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Does anyone else regret having children?

(304 Posts)
Zahora Mon 29-Jun-09 02:39:04

Does anyone else regret having your child? I loved my old life. My husband really wanted a child and I put it off for so long, just knowing that it's not my calling. I gave in after so many rows thinking I would adjust. It was either that or leave my husband whom I loved very much. My son is 2 years old and it has been such a lonely and desperate struggle. I feel like my wonderful life has turned upside down. I still do not feel like a mother. I look after my son full time, I even breastfed for a year, yet it just feels so ...hollow. It's not me. I miss my old life so much I just feel like walking out and leaving my husband and son. I hate playing in the park. I want to go to a gallery. I hate watching peppa pig- I want to read a novel. I hate going to playgroups - I want to have lunch with freinds. I do everything I can for my son and he is lovely. Yet motherhood so far has left me feeling like I have been conned out of my real life. Will life ever return to normal. Will my son feel that I am detached? I don't think I'm depressed. Has anyone else felt like this?

temporaryusername Thu 14-Aug-14 22:08:43

Thanks Shakey smile

kaydenitua Fri 22-Aug-14 12:51:23

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

evrim Fri 29-Aug-14 21:05:43

Hi All, I came across this post when I was feeling very down. I have never had a desire to have a child until a few years ago although I had been good with babies and children and I was familiar with baby care due to having babies in the family. Having a baby was a mutual decision of my husband and I. I had a lovely pregnancy although birth was very difficult and a bit traumatic. All in all, I dont have much to complain about as I have had full time support since day one and my husband and my family have been and still are very supportive whenever I need their help. I had so many episodes of unhappiness until few months ago. I have been meaning to write here but it just didnt happen so far. What changed my life was getting a professional help from a sleep consultant. I love to have a routine and plan my day, week, month so I get lots of things done. My biggest challenge was that i couldnt establish a routine for my baby for months and that made my life a chaos as well as destroyed my self confidence as I started to feel like a failure. I started to feel as if I had lost someone, as if someone I knew very well had passed away. However things changed completely when I got help from this wonderful lady who is a great sleep consultant. She works over the phone so it makes it so easy to work with her. The reason why I mention this is in this discussion is, such a simple thing can change your life and enable you to spend few hours a day and the entire evening for yourself. Also, it makes your baby very contended and also easy to be looked after.
If sleeping/eating or even manners of your baby is a problem for you, I strongly recommend getting professional help to fix it. Then, it is more fun and joy to be with your child.

panpipesmakemeangry Mon 08-Sep-14 23:50:52

I am also struggling with the decision. I suspect that I don't really want children badly enough. My fears somehow seem to outweigh excitement and I am trying to listen to and tune into my gut instinct. I fear that, at 40, I will be too exhausted. My partner is even older. It's sooooooooo hard, and the social pressure is hard to bear. Everywhere, it seems we are conditioned to want children, as though this is the proper way to be a woman. I seem to receive the message, over and over again, that children are the key to fulfillment. Yet I remain a little sceptical about this.

More than anything else though, I wanted to add the following to this thread.

The digital revolution has undoubtedly brought many evils to the world: the democratisation -- availabilty and variety -- of pornography. 'Electronic fidgeting' where none of us can quite switch off our multitude of screens. The problems of navigating the (at times) bitchiness of Facebook for young teenagers in school. The instant and invasive nature of Twitter soundbites and rolling news, blah blah.

BUT! THANK GOD! for threads like these. It brings tears of gratitude to my eyes (yes, really) to be able to access the testimonials here. It has been a great source of comfort and reassurance to know that I am not alone. Hearing other people's stories has been such a wonderful, wonderful help to me in my confused state. At risk of being sentimental, thank you posters, Mumsnet and the Internet, from the bottom of my heart.

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