I'm worried that I am on the edge of good mental health.....

[curlygal]

I feel that I am on the edge in many ways at the moment. Due to my family and its predisposition/obession with mental illness I am terrified of succombing to it, but at the moment I think that perhaps I am actually suffering from depression or anxiety and should get some help.

At the moment I am having mood swings - some days I feel ok and as if I am fine and can cope ok, and others I just feel crap about everything.

I am on my own with DS (3) without much support and I feel very lonely a lot of the time, which doesn;t help. I recently got a new part time job (as felt that the full time job I was in was too stressful) and I don;t feel the relief I expected to, I am stuck in an office on my own with a pretty heavy work load so end up setting more stressed and working extra hours and then feeling crap about myself as I am not as good a job as I want to.

Most of my friends and married and have recently had a second baby so I feel excluded from a lot of conversations as seem to centre round husbands and how to deal with two kids.

I just feel I am worrying about things constantly - work, money, state of house, state of the world.... and I feel I have a lot of resentment and anger in me.

DS is very trying at the moment - I regularly shout at him at the top of my voice. I know I shouldn;t do it but I just feel so tired and frustrated.

Yesterday I shouted at him in public and I feel awful as people must think I am a horrible mum. He had been really whiney all afternoon and we had some errands to run - I went to give blood then we had to go to the station to book train tickets. On the way to the blood doner centre DS whined all the way and stood in the middle of a road so I shouted at him and dragged him roughly acrros the road. Then at the booking office DS whined and Whined and asked to be carried and held while I was trying to book tickets in the busy office, then he refused to walk so I had to carry him, two bags and his scooter. HE started pulling at my ears and I just lost it with him and put him down on the pavement. He lay in a crumpled heap and a passerby picked him up. HE then tantrumed for about twenty minutes. In the middle of the street.

By the end of the day I was close to tears. I just feel so alone and guilty that I shouted at DS and so frustrated by my life!

Some days it all feels fine then other days it all just seems too much. Little things like problems at DS's nursery or stupid things like the bank setting up my account wrongly turn into big issues that I dwell on and mull over. I don;t want to end up all bitter and resentful, so I think I should get some help before I do.

Any input or advice would be much appreciated

[claireinthecommunity]

Hello curlygal, I've just read through your post and didn't want to leave it unanswered, but I'm just about to make a start on dinner, then I'll be popping to Tesco. I'll right a proper reply tonight, just wanted you to know someone is thinking of you .

[claireinthecommunity]

Obviously should read write not right .

[curlygal]

Thanks Claire (love your name by the way

[zookeeper]

Hello

Firstly well done for getting a job

I'm no expert but I often feel like you do - I'm on my own with three but I remember being exhausted with one and at that point I was with exdp.

I think many lone parents would identify with what you're saying .

FWIW things that help me are; -

Sleep as much as you can - go to bed at the same time with your ds if you have to.
Try to keep your diet reasonably healthy and drink loads of water
Seek out other lone parents who will understand exactly where you're coming from. IME you sound absolutely normal
Be kind to yourself and try to take pleasure from little things - the smell of the grass in the park, feeding the ducks, a new nail varnish. You are doing a tough job and raising a child alone - it's not easy
Don't be afraid to ask for help - is there anyone who can take ds for a few hours a week - could you do the same for another lone parent?
Try to keep one room in your house reasonably tidy and retreat into it when you can't face doing any housework

Try to tackle your money - open the post as it comes rather than let it pile up - even if you can't face dealing with it straight away you know what's there. Is it worth talking to a lone parent advisor at the job centre.

Try to find something that gets you out of the house alone - in my case it's harmony singing - I'm no great singer but I've met a whole new bunch of friends through it, many of whom are older women who are very wise and helpful. Anything that makes you feel less isolated is good

Hope that helps - hopefully someone will come along with better advice soon


eiaiI find I feel much better when I'm not so tiredgith WhenI feel down I

[curlygal]

Thanks zoo keeper that has cheered me up no end.

I just feel so isolated so it is nice to know that I am not alone and am normal.

It is just so wearing sometimes and as you say tiredness make everything so much harder.

My DS is almost four and is yet to sleep through the night. He is often a nightmare to settle then is up several times in the night and into my bed most nights. He coughs or cries until he pukes if I leave him so I tend to give in as cannot face changing sheets.

I wish I knew some other lone parents as would love to have some friends in the same position as me. Am thinking of setting up a group as there must be some other lone parents in Edinburgh surely? I just seem to mix in the wrong cirlcles as live in v posh area (am NOT in the posh bit!) so is all terribley middle class and bodenesque with nothing as valgar as single mothers

I am quite good with money and organised just suffer from total lack of money ExP is hopeless and somehow desipte having a carefully calculated budget seem to end up skint and not able to afford stuff for myself.

WOuld love to get out but no babysitter and can;t really afford to pay nursery staff to do it. My Dad does occassionally baby sit so need to ask him to up the ante a bit.

Thank you so much for replying to my post it really helped me

[claireinthecommunity]

Hello again curlygal, I was pleased to see you'd had another reply and I completely agree with what zookeeper has said.

I'm coming from a different place to you both, I'm not a mother yet (we have just started ttc), so therefore not a single mum. I can't imagine what it's like to have sole responsibility for your child/children and would expect it is very hard and tiring. However, I do know what it's like to feel isolated with anxiety and depression.

I've been a long term sufferer of depression since I was a teenager, have been on various medications over the years and have finally turned a corner this year. There was about 5 years when I wasn't taking any meds, I wanted to clear my system out fully. I still had ups and downs (some very down times) and early last year things had become very difficult for me, so much so that my relationship with my DH was being tested. It took me until September of last year to go and see my GP (I thought I'd put all of that behind me, even though I'd had some very difficult times over the previous 5 years - I'd been drug free, going back onto meds which I knew would be what my GP would suggest was difficult to get my head round). I did get my head round it, was prescribed anti-depressants and after the initial side effects and getting the dose right, I can honestly say I have never felt better.

I know this has all been about me, I hope that if you implement some of zookeepers suggestions into your life that things will improve naturally for you. I think I wanted to let you know that admitting to feeling anxious and suffering from depression is not the end of the world. Help is out there but I know it can be a difficult step to make. I hope things start to improve for you soon, take care .

[claireinthecommunity]

Thought I'd just add that I've always found it difficult to hold down a job with the 'problems' I have. My longest position is my most recent and I've had that for 4 years now (part-time aswell, don't think I could manage full-time). As zookeeper said well done for getting and keeping a job, I don't have the added stresses of bringing up a child on my own and It's something I've always struggled with.

It's all me, me, me again isn't it!!? .

[curlygal]

Thanks Claire, sorry to hear you've had such a hard time of it.

[zookeeper]

Hi Curlygal glad you found my ramblings useful was worried it sounded a bit trite.

I have plenty more where that came from - have acquired several survival skills in my quest to stay sane and upbeat lol!

Definitely make use of your dad if only to catch up on your sleep!

Try not to focus on happy couples (they seem to be everywhere when you're down don't they?)Keep in touch with them but in the meantime do try to sniff out other single mums as they could be your main support.

Loneliness is hard and if you're anything like me when you're down you want to shut your front door on the world. Accept all invitations even if you're not keen - you don't have to stay for a long time and if nothing else it will tire your ds so he sleeps better.

Accept you're going to feel guilty about your parenting - it's our lot as mums to feel guilty.

Anyway, come back if you need to - your post struck such a chord with me as you could have been describing me or any other lone parent.

[zookeeper]

the single parent group sounds a great idea by the way - just think of the babysitting potential there!