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Mental health

i cant help feeling hurt even tho its over something so stupid. why wont it stop.

15 replies

LittleTinkerbell · 18/05/2010 19:00

i gave birth to my DD 6weeks ago. (already have a DS aged 3) when she was 4days old i asked DP if he would buy me some flowers as we had family coming and he hadnt bothered to get me anything, i didnt want HIM to look bad. ever since DD was born he hasnt had anytime for me, i feel like im invisble. my mother isnt very well so im trying to keep two homes going (even tho my father and one brother still live with her and brother 2 is only down the road) i feel like all im good for is cooking and cleaning and nobody ever says thankyou. but the biggest hurt is im really upset that he never got me flowers and has never said a kind word since. i asked him if i had done something wrong and he says its because he had to do everything in later stages of pregnancy; because i had terrible siatica (if thats how you speel it) and honestly couldnt move. i tried my best to keep the home going but he says i could have done more and dont deserve presents. i know it sounds silly and having 2 children is the most precious gifts of all but i cant help feeling really hurt and down when i honestly try my best. all i wanted was a 99p bunch from tesco, he constantly makes me feel like im worthless, he threw a jug of water over me the other day because DDs bottle could have been slightly warmer, i feel like im going off my head, he knows i had terrible PND on DS and im sure he is trying to send me around the twist. im sorry to moan and over something silly but i just feel nobody wants to listen to me. why is it hurting me so much? i just want to blank it out but its there niggling away all the time.

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GetDownYouWillFall · 18/05/2010 19:17

It's not a stupid thing to be upset over. It's actually a very big thing. Not because of the flowers, but because of what his attitude actually says about what he thinks of you

I am sorry to say it but he sounds very immature - pouring a jug of water over you? Seriously?

You have a 6 week old. And a 3 year old. You were immobilised with sciatica. You coped through PND before. I think you deserve more than flowers, you deserve a medal.

This guy really needs someone to knock sense into him. Yes, he's probably tired, but blimey you're the one who needs support right now.

Are you taking any ADs? You really need to stem this, before the PND gets a hold, sorry

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cocolepew · 18/05/2010 19:19

The problem is your partner not you. Go to your GP for help, you need to tell somebody what is happening.

throwing a jug of water at you is abuse, you need to see that this is wrrong.

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cocolepew · 18/05/2010 19:24

You should post this in relationships.

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Songbird · 18/05/2010 19:42

Good God, it sounds like you're surrounded by selfish, useless men!

I think you should give up expecting anything from your DP

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LittleTinkerbell · 18/05/2010 20:14

thanx guys i just feel like im making a big fuss over something silly. i ve tried so hard to make things different from last time but its as if he has to have me depending on him. i have very little confidence, and dont know how much more to take. i just want to up and leave but people wouldnt understand why and i would just look stupid. the throwing water over me just made me feel humiliated. i dont want ADs from docs cos i constantly feel that its him having to change and im scared he say "i told you so" or "so you are a nutcase again" (please dont think of me as if i think those thing about people on ADS) its just last time i nearly killed myself and nearly stabbed him. i feel ashamed of woh i am.

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BirdFromDaNorf · 18/05/2010 20:36

Don't be ashamed. I'm not as good at writing as other people in this area. But it feels to me, as though he is not helping you at all in your early weeks as a new mum.

Please go to the GP, tell him what's happening - AD's could be a way to strengthen you and arm yourself against feeling humiliated and scared.

It is very very wrong of him to throw ANYTHING at you. Please tell us that you appreciate that?

I hope that you have a peaceful evening. Tell me where you live, if you're anywhere near Cambridge, I'd love to bring you flowers, you sound like a great mum and a lovely person, albeit one who is being taken advantage of.

Keep going....

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cocolepew · 18/05/2010 20:59

AD's willmake you feel better and be able to think clearer. This can't go on like this, it's so destructive.

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FabIsGoingToGetFit · 18/05/2010 21:01

WHY do you feel it is something silly?

Your husband is a bully and a twat and you need to think if you want things to carry on as they are. Or not.

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Lulumaam · 18/05/2010 21:05

he is abusing you

he is a bully

he will go from throwing stuff at you to hitting you and then will blame you for that too for not being good enough

please consider speaking to womens' aid. your HV or GP will be able to help

he is a grown adult who is more than capable of doing stuff round the house, looking after tyou and doing things for and with the children

and your father and brothers can bloody well pull the stops out and help re your mum, you have a toddler and newborn, they can muck in

personally, i would not really give a hoot about not getting flowers, but about the abusive, nasty way he treats you

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LittleMarshmallow · 18/05/2010 21:05

LittleTinkerbell it is not something silly, it has upset and hurt you and if your DP cant see that he is the silly one.

Please do reach out for help, your gp might not give you ad's straight away and even if he/ she does you are not a failure, you have achieved something because you have recognised you don't feel quite right.

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willsurvivethis · 18/05/2010 21:28

I'm sorry but the only reason why you feel you are being silly is because he has undermined you to make you feel that way.

Throwing a jug of water over you is not normal behaviour.

It is abusive.

Please take to someone you trust in real life to get some perspective on what's going on.

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LittleTinkerbell · 18/05/2010 23:19

thanx girls, i do still feel a bit silly being so upset by it, but its suprising how good it feels just to get it off my chest and have some lovely comments making me feel im not crazy just a little emotional. you'll never know how much better each and everyone of you made me feel. thankyou girls i feel a bit more head clear to talk to my HV xxx

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Keziahhopes · 19/05/2010 02:27

Hope you can get some real support from your HV. It is not silly at all, and I hope you can get some support.

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tortoiseonthehalfshell · 19/05/2010 04:19

Please talk to your HV, Tinkerbell, and if you can, please talk to a friend or a relative as well.

Throwing a jug of water over you is abusive crappy behaviour. Telling you that you 'don't deserve presents' as you 'could have done more' when heavily pregnant and looking after a toddler is just horrible. The fact that you're afraid he'll call you a nutcase if you seek help speaks volumes.

This is an awful man. And this needs to change, love. You know this. You said you want to up and leave. You said it's 'as if he needs you depending on him'. You're actually very insightful about the situation, it's just that this prick has worn you down till you don't trust yourself.

Please keep talking to us.