better now you realise he can't hurt you anymore.

DD and I had a huge row this morning, she doesn't understand why I will not agree to 50/50 or cashing in investments, and I told her it was my business anyway. We have had a hug, and before that she told me she loved me even tho I was being a pain. She wants to be treated like an adult, and doesn't believe that is what I'm doing - which I am.

ChildofIsis Sun 25-Dec-11 09:50:59

Well I'm feeling quite victorious today.
Been up since 6am had a lovely time in my new room having breakfast and opening gifts with DD.

Xh rang at his usual time and DD refused to talk to him cos he'd upset her.
I encouraged her to at least listen to what he had to say, he was sobbing down the phone telling her how much he loved her.
I then was on the phone with him for 40 mins and gave him a good telling.
He denied blackmail but did admit to reacting out of fear, fear of what I don't know.
I also rubbed in all the support I gave to him when his parents died, including identifying his Mum's body so that she could be moved, he was away then too.

My Mum would be proud of me, what a tithead he is.

I pointed out that I have actively encouraged him to see DD, and have actually made it really easy for him to see her; including letting him come here when I don't want to see him, I've done what's best for DD and he's done what's best for him self.
I told him that whilst he was free to choose what he did that if he didn't see DD on xmas day it would be a noose around his neck forever, cue more sobbing, wtf.

I asked him why he was so upset, he'd got everything he wanted so what was his problem? Apparently he'd had a shit day and had been upset most of it, shame...we had a great day.
He said he had to think about whether he came today or not???
He text last night to say he would be here if it was ok with me. Of course it's ok with me he's DD's dad ffs.

I still think there's more 'truth' to come out, he's stopped denying other affairs if I mention it.
I wonder if he's trying to hide something from ow?

Sorry that turned into a full chapter.
Merry christmasYule to all!!!

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 25-Dec-11 14:59:45

Oh Isis Merry Yule to you! So is he coming in the end or not....knob...I have had a phone call from ah. He is having a chaotic Crimbo with disorganised bil and sil...good. Make him realise it is quite good here. Says being away from us has brought it home to him. Again, good. Yes, sometimes I think these men would not know the truth if it bit them on the bum...

ChildofIsis Sun 25-Dec-11 15:25:21

Xh turned up later than he said<as usual>with a different gift for DD than he'd said he was getting. It's ok though, she loves it.
He also brought a gift for me from him from DD, a wooden beehive composter bin, I've wanted one for years.
So the man who doesn't love/want me has spent time, money and effort making me a xmas gift, wtf?

It was really funny, he seemed diminished and much meaker than I've seen him before.
Maybe he finally can see what he's done, well he's stuck with it now.

DD and I are having a great day with more to come, off to my friends for tea.

ChildofIsis Sun 25-Dec-11 20:22:41

Had a lovely xmas tea at my friend's house.

Strangely xh rang to speak to DD, he doesn't usually ring at teatime if he's seen her during the day.
He won't be visiting her tomorrow as he's 'too many other things to do'.
He's batted on about boxing day teatime visiting of one sort or another for bloody months and now he's too busy.
What an arse.
To quote DD when talking to a friend of mine : 'my daddy needs to have a word with himself!'
I think she sees the situation accurately.

It's wine o'clock now!winesmile

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Sun 25-Dec-11 21:17:03

Had a nice day here, nice pressies, nice meal cooked harmoniously by OH and me. DS asleep on the sofa, cat asleep on DS. DD cleaned and set the table. grin Hope OH isn't going to exploit her when they share a house.

Supported friend by phone re a complicated situation, recommended wine, my family was all hmm. Hypocrites, much?

Hope all went well, on the whole, with you.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 26-Dec-11 10:25:26

Isis sorry he's been arsey again, glad yours was good Rudolph. We had a good day, next door in for morning drinks, nut roast for lunch, new jamas, bottle of wine and nibbles at teatime, lots of telly, and chocolates. Dm, sdad and dsis invading us soon, will need to start defrosting stuff now... smile

ChildofIsis Tue 27-Dec-11 08:45:07

Xh and I had another row on the phone yesterday teatime.
He's pretty much refusing to see DD untill she's been told about her sister.

After much soul searching and consultation with a very wise friend I decided that I didn't really have much choice.
A judge would insist that xh can take DD where he likes and I know that I was just putting off the inevitable.

Anyway xh came round for a 'discussion' and we've decided that we'll go round to his on friday am to tell DD about it.
I don't think she needs to know just yet, but realise that legally I don't have a leg to stand on.
I would rather it happen when I'm around to support DD than it be done behind my back.

DD is at her auntie's for 2 nights midweek so I can go to Mum's funeral.

In all probability she'll take the news in her stride in the short term.

DD and I are going away for 4 days next week; we're going to birth mum's; so we'll be able to distance ourselves from it a bit.

No MN for 4 days, how will I cope?

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 27-Dec-11 09:21:24

FWIW, I think the friend is right Isis.... hard though it is. She will probably take it in her stride at her age. For you its harder, cos it is a reminder of what an absolute arse he and tarty woman have been, but not the child's fault. If you can see these things seperately it might help. Ie, seperate child's personality from bad behaviour of parents. Hugs to you.x

ChildofIsis Tue 27-Dec-11 16:17:10

Thanks, good advice as always Parsley.

My friends have taken to calling ow 'the puppeteer' which I find hilarious.
Although I don't know which of them is being more manipulative.

I am feeling much more at peace knowing that it will be over and done with on friday.
I know there may be fallout to deal with but have been dealing with that for months.

I've told xh that he has to sort out the financial settlement and divorce, his part of the 'deal'.
As usual he drags his feet if it's not convenient/ usefull for him to do stuff.

I've got a couple of social nights this week so may even get to go out at night!!!

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 28-Dec-11 14:37:27

Think you will feel better after Friday, and pig ex could do with getting his finger from up his bum and sorting stuff out. In many ways he has quite a good thing going...sort of a bachelor lifestyle, living in student type squalor, and pupeteer, and two families. Quite the Big Man. Maybe a trip to your solicitor, and a letter giving him some sort of deadline in the New Year....
Nights out will be good for you. As you previously said, your bum could maybe have a dance on its could drink wine in the corner grin

ChildofIsis Wed 28-Dec-11 16:33:02

It's getting bad when my bum is more active than I am!!

I may just ring the solicitor and get an appointment booked, I'd forgotten that i'd planned to do that today. Thanks for the reminder.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 28-Dec-11 16:38:04

Are you worried I can see in your head Isis....grin

ChildofIsis Thu 29-Dec-11 17:46:47

Oooh my first cyber stalker/mind reader and it's a lion!!

I'm not really worried just want it all over with.

Been to Mum's funeral today.
All went well, a very connecting day with family old and new.
The weather over the pennines was atrocious coming back but am home safely.

I am a bit concerned how DD will be with xh's revelation tomorrow.
However I know I can deal with whatever happens.
After all that life has thrown at me in 2011 I think I can just about deal with anything.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Thu 29-Dec-11 18:09:17

Kids always manage to surprise you with their reactions IME. I hope it goes as Ok as these things can.

ChildofIsis Thu 29-Dec-11 18:17:46

I'm fairly certain that DD will be thrilled initially.
She knows and loves the little girl and has mentioned that she has missed her in the past few months.

My primary concern is DD wanting to talk about it and filling my house with tales of what she does with her other family.
Obviously DD can talk about anything she wants, I will not in any way censor her conversations.
We do already talk about everything together.

I don't know how I am going to be with it all.
I do know that the fear of it will be worse than the reality.
I think it's just another level of acceptance of the reality of the situation kicking in.
I do hope it's the last 'revelation' and we can move on with our lives.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Thu 29-Dec-11 22:06:26

Maybe you will surprise yourself? you seem like a compassionate sort of a person...

ChildofIsis Fri 30-Dec-11 08:21:11

Thanks Rudolph, compassion is something I've always found easy to feel.
Although I haven't always shown myself the same level as I give to others.

Had a crap night and woke up feeling really numb. Did some processing and am feeling much clearer now.
I accept what will happen today and know that I will be able to deal with it.

I'm missing DD so much, haven't seen her since wednesday teatime.
Going to collect her in half an hour or so and then onto xh's.

No doubt I will update you later on.

ChildofIsis Fri 30-Dec-11 12:03:39

Well xh told her and she started crying immediately.
Didn't want to stay at xh's or even let him near her.
We drove home with her sobbing like her heart was breaking.

We've had a long talk about it and I've reassured her that daddy will always love her and that I will always love her.

We talked about the fact that xh will want to take DD to see her half sister when DD sees xh tomorrow.
DD does not want to see xh at all at present.
Xh will come for her as usual in the morning, we'll have to see how that goes.

