I so want to change but finding it so hard

[papasan]

Hi all
Have posted here because I know if I post on chat or similar, then I will just be told to grow up but I am hoping I will get better advice here!
I am a married mum with lots of lovely kiddies and things should be good. I have about 4 really good friends who I know I can rely on, have healthy relationships with them, ie genuinely pleased for them, no jealousy, love them to bits. Then I have 2 friends with whom I think I have a very unhealthy relationship and it's ruining my life.

One of these friends classes herself as my 'best friend'. She has recently got very friendly with another girl who is also lovely and the three of us get on great, although the other two are friendlier than me and the second girl. Anyway, we meet up quite a lot and they usually/always invite me and I go although it's obvious I don't quite fit in as well as the other two do. But now I am finding myself arranging my whole life around them. I only plan things with other people on the days they work so that I can be free on the days they are so they don't plan things without me. Our kids play together too and I don't want my DD left out. This is so ridiculous and I have never been like this before. Any other friends, or even my best friend and her other friends, I never even think twice about being left out.

I hate being like this and it is ruining my life at the moment, as well as the school holidays.

I have recently had a baby so am thinking about PND maybe?

I also analyse every flaming conversation I have, worried I am going to have offended someone. And another big thing is that I constantly think/imagine that friends are talking about me and laughing at me.

Please, if you can offer me any advice, I would be so grateful. Basically I want to live my life the way I want it, I want to be able to say no to my best friend and other friend if they are doing something and ask me and I already have plans, don't want to cancel them just so I can go.

I am pathetic I know, and I need to change.

[YommyMommy]

Hi Papasan,

Please stop giving yourself such a hard time! You sound like you have a lot on ur plate at the moment!

If you are not long after having a baby then its could be possible that you have a bit of PND! What age is your little one?

By the sounds of things your actions and ways of thinking are confusing you as you don;t normally feel that way???

I would suggest a visit to your GP or HV as they are really the only ones who can tell you weither or not you have PND, but if its getting you done and taking over your life then I would seek professional opinion!

Hope that helps!
Sorry if not
x x x

[papasan]

Thank you

Little one is 12 weeks. Also have twins aged 10 and a 6 year old.

I have filled out the depression score chart given at post natal check but scored really low even though I answered honestly.

I just need to make my plans as I want them and only meet up with said friends if my plans allow, not live my whole life by what they're doing.

What the hell is wrong with me?

[YommyMommy]

U really do have a lot on ur plate!!!

Did u take the test when ur little one was 6 weeks? Do you think anything will have changed if you were to take the test today? U can take it on line!

Maybe ur thought processes is a little irrational just now and thats whats causing you to act this way? I would be a little more worried about the paranoia! Thinking that your friends are talking/laughing behind your back!

Maybe still speak to your HV for a second opinion

And Congrats on the new baby

x x x