argh! get signed off or struggle on???

[LaDietrich]

xDH moved out finally a week ago (had been out staying with friends for last couple of months but now has flat and started moving his stuff) - I found it affected me much more than I expected. Was very upset. Thankfully had my sister visiting who helped me get through the w/e. Sis also persaded me to take few days off work to try to sort out house, which I did. I am on 40mg citalopram for lasdt two years (depression due in large part to problems in our relationship I think - am indergoiing weekly psychotherapy at moment) - went to GP on Friday to review prescription - she kept it at 40. I spoke to her about the days I'd taken off and that I was worried I might not be able to face work next week. She said if not to come straight back and she'd sign me off. Over the w/e I thought I'd be ok but I was at a meditation retreat today and got talking to a guy who had also been an alcoholic (like my ex) but who had knocked it on teh head when it looked like it was going to ruin his marriage. This really REALLY pset me. Obviosly I was very pleased for this guy and his partner but it made me so mad so angry at my ex. These are feelings I never really let myself express as a)I don't want the kids to see them, things have been bad enough and I am determined to keep things amicable and b) ex will jst belittle me, he still acts as though it is all my fault and my decision to split up and has been bending my ear about how hard it is having teh kids in his little one bed flat ...anyway, long story short, I've been feeling really shaken up all day. My psychotherapist says I am emotionally detached from everything and I feel this is the firs ttime I've broken through that (for good or bad I know not!) I'm inclined now to go to GP and get signed off for a couple of weeks and just try to work with these emotions that seem to be finally coming up. Am worried if I go into work and pretend everything is ok it'll just all get buried again. I know I'd be able to do teh putting a brave face on but you know what I just don';t want to. BUT U feel gilty about work. It's a small company and we are very busy. I never took time off last time when I get really depressed - I took holiday to try to deal with it. Part of me thinks I need to do it part of me is wracked with (lapsed catholic) guilt. help. what to do?

[LaDietrich]

sorry - longer than expected and badly typed

[SE22]

LaDietrich -
Life sounds like it is horrid. Sorry.
What does your gut tell you to do?
What's work like? Supportive? Could you take a week off sick and then ask to go back part-time or work from home?

[seanchai]

You are going through such an awful time, my heart goes right out to you,

I've been in a similar situation and the best thing I can say is pretend you are your own best friend. If your friend was in this situation what would you advise?

I understand the guilt too, but you really need to look after yourself at the mo, wwhat you are going through would be tough on the stongest of us.

If you are in good shape your kids will be better off, but you need to focus on you right now

sending you loads of love

[LaDietrich]

thanks SE22 and Seanchai (you irish?) I've made appt with GP this morning and will go talk to her. I'm a conscientious worker type but I think for first time I just want to put ME first and try to deal with these shitty feelings and see where it takes me. Also I think I want to write to ex and explain how I feel. We've never gotten to actually talk properly about it as he never wants to and generally necks a bottle or two of wine if I try, which just makes it twice as frustrating for me. Work will cope am sure, and to be honest if I take time off I may even be able to do some work from home later in week, just don't want to insert myself into office if you know what I mean cos I know my veneer will come back down and I won't work things through.

aaarrrrgh!!!!!!!!!!

[LaDietrich]

signed off for two weeks for "stress following marital breakdown" - now just have to break the news to work [worried]

[willsurvivethis]

LaDietrich well done getting signed off - big step. I had to take six months off with PTSD I just couldn't cope - sat at desk and stared at screen all day without seeing anything and nearly cried if I had to go speak to a client downstairs (I co-manage a law centre ). Sometimes it's gotta be done as otherwise it will just drag on forever. You need time to sort yourself out.

Please don't work from home. a) you will still not take enough time and will flee in your work as it is safe and b) you will give work the impression you are not really sick and they may put pressure on you to come back.

My fab manager was sensitive enough to forceably remove my remote access to the office so I couldn't work. It felt so strange but she was right. Take the space.

[LaDietrich]

funnily enough just had message from work saying am off all the email lists - but no prior communication - I guess they are trying to do the right thing but I'd prefer they communicated with me about it - yes, you are right, will stop trying to work from home now

thanks

[seanchai]

Made uo you've been signed off. Don't think about working just yet, even from home. You've got to give your mind space, its got a bloody lot to deal with. Work might take up valuable grieving time/ working things out time.
I also think its a great idea to write to your ex. I often write letters, even if I know they are never going to get to th eperson because it vents myfeelings and clarifies things in my head.

F.B.I. actually (foreign born Irish! Liverpudlian of Irish parents!)

Best of luck, LaDietrich

You're gonna get through this - it won't last forever.
Let us know when the sunshine breaks after your storm.

[SE22]

How are things LaDietrich? Hope all well and I am glad you are signed off work.