I left a message for xh to say how upset DD was, he's yet to reply 2 hours later!

I've calmed her down and she's happily sticking paper on a plastic bottle using miles of sellotape.
No doubt the implications of this will continue on into the future.

We will deal with it as we do everything else, with love and laughter.
And of course with the support of all of our lovely friends.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Fri 30-Dec-11 19:35:14

Hugs to you both. It must seem to DD that daddy has got himself a new woman and daughter to replace his old family sad Hopefully AH's behaviour towards DD will contradict that impression. You are the stable person in her life, though, which must help.

Am crap at knowing what to say, but thinking of you both.

ChildofIsis Fri 30-Dec-11 22:37:37

I'm not sure what DD thinks at present.
Whilst I expected her to be upset, I did wonder if she would just accept it. Clearly that's what FW expected to happen and it hasn't.

When FW (fuckwit -my new name for him) rang to talk to DD at teatime it was all she could do to speak to him.
I had a right go at him as he hadn't responded to my voicemail saying how upset she was.
I think he's shot himself well and truly in the foot.
There is nothing more he can use now to blackmail me and his latest gambit has backfired spectacularly. Shame...

I'm thinking there's a book in this somewhere -
Fuckwit and the puppeteer, how to score own goals at christmastime!

What do you think?

ChildofIsis Sat 31-Dec-11 13:55:24

DD has gone for the day with fw, took quite a bit of encouragement.
I've asked her to give him a chance. I told him not to muck it up.

They've been building lego and painting so far, so no doubt she'll be happy with that.
Fw said he may see about taking DD to see the puppeteer and child if DD is willing to go.
We will see how it's gone when I collect her at 6pm.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Sat 31-Dec-11 15:21:38

Hope you are getting some rest, even though your thoughts must be with DD. My thoughts are with you.

ChildofIsis Sat 31-Dec-11 15:31:34

Thanks Rudolph, I'm not doing that much today as my back is playing up.

I'm not thinking about DD too much, I can't control what fw does so best not to waste good emotion worrying.

It'll be interesting to see how she is later on.
At my friends suggestion I am documenting DD's moods within the context of this revelation.
It may be instrumental at a later date.

I'm actually sat here wondering if the ironing will do itself if I wish hard enough?
We're going away on monday morning and I'm trying to get sorted out ready.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Sat 31-Dec-11 16:15:06

Ironing? What's that wink?

I do straighten things before I put them in the tumble drier or hang them out though. I am a scruff and not working, so not bothered for me. DD doesn't iron her stuff, tho she is working. DS when here had to look smart for work, I ironed his stuff a couple of times at the start, then he did it all - shirt and trousers every working day. He did tend to always have a washload somewhere in the cycle though, holding everyone else's laundry up or forcing them to move his on!

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 31-Dec-11 17:20:32

How today Isis?

ChildofIsis Sat 31-Dec-11 20:52:20

I was quite nervous when I went to collect DD, I was concerned how she would be after any possible meeting with fw's other family.

DD had a good day with fw.
They spent an hour at the puppeteer's this afternoon and DD enjoyed playing with her h/sister.

Hopefully it will settle into a routine of small amounts of time; with his other family; slowly building to more.

He's asked if she'll have a sleepover at his next friday, she seems quite keen on the idea.
He's thanked me for encouraging DD to give him a chance.

I think he realises that I could have used DD's emotional pain against him.

ChildofIsis Sat 31-Dec-11 20:52:40

Oh I forgot to say that I love ironing!

ChildofIsis Sat 31-Dec-11 20:52:55

oooh page 14!

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Sat 31-Dec-11 21:43:45

That is indeed something, if he realises that. Although I don't believe you actually could have, could you? Clearly DD trusts you, have some thanks, as always I'm having a brew - and the cat wants something. Tonight I am blissfully alone in the house, a treat, I have had the music loud grin

ChildofIsis Sat 31-Dec-11 23:24:47

I would never blackmail anyone or use their emotions against them, however fw has been doing that; and is reacting as if I'm going to do some sort of tit for tat retaliation.
He has spent so much time with the puppeteer that he seems to think we all scheme and play mind games.

As far as I'm concerned DD wants and needs her dad and I will encourage them both to continue forging a stronger relationship.
I want for them to spend more time together, I've always wanted that.
Xh has worked away for so long he's forgotten how 'normal' family works.

I'm going to find the cat then off to bed, I'm shattered and can't be bothered to stay up til 'the bongs'.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Sun 01-Jan-12 00:38:28

Hope my post did not cause unintended offence, Isis, it was the last thing I meant if so. Nor did I mean to imply that DD might distrust you, it was more - she knows she's got one parent who is honest and straight with her, wants only the best for her, and of course that is you.

It's past the bongs, I heard some fireworks. Hope AH is pissed somewhere, he's also out tomorrow part of the day.

ChildofIsis Sun 01-Jan-12 08:35:33

No offence caused Rudolph, I got what you were getting at.

I find clarity of mind when I put my feelings into words, so explaining myself cements my own view of the situation.

The fireworks round us were dreadfully loud (I'm in the attic) and went on for 30 minutes so sleep didn't come quickly.

My back is really not good at present so I'm now thinking what I can manage without doing before we go away.
I'll be packing lots of painkillers.

I can't wait to get away, just to get a break from all that's gone on.

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 01-Jan-12 15:08:18

Will be good for you to get away Isis...
Happy New Year, sure it will be better for us all, including Rudolph.

ChildofIsis Sun 01-Jan-12 21:08:25

Well the new year started well...but...
I'm now having a major sad moment.
I'm in the new year with no Mum and no marriage!
TBH I feel like shit and want to hide away forever.

ChildofIsis Sun 01-Jan-12 21:09:35

Thank goodness we're going away tomorrow.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Sun 01-Jan-12 22:53:51

Course you are having a major sad moment sad
Follow your process, and take the adventure that Aslan sends smile x

Thanks for your good wishes, Parsley, now if I can just get these numbers finished instead of going back to bed or watching the telly...

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 02-Jan-12 18:02:40

Have a good time Isis if still in time before you go. I have taken the decorations down today. They might be lovely but the clutter gets on your nerves after a while. Having the house less cluttered and left my mind a bit calmer...need to start excercising properly again in the New Year.
You finished your numbers Rudolph?

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Mon 02-Jan-12 19:14:10

Nah, still ploughing on. I've probably made heavier weather of it than I need to, but OTOH it has given me a good insight into how we have managed to survive over the years.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 04-Jan-12 08:39:20

Good job done though, Rudolph when you're finished....'bout time you changed your Crimbo name back, or are you waiting til 12th night?

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Wed 04-Jan-12 11:48:12

Well I'm not sure what I'm changing it to next - it was an intermediate name change on the way to a new one - so yes, probably am waiting till 12th night and also it will be a celebration of finishing the sums!

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 04-Jan-12 16:00:29

Ok. Change the name before the wine then, not after...

ChildofIsis Fri 06-Jan-12 12:55:43

Hello to you both.
We got back yesterday afternoon, we've had a great time being thoroughly spoilt by our 'new' family.
And what a wonderful family they are, I'm so glad I'm getting know them.

DD is going for a sleepover at her dad's tonight, she's not keen though. I'm off to my friend's for a booze up and a takeaway.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 06-Jan-12 14:54:08

Glad you had a good time Isis. Boozy night sounds good.

ChildofIsis Fri 06-Jan-12 17:14:37

DD went with her dad this afternoon, till tomorrow evening.
She'd come round to the idea as the day went on.

I feel a bit strange about it all. It's different to when DD goes to my frined's for a sleepover.

I'm having lunch out tomorrow and am looking forward to a long lie-in in the morning. It'll be interesting to see if I still wake at 6am.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 06-Jan-12 18:31:23

Hopefully not!

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Fri 06-Jan-12 20:53:51

What sort of takeaway? [glutton]

It's bound to feel weird. Some friend time is just the thing.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 06-Jan-12 21:41:32

Thai would be my preference...closely followed by chinese.With wine...

ChildofIsis Sat 07-Jan-12 09:27:06

We had chinese washed down with home brew toxic poison wine.

I didn't get up till after 8 this morning, it must be the first time since I had DD that I've had a genuine lie-in.
I'm going to have a leisurely shower and potter before going out to lunch.
What a life!

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 07-Jan-12 10:50:03

sounds good to me.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Sat 07-Jan-12 11:48:06

Ah yes I remember home brew wine, you think it's innocuous, then it hits you over the head grin A genuine lie-in will have done you the world of good. Now I'll be wanting to know about lunch!

And how's you, Parsley?

