What does confidence feel like?

[amigababy]

I recently posted elsewhere with a topic that, in part, was to do with my lack of assertiveness. It set me thinking, what does it feel like to be assertive? I know I'm not; I hate confrontation, feel shaky, and always try to appease people. I know the techniques of assertiveness but the concept is so far away from me that I have no idea how I would be like that myself.

I'm not looking for advice for myself, more just an open discussion to find out what is it like on the other side of the fence. What does it feel like to be a confident child/teenager/woman? How do difficult situations feel to you? Do you feel fear and ignore it or does it just not occur to you?

And also from anyone who recognises themselves in my own description - I'd just like to hear from all ends of the confidence range, to find out other peoples experience of dealing with everyday life, with or without it.

many thanks

[muttimalzwei]

I think confidence definitely grows with age. I was a shy child but did drama so I've always had the ability to put on an act if you like. I just feel that I am as good as anyone else really, think that's through a series of bad knocks that have taught me that you just have to get on with it and that it will be all right in the end. I kind of like testing myself too. It's not confidence it's just not wanting to be on the outside looking in and letting other people do my talking for me. Does this help in any way?

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

The thing about confidence is that, if you pretend you have it, and act as though you have it, all of a sudden, you do!

Well, it worked for me, though I guess age and experience come into it too. Was a painfully shy child and tongue-tied teen, now in my late-40's I don't really care too much what people think of me - and I'm aware that, most of the time, they won't be thinking about me at all.

[muttimalzwei]

I am also hitting 40 and I really don't acre anymore and I WISH I hadn't wasted my twenties being so bothered about what people thought of me, as OLKN says, most of the time they are just thinking about themselves and what they will say next...

[muttimalzwei]

don't care anymore...

[ShowOfHands]

You see it depends what you think confidence is. Because I'm shy and not good in social situations/on the phone etc but that's fine and it's just who I am. I'm not unhappy or lacking in any way.

I think what most people don't realise is that if you're content then you seem confident in the things that matter. It doesn't come from the way you interact or how you ask for things or how gregarious you seem, but through being happy with who you are.

I might be useless in a social situation but I can talk about things that interest me with friends/family, I can enjoy the things I'm good at, hobbies etc, I can look okay I think as I dress in clothes I like and listen to music I love and anything that seems like confidence in those situations is just contentedness.