Feeling hopeless

[AliceInWonderland]

I am posting on here as I don't feel I can talk to anyone ... my relationship with dp is at breaking point, we moved away from where we were living 2 yrs ago, and since then things have gone from bad to worse, he couldnt get work and what he could get was really sh*t, my oldest son has left to go and stay with his grandparents indefinitely and the youngest one has AS and HUGE problems at school. the whole process of schools and statements, him not working in his profession has caused him to leave and come back, and now he has said he wishes we had never come here at all. it was all for me and my degree which i havent been able to continue you with because of ds2 and ds1 going off the rails (smoking weed etc). last night he gave me the hard truth, he gave up everything for me, and it isnt working, would i do the same for him? if i move back, ds2's statement will have to start again, i have nothing and noone there to return to, ds1 will have to move schools in the last year of his gcse's (if he comes back that is), but life without him is unbearable.

We have been together for 5 years, he is the love of my life, after my husband killed himself in 97 I never thought I could find love again. He has left to day, and I am left, not being able to contact him as he's not answering his phone, feeling sick, confused, and extremely desperate, I had a breakdown before xmas when we had split up and I havent felt this bad since then. This time its worse, I took too many AD's last night, but was sick and just feel shakey today, and now all I can think about is .. enough, no more, the energy just isnt there, I know to hurt myself will hurt others, as I lived through my husbands suicide but i feel like i have reached the point of no return

[Papillon]

A very hard situation for you all Alice. I just wanted to post to say hello.

Perhaps you will need to stay until your ds1 has completed his GCSE´s. If you could reconcile with your dp that you cannot move until then perhaps you could come to some arrangement for a temporary long distance relationship, that would not leave anybody too left out. And still plan a future together.

Perhaps your dp needs some time to regain his confidence after not being able to work. You sound like you are not in a space right now to really focus on your degree. So you both need some TLC.

Take care and watch those AD´s (((hug)))

[AliceInWonderland]

Thank you papillon,i'm feeling calmer now, but feel like my life has become an car crash, ds1 has been going off the rails to the extent that its unlikely that he might even be put in for any gcse's. Breaks my heart, as he used to be such a bright and engaging boy, the weed has changed him, his ambivalent about everything. The thought of a long distance relationship terrifies me, we have been down this road before and it was hell for both of us. I don't care about studying anymore, all I want is for my family to be together and happy, without that happening everything else I do seems pointless. I feel like we have all lost our way, but I know that being apart is more destructive. thank you for the cyber hug, when the anxiety and panic takes over I feel like the world closes in, and feeling sooo hopeless is draining. I need to be a strong mum, and I can be, my boys have been through so much pain already, the thought of them losing another father is unbearable