my chat name says it all

[dumblush]

I don't know if this is the right place to post but I can't find an addictions topic. I need help ladies, as am spiralling down into alcohol dependency. I've had a love/hate relationship with booze since I was a teenager and at 51, it still seems to be ruling my life. I function well, am single mum to DD of 10, good job, great family and friends and lovely fiance. But I seem to have a death wish and whilst my drinking isn't totally out of control, I know I'm dependent and abusing it. Typically I'll have at least one bottle of wine every other evening (but sometimes I'll slip in half a bottle in between). I don't sip either, I glug, because booze makes me feel so damned good. I'm a happy drunk and drink simply because it makes me feel fantastic. I don't get hangovers either so people think I just like a drink and can take it or leave it.

I drink alone (my man doesn't live with me yet) and last night I even went to the pub alone and had a great time. I hide drinks when he's with me and when I'm going out socially, I'll have a couple of drinks at home first to kick start myself. But the guilt is horrible, I know I'm risking serious health damage and I want to be around for DD as long as I can (especially since I had her at 42). It's costing me a lot of money and I wish I could drink sensibly. I've had periods where my drinking was relatively sensible but it never lasts. I've been to AA on and off but never felt like a true alcoholic compared to the others and their tales of total suffering. Such lovely people though and very welcoming.

I so want to control this thing before I get really sick (my liver's OK right now) but I don't seem to have any will-power. It's always, I'll just have one drink or two but it makes me feel so great that I overdo it. It's got to the stage where I'm starting to feel really ashamed of myself. Two years on from divorce my life is truly better than it's ever been apart from my alcohol dependency. Anyone been in my shoes and managed to get on top of it?

[poshtottie]

dumblush,

I read your post earlier today, though I haven't been in your shoes I do relate to how alcohol makes you feel. Though you are not at the point where you know you should give up at least you are realising that you at some point there is going to be a big problem. Isn't it better to get a hold of this now before it affects your life, dd, fiance, job because it won't be "if" it will be "when". If I were you I would get help now, counselling maybe?

I hope someone with more experience comes along soon.

Good luck.

[shallowwater]

count up your units in a typical week remembering that a large glass of wine is 2 units.
do you drink spirits?

[dumblush]

Thanks Poshtottie and shallowwater, I counted up last night and it was 31 units so far this week. Bad bad bad. Don't drink spirits, wine is my drug of choice and a large glass (250ml) is actually 3 units!

Anyway, I'm hangover-free today and not riddled with guilt and it would be so nice to feel like this every day.

[naswm]

i AM NOT SUPPOSED ON ME BAZCK ON MN, oop that is the fivearby eh? Can tyoiu CAT me?> I fell we could chat about this better awy frm here...

Nx

(PS alcolic )

[naswm]

i AM NOT SUPPOSED ON ME BAZCK ON MN, oop that is the fivearby eh? Can tyoiu CAT me?> I fell we could chat about this better awy frm here...

Nx

(PS alcolic )

[naswm]

Okay, DutchOma has just alerted me to these posts. Dumblush I am sorry for posting so rudely on your thread. Please accept my sincere apologies. xxxx

[MIFLAW]

Dumblush

Alcoholism has very little to do with quantities consumed or exact consequences and everything to do with your relationship with drink. If booze makes you feel so good, why the guilt? Are you sure it makes you feel good, or is it that the lack of it makes you feel bad?

If AA helps and you like the people, keep going! Speaking for myself, I would rather be a non-alcoholic in AA by mistake than an alcoholic out of AA by mistake ...

naswm - you don't sound well. Come back to the other threads. You deserve to be happier than you sound.

[DutchOma]

Wish I hadn't let on. I feel awful that you are leaving because of anything I said.
Just accept any support that this site might give you, let's be in this together

[MIFLAW]

You okay, dumblush?