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 07-Jan-12 15:53:02

A bit ...meh....*Rudolph*. Not good at knowing how I am at the mo, keep changing my mind. Tis frustrating...

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Sat 07-Jan-12 19:46:03

Me too, dispirited at what accounts are showing, can't find Nov statements, and had words with stbx re topping up the joint account. Think I will take sol advice and separate our finances as far as poss before settlement.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer Sat 07-Jan-12 19:49:27

Bugger, must think of new name grin

ChildofIsis Sun 08-Jan-12 08:37:16

Lunch was great, albeit at a services.

I am on the committee that runs More to Life in the north and have taken on the Sponsorship Co-ordinator role.
I was meeting my friend who'd previously had the role, to swap files etc.
TBH it all looked a bit clandestine, meeting at the back of the carpark and moving things from one boot to another!

We met at the back so she could park next to me, not for a nefarious reason.
It was great to catch up with her in person.
Our monthly meetings are on skype so we don't often see the other committee members.

DD went to a show in our town hall; yesterday afternoon; with xh and her 'sister', they had a great time. Then back to the puppeteer's for tea.
Apparently the puppeteer says very little to DD.

DD had enjoyed her sleepover and has said she'd like to do it again next week but doesn't want to stay mid week yet.
She is being so fabulous about the whole thing, I think I may just burst with pride!

Do we get to help you choose a new name Rudolph?

ThePinkPussycat Sun 08-Jan-12 13:17:57

DaDah! After many tries at names that were taken.

Services for lunch? It would be full English breakfast for me, whatever time of day.

Glad things are going OK for DD, though it must hurt as well as being pride-making.

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 08-Jan-12 13:22:27

Kinda knew it would have pink in the new name. Dunno why! We have a black cat. Pic on profile.

ThePinkPussycat Sun 08-Jan-12 13:28:10

So do we [cat emoticon]

ChildofIsis Sun 08-Jan-12 13:40:40

I may have to change to Child of Bast now, just to get a feline in my name too!

ChildofIsis Sun 08-Jan-12 13:43:27

It doesn't hurt like I thought it would.
It's just a bit sad that all my hopes and dreams came to this.
However my hopes and dreams do continue, just in a different form.

I won't let some cheating twat and his mistress derail my life!
And the laugh's on them, they're stuck with each other and I'm free. Ha ha.

ThePinkPussycat Sun 08-Jan-12 14:27:18

Yes that's it, Isis, the hopes and dreams sad

I lived on hopes and dreams for 20 years, wasn't all bad as I had and have a life outside the marriage, but it took so long to realise his weren't the same as mine - I don't even know what they are.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 10-Jan-12 19:02:59

His Pink or yours? You ok Isis?

ThePinkPussycat Wed 11-Jan-12 00:19:09

His, Parsley. I even asked him point blank over the years, and he didn't know. Mine were simple - meals out, theatre, bit of travel - I used to want to do them with him, but I haven't wanted to for a while.

Yes, Isis you OK?

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 11-Jan-12 07:56:58

Isis has been on FB Pink, so still active in cyber-world.

ChildofIsis Wed 11-Jan-12 08:26:38

Hello Ladies, thanks for your concern.

I'm back to stripping woodchip, another room clear of the foul stuff.
It's DD's old room and will be my study--meditation/spell-working--room.

I'm going to get a new tennant settled in today, thank goodness.
So that'll be all of the flats occupied for the first time in months.
Just as well really as xh and I are at our annual MOT/meeting with our business manager at the bank tomorrow.

I'm taking on 2 new roles within the More To Life community and am mega busy with phone calls and organising a banquet for a weekend course that I'm helping to run.

Thank goodness I don't have a relationship to run as well, see more silver linings than I can shake a stick at.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 11-Jan-12 08:42:13

Woodchip should be made illegal - evil stuff! I do think distraction is a good thing, Isis, I think concentrating on the hats saved me from myself at a horrible time.
Have been getting to grips with the ovelocker, which is tres complicated to thread, but the dvd has put me right, after multiple watchings, pausing it, re-setting it as it was now speaking German etc.

ThePinkPussycat Wed 11-Jan-12 09:44:27

Do I take it you make hats Parsley <awestruck>

ChildofIsis Wed 11-Jan-12 09:46:28

And bags as well I think Pink!

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 11-Jan-12 14:26:45 of those serendipity stories....just soft ones, for people who have had chemo.

ChildofIsis Sat 14-Jan-12 09:17:27

So have you both fallen off the edge? grin

I'm about to do some more painting, DD at her dad's since yesterday.
I had my first friday night out in more than 6 years last night!
Mind you I didn't get drunk, me and a friend went for a meal.

I didn't get up til 8.30 this morning, I do miss DD but it has it's compensations.

The neighbours 14 yr old DD was having a sleepover party with karaoke and guitar hero ( and other kids too!) so I'm glad I was out. I think they were relieved DD was away for the night.

How are you both doing?

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 14-Jan-12 09:45:46

Ok Isis, need to get on with some hats...

ThePinkPussycat Sat 14-Jan-12 10:00:29

Close to the edge Isis, close wink

Have seen solicitor and am making a settlement offer, quite scared but know my own mind. Been a bit sad and angry even though I knew what my figures would show (main bit done, depending on stbx response may need more work) and posting a bit and talking by pm about how the facade I/we presented now makes it difficult for people to believe the truth, although am not revealing all of it only some, and how the facade has given DC a reasonable childhood and youth, but also means I am having to let DD(20) believe what she believes, rather than seemng to badmouth her father.

But basically I'm OK!

DD was seriously into Guitar Hero, one day she went into Woolies, I think it was, where some bloke was demonstrating the newest version, and took over the demo, putting on a virtuoso performance!

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 14-Jan-12 19:58:59

Aww Pink <hug>

ChildofIsis Sun 15-Jan-12 11:21:09

Well xh was an arsehole again yesterday.
I went to get DD to find her wearing a new dress that the puppeteer had given 'for xmas'! They'd had a xmas day type party.

I was furious, I told xh I didn't want that woman dressing my child and that any gift she did give DD was to stay at xh's.

I am so mad with him I think it's time the gloves came off, I'm off to the solicitor tomorrow to get the divorce started.
Maybe that will get him to sort the finances out, he's done bugger all about it. He's such a lazy arse.

On top of that I'd had an hour of my stepDad crying down the phone cos he doesn't understand some of my Mum's will and he thinks no-one trusts him.
Of course we do trust him, but obviously now is not an easy time for him to get to grips with difficult stuff.
None of it is a surprise to him, they had identical wills, I think he hadn't really understood the implications of what he signed up to.

Oh the deep joys of family!

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 15-Jan-12 11:27:15

Isis .....hugs x

ThePinkPussycat Sun 15-Jan-12 11:45:55

Oh yes Isis mine won't do a thing unless pushed. As sol says, why would he? He is still living here at my expense (mostly). When she sent him a form to fill in re finances he merely replied with an arsey letter, though this suited me as I needed time to do the excel. We now have the decree nisi, I have sent him an offer through my solicitor, and an email explaining my reasoning, I think it's the solicitor's letter sitting on the hall table! I have also paid to start court financial proceedings, to get his arse in gear. I suspect he knows my offer, as I was explaining it to DM downstairs on the phone, and he may have been able to hear - it's so hard sharing a house, and he rarely goes out, he works from home, he walks to the post office and back, which doesn't give me long.

oops turning into a rant if I'm not careful! Take control re the divorce Isis, it feels good, even if stbx is making it a bit frustrating as well.

ChildofIsis Sun 15-Jan-12 19:16:37

Well I've got the next 4 weeks of access sorted out.
Finally I can plan more than a few days ahead.

He still doesn't get that he's being controlling though.
Of course he's got his own way and gets to play 'happy families' so is happy and can't see that he's still and arsehole.
Just because everyone knows the truth doesn't make it ok.

I'm going to the sol tomorrow, hopefully they'll be able to fit me in.
I just think the sooner it's done the better.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 16-Jan-12 12:08:19

Have you seen the solicitor Isis?

ChildofIsis Mon 16-Jan-12 13:57:05

I'm seeing the solicitor later in the week.
I was in such a state when I first went that although I knew which office it was I didn't remember the name (had 2 names in contact list) so went through to see them.
I've left a note that I want to start proceedings. The sol will ring later with an appointment.

I think I've got a date next week too!
Got to go will tell more later.

ThePinkPussycat Tue 17-Jan-12 00:18:25

<bates breath>

ChildofIsis Tue 17-Jan-12 13:10:33

I hope you didn't pass out waiting breathlessly.

It's a non-date, a meal with an old friend.

