my drinking is out of control - help!

[dumblush]

Apologies to those who've read this already, but I've reposted with a different subject line. I don't know if this is the right place to post but I can't find an addictions topic. I need help ladies, as am spiralling down into alcohol dependency. I've had a love/hate relationship with booze since I was a teenager and at 51, it still seems to be ruling my life. I function well, am single mum to DD of 10, good job, great family and friends and lovely fiance. But I seem to have a death wish and whilst my drinking isn't totally out of control, I know I'm dependent and abusing it. Typically I'll have at least one bottle of wine every other evening (but sometimes I'll slip in half a bottle in between). I don't sip either, I glug, because booze makes me feel so damned good. I'm a happy drunk and drink simply because it makes me feel fantastic. I don't get hangovers either so people think I just like a drink and can take it or leave it.

I drink alone (my man doesn't live with me yet) and last night I even went to the pub alone and had a great time. I hide drinks when he's with me and when I'm going out
socially, I'll have a couple of drinks at home first to kick start myself. But the guilt is horrible, I know I'm risking serious health damage and I want to be around for DD as long as I can (especially since I had her at 42). It's costing me a lot of money and I wish I could drink sensibly. I've had periods where my drinking was relatively sensible but it never lasts. I've been to AA on and off but never felt like a true alcoholic compared to the others and their tales of total suffering. Such lovely people though and very welcoming.

I so want to control this thing before I get really sick (my liver's OK right now) but I don't seem to have any will-power. It's always, I'll just have one drink or two but it makes me feel so great that I overdo it. It's got to the stage where I'm starting to feel really ashamed of myself. Two years on from divorce my life is truly better than it's ever been apart from my alcohol dependency. Anyone been in my shoes and managed to get on top of it?

[llareggub]

Well done for posting, it is the first step to recovery. I think you should go back to the AA. There isn't "one type" of alcoholic, and it has been marvellous for my DH. No better place to kick addiction, IMO.

He has been sober for just over 2 years, and I never saw him as a typical alcoholic either. Could you go to a meeting today?

[llareggub]

I just mentioned your post to my DH. He said there'll be loads of meetings tonight and if you need someone to take you, someone would be happy to.

[coolma]

I was just like you a few months ago, was watching my life go slowly down the pan. I had been a serious drinker for years and knew it was out of control, just didn't know how to deal with it. I was a perfectly capable mother, had always held down good jobs, but was a wreck as well! Basically I stopped. Simple as that. The hardest thing is that first step, not having that first drink. It has been incredibly difficult and personally I haven't been to AA although I think it is a brilliant place for people who want to. It's still only three months since I stopped - but I've not had a single drink since then. It's bloody hard and the cravings are there a lot. However, it is also the best thing you can do. You really will notice the difference quite quickly - within a couple of weeks you'll feel better, you'll sleep better and your family will see a whole new you. My dh says it's like living with a different person. I go on this site every day too: www.soberecovery.com (sorry don't know how to do links!) Just read some stories or post if you want to.

It's clear that you know you may have a problem, and that is the biggest thing to face, you're halfway there.

Good luck.

x

[dumblush]

Thanks coolma and well done on what you've achieved. I'd be interested to know how you resist those cravings - so hard!

I woke up this morning hangover-free and not feeling full of guilt. How I'd like to feel this this every day

[llareggub]

Well done dumblush. You know what they say, one drink at a time, one day at a time.

[coolma]

Well you've done the first day - just do it again! I know it's a bit of a cliche but really 'one day at a time' is the best way to do it. The old 'I won't have a drink today, I'll see how I feel tomorrow'. It really does work. I think I dealt with my cravings by remembering how awful physically and mentally I was going to feel if I drank..in fact I still deal with them in that way, as i still get them. Just concentrate on how great you will soon be feeling - have a glass of fizzy water, or something you like to drink. Have to admit my coffee intake went up a fair bit!

Keep it up.

xx

[llareggub]

Have sugary drinks like orange juice to hand to replace the sugar content in the alcohol too.

[Nontoxic]

You might find this of interest: www.radiantrecovery.com.

