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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

Did you look 'yourself' while you had depression or did your appearance suffer?

47 replies

frumpygrumpy · 18/02/2010 13:15

I don't mean did you wash and wear clean clothes......I mean more did your face lose its spark? Did your skin stop glowing? Did your hair feel greasy and lank?

I have felt low before but I have always managed to cover it up pretty well because outwardly, no-one could tell. However, atm, I look a state. Its obvious I am not looking great, although I am still positive on the outside.

For once, I think I might actually look worse than I feel IYKWIM.

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Megletwantsittobesummer · 18/02/2010 13:19

mine suffers a bit. I'm overdue for a haircut and leg wax and my toe nails need some polish.

I think it's been a pretty shit winter TBH. I'm a summer person and struggling to make it through to April when I know I will feel so much better.

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willsurvivethis · 18/02/2010 13:20

I left work in September unable to carry on as my ptsd was so bad - went back for a meeting yesterday and everyone said OMG you look SO much better and brighter. So, yes. I lost a lot of hair (luckily I have looooads) so it looked thinner and lanker and my eyes lost their sparkle and I looked pale and tired all the time.

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Megletwantsittobesummer · 18/02/2010 13:20

and yes, I do wash and wear clean clothes. But getting in the shower can be a chore when I just want to rest. Its taking all my effort just to keep looking semi-presentable.

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frumpygrumpy · 18/02/2010 13:23

I die a bit in winter too. Its strange to look crappy when I feel not too bad! I have just had my hair cut and coloured recently. Interesting you girls have felt similar. Thank you

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Megletwantsittobesummer · 18/02/2010 13:37

see, I have a theory that the NHS should just pack us all off to sunnier climes from December to March. No D&V bugs, no colds, keep depression to a minimum etc . Will save them a fortune I reckon.

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frumpygrumpy · 18/02/2010 13:46

are we too late? I'm up for sizzling my arse off and into happier days!

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GetDownYouWillFall · 18/02/2010 16:52

I was told afterwards by friends that I looked "different" during my depression. I think it was more than just the fact I stopped wearing make up. My face looked more haggared in some way, kind of warped.

I did also totally lose interest in my appearance. I wore the same long chunky black cardigan everyday (I changed the t-shirt underneath tho!) because I felt like it covered me up and I just wanted to disappear.

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thingamajig · 18/02/2010 21:01

I look different when I am depressed mainly because I lose weight and get a bit gaunt.

You do have to remember that when you look in the mirror while depressed, depressed you gives its opinion of your appearance. So even if you look quite reasonable in reality, you can interpret that wrongly.

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frumpygrumpy · 19/02/2010 12:29

thingamajig, good point, I'm hardly full of praise for myself atm!

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wastwinsetandpearls · 19/02/2010 12:35

I thought I did but there is some video footage of me playing with dd just after getting out of hospital and I looked like a ghost. My skin was grey and even though I was dressed in colour I looked dull. I also ose a lot of weight, when in full blown depression I go down to a size 10-12 . I am normally an 18 but look best at a 14.

Dp commented last night actually that I was starting to look pale and low.

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heQet · 19/02/2010 12:42

No. I stopped washing and tbh was fairly whiffy. I'd wear the same clothes day in day out. Didn't brush my hair. Didn't give a shit tbh, it felt like it just didn't matter.

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Moros · 19/02/2010 12:43

Your posture can change a lot as well. A GP friend of mine said that she can often spot a person with depression just by the way they hunch over when they walk.

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BuckBuckMcFate · 19/02/2010 12:48

When I have been depressed I have been unable to stop, I get quite manic about everything having to be perfect, particularly the house and me.

So I would lie in bed and struggle to think of getting out of bed for the day and then once out I would launch myself into an endless quest for perfection that went on til 1 in the morning.

So my house would look immaculate and so would I, hair done, make up, clothes, nails. But there was no pleasure in it and I was deeply unhappy at the time.

I am now sittng in my living room, with toys on the floor, DD's 'school' of teddies lined up, cushions not aligned perfectly on the sofa , 2 empty cups of coffee on the pc desk. I have done my hair and makeup but not got round to gettng dressed yet. This is a big achievement for me and I have a much better quality of life, and my family do too.

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frumpygrumpy · 19/02/2010 14:02

BuckBuck, you have me in a nutshell.