Said 'old friend' has been very attentive on fb and took the bait when I posted that I had child-free nights with nothing to do and no-one to do it with.
I also put that it would be great if someone would book a restaurant and take me out for the evening.
He replied straight away that he would like to take out for a meal!

I think for now it is what I've said, I don't know if will ever become anything else but I don't really care.
It'll be great to have some male company and he does make me laugh he's a mad geordie.
His late wife and I were friends years ago, he's been widowed 2 years.

Fwiw he is astonished by what xh has done and has said that he and his late wife thought the puppeteer was a strange person not to be trusted!

It is lovely to be wanted, in what ever way that is.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 17-Jan-12 14:13:27

Sounds good Isis. You enjoy it.

ThePinkPussycat Tue 17-Jan-12 18:09:32

Worth the wait Isis, sounds just what you need, a mad geordie. Is he an actually geordie (from Tyneside) or just from the north-east - here in Durham you can raise hackles by calling someone from here a geordie, just as they used to raise my hackles by calling me a cockney - no I'm a sarf londoner grin

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 17-Jan-12 19:23:57

Ooh, the politics of geography...

ChildofIsis Wed 18-Jan-12 15:05:10

Do you know I'm not sure, he may not actually be from newcastle. Somewhere south of there I think.

However the plot is thickening, another friend of mine is being very friendly too!
He's in america just now but is posting lovely comments on my fb page.
He will be at a training that I'm organising in a month's time.
This friend is an africaaner, an accent that I could listen to all day.
He spends most of his time between germany and london though so who knows what may happen there!

It's putting a smile on my face so no bad thing!

ThePinkPussycat Wed 18-Jan-12 16:16:00

Tell them to form an orderly queue wink

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 18-Jan-12 16:28:59

Good news!

ChildofIsis Wed 18-Jan-12 16:31:44

I like the image of a queue, orderly or otherwise.

I've never been in demand before so it's new territory.
I guess that's what comes from settling down at such a young age.
Mind you I'm sure I would have more angst when I was younger.

ChildofIsis Wed 18-Jan-12 16:32:26

I've just realised we're all on-line at the same time.
Is that a first?

ThePinkPussycat Wed 18-Jan-12 16:36:38

Could be! Although I'm on here A Lot at the moment, as am sort of in hiding out mode till things are sorted...

ChildofIsis Wed 18-Jan-12 16:42:14

I'm hardly on at all, I'm so busy with everything else.
Although I do have a saturday night childfree with nowhere to go so I may be on here with a glass or two!

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 18-Jan-12 16:56:18

I am avoiding making hats....some production problems at the moment. They are going puckery, and we don't know why! I need to get on with it. Classic displacement activity.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 18-Jan-12 16:57:03

We could have a virtual party, with wine and chocolate cake on Saturday!

ChildofIsis Wed 18-Jan-12 17:08:38

Ooh that sounds good.
I can't afford to go out really but would like the company.

However I may get a better offer. <fickle emoticon>


ThePinkPussycat Wed 18-Jan-12 17:12:45

Ooh yes. I suppose you'll know after you've sorted through all your fb invitations, Isis. It's that damned overlocker, isn't it Parsley <fakes technical knowledge>

ChildofIsis Wed 18-Jan-12 17:15:42

If only my life was as exciting as you make it out to be Pink

I thought it was the overlocker too!!!!
(we need an icon for sticking a tongue out!)

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 18-Jan-12 17:23:28

Ok then, 2000 hrs Saturday for those without dates with a night in?

ChildofIsis Wed 18-Jan-12 17:25:17

Sounds like a plan!wine

ChildofIsis Fri 20-Jan-12 09:10:48

It's just as well that I don't have plans for tomorrow night, my back went again yesterday so I won't be up to much for the next few days.

DD is off school with a heavy cold, mind you I'm in no fit state to have got her there anyway so I'm quite glad.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 20-Jan-12 13:40:34

Take it easy Isis, and get yourself a hot bath and a lie in in the morning. You got Radox and stuff which might help a leeeetle bit?

ThePinkPussycat Fri 20-Jan-12 14:05:34

Backs are horrible when they go, have you pulled a muscle or is it skeletal?

ChildofIsis Fri 20-Jan-12 16:39:45

It's a bit of both, I have a twist in my lower back which causes stress on my spine/pelvic area.
In my case heat creates more swelling and increases the amount of pain I get.
I usually go for a cold pack to reduce inflammation.

I am a chronic back pain sufferer and do usually manage it ok.
I get anti-inflammatories in the hundreds on prescription.

When I overdo things (decorating/humping heavy stuff-like recently) it goes on me and I have to slow down completely.
I think it's a ligament this time, it keeps 'twanging' most painfully.
Perhaps one day I'll remember to take better care of it instead of just carrying on when I know I've done too much.

The 'culprit' this time was a big bookcase!

ChildofIsis Fri 20-Jan-12 16:40:45

I do have a vague memory of rampant sex setting it off!!!

ChildofIsis Fri 20-Jan-12 16:41:03

Ooooh page 17!

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 20-Jan-12 17:10:19

Rampant sex....<know not what that is emoticon>

ThePinkPussycat Fri 20-Jan-12 19:20:03

ah ha now we know what you really meant by 'humping heavy stuff' wink

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 20-Jan-12 20:39:33

There's probably a name for a weird sexual practice like that...humparotica or something.

ChildofIsis Sat 21-Jan-12 11:01:45

I knew you'd say that.
I meant heavy bookcases!!!

Any kind of erotica would be nice right now, I'm in danger of healing over.

ThePinkPussycat Sat 21-Jan-12 17:08:18

Cobwebs here grin

ChildofIsis Sat 21-Jan-12 17:20:35

I commented to some friends that I was going to engage the official cobweb remover, most of them laughed one had to have it explained.
That made us all laugh more.

One day someone suitable will be along I'm sure.

ThePinkPussycat Sat 21-Jan-12 17:26:09

I'm not complaining, I have had some pretty good shags (including many with stbx when he was dp) and have just spent a few minutes realising I can remember some of them fairly well even though it's starting to be a long time ago grin blush

ChildofIsis Sat 21-Jan-12 17:31:23

I know what you mean, unfortunately some of the good times I remember have been since xh was cheating si i start to feel quite sick when those memories crop up.
I've only ever had sex with xh (14 when I met him) so the world is my mollusc now

ChildofIsis Sat 21-Jan-12 17:32:43

I've just re-read that and thought how sad that at almost 44 I've only ever had sex with one man.
That will have to be changed...and soon!

ThePinkPussycat Sat 21-Jan-12 17:58:47

my eventual dp was the 2nd I slept with, we met young at uni. We met too young really. I had a lot of wild oats to sow, he had fewer, but some. It was the 70's and like most women I knew, I was on the pill which was the definition of safe sex in those days...

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 21-Jan-12 18:52:32

Ooh, Isis and Pink, you get to have another go! Tis exciting!

ThePinkPussycat Sat 21-Jan-12 19:16:58

Don't feel the urge much these days. Quite happy with celebacy grin

ThePinkPussycat Sat 21-Jan-12 19:19:06

And erm to be honest had lost count by the end of my twenties blush

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 21-Jan-12 19:34:15

Am confused Pink, so he was the second, but you had another 'look around' before you settled with him?

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 21-Jan-12 20:18:47

Well, where are you both <taps watch>....

ThePinkPussycat Sat 21-Jan-12 21:33:55

Yes, that would sum it up, Parsley.

I hadn't forgotten, even have chocolate cake, but spent last night working on various things, right through to 7am, then slept for several hours, then found I needed a nap at 7.30. Woke up not long ago.

ChildofIsis Sun 22-Jan-12 08:39:43

I am so sorry, I meant to let you know that I'd been invited to my friend's house for a cuppa and a chat.

I didn't have any cake though.

ThePinkPussycat Sun 22-Jan-12 09:07:23

Sounds nice, Isis. how's your back today?

ChildofIsis Sun 22-Jan-12 09:52:40

It's much better, thanks.
Still stiff and sore so I won't be stripping the hall and stairs walls anytime soon.
It's the first time it's got better so quickly.
Usually it would've been a week or more of being bent double and constant pain relief before any change.
I suppose a combination of decent furniture to sit on, a good mattress and not tense cos of xh has worked wonders.
Who knew a separation was good for a chronic back problem?!!

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 22-Jan-12 18:02:34

glad you're feeling better...I went to watch Casualty, as I'd been stood up on here <sob>!

ThePinkPussycat Sun 22-Jan-12 18:07:56

I wouldn't be at all surprised if being separated made a difference, Isis.

Am back on the Excel, no offence Parsley but I would rather do that than watch Casualty grin. Pity there's no Sherlock on tonight though...

