I really hate my life at the moment

[poshsinglemum]

I am a regular so mabe some of you have read my posts.

I am just totally fed up with life at the moment.

I'm in love with a man that I cannot have as I ballsed it up years ago. I am single as my partner ran off when I was pregnant.

I find being a single mum really fucking hard and I mis sthe spontenaity of my old life.I miss my social life and sex.DD is not settling at night and I feel guilty as I have been so snappy towards her.

My career is panned, I am on benefits and always skint. I am looking for a part time job.

At the moment I am grieving my old career as a zoologist which my ex ruined as he was abusive. I have now a shit fucking career.

My parents are toxic and make my life hard. My sister isn't arsed.

i'm not suicidal but I don't know why I make such bad choices. I am despairing.

[flashharriet]

I'm so sorry you feel this way

Breaking it down into things you can do something about and things you can't, work would seem the obvious way out of a lot of this. How old is DD? Is going back to your previous career and using childcare an option for you? Maybe having control over one area of your life would help you see past those things over which you have no or little control?

[poshsinglemum]

I just feel that my ex wrecked m y dreams and my mental health. i have no faith in love. everyone i love rejects me or is a bastard.

[poshsinglemum]

I am finding it very hard to come to terms with my past and I am going to start cbt. It won't change the past though will it?

[EightiesChick]

No it won't but you have to come to terms with it. So CBT is probably a good idea.

My life changed a few years back as a consequence of me being seriously ill and I still have trouble dealing with that, and with the idea that there is no going back, ever, to how things were. It has got better as I have and as my life has. If you are really depressed, though, I wouldn't just wait for that to happen. Your DD (how old is she?) will need you to be on the up.

Can you swap babysitting with anyone to at least get out a bit?

Being skint is never good but particularly not at this time of year. No other good advice right now but I sympathise, really.

[winnybella]

I am so sorry it's so difficult for you right now...but...can I just say ( and I know it's a cliche) that it's all ups and downs in life.
In my life I had:
a very well-paid career
abusive partner
was evicted from my house with a 3mo baby
had another quite interesting job
met a lovely man
had another lovely baby
went back to uni
and so on and on...
It WILL get better, you can get your career back on track ( especially that you've got the qualifications), you have a child that loves you more than anything...
Sometimes it's like this, but it doesn't mean it will stay like this.
Dare I do this...? {Hugs}

[poshsinglemum]

Thank you,

I went on and got my degree and teaching qualification but I do regret not finishing my career in Zoology. It was going so well and I let my ex ruin it for me. He used to go through my lecture notes and criticise them and ask what the point of them was.

[flashharriet]

I think CBT sounds a really good idea for you. Your Ex still sounds like he dominates your life, even though he's no longer around. Anything that can break through that has to be worth it. Also anything that can help you look carefully at your past, put it in a box and file it - there is no point obsessively raking over the what might have been's. It's all done with - you just need to make your peace with that before you can move on into your future.

[expatinscotland]

i don't know what to add except that you aren't alone.

my life has been a catalogue of failure, incompetence, bad luck, poor judgment and decisions.

things always get fucked up.

we moved here after hell and high water, and the fucker downstairs is a goddamn drug dealer who blasts loud music and is violent and has a Staff/pit bull cross.

the neighbour across is moving out and i'm sure some other thug will move in and there's no hope in hell of ever getting out.

i'm pretty fucking sick of things at the mo and mostly just fake it for the kids' sake.

but i constantly feel like a bad mum who's fucking up her kids.

[DippyDino]

We all fuck up our kids though don't we expat? It's just a matter of in which ways.

Having a stressed mum who snaps at times is not the worst thing in the world. Life is a balance, neither all good or (hopefully) all bad. Please don't be so hard on yourself.

OP you have control over the decisions you make in the future. You sound like one hell of a lady and a real survivor.

One thing's for certain - the way you feel now won't be forever.

