My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

Intrusive obsessive thoughts- short term

10 replies

lepetitesinge · 28/04/2010 21:31

Hi

I'm not really sure why I'm posting on here. I'm not a mum or a step mum, but I do read mumsnet and know it's full of very kind wise ladies and I hope maybe somebody has some wisdom and kindness for me. I really can't talk to my mum about this at the moment.

I'm having a really hard time with obsessive thoughts, I have a strong suspicion I have OCD, but am scared to go to the doctor because I am very afraid they will think I am attention seeking and making it up. I've had a lot of difficulty with my mental health in the past but have been depression free for almost 2 years after really struggling for 8 years. Which is great, right? I know I have to go, I just have to build up a bit of courage and get the appointment. So I need something I can do to help me manage them.

But the obsessive thoughts are getting worse, (I don't want to write about them too much in my OP as they might be triggering for people who self injure) and are making my anxiety very very bad. I was pretty convinced tonight that my boyfriend hated me because he wasn't in when I called and that he was avoiding me because I am such hard work and mental. This isn't the case at all, (he is very supportive but I worry that it will be too much for him to handle) I know I am being irrational but I'm finding it hard to stop myself.

I'm also showing some bad old habits like financial recklessness and I'm pretty frightened that my obsessive thoughts (they're about sharp things and cutting) will get so out of hand I'll actually act on them,

Tips? Advice? Anything to help make my brain be quiet and rational for a little bit. It's bloody exhausting living like this.

OP posts:
Report
lepetitesinge · 28/04/2010 21:35

BUgger, the title is supposed to say short term help before getting medical/professional help. My attention span is completely gone.

OP posts:
Report
DrSpechemin · 28/04/2010 21:46

Firstly, welcome to mn and well done for doing so well with your depression.

I think you need to take a deep breath and make an appointment with your doctor tomorrow. They won't think you are attention seeking and should refer you for specialise help. Maybe CBT or something? Could your partners come with you and hold your hand?

In the meantime, can you maybe do some exercise or something active to 'kickstart' your brain? Are you finding you get these thoughts at the same time of day? Is there anything that triggers them?

How about contacting Mind on 0845 766 0163 - they may be able to put you in touch with someone locally who could help.

(Disclaimer - I am not a doctor)

Report
willsurvivethis · 28/04/2010 22:10

Hiya welcome

There are a few people on here who sh or have sh-ed in the past. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

The first thing to do if you can is to accept that you have these thoughts, but that they are just thoughts. They are not orders or commands and acting on it is not at all unavoidable.

well that's the first thing to do after you've picked up the phone for an appointment.

Has anyone ever checked whether you are bipolar? (not that I am an expert on the subject - just responding to the financial recklessness and previous depression)

Keep posting on here if it helps, try to talk to your boyfriend about what is going on so he can understand and support you, and make that appointment!

Report
Keziahhopes · 28/04/2010 22:13

Hello - I have a friend who was diagnosed with OCD (obsessive ruminations) after gp referral - and was told that it could be overcome, has got CBT and other support, which has been helpful.

Not saying you have - but she had a positive experience, gp referred her and then it is up to the consultant's team to decide whether you are wasting time (I doubt it!) and how they can help you.

Report
lepetitesinge · 28/04/2010 22:34

Hello again.

I rang SANEline just afetr posting as I got so worked up I felt on the verge of being sick or having a panic attack or both and just needed to talk to somebody (I live alone and a lot of my work is lone working). I cried which helped a bit and just talking about why I am worried about not being believed helped. I did years ago when first diagnosed with depression ask if theremight be something else going on as I had to repeat certain things in my head (lines from songs and also a bit from the book Milly Molly Mandy) in order to calm myself. However, as I definitely do not have the neatness thing going on, my old GP completely said it wasn't an option. Thinking about it now, the fact is I hoard. Terrible hoarding habits. To the point of sometimes not being able to find anything, not being able to invite people in as my hoarding/collecting/keeping stuff is out of control.

I don't want to sh, although I know plenty of perfectly normal people who have or do and I understand why they do. I am scared that I will do it without wanting to, does that make sense?
I have some level of sexual intrusive thoughts, but they are very closely linked to the stuff about knives etc. It's definitely not sexual fantasy because I find it upsetting and not at all enjoyable.
I am also worried I will accidentally kill myself and because of my past depression everybody will think it was on purpose and think I am bad. I have been suicidal in the past, but I'm not like that now, at all. I actually love my life.

