Having a midlife crisis. What can I do to feel better about who I am?

[Guttersnipe]

If asked to describe myself I would say:

I am a mum, a wife, a housewife.

It doesn't really count for much in this day and age, does it?

Not that I don't see the value of raising children, keeping a house and providing support for my husband. I volunteered to do all these things. But recently I have been feeling that as I get older, I am wasting my life.

I haven't worked outside the home properly for years. Recently, I tried to go back to work but I lacked confidence and drive. Today I heard that my registration has lapsed and it will now be virtually impossible for me to return to my old career. That doesn't matter so much as I clearly am not that bothered about my old career, but what do I do next? How do I gain the confidence to look for a new niche?

I am so scared that I am going to get to old age and all I will have to look back on is an empty nest.

If you are a SAHM of longstanding or someone who gave up a career and does not intend to return to it, how do you keep up your self-esteem?

[easterchickfordinner]

Is there any hobby that you would like to do or have thought of before?

What about looking to do an evening course, start off with doing a few 2 hour courses and see how you get on. They can be anything from card making, knitting, scrapbooking, painting, join a local gardening club, get an allotment, patchwork, WI anything.

I've only been a SAHM for 5 years but I sometimes feel like it's easier to stay at home rather than go out. I don't feel as capable or self assured as I use to.

I've taken up a few hobbies, been on a few courses and it's nice that when you do, Everyone in the group is different and you aren't judged by what you do everyday. All people are interested in is learning and it made me feel like a human being and me rather than mother, wife and housecleaner.

I did give up my career of being a Front of House Manager/Event Manager to have kids and I won't be going back to it. I'm hoping to continue with my part time job of working in a shop with people who are genuine and fun to be with and I enjoy the work.

My advice to do something different, it is scary but so worth it once you have done it.

[Guttersnipe]

Yes an evening class is a good idea. I tried to do one a few years back but I am reliant on dh to babysit and he wasn't always able to get home to do it. Then the course was cancelled due to a lack of students.

I will think about trying something again in September, so thanks for your suggestion.

I really wish I could work, but with unemployment on the rise, that just seems so unlikely now.

[TheMitsubishiWarrioress]

I agree with taking an interest up, especially something that could lead to a hgome based business as and when the children get older and their needs for your time and attention get less and less.

[twoluvlykids]

If it's any consolation, you are not alone in feeling this way.

I worked when mine were babies (thanks to a wonderful nanny), but had to finally stop work when my eldest started in Reception, due to the childcare not being flexible at that time.

I did a couple of small part time jobs, and eventually stopped working completely for about 5 years.

When I tried to get re-employed, it took a few attempts, and my self-confidence was rock bottom.

Now I've been working again for about 4 years, only part time, and my confidence has increased again. But at one stage, I didn't think I'd ever work again.

[Guttersnipe]

twoluvlykids, that is how I feel, as though I will never work again. I don't mind particularly about having a career, but I think if I get to 65 and have not worked at something, I will be overwhelmed with the feeling of having wasted my life.

It doesn't help that today I am feeling like I can hardly lift my head off the pillow as I am having a period and they wash me out these days. I guess the hormones are what prompted me to write in the first place.

[twoluvlykids]

Guttersnipe, how you feeling now?

[Guttersnipe]

Worse really. I was thinking about my situation last night while I was resting, and something rather sad occurred to me. I have never been to a party as an adult. I have never been to a dinner party. I have never held a dinner party. And the last time I went to a work function (dh's) was about 8 years ago. No wonder I want more from my life! Anything, outside the house, would be nice!

[Granny22]

I was exactly where you are 30 years ago until my sister bullied me into filling a temporary vacancy for 6 weeks. I was kept on, my pay went up, my hours increased. When that job ended I had more confidence, more skills and got the first job I applied for, becoming a Women's Aid Worker, (by mistake). Once I realised what the job entailed I was going to leave at the end of the month but got so involved that I stayed for over 18 years - saved some lives, met many very brave women, many very funny women, got assaulted and threatened, served on the board of various affiliates, went to the Royal Garden Party, co-wrote THE manual for WA workers (still in use), lectured at the University, ran courses for the Police earned a Counselling qualification and probably most usefully did the 'office' work, and helped raise funds to keep the group ticking over. Was made redundant when funding was slashed and took my officey skills on to other voluntary organisations until I retired.

Funnily enough, when I look back, I am proudest of my SAHM time (when I did a heap of voluntary work) and raised my truly wonderful daughters, who are now both raising their own children. I am most content that I am often allowed/trusted to Grandparent my DGCs.

[Guttersnipe]

WOW Granny22, that is truly inspirational, and wonderful to have a comment from someone who has been through this difficult time and come out the other side. I hope my opportunity to break into a new world comes soon.