ChildofIsis Sun 22-Jan-12 22:51:15

I lied about the woodchip; it called to me; and you know how it is once you start peeling the paper off you just can't stop.
I did quite a bit before I went to get DD.

She'd had a nice day out with xh et al, strange really as I'm sure he said he was skint.
Now I really am skint £4 left til friday so I know I couldn't afford lunch out and ice creams on the way home.
Fortunately I've got a fridge full of food so it doesn't matter.
What does matter is that I'm skint cos xh was late putting the money in my account and I've got charges to pay, he says he'll pay them on friday when he gets paid.
I won't hold my breath!

What a tosser!

ThePinkPussycat Sun 22-Jan-12 23:35:58

Checked the joint account today, it's just turning red. As he's supposed to be putting some in, I'm not going to. Things are awful at present but somehow I'm rising to it. Spoke to DSIL and DB for 1.5 hours tonight, which helped. I laid out the whole sorry cocklodging tale, and it wasn't so bad doing so, they were very supportive.

I know just what you mean about peeling paper!

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 23-Jan-12 09:26:35

Isis that must be about the last of the woodchip surely? How much woodchip can one house have?
Hope you both get some money soon, and your account is more pink than red pink. <bad joke emoticon>

ThePinkPussycat Mon 23-Jan-12 13:01:02

I have (some) money Parsley, problem is I'm unwilling to support stbx any more. We were supposed to be putting equal amounts into joint account.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 23-Jan-12 13:20:39

Got you, Pink.

ChildofIsis Mon 23-Jan-12 17:03:45

You would not believe how much woodchip a small 3 bed terrace can have in it, and 2 rooms are already free of it. I got rid of it from the bathroom and kitchen years ago.
After it's gone from the stairs and landing there's just anaglypta in the front room to get rid of.
Surely it must be a fire hazard!
The paper on the ceiling came off in one big strip with nothing left behind, hurray. I was worried about steam stripping the sloping ceiling but I don't have to now.

DD is having her first school night sleepover at xh's tomorrow night, I'm a bit concerned about it.
She had some really shouty nightmares last night and I was up 3 times.

On a positive note I got some money back from school today, I'd assumed that the money I'd paid for the 2 lunches DD didn't have; last week; was gone for good, but I got it back, Yeah!
I now have twice as much money as I did this morning, the day's looking up.

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 23-Jan-12 17:51:11

That's a bottle of plonk for tomorrow night sorted...

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 23-Jan-12 18:26:25

Now you need to have a root down the back of the sofa for chocolate money!

ChildofIsis Mon 23-Jan-12 18:49:12

Anyone would think you had only one thing in mind...a chocolately booze-up in front of the tv!

A friend of mine is coming round to decompress from family stress instead, we may have the wine though.
Her exh died suddenly at new year and her middle (estranged) daughter is staying with her whilst post mortem and funeral arrangements are done.
Suddenly Dad is the greatest man to have ever lived and it's driving my friend mad.
The truth is he wasn't a bad sort just easily led; mainly to the pub; and not really present when the kids were growing up.
Added to this said daughter doesn't have custody of her own kids; my friend does, all very complex but not helped by hypocracy.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 24-Jan-12 13:23:28

People have complicated lives...everyone seems to have Stuff. None of us escape unscathed. Sounds like a night away from it will be good for her.

ChildofIsis Tue 24-Jan-12 14:01:23

It's funny really she's already had more stuff in her life by mid30's than most people have in an entire life.
She just picks herself up and gets on with it, she's an inspiration.

You're right that we've all got stuff, the defining thing is what we choose to do with our 'stuff'.

Currently I'm living in gratitude that xh left, life is so much easier and less stressfull than when he lived here.
All the crappy stuff me and DD have been through in the past few months and it's still better than him being here with no crap.

I'm looking forward to my 'non-date' on friday, it'll be fun if nothing else.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 25-Jan-12 15:07:43

Friday will be good for you. Will be good for me, as I won't have to be up at 7 on saturday! Am faffing about with hats at the moment...keep thinking the design can be improved, but really just need to produce a batch for sale, before I go back to messing with the proven formula! smile. Just so we have every season's smiley on this thread.

ChildofIsis Wed 25-Jan-12 16:42:07

{bbiscuit} I love these, thought this one looked really funny.

DD had a sleep over at xh's last night, she had a major strop at 8am which continued until school. Cue DD sobbing through registration.

Xh ended up round here looking bewildered about it all.
Like it's any surprise why she acts up!
He just doesn't get it.

She's 5.5 and in the past 6 months has had to deal with :
new grandparents and aunties/cousins
daddy not having any holiday during the summer/any school holiday actually
daddy leaving right before a new school year starts
grandma being incredibly ill with lots of anxiety over how long was left
grandma dying a week before xmas
daddy refusing to see her over xmas, then changing his mind
daddy telling her she has a sister
seeing said sister and the puppeteer
a new teacher
finally starting to stay over at daddy's
coping with being away from mummy

I think she's coping incredibly well with it all, we both are.
Of course if he were to acknowledge his part in all this he may have to acceed that what he did was wrong, we can't have xh being in the wrong can we?

ChildofIsis Wed 25-Jan-12 16:42:44

So the burns biscuit didn't work then!

ThePinkPussycat Wed 25-Jan-12 18:43:54

And DD probably got to sleep when?

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 25-Jan-12 19:28:21

Here's a biscuit Never done a biscuit before... He really is a numpty Isis.

ChildofIsis Wed 25-Jan-12 23:31:47

You are completely spot on Parsley he is a numpty.

I think she did go to sleep around her usual time Pink; 6.45pm; but she was missing seeing me in the morning and didn't articulate it.
Xh just doesn't spend enough time with her/know her well enough to gently uncover the underlying problem.
Of course when he is the problem and won't acknowledge that then it gets complicated.

We've said that next time she should let him know she's missing me and then she can ring me to have a chat.
She just doesn't understand why she has to see us seperately.
I've told him that too.
I'm making it clear to him that we must tread with care and that this is a long journey of healing for her.
No doubt there will be something from her childhood that she gets hung up on, I just don't want it to be because we got sloppy and didn't put her first.

ChildofIsis Wed 25-Jan-12 23:36:15

I'm feeling quite sad just now, it would've been my Dad's 87th birthday last week and this week is the anniversary of when Mum and Dad first started seeing each other 50 years ago.
My StepDad is 87 next week and is struggling without Mum.
I think I'm struggling without her too.
I just want to pick up the phone and talk to her, and I can't.

ThePinkPussycat Thu 26-Jan-12 00:27:49

Yes of course DD was missing you, and this was a new bit of (not exactly) routine to deal with (well, a new routine if it's going to happen again, iyswim).

talk to your mum anyway [hug]

Update on stbx - he has refused my offer, won't budge from 50/50. Sol got the letter, but didn't send me a scan of it, I've asked for one, can't wait to see what he's written hmm

ChildofIsis Thu 26-Jan-12 07:19:26

I'm about to start all that next week Pink.
Solicitors next wednesday, I just want it over with.

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 26-Jan-12 17:11:11

I just can't get my head round doing any more of that stuff at the moment, and don't seem to be taking any hurt. Concentrating on getting up in the morning, making hats, and not killing dd who today has returned from school with gloss paint on her trousers from art (white gloss paint, aboriginal art, wtaf?) distributed marshmallows all over the counter in the kitchen, and dropped a squeezy bottle of mayo on the kitchen floor for the second time this month, breaking it. Despite being plastic, they don't bounce well...

ThePinkPussycat Thu 26-Jan-12 20:52:22

Letter is arrogant, also asks my sol what grounds I have, when I have told him in an email. I said he should consult a sol of his own, he says he is representing himself. I veer from extreme stress to laid back amusement.

DS (23) came for a meal and to collect post (he moved out a while back). Thought he would be a Visiting Adult, of course not, he brought washing, and has gone out for a drink with a mate. It's just like old times. I'm not complaining really. The cat was ecstatic, he is her One True Love grin

ChildofIsis Thu 26-Jan-12 22:49:34

That's really sweet about the cat.
My cat is a bit like that when DD has been at her Dad's.

I can't imagine where aborigines would get gloss paint in the outback!

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 27-Jan-12 08:25:57

I wondered about the gloss paint...Anyone remember the cartoon strip The Perishers? ' The mind boggles'.

ThePinkPussycat Fri 27-Jan-12 12:53:16

Oh yes I remember the Perishers.

And on the subject of aborigines anyone remember 'the ancient legend of the dreamtime people tells of a magic boomerang. When this boomerang is thrown All Time Will Stand Still'

Isis they'd buy it at the store, off the white invaders wink

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 27-Jan-12 18:01:04

Don't remember the legend but have slept since then... just annoys me when they come home covered in paint. Although at 14 you would think they would manage not to...

