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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

I think this qualifies me for insane, but I am sure I am right.

43 replies

sheneversaidit · 27/05/2009 01:42

this will sound mad. i have NC as I dont want to out myself, am a regular, hairy truckers, bats, mooncup etc

necessary background: I have a chronic pain condition. very bad. very bad pain. there is a possibility of this ending in death not from the condition but the symptoms of the condition can be similar to something that resembles aneurysm which my Dad had and only barely survived. He has the same chronic pain condition. My pain is usually bearable but still constant and sometimes I think I am going to pass out or fall over or just... something, but I dont. I think I am dependent on co-codomal. But it isnt working as well as it did.

Last few days I feel, literally do feel, truly, a shadow right behind me. I feel death behind me. I dont mean it melodramatically, I would swear on what is dearest to me that I really feel this. I feel as if I have been told I have a week or a year left and that is it, I know it. When I pour a drink or brush my hair or anything I feel this awful creeping cold shadow just waiting for me.

Set against the background I am a very happy person and am not depressed just generally thoughtful. But this is new ground for me and I am scared. I am scared its real that I am not mad and this feeling is accurate. I dont know what to do. I dont want to die but I feel this total inevitability about it. I want to stay with my DC.

I dont watch horror films or read scary books. I am not that way inclined. I do not have any religion. I am generally very open minded in that I do believe much that others dont and dont believe much that others do. But I am not really... mad. I mean I am a normal person insofar as that is possible.

But I feel a literal shadow of death just behind me and I am scared. Can it be possible?

OP posts:

Report

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 27/05/2009 01:46

I don't think it's death. It's more likely a spirit that has come to see you or attached itself to you for some reason. You need to tell it (outloud) that you know it's there and you can't help it. Tell it that you want it to leave, then sweep/hoover your house from the top down and empty the dust/hoover outside.

Sazisi · 27/05/2009 01:48

I don't know whether that can be possible or not, but I do think that chronic pain can mess with ones mind. I'm not saying that's what's happening, but it's a possibility?

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 27/05/2009 01:48

It ay be possible, it may not. I'm sorry you are having this, it sounds very distressing. It could simply be your subconscious reacting to stress in general, or it could be a high-level awareness of yoru own body.
FWIW my advice would be firstly to see your GP and say that you feel unwell/just not right (if you have a chronic condition then your GP should be prepared to examine you in detail and maybe run extra tests: it could be that you need some sort of additional treatment). And, because it's never a bad idea to do this anyway, tell the people you love that you love them and if you have a particular unresolved issue with anyone, maybe try and make peace with him/her?
I do hope it all works out OK for you.

fortyplus · 27/05/2009 01:49

It's real to you but it's not actually there in any physical, tangible sense. Paranoia can manifest itself in many ways. Your fragile physical and mental state will lead you to 'imagine' things that seem very real. I would phone your GP in the morning to discuss. Did you watch that Channel 4 programme where they kept people awake for days? Even after a couple of days without sleep people were seeing 'real' monsters in the shadows. YOU ARE NOT MAD OR DYING!

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 27/05/2009 01:49

Chronic pain can do alot of things. It disrupts the way your entire body functions. Is it a muscluar/skeletal pain or something else?

fortyplus · 27/05/2009 01:51

'It's more likely a spirit that has come to see you or attached itself to you for some reason.' [hmmm]

Maybe someone else needs some help with their mental state?!

movingintothefuture · 27/05/2009 01:55

I have had co-codamol dependancy and found it made me more paranoid sensitive as well as causing me more pain (don't ask- i don't get it either). Is it possible to look at the pain meds. agree with fourtyplus speak to doc.

sheneversaidit · 27/05/2009 01:56

fortyplus dont have a go at FluffyBunny, people believe all sorts of different things! That aside -

I am tired, I do sleep most every night and many naps but I dont really wake feeling rested. The pain is my head. But jesus it is as to a headache as a tummy ache is to stomach cancer, I have no relief and at times it is such that I black out briefly.

I am very in tune with my body in general and I dont live what is considered a normal life. I mean I dont take things for granted that other people seem to. I have always known one day I will die and I try to live accordingly. But this doesnt feel like one day anymore, it feels like a set date coming nearer. I dont know what to do. I feel like it is right there all the time. Sorry to sound so insane. What I think will kill me cant be predicted as far as I know.

OP posts:

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 27/05/2009 01:56

back at you!

sheneversaidit · 27/05/2009 01:56

my neurologist hates me taking cocodomal. He says it will make it worse. But I am in such pain without it, I feel caught in a catch-22

OP posts:

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 27/05/2009 01:57

What sort of pain is it?

fortyplus · 27/05/2009 02:01

I'm sure that I would think that I had shadows coming after me if I was suffering like you. It's bound to affect your sense of mental well-being to endure constant pain - I can't begin to imagine it. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that it's bound to make you feel unbalanced - it doesn't mean that you're mad.

And I'm quite happy for people to believe whatever they like - but if someone is crying out for help like you then I don't think it's particularly helpful to tell them they've probably got a freakin' spirit latched on to them!

OrangeFish · 27/05/2009 02:01

Talk to your GP, particularly if you are also taking other medicines. They may be interacting negatively and causing the problem.

You may need to have your medicine changed if there is the possibility you have developed an addiction.

sheneversaidit · 27/05/2009 02:02

migraine. ice pick headaches. back & neck pain. And a feeling of having my head clamped in a vice while a tube is pumping pressure into the veins making them about to burst. I cant lower my head because the blood rushing to it makes me black out from the pain. I cant have a moments peace. I have had migraines since I was a child. There is no trigger it is just shit neurology.

OP posts:

sheneversaidit · 27/05/2009 02:04

thank you fortyplus, I understand. The thing is I try to keep it compartmentalised from "me" but it isnt possible. And now I feel the beginning of the end. My body is getting worse by the day. I dont understand it.

OP posts:

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 27/05/2009 02:04

Have you been to see a chiropractor?

sheneversaidit · 27/05/2009 02:05

and the last couple of weeks my back where my kidneys are hurts too. I just feel like... fuck. It isnt working.

OP posts:

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 27/05/2009 02:06

Chiropractor?

sheneversaidit · 27/05/2009 02:07

yes, 6 years ago, it didnt help at all. It is like epilepsy - neurologically. I cant really control it.

OP posts:

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 27/05/2009 02:10

They are currently prescribing epilepsy medication for severe migraine sufferers. The side effects are not fab though, has your neurologist been through this with you? Have you had any angiography tests to look at the blood flow in your body?

fortyplus · 27/05/2009 02:11

It sounds totally crap
All the more important to speak frankly to your gp tomorrow about just how much your sense of well being has evaporated recently.

sheneversaidit · 27/05/2009 02:12

I have been on a lot of different quite extreme meds and have had terrible side effects... I am waiting to go back to my neurologist have to phone him tomorrow to move the appointment up. I havent had aniography I assume because I dont know what it is.

OP posts:

fortyplus · 27/05/2009 02:13

Good luck for tomorrow then

sheneversaidit · 27/05/2009 02:15

thanks [weak watery smile emoticon needed here] I just got up and back down again and my head is killing me when I move. I just feel this cant end well this time.

OP posts:

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 27/05/2009 02:17

have you seen a pain management nurse? They can often help and are more understanding then a doctor.

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