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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

Anyone got experience of Crack cocaine? please help.

136 replies

dillpickle · 08/06/2010 21:33

Hi, don't know if I've put this in the right category but didn't seem to fit anywhere else. I found out just before Easter (and by accident) that my husband had been doing crack for 6 months. To say I was shocked is an understatement; we have been together for nearly 20 years and I thought I knew him. He is the most down-to-earth sensible man around. I thought he was having an affair but was doing that instead. He now swears he is not using and has stopped all by himself but the more I learn about crack the more I worry! He is very depressed and a shadow of his former self. I can't tell anyone and don't trust him anymore. We have three children and they are my main priority. Can people give up crack just like that and without help? Can anyone help? Feel a bit lost to be honest.

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Monty100 · 08/06/2010 21:58

Dill - OMG I feel for you. I can't really help, just bumping.

hellymelly · 08/06/2010 22:02

I'm bumping too,but crack is highly addictive and I would think very hard to give up without expert help.Drugs turn people into liars,so don't trust what he says,and get all the help you can-his friends/family?

dillpickle · 08/06/2010 22:07

Thanks for listening anyway Monty. Nice just to say it out loud. I know nothing about drugs and have googled loads (although I know that doesn't always help). Lots of horror stories around; just wondered if there were any happy endings!?

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belledechocolatefluffybunny · 08/06/2010 22:10

www.addaction.org.uk My GP works for these on his days off, they are really helpful for support and advice.

dillpickle · 08/06/2010 22:10

That's what I'm worried about (helly). He admitted that he wouldn't have told me if I hadn't of found out. I suspect he might still be dabbling but lying to me.

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dillpickle · 08/06/2010 22:11

I'm out of sync ... sorry. thanks belle. I'll have a look. Really appreciate it.

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hellymelly · 08/06/2010 22:12

Well good article in either the observer or the Sunday times this sunday just gone,of the writer's experience of being addicted to crack.He is now recovered,but it might help to read it,I've put both in the recycling but maybe someone else knows which it was? Of course there could be a happy ending but he has to be willing to stop and to get help.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 08/06/2010 22:15

I don't know alot about addictions, I'm sorry. I do know that addaction support and advise families aswell so you will be able to get some honest advice.

I really do hope it works out.

Monty100 · 08/06/2010 22:36

Dill - I would have thought it's highly addictive too and not so easy to stop. He needs to fess up so you can see the back of this together.

dillpickle · 08/06/2010 22:36

I would like to get some support but I know he wouldn't go so I might have to go on my own. I've asked him to go to the doctor but he hasn't yet. Everytime I mention it he says he has stopped using and doesn't even think about it. But I can't help thinking if it is that easy to stop then everyone would. They wouldn't end up losing everything and stealing etc so how can I believe he can stop so easily?? Now he says he can't take my suspicious questions all the time but what does he expect!! Sorry to rant but just haven't been able to talk to anyone. I don't want family/friends to judge him.

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Monty100 · 08/06/2010 22:37

Dill - sorry x post.

Go to whoever you can for help. And rant away, we're here to listen. Really feeling for you.

hellymelly · 08/06/2010 22:40

I do think its really unlikely he's stopped,sorry.I think you feel that too though?
You really need to call in the troops,get help from all sides.First call a helpline like the one suggested above,and see what they advise.What does he do? Could you get someone to follow him for a day? Sounds dramatic I know but you have dcs and you need to know the truth so you can get on with dealing with it.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 08/06/2010 22:40

I don't think it matters how he's got here, it's what he's going to do about it that's more important. Everyone makes mistakes. From what I remember from nurse training, crack can be smoked or snorted. Smoking it is more addictive apparantly but snorting damages the mucus membrane inside the nose (Danielle Westfield), cocaine can cause heart problems.

It must have been a huge shock for you.

dillpickle · 08/06/2010 22:41

Thanks Monty.

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scruffymomma · 08/06/2010 22:45

Dill, very sorry to hear you're going through this. As others have said, crack is extremely addictive and it's highly unlikely that your DH could deal with this by himself.

It's also an expensive habit to maintain and if I were you I'd be very carefully checking out the family finances - esp if you have joint accounts. Do you know how he got involved in crack in the first place and how he was / is funding it?

It would be very easy for him to be spending hundreds of pounds a week, if (God forbid) he is still using, it could place you and the family in a very precarious financial situation. Can you check out all the limits on your credit cards accounts and get overdrafts reduced to the minimum that you can deal with.

Maybe he's telling you the truth but you are right to be suspicious and must protect yourself.