ChildofIsis Fri 27-Jan-12 18:18:51

I suppose there's no point getting covered in paint if it just washes off.
She's still getting attention from it days later cos it doesn't wash off!

I'm going out for my non-date soon, I've got my cleavage out, just a little bit.
Had to dust off a few cobwebs though, I'd forgotten I had a chest!
It's mad really cos I'm feeling quite nervous about it.
I've known the guy 25 years and I'm nervous.
Mind you I've only ever seen him as part of a big group and that was a long time ago.

I hope that it goes well and we have a laugh; that's almost guaranteed.
It would be great to think that we can meet up for lunch/dinner occasionally.

DD's at her dad's tonight and again on tuesday night.
She seems ok on the surface but since she found out about having a sister her excema has flared right up and she's had a few wet beds.
I suppose it will calm down again once she settles into the new routine.

ThePinkPussycat Fri 27-Jan-12 18:38:24

Nah you are both too young, my reference was to a crappy Australian kids programme of my youth, where our young white heroes had such a boomerang which they threw, and then time was supposed to stand still (except for our heroes) while the boomerang was in flight. Meanwhile said heroes would go and tie villains' shoelaces together or something, to defeat villains. So bad it was good...

Anyway, here's hoping you have an excellent night out Isis.

As to paint, I forget to wear old(er) clothes when painting. Stbx, however, is worse, more than once after painting there have been footprints through the house gggr.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 27-Jan-12 19:42:13

Hope you and your boobies have a good night Isis.
Singing, "Skippy, Skippy....Skippy the bush kangaroo" for the benefit of Pink.

ChildofIsis Sat 28-Jan-12 07:56:07

I remember the boomerang programme, I am so old!

We had a lovely evening, talked for hours about everything and nothing.

I found out xh's 'best' friend is really unhappy about it all and is feeling very bitter. He's cut xh out of his life.
I do speak to him sometimes so may give him a ring. Xh isn't worth getting riled about.

It was just lovely to be out somewhere different with someone different.
Lots of chat about the past daft things our gang used to do.
We laughed most of the evening.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 28-Jan-12 18:24:32

Glad you had a good time Isis...but do you remember Skippy?
Laughing is really good for you.

ThePinkPussycat Sat 28-Jan-12 18:32:23

I never really watched Skippy. Champion the Wonder Horse, now...<goes into reverie> I used to charge about to the music, being a horse, whenever it came on Children's Favourites.

Isis this was the 'geordie' wasn't it? did you find out where he comes from specifically?

ThePinkPussycat Sat 28-Jan-12 18:33:55

BTW, finding out about ex's ex-BF must have been very validating (if you needed any more validation)

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 28-Jan-12 19:08:13

Do you remember the Wonder horse one, where the song was. "A horse is a horse, of course, of course....the amazing Mr Ed".

ThePinkPussycat Sat 28-Jan-12 19:11:39

Yes, he talked didn't he. Also loved My Favourite Martian.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 28-Jan-12 19:24:18

Don't remember the Martian one. I am 51 soon. Am I the right age?

ThePinkPussycat Sat 28-Jan-12 19:46:24

I am 59 and we didn't get a telly till I was 12. There were a lot of American comedy shows around then, in the early evening - the Munsters, Car 54 where are you, Pettycoat Junction. And a bit later, Bewitched of course. The Martian had special powers, can't remember what, his antennae used to come out when he used them, I think. (sounds rude, doesn't it?)

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 28-Jan-12 19:48:05

It does...probably a metaphor for summat else Pink.

ChildofIsis Tue 31-Jan-12 16:37:58

I'm still devoting time and effort to my stairs and landing.
The plaster colour has bled through the first coat of white emulsion so now it's had a coat of sealent.
I do hope it appreciates all my hard work!!

ThePinkPussycat Tue 31-Jan-12 16:49:39

Hi Isis, am full of admiration for all your decorating smile

Solicitor is applying for absolute at the first possible opportunity, mid Feb, and will be applying to court to go the legal route for sorting settlement. I await developments with interest grin

ChildofIsis Wed 01-Feb-12 07:31:14

I am at the solicitor this morning.
I'm quite nervous about it. I've never gone through a divorce before.

The decorating is taking my mind off everything mostly.
Making the place look different is part of letting go I suppose.

Although I do sometimes find myself having one way conversations with xh or ow as I'm working.
I find it cathartic to say out loud the things that I'm thinking/feeling.
I'm fairly certain that there would be little point in having those sort of conversations with either of them but do have a need to at least voice the words within.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 01-Feb-12 08:24:21

sometimes you need something to distract you. Don't knock it, nowt wrong with one-way convos either!

ThePinkPussycat Wed 01-Feb-12 09:05:27

yy to the one-way convos, let it out! Hope the sol goes well, I was nervous too but it turns out you only have to take one step at a time (surprise!), and have time to think between steps.

ChildofIsis Wed 01-Feb-12 14:51:56

Well it went ok at sol's.
She'll send xh a letter stating that I am petitioning for divorce due to adultery and we'll see what he does with it.

I feel really light and happy about it.
I did wonder how I would be, but it is a huge relief to be getting it under way.
Also the fact that I'm doing it puts me in control of it, at least for now.
It's great to think it's going to end some day soon.

It's 5 months tomorrow since he left.

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 01-Feb-12 15:42:52

Glad you feel better after it.

ChildofIsis Fri 03-Feb-12 16:57:13

So much for feeling better...
Had a major wobble after reading the sol's draft letter last night, it's been sent today.
Been teary and sad all day today.
I think it's lots of pent up emotion coming out at last.
It's like it's all newly happened, xh leaving, Mum dying etc.
I'm tired and have struggled to get warm despite a warm house, I think there may be some delayed shock coming out.
I'm going to have an early night tonight and have a lovely day planned with DD tomorrow.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 03-Feb-12 17:49:45

Tis horrid Isis...been there before. Also, hard to feel upbeat when so much energy involved in just keeping warm. Put some warm socks on, and have a good day tommorow. <hugs>

ThePinkPussycat Fri 03-Feb-12 18:42:15

Feeling a bit mis myself. Figures show definite cocklodging, timetable for legal process of settlement through, mediator wanting me and him to make separate assessment appointments, but am worried marital arrangements re finances have gone on too long without me taking action, or that stbx will argue we agreed we would live off capital.

And he's still here. And DD still thinks I am the unreasonable one.

ChildofIsis Fri 03-Feb-12 19:51:16

Looks like we're all in it today!
DD had a major breakdown after tea because her teacher had stapled her sock puppet to the wall.
They've all made puppets of one sort or another for this term's project. Usually the made at home stuff goes on display on the side.
DD is distraught that her newly made 'new friend' has been attached to the wall.
Little angel that she is, she loves everything completely and utterly and empathises with their problems.
So she's really upset about a staple through Snuggly Snake's tail.

Is it wrong of me to have an image of Graham Chapman strapped to the cross 'life of brian' style?
It is an expensive sock though, joules don't you know!

I will be discussing it with her teacher on monday.

ChildofIsis Fri 03-Feb-12 19:53:09

Of course I don't expect it will get taken down on my account.
After the damage done to other 'models' I'm gratefull it's out of the way where some little shit heavy handed child can't damage it.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 03-Feb-12 21:23:55

Pink....hugs....unlikely that you would have agreed to live on the capital. I'm sure you present as being more financially savvy than that. Sorry its hard for you right now. Isis...hope you get your Joules sock back! (how posh is that!). Think they assume these things are surplus, and don't always tell you what they're gonna do with these things when they ask for them...

ThePinkPussycat Fri 03-Feb-12 22:38:33

Have been racking my brains to come up with a reason why snakes like being stapled to the wall. Sadly, nothing has occured. I feel sorry for the poor snake, but then I am soppy, hated handwashing DS's fluppet Mouse cos I felt I was drowning him!

A little googling has put my mind at rest a bit, stbx says I am in a minority of one trusting what my sol says, should not have engaged with him on this. Minority of one among who, says I. The usual, says he enigmatically - I suppose he means friends he has talked to. The worst case is 50/50, which is what he's after. got to give it a go, it can depend rather on the judge you get (it looks like we'll get to court atm, though I was hoping stbx would get advice and change his mind)

ChildofIsis Sat 04-Feb-12 09:00:57

Why od seperated patners insist on trying to keep as much money as possible to themselves when there are kids involved.
Surely each party wants what's best for the kids? <pie in the sky emoticon>

ChildofIsis Sat 04-Feb-12 09:01:10

Duh DO.