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BuckBuckMcFate · 19/02/2010 16:34

Frumpygrumpy, I was thinking I was way off topic on this one so glad to hear I'm not alone in this.

Halfterm used to push me to my limits as the perfection was impossible to maintain with 3 children in the house 24 hours a day and life is so much easier now I can 'let go' of the need for perfection.

I still struggle with how I look at times, and agree it can frustrating if you look worse than you are feeling, when in the past you have felt effing awful but looked really well.

Tho I will repeat what was said earlier in the thread, how you perceive your reflection in the mirror is not always how you appear to others.

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frumpygrumpy · 20/02/2010 14:25

BuckBuck, what fixed you? I am on your rollercoaster, have been for years and years. I have better spells and dodgy spells but atm, I haven't had a better spell for quite some time. I am functioning fine, just everything is monotone.

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frumpygrumpy · 20/02/2010 14:26

Lol, 3 children here too and holiday times just tip me over. Did you find you couldn't relax on holiday either? If you were away somewhere?

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BuckBuckMcFate · 20/02/2010 15:18

Hey there frumpy

I don't know if I'm fully fixed, I still have times when the only thing that calms me down is reaching for the bleach and cleaning everything in sight. Again

Have you ever tried any meds? When I finally admitted I wasn't coping, (although the very nature of the way that I deal with depression, and you too I think, means to all appearances I was doing fine and functioning well) they really helped me through the low times.

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BuckBuckMcFate · 20/02/2010 15:26

Omg, holidays had me taking the perfection quest to a whole new level. Because I felt responsible for making sure that Everything was Perfect, I could never relax, which meant that no one around me could either, so it was doomed to not be perfect before we even began, which just made me try even harder

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CrowAndAlice · 20/02/2010 15:33

Moros - one of my BFs has quite severe depressive episodes and i can see it happening (sometimes before she does) in her gait.

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edwardcullensotherwoman · 20/02/2010 18:34

my hair and skin suffered. dp often said my hair looked depressed! it was limp and had no shine, and got greasy really quickly, no matter how many shampoos i tried. my skin was just dull, my eyes dark and my pores were very visible.

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frumpygrumpy · 20/02/2010 22:32

BuckBuck, I think maybe we are time twins

I have finally gone to the GP and started ADs 3 weeks ago after doing every little thing possible not to get to this for the last (at least) 9 years. I don't feel any benefit yet. And the monotone worries me a little. I'd rather feel something bad than feel nothing at all [weirdy girl]

Its very lovely to meet you. I have always felt like a complete freak in hiding and its very lovely to know I am totally and utterly normal LOL!!!!

I'm really interested in everyone's posts. Its fascinating how this blip affects everyone.

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frumpygrumpy · 20/02/2010 22:33

edwardsother.... ditto on the skin and hair.

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NoahAndTheWhale · 20/02/2010 22:41

When in the depths of depression I don't care at all what I look like. Wear the same clothes all the time. Everything is too big an effort. No idea if my vitality goes too but tbh I am sure I look pretty crap when depressed.

Am generally OK at the moment so is easier to think a little more objectively about it.

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BuckBuckMcFate · 21/02/2010 17:32

Hi again frumpy

A big well done for going to the Drs. I was terrified that if admitted how awful I felt, particularly the really bad thoughts I was having, the Dr would say 'Yes, BuckBuck you are the awful mother you think you are' and that my children would be taken away from me, so I would strive even harder to be the best.

I am lucky that I have an amazing DP and he went with me to the Drs and really supported me. Tbh, starting the meds was just the beginning of getting 'back to normal'. I found that the meds dulled the panic, (is the montone feeling you're having?) and the world didn't end if I hadn't cleaned everything in the kitchen or if there was a mark on the paintwork.

I also really opened up to DP about just how bad I felt, I was convinced that he and the DC would be better off without me and I think I used the perfection methods to stop me thinking of the bad (often suicidal) thoughts that I was having.

So I really hope that this is the start for you too. Nine years is a long time to have dealt with this on your own!

Are you married/DP? Do you have anyone to talk to in RL?

You've really made my day with your comment 'I have always felt like a complete freak in hiding and its very lovely to know I am totally and utterly normal LOL!!!!' We can be weirdly normal together!