[hunnybun1981]

maybe try not buying a bottle every other night, you just cant stop drinking it wont work you need to gradually cut down, so buy one bottle at a time so ur not tempted to go into the second bottle.

does ur child see u drunk i have had to endure this and now my kids will never ever see me drunk nor with a drink in my hand.

people deal with stress and problems in different ways.

could you maybe try an exercise group or gym 2 nights a week so that when u go home all u wanna do is go to bed, it wont be easy but u will get there

gud luck and take care

[dumblush]

Thanks everyone and hunnybun it's good to hear from someone who knows what it's like. Do you still drink and how much and in what situations? My DD has never seen me drunk and hopefully never will.

The gym idea is a good one and actually I've started exercising at home and converted my loft room into a home gym/chill out room and intend to use it as somewhere I can go and relax instead of reaching for a drink. I would so love to be still able to drink sensibly and would like to try but know if I can't reduce significantly, I'll have to give up totally.

[llareggub]

The thing with drinking sensibly is that your idea of what sensible is changes with every drink. One drink leads to another and another....the AA advocates none at all. Personally I think your focus should be trying to give up completely and then go from there. My DH actually got worse when he tried to drink sensibly. He only managed to beat his addiction when he gave up quickly.

Good luck!

[mollyroger]

When I think my drinking is creeping up, I stock up on nice crisp but sweet juices like cranberry and raspberry and drink them in a wine glass with lots of ice.
I realise that I enjoy them as much as a glass of wine, but the glass of wine has become such an ingrained habit that I sort of pour myself a glass without even thinking...

good luck.

[MIFLAW]

Hunnybun

What you say is simply not true.

One can just stop drinking and it does work. It has been working for me, one day at a time, for over six years. Unless one is advised not to do so by a doctor - normally for people drinking about 3 times as much as the OP says she is, though it varies, and therefore prone to shakes with hallucinations or fitting - there is no good reason not to stop in one go and, in general, it is the most painless way to go about it. The real problem is living without a drink, not the stopping itself.

Also, I strongly suspect that the OP has already tried some version of what you suggest and found it didn't work which is why she's posting here.

I used to limit the amount I bought so I wouldn't be tempted to drink more. The net result was a lot more trips to the off-licence at 9.45 and a lot more popping in to the pub for last orders!

[mizz]

Oh dear this is me too, all because of bloody anxiety which is making my life crap.

All i am now if a fat boozer.

I do know how you feel! Not buying booze wouldnt stop me, as soon as i had a couple of wines i would get the overwhelming urge for me, proberbly go to the pub for another bottle. Sometimes i dont but i have before.

Im desperate to turn over a new leaf too!

[MIFLAW]

Dumblush, willpower doesn't come into it - in fact, you may find that you are using your willpower in order to drink! Think of the times you've forced "just one more" down or managed to finish the bottle so as not to leave it to go sour overnight (apparently it doesn't, but I never got the chance to find that out); the times you have gone out of your way or gone out in bad weather to get a drink though otherwise you would rather stay indoors; the times you have gone to the offie when feeling poorly; the times you have felt dreadful but managed to drink regardless ... That's willpower. Willpower is not your friend if you have any form of dependency and will certainly not help you to control it in any but the most painful and depressing ways. Don't beat yourself up for being weak - dependency is an illness. Do you give yourself a hard time for being weak and lacking control when you have the shits (which, incidentally, can't be that rare if you are a heavy drinker)? No - you accept you are not well and look for a solution. Start treating your dependency in the same way!

[MIFLAW]

You okay, dumblush?

[lulu41]

hey dumblush recognise alot of your op in myself - drinking in secret etc etc - I am again trying lose weight get a grip on my drinking after an incident that made me feel really ashamed - like I say I drink in secret and I think mostly hide it from my kids but Sunday mornming my ds (11) said to me "I had to turn your TV off last night mum you were asleep" I noticed my glass with wine was on the side and when I asked him if he had moved he he said "yes mum I took it out of your hand" I guess the image of him seeing me slumped in my bed witha drink in my hand made me realise that something really has got to give - good luck with your cutting down if thats what you go for but like others I beleive that the only way forward for me at least is to stop altogether

[MIFLAW]

Lulu

glad to see you are ok and glad that you have decided which action is right for you.

I hope you can get the help you need here and elsewhere.

Stay with it. When was your last drink?