I've made some truly shite decisions in my life (heroin addict, bad / violent relationships etc) but fuck it I did it wrong and lived to tell the tale, 'tis all part of living. Nobody has ever, ever lived a life and done everything right - it can't be done.

[poshsinglemum]

Thanks for the answers. I am just finding it hard to mak epeace with my crap decisions. I just can't understand them or myself. It's like I'm possessed by a demon.

[expatinscotland]

Again, you're not alone, posh.

x

[alypaly]

poshsinglemum...are you me.

Almost exactly the same things have happened to me. Ex partner did the dirty when i was pregnant with DS2 and Ds1 was 4.

Been totally lonely most of the last 20 years,except for my boys. I too am cynical about love and wondering if i will ever find it. Really want to find a soul mate ,but dont know where to start.

[expatinscotland]

'Really want to find a soul mate ,but dont know where to start.'

By accepting that there's no such thing as a 'soul mate' or 'finding love'.

A relationship with another person takes effort and time, no matter if it's with your children, a man or even yourself.

[alypaly]

yeh i know it doesnt just happen over night,but any one i have fallen for seems to turn out to be a two timing pig and takes me for a ride.

I have put so much effort into relationships that i have been left numb.I have a fantastic loving relationship with both Ds's and they are my life but i would love to meet someone to share my life with,with similar interests and loyalty.

[expatinscotland]

Maybe focus on something else besides relationships.

The OP states that she misses sex, but really, the real points that are making her life miserable are far deeper than that - feeling stiffled in career, financially, poor housing, lack of family support, etc.

[agingoth]

oh psm I so feel for you.

A lot of your post I could have written myself.

I seem to be in a pit of my own making atm too.

All I can reel out are the old cliches: things WILL change. We don't know when or how and that hurts so bloody much.

Like you I am in love with the wrong person- a bastard as it happens. I married the wrong person. Etc.

I am feeling forced to give up my career 'for the kids' and can't bear to pass my resentment on to them. But god I resent it!!

I feel for you re. the Zoology- did you not complete a qualification etc? Is there really NO way you can return? In my case, i am geographically barred from doing my job because of ex- but you are a free agent now to some extent (yes I know there is dd, but within those limits...)

[alypaly]

i know expat....i was only mentioning the relationship side...but like OP...stiffled in career....financially crippled...no family alive to support mentally or physically,( well i have a stepbrother but he is the one that abused me sexually when i was 8 years old and generally find it difficult to trust now. So i too empathise with OP.

BTW i miss sex too

[poshsinglemum]

Hi everyone,

I am feeling a bit better today but some days I sink into a pit of despair. It takes time to emerge from it.

I just wish I could be effective at life and better at coping.

[flashharriet]

Keep posting PSM, especially on the bad days.

Do you have a good network of friends? And you alypaly?

[alypaly]

hi flashharriet..... i dont have anyone i could call a close friend....i am so lonely. It was only in june this year that i started using MN because i was soooo lonely. I have a DS at home who is 17 and one at uni who is 21.My mum(my bestfriend died exactly 2 years ago) and my stepbrother will never be in my life again as he is the one that assaulted me from the age of 8-12years old. I have been single (ie unmarried) all my life...never had a close girlfriend.. Although i have found a lovely person to talk to on MN.

I feel very like PSM

[agingoth]

Aw no alypaly, sounds awful.

Are you in London? We could meet up, I can promise not to be as miserable in RL as I am on here

[alypaly]

Hi agingoth...no im in stockport,cheshire....i wish i could meet up with someone,just for a coffee and a good chatlaugh. I love being with peolpe and would love someone i could just pick up the phone to.

I do have a boyfriend...or a friend who is a guy(probably more accurate) but there's no dynamics and he isnt a good talker. Really quiet and sleeps alot. I would love to go out and have a girly night out or a days shopping with someone

[alypaly]

sorry for hi jack SPM