Good luck
x

dillpickle · 08/06/2010 22:46

It was a HUGE shock. I honestly didn't see it coming. How stupid? AND he had been smoking it in the garage and I was blissfully unaware. Had a few odd nights in hotels too with his 'friends'. What makes me laugh is that he is so tight with money and then does this! Luckily we don't have a joint bank account (although if we had I might have found out sooner). I think I would've rather he was having an affair (which is what I originally thought). Tho' I guess he was sort of. He has panic attacks now and smokes (cigarettes) far more than he used too. Oh and sleeps ALL the time.

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BuckBuckMcFate · 08/06/2010 22:47

Dillpickle, how awful for you

I have lived with an addict and they are very good liars.

For your own sake I would suggest you find the local drug support team in your area and make an appointment for yourself to go and speak to someone. My experience with our local team helped me enormously.

It is a tough situation to find yourself in, expect to get very, very angry with him over this. As you have 3 DC, they have to be your priority. I am probably going to sound quite harsh, but if he is still using (which I would think he is) he will say anything to you.

The hardest thing I found was realising that no matter how much I wanted exDP to stop using he didn't/wouldn't. It is a cliche but addicts have to want to stop to stay clean.

For now focus on you and your children.

dillpickle · 08/06/2010 22:51

He apparently got into it back in October when he met up with an old friend. He was very low then (but not as bad as now) and said he just wanted to escape. He earns quite good money and so has been funding it himself but recently had to get a bank loan to sort his overdraft out. When I questioned him on this he just got cross. He says he doesn't want to lose us and if he does he won't have anything worth stopping for.

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scruffymomma · 08/06/2010 22:51

sorry i can't tell if they are signs of still using or not but he sounds like he does have problems.

Was there some kind of crisis in his life that caused him to start using, a new group of friends or something?

He's obviously suffering at the moment though and sounds like he could use some professional help, you're not equipped to deal with this alone (nor should you expect to be)

Can you make a deal with him? If he doesn't want to get suspicious questions from you then he needs to get some proper help for the panic attacks and sleeping in. Even if there drugs weren't an issue I'd be worried that he was depressed.

Do you think he owes any money? (something that would be stressing him out)

dillpickle · 08/06/2010 22:56

Thanks BuckBuck. Deep down I do think he is still doing it but really want to believe him so badly that he's not. Thing is he is such a good person. I feel angry but also feel so sorry for him. At the weekend I found empty packets and bits of brillo pad in the garage. When I approached him he said it was old rubbish left there from when he was using and that he just hadn't cleaned it up. But surely you would clean it up the first time you were found out?? Sorry does that make sense?

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dillpickle · 08/06/2010 23:00

I really worried he owed money but he said he doesn't. There was no crisis but he has never quite got over his dad's death (even tho that was 8 years ago, he hasn't properly grieved).

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scruffymomma · 08/06/2010 23:00

and if he doesn't sort it out you won't have anything worth staying for.

Sorry, but he can't fob you off with something as serious as this.

Obviously you want to be supportive for the sake of your family but i think you need to make it very clear to him that if certain things don't get sorted out you will have no choice but to leave with the DCs while he deals with himself.

Hopefully it's not the crack but even if he's clean he's got some issues to deal with.

I'm not saying that leaving him should be your first resort but as McFate says, if he's using then addicts will say ANYTHING, so be very clear with yourself about how far you and the kids can go with this.

dillpickle · 08/06/2010 23:03

And friends and family have started to mention his weight loss and the fact that he is very anti-social nowadays. Thing is his symptoms are also that of severe depression. He needs help either way of course.

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BuckBuckMcFate · 08/06/2010 23:06

Ah Dill, I understand what you mean. My exDP is a lovely bloke, it's just the addict part of him that is shit. I think it's hard because you know that the 'real' them is still in there and that is the person you feel sorry for and want to help.

I totally get the rubbish thing too, I couldn't understand where all of our teaspoons were disappearing to

Is there a pattern to his sleeping? Does he go in the garage/lock himself in the bathroom/need to pop to the shops for something and then sleep on his return?

Please, please speak to someone professional about this. I was horrified that I had to say I was associated with drugs but the people I met at the drugs centre didn't judge me at all and gave me some real no nonsense advice.

dillpickle · 08/06/2010 23:06

Yes you are right Scruffymomma. I can't live like this anymore. Tonight he has had to go to camdoc because he has a very badly infected finger. He has been hours and I know you do wait a long time down there but you can imagine what I'm thinking. But this is the first 'mistake' he's made in 20 years of us being together. Sadly a very big one.

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