I am not sure I can do this.

[EnjoyingtheMoment]

I am 33 wks pg. I have been up and down. I have had housing issues, in that an extension went wrong and has been stressful.

I am having a boy, bit disappointed. Don't know why. I had no desire specifically for a girl. Thinking about it, I realise it is because I think I will miss my DD being my only one. She is 3. And she is great. And I love her so much.

Her life has been turned upside down with all this stuff going on. Most of which started so we could have another baby. And now, i guess. Its all gone wrong.

DH and I argue all the time. He is quite grumpy and angry all the time. Mostly due to me being sick this pregnancy, and down and moody and he is fed up. I cannot shake this feeling that things will never be right again. I have posted before, this is all rambly as its all thoughts really.

I am trying to get excited about the baby. I have bought some things, but then I think about what it will mean. Sleepless nights, crying baby, toddler to contend with, no money.

My DH is not working. He is not showing much signs really of wanting to work. its a long story. He is applying for work, but heart really not in it.

And I am worried about money. I am worried about how this baby will impact on our lives. I cannot get excited.

And, I need to say this out loud - I don't know if I want this. It is not how I planned it. I just want it to be us three. I cannot remember what it is I had wanted from having another baby. It does not seem that great now.

I know this will pass. I cannot talk to anyone else about it. Everyone thinks everything is rosy. And it is not.

[EnjoyingtheMoment]

I know I have to get on with things. I just cannot cope with the loss of control. And I cannot see this being any different with a newborn. I do not know how I am going to cope with this. I am not coping now.

[EnjoyingtheMoment]

OK, so its not as interesting as an old face coming back on the scene. But it is about supporting mothers? New mothers? Would be mothers? I am reaching out here. I am asking for some-one to hear me.

[EnjoyingtheMoment]

[DelGirl]

I'm sorry no-one has replied to you, i;ve only just seen this. I'm not in a good place either so can't offer much help i'm afriad but I didn't want your posts to go unnoticed and I hope some will respond with some wise words soon. x

[curlyredhead]

I am sorry you are feeling like you aren't coping. Could you talk to your GP or HV? I don't know if that would feel do-able or helpful. Some women get antenatal depression, I don't know if that might be a fator for you?

It sounds like you have a lot going on, with your DH out of work and a new baby on the way. And I think it's really common to worry about the impact on your older DC and not to know how it will work. It just does work though, it all falls into place. I usually find it's much easier to get on and do things rather than face the idea of them, so maybe once the baby is born it will all feel easier.

Finding someone you can talk to IRL might be a first step.

[curlyredhead]

*factor

[DelGirl]

actually that has struck a cord now from the last posts. My dd was conceived after 5 rounds of ivf follwing my dh's death and do you know what, even though she was a desperately wanted baby, can't tell you how much, I now remember feeling towards the end of the pg that was it really what I wanted, i was anxcious about it, had i done the right thing. Of scourse I had but was scared of the unknown I suppose. In a few short weeks, you will have your new dd or ds and it will fall into place. Just think of holiding that gorgeous bundle, it will be lovely. hth

[DelGirl]

sorry for the typos, been on the vino!

[luckylady74]

I spent much of my last pregnancy miserable so I do empathise. I didn't want twins and felt so upset-thought life would be ruined for my eldest who has sn and needs me a lot.
It did take a while to get over tbh, but I can see the benefits/positives of the situation now they're all talking and playing together.
I so recognize the 'I didn't plan this, this is not what I wanted' - that applied to ds1's sn and having twins. Life is fundamentaslly unfair and that's a bugger isn't it?But you said it - it will pass.

Your dh needing help's the big problem isn't it? What can be done to lift him out of his slump?
Are you sure everyone thinks everything is rosy? Have you opened up to family or friends- maybe they can offer advice or support?
You've a lot on your plate - it's good to offload.

[DelGirl]

how are you today ETM??

[sagan]

I know who you are (I'm a recent namechanger too ) and I'm sorry you still feel this way
I felt exactly the same way when I was pg with my ds. I had dd who was 3 and just my world-I was so sorried what a baby would do to our relationship. My partner of 3 years had buggered off and left me on my own, and I was so depressed that I had to take maternity leave at 29 weeks as I just couldn't cope.
The good news is- you WILL love this baby as much as your dd. Everyone reassured me that it would be the case, but I just didn't believe them. y ds is 16 months now and dd is 5 and they absolutely adore each other- it's a lovely gift you're giving your daughter I too was worried about havign a boy, but I love it.
All the things you're worried about are perfectly natural- I was made redundant at the end of my maternity leave which was the last straw really. I've been put on trazodone for anxiety and it has been fantastic- worth noting I can still bf on it too.
I think, if you haven't already, go to your GP. I have only recently gone, and absolutely cried my eyes out about how anxious I was- I had let things get way out of hand and should have gone months before. I am in the same city (we have met at a meetup ) and I can recommend you a fantastic GP if need be. Feel free to CAT me to find out who I really am and I'd be more than happy to meet up for a coffee to lend you a shoulder to cry on. Pregnancy isn't always the happy glowing time of the bloody Miriam Stoppard books and I for one wish more people talked openly about these feelings

[DelGirl]

How are you ETM? Hope you see this