I've had CBT in the past for depression. Twice actually. I cheated the first time round and told the pyschologist all the right things. (I very much want to be a good person, make people happy etc, so I sort of felt if I showed her I was "progessing" then she would like me and I also wouldn't be crazy anymore. That doesn't work by the way). The second time was in 2007 and was a lot more productive and helped me a lot. I am very receptive to doing that again or taking meds. I just have to go to the doctors to kick start it.

I don't want my boyfriend to come with me (he actually does have OCD, I'm scared of triggering him as well as him thinking I am too much like hard work). He knows a little bit and has been lovely. I just want to do the initial talking to the doc on my own.

I'm pretty sure I'm not bi-polar, the finances are more to do with me thinking I deserve nice things and not having nice things as a kid. I also have this idea that if I look pretty and nice people will like me more. I'm returning clothes tomorrow as I know I don't need them and I don't even want them now. This is a good thing as I will have one less thing to worry about and three less things to put away! I also don't get the "up"s of bi-polar.

Of course, that will be after ringing the doctor.

I've just been reading the OCD thread as well, it makes me feel more hopeful.

(Did I mention, I use to work with people with mental health needs, you think I'd be a lot better at doing what I used to help other people to do)

OP posts:
Report
willsurvivethis · 28/04/2010 22:43

Wondering if you need something a bit deeper and thorough than CBT. CBT is nice for learning coping skills but it sounds like there is a lot behind your behaviour that may need to be addressed and balanced.

Maybe you actually need to talk about things a bit more.

Just that I recognise the obsession with being good/liked and the need to buy things to make yourself happy (although with me it is food) a bit too well

Report
lepetitesinge · 07/05/2010 23:17

Hi again

I saw one of the GPs at my practise today and I think she was a bit overwhelmed by me. I have a prescription for sertraline and I'm going back in two weeks to see how it's working for me. She doesn't seem to be too keen on therapy for me as I've had it in the past for depression and she said that I need to learn to manage alone. Hmmm, to me some sort of therapy would help me to do that in conjunction with meds. But we'll see.

The anxiety issues have been awful the last couple of days and terrible today (but that's because I am very tired after staying up for the election and then going to work on four hours sleep).

I also borrowed a book from work (work on a health project in library) on overcoming OCD. I read it a little on the way home and a lot is chiming with me. It's also helping me understand my boyfriend more as he has very severe OCD.

I feel better able to cope at the moment, thanks for all your support.

OP posts:
Report
BigMommaOfAlmost4 · 08/05/2010 20:27

lepetitesinge - I have finally been diagnosed with OCD after years of depression (caused by the intrusive thoughts), low self esteem (caused by guilt about intrusive thoughts) and debilatating anxiety. I believe all my problems stem from this disorder and I have to say it has totally ruined my life BUT now I know what it is I feel so much better!! Going to the doctor and admitting I had these 'bad' thoughts has been the hardest thing I've ever done (I honestly thought I would be locked up and at that point I did not care) but he was not shocked in the slightest.

Anti-ds did not work for me and CBT has not helped much either. What has been an amazing source of comfort to me are two books that I bought from Amazon for less that £12.00 in total including postage!! The first one is 'The Imp of the Mind' by Lee Baer which is excellent for explaining the intrusive thoughts and taking away the fear of them and the second is 'Brain Lock' by Jeffrey Schwartz which details a very effective self help method to deal with the thoughts. If you believe you have OCD these books will be a lifeline for you. OCD is something that stays with you for life and you have to learn how to re-train your brain about the way you react to your thoughts and that takes a long time but these books are a very good start. I have to say that I was close to a breakdown a few weeks ago when I let the thoughts take control of me (pregnancy hormones, moving house, financial stresses all came together) but after reading these and following the self help methods in 'Brain Lock' the change has been amazing and they arrived in the post within 2 days. Good luck.

Report
BigMommaOfAlmost4 · 08/05/2010 20:30

Also see the OCD-UK Support Forum website(sorry can't do links) for advice and support and most importantly to know you are not alone!

Report
cocolepew · 10/05/2010 18:24

My 12 yo DD has OCD, she has disturbing intrusive thoughts. We took her to a CBT/EMDR therapist who helped greatly.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.