ChildofIsis Sat 04-Feb-12 09:01:45

Oooh ooh page 20!

ThePinkPussycat Sat 04-Feb-12 12:08:02

No kids involved Isis - DD is 20 and I have allowed both our children to believe that stbx has supported us financially, he is so-called self employed and has been since 1995, in fact it is money from DF that has kept us afloat (and money left by DMIL although we put most of hers, and lots of mine from DF into this house). I did work p/t 2006-9 before becoming depressed and am now on Emplyment and support Allowance. It is a long story and I have often thought of starting a thread, but it's so complicated, and so unique it would out me, hence I mainly post about my problems on the Relationship abuse thread. DD thinks problems are down to my mh, and to smoking cannabis, please don't judge over that, it helped me and I don't feel the need for it since divorce started.

ThePinkPussycat Sat 04-Feb-12 23:11:55

Hope my revelation hasn't scared you off.

We have about 4 inches of snow here.

ChildofIsis Sun 05-Feb-12 09:00:50

That's not fair we've only got 3 inches!

My neighbour has very kindly cleared most of my snow away for me, I'm usually the snow clearer on our terrace. It was lovely to lie in bed listening to someone else moving snow.

DD was at xh's last night, it's xh's other kid's 2nd birthday tomorrow. There's some sort of lunch/party affair today.
I'm concerned that DD's excitement about it may end up with tears.
Xh has already proved that he doesn't defend DD when he's around the puppeteer.
I've told him that he will look after DD and will ensure she's treated fairly.
If he doesn't I will rethink contact.

He just doesn't get that DD knows he's not trustworthy in that sort of situation, he needs to prove to her that he's got her back.

He's such an arse.

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 05-Feb-12 12:24:40

I agree Isis he is an arse. So shortsighted of him....

No worries Pink. All the best people have interesting pasts. We've got about 3", and I will have to be careful not to fall on my fat ample derrier.

ChildofIsis Sun 05-Feb-12 19:30:27

Well DD had a great time at the party.
Xh doing the full 'disney dad' thing.
It's a shame he was never that hands on when he lived with us.
Apparently he helped with the food and party games etc.
I suppose there has to be a first time for everything!

I'm feeling really resentfull about it tbh. (not that you can tell!)
I'm having a chat with one of my friends later and will be able to process the resentment.
He's not worth wasting the energy on.

We'll have to see how he feels when the divorce letter arrives.
I don't have to see him during the next week, thank goodness.
At least during the week I can have a break from it all; usually.
Last week I had to see him nearly every day for one thing or another and I don't want to have to.

I've finished emulsioning the stairs and landing today, just got the woodwork to finish off and that'll be another 'room' done.

ThePinkPussycat Sun 05-Feb-12 23:38:26

I expect the novelty will wear off for him Isis - he is showing off to OW, and to you at a distance, probably.

ChildofIsis Mon 06-Feb-12 11:16:31

I think you're right Pink, but I know from long experience that he can't keep it up for long. (fnar, fnar) wink

I've always believed in consistency where kids are concerned.

Throwing money and gifts at them doesn't contribute to being a good parent, time spent, love shown/given and patience does.

ThePinkPussycat Mon 06-Feb-12 20:41:34

Isis is it the petition he's getting or what? That was the first written communication stbx received - I initiated divorce, copy of petition was sent to him by the courts? Maybe it's different as DD involved?

I am walking round singing in my head 'Ten more days to go, ten more days of sorrow...' Stbx more or less said 'see you in court' today, so although the marriage will be over, we'll be stuck here together for the next couple of months.

ThePinkPussycat Mon 06-Feb-12 20:45:34

At least sad

ChildofIsis Tue 07-Feb-12 10:11:47

He's getting a letter stating that I am divorcing him on the grounds of adultery, it states the financial charges related to an uncontested v contested divorce and gives him a 'confession statement' to sign and return.

He's away til thurs pm tho so I don't know when he'll see it.
Potentially he got it yesterday and chose not to mention it when he rang last night.
He's very good at ignoring what he doesn't want to see.

ThePinkPussycat Tue 07-Feb-12 10:20:57

Schtupid me, I forgot about the adultery aspect, of course that would make a difference blush

It's weird, isn't it, when you know they might have got a letter, but don't actually know. With us still under the same roof, we had the situation when I could see what I thought was my offer sitting unopened on the hall table for 3 days (it ^was* my offer).

<sings> Nine more days to go...

ChildofIsis Tue 07-Feb-12 14:58:17

Isn't it mad that after all couples go through over the years together that the 'end' is never as clean cut as it could be.

My assumption once over was that if someone wanted out of a relationship then they'd get busy sorting it out from their end first.
So that the break was clean and swift.
Surely if you don't love someone you'd want to be free of them asap.

Clearly xh hasn't done any of that.
He's so disorganised, any one would think he was the one who'd been dumped by surprise!

ThePinkPussycat Tue 07-Feb-12 18:37:32

Yes, I thought when I said I was going to divorce on grounds of unreasonable behaviour, he would improve to show me I had no case. He didn't. It was easy to draw up a list, I just wrote down what he was/wasn't doing each day.

ChildofIsis Tue 07-Feb-12 18:55:03

Oh dear, he didn't have a chance really, did he?

I'm feeling really emotional about all this and not a little depressed.
I seem to be getting ovewhelmed by lots of stuff that usually wouldn't bother me.
Been to the GP today, he's referring me for counselling.
I don't want anti-d's they have had a very negative effect on me in the past.
I can see my usual pattern of doing too much, taking on too much and keeping going despite myself looming and want to stop before it does all really get too much.
Of course there's the added pressure that I can't possbly be ill now I'm on my own with DD.
My mind is telling me alsorts of crap about being unfit to take care of her if I'm depressed, which I know is untrue.

I just want it all to be finished with then DD and I can get on with our lives knowing exactly where we stand.

ThePinkPussycat Tue 07-Feb-12 19:22:40

Don't confuse stress with depression, though, Isis I couln't believe how stressed I was at various stages. Fine each time I saw the sol, but then the stress of unco-operatve stbx would creep up - it sort of kept coming and going. But I wasn't depressed any more - well maybe slightly, since I had forgotten to take my ads, and noticed a difference when I started again (20mg paroxatine). And if you do think it's depression, then don't rule out ad's completely - there are lots out there, and so it might be worth trying a different one.

ChildofIsis Tue 07-Feb-12 20:41:34

I think you're right, this isn't full blown depression, just very high stress.

I have had several bad experiences with anti-ds in the past and do not want to go down that route, hence wanting to put the brakes on early.

I think what's really getting to me is the person I always used to turn to in times of stress is the person causing the problem.

February always used to be my happiest month, valentine's day, the anniversary of us getting together and my birthday all in a 10 period.
Now instead I've got xh's kid's birthday an anniversary that isn't and a birthday I don't want.
And no Mum to send me a card.

ThePinkPussycat Tue 07-Feb-12 21:35:13

Funnily enough, February used to be my worst month - having grown up in Sarf London, it took me a very long time to adapt to how very short the days are up here in winter, and that the winter goes on for 3-4 weeks longer. So I think there was a SAD aspect to things. By Feb I had had enough but there was no sign of spring, my friends used to know I was at my worst in Feb. Stbx was never v romantic, any Valentine's meals I would have to arrange myself hmm

I have trained myself to notice the days lengthening, the birds starting to sing, signs of growth in the garden. When's your birthday?

ChildofIsis Tue 07-Feb-12 21:45:24

It's on the 23rd.

I love winter; when we have one; but I do like to see the days lengthening and hear the birds singing even when it's -3oC.

As for valentines I haven't got one of those for years (xh thought they were a waste of money)I may be in with a chance then this year, ha bloody ha!

DD has said that she will make sure I have a lovely birthday, but it is unfortunate that she'll be at school so can I manage until she gets home?!

She is such an angel, an absolute blessing in my life.

ThePinkPussycat Tue 07-Feb-12 22:32:13

Are you a baker? Perhaps, in true MN style, the answer is Cake grin

ChildofIsis Wed 08-Feb-12 11:09:45

I do bake occasionally and I've always believed the answer to most things is cake! <large hips emoticon>
I have been thinking that I will do for myself the things that xh would usually do ie sort out the cake and a nice evening meal.
I'm going away for a few days on a course, the day after so I get to have a weekend away albeit working.

I know my lovely friends will make sure I'm not forgotten.

ThePinkPussycat Wed 08-Feb-12 22:39:03

Wonder where Parsley is? Hope you're OK Parsley

Ooh Isis I love a good course. Somewhere nice? Can you say what it's about?

<hums> eight more days to go...

