Mental health and stressful job/finding peace with my past.

[poshsinglemum]

I have a few issues here.

I have had quite serious mental health problems in the past. My mum was bipolar and abused me as a child. I developed the illness in adolescance coupled with eating disorders, low confidence and bad decision making regarding partners and most other things. I had a very bad breakdown at University and i was sectioned a few years later. I lost a lot of dignity and I feel embarassed by soem of my strange behaviours. I have since come off my medication since having dd and I am feeling better than I have for years although I am still conscious that I have mood swings esp. regarding pmt. At the moment I feel I can handle it but how do I find peace with the dreadful time I had in teh past? I am on the list for cbt but someti9mes I don't trust councellors.

I do still feel abit useless as though my illness prevents me from moving foward with my life and I ahve a frosty relationship with my mum because of how she treated me.

the other issue is that I have a very stressful career in teaching. I quit my job when I got pregnant and made a real mess of my woking relationships there. (That's a long story in itself.) I think taht teaching is not good for my mental helth sometimes but other times I enjoy it and like the steady wage and long holidays.

I just feel taht I swim in treacle a lot with regards to moving my life foward.

DD is the best thing taht has ever happened to me but I do find single motherhood tough and have been to some dark places. I have difficulty sustaining loving relations and I think I will never find love as I am not lovable. I am scared that my illnesses have deterred men or made me open to abuse.

[poshsinglemum]

Sorry to sound self indulgent.
I can't wait to do cbt and self esteem building.
Quite a few people have treated me like shit in my past- my mum, dad, ex boyfriend, some ex mates, my sister and I have not been an angel but I am finding hard to forgive those peopel and move on.
I have particular issues with my very controlling ex boyfriend who introduced me to my eating disorder. I blame him for ruining my life and i know taht this is not destructive and I need to take responsibility for my owm choices.

I do feel taht everyone else is ok but I have issues.

[FouxDuFaFa]

Hi, I just wanted to say that you don't sound self indulgent, you've obviously had a difficult time of it. I'm a single mum too, and I can relate to what you say about swimming in treacle.

Personally, I really rate CBT - it helped me to make sense of my relationship with my abusive father and relegate it to the past.

It sounds like you don't really know what to address first. You may find that with a bit of CBT you'll start to make sense of it all and things will start to fall into place.

Wishing you luck