I have been on ADs for anxiety for the best part of 2 years. I have been reducing my dose (slowly under medical supervision) as i have been getting better. But these past few weeks it has been back with a vengence. It has been sparked by a health worry that i have managed (as usual) to blow up out of proportion.
I have had counselling for just over a year but i just tend to go and whinge and whine about every day problems rather than facing up to my anxiety issues. My counsellor thinks that the stress i am under is contributing to the anxiety - yeah she is probably right, but its the anxiety that is making the stress worse.
I NEED to get a job, we are financial shit, but the anxiety is preventing me. I thought i could do it and i am now wondering if i have invented the health issue to hide the job thing. Does that make sense.
Was sobbing in the GP surgery today - thankfully, my GP is lovely, very thourough, but her arms are tied to a certain extent. I have counselling but i don't think im getting anywhere with it - i think i need a psychiatric refferal.
This has been going on for YEARS DD1 is 19 now, but i convinced myself not to get to close because i was sure i had passed on HIV to her. It ruined our relationship.
I have another DD, she is coming up for four - im convinced im going to die and that its my own fault for being a bad mum to DD1. I am the opposite with DD2, overprotective, i smother her - its like i have to cram all the love in now because i am not going to be here much longer It breaks my heart - i imagine my DP meeting a new woman and that she will be the "wicked step mother" and that my DD will be left out. I know this wouldn't happen. DP ADORES DD, i know she would be his number one, always.
I feel "doomed" as it were to this prison of anxiety - the counselling just seems to go around in circles, despite my counsellor being excellent and seems to really "get" me. My doctor now wants to swap my ADs and give me diazepam on top of this. To me, diazepam is the real pits, its like, well i must be fucked if they want to give me that. I cried so much in the surgery today i couldnt even tell the doctor what was wrong.
This is MADNESS, my DP has had enough - he says that if im not careful im going to get "put away" and that we will loose our daughter.
Im scared that this is my life now.
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Mental health
Anxiety is ruining my life - i just can't seem to break the circle.
41 replies
imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 29/06/2009 19:13
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