ChildofIsis Thu 09-Feb-12 08:47:48

I'll message Parsley on fb and see if she's ok, it's unusual for her not to be on all week.

I do volunteer work for a life training organisation. Personal development courses etc.
It's called the More to Life Foundation.
The course is for the Mentors/trainers within our community, it's an annual gathering for them to renew connections with each other and reignite their passion for the work they teach.
I'm organising the support team for it.
I will be taking the training to be a mentor myself later this year.
I will be learning to teach a course about enhancing self esteem. The processes I learnt on the course have helped me no end in the past few years.

It's being held at a great place outside Chester, own grounds, lovely food etc.

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 09-Feb-12 09:21:39

I'm here Peeps....thanks for caring! Just busy, and nowt to say that was useful...
Ooh, Chester, I love Chester, and the shops are great. There is a Jo Malone shop there I think.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 10-Feb-12 14:13:53

Ok, have fallen on my backside on the ice this morning...tail-bone now hurting, and just feel that my whole body has been jolted out of sync...bleddy weather!

ThePinkPussycat Fri 10-Feb-12 14:49:43

Stbx (6 days) reported black ice coating pavements and roads this am. DD wore her Yak Traks to go for the bus. Oooch on your behalf sad

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 10-Feb-12 16:19:52

6 days....

ChildofIsis Sat 11-Feb-12 09:12:44

Ooh Parsley I feel for you, I'm sure you predicted this would happen further up the thread. <psychic emoticon!>

I was out for dinner at an old friend's house last night, they used to live next door and we were always in one another's houses.

I won't be going far for the next couple of weeks, xh is away with work til the 22nd; from tomorrow.

He got the sol's letter on wednesday apparently. He is not contesting it and is happy to do what I've requested.
I asked him if he'd realised that I was being fair about it and that I could've chosen to be a bitch about naming the puppeteer and charging all the costs to him?
He acknowledged that I was being more than fair about it all.
It's funny really, he seemed really down about it and a little defeated, quite what he expected to happen I don't know.

I'm going to finish the woodwork painting in the stairs and landing today.

I'm so glad it's half-term hols now, no mad dash in the mornings - great!

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 11-Feb-12 10:31:36

That will make things run a bit smoother Isis, but like you say, what did he think was going to happen... I'm glad its half-term too. Not good at 7 in the morning.

ThePinkPussycat Sat 11-Feb-12 11:07:53

He was geared up for a fight, and then found he didn't need to be. Say the word divorce and many people think conflict, particularly in you stbxh's case (I know he is xp he isn't technically xh yet). But in fact the system aims for everyone to be supported financially and practically in moving on from their ex-marriage. Except in very serious cases, the financial settlement if it goes to court, does not take conduct into account, and focusses on the needs of each party.

I think it was quite brave of you to ask him that, Isis, and am glad that he acknowledged your fairness.

ChildofIsis Sat 11-Feb-12 11:46:11

The thing is he can be a really nice bloke.
He almost seems human some times!!

It's all very sad that it's come to this, but there's no point in waiting around.
Hopefully it will be fairly trauma-free. <optimistic emoticon>

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 11-Feb-12 21:09:35

Just typed a post, only to have it swallowed by MN being offline... Apparently we are hard-wired to remember the good times at the end of a relationship Isis. Can't remember why. Hopefully, all will be well for you regarding procedures. You have been more than reasonable in the circumstances. If things change, you can up the ante.

ChildofIsis Sun 12-Feb-12 09:49:37

What is with the off-line stuff at the mo?
The number of times I get half way through writing a post to have it swallowed up, it's off-putting to say the least.

Well xh is on his train going away with work (won't say where as it may out me), I'm really glad he's going away.
I don't have to see him for 2 weeks, yah!
Of course the fact that he won't see the puppeteer on valentine's hasn't even crossed my mind!
Although he has organised a birthday gift for me from DD, she's stashed it in her room somewhere.

He seems torn between what he's given up and what he's chosen to keep.
The thing is that he'll always be tied to me and the puppeteer through our children so he's just making his own future more complex.

I'm looking forward to being away in a couple of weeks.
My team are assembled, just got team meetings via skype to do before we all meet up at the venue.

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 12-Feb-12 19:38:36

I think it will do you good going away Isis. You ok Pink?

ThePinkPussycat Sun 12-Feb-12 22:04:39

Yes am fine, had a very weird week tracking down an account from 2001 - as I keep saying, I keep thinking the accounts are done, and then something else turns up. Booked mediation assessment, reformulated offer (it's the same but fleshed out), feel a little more kindly towards stbx, and am gearing up for another try at getting what I want informally. I am a trier!

4 days of marriage left - Thurs is the day. Thought I had told stbx already, but told him again today grin

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 13-Feb-12 16:45:43

Ok. We need a glass of MN wine on Thurs then.

ChildofIsis Mon 13-Feb-12 17:08:38

Perhaps we could have a partaayyy!

I can be free after 8.30pm on thursday.

Xh has sent DD photos of where he's currently working, warm,sunny and palm trees.(not usa)
DD's thrilled to see daddy's office.
However he was concerned that I would think he was 'rubbing my nose' in the fact he was somewhere warm and sunny.
The thought never crossed my mind, it seems odd that he's now concerned with upsetting me via e-mail!
I'm convinced he's as mixed up by all this as I am.

ThePinkPussycat Mon 13-Feb-12 17:45:45


I think I might start a party thread in Relationships on Thurs... there are a few other MNers who know that's the day wink

ThePinkPussycat Thu 16-Feb-12 21:11:06

Hi you Ok? Party thread on as of 30 mins or so ago grin

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 16-Feb-12 21:30:25

Ok, coming accross...hold the tightrope for me!

ChildofIsis Sat 18-Feb-12 17:03:37

Hello Both how did the party go?

I've been so busy on the phone/skype that I have hardly had chance to lurk on here least of all post.
Getting all ready for next weekend.

I got my divorce petition on tuesday.
It was a really odd moment reading xh's confession statement. All so final.
Not that there is any going back.
Mind you xh has been skyping DD from his hotel and has been mega friendly to me. All very strange.

If the divorce goes smoothly I ought to be divorced by the time the one year anniversary of him leaving comes around. Another party thread perhaps?

ThePinkPussycat Sat 18-Feb-12 17:18:08

ooh yes another divorce party, though I was out shopping at Asda for most of mine blush.

There was a meeting here on Friday am, to do with mh service user involvement. After spending Thursday cleaning the downstairs more or less single-handedly (have been on housework strike since Christmas wink, I still had not bought the food for the meeting being held here the next day, even as I wrote the first post for the party thread. Our local ASDA is about 15 min drive away, which round here counts as close grin It is open 24 hours and I find it much more restful to shop in the late evening. So by the time I got back most people had gone to bed, quite a few dropped by, and a virtual party never ends, if you want to pop in for the after-party party wink

Meeting yesterday morning went very well, and now I have the makings of some very nice sandwiches, and some fruit grin No cake though, just the cheese scones.

ChildofIsis Sat 18-Feb-12 19:50:32

It's a real bugger when the cake is all eaten, it's as if people know that's the one thing you want to eat the most.

We've had a great day today, one of my friends who now lives in scotland was back in town and took me and DD out to lunch, fab.
Not so fab is the mad scottish songs she's taught DD who was singing them as she went to sleep.
Said friend is a yorkshire girl who after 6 years north of the border sounds very scottish to us; but her local friends keep wanting to hear her speak so they can laugh at her yorkshire accent.
A great girlie day was had by all.

ThePinkPussycat Sat 18-Feb-12 20:32:08

There wasn't any cake in the first place, I mentioned it cos I know we all like cake wink

Sounds like a great day, Isis

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 19-Feb-12 10:01:20

Hi Isis...fancy choosing Asda over your party Pink...

ThePinkPussycat Sun 19-Feb-12 10:34:23

Well I didn't expect to be so long at Asda - and here I must confess that George at Asda had just got some nice clothes in, so I rather treated myself in a modest way blush

DS is coming to stay for a bit soon, which I am really looking forward to! Hope we can manage not to argue - yesterday I had arguments with DD and stbx. I am no longer keeping quiet for an easy life.

ChildofIsis Sun 19-Feb-12 19:29:01

Good for you Pink.
I find life lots easier for me now I don't keep quiet, it wasn't much of a 'quiet life' anyway when I think about it.

Hi Parsley, are you ok?

We've had a great half-term, been great not having to share DD at the weekend and not having to see xh.

I'm really looking forward to being away next weekend. I love the people and the work that we do. It's a lovely environment to be in, very supportive.
I've got loads to do still though so may not be on MN much but am thinking of you both.