OK on Friday I had a meltdown, now it is Monday and I am already feeling jittery and on edge - please can you suggest coping mechanisms to help me get through this phase

[DumbledoresGirl]

In brief, because I don't want to bore you with details, we are having major building works done. The builders have been here every day for nine months so you would think I would be used to them by now, but recently, the pressure has been building and building. The project is coming to a close now although there is still significant things to be done. The trouble is, I am seriously struggling with the stress involved in such work. The constant decision-making aside, I am an intensely shy and private person and suddenly seem completely unable to cope with their presence wherever I go.

I think the problem is 2 fold. One reason the pressure is building is because they are no longer converting outbuildings and confined to the new part of the house. They are now altering parts of the existing house, including moving the stairs so you can see, really pretty major works. Now that they are in the main part of the house, I can't escape them. I can just about hide in my bedroom and not have anyone walk in on me, but even that sanctuary is going to go soon when they start moving the stairs and putting in an en suite bathroom.

The other reason for the increase in pressure is that their boss wants them finished and off to another job by next Monday. That is a ludicrous timescale and the men on site know that, but they are still under pressure to be finished and that pressure is transferring itself to me.

On Friday, I had a complete meltdown - hid in my room, refused to speak to anyone, cried, etc. I made myself ill (cystitis, which for me, who has had a major operation on my kidney, is actually a serious condition) and have been recovering all weekend from one mini breakdown. I was just about beginning to feel normal again when the builders turned up for work this morning and I could feel myself beginning to crumble again. I have never had a panic attack, but I think I came close just now. Physically, I can feel my body deteriorating again.

So how can I manage this situation until the men go away and leave me to myself again? It is no point anyone suggesting I go out for the day because I simply can't. I have to move furniture and possessions all day today, clearing out one room so the builders can work in it tomorrow. Anyway, having done nothing in the house for 5 days now, I have quite a lot of housework to do. But I feel like I can't cope.

I have a feeling no-one is going to have any advice for me, but thanks for reading, if you got this far.

[Ceolas]

Sympathies. It is no fun having your house taken over.

I think you should try to get out for at least part of the day. Can you meet someone for lunch?

Make a list and try to keep focussed on what you have to do. Let the builders worry about what they have to do. Whether they finish in this unrealistic timescale is not your problem. Easy to say, I know

[TheGashlycrumbTinies]

It is awful when you have no hiding space, and you feel you are not comfortable in your own home.

If you are unable to go out for the day, how about putting your ipod on with some great music on and you can then be in your own little world? You hopefully wont notice the noise from the builders and they will see you are "busy", and you wont need to make small talk.

Not sure if this is the kind of suggestion you are looking for, but hope it helps.

[TotalChaos]

9 months of building work - no wonder you are having a meltdown - I would be driven demented by having workmen in too, I also like my space/quiet and privacy. granted you have lots of moving about to do - but if you blasted music on and got it done quickly could you at least get out for a few hours?

[DumbledoresGirl]

Thanks, the music suggestion might be a good one if I can work out how dh's ipod works (never had one myself ). I couldn't bear to play the music through speakers and have them hearing what I am listening to - does that make me sound nuts? it is what I mean about being intensely private, amongst other things - but the ipod might work. I will give it a go.

I have just been sitting here, having a little cry and feeling the cystitis coming back, just with the stress in my body. I am so scared of making myself ill, but I don't know how to relax myself.

[N8sofie]

I have sympathy for you too. It is stressful having builders in your own home. But I was shy too and had this real fear of negative evaluation going on. Looking back, i realise that the builders were really not interested in me personally, they just wanted to get the job done and to get paid. Builders don't really like clients being on the job, it's known as a 'live' job. So they are also feeling quite awkward with you around.

But please do not hide - it really feeds the anxiety. This morning or this afternoon try to do the complete opposite to what you've been doing. Get on with what you need to do, concentrate on those tasks minute by minute. Then at the end of the today I bet you will notice that they are not really interested in you.

[MitchyInge]

Did you ever learn any conscious relaxation techniques, during pregnancy perhaps or as part of mental health treatment? These can really help to take the edge off, even just sitting still and doing 'yoga breathing'.

Alternatively are meds like beta-blockers an option? Or even little bits of diazepam?

[DumbledoresGirl]

OMG Mitchy, I probably do need diazepam right now but perhaps that would have been more useful right from the start of the project?! I have Kalms, but they are as useless as sugar pills without the sugar imo.

I am crap at any relaxation. I couldn't do it in pregnancy either. I am the sort of person who cannot bear to be massaged, I am so hyped up all the time.

Interesting what you say N8sofie about the builders not really enjoying having me around any more than I like having them around. That might account for why they do things without asking my opinion first and then my dh has to tell them to change it the next day after I have complained to him it is not how I want it!

I have just heard 5 magical words which means I can escape my room and get on with something: one builder saying to another "Time for a break now?" They always have half an hour break at 10 and take it outside now the weather is warmer.

[MitchyInge]

that's the thing about relaxation isn't it, I thought this after I hit 'post reply', it's all well and good when you're fairly relaxed to start with!

any chance of you getting out and leaving it all behind you for a bit? it is a beautiful day out there!

[DumbledoresGirl]

Sadly not Mitchy. It has been a lovely day out there for a few days here, but I am locked into this world of endless chores needing doing. I am not being a martyr here, believe me, if you had 5 men wanting access to your son's room asap and it is currently full of 3 beds, 3 sets of clothes/toys/crap etc because he has been forced to share with his 2 brothers for the last 5 months, you would be working flat out like me to get it cleared.

I like the music idea though. I have snaffled dh's ipod and discovered Abba on it. It is a bit freaky, not being sure whether the builders are calling for me or not, but I guess they will get their point across if they really need to.

[LadyOfWaffle]

Can a friend come & help? Someone you fell comfortable with? I have the builders in every saturday and I hate hate hate it - I try & hide but have a toddler to entertain too but am stuck in having conversations about taps. Do you have anywhere to set up a den? A shed/summerhouse? Just a place to shut the door on it all...

[DumbledoresGirl]

Not really LOW. That is the problem at the moment I think. They are everywhere, even outside if I choose to go into the garden. But I am liking the ipod. I feel locked away even though I am not. My worry now though is that I am going to start singing to the music without realising it and they are going to hear me!

[SoMuchToBits]

No advice really, but loads of sympathy - I nearly went mad when we had our kitchen done 3 years ago, and they were only here for 2 weeks! By the end of the fortnight, I was starting to get depressed and feel that it just wasn't worth doing anything.

I just hated having other people in the house all the time (even though they were perfectly polite and reasonable).

[DumbledoresGirl]

Hello SMTB, not seen you on MN or msn for ages (not that I am always in those places myself! ). Yes, that is how I feel: like nothing is worth bothering with because everywhere I go in the house, mess is being made and perfectly reasonable rooms are being ruined. I know this will pass, but when?

[peanutbrittle]

meditate - just sit in a comfortable position with a blanket on you if it is chilly, close your eyes and focus on your breath, you don't need to breathe deeply or in any way differently to usual. count 1 to 10 on the out breaths, then start again at 1, if you feel your attention wandering (which it will, you'll be thinking about the builders, or feeling silly sitting there, or listening for sounds...) then bring your focus back to the breath and start at 1 again...

I know you said you are bad at relaxation but I do find this amazing, it forces you to give yourself a bit of mental space

good luck

[TheGashlycrumbTinies]

DG really glad the suggestion of an ipod worked, when I'm doing my art work and DH is taking care of our DD's, I find it useful to block out any of the "home noise", so I can concentrate on my painting and not be distracted by their fun, shouting etc.