want to move on again...

[lookingforchange]

Wasn't sure if I should post this in relationships or mental health, I am a regular but have changed name for this as DH knows my name.
I have a great husband of several years, I can't fault him. However I have gone off him to be blunt. I feel some kind of friendly affection for him but no longer fancy him (not sure I ever really did) and put off having sex with him. The trouble is I knew this would happen. I have walked away from pretty much every relationship I had (unless they dumped me first) because I just got fed up and wanted something different. It's the same with jobs, houses and anything material. I could leave this house tomorrow and everything in it and start again without a backward glance. I feel constantly dissatisfied and jealous of what other people have to the point of feeling physically sick sometimes. I think all this is part of the same problem and as I am approaching a milestone age I want to stop feeling the need for change and sort myself out - is this a counselling issue or something more sinister in my personality?

[GetDownYouWillFall]

I am sorry but I think you are being very unfair on your husband, in your own words you cannot fault him. When you married him you agreed to commit to him for better or worse, you cannot just walk out now that you feel you have "gone off" him - what kind of commitment is that?

Most people find in their relationship that over time the sexual excitement diminishes, that is normal. It is the friendship and sharing of so many life experiences that keeps you together.

There must have been things you liked about him / attracted you to him in the first place, can you focus on those things? Do you have children? Also think about the impact on them if you walk away.

I really hope you can sort this out, perhaps some kind of relationship counselling would be helpful.
Good luck
x

[lookingforchange]

Oh don't get me wrong I realise all this and that's why I need some help. Yes there are children and I know the grass isn't greener -it never is. My question is can this be helped by me getting counselling? as I don't believe the problem is with him.

[willsurvivethis]

Is there a reason why you find it so hard to stay put? A fear? A restlessness? it is worth looking into, it might take you far back.

Must agree with Getdown though the solution is not to give up on your marriage. It seems that, although you want to move on you don't actually move on in relationships. My dh and I have been together for 13 years and it has been a journey of constant change (illness, a disabled child, emigration, bereavement, work) so where as the mad being-in-love has gone something deeper has taken its place.

Maybe you don't believe that things can stay and survive? Maybe it makes you insecure that you do not feel the same thing for your dh? Counselling sounds good, but for the sake of your dh I would recommend seeing someone on your own first followed by relationship counselling.

[lookingforchange]

I can't stand the thought that I will have to continue living with someone I don't fancy and never be able to act on an attraction again. No other reason though why I should leave.

[willsurvivethis]

But what does it mean to fancy someone? Stomach flutters? That's adrenaline and it's meant to be temporary. I don't want to sound patronising and I'm sorry if I do but a marriage takes work to keep things fresh and alive. Doing things together, making time for each other. In my experience you can go though phases of fancing each other again even after many years.

If as you say it affects work, home, relationship there is possibly more to it than you realise and it is worth exploring what makes it so difficult